Mine loves to punish me with the silent treatment, stone walling and by pulling away. He loves calling me names and playing the victim too. So glad that I walked away from that. I'm still trying to get through the Withdrawals from him still and it's painful. 139 days of no contact so far.
I was punishment with the silent treatment, I didn't not know that was a form of abuse. I put up with his BS for 20 years, it been over a year now, I have filed for a divorce, I'm in therapy, and I'm moving on with my life. Thank you jesus, thank you Ben, God bless ❤
Helpful hint. Write down some of the things that you used to deal with. Things you couldn't stand about him. Times you felt depressed or sick. Refer to list when you feel lonely and inclined to reminisce on the good parts. It will help remind you that you are worthy of being truly loved and not manipulated.
3 years and three weeks, 100% no contact. And yes, it still hurts. I've never doubted it was the right decision, not once, but the hole in my soul is real.
This resonates with me so much. Until recently, I always assumed narcissists were outwardly and vocally hateful. Learning about converts has painfully opened my eyes. Lying, cheating, silent treatment, lack of empathy, and support. No contact day 1.
Yeah that’s was my mistake too, I felt somewhat safe because I was like, this person doesn’t talk to me rudely or shout or anything but then I wouldn’t be able to tell they were mad and punishing me subtly
There with you sister, my handicap however is I'm having to work with her while I find my new job. But keep on, hold strong and you'll realize the longer you keep consistent you'll will start remembering the things you truly loved before the illusion happened.
So right on! He sabotaged every plan, every holiday, and family time. It got so bad, I had to stop being with people, because he would ruin time together, and shame me. I was manipulated to think I was selfish for having people over or family time together. That was the beginning, The brutal mental attacks, verbal abuse, intimacy withheld, and the ‘endless’ accusations, from previous relationships, to I couldn’t do anything right, I was basically stupid, or ignorant. 34 years of it. I’m taking back my power and living my life. I have been for awhile, now! I’m here, but now I know who he is! I’m giving myself permission to live and stand firmly in my own opinions, faith and decision making. All his continual telling me what to do and how I should do this or that, of course his way, with the added criticism, I am done with it! I see it for what it is! Control! I choose not to give him control any more!
The whole relationship is a joke. For 4 years it was nothing but constant love bomb devalue discard Mostly punishment as silent treatment It’s completely unsustainable!
It leaves a person trauma bonded the constant chemicals of oxytocin, dopamine and cortisol makes it really addicting it's been compared to an addiction of opioids. It's painful. I was raised with breadcrumbing and so I understand how it is to keep waiting for the tidbits of love , attention or any kind of validation. It never lasted long. Healing is possible. I had to go no contact and work on my own mental health as I ended up with bpd because of living a very traumatic childhood. Hurt people hurt people. It doesn't make ok but I understand my mom will never change or take accountability. I choose to do the opposite. Change and glow up. My son deserves it. Best thing you can do is go no contact.
If only I had this information and knowledge 20 years ago, I could have saved myself a lifetime of heartbreak and stress💔. After 31years married to a covert narcissist, being divorced now, your videos are tremendously helpful in making sense of the insanity of my life that was. Thank you Ben🙏
Yes! Coverts operate in the grey area, the plausible deniability area. Everything they say and do can be explained away or justified easily. It drives you nuts because they are very subtle with their manipulations. Eventually coverts do let their mask slip and you see more overt behavior and attitudes. Its just a matter of time. It took 7 years to get out of their cycle for me.
All true silent treatment, acting like he doesn't remember/didn't hear, angry when i got sick. However I had to take control of money as he kept spending all our money on drugs,alcohol, cigarettes leaving little for food. Then he would tell his enabling family and friends that i am too controlling. I had to do/manage everything.
I've experienced ALL of this especially neglect and ignore when im.sick or need anything. Mine was physically, mentally, verbally and emotionally abusive
Everything you said, is what I’ve been living with! After my cervical fusion,he was gone from 6am -8 pm I have 3 dogs, then I had a heartattack and then triple bypass surgery, I almost died when my chest was filling up with fluid,had they not drained it,I would’ve been dead within 2 hours! I was on bed rest for 3 weeks and he couldn’t bother to leave me water and food! I lost 50 lbs! My health has gone down the drain and I’m in constant pain. So I have decided not to take my meds anymore! Without them I should be gone within a month! So please get away asap,anyone who has health problems can recover, but not if you stay! Good luck everyone 🙏
Mine wasn’t forgetful, but was WAY BAD about not being helpful when I was sick. But then expected me to take care of him when he was sick….without any acknowledgment.
Mine is still trying to punishing me be refusing to talk to me 😅😅 the funny thing is he don’t get is that’s exactly what I want. I have moved on and he is still believing he is punishing me. He will open his eyes one day and relise I am long gone 🤣🤣
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Oh yes!!! Mine malignant though… he literally can’t hide his amusement as he drives me of the cliff emotionally, financially, socially and physically..
I have had so many experiences with my husband being so unsympathetic and out right abandoning me when i was ill and or in hospital. No genuine comfort or support. Making a big deal out of me needing him to show up for me. Yet, his mother is in hospital (non life threatening) and he has spent 9 or more hours a day with her not leaving her side. While i am happy he is there for her offering her support I would like the same consideration and concern for me. The feeling of being of so little worth is a heartbreaking reminder.
Wow Although these kinda things happen often... An example happened just today! This just once again confirms this crazy "phenomenon" 😮 Yes , sadly Almost everything you said in this video resonates with me 😢
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I have experienced all the above I've been no contact for a few months this is real it's not a dream they are what they show you behind closed doors be safe and choose you get out while you can God bless you 🙏 ❤️
You described some of the subtle ways of abuse I dealt with. I provided him with so many excuses for his behavior--swept them under the rug. Once he ghosted me, I was fortunate to quickly learn of covert narcissism. I considered him inhumane and game over. No desire at that point to gain closure to the sudden ghosting. Karma (and the new girlfriend 20 yrs younger) can deal with him now. Good riddance!
The silence is huge with my husband. He was once silent with me for a whole year after I found put about his affair. He missed the birth of our daughter and when he showed up he wouldn't hold her or acknowledge me.
Yes my ex used money for leverage and control me financially. The house was not paid down but he bought over $ 114k in baseball cards in one year. Or calling me to tell me that I couldn’t buy groceries because we were short while I find out that he had spent $7800 that month for baseball cards on three occasions. Found out during the divorce. I could write a book on what he did. So exhausting! I’m so much better off now. I’ve experienced it all.
From what I experienced from my ex who is a sociopath imo, had me believing that I had to prove myself loyal and loving to the point that I didn't realize how unloyal, unloving and uncaring he was until the last year of our 6 year relationship. My ex has done so many of the things you have used as an example. He's still trying to punish me after all of the abuse he put myself and my children through. We share a child together as well and have joint custody. The punishment never seems to end and he has a new supply which I told him I'm happy because now I can breathe and move on. He's stalked me in the past. Anyway, I've been ignoring all of the negativity that comes with the punishment and I've been healing while moving on with life. Until, today when our 5 year old started calling me all of these mean things that sounds exactly like what my ex did and does say to me. My 5 year old confirmed to me that his Dad did in fact tell him these horrible things about me. I don't like that he's bringing our child into it but I haven't said anything and won't because I know he's baiting me. Idu, why my ex can't just focus on his new supply and leave me be but I know why. I just had to get that off my chest and hope this educates someone else.
My husband always forgot whatever I wanted from the store or said they were sold out we were together 13 years eventually in the last year I wised up finally, and started to call the store to say do you have coffee cream? Do you have orange juice? Are you sold out of vanilla ice cream? And every single time it was there it was available he was lying.
I totally relate to all these. It is all clear now that I know. The strange thing is that I always thought my ex was so similar to my mother's behaviour, now I know that my ex is a passive agressive covert narc ,my mother and most of my other exes are overt narcs. I can finally protect myself and my kid,and take really good care of both of us. I've given up the fantasy that these people will ever change. I wish they could see your work and progress Ben. Thank you! 🙏
I say or do something that displease him and he suddenly would dump the food I made into the garbage and tell me to get out of his place. He looked at me with disgust with I don't agree with him and said I have to see things from his point of view. It was so degrading to my soul. I am so thankful we never lived together because I would end up homeless.
Happen to me 100 %. House is going on market now. Trying to break free. He’s in the smearing campaign phase because he no longer has control over me. I yellow walled him as long as I could. And yesterday I finally had a melt down. He triggered me big time. Every time I move forward it becomes very intense because I have fear of abandonment. But because of watching you for months and going to therapy, it’s pushed me to still move forward. He’s now onto the smearing campaign. I knew it was coming. Im so hurt and angry. If it wasn’t bad enough to find out i have him my everything and he was never in real love with me, but then to constantly be punished for through manipulation and smearing is beyond words 😢
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Oh my so much of this relates to the relationship with my husband, I thought I was listening to my life in review. I finally filed for divorce 6 weeks ago and oh my , he stated living the house for work and returning the next morning every day now including weekends so he does not sleep here anymore. He thinks he is punishing me as usual. And I am happy he does not sleep here. Have been through so much for these 15 years I spent with him, I can write a book on my personal experience and how being married to a narcissist affects you. Thank you Raw Motivation for opening my eyes to all this.
That book transformed my life - it's incredible. It was like it was written to describe my relationship with my Aunt (who was a CPAN). It literally was like St Paul with the scales falling from his eyes.
Death by a thousands cuts ☠️ he constantly would use the excuse “I forgot” One time he “forgot” to put my middle name on the name changing papers when we changed our last name. Another time he shut off my alarm and let me oversleep for an important appointment because he felt sorry for me that I was so tired 🤦♀️
Mine would never get me the gift I wanted. He would get exactly what he asked for and I would get things he wanted or similar but not what I asked. I would even give links and or pictures. Like this year I asked for a zippered robe. I get a robe with a tie.
