I agree with him. There comes a time when you feel absolutely ready and waiting for "the one" is not going to ever help your outlook on it. Instead find someone you care about and just go for it. Take it from someone who waited till her mid twenties to finally go through with it.
This is one of my all-time favourite Dan Savage videos. I 100% inflated my first boyfriend to "the one" because I came from a religious family and thought that sex wasn't okay unless the person was amazing. Dan is such a tremendous source of knowledge. One of my life goals is to go for drinks with Dan Savage and have him analyze my sex life.
Yup! Happened to me. My scumbag ex-husband was psyched into "the one" and he left when I got pregnant. So romantic. I will be sharing this info with all my kids.
It's not only the sex that's disappointing when people "wait until marriage." "Chaste" couples are so desperate to hop into bed with each other they get married very early, both in life and their relationships. They're too immature and not intimate enough to be ready for such a commitment. It almost inevitably leads to divorce.
I get your point. I agree with your point. But the thing is, you shouldn't disrespect somebody who chooses to wait. I'm not saying you do that - just that many who talk about this in the way you do often disrespect those people.
I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18 and personally I think it was the right age for me. I was in a long term relationship and was living independently. While I may not be with that person anymore we were together for 5 years and at the time we cared for each other a lot.
i'm an age16 bisexual virgin going to a mixed boarding school i don't know if i'm ready to be sexual and i don't know with what gender, but this is great advice
I remember when I was a teen in Jr. High and High School, there were girls on me like white on rice. People want their teens to still be like little kids but they just aren't. We we all their once. I think education is the best. This video makes sense. People used to get married at a way earlier age but modern society tries to block the natural biological urges into this idea of an extended childhood. I'm all for protecting little kids but not educating a teen can actually be dangerous.
@wyoboy65 I really don't think that works. I think she should make sure that she is compatable with the person before getting married. This would cut down on divorce cost.
@WesleySpeaks23 I think he's commenting on the hypocrisy of the prevalent culture: "teen sex is always wrong. Both of your parents did it and they're completely normal, but yeah". If he was claiming that abnormal is bad, he would loathe himself since exclusive homosexuality is some standard deviations from the norm (but we know that abnormality isn't bad, hurting others is bad).
@owlcu However, in Europe where most kids can't drive till 18. The virginity losing age tends to be around 14-16. So I doubt the car has real effect to this.
I have heard at least 3 times people marrying and them and the spouse are both virgins and the sex life is disappointing. And that leads to regretting waiting until they got married. Sex isn't everything but I cannot imagine waiting until after marrying someone to have sex with them. I would have to know if I have chemistry with them in that way too. But I am a lesbian and don't have to worry about pregnancy :)
when i was in high school at the age of 15.... i was told i have to have sex before i finish school or else i am going to be bullied.... in University but then i was thinking... if i am getting builled in University then they havent grown up yet !
waiting to have sex until your married is moronic a best, i say have it as soon as your ready and find the cutest guy or girl out there you can find fucking is GREAT!!!! and super healthy for you in fact it could even be said that its unhealthy to NOT have a regular sex life.
I think ideally, 18 is a good age to start having sex because that way a person would hopefully passed high school and basically gain more rights if that sex resulted in a baby
i think thats true ive done sexual things and am sexually active but i have not had intercourse so i consider myself to be a semi virgin and my friends think thats weird but i basically mean what this guy is saying
Getting into his mind by expertly knocking down his psychological walls and making him tingle with feelings of pleasure, means you're doing it right. There are many so called "canned phrases" to make it happen, for example go’ogling something like Celestine Dessike's Words of Desire was the perfect formula for me
@owlcu True to that. I spend ten years living in China and found that usually people there lost their virginity also around 14-16 too, it seems universal. But the age of consent in China is also 14.
@superpwn21 You mean St. Paul. Unless you're going by the Old Testament, in which case you'd also have to condone slavery, the stoning of adulterers, and a whole pile of other messed up crap.
Ignatius of Antioch “Corrupters of families will not inherit the kingdom of God. And if they who do these things according to the flesh suffer death, how much more if a man corrupt by evil teaching the faith of God for the sake of which Jesus Christ was crucified? A man become so foul will depart into unquenchable fire: and so will anyone who listens to him" (Letter to the Ephesians 16:1-2 - 110 AD)
@loveschocolate93 Wait for the fun guy you can be yourself around, instead of the hot guy you need to put on an act for. Some people are so attractive we may find ourselves pretending to be someone we're not without even knowing it, just to be with them. You'll know you've been acting, if you're tired when you shouldn't be. If he behaves differently when you're around his friends, he's been putting on an act himself. Sex is a powerful urge, and marriage does not immunize you against dishonesty.
