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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ก.ค. 2024
- Do you believe you're going to die alone? Have you given up on meeting a soul mate? Are you feeling lonely and not able to connect with other gay men within the community? Or are you uncomfortable with the thought of being alone?
Feelings of chronic loneliness are rampant within the gay community. As a result, we have a higher number of serious mental health challenges. Loneliness also impacts us as we feel the need to be with other men constantly to feel better about ourselves.
In this video, I talk briefly about what gay loneliness is, my definition of loneliness, and tips I have found that help to overcome that awful feeling of not having companionship or emotional validation in our lives.
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Disclaimer: This is NOT a sponsored video. All opinions expressed are wholly my own.
i am so sick of being lonely
"Do not date when you're lonely."
Total game changer for me. I appreciate that one line sooo much.
Glad it helped. I don't think dating for fun is problematic. I have found that dating out of that feeling of loneliness usually creates problems.
I can never express how grateful i am for finding your channel. I live in an arab muslim homophobic country which adds loads of stress on my mental health (i am clinically depressed). So for me to finally find free gay related mental health content is actually pure gold!
And I am really grateful for your comment and support. It is amazing to know that my experience can help others and be a safe place for them. We are in this together. Thank you again.
Wishing the best for you!
Hi Ken
Thanks for reaching out to the gay world and being a link for those who do not enjoy the freedoms some of us enjoy, the things you dis us on your site are so important
Please leave the country for your well being. Fight for your peace. All the best!
Hard to find a genuine gay man as either friends or partners and especially when you are getting older. A lot of gay men can be very superficial.
I hear you, and I agree. I believe people can be superficial in general... (:
Thats one reason i don't date men my age, because they are not serious, And older men don't take me serious they are rude, harsh and mean :(. i hate men😔 but love them too 🤧
@@sianmoltie8979 and condescending and patronizing.
I do feel like we are very superficial when it comes to a typical gay scene
@@Pandora234able Agree👌
@@sianmoltie8979 and here I thought it was the opposite... Older men seem a lot more nice than most people of my age, in my area... Kinda feel like we should either swap age or zone lol
Being a Gay Senior (65 y/o) is more difficult than _many assume. We spend every holiday *Alone* ... We have no one to call when *Help* is needed.. If we *attempt* to socialize with other Gays, the Younger generation assumes we have an ulterior motive :( So we spend our hours on-line w/o *Any* Human interactions in RL.
I hear you, thank you for starting this conversation. I think most senior people feel the same, but yes, being a member of our community is hard by itself and adding up with ageism it can be quite a combo. I really hope we can make the community more welcoming and discuss these issues further.
I can totally relate. I’m the same age and find myself alone as well. I’ve also had my motives questioned by younger guys when I make any attempt to socialize with them or their peers. It hurts to accept that the very generation who now benefits from all the years we fought just to be safe and accepted as gay can’t see how painful our loneliness can be.
The part about internet vs IRL relations is also true for current generations tbh - given that they even find an "on-line" person to talk to. As for the ulterior motives thing... Well, this must be hard because not as many people of such age are as open about it, though honestly I don't see it as a strange thing whenever an 18 yo dude doesn't want to interact with a 60+ one... You know, generations difference and that stuff. Frankly, I even avoid my family as much as possible because they're too different as long as mental age goes; it just becomes cringeworthy.
However, yes, I feel like I'd feel the same at that age and it would be awful as a gay man in that situation
@@Speed4Runs even 30 YO consider 60 YO as old gays and we barely see those two age groups going out together. that's a big shame how younger gays treat their old people. and lets not forget- they will get the same treatment from future younger gays who will mimic their behavior.
Whilst it is harder for older gay men the problem is that older gay men all want a much younger boyfriend and don't want to date other older men, this is where the problem lies
I am always lonely, being gay and alone is horrible. It getting to the point where I feel am lonely in a crowded room, it like doors shutting and being left in a silent room with no one to talk to.
It is the materialism, bars and circuit parties, and the narcissistic attitudes of many gay men that has caused these problems. Our community is more polarized than ever.
Feelings of chronic loneliness are rampant within the gay community IN NORTH AMERICA! The rest of the world is NOT so bad! Gay people, in general are a lot more connected in Europe, South America etc. I had my best gay experices in Vienna, Austria and with a Brasilian guy in Brasil. They are a lot more down to earth and spontaneusly friendly ( they know what they want) and a lot more easy going than in North America! In North america most of the gay guys are very uptight and smileless.
“You’re not gonna die alone. You’ve got yourself.”
I needed that.
What’s the difference? Premium loneliness?
such a precious reminder, thank you 🫶‼️
everyday i struggle with my identity and value in relation to romance. because i'm a trans gay boy, i often catastrophize, but i don't have to be attached to that.
i am my own person who deserves self love and understand, as well as self compassion. this will pass hopefully. stay strong everyone!!
As a gay man living in the absolute middle of nowhere, loneliness is something that I've had to come to grips with over the years. Your advice has been indispensable and I would just like to say thank you.
You're welcome. I can honestly say, as someone who is also living in a somewhat remote area now, I can relate to that and having strong connections is so important. I'm glad my video was helpful.
