I’m celibate and waiting until marriage and I have a boyfriend and we won’t be living together until married. I don’t know everything about him in terms of his living habits but you’ll never know everything. As long as the person you choose has a good heart, loves you, doesn’t show signs or red flags of being abusive verbally or physically then the rest can be learned, fixed…re thought. It’s a blessing to wait and stay under the hand and protection of God until you are promised to one another forever.
Facts! These two have been knowing each other for dang near 7 years, and from what I gather, they have been knowing each other for 5 or 6 years before moving in with each other. I saw red 🚩 with my ex, and I didn't have to move in with him to see that. Time and time again, I see SOME couples move in with each other, get engaged, and do not commit to marriage. I know as human beings, we JUSTIFY our wrongs and rights because deep down in our hearts, we want to do what we want to do...GOD says to put HIM first and lean not on your OWN understanding. It is a HARD walk with Jesus, but well worth it! Peace.
@@musiclover0445 Amen, and I hope I am not sounding mean or mad. Because when it is all said and done, I have to give an account of MY LIFE...not Josh and Isi's life, lol!
Honestly I feel like the people who have all these problems “suddenly” appear after marriage are the people who rushed into marriage, and or ignored red flags. The people who love saying “marriage isn’t what you think” or whatever other negative experiences are the people who chose wrong and chose too soon.
EXACTLY! it's exactly the same way a person projects their insecurities on you, and try to make you feel bad, just cus they feel bad. It happens literally in all sphere of life. Hurt people will always try to find ways to hurt other people too, but if you're wise you deflect from it. I feel like nowadays it is much easier to believe, and know for yourself that healthy marriages exist, and what's normal is HEALTHY relationships with QUALITY partners.
i would prefer to wait till marriage to live with someone because I also believe in not having sex till marriage, so I would just like to avoid temptation. However, I agree with Josh and Isi’s view, that you should try to know everything about that person before you decide to spend the rest of your life with them. Which is why I love the idea of pre-marital counselling. You discuss tools to help your marriage and work out numerous horrible situations that can occur and learn each other’s bad habits etc. It’s basically a year of couple therapy to avoid problems before they arrive. I will acknowledge though that you can’t know everything till you experience it and that there will most likely be challenges my future partner and I never thought of and will have to work through but I think it will be an interesting and learning journey 💗.
I wholeheartedly agree with your statement. My husband and I dated for 7 years and we didn't move in we each other before we got married. You won't believe the judgment we recieved from friends and family because they tried to rush our relationship. But, in the process of that 7 years, we formed an incredible bond and I truly married my best friend. We learned about one another's character, habits, recieved premarital counseling, had tough conversations, our dreams, goals before we said I Do. Marriage is very serious and it is not something to be played with or taken lightly. I want to know 100 percent who that person is before I marry them. And the things we find out or discover when we're married, won't be as difficult because we formed that bond. So many couples do things backwards and want to rush the process but don't take the time to actually know that person before marriage. Marriage is more than just sex. it's an important part, but not the only component to a successful marriage. God has to be the center of your marriage in order for it flourish and grow. Growth in marriage is everything and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I absolutely agree! I think through spending time with that person's family and friends you may get more insight into how they live as well, but even without that, every marriage will have its issues anyway I think its just up to that couple to make the decision to continue to choose each other every day regardless
Amen sis...Amen! God bless you for your efforts and learning to trust and believe in God's will for you. My husband and I also did pre-marriage counseling with our minister. It was the BEST thing we could have done. I ALMOST didn't think we were going to make it, lol! The challenges will be there before you live together and after...Josh made a lot of good points, but it comes down to OUR own FAITH, CONVICTIONS and JOURNEY.
As Dr Myles munroe said, the reason why God gave us the “rule” to not shack up before marriage is not to “stop our fun” or “make things hard” but it’s actually to protect us, it’s suchhhh a BLESSING That you 2 (and also me and my husband) made it to marriage but not every couple that’s DATING does, so let’s say they don’t end up married & they have been “shacking up”….NOW they have that memory/experience, kids, etc with their last partner and bring it into their new relationship, and even bring in comparisons of how their last partner did this and that etc…when it was supposed to be explored and shared between just 2 people, it’s supposed to be a more enjoyable thing if you have nothing to compare to/remember….(plss o! Not bashing you two) I LOVE you guys! Just wanted to give another perspective on it 🥰🥰🥰
Is it also where the idea of “playing house” comes to play?? I’ve heard that saying by folks who believe that doing wifely/husbandly duties before marriage defeats the purpose, essentially, if you’re doing it before marriage has even been talked about.
@@TheCRYSTALLURE yeah I think that they do live together already, so I was also a bit confused about that cause then I'm like why not get married first ? Cause now they low key seem married but they are engaged so I don't know what the marriage will change for them ?? Haven't watched yet but I'm hoping they address that cause that confused me
@@christy7516 I didn’t mean Josh & Isi lol. Let me clarify; I meant in general when folks are dating but for instance are just living their lives. Haven’t really talked about marriage. And they may or may not have a kid(s) already. But for Josh & Isi, we know they spoke on marriage. It’s in some of their old videos as “Beauty & Beau”. And they didn’t move in w/ each until they were engaged basically. Isi would spend nights over sometimes but she didn’t move in until the tail end nearing their engagement if I remember correctly. Versus the other folks I’m speaking of don’t even have an engagement on the table in the foreseeable future. If that makes more sense now? I hope so 😭.
@@TheCRYSTALLURE yes i agree! and that’s where I was getting at with my first comment, was that “this specific circumstance” does NOT always end with a happy ever after for most people dating in this generation, like it worked for them, but won’t always be the case for most so (waiting) would be security for both people, cause it sucks when you have given yourself away to people that you don’t end up married to
My parents have been married for 30 years and my moms biggest advice to me was to live with your partner BEFORE you get married for the exact reason Josh talked about! Love y’all! Keep doing YOU!
My first marriage lasted 9 years. It was good and bad, but the domestic violence allowed me to see that my union was not blessed, or I felt that God did not want me to live like that. I did not know my first husband was bipolar. We used to physically fight. During one fight, he knocked me out and I woke up with a pistol in my face. If I had known then what I know now... I would have been engaged to him for a longer period of time. Then you have couples that get married after dating for two weeks and have successfull marriages that last to the end of their lives. Do what works for you. Pray about it. God Bless. FYI The sounds seems a little low. When the commercials come on they are extremely loud because I have you guys turned up.
I was once engaged (2019)...however everything went left. I was extremely salty & hurt to call it all off after being in a relationship for 2 years & a year of premarital counseling/wedding planning... We were committed and considered moving in together before marriage but that never happened because we had separate places (overnight stays with self control were often). I'll be honest, the temptation to be intimate was on high, it felt like I betrayed God for placing myself in that predicament. We did our best to keep others opinions/projections out of our relationship...A few months later we were constantly clashing about our relationship & I started to sense red flags...We began having conflict in other areas like our differences in lifestyles, habits & living spaces..We didn't marry & we no longer talk at all. For the past 2 years I've been trying to discover the new me and allow God to piece me back together. From my experience, I still wouldn't move in until being married nor would I stay overnight. I would put more focus on God being the head of the foundation, being equally yoked & premarital counseling. *I pray that the Lord lead & guide Josh & Isi both & that it may turn out in their favor.
My thought process on waiting until I was married to move in together was, does the fact that my signifigant other has different living habits stop me from wanting to marry them? Am I going to hate them because I didnt know they leave the cap off the toothpaste, or didnt put their socks in the laundry😂 I personally didnt think it was such a big deal establishing how we want the house to be run, and the differences between me and my hubs living habits, because we took those opportunities as a learning experience. We were already aware there would be differences, so we didnt take it too seriously. I think the problem comes in when you let those small differences become big petty arguments.
I say that all the time. I don't understand how people think they are going to be in a relationship with someone and not expect them to change. It is natural. It's like expecting a 20-year-old to still have the same thoughts and opinions they had at ten. We change all the time. It's about finding someone who can evolve with you.
My take on people with relationships today is people move too fast. Take your time to get to know people before getting married. You have to grow into the person you need to be in order to give your marriage the best of you. You will change when you get married what I mean by that is you go throw seasons of change that’s growth. Your love will grow, your faith will grow, your maturity will grow. Certain experiences you only grow through when you’re married. Your friendship is what will bring you close and secure the bond between the both of you. I hope my comment makes sense I married my best friend. We’ve been together 20 years.
YES, QUESTION EVERYTHING! I always wonder how ppl get into long-term relationships or marriages and be like “oh I didn’t know you didn’t want kids” “ I didn’t know this or that triggers you” etc. I believe in moving in together, communicating & questioning everything. Great point that we have advanced so much yet our mindset stays the same.
By definition, shacking up means to sleep OR live together as unmarried sexual partners. People focus so much on the “living together as unmarried sexual partners”, however, if you sleep with someone and spend the night there, that’s also shacking up. So people have been shacking up without even realizing it.
It’s so interesting hearing both you twos perspectives! I always felt like I was “supposed” to wait until marriage to move in with a man. But as I get older I realize I only thought that bc it was ingrained in me from childhood. I agree and believe it’s sooo important to know someone on all levels before making such a huge commitment, thanks for the change in perspective!
