No Sex Marriage - Masturbation, Loneliness, Cheating and Shame | Maureen McGrath | TEDxStanleyPark
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ค. 2016
- Love? Marriage? Sex? Can a married couple have all three? Perhaps it’s unrealistic since so many marriages end in divorce today. Why is that? One reason might be that a reported 20% of all marriages are sexless and that number is rising. Why have we lost the lust in our marriages? Is it technology, is it trust? More importantly, how can we “get back at it” in our marriages today?
Maureen McGrath - nursetalk@hotmail.com - hosts the Sunday Night Sex Show on News Talk 980 CKNW. She is a Registered Nurse, Sex Educator and author of “Sex & Health".
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone" - Robin Williams
True, that's how my marriage has been, I filed for divorce!
So true!
@@navywoman7709 he killed himself not a good example LOL
@@gdean6002 ...think it was his payback time to make “them” feel alone... RIP and lol in heaven Mr. Williams!
Well put
I once asked a 94 year old woman if she was lonely living alone - she said - there are a lot worse things than living alone - and one of them is living with a person you don't like.
O
SAN CARLOS DE BARILOCHE USHUAIA A R G E N T I N A
I know the feeling.
so true
That speaks for me.
"Men in a sexless marriage cheat to remain in that marriage, Women cheat to get out of it". Profound.
That's so funny... I've concluded (through the years) that a bad man doesn't leave a good woman, but a bad woman will leave a good man!
@@vetracer217 Morality never heals hurtfulness
@@vetracer217 Actually Eddie I think many men these days don't bother with Western women at all. I think in the USA they call it MGTOW. Other than for children or a visa, marriage isn't actually worth it. In the end I married a lady from SE Asia and the transformation from the years of demanding Western women was like switching a light on! Jesus, married 16 years now and my wife wakes me up with a massage and I get a breakfast menu!! If I even try to help in the house I'm thrown out!
My mum didn't do that
@@vetracer217 a bad man may not leave a good woman but they treat women badly!
Been married 19 years and we still do it 3-4x a week. I can’t get enough of my husband. Ever. Give it to me every day. Love it.
👏👏👏👏👏👏
why are you here then ma ' am
Boredom lol
That's awesome !!
You're a bloody nymphomaniac Mam👍good on you
Being with someone that makes you feel alone, is worse than actually being alone.
Amen
Correct
So true ..... I hate that feeling .
Absolutely. Lately it feels just fine with his being gone because I was alone for a year before he left.
Jesse Peterson very true
Better to be single wishing you were married than married wishing you were single - just my two cents.
ColGadarby I agree w this
You're either married or have been married. Just my two cents.
Better to be single and happy with it. Or married and happy with it. Can do that, too.
Preach.
@@rev1ction This is the correct response 10/10.
When I got married, I agreed to fidelity, not celibacy.
Me too but unfortunately the former necessitates the latter.
Not always the women. My ex was always tired, busy, "not tonight" ,etc ... as a woman I was embarrassed to talk about this for years because I thought. When I finally discussed it with friends, I discovered many of my girlfriends were experiencing the same thing. It's not always just the women.
THIS!
Just 99% of the time it is the woman.
Not always but almost always 😬
There's always that person pointing to the uno reverse card
Very true!!!
There is no more lonely feeling in the world than being needed for what you can provide and being unwanted for who you are.
That’s painfully well written.
There's no way the words to this sentence could be written any other way. POWERFULLY WRITTEN 🤔🤨.
Aside from being a good woman and not being able to find a WHOLE man.... because he has spent years with bad women....
Agreed and also being needed for what you can provide and the person who tells you they love you not even looking/seeing who you are (it’s not even on their radar to even look/ask/seek) also is pretty lonely.
How true 👍
It’s destructive. Single life is better than the feeling of being unwanted and neglected.
I agree
So true, and that can lead to abuse.
It's the same analogy as "slow internet is worse than no internet"
@Jessica B. While it's true that you can experience loneliness and neglect as a single, when you are married, and your partner is cold and distant, you have a real dilemma. Customary marriage protocol precludes your ability to seek out alternate companionship, and/or lovers. If your wife is attentive enough to demand fidelity, but slips into cold and distant for a great portion of the day, and acts like you are just a chore... Like being affectionate is a duty... Then it would be so much better to be single. At least, as a single, you feel as if you have some control over your emotional future.
Is it, though?
Better than most comedians out there. Perfectly elegant in her delivery with a touch of cheek. She’s an excellent speaker.
