Full success yesterday in my mediation following your advice! I got a bit less than I put in, but it was literally everything he had! The mediator mopped the floor with him. He's finished!
I made the mistake of denying he was a narcissist and wasting weeks and thousands of dollars in mediation. It went relatively smoothly until we were almost done, when he scoffed at the prospect of paying child support (mandated) and spousal support (he made 3x what I made after a 26 year marriage) and would not budge. It was very triggering. Your advice is excellent advice Ms. Zung, all of it.
So so helpful. I am a very emotional person but his narcissist abuse has gone too far . I am now cool calm and actually questioning if he had taught me to be a little narcissistic myself lol . So awake now thanks to you and can see the attempts to manipulate at every turn. Hoping by getting strong hurts him beyond words . Sounds bitter I know but not bitterness I choose to call it justice.
You didn't become a narcissist, those are coping and defense mechanisms. And what you're doing now is critical thinking! You're on your way to happiness!
The more prepared you are the less emotional you'll be. Love this! Checking your ego at the door is critical for managing those emotions. Nice vid Rebecca! Today is a great day to negotiate your best life..... solid!! Thank you!
This could have not happened at a better time. Thank you so much. I just told my attorney that my sister is a text case narcissist today. I have made an offer about 3 weeks ago and still no reply. I wanted to let him know why she is stone walling. It does. Not matter that she is throwing good money after bad money it is about control. I am so glad I found you today. Dr Romani is how I found you today.
So grateful to have found this at just the right time!!! I have a mediation coming up in a few weeks and after 35 years with this narc it's not going to be easy. Thank you for the wonderful advice, I feel better about this already.
Very informative and validating for me! I have done many of the things you are suggesting during this break up after 19 years, and it is because I have been a professional early childhood educator for my entire career- a MASTER'S degree in it!!!! The tactics and strategies are all very familiar and they work on this narcissistic man in my life as well. It's good to be reminded of the value of setting boundaries, following through, being consistent, planning ahead, setting the final goal of the "behavior", and refraining from getting emotional. As difficult as it is and will be to complete this split, it is very comforting to know I already have many of these tools in my toolbox and now I need to make sure they are sharpened, charged, and ready to go! Thank you. I will continue to follow and recommend your advice to others who need it.
Hi Rebecca, Great tips. The tip at 3:56 suggests if the other party wants you back, you can use this to motivate the other party to agree. How would that work? This is a major factor in my case. He refuses to participate by getting an attorney, mediating, or reaching a Settlement. All WRITTEN discussions are derailed by, PLEASE don't do this. I give him a list of items for Settlement, and with some arm twisting, he'll occasionally address one single item or decision. I now go item by item until I get documents or answers before going on to the next. It's ridiculous. I filed March 2017. SMH... My attorney has put my case on the back burner since I'm a Pro Bono case. I'm doing as much of the legwork as possible. I'd rather chew glass, drink poison, and set myself on fire than stay married to this man. Thanks Rebecca.
@@RebeccaZungEsq My mediation went very well! I remaind very calm checked my ego at the door. He came off more emotional and heated because I remained matter of fact. I also thank him for bs things and acted like he was doing me a big favor for one thing I could have cared less about. All in all Im glad its closer to being over. Thank you for your helpful videos! And good luck to others!
Rebecca, thank you so much for taking time to share your thoughts with us! 1 be overprepared (the more you are, the less emotional I will be) 2 be ready with leverage what is motivating him the most (money, power over me…)? How do you enact the leverage once figuring out what it is? 3 don’t stay in the same room 4 don’t bring other people don’t bring another person with me (if he brings his girlfriend, I can refuse her participation) 5 first offer prepared (decide ahead of time what you’re willing to part with. Decide ahead of time what your choke point is-when to throw in the towel. Let Mike think that what he has is the best of me so he won’t go for more.) 6 keep your emotions in check don’t react to his control-YELLOW ROCK!
Great advice. Busy starting the second round of litigation to get more visitation. The mother will hurt herself and my son in order to hurt me. It makes no sense
I thought that showing emotion while exercising self control shows how much of a human being one truly is. We are not robots or automatons. To show how much you are willing to pay for what is right. Because everything has a cost. Show that you have value and self worth. Instead of isolating or hiding away what you truly love. And that’s the child or children. If a man or woman is not spiritually strong enough to nurture the life that was created then it’s time to break free of such chains or a prison that was created. Abandonment of a spouse and especially the child is pure hatred towards others and especially one’s self. So show that pain in a natural way and realize that you have to live with such betrayal. So I leave you with the song red rubber ball by the crykle . May the lord bless you your family and friends with abundance of bliss and prosperity. Thank you.
Leverage is my favorite. I just had mediation with my narcissist wife. After 45 min everting was going ok, she agreed to sign then boom. She said no, she wanted to see the judge. 1 day before the hearing her lawyer called us 4 times with different offers, at 4pm we had to reschedule the hearing. Crazy crazy.
@@RebeccaZungEsq Thank God- me and my son doing great. Even my daughter who was in her mom’s side is in my side now. I got a gf, rentonice house with a pool. Am writing this comment rn while bbq with my 2 kids and my gf. Life is good. Thank you
I'm LOVING this video so far! I've approached this in a super straight forward way, not thinking about first offers, or leverage, etc. I'm prepping for mediation, now. I am not 100% sure of my ex's, but my #1 guess is that he wants me back and doesn't want another person replacing him as dad. All of his big acting out has occurred around this point. How do I use this?
Just behave as if you are happy without children ( As if you have started hating kids) & you are trying for a new relationship. As they are always in a revenge mood they will feel that your life would be messed up with kids. ( That's the only way ) This pisses a Narc . The only Rule with a Narc : They will always do whatever depresses you.