Thanks for this video. I've learnt alot from narcicissits.... and still continue to on my journey. Endured the silent treatment, anger issues, emotionally abuse behaviours, being ignored, blocked and GHOSTED. The narcissist playing the victim along with gas lighting, manipulation and mind games! Also feeling neglected and unworthiness. it's making me REALIZE how I need to behave with such people right now and in the future! 😊💖🙏.
When I was sick with covid, my ex never even offered to get me a glass of water. I was left to fend for myself for the duration of the illness... about a week. If it wouldn't have been covid, but just the flu, he would have expected me to get up no matter how I felt, and prepared his meals. Sheesh. I stayed wayyyy too long.
He accused me of being a covert narcissist when I stayed away no contact after he brutally discarded me over and over with extreme verbal abuse and aggression. He’d alway hover me back from new numbers. Now I moved away and nearly 2 months no contact. He had several parallel lives with others while with me.
I am currently dealing with this. She is dating one guy and gaslighting another, while flirting with an 18yr old. Meanwhile, she hates that I don't talk to her.
I was about 4 weeks recovering from hip surgery, when my beloved dog McGee took a turn for the worse and was dying (kidney failure) I held him all day, and bathed him and stayed by his side. My husband complained about ordering and picking up pizza for dinner. I moved to the side porch where there was a breeze to help McGee’s comfort. He brought out the pizza and whined about “where am I suppose to sit”🙄 Late in the evening McGee started to have convulsions , I was scared out of my mind, it was Labor Day weekend, and the vets were closed, I was crying and trying, to console my dog, and my husband was snapping at me, he’s a former EMT I needed assurance that McGee wasn’t in pain, I reached out to my sister who’s a nurse for help, and my husband want ballistic! He yelled, and threatened to leave, told me to find a lawyer then walked over and disconnected my phone. I was in shock, all I wanted was strong arms to hold me and help give 10:51 McGee peaceful passing. He left for a couple of hours. I haven’t been able to shake what happened that night.
RiP McGee... your narc snapped when you reached out to your nurse sister who has medical/drug knowledge... nothing snaps faster than a guilty narcopath! My experience may help you, one narc poisoned 2 x dogs jealous of freedom walks imagining an affair, jealous of the bond- the fur started turning green with both before they died a slow death the final day, also convulsing. very strange. Another poisoned his wife over a long period of time, he took her to all appointments and played the poor martyr! He let everyone believe it was cancer but they never found out what killed her... I was spiked at least 3 times. Don't confront them, just plan your exit quietly and stay safe 🙏
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your sweet dog was of more value than the selfish Narc. Mine was to busy going to the bar when I was losing and lost my sweet Momma/Best Friend. I can never forgive him for that and will never go back!! Never!! Prayers for you 🙏🙏🙏
I am sorry.....my parents abandoned a golden retriever that I nursed through cancer had to have euthanized and they screwed me on all the vet bills. I am so sorry the dogs are better than these sickos. Hugs and understanding.
If i was sick my narc would get very distant and would never help me. He would get contemptuous. He purposely did things that he knew what get an emtional reaction of out of me. Its sickening to say the least. I can now see it was all deliberate. He would never even acknowledge our anniversary or my birthday and even Christmas. He was covert and it took me years to see it. Now im trauma bonded and even when i go no contact i have intrusive unwanted negative thoughts and realizations. Weeks of waking up with panic attacks. Its very difficult
Currently going through divorce. Was raged at then given silent treatment. Now have vast Amts of money being withdrawn from accounts, and am currently packing up house by myself, while he says he’s giving me “space”.
I dealt with the silent treatment and the "I forgot ". He always forgot to pay the electric bill. I would have to pay bill to avoid shut off. Dealt with all these.
Pathologically narcissistic personalities are very punitive. This means they desire to punish others for the things that they believe that others have done to them. They're easily offended, easily insulted, easily angered and often feel rejected or attacked. They assign the blame for their feelings to other people and if the feelings are negative narcissists seek to punish these others for what they've supposedly done, which is considered by The Narcissist to be incredibly unreasonably wrong and terrible. A crime of this magnitude simply cannot be allowed to stand. The other person absolutely must be punished for it.. This is in part due to the size and Constitution of the pathologically narcissistic ego which is both enormous and almost absurdly fragile. This is a very bad combination because that makes it easy to damage and impossible to avoid. Not only do they think virtually everything is to or for or because of or about them because their ego is huge, but because it's so fragile virtually everything insults, offends hurts or upsets them. It can be so severe that it comes across as what looks like paranoia or even delusional thinking. It's made even worse by the fact that because this type of personality is so self-focused and so egocentric they generally cannot see any other interpretation of the facts even when proof is right in front of them. It simply does not compute. That they're not the reason for or the center of the situation or the event and why would it compute after all they're the center of everything, if anyone claims otherwise they're often accused of lying or being manipulative. When the ego has been damaged it screams for vengeance. As we mature we learn to address things in better more productive, more pro-social ways. We might still be very angry or might still feel that someone should face consequences for what they've done but healthy adults don't usually attempt to punish other adults themselves. Narcissists are of course not healthy adults. We often find that much of their head space is taken up with seething about and trying to find ways to punish people they believe have wronged them somehow. This punishment can include things that are just kind of annoying or childish to things that are outright malicious and dangerous. Not only do most people mature into dealing with things in a better way, most people have a balanced idea of which consequences would fit a situation. For narcissists this ability can be pretty affected. These are people who might believe it's perfectly fine to burn down somebody's house over a bad review at work or to kill somebody for giving them a dirty look. They might not all act on these things of course but we often find that most don't seem to recognize limits when it comes to punishing others or think anything is too excessive when it comes to The Misfortune that befalls people they believe have wronged them. Most adults also realize that punishing other adults comes with its own drawbacks and might end up hurting themselves as well in the process. Pathologically narcissistic people either do not realize this or do not care. They are perfectly willing to cut off their own nose to spite their own face, often repeatedly. Narcissistic people can end up actually doing more damage to themselves in the long run because their constant punitive actions may eventually result in people refusing to deal with them at all anymore leaving them with nobody who will put up with their behavior. They either don't realize that or they do but they're not willing or able to stop themselves from doing it when they feel that they've been wronged. Their ego is just too big and it's just too much of a force in their lives. One of the most difficult things to deal with when you're dealing with narcissistic people is the level of punishment involved in these relationships. Whether it is physically assaulting you , smearing you to other people behind your back, freezing you out in cold silence, calling you names, throwing Tantrums when they don't get their way, doing things on purpose to make you angry or jealous, disappearing to worry upset or scare you, trying to make you feel guilty or otherwise bad, withholding things that you want or need, destroying your stuff, cheating on you or anything else.. there has most likely been a large amount of punitive behavior on the part of the narcissistic person you're dealing with you've likely seen some of these things in some ways, The drive to punish appears to be multifaceted in narcissists. One is the involvement of the ego. This is sometimes known as a narcissistic injury and it's the basis of most of the rage you see in these personalities even when you can't figure out what the injury is or how they got it. The ego of narcissist is extremely fragile which means it is essentially perpetually injured. Even things as small as saying "hello" in what they perceive to be a "wrong" tone of voice offends and hurts and insults and injures these personalities on a level that non-narcissistic people probably cannot even begin to understand. They are constantly scanning situations for things that are intended to upset, hurt insult or offend them and of course they find these things when you think the only person anyone is ever talking or thinking about is you then everything they say and do is about you somehow. Sometimes they take an innocuous or unrelated comment to be about something that they're hiding or refusing to admit and they inadvertently reveal that through their anger or by trying to defend themselves. This happens because it's what the comment meant to them, it's what they were thinking about and they just assume this is also what you meant and what you were thinking about. No one else exists except for them. Another component of the drive to punish appears to be the idea that punishing others is associated with power and control. If you are in the position of meeting out punishment you have all the power, similar to being the parent in this situation. The person who is Doling out the punishment is the boss they have all the power and control in the situation. If you're the Punisher you're righteous and best of all Justified...you're not bad, the other person's bad, you're not wrong the other person's wrong, you have done nothing to deserve punishment the other person deserves the punishment. They must be powerful, they must be in control, they must be righteous and Justified.. above all they must not be bad, not be wrong and not be the villain in any situation. Being in the righteous position to punish others meets every single one of these criteria and the reality is many of them enjoy causing and paying to other people it makes them feel powerful, something they don't feel in general and which they desire very much but often lack the fortitude or ability to demonstrate to capture. Narcissists are very much like children in this way.. They feel powerless and unable to affect change in any real way on any real thing so they play their little punishment power games and feel like they might actually be somebody for a while. Another component oin the drive to punish others is the reality that narcissistic personalities are unhappy, miserable, raging, infantile people who can do nothing with all of that misery and rage except dump it out onto others. They cannot hold it or process it or do anything with it at all except dump it. It isn't enough just to release it, somebody has to receive it and to take it. somebody has to be to blame for it, somebody has to answer for it or it can't be dumped. Narcissists require others to take their pain, angre, shame, frustration, failure, their inability. Someone has to answer for all these things and it can't be the narcissist themselves. They cannot tolerate that, It is possible that many are not even capable of it by now. They must simply offload these things onto other people and the things must be received or they can't be gone. You are the person who's required to take all of these things. I f you don't you are considered to be a bad person who doesn't care or whatever else will make you feel bad enough to take it.