I'm so broken and depressed. This is my marriage for 4 years now. We're two ships passing in the night most days. Most words out of her mouth directed towards me are critical. She loves our children at least. To all the husbands out there going through this but wanting to hold on, you're not alone, even though regularly you may feel like it...
You have just described my life to a tee! But I'm at the two year mark.
@@IPASAustralia hang in there. Stay strong, honorable, and don't give up.
I'll probably give counseling a second shot
Good luck to you. We tried counselling, but she said, in no uncertain terms, that in her view counselling is how you work out how to split up... not how to stay together. She is adamant that the marriage is over and that we are together merely for the stability of the children's home life. All the best to you.@@z5m2
I'm familiar with that 90% of communication being critical or negative. What is it saying and how to flip it? Doing more and better doesn't help that.
Went through the exact same situation. Stayed in the marriage for as long as I could for the sake of our children, who are my world! I ended it eventually. 5 years on, with joint custody, I still cry over it!!!!!
Q: what’s worst then sleeping alone in your bed?
A: laying next to someone in bed and have no physical interaction at all.
Yeah I know that feeling all too well.
Laying next to someone whose heart is not open to you as a person.
Sleeping alone is good at least we have vacated space
So true. Post menopausal in women is a killer in marriages. Many a night I cry with my spouse next to me. You get tired of the rejection.
I'm in that place. I can relate so much 🙁
I am leaving a 17-year sexless marriage because she just 'did not have time for it'. She worked a part-time job at 15 hours a week but seemed to be busy quite often and 'fall asleep' when I would come to bed. I gave 100% into the marriage and she put 0% into the marriage, concentrating on what she wanted instead of our relationship.
She is still angry I filed for divorce. I am past caring. It is time to find someone who will love me and not just use my resources.
Jow much house work did you do- resentment can add up even if she only had a part time job.
You should do it long time ago . I’m just happy for you
Same!
@@EmilyBltz exactly my question, especially when he says ""not just use my resources". I'm guessing there's a lot of unpaid labor there, possibly including lion's share of parenting. She likely gave up her career to lift his up and now is left in a financial desert b/c of it
You did the right thing. First thing I notice in unhappy marriages is they start complaining about not getting any. Next thing you know they are divorced. I’m with you, I would want the person I’m with to want me as much as I want them. ✌️
If you're getting nowhere with your partner, and you are just over it, tell them. Propose parting ways. If they want to make it work, agree on a schedule, and honor it. If they can't change, don't look back. Happiness is out there. You aren't getting any younger.
Big problem there. Nobody wants to talk about what’s going on.
Most ppl are parting ways, which is why the divorce rate is so high.
talk it first then think lol
Till death do us part
Connected to the internet! Honestly, the number of times I’ve seen couples in a restaurant together yet glued to their smart phones.. leaves me glad to be married to myself. And actually I’m taking myself on another extended honeymoon. I’m finally a happily married man.
Go you! I love you attitude!!
Smartphones, Games, Social Media are the biggest problems … some are glued to their games every chance they get…
After 39 years of marriage, I find myself to have a strong desire for my wife. I find her far more interesting at 58 than I found her to be at 19 when we first met. At times it is a struggle to connect just due to so many things going on, but it is all about the commitment. As the husband, I cook, clean, shop and take care of the house. The fact that my wife is not exhausted all the time really helps. In the long run it is a partnership with give and take.
Wow, well done.
Sounds like you have the right recipe!
That's the way a good marriage works. I brought my wife flowers, did not need an occasion. Would pick up her feet and massage them, or her back and shoulders just to touch her and show her that I cared.
@@dennisrice2763 Sir, I believe you have found the right formula!
Beta male
When you’re in love, wonders happens. When you get married, you start wondering what happened.
That's a good one.
Nñ
@cop,don't make me laugh,I see you 🙄👀👀😂😂😂😂
Hahaha
U nailed it.. 😉🤗
Affection Deprivation. I was never loved. Now I'm 34, lonely and very very depressed. When NOBODY touches you and doesn't WANT to touch you, you feel unlovable.
I was loved and have slept with many women….Yet I still have depression and drink alcohol daily.
@@greeneyesfromohio4103 You slept with many women. That's why you still depressed and drink. Youre carrying jezebel spirits in you. And to think you were a "man" getting "some". All you were doing was wasting time and energy with a bunch of low hanging fruit.
You can still get touched and still feel unlovable
this made me cry. i am this
I can relate.
I've been married for 17 years. We had our kid 5 years later. Long story short, I've been lonely in my marriage for the last 12 years.
I'm a great, compassionate guy and a devoted father. I have absolutely no issues with E.D. whatsoever... I mean what I'm a doing wrong here...?