Rebecca , great video, The best is being over prepared !! Makes sense and absolutely separate rooms !! For me looking in his eyes after all this time of him claiming he’s been faithful in our relationship ( knowing differently after what I found on his phone& phones ). He could EASILY look me in the eyes 👀 and lie and lie on a Bible : oh yeah ladies he’s been in a Bible study group for 18 years and hides behind that !
Arrgghh..... two weeks too late. My mediation was useless and just a waste of time and money. Had to sit through his smearing, then I had to disclose how much my legal fees were so far, double his. This gave him all the leverage he needed. Split into separate rooms where he offered pittance and came up in $5,000 lots for fours hours. Off to a hearing we go. And I downloaded your negotiation PDF, wrote up a strategy and my leverage. None of this was used. Thank you Rebecca. 🙏
Rebecca Zung thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. (Feeling a little star struck) I really appreciate your offer to help, but I live in Australia and I imagine there are some things that are different. My problem is my struggle with my solicitor. I do trust her and that she knows what she’s doing, but there’s so many things I want to try, like applying my strategy to the conciliation, that she doesn’t attempt. Like a lot of us survivors I am faced with the decision of walking away with less than I’m entitled, due to the textbook narc hiding loads of cash, or fighting for justice and walking away with even less again, due to legal fees. Thank you so much again. Your podcast and weekly emails, etc have helped alleviate a lot of my fear in this process. 🙏
I wish I had seen this 13 years ago. My ex Psychopathic narcissist had so much embezzled money hidden Millions that he did not declare in the declaration page. The discovery came up blank . He is now laundering that money in a religious environment and they don't care because he's giving it to them. At this point that I have the evidence, I'm discovering that no attorney will represent me because of the laches and the fact that I don't have $5,000 to put down as a retainer. How do people get representation in cases like this? The statute of limitations should never run out any more than it does with a me-too movement
@@GS-st9ns I got denied access to discovery. My soon to be ex makes $80k per year more than me. Forced me into homelessness and got off on making me paying child support. I’m disabled and don’t make much. And the support puts me in default (-$600) every month. She is trying to take everything from me. I don’t have a lawyer and she does. It seems like her lawyer and the judge are best friends. I’m try in g my hardest. I did get split legal and physical. But got granted only 32% parenting time. The kids want Equal parenting time, their therapist has stated that they feel safest with me and says that in this situation week on week off would be best for the kids mental health and healing.
My favorite step is #3. Since I've been listening to this, it's made me realize how manipulative and convincing he can be. This will make it much more objective. Thank you. I am taking your advice and getting my ducks in a row. He does want a mediator.
Thank you so much Rebecca. Your tips are priceless. Can you please send me the link to " how to crush your negotiation in 5 easy steps"? I'd really appreciate it. Again, thank you tremendously for your time and insight. All the best.
Step #1 Focusing on you. Anticipating what they are going to say. Please, expand on anticipating what they are going to say. Good list. Would appreciate if could try EXPANDING /breakdown for each step. Thank you so much for sharing.
You were married to that person were you not? Wouldn’t you have a good grasp on how they would react to certain situations? For example, you know they’re obsessed with a particular asset - let’s say a RV camper. If you said, “I’d like full ownership over the RV camper”…how do you ANTICIPATE they’re going to respond to that? Safe to say they’d probably tell you “absolutely not”? Well there ya go. You’ve anticipated a response. Now, you need to consider all scenarios and make a judgment on what they’ll say - and then plan your response. It’s pretty self explanatory.
Hi I have a serious question. You mentioned at time 10:30, for a leverage example to not expose a disease so they save face. I'm confused if that is classified more as blackmail and therefore not recommended. Thanks.
As a Brit and a guy it is INCREDIBLY hard to find support, or even belief in me, from any of the authoritative bodies who are supposed to be on my side (police and social services). Our American cousins have been the key source to all my research into surviving life (and now divorce) with a narcissist. You guys get narcissim totally and there's loads of resources to help in the US. Yes women can be narcissists and men victims of domestic abuse. Not in the UK though. Here, I'm told "oh dear, that's terrible, now go to court and you'll lose because we support mothers, and we'll give her the kids to destroy and you'll pay her to do so. Oh and don't use the 'N' word (narcissist) because you're not a doctor and it makes you look bad". Rebeccas Zung's videos hit the nail so utterly on the head. I'm trying to avoid £70,000ish in court fees and months of trauma for me and my kids by approaching mediation (the one thing I don't want to do) and after finding Rebecca's videos I no longer feel scared to get in the ring with my ex. BRING IT ON! Thankyou.
Asif I am so sorry. I live in a progressive state and even here it was hard to find representation that would take my lead as it were. The judges don't want to hear the n word, but we have precedents by which fathers can raise the children. I hope you have been able to get good representation. I think that is key. I predict a narcissist won't handle the case as well as you do. They will be overconfident and noncompliant. Their relationship with their representation will not be healthy. You DO have advantages. Still... best of luck!
