I've been able to change my style quite a bit in the last 2 years, after re-discovering thrifting & consignment shopping. (I was scarred in my youth.) I am rather surprised at the different reactions I am getting from the public at large. I get treated noticeably better when I put more effort into my clothes & style, but who treats me better depends on what I am wearing. Women generally react positively when my clothes are a) especially flattering, and/or b) interesting, regardless of flattery. I get lots of compliments on my odder/more dramatic choices from women. I get this. I appreciate people doing interesting things with their clothes & compliment them, too. Men generally react more positively when I am dressed in a more traditionally feminine manner. For me, this means skirts & dresses. I don't get compliments, but I get a lot more smiles, better service, doors opened & the like. What's interesting is that the majority of men seem to be repelled by the interesting/dramatic clothing, regardless of femininity or flattery. It's like some kind of warning label that I have a personality. However, the men that like interesting clothes a) REALLY like them, & b) like interesting women. Including my partner of 28 years, which works out well. I think if I were single, this would be a great way to screen men! Those men will stop me on the street to let me know they like my look, which doesn't happen much otherwise. In all cases, I'm dressing for myself, but I won't lie, I am enjoying these benefits!
This is so interesting. I once had quite a dramatic haircut with lots of angles. I got a ton of compliments from women, who seemed to find it quite striking. But not one from men, now that I think about it. Perhaps there was a bit of a dragon-lady vibe! Ha ha.
Great points. A caveat I would say is that wearing a dress/skirt can also attract unwanted attention from the wrong kind of man. I have experienced this even though the skirt I choose is on the conservative side. A positive I suppose it that it exposes these people early, whereas wearing jeans I could have made the mistake of becoming friends with them. It's not just men either. There are women who it seems don't like other women who dress for themselves. Again though, it hasn't stopped me. It can be a way to find out who someone is in terms of how they see others.
Early in our marriage, my husband wanted me to wear heels all the time, not just going out to dinner or events. I made a deal with him: I would buy him a pair of high heels and if he wore them an entire day, at home, at work, going to the store, then I would wear mine. He laughed, but I found a pair in his size and brought them on. I made him try them and walk in the house. Funny how the subject of my wearing heels all the time never came up again. LOL
My husband, in the first months of our marriage, wanted me to wear dresses or skirts. Women should look like women. He even gave me the Bible verse. Really. I informed him back when the Bible was written, men wore “dresses” too. Just different lengths/styles for each sex. I wear dresses on special occasions, or when it suits me. Not because a man tells me I have to do it. My style is jeans and pants some shorts, with cute, stylish classy tops. It makes me feel good and be comfortable. That’s a win. If we look good, we feel more confident.
Yep my husband (soon to be ex) wanted me in short skirts and even sulked during a meal out when I didn’t wear what he wanted. He also expected me to renovate a huge house and garden ,work and look after the kids and him too. I did it all ,what an idiot I was.😢
@@Joley964 sorry you had such a bad relationship. Moving forward and realizing you can do it, is so empowering. If you handled everything before, you can handle it now. 🦸♀️
You are sooooo right! Yesterday I was meeting a friend for lunch, and I dressed up to please myself. (I wish I could send you a picture, cause I'm sure you would agree that I looked great!) As I was climbing the stairs to the restaurant door, an elderly man with a cane (although probably younger than I am at 78!), stopped and said to me, "I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I love your outfit!" Of course, I was pleased, but mainly because it just made me happy to hear that my pleasing myself can sometimes please others as well. However, it's not necessary. Most of the time when I go out dressed like I want to (with many style tricks from you, dear!), no one comments or sometimes even notices, but it's ok. It pleases me and makes me happy! Thank goodness for you, Diana! You really have helped me be happier in my old age. Nothing gives me more fun lately than watching one of your videos, then pulling a bunch of clothes from my very small closet and mixing and matching things I'd never thought would go before! Thank you so much for your videos and for YOU!
Since I’ve turned 40 I’ve been trying to dress nicer, because it makes me feel confident. I started tucking my shirts in and wearing a belt whenever I went out. My husband who’s style hasn’t changed since the 90’s cannot understand why I would do this. He would scowl and tell me to untuck my shirt because I look too fancy for our rural mountain town and I should dress down to fit in. For months I would wear my shirt untucked around the house and then tuck it in as soon as I left. Finally I got fed up and just told him to let me be myself, and dress the way I want because it’s not about him. He hasn’t said anything since.
Ha! Considering that nineties have returned en force and the current "in" silhouette is long wide pants with loose longline top worn untucked - it's *him* who is dressing like the fancy fashionable younglings!
Diana this was so on point. I am an entertainer, a blues singer who spends a lot of time on stage and blues is kind of a male oriented world of music. Many of the female singers dress so sexy and it actually looks uncomfortable and silly to me lol I dress classy with a little edge. Though I have been told I should wear shorter, tighter and low cut clothes by others, even my band mates.. I say no way. I am going to be true to my self!