Up untill seeing this video, I thought our situation was unique and outside the realm of normalcy... This was a real eye-opening story.
I'm in the same situation bro. Ready to leave but is very hard when you ahve kids
@@jjac72 yeah that's unfortunately not an option. When you have kids, you have to be willing to sacrifice your well-being for their benefit. It's the right thing to do.
Hang in there bud. I have for many years and constantly get better offers... Once the kids are gone it'll be our time. Good luck!
Buahahhahah .. im single with 2 girlfriends and currently talking to 1 more plus the baby mama . Will never marry .. 😁
Look into her phone. Make sure she hasn't got "friends for benefits".
It’s somewhat common. It’s NOT normal.
I never knew what loneliness is till I got married.
very sadd.
Wow! That a powerfully sad statement.
Damn
Very true and powerful statement, unfortunately for me am newly married, my wife changed the first week we got married, it’s like am married to a stranger, she’s moody, never talks,
@@compositestudios1204 Ask her why she’s changed.
All of it is true. Ending up in a sexless marriage is very lonely. Falling so in love, having a healthy relationship in the beginning and then nothing as time goes on can make a person fall into a depression. Marriage without passion is an empty place to be.
True. Its a sad lonley place.
Well said. I’m only engaged and this is what I am feeling. It has me thinking a lot about if this is something I can live with for the rest of my life.
@@lumiya_lumos1423 Please work on resolving the issues in your relationship before you get married.
@@Freya778 I am in the process of doing so now or moving in with my life. I won’t start out a marriage in a bad place, that’s not wise and I know it.
@Madonna Hagedorn truth. We’ve been together for 6 years - we haven’t been intimate in 2. I don’t want anyone else; I want THIS man that wants no part of me intimately. We are best friends and have a wonderful relationship outside of that - but living with this secret day in and day out has turned me into someone who hates herself.
This happens to women too. I'm in a sexless marriage, the amount of pain and rejection is unbearable. I thought things would get better, it's been 10 years. 😥
Same here
Get out now. Don't let that happen with you I'm in 46 years won't gebetter just bumd him.
@@tieniedutoit4689 well that doesn't sound like good advice although it's not exactly like I would know what good advice is
Soo true most women are living in sexless marriages.
its not going to get better. LEAVE
There’s virtually no intimacy in my marriage, my wife had shown no interest for years on end. Then out of the blue she initiated physical intimacy. But now I cannot be intimate with her. I no longer associate her with physical intimacy. After years of rejection that part of me that found her desirable has died. When I could no longer perform, she got angry at me and accused me of not loving her, I still love her very deeply and need her in my life, but I felt miserable most of the time and started drinking. I’m a happy drunk, but I know it’s not the way to cope and have stopped drinking. I’m still miserable most and just waiting for life to end. It so hard to explain anything to a woman.
You gotta get off TH-cam and get it cracking lol
You have one life to live. ONE. You get to decide if you want the rest of your life to be fulfilled or just be a husk of regret on your deathbed. Like Red said in ShawShank, "Get busy living, or get busy dying." Peace and courage be onto you, brother.
Consider the possibility that your life is more important than your wife's feelings. If you agree with that, then go find a woman who will make you happy. You will die one day (and possibly soon because life is unpredictable). There are no do overs.
@@undugoo Dude.... Maybe don't use that line. People that have a hard time "getting living" might be take it wrong.
@@huhhuhhuh4069 Troll
WOW, Maureen! You described my marriage to perfection. I did all the cooking and housework and child care (6 kids) PLUS worked 50 hours a week. But any time I wanted "time" with her, she was "too tired," "too busy with something." or just "not interested." And then after 11 years SHE left me, saying I never did anything with/for her! To top it off, the day after the divorce was finalized by the court, she married the guy she'd been seeing the whole time. Sexless marriage? More a thoughtless, uncaring marriage, I would say.
That woman is cruel
Im a single woman & never comment on this marital issues but yours broke my heart....
@@nanga196 you single ? How old are you and what do you look like, describe yourself to me and be honest .
I wish you realized all those years that you were a simp. I’m glad you got it now though.
@@MarkAB2210 im 41
This reminds me of something I read in a Dear Abby column years ago: "It's better to be alone than to wish you were."
I am 72 years old and learned more from this video than I knew. Thank you.
Ok boomer. Thanks for ruining the economy
Wow....couples make love 58 times a year? That would be my definition of heaven at this point 🤣🤣
Swears🤣🤣🤣
A lot of people get married because of lust not love. They basically confuse the two. Once the lust runs out so does the marriage.