@@benharris8903 Ben, Thanks for your message. You're so right about the representation. I just made a historic win over my covert Narc-ex - in making his order, the judge said he'd never overturned the local authority recommendations before and then spent over an hour ripping apart my narc-ex wife's case, commending mine over hers and even over the local children's authority recommendations, which came from a senior officer who he said he had trusted for many years. He praised my approach which was this... I drew a line in the sand under the years of abuse and presented how I was proactive towards co-parenting and supporting the children. I told the court I wanted to level the playing field so neither of us had a label empowering either parent over the other - equal shared care. I was utterly child focussed. This grated with the power hungry self obsessive and she crumbled in an emotional mess on the stand. It helped that I had a superb counsel who was and played my narc-ex and the local authority officer like puppets on a string. It was worth the insane cost to watch, but if you can't afford a big gun, be careful who you chose and seriously consider a conciliatory approach rather than trying to fight every incident of abuse etc (I took some convincing!). My counsel drew my narc-ex into admitting she can't possibly have been the primary carer when she was claiming she was....He used a very similar approach to the one outlined by Rebecca - draw them in by talking about themselves/ their work, whatever and then highlight how what they've just said doesn't match their statement. Within 10 minutes she was sobbing and calling me names and that was game over for her. I then sustained 2.5 hours cross examination calmly responding to every accusation by untwisting them back to the reality of what had actually happened and that was praised by the judge. I got to show her up for what she was without be accusatory - after all it was her counsel asking the questions so I had to answer honestly. Ben, you're right again about the other side's representation - it was clear that my narc-ex's counsel was uncomfortable in asking the questions she was being asked to put forward and I noticed she dropped most lines of questioning quickly when she realised I had a powerful and damaging response to everything she asked. I quickly went from being afraid of the court room to owning it. , be clear, be honest and direct your answers directly to the judge as he/she is the only person in the room who needs convincing and eye contact is king. Don't bite - let the narc self destruct. Resist the temptation to blurt it all out and tell the judge how horrible your narc-ex has been - trust in their experience of seeing these cases everyday. If you have a half decent judge you can and probably will win. BUT NEVER GIVE UP.
I'm trying to make sure that I am not going in blind but I am rn so I gotta ask you about something that I saw in some other things I'm obsessively consuming to be able to make sense of the legal system and the most shocking mental gymnastics to ever witness as my opponent.. It's a big thing to do! Anyway I was taught that it's a bad idea to have all the best arguments and evidence that you have at the mediation because the other side is now aware of what you are using against him and the mediator won't be interested in stuff just wants to make a schedule
When you said having to communicate,..i had to laugh because my narcs communication skills are just about at 0. He cant even repeat what someone has said to him the same way twice. Its crazy! But im hoping its helps in my favor when we go for the divorce. Which by the way, he asked me for one, and wants me to pay for it as well. Ive got stories for days 🙄 PLEASE wish me luck ( been in 33 yrs)
Thank you for your great videos! Would you consider doing a video divorcing a narcissist with substance abuse issues? And maybe a video about if you have hired an attorney that is not a good fit for your case, that doesn’t understand a high conflict personality disordered person? My boyfriend hired an attorney recommended by two other attorneys. His ex hired an attorney that is a former family court judge, that runs laps around his lawyer. He even hired a guardian for the kids, but the judge assigned to his case is brand new, and it sure seems like they are all deferring to former judge. What is the process for firing an attorney? Trial date is in two months. He feels like his attorney has let him down big time, and is a settler, not a litigator. Thanks in advance!
Absolutely what I needed to hear and learn as I am in the next couple of weeks be going into mediation with my narc husband. Thank you!! One thing, I had a problem with the volume of tour video sound. For some reason at the end of your sentences, your voice volume drops considerably. Not sure if it’s because your winded or a problem with your microphone. I often rewind because I don’t want to miss anything you have to say.
I am due to go into mediation with my ex to finalize our divorce. We have 4 children and even though I want them, laws where I'm from aren't in my favor since I'm the father. It isn't hard to tell the mother doesn't care as much. My thing is what should I bring to mediation so I am over prepared. I have documented parent alienation both with me and my lawyer. Time stamps and pictures. Should I bring pictures of the children and I throughout the separation and if so what else? Thank you to all and to the lawyer for this video
@@RebeccaZungEsq Too little, to late. Divorced 10/2020 and had a very bad lawyer because I couldn't pay until the marital house sold in 2021 almost a year later.
" Being over prepared " literally means " Overthinking about a Narc" . It's highly exhausting as we would go in a frustration, depression thinking of a Narc. It will affect our health.
I was told by his proposed mediator that we had to stay in same room together never separate? She would be one mediator for both of us - not comfortable with this. He says he wants to be fair but I don’t trust him at all.
I do not have an attorney for mediation can I avoid signing any kind of settlement agreement at mediation and have a lawyer look at it before I sign and what will the mediator do if we come to a consensus? Willl they create the minutes of settlement for a court order ? what is the outcome what do you get from mediation / the mediator
MY spouse was a narcissist. However Rebecca help me with this I am going crazy. I had a mediation to make up a separation agreement but I was not involved in the mediation. I was not present for any of it. I have been trying for 9 years to get it null and void and no lawyer will take my case. I am just outside Toronto Ontario. Can you help me or do you know someone near me that could help me. I am disabled, married 34 year, stayed home with the kids while he climbed the corporate lady. He did not have a financial disclosure. Can I speak with you and pay for your advice. Please I am still in my 50's and on May 3rd of this year he will be gone 12 years, absolutely no communication.
Oh Jeezzzzzz where have you been! Thank you ur videos have helped me so much tip #3 & #5 Those are the ones I need 2work on. our mediation is 3/16 I feel much better now Thanks again
@@jeaninehaynes9501I hope only the best for you as well keeping my chin up even though I'm terrified ! "When things go wrong I won't go with them" -Les Brown-
Oh man I have mediation in 2 weeks married 43 years have no access to his assists he left and took our 13k cash savings I don’t have access to his retirement he has an apartment and have no idea what he truly makes because he hid it all from me the entire time. I was 17 raised kids and then once he got close to retiring age he bailed ….. I don’t even know what I am heading into no high school education he always held that and money and our home over my head 😮
My narcissistic wife is under heavy influence of her mother who wants her to be single, so she can take care of her. Surprisingly for my wife's sister, she wants her to lead a happy married life. My wife is not aware of this angle. Because of all this, I have not been able to meet my 8 year old son for 3.5 years. In the mediation, I want to inform her of these things. After hearing it, Either she will reform herself or lose the motivation to fight the case. @Rebecca, please let me know your views on it. My mediation is on 7th and 10th December, 2021.