I'm 54 . In my late teens and early twenties I was in some pageants , did some modeling , was a victim of long term violence and had a pretty substantial eating disorder . Every moment of every day I tried to twist myself into a shape that would be pleasing to others . Today I'm taking care of my health , healing my mind and spirit and trying to allow myself to discover who I am and what I want . That includes how I want to look . It's a worthwhile process . Instead if feeling panic about aging I've realized that it can free me from having to be the object of " the gaze " .
I don't have a problem pleasing a man I'm dating. I've never had any extreme requests. One guy remarked that I didn't wear skirts often enough. I told him that's because I only had two. So he took me shopping and, after great deliberation and thought, bought me a skirt, blouse and a pair of tall high heeled boots. He had excellent taste and I wore those clothes for many years after we split up. So if your man asks you to dress in a certain way, tell him to take you shopping and foot the bill!
I always try to dress to avoid attention, but whenever I do that, I feel like I'm not being my true self. I dressed down often and I ended up feeling quite low too. I love my tshirts & jeans but I love more of my feminine, flowy dresses. I always confuses myself! I wanna look good for myself, not for others, and I just hate unwanted attention, but I know the clothes that I love wearing will attract attention. I change many times so I won't be the center of attention whenever I have to socialize, but it always kills me inside because that's not what I want to wear, for me, for my body.. This has been an ongoing battle for me for years 😢
I have tried to fill my “happy hole” with drugs, booze, cigarettes, men, bad relationships, food, and now shopping on Poshmark. I really needed to hear this as a reminder that that hole is only fulfilled through a spiritual path. At least for me, that’s the only thing that’s ever filled it. Being true to who I am. Thanks, Diana. I love when your kitties are in your videos ❤
Love it Diana! So true and so positive! It took me a long time to find myself again after a very painful divorce I didn't want. I finally did, and decided then and there that I was going to be happy just as I am. Just me. Dressing as a Queen Baddie is one of the things I'm working on. Sod the elegant, or the sexy, I dress for me! Of course there are days I do want to be elegant, or sexy, and I'll dress accordingly, but it'll be my version of elegant or sexy. I'll still be me. Whenever I feel the need for someone else's opinion or approval, I ask my dog. He always agrees with me! 😉 😂 PS I have Papaya envy!!! She's just too adorable for words!
Yes! We are nobody's better half. They are not our better half. We are whole. Someone should enhance your life not take half of you away. Aiming for a happy whole. Maybe it's more only you can fill your happy whole.
Hilarious…..Happy Hole….I so believe you cannot look to others to make you Happy….not to say that there are not people who bring you some joy. That joy will have to be on top of your own happiness. My favorite person at work had the most eclectic style, other co workers would comment on her choices. She was similar to you, she wore her bandanas, scarves and mixed things I would never have thought of …..she was such a joy to be around. ..
🎯 …Absolutely! I dress for me, and do not follow the latest trends. I get lots of compliments about my style … it gives me a spring in my step and it’s the same style I’ve had for years/ decades 🥰 I love Papaya … SO cute … she has an adorable Mummy 🇬🇧👍🏻
Positive attention is a great benefit to dressing to please yourself. Too many women dress to please men. If they only knew. . .AND you Must adopt Papaya!
Hoping to DETER the male gaze can also prevent you from dressing the way you really want!! Hugs and kisses to dear little Papaya, no one should ever be made to suffer like that, I hope her life is perfect from now on ❤
I’ve always admired Kate Hepburn’s style but she always wore skirts when with Spencer Tracy. She was style icon who had fabulous men’s suits tailored to fit her. She had a pair of sailor trousers she wore for over fifty years.
A friend said to me years ago that she noticed men didn't look at her any more like they used to (we were in our 50s) and she was feeling invisible. It's too much pressure to think that way, and so unnecessary. Sure, men like a pretty visual, but it's no guarantee to anything, especially our own happiness. Originality benefits everybody, especially us, and they like it too. An upper classman (guy) in high school wrote in my yearbook, "To somebody with original style", and it made me think. I loved wearing hand-me-down tops from my sister (7 years older) so I think that stood out! I like being creative with my outfits and accessories, and I love it when I see a woman in her own personal style. Thanks for another great video.☺
That is true when women hit the 50's AND menopause when our hormone levels drop. Men's hormones are no longer connecting with our changed levels, that is what you are experiencing. When you truly get this, it makes you realize how attraction between me and women is really all about hormones and mating.
Ok, so now you have me binge watching your videos. I love your content and how down to earth you are. You definitely have a new subscriber. Also, has anyone ever told you how much you look like Dakota Fanning? If you had long blonde hair you would totally be twinsies.
The thing is also, when you DON'T dress for the male gaze, but you are still nicely put together...that's when you get respect from men! It seems like some paradoxical thing to us modern folk, but it's true. Men love to see women who are beautifully dressed.
I just love this video, I wear what I like, with pockets, feminine flair and so comfortable... I quit dressing through someone else's lens a long time ago!! My happy hole (Whole) is happy and complete!!!!!