Sometimes living in a remote rural area is better than any big city or sprawling suburb because you don’t have to deal with arrogant cocky gay men who think that their shit doesn’t stink. Especially these older gay men who have made tons of money in a successful professional career. Those guys are despicable.
Feelings of chronic loneliness are rampant within the gay community IN NORTH AMERICA! The rest of the world is NOT so bad! Gay people, in general are a lot more connected in Europe, South America etc. I had my best gay experices in Vienna, Austria and with a Brasilian guy in Brasil. They are a lot more down to earth and spontaneusly friendly ( they know what they want) and a lot more easy going than in North America! In North america most of the gay guys are very uptight and smileless.
why thank you, i searched "gay stuff so i can fill the loneliness in my heart" and completely did not expect to find this
You mention the absence of companionship and lack of emotional validation. I have received neither of these for the 25 years or so that I have been looking for connection (friendship, dating, or [gasp!] a relationship) among gay men. The emotional pain from the rejection and neglect has reached a point where I simply cannot bear it anymore. It doesn't matter what kind of person I am--no one seems to want to buy what I am selling, and so I can't conclude anything but that I'm too old and not attractive enough.
If interested we can try to make something. I’m 22 years and I’m looking for a serious relationship
I am a gay Black man in my 40s living in a major city...Ive experienced loneliness for my entire life. Ive been active on the gay scene in two major cities since my early twenties. I still love to go out and drink at my favorite gay bars. I have many acquaintances and zero friends, there is a HUGE difference. A true friend is family and I dont have that kind of connection with anyone. Just bar buddies, but you know what? Im good with that. Yes i desire deeper connections, but most gay men and men in general are very guarded which is completely understandable. This is a very harsh world for men and it is much more harsh for gay men. I said what I said and I dont care about the other gender, the world does not treat them the same as us in any capacity.
That being said, there are divisions within every community. Racism, classism, ageism, body discrimination are all prevalent within the gay male community. I have definitely experienced all of the above. But I am proud of my heritage and I am even more proud of my age because I've earned every gray hair on my head. Hold your head high and dont take crap from anyone. Age is something to be proud of, you survived through an era of real homophobia and many of our brothers didn't make it for many reasons. Love yourself regardless of who you are and regardless of your situation or circumstances. We cannot control how others perceive us but we can certainly control how we perceive ourselves. That is the ultimate message.
I lost my partner Christmas 21
Been lonely ever since
He was a lovely chubby guy ...miss him everyday
So sorry.
I hope you’re feeling better, that kind of challenge is absolutely insane but you’re surviving, that’s the first step to really living.
😭I’m single
Gay with no friends and suffer from depression anxiety and I lost my mom and two brothers in heaven at a young age
@@josephlawson1960 hi yes thank you and that’s what I need
@@josephlawson1960 🙏🏽Thank you
I'm sorry to hear that, please be strong…
I hope you feel better.. that's so sad and i pray you find healing throughout your experience.
No. Being alone creates further stress and depressed. Sitting alone creates it's only stress. You sit with your fears, fantasies, and dysfunctional thoughts.
Thanks for your comments which were helpful. I am gay and was married to my accepting wife for 51 years and cared for her with MS for 26 years. She wasn't able to ambulate the last 15 years - hoist, wheel chair, power drive etc. She passed in June 2022 and I feel lonely although I can now finally be who I am. I hardly see my son and my daughter and their families. They live fairly closeby. I am not looking for a husband/partner. Too old now. But I am starting to join seniors travel groups for company but I am concerned I might become a target for old widowed ladies as happened before. I will say "no" politely but firmly. I was a Baptist Pastor in a former life and have even been put through electronic shock therapy as part of 13 years of reparative therapy. I was told I am not welcome to even attend church because I am gay. Bye church. They no longer form any part of my life. That is important to protect myself. But I love being able to finally live an authentic gay life.
Ken, I did watch your video on loneliness and the 5 tips that can help with coping with it. I am a 69 year old gay man and live alone. I spend a lot of time alone and really only have one supportive friend who was once my significant lover. Unfortunately, he is ultra-codependent living with his mother and sister, so moments with him are often peppered with phone calls from either of them. I am doing my best to reach out in the gay community but find it exceptionally difficult to meet other men who are not only available but truly genuine. I am not seeking sexual intimacy but more friendship and companionship, though sexual intimacy with a sincere man would be nice. I'm sure that I've already shared too much here, but getting it out and sharing it, even if it's in the comment section here, is good for me. Anyways, Ken, thanks for the video and advice. I will spend this day alone contemplating the things I like about myself and things that need work.
i’m 17, and scared i’m gonna be alone forever
Learn to enjoy being with yourself. Chances are you’re a lot cooler than you think:)
I'm 22 but same.
What a world we live in that makes a 17 year old think they’ll be alone for the rest of their lives.
There is a lot in you that is lovable, my dear person. And you have to find that first for yourself! Look inside, write love letters to yourself, but don't be despondent! When you find those things that you love, you can show them to others in a nice way! And, like a magnet, you may draw others of your same tribe, your same aesthetic, your same vibes, your same wave.
You are loved, I am sure of it.
I used to think the same way when I was 17. Now several years later I am 25 and I am still alone... So it's better to accept it sooner rather than later!