My mediator in my divorce came to me afterwards after my ex-wife left the courtroom. She said, do yourself a favor, pay her what she wants and run, never marry anyone like that again
I was suicidal 3 weeks prior to mediation. My spoue was fully aware of my mental state. I did not go into the room with the mediators nor did she do shuttle mediation. I sat in an adjacent boardroom for 8 hours. After they were done they read it to me but I did not understand anything. I only got 4 years of support in a 34 year marriage and never found out why. After 6 months of arguing with my ex over the unconsciousably of going ahead with the mediation in my mental state he started court papers so I signed in duress and my mental state had not improved. I am disabled awaiting 6 surgeries and I was heavily sedated when I signed which I have no recollection of. Now my spouse unilaterally chose to stop several items in the agreement and the lawyers say they can do nothing. It has been 9 years and I feel I am going to that dark hole again. What can I do ?
I went through mediation with a narcissist around three years ago after being a sahm for our entire marriage (9 years.) I didn’t know anything and to make it worse my attorney called the morning of the mediation and told me he could not be there but he was sending his assistant who I later learned did not even have a law degree and could not give me legal counsel. I went to the mediation not knowing what to expect And ended up granting primary (but joint) custody Of my three small children to him because I was terrified of Only being allowed to see my children every other weekend. I was working a swing schedule at a gas station and he was an engineer so I allowed him to convince me that a judge would never grant me primary custody. It felt like even the mediator was not being neutral because he kept telling me that if I took this thing to a full court battle that I probably wouldn’t be able to afford it. The whole ordeal has been a nightmare and I’m still battling to correct it.
@@RebeccaZungEsq I’m trying. Unfortunately I was dumb enough to believe him when he said he would work on changing and took him back. Now we’re in the midst of it again only worse because he was diagnosed bi polar and has stopped taking meds and took off, bought a house and is on a drinking/spending binge. Thankfully I watched enough of your vids to freeze/move whatever assets I could. Waiting for the inevitable mental crash. Right now I refuse to negotiate due to the ridiculous terms he’s offering after 31 years. I made sure the lawyer I choose knows narcissism.
Narc husband was so angry after 1st mediation. He says he is demanding we be in the same room the next time because he thinks the mediator is lying and showing me favor. I will make sure my attorney knows to not agree with being in the same room.
What do I do if I have followed these steps and my wife continually will not stop? I have asked her to leave me alone until counseling or until we have someone to guide our conversation. Im told by her I have to leave my house and she does her best to keep my kids locked in the house and anytime they come interact with me she comes out and starts to name call and accuse me of the concerns I had in our relationship anything I say gets flipped to me. She wakes me up in the middle of the night I sleep on the couch and I asked to be left alone to sleep and she does not. She tells me to sleep in my truck
Full success yesterday in my mediation following your advice! I got a bit less than I put in, but it was literally everything he had! The mediator mopped the floor with him. He's finished!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
If you don't mind me asking how did the mediator get him.
Separate rooms to keep emotions in check is the best tip of all.
My favorite is to be in a seperate room. Didn't know that!
whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here,.......
+2349154661736⏯⏯⏯⏯i
Mine too! Yes!!!!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
I made the mistake of denying he was a narcissist and wasting weeks and thousands of dollars in mediation. It went relatively smoothly until we were almost done, when he scoffed at the prospect of paying child support (mandated) and spousal support (he made 3x what I made after a 26 year marriage) and would not budge. It was very triggering. Your advice is excellent advice Ms. Zung, all of it.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Thank you for this. I have terrible anxiety and this video has helped me about an upcoming final mediation.
Me too. My mediation is tomorrow at Noon CST and I’m literally sick to my stomach and can barely eat.
@@JenG33379how did it go?
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
So so helpful. I am a very emotional person but his narcissist abuse has gone too far . I am now cool calm and actually questioning if he had taught me to be a little narcissistic myself lol . So awake now thanks to you and can see the attempts to manipulate at every turn. Hoping by getting strong hurts him beyond words . Sounds bitter I know but not bitterness I choose to call it justice.
amen sister!
You didn't become a narcissist, those are coping and defense mechanisms. And what you're doing now is critical thinking! You're on your way to happiness!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
The more prepared you are the less emotional you'll be. Love this! Checking your ego at the door is critical for managing those emotions. Nice vid Rebecca! Today is a great day to negotiate your best life..... solid!! Thank you!
whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here,...... .
+2349154661736⏯⏯⏯⏯i
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
My favourite is: have your first offer that is a lot more of what you’re willing to accept
This is depressing
That’s not always the best strategy
@@oscarmora347 I agree--you spend more money on the mediator fee whittling it all down
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
This could have not happened at a better time. Thank you so much. I just told my attorney that my sister is a text case narcissist today. I have made an offer about 3 weeks ago and still no reply. I wanted to let him know why she is stone walling. It does. Not matter that she is throwing good money after bad money it is about control. I am so glad I found you today. Dr Romani is how I found you today.
Don’t stay in the same room! That is really good advice
..whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here,....
+2349154661736⏯⏯⏯⏯ii
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
I like that no other parties will be allowed to attend w/o prior approval.
The presumption is that the narcissist is the one with the assets. Can you discuss what happens if the narcissist is the one with the lesser assets.
whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here,......