Great topic. I've fallen down that rabbit hole a few times. I realized my Happy Hole had disappeared, so I did too! Can't handle restriction like that. In any form. So many women will do this. I'd see the influence on friends' relationships re: their style. Whereas most men will dig in their heels to stay the same! Keep 'em coming, Diana! 🙏 Hi Papaya!🧡
I don’t know any WOMAN that dresses for men nor do I know one that dresses for other women. I guess in my world I’m surrounded by very unusual an independent women. Thank goodness.,,,
I L❤VE putting outfits together! It's the process of creativity that entertains me, and that is It's own satisfaction. Seeking others approval is a waste of energy. Kisses 💋 to Papaya 🐈
I think you can combine elegant dressing with an individual style, and I don't agree that there are only two camps, as you put it. For example, I mainly wear midi or maxi skirts and dresses. However, I will often pair them with a denim jacket or moto jacket, which gives an edgier look to the more feminine style. No way would I dream of wearing uncomfortable high heels with my elegant skirts and dresses. For me, it's comfortable ballet flats, loafers, or ankle boots, or knee high boots in the colder weather. For me, it's the best of both worlds: feminine dressing, but with individuality and practicality.
I also do not believe there are only 2 camps to style it's just that I needed to illustrate a point that one way of looking at fashion was through other people's eyes and another way was only looking through your own. I probably wasn't as eloquent as I could have been!
I'm an artist. I dress a bit funky...have never ever followed trends (I wouldn't be caught dead in Capri pants). My husband is so opposite....very conservative dresser....khaki pants, traditional men's clothes. I wear skirts a lot...and plenty of colors. I get compliments from men and from women a lot.
Hurray! Another female that loves wearing skirts! For me, that is the best thing about being a woman: the freedom of wearing skirts or dresses, because they don't dig into the crotch like trousers do. I can't understand why so many young women pour themselves into skinny jeans or skin tight leggings. They do so, even in the sweltering heat, and insist they feel comfortable. 🤔
Gosh. I'm so glad i stumbled upon your channel. I love clothes and French style, and I particularly love your insightful, spiritually sartorial musings. And i like your style. :)
Interesting perspective. I probably fall into the first camp, but it is not about pleasing others. It is how I feel my best self and seems to be appropriate for most occasions, which I think is a matter of courtesy to others. Quirky can be fun, but it doesn't suit all occasions. Understated elegance always works, IMHO.
😊Mary: I agree that it's important to dress appropriately. In a corporate setting, school, theatre, church, travel, or even special events there are usually guidelines if not precise dress codes. 😉If you're content in remaining in understated elegance for the majority of your time, that's exactly what you should do. I expect it's become your trademark. 🤔I think it's important to dress for the occasion, but you can still find a way to be original. Original doesn't have to mean tacky or tasteless. I admire your standards & wanting to be respectful of others as well as the venue. Sadly, those things seem to becoming lost in our culture as a whole🥺. 💚Bridget from Cali☘️ (using my pal's YT acct)
I love it!!! I’m not sorry!!! In order to be whole, you gotta be able to fill your own “happy hole!!!” Thank you for this post, you and your content are a delight!
Quite right! I think when young, or insecure, many women do dress to appeal to men. Thank god I've gained in confidence, and self knowledge. Consequently, I now only wear clothes I feel attractive and comfortable in.
So funny. I've had people compliment me on my style in Trader Joe's also. Once you've learned a few classic style principles and wear what you like, it's just makes you attractive, I think. Just being yourself and comfortable in your own skin. And it doesn't hurt to smile!
Brilliant as usual! Happy hole 😂 love it. Truly, you are spot on again. Do you know what really gets me mad? Trends. Being trendy or on trend. Basically somebody somewhere telling us what to wear or we’ll not be in the club. Well I say don’t follow the crowd, don’t dress for others approval male or female. Wear what makes you feel fantastic. Diana you’re a star.
@@maryokeefe5351 the world is literally sinking under too much fashion. I don’t wish ill on anyone or their business but we simply produce and throw away too much. All to be on trend.
Awe Papaya! I never think, "Hmmm will my husband like this?" He's just going to have to deal with it. Some times he does and compliments me. I'm pretty certain that I'm not even his "type"!
I wear bright colours, funky styles and I love how clothes make me feel. It’s my artistic expression. Though it’s not what I aim for I receive lots of compliments on my attire. I even have people tell me they can’t wait to see what I’m wearing next. For me clothing is fun, creative makes me feel attractive. Love your videos! ❤
I have a few vintage seventies long to the floor dresses extremely colorful I love how they hug my curves they are form fitted but not tight just perfect in my opinion🥰 i would love to wear them every day but I’m holding myself back because I feel everyone will just look at me because the colors are just over the top😂 maybe I will muster up the courage and wear them anyway
I have noticed that women most often dress for the approval of other women, and hence they often wear odd outfits. Yes, wear what you want, but don't be shocked when men think you look less attractive in your 'on-trend' or 'comfy' outfits, and that's ok.
Hmmm, I really don't think my jeans and tunic-length tee-shirts impress anyone at all, men or women. I find the concept of dressing to "impress other women" to be even much more odd than dressing to impress men. I have never dressed "for" either one, and I only feel sorry for those who do.