Super useful pointers towards better mental health.
Thank You !
You are spot on.Thanks for information.
Feelings of chronic loneliness are rampant within the gay community IN NORTH AMERICA! The rest of the world is NOT so bad! Gay people, in general are a lot more connected in Europe, South America etc. I had my best gay experices in Vienna, Austria and with a Brasilian guy in Brasil. They are a lot more down to earth and spontaneusly friendly ( they know what they want) and a lot more easy going than in North America! In North america most of the gay guys are very uptight and smileless.
thank you.. exactly what I needed. I think with all this social media situation it feels like I need somebody to complement my needs or just myself.. when all I need is to rethink what makes me really happy.
Thanks Ken, really authentic and great information and insights shared.
Excellent video and excellent pieces of advice. I hope your content will draw more people, that's priceless :)
I’ve been feeling so hopeless and lonely lately, so watching this video has hit many spots. I can totally relate to the dating point I’ve been yearning for that connection, that companionship as you said and that’s wrong. I often come off as desperate/intense and the other person can just sense my need. It’s also a good way to put the light on myself and do some thinking: I’m basically trying to fill this void/give sense to my life but it just doesn’t work. You need to sort yourself out first, you need to be happy at work, have a good circle of friends and people that support you, have some hobbies etc. It’s hard and as I’m getting older I’m finding it hard. I’m 30 and I came to terms with my sexuality only a couple of years ago. I’ve had to rebuild my whole life from scratch, plus I’m not into hookups which makes the whole ‘man-hunting’ process even harder. Hanging in there, yes but it’s hard, it really is. As you said, talking to people does wonders.
I think this sounds like really great self-reflection, Dan. I think that it's far better to take baby steps with this after recognising what's not working and slowly build those connections up. I feel like it's very easy to fall into the trap of swinging the pendulum too hard in the other direction as a consequence of things not working out.
This is really great advice that I needed right now, much appreciated thank you.
I like your take on this issue, especially the one about treating ourselves better - "to treat yourself like your dream lover would" is a beautiful description of how to slowly but surely convince yourself that you do deserve better.
I wish you luck, and I hope the algorithm will spread this video so you can get the audience you deserve 👍
Thank you for your meaningful comment, Eric. I believe there is a misconception about self-love that is popularly spread. This idea that we must always look in the mirror and see no flaw. Self-love is more about respecting them and understanding we still are valuable. It is understanding we are amazing company/companionship even to ourselves, that way we will never feel alone. What comes next is always a plus.
On a side note, I really appreciate your kind vows, and I too, wish you all the best.
@@KenReidCo Thank you 🙏
I really like this. Thank you!
Thanks Ken. It’s so great having an Aussie gay perspective too. Love your work!
Great advise. I'm happy in my own company. However, I am 53 and have no friends. My feelings are never validated. It's been this way for about 10 years. I really don't know what to do.
That's awful, I'm sorry you're experiencing that Chris. Whilst it's good to be happy in your own company, we still need a support network of close friends. Having that validation is really important. And I also acknowledge that it takes time to find people who are capable of holding space for us. Honestly, it's often the people that we usually turn away from or don't talk too, the people who appear less intelligent, or stimulating, the people who are more unconditionally kind and nurturing are the right people. If you've grown up always looking to impress people and to try and win people over, they're not often the right people to validate your emotions. I realise all of this is being said without knowing your particular circumstances but I thought I'd share my 2 cents for you.
@@KenReidCo Oh actually you're spot on! Again, useful advise that I will keep in mind now. I was lovely of you to take the time to reply!
@@flyjet787 My pleasure, I hope that supports you in your journey.
I live in the heart of a large. metropolitan city and just a few minutes walk to a reasonably lively gay neighborhood (bars, restaurants, coffee shops etc). None of this has really helped. With my 18 year marriage ending about 1 year ago, I find myself incredibly shy, passive & very reluctant to reach out to my community for companionship & support - trust being a big factor here. ‘Tis an incredibly lonely time.
Great information. :))
Thank so dearly I really needed this I'm struggling to think about what I'm like but cheers thank you
Ken the universe was showing off when you were made.
Thank you for your Heart and Words.
The universe rewards the Brave.
Melbourne Australia.2022
Wow you nailed it. I've felt like this since childhood.
Thank you! We all share the same experiences, and putting it out is a way to bring people closer, based on our similarities.
you are an amazing person. thank you for your work.
I appreciate your kind words, I am sure you are an amazing person as well, and I thank you for commenting and being present, every person counts when we want to create a strong community
i found more difficult dealing with loneliness right after a breakup during the lockdown as an international student/FOB who barely knew ppl. So many uncertainties and insecurities are going on around me.
I hear you, Yifan, I hope you could overcome it, and I am here if you need to talk. These unprecedented times are already a burden, and without support it can be extremely difficult.
Unfortunately too many men these days only concern is sex and that's their only emotional validation. Most men don't care and/or don't mature into nurturing companions until they are older or until something bad enough happens.
Everybody is so flakey. I would rather be alone than with someone and feel lonely.
Flakey or creepy or don't respect boundaries. I just deleted a few apps because of such guys, who want to know your every move and breath timestamped on a daily basis. C'mon..
