When Life Hurts, Stop Clinging to It | The Philosophy of Epictetus
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 พ.ค. 2024
- Stoicism for Inner Peace (book): einzelganger.co/innerpeace
Our very sense of wellbeing is at gunpoint when we cling to the fickle, unreliable outside world. Around two thousand years ago, Stoic philosopher Epictetus observed that people are burdened and dragged down because they tend to care about too many things. His cure, however, is not to stop caring altogether but to care about the right things and stop clinging to anything that doesn’t matter.
What matters and doesn’t matter according to Epictetus is bound to the reality of our place as reasonable beings in an ever-changing environment. This reality Epictetus makes clear in the underlying tenet of his work: ‘the dichotomy of control.’ Some things are in our control, others not. If we manage to concern ourselves with the things in our control, we are in a position of strength.
But if we neglect these things, and focus on what’s not in our control, we are in a position of weakness. Especially when we cling to what’s not up to us, we set ourselves up for a life of suffering. But what are those things that we cling to? And why is it better to let go of them? This video explores the philosophy of Epictetus, and what we, according to him, should focus on to be happy and content, and what we should let go of, and how we do this.
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00:00 - Intro
01:37 - Dichotomy of control
05:04 - (1) Stop clinging to objects, people, and power.
09:10 - (2) Stop clinging to the opinions of others.
12:08 - (3) Stop clinging to outcomes and ideas.
#stoicism #epictetus #stoic
For more information about Stoicism for Inner Peace (book): einzelganger.co/innerpeace
What if I don't support Amazon, but I want to purchase your book? Is it sold on other platforms or websites?
@@erianaharrison8783 It's only available on Amazon, as the book is in the KDP Select program.
So happy for you, definitely going to buy and read. Your channel has quite literally saved my life🙏🏻
Thank you so much for making these videos. Regards from Indonesia. Wishing you a lot of success on your future projects.
I would like to translate your videos into my native language (then e-mail you the subtitles). What do you say, do I have your consent/permission?
“If you gave yourself even a fraction of the encouragement you give others, imagine how far you could get.”
Very profound statement.
So true!!I have been waiting and wishing for someone to give me some of the consideration I give out,and getting disappointed when I should just give myself that appreciation ❤
Absolutely agree
This is my question. Intellectually/conceptually this makes sense.. but what about when you can’t let yourself? When your emotions get in the way? We all know tips on how to be successful. But have such a hard time really applying them. Like the guy riding the elephant analogy.. you can try to steer it but if the elephant wants to go somewhere the rider is subject to it.
@@robertpark5992 lsd man
“If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be chasing after people who don’t love you either.”
- Mandy Hale
💯Truth
Wow!this is great.🥰
Only if loving yourself was not the real challange..
Lord have mercy! 💯
@@alpereo6730 i have always been in love with myself, and do not like being with anybody as other people suffocate me.
"When there is no enemy within. There is no enemy outside"
I would prefer to say ....the enemy outside is under our control.
I love this
Like it 👌
love this quote. thank u
I was so confident, happy and, had very few wants. I was extremely satisfied but, as soon as my wife realized how satisfied I was wanted to torture me. Once she tried to kill me I knew it was over!
*“Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.” ―Epictetus*
👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
Indeed. In my religion we were taught like this!
Less is more👍
Epictetus was on some BS with that one. Whatever makes folks feel better. Wealth is still wealth, if you got it you got it, if you don't well...
U get wealth by dopamine, u get gratitude by serotonin
“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not, rememeber what you now have was once upon the things you only hoped for”
Wow, that is actually so true. What a great affirmation to tell ones’ self.
I remember how happy I was to get donated clothes after my unplanned pregnancy. I spent 2 years chasing all the outfits, once my kids left the house, and it didn’t make me any happier. I “needed” every new bag and pair of shoes. Then I couldn’t afford a family trip, to celebrate a wedding. It’s far better to have fewer things and more freedom. 💛
Thats not always the case.
Especially when you lose those things that you took for granted, you will regret hoping for more and not appreciating what you already had.
