Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
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None of this is EVER discussed prior to a marriage. No one tells you anything before the wedding. Not family, not friends, not even divorced co-workers. Everyone finds out the hard way how marriage and divorce works. Marriage is like a seriously consequential contract. You'd think at least your parents would tell you, but they don't! It's crazy!!! We all just hope for the best. Insane!!!
I think no one tells you how it works for two reasons: (1) They don't want to taint your in-love-ness with bad mojo about the legal side of marriage; and (2) They don't really understand how the rules work, either. Everyone should know what they are getting into when they get married. It is the most impactful contract you will probably ever enter into. Essentially, when you get married, you are entering into a "prenuptial agreement". But, if you don't have your attorney write up that pre-nuptial agreement specifically for your situation, the agreement that you have when you get married is based on a messy state law system that is old fashioned (many people think) and unfair (many people think this, too). If you don't want to draft up a prenuptial agreement (which is, I agree, very unromantic), at least learn the default laws and rules that will govern your life if you end up getting to divorced.
@@GraineMediation Yes, you're exactly right. As a divorce lawyer, I would bet that you've made these things crystal clear to YOUR kids. Perhaps you even try to talk them out of getting married. But most young people don't have the benefit of this advice and guidance. I will do my part when my kids start talking about marriage.
@@americanflyer4126 My kids know the score. But, I don't see the situation as all bad. When two people get married there should be an clear understanding that the following things are SHARED in a deep way: (1) children (if you have them); (2) assets and debts - even if only one of the spouse's names are on the asset/debt (real estate, money, retirement assets, cars, credit card debt, etc); and (3) your body. If you have a problem sharing any of those three things with your spouse, you will have trouble. A good way to look at the asset side of the marriage contract is that the law essentially views your marriage as a sort of "mini business". That means that the upward financial trajectory of one spouse lifts the other up, too. Same for a downward trajectory. You are no longer individuals, exactly, when you get married... and I guess this is not well understood by a lot of people.
I spoke with Mrs. Graine over the phone, and despite us being in different states, she was incredibly helpful. She provided me with specific guidance on what to say and consider when speaking to my lawyer about my case. I am grateful for the 25 minutes she spent assisting me, and I highly recommend reaching out to her for legal advice. Thank you.
Key, get a pre-nup. If the bride or groom doesn't like the formality of that legal arrangement remind them that the marriage itself is a formal legal contract too!
Thank you for your information. I am wondering how to divide the retirement assets like 401k, pension and social security benefits? Thank you once again!
It all depends on where you live. The laws are different in different states. PENSION. Generally, the marital portion of a pension (factoring for contributions made after the date of marriage to the date of separation/divorce, depending on your state's laws) is usually divided somewhere near 50/50. The calculation to get there is called the "coverture fraction". Easy to find online. Usually, the pension is paid to the non-employee spouse when the employee spouse begins receiving his/her pension. Most people do not have the cash to do a lump sum buy-out. You need specialized court documents to make this happen, usually in the form of a QDRO, a COAP (Fed Gov't), Military Retirement Pay Division Order (aka Qualified Benefits Order)+ Form 2293 + 2656-10 Deemed Election, and/or other court documents required by State/County/City Governments. 401(k) ACCOUNTS. 401(k) assets are also often divided 50/50, but not always (except in community property states). The marital portion is determined same as with a pension. The actual asset is usually divided like this: look at the balance at the date of separation (or at whatever time your state laws declare an asset to still belong to the marriage), and ask the 401(k) admin to add gains/losses to the spouse's share (the 50%, usually). They have the software to figure this out. If the 401(k) money is transferred directly from the employee spouse's 401(k) account to the non-employee spouse's retirement account, there will be no taxes. You need a specialized court document to make this happen (usually in the form of a QDRO, a RBCO (Fed Gov't TSPs), or other court documents required by State/County/City Governments. SOCIAL SECURITY is usually not divided and distributed in a divorce. The law simply allows for a former spouse, if the marriage lasted greater than 10 years and the spouse who is seeking to collect SS is 62 years old (the the ex-spouse is also eligible for SS), to collect the value of 50% of the ex-spouse's social security. This does not affect the ex-spouse's share. He or she still gets their 100% social security check. In thesesituations, the government is paying out 150%. There are some other criteria: the spouse looking to get 50% of the ex-spouse's social security check (the value of it) must not be married to another person. Also, that spouse's own social security check (the one he or she is eligible for) must be less than the 50% of his or her ex-spouse's social security payment).
Great information! Thank you! How about if a couple is separated already and they are in the process of filing a divorce. Will future Retirement plan ( purchase an Annuity in near future) be affected by divorce?
Thank you. I always try to get people pointed in the right direction and answer their questions to the best of my ability. I became a lawyer to help people solve problems. Mediation is the best way to do that, in my opinion. Thank you for your nice compliment!
Great work very informative..in 2021 my wife an her wanted to refinance the house...the loan officer needed me to sign as a witness..i was apprehensive because i need contracts looked at..my wife was pleading with. Me so i signed..flash forward to a few weeks ago she made a comment saying that she told her brother that i signed over everything so im like a light bulb lit in my brain..i did my research im hoping i didn't sign a interspousal deed transfer..i got fooled if thats the case..we live in California..sadly her mom died in April 2022..im thinking her mom gave her the house in inheritance..my wife a teacher with pension benefits and she makes so much more than me.. divorce is coming
You are welcome! As a divorce mediator, I find that the more information my clients have, the easier it is to settle their divorce case (as long as that information is correct an up-to-date). I began making videos as a way to give my clients accurate information, before and during the mediation, when they were considering various settlement options. It worked so well, I decided to go public with the videos. Glad you got something out of this one 🙂
I am a military veteran and I am seeing several veterans divorcing after more than 36 years of marriage. Majority of these divorces has lead to suicides which have far exceeded the number of combat deaths. Could you elaborate on veteran divorces. What are my challenges with the Survivors Benefit Plan (SBP)? Can a judge force the vet to continue payment after a divorce? Can the judge order the spouse to maintain their retired military ID, giving them access to military installations, even though they don't meet the requirements to maintain one? How is the military retirement divided? I have been told that the spouse can not be awarded the vet's disability pay but the judge could award alimony by exploiting a loop hole that impact the vet disability pay. I am in Georgia which is not a 50/50 state.
Yes. If you do not want to view all assets acquired during the marriage as belonging to the marriage, you should stay single. If you see marriage as a partnership -- which also includes the money -- that is a different story. Marriage is a big deal. Not for everyone.
@@GraineMediation it's not really even so much about the division of property but just legal ramifications and it's one great big hassle of a headache. Also the financial part of attorneys.
@@MichaelBrown-zp1sf I hear you. On the flip side, though, it is very expensive to be single and also a lot of work. If you have a good partner, you share the expenses and the labor. I think people can be happy both ways (married or single). Everyone needs to decide for themselves.
Good luck if spouse is a owner of a scorp and they take early withdrawals and use llc and their untaxed dividends to use as silent partners in investments hide money in multiple banks. And what if you never seen a tax return because your name was forged on them for many years Then you have cash outs from insurance annuity’s . And on and on . How about if they use their exwife from previous marriage to hide money ? If one spouse was controlling all the money good luck !
Would an attorney take a case like this because I had no luck with them telling me that I had no actual proof and they were having a hard time believing an employer would get involved like that?
What about property in a different country in which a formal prenuptial agreement was made? In Colombia called a capitalization, which is wrote into the properties deed directly. Can you tell me a little about that? Thank you
When divorcing people own real estate in another country it makes settling very difficult. The issue is enforcement. A couple can agree on anything, put that agreement in the settlement document, and then incorporate that agreement into their divorce decree. But, if there is a problem related to the real estate in Columbia, as in your example, the state courts really can't do much about it. Their hands are tied. I'm sure there are lawyers who have tricks up their sleeves for this type of problem, but I'm sure the success rate is low, but the price is high. Specific to your question, I do not know what a "capitalization" is in the context of your comment. I also note that there is prenuptial agreement in this case. I think a first good step would be to take the prenuptial agreement to a divorce attorney in your state to see if it is solid, or if there are holes in it. Best of luck to you!
Every state does it their own way. Do some research in your state to determine how it works. Read only lawyer and mediator written articles (blogs) and websites. Do not rely on forums from non-lawyers.
Sorry. I am not an expert in Michigan law. If you mediate, though, you can do as you please. Many of my mediation clients, in Virginia, do not apply the rules of when assets are considered "marital" or "separate". They just divide up the assets and debts in a manner that seems fair to them. This is especially true since most people do not even know this law and live as if all assets and debts acquired until they come into mediation belong to the marriage ... and they are OK with that. If you want to know Michigan law, you will need to see a Michigan attorney. Best of luck to you.
If in most cases the division of marital assets in 50 50 why we need lawyers? How can lawyers help to make it say 70 30? If the law in several states says it has to be fair and equitable then the court or judge decision of 50 50 is violating the law. Any views on these issues would be appreciated..
Lawyers do not usually make it 70/30. Best case scenario -- if one spouse behaved very badly -- is closer to 60/40. Once you add the attorneys fees on top, it is often times not worth the fight. You realize 50/50 might have been easier and, often times, cheaper. Judges go with 50/50 on a regular basis -- even in states that do not have the 50/50 law -- because they do not want a higher level court to overturn them. That is hard to do with a 50/50 decision. It is only when the division of assets is way out of the 50/50 norm that judges are the greatest risk of their decisions being overturned. The facts are all subjective when it comes to dividing assets and debts. One person's very bad behavior could be another person's small nuisance behavior. I agree that most people should not need lawyers to get through a divorce. That is what I do for a living. Help people settle their cases without lawyers.
Great video! Very informative, factual with just the right personal touch. Just goes to show how such a complicated mess divorce can be and the need to simplify it with mediation.
If you happens to be maned on someone else's RE as legal owner only, am I right in saying this particular asset does not form part of communal asset pot for division? If the answer is yes, should it still be declaire on financial disclosure list?
If your name is on the deed for a piece of real estate, you cannot really say that you are not the owner. You ARE an owner. You will need to be able to explain clearly, and with documentation, preferably, why your name is on the deed for real estate that you do not actually own. That will be a tough one. However, if that asset was not acquired during the marriage, and there was no money or labor put into that real estate during the marriage, it will probably not be classified as marital property. In other words, it will not go into the pot for division and distribution. However, if one spouse has a lot of non-marital assets, that is sometimes considered for the purpose of determining an alimony award and in the dividing up of the marital property. I cannot speak to what assets are required to go on your financial list. Those rules are state-by-state. You would need a lawyer, from your state, to answer that question. You will also probably need a lawyer to help you prove that the real estate, upon which your name appears, is not really your real estate.
Im in California... My house is separate property but the judge says my husband is entitled to half appraisal differences. I was ordered to get an appraisal for the year we were married and a current appraisal and subtract the smaller from the larger and he gets half.
I live in Fremont, California, and I have one property which I bought before the marriage. If you can help me with my case I’m willing to pay you. I just wanted to know how much money she’s gonna get if I sell my property please let me know.
Hi. Great video. Question. My soon to be ex bought a property a couple weeks before we got married and then put it in a revocable trust where he is the sole trustee and settlor a week AFTER we got married. He sold the property a few years ago and used some of the money to buy a new property using that same trust. Does the new property qualify as material asset? What about the profit he got after selling the first property?
What's the best way to divide the equity in a home purchased in 2018 (with all marital funds), when the separation was in 2020? Huband kept house and made payments after separation for 2 years and is buying wife out.. Opposing counsel applied Brandenburg and he gets a huge share of the money and wife has little payout even though the market skyrocketed and she had to pay on her own home she purchased after the separation.
You might want to try and value the marital share of the equity with a formula other than Brandenburg. Though very popular with the judges and attorneys in Virginia, determining the marital and separate (non-marital) portions of the net equity value of the marital residence is not required to be done using the Brandenburg formula. However, since Brandenburg only factors for equity (principal, not interest or real estate taxes), you could be better off using that formula if marital money was used for the down payment (principal). Note that your husband's post separation mortgage payments only count, when doing a Brandenburg calculation, in terms of the principal. All payments that he makes which went toward interest and real estate taxes do not count.