Or they are arrogant and cocky and love to flaunt their success in life and their money in your face to let you know who is boss.
Truly said, I agree 100%, for me I believe in self love, and we need just one or 2 freinds, who are there for us in our bad, not just there during our good times.
Most of the time people will come in to our lives, for their selfish motives, so we need to be very careful of who we let in to our lives. It's nice to have a best friend, but to find one in today's world is very hard. I might as well be alone rather then getting with wrong people who will try to use us all the time
Wow, I feel seen. Thank you Ken.
My pleasure
Thank you I just feeling better and need really to sort out things with your advices. I se
Let’s face harsh reality, since the internet and social media, human life has been completely altered and not all for the better. We see photos and profiles of sexy athletic gay men living the good life in expensive places like Los Angeles, Miami, etc and we completely ignore and sever any contact with gay men in our own local communities. We want to meet these other guys from out of town and ache to be with them. The sad fact of the matter is that an even sexier, more athletic, and compassionate gay guy might be living just down the street from you and you not even knowing it.
Came back to this video and viewed it as a To Do list. It seems, I'm fine spending time alone (especially, when walking in nature) and also need to seek new friends because family is not as emotionally supportive and former friends were mostly bullies when it comes to emotional validation. I need to get back in touch with the social aspect of life. Making friends as an adult is more chellenging of course. I tried dating apps due to boredome and they really make me feel worse and more lonely due to flaking, ghosting and similar things. Getting into a relationship quickly would probably cause more issues. It all makes sense. Realisation comes. Thanks.
This is sensible advice and I think you will make a very good relationship counsellor......................
Too right. A lot of people have a sense of entitlement when it comes to relationships but you really have to have something to offer to the other person. I also see older men (I'm in my upper fifites) still craving the younger lover. When I suggested to one to try someone around his own age, he said he wasn't attracted to old men. I pointed out that this may more than often the case for younger men also. You have to know yourself and know what you have to offer yourself!
I hear you and I understand. We are all subject to this ideology sold by mass media - of what is/should be attractive, that is why these discussions are important and relevant. It is a journey of self discovery, to be able to understand our own taste. Thank you for bringing up the discussion (:
I'm reading all the comments and this makes me sad. i really want to find a way to confort sad souls i really do:(. Don't feel sad because your an older guy, i love older men because they are matiure and know what they wantin life❤. true love doesn't have age and always remeber( you are a great person) never forget that. enjoy life men just live your life🥰....
The main thing that older gay men suffer from is isolation and consequent loneliness. And for that there should engagement with younger men and community. But expecting romantic love and sex is more often than not, unrealistic unless you are happy with someone your own age. It takes some maturity and acceptance.
@@andrewthomas6200 So you don't like younger men? :(
Very much so. But I don't expect the majority to like me in that way and so I accept it. Otherwise I'd be in a state of discontent.
Thank you for this video. I think I'm in this stage of life when the sense of loneliness creeps in somedays and it is a bit tough to handle it. I've tried apps and they make me feel even more lonely and disconnected. Am curious about different things in life and yet am afraid to try. Mainly because my interest in men may be exposed. It's really important to find something relatable and to give hope for lonely people in general. Spread the word.
Hey there, Im so sorry that you are going through this. I can imagine how challenging it mustve been for you. Would you like to talk about it? If you’d like to talk about it in details I’d be more than happy to set you up with a session with one of my team as I’m all booked out until the mid August or I can put you on my waitlist.
@@KenReidCo Thank you, Ken. It is really appreciated that you've reached out and offer a conversation. I am open for communication and yet have to stress that am living on a tight budget these days to spare on therapy. My approach is to educate myself little by little (reading, watching videos, chats, etc.) and see what resonates with my experiences and emotional states.
So far, the experience with gay and bi guys seems to indicate that there is struggle to open up to form a deeper connection. For me, connection, mutual honesty and growth is what matters in a relationship. Looks are a subjective thing, but if they match, he is a good condidate overall. I find it quite paradoxical that men in the gay community don't tend/are afraid to form deeper connections despite our natural bond as same sex individuals or so is the impression. Maybe physical attraction gets in the way? Anyways, I try to slowly increase exposure and meet men. Simply converse and maybe ask them to give an advice, teach a skill or to give them a compliment, etc. This still seems a bit too deep for the most, if we're not discussing the looks.
The sense of loneliness usually drives me to hookups and unfruitful communication. Sex is great and yet there are too many risks attached when you don't have one partner.
My mind is curious. I think, I'm bi and yet never had courage to date a woman. Maybe because the concept of confidence has many question marks in my mind after all. Potentially, self-aware and an overthinker (labels?), too. I have noticed that my body reacts a bit differently when an attractive (appearance, voice) man is nearby. I feel shaken (in a positive way) sometimes when being around some men, but never would to talk to them or give a hint. Eh..
The main question is why this man isn't getting subscribers..
His content are so good and right on point. ✌🏼
I wish best wishes. 🌻
I appreciate that!
I've been feeling lonely for quite some time now. It started when I was with my last boyfriend. One of the worst experiences I had, to be with someone for five years and still feel lonely. I've been single for one year now and have been cruising to the point of becoming promiscuous. I still feel lonely.