There are many men, maybe even most who seem to prefer women wearing boys shorts, t shirts etc. It was even a thing in the roman times. Its depressing, like they just want another version of themselves
It's always dangerous to make camps. I am in camps 1 and 2. My personal style has always been elegant. I just love that, on others as well. I get very happy when I find (or more often nowadays make) an outfit that fits perfectly and is flattering. I do stand out when I go grocery shopping because no-one dresses elegantly to go to Walmart. It's gross overkill. But I feel like myself when I am elegant and wearing flattering clothes. I veer to the sexy inadvertently sometimes and get the "male gaze" (make that the male comment), even at my age. And that scares me. So I guess what I am still struggling with is to be comfortable in going all out on however beautiful I want to be, while not concerning myself with the looks I draw.
I have followed this philosophy as far back as I can remember. But elegant and flattering in my eyes has nothing with being sexy/ attractive to men or there’s in general. So I don’t buy the pigeon holes you created here but agree in a way, if you see my point
This is the reason why I've found the French styling guidelines to be restrictive. A lot of do's and don'ts. Not enough tolerance for bright colours (unless it's a red lipstick or a colourful scarf.) They're too regimented with their concept of a capsule wardrobe. I was disappointed during a visit to France because there's this expectation that you'll be amazed at the volume of stylishly creative women out in public. That's certainly not true. They're quite conservative. There's merit in the concept of having superior quality basic pieces in your closet however, I think that Italian fashion is far more adventurous and is suited to someone with a creative artistic personality who would feel restricted, dressing according to someone else's perception of style and class. Far better to dress for your own personality. Your personal style is your signature, which conveys, without words, exactly who you are. You're communicating your story. It's an empowering act of freedom. Free to be YOU.
Yes! This is exactly what I'm saying when I say French Girl Style for American Women. Americans really dislike restrictions! ❤ But it is those restrictions that make French Girl Style look like it does so you have to choose your level. 😄
I have the problem in reverse-- I'm nearly 29 and I like to be fashionable, but I hate being leered at by men. what advice would you have for overcoming your fashion expression when you have anxiety about being seen by men?
I wear sunglasses and pretend they don't exist if they stare or are being rude. Keep your chin up and ignore, they get the message. I was hoping that turning 50 and gaining a bit of weight from an injury would stop the leering letches, but there's always one to spoil your day.😊
This is a great question! I also had that problem for many years and I avoided looking sexy at all costs, but ended up in frumptown because of it. You have to realize that someone's leering doesn't take anything from you nor does it entitle them to anything of yours. It is better to express yourself confidently and freely than let someone's gaze take that from you. Maybe you can think to yourself "yes I'm worth looking at" but give off "no thank you" vibes.
@@unblahyourself yup that's me, coming at you from frump town while also consuming all the fashion and beauty content I can find 😩 you hit the nail on the head with what I was feeling, I didn't even realize it. Thank you!
I've been able to change my style quite a bit in the last 2 years, after re-discovering thrifting & consignment shopping. (I was scarred in my youth.) I am rather surprised at the different reactions I am getting from the public at large.
I get treated noticeably better when I put more effort into my clothes & style, but who treats me better depends on what I am wearing.
Women generally react positively when my clothes are a) especially flattering, and/or b) interesting, regardless of flattery. I get lots of compliments on my odder/more dramatic choices from women. I get this. I appreciate people doing interesting things with their clothes & compliment them, too.
Men generally react more positively when I am dressed in a more traditionally feminine manner. For me, this means skirts & dresses. I don't get compliments, but I get a lot more smiles, better service, doors opened & the like.
What's interesting is that the majority of men seem to be repelled by the interesting/dramatic clothing, regardless of femininity or flattery. It's like some kind of warning label that I have a personality.
However, the men that like interesting clothes a) REALLY like them, & b) like interesting women. Including my partner of 28 years, which works out well. I think if I were single, this would be a great way to screen men! Those men will stop me on the street to let me know they like my look, which doesn't happen much otherwise.
In all cases, I'm dressing for myself, but I won't lie, I am enjoying these benefits!
This is all so perfectly said! I love the idea of dramatic clothes acting as a warning label that you have a personality! 🤣💯💯💯💯💯
This is so interesting. I once had quite a dramatic haircut with lots of angles. I got a ton of compliments from women, who seemed to find it quite striking. But not one from men, now that I think about it. Perhaps there was a bit of a dragon-lady vibe! Ha ha.
Great points. A caveat I would say is that wearing a dress/skirt can also attract unwanted attention from the wrong kind of man. I have experienced this even though the skirt I choose is on the conservative side. A positive I suppose it that it exposes these people early, whereas wearing jeans I could have made the mistake of becoming friends with them.
It's not just men either. There are women who it seems don't like other women who dress for themselves. Again though, it hasn't stopped me. It can be a way to find out who someone is in terms of how they see others.