Well, the first part is right, but I was a happy child, things have only gotten worse sadly, but thanks for the first part
"If you are tempted to look outside yourself for approval, you have compromised your integrity. If you need a witness be your own." By Epictetus
Yes to the first part, but I wouldn't use the phrase "need a witness" to make the point (only bc I think bearing witness to someone else's life is requisite to having meaningful relationships, which is a lot different than just pining for other people's approval).
@@nataliaturner4845 I get it.
If you dig that as a tenet of a good life, read Boethius
"Yeah"
- Plato
Suffering is an unavoidable part of the human condition. We create much of it on ourself.
It reminds me of this Aldous Huxley quote,
"It's hard because you're trying too hard. Lightly child. Lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you're feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen. And lightly cope with them. So throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self pity and despair. That's why you must walk so lightly. Lightly, my Darling."
"He does not know my other faults, else he would not have mentioned only these" got a genuine laugh out of me. What a good line.
Yeah, that's a great one! 😊
Right? Such a good burn 😂 I instantly took out my phone and wrote that down.
Me too,when I heard that I was like wait,what? Ima use it everytime I heard something bad abt me😅
I use that at work whenever I get a bad feedback which I deem a little too personal and not related to the quality of my deliverables.
It'll get a laugh from everyone in the room instantly and shift the nature of the conversation entirely. Give it a try when you can.
Same lol
“Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what's left and live it properly. What doesn't transmit light creates its own darkness.” Stoicism
Thank you
Marcus Aurelius
Deep
"I die daily"
I'm not bright enough to get this
"Expect nothing, appreciate everything"
Delusion is your greatest friend! That grinding boot heel is there for your benefit!
I feel like this doesn't work for everyone, more so for creatve ppl (I once considered this thn realised there was no reason for me to do anything. Im not sure if this actually stems from my perfectionism but at th same time, u hv nothing to push u if u expect nothing outa of ur efforts. (exception being: for enjoyment) ie imagine excercising knwing ur going to stay the same. U do it coz u know u'r not, or at least believe.
Agreed, the ops comments enable people to be a doormat for others
@@user-he7zf2pp4w that comment was deeper than the thought you've received from it. Think about it some more.
Expect nothing accept everything
I realized when I was in my thirties that everything is temporary. A few times in my life I have lost everything I’ve had; good jobs, things, lovers etc. I’ve reached the point where I no longer care what anyone thinks of me. I had many things that were nice while they lasted, but things change. Everything comes and goes, nothing stays the same. I’ve learned to just go with the flow. I no longer feel attached to anything. The only thing that matters to me these days
Is having a roof over my head and food to eat. Kindness has become ver important to me. The less I have, the less I have to worry about. Now I’m at the end of my life and I‘be come full circle. I started with nothing and am ending with nothing, and don’t feel as though I’ve lost anything. Only the kindness I can show to others matters.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
You have become wiser. That better than become richer
I have Duplicate feelings at 60, except that I can’t help but cling to money because I’m dead broke. Financial insecurity is a killer.
Beautifully said. Everything comes and goes except for your deeds.
That’s Brilliant… I’m getting there. I learning to just observe with detachment. I own nothing and no one…I’m here for the ride, too bad I won’t be here to see how it all ends….😂😂😂
As a cancer sufferer I can relate to this. I've been in remission now for almost 2 years, but things were not looking so good before. I just learned to appreciate things and people I'd taken for granted before.
❤
You might want to check out the TH-cam channel called Universe inside you and watch Dr. Sebi: The Herbalist Who Cured Cancer & Was Poisoned in Prison For It.
That TH-cam channel may be telling alot of truths.
👍🙏❤💚👌🌿✌🌺🙋♀️
❤️🙏
that's great to hear.
The part about not getting invited to a “friend’s” party is so well thought out and delivered. While the ego wants to be invited, it wouldn’t be good for our soul to attend an event where we truly don’t feel like we belong and don’t align with the people attending and the inviter. It’s nice to be invited and thought of, but it’s better to be where you don’t have to fake it. Don’t sacrifice your integrity!!
I used to think like that. But now, I just do whatever I want whenever wherever. I'd be happy to go to a party even if I'm attached to the wall all night. True never sacrifice your integrity
Well stated. A former friend has been reaching out to me lately, but over a decade ago he openly made a demeaning racial remark with small children present. And his attitude was far from acceptable when I called him on it, so I cut ties with him. I don't want my companions to have to walk on eggshells, and I certainly don't want to do that.