Most states have some form of no fault divorce (although it may be termed differently). Whether your state has fault grounds or not, everyone should attempt to settle their case before moving forward with a contested, fault-based divorce. My advice is the same for all 50 states: if there is no suspicion that a spouse is hiding money, and if there is no domestic violence, mediate your case to settlement. Focus on settlement. Not litigation.
What if it’s a business that was inherited? And our family used the profits to live off of? He left the business we owned together to go run the one he inherited. So does he now get all the inherited one and 50% of the one I run as well?
I have a feeling that is not a question that any attorney or mediator could easily or accurately. There are many more facts that would need to be established ... and probably some of those facts would be disputed. You need to lay it all out for an attorney to start getting a feel for your state would handle this type of matter. One of the key matters that you will need to try and keep straight in your mind is that there is a difference between income and assets. The money earned in a business is income. The business itself is an asset. And, of course, there are overlaps (such as the fact that a business's value is related to how much it permits the owner to take out in the form of income/salary/draws). Best of luck to you.
It depends on your state's laws. Often times, the part of the personal injury settlement that goes toward lost wages is considered marital property (open for division and distribution in a divorce). But, the part of the personal injury settlement that is for pain and suffering is the separate (not marital) property of the spouse who received the settlement. Check your state's laws.
If we have decided on the divorce already but not yet divorced, and one of us finds a high-paying job (higher than the other. currently lets say our income is at the same level) since then, are we still supposed to pay alimony? That's because if we work at the same place and find it awkward continuing in the same common workplace and decide to find another job... How does our change in income from the time we decided on our divorce affect alimony? The state would be Florida.
Usually, spousal support is decided based on the current incomes. Once you have spousal support written down in a signed settlement agreement and/or divorce decree, its openness for modification depends on the terms of that document.
Hi, love your demeanor! We live in California. Can you help in California and how much can you do? Can you help achieve separation? Divorce? Can you help the couple together or only the one that makes contact? Thank you
HI Michael. I just saw this. I cannot mediate in California. Sorry. I hope you found the help you need. And, mediators always help the couple (not just the person who contacted the mediator).
I feel like a hostage here! He controls ALL the money. Spends freely on himself, (even at casino!), while I have to beg for food I like, $ for medication, and even has $. If I'm “good”, or perform tasks that he demands, he'll throw me a $20. If I refuse, I get nothing!!! He has taken all my cc’s, and even debit card to joint account. Year's of psychological, verbal, emotional abuse has affected my health -physical and mental. He even had my paychecks, (when I was working), direct deposited to the account I had no access to. If I went into the bank to get a few bucks, is be punished ruthlessly. Then he opened account at new bank, and promptly transferred $ there, so I could not get my hands on it. I need documentation, but have no $ to order copies, not gas to go get any. What are my options, if any! Desperate and deep, deep in despair.
My wife filed a divorce in california. When im still single i cosigned with my dad a house mortgage loan, just for a better credit score requirement. The house is in south carolina. My exwife and i have not contributed nor share on monthly mortgage payment and utilities. Will this be included as community property?
I think you could probably get out of your share of ownership of the South Caroline home if you prove that none of your marital money was used for the purchase, upkeep, etc. You will want a smart lawyer to keep this asset separate from the marital (community) estate.
Usually not. There might be factors, however, that make your case the exception. You might want to pay the tuition, though, if that gets you a better deal somewhere else. Everything is negotiable.
Hi there how dose it work if I did a a legal separation then I went back to my spouse the house is now in her name and we separated again an I entitled to any funds ?
That is way too complicated for a quick answer. Better lay those facts out to a lawyer or mediator who knows that law in your state. Also, if you did a legal separation, did you also sign a settlement agreement (might be called a separation agreement)? If so, the terms of that document will probably dictate who gets what ($).
I am 100% disabled from an on the job injury as a police officer. My total income each year on disability is $17,000. My wife and I work at an airline where my income was $75,000 but now that I’m 100% disabled because of my on duty injury, my total income per year is $17,000. I am totally dependent upon her for just about everything as my mother is totally dependent upon me to pay all of her bills. All of my money pays my mother‘s bills my wife has to take care of me. I have become too much of a liability and my wife is threatening to get rid of me. I have difficulty walking. I can no longer cook. Looks like I’m going to have my drivers license taken away shortly. How do I deal with this? I have absolutely no money to seek legal advice where she has already retained an attorney
You need to seek the advice of an attorney. Though you might not be able to afford a lawyer, your state or county may have programs where you can receive legal assistance. It is never a good idea to go against someone who has an attorney when you do not. You should also look into Legal Aid where you live. If you cannot find a lawyer to help you, you might want to try mediation with someone who knows the law (a lawyer-mediator) who will be able to tell you if the settlement proposals are in line with what would happen in court. Good luck to you. Sorry for your troubles.
Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe!
@@GraineMediation while I do not disagree with you, I am specifically advocating for men taking the initiative to protect themselves within a societal stigma that often inhibits men, for various reasons, from placing court ordered restraining orders upon their partners. Men, be safe!
In all states, with minor exceptions, income earned during the marriage, and put away into a savings account, is a marital asset. That means that is it on the table for division and distribution. The law looks at it this way: it was the marriage's efforts that made that money. Not just you. You may think that is stupid, unfair, old fashioned, or backwards, but that is how it works. If you want to argue for getting more/all of that money in your savings account, that is in the category of you making a "greater financial contribution to the marriage". That is an argument for the division and distribution of the money (versus the classification of that money as belonging to the marriage or not). 50/50 on marital money and all assets -- including savings accounts stuffed with money earned during the marriage -- is normal. Although, as my clients get younger and younger, I have more and more cases that settle with the spouses keeping the bank accounts upon which their name appears, even if the values are not the same. Marriage is a sharing of your money, real estate, bodies, and children. The government should do a better job educating people on what marriage mean in their state in terms of money and real estate. The body and kid-part is easily understood by most people.
We tried a Mediator hoping to have a quick resolution, however, if both parties have a completly different perspective if 'Fair', it makes it impossible. My husband has a business which makes things more difficult to see what he actually made. He just stood his ground that we made the same. So how does a mediator work in that case. She just took our money and ended up spending more with an attorney. 😕
A better perspective might be to target "mutual agreement". What spouses can mutually agree on in a divorce is not always what is "fair". Life is not fair. Why would a divorce be any different? Search for compromises that you can live with and that give each of you a starting point in your new lives that is close to fair (but not necessary on the target of what you and your spouse feel is perfectly fair). I encourage you to keep your target close to what you would probably get if you ended up in court. That is not a perfect target, but there is usually a range of outcomes that an experienced lawyer/mediator in your area can tell you is reasonable to expect. As for a small business, the best way to determine an owner's income is to hire a financial expert (CPA, usually, or a CDFA, in some cases) to get a handle on what the gross revenue is for about a 3-year period. You can always take an average of that, if that makes sense. Otherwise, take the most representative year's gross revenue and use that. You might even need to look at projection of gross revenue if that business's particular market has changed . Then, subtract reasonable business expenses from that gross revenue. "Reasonable" is a term that must be agreed between the spouses. If you cannot agree on what a reasonable business expense is, use few different numbers to start getting a feel for the income of the business owner. (Note: What the deductions are on the tax return is often not going to work in a divorce.) You will never get an accurate figure for what a business-owner spouse's income is. It is a moving target. The key is find a number that you can mutually agree upon. If a spouse refuses to turn over company financials, you need an attorney to force him or her to turn over those documents. Your starting documents are usually a profit and loss statement and a tax returns (last 3 years). It will be up to your CPA/CDFA to let you now what he or she needs. As for your spouse spouse "standing his ground", that is not language friendly to mediation. Mediation is about compromise and mutual agreement. If a spouse refuses to budge, get an attorney. Now. Your spouse does not have the personality to get through mediation. However, if you spouse is successful in business, he knows how to negotiate. He knows how to compromise. He knows how to make good financial decisions. If he is being super stubborn, that is a terrible business decision because he will spend all the money he makes and will have no time to run his business (because he will be spending it in his lawyers office and in court).
When divorcing, we will have to divide money since it now belongs to both of us. Are we also going to divide our bodies since it now belongs to both of us. This means we will have to split our bodies into two, split our ideas in our memories into two. Why is it only 'material' assets (like money and cars etc) that we split??
I think we do split part of my body. I know my heart was broken when my marriage broke up. That is a split. It's mended; but part of it is still in my old family.
How about if my alcoholic husband inherits a home from his father then my husband puts me on the deed with him? Is it now my home too? Can I potentially acquire that home in a divorce? From Florida
Hi. If a spouse has a separate bank account, & he withdraws the money from the account. As a way to try & hide it. Is that money apart of the marriage?
The law in most states is that assets (including money) acquired during the marriage (sometimes meaning from date of marriage to date of separation; but sometimes up until the date of divorce) belongs to the marriage. It is marital property and is on the table for division in the divorce. If you think your spouse is actively trying to hide money, you need to get on that right away with a lawyer. In my experience, even if you can prove that someone has hidden marital assets, once it is gone it is often just that: GONE! All the court orders in the world cannot produce money that has disappeared. The spouse who hid the money could be ordered by a court to pay the other spouse back over time ... but the type of people that hide marital assets are often the same type of people that don't follow court orders!
In Tennessee, home is newly built abd fully on His name but all purchased with a home we both previously sold in another state,etc....How will that be divided? Will is be based on what is the selling price of the home or Equity? And how does Equity division work? Does that mean he gets to just give me 50% of the Equity, he keeps keeps 50 and plus Home mortgage gets fully paid and he still keeps it?
This is a complicated situation. You didn't mention being married That makes a difference. Without marriage, and the laws related to that (in Tennessee), you are in the area of contract law and real estate law (not divorce law).
@@merarirodriguez2127 Your best answer will be from a Tennessee divorce lawyer or mediator who understand Tennessee law. I am in Virginia. Usually, though, if one spouse is going to keep the marital residence, that spouse will need to buy out the other spouse's equity interest. That is often at 50%. The equity is usually determined by subtracting the amount owed on the mortgage from the agreed fair market value. But, it can get trickier than that depending on all of the facts and circumstances in your case ... especially if one spouse is claiming that any portion of the equity is due to his or her pre-marital money. If the house is sold, you do not need to agree on the fair market value. The sale price takes care of that. Usually, the buy-out happens soon after the separation. Some couples, however, choose to have the buy-out happen many months down the road; but that can be complicated if the paying spouse loses his or her job, the housing market takes a turn for the worse, etc. Good luck.
@robin-personal2039 . After marriage my husband opened an LLC and bought a land on which he is building rental houses with a friend. I am not involved in any paperwork but I did transfer money to my husband to but the land. How is it treated? I am currently in Virginia.
Love the video ! Question: I have passive rental income before getting married, (Not earned income)….will the court see this, as money earned while married? Thank you for reading my comment and hope my question helps others!
Every state has their own laws related to what is considered "income" for the purpose of calculating child support. Many places, such as my state (Virginia) have a very broad definition of income for this purpose. Income from a rental property -- even if owned prior to the marriage -- is fair game, minus "reasonable expenses". Reasonable is often defined as necessary repairs (a roof, not a hot tub), essential maintenance, and that portion of the mortgage payments going to the interest, real estate taxes, and insurance (but NOT the principal).
What happens when the spouse was involved in an accident about 7 years ago...and now the settlement of about $30,000 appears to be distributed to my wife. However, she says that I cannot have any of these funds, even though I was the one paying the car insurance during our marriage. Am I able to get any of these funds?
It depends on your states laws. Often times, the money received for "pain and suffering" stays with the spouse who was injured. However, the money received for loss of income usually belongs to the marriage.
You're absolutely right; the $250,000/$500,000 capital gains tax exemptions for primary residences in the U.S. provide significant tax benefits. However, it's important to note that they don't offer a complete 100% tax exemption, meaning that some portion of the gains may still be subject to capital gains tax, depending on the specific circumstances.