I loved this video. My fiancé and I recently got engaged and we lived together even before our engagement. I couldn’t imagine waiting till marriage to live together. Like you two said it’s best to fully know someone before fully committing yourself to them. To each their own but I’m glad my fiancé and I lived together before our engagement. Every relationship and couple is not the same. it’s not fair to project one’s personal opinions on how others choose to handle their relationship because again like you two said not one size fits all. I understand the purpose of waiting till marriage but just because something didn’t work for one doesn’t mean it won’t work for another. Loved this topic.
Respect y’all opinions on shacking up 100% I use to feel the same way, until it was explained to me that the issues many run into when living together shouldn’t be something that stop u from committing to that person. You marry someone because of how they make you feel because of the love u have for them not because they turn off every light and close every cabinet. I think shacking up really clouds our judgement and could ruin a good thing for ppl.
I've been with my partner for five years, and we have lived together almost all five years lol. We were practically inseparable the day we met. We got out of the first apartment together almost exactly a year after we met. Then we went to the mountains of Colorado/got high as hell in Denver a month later. We have lived together for four years now. I think people should mind their business. It didn't make sense for us to pay separate rental bills when we literally stayed with each other all the time. We would have been paying double the rent for no reason. So, we got an apartment together. When you really love someone, you don't want to be away from them for too long. I am also not a Christian, but I grew up as one. I grew up in a Baptist church for 20 years. It does not resonate with me, but I understand and respect people's perspectives as long as they respect mine.
@@christy7516 We do have plans for marriage. We are not against it. We have discussed it, and we plan on getting married before we have children. But I do not want to worry about either of those things right now. I am only 25, and I am finishing my bachelor's in December. I am really focused on that right now, and then we have plans on getting engaged, married, and starting a family. I still have some Christian values, but I just don't follow the faith religiously anymore.
I grew up Baptist too and saw discrepancies with what we did and what the Bible said. Thank God Almighty, someone from the church of Christ did a Bible study with me, and my eyes were opened. It's a beautiful thing sis, a beautiful thing...and NO ONE can take it away from you. God bless you and I pray for your faith in God to be restored. Peace. Love. and Light✌🏿
I love you guys but I'm not sure about what you said about having to live with someone for one year before getting married . I don't think it's necessary. I think you mentioned that y'all did live in the same house at some point... so I'm not sure that this logic applies especially if you've dated someone for a while and you're around them.. you should be able to have a general idea of how they live if you're around them .. y'all could have worked it out when you got married too I think either is fine but even when you get married you may still find things you don't know or kinks cause things can change . Humans are constantly evolving hey.. I'm glad y'all are open to convo about this ❤️❤️❤️.
I love that you guys waited for engagement 🥰 but y’all also had YEARS in and I’m only giving a man two years to ask cause im 28 and out of time to give. I’d prefer us to have our own places and just give each other keys before marriage. I can stay with him for a couple weeks or whatever and find out how he lives, and vice versa. Eventually we’ll work out likes and dislikes. We’ll both have security in case we don’t make it to the alter. But I want marriage to feel like a new stage of life. Our two can become one after vows. It’d be nice to find a home together with my husband.
Touching back on the Ukrainian and Russia war, it seems so surreal yk . I always felt like war was something that would stay in history (with the exception of Israel and Palestine) but for this war to be happening in 2022, it’s just like dang bro what do I even do Fr to help out 🤦🏾♀️
Nice convo. People change over time in or out of relationships. Married people learn how to adjust. The core of who you are remains the same. That's all that matters. Here's to a wonderful marriage!
As a Christian I can see where Josh is coming from (to an extent ) in regards to living with someone before marriage however The Bible is CLEAR in regards to sex and marriage .... there’s NO ROOM for a debate or misinterpretation! At the end of the day we all will have to answer to God one day...
I think Sal from Love is Blind S2 is a great example of breaking someone’s heart (lowkey but won’t get into that rn lol) but being standup about it bc it came from a honest place of hurt. And more males need to have accountability bc they truly think that doing people dirty is ok. But when the shoe is on the other foot they will NEVER look at you the same, treat you the same, or forgive you. Yet they do those very things they’d never be okay with happening to them, to others. It’s the audacity. And that’s why I always say Women need to keep the same energy. Don’t take someone back when they do you wrong. Don’t except bs. And don’t settle. KNOW YOUR WORTH bc just remember the energy they’d give you if you gave them a taste of their own medicine.
Could y'all start turning the volume on these up? I love them but i hate watching them because the commercials scream at me throughout every quality conversation because i have to turn y'all up to the max to hear.
Honestly with the living together before marriage, I believe that y’all were emotionally and mentally intelligent enough to know where y’all were with each other to make that move. There are a fair amount of very immature young adults, however, who if you get them behind closed doors then they end up a statistic (single parent household struggling financially). So like y’all said it isn’t a one size fits all. Also, technically getting to learn each other before marriage or after, it’a going to be difficult either way. Personally I feel that unless y’all have a lot of assets (or liabilities) tied together and kids then there’s a way out in either situation
Hey Josh! I can definitely agree with the fact that people definitely need to have more conversations surrounding scripture especially on topics such as this and not just use it as a way to stop the conversation, it should actually be the complete opposite response. With that being said, respectfully, Jesus was indeed quoting scriptures from the old testament and not just speaking in Parables. If you study out Matthew 4 when Jesus was in the wilderness, you will see these are one of the examples in which Jesus did quote scripture. There are very many instances throughout the gospel where Jesus references and quotes the OT. Hope that helps!
That’s exactly what I was saying while he said that comment because Jesus knowing the word of God is the reason why he was never tempted when he was here on the earth when the enemy came to him when he was in the wilderness Jesus told him Man shall not eat bt bread alone but by the word of God that comes out of his mouth, part of his life wasn’t recorded so I guess in a lot of peoples knowledge they believe Jesus which is going around doing everything that his father told him to do but people don’t know that up until the age of 30 Jesus life wasn’t recorded because Abba gave him time to be on his own like we all should do for ourselves. I definitely understand about real world experiences because you know that’s how we learn as well and in most Christians life they will tell you that but you have to know how to use your weapon which is the word of God so it’s always going to be quoting scriptures because that’s our weapon here on the earth in any situation.
I just feel like God put things in order when it comes to levels in a relationship leading to marriage for a reason and you can't just pick and choose when you wanna follow his principles etc because you believe other than God. Like his word is set in stone. Temptation to doing things you aren't supposed to do before marriage is apart of this too.
Everyone truly has a different perspective on moving in before marriage. Especially when you have been brought up in a religious household, e.i. I am one of those individuals. My grandmother is a Reverend, I was brought up in the church since forever, and she is highly against moving in before eloping before the presence of God. She believes by not eloping before the presence of God you will not receive God's full blessing. As young woman I have lived with two "boys" in the past (those relationships did not work, was in my early twenties too). At this point in my life at thirty, I feel like I would be "playing house" all over again with anyone I pursue because of the trauma I have experienced living with "boys". I absolutely do agree with @isimemeedeko how she brought up with Josh being engaged before moving in. And I feel it it is important that we need to acknowledge Isi for creating healthy boundaries for herself in her relationship, which is not a topic that is spoken about a lot within the black community (I'm just saying). I love, love, love what ya'll contribute to, waiting for the podcast... God Bless!
This is accurate. I've been with my man for 12 years and we have similar situations. Especially people who second guessed us and look we made it to 12 years. We have three children and we are still getting better and better. We are also college sweethearts. So it's never going to be perfect but it's the journey and the process that makes it worth it. I appreciate this Convo. All I can say is we are happy, love each other and have been each others best friend. He has more friends then me so I'm always included in SOME of the things he does with his man friends. Usually that would hinder a relationship for us not at all. Totally appreciate we do this and I'm so glad we also closed off everybody and listened to what we wanted to do.....such as even getting married. We are engaged and been happy. Who knows what will happen but we have our own values. When I was talking to women in a English class I teach I told them it's our life, we are growing old together and we ain't going nowhere. 🤣🤣There is more to that but I won't say it here but that's our personal take and thoughts. I also agree forced things don't work well either. i really appreciate you sharing this as this is honestly what happens and this is personal. Last thought I swear....it's always those that need to mind their business that want to tell you how to live your life ... personally been around toxic people who gave terrible relationship advice so I had to apologize to my man for that..these people couldn't even hold a healthy relationship like hmmm 🤔...this goes deep....ALL THE BEST to both of you ❤️❤️❤️❤️!!!! I've seen so much growth between you two....since we found you hubby and I watch your videos and have even learned from you. We can learn from everyone ☺️
You can think from other prospectives. When you put yourself in people shoes. But that comes with listening and someone asking for advice. That’s called WISDOM.
I absolutely agree with y’all as there have been situations where people haven’t been “shacked up” are now in a miserable marriage or tend to get a divorce because they didn’t know the person.
We need a part 2 on how you navigated these conversations, how you dealt with it internally - because I feel like when the noise is too much, it becomes overwhelming? and how you navigated it together.. love you both btw!