Early in our marriage, my husband wanted me to wear heels all the time, not just going out to dinner or events. I made a deal with him: I would buy him a pair of high heels and if he wore them an entire day, at home, at work, going to the store, then I would wear mine. He laughed, but I found a pair in his size and brought them on. I made him try them and walk in the house. Funny how the subject of my wearing heels all the time never came up again. LOL
My husband, in the first months of our marriage, wanted me to wear dresses or skirts. Women should look like women. He even gave me the Bible verse. Really. I informed him back when the Bible was written, men wore “dresses” too. Just different lengths/styles for each sex. I wear dresses on special occasions, or when it suits me. Not because a man tells me I have to do it. My style is jeans and pants some shorts, with cute, stylish classy tops. It makes me feel good and be comfortable. That’s a win. If we look good, we feel more confident.
Brava!
Ha ha, LOVE this!
Yep my husband (soon to be ex) wanted me in short skirts and even sulked during a meal out when I didn’t wear what he wanted. He also expected me to renovate a huge house and garden ,work and look after the kids and him too.
I did it all ,what an idiot I was.😢
@@Joley964 sorry you had such a bad relationship. Moving forward and realizing you can do it, is so empowering. If you handled everything before, you can handle it now. 🦸♀️
Pleasing everyone but yourself is exhausting!
I totally agree
You are sooooo right! Yesterday I was meeting a friend for lunch, and I dressed up to please myself. (I wish I could send you a picture, cause I'm sure you would agree that I looked great!) As I was climbing the stairs to the restaurant door, an elderly man with a cane (although probably younger than I am at 78!), stopped and said to me, "I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I love your outfit!" Of course, I was pleased, but mainly because it just made me happy to hear that my pleasing myself can sometimes please others as well. However, it's not necessary. Most of the time when I go out dressed like I want to (with many style tricks from you, dear!), no one comments or sometimes even notices, but it's ok. It pleases me and makes me happy! Thank goodness for you, Diana! You really have helped me be happier in my old age. Nothing gives me more fun lately than watching one of your videos, then pulling a bunch of clothes from my very small closet and mixing and matching things I'd never thought would go before! Thank you so much for your videos and for YOU!
Ahhhhhh this warms my heart! Thank you so much for sharing! If you ever want to send me a dm or picture, find me over on Instagram!
Since I’ve turned 40 I’ve been trying to dress nicer, because it makes me feel confident. I started tucking my shirts in and wearing a belt whenever I went out. My husband who’s style hasn’t changed since the 90’s cannot understand why I would do this. He would scowl and tell me to untuck my shirt because I look too fancy for our rural mountain town and I should dress down to fit in. For months I would wear my shirt untucked around the house and then tuck it in as soon as I left. Finally I got fed up and just told him to let me be myself, and dress the way I want because it’s not about him. He hasn’t said anything since.
❤💯❤
Ha! Considering that nineties have returned en force and the current "in" silhouette is long wide pants with loose longline top worn untucked - it's *him* who is dressing like the fancy fashionable younglings!
Your viewpoint is a healthy one.
THIS is the speech all young girls need to hear! Aspire to be a whole person! ❤
Diana this was so on point. I am an entertainer, a blues singer who spends a lot of time on stage and blues is kind of a male oriented world of music. Many of the female singers dress so sexy and it actually looks uncomfortable and silly to me lol I dress classy with a little edge. Though I have been told I should wear shorter, tighter and low cut clothes by others, even my band mates.. I say no way. I am going to be true to my self!
Ugh! It's so strange when other people tell you to show off your body. Weird. I'm glad you know how to do you!
I'm 54 . In my late teens and early twenties I was in some pageants , did some modeling , was a victim of long term violence and had a pretty substantial eating disorder . Every moment of every day I tried to twist myself into a shape that would be pleasing to others . Today I'm taking care of my health , healing my mind and spirit and trying to allow myself to discover who I am and what I want . That includes how I want to look . It's a worthwhile process .
Instead if feeling panic about aging I've realized that it can free me from having to be the object of " the gaze " .
You're doing the work. Great job! 😘
I don't have a problem pleasing a man I'm dating. I've never had any extreme requests. One guy remarked that I didn't wear skirts often enough. I told him that's because I only had two. So he took me shopping and, after great deliberation and thought, bought me a skirt, blouse and a pair of tall high heeled boots. He had excellent taste and I wore those clothes for many years after we split up. So if your man asks you to dress in a certain way, tell him to take you shopping and foot the bill!
"I know what you're thinking. Don't do it" 😂😂😂
We can’t dress to please all the people all the time, but hopefully we can dress to please ourselves all the time. ❤
I do not and have never cared about catering to men. Life is too short. Be yourself and draw the people to you that bring that same energy.
Do we need a “Fill Your Happy Hole Day”?
I think that requires it's very own video. Great idea!
Yes. Yes we do. . . Need a happy hole day. Ab-so-lutely. ❤️
I need to put this on a mug!