Exactly.
Spot on
Please tell me what if you cannot marry the person you love for instant I loved a girl Unconditionally for some reason I could not marry her I cannot love anyone as much as I did her
Wrong way around.
A big YES to that one
"You are more likely to die from loneliness than from alcoholism or excessive eating." Wow.
Good news! Finally, I feel free to drink alcohol :)
@@pogodanaprzygode lol
Not me, I love myself. I’m smarter, wiser and have more common sense, and I spend wisely. Don’t be thinking someone else can fix you, or love you like your mother loved you, ain’t gonna happen, read all these comments. I think half these people would be better off getting a wonderful pet, like a dog, that you can walk to the park and get to meet and know other dog walkers. It worked for me.But I’m staying single, liking my own company, I get to watch what I want on TV, shop without sitting and waiting, or standing holding packages. Being single is cheaper. Lots of women even are doing more solo travel these days. Have fun, get to know you in the process.
GOOD I'm 99 percent there..
Rubbish.
👏👏👏👏👏 love how so honest and truthful You simplify these matters for us to understand.thank you for presenting these issues in a world where people are lost for answers.
I live alone now but I am not lonely. When I slept next to my wife who had no interest I felt terribly lonely.
I have been married to my wife for twenty eight years. She is gorgeous and I am still crazy about her. I can't say why we have got along so well. We just always do. I think she is the most gorgeous woman in the world. We get along very well in every aspect. I wish the same for everyone
Hello Wow That's very sweet that you think this way of your wife =) I'm concerned however, because you've only spoke of her outward beauty....is this because of the subject content? Please explain what else you love about her besides the way she looks. I'm curious
Hello Wow I'm happy to hear that. And thank you for your support.
does she have a single horn growing out of her forehead?
Hello Wow you are lucky to have a gorgeous wife and you are still crazy about her, but everyone is definitely not like you because I'm the unfortunate person on my marriage and still regretting, and living my life completely sexless and loveless, so that's the reason I'm taking antidepressants from few years but extremely desiring for my favorite great sex, which i never had unfortunately 💘
Hello Wow Amen
When you hear "No" too often, you tend to stop asking, even if you're as helpful as you can be.
Truth +gary dufala
Yes
@@maureenmcgrath2897 so what if money is a factor out of your control, and when you did have an abundance you spent it all on them. Now with no money you're the bad guy cause they have to help.
@@kristincooper2949 so what's the solution? in your female opinion
Very true.
I stayed at home to look after our twins from the day they were born until they started school. The house was always clean and tiday and dinner was always cooked. It was me who put the kids to bed most nights. I couldn't have done more while my wife worked as a school teacher.
Still wasn't enough. We separated. Not only could I not give any more, I now feel like I can't love another woman. She met someone on a dating site within two years, I've remained single with joint custody of our children, for almost 5 years.
Too broken to love again!
You are a gem.
Sorry to hear that
Get back up and get out there. 8 billion of us in the world.
I love that you share your vast experience so generously in service of humanity. Your sense of humour is fabulous
Better to be happy alone than to be married and miserable
Married is fully satisfying - if you are mates as God designed a relationship to be. The Bible describes this love and how a husband should treat his wife, and how she should treat her husband. Its not 50/50 effort. Its 100/100 percent effort, at a minimum. Are you all in, or just a part timer is the question....
Better unhappy alone!!!!!!
Being Alone is statistically proven to cause you to die younger. Which one is really the answer? 12B4Christ has the answer
@Stephen Trapnell Exactly, I was reading all the objections from lonely people and your comment was refreshing.
I disagree. Marriage is a roller-coaster. It has it up and downs. Been alone is just sad
Sooner or later you just get tired of begging for attention .
If this is the case, better file for a divorce.
@ferkemall what dummy gives their wife access to his account
And you end up having an affair.
David maybe you do . I’d rather go fishing
Goes for both sides.
No one - man or woman - wants to be unseen in their individual needs.
When is the last time you saw someone give an hour long talk/ speech from memory? She is clearly an accomplished speaker, this was enjoyable to watch for that reason alone, says so much about the world we live in, where real skills are scarce.
Lol they have multiple teleprompters at Ted x. Good speakers practice their speech and use them loosely
Timeless talk that holds up 7 years later! Great stuff, and so true.
Aww.....thank yo so much!! Appreciate that.
Couldn’t live like that - I’m 52 and my wife is 57 (still attractive and has a good body) been married for 27 years and are at it like rabbits, she bangs like a barn door in a storm. We can’t get enough of each other- love her to bits and it gets better every time. She’s amazing and my best friend and a great cook too. I couldn’t stay in a sexless marriage - no way!