Y’all really set the example of how people can and should communicate just by the tone and calmly expressing your views. I have always been taught that “shacking up” was bad. This is how adult conversation should be held because I came to this video with a one sided guarded up opinion but you two have opened up my mind to a different perspective and diffuse what I projected as bad but in a way where it’s understandable and your tone is not negative. More ppl need to have candid conversation as such like y’all are able to provide on this channel. Most respect to Josh and isi, peace and blessings to y’all ❤️
I totally think y’all should make a podcast! put it everywhere platforms are hosted and bring in guests with different points of view and DEFINITELY have like a call in feature where members from quality crew and call in and give opinions. also you all can highlight a quality crew member every episode ? y’all would be so good at this lol I can see it! plus that’s another stream of income from ads. I remember Isi was saying having a lot of brand deals was tough to create a lot of content for - but with podcasts all you have to do is talk about the product (sort o script like) for a segment. did I mention Josh can input more of his music into the podcast? long story short - yes, make Quality Conversations the Podcast
Honestly had not thought about the living situation while being engaged but what yall said makes sense. At least you can learn things from early and work on it so your marriage doesn't start in chaos after the honeymoon phase "wear off".
I'm not into playing house, but I do agree that once engaged, the couple should live together. Having different roommates in college sure did put that into perspective for me, too. It could be a simple matter of two friends moving in together as roommates and them living together could ruin their friendship. Idk what it is exactly, but living with someone will allow you to see another side somehow. I personally would like to at least see what it's going to be like beforehand instead of being caught off guard.
I can understand Josh not looking for someone to just throw scripture without expounding on its application. Even scripture says in all thy getting get an understanding and Jesus didn’t even like religion that was His problem with the pharisee. The concept of shacking being wrong I believe comes from the biblical concept of the temptation to fornicate. If God is the standard and He is, and He states that it is better to marry than to burn, then to look for logic with our finite minds based on our relationships or experience’s is to say that His word is not everlasting. Many may not like that statement, but this video does open the door for such perspectives. I enjoy seeing y’all together and will continue watching this channel! This culture of personal relationship with God comes off as a redefinition of salvation as if narrow isn’t the way. Personal relationship is to deny yourself and follow Him. Having a nevertheless mentality of not my will Lord, but Your will. To say Lord I trust You and lean not on our own understanding is a difficult thing to do!!! I believe that if I know God I don’t have to test drive a relationships living arrangements to know if it will work. He says my sheep know my voice and a stranger will not follow.
Even though I haven’t really started dating as a 19y/o, I really do believe that you should live with your partner before marriage, but you know in a more serious relationship. I think knowing what you will live with for the rest of your life is important. My dad always mentions I shouldn’t move in with my partner before marriage but I disagree. I think the point of view y’all have is so real.
you speaking. Relationships are definitely not a one size fits all. Like in general. Not everyone can handle the same things. Not everyone copes the same or processes information the same and that's okay. We not supposed to always think the same. You dont know somebody until you start speaking to them, whether they speak the truth or they not being genuine is a whole another topic but you get me.
I loved this! It really opened my mind with different perspectives. I love another perspective. Also, I wanted to know if you could guys could increase the sound a bit? I can only hear you if I turn up my phone all of the way💗 thank youuuuuu😊
Jesus didn't have to quote scripture because he is the scripture. Everyone personally might not like something in the word, but it is what is. Instead of seeking a conversation from people to explain why "shacking" is wrong just seek God and he will give you the answer to what you are looking for. I pray God will continue to bless your relationship.
This is an interesting answer. I will say that they are lucky that they are marrying each other after all these things because a lot of us who try this at home will end up alone and broken. To be completely honest
Yasssss. I halfway think y’all should make a separate channel for the podcast . Another stream of income and you can really just do a once a week video and keep up with your individual brands
it’s not really another stream cuz the money still comes from youtube views so they’d get more money posting on here rather than a new channel with lesser subs
@@camille98tt if they market it right they can get a different kind of audience thus having an added stream of income from another channel . & whether it’s still on TH-cam or not that’s a different brand that will attract different brands and sponsors …. TH-cam revenue is not how TH-camrs live . It’s the brand deals & ad deals . You even get certain ads for certain channels .
I had to have this conversation with my ex early in our relationship (we were together for 2 years). 3 months of being in a relationship he asked to live together. I was not ready at the time and expressed that in order for me to make that move, i need a form of commitment. I need to know that we’re on track to marriage (engagement), which also comes with being aligned in multiple areas of life, to make that move. Granted we spent the night at each other’s house and got a glimpse of each other’s life style. But all in all, I also don’t agree to the “supposed” to do things as Josh mentioned. As long as a couple is mature, and on the same page with common goals to grow together, I don’t see the problem.
I didn't shack for my first two marriages and they didn't work out because I didn't really know them as far living situation. So, I did it the right way and it bit me in the butt. Next time won't be that way, with the intentions to get married, I have no problem moving in together to build and grow stronger together before marriage now. But there needs to be a time limit, I won't live with someone for more than 4 years without being married for sure.
That's why I love my Nana when it comes to getting advice. She will give me advice but point out that all situations are different and to make my best judgment.
Sharing my experience, me and my husband been together for 17 years, we were dating/courtship for 2 years before we got married, and yes we went to church, and still currently going, and been told we was "shacking" had friends and family ask if we sure we wanna get married, and people sort of doubt us, I say continue to keep close communication, have strong relationship with God because that's the glue to keep your marriage alive, and keep family and friends out of your marriage, and only take advice from people that is actually married and that have a successful and happy marriage, yes life happens and people have flaws in marriage but someone that you can look up to take advice from them.
I think the reason a lot of guys think that way is because most guys don’t end up with who they want/ their best friend. A lot of people both men and women are in relationships especially marriages with the wrong person and won’t admit that to themselves. Very few people are with their soulmates and therefore don’t enjoy it and feel like it’s a death to their individuality. A lot of “might as well stay since we’ve been in this relationship for so long” type of thing. Which is unfortunate because you hear this from married women too on the low… especially in African households
Yessss, we're keeping Ukraine in prayer! 🙏🏽 🇺🇦 ❤ I always love listening to y'all's quality conversations. I feel like y'all have grown in so much wisdom over the years and I respect y'all's thoughts tremendously! Y'all are such an inspirational country remodel 🤎🤎🤎
From a Christian/Biblical point of view, to move in before mariage is a sin in many ways and the idea of testing your partner in any way shape or form to see if you can marry them is against what the Lord wants us to do in again so many ways. He asks us to consult Him before jumping into any project so that we don’t take decisions based on the flesh so that’s we don’t fall into sin. That’s also what it means to walk by faith. It’s about trusting that He in all situations he will still take you to Canaan. Knowing that God actually knows you more than yourself and he also said He had a plan for each one of our lives (if we let him unravel it by consulting him before starting projects, entering any relationships, job etc) should He not be able you find you a wife/husband that will be the perfect match? The Lord wishes guide us so we don’t fall in sin but at the end of the day the choice is ours :).
I feel like if you’re going to shun scripture, I don’t think that’s very wise imho. If we say we live by God’s word then we should be open to talking about scripture as well as experience. God is not wrong in his word. Everything isn’t black or white, true enough but to say that someone shouldn’t quote scripture in a situation isn’t the best option to me. I still love you guys! 💕💕💕
In my opinion it's not about knowing the other person well, marriage is something new for both parties and a lot changes. You perceive it as your spouse changing but its just a whole new life and journey you are on, just have to be committed from the jump that you both can work anything out. You two will be fine because you are fully committed to each other. Never turn away from each other to resolve an issue with each other, seems like common sense but it's where most marriages go wrong.
To me, advice should only be given if solicited or warranted ( ex. clear signs of abuse that aren't being seen by the person). My mom's friend asked her for marriage advice. My mom simply told her to use her (the friend's) own experience to decide. And that marriage is something you need to experience for yourself to decide if it's good or bad for you. Her friend thanked her for not giving her advice like what you guys got.
I agree with Josh that opinions are all about projection. Everyone is solely speaking on their own experiences. I appreciate advise, however, I will not follow what someone else recommends I do. ESPECIALLY when it comes to relationships. What happens in your relationship won’t be the same for mine.
LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH! Thank you for these great perspectives and thought-provoking conversations! Differing experiences and paths are what make us who we are! I'm excited to see where these next phases of life take you guys!
you do not have to live with somebody before marriage to figure out how somebody lives. if you’re spending a lot of time and spending the night with each other and going through pre martial counseling, you can easily find out how somebody truly lives, it’s not that hard. God will help you work through those issues post marriage if you’re REALLY serious about the relationship. there’s a reason why God wants us to go through a certain process before marriage, He knows better than us and when we assume we know better than God, just because we feel like His ways are “outdated”, we set ourselves up for failure so you have to be careful with doing that. love and respect you guys but i have to disagree. statistically, people that live together before marriage are more likely to end up in divorce so spiritually aside, the numbers don’t lie. but you also have to do what you feel best, not judging just posting my opinion.