@@Torgo1969 stay strong. Integrity isn’t for the weak.
Sometimes, only sometimes , you know you belong in a group- but for some reason they lock you out...
@@MaxW-er1hm if you belonged, you wouldn’t be locked or kicked out lol
"There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about the things which are beyond the power of our will."
- Epictetus
This is such a wise philosophy. I totally agree!
True. If one czan do something about it, its called duty, if one cannot change it, its destiny. One must accept Its destiny and live it, life is not perfect but there are still many things to discover and to enjoy in this life. One must find his/her own bliss and live it everyday.
Easier said than done. I would like to know if Epictetus was ever at peace with himself
@@agstinacueva1673 I bet he was, he was a Stoic Sage.
yes hi@@Diana-gt1rv
So true. Life is a game. A total set up. Don't give up, you'll make it, survive, work, do everything "right." Better yourself. So we can.. Die. We were never meant to "win." Just play.
I love how everyone picked out a different part that spoke to them. All very powerful. The comments are awesome, y'all.
almost like starsigns huh? :)))))) hahahahaahahahahah
I know right? It’s like reading the philosophy section over here. Love it 😊
“Perfection of character is this: to live each day as if it were your last, without frenzy, without apathy, without pretence.”
That’s what I want to achieve.
Fight club taught me that
How perfectly beautiful. 😌
This is actually a very dangerous mindset. Set goals and be goal oriented living every day like your last will earn you an early grave
@Marten Dekker my comment was directed at OP....
If it was directed towards you it would have your name as this one does.
3 years ago a relationship didn’t work out and since then I’ve been clinging onto it with my life. Last night I couldn’t sleep over it and after 3 years I finally managed to delete her from everything. We haven’t spoken in ages, and we probably never will. It’s long been over, I’ve known this for so long but I feel like I’m finally on the road to accepting the reality.
All of the sudden I see this video in my recommended videos. It’s exactly what I need to hear, thank you.
I totally feel you on this, been 3 years for me too. It's been so tough because not only is he with someone else now, I have to see him often as we have children together. So it's been excruciating, but I'm finally feeling like I actually want to move on now. Its still tough though, every day is a battle. Never knew relationships could be this painful!
I'm going through this now 8 months and she just left. 5 years and she moved on but everyday I wish she comeback. May I ask how you did this. It's ruining my work and my social life. I've even been to counseling and still I just can't let go.
@@hailhopes it just takes time, how much time is up to the individual, it helps to do things that may get your mind off of things like a hobby or volunteering for something and who knows, you may meet someone else doing these things.
I know how you feel. I once stay obsessed over an ex in my early 20s and stayed obsessed for 5 years straight while she moved on! I felt horrible beyond words and lost a ton of weight. Now I’m 35 and I will NEVER do that again EVER! No woman is worth that to me again if they don’t want me. I’m only loyal to what’s loyal to me. If she’s not on the same page, then she’s OUT!
@@Lilly-ev7ll That’s the polarity of life. Everything has a price in life. If it gives you great pleasure like love, then great pain must be included. Everything has a price. You can avoid the price altogether by staying alone for the rest of your life but that in and of itself is also a price!
"Is anything brought around to you? Put out your hand and take your share with moderation. Does it pass by you? Don't stop it. Is it not yet to come? Don't stretch your desire towards it, but wait till it reaches you. Do this with regard to children, to a wife, to public posts, to riches and you will eventually be a worthy partner of the feasts of the gods."
- Epictetus
I quickly learned after my divorce, how not to “give a f**k”. It was the best life lesson I could have learned. I was able to let go of so much emotional baggage. I felt lighter and focused more on my mental health. Be better than you were yesterday. Don’t put your expectations on ppl, find your purpose and give yourself credit for the positive improvements that you’re making in your life.