I envy u.
Life goal there.
So it is possible!
Brilliant 👍🏼
More couples need to be like you two it would fix so many problems love is a lost art and many have become either prudish to the point of lunacy or giving it all to everyone instead of someone special... Your comment gives me hope!
I lost my virginity at 18...and I found it again when I got married
LMAO
Yes mate 👍🏾
👏👏😉
Darkly, sadly funny.
Ouch
Was married for over 20 years- after moving 1,000 miles to her ailing parents' hometown and making great sacrifices to help her help them in every way I could, it became too much and she had no energy for 'us' anymore: after her mother, her father, our child, and her troubles with family. What was supposed to be a temporary situation turned into decades of living in a location that was a slow death for my career. Lost the house where we moved from, and struggled financially the whole time.. Be very careful about how much you put into any relationship- there can come a point where it can become ruinous. She then took 'revenge' by distancing herself from me physically, and chasing every old boyfriend she could find. I am free of this, at last.
Almost 24 years, living in my husbands hometown, which I hate, so I sympathize. He's pretended to be "sleeping" for 12 years. Much luck for a brighter future for you! Here's hoping I can get to mine
@@sophiasmythe6221 I am still in her hometown (she's left!) but more accepting which has helped me find aspects which are good for me- those exist. We are free to choose- set your sail.
@@ktkt1825 I know how you feel as she chased old boyfriends the entire marriage. Find things that make you happy 😃
@@icedteagames Thanks- day by day, I'm moving ahead, taking good care of myself finally.
If you are have repressed trauma from childhood you will put up with anything rather than face your own internal pain. Of course this is not a conscious decision. You will not know any difference. This applies to many.
My ex wife practiced “social distancing “ for years.
I guess you wont get corona ...from her at least..
She must have known that COVID-19 would need early practice
My wife was ahead of her time too with the social distancing.
I know the feeling lol
Banjamin Mann LMAO I’m dying man
I wear underpants in the shower because it’s wrong to look down on the unemployed.
HA! :)
Can't stop laughing.
U win!!!
😂😂
Good one 😂😂😂
"Better to be single and lonely than married and miserable".
I tried talking about this with my wife (we’re Latino) it did not go so well haha, but we’ll get through it. Thanks for having this conversation, I think it’s really important.
- Man on the couch
You're welcome! Best of luck to you.
Time to leave
The poor want to be rich...The rich want to be happy...The single want to be married...and the married want to be dead: Ann Landers
No satisfaction 🤣🤣
LOL
So true
Prefer poverty to riches during VIRUS crisis....so many rich are fearful and I suspect hoarding like my RWC ( rich white Christian ) evangelical conservative Christian sister used to do before Y2k
Lol this is so true
Alone is the worst when you are married
Henry Arrey truth
I feel what you are saying
As of jan _24_ 20
Getting divorce.
Now I am super lonely but hey i am alone.
This time
@@hjsigcjj3 I hope better times are ahead of you
Henry Arrey I don’t know what to say should you be congratulations or condolence
But i hope you find happiness
What an awesome episode. I’m about to go find the one(s) before, and look forward to the coming ones with this guest. Thank you!
Thank you for this conference!!!
I have been divorced 40 years. I often dream of some one to love. Then I wake up and remember how happy I am.
that is what matters. being happy
Great comment!
Me too bro.
Me too😍
That makes 6 of us :)
"Only about 7% of married couples set the sheets ablaze."
That hit deep, its powerful...
We wash our sheets. Silly to burn them.
@@chrisbuesnell3428 KASDKKASDKKXAKD
WOOOOOW
that high?
Thats sad and depressing
Well done …great speech and I love that she was promoting marriage …🙏🏾
Great talk. So true.
Am convinced beyond any doubt that this is one of the best speech I have heard so far. Thank you Maureen for making it so short ,sweet and funny 😄. I want more of this sort please. Can you direct me to the well there of
Sometimes i get more knowledge in comment section than the video itself.
ME too!
Almost always
... On God !!! .. So true ...
I came here specifically for the comments.
@@maureenmcgrath2897 i got more knowledge from the comments you caused to arise after your replies , Irony,
Thank you for the Great TED Talk that year
you really made me make a huge jump in my thinking towards women
thank you Lady
Maureen McGrath
16:45 The idea that men cheat to stay in a marriage and women cheat to leave one is really profound and I don’t think we talk enough about it.