@DeadButBreathing But in Europe the age of consent is 14-16 (unlike America), so of course they're going to lose their virginity at that natural age, only don't have to sneak in a car. So it's easier, and more sane.
The problem with this man, and his advice, is that he assumes sex and relationships in the "gay world" is the same as in the heterosexual world - a bit like the producers of Sex and the City. It's not. Homosexual men may have sex at the drop of a hat, and good for them, but heterosexual women (and many men) usually want to 'date' a person first, get to know them, etc. They don't just think "I want to f**k them" as this man so elegantly puts. Especially not when they're 14 years old, for crying out loud.
He talks about this in another video... The point he was making was have sex when you're ready and understand what 'being ready' means. Don't wait for 'the one' (which he talked about in another video about "the one") because you will build that person up to be bigger than what they are and you may potentially get hurt in the end. This kind of advice isn't 'gay-specific' it can go for any orientation.
I am a gay man and I don't want to have sex at the drop of a hat, and I don't. That's what is expected of me by society and present day culture. I don't follow suit. I might be an exception to the norm, I'll grant you that, but at the same time, most gay men I knew and know on my rather short life are like me, at least the ones that did not have to become sexually active in order to survive (prostitutes) because their parents or family members where of your opinion about homosexual males (and when they got their life together in respectable jobs and relationships they forgot that lifestyle for the most part). I was almost lead to that lifestyle not because I wanted to be a part of it, but because society told me that it was what I was supposed to do in my condition. As the result of that constant abuse of first being convinced that I was evil for being gay to then being convinced that I had to be overly sexual for being gay that I was led to alcohol and recreational drugs, like, again, many friends of mine have likewise. I have left the drugs, but I still smoke one cigarette pack a day (mostly for the anxiety problems undeniably cause from all the abuse) and I still drink way too much on weekends, at home, with friends, talking about a million of different subjects while listening to low volume music in order to not upset the neighbors or my family members. I am still constantly told that I have to be overly sexual and sexually immoral, and, nowadays, so are all other teens. When I started doing drag (and where I come from, it is not mainstream in any way, shape or form) I was told I had to be more sexual. I didn't. I won't. I don't have to be what is expected of me in order to be validated for what I am (gay) by a society that degrades what I am. I don't agree with anyone being sexually loose, and, nowadays, I see that all around me in people that are of any sexual orientation, so it's not just gay men that want to have sex a the drop of a hat, it's every men and even girls, cause that is what society is telling them nowadays. Peer pressure. That's what it comes down to. Be it right or wrong, what Savage is saying in this clip is true and a positive message. "Don't let anyone tell you when, how or with whom you have to be ready. When you are ready, you are ready". Sorry about the rant... but something in your post really struck a chord.
I think waiting for "the one" is fine. If you do not well at least have standards and sleep with someone you actually like. Losing your virginity to someone who is good just to not lose it to someone who is bad seems like really horrible advice and yet he makes sense to people. I just dont know.
@sirus804 It's a simple principle espoused by Abraham Lincoln that renting oneself is not superior to selling oneself. The rational actor theory proposes that all those performing a trade meet as equals, but there is an inherent disparity between those pimped and Johns. The capitalist holds that all those that are not producing surplus value deserve to die, thus in desperation sex becomes a commodity. In Spain after the people's liberation from the Church, prostitution disappeared.
![ILLSLICK - THE KING'S LANDING [Freestyle]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/feIJJnNkTfk/mqdefault.jpg)
I agree with him. There comes a time when you feel absolutely ready and waiting for "the one" is not going to ever help your outlook on it. Instead find someone you care about and just go for it. Take it from someone who waited till her mid twenties to finally go through with it.
This is one of my all-time favourite Dan Savage videos. I 100% inflated my first boyfriend to "the one" because I came from a religious family and thought that sex wasn't okay unless the person was amazing. Dan is such a tremendous source of knowledge. One of my life goals is to go for drinks with Dan Savage and have him analyze my sex life.
Yup! Happened to me. My scumbag ex-husband was psyched into "the one" and he left when I got pregnant. So romantic. I will be sharing this info with all my kids.
The best advice I've ever heard, too late though.