Jesus recited scriptures, parables, and quality conversations lol. Thank you for being transparent on this topic and allowing us to give our personal opinions whether we agree or disagree
I appreciate you all’s views about cohabitation. But for me, it’s a bit difficult because oftentimes cohabiting can lead to fornication. Not always but sometimes. So it can be great to live together, but it’s easier to sin. That’s just my view and I don’t really project my views on other people. If that works for you, it’s your thing.
I agree with your feelings on Ukraine and living with your committed partner. I believe that engagements should be at least a year and that's the perfect time to move in together. You'll get to know if you truly want to be together and can love that person's faults as well. I've lived with boyfriend's but it doesn't end well without commitment.
You sound wholesome, healthy and levelheaded. I think you will have a joyful, passionate marriage. Congratulations and God bless. Some of the people advising you cannot say the same. Always prioritise each other and do what works for you. You (plural) rock!
Another quality video 😄 I'm 22 and I'm still trying to figure out some things, I really respected what Josh said about how people will throw scriptures instead of experience. I've ran into that a lot growing up in a religious space, which is why I struggle with what I want to identify as spiritually. I don't agree with the negative connotation behind "shaking" and fornication in some religions.
moving in together before ACTUALLY signing the papers won’t work for couples who want to wait to be intimate after marriage cuz it’ll be a lot of temptation
I disagree that all advice is projections. If the advice is coming from the scriptures/Bible/Word of God, it is supposed to be guidance and direction so you don’t have to have issues that would cause potential “projections”. It is light and life. The Bible is reality not opinion but if the both of you disagree with that concerning shacking and fornication, that is your own prerogative. As some one who is no longer engaged to be married, I’m so glad that I didn’t move in with my ex-fiancé. I didn’t have to live with him to get to know him or to be able to make the decision to discontinue pursuing marriage based on decisions that were unfortunately being made without my knowledge. If anything moving in would have made the breakup even harder. When things were good even before, during and after that relationship, I still don’t think shacking is the way to go.
Definitely don't think so either. Some people know they want to be with their bf/gf for forever within like a month or two of the relationship. So yeah I definitely don't feel like you HAVE to live with your bf/gf before marriage. Just seems a little extreme to me.
I think you could still get to know someone's habits, their likes/dislikes in continuous conversation - if you're thorough with the kinds of questions you ask and pay enough attention. Because this conversation was framed around others' projections, I (not so) ironically received y'alls thoughts on it being important to live together before marriage as a projection in itself. When I hear that kind of thought process, I receive that information as: some fear (for lack of a better word) that people may not have done their due diligence to get to know their partner and eventually find out that they don't actually know each other as well as they think they do after all. Also, Jesus did quote scriptures (the Old Testament). Yes, he spoke in parables, and when he expounded on the lesson/message of those parables to his disciples, there's always a precept for it somewhere else in the bible.
Currently studying International Politics in Paris (from ATL though!!) and just wanted to say that your overview of the situation was well done! Some things I might add to contextualize: NATO was formed as a military alliance against the USSR during the Cold War so that’s the reason why Putin is a) against NATO expansion towards Russian borders and b) would likely never be a member of NATO haha. With that in mind, for a lot it seems like a ‘dispute’ between governments but it’s not. As Josh said, it’s a way to gain access to warmer waters and assert Russian influence in the region. So…there’s not really any negotiations to be made in *that* sense. Only negotiations that may help would be with NATO governments to end expansion into the area. However Russia’s motives for such a move would be so that they can turn around and impose their influence on that region themselves. So really Russia is the aggressor, the big Bully here. And it’s a matter of figuring out what type of international response is effective. Not that y’all asked, but i for one don’t think it’s sanctions. Merci pour venir à ma TedTalk lol
I love this guys, i think your opinions are opening me up to you'll perspective. I think everything said is valued and I'm so happy I got to hear it now I'm my future ill have a better understanding how to do things. I agree with you'll.
How’s it any different figuring out the kinks when you’ve been engaged and are already committed to the idea that this is your person for the long haul, you’re not going anywhere… that’s the same stuff you’d figure out if you were married. So you have your “rough stage” of figuring things out during engagement but it’s the same thing… the only way it’s different is if there was a contingency in the back of your head that if this doesn’t go well then we won’t get married. But if the understanding is “ya this if for sure the person I want and we are gonna work through everything” then there’s no difference in doing that during engagement vs waiting til you’re married to do it.
The only issue I have with moving in before marriage is all the home maintenance and responsibilities that come with it. As you guys said, this is where you really see what’s behind closed doors. Who cooking/cleaning/paying rent or is it a split job? etc and that’s why trust and not looking for outside validation is very important. Ideally it’s best to do what works for both people but I think in this generation, relationships are very difficult because a lot of people fail to be honest and true to themselves which makes them dishonest to their partners.
It’s hard to have life conversations with Black Christians. They don’t like questions or deviating thoughts. I think it’s even harder if they come from the South or Midwest. As a Black Christian from the Midwest, I learned a lot after leaving and getting years of education. I think consulting and asking educated pastor’s is good. They welcome questions and don’t shut down conversation with a Bible verse and no follow up explanation. I see both sides, but I don’t voice my criticisms as boldly as some in this comment section because God is working on me daily. Maybe this conversation was a little too grown up for some, but this was a good listen.
It’s gonna be tough for you to say don’t quote scripture because you’re basically saying, you know what the bible says but you’d rather no got there and you’d rather someone discuss this with you in a way that complements your ideas about it. In other words, this is an area of scripture you don’t want to obey, and that’s fine. You should just say that. We’re human and when we go against God we always wanna defend ourselves and make excuses for why this thing is ok. It’s not. But the real thing would be to admit that and say, I personally don’t want to obey God here. Being a believer in Jesus Christ who saved us from the very things we wanna go back into is deep and not easy and it’s definitely not about everything being gold or even “quality” but it’s real it’s true and it’s saved so many of us. So just think about it before you project that out here. You have soooo many followers…..I love you guys but maybe you should have kept that to yourselves it’s evident you’re already living together and like it that way x
i looooove you guys! I like how you guys gave your opinion from your actual experience but also provided the dangers of being on shaky ground without solid commitment. 🙌 I was just confused at first because I think you both identify as christians (ISI talked about transformation church in the previous video) but i think there are different kinds. When you talked about how your lifestyle as a couple is and how you don't like being told how things are "supposed" to be done, I wonder what you're referring to ? As a 21 year old bible based christian who is still learning, I wonder if other Christians are the one's telling you both this (simply reiterating what the bible says)? If it was someone close to me I would tell them out of love what is a wise choice based on how well I know that person and what the bible says. Personally, for me I struggle with temptation. So, if i was engaged maybe it wouldn't be the best idea for me to move in with someone who I am only engaged with. 🙏 Anyways I love your content and appreciate the safe space for discussion :)
I agree with y'all! I think relationships should just be the two parties involved with God. I think it's important to live together in order to take the next step (i.e. marriage), I also see the dangers like... what if they leave? what if 8 years later there's no ring. However, I feel signing up for marriage with someone you never lived with is worst. I agree with your solution to ensure there's a commitment prior to moving in together (i.e. ring). Of course people change, it's the beauty of being human. I like to believe that regardless of changes, if there's love and understanding that was there from the beginning, the people in the relationship will keep communicating and adapting regardless.
“Shacking up” before marriage isn’t really not evolved way of thinking, it is in the Bible how a couple should wait till marriage to have intimate relations, so that it’s special for each other. I’m not judging or saying I am perfect in any way.
![Megan Thee Stallion - Neva Play (feat. RM) [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/TpYTyAaTRts/mqdefault.jpg)
I’m celibate and waiting until marriage and I have a boyfriend and we won’t be living together until married. I don’t know everything about him in terms of his living habits but you’ll never know everything. As long as the person you choose has a good heart, loves you, doesn’t show signs or red flags of being abusive verbally or physically then the rest can be learned, fixed…re thought. It’s a blessing to wait and stay under the hand and protection of God until you are promised to one another forever.
Totally agree!
This is the ABSOLUTE TRUTH!!!!
Facts!
These two have been knowing each other for dang near 7 years, and from what I gather, they have been knowing each other for 5 or 6 years before moving in with each other. I saw red 🚩 with my ex, and I didn't have to move in with him to see that. Time and time again, I see SOME couples move in with each other, get engaged, and do not commit to marriage. I know as human beings, we JUSTIFY our wrongs and rights because deep down in our hearts, we want to do what we want to do...GOD says to put HIM first and lean not on your OWN understanding. It is a HARD walk with Jesus, but well worth it! Peace.
@@marianb2530 definitely
@@musiclover0445 Amen, and I hope I am not sounding mean or mad. Because when it is all said and done, I have to give an account of MY LIFE...not Josh and Isi's life, lol!
Honestly I feel like the people who have all these problems “suddenly” appear after marriage are the people who rushed into marriage, and or ignored red flags. The people who love saying “marriage isn’t what you think” or whatever other negative experiences are the people who chose wrong and chose too soon.