How true it would save a hole lot of heart acke on both sides and a lot of money in divorce fees .couples are meant to talk and try resolve there issues if they can
I've experienced and seen the opposite. Some people are just monkeys -have to have another branch to hold on to before they can let go
Women cheat so they can be discovered and end the marriage, men cheat so he can appear to be in a happy marriage
I tell you , coming home with a disease ( a cheating side effect ) isn't gonna safe a marriage.
Communication is.
So much unnecessary shame and embarrassment often needs one or both to get off their sanctimonious high horse.However when you put up with a person treating you badly for a long time it then becomes your problem for putting up with it.Young people think relationships are easy they aren't and decent people are rare.What is the shame in working less hours or taking a slightly low grade of responsibility if it means saving your marriage?Pathetic, a longer for baby and a decent man.Prepared to throw it all away because of some proxy so called career.People have got their priorities wrong.
It is a constant battle fighting our natural instincts to have more than one partner. Unfortunately, having one partner for life does not come natural for human beings, but keep fighting 💪
Somehow women are surprised when high value men want to have more than 1 partner.
Not only men...
@@Reflection_Nthat's because you've never found a man that makes you feel content. Or you have issues with validation, which makes you want to sleep around to give you that feeling of fulfilment. Get therapy.
After 25 years with the same person I have to say that it takes two people working to get what both want. I still look at my wife with the love and lust I had in my twenties but it’s completely wasted. We talk about why things are this way every three months for years. She will not be intellectually honest about her feelings. She shows no passion. She does nothing to create romance or intimacy. We’re roommates raising kids. It breeds so much resentment. She’s preventing me from being fulfilled. While I beg her to tell me what she’s missing. Half the time she wants time alone. Some times I just wish I was single. I love her but I wish I could have my 22 year old girlfriend back. I don’t need a roommate.
That's painful to hear, and somewhat close to my own experience. If she is unwilling to discuss and agree for a solution, you have to ask yourself if this is a person you wish to commit your life to. A one-sided relationship is not healthy.
Read Rolle Tomassi's 'The Rational Male' - you can't negotiate intimacy.
Só true
I hear ya.
Are we married to the same person? All the same except we aren't raising kids, instead we have 2 cats. Aside from that dullness of our marriage I have a very wonderful life.
My grandmother was from the old country she used to say the day after you marry someone you wake up with someone else.
We men definitely wake up to someone different
wow...THAT is some reall @%#$%!
John T. Smith pure words of wisdom!
Probably because of the make up?
@@aegyo9272 nope....try again
Being married for 25 years I can pass on this chunk of wisdom. Two people working together as a team can bring rewards beyond explanation. Give each other space to be individuals.
You're saying it's worth being celibate to have a good partnership?
You must be asexual.
YES! space!I wanted to "Space" my EX wife many times in 25 years! lol
Nice comment.
How did you guys address your individual ego’s?
Great insight, thanks!
I’m so lonely and depressed in my marriage. At this point, it’s my faith and God’s grace only that’s kept me sane.
Same here.
Same here .He betrayed me once even after being a good woman to him .We got back together but it has never been the same
Me too
I hope this year you talk to your other half and take steps to feel whole. I will pray you feel God's grace in your journey.
I should play the content of this video three times a day to my roommate, sorry I mean my wife!!!!!
Thats if they ever listen
fernando g. aguirre 😂😂😂😂
You meant roommate.I had one 18 yrs.
Good to know I’m not the only one saying it
Hahahaha
I'm 56 years old. Been divorced for over 12 years. After this TED talk, I'm glad I'm single and don't have to deal with the stresses of a sexless marriage!
Are you happy
Are you happy..I feel like either way we always chasing sth...like in life..
@@samuelnjenga1086 More money, peace and freedom. Of course he's happy.
@@hardwiredtoselfdestruction3401 Divorcees are generally poorer, apparently. But at least what you have is your own, I guess.
@@MarkJones-gt2qd Lol, false news. Im a divorcee now 18 years. Im not rich but far from poor lol
I stayed about three years longer in my 20 year marriage than I should have and all that got me was insomnia and a coffee addiction! Put yourself first (I know it's easier said than done) and everything will happen as it's meant to.
Hi Aussie! How’re you doing?