Thanks for talking about loneliness...I feel it often...I live in a rural.community with few dating or gay socializing opportunities...
I hear you, thank you for sharing! I hope the online community can offer you support and presence you don't have in your local community. Thank you for sharing, I am sure others will show up with shared experiences
Daniel, I understand! I live in a very small town....so lonely. Hope you are doing well.
thank you for this reminder. for the past four days i tried so hard to be at every possible online dating sites, fishing for love. nary a single one. i did that out of loneliness. because i thought seeking people for it would give me that joy im longing. it didn't. i need to fully graspthe meaning of self love. ypu should, too.
My most recent experience with dating apps brought me back to this video, honestly. The experience really reminds of attempt to fill the void and it is quite painful to realise that it doesn't work. I guess, the old saying Better safe than sorry suits here as well.
Thanks for your video!
You're very charming 😊
Greetings from France 🇫🇷
Thank you. This was a nice video
Glad you liked it!
A general rule: as people age, they either get completely jaded, and bitter, or they soften with age perhaps, and are pleasant to be around. Not all “mature” people are the same.
Let' some of us, form a group or co op, of friendships.
✝️
❤️ 🤲 ❤️ 🤲 ❤️ 🤲 ❤️
That way at least some of us, won't get to be totally alone anymore.
as a gay man in my upper 50's I find younger gay men are not willing to share. Also the younger gay men are not willing to accept responsibility and keep things simple.
That is an interesting perspective, I would love hear more from your experience. I am sure we all can learn from it. Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate it
I'm assuming from your comment you don't pursue them. I agree w/ you BTW. Funny thing is most older gay men feel like you do yet they spend all of their time chasing after guys 30 years younger.
Are you still single?
Thanks for sharing all that you share!
Helpful vocab tip: myriad’s definition includes the word “of” - so the correct usage is “myriad things,” not “myriads of things.”
Never use “of” with “myriad.”
Thanks again for all you share!
Great tip! I usually speak without being mindful of grammar at times but I appreciate the feedback.
I do have an issue with this idea of being alone since I have spent most of my youth and adulthood being a loner, which allowed me to examine myself. However, I rarely had friends around. I never really knew if I was in the company of friends. I never really processed what it felt like having friends, even If I had them. That sounds like a ridiculous thing to say, but I lacked social skills early on and struggled with ADD before people knew that it isn’t a behavior problem. I did get picked on by both students and teachers, so I developed trust issues against neurotypical people, and just assumed they pitied me or thought I just got in the way. SomI spent a lot of time by myself. I know I’m going off on a tangent, but my point is if I went for so long spending time by myself… shouldn’t I be ready to meet a significant other. Also, I have legitimately been in EMDR therapy for nearly seven years and seeing a psychiatrist for about two and a half. Granted, I have gotten better. So, how much more alone time could I possibly need?
You have to be in it to win it ( life). My partner died last year and I've been on my own throughout several Covid lockdowns. It's been great at last to meet friends outside and be able to talk to someone! You have to make the effort yourself, especially when you don't feel like it. Later in the summer I'm going to have to get into gay social clubs (walking, book clubs) as soon as covid allows - those are the places you'll find people to share you're feelings with, gay Covid lockdown etc, not grinder....
I am so sorry for your loss. And I hear you, couldn't agree more. Some people are mentally unable to put that sort of effort into going out, but other than that, you are spot on! I am glad you are being able to figure things out within the possible. Thank you for your inspiring comment
Exactly!! 👏👏 most gay men hope to find meaningful relationships on Grindr, which is the place you can find a lot of things but healthy relationship is not one of them.
Unfortunately, the same guys from Grindr are the same guys you see in meetups in real life.
Thanks for an encpuraging comment. I find walking in nature therapeutic. To get to the nicer beaches in our area, I need to cross a busy place in the town in get to the ferry. There seem to be some cruisey areas (not into that) and mixed crowds enjoying being in nature. However, everyone seems so discreet to keeping to themselves that noticing gay men without using apps seems very challenging. Wish we could rely less on them of course.
@@nick8243 True. Or other apps that are more dating oriented.
Thank you for your reply whilst I agree with what you said I have found and this is not exclusive to by people but with the extra factors that being gay present as you age.
I see! Thank you again for offering your perspective. I agree that our society is ageist, and especially within our community, this can be a heavier burden. I hope discussions like ours help people to open their eyes to the issue.
@@KenReidCo hi Ken
The opportunities to meet people changes depending on how old you are . I think that we are often discouraged from learning to live or spend time alone when we,re young and there are so many pressures to be a part of a group this all starts when we,re step out of the our home. If we live a long life we nay end up alone . As gay people periods of being on our own ,should be something we learn to live with. Dealing with periods of being on your own should not be f feared but embraced so that we can reflect on why a relationship failed rather than bounce into another relationship hoping that the next person will heal past hurt.