EXACTLY! it's exactly the same way a person projects their insecurities on you, and try to make you feel bad, just cus they feel bad. It happens literally in all sphere of life. Hurt people will always try to find ways to hurt other people too, but if you're wise you deflect from it. I feel like nowadays it is much easier to believe, and know for yourself that healthy marriages exist, and what's normal is HEALTHY relationships with QUALITY partners.
i would prefer to wait till marriage to live with someone because I also believe in not having sex till marriage, so I would just like to avoid temptation. However, I agree with Josh and Isi’s view, that you should try to know everything about that person before you decide to spend the rest of your life with them. Which is why I love the idea of pre-marital counselling. You discuss tools to help your marriage and work out numerous horrible situations that can occur and learn each other’s bad habits etc. It’s basically a year of couple therapy to avoid problems before they arrive. I will acknowledge though that you can’t know everything till you experience it and that there will most likely be challenges my future partner and I never thought of and will have to work through but I think it will be an interesting and learning journey 💗.
I wholeheartedly agree with your statement. My husband and I dated for 7 years and we didn't move in we each other before we got married. You won't believe the judgment we recieved from friends and family because they tried to rush our relationship. But, in the process of that 7 years, we formed an incredible bond and I truly married my best friend. We learned about one another's character, habits, recieved premarital counseling, had tough conversations, our dreams, goals before we said I Do. Marriage is very serious and it is not something to be played with or taken lightly. I want to know 100 percent who that person is before I marry them. And the things we find out or discover when we're married, won't be as difficult because we formed that bond. So many couples do things backwards and want to rush the process but don't take the time to actually know that person before marriage. Marriage is more than just sex. it's an important part, but not the only component to a successful marriage. God has to be the center of your marriage in order for it flourish and grow. Growth in marriage is everything and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I absolutely agree! I think through spending time with that person's family and friends you may get more insight into how they live as well, but even without that, every marriage will have its issues anyway I think its just up to that couple to make the decision to continue to choose each other every day regardless
I completely agree !
100% agree
Amen sis...Amen! God bless you for your efforts and learning to trust and believe in God's will for you. My husband and I also did pre-marriage counseling with our minister. It was the BEST thing we could have done. I ALMOST didn't think we were going to make it, lol! The challenges will be there before you live together and after...Josh made a lot of good points, but it comes down to OUR own FAITH, CONVICTIONS and JOURNEY.
Girl I know you did not just get a whole root canal and then doing a quality conversation??
They love us🥰
As Dr Myles munroe said, the reason why God gave us the “rule” to not shack up before marriage is not to “stop our fun” or “make things hard” but it’s actually to protect us, it’s suchhhh a BLESSING That you 2 (and also me and my husband) made it to marriage but not every couple that’s DATING does, so let’s say they don’t end up married & they have been “shacking up”….NOW they have that memory/experience, kids, etc with their last partner and bring it into their new relationship, and even bring in comparisons of how their last partner did this and that etc…when it was supposed to be explored and shared between just 2 people, it’s supposed to be a more enjoyable thing if you have nothing to compare to/remember….(plss o! Not bashing you two) I LOVE you guys! Just wanted to give another perspective on it 🥰🥰🥰
Is it also where the idea of “playing house” comes to play?? I’ve heard that saying by folks who believe that doing wifely/husbandly duties before marriage defeats the purpose, essentially, if you’re doing it before marriage has even been talked about.
@@TheCRYSTALLURE yeah I think that they do live together already, so I was also a bit confused about that cause then I'm like why not get married first ? Cause now they low key seem married but they are engaged so I don't know what the marriage will change for them ?? Haven't watched yet but I'm hoping they address that cause that confused me
@@christy7516 I didn’t mean Josh & Isi lol. Let me clarify; I meant in general when folks are dating but for instance are just living their lives. Haven’t really talked about marriage. And they may or may not have a kid(s) already.
But for Josh & Isi, we know they spoke on marriage. It’s in some of their old videos as “Beauty & Beau”. And they didn’t move in w/ each until they were engaged basically. Isi would spend nights over sometimes but she didn’t move in until the tail end nearing their engagement if I remember correctly.
Versus the other folks I’m speaking of don’t even have an engagement on the table in the foreseeable future. If that makes more sense now? I hope so 😭.
@@TheCRYSTALLURE yes i agree! and that’s where I was getting at with my first comment, was that “this specific circumstance” does NOT always end with a happy ever after for most people dating in this generation, like it worked for them, but won’t always be the case for most so (waiting) would be security for both people, cause it sucks when you have given yourself away to people that you don’t end up married to
I love your perspective
I think y’all should do videos on Black love in your life. Like the story of your parents love, convos w friends (single or taken), etc.
Yess… like interviewing successful black couples. REAL LIFE COUPLES!
My parents have been married for 30 years and my moms biggest advice to me was to live with your partner BEFORE you get married for the exact reason Josh talked about! Love y’all! Keep doing YOU!
My first marriage lasted 9 years. It was good and bad, but the domestic violence allowed me to see that my union was not blessed, or I felt that God did not want me to live like that. I did not know my first husband was bipolar. We used to physically fight. During one fight, he knocked me out and I woke up with a pistol in my face. If I had known then what I know now... I would have been engaged to him for a longer period of time. Then you have couples that get married after dating for two weeks and have successfull marriages that last to the end of their lives. Do what works for you. Pray about it. God Bless. FYI The sounds seems a little low. When the commercials come on they are extremely loud because I have you guys turned up.
Glad you got out of that situation! Happy for you
@@nadiaboone3946 thank you Miss Nadia
I was once engaged (2019)...however everything went left. I was extremely salty & hurt to call it all off after being in a relationship for 2 years & a year of premarital counseling/wedding planning... We were committed and considered moving in together before marriage but that never happened because we had separate places (overnight stays with self control were often). I'll be honest, the temptation to be intimate was on high, it felt like I betrayed God for placing myself in that predicament. We did our best to keep others opinions/projections out of our relationship...A few months later we were constantly clashing about our relationship & I started to sense red flags...We began having conflict in other areas like our differences in lifestyles, habits & living spaces..We didn't marry & we no longer talk at all. For the past 2 years I've been trying to discover the new me and allow God to piece me back together. From my experience, I still wouldn't move in until being married nor would I stay overnight. I would put more focus on God being the head of the foundation, being equally yoked & premarital counseling.
*I pray that the Lord lead & guide Josh & Isi both & that it may turn out in their favor.
I can't with Josh "you have to rephrase that" that was hilarious
“Please rephrase that” 😭😭😭💀💀 Josh it’s too early
My thought process on waiting until I was married to move in together was, does the fact that my signifigant other has different living habits stop me from wanting to marry them? Am I going to hate them because I didnt know they leave the cap off the toothpaste, or didnt put their socks in the laundry😂 I personally didnt think it was such a big deal establishing how we want the house to be run, and the differences between me and my hubs living habits, because we took those opportunities as a learning experience. We were already aware there would be differences, so we didnt take it too seriously. I think the problem comes in when you let those small differences become big petty arguments.
Even if people change if you love someone you’ll continue to learn them.
I say that all the time. I don't understand how people think they are going to be in a relationship with someone and not expect them to change. It is natural. It's like expecting a 20-year-old to still have the same thoughts and opinions they had at ten. We change all the time. It's about finding someone who can evolve with you.
@@Dez112 Facts...we can justify all day long.
My take on people with relationships today is people move too fast. Take your time to get to know people before getting married. You have to grow into the person you need to be in order to give your marriage the best of you. You will change when you get married what I mean by that is you go throw seasons of change that’s growth. Your love will grow, your faith will grow, your maturity will grow. Certain experiences you only grow through when you’re married. Your friendship is what will bring you close and secure the bond between the both of you. I hope my comment makes sense I married my best friend. We’ve been together 20 years.
YES, QUESTION EVERYTHING! I always wonder how ppl get into long-term relationships or marriages and be like “oh I didn’t know you didn’t want kids” “ I didn’t know this or that triggers you” etc. I believe in moving in together, communicating & questioning everything. Great point that we have advanced so much yet our mindset stays the same.
By definition, shacking up means to sleep OR live together as unmarried sexual partners. People focus so much on the “living together as unmarried sexual partners”, however, if you sleep with someone and spend the night there, that’s also shacking up. So people have been shacking up without even realizing it.
It’s so interesting hearing both you twos perspectives! I always felt like I was “supposed” to wait until marriage to move in with a man. But as I get older I realize I only thought that bc it was ingrained in me from childhood. I agree and believe it’s sooo important to know someone on all levels before making such a huge commitment, thanks for the change in perspective!
I loved this video. My fiancé and I recently got engaged and we lived together even before our engagement. I couldn’t imagine waiting till marriage to live together. Like you two said it’s best to fully know someone before fully committing yourself to them. To each their own but I’m glad my fiancé and I lived together before our engagement. Every relationship and couple is not the same. it’s not fair to project one’s personal opinions on how others choose to handle their relationship because again like you two said not one size fits all. I understand the purpose of waiting till marriage but just because something didn’t work for one doesn’t mean it won’t work for another. Loved this topic.
Respect y’all opinions on shacking up 100% I use to feel the same way, until it was explained to me that the issues many run into when living together shouldn’t be something that stop u from committing to that person. You marry someone because of how they make you feel because of the love u have for them not because they turn off every light and close every cabinet. I think shacking up really clouds our judgement and could ruin a good thing for ppl.