My husband has no interest. Theres been absolutely nothing for over 4 months and in that time it was my birthday and our anniversary (decided to just say nothing and see how long it would be before he mentioned anything, well 4 months and nothing)and before that i was lucky to get it once ever 6-8 weeks. Over the past few years, 99% of the time it was me who initiated it. Some times he'd say he was tired, wait till tomorrow night etc. Once he asked and i said not tonight and he was visibly shocked as i never said no before. I joked and said "refusal often offends, doesn't it?" i only said no because i wanted to see his reaction. I'm beyond frustrated at this stage and feel lonely while lying beside my husband every night. I have zero interest in going to be with anyone else and i wouldn't mind but he even says I'm unreal, that i do things that blow his mind and he doesnt know how i do it but still nothing 😢 i know it has to be my fault though. He was away last night and was going to text to say i wanted it but decided not to cause probably wouldn't happen anyway and honestly i could have cried.
I know exactly what you are going through because I have gone through it. Your husband exhibits traits of an asexual. I know because my wife is asexual. May I offer a suggestion? Enter "Am I asexual quiz" into any search engine. (I used Google) Take 2 or 3 of the quizzes for your husband. Answer truthfully. You should know how he would answer. I suggest you take the quizzes too. (My wife refused to take the quiz which is why I did it for her) If the results indicate that he is asexual you should educate yourself about asexuality. (Wikipedia has an excellent explanation) If you apply everything you learn about it to your entire relationship it will explain everything. It certainly did for me. It wont change anything but, most importantly, you will realize that you are not the problem. Good luck.
Please don't blame yourself
I’m 21 years married. There are sometimes bumps in the road, kids, work, fatigue etc. but its still like our honeymoon when we do bond together
that is awesome!!!
thats the way you might feel
I can only speak for myself, my husband and I loved each other more the longer we were together and to the day he died. I do not understand how some one can get and speak for what happens between people that they have no idea what happens in other people's life.
That's cute keep it alive
@@augustajones7224 j
Shout out to my wife of 38 years. She loves me and takes care of me always. Feeling grateful 😍
Awesome!
DO you still do it?
well done to you both . shows u also a team that love eachother.
It takes two...😉
You lucky bugger,congratulations!
This is the kind of talk that husbands everywhere will say "I wish my wife would hear this." and then resign themselves to knowing she never will. Or want to.
and she would get mad if I suggested it
Love this!! So enlightening. Puts so much into perspective.
Thank you Amber!
Sexless marriage sounds like cellmates, not soulmates.
Bob Gillis Radio!, Keep it down . People got to get up early in the morning! No response.
"Cellmates!" Spot on!
I feel sorry for you and your partner that you think so.
This deserves top comment.
Fornication almost always leads to instability in a relationship. This has been known for literally a few thousand years.
I would show my wife this but she will not take the 20 min off Facebook to watch it.
Case closed. +Steven Lopez
Steven Lopez post it on her Facebook
Good one! Chris Nguyen
Maybe she's Facebooking old flames.
Steven OMG ! My wife is the same way !!!!!!!!
The most painful thing is to live with someone who you can't communicate or you are not enjoyed with
WHAT??? This is all shocking to me. Married since I was 19 to the same man for 40 years. Things have been rockin' and rollin' all this time and especially those early years. Literally, I had NO idea this was a problem for so many couples.
When you consider an overload of multiple partners before marriage, unresolved childhood trauma (including nolestation), lack of self-development, poor communication/conflict resolution skills, etc., I’m not surprised.
You must not have many married friends...
@@forkthepork wrong!!! Almost all of my friends are married. So sorry you are missing out.
@@dawnstrohm6982 Statistically, 25% of your friends are lying to you. Simple as that.
Dont be in a failed marriage. Don't punish yourself for the other person's incompatibility ! YOU OWN YOUR OWN HAPPINESS !
Good advice, until you have a family....
I seriously needed to hear that.
💯. Agree
Not easy at all
Simple, but thank you for that truth.🙏
"Life's greatest desire is to LOVE and be LOVED" - Hesiod (750 BC)
nope, give me money and take all your love for all i care
Falls
It is better to have loved than to have not loved at all.
Kamara
😂🤣
I'll take the money and good health too!
@@aprillovejoy4567 "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all......"
I was very fortunate. My husband and I were married over 70 years at the time of his death at the age of 89; we enjoyed each other (at least weekly) until we were well into our mid 80’s. Our teen-age marriage was one of the exceptions. How blessed we were.❤
Great video. But let me talk about something important, I see a lot of young people and less young people making mistakes that I think they shouldn't be making. I believe that everyone, young or old investing, should have a business plan that will boost their financial return from three figures to six figures. The investment can be your retirement plan or your future plan, whatever you want, but the most important thing is that you have an investment that is worthwhile.
If you don't mind sharing, I think the market deserves the reward, and I know it's real, but how can it be?