We are in the middle of divorce. My wife only wants a realtor of her choice. I put the house on Zillow and received 2 offers above Zillow Zestimate. But now she got an ex parte order not to sell assets. How do I ask for a hearing and present the offers to the judge
The problem is that you need a lawyer. Once your case is in the courthouse, the system is rigged so that you need a professional to navigate that system. More specifically, the method with which a house is marketed and sold can be determined by a judge, if the spouses do not agree on the methodology. Neither party is ever permitted to do things their way -- without agreement or judicial determination -- for jointly owned property. I do not see a judge letting either of your choose your realtor/Zillow (whether there are offers or not).
Hello I'm 62 and I'm married 33, I'm in Florida andy husband was in the NAVY 26 years. He accused me to cheat on him ( no true) I'm pretty sure he did...and tomorrow we are going to Mediator to file. I wish i had find this video earlier... Any suggestion on
Suggestion: Focus on the money. Not the adultery. You will probably get 50% of the marital portion of the military retirement (that portion acquired during the marriage). You will need to ask for survivor benefits or they will disappear upon divorce.
Hi, I am from california. i had a house before getting married. Taxes on my house have always been paid by me. My wife lived with me for a for a few year and paid rent. Then we got our house and those taxes have been paid by both of us. Does she have any right to my house.
I’m a retired Navy officer and police officer, with pension from both. My wife plans to retire in December 2024. She has a hybrid retirement, a pension and a 401. If we divorce are we entitled to half of each other’s retirement?
It depends on where you live. There are a of myths about military retirement. Here is the truth: military retirement and other pensions are divided between spouses based on State law. Some states are automatic 50/50 states; but most are not. States that are not automatic 50/50 states, however, tend to go with that type of division (50/50) even though that is not required under the law. The same is true for all retirement assets. So, it is not as much a matter of "entitlement" (except in the 50/50 states, known as "community property" states) as it is the culture of the courthouse/precedent. In other words, judges don't tend to be super creative. If 50/50 is what everyone is doing, that is what they tend to do. In a state like mine (Virginia), judges are required to consider a long list of factors before they make a determination on asset distribution (such as a retirement asset); but the list is so long that it is easy, in almost all cases, for a judge to justify a 50/50 split ... and 50/50 usually keeps the judge out of hot water if there is an appeal. Here is an example: the spouse with the retirement asset makes the other spouse's life a living hell. That is a criteria that may make more than 50% to the nice spouse's asset division column a proper outcome. However, if the jerk spouse is also the spouse that made the majority of the money, the scales of justice shift and 50/50 becomes the likely outcome. It is kind of a mess. Not clear. But, there is your answer. I hope it helps.
My second reply: With several pensions, such as yours, you need to do the math. It would not usually make sense to each get 50% of the other's pension. You will want come up with a percentage split that your agree on (if you are not leaving it up to a judge), to start crunching numbers and try and come up with only one pension is shared. Why is that? Because the more organizations that you have fiddling with your retirement money, the greater the chance that something will go awry. You want to keep it simple, if you can. The numbers will probably never be exactly, but that is usually OK with people. Nothing else in life is exact, either. Get a professional (mediator, lawyer, certified divorce financial analyst) who is smart and understands all of the types of pensions that are on the table. No junior associates in a case like yours.
There is no 50/50 requirement in most states when it comes to pension, military or otherwise. 50/50 is only required in "community property" states (mostly in the western part of the USA). In non-community property states, however, 50/50 is the quite common. In my state (Virginia), for example, there is a long list of criteria that judges must consider before they divide and distribute assets (including retirement). However, with such a long list, it is easy for them to justify a 50/50 split. 50/50 often keeps judges out of hot water if one of the clients wants to appeal. For example, even if one spouse was horrible in one area of the marriage (such as making the other spouse's life a living hell); they may have been an excellent financial provider. It can get very long and complicated to go through and entire marriage weighting the negative and positive financial and non-financial contributions of both spouses. So, 50/50 is the default. As for your many pensions, you will want to try and avoid dividing them all up. See if you can get to where you want to get , in terms of the percentage share you want (e.g., 50/50), and divide up and, therefore, need to file paperwork for every single pension. Why is that? Because the more financial organizations that you involve in your divorce, the more exposure you will have to people messing up your paperwork. Skinny it up and see if you can get to what you and your spouse can mutually agree to. It will never be 100% accurate because that is just how these things go. You can also do a present value (an actuarial term) of your pension which will make them look like a 401(k). That way you can more easily compare apples to apples. You will probably need a certified divorce financial analyst or good wealth management advisor or CPA to help you with you. You can also play it like the majority of my millennial clients: if an retirement asset has your name one it, it is yours. That is not how the law is written most places, but that is the trend.
Learn the laws in your state. Some places, if any money acquired during the marriage (such as your salary) was put into that house (especially by paying down the mortgage loan), that portion of the house becomes part of the marital estate which is available for distribution at divorce.
Depending on your state's laws, adultery comes into play as a "factor that led to the end of the marriage". Of course, that always gets turned around to "the marriage was already over when the adultery occurred". Bad behavior in a marriage, in many states, is a factor that can be considered when a judge is dividing and distributing the assets. The chance of getting more $ due to adultery, though, is much greater if that adultery also led to a waste of marital money (hotels, dinners, gifts, etc). Adultery can also put a stop to the adulterer receiving alimony, in some places, although judges usually do not put adulterers on the streets if they actually need alimony to survive. In Virginia, where I am a mediator, adultery is definitely on the books as a crime and as a factor that judges must consider when dividing and distributing assets and debts (if the adultery can be proven -- which is often difficult). However, it is usually the attorneys that win big in these matters. The attorneys fees rarely justify whatever more of the marital estate you get due to adultery.
i have been seperated for 9 months now. My 44-year-old husband refuses to leave the house and works just enough to pay his food and gas. He refuses to contribute to the household expenses like a roomate would do because he says he has no money but he wont get a job. he says. he cant. Our mediator encouraged him to work but understood why he would not work, essentially validating him. He made several charges to the credit card for car expenses. I have since stopped working with this mediator and we are arguing over the next step. This is hell. he is financially taking advantage of me and the house is an intollerable space for me. What can I do.
I filed for divorce last year and my husband is 64 years old. I am 61 here in California. I was awarded half of his pension. He’s already collected inspection. When can I start collecting my my pension and who do I call because he had to pay to an attorney to take care of this? I have his information should I call them? Please let me know, when I can start my part of his pension, thank you so much
I’m sorry he is 65. I am 61 years old. Can I collect my half of his pension now I did get divorced and I was qualified to get half. Please let me know. Thank you so much because he’s already getting it almost a year and if I do, how much do I get, do I get what I started apply or do I get when he started getting paid to and they will backpay me thank you so much. God bless you.
I’m sorry he is 65. I am 61 years old. Can I collect my half of his pension now I did get divorced and I was qualified to get half. Please let me know. Thank you so much because he’s already getting it almost a year and if I do, how much do I get, do I get what I started apply or do I get when he started getting paid to and they will backpay me thank you so much. God bless you.
Uh oh! It should have been your attorney deal with the pension administrator. There is not much incentive for your husband's attorney to keep on top of this matter. You can call your husband's attorney, but he will probably have no obligation to talk with you. You are not his client. But, if it were me, I would give it a try. If you get no where, you will need to hire your own attorney (as it should have been done in the first place). Best of luck to you.
Inherited money is not considered part of the marital estate in any state that I am aware of. However, if you commingle inherited money with marital money, that can create problems. How commingled assets are treated in a divorce varies from state to state.
Hi , I am in the process of divorce and kids stay with me but I have to take unpaid leave from work as I have become a patient of depression because of domestic violence. How it will effect my divorce case? Please help
There are many ways the fact pattern you have presented could affect your divorce situation. Perpetrators of domestic violence are sometimes punished by the divorce courts. How? They receive less of the assets and more of the debt. Also, a victim of domestic violence may be more likely to receive alimony because she or he might be found unable to work due to the resulting trauma. There could also be negative consequences to the abuse victim if she or he is found to be so psychologically compromised that she or he is not able to provide adequate care to the children. This usually only is seen, however, when the victim of domestic violence also has other serious mental health/addiction issues.
That should have been spelled out in your settlement agreement or divorce decree. It all depends on who is on the deed. What the timeline is. Whether there is a buy-out, etc. There are a lot of variables before that question can be answered.
72 yo, husband social security is $2K more than mine per month, 22 year marriage. Can my husband pay spousal support to equalize that income so that it becomes 50/50?
If you mean "how is money divided in an uncontested divorce", that is easy: any way that the divorcing couple chooses! It is up to them. As a mediator, one of my primary jobs is to make sure that my mediation clients understand what would probably happen in court ("probably", because you never really now what a judge might or might not do). Often times, clients also need to understand the tax and financial implications of various settlement options. However, if clients want to do the opposite of what a judge would probably do, they are free to do that. The same goes for if they chose to settle a matter that will cause a big tax bill to one or the other of them and if what they are thinking about doing is financially not in the best interest of one or the other of them. Hope that clears things up.
18 years married 15. 4 kids Currently cohabitation and coparenting.... im still responsible for all the bills as long as she holds up her end and continues to not hurt kids with her desire to see others. .I just yesterday finally got a 6figure settlement she wants half is she entitled to half?
That is a big question. There are only a handful of states where 50/50 on assets and debts is the law. Most other states do not have 50/50 as the law, but it is deeply imbedded in the legal culture. It takes some very bad behavior, in most cases, for there to be split of assets way different from 50/50. Your attorney or mediator should be able to lay out where your case might be "in the norm" (meaning that 50/50 on assets and debt division would be fairly standard) or if your case is unique (meaning more in your column would be the more likely outcome).
money in retirement account before marriage?...over 20 years ago, unknown/forgotten difference/amounts. One person has more in Retirement because the other supported the house/kids and other investments like metals/cars/collections etc.
Assets acquired before the marriage usually do not belong to the marriage. That means that a judge does not have the ability to transfer any of those assets to the other spouse. As for retirement assets acquired during the marriage, it usually doesn't matter whose name is on the account. What matters is WHEN it was acquired. The fact that one spouse has a bigger pile of retirement money does not mean that spouse gets to keep that pile all to him or herself. Assets are often divided 50/50 (always divided 50/50 in community property states, which are usually out West. There are only 9 of them) based on whether acquired during the marriage, not based on whose name is on the account. Some states (like Virginia) also designate assets acquired after separation as non-marital (non-divisible in court). The arguments are usually against doing a 50/50 split of marital assets is usually one of of "greater financial or non-financial contribution to the marriage", "negative financial contributions" (wasting money), and other positive and negative behaviors related to the family finances and, depending on your state, to the well-being of the marriage in general. So, bottom line, who gets the assets/money is not dependent on whose name appears on the account.
That is not how it works. Child-related expenses are factored for in child support and, in many cases, in a payment ratio (such as for extracurricular activities, tutoring, childcare). The assets are a separate matter. The support of children is under the category of "income and expenses" (not "assets and debts").
I would not say that your wife's non-contributions to the marriage are irrelevant. They are usually more relevant, however, to the asset distribution part of your case. If a spouse makes very little financial and/or non-financial contributions to the marriage, that is something that you will want to bring up when it comes to divide up the assets acquired during the marriage. However, judges are not likely to punish a lazy spouse deeply. More like a little slap. In a community property state, I am not even sure that a spouse's non-contributions matter at all (I am in an equitable distribution state, not a community property state). As for spousal support, judges tend to only look at whether the spouse can support herself. If she cannot, she will probably get spousal support. Why? Because the state doesn't want to support her! Your argument is usually that she should get less support and for a lesser period of time. In other words, you are looking at "how much and how long" versus a "yes or no" to spousal support. Of course, check your particular state's laws for the details on this. Some state's are more willing to cut a spouse off then others (mine, Virginia, is not one of those states). Always remember: No matter what your attorney tells you, you cannot right the wrongs of the marriage in the divorce. It just doesn't work that way. A good analogy to having to pay spousal support to the lazy spouse is this: if you spoil your child rotten, that child will probably grow up to have a lot of problems that you are stuck dealing with. You can ignore your adult kid and his or her problems, but you will probably have to deal with a broken heart for the rest of your life. It is similar in a marriage. If your spouse refuses to contribute to the marriage (financially and/or non-financially), you need to cut ties earlier rather than later. The longer it goes on, the more it will ruin your financial future. Your best bet, if available in your state, is often to invoke the doctrine of "imputation". Imputation means that you ask that your wife be looked at as being voluntarily underemployed or unemployed PLUS you prove that she could earn money if she tried. This is usually done, in court, by hiring a vocational expert (more money that you have to pay!). Imputation means that you would ask that your spouse be viewed as person who makes $X.00, versus a person who makes $0.00. Of course, as always, check your own state's laws. Sadly, however, many people wait until their spouse has many years not working before they move forward with a divorce. This is often at the point of no return. In other words, if your spouse has just been out of the work force too long to be hirable (think technology advancing a lightening speed while your spouse laid on the couch and watched TV) and, often times, these spouses are more than willing to testify to all the many, many problems that they have that prevent them from working (whether real or false). Many people will do just about anything to not work. If that if your situation, I wish you luck.
