My sis tells her kids to get ready they are leaving and then will chat for another 10minutes then gets angry and yells that they aren't ready to leave because they were but then went back to playing. When I babysit I say 'I am getting up and saying goodbye. When my shoes are on I want your shoes on'. Clear, visible indicators of what is happening and expectations of what it looks like. Lead by example.
@JayWoo617 my whole family is like that, it is inherited behaviour. Besides, I don't have kids, she has a lot on her plate, i dont want to come across as a know it all and damage our relationship.
Nothing wrong with your strategy here but I’d bet if mum did the exact same she wouldn’t get as good response. Children are nearly always better behaved with people who are not their parents.
I would give them a heads up first, such as “you have 2 more minutes to play then it’s time to turn it off”. Use a timer! If it’s not turned off by 2 minutes, then I would give them a choice to either hand the device to me or I could take it from their hands. They will lose the privilege next time if they won’t comply.
I don’t believe in disrespecting children by grabbing from them unless the object they are holding is harmful. I say please and thank you just as I would like them to say to me. If I grab, they will grab from others.
This also may show your toddler that they can grab stuff from people when they want the person to pay attention. Hyperfocused children may not have heard you and need some more attention grabbing techniques to help them notice. I have to put my hand in front of the tablet and my kid stops and immediately looks at me then answers the question or does the task. It gives her a bit more time to gather her thoughts and shift gears. I never do the tug of war because she knows that if I take something from her, it’s gentle, even if she’s crying and she can get it back on such and such terms (doing a task, negative punishment because she did something she knew was wrong etc). Instilling fear or a feeling of inferiority is different than respect. This is only my experience coming from a mom and a licensed counselor with ten years with experience with kiddos (and adolescents, young adults etc) emotional and mental health. 🤷🏼♀️
I came here to say this, glad to see someone already said it for me. Her assumption that the kids are ignoring her out of a lack of respect is a loaded one. iPhones and iPads are incredibly stimulating devices -- most likely explanation is the kid simply didn't hear her or process her request. I'm glad this woman wasn't my mother. "BratBusters" Parenting -- what a terrible way to view children!
Parents like these here are why kids don't behave in school and can't read. We can teach respect in the hierarchy of adult child relationships when we acknowledge there is a hierarchy. My 9 year old is not making the rules because they don't have the life experience to apply to the choice. Either you're in charge or you burden the kids with your lazy choice.
@@CatieCarrier💯 kids are getting worse and worse. I had to leave teaching because of lazy parents, who just want to be their kids’ friends! Parenting is the toughest job we will ever have. If it isn’t tough, we aren’t parenting!!!
😂you are teaching to snatch and grab Imo It should be requested once , then go up to the kid and make them look at you and request it with 1 alternative- the alternative is you take it. They'll usually give It over after hearing that
Instead of positing “respect” or lack there of, why not simply give toddlers room to be toddlers? If they are shown respect, THEY WILL PICK IT UP - I promise
However, what you are doing there is allowing the toddler to dictate. Overtime this creates a mismatched dynamic between Parent and child and can lead to the child becoming entitled and ignorant to authority, and in some cases, unhappy and uncontrollable. I'm all for children being allowed to be creative and express themselves, but boundaries are fundamental in creating a happy, creative, polite and well-rounded child. I work with 7-11 year olds and it is very clear which children have boundaries at home and which don't. This 'soft parenting' method is just an excuse to be a lazy parent. I have two under 5 of my own, so I know exactly how tough it can be, but it's so worth it for the child in the long run.
@@rutesofia6803 I have been at home with my 15 & 9 year old sons for 15 years - a stay at home mother. For reference, I was traditional and authoritarian for the first eleven years. Post covid, I have sincerely been gifted the opportunity to transmute old programming into fluid, authentic human interaction with two of my favorite people. IF YOU MODEL RESPECT (self respect, respect for others, respect for property, respect for authority, respect for all of life), then THE OTHER HUMAN (however small) WILL PICK IT UP. To value the humanity of your child - of our children - IS THE ONLY WAY FORWARD. There was a way of "handling" children, when we were of a lower state of consciousness; nevertheless we are far more aware, far more somatically attuned than we were when we regarded "handling" children as acceptable - as it is normal to handle objects not humans. Naturally, you commune with humans, you interdepend with humans, you fellowship with humans, you work with humans, you come along side, and bear the yoke together with humans. In closing, I believe that the 'soft parenting' that you coined in your reply requires far more self control, logic, transcendence, compassion, creativity and self reliance than a programmed reaction intended to punish which ultimately leads to shame or questions surrounding worth. Thank you for your reply and your time.