+2349154661736⏯⏯⏯⏯i
Yes…absolutely❣️
Do I keep receipts
Yes please
So grateful to have found this at just the right time!!! I have a mediation coming up in a few weeks and after 35 years with this narc it's not going to be easy. Thank you for the wonderful advice, I feel better about this already.
Very informative and validating for me! I have done many of the things you are suggesting during this break up after 19 years, and it is because I have been a professional early childhood educator for my entire career- a MASTER'S degree in it!!!! The tactics and strategies are all very familiar and they work on this narcissistic man in my life as well. It's good to be reminded of the value of setting boundaries, following through, being consistent, planning ahead, setting the final goal of the "behavior", and refraining from getting emotional. As difficult as it is and will be to complete this split, it is very comforting to know I already have many of these tools in my toolbox and now I need to make sure they are sharpened, charged, and ready to go! Thank you. I will continue to follow and recommend your advice to others who need it.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Hi Rebecca,
Great tips. The tip at 3:56 suggests if the other party wants you back, you can use this to motivate the other party to agree. How would that work?
This is a major factor in my case. He refuses to participate by getting an attorney, mediating, or reaching a Settlement. All WRITTEN discussions are derailed by, PLEASE don't do this. I give him a list of items for Settlement, and with some arm twisting, he'll occasionally address one single item or decision. I now go item by item until I get documents or answers before going on to the next. It's ridiculous. I filed March 2017. SMH... My attorney has put my case on the back burner since I'm a Pro Bono case. I'm doing as much of the legwork as possible.
I'd rather chew glass, drink poison, and set myself on fire than stay married to this man. Thanks Rebecca.
Oh wow...I hope you were able to get out of it!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Im rewatching videos before mediation today. Its calming my nerves. 🙏slay
@@RebeccaZungEsq My mediation went very well! I remaind very calm checked my ego at the door. He came off more emotional and heated because I remained matter of fact. I also thank him for bs things and acted like he was doing me a big favor for one thing I could have cared less about. All in all Im glad its closer to being over. Thank you for your helpful videos! And good luck to others!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
This would be of help to so many ppl. Divorcing is a major step in anyone that goes through it. Your advices are golden
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Rebecca, thank you so much for taking time to share your thoughts with us!
1 be overprepared (the more you are, the less emotional I will be)
2 be ready with leverage what is motivating him the most (money, power over me…)? How do you enact the leverage once figuring out what it is?
3 don’t stay in the same room
4 don’t bring other people don’t bring another person with me (if he brings his girlfriend, I can refuse her participation)
5 first offer prepared (decide ahead of time what you’re willing to part with. Decide ahead of time what your choke point is-when to throw in the towel. Let Mike think that what he has is the best of me so he won’t go for more.)
6 keep your emotions in check don’t react to his control-YELLOW ROCK!
My favorite tip is “be over prepared”!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
I'm just starting this process. Thank you..thank you!!!
Great advice. Busy starting the second round of litigation to get more visitation. The mother will hurt herself and my son in order to hurt me. It makes no sense
OMG - what a concept- never once did I think about- being in different rooms - 💡!! That’s good !! Really Good 😌
especially if one spouse is abusive as mine is.
whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here,......
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How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
I thought that showing emotion while exercising self control shows how much of a human being one truly is. We are not robots or automatons. To show how much you are willing to pay for what is right. Because everything has a cost. Show that you have value and self worth. Instead of isolating or hiding away what you truly love. And that’s the child or children. If a man or woman is not spiritually strong enough to nurture the life that was created then it’s time to break free of such chains or a prison that was created. Abandonment of a spouse and especially the child is pure hatred towards others and especially one’s self. So show that pain in a natural way and realize that you have to live with such betrayal. So I leave you with the song red rubber ball by the crykle . May the lord bless you your family and friends with abundance of bliss and prosperity. Thank you.
Leverage is my favorite. I just had mediation with my narcissist wife. After 45 min everting was going ok, she agreed to sign then boom. She said no, she wanted to see the judge. 1 day before the hearing her lawyer called us 4 times with different offers, at 4pm we had to reschedule the hearing. Crazy crazy.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
@@RebeccaZungEsq
Thank God- me and my son doing great. Even my daughter who was in her mom’s side is in my side now. I got a gf, rentonice house with a pool. Am writing this comment rn while bbq with my 2 kids and my gf. Life is good. Thank you
Yeah i cant waste $$$$
I like the idea of not staying in the same room …thank you
Hi Rebecca. I like the way that you structure the first offer. Great tips!
Different rooms key for me! Thank you
Very helpful
I needed to hear this. Mediation is coming up for me. Thanks Miss Zung!
I'm LOVING this video so far! I've approached this in a super straight forward way, not thinking about first offers, or leverage, etc. I'm prepping for mediation, now. I am not 100% sure of my ex's, but my #1 guess is that he wants me back and doesn't want another person replacing him as dad. All of his big acting out has occurred around this point. How do I use this?
Your videos are great! Do you have a book on winning custody of toddlers from a narcissist? My daughter has been gas lighted and living in fear.
Just behave as if you are happy without children ( As if you have started hating kids) & you are trying for a new relationship. As they are always in a revenge mood they will feel that your life would be messed up with kids. ( That's the only way )
This pisses a Narc .
The only Rule with a Narc : They will always do whatever depresses you.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
I am filing this week. Thank You so much for your help and insight.
Rebecca , great video,
The best is being over prepared !! Makes sense and absolutely separate rooms !!
For me looking in his eyes after all this time of him claiming he’s been faithful in our relationship ( knowing differently after what I found on his phone& phones ). He could EASILY look me in the eyes 👀 and lie and lie on a Bible : oh yeah ladies he’s been in a Bible study group for 18 years and hides behind that !
whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here,.....