I’m going through a 22 month divorce and he and his teenager and his elderly mother lived with me free and when he started getting violent I made him leave. He sold a home that he kep fixing while we were married now since he spent some of that money I have to sell my house to pay him and my attorney said pay him. He didn’t even show me what I’m paying for I’ve lost everything and he says it was our mess
Im in NC. Can u represent me? I have been with my husband since i was 17. Im 56 now and now, he wants a divorce. His Mom is still alive and she kives on the farm i have helped take care of and made moneyvon the farm. Now, he said it is not mine. How can i not be entitled when i help on the farm, for free.
Sorry. Sounds like you feel you are being taken advantage of after a lot of years of hard work. You will need to contact a North Carolina mediator or lawyer. I only work in Virginia. Best of luck to you.
I think that you can get over dividing assets unfairly (and 50% /50% often times is not fair). If you have to pay alimony or spousal support to your ex who did not want to get a job, so she continues to be a parasite and live of your income is devastating.
You must divorce someone who you feel is a parasite early. The longer they live from your income, the more rights they have. Sorry you have ended your marriage on so bitter a note. I guess we all need more education about what marriage means -- financially -- before we get married.
Child support is usually determined based on a state calculation. Lawyers, mediators, and judges have child support calculation software that they use to determine the minimum amount due (sometimes called the "presumed amount"). If you are in Virginia, I can run the calculation for you. Otherwise, you will need to have that calculation run by a lawyer or mediator in your state ... or, some states have good online calculators. Do some Googling and see what you come up with in your state. Make sure you have all the variables that the calculations requires (all the information that needs to be input to get a correct calculated amount). Also, some parents agree on a monthly child support amount. That is usually acceptable to the courts; but you will also want to run the official calculation to see how the number you agree on compares to the state calculation numbers. Courts always have "ultimate authority" (a legal term) over child suppose. That means that, if there is a big change in circumstances, the child support amount could change. So, you need to know what the state calculation looks like (in case you end up with that number down the road).
How do people that’s been married for almost 40 years divorce with owning farm land? Stay home wife who raised kids always with no other source of income? You can’t sell land because that’s what was supposed to be retiring income. It’s so complicated
Sometimes what appeared to be the only plan (such as living off the income from farmland) must be changed. Maybe you could each take half of the land? Maybe you could sell the land and use the money to live off of? Maybe you could both keep the land and run it as a business, post-divorce? Get an attorney in your area who understands farming and divorce.
My husband gifted me a house. And my husband filed a divorce case against me regarding this house and made many allegations against me. And I live in this house. Because of this house I am not getting legal help, I do not have a lawyer. I don't have any children. And I don't work. Because depression and anxiety, receiving universal credit. What should I do please help me.
You need legal advice by an attorney in your state. The facts you laid out do not make 100% sense ... which means you need a professional to explain to you the laws of your state and your particular facts fit into those laws (and vice versa). Find an attorney in your area who will provide a consultation. That attorney will probably charge by the hour. Be very prepared with specific questions and be prepared to listen. Do not pay the attorney for you talking about strictly emotional issues (this is common). Use the attorney for legal expertise and advice only. Just because you have a consultation with an attorney does not mean you are stuck with huge legal bills. Just pay for the consultation as you are getting started on this journey.
there's a legal, and I say fair, concept of "consideration." a person gets paid, but only after performing or trading something else in return. where is the "consideration" in marriage? my name is on the asset, I did earn the money, so where is the "consideration" to justify any division?
Marriage is a very different situation than a standard contract negotiation where consideration (an exchange of one thing of value for another thing of value) is required. But, to apply your analogy, the consideration would be the exchange of one's independence for being married and all of the rights and burdens of that status (being married versus being single). When people get married they are essentially agreeing to the following: (1) to share their bodies only with one another (in most cases); (2) to share the children that the woman births (or that they adopt); and (3) to share their assets & debts, income & expenses. I know that this "agreement" is not clear to most people until they are going through a divorce. Marriage is hugely serious with all the sharing that is, by legal default, part of the deal. That is why wealthy people and business owners often enter in prenuptial agreements before they get married. They want to be in charge of the marriage contract. Not the State.
I am in Virginia and I really need help I want to get divorced but I want to get treated fairly in the process I always hear it's worse in court for the men
Try mediation. That way, you will have more control over of all aspects of your case. I am not sure what you are referring to when you say that "it's worse in court for the men" in Virginia. This is the best time in history for a man to be treated fairly when it comes to custody decisions. As for support, that is not reliant on gender. It is reliant on which spouse is making the money and which is not. If one spouse has an income, and the other does not (or has a much lower income), child/spousal support is often the result. As for the division and distribution of assets, that is usually somewhere in the neighborhood of 50/50, with some wiggle-room for bad behavior during the marriage and in that period of time approaching the separation. Again, if you want to be more in control of your settlement, mediate. You still might not be happy with the results, though, depending on your definition of "fair". You can respond what "fair" means to you.
I got married on February 13th and when I got home in November the same year she was gone she abandoned me and the home I am sick she promised to take care of me and then on social media she degrades me she got a lawsuit within the marriage what could I do what should I do we're still married I want a divorce how do I go about it please help me
You need to get a professional in your state to explain the laws to you and guide you through the steps you need to take to get a divorce. It does not sound like a complicated case because the marriage was so short. It also sounds like your wife may have already started a suit for divorce? If so, you need an attorney right away to make sure that you do not miss paperwork and court deadlines.
If it can be proved that one spouse created unnecessary and unreasonable debt against the marital estate (you said this was a joint line of credit, not your individual line of credit, so there would not appear to be a theft), the spouse who caused that debt often is required to take on more of the financial burden.
What about one spouse pays all the bills and the other refuses to help out. Both work husband pays it all and wife spends her own money and refuses to jointly save money?
I don't know about your state. In my state (Virginia), who earns that money does not determine who it belongs to. If money is earned during the marriage -- by either spouse -- it belongs to the marriage. Your argument, if you were in Virginia, would be that your wife made negative financial contributions to the marital estate. However, you would still probably not do that well. If you could convince a judge that she made negative financial contributions , she would probably argue that she made many non-financial positive contributions. It is kind of a blah, blah, blah for the judges and then, at the end of the day, assets and debts are usually dividided close to 50/50 (at least in Virginia). Some states, however, are much quicker to punish a financial irresponsible spouse. Check your state's laws.
@@robin-personal2039 Thank you! TN is an equitable state and figured as such. Hopefully with division of assets and debit acquired during the marriage it could be resolved during mediation. Thank you for your response.
The first thing you have to prove is that money is missing. Then, whether you actually find the money or not, she might need to repay what she has taken from the marital estate. If she doesn't have access to a pile of cash, these payments might need to be made over time (like an alimony payment). The key is to have clear evidence that she has removed money from the marital estate without your knowledge or agreement.
I have no idea. I have never deal with that situation, but I have heard of it. Hire an attorney to help you through. As long as you and your wife can agree on everything, it should be smooth sailing. I a not even sure how you would file the paperwork, though, since your divorce is already done. Good luck.
We bought some property and built a garage he was the cheater our whole marriage. I want to sell the property and split it 50/50. He wants to keep it and give me 500 a month ?
The key information is what the property is worth. Once you agree on the fair market value, he can pay you half of that. That can be paid in a lump sum or over time (such as at $500 per month until you are paid off, with a little more money to you for interest).
How is it not all assets become one when you get married? If I had a million dollars in the bank when I got married how is it not also my wife's million dollars and vice versa? When you get married everything becomes one. If she owed a million dollars on a credit card, how would that not become my debt once we got married?
A stay at home mother will get the house, land, children, alimony, furniture,, child support, 1/2 401k, and the dog. The credit card debt will go to the man at 100%. I know this because I lived it. Family court is not going to be fair to the man . Equitable means " goes to the mother".
Wow! That is a lot. I have never seen a case where the wife got everything and the husband was left with nothing but 1/2 of the his 401(k). I hope you can get back on your feet again.
hi, what about a marital froad? a young jypsie woman marrid an old man and stole 2 milion dollars in 2 years. and took addidinal mortgate on the house.
Fraud is sometimes dealt with in the criminal courts if it amounts to a theft under the criminal code for that state. If a case stays in the divorce courts, and one spouse fraudulently deprived the other spouse of assets, and it can be proven by a preponderance of the evidence (different from the criminal courts, where "beyond a reasonable doubt" is required"), the spouse who did the bad deed will either be ordered to return that money or, if it is unobtainable, he or she will probably get less of what is left and might even need to pay the innocent spouse a sum of money, over time (like a monthly amount), for a period of time.
Agreed... but it becomes messy because there are areas of the law in many states that permit evidence related to non-financial contributions to the marriage. Right there the "evidence" becomes slippery. How do you value one spouse holding down the fort at home thereby permitting the other spouse to focus on work? How do you value the labor of keeping track of everyone's schedules? How do you value all the tasks completed around the house on a regular basis?
Read the info in the SHOW MORE section. Great reference with links to great blogs.
Thanks!
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
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None of this is EVER discussed prior to a marriage. No one tells you anything before the wedding. Not family, not friends, not even divorced co-workers. Everyone finds out the hard way how marriage and divorce works. Marriage is like a seriously consequential contract. You'd think at least your parents would tell you, but they don't! It's crazy!!! We all just hope for the best. Insane!!!
I think no one tells you how it works for two reasons: (1) They don't want to taint your in-love-ness with bad mojo about the legal side of marriage; and (2) They don't really understand how the rules work, either. Everyone should know what they are getting into when they get married. It is the most impactful contract you will probably ever enter into. Essentially, when you get married, you are entering into a "prenuptial agreement". But, if you don't have your attorney write up that pre-nuptial agreement specifically for your situation, the agreement that you have when you get married is based on a messy state law system that is old fashioned (many people think) and unfair (many people think this, too). If you don't want to draft up a prenuptial agreement (which is, I agree, very unromantic), at least learn the default laws and rules that will govern your life if you end up getting to divorced.
@@GraineMediation Yes, you're exactly right. As a divorce lawyer, I would bet that you've made these things crystal clear to YOUR kids. Perhaps you even try to talk them out of getting married. But most young people don't have the benefit of this advice and guidance. I will do my part when my kids start talking about marriage.
@@americanflyer4126 My kids know the score. But, I don't see the situation as all bad. When two people get married there should be an clear understanding that the following things are SHARED in a deep way: (1) children (if you have them); (2) assets and debts - even if only one of the spouse's names are on the asset/debt (real estate, money, retirement assets, cars, credit card debt, etc); and (3) your body. If you have a problem sharing any of those three things with your spouse, you will have trouble. A good way to look at the asset side of the marriage contract is that the law essentially views your marriage as a sort of "mini business". That means that the upward financial trajectory of one spouse lifts the other up, too. Same for a downward trajectory. You are no longer individuals, exactly, when you get married... and I guess this is not well understood by a lot of people.
@@GraineMediationwhen divorcing, we are going to divide our wealth. But will we also divide our bodies when divorcing?
Why do we ever get married? What a stupid idea
I spoke with Mrs. Graine over the phone, and despite us being in different states, she was incredibly helpful. She provided me with specific guidance on what to say and consider when speaking to my lawyer about my case. I am grateful for the 25 minutes she spent assisting me, and I highly recommend reaching out to her for legal advice. Thank you.