I always try to dress to avoid attention, but whenever I do that, I feel like I'm not being my true self. I dressed down often and I ended up feeling quite low too. I love my tshirts & jeans but I love more of my feminine, flowy dresses. I always confuses myself! I wanna look good for myself, not for others, and I just hate unwanted attention, but I know the clothes that I love wearing will attract attention. I change many times so I won't be the center of attention whenever I have to socialize, but it always kills me inside because that's not what I want to wear, for me, for my body.. This has been an ongoing battle for me for years 😢
I have tried to fill my “happy hole” with drugs, booze, cigarettes, men, bad relationships, food, and now shopping on Poshmark. I really needed to hear this as a reminder that that hole is only fulfilled through a spiritual path. At least for me, that’s the only thing that’s ever filled it. Being true to who I am. Thanks, Diana. I love when your kitties are in your videos ❤
So much wisdom with age, I wouldn't trade it for anything! 😘
What a great message!! Thank you 🙏
Love it Diana! So true and so positive! It took me a long time to find myself again after a very painful divorce I didn't want. I finally did, and decided then and there that I was going to be happy just as I am. Just me. Dressing as a Queen Baddie is one of the things I'm working on. Sod the elegant, or the sexy, I dress for me! Of course there are days I do want to be elegant, or sexy, and I'll dress accordingly, but it'll be my version of elegant or sexy. I'll still be me.
Whenever I feel the need for someone else's opinion or approval, I ask my dog. He always agrees with me! 😉 😂
PS I have Papaya envy!!! She's just too adorable for words!
YES! Every woman deserves a dog friend. Thanks for your story! ❤❤❤
This is great advice! Thank you so much for sharing this!
“I know what your thinking, don’t think it.”😂 seriously though this is a great topic! Thank you!
Yes! We are nobody's better half. They are not our better half.
We are whole.
Someone should enhance your life not take half of you away.
Aiming for a happy whole.
Maybe it's more only you can fill your happy whole.
I like it!
Hilarious…..Happy Hole….I so believe you cannot look to others to make you Happy….not to say that there are not people who bring you some joy. That joy will have to be on top of your own happiness. My favorite person at work had the most eclectic style, other co workers would comment on her choices. She was similar to you, she wore her bandanas, scarves and mixed things I would never have thought of …..she was such a joy to be around. ..
Joy! I love that word! ❤
🎯 …Absolutely! I dress for me, and do not follow the latest trends. I get lots of compliments about my style … it gives me a spring in my step and it’s the same style I’ve had for years/ decades 🥰 I love Papaya … SO cute … she has an adorable Mummy 🇬🇧👍🏻
Wonderful outlook! Learning to fill our happy hole should be taught in every school! Like reading!
Positive attention is a great benefit to dressing to please yourself. Too many women dress to please men. If they only knew. . .AND you Must adopt Papaya!
Hoping to DETER the male gaze can also prevent you from dressing the way you really want!!
Hugs and kisses to dear little Papaya, no one should ever be made to suffer like that, I hope her life is perfect from now on ❤
Lucky me! Everything I love about myself and my style is a powerful male-deterrent - and I couldn't be happier about it
Happy hole! That made me laugh! I love your videos, you inspire me ❤️
100%!! Thank you Diana
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I’ve always admired Kate Hepburn’s style but she always wore skirts when with Spencer Tracy. She was style icon who had fabulous men’s suits tailored to fit her. She had a pair of sailor trousers she wore for over fifty years.
A friend said to me years ago that she noticed men didn't look at her any more like they used to (we were in our 50s) and she was feeling invisible. It's too much pressure to think that way, and so unnecessary. Sure, men like a pretty visual, but it's no guarantee to anything, especially our own happiness. Originality benefits everybody, especially us, and they like it too. An upper classman (guy) in high school wrote in my yearbook, "To somebody with original style", and it made me think. I loved wearing hand-me-down tops from my sister (7 years older) so I think that stood out! I like being creative with my outfits and accessories, and I love it when I see a woman in her own personal style. Thanks for another great video.☺
Aw thank you! I love your story!
That is true when women hit the 50's AND menopause when our hormone levels drop. Men's hormones are no longer connecting with our changed levels, that is what you are experiencing. When you truly get this, it makes you realize how attraction between me and women is really all about hormones and mating.
Ok, so now you have me binge watching your videos. I love your content and how down to earth you are. You definitely have a new subscriber. Also, has anyone ever told you how much you look like Dakota Fanning? If you had long blonde hair you would totally be twinsies.
Welcome! Glad you're here!
The thing is also, when you DON'T dress for the male gaze, but you are still nicely put together...that's when you get respect from men! It seems like some paradoxical thing to us modern folk, but it's true. Men love to see women who are beautifully dressed.
It's true!
Aiming to be a whole and not just a half of a person...WOW! This hits home SO hard!
"Your gaze is the only gaze that matters" - you fill the happy hole xo - really needed to hear this today and likely every day now :)
I'm so glad I've found your channel 💛
I'm so glad you're here! 😘
Thank you Diana, I needed to hear this. Papaya is getting bigger and cuter. She is so sweet and chill.
She's the chillest!
Brilliantly said!! So encouraging thank you!!!
I just love this video, I wear what I like, with pockets, feminine flair and so comfortable... I quit dressing through someone else's lens a long time ago!! My happy hole (Whole) is happy and complete!!!!!
I so much enjoy your videos, they are fun and very inspiring!
Than you so much for being here! I'm glad you like them.
Great topic. I've fallen down that rabbit hole a few times. I realized my Happy Hole had disappeared, so I did too! Can't handle restriction like that. In any form. So many women will do this. I'd see the influence on friends' relationships re: their style. Whereas most men will dig in their heels to stay the same! Keep 'em coming, Diana! 🙏 Hi Papaya!🧡
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This is true!