IPart of the reason narcissists punish others is because they believe others are punishing them. This is a very common theme with pathologically narcissistic personalities that they're being excessively punished, persecuted or otherwise unfairly treated. It's likely that in many situations they really believe that, Realistically they seem to have no real belief that they've ever done anything wrong and even if they will agree that they have any level of consequences is deemed unfairly punitive and even persecutory. This seems to happen in part because they themselves are so punitive and in part because they have so much self-loathing and shame they assume punishment is not only warranted but inevitable, Bad people deserve punishment. The mindset of the narcissist regarding how they treat other people and or regarding how they believe they're being treated by others, whoever hands out the punishment has all the power and in the all-consuming power dynamics in the world of narcissistic people you're either one or the other. Another parrt of the reason why narcissists punish other people so harshly is that in their projected self-loathing. This is the punishment they deem necessary for the crime that has been committed and they have to project it on to you. You're the one that committed the crime. Narcissists tend not to see consequences as naturally occurring or understandable predictable things that result from one's own choices and behavior, but as things that are being done to them by somebody else as punishments. They resent that very much so they punish you back essentially and the relationship becomes one long power struggle where the narcissist becomes more and more resentful, Angry, offended and feels more and more controlled oppressed or smothered and encroached upon by the other person. The punishment from these people never ends they never forget anything that they believe you've done to them and they will never let you live it down. There's no forgiveness, good faith, benefit of the doubt, justendless punishment for the failure to match up to the Perfect Image they erroneously created of you in the beginning. In normal relationships between people there is a period of idealization, it's usually not as Intense or as unrealistic as the idealization in a relationship with a narcissist but it does still happen. People end up seeing each other more realistically and then they adjust to the realistic idea of the other person. With narcissists this does not happen. There is no way to come back from this original loss of esteem in the narcissist's eyes due to their psychological rigidity and their lack of understanding regarding whole object relations. They have no ability to reconcile the real you with the image of you that they created. They see your failure to live up to this as incredibly upsetting and shocking. It is not uncommon for narcissists to accuse people of tricking them or lying to them for not being what the narcissist thought they were. There is no way to make them understand that you didn't pretend to be anything they just had the wrong idea about who and what you were. Their assumptions are seen as knowledge and a contradiction to these assumptions is viewed as lying or manipulation on anybody else's part. You have fooled them in a very vicious and cruel way you pretended to be caring and kind and perfect and you're not. You lied to them you made them look stupid you tricked them you embarrass them that needs to be answered for. Somebody is going to have to pay for that and it isn't going to be them. Some narcissists leave or cut off relationships when this happens but many others do not . Indeed they will resist to ending the relationship very strenuously and pursue reattachment continuously while at the same time punishing and attacking the other person relentlessly talking about how horrible both the relationship and the other person are. People often become totally frustrated and end up asking if I'm so terrible if it's also bad then why don't we just end the relationship? why are you still here? why do you insist on staying together? The Narcissist often responds to this with even more abuse and or begins accusing the other person of trying to abandon or discard them instead of answering what is actually a very valid and reasonable question. The answer appears to be that narcissists literally need other people for survival. They need other people to take delivery of their nasty little packages. They are dependent and not able to cope with very much at all if they don't have somebody who will do that. They also don't appear to be able to experience themselves except through the reactions and the input of other people. In in a very sad irony the worse they can claim that a relationship is and believe a relationship is the better it makes them feel. Many of them are trying to recreate some old power dynamic that they can now achieve the upper hand in thereby finally "winning" over a caregiver or some other perceived enemy from their past. Other people are dragged into this conflict unwillingly and installed into roles as they did not agree to or even know about, unwittingly playing out parts that were created way before they ever came along and receiving punishment that really belongs to somebody else. Narcissist narcissistic personalities do not see other people for who they are and they don't see why it's necessary so they have no desire to learn how to do that. These are very simple almost primitive personalities that are Guided by very complex forces that they do not appear to understand in the least or even care about trying to understand. They just react to what they perceive to be happening without appearing to ask themselves why or even exploring things to see if they make any sense. They appear to believe that their conclusion is always correct and therefore their reaction is always appropriate. They simply do not recognize limits in any form, either for their own behavior or pertaining to other people. They are like children in this way reacting to Big feelings with no breaks or controls at all and no understanding of why they should even have any. You hurt me and now I will hurt you, you made me feel bad now I will make you feel bad. There's no understanding or even acknowledgment that their feelings are coming from inside of them and might not even be related to the other person or any external events at all. They seem to believe their feelings are solely generated by things outside of themselves. This is dangerous because these are unhappy, mean-spirited, envious, frightened people who are almost always in the grip of some negative feeling that they need somebody to answer for. This is why in these relationships the punishment never ends. They are always unhappy and it is always someone else's fault. You're not being punished for your behavior that's a justification because they can't understand their own emotional reactions and they immediately assume that someone else must have done something to cause these emotional reactions so they look around for what that something was. They will always find it because you can always make something sound or look bad whenever you try. Also don’t confuse intensity of emotion with depth of emotion. Emotional intensity is not an indication of emotional depth. Toddlers display emotional intensity but not emotional depth. Just because an emotion is "big" doesn't mean it is meaningful or important, or anything else. It just means it's big. In narcissists, this is a red flag for emotional disregulation and perhaps emotional immaturity. It is not a sign of emotional depth. It's similar to the way toddlers experience emotions. They are big and they are strong, but they are fleeting. You can often distract and defuse a toddler during a tantrum with a knock knock joke. You can also do that with adult narcissists at times if you throw them an emotional curve ball during a tantrum. That's probably not a coincidence. The majority of these personalities are boring, hollow, and have no insight into why they do anything at all. Their behaviour makes no more sense to them than it does to you, and their nowhere near as curious about it than you are. Their is nothing to learn in the relationship and nothing more to see. Its simply the idiot cycling of empty machinery. What depth they may have (if any) is not accessible - to them or anyone else. Many narcissists appear to be almost afraid of their emotions and reactions or ashamed of them as if they believe that only bad people have bad feelings, so this has to be blamed on somebody else. I don't have bad feelings, I'm not a bad person.. you are making me have bad feelings therefore you are the bad person. you're not being punished for your behavior or anything you've actually done, you're being punished for their feelings. This is a primitive personality, They don't know how to treat people and they are not interested in learning. They only care about getting what they want and if this hurts or inconvenience other people they don't care about that doesn't matter to them. If someone is abusive, disrespectfu, they're unable to communicate and if they're not interested in improving any of these things there really isn't any other choice but to leave the relationship unless you are willing to tolerate being treated badly. The only thing you realistically can do in these situations is decide if you are going to tolerate someone constantly dumping their psychic emotional garbage onto you because they can't deal with it themselves. .You don't have to tolerate that, it's not your responsibility or even your place to take care of another adult's emotions for them. It doesn't have to be your problem too.
My ex was covert with a sprinkle of overt he once literally said “just act right, and listen to me” he would try to make me seem like I’m the problem after he started 90% of arguments.
Ex wife always telling me to make a doctors appointment. Finally did a found out I was type 2 diabetic. Three weeks later discarded and ghosted. I was hurt but it was because I was so naive. This is the one I asked to marry me. She was a pro doing what she did. I forgive myself because I didn’t know it was a game. Didn’t lose anything that was good in my life as I understand she was just mirroring me. I have plenty of mirrors here and now I know the game. After she left me when I was upset, I was told to stop communicating with people that know us because it isn’t gonna end well for me and was also told that isn’t a threat. My experience triggered something in me to seek a relationship with god. Some may laugh about that. When you think about all the crap good people go through in toxic relationships why do we love them. My personal feeling is that toxic individuals do everything that god says is detestable to him. Look it up. It seems like everything in this world is good versus bad. Most of us that have been in a toxic relationship probably are good people. Most good people believe in God because they have goodness in their heart. So I’m now a god fearing man and picking the side that doesn’t end in a lake of fire, because that would suck. I would just like to say I don’t belong to any religion I don’t even own a Bible. I always wonder why all these good people out here in the world can’t find each other instead were all screwed up in the head from a toxic relationship unable to date again So we become crazy cat ladies. Hermits get weird with their spiritual awakening. I pray we all heal and love again
Ruined all special events, or never even planned or was interested in any special occasions in the first place. Only wanted to go on special trips or vacations with his college buddies or siblings. Never anything I wanted to do.
I am happy that you explain so much. My dad use to beat me up when he had no controle over me. I learned a lot about myself and the anger in our family line and was more busy with that then what my dad done wrong to me. So when I was 23 I realised the impact and confronted him. He says he can not remember it and says that i always made problems so i am the problem. Strangly he does remember asking forgiveness after and that I forgave him (i was like 10) so he says "you should talk to someone that has forgiven properly because I don't think you done it right". He makes himself the victim of me towards my family and they believe and support him. Sometimes I feel like I am in a weird movie and watching it all play out like we are stuck in a bad script but are not allowed to improvise. I just couldn't believe my dad as a covert narcissist so now at 36 I am finally that far. I hope he one day comes to the realisation and is willing to change. It sucks to be abused by him but it also sucks seeing him abuse himself with all the lies.
He never forgot to get me things at the store. What he would do is if I was going to the store he'd say he needs nothing when I would ask but then text me things he wanted or needed just before I would leave the store knowing that my phone was on silent ( because I basically wasn't allowed to have texts or calls when I was with him) and set me up to fail at getting what he needed to make me look bad.
Yes. 100% yes. This has been my experience, all while being fully aware that I was deliberately being punished whenever i confronted his toxic actions, behavior, and dishonesty, Sadly, you are correct about a toxic bond..oops I meant trauma bond (same thing basically 😅) being created to put up with this abusive cycle. I'm finally breaking free (One week of no contact so far) Help .......
Yes my partner would sometimes on his lunch break but when I was sick he would not call at all and come home late and say he is tired and got nurofen for me this one time 😮
Insidious! Covert style I believe. That book explains alot!! Read it to help you understand what is going behind of their movies they secretly make after a severe narcissist injury.