It was my pleasure to help you work on some good questions to ask your lawyer.
Key, get a pre-nup. If the bride or groom doesn't like the formality of that legal arrangement remind them that the marriage itself is a formal legal contract too!
Thank you for your information. I am wondering how to divide the retirement assets like 401k, pension and social security benefits? Thank you once again!
It all depends on where you live. The laws are different in different states.
PENSION. Generally, the marital portion of a pension (factoring for contributions made after the date of marriage to the date of separation/divorce, depending on your state's laws) is usually divided somewhere near 50/50. The calculation to get there is called the "coverture fraction". Easy to find online. Usually, the pension is paid to the non-employee spouse when the employee spouse begins receiving his/her pension. Most people do not have the cash to do a lump sum buy-out. You need specialized court documents to make this happen, usually in the form of a QDRO, a COAP (Fed Gov't), Military Retirement Pay Division Order (aka Qualified Benefits Order)+ Form 2293 + 2656-10 Deemed Election, and/or other court documents required by State/County/City Governments.
401(k) ACCOUNTS. 401(k) assets are also often divided 50/50, but not always (except in community property states). The marital portion is determined same as with a pension. The actual asset is usually divided like this: look at the balance at the date of separation (or at whatever time your state laws declare an asset to still belong to the marriage), and ask the 401(k) admin to add gains/losses to the spouse's share (the 50%, usually). They have the software to figure this out. If the 401(k) money is transferred directly from the employee spouse's 401(k) account to the non-employee spouse's retirement account, there will be no taxes. You need a specialized court document to make this happen (usually in the form of a QDRO, a RBCO (Fed Gov't TSPs), or other court documents required by State/County/City Governments.
SOCIAL SECURITY is usually not divided and distributed in a divorce. The law simply allows for a former spouse, if the marriage lasted greater than 10 years and the spouse who is seeking to collect SS is 62 years old (the the ex-spouse is also eligible for SS), to collect the value of 50% of the ex-spouse's social security. This does not affect the ex-spouse's share. He or she still gets their 100% social security check. In thesesituations, the government is paying out 150%. There are some other criteria: the spouse looking to get 50% of the ex-spouse's social security check (the value of it) must not be married to another person. Also, that spouse's own social security check (the one he or she is eligible for) must be less than the 50% of his or her ex-spouse's social security payment).
@@GraineMediation thank you so much for spending time to answer on my questions. Really appreciate it! I live in Virginia though.
@@amygan5774 You are welcome. My mediation practice is in Virginia. Let me know if you need my help.
Best video on asset distribution, this helps a lot . Thank God I’m not married
Thank you!
Great information! Thank you!
How about if a couple is separated already and they are in the process of filing a divorce. Will future Retirement plan ( purchase an Annuity in near future) be affected by divorce?
I called Ms Graine, very informative and very helpful.
Thank you, Ms Graine
Thank you. I always try to get people pointed in the right direction and answer their questions to the best of my ability. I became a lawyer to help people solve problems. Mediation is the best way to do that, in my opinion. Thank you for your nice compliment!
Great work very informative..in 2021 my wife an her wanted to refinance the house...the loan officer needed me to sign as a witness..i was apprehensive because i need contracts looked at..my wife was pleading with. Me so i signed..flash forward to a few weeks ago she made a comment saying that she told her brother that i signed over everything so im like a light bulb lit in my brain..i did my research im hoping i didn't sign a interspousal deed transfer..i got fooled if thats the case..we live in California..sadly her mom died in April 2022..im thinking her mom gave her the house in inheritance..my wife a teacher with pension benefits and she makes so much more than me.. divorce is coming
The capital gains considerations were very helpful for me.
Good. Many divorcing people either don't consider the capital gains tax implications or they factor for it incorrectly.
Thanks for all the tips :)
You are welcome!
As a divorce mediator, I find that the more information my clients have, the easier it is to settle their divorce case (as long as that information is correct an up-to-date). I began making videos as a way to give my clients accurate information, before and during the mediation, when they were considering various settlement options. It worked so well, I decided to go public with the videos. Glad you got something out of this one 🙂
I am a military veteran and I am seeing several veterans divorcing after more than 36 years of marriage. Majority of these divorces has lead to suicides which have far exceeded the number of combat deaths. Could you elaborate on veteran divorces. What are my challenges with the Survivors Benefit Plan (SBP)? Can a judge force the vet to continue payment after a divorce? Can the judge order the spouse to maintain their retired military ID, giving them access to military installations, even though they don't meet the requirements to maintain one? How is the military retirement divided? I have been told that the spouse can not be awarded the vet's disability pay but the judge could award alimony by exploiting a loop hole that impact the vet disability pay. I am in Georgia which is not a 50/50 state.
I wish I had found you as my Fairfax divorce attorney. Enjoy your presentation and you tell it like it is!
Thank you!
The bottom line here is, don't get married.
Yes. If you do not want to view all assets acquired during the marriage as belonging to the marriage, you should stay single. If you see marriage as a partnership -- which also includes the money -- that is a different story. Marriage is a big deal. Not for everyone.
@@GraineMediation it's not really even so much about the division of property but just legal ramifications and it's one great big hassle of a headache. Also the financial part of attorneys.
@@MichaelBrown-zp1sf I hear you. On the flip side, though, it is very expensive to be single and also a lot of work. If you have a good partner, you share the expenses and the labor. I think people can be happy both ways (married or single). Everyone needs to decide for themselves.
Exactly. The message in nut shell
Never ever ever get married
Good luck if spouse is a owner of a scorp and they take early withdrawals and use llc and their untaxed dividends to use as silent partners in investments hide money in multiple banks. And what if you never seen a tax return because your name was forged on them for many years
Then you have cash outs from insurance annuity’s . And on and on . How about if they use their exwife from previous marriage to hide money ?
If one spouse was controlling all the money good luck !
That would be a rough situation. I would hire an attorney and forensic accountant immediately.
Would an attorney take a case like this because I had no luck with them telling me that I had no actual proof and they were having a hard time believing an employer would get involved like that?
What about property in a different country in which a formal prenuptial agreement was made? In Colombia called a capitalization, which is wrote into the properties deed directly. Can you tell me a little about that? Thank you
When divorcing people own real estate in another country it makes settling very difficult. The issue is enforcement. A couple can agree on anything, put that agreement in the settlement document, and then incorporate that agreement into their divorce decree. But, if there is a problem related to the real estate in Columbia, as in your example, the state courts really can't do much about it. Their hands are tied. I'm sure there are lawyers who have tricks up their sleeves for this type of problem, but I'm sure the success rate is low, but the price is high. Specific to your question, I do not know what a "capitalization" is in the context of your comment. I also note that there is prenuptial agreement in this case. I think a first good step would be to take the prenuptial agreement to a divorce attorney in your state to see if it is solid, or if there are holes in it. Best of luck to you!
Thank you for sharing this information.
How do you know how much spousal support you are entitled to?
Every state does it their own way. Do some research in your state to determine how it works. Read only lawyer and mediator written articles (blogs) and websites. Do not rely on forums from non-lawyers.
If the only income is soc. Sec. & spousal soc. Sec. 40+ year marriage. Will alimony be levied?
Sounds uinlikely.
Great video! I wish you were my mediator!!
Thank you, Jessica. That is a nice compliment.
Which state considers separate assets after separation date ? What does Michigan consider?
Sorry. I am not an expert in Michigan law. If you mediate, though, you can do as you please. Many of my mediation clients, in Virginia, do not apply the rules of when assets are considered "marital" or "separate". They just divide up the assets and debts in a manner that seems fair to them. This is especially true since most people do not even know this law and live as if all assets and debts acquired until they come into mediation belong to the marriage ... and they are OK with that. If you want to know Michigan law, you will need to see a Michigan attorney. Best of luck to you.
If in most cases the division of marital assets in 50 50 why we need lawyers? How can lawyers help to make it say 70 30? If the law in several states says it has to be fair and equitable then the court or judge decision of 50 50 is violating the law. Any views on these issues would be appreciated..
Lawyers do not usually make it 70/30. Best case scenario -- if one spouse behaved very badly -- is closer to 60/40. Once you add the attorneys fees on top, it is often times not worth the fight. You realize 50/50 might have been easier and, often times, cheaper. Judges go with 50/50 on a regular basis -- even in states that do not have the 50/50 law -- because they do not want a higher level court to overturn them. That is hard to do with a 50/50 decision. It is only when the division of assets is way out of the 50/50 norm that judges are the greatest risk of their decisions being overturned. The facts are all subjective when it comes to dividing assets and debts. One person's very bad behavior could be another person's small nuisance behavior. I agree that most people should not need lawyers to get through a divorce. That is what I do for a living. Help people settle their cases without lawyers.
Better to take house or IRA if both are about equal amount?
Great video! Very informative, factual with just the right personal touch. Just goes to show how such a complicated mess divorce can be and the need to simplify it with mediation.
If you happens to be maned on someone else's RE as legal owner only, am I right in saying this particular asset does not form part of communal asset pot for division?
If the answer is yes, should it still be declaire on financial disclosure list?
If your name is on the deed for a piece of real estate, you cannot really say that you are not the owner. You ARE an owner. You will need to be able to explain clearly, and with documentation, preferably, why your name is on the deed for real estate that you do not actually own. That will be a tough one. However, if that asset was not acquired during the marriage, and there was no money or labor put into that real estate during the marriage, it will probably not be classified as marital property. In other words, it will not go into the pot for division and distribution. However, if one spouse has a lot of non-marital assets, that is sometimes considered for the purpose of determining an alimony award and in the dividing up of the marital property. I cannot speak to what assets are required to go on your financial list. Those rules are state-by-state. You would need a lawyer, from your state, to answer that question. You will also probably need a lawyer to help you prove that the real estate, upon which your name appears, is not really your real estate.
Im in California... My house is separate property but the judge says my husband is entitled to half appraisal differences. I was ordered to get an appraisal for the year we were married and a current appraisal and subtract the smaller from the larger and he gets half.
You same sincere and honest, the information was extremely useful. Do these points apply for Maryland residents as well
Thank you. Some of the point apply to Maryland. You definitely need to check with a Maryland mediator or lawyer.
I live in Fremont, California, and I have one property which I bought before the marriage. If you can help me with my case I’m willing to pay you. I just wanted to know how much money she’s gonna get if I sell my property please let me know.
I hope you found someone to help you. I am not certified to mediate in California.
Hi. Great video. Question. My soon to be ex bought a property a couple weeks before we got married and then put it in a revocable trust where he is the sole trustee and settlor a week AFTER we got married. He sold the property a few years ago and used some of the money to buy a new property using that same trust. Does the new property qualify as material asset? What about the profit he got after selling the first property?
This is a question very dependent on your state's laws. I cannot weigh in this.
Very informative 👏
Thank you!
What's the best way to divide the equity in a home purchased in 2018 (with all marital funds), when the separation was in 2020? Huband kept house and made payments after separation for 2 years and is buying wife out.. Opposing counsel applied Brandenburg and he gets a huge share of the money and wife has little payout even though the market skyrocketed and she had to pay on her own home she purchased after the separation.
You might want to try and value the marital share of the equity with a formula other than Brandenburg. Though very popular with the judges and attorneys in Virginia, determining the marital and separate (non-marital) portions of the net equity value of the marital residence is not required to be done using the Brandenburg formula. However, since Brandenburg only factors for equity (principal, not interest or real estate taxes), you could be better off using that formula if marital money was used for the down payment (principal). Note that your husband's post separation mortgage payments only count, when doing a Brandenburg calculation, in terms of the principal. All payments that he makes which went toward interest and real estate taxes do not count.
Watts app ????
He sold his house and took the money abroad what happens now?
What about if in a long unmarried relationship with shared property to divide
That is a matter than I cannot comment on. It is not under divorce law.
Any specific tips for no fault states?
Most states have some form of no fault divorce (although it may be termed differently). Whether your state has fault grounds or not, everyone should attempt to settle their case before moving forward with a contested, fault-based divorce. My advice is the same for all 50 states: if there is no suspicion that a spouse is hiding money, and if there is no domestic violence, mediate your case to settlement. Focus on settlement. Not litigation.