Unless tou have a rebellious child . In which sence you will create a chain of the child repeatedly rebelling regardless of punishment consequences. You must first make the child understand you before you paint this “mean” image in their head . Im not telling anyone how to parent but to maintain a healthy relationship and RAISE a child instead of training it you must teach from inspiration before discipline, Other wise they dont know WHY they are wrong they just know you are “mean” . Again this is if you want to maintain a healthy relationship. I understand some parents aren’t worried about their relationship with their children and only care about them obeying them . But a healthy relationship with ur child is important to their lives . Howver I understand u are speaking about toddlers and they don’t understand anything yet
But what about the screaming and head banging that comes after? Thats what gets me. Do i just let them? Im afraid he will hurt himself or break the glass door
How to handle diaper changes, my toddler runs as soon as he sees a new diaper in my hand, and moves and kicks and I struggle changing it's like like a fish out of water???
I actually think I'd be a pretty good crocodile wrestler as have mastered the quick diaper change on a wild toddler. I never gave them any notice, would just grab them, hold them down and change them pronto. They learned there was no point in fighting mom. On the other hand, their dad would try to reason with them and I'd just sit back and watch the show, lol.
Yup. I'm right, you can't play in the street. Yup, you must brush your teeth or I will do it for you myself. Don't like it? Do it yourself and do a good job. I will teach you what 'a good job' is with patience, kindness, and appropriately high standards. Yup, you will do your homework or you will have no screen time at all because 'I'm big and you're little' and I know the cost of things you have no idea about. I love you and will forcibly stop you from hurting yourself and others. I will primarily do this by teaching you to *gasp* obey. You know I love you. I give you everything you need. I give you many things you want. I listen to your complaints and I'm reasonable. I also *tell* you you are precious and I love you. But life requires hierarchy, you don't know what I know yet, you can't do what I do yet, and you don't bear costs likes I do. The best way I can make you independent and successful is to teach you respect, obedience, discipline and show you real love. Yup. Do not wait for compliance. Insist on obedience with gentle kids, and obstinate kids. Your strength is the best way to make them strong. I was a belligerent kid forced to obey with consistency, leadership, love, and firm consequences. Took me bit, but I get it now. Thanks Mom and Dad.
This just models to children the if you want something and someone won’t give it to you then you snatch it off them. There should be consequences to not doing what they are told for sure but this is not the solution.
I have some toddler courses that may help. If they're hitting during a tantrum that's the tantrum course, if they're just hitting to get their own way, that's the toddler's hitting course. linktr.ee/bratbustersparenting
What if you do that, but its like that EVERYTIME. I have 2 toddlers, the younger one, 19 months, doesn't listen. She's even got smacked for it when it was dangerous like climbing things she shouldn't and she STILL goes back and climbs. Clearly, the urge is stronger than any potential consequence. I am not shy about consequences. So what's going on?
I have hundreds of videos on toddlers on my Tiktok. This one is a good place to start: www.tiktok.com/@bratbustersparenting/video/7264314004024085766?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7228736760070735366
This lady? yes. She seems horrid authoritarian and nightmarish for a child I would never leave my child with her if she was some sort of nanny/counselor. However what she is saying is sort of on point you DO need to follow up requests with action just not in an authoritarian way like she would. If you need them to do something explain "why".... for example explain that you're responsible to take care of them and keep them safe so that's why you're giving them the rules, limitations, direct requests, etc and "if needed" take the object away, move them away, redirect, etc but in a "respectful yet direct" way is how you build a positive parent/child relationship without letting the sociopath toddler rule the household. Don't just bark around snatching up their stuff being a dick to them like this lady that's for sure.