It's not only the sex that's disappointing when people "wait until marriage." "Chaste" couples are so desperate to hop into bed with each other they get married very early, both in life and their relationships. They're too immature and not intimate enough to be ready for such a commitment. It almost inevitably leads to divorce.
God, I wish I would have known this when I was a kid.
I wasn't told anything back in the day!
I get your point. I agree with your point. But the thing is, you shouldn't disrespect somebody who chooses to wait. I'm not saying you do that - just that many who talk about this in the way you do often disrespect those people.
2:25 - the most sensible shit I've ever heard.
This guy tells the real truth not what it's "suppose" to be
He knows the correct plural of curriculum. This is worth more than all his advice.
I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18 and personally I think it was the right age for me. I was in a long term relationship and was living independently. While I may not be with that person anymore we were together for 5 years and at the time we cared for each other a lot.
good advise.
I lost it at 14. The boy I lost it to also lost it to me. He was 15.
Lol about Bristol Palin. Too fucking true.
i'm an age16 bisexual virgin going to a mixed boarding school i don't know if i'm ready to be sexual and i don't know with what gender, but this is great advice
I remember when I was a teen in Jr. High and High School, there were girls on me like white on rice. People want their teens to still be like little kids but they just aren't. We we all their once. I think education is the best. This video makes sense. People used to get married at a way earlier age but modern society tries to block the natural biological urges into this idea of an extended childhood. I'm all for protecting little kids but not educating a teen can actually be dangerous.
Well you can always vote down any troll, except when they make it impossible to add comments or vote things down.
@gamerunknown I agree with the rest of your points, but prostitution is alive and well in Spain and many people are still quite religious.
perfectly correct
@wyoboy65 I really don't think that works. I think she should make sure that she is compatable with the person before getting married. This would cut down on divorce cost.
@WesleySpeaks23
I think he's commenting on the hypocrisy of the prevalent culture: "teen sex is always wrong. Both of your parents did it and they're completely normal, but yeah". If he was claiming that abnormal is bad, he would loathe himself since exclusive homosexuality is some standard deviations from the norm (but we know that abnormality isn't bad, hurting others is bad).
holy shit Dan looks ripped now
@owlcu However, in Europe where most kids can't drive till 18. The virginity losing age tends to be around 14-16. So I doubt the car has real effect to this.
The sister of a friend of mine feels she has to be married to somebody if she is going to have sex with them. She is on her fifth marriage....
He’s not wrong
I have heard at least 3 times people marrying and them and the spouse are both virgins and the sex life is disappointing. And that leads to regretting waiting until they got married.
Sex isn't everything but I cannot imagine waiting until after marrying someone to have sex with them. I would have to know if I have chemistry with them in that way too. But I am a lesbian and don't have to worry about pregnancy :)
Can one wait until one is in love? It doesn't have to be the "one."
when i was in high school at the age of 15.... i was told i have to have sex before i finish school or else i am going to be bullied.... in University but then i was thinking... if i am getting builled in University then they havent grown up yet !
And also british english
@owlcu In Vegas... uh... they do.
I was 17 but I was stupid and made the guy wait two years
waiting to have sex until your married is moronic a best, i say have it as soon as your ready and find the cutest guy or girl out there you can find fucking is GREAT!!!! and super healthy for you in fact it could even be said that its unhealthy to NOT have a regular sex life.
four years old
@superpwn21 Not everyone believes in God.
I think ideally, 18 is a good age to start having sex because that way a person would hopefully passed high school and basically gain more rights if that sex resulted in a baby
@3tangle3 love always turns into hurt and dispair, fucking is always good and isn't harmfull like love is.
i think thats true ive done sexual things and am sexually active but i have not had intercourse so i consider myself to be a semi virgin and my friends think thats weird but i basically mean what this guy is saying
I was definitely number 2. Inflated a horrible person.
Getting into his mind by expertly knocking down his psychological walls and making him tingle with feelings of pleasure, means you're doing it right. There are many so called "canned phrases" to make it happen, for example go’ogling something like Celestine Dessike's Words of Desire was the perfect formula for me
@owlcu True to that. I spend ten years living in China and found that usually people there lost their virginity also around 14-16 too, it seems universal. But the age of consent in China is also 14.
@superpwn21 You mean St. Paul. Unless you're going by the Old Testament, in which case you'd also have to condone slavery, the stoning of adulterers, and a whole pile of other messed up crap.
I don't think he means masturbation as a guy only thing.