I've been with my partner for five years, and we have lived together almost all five years lol. We were practically inseparable the day we met. We got out of the first apartment together almost exactly a year after we met. Then we went to the mountains of Colorado/got high as hell in Denver a month later. We have lived together for four years now. I think people should mind their business. It didn't make sense for us to pay separate rental bills when we literally stayed with each other all the time. We would have been paying double the rent for no reason. So, we got an apartment together. When you really love someone, you don't want to be away from them for too long. I am also not a Christian, but I grew up as one. I grew up in a Baptist church for 20 years. It does not resonate with me, but I understand and respect people's perspectives as long as they respect mine.
My question to you is if you're that inseparable why not get married though even privately .. might as well right?
@@christy7516 We do have plans for marriage. We are not against it. We have discussed it, and we plan on getting married before we have children. But I do not want to worry about either of those things right now. I am only 25, and I am finishing my bachelor's in December. I am really focused on that right now, and then we have plans on getting engaged, married, and starting a family. I still have some Christian values, but I just don't follow the faith religiously anymore.
I grew up Baptist too and saw discrepancies with what we did and what the Bible said. Thank God Almighty, someone from the church of Christ did a Bible study with me, and my eyes were opened. It's a beautiful thing sis, a beautiful thing...and NO ONE can take it away from you. God bless you and I pray for your faith in God to be restored. Peace. Love. and Light✌🏿
I love you guys but I'm not sure about what you said about having to live with someone for one year before getting married . I don't think it's necessary. I think you mentioned that y'all did live in the same house at some point... so I'm not sure that this logic applies especially if you've dated someone for a while and you're around them.. you should be able to have a general idea of how they live if you're around them .. y'all could have worked it out when you got married too I think either is fine but even when you get married you may still find things you don't know or kinks cause things can change . Humans are constantly evolving hey.. I'm glad y'all are open to convo about this ❤️❤️❤️.
I love that you guys waited for engagement 🥰 but y’all also had YEARS in and I’m only giving a man two years to ask cause im 28 and out of time to give.
I’d prefer us to have our own places and just give each other keys before marriage.
I can stay with him for a couple weeks or whatever and find out how he lives, and vice versa.
Eventually we’ll work out likes and dislikes.
We’ll both have security in case we don’t make it to the alter.
But I want marriage to feel like a new stage of life.
Our two can become one after vows. It’d be nice to find a home together with my husband.
Touching back on the Ukrainian and Russia war, it seems so surreal yk . I always felt like war was something that would stay in history (with the exception of Israel and Palestine) but for this war to be happening in 2022, it’s just like dang bro what do I even do Fr to help out 🤦🏾♀️
Please don’t change the intro it’s like a peace trigger for me each time I hear it😭😭
LITERALLY. I feel like it’s too perfect
Nice convo. People change over time in or out of relationships. Married people learn how to adjust. The core of who you are remains the same. That's all that matters. Here's to a wonderful marriage!
As a Christian I can see where Josh is coming from (to an extent ) in regards to living with someone before marriage however The Bible is CLEAR in regards to sex and marriage .... there’s NO ROOM for a debate or misinterpretation! At the end of the day we all will have to answer to God one day...
Josh and Isi you are both right!!! Every relationship has it's own DNA, and fingerprint no two are the same.
I think Sal from Love is Blind S2 is a great example of breaking someone’s heart (lowkey but won’t get into that rn lol) but being standup about it bc it came from a honest place of hurt. And more males need to have accountability bc they truly think that doing people dirty is ok. But when the shoe is on the other foot they will NEVER look at you the same, treat you the same, or forgive you. Yet they do those very things they’d never be okay with happening to them, to others. It’s the audacity. And that’s why I always say Women need to keep the same energy. Don’t take someone back when they do you wrong. Don’t except bs. And don’t settle. KNOW YOUR WORTH bc just remember the energy they’d give you if you gave them a taste of their own medicine.
Could y'all start turning the volume on these up? I love them but i hate watching them because the commercials scream at me throughout every quality conversation because i have to turn y'all up to the max to hear.
Honestly with the living together before marriage, I believe that y’all were emotionally and mentally intelligent enough to know where y’all were with each other to make that move. There are a fair amount of very immature young adults, however, who if you get them behind closed doors then they end up a statistic (single parent household struggling financially). So like y’all said it isn’t a one size fits all. Also, technically getting to learn each other before marriage or after, it’a going to be difficult either way. Personally I feel that unless y’all have a lot of assets (or liabilities) tied together and kids then there’s a way out in either situation
THATS WHY YOU DO NOT HAVE KIDS WHEN YOU ARE LEARNING TO KNOW SOMEBODY OR LIVE WITH SOMEBODY.
@@soniagodlieb1896 I agree lol! But some people are pretty irresponsible when it comes to having kids
Yeesssss quality conversations!!!! On my lunch break watchin this! 🥰
Hey Josh! I can definitely agree with the fact that people definitely need to have more conversations surrounding scripture especially on topics such as this and not just use it as a way to stop the conversation, it should actually be the complete opposite response.
With that being said, respectfully, Jesus was indeed quoting scriptures from the old testament and not just speaking in Parables. If you study out Matthew 4 when Jesus was in the wilderness, you will see these are one of the examples in which Jesus did quote scripture. There are very many instances throughout the gospel where Jesus references and quotes the OT. Hope that helps!
That’s exactly what I was saying while he said that comment because Jesus knowing the word of God is the reason why he was never tempted when he was here on the earth when the enemy came to him when he was in the wilderness Jesus told him Man shall not eat bt bread alone but by the word of God that comes out of his mouth, part of his life wasn’t recorded so I guess in a lot of peoples knowledge they believe Jesus which is going around doing everything that his father told him to do but people don’t know that up until the age of 30 Jesus life wasn’t recorded because Abba gave him time to be on his own like we all should do for ourselves. I definitely understand about real world experiences because you know that’s how we learn as well and in most Christians life they will tell you that but you have to know how to use your weapon which is the word of God so it’s always going to be quoting scriptures because that’s our weapon here on the earth in any situation.
I just feel like God put things in order when it comes to levels in a relationship leading to marriage for a reason and you can't just pick and choose when you wanna follow his principles etc because you believe other than God. Like his word is set in stone. Temptation to doing things you aren't supposed to do before marriage is apart of this too.
!!!! So true!
Thank you.
Everyone truly has a different perspective on moving in before marriage. Especially when you have been brought up in a religious household, e.i. I am one of those individuals. My grandmother is a Reverend, I was brought up in the church since forever, and she is highly against moving in before eloping before the presence of God. She believes by not eloping before the presence of God you will not receive God's full blessing.
As young woman I have lived with two "boys" in the past (those relationships did not work, was in my early twenties too). At this point in my life at thirty, I feel like I would be "playing house" all over again with anyone I pursue because of the trauma I have experienced living with "boys".
I absolutely do agree with @isimemeedeko how she brought up with Josh being engaged before moving in. And I feel it it is important that we need to acknowledge Isi for creating healthy boundaries for herself in her relationship, which is not a topic that is spoken about a lot within the black community (I'm just saying). I love, love, love what ya'll contribute to, waiting for the podcast... God Bless!
Wow first time ever seeing an upload as it posts, a whole sign lol! Loving this marathon! Ok gonna watch now.
This is accurate. I've been with my man for 12 years and we have similar situations. Especially people who second guessed us and look we made it to 12 years. We have three children and we are still getting better and better. We are also college sweethearts. So it's never going to be perfect but it's the journey and the process that makes it worth it. I appreciate this Convo. All I can say is we are happy, love each other and have been each others best friend. He has more friends then me so I'm always included in SOME of the things he does with his man friends. Usually that would hinder a relationship for us not at all. Totally appreciate we do this and I'm so glad we also closed off everybody and listened to what we wanted to do.....such as even getting married. We are engaged and been happy. Who knows what will happen but we have our own values. When I was talking to women in a English class I teach I told them it's our life, we are growing old together and we ain't going nowhere. 🤣🤣There is more to that but I won't say it here but that's our personal take and thoughts. I also agree forced things don't work well either. i really appreciate you sharing this as this is honestly what happens and this is personal. Last thought I swear....it's always those that need to mind their business that want to tell you how to live your life ... personally been around toxic people who gave terrible relationship advice so I had to apologize to my man for that..these people couldn't even hold a healthy relationship like hmmm 🤔...this goes deep....ALL THE BEST to both of you ❤️❤️❤️❤️!!!! I've seen so much growth between you two....since we found you hubby and I watch your videos and have even learned from you. We can learn from everyone ☺️
Shacking also comes with a sense of maturity y'all were both very blessed to be able to mature together in that sense
You can think from other prospectives. When you put yourself in people shoes. But that comes with listening and someone asking for advice. That’s called WISDOM.
Can I join y’all quality conversations cause I our minds cannot be so alike😭😂😭
It’s like watching my inner thoughts having a full blown conversation😂
Sameeee
I absolutely agree with y’all as there have been situations where people haven’t been “shacked up” are now in a miserable marriage or tend to get a divorce because they didn’t know the person.