No the child will not be scared. The child will know that you are paying attention and are in control of the situation. They will feel safe and become naturally cooperative.
My Bedtime Battles course is for 2-8 year olds. If they are too combative to walk back to bed then you may want to check out the Bootcamp course. bratbusters.podia.com/
No girl no that is not how you take care of children if you want a child to listen to you you have to respect their boundaries so they will respect your do not yell do not take do not scream at them. You don’t do that cause that just makes them think that they could get away with it more because they think it’s funny.
So when they grow up and they ask someone for something but the other person won't give. What do you think will happen? This is bad parenting and will result in kids growing up with bad attitudes and feeling entitled.
I love that your advice is just no messing around! Get it done!!! Love it
My sis tells her kids to get ready they are leaving and then will chat for another 10minutes then gets angry and yells that they aren't ready to leave because they were but then went back to playing.
When I babysit I say 'I am getting up and saying goodbye. When my shoes are on I want your shoes on'. Clear, visible indicators of what is happening and expectations of what it looks like. Lead by example.
Well tell her that, don’t have a solution and not tell her…
@JayWoo617 my whole family is like that, it is inherited behaviour. Besides, I don't have kids, she has a lot on her plate, i dont want to come across as a know it all and damage our relationship.
Nothing wrong with your strategy here but I’d bet if mum did the exact same she wouldn’t get as good response. Children are nearly always better behaved with people who are not their parents.
true that @@CherylLime
Amen amen @@CherylLime
I would give them a heads up first, such as “you have 2 more minutes to play then it’s time to turn it off”. Use a timer! If it’s not turned off by 2 minutes, then I would give them a choice to either hand the device to me or I could take it from their hands. They will lose the privilege next time if they won’t comply.
I don’t believe in disrespecting children by grabbing from them unless the object they are holding is harmful. I say please and thank you just as I would like them to say to me. If I grab, they will grab from others.
That sounds pc and woke. Tough love required.
Are you a parent?
Yes probably. Why woudlnt she be? There are all kind of parents out here. @cecynay7369
Great advice! So what if you say come here so I can get you dressed and they run away? Do you pin them down to dress them?
This also may show your toddler that they can grab stuff from people when they want the person to pay attention. Hyperfocused children may not have heard you and need some more attention grabbing techniques to help them notice. I have to put my hand in front of the tablet and my kid stops and immediately looks at me then answers the question or does the task. It gives her a bit more time to gather her thoughts and shift gears. I never do the tug of war because she knows that if I take something from her, it’s gentle, even if she’s crying and she can get it back on such and such terms (doing a task, negative punishment because she did something she knew was wrong etc). Instilling fear or a feeling of inferiority is different than respect. This is only my experience coming from a mom and a licensed counselor with ten years with experience with kiddos (and adolescents, young adults etc) emotional and mental health. 🤷🏼♀️
I appreciate it dear but sometimes a parent moreso a mother we don't have to use a legalized way to do it sometimes you have to snatch it
Yeah your solution only works for some kids not all, and vice versa
I came here to say this, glad to see someone already said it for me. Her assumption that the kids are ignoring her out of a lack of respect is a loaded one. iPhones and iPads are incredibly stimulating devices -- most likely explanation is the kid simply didn't hear her or process her request.
I'm glad this woman wasn't my mother. "BratBusters" Parenting -- what a terrible way to view children!
Parents like these here are why kids don't behave in school and can't read. We can teach respect in the hierarchy of adult child relationships when we acknowledge there is a hierarchy. My 9 year old is not making the rules because they don't have the life experience to apply to the choice. Either you're in charge or you burden the kids with your lazy choice.
@@CatieCarrier💯 kids are getting worse and worse. I had to leave teaching because of lazy parents, who just want to be their kids’ friends! Parenting is the toughest job we will ever have. If it isn’t tough, we aren’t parenting!!!