What if it’s a business that was inherited? And our family used the profits to live off of? He left the business we owned together to go run the one he inherited. So does he now get all the inherited one and 50% of the one I run as well?
I have a feeling that is not a question that any attorney or mediator could easily or accurately. There are many more facts that would need to be established ... and probably some of those facts would be disputed. You need to lay it all out for an attorney to start getting a feel for your state would handle this type of matter. One of the key matters that you will need to try and keep straight in your mind is that there is a difference between income and assets. The money earned in a business is income. The business itself is an asset. And, of course, there are overlaps (such as the fact that a business's value is related to how much it permits the owner to take out in the form of income/salary/draws). Best of luck to you.
Very informative and Eloquent!
Thank you!
What about money that would come from an injury settlement?
It depends on your state's laws. Often times, the part of the personal injury settlement that goes toward lost wages is considered marital property (open for division and distribution in a divorce). But, the part of the personal injury settlement that is for pain and suffering is the separate (not marital) property of the spouse who received the settlement. Check your state's laws.
I live in Australian I think it's like 75% to women and 30%for the man experienced that myself
Thanks so much 🙏
You are welcome!
If we have decided on the divorce already but not yet divorced, and one of us finds a high-paying job (higher than the other. currently lets say our income is at the same level) since then, are we still supposed to pay alimony? That's because if we work at the same place and find it awkward continuing in the same common workplace and decide to find another job... How does our change in income from the time we decided on our divorce affect alimony? The state would be Florida.
Usually, spousal support is decided based on the current incomes. Once you have spousal support written down in a signed settlement agreement and/or divorce decree, its openness for modification depends on the terms of that document.
Hi, love your demeanor! We live in California. Can you help in California and how much can you do? Can you help achieve separation? Divorce? Can you help the couple together or only the one that makes contact? Thank you
Oh, we generally agree with idea of 50/50, no real financial arguments, so far
HI Michael. I just saw this. I cannot mediate in California. Sorry. I hope you found the help you need. And, mediators always help the couple (not just the person who contacted the mediator).
I feel like a hostage here! He controls ALL the money. Spends freely on himself, (even at casino!), while I have to beg for food I like, $ for medication, and even has $.
If I'm “good”, or perform tasks that he demands, he'll throw me a $20. If I refuse, I get nothing!!!
He has taken all my cc’s, and even debit card to joint account.
Year's of psychological, verbal, emotional abuse has affected my health -physical and mental.
He even had my paychecks, (when I was working), direct deposited to the account I had no access to. If I went into the bank to get a few bucks, is be punished ruthlessly. Then he opened account at new bank, and promptly transferred $ there, so I could not get my hands on it.
I need documentation, but have no $ to order copies, not gas to go get any.
What are my options, if any!
Desperate and deep, deep in despair.
My wife filed a divorce in california. When im still single i cosigned with my dad a house mortgage loan, just for a better credit score requirement. The house is in south carolina. My exwife and i have not contributed nor share on monthly mortgage payment and utilities. Will this be included as community property?
I think you could probably get out of your share of ownership of the South Caroline home if you prove that none of your marital money was used for the purchase, upkeep, etc. You will want a smart lawyer to keep this asset separate from the marital (community) estate.
BIG QUESTION: Do I have to share the debt for my step-daughter's college tuition??
Usually not. There might be factors, however, that make your case the exception. You might want to pay the tuition, though, if that gets you a better deal somewhere else. Everything is negotiable.
Hi there how dose it work if I did a a legal separation then I went back to my spouse the house is now in her name and we separated again an I entitled to any funds ?
That is way too complicated for a quick answer. Better lay those facts out to a lawyer or mediator who knows that law in your state. Also, if you did a legal separation, did you also sign a settlement agreement (might be called a separation agreement)? If so, the terms of that document will probably dictate who gets what ($).
I am 100% disabled from an on the job injury as a police officer. My total income each year on disability is $17,000. My wife and I work at an airline where my income was $75,000 but now that I’m 100% disabled because of my on duty injury, my total income per year is $17,000. I am totally dependent upon her for just about everything as my mother is totally dependent upon me to pay all of her bills. All of my money pays my mother‘s bills my wife has to take care of me. I have become too much of a liability and my wife is threatening to get rid of me. I have difficulty walking. I can no longer cook. Looks like I’m going to have my drivers license taken away shortly. How do I deal with this?
I have absolutely no money to seek legal advice where she has already retained an attorney
You need to seek the advice of an attorney. Though you might not be able to afford a lawyer, your state or county may have programs where you can receive legal assistance. It is never a good idea to go against someone who has an attorney when you do not. You should also look into Legal Aid where you live. If you cannot find a lawyer to help you, you might want to try mediation with someone who knows the law (a lawyer-mediator) who will be able to tell you if the settlement proposals are in line with what would happen in court. Good luck to you. Sorry for your troubles.
Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe!
Anyone who feels their physical safety is in jeopardy should seek the assistance of an attorney, the courts, and the police, as necessary.
@@GraineMediation while I do not disagree with you, I am specifically advocating for men taking the initiative to protect themselves within a societal stigma that often inhibits men, for various reasons, from placing court ordered restraining orders upon their partners.
Men, be safe!
If I have money on my personal account that I earned that doesn’t get divided right?
In all states, with minor exceptions, income earned during the marriage, and put away into a savings account, is a marital asset. That means that is it on the table for division and distribution. The law looks at it this way: it was the marriage's efforts that made that money. Not just you. You may think that is stupid, unfair, old fashioned, or backwards, but that is how it works. If you want to argue for getting more/all of that money in your savings account, that is in the category of you making a "greater financial contribution to the marriage". That is an argument for the division and distribution of the money (versus the classification of that money as belonging to the marriage or not). 50/50 on marital money and all assets -- including savings accounts stuffed with money earned during the marriage -- is normal. Although, as my clients get younger and younger, I have more and more cases that settle with the spouses keeping the bank accounts upon which their name appears, even if the values are not the same. Marriage is a sharing of your money, real estate, bodies, and children. The government should do a better job educating people on what marriage mean in their state in terms of money and real estate. The body and kid-part is easily understood by most people.
We tried a Mediator hoping to have a quick resolution, however, if both parties have a completly different perspective if 'Fair', it makes it impossible. My husband has a business which makes things more difficult to see what he actually made. He just stood his ground that we made the same. So how does a mediator work in that case. She just took our money and ended up spending more with an attorney. 😕
A better perspective might be to target "mutual agreement". What spouses can mutually agree on in a divorce is not always what is "fair". Life is not fair. Why would a divorce be any different? Search for compromises that you can live with and that give each of you a starting point in your new lives that is close to fair (but not necessary on the target of what you and your spouse feel is perfectly fair). I encourage you to keep your target close to what you would probably get if you ended up in court. That is not a perfect target, but there is usually a range of outcomes that an experienced lawyer/mediator in your area can tell you is reasonable to expect.
As for a small business, the best way to determine an owner's income is to hire a financial expert (CPA, usually, or a CDFA, in some cases) to get a handle on what the gross revenue is for about a 3-year period. You can always take an average of that, if that makes sense. Otherwise, take the most representative year's gross revenue and use that. You might even need to look at projection of gross revenue if that business's particular market has changed . Then, subtract reasonable business expenses from that gross revenue. "Reasonable" is a term that must be agreed between the spouses. If you cannot agree on what a reasonable business expense is, use few different numbers to start getting a feel for the income of the business owner. (Note: What the deductions are on the tax return is often not going to work in a divorce.) You will never get an accurate figure for what a business-owner spouse's income is. It is a moving target. The key is find a number that you can mutually agree upon.
If a spouse refuses to turn over company financials, you need an attorney to force him or her to turn over those documents. Your starting documents are usually a profit and loss statement and a tax returns (last 3 years). It will be up to your CPA/CDFA to let you now what he or she needs.
As for your spouse spouse "standing his ground", that is not language friendly to mediation. Mediation is about compromise and mutual agreement. If a spouse refuses to budge, get an attorney. Now. Your spouse does not have the personality to get through mediation. However, if you spouse is successful in business, he knows how to negotiate. He knows how to compromise. He knows how to make good financial decisions. If he is being super stubborn, that is a terrible business decision because he will spend all the money he makes and will have no time to run his business (because he will be spending it in his lawyers office and in court).
When divorcing, we will have to divide money since it now belongs to both of us.
Are we also going to divide our bodies since it now belongs to both of us.
This means we will have to split our bodies into two, split our ideas in our memories into two.
Why is it only 'material' assets (like money and cars etc) that we split??
I think we do split part of my body. I know my heart was broken when my marriage broke up. That is a split. It's mended; but part of it is still in my old family.
How about if my alcoholic husband inherits a home from his father then my husband puts me on the deed with him? Is it now my home too? Can I potentially acquire that home in a divorce? From Florida
Potentially, yes. See a lawyer and lay it all out. This is a tricky area of the law in most states.
Hi. If a spouse has a separate bank account, & he withdraws the money from the account. As a way to try & hide it. Is that money apart of the marriage?
The law in most states is that assets (including money) acquired during the marriage (sometimes meaning from date of marriage to date of separation; but sometimes up until the date of divorce) belongs to the marriage. It is marital property and is on the table for division in the divorce. If you think your spouse is actively trying to hide money, you need to get on that right away with a lawyer. In my experience, even if you can prove that someone has hidden marital assets, once it is gone it is often just that: GONE! All the court orders in the world cannot produce money that has disappeared. The spouse who hid the money could be ordered by a court to pay the other spouse back over time ... but the type of people that hide marital assets are often the same type of people that don't follow court orders!
In Tennessee, home is newly built abd fully on His name but all purchased with a home we both previously sold in another state,etc....How will that be divided? Will is be based on what is the selling price of the home or Equity? And how does Equity division work? Does that mean he gets to just give me 50% of the Equity, he keeps keeps 50 and plus Home mortgage gets fully paid and he still keeps it?
This is a complicated situation. You didn't mention being married That makes a difference. Without marriage, and the laws related to that (in Tennessee), you are in the area of contract law and real estate law (not divorce law).
@@rgraine1196 yes we're married
@@merarirodriguez2127 Your best answer will be from a Tennessee divorce lawyer or mediator who understand Tennessee law. I am in Virginia. Usually, though, if one spouse is going to keep the marital residence, that spouse will need to buy out the other spouse's equity interest. That is often at 50%. The equity is usually determined by subtracting the amount owed on the mortgage from the agreed fair market value. But, it can get trickier than that depending on all of the facts and circumstances in your case ... especially if one spouse is claiming that any portion of the equity is due to his or her pre-marital money. If the house is sold, you do not need to agree on the fair market value. The sale price takes care of that. Usually, the buy-out happens soon after the separation. Some couples, however, choose to have the buy-out happen many months down the road; but that can be complicated if the paying spouse loses his or her job, the housing market takes a turn for the worse, etc. Good luck.
@robin-personal2039 . After marriage my husband opened an LLC and bought a land on which he is building rental houses with a friend. I am not involved in any paperwork but I did transfer money to my husband to but the land. How is it treated? I am currently in Virginia.
Love the video !
Question: I have passive rental income before getting married, (Not earned income)….will the court see this, as money earned while married?
Thank you for reading my comment and hope my question helps others!
Every state has their own laws related to what is considered "income" for the purpose of calculating child support. Many places, such as my state (Virginia) have a very broad definition of income for this purpose. Income from a rental property -- even if owned prior to the marriage -- is fair game, minus "reasonable expenses". Reasonable is often defined as necessary repairs (a roof, not a hot tub), essential maintenance, and that portion of the mortgage payments going to the interest, real estate taxes, and insurance (but NOT the principal).
What happens when the spouse was involved in an accident about 7 years ago...and now the settlement of about $30,000 appears to be distributed to my wife. However, she says that I cannot have any of these funds, even though I was the one paying the car insurance during our marriage. Am I able to get any of these funds?
It depends on your states laws. Often times, the money received for "pain and suffering" stays with the spouse who was injured. However, the money received for loss of income usually belongs to the marriage.