We need a part 2 on how you navigated these conversations, how you dealt with it internally - because I feel like when the noise is too much, it becomes overwhelming? and how you navigated it together.. love you both btw!
Pleaseeee speak on Love is Blind S2 next video. I would love to hear yalls opinions on the whole experiment and the couples shown on the show!
Y’all really set the example of how people can and should communicate just by the tone and calmly expressing your views. I have always been taught that “shacking up” was bad. This is how adult conversation should be held because I came to this video with a one sided guarded up opinion but you two have opened up my mind to a different perspective and diffuse what I projected as bad but in a way where it’s understandable and your tone is not negative. More ppl need to have candid conversation as such like y’all are able to provide on this channel. Most respect to Josh and isi, peace and blessings to y’all ❤️
I totally think y’all should make a podcast! put it everywhere platforms are hosted and bring in guests with different points of view and DEFINITELY have like a call in feature where members from quality crew and call in and give opinions. also you all can highlight a quality crew member every episode ? y’all would be so good at this lol I can see it! plus that’s another stream of income from ads. I remember Isi was saying having a lot of brand deals was tough to create a lot of content for - but with podcasts all you have to do is talk about the product (sort o script like) for a segment.
did I mention Josh can input more of his music into the podcast?
long story short - yes, make Quality Conversations the Podcast
Honestly had not thought about the living situation while being engaged but what yall said makes sense. At least you can learn things from early and work on it so your marriage doesn't start in chaos after the honeymoon phase "wear off".
I'm not into playing house, but I do agree that once engaged, the couple should live together. Having different roommates in college sure did put that into perspective for me, too. It could be a simple matter of two friends moving in together as roommates and them living together could ruin their friendship. Idk what it is exactly, but living with someone will allow you to see another side somehow. I personally would like to at least see what it's going to be like beforehand instead of being caught off guard.
I can understand Josh not looking for someone to just throw scripture without expounding on its application. Even scripture says in all thy getting get an understanding and Jesus didn’t even like religion that was His problem with the pharisee. The concept of shacking being wrong I believe comes from the biblical concept of the temptation to fornicate. If God is the standard and He is, and He states that it is better to marry than to burn, then to look for logic with our finite minds based on our relationships or experience’s is to say that His word is not everlasting. Many may not like that statement, but this video does open the door for such perspectives. I enjoy seeing y’all together and will continue watching this channel! This culture of personal relationship with God comes off as a redefinition of salvation as if narrow isn’t the way. Personal relationship is to deny yourself and follow Him. Having a nevertheless mentality of not my will Lord, but Your will. To say Lord I trust You and lean not on our own understanding is a difficult thing to do!!! I believe that if I know God I don’t have to test drive a relationships living arrangements to know if it will work. He says my sheep know my voice and a stranger will not follow.
Even though I haven’t really started dating as a 19y/o, I really do believe that you should live with your partner before marriage, but you know in a more serious relationship. I think knowing what you will live with for the rest of your life is important. My dad always mentions I shouldn’t move in with my partner before marriage but I disagree. I think the point of view y’all have is so real.
you speaking. Relationships are definitely not a one size fits all. Like in general. Not everyone can handle the same things. Not everyone copes the same or processes information the same and that's okay. We not supposed to always think the same. You dont know somebody until you start speaking to them, whether they speak the truth or they not being genuine is a whole another topic but you get me.
I loved this! It really opened my mind with different perspectives. I love another perspective. Also, I wanted to know if you could guys could increase the sound a bit? I can only hear you if I turn up my phone all of the way💗 thank youuuuuu😊
Jesus didn't have to quote scripture because he is the scripture. Everyone personally might not like something in the word, but it is what is. Instead of seeking a conversation from people to explain why "shacking" is wrong just seek God and he will give you the answer to what you are looking for. I pray God will continue to bless your relationship.
This is an interesting answer. I will say that they are lucky that they are marrying each other after all these things because a lot of us who try this at home will end up alone and broken. To be completely honest
Yasssss. I halfway think y’all should make a separate channel for the podcast . Another stream of income and you can really just do a once a week video and keep up with your individual brands
Right
Why not have the videos turned to audios for the podcast though, isn't that easier
it’s not really another stream cuz the money still comes from youtube views so they’d get more money posting on here rather than a new channel with lesser subs
@@camille98tt if they market it right they can get a different kind of audience thus having an added stream of income from another channel . & whether it’s still on TH-cam or not that’s a different brand that will attract different brands and sponsors …. TH-cam revenue is not how TH-camrs live . It’s the brand deals & ad deals . You even get certain ads for certain channels .
@@christy7516 they can do both and share the audio on podcast apps as well as putting out videos with its own name , intro , aesthetic & background
I had to have this conversation with my ex early in our relationship (we were together for 2 years). 3 months of being in a relationship he asked to live together. I was not ready at the time and expressed that in order for me to make that move, i need a form of commitment. I need to know that we’re on track to marriage (engagement), which also comes with being aligned in multiple areas of life, to make that move. Granted we spent the night at each other’s house and got a glimpse of each other’s life style. But all in all, I also don’t agree to the “supposed” to do things as Josh mentioned. As long as a couple is mature, and on the same page with common goals to grow together, I don’t see the problem.
I didn't shack for my first two marriages and they didn't work out because I didn't really know them as far living situation. So, I did it the right way and it bit me in the butt. Next time won't be that way, with the intentions to get married, I have no problem moving in together to build and grow stronger together before marriage now. But there needs to be a time limit, I won't live with someone for more than 4 years without being married for sure.
That's why I love my Nana when it comes to getting advice. She will give me advice but point out that all situations are different and to make my best judgment.
Sharing my experience, me and my husband been together for 17 years, we were dating/courtship for 2 years before we got married, and yes we went to church, and still currently going, and been told we was "shacking" had friends and family ask if we sure we wanna get married, and people sort of doubt us, I say continue to keep close communication, have strong relationship with God because that's the glue to keep your marriage alive, and keep family and friends out of your marriage, and only take advice from people that is actually married and that have a successful and happy marriage, yes life happens and people have flaws in marriage but someone that you can look up to take advice from them.
Yes Josh! I will forever live by that. Living with someone before marriage is key.
Ohhh y’all right on time with this one fam. 💯😂
Feel better Queen😘
I think the reason a lot of guys think that way is because most guys don’t end up with who they want/ their best friend. A lot of people both men and women are in relationships especially marriages with the wrong person and won’t admit that to themselves. Very few people are with their soulmates and therefore don’t enjoy it and feel like it’s a death to their individuality. A lot of “might as well stay since we’ve been in this relationship for so long” type of thing. Which is unfortunate because you hear this from married women too on the low… especially in African households
💯
Really love the fact that you guys are both in a space where growth is your end goal.
Yessss, we're keeping Ukraine in prayer! 🙏🏽 🇺🇦 ❤ I always love listening to y'all's quality conversations. I feel like y'all have grown in so much wisdom over the years and I respect y'all's thoughts tremendously! Y'all are such an inspirational country remodel 🤎🤎🤎
Living for this marathon!!! ❤️❤️❤️
From a Christian/Biblical point of view, to move in before mariage is a sin in many ways and the idea of testing your partner in any way shape or form to see if you can marry them is against what the Lord wants us to do in again so many ways. He asks us to consult Him before jumping into any project so that we don’t take decisions based on the flesh so that’s we don’t fall into sin. That’s also what it means to walk by faith. It’s about trusting that He in all situations he will still take you to Canaan. Knowing that God actually knows you more than yourself and he also said He had a plan for each one of our lives (if we let him unravel it by consulting him before starting projects, entering any relationships, job etc) should He not be able you find you a wife/husband that will be the perfect match? The Lord wishes guide us so we don’t fall in sin but at the end of the day the choice is ours :).
I feel like if you’re going to shun scripture, I don’t think that’s very wise imho. If we say we live by God’s word then we should be open to talking about scripture as well as experience. God is not wrong in his word. Everything isn’t black or white, true enough but to say that someone shouldn’t quote scripture in a situation isn’t the best option to me. I still love you guys! 💕💕💕
In my opinion it's not about knowing the other person well, marriage is something new for both parties and a lot changes. You perceive it as your spouse changing but its just a whole new life and journey you are on, just have to be committed from the jump that you both can work anything out. You two will be fine because you are fully committed to each other. Never turn away from each other to resolve an issue with each other, seems like common sense but it's where most marriages go wrong.
To me, advice should only be given if solicited or warranted ( ex. clear signs of abuse that aren't being seen by the person). My mom's friend asked her for marriage advice. My mom simply told her to use her (the friend's) own experience to decide. And that marriage is something you need to experience for yourself to decide if it's good or bad for you. Her friend thanked her for not giving her advice like what you guys got.
I agree with Josh that opinions are all about projection. Everyone is solely speaking on their own experiences. I appreciate advise, however, I will not follow what someone else recommends I do. ESPECIALLY when it comes to relationships. What happens in your relationship won’t be the same for mine.
LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH! Thank you for these great perspectives and thought-provoking conversations! Differing experiences and paths are what make us who we are! I'm excited to see where these next phases of life take you guys!
you do not have to live with somebody before marriage to figure out how somebody lives. if you’re spending a lot of time and spending the night with each other and going through pre martial counseling, you can easily find out how somebody truly lives, it’s not that hard. God will help you work through those issues post marriage if you’re REALLY serious about the relationship. there’s a reason why God wants us to go through a certain process before marriage, He knows better than us and when we assume we know better than God, just because we feel like His ways are “outdated”, we set ourselves up for failure so you have to be careful with doing that. love and respect you guys but i have to disagree. statistically, people that live together before marriage are more likely to end up in divorce so spiritually aside, the numbers don’t lie.
but you also have to do what you feel best, not judging just posting my opinion.
Jesus recited scriptures, parables, and quality conversations lol. Thank you for being transparent on this topic and allowing us to give our personal opinions whether we agree or disagree
I appreciate you all’s views about cohabitation. But for me, it’s a bit difficult because oftentimes cohabiting can lead to fornication. Not always but sometimes. So it can be great to live together, but it’s easier to sin. That’s just my view and I don’t really project my views on other people. If that works for you, it’s your thing.
Pretty sure they are addressing people who aren't waiting until marriage to have sss
I agree with your feelings on Ukraine and living with your committed partner. I believe that engagements should be at least a year and that's the perfect time to move in together. You'll get to know if you truly want to be together and can love that person's faults as well. I've lived with boyfriend's but it doesn't end well without commitment.
I'm loving these uploads.... We're eating lol 😂💜
You sound wholesome, healthy and levelheaded. I think you will have a joyful, passionate marriage. Congratulations and God bless. Some of the people advising you cannot say the same. Always prioritise each other and do what works for you. You (plural) rock!
Another quality video 😄 I'm 22 and I'm still trying to figure out some things, I really respected what Josh said about how people will throw scriptures instead of experience. I've ran into that a lot growing up in a religious space, which is why I struggle with what I want to identify as spiritually. I don't agree with the negative connotation behind "shaking" and fornication in some religions.
When I say y'all two is everything to me.
moving in together before ACTUALLY signing the papers won’t work for couples who want to wait to be intimate after marriage cuz it’ll be a lot of temptation
I disagree that all advice is projections. If the advice is coming from the scriptures/Bible/Word of God, it is supposed to be guidance and direction so you don’t have to have issues that would cause potential “projections”. It is light and life. The Bible is reality not opinion but if the both of you disagree with that concerning shacking and fornication, that is your own prerogative.
As some one who is no longer engaged to be married, I’m so glad that I didn’t move in with my ex-fiancé. I didn’t have to live with him to get to know him or to be able to make the decision to discontinue pursuing marriage based on decisions that were unfortunately being made without my knowledge. If anything moving in would have made the breakup even harder. When things were good even before, during and after that relationship, I still don’t think shacking is the way to go.
Definitely don't think so either. Some people know they want to be with their bf/gf for forever within like a month or two of the relationship. So yeah I definitely don't feel like you HAVE to live with your bf/gf before marriage. Just seems a little extreme to me.
I think you could still get to know someone's habits, their likes/dislikes in continuous conversation - if you're thorough with the kinds of questions you ask and pay enough attention. Because this conversation was framed around others' projections, I (not so) ironically received y'alls thoughts on it being important to live together before marriage as a projection in itself. When I hear that kind of thought process, I receive that information as: some fear (for lack of a better word) that people may not have done their due diligence to get to know their partner and eventually find out that they don't actually know each other as well as they think they do after all. Also, Jesus did quote scriptures (the Old Testament). Yes, he spoke in parables, and when he expounded on the lesson/message of those parables to his disciples, there's always a precept for it somewhere else in the bible.
Disney really did ruin our perspective on life and love smh
Religion ruined our perspective on life and healthy love as well
@@nehwonmantor7266 a lot Christian doctrine yeah for sure
This it the earliest I’ve ever seen y’all post!!🥰🎉
Sooooo happy to be here.
I really appreciate these conversations.Very relaxing, i'm currently watching this video in bed lol.
Currently studying International Politics in Paris (from ATL though!!) and just wanted to say that your overview of the situation was well done! Some things I might add to contextualize: NATO was formed as a military alliance against the USSR during the Cold War so that’s the reason why Putin is a) against NATO expansion towards Russian borders and b) would likely never be a member of NATO haha.
With that in mind, for a lot it seems like a ‘dispute’ between governments but it’s not. As Josh said, it’s a way to gain access to warmer waters and assert Russian influence in the region. So…there’s not really any negotiations to be made in *that* sense. Only negotiations that may help would be with NATO governments to end expansion into the area. However Russia’s motives for such a move would be so that they can turn around and impose their influence on that region themselves. So really Russia is the aggressor, the big Bully here. And it’s a matter of figuring out what type of international response is effective. Not that y’all asked, but i for one don’t think it’s sanctions. Merci pour venir à ma TedTalk lol
Oh y’all are early today! 👀🌇🌞Listening as I’m omw to my hair appt.
Beautiful conversation, very honest loved it.
every man is not a prince, A WORD
QUALITYYYYYYYY
I love this guys, i think your opinions are opening me up to you'll perspective. I think everything said is valued and I'm so happy I got to hear it now I'm my future ill have a better understanding how to do things. I agree with you'll.
The conversation on ghosting was the truth!
How’s it any different figuring out the kinks when you’ve been engaged and are already committed to the idea that this is your person for the long haul, you’re not going anywhere… that’s the same stuff you’d figure out if you were married. So you have your “rough stage” of figuring things out during engagement but it’s the same thing… the only way it’s different is if there was a contingency in the back of your head that if this doesn’t go well then we won’t get married. But if the understanding is “ya this if for sure the person I want and we are gonna work through everything” then there’s no difference in doing that during engagement vs waiting til you’re married to do it.
The only issue I have with moving in before marriage is all the home maintenance and responsibilities that come with it. As you guys said, this is where you really see what’s behind closed doors. Who cooking/cleaning/paying rent or is it a split job? etc and that’s why trust and not looking for outside validation is very important. Ideally it’s best to do what works for both people but I think in this generation, relationships are very difficult because a lot of people fail to be honest and true to themselves which makes them dishonest to their partners.
It’s hard to have life conversations with Black Christians. They don’t like questions or deviating thoughts. I think it’s even harder if they come from the South or Midwest. As a Black Christian from the Midwest, I learned a lot after leaving and getting years of education. I think consulting and asking educated pastor’s is good. They welcome questions and don’t shut down conversation with a Bible verse and no follow up explanation. I see both sides, but I don’t voice my criticisms as boldly as some in this comment section because God is working on me daily. Maybe this conversation was a little too grown up for some, but this was a good listen.
It’s gonna be tough for you to say don’t quote scripture because you’re basically saying, you know what the bible says but you’d rather no got there and you’d rather someone discuss this with you in a way that complements your ideas about it. In other words, this is an area of scripture you don’t want to obey, and that’s fine. You should just say that. We’re human and when we go against God we always wanna defend ourselves and make excuses for why this thing is ok. It’s not. But the real thing would be to admit that and say, I personally don’t want to obey God here. Being a believer in Jesus Christ who saved us from the very things we wanna go back into is deep and not easy and it’s definitely not about everything being gold or even “quality” but it’s real it’s true and it’s saved so many of us. So just think about it before you project that out here. You have soooo many followers…..I love you guys but maybe you should have kept that to yourselves it’s evident you’re already living together and like it that way x
this conversation was it!!!!
i looooove you guys! I like how you guys gave your opinion from your actual experience but also provided the dangers of being on shaky ground without solid commitment. 🙌 I was just confused at first because I think you both identify as christians (ISI talked about transformation church in the previous video) but i think there are different kinds. When you talked about how your lifestyle as a couple is and how you don't like being told how things are "supposed" to be done, I wonder what you're referring to ? As a 21 year old bible based christian who is still learning, I wonder if other Christians are the one's telling you both this (simply reiterating what the bible says)? If it was someone close to me I would tell them out of love what is a wise choice based on how well I know that person and what the bible says. Personally, for me I struggle with temptation. So, if i was engaged maybe it wouldn't be the best idea for me to move in with someone who I am only engaged with. 🙏 Anyways I love your content and appreciate the safe space for discussion :)
Shoutout to Isi for professionally adulting & finding the right dentist for herself! 😂💯💯
I will forever say this: you don't need to live with someone in order to REALLY KNOW them. but to each their own🤷🏿♀️
I agree with y'all! I think relationships should just be the two parties involved with God. I think it's important to live together in order to take the next step (i.e. marriage), I also see the dangers like... what if they leave? what if 8 years later there's no ring. However, I feel signing up for marriage with someone you never lived with is worst. I agree with your solution to ensure there's a commitment prior to moving in together (i.e. ring). Of course people change, it's the beauty of being human. I like to believe that regardless of changes, if there's love and understanding that was there from the beginning, the people in the relationship will keep communicating and adapting regardless.
I absolutely adore these videos. Please continue making more ❤️❤️
“Shacking up” before marriage isn’t really not evolved way of thinking, it is in the Bible how a couple should wait till marriage to have intimate relations, so that it’s special for each other. I’m not judging or saying I am perfect in any way.