There is a lack of love and commitment in the gay community (whatever this supposedly gay community is and if it exists, for me it is just a business based concept that does not include relationships and solidarity, it is a myth !) At 53 I've been dissapointed so many times. When I discovered I was gay as a teenager I imagined I would have been able to get a gentle simple caring man to have a relationship with, instead of which I found most of them were looking for endless parties, booze, perfect bodies, weird sexual demands and were obsessed with their appearance to a point that is absolutely ridiculous. It is a very self destructive environnement, ruthless and eventually very boring. We are asking for tolerance, yet we are behaving so badly to one another and unrespectfully like if we had never grown up, a bit like teenagers provoking all the time to feel better. Though I understand this attitude is the result of a social construct resulting from centurires of societal bullying I also believe it is time we grew up and adopted a nicer attitude at least to one another now we have gained some rights at least in Western countries.
Thanks
My heart goes out to anyone, who is lonely and doesn't quite' fit in. We all can still make peace from broken pieces by paying it forward and sharing our wisdom.
Se you believe we are broken, Edward?
As a masculine gay man 62 years old with anxiety issues, I feel like the whole world 🌎 is cold hearted and hostile where everyone is only out for themselves.
Thank you Sir
1 st step for me was to reduce my (typical for my generation) big, ugly egoism and give the same energy to making the potential partner happy. Far riskier and far more hurting at times for me than to risk nothing emotionally. But far more rewarding. Love is not about mememememe, but about me and him. Not just in words. But in the d o i n g as well. My 2 cents from experience.
Most welcome
Nice 🙂
Thank you for your support
It's hopeless [for me]. Maybe I'm not cut out for relationships or even friends for that matter. Try meeting me in person then you'll know why people just conveniently "drift" away from me like I'm some kind of disease. I don't know. Maybe I'm not hot or cool enough for them. Or maybe I'm just hideous. Or it could be how I project myself in the way I speak or dress up. I have no idea. Maybe my looks are just "meh" to them.
People always say that I'm fine and pleasant. But I know they're just being nice.
I am an extreme introvert but I do yearn to be with someone or at the very least have friends. As I'm writing this, I'm about to turn 46. I'm a Muslim Singaporean and HIV-positive.
As much as I'd like to think that I'm strong enough to face each day being independent and I can do tasks at hand (whether at home or outside), it sucks to be alone too. To be honest, I'm not
Like I said, I am an introvert and I cringe at the very sight of other people so much so that it gets stifling almost to the point of suffocating. I couldn't breathe. Maybe I'm narcissistic. I don't know. Because whenever I see anyone in sight, even if they're some distance away it's like they're invading and violating my private space. Sometimes, I wish I not only want my own island. But my own planet some light years away from human civilization. Yet I do want that human connection with another man.
And when I meet or see someone that I like whether on the train or bus, etc, I could only admire him from afar.
If only I could create an ideal man like those two boy who created "Lisa" in John Hughes' "Weird Science" according to my specifications. Well, not ideal per se. But at least just a man somehow.
Grindr, for one thing, is a lost cause for any forms of romance or even true friendship.
How to cure gay loneliness: don't be me
Maurizio, I feel flattered that you found a safe space in my channel to open up about your loneliness. Feel free to share. I see other people in the comments with the same struggle as yours, so you are literally not alone. We can build a community together. I believe every person has immeasurable value, you included. When we are in nefarious spots of our lives, it is hard to see the good we have. Please, se the value you have to offer, I bet you have great things to share. I am glad you are fighting, the fact that you searched for help on TH-cam means that you are fighting and you are not alone. Keep fighting. The community is here for you. Be there for yourself as well. Remember, you are the one who can choose everyday to focus on the great you have within. We all have imperfections, so it is important not to give them space to grow. If you only nourish them, instead of your good features, they will grow instead. Work on nourishing what makes you great. Thank you for counting on me to share. I believe in you.
I'd love to meet you Ken!!! You'd be a great one for me to share things with man to man Ken!!! You're an amazing man to man inspiration on me too Ken!!!
Tell me about it. There are many issues and includes being accepted on overall by churches, family, friends,
co workers and so on.
The other is gay men to interact openly with each other as said above are not happy to take grunt from family and strangers so they stay alone.
Like better stay alone instead being with people where being hated , disliked, and have to defend yourself about your sex.
Come to Toronto, Canada early years if known you were gay all anger broke out.
Slightly has improved presently.
❤
What to do if a person is gay and with special needs, like someone with OCD?
We all have our own particularities. What is OCD other than another detail about a person? (:
It is important to feel welcomed and able to find support in our community.
I am glad you brought up this topic because whilst I am no specialist in this matter, this is the start of a necessary discussion. This should be happening way more often. Once we go over these personal individualities of each of us, we get more informed. This is the way of treating it with the love and caring everyone deserves.
I hope more people feel welcomed to share and discuss it. We are all always learning. Let's make this a safe space to discuss; thank you again for starting this conversation.
There are lots of people who complain about loneliness due to having no friends. I tend to find that rich people are the ones who have friends or a healthy social life because most social activities involve having free time away from grinding on a job and having disposable income. You cannot have a conversation on loneliness without addressing socioeconomic inequality.
Whilst I definitely agree socio-economic circumstances play a role in a person's ability to connect with others, I find that there are many lonely rich people who lack quality friends. Many people in poorer-socio economic circumstances may feel lonely but their priorities may not necessarily be about solving this immediately, especially if their immediate financial or physical security needs aren't being met. And some people don't really need deep connections with others. It really depends on a lot of factors.