If Epictetus was still around he'd tell us:
" Do not cling to your channel's monetization, if you get demonitized do not fret for TH-cam was never yours in the first place"
Amen. It's that "I have to be good so TH-cam doesn't take away my money" attitude that leads to cultural degradation, loss of history, reduction in morals and even genocides. You did not have TH-cam before and survived, but because your afraid of losing it now (and in truth fear getting a normal job) you're willing to lower yourself to fit in. One step leads to another and now we have censorship, bans and in some cases legal consequences: so the lengths everyone goes to is increasing. Changing culture and thus politics. The TH-cam watchers of today are far more intellectually constrained than the watchers of 10 years ago
LOOOOOOOOOOOL
🤣
lol 😂
Humorous
Two things you can only control
1) Your Attitude
2) Your Actions
EXACTLY
Not inherently correct though. Humans don't work like that.
That is the gap between stimulus and response.
In addition, how we respond to our thoughts , how we respond to our feelings ,
Actually your thoughts control your feelings and your feelings control your actions. The key is to control your thoughts.
This video was recommended to me today...On a day where I stood on the side of the highway contemplating suicide. Not understanding why life has been torturous for me. I'm 27 and I honestly cannot say I've ever experienced love or happiness. Chronically depressed since age of 5 due to abuse, emotional neglect and extreme insecurities of my skin, instilled in me by my own family who made me feel adopted. I don't understand life. I'm a philosopher myself, studied the topic in the university. Master of human rights law as well. Work for two different none for profits...- Regardless of how much compassion and empathy I have for others who suffer. I'm all alone, without love. Constantly being tripped by life and things outside of my control. Today I cried to the universe...Why can't you just give me a break!!! Why!! How many times do I have to pick myself up for something outside of my control, for you to smash me right down..! Sigh...anyways - to my shock. I am recommended this video by youtube. I need to let go...I don't know of what, perhaps my past, perhaps my insecurities, perhaps my chronic anxiety and depression, but how? the only thing that could help me is love. Sorry for typing this out.
You know what you want but you can’t get it
You cant control so many things even the anxiety and depression, but maybe paying attention to the small things you can control will bring some peace.this video is about that i think. Hope you have found some peace and are in a better place today...if you are not, remember to stay simple and pay attention to only those things that you are able to control. let go of all else, including stupid thoughts.
I will humbly try to reply to ur courageous text. How brave if u to hang in there and persevere. You asked and you received !!! I myself understand ur experiences and feel qualified to say what brought me into the light and heal was putting one foot in front of the other , going into nature be t a tree r stream. Journalling and treating myself to 20 mins silent meditation twice a day which brought clarity and peace, which I still do btw 😊 The peace u seek is actually within and will flow to u in time. Now I better stop r I will push u over the edge this is so long 😂 but seriously well done u and give urself oceans of kindness ..big hug 🤗 from a fellow travel r ..
I’ve also suffered from depression and anxiety. Through the years, I’ve had therapy, and also been on antidepressants. Those for sure have helped. I now meditate and practice mindfulness. The crappy thoughts abs feelings still show up, but I have found being able to just “be” with them had helped them lessen. I would suggest finding a great therapist to work with while doing this. ❤
This is literally spot on to my situation. I hope tons of support and love comes for both of us 2023 because I feel like I’m losing my mind here.
Try to be someone you'd like. And try to be someone you'd respect. You'll fall short...we all do. Forgive yourself and move forward. Seek balance, and keep trying. Showing up is half the battle.
“Do not indulge in dreams of having what you have not, but reckon up the chief of the blessings you do possess, and then thankfully remember how you would crave for them if they were not yours.”
Don't know who this quote was from but it is very much in line with the philosophy of Alan Watts. It's a great way to live your life. Great quote!
@@TheCommonS3Nse That's from Epicurus.
@@iamarock09 Thank you!
Yes!!!!
Does this suggests that I shouldn't be ambitious and give up on my dreams?
Stoicism helped me to stop being shocked at the sheer amount of lunacy I observe and encounter on a daily basis. I stopped asking why and I am at peace. 👌🏽
Without compromising curiosity?
Joe Biden's presidency?
Without becoming apathetic?