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How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
You are the BEST! If I have to get a divorce I’m hiring you!!!! My hero!
whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here,......
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How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Just in time! Not going for mediator, but through my lawyer.Think it's even better!
Thanks for sharing. Good to know, it's nice to have a mediator.
Arrgghh..... two weeks too late.
My mediation was useless and just a waste of time and money. Had to sit through his smearing, then I had to disclose how much my legal fees were so far, double his. This gave him all the leverage he needed. Split into separate rooms where he offered pittance and came up in $5,000 lots for fours hours. Off to a hearing we go.
And I downloaded your negotiation PDF, wrote up a strategy and my leverage. None of this was used.
Thank you Rebecca. 🙏
Rebecca Zung thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. (Feeling a little star struck)
I really appreciate your offer to help, but I live in Australia and I imagine there are some things that are different. My problem is my struggle with my solicitor. I do trust her and that she knows what she’s doing, but there’s so many things I want to try, like applying my strategy to the conciliation, that she doesn’t attempt. Like a lot of us survivors I am faced with the decision of walking away with less than I’m entitled, due to the textbook narc hiding loads of cash, or fighting for justice and walking away with even less again, due to legal fees.
Thank you so much again. Your podcast and weekly emails, etc have helped alleviate a lot of my fear in this process. 🙏
Kathryn P in the US you can ask for forensic evaluation of finacial issues and my attorny will not do it!
I wish I had seen this 13 years ago. My ex Psychopathic narcissist had so much embezzled money hidden Millions that he did not declare in the declaration page. The discovery came up blank . He is now laundering that money in a religious environment and they don't care because he's giving it to them.
At this point that I have the evidence, I'm discovering that no attorney will represent me because of the laches and the fact that I don't have $5,000 to put down as a retainer. How do people get representation in cases like this? The statute of limitations should never run out any more than it does with a me-too movement
@@GS-st9ns I got denied access to discovery. My soon to be ex makes $80k per year more than me. Forced me into homelessness and got off on making me paying child support. I’m disabled and don’t make much. And the support puts me in default (-$600) every month. She is trying to take everything from me. I don’t have a lawyer and she does. It seems like her lawyer and the judge are best friends. I’m try in g my hardest. I did get split legal and physical. But got granted only 32% parenting time. The kids want Equal parenting time, their therapist has stated that they feel safest with me and says that in this situation week on week off would be best for the kids mental health and healing.
Strategy Leverage Anticipate focus on You! Yaaas! SLAY KWEEN. OMG. I love that! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
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God Bless You Lady. 💓
My favorite step is #3. Since I've been listening to this, it's made me realize how manipulative and convincing he can be. This will make it much more objective. Thank you. I am taking your advice and getting my ducks in a row. He does want a mediator.
whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here,......
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👆🏼 scam!!
@@oscarmora347 not
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Thank you so much Rebecca. Your tips are priceless. Can you please send me the link to " how to crush your negotiation in 5 easy steps"?
I'd really appreciate it. Again, thank you tremendously for your time and insight. All the best.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
I really appreciated your suggestion to request separate rooms seeing my stbx leaves me tongue tied and anxious.
Best idea? Different rooms to minimize their leverage and opportunity for supply. I love it.
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Step #1 Focusing on you. Anticipating what they are going to say. Please, expand on anticipating what they are going to say.
Good list. Would appreciate if could try EXPANDING /breakdown for each step. Thank you so much for sharing.
You were married to that person were you not? Wouldn’t you have a good grasp on how they would react to certain situations? For example, you know they’re obsessed with a particular asset - let’s say a RV camper. If you said, “I’d like full ownership over the RV camper”…how do you ANTICIPATE they’re going to respond to that? Safe to say they’d probably tell you “absolutely not”? Well there ya go. You’ve anticipated a response. Now, you need to consider all scenarios and make a judgment on what they’ll say - and then plan your response. It’s pretty self explanatory.
Thanks for advice to no be in the same room
Hi I have a serious question. You mentioned at time 10:30, for a leverage example to not expose a disease so they save face. I'm confused if that is classified more as blackmail and therefore not recommended. Thanks.
All your ideas are great thanks!
Doing it today
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As a Brit and a guy it is INCREDIBLY hard to find support, or even belief in me, from any of the authoritative bodies who are supposed to be on my side (police and social services). Our American cousins have been the key source to all my research into surviving life (and now divorce) with a narcissist. You guys get narcissim totally and there's loads of resources to help in the US. Yes women can be narcissists and men victims of domestic abuse. Not in the UK though. Here, I'm told "oh dear, that's terrible, now go to court and you'll lose because we support mothers, and we'll give her the kids to destroy and you'll pay her to do so. Oh and don't use the 'N' word (narcissist) because you're not a doctor and it makes you look bad". Rebeccas Zung's videos hit the nail so utterly on the head. I'm trying to avoid £70,000ish in court fees and months of trauma for me and my kids by approaching mediation (the one thing I don't want to do) and after finding Rebecca's videos I no longer feel scared to get in the ring with my ex. BRING IT ON! Thankyou.
Asif I am so sorry. I live in a progressive state and even here it was hard to find representation that would take my lead as it were. The judges don't want to hear the n word, but we have precedents by which fathers can raise the children. I hope you have been able to get good representation. I think that is key. I predict a narcissist won't handle the case as well as you do. They will be overconfident and noncompliant. Their relationship with their representation will not be healthy. You DO have advantages. Still... best of luck!