Many wealthier gay men are narcissistic and unhappy. They have more money than they know what to do with. They have a big fancy house only partially furnished and a fancy fast car or SUV yet their lives are shallow and empty because all that interests them is making more money and acquiring more crap.
Ken I just wonder could a reason that older gay men so badly want to meet younger ones (and maybe not for sex) is that they don't have children? Is that this is missing that makes them feel they have a void in their lives?
Interesting question. One of my careers was working w/kids, and it fulfilled my heart enough to not grieve that i never had my own. I'm old, prefer dating mature/my age. W/a young one, i make too many allowances
Good perspective especially about sex, drugs (in my case alcohol), clubbing... those and a few more have been ongoing.
Guys do anyone want to be friends
im still teen and i dont really have friends right now
I'm lonely because i have no friends
Would you like to be my friend?
I'm still here juan
Just like me😂
Howdy!
@@cowboykent9091 hi ken
I have a lot of gay men I feel and I saw different habbit wt them seldom of gay had a serious relationship same wt men. So the real things to seek. It's compatibility partner
It’s so hard separating the idea of curing loneliness with an intimate romantic relationship...
It’s so freaking hard...
I appreciate this video but it seems like you always make this generalization like, everyone goes through this worldwide...I wouldn’t discount our unique experience. We have had a harder time. Period.
Wesley, thank you for your feedback. I agree it is general information, because this is a channel for a general public. I can only speak of specifics, if I know the specifics of your case. Feel free to share and I will gladly comply with the demand. Thank you for the encouragement, have an amazing life.
@@KenReidCo Sorry, I didn’t know. Sorry for being accusatory. If it’s a general channel than that’s understandable.
I just happened to stumble upon it when I felt down about being alone.
To put it succinctly, I’m a 24 year old gay person of color.
Grew up in a household with a narcissistic abusive parent and a mother who was somewhat neglectful but tried to be there when she could though a schism formed with marrying said first parent. To this day, i believe they enable each other in codependency.
I’ve been lonely my entire life and physically alone since I was 18.
As you can imagine, friendships and relationships never work out. I was always blamed as the issue and the problem and I despised it as if all the trauma was my fault which hindered me getting help until I was 19.
Things kept getting worse. I kept seeking ANY attention. Even negative. Something to make me feel like my existence wasn’t solitary. I’d say stupid crap online. Incite arguments. Anything.
Very bitter depressed guy. Not solely from my own vices but many people hurt me. Family. “Friends”. Potential dating partners.
I was a magnet for negativity. Then I reached my lowest point in 2018 with repeated suicidal attempts.
Since then, I’ve finally gotten better. I finally met a therapist and a psychiatrist that cared. They really listened to me and were there. It wasn’t perfect. I still had my moments; but I still have my days in the present moment where I long for having some acceptance, some camaraderie, something. Anything lol.
Most of the time, being alone is okay. Finally. Lol. I’m more strong to handle it. I can get through most days just focusing on my schooling and research, my career. Etc. focusing on feeling more confident and sexy...but I find that it’s still a long way away to realize those goals so I’ve basically decided to stop dating and limiting hooking up until I feel ready.
Not sure if I’ll ever be ready or fill this magical meter of mine where I feel worthy of love but I do see it’s getting a bit better month by month.
I think at the end I won’t care anymore if I’m still found unwanted and unattractive to other gay men. I’m proud of my progress and accomplishments so far and I know I’ll be proud then.
Plus, I always here that you usually find someone by proxy of that mindset anyway. I’m more red meat to people who find me approachable and are level headed I guess. So I’m hoping that happens lol.
@@Pandora234able Hi Wesley, thank you for reaching back and sharing your story. No need for apologizing, I understand. After reading your story, I find that you are an extremely strong person. Dealing with sexuality is by itself very challenging. And given all your background, I completely understand where you were coming from. I am a white male and I know the amount of privilege I have because of that. And all of the other things you confided are real deep and concerning struggles. And on top of that, dealing with solitude is really hard, I agree. The lack of love, comprehension, physical touch -- all of that adds up to frustration. Right now I think you are in the right path - seeking for help, working on yourself, and getting rid of all of that trauma. In a manner of speaking, it is good that you didn't have any relationship before, because it is important to work on yourself. You are still very young, and I know at 24 it seems that we are already too close to "getting permanently old", but believe me, it changes.
Regardless, I am really happy to hear you are working on yourself, you are staying strong, building your confidence, loving yourself. I am very proud of you. You took the hardest steps. You recognized what was wrong and you are moving on from that.
And truth is, if you want things to be different, you have to start acting different - which you are doing. And soon enough you will harvest the seeds of that hard work. But allow it to grow, give yourself time and love.
Thank you for sharing and trusting this space. I appreciate you and I know things will get better, remember you are the most important person in your life.
gays will be always lonely... :( what is our solution?
@@josephlawson1960 No, I can feed myself
Develop good friends. Oh, man. My friends are straight and have families with children. I'm only bi guy around and we don't quite communicate a lot as life has changed. I'm curious to befriend more guys nowadays (especially, gay men) and it seems complicated. Either they're interested in something sexual or want to brag and leave no room for a new person to present themselves. Then again, I've tried only apps. In real life, I'm very shy and feel awakward around people. It's tough to break through and gain confidence to converse with someone live. I see so many attractive men around and think they would never talk to me. 😢
I am lonely and I watch TH-cam to feel like someone talks to me.