Made me feel as I was crazy like something was wrong with me always act like he did not know what I was talking about I looked through his phone he's on every dating site and then when I confront him with these things that were never talked about he always plays the victim and he always turned it around on me like your parents were right you need to get some help everything if its not about Steve he didn't care
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When I try to explain it to people, who don't see it - even when it's happening right in front of them... I feel so crazy. And since it is triggering for me... I am the one that seems unhinged. Gray Rock. Gray Rock. Gray Rock.
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Along with all the usual--financial domination, rage tantrums whenever I brought up my feelings of the hurt he caused me, the silent treatment, the lies, the cheating, the reactive abuse, the endless gaslighting--my narc's favorite daily tricks were, first, to mumble answers and require I ask after them and then repeating what he'd said in an angry over loud voice, and second, to remain silent after I'd asked him a question or thanked him and, when asked if he'd heard me, angrily replying that he'd said something, whether answering my question or saying I was welcome. Though I never told him, I often caught him with the latter--his lips would remain still. I knew perfectly well he'd said nothing. He did both of these things in an attempt to make me suspect my hearing was failing. It wasn't. And it isn't. And it's only with him that I have ever had these issues; and it was only ever to me that he did these things--I know; I found videos he'd recorded with friends he'd never meant for me to find on my computer: he speaks very clearly and at a perfectly reasonable volume with everyone else just fine. The pity of it is, so much of his narc behavior to acquire supply--in this case, gaslighting me to feel powerful and dominant from believing himself controlling me by making me question my hearing--was like my looking down at a five-year-old angrily looking up at me with chocolate staining his lips insisting that he didn't steal and eat my chocolate bar. He was too stupid to understand that he only disappointed me with his behavior. He is a very, very, very stupid man. Feel free to tell him I said so! No, here--let me: Peter? You know that sickly little voice shrieking in the void inside you forever telling you that you're not good enough? Listen to it. It's telling you the truth.
Mine consistently "forgot" what I asked for from the store. When I had my hysterectomy and was released from the hospital, instead of taking me home he drove me all over multiple towns before getting my pain medication and then was furious with me after I was so sick from pain that I couldn't eat the soup he prepared me.
Definitely the text messages. I would say, did you get my stuff from the shop. She'd say oh I've just seen this message. And the sick part as well. It was awful and toxic.....
Oh yes, had a severe concussion from a fall, he took me to er, was told what to do, got home 🏡 and he began a project in garage. Couldn't have cared less. That was it for me!
My narcissistic husband is being punished in the grave since he died of brain cancer two years ago after 31 years of marriage. God likes to punish devil's 😂😂😂.
Yes, he walked out on me and our 5 kids 3 days before i needed to have hip surgery ( torn labrum.) Then he lied about paying the rent for 5 months. My children and i got evicted. I found out by the sherif calling me. Then i called and met with the landlord. She told me he hadn't paid the rent for 5 months. Interesting, though how he had an apartment at downstairs from his mother's house. He planned this while lying to me about buying the house we rented. I had to take care of the kids, shopping ect...while he went out and had a good time,spending it down this bar hole, obsessed with this barfly. Who he would flirt with right in front of me. The only time he would stop by was to have sex even while i was still healing from surgery, yes i know, my bad. But i missed him and he said we would be back together. Lol. What a dumb ass i felt like. He would say he was working and didn't or got out early. I know this because i would have a bad feeling and call his work. What a caniving moron, he was. He didnt take care of anything but his needs and even those needs were and are still superficial. I had to move by myself and when i stored things in the garage he would come at night and take thing's. Even though the judge told him not too. He got away with alot because of his position of power in law enforcement. So many many sad , mean and deceitful things he has done over 25 yrs. It has taken such a toll on me and my family. Then he alienated our youngest daughter from me, by mindf ing her so young, only 6. I have PTSD and suffer from depression and anxiety and panic attacks . But , i still had to carry on. He has so many flying monkeys and he can have them, because anyone that will believe a one sided story is an idiot. Not , one member of his family even cared to ask my side. And yes, i did react badly to the lies, gaslighting, cheating and mind fuckery. But, hey I am an Aries , so much empathy , until you have done me dirty once to many times. Thats when i see red. Funny because it is my favorite color, until its the only color i see. Dont f with my head you cowardice dick. I dont need an army of The Stupid Squad. I come alone to fight my battles. I might have been dumb but im not a coward.
I am just wondering lately if he was punishing me for moving to a community and house I liked and he wanted to stay where we were but most our family agreed with me. It seems ever since then he started to treat me differently but would say he likes the house
My ex “forgot” many things. He “forgot” to invite his mom to our daughters 8th grade graduation yesterday. When he moved out, he left EVERYTHING to fall on my lap. He didn’t even tell his mom about our situation so I had to tell her why he suddenly moved into her home. I had to rent a truck and pay to move all his sh*t out our house cause he kept putting it off. Now the new thing he says is “I’m too broke”- too broke to spend more time with our girls, to do anything AND guess who is blamed for his “brokenness” 😑 He has a fulltime job with amazing benefits & has 2 gym memberships and new clothes. He’s full of sh*t. I’ll never fall for it again
Mine would asked me if I needed anything and still wouldn't get it and they were already in line to pay for the stuff. So the next time they ask I said nevermind you're not going to get it anyway I've learned not to ask you for anything.
If a narc you are dating asks you how you deal with punctuality t hats a red flag. Don’t disrespect my time and be late! He knew this. Just laugh it of and realize they eventually do this on purpose years later. Never tell a guy how you feel about them being late in the beginning of a relationship and or dating.👈🏻👈🏻👈🏻👈🏻 💯
I couldn’t resonate to this video more if I tried… unfortunately 😮💨 Ben, thank you for putting out this content, I’ve been watching your videos for months and I feel like they have honestly saved my life in the lowest of low moments, thank you for sharing your story ❤
Is it possible that the Narc abuser actually just wants to keep things pleasant so they won't express their disappointment or needs with us? There have been times that they may have been really disappointed with the way I handled a situation - and they will passively try to pass comments. If I try to pick up on the hints and confront them, they will deny it - and will say that they'll talk about things when they are ready to. In their minds they have perhaps been too disappointed and are already moving on but in reality they will continue to talk and interact as if nothing has happened and confuse you. All the while, I have felt like discussing the matters so I bring it up every once a while, but that is counted against me - because that goes against that feeling of pleasant. Now if confrontation is such an issue, then I believed that trying indirect communication might be the solution with them - but that actually makes matters worse. So basically, there is no way to have a decent communication about our needs or their needs without being shut down or discarded.
How can i get out of my marraige He says i ruined our marraige and i dont deserve to be loved but he wont give mecacdivorce and refuses to talk about it.He says im the problem because i keep it going. Im like if you hate me so much then divorce me.. I told him i dont want anything from him..just my stuff that i bought. He says if i divorce him he will make sure i end up in a cardboard box. He says my son whos a married father of four and happy is a failure because he wont help him control me or take his side. My son stays out of it thank God but that also means I have no support but id rather he be safe fron my husband turning him against me. How can i get out unscaved? I dont want the war Theres nothing to fight for He controlls everything I literally live without any physical touch or sex or kindness or communication. Ive spent my entire relationship trying to figure out why he says im not good enough for him. He has told me 1000 time im worthless trash but wont divorce me. And when i wanna bring it up ..im a problem!! Wtf? I cant keep loving a man that refuses to love me but says he does What is the answer.?
Mine loves to punish me with the silent treatment, stone walling and by pulling away. He loves calling me names and playing the victim too. So glad that I walked away from that. I'm still trying to get through the Withdrawals from him still and it's painful. 139 days of no contact so far.
Good for you! Keep going strong!! There is healthy and better. You deserve a healthy love! We all do ❤❤❤
I was punishment with the silent treatment, I didn't not know that was a form of abuse. I put up with his BS for 20 years, it been over a year now, I have filed for a divorce, I'm in therapy, and I'm moving on with my life. Thank you jesus, thank you Ben, God bless ❤
Keep going! You are doing great! You deserve the best x
Helpful hint. Write down some of the things that you used to deal with. Things you couldn't stand about him. Times you felt depressed or sick.
Refer to list when you feel lonely and inclined to reminisce on the good parts. It will help remind you that you are worthy of being truly loved and not manipulated.
3 years and three weeks, 100% no contact. And yes, it still hurts. I've never doubted it was the right decision, not once, but the hole in my soul is real.
Silent treatment but it backfired on him. I loved the silence
This resonates with me so much. Until recently, I always assumed narcissists were outwardly and vocally hateful. Learning about converts has painfully opened my eyes. Lying, cheating, silent treatment, lack of empathy, and support. No contact day 1.
Yeah that’s was my mistake too, I felt somewhat safe because I was like, this person doesn’t talk to me rudely or shout or anything but then I wouldn’t be able to tell they were mad and punishing me subtly
How are you doing with NO CONTACT. Hope you are thriving and living YOUR LIFE.
There with you sister, my handicap however is I'm having to work with her while I find my new job. But keep on, hold strong and you'll realize the longer you keep consistent you'll will start remembering the things you truly loved before the illusion happened.
So right on! He sabotaged every plan, every holiday, and family time. It got so bad, I had to stop being with people, because he would ruin time together, and shame me. I was manipulated to think I was selfish for having people over or family time together. That was the beginning, The brutal mental attacks, verbal abuse, intimacy withheld, and the ‘endless’ accusations, from previous relationships, to I couldn’t do anything right, I was basically stupid, or ignorant. 34 years of it. I’m taking back my power and living my life. I have been for awhile, now! I’m here, but now I know who he is! I’m giving myself permission to live and stand firmly in my own opinions, faith and decision making. All his continual telling me what to do and how I should do this or that, of course his way, with the added criticism, I am done with it! I see it for what it is! Control! I choose not to give him control any more!