@@benharris8903 Ben, Thanks for your message. You're so right about the representation. I just made a historic win over my covert Narc-ex - in making his order, the judge said he'd never overturned the local authority recommendations before and then spent over an hour ripping apart my narc-ex wife's case, commending mine over hers and even over the local children's authority recommendations, which came from a senior officer who he said he had trusted for many years. He praised my approach which was this... I drew a line in the sand under the years of abuse and presented how I was proactive towards co-parenting and supporting the children. I told the court I wanted to level the playing field so neither of us had a label empowering either parent over the other - equal shared care. I was utterly child focussed. This grated with the power hungry self obsessive and she crumbled in an emotional mess on the stand. It helped that I had a superb counsel who was and played my narc-ex and the local authority officer like puppets on a string. It was worth the insane cost to watch, but if you can't afford a big gun, be careful who you chose and seriously consider a conciliatory approach rather than trying to fight every incident of abuse etc (I took some convincing!). My counsel drew my narc-ex into admitting she can't possibly have been the primary carer when she was claiming she was....He used a very similar approach to the one outlined by Rebecca - draw them in by talking about themselves/ their work, whatever and then highlight how what they've just said doesn't match their statement. Within 10 minutes she was sobbing and calling me names and that was game over for her. I then sustained 2.5 hours cross examination calmly responding to every accusation by untwisting them back to the reality of what had actually happened and that was praised by the judge. I got to show her up for what she was without be accusatory - after all it was her counsel asking the questions so I had to answer honestly. Ben, you're right again about the other side's representation - it was clear that my narc-ex's counsel was uncomfortable in asking the questions she was being asked to put forward and I noticed she dropped most lines of questioning quickly when she realised I had a powerful and damaging response to everything she asked. I quickly went from being afraid of the court room to owning it.
, be clear, be honest and direct your answers directly to the judge as he/she is the only person in the room who needs convincing and eye contact is king. Don't bite - let the narc self destruct. Resist the temptation to blurt it all out and tell the judge how horrible your narc-ex has been - trust in their experience of seeing these cases everyday. If you have a half decent judge you can and probably will win. BUT NEVER GIVE UP.
i’m in this position uk guy domestic abused
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How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Thank you so much!!!!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
I like the idea of separate rooms
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Thanks for sharing.
whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here,......
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How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Keeping my emotions in check
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I'm trying to make sure that I am not going in blind but I am rn so I gotta ask you about something that I saw in some other things I'm obsessively consuming to be able to make sense of the legal system and the most shocking mental gymnastics to ever witness as my opponent.. It's a big thing to do!
Anyway I was taught that it's a bad idea to have all the best arguments and evidence that you have at the mediation because the other side is now aware of what you are using against him and the mediator won't be interested in stuff just wants to make a schedule
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I needed this exact video. Thank you thank you thank you
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I like the # 3 to stay in different rooms
I'm curious about the leverage--how do we employ leverage at mediation? Could you provide an example?
Being in 2 different rooms. Great idea
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Super help! Thanks for all the info! :)
My favorite is do not stay in the same room and keep emotion under control.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Yeah no way can i be in same room. He pushes my buttons
Doing mediation next week. Is he in Cali onlinr
Thanks madam
Anxiety is there of what to do next.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Great perspective and advice.
Great advice, very informative video...
When you said having to communicate,..i had to laugh because my narcs communication skills are just about at 0. He cant even repeat what someone has said to him the same way twice. Its crazy! But im hoping its helps in my favor when we go for the divorce. Which by the way, he asked me for one, and wants me to pay for it as well. Ive got stories for days 🙄 PLEASE wish me luck ( been in 33 yrs)
WOW! Such a great and interesting topic. Thank you for sharing!
Very useful information. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for your great videos! Would you consider doing a video divorcing a narcissist with substance abuse issues? And maybe a video about if you have hired an attorney that is not a good fit for your case, that doesn’t understand a high conflict personality disordered person? My boyfriend hired an attorney recommended by two other attorneys. His ex hired an attorney that is a former family court judge, that runs laps around his lawyer. He even hired a guardian for the kids, but the judge assigned to his case is brand new, and it sure seems like they are all deferring to former judge. What is the process for firing an attorney? Trial date is in two months. He feels like his attorney has let him down big time, and is a settler, not a litigator. Thanks in advance!
Lucille Bruce i heat you as mine is not ordering a forensic money investigation as my ex has hide money!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Separate room...by far the best
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Absolutely what I needed to hear and learn as I am in the next couple of weeks be going into mediation with my narc husband. Thank you!!
One thing, I had a problem with the volume of tour video sound. For some reason at the end of your sentences, your voice volume drops considerably. Not sure if it’s because your winded or a problem with your microphone. I often rewind because I don’t want to miss anything you have to say.
I am due to go into mediation with my ex to finalize our divorce. We have 4 children and even though I want them, laws where I'm from aren't in my favor since I'm the father. It isn't hard to tell the mother doesn't care as much. My thing is what should I bring to mediation so I am over prepared. I have documented parent alienation both with me and my lawyer. Time stamps and pictures. Should I bring pictures of the children and I throughout the separation and if so what else? Thank you to all and to the lawyer for this video
Does your lawyer give you a consultation prior to the mediation meeting ?
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
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@@RebeccaZungEsq Too little, to late. Divorced 10/2020 and had a very bad lawyer because I couldn't pay until the marital house sold in 2021 almost a year later.
" Being over prepared " literally means " Overthinking about a Narc" . It's highly exhausting as we would go in a frustration, depression thinking of a Narc. It will affect our health.
whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here,......
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How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
I was told by his proposed mediator that we had to stay in same room together never separate? She would be one mediator for both of us - not comfortable with this. He says he wants to be fair but I don’t trust him at all.
And keep emotions in check I believe is most important at least to me!
whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here,.......