Listen, if it helps, it helps! That is why youtube exists. I am glad to be helping, regardless
Hello
@@black-sg3lb Hello there. How are you doing?
@@miodragomir doing good thanks for replying 🥰🥰 how about you?
@@black-sg3lb I am good, trying to learn some basic Spanish these days. I will go to Barcelona for vacation. Do you still read contents similar to this video?
If thier is posible someday to be affair in gay. Men im not judging them i face it wht ever they are frnd to be frnd but if theirs gay men show her respect and accomodating i think time can tell only both of us hoping and whishing for the best of us thanks bro
I guess this video is not for me since I don’t have any friends
I don't have any friends too!
I have been in that spot before, where I believed I had no friends. It took some self-exercise to be able to perceive that I had more people who cared for me than I could remember. I cannot say it is your case, sometimes all we need, is to look around with kinder eyes.
I thank you for opening up and I hope you can find friends (as it seems to be the case with the comment above). Your comment will surely bring more people to share the experience.
Thank you for trusting me/this space.
@@KenReidCo easy for you to say that
@@elaiws4834 I agree. I cannot measure your feelings and it is not a comparison. I am here to help, all I can do to help is to offer my perspective. (:
I think that the nature of loneliness depends on how old you are it can feel very different
I hear you! May I add it is not about age, but perhaps maturity? Some people will learn earlier, I believe. Thank you for your comment.
Old single men old gay men is not a problem for me what i did is explore ur mind outside ur home coz i believe chances is on the spot enjoy ur self positivty
"this channel is for gay man"
Me a non-binary afab person: yes. I'm listening
Sorry, Typical advice full of clichés that don’t work. I’ve been feeling lonely all my life so I’m just meant to abandon the idea of dating and “die with myself” which is the definition of dying alone. None of this makes sense. I had a good self esteem until I realised I’m single all my life and probably will be and no one wants me so I start questioning what’s wrong with me. Apply logic to each point and it won’t make sense. 😢
#3 Don't date ever. Ok we're done.
I'm 57 and looking for a older gay man in his 60 or 70 to host me and see how it goes
@@lawrenceelijah7143 LoL 😂😆 💋😘
@@lawrenceelijah7143 how old are you
A lot of gay men also aren't looking for friends, especially one's in the closet and the married/ "girlfriendnated" ones. Probably need friends, but they don't go there.
Therapy isnt effective lol
Hi Stefan, your point of view is interesting; could you develop how you got to this conclusion? I think it could be a fruitful discussion with other viewers
It is 4 their pockets.
I'm not a gay um a men but the singleness is a choise and distiny don't be used ur self to much as gay habbit must more on to do things divert ur mind to make ur self busy
@@josephlawson2186 hw are you bro are you ok
@@josephlawson2186 yes I'm alive
Ugh, wish you were my date :/
You need to go back to school.
Why do you say that? Thank you for sharing your insight.
Jesus had his John.
Being alone is a condition. Loneliness is a choice. Desperation is never an attractive quality. That will guarantee that a new relationship will not last long. Work on getting comfortable with YOURSELF. Relax and have fun. You'll attract men like a KKK rally attracts Republicans.
I completely agree, that is so well put. Thank you
As if loneliness has a gender. Joke
Thank you for offering your perspective. I hear you--and I am sorry the purpose of the video was misunderstood. I didn't speak of gender, but I assume you're addressing the fact that I speak from the standpoint of being a gay man; whilst I am aware it is not an exclusive issue, I can't speak for others. But I hope my video helped you, regardless of the perspective offered.
Gender plays a factor in how we experience loneliness...we cannot discuss loneliness as straight women because we are not. Our individual gender, race, ethnicity, socioeconomic status definitely influences how the world treats us and to pretend it doesn't is disingenuous.
@@user-ge8jr4sx8y I disagree with you. Try it on someone else.
@@iandemontfort4276 I don't care if you disagree...doesn't change reality .
@@user-ge8jr4sx8y Reality? I guess if being dillusional is your reality then you are right.
Erectile dysfunction = loneliness
Hm says the guy thatd never have an issue getting a guy and would never know being rejected
Yes he was. Once when he was 12... I think
My son came out,he’s a senior,no friends!! He doesn’t like being who he is!! I’m so sad seeing my beautiful boy so alone,and suicidal.🙏🥲 People treat him like a ghost. He’s so sweet and kind,and shy!! Why is it the nicest are last??.This is one F.. up world!! We all deserve love and kindness.Sorry I’m vented!! Mom
This message tugged at my heart. How is your son doing? Any better? He has such a great mom! Love that you even care! That’s beautiful to see!
Think about it before conceive it. World is a big shit full of straight hating people
why thank you, i searched "gay stuff so i can fill the loneliness in my heart" and completely did not expect to find this
I hope this helped. I find loneliness is something we all experience, regardless of our sexuality, and it's so important to realise it's more than just finding a partner or having more friends.