I don’t know any WOMAN that dresses for men nor do I know one that dresses for other women. I guess in my world I’m surrounded by very unusual an independent women. Thank goodness.,,,
Your orange kitten!! 🐈 So cute and you are really right about dressing for your own expression. I love it!! 💕💕
I L❤VE putting outfits together! It's the process of creativity that entertains me, and that is It's own satisfaction. Seeking others approval is a waste of energy.
Kisses 💋 to Papaya 🐈
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Love your videos. THEY are a source of happy... good advice, humor, and your personality. Delightful all around!!
You rock! 😊❤
Thank you so much!
Thank you. Good advice. Wish I could take it. Long story. BTW, I love Papaya!
I think you can combine elegant dressing with an individual style, and I don't agree that there are only two camps, as you put it. For example, I mainly wear midi or maxi skirts and dresses. However, I will often pair them with a denim jacket or moto jacket, which gives an edgier look to the more feminine style. No way would I dream of wearing uncomfortable high heels with my elegant skirts and dresses. For me, it's comfortable ballet flats, loafers, or ankle boots, or knee high boots in the colder weather. For me, it's the best of both worlds: feminine dressing, but with individuality and practicality.
I also do not believe there are only 2 camps to style it's just that I needed to illustrate a point that one way of looking at fashion was through other people's eyes and another way was only looking through your own. I probably wasn't as eloquent as I could have been!
I'm an artist. I dress a bit funky...have never ever followed trends (I wouldn't be caught dead in Capri pants). My husband is so opposite....very conservative dresser....khaki pants, traditional men's clothes. I wear skirts a lot...and plenty of colors. I get compliments from men and from women a lot.
Hurray! Another female that loves wearing skirts! For me, that is the best thing about being a woman: the freedom of wearing skirts or dresses, because they don't dig into the crotch like trousers do. I can't understand why so many young women pour themselves into skinny jeans or skin tight leggings. They do so, even in the sweltering heat, and insist they feel comfortable. 🤔
Papaya doesn’t care if she wears the same thing day after day.
Gosh. I'm so glad i stumbled upon your channel. I love clothes and French style, and I particularly love your insightful, spiritually sartorial musings.
And i like your style. :)
Thank you so much!! Glad you're here!
Yes, happiness is an inside job!
I so agree with you, we need to be happy on our own before we can truly be happy with someone else! X-Men
Interesting perspective. I probably fall into the first camp, but it is not about pleasing others. It is how I feel my best self and seems to be appropriate for most occasions, which I think is a matter of courtesy to others. Quirky can be fun, but it doesn't suit all occasions. Understated elegance always works, IMHO.
😊Mary: I agree that it's important to dress appropriately. In a corporate setting, school, theatre, church, travel, or even special events there are usually guidelines if not precise dress codes.
😉If you're content in remaining in understated elegance for the majority of your time, that's exactly what you should do. I expect it's become your trademark.
🤔I think it's important to dress for the occasion, but you can still find a way to be original. Original doesn't have to mean tacky or tasteless.
I admire your standards & wanting to be respectful of others as well as the venue. Sadly, those things seem to becoming lost in our culture as a whole🥺.
💚Bridget from Cali☘️
(using my pal's YT acct)
Listening to you made me think of my own happy hole. I started digging through it and unpacking it, brought me joy. Thank you!
Your advice is terrific !
So glad I found you! ❤
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I love it!!! I’m not sorry!!! In order to be whole, you gotta be able to fill your own “happy hole!!!” Thank you for this post, you and your content are a delight!
Wear what you want with confidence! I dress for me! I couldn’t care what any man thinks of me.
Quite right! I think when young, or insecure, many women do dress to appeal to men. Thank god I've gained in confidence, and self knowledge. Consequently, I now only wear clothes I feel attractive and comfortable in.
Love the video and advice; love the kitten; and I love your dress (what I can see of it).
Wow, do I love this message!
This is really great advice. I absolutely adore your channel! Papaya makes a great shoulder accessory. Such a cutie!
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So funny. I've had people compliment me on my style in Trader Joe's also. Once you've learned a few classic style principles and wear what you like, it's just makes you attractive, I think. Just being yourself and comfortable in your own skin. And it doesn't hurt to smile!
Brilliant as usual! Happy hole 😂 love it.
Truly, you are spot on again. Do you know what really gets me mad? Trends. Being trendy or on trend. Basically somebody somewhere telling us what to wear or we’ll not be in the club. Well I say don’t follow the crowd, don’t dress for others approval male or female. Wear what makes you feel fantastic. Diana you’re a star.
Thank you! I totally agree about trends and I have been wanting to do a video on the futile nature of following them.
True, yet the fashion industry is a business. They want us to constantly buy new things or they die. Hmm.
@@maryokeefe5351 the world is literally sinking under too much fashion. I don’t wish ill on anyone or their business but we simply produce and throw away too much. All to be on trend.