@@heyoka_j5741 If you study stoicism, then, you'd know that the great Stoics advise us to prepare for everything, including ignorant people and their antics. Premeditatio Malorum, negative visualization, also helps so that you won't be taken too much by surprise by the crazies. Stoicism isn't about apathy, but control. Me not being SHOCKED by weird ass behavior is critical to my preparation to handle it. Like the Stoics admonish, expect it but be prepared for it. 👌🏽
@@rajyavardhansingh4491 you mean the Trump presidency?
My father died when I was 18 and I have been clinging onto him for the past 5 years now. I moved in with my grandmother after his death and she showed me stoicism. Although I know I just create my feelings it’s hard to let go but there’s a natural process to it. Don’t rush it either just to feel as though you let go. Do it on your own time and you’ll find more peace
Agreed
It is in times of great despair that wisdom screams the loudest.
I'm realizing that life is just a game. The only thing you can have any level of control of is your mind and body, everything else is a game. Friends, job/career, co-worker relationships, family relationships, and romantic relationships are just a game. Not that that's bad necessarily, more that the outcome of these relationships shouldn't be taken too personally or seriously. Great video again.
No, it’s not a game. Your life may be epic or it may be banal. It may be painful or joyous. It will just be, and being is the point. Conscious of the present, not emotionally disturbed by the past or too invested in a point in the future. An observer of now. Being freed of the burden of every other moment.
It used to be a time family/relationships meant something. As a disposable society the only thing seems to be every person is standing by themselves . Flesh and Blood meant something once upon a time. That was once upon a time. There is a price to pay not in terms of culture/religion/color/race/education etc but the self. Hijacked Souls never survive.
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
“For even the very wise cannot see all ends.
Listen to The Joker by Alan Watts :)
@@savchil it’s a path to happiness, thinking about life as a game.. yet it is a great privilege and very arrogant at the same time. The joker had a place and a function in pleasing the king/emperor, but who attends a court of such leaders? If you see the abuse and suffering in the world, you know that life is not a game. The zebras stripes are not so it can be seen, like a harlequin, but it’s camouflage so it’s less easy to pick off, as prey.
@@PhilWhelanNow One should never take another man's words as truth offhand, but they should take all ideas into consideration and find their own truth among the mess. Alan Watts was a wonderful speaker, but he was also a human being. Take from The Joker what you will but I believe it is worth listening to if nothing else but to simply consider another viewpoint!
"It's not who I am on the inside, but what I do that defines me" - Epictetus
Epictetus was batman I didn't realize
But knowing who you are (on the inside) directly affects what you choose to do with your life. I’m not sure the first is irrelevant to the second.
@@Liolia22 Definitions are discreet. Life is not. Also, it was a joke lol.
I believe that there’s nothing that can define you. Rather, you’re able to be whoever you want at any moment
@@Andrew-gx7xu lol it was a joke man.
Wow ❣️. Being kind to animals so rewarding ❣️
I've watched several of his videos and bought his books. Basically these far east/greek philosophers were doing what we describe today as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). It's pretty cool too see how it evolved over thousands of years.
No literally tho this whole video made me flash back to one of my therapy sessions where my therapist was trying to get me to focus on my sphere of influence. Inside my control and what’s outside of my control.
Psychology is a combination of science, and philosophy
@@KillerSkullX Isn't philosophy a science as well?
@@nvmffs No.
@@KillerSkullX What do you think about "The Science of Philosophy" by Colin McGinn?
The gems I got from this video:
- *Happiness is the deliberate action of interpreting the outter circumstances in a way that is beneficial for me* . For example if my cat dies, I can focus on the happiness I received from her, and think of all the happiness that I can experience in the future. (I know it sounds harsh and almost unachievable, as attachments aren't easy to get over, but just think about it)
- *We shouldn't focus on wishing that the circumstances are perfect around us* (f.e. that everyone likes me, that my children never get hurt, that my husband never leaves me), *but on wishing things to unfold their own way, and to know that whatever happens, I will be good*.
- *If you embrace your flaws, no one has power over you* F.e. when somebody points us a flaw, for example my crooked nose. It would be powerful to say back "Haha, yeah, if you'd know my other flaws you would have mentioned them too".
I really liked that perspective
💯💯💯💯💯
Amazing takeaways. Thanks for writing.