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How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
My favorite part is separate room and being prepared.
whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here,......
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How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Different rooms
I like “over”
I do not have an attorney for mediation can I avoid signing any kind of settlement agreement at mediation and have a lawyer look at it before I sign and what will the mediator do if we come to a consensus? Willl they create the minutes of settlement for a court order ? what is the outcome what do you get from mediation / the mediator
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MY spouse was a narcissist. However Rebecca help me with this I am going crazy. I had a mediation to make up a separation agreement but I was not involved in the mediation. I was not present for any of it. I have been trying for 9 years to get it null and void and no lawyer will take my case. I am just outside Toronto Ontario. Can you help me or do you know someone near me that could help me. I am disabled, married 34 year, stayed home with the kids while he climbed the corporate lady. He did not have a financial disclosure. Can I speak with you and pay for your advice.
Please I am still in my 50's and on May 3rd of this year he will be gone 12 years, absolutely no communication.
what if mediation fails and narc wants to go to court. cant thenarc overturn your leverage against you in court with a very convincing account?
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As always, your advice has been logical with dealing with someone who is enological.
Oh Jeezzzzzz where have you been! Thank you ur videos have helped me so much tip #3 & #5 Those are the ones I need 2work on. our mediation is 3/16 I feel much better now
Thanks again
Rachael. Hang in there. I'll be thinking of you as my final mediation is on your same day. May the force be with you.
@@jeaninehaynes9501I hope only the best for you as well
keeping my chin up even though I'm terrified !
"When things go wrong I won't go with them"
-Les Brown-
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important topic
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Oh man I have mediation in 2 weeks married 43 years have no access to his assists he left and took our 13k cash savings I don’t have access to his retirement he has an apartment and have no idea what he truly makes because he hid it all from me the entire time. I was 17 raised kids and then once he got close to retiring age he bailed ….. I don’t even know what I am heading into no high school education he always held that and money and our home over my head 😮
My mediation cost me $900 and it got me nowhere! He was so full of lies! Thankful we weren't in the same room! Don't ever want to look at him again!
My narcissistic wife is under heavy influence of her mother who wants her to be single, so she can take care of her. Surprisingly for my wife's sister, she wants her to lead a happy married life. My wife is not aware of this angle. Because of all this, I have not been able to meet my 8 year old son for 3.5 years.
In the mediation, I want to inform her of these things. After hearing it, Either she will reform herself or lose the motivation to fight the case. @Rebecca, please let me know your views on it. My mediation is on 7th and 10th December, 2021.
If they hide money and you have proof yet your attorney will not order a forensic investigation how do you push for that?
Where do I find the worksheet you mention in the video?
whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here,......
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Being in different rooms
Separate room
My mediator in my divorce came to me afterwards after my ex-wife left the courtroom. She said, do yourself a favor, pay her what she wants and run, never marry anyone like that again
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How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
I was suicidal 3 weeks prior to mediation. My spoue was fully aware of my mental state. I did not go into the room with the mediators nor did she do shuttle mediation. I sat in an adjacent boardroom for 8 hours. After they were done they read it to me but I did not understand anything. I only got 4 years of support in a 34 year marriage and never found out why. After 6 months of arguing with my ex over the unconsciousably of going ahead with the mediation in my mental state he started court papers so I signed in duress and my mental state had not improved. I am disabled awaiting 6 surgeries and I was heavily sedated when I signed which I have no recollection of. Now my spouse unilaterally chose to stop several items in the agreement and the lawyers say they can do nothing. It has been 9 years and I feel I am going to that dark hole again. What can I do ?
I went through mediation with a narcissist around three years ago after being a sahm for our entire marriage (9 years.) I didn’t know anything and to make it worse my attorney called the morning of the mediation and told me he could not be there but he was sending his assistant who I later learned did not even have a law degree and could not give me legal counsel. I went to the mediation not knowing what to expect And ended up granting primary (but joint) custody Of my three small children to him because I was terrified of Only being allowed to see my children every other weekend. I was working a swing schedule at a gas station and he was an engineer so I allowed him to convince me that a judge would never grant me primary custody. It felt like even the mediator was not being neutral because he kept telling me that if I took this thing to a full court battle that I probably wouldn’t be able to afford it. The whole ordeal has been a nightmare and I’m still battling to correct it.
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The different room so far!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
@@RebeccaZungEsq I’m trying. Unfortunately I was dumb enough to believe him when he said he would work on changing and took him back. Now we’re in the midst of it again only worse because he was diagnosed bi polar and has stopped taking meds and took off, bought a house and is on a drinking/spending binge. Thankfully I watched enough of your vids to freeze/move whatever assets I could. Waiting for the inevitable mental crash. Right now I refuse to negotiate due to the ridiculous terms he’s offering after 31 years. I made sure the lawyer I choose knows narcissism.
Narc husband was so angry after 1st mediation. He says he is demanding we be in the same room the next time because he thinks the mediator is lying and showing me favor. I will make sure my attorney knows to not agree with being in the same room.
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He want you in the same room because he knows he can bully you
What do I do if I have followed these steps and my wife continually will not stop?
I have asked her to leave me alone until counseling or until we have someone to guide our conversation. Im told by her I have to leave my house and she does her best to keep my kids locked in the house and anytime they come interact with me she comes out and starts to name call and accuse me of the concerns I had in our relationship anything I say gets flipped to me. She wakes me up in the middle of the night I sleep on the couch and I asked to be left alone to sleep and she does not. She tells me to sleep in my truck
Is it true that if you have a low income mediator that I have to stay in the same room
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I like not staying in the same room, never want to hear his voice or see him again.
@RebeccaZungEsq is there a one on one i can do with you before i do mediation for my son.