Ghost, silent treatment! Never, blame it on DEPRESSION. They are running around behind your back.👈🏻
I sometimes felt that his love-bombing was punishment in itself because he could take it away at any time. 🍒
Yes!! Absolutely YES!!
Or.... they punish you for making them "have to" lovebomb you 😳😳🙃🙃
That is what It was.
The whole relationship is a joke. For 4 years it was nothing but constant love bomb devalue discard
Mostly punishment as silent treatment
It’s completely unsustainable!
It leaves a person trauma bonded the constant chemicals of oxytocin, dopamine and cortisol makes it really addicting it's been compared to an addiction of opioids. It's painful. I was raised with breadcrumbing and so I understand how it is to keep waiting for the tidbits of love , attention or any kind of validation. It never lasted long. Healing is possible. I had to go no contact and work on my own mental health as I ended up with bpd because of living a very traumatic childhood. Hurt people hurt people. It doesn't make ok but I understand my mom will never change or take accountability. I choose to do the opposite. Change and glow up. My son deserves it.
Best thing you can do is go no contact.
If only I had this information and knowledge 20 years ago, I could have saved myself a lifetime of heartbreak and stress💔. After 31years married to a covert narcissist, being divorced now, your videos are tremendously helpful in making sense of the insanity of my life that was. Thank you Ben🙏
Yes! Coverts operate in the grey area, the plausible deniability area. Everything they say and do can be explained away or justified easily. It drives you nuts because they are very subtle with their manipulations. Eventually coverts do let their mask slip and you see more overt behavior and attitudes. Its just a matter of time. It took 7 years to get out of their cycle for me.
💯
All true silent treatment, acting like he doesn't remember/didn't hear, angry when i got sick. However I had to take control of money as he kept spending all our money on drugs,alcohol, cigarettes leaving little for food. Then he would tell his enabling family and friends that i am too controlling. I had to do/manage everything.
I've experienced ALL of this especially neglect and ignore when im.sick or need anything. Mine was physically, mentally, verbally and emotionally abusive
That silent treatment tho🥺 I learned from the masters and now it’s a coping mechanism… when things go wrong I go mute
I still couldn’t talk for 3 years after I left. The day he moved out of state I could freely speak again. Like a dark cloud lifted.
He was a big one for playing dumb, pretending he didn’t understand.
I don’t know what you mean. Was one of he’s favorite replies.
Mine does this all of the time. He gives me this confused look and then says I’m just trying to understand. Why are you so defensive?
Everything you said, is what I’ve been living with! After my cervical fusion,he was gone from 6am -8 pm I have 3 dogs, then I had a heartattack and then triple bypass surgery, I almost died when my chest was filling up with fluid,had they not drained it,I would’ve been dead within 2 hours! I was on bed rest for 3 weeks and he couldn’t bother to leave me water and food! I lost 50 lbs! My health has gone down the drain and I’m in constant pain. So I have decided not to take my meds anymore! Without them I should be gone within a month! So please get away asap,anyone who has health problems
can recover, but not if you stay! Good luck everyone 🙏
Just checking in.. Are you okay?
I too am concerned. I sincerely hope you’re with us 🌷
I lived this for 13 years. Still learning the truth , have been separated for 2 years now. Still struggling with trauma bond and rumination
Mine wasn’t forgetful, but was WAY BAD about not being helpful when I was sick. But then expected me to take care of him when he was sick….without any acknowledgment.
Mine is still trying to punishing me be refusing to talk to me 😅😅 the funny thing is he don’t get is that’s exactly what I want. I have moved on and he is still believing he is punishing me. He will open his eyes one day and relise I am long gone 🤣🤣
All of this resonates very strongly with me. It took me over 20 years before I began to realize what was happening.
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You are 100% in order ...... all you narrated are the things I lived .
I think this is one of the best informative videos. I think my Narc is a Covert. Punishment withholding money, affection and yes I resonate with this
1000%%% accurate. oh man…. Textbook. Hit home.
This is 100% my relationship! My eyes are open now and it’s frightening.
Oh yes!!! Mine malignant though… he literally can’t hide his amusement as he drives me of the cliff emotionally, financially, socially and physically..
I am living the same life
I have had so many experiences with my husband being so unsympathetic and out right abandoning me when i was ill and or in hospital. No genuine comfort or support. Making a big deal out of me needing him to show up for me. Yet, his mother is in hospital (non life threatening) and he has spent 9 or more hours a day with her not leaving her side. While i am happy he is there for her offering her support I would like the same consideration and concern for me. The feeling of being of so little worth is a heartbreaking reminder.
Wow
Although these kinda things happen often...
An example happened just today!
This just once again confirms this crazy "phenomenon" 😮
Yes , sadly Almost everything you said in this video resonates with me 😢
It's never too late to begin your healing journey! Join our free masterclass and discover how to break free from toxic relationships here www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass..
I have experienced all the above I've been no contact for a few months this is real it's not a dream they are what they show you behind closed doors be safe and choose you get out while you can God bless you 🙏 ❤️
You described some of the subtle ways of abuse I dealt with. I provided him with so many excuses for his behavior--swept them under the rug. Once he ghosted me, I was fortunate to quickly learn of covert narcissism. I considered him inhumane and game over. No desire at that point to gain closure to the sudden ghosting. Karma (and the new girlfriend 20 yrs younger) can deal with him now. Good riddance!
I resonate with everything. It was that toxic wow.....
Yes, this has ABSOLUTELY happened to me! I’m going to get the book!
The silence is huge with my husband. He was once silent with me for a whole year after I found put about his affair. He missed the birth of our daughter and when he showed up he wouldn't hold her or acknowledge me.
Yes my ex used money for leverage and control me financially. The house was not paid down but he bought over $ 114k in baseball cards in one year. Or calling me to tell me that I couldn’t buy groceries because we were short while I find out that he had spent $7800 that month for baseball cards on three occasions. Found out during the divorce. I could write a book on what he did. So exhausting! I’m so much better off now. I’ve experienced it all.
From what I experienced from my ex who is a sociopath imo, had me believing that I had to prove myself loyal and loving to the point that I didn't realize how unloyal, unloving and uncaring he was until the last year of our 6 year relationship.
My ex has done so many of the things you have used as an example. He's still trying to punish me after all of the abuse he put myself and my children through. We share a child together as well and have joint custody. The punishment never seems to end and he has a new supply which I told him I'm happy because now I can breathe and move on. He's stalked me in the past. Anyway, I've been ignoring all of the negativity that comes with the punishment and I've been healing while moving on with life. Until, today when our 5 year old started calling me all of these mean things that sounds exactly like what my ex did and does say to me. My 5 year old confirmed to me that his Dad did in fact tell him these horrible things about me. I don't like that he's bringing our child into it but I haven't said anything and won't because I know he's baiting me. Idu, why my ex can't just focus on his new supply and leave me be but I know why. I just had to get that off my chest and hope this educates someone else.
That definitely happened to me he has done this also through my kids
My husband always forgot whatever I wanted from the store or said they were sold out we were together 13 years eventually in the last year I wised up finally, and started to call the store to say do you have coffee cream? Do you have orange juice? Are you sold out of vanilla ice cream? And every single time it was there it was available he was lying.
I totally relate to all these. It is all clear now that I know. The strange thing is that I always thought my ex was so similar to my mother's behaviour, now I know that my ex is a passive agressive covert narc ,my mother and most of my other exes are overt narcs.
I can finally protect myself and my kid,and take really good care of both of us.
I've given up the fantasy that these people will ever change. I wish they could see your work and progress Ben. Thank you! 🙏
I say or do something that displease him and he suddenly would dump the food I made into the garbage and tell me to get out of his place. He looked at me with disgust with I don't agree with him and said I have to see things from his point of view. It was so degrading to my soul. I am so thankful we never lived together because I would end up homeless.
Happen to me 100 %. House is going on market now. Trying to break free. He’s in the smearing campaign phase because he no longer has control over me. I yellow walled him as long as I could. And yesterday I finally had a melt down. He triggered me big time. Every time I move forward it becomes very intense because I have fear of abandonment. But because of watching you for months and going to therapy, it’s pushed me to still move forward. He’s now onto the smearing campaign. I knew it was coming. Im so hurt and angry. If it wasn’t bad enough to find out i have him my everything and he was never in real love with me, but then to constantly be punished for through manipulation and smearing is beyond words 😢
Hi there, I would like to invite you to our free masterclass to learn how to break free from toxic relationship - go to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass
Going through It right now with female covert narcissist silent treatment, stonewalling,
@Randall Glatt I need to remember this advice 👍
I hope you are doing well and finding time to heal
@@RawMotivations likewise.
Oh my so much of this relates to the relationship with my husband, I thought I was listening to my life in review. I finally filed for divorce 6 weeks ago and oh my , he stated living the house for work and returning the next morning every day now including weekends so he does not sleep here anymore. He thinks he is punishing me as usual. And I am happy he does not sleep here. Have been through so much for these 15 years I spent with him, I can write a book on my personal experience and how being married to a narcissist affects you. Thank you Raw Motivation for opening my eyes to all this.
Thank you! This video helped me to get confirmations of what I already knew. God bless!
Glad it was helpful!
That book transformed my life - it's incredible. It was like it was written to describe my relationship with my Aunt (who was a CPAN). It literally was like St Paul with the scales falling from his eyes.
Same. It was a big “ohh” moment after ten years of confusion.
Death by a thousands cuts ☠️ he constantly would use the excuse “I forgot”
One time he “forgot” to put my middle name on the name changing papers when we changed our last name.