Awe Papaya! I never think, "Hmmm will my husband like this?" He's just going to have to deal with it. Some times he does and compliments me. I'm pretty certain that I'm not even his "type"!
I wear bright colours, funky styles and I love how clothes make me feel. It’s my artistic expression. Though it’s not what I aim for I receive lots of compliments on my attire. I even have people tell me they can’t wait to see what I’m wearing next. For me clothing is fun, creative makes me feel attractive. Love your videos! ❤
Love that!
Aww such wise words
I have a few vintage seventies long to the floor dresses extremely colorful I love how they hug my curves they are form fitted but not tight just perfect in my opinion🥰 i would love to wear them every day but I’m holding myself back because I feel everyone will just look at me because the colors are just over the top😂 maybe I will muster up the courage and wear them anyway
Pair them with black jackets and accessories and it might tone them down. If you love them, wear them!
Yes❤️
I died of laughter when you said “happy hole”😂
love you!!!
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Sorry Hubby… I am gonna wear my poofy dresses, bows, and petticoats!! 👗🎀💝
Yes darling, I concede this one caveat.
Amen.
I have noticed that women most often dress for the approval of other women, and hence they often wear odd outfits.
Yes, wear what you want, but don't be shocked when men think you look less attractive in your 'on-trend' or 'comfy' outfits, and that's ok.
Right. Expecting all men to LIKE what you choose is unrealistic, but the ones who like what you choose, will also like you for who you really are.
@@unblahyourself Exactly.
Hmmm, I really don't think my jeans and tunic-length tee-shirts impress anyone at all, men or women. I find the concept of dressing to "impress other women" to be even much more odd than dressing to impress men. I have never dressed "for" either one, and I only feel sorry for those who do.
good hook
Your style is generally too funky/ boho for this 71-year old, but I love your attitude and you are adorable and gorgeous. 🎉
Thank you!
There are many men, maybe even most who seem to prefer women wearing boys shorts, t shirts etc. It was even a thing in the roman times. Its depressing, like they just want another version of themselves
It's always dangerous to make camps. I am in camps 1 and 2. My personal style has always been elegant. I just love that, on others as well. I get very happy when I find (or more often nowadays make) an outfit that fits perfectly and is flattering. I do stand out when I go grocery shopping because no-one dresses elegantly to go to Walmart. It's gross overkill. But I feel like myself when I am elegant and wearing flattering clothes. I veer to the sexy inadvertently sometimes and get the "male gaze" (make that the male comment), even at my age. And that scares me. So I guess what I am still struggling with is to be comfortable in going all out on however beautiful I want to be, while not concerning myself with the looks I draw.
I have followed this philosophy as far back as I can remember. But elegant and flattering in my eyes has nothing with being sexy/ attractive to men or there’s in general. So I don’t buy the pigeon holes you created here but agree in a way, if you see my point
I get it! Sometimes "flattering" is simply about cut and fit!
Same.
This is the reason why I've found the French styling guidelines to be restrictive. A lot of do's and don'ts. Not enough tolerance for bright colours (unless it's a red lipstick or a colourful scarf.) They're too regimented with their concept of a capsule wardrobe.
I was disappointed during a visit to France because there's this expectation that you'll be amazed at the volume of stylishly creative women out in public. That's certainly not true. They're quite conservative.
There's merit in the concept of having superior quality basic pieces in your closet however, I think that Italian fashion is far more adventurous and is suited to someone with a creative artistic personality who would feel restricted, dressing according to someone else's perception of style and class. Far better to dress for your own personality.
Your personal style is your signature, which conveys, without words, exactly who you are. You're communicating your story. It's an empowering act of freedom. Free to be YOU.
Yes! This is exactly what I'm saying when I say French Girl Style for American Women. Americans really dislike restrictions! ❤ But it is those restrictions that make French Girl Style look like it does so you have to choose your level. 😄
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I have the problem in reverse-- I'm nearly 29 and I like to be fashionable, but I hate being leered at by men. what advice would you have for overcoming your fashion expression when you have anxiety about being seen by men?
I wear sunglasses and pretend they don't exist if they stare or are being rude.
Keep your chin up and ignore, they get the message.
I was hoping that turning 50 and gaining a bit of weight from an injury would stop the leering letches, but there's always one to spoil your day.😊
This is a great question! I also had that problem for many years and I avoided looking sexy at all costs, but ended up in frumptown because of it. You have to realize that someone's leering doesn't take anything from you nor does it entitle them to anything of yours. It is better to express yourself confidently and freely than let someone's gaze take that from you. Maybe you can think to yourself "yes I'm worth looking at" but give off "no thank you" vibes.
@@unblahyourself yup that's me, coming at you from frump town while also consuming all the fashion and beauty content I can find 😩 you hit the nail on the head with what I was feeling, I didn't even realize it. Thank you!
@thisisjeannie4723 the leering is in his head, not yours. Ignore it; dismiss it and don't give it moment's thought. Don't let them steal your youth.
Ps the X-Men was a typo lol!
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Only one thing?
You certainly don’t need to dress for your husband, just don’t be surprised when he looks at women that do!
@@user-nb2sn6id4r Good men do look, they just don’t act on it.