Thankyou eternally any extra help would be highly appreciated! I am the biggest pushover and my kids hate me now for it 😢
😂you are teaching to snatch and grab
Imo It should be requested once , then go up to the kid and make them look at you and request it with 1 alternative- the alternative is you take it. They'll usually give It over after hearing that
Instead of positing “respect” or lack there of, why not simply give toddlers room to be toddlers? If they are shown respect, THEY WILL PICK IT UP - I promise
However, what you are doing there is allowing the toddler to dictate. Overtime this creates a mismatched dynamic between Parent and child and can lead to the child becoming entitled and ignorant to authority, and in some cases, unhappy and uncontrollable. I'm all for children being allowed to be creative and express themselves, but boundaries are fundamental in creating a happy, creative, polite and well-rounded child. I work with 7-11 year olds and it is very clear which children have boundaries at home and which don't. This 'soft parenting' method is just an excuse to be a lazy parent. I have two under 5 of my own, so I know exactly how tough it can be, but it's so worth it for the child in the long run.
@@rutesofia6803 I have been at home with my 15 & 9 year old sons for 15 years - a stay at home mother. For reference, I was traditional and authoritarian for the first eleven years. Post covid, I have sincerely been gifted the opportunity to transmute old programming into fluid, authentic human interaction with two of my favorite people.
IF YOU MODEL RESPECT (self respect, respect for others, respect for property, respect for authority, respect for all of life), then THE OTHER HUMAN (however small) WILL PICK IT UP.
To value the humanity of your child - of our children - IS THE ONLY WAY FORWARD. There was a way of "handling" children, when we were of a lower state of consciousness; nevertheless we are far more aware, far more somatically attuned than we were when we regarded "handling" children as acceptable - as it is normal to handle objects not humans. Naturally, you commune with humans, you interdepend with humans, you fellowship with humans, you work with humans, you come along side, and bear the yoke together with humans.
In closing, I believe that the 'soft parenting' that you coined in your reply requires far more self control, logic, transcendence, compassion, creativity and self reliance than a programmed reaction intended to punish which ultimately leads to shame or questions surrounding worth.
Thank you for your reply and your time.
@@rutesofia6803I agree! Children need adults who create boundaries. Not lazy adult children claiming they’re gentle parents!
Unless tou have a rebellious child . In which sence you will create a chain of the child repeatedly rebelling regardless of punishment consequences. You must first make the child understand you before you paint this “mean” image in their head . Im not telling anyone how to parent but to maintain a healthy relationship and RAISE a child instead of training it you must teach from inspiration before discipline, Other wise they dont know WHY they are wrong they just know you are “mean” . Again this is if you want to maintain a healthy relationship. I understand some parents aren’t worried about their relationship with their children and only care about them obeying them . But a healthy relationship with ur child is important to their lives . Howver I understand u are speaking about toddlers and they don’t understand anything yet
They understand a lot. Well, some of them do hahahaha
The action comes first. The why comes later when they can fully understand the why.
I’m so glad I found your channel!
But what about the screaming and head banging that comes after? Thats what gets me. Do i just let them? Im afraid he will hurt himself or break the glass door
I what to do if I’m trying to teach them how to dress themselves and they just ignore direction?
Thank you
What about 7 yr old twins that don’t listen? It doesn’t matter what I do , behavior doesn’t change.
How to handle diaper changes, my toddler runs as soon as he sees a new diaper in my hand, and moves and kicks and I struggle changing it's like like a fish out of water???
He also removes it and throws it before I can put it on????
I actually think I'd be a pretty good crocodile wrestler as have mastered the quick diaper change on a wild toddler. I never gave them any notice, would just grab them, hold them down and change them pronto. They learned there was no point in fighting mom. On the other hand, their dad would try to reason with them and I'd just sit back and watch the show, lol.
@@BratBustersParenting thank u any tips for potty training ???
@@user-yy7kx6hp6e Check out my Potty Training course in the link in description :)
How do you handle a tattler ?