Working with Larry Kent Nick has really changed my life a lot, there was a time when I almost quit trading (investing in cryptocurrencies) due to several losses, but he gave me the opportunity to invest with him, I was able to recover everything. my losses and my profits are linked thanks to his experience and his strategies.
I did some research. Cryptocurrency is one of the best and fastest growing investments right now, is he accepting new students? I am interested, how can I contact him please?
@ Larry Kent Nick Trading
I saw his guide in San Francisco the last few months, he was great. His experience over the years gives him an edge over other traders.
I'm watching this and I'm not even married, lol
Bravo! +Jack Bravo.
Jack Bravo
🙋
Jack Bravo heyyy I mean I'm 14 sooo
Brookie Perkins
Well ok, then you will be ahead of a lot of people on this, lol
same.
Being told to "Sort yourself out, it is only friction" week after week, month after month really riled me. So much for the warmth, closeness and connection of a intimate relationship. The result was animosity, emptiness and the complete loss of self worth.
Andrew, Was Her name, Diane
It was ?
@Oldie But Goodie Indeed and Agreed 👍
@Oldie But Goodie Yes ! Rent it is right ! You have it ALL that way ! Legalize !
Me too. Me too. It hurts. But if I leave CA law will screw me financially. I’ve found my hand again. It’s better than nothing. 😔
Great talk. Informative and entertaining!
'You are more likely to die from loneliness than from obesity and excessive alcohol consumption'. Great statement.
This was my problem!!!!!!
"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone"
Yap
I would much rather be single any day of the week than be with the wrong person.
Amen brother! Better to be alone and miserable than be in a relationship and be miserable. 👍
Hallelujah!
This is absolutely the key to it all. Marriage is not miserable; you're just doing it wrong.
I've been single all my life. Suddenly that doesn't sound so bad at all.
Superb! What a joy to absorb her intellect and words of wisdom.
Trust me, this isnt just a mans problem, there are women out there turning purple out of frustration because their men arent interested
So true +Kelly McGinniss
I wish the speaker dealt with the female not getting her needs met more because a man that is not interested or can't keep it up leaves us with little recourse but a man that has a woman not interested she can still be there for him to get his needs met whether she is interested or not.
@@thankfully1202 unfortunately, I doubt that meets his needs regardless of because he is aware that its not wanted
@@andysawyer647 the point was he at least has an avenue. A woman has none.
Amen sister! I can relate to all the men and the few women who are vocal about this being an issue.
Oh my god. THIS is what a good Ted talk is like. Witty, direct and informative.
Amazing Maureen, you nailed this subject.
What a great talk! I thoroughly enjoyed it.
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
Instead of the video, I'm reading The comments :D
Same here
Same!!😂😂😂😂
Trust we are all here lol
@@MrRudesaint same here lol , the comments are pretty interesting
Why do i have to read all this.
I was celibate for five years, then I got divorced.
haaaaaaaaahahahahahaha!
rick777888
I've been celibate for 14 years now. Maybe I should get divorced too.
Tim Green maybe you should be a man and work it out.
Rigo Martinez
Maybe you weren't brought up to understand that when a woman says "no", that means no.
Tim Greenberg is not
If you are committed to your marriage, then you should encourage open and honest ...."sharing"... To heighten your passion.
It can be so lonely when you get rejected constantly.
Yes it can Vicki.
I was constantly rejected and then my wife told me she was not my wind up doll.
So I plainly responded that I wasn't her daddy and I didn't marry her just to raise her.
Sad part is now I don't care anymore.
@@workingman9745 Get a divorce. I was rejected for 13 years then finally got a divorce. Don't waste any more time in a loveless marriage.
"Where there is marriage without love, there will be love without marriage." --- Benjamin Franklin
This TED Talk needs to be shared far and wide.
I know of a woman who threatened her husband with divorce before she would sleep with him again. I heard this woman tell her daughter that her daughter should only give a man as little as she had to, and this seems to be the issue between her and her husband. Marital problems are a notorious cause of employment and substance abuse problems. This man experienced employment problems and never looked happy.
Very inspiring and interesting speech. You raise a topic undermining many couples I know, if not all after 7-8 years of mariage…
Wow, these comments are depressing! I hope you all find happiness - whether it be alone or with someone else.
Hilarious
Funny i just finished reading a book about happiness, we don't have to go outside to find it, we just have to mindfully clear out the clutter and remove unhappy thoughts to become happy.
Thanks
@Esther A The book is called "You can be happy no matter what" by Dr Richard Carlson. It's definitely a very insightful experience into how thoughts affect us. I'd definitely say you become more aware of thoughts and feelings you experience.
Yes.