Another time he shut off my alarm and let me oversleep for an important appointment because he felt sorry for me that I was so tired 🤦♀️
Story of my life ! But for the grace of God !!!
Mine would never get me the gift I wanted. He would get exactly what he asked for and I would get things he wanted or similar but not what I asked. I would even give links and or pictures. Like this year I asked for a zippered robe. I get a robe with a tie.
Thanks for this video. I've learnt alot from narcicissits.... and still continue to on my journey. Endured the silent treatment, anger issues, emotionally abuse behaviours, being ignored, blocked and GHOSTED. The narcissist playing the victim along with gas lighting, manipulation and mind games! Also feeling neglected and unworthiness. it's making me REALIZE how I need to behave with such people right now and in the future! 😊💖🙏.
When I was sick with covid, my ex never even offered to get me a glass of water. I was left to fend for myself for the duration of the illness... about a week. If it wouldn't have been covid, but just the flu, he would have expected me to get up no matter how I felt, and prepared his meals. Sheesh. I stayed wayyyy too long.
He accused me of being a covert narcissist when I stayed away no contact after he brutally discarded me over and over with extreme verbal abuse and aggression. He’d alway hover me back from new numbers. Now I moved away and nearly 2 months no contact. He had several parallel lives with others while with me.
See if they forget their own things at the store, break their own things, how they treat others when sick compared to you, etc 💙🙏🏻💙
I am currently dealing with this. She is dating one guy and gaslighting another, while flirting with an 18yr old. Meanwhile, she hates that I don't talk to her.
I was about 4 weeks recovering from hip surgery, when my beloved dog McGee took a turn for the worse and was dying (kidney failure) I held him all day, and bathed him and stayed by his side. My husband complained about ordering and picking up pizza for dinner. I moved to the side porch where there was a breeze to help McGee’s comfort. He brought out the pizza and whined about “where am I suppose to sit”🙄
Late in the evening McGee started to have convulsions , I was scared out of my mind, it was Labor Day weekend, and the vets were closed, I was crying and trying, to console my dog, and my husband was snapping at me, he’s a former EMT I needed assurance that McGee wasn’t in pain, I reached out to my sister who’s a nurse for help, and my husband want ballistic! He yelled, and threatened to leave, told me to find a lawyer then walked over and disconnected my phone. I was in shock, all I wanted was strong arms to hold me and help give 10:51 McGee peaceful passing. He left for a couple of hours. I haven’t been able to shake what happened that night.
The mask was dropped. LEAVE! Peace and respect to you. RIP McGee.
RiP McGee... your narc snapped when you reached out to your nurse sister who has medical/drug knowledge... nothing snaps faster than a guilty narcopath!
My experience may help you, one narc poisoned 2 x dogs jealous of freedom walks imagining an affair, jealous of the bond- the fur started turning green with both before they died a slow death the final day, also convulsing. very strange.
Another poisoned his wife over a long period of time, he took her to all appointments and played the poor martyr! He let everyone believe it was cancer but they never found out what killed her...
I was spiked at least 3 times. Don't confront them, just plan your exit quietly and stay safe 🙏
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your sweet dog was of more value than the selfish Narc. Mine was to busy going to the bar when I was losing and lost my sweet Momma/Best Friend. I can never forgive him for that and will never go back!! Never!! Prayers for you 🙏🙏🙏
I am sorry.....my parents abandoned a golden retriever that I nursed through cancer had to have euthanized and they screwed me on all the vet bills. I am so sorry the dogs are better than these sickos. Hugs and understanding.
I’m so sorry you had to go through the loss of McGee, while being attacked by the rant of your husband. I’m so sorry, my heart goes out to you.💔♥️♥️♥️
Punish?
Respect is a value.
If you don’t have any, Get Some!
The day he actually stated he was punishing me, was the day i walked away!
If i was sick my narc would get very distant and would never help me. He would get contemptuous. He purposely did things that he knew what get an emtional reaction of out of me. Its sickening to say the least. I can now see it was all deliberate. He would never even acknowledge our anniversary or my birthday and even Christmas. He was covert and it took me years to see it. Now im trauma bonded and even when i go no contact i have intrusive unwanted negative thoughts and realizations. Weeks of waking up with panic attacks. Its very difficult
Currently going through divorce. Was raged at then given silent treatment. Now have vast Amts of money being withdrawn from accounts, and am currently packing up house by myself, while he says he’s giving me “space”.
My husband does all these things.
I dealt with the silent treatment and the "I forgot ". He always forgot to pay the electric bill. I would have to pay bill to avoid shut off. Dealt with all these.
Any time I called him out for treating me like shit, he punished me with silent treatments and discards. So I got treated like shit no matter what.
yeh im in silent treatment jail. i got extra time for saying "ah silent treatment is fine"
Everything he says in this video has happened to me ALMOST WORD FOR WORD! This shit is real and these types of personalities are dangerous
Pathologically narcissistic personalities are very punitive. This means they desire to punish others for the things that they believe that others have done to them. They're easily offended, easily insulted, easily angered and often feel rejected or attacked. They assign the blame for their feelings to other people and if the feelings are negative narcissists seek to punish these others for what they've supposedly done, which is considered by The Narcissist to be incredibly unreasonably wrong and terrible. A crime of this magnitude simply cannot be allowed to stand. The other person absolutely must be punished for it..
This is in part due to the size and Constitution of the pathologically narcissistic ego which is both enormous and almost absurdly fragile. This is a very bad combination because that makes it easy to damage and impossible to avoid. Not only do they think virtually everything is to or for or because of or about them because their ego is huge, but because it's so fragile virtually everything insults, offends hurts or upsets them. It can be so severe that it comes across as what looks like paranoia or even delusional thinking. It's made even worse by the fact that because this type of personality is so self-focused and so egocentric they generally cannot see any other interpretation of the facts even when proof is right in front of them. It simply does not compute. That they're not the reason for or the center of the situation or the event and why would it compute after all they're the center of everything, if anyone claims otherwise they're often accused of lying or being manipulative. When the ego has been damaged it screams for vengeance. As we mature we learn to address things in better more productive, more pro-social ways. We might still be very angry or might still feel that someone should face consequences for what they've done but healthy adults don't usually attempt to punish other adults themselves.
Narcissists are of course not healthy adults. We often find that much of their head space is taken up with seething about and trying to find ways to punish people they believe have wronged them somehow. This punishment can include things that are just kind of annoying or childish to things that are outright malicious and dangerous. Not only do most people mature into dealing with things in a better way, most people have a balanced idea of which consequences would fit a situation. For narcissists this ability can be pretty affected. These are people who might believe it's perfectly fine to burn down somebody's house over a bad review at work or to kill somebody for giving them a dirty look. They might not all act on these things of course but we often find that most don't seem to recognize limits when it comes to punishing others or think anything is too excessive when it comes to The Misfortune that befalls people they believe have wronged them.
Most adults also realize that punishing other adults comes with its own drawbacks and might end up hurting themselves as well in the process. Pathologically narcissistic people either do not realize this or do not care. They are perfectly willing to cut off their own nose to spite their own face, often repeatedly. Narcissistic people can end up actually doing more damage to themselves in the long run because their constant punitive actions may eventually result in people refusing to deal with them at all anymore leaving them with nobody who will put up with their behavior. They either don't realize that or they do but they're not willing or able to stop themselves from doing it when they feel that they've been wronged. Their ego is just too big and it's just too much of a force in their lives. One of the most difficult things to deal with when you're dealing with narcissistic people is the level of punishment involved in these relationships. Whether it is physically assaulting you , smearing you to other people behind your back, freezing you out in cold silence, calling you names, throwing Tantrums when they don't get their way, doing things on purpose to make you angry or jealous, disappearing to worry upset or scare you, trying to make you feel guilty or otherwise bad, withholding things that you want or need, destroying your stuff, cheating on you or anything else.. there has most likely been a large amount of punitive behavior on the part of the narcissistic person you're dealing with you've likely seen some of these things in some ways,
The drive to punish appears to be multifaceted in narcissists. One is the involvement of the ego. This is sometimes known as a narcissistic injury and it's the basis of most of the rage you see in these personalities even when you can't figure out what the injury is or how they got it. The ego of narcissist is extremely fragile which means it is essentially perpetually injured. Even things as small as saying "hello" in what they perceive to be a "wrong" tone of voice offends and hurts and insults and injures these personalities on a level that non-narcissistic people probably cannot even begin to understand. They are constantly scanning situations for things that are intended to upset, hurt insult or offend them and of course they find these things when you think the only person anyone is ever talking or thinking about is you then everything they say and do is about you somehow. Sometimes they take an innocuous or unrelated comment to be about something that they're hiding or refusing to admit and they inadvertently reveal that through their anger or by trying to defend themselves. This happens because it's what the comment meant to them, it's what they were thinking about and they just assume this is also what you meant and what you were thinking about. No one else exists except for them.
Another component of the drive to punish appears to be the idea that punishing others is associated with power and control. If you are in the position of meeting out punishment you have all the power, similar to being the parent in this situation. The person who is Doling out the punishment is the boss they have all the power and control in the situation. If you're the Punisher you're righteous and best of all Justified...you're not bad, the other person's bad, you're not wrong the other person's wrong, you have done nothing to deserve punishment the other person deserves the punishment. They must be powerful, they must be in control, they must be righteous and Justified.. above all they must not be bad, not be wrong and not be the villain in any situation. Being in the righteous position to punish others meets every single one of these criteria and the reality is many of them enjoy causing and paying to other people it makes them feel powerful, something they don't feel in general and which they desire very much but often lack the fortitude or ability to demonstrate to capture. Narcissists are very much like children in this way.. They feel powerless and unable to affect change in any real way on any real thing so they play their little punishment power games and feel like they might actually be somebody for a while.