One who is 3-5
What if he is continuously playing with plugs and switches and you can't take anything away
Yes. 🙌
Won't see this will work for all kids, every parent and child are unique in how they deal with a situation
‘I’m right and you’re wrong, I’m big and you’re small and there’s nothing you can do about it’
Yup. I'm right, you can't play in the street. Yup, you must brush your teeth or I will do it for you myself. Don't like it? Do it yourself and do a good job. I will teach you what 'a good job' is with patience, kindness, and appropriately high standards. Yup, you will do your homework or you will have no screen time at all because 'I'm big and you're little' and I know the cost of things you have no idea about. I love you and will forcibly stop you from hurting yourself and others. I will primarily do this by teaching you to *gasp* obey. You know I love you. I give you everything you need. I give you many things you want. I listen to your complaints and I'm reasonable. I also *tell* you you are precious and I love you. But life requires hierarchy, you don't know what I know yet, you can't do what I do yet, and you don't bear costs likes I do. The best way I can make you independent and successful is to teach you respect, obedience, discipline and show you real love.
Yup. Do not wait for compliance. Insist on obedience with gentle kids, and obstinate kids. Your strength is the best way to make them strong.
I was a belligerent kid forced to obey with consistency, leadership, love, and firm consequences. Took me bit, but I get it now. Thanks Mom and Dad.
@@mmmmdddd2267absolutely agree. Imagine thinking a child doesn’t need guidance from adults!
This just models to children the if you want something and someone won’t give it to you then you snatch it off them. There should be consequences to not doing what they are told for sure but this is not the solution.
And when they start screaming and hitting?
I have some toddler courses that may help. If they're hitting during a tantrum that's the tantrum course, if they're just hitting to get their own way, that's the toddler's hitting course. linktr.ee/bratbustersparenting
That is modelling disrespect: its snatching. A Quick action is great but not by taking the toy away
What if you do that, but its like that EVERYTIME. I have 2 toddlers, the younger one, 19 months, doesn't listen. She's even got smacked for it when it was dangerous like climbing things she shouldn't and she STILL goes back and climbs. Clearly, the urge is stronger than any potential consequence. I am not shy about consequences. So what's going on?
I have hundreds of videos on toddlers on my Tiktok. This one is a good place to start:
www.tiktok.com/@bratbustersparenting/video/7264314004024085766?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7228736760070735366
She doesn't know what she's talking about
@@MarioBros9339Lol I’d like to see you with my children a few days.
Don't know Rick. This seems like a good way of making your child scared of you
This lady? yes. She seems horrid authoritarian and nightmarish for a child I would never leave my child with her if she was some sort of nanny/counselor. However what she is saying is sort of on point you DO need to follow up requests with action just not in an authoritarian way like she would. If you need them to do something explain "why".... for example explain that you're responsible to take care of them and keep them safe so that's why you're giving them the rules, limitations, direct requests, etc and "if needed" take the object away, move them away, redirect, etc but in a "respectful yet direct" way is how you build a positive parent/child relationship without letting the sociopath toddler rule the household. Don't just bark around snatching up their stuff being a dick to them like this lady that's for sure.
No the child will not be scared. The child will know that you are paying attention and are in control of the situation. They will feel safe and become naturally cooperative.
This is the real deal
What is the action to get them to sleep when they became too heavy to carry? Lol
My Bedtime Battles course is for 2-8 year olds. If they are too combative to walk back to bed then you may want to check out the Bootcamp course. bratbusters.podia.com/
This does not work…at all
name bratbusters says it all... freudian slip. as if all our toddlers are brats just waiting to get busted
Or the kid is a demon and the parents are fine. Let’s normalise blaming children for their shitty behaviour
You snatch? Isn't that modeling bad behavior?
No girl no that is not how you take care of children if you want a child to listen to you you have to respect their boundaries so they will respect your do not yell do not take do not scream at them. You don’t do that cause that just makes them think that they could get away with it more because they think it’s funny.
At no point did this woman suggest you should yell or scream at your child.
Ik she didn’t it’s just a suggestion
Tried that...
So when they grow up and they ask someone for something but the other person won't give. What do you think will happen? This is bad parenting and will result in kids growing up with bad attitudes and feeling entitled.
Wow, following through with threats and taking decisive punitive action. No one EVER thought of that.
Well then thankfully I'm here 😜
What do you suggest
Followed by a hot slap
It's like dog whisper with youths....
absolutely terrible advice, setting up fighting and battle of wills with a two year old
Thank you