For the most part, that is when the $250K/$500K capital gains tax exemptions kick in. However, that does not equate to a 100% tax exemption.
You're absolutely right; the $250,000/$500,000 capital gains tax exemptions for primary residences in the U.S. provide significant tax benefits. However, it's important to note that they don't offer a complete 100% tax exemption, meaning that some portion of the gains may still be subject to capital gains tax, depending on the specific circumstances.
Thank You very good video.
You are welcome. Glad you liked it.
We are in the middle of divorce. My wife only wants a realtor of her choice. I put the house on Zillow and received 2 offers above Zillow Zestimate. But now she got an ex parte order not to sell assets. How do I ask for a hearing and present the offers to the judge
The problem is that you need a lawyer. Once your case is in the courthouse, the system is rigged so that you need a professional to navigate that system. More specifically, the method with which a house is marketed and sold can be determined by a judge, if the spouses do not agree on the methodology. Neither party is ever permitted to do things their way -- without agreement or judicial determination -- for jointly owned property. I do not see a judge letting either of your choose your realtor/Zillow (whether there are offers or not).
Hello I'm 62 and I'm married 33, I'm in Florida andy husband was in the NAVY 26 years. He accused me to cheat on him ( no true) I'm pretty sure he did...and tomorrow we are going to Mediator to file. I wish i had find this video earlier...
Any suggestion on
Suggestion: Focus on the money. Not the adultery. You will probably get 50% of the marital portion of the military retirement (that portion acquired during the marriage). You will need to ask for survivor benefits or they will disappear upon divorce.
Hi,
I am from california. i had a house before getting married. Taxes on my house have always been paid by me. My wife lived with me for a for a few year and paid rent. Then we got our house and those taxes have been paid by both of us.
Does she have any right to my house.
I’m a retired Navy officer and police officer, with pension from both. My wife plans to retire in December 2024. She has a hybrid retirement, a pension and a 401. If we divorce are we entitled to half of each other’s retirement?
It depends on where you live. There are a of myths about military retirement. Here is the truth: military retirement and other pensions are divided between spouses based on State law. Some states are automatic 50/50 states; but most are not. States that are not automatic 50/50 states, however, tend to go with that type of division (50/50) even though that is not required under the law. The same is true for all retirement assets. So, it is not as much a matter of "entitlement" (except in the 50/50 states, known as "community property" states) as it is the culture of the courthouse/precedent. In other words, judges don't tend to be super creative. If 50/50 is what everyone is doing, that is what they tend to do. In a state like mine (Virginia), judges are required to consider a long list of factors before they make a determination on asset distribution (such as a retirement asset); but the list is so long that it is easy, in almost all cases, for a judge to justify a 50/50 split ... and 50/50 usually keeps the judge out of hot water if there is an appeal. Here is an example: the spouse with the retirement asset makes the other spouse's life a living hell. That is a criteria that may make more than 50% to the nice spouse's asset division column a proper outcome. However, if the jerk spouse is also the spouse that made the majority of the money, the scales of justice shift and 50/50 becomes the likely outcome. It is kind of a mess. Not clear. But, there is your answer. I hope it helps.
My second reply: With several pensions, such as yours, you need to do the math. It would not usually make sense to each get 50% of the other's pension. You will want come up with a percentage split that your agree on (if you are not leaving it up to a judge), to start crunching numbers and try and come up with only one pension is shared. Why is that? Because the more organizations that you have fiddling with your retirement money, the greater the chance that something will go awry. You want to keep it simple, if you can. The numbers will probably never be exactly, but that is usually OK with people. Nothing else in life is exact, either. Get a professional (mediator, lawyer, certified divorce financial analyst) who is smart and understands all of the types of pensions that are on the table. No junior associates in a case like yours.
There is no 50/50 requirement in most states when it comes to pension, military or otherwise. 50/50 is only required in "community property" states (mostly in the western part of the USA). In non-community property states, however, 50/50 is the quite common. In my state (Virginia), for example, there is a long list of criteria that judges must consider before they divide and distribute assets (including retirement). However, with such a long list, it is easy for them to justify a 50/50 split. 50/50 often keeps judges out of hot water if one of the clients wants to appeal. For example, even if one spouse was horrible in one area of the marriage (such as making the other spouse's life a living hell); they may have been an excellent financial provider. It can get very long and complicated to go through and entire marriage weighting the negative and positive financial and non-financial contributions of both spouses. So, 50/50 is the default. As for your many pensions, you will want to try and avoid dividing them all up. See if you can get to where you want to get , in terms of the percentage share you want (e.g., 50/50), and divide up and, therefore, need to file paperwork for every single pension. Why is that? Because the more financial organizations that you involve in your divorce, the more exposure you will have to people messing up your paperwork. Skinny it up and see if you can get to what you and your spouse can mutually agree to. It will never be 100% accurate because that is just how these things go. You can also do a present value (an actuarial term) of your pension which will make them look like a 401(k). That way you can more easily compare apples to apples. You will probably need a certified divorce financial analyst or good wealth management advisor or CPA to help you with you. You can also play it like the majority of my millennial clients: if an retirement asset has your name one it, it is yours. That is not how the law is written most places, but that is the trend.
My wife wants half the flat I bought before marriage and she is determined to get it. What advice would you give me. Thanks Ray
Learn the laws in your state. Some places, if any money acquired during the marriage (such as your salary) was put into that house (especially by paying down the mortgage loan), that portion of the house becomes part of the marital estate which is available for distribution at divorce.
This woman should have her own tv show.
That is such a nice compliment. Thank you, Dan!
How does adultery affect things if none of the states prosecute for it??
Depending on your state's laws, adultery comes into play as a "factor that led to the end of the marriage". Of course, that always gets turned around to "the marriage was already over when the adultery occurred". Bad behavior in a marriage, in many states, is a factor that can be considered when a judge is dividing and distributing the assets. The chance of getting more $ due to adultery, though, is much greater if that adultery also led to a waste of marital money (hotels, dinners, gifts, etc). Adultery can also put a stop to the adulterer receiving alimony, in some places, although judges usually do not put adulterers on the streets if they actually need alimony to survive. In Virginia, where I am a mediator, adultery is definitely on the books as a crime and as a factor that judges must consider when dividing and distributing assets and debts (if the adultery can be proven -- which is often difficult). However, it is usually the attorneys that win big in these matters. The attorneys fees rarely justify whatever more of the marital estate you get due to adultery.
i have been seperated for 9 months now. My 44-year-old husband refuses to leave the house and works just enough to pay his food and gas. He refuses to contribute to the household expenses like a roomate would do because he says he has no money but he wont get a job. he says. he cant. Our mediator encouraged him to work but understood why he would not work, essentially validating him. He made several charges to the credit card for car expenses. I have since stopped working with this mediator and we are arguing over the next step. This is hell. he is financially taking advantage of me and the house is an intollerable space for me. What can I do.
When you are dealing with nonsense you have to hire an attorney.
@@robin-personal2039 Thank you for the response. We just switched mediators and that made a world of difference.
I filed for divorce last year and my husband is 64 years old. I am 61 here in California. I was awarded half of his pension. He’s already collected inspection. When can I start collecting my my pension and who do I call because he had to pay to an attorney to take care of this? I have his information should I call them? Please let me know, when I can start my part of his pension, thank you so much
I’m sorry he is 65. I am 61 years old. Can I collect my half of his pension now I did get divorced and I was qualified to get half. Please let me know. Thank you so much because he’s already getting it almost a year and if I do, how much do I get, do I get what I started apply or do I get when he started getting paid to and they will backpay me thank you so much. God bless you.
I’m sorry he is 65. I am 61 years old. Can I collect my half of his pension now I did get divorced and I was qualified to get half. Please let me know. Thank you so much because he’s already getting it almost a year and if I do, how much do I get, do I get what I started apply or do I get when he started getting paid to and they will backpay me thank you so much. God bless you.
Uh oh! It should have been your attorney deal with the pension administrator. There is not much incentive for your husband's attorney to keep on top of this matter. You can call your husband's attorney, but he will probably have no obligation to talk with you. You are not his client. But, if it were me, I would give it a try. If you get no where, you will need to hire your own attorney (as it should have been done in the first place). Best of luck to you.
What about inherited money to one party?
Inherited money is not considered part of the marital estate in any state that I am aware of. However, if you commingle inherited money with marital money, that can create problems. How commingled assets are treated in a divorce varies from state to state.
@robin-personal2039 Yes ma'am, good to know thank you!
Hi ,
I am in the process of divorce and kids stay with me but I have to take unpaid leave from work as I have become a patient of depression because of domestic violence.
How it will effect my divorce case?
Please help
There are many ways the fact pattern you have presented could affect your divorce situation. Perpetrators of domestic violence are sometimes punished by the divorce courts. How? They receive less of the assets and more of the debt. Also, a victim of domestic violence may be more likely to receive alimony because she or he might be found unable to work due to the resulting trauma. There could also be negative consequences to the abuse victim if she or he is found to be so psychologically compromised that she or he is not able to provide adequate care to the children. This usually only is seen, however, when the victim of domestic violence also has other serious mental health/addiction issues.
Hi, if u r divorce, how do u get the ex off the house title
That should have been spelled out in your settlement agreement or divorce decree. It all depends on who is on the deed. What the timeline is. Whether there is a buy-out, etc. There are a lot of variables before that question can be answered.
72 yo, husband social security is $2K more than mine per month, 22 year marriage. Can my husband pay spousal support to equalize that income so that it becomes 50/50?
Yes. If you agree or if a judge orders it.
What about uncontested Divorce
If you mean "how is money divided in an uncontested divorce", that is easy: any way that the divorcing couple chooses! It is up to them. As a mediator, one of my primary jobs is to make sure that my mediation clients understand what would probably happen in court ("probably", because you never really now what a judge might or might not do). Often times, clients also need to understand the tax and financial implications of various settlement options. However, if clients want to do the opposite of what a judge would probably do, they are free to do that. The same goes for if they chose to settle a matter that will cause a big tax bill to one or the other of them and if what they are thinking about doing is financially not in the best interest of one or the other of them. Hope that clears things up.
18 years married 15. 4 kids
Currently cohabitation and coparenting.... im still responsible for all the bills as long as she holds up her end and continues to not hurt kids with her desire to see others. .I just yesterday finally got a 6figure settlement she wants half is she entitled to half?
That is a big question. There are only a handful of states where 50/50 on assets and debts is the law. Most other states do not have 50/50 as the law, but it is deeply imbedded in the legal culture. It takes some very bad behavior, in most cases, for there to be split of assets way different from 50/50. Your attorney or mediator should be able to lay out where your case might be "in the norm" (meaning that 50/50 on assets and debt division would be fairly standard) or if your case is unique (meaning more in your column would be the more likely outcome).
money in retirement account before marriage?...over 20 years ago, unknown/forgotten difference/amounts. One person has more in Retirement because the other supported the house/kids and other investments like metals/cars/collections etc.
Assets acquired before the marriage usually do not belong to the marriage. That means that a judge does not have the ability to transfer any of those assets to the other spouse. As for retirement assets acquired during the marriage, it usually doesn't matter whose name is on the account. What matters is WHEN it was acquired. The fact that one spouse has a bigger pile of retirement money does not mean that spouse gets to keep that pile all to him or herself. Assets are often divided 50/50 (always divided 50/50 in community property states, which are usually out West. There are only 9 of them) based on whether acquired during the marriage, not based on whose name is on the account. Some states (like Virginia) also designate assets acquired after separation as non-marital (non-divisible in court). The arguments are usually against doing a 50/50 split of marital assets is usually one of of "greater financial or non-financial contribution to the marriage", "negative financial contributions" (wasting money), and other positive and negative behaviors related to the family finances and, depending on your state, to the well-being of the marriage in general. So, bottom line, who gets the assets/money is not dependent on whose name appears on the account.
Do children not factor in the financial agreement? Whomever gets the custody, should they not get the majority of the shared funds?
That is not how it works. Child-related expenses are factored for in child support and, in many cases, in a payment ratio (such as for extracurricular activities, tutoring, childcare). The assets are a separate matter. The support of children is under the category of "income and expenses" (not "assets and debts").