Another component oin the drive to punish others is the reality that narcissistic personalities are unhappy, miserable, raging, infantile people who can do nothing with all of that misery and rage except dump it out onto others. They cannot hold it or process it or do anything with it at all except dump it. It isn't enough just to release it, somebody has to receive it and to take it. somebody has to be to blame for it, somebody has to answer for it or it can't be dumped. Narcissists require others to take their pain, angre, shame, frustration, failure, their inability. Someone has to answer for all these things and it can't be the narcissist themselves. They cannot tolerate that, It is possible that many are not even capable of it by now. They must simply offload these things onto other people and the things must be received or they can't be gone. You are the person who's required to take all of these things. I f you don't you are considered to be a bad person who doesn't care or whatever else will make you feel bad enough to take it.
IPart of the reason narcissists punish others is because they believe others are punishing them. This is a very common theme with pathologically narcissistic personalities that they're being excessively punished, persecuted or otherwise unfairly treated. It's likely that in many situations they really believe that, Realistically they seem to have no real belief that they've ever done anything wrong and even if they will agree that they have any level of consequences is deemed unfairly punitive and even persecutory. This seems to happen in part because they themselves are so punitive and in part because they have so much self-loathing and shame they assume punishment is not only warranted but inevitable, Bad people deserve punishment. The mindset of the narcissist regarding how they treat other people and or regarding how they believe they're being treated by others, whoever hands out the punishment has all the power and in the all-consuming power dynamics in the world of narcissistic people you're either one or the other.
Another parrt of the reason why narcissists punish other people so harshly is that in their projected self-loathing. This is the punishment they deem necessary for the crime that has been committed and they have to project it on to you. You're the one that committed the crime. Narcissists tend not to see consequences as naturally occurring or understandable predictable things that result from one's own choices and behavior, but as things that are being done to them by somebody else as punishments. They resent that very much so they punish you back essentially and the relationship becomes one long power struggle where the narcissist becomes more and more resentful, Angry, offended and feels more and more controlled oppressed or smothered and encroached upon by the other person. The punishment from these people never ends they never forget anything that they believe you've done to them and they will never let you live it down. There's no forgiveness, good faith, benefit of the doubt, justendless punishment for the failure to match up to the Perfect Image they erroneously created of you in the beginning. In normal relationships between people there is a period of idealization, it's usually not as Intense or as unrealistic as the idealization in a relationship with a narcissist but it does still happen. People end up seeing each other more realistically and then they adjust to the realistic idea of the other person. With narcissists this does not happen. There is no way to come back from this original loss of esteem in the narcissist's eyes due to their psychological rigidity and their lack of understanding regarding whole object relations. They have no ability to reconcile the real you with the image of you that they created. They see your failure to live up to this as incredibly upsetting and shocking. It is not uncommon for narcissists to accuse people of tricking them or lying to them for not being what the narcissist thought they were. There is no way to make them understand that you didn't pretend to be anything they just had the wrong idea about who and what you were. Their assumptions are seen as knowledge and a contradiction to these assumptions is viewed as lying or manipulation on anybody else's part. You have fooled them in a very vicious and cruel way you pretended to be caring and kind and perfect and you're not. You lied to them you made them look stupid you tricked them you embarrass them that needs to be answered for. Somebody is going to have to pay for that and it isn't going to be them.
Some narcissists leave or cut off relationships when this happens but many others do not . Indeed they will resist to ending the relationship very strenuously and pursue reattachment continuously while at the same time punishing and attacking the other person relentlessly talking about how horrible both the relationship and the other person are. People often become totally frustrated and end up asking if I'm so terrible if it's also bad then why don't we just end the relationship? why are you still here? why do you insist on staying together? The Narcissist often responds to this with even more abuse and or begins accusing the other person of trying to abandon or discard them instead of answering what is actually a very valid and reasonable question. The answer appears to be that narcissists literally need other people for survival. They need other people to take delivery of their nasty little packages. They are dependent and not able to cope with very much at all if they don't have somebody who will do that. They also don't appear to be able to experience themselves except through the reactions and the input of other people. In in a very sad irony the worse they can claim that a relationship is and believe a relationship is the better it makes them feel. Many of them are trying to recreate some old power dynamic that they can now achieve the upper hand in thereby finally "winning" over a caregiver or some other perceived enemy from their past. Other people are dragged into this conflict unwillingly and installed into roles as they did not agree to or even know about, unwittingly playing out parts that were created way before they ever came along and receiving punishment that really belongs to somebody else.
Narcissist narcissistic personalities do not see other people for who they are and they don't see why it's necessary so they have no desire to learn how to do that. These are very simple almost primitive personalities that are Guided by very complex forces that they do not appear to understand in the least or even care about trying to understand. They just react to what they perceive to be happening without appearing to ask themselves why or even exploring things to see if they make any sense. They appear to believe that their conclusion is always correct and therefore their reaction is always appropriate. They simply do not recognize limits in any form, either for their own behavior or pertaining to other people. They are like children in this way reacting to Big feelings with no breaks or controls at all and no understanding of why they should even have any. You hurt me and now I will hurt you, you made me feel bad now I will make you feel bad. There's no understanding or even acknowledgment that their feelings are coming from inside of them and might not even be related to the other person or any external events at all. They seem to believe their feelings are solely generated by things outside of themselves. This is dangerous because these are unhappy, mean-spirited, envious, frightened people who are almost always in the grip of some negative feeling that they need somebody to answer for. This is why in these relationships the punishment never ends. They are always unhappy and it is always someone else's fault. You're not being punished for your behavior that's a justification because they can't understand their own emotional reactions and they immediately assume that someone else must have done something to cause these emotional reactions so they look around for what that something was. They will always find it because you can always make something sound or look bad whenever you try.
Also don’t confuse intensity of emotion with depth of emotion. Emotional intensity is not an indication of emotional depth. Toddlers display emotional intensity but not emotional depth. Just because an emotion is "big" doesn't mean it is meaningful or important, or anything else. It just means it's big. In narcissists, this is a red flag for emotional disregulation and perhaps emotional immaturity. It is not a sign of emotional depth. It's similar to the way toddlers experience emotions. They are big and they are strong, but they are fleeting. You can often distract and defuse a toddler during a tantrum with a knock knock joke. You can also do that with adult narcissists at times if you throw them an emotional curve ball during a tantrum. That's probably not a coincidence. The majority of these personalities are boring, hollow, and have no insight into why they do anything at all. Their behaviour makes no more sense to them than it does to you, and their nowhere near as curious about it than you are. Their is nothing to learn in the relationship and nothing more to see. Its simply the idiot cycling of empty machinery. What depth they may have (if any) is not accessible - to them or anyone else.
Many narcissists appear to be almost afraid of their emotions and reactions or ashamed of them as if they believe that only bad people have bad feelings, so this has to be blamed on somebody else. I don't have bad feelings, I'm not a bad person.. you are making me have bad feelings therefore you are the bad person. you're not being punished for your behavior or anything you've actually done, you're being punished for their feelings. This is a primitive personality, They don't know how to treat people and they are not interested in learning. They only care about getting what they want and if this hurts or inconvenience other people they don't care about that doesn't matter to them. If someone is abusive, disrespectfu, they're unable to communicate and if they're not interested in improving any of these things there really isn't any other choice but to leave the relationship unless you are willing to tolerate being treated badly. The only thing you realistically can do in these situations is decide if you are going to tolerate someone constantly dumping their psychic emotional garbage onto you because they can't deal with it themselves. .You don't have to tolerate that, it's not your responsibility or even your place to take care of another adult's emotions for them. It doesn't have to be your problem too.
My ex was covert with a sprinkle of overt he once literally said “just act right, and listen to me” he would try to make me seem like I’m the problem after he started 90% of arguments.
Ex wife always telling me to make a doctors appointment. Finally did a found out I was type 2 diabetic. Three weeks later discarded and ghosted. I was hurt but it was because I was so naive. This is the one I asked to marry me. She was a pro doing what she did. I forgive myself because I didn’t know it was a game. Didn’t lose anything that was good in my life as I understand she was just mirroring me. I have plenty of mirrors here and now I know the game. After she left me when I was upset, I was told to stop communicating with people that know us because it isn’t gonna end well for me and was also told that isn’t a threat. My experience triggered something in me to seek a relationship with god. Some may laugh about that. When you think about all the crap good people go through in toxic relationships why do we love them. My personal feeling is that toxic individuals do everything that god says is detestable to him. Look it up. It seems like everything in this world is good versus bad. Most of us that have been in a toxic relationship probably are good people. Most good people believe in God because they have goodness in their heart. So I’m now a god fearing man and picking the side that doesn’t end in a lake of fire, because that would suck. I would just like to say I don’t belong to any religion I don’t even own a Bible. I always wonder why all these good people out here in the world can’t find each other instead were all screwed up in the head from a toxic relationship unable to date again So we become crazy cat ladies. Hermits get weird with their spiritual awakening. I pray we all heal and love again
The silent treatment. Mom got it to work on my older sister. It's NOT going to work on me.
Ruined all special events, or never even planned or was interested in any special occasions in the first place. Only wanted to go on special trips or vacations with his college buddies or siblings. Never anything I wanted to do.
I am happy that you explain so much. My dad use to beat me up when he had no controle over me. I learned a lot about myself and the anger in our family line and was more busy with that then what my dad done wrong to me. So when I was 23 I realised the impact and confronted him. He says he can not remember it and says that i always made problems so i am the problem. Strangly he does remember asking forgiveness after and that I forgave him (i was like 10) so he says "you should talk to someone that has forgiven properly because I don't think you done it right". He makes himself the victim of me towards my family and they believe and support him.
Sometimes I feel like I am in a weird movie and watching it all play out like we are stuck in a bad script but are not allowed to improvise.