Ignatius of Antioch
“Corrupters of families will not inherit the kingdom of God. And if they who do these things according to the flesh suffer death, how much more if a man corrupt by evil teaching the faith of God for the sake of which Jesus Christ was crucified? A man become so foul will depart into unquenchable fire: and so will anyone who listens to him" (Letter to the Ephesians 16:1-2 - 110 AD)
20s and 30s
Lol
@loveschocolate93 Wait for the fun guy you can be yourself around, instead of the hot guy you need to put on an act for. Some people are so attractive we may find ourselves pretending to be someone we're not without even knowing it, just to be with them. You'll know you've been acting, if you're tired when you shouldn't be. If he behaves differently when you're around his friends, he's been putting on an act himself. Sex is a powerful urge, and marriage does not immunize you against dishonesty.
@DeadButBreathing But in Europe the age of consent is 14-16 (unlike America), so of course they're going to lose their virginity at that natural age, only don't have to sneak in a car. So it's easier, and more sane.
@secretsinger9198 I hope you wait. I just do. There is so much to 11 year old life that rocks!!!!!!!!
@onlythekillers 15.
wish i was a gay man
The problem with this man, and his advice, is that he assumes sex and relationships in the "gay world" is the same as in the heterosexual world - a bit like the producers of Sex and the City. It's not. Homosexual men may have sex at the drop of a hat, and good for them, but heterosexual women (and many men) usually want to 'date' a person first, get to know them, etc. They don't just think "I want to f**k them" as this man so elegantly puts. Especially not when they're 14 years old, for crying out loud.
He talks about this in another video... The point he was making was have sex when you're ready and understand what 'being ready' means. Don't wait for 'the one' (which he talked about in another video about "the one") because you will build that person up to be bigger than what they are and you may potentially get hurt in the end. This kind of advice isn't 'gay-specific' it can go for any orientation.
I am a gay man and I don't want to have sex at the drop of a hat, and I don't. That's what is expected of me by society and present day culture. I don't follow suit. I might be an exception to the norm, I'll grant you that, but at the same time, most gay men I knew and know on my rather short life are like me, at least the ones that did not have to become sexually active in order to survive (prostitutes) because their parents or family members where of your opinion about homosexual males (and when they got their life together in respectable jobs and relationships they forgot that lifestyle for the most part). I was almost lead to that lifestyle not because I wanted to be a part of it, but because society told me that it was what I was supposed to do in my condition. As the result of that constant abuse of first being convinced that I was evil for being gay to then being convinced that I had to be overly sexual for being gay that I was led to alcohol and recreational drugs, like, again, many friends of mine have likewise. I have left the drugs, but I still smoke one cigarette pack a day (mostly for the anxiety problems undeniably cause from all the abuse) and I still drink way too much on weekends, at home, with friends, talking about a million of different subjects while listening to low volume music in order to not upset the neighbors or my family members. I am still constantly told that I have to be overly sexual and sexually immoral, and, nowadays, so are all other teens. When I started doing drag (and where I come from, it is not mainstream in any way, shape or form) I was told I had to be more sexual. I didn't. I won't. I don't have to be what is expected of me in order to be validated for what I am (gay) by a society that degrades what I am. I don't agree with anyone being sexually loose, and, nowadays, I see that all around me in people that are of any sexual orientation, so it's not just gay men that want to have sex a the drop of a hat, it's every men and even girls, cause that is what society is telling them nowadays. Peer pressure. That's what it comes down to. Be it right or wrong, what Savage is saying in this clip is true and a positive message. "Don't let anyone tell you when, how or with whom you have to be ready. When you are ready, you are ready". Sorry about the rant... but something in your post really struck a chord.
He never said that.
@TheKeananbigstone Lies :P
I think waiting for "the one" is fine. If you do not well at least have standards and sleep with someone you actually like. Losing your virginity to someone who is good just to not lose it to someone who is bad seems like really horrible advice and yet he makes sense to people. I just dont know.
💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
@sirus804
It's a simple principle espoused by Abraham Lincoln that renting oneself is not superior to selling oneself. The rational actor theory proposes that all those performing a trade meet as equals, but there is an inherent disparity between those pimped and Johns. The capitalist holds that all those that are not producing surplus value deserve to die, thus in desperation sex becomes a commodity. In Spain after the people's liberation from the Church, prostitution disappeared.
this is so sad.
Of course he can't get a man pregnant! Duh!...
David Andrade To quote Dan Savage, "to god anything is possible". This IS WHY HE INSISTS TRYING TO INSEMINATE HIS HUSBAND.