I would not say that your wife's non-contributions to the marriage are irrelevant. They are usually more relevant, however, to the asset distribution part of your case. If a spouse makes very little financial and/or non-financial contributions to the marriage, that is something that you will want to bring up when it comes to divide up the assets acquired during the marriage. However, judges are not likely to punish a lazy spouse deeply. More like a little slap. In a community property state, I am not even sure that a spouse's non-contributions matter at all (I am in an equitable distribution state, not a community property state).
As for spousal support, judges tend to only look at whether the spouse can support herself. If she cannot, she will probably get spousal support. Why? Because the state doesn't want to support her! Your argument is usually that she should get less support and for a lesser period of time. In other words, you are looking at "how much and how long" versus a "yes or no" to spousal support. Of course, check your particular state's laws for the details on this. Some state's are more willing to cut a spouse off then others (mine, Virginia, is not one of those states).
Always remember: No matter what your attorney tells you, you cannot right the wrongs of the marriage in the divorce. It just doesn't work that way.
A good analogy to having to pay spousal support to the lazy spouse is this: if you spoil your child rotten, that child will probably grow up to have a lot of problems that you are stuck dealing with. You can ignore your adult kid and his or her problems, but you will probably have to deal with a broken heart for the rest of your life. It is similar in a marriage. If your spouse refuses to contribute to the marriage (financially and/or non-financially), you need to cut ties earlier rather than later. The longer it goes on, the more it will ruin your financial future.
Your best bet, if available in your state, is often to invoke the doctrine of "imputation". Imputation means that you ask that your wife be looked at as being voluntarily underemployed or unemployed PLUS you prove that she could earn money if she tried. This is usually done, in court, by hiring a vocational expert (more money that you have to pay!). Imputation means that you would ask that your spouse be viewed as person who makes $X.00, versus a person who makes $0.00. Of course, as always, check your own state's laws. Sadly, however, many people wait until their spouse has many years not working before they move forward with a divorce. This is often at the point of no return. In other words, if your spouse has just been out of the work force too long to be hirable (think technology advancing a lightening speed while your spouse laid on the couch and watched TV) and, often times, these spouses are more than willing to testify to all the many, many problems that they have that prevent them from working (whether real or false). Many people will do just about anything to not work. If that if your situation, I wish you luck.
I’m going through a 22 month divorce and he and his teenager and his elderly mother lived with me free and when he started getting violent I made him leave. He sold a home that he kep fixing while we were married now since he spent some of that money I have to sell my house to pay him and my attorney said pay him. He didn’t even show me what I’m paying for I’ve lost everything and he says it was our mess
Sounds lie a mess. Do you have a specific question?
Im in NC. Can u represent me?
I have been with my husband since i was 17.
Im 56 now and now, he wants a divorce.
His Mom is still alive and she kives on the farm i have helped take care of and made moneyvon the farm.
Now, he said it is not mine.
How can i not be entitled when i help on the farm, for free.
Sorry. Sounds like you feel you are being taken advantage of after a lot of years of hard work. You will need to contact a North Carolina mediator or lawyer. I only work in Virginia. Best of luck to you.
I think that you can get over dividing assets unfairly (and 50% /50% often times is not fair). If you have to pay alimony or spousal support to your ex who did not want to get a job, so she continues to be a parasite and live of your income is devastating.
You must divorce someone who you feel is a parasite early. The longer they live from your income, the more rights they have. Sorry you have ended your marriage on so bitter a note. I guess we all need more education about what marriage means -- financially -- before we get married.
How does Child support in an divorce get determine.
Child support is usually determined based on a state calculation. Lawyers, mediators, and judges have child support calculation software that they use to determine the minimum amount due (sometimes called the "presumed amount"). If you are in Virginia, I can run the calculation for you. Otherwise, you will need to have that calculation run by a lawyer or mediator in your state ... or, some states have good online calculators. Do some Googling and see what you come up with in your state. Make sure you have all the variables that the calculations requires (all the information that needs to be input to get a correct calculated amount). Also, some parents agree on a monthly child support amount. That is usually acceptable to the courts; but you will also want to run the official calculation to see how the number you agree on compares to the state calculation numbers. Courts always have "ultimate authority" (a legal term) over child suppose. That means that, if there is a big change in circumstances, the child support amount could change. So, you need to know what the state calculation looks like (in case you end up with that number down the road).
How do people that’s been married for almost 40 years divorce with owning farm land? Stay home wife who raised kids always with no other source of income?
You can’t sell land because that’s what was supposed to be retiring income. It’s so complicated
Sometimes what appeared to be the only plan (such as living off the income from farmland) must be changed. Maybe you could each take half of the land? Maybe you could sell the land and use the money to live off of? Maybe you could both keep the land and run it as a business, post-divorce? Get an attorney in your area who understands farming and divorce.
My husband gifted me a house. And my husband filed a divorce case against me regarding this house and made many allegations against me. And I live in this house. Because of this house I am not getting legal help, I do not have a lawyer. I don't have any children. And I don't work. Because depression and anxiety, receiving universal credit. What should I do please help me.
You need legal advice by an attorney in your state. The facts you laid out do not make 100% sense ... which means you need a professional to explain to you the laws of your state and your particular facts fit into those laws (and vice versa). Find an attorney in your area who will provide a consultation. That attorney will probably charge by the hour. Be very prepared with specific questions and be prepared to listen. Do not pay the attorney for you talking about strictly emotional issues (this is common). Use the attorney for legal expertise and advice only. Just because you have a consultation with an attorney does not mean you are stuck with huge legal bills. Just pay for the consultation as you are getting started on this journey.
Are you still answering questions?
Yes. Actually, I can provide information. I cannot give legal advice. What is your question?
there's a legal, and I say fair, concept of "consideration." a person gets paid, but only after performing or trading something else in return. where is the "consideration" in marriage? my name is on the asset, I did earn the money, so where is the "consideration" to justify any division?
Marriage is a very different situation than a standard contract negotiation where consideration (an exchange of one thing of value for another thing of value) is required. But, to apply your analogy, the consideration would be the exchange of one's independence for being married and all of the rights and burdens of that status (being married versus being single). When people get married they are essentially agreeing to the following: (1) to share their bodies only with one another (in most cases); (2) to share the children that the woman births (or that they adopt); and (3) to share their assets & debts, income & expenses. I know that this "agreement" is not clear to most people until they are going through a divorce. Marriage is hugely serious with all the sharing that is, by legal default, part of the deal. That is why wealthy people and business owners often enter in prenuptial agreements before they get married. They want to be in charge of the marriage contract. Not the State.
I am in Virginia and I really need help I want to get divorced but I want to get treated fairly in the process I always hear it's worse in court for the men
Try mediation. That way, you will have more control over of all aspects of your case. I am not sure what you are referring to when you say that "it's worse in court for the men" in Virginia. This is the best time in history for a man to be treated fairly when it comes to custody decisions. As for support, that is not reliant on gender. It is reliant on which spouse is making the money and which is not. If one spouse has an income, and the other does not (or has a much lower income), child/spousal support is often the result. As for the division and distribution of assets, that is usually somewhere in the neighborhood of 50/50, with some wiggle-room for bad behavior during the marriage and in that period of time approaching the separation. Again, if you want to be more in control of your settlement, mediate. You still might not be happy with the results, though, depending on your definition of "fair". You can respond what "fair" means to you.
I got married on February 13th and when I got home in November the same year she was gone she abandoned me and the home I am sick she promised to take care of me and then on social media she degrades me she got a lawsuit within the marriage what could I do what should I do we're still married I want a divorce how do I go about it please help me
You need to get a professional in your state to explain the laws to you and guide you through the steps you need to take to get a divorce. It does not sound like a complicated case because the marriage was so short. It also sounds like your wife may have already started a suit for divorce? If so, you need an attorney right away to make sure that you do not miss paperwork and court deadlines.
My wife stole a lot of money from our joint credit line. Finally I caught her.will the judge consider that when money is divided in my divorce.
If it can be proved that one spouse created unnecessary and unreasonable debt against the marital estate (you said this was a joint line of credit, not your individual line of credit, so there would not appear to be a theft), the spouse who caused that debt often is required to take on more of the financial burden.
This system needs to get reformed ASAP.
What about one spouse pays all the bills and the other refuses to help out. Both work husband pays it all and wife spends her own money and refuses to jointly save money?
I don't know about your state. In my state (Virginia), who earns that money does not determine who it belongs to. If money is earned during the marriage -- by either spouse -- it belongs to the marriage. Your argument, if you were in Virginia, would be that your wife made negative financial contributions to the marital estate. However, you would still probably not do that well. If you could convince a judge that she made negative financial contributions , she would probably argue that she made many non-financial positive contributions. It is kind of a blah, blah, blah for the judges and then, at the end of the day, assets and debts are usually dividided close to 50/50 (at least in Virginia). Some states, however, are much quicker to punish a financial irresponsible spouse. Check your state's laws.
@@robin-personal2039 Thank you! TN is an equitable state and figured as such. Hopefully with division of assets and debit acquired during the marriage it could be resolved during mediation. Thank you for your response.
What if wife hidden money over sea ? Or she send money over sea hidden it
The first thing you have to prove is that money is missing. Then, whether you actually find the money or not, she might need to repay what she has taken from the marital estate. If she doesn't have access to a pile of cash, these payments might need to be made over time (like an alimony payment). The key is to have clear evidence that she has removed money from the marital estate without your knowledge or agreement.
What happens if the actual divorce was 6 years ago but the couple is finally getting around to dividing the assets
I have no idea. I have never deal with that situation, but I have heard of it. Hire an attorney to help you through. As long as you and your wife can agree on everything, it should be smooth sailing. I a not even sure how you would file the paperwork, though, since your divorce is already done. Good luck.
I am in Mary's America please help
We bought some property and built a garage he was the cheater our whole marriage. I want to sell the property and split it 50/50. He wants to keep it and give me 500 a month ?
The key information is what the property is worth. Once you agree on the fair market value, he can pay you half of that. That can be paid in a lump sum or over time (such as at $500 per month until you are paid off, with a little more money to you for interest).
I want only settled.
How is it not all assets become one when you get married? If I had a million dollars in the bank when I got married how is it not also my wife's million dollars and vice versa? When you get married everything becomes one. If she owed a million dollars on a credit card, how would that not become my debt once we got married?
Do you still need to divide money if you divorce a cheating wife
A stay at home mother will get the house, land, children, alimony, furniture,, child support, 1/2 401k, and the dog. The credit card debt will go to the man at 100%. I know this because I lived it. Family court is not going to be fair to the man . Equitable means " goes to the mother".
Wow! That is a lot. I have never seen a case where the wife got everything and the husband was left with nothing but 1/2 of the his 401(k). I hope you can get back on your feet again.
hi, what about a marital froad? a young jypsie woman marrid an old man and stole 2 milion dollars in 2 years. and took addidinal mortgate on the house.
Fraud is sometimes dealt with in the criminal courts if it amounts to a theft under the criminal code for that state. If a case stays in the divorce courts, and one spouse fraudulently deprived the other spouse of assets, and it can be proven by a preponderance of the evidence (different from the criminal courts, where "beyond a reasonable doubt" is required"), the spouse who did the bad deed will either be ordered to return that money or, if it is unobtainable, he or she will probably get less of what is left and might even need to pay the innocent spouse a sum of money, over time (like a monthly amount), for a period of time.
@@rgraine1196 Thank you so much for the quick response.
If the husband hides the money, the wife doesn't have any savings. What should the wife do?
Get an attorney. Immediately.
What's the burden of proof? It's a civil action... substantiate your claims with direct tangible evidence ...rules of discovery...rules of evidence...
Agreed... but it becomes messy because there are areas of the law in many states that permit evidence related to non-financial contributions to the marriage. Right there the "evidence" becomes slippery. How do you value one spouse holding down the fort at home thereby permitting the other spouse to focus on work? How do you value the labor of keeping track of everyone's schedules? How do you value all the tasks completed around the house on a regular basis?
Capital gains dissipate after five years of living in the house.
We're not 5 yr olds
😢in my case the court took all my money
Do you mean your wages were garnished? Money goes to kids and spouses. I have never heard of the court taking your money!