I just couldn't believe my dad as a covert narcissist so now at 36 I am finally that far. I hope he one day comes to the realisation and is willing to change. It sucks to be abused by him but it also sucks seeing him abuse himself with all the lies.
His silence was a blessing enjoy the free time throw them out of ur home and ur life they hate u and always will
He never forgot to get me things at the store. What he would do is if I was going to the store he'd say he needs nothing when I would ask but then text me things he wanted or needed just before I would leave the store knowing that my phone was on silent ( because I basically wasn't allowed to have texts or calls when I was with him) and set me up to fail at getting what he needed to make me look bad.
I had almost exactly the same thing happen!
I meant, if it wasn’t bad enough I gave him my everything. But then to continually be manipulated and smeared is beyond words.
I'm sorry you've been through that.
I experience the way that he will help me in everything,or go out of his way to take me somewhere,like a beach...then later holds it over me
You’re so nice. Thank you 🙏
Mine calls the cops on me and talks down to me
Yes. 100% yes. This has been my experience, all while being fully aware that I was deliberately being punished whenever i confronted his toxic actions, behavior, and dishonesty,
Sadly, you are correct about a toxic bond..oops I meant trauma bond (same thing basically 😅) being created to put up with this abusive cycle.
I'm finally breaking free
(One week of no contact so far)
Help .......
Yes my partner would sometimes on his lunch break but when I was sick he would not call at all and come home late and say he is tired and got nurofen for me this one time 😮
Insidious! Covert style I believe. That book explains alot!! Read it to help you understand what is going behind of their movies they secretly make after a severe narcissist injury.
Made me feel as I was crazy like something was wrong with me always act like he did not know what I was talking about I looked through his phone he's on every dating site and then when I confront him with these things that were never talked about he always plays the victim and he always turned it around on me like your parents were right you need to get some help everything if its not about Steve he didn't care
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When I try to explain it to people, who don't see it - even when it's happening right in front of them... I feel so crazy. And since it is triggering for me... I am the one that seems unhinged. Gray Rock. Gray Rock. Gray Rock.
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Yep, this is one hundred percent on point.
Im in punishment as i type 😅😅😅 gosh they so childisg
Every single thing you described is my ex wow !
You're on point 1000%
All of these happened to me
Along with all the usual--financial domination, rage tantrums whenever I brought up my feelings of the hurt he caused me, the silent treatment, the lies, the cheating, the reactive abuse, the endless gaslighting--my narc's favorite daily tricks were, first, to mumble answers and require I ask after them and then repeating what he'd said in an angry over loud voice, and second, to remain silent after I'd asked him a question or thanked him and, when asked if he'd heard me, angrily replying that he'd said something, whether answering my question or saying I was welcome. Though I never told him, I often caught him with the latter--his lips would remain still. I knew perfectly well he'd said nothing. He did both of these things in an attempt to make me suspect my hearing was failing. It wasn't. And it isn't. And it's only with him that I have ever had these issues; and it was only ever to me that he did these things--I know; I found videos he'd recorded with friends he'd never meant for me to find on my computer: he speaks very clearly and at a perfectly reasonable volume with everyone else just fine. The pity of it is, so much of his narc behavior to acquire supply--in this case, gaslighting me to feel powerful and dominant from believing himself controlling me by making me question my hearing--was like my looking down at a five-year-old angrily looking up at me with chocolate staining his lips insisting that he didn't steal and eat my chocolate bar. He was too stupid to understand that he only disappointed me with his behavior. He is a very, very, very stupid man. Feel free to tell him I said so! No, here--let me: Peter? You know that sickly little voice shrieking in the void inside you forever telling you that you're not good enough? Listen to it. It's telling you the truth.
Mine consistently "forgot" what I asked for from the store. When I had my hysterectomy and was released from the hospital, instead of taking me home he drove me all over multiple towns before getting my pain medication and then was furious with me after I was so sick from pain that I couldn't eat the soup he prepared me.
Can they be covert and overt ? Bcuz mine I think has both … mine punished me all the time even with holding martial bed
Yes
Mine is an Overt Narcassist and he punished me.
Definitely the text messages. I would say, did you get my stuff from the shop. She'd say oh I've just seen this message. And the sick part as well. It was awful and toxic.....
Oh yes, had a severe concussion from a fall, he took me to er, was told what to do, got home 🏡 and he began a project in garage. Couldn't have cared less. That was it for me!
My narcissistic husband is being punished in the grave since he died of brain cancer two years ago after 31 years of marriage.
God likes to punish devil's 😂😂😂.
Especially the silent treatment was used.
Yes, he walked out on me and our 5 kids 3 days before i needed to have hip surgery ( torn labrum.) Then he lied about paying the rent for 5 months. My children and i got evicted. I found out by the sherif calling me. Then i called and met with the landlord. She told me he hadn't paid the rent for 5 months. Interesting, though how he had an apartment at downstairs from his mother's house. He planned this while lying to me about buying the house we rented. I had to take care of the kids, shopping ect...while he went out and had a good time,spending it down this bar hole, obsessed with this barfly. Who he would flirt with right in front of me. The only time he would stop by was to have sex even while i was still healing from surgery, yes i know, my bad. But i missed him and he said we would be back together. Lol. What a dumb ass i felt like. He would say he was working and didn't or got out early. I know this because i would have a bad feeling and call his work. What a caniving moron, he was. He didnt take care of anything but his needs and even those needs were and are still superficial. I had to move by myself and when i stored things in the garage he would come at night and take thing's. Even though the judge told him not too. He got away with alot because of his position of power in law enforcement. So many many sad , mean and deceitful things he has done over 25 yrs. It has taken such a toll on me and my family. Then he alienated our youngest daughter from me, by mindf ing her so young, only 6. I have PTSD and suffer from depression and anxiety and panic attacks . But , i still had to carry on. He has so many flying monkeys and he can have them, because anyone that will believe a one sided story is an idiot. Not , one member of his family even cared to ask my side. And yes, i did react badly to the lies, gaslighting, cheating and mind fuckery. But, hey I am an Aries , so much empathy , until you have done me dirty once to many times. Thats when i see red. Funny because it is my favorite color, until its the only color i see. Dont f with my head you cowardice dick. I dont need an army of The Stupid Squad. I come alone to fight my battles. I might have been dumb but im not a coward.
Now after 2 months we have separated. He is adding all my friends and family on fb and publicly displaying love and care for me. It’s confusing
I am just wondering lately if he was punishing me for moving to a community and house I liked and he wanted to stay where we were but most our family agreed with me. It seems ever since then he started to treat me differently but would say he likes the house
He’s jealous
My ex “forgot” many things. He “forgot” to invite his mom to our daughters 8th grade graduation yesterday. When he moved out, he left EVERYTHING to fall on my lap. He didn’t even tell his mom about our situation so I had to tell her why he suddenly moved into her home. I had to rent a truck and pay to move all his sh*t out our house cause he kept putting it off. Now the new thing he says is “I’m too broke”- too broke to spend more time with our girls, to do anything AND guess who is blamed for his “brokenness” 😑 He has a fulltime job with amazing benefits & has 2 gym memberships and new clothes. He’s full of sh*t. I’ll never fall for it again
Omg mine did all
That happened to me
Relatable.
Mine would asked me if I needed anything and still wouldn't get it and they were already in line to pay for the stuff. So the next time they ask I said nevermind you're not going to get it anyway I've learned not to ask you for anything.
If a narc you are dating asks you how you deal with punctuality t hats a red flag. Don’t disrespect my time and be late! He knew this. Just laugh it of and realize they eventually do this on purpose years later. Never tell a guy how you feel about them being late in the beginning of a relationship and or dating.👈🏻👈🏻👈🏻👈🏻 💯
I couldn’t resonate to this video more if I tried… unfortunately 😮💨 Ben, thank you for putting out this content, I’ve been watching your videos for months and I feel like they have honestly saved my life in the lowest of low moments, thank you for sharing your story ❤
I'm here to support you on your healing journey. If you need assistance, please schedule a one-on-one session with me at www.rawmotivations.com
Is it possible that the Narc abuser actually just wants to keep things pleasant so they won't express their disappointment or needs with us? There have been times that they may have been really disappointed with the way I handled a situation - and they will passively try to pass comments. If I try to pick up on the hints and confront them, they will deny it - and will say that they'll talk about things when they are ready to. In their minds they have perhaps been too disappointed and are already moving on but in reality they will continue to talk and interact as if nothing has happened and confuse you. All the while, I have felt like discussing the matters so I bring it up every once a while, but that is counted against me - because that goes against that feeling of pleasant. Now if confrontation is such an issue, then I believed that trying indirect communication might be the solution with them - but that actually makes matters worse. So basically, there is no way to have a decent communication about our needs or their needs without being shut down or discarded.
How can i get out of my marraige He says i ruined our marraige and i dont deserve to be loved but he wont give mecacdivorce and refuses to talk about it.He says im the problem because i keep it going. Im like if you hate me so much then divorce me.. I told him i dont want anything from him..just my stuff that i bought. He says if i divorce him he will make sure i end up in a cardboard box. He says my son whos a married father of four and happy is a failure because he wont help him control me or take his side. My son stays out of it thank God but that also means I have no support but id rather he be safe fron my husband turning him against me. How can i get out unscaved? I dont want the war Theres nothing to fight for He controlls everything I literally live without any physical touch or sex or kindness or communication. Ive spent my entire relationship trying to figure out why he says im not good enough for him. He has told me 1000 time im worthless trash but wont divorce me. And when i wanna bring it up ..im a problem!! Wtf? I cant keep loving a man that refuses to love me but says he does What is the answer.?
That's a great question! You can discover the answer by joining our free masterclass at www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.
My covert narcissist husband does exactly that with the finances.