This breakdown ‼️👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I’ve been struggling with immense grief over losing my cat and this felt like a sign to me… thank you ❤️
Its like this channel knows whenever I deal with hardships. This guy uploads. Thank you so much man :)
Edit: Thank you for the likes everyone! I never got so many likes on a youtube comment. THANK YOU :)
Same here! 😊🙌
Same here
100% it’s like magic
We’re so good at creating patterns that aren’t there it’s crazy
Same here!!!!!
That borrow mindset is so damn accurate. My mom cope with my brother's death really well because of that mindset, she always say "From Allah we came, to Allah we return".
The worst is when u have knowledge, but u don’t apply it. I have learned so much in my 20s and I seem to be having a hard time accepting the truths I have found
What do you mean? Having knowledge and not applying ? Are you mechanic who wants to fix a car or are you a stoic philosopher who’s inner engineering leads him to take whatever was predetermined prior to the creation of men you know the irony is that both are right when everything is predetermined ( choice becomes an obligation ) and that choice is also a means for survival and making it to whoever was responsible for creating it in the first place
Yep I like it ... One of the greatest tragedies in life is to lose your own sense of self . And accept the version of you that is expected by everyone else .
Exactly. That's my biggest fear also. I have to define myself and create my own character, otherwise, society will do that for me and that's no way to live. You're living a lie and you know it. Living the truth and speaking the truth makes everyone hate you though but being truthful about who you are is what makes you ultimately happy. And that's all that matters.
This channel can change lives and possibly, save them. Invaluable content. Thanks.
Only Jesus Christ can save lives my friend. But I know at your current level of understanding you won’t get that thought but I am hoping one day you do. Peace and love Damien
@@Douglas77755 the american jesus or the dark skinned jesus,? If it's the american jesus he doesn't save. He condemns. He hates the poor hates the gat and trans. O ly loves conservatives......
We've got the American Jesus
See him on the interstate
We've got the American Jesus
He helped build the president's estate
I feel sorry for the earth's population
'Cause so few live in the USA
At least the foreigners can copy our morality
They can visit but they cannot stay
Only precious few can garner the prosperity
It makes us walk with renewed confidence
We've got a place to go when we die
And the architect resides right here
We've got the American Jesus
Bolstering national faith…
@@Douglas77755 Jesus literally asked us to not idolize him and Catholicism did just that. He taught us that we have the power within us to save one another with love and understanding “behold your son, behold your mother” so please do not preach to people who are searching for paths that resonate with their spirits.
@@Douglas77755 100%
or end them.
Stoicism and living in the present moment pair so well together. Just the idea of what is in our control is so empowering. Anytime I get “stuck” in life if I come back to this, what I can control, everything else falls into place. What an empowering belief system.
"He does not know my other faults, else he would not have mentioned only these."
Absolutely love that.
Wow, such a brilliant idea to think about everything as borrowed. If it is borrowed, take care of it but be ready to give back at any moment... You should do a video about the idea of Markus Aurelius about losing someone. Stoics enjoy time with loved ones fully but do not griev when they die or leave.
It depends what you mean by grief. Seneca thought that it was inhuman to not grieve, but he encouraged people to do it in moderation and stop it before it gets out of hand.
"I am grieved to hear that your friend Flaccus is dead, but I would not have you sorrow more than is fitting. That you should not mourn at all I shall hardly dare to insist; and yet I know that it is the better way. But what man will ever be so blessed with that ideal steadfastness of soul, unless he has already risen far above the reach of Fortune? Even such a man will be stung by an event like this, but it will be only a sting. We, however, may be forgiven for bursting into tears, if only our tears have not flowed to excess, and if we have checked them by our own efforts. Let not the eyes be dry when we have lost a friend, nor let them overflow. We may weep, but we must not wail." - Moral letters to Lucilius, Letter 63
Epictetus had a big influence on one of Marcus Aurelius' teachers funnily enough! :)
Reminds me of kon mari too
@@Skin_Man Seneca was absolutely wise about grief. It's okay to be distraught over your lost loved one, but it is so important to find ways to overcome and see it through. This is why support from other wise people in your life is so crucial to pass through the grieving process.
"If she is from the streets, to the streets she shall return"
"She is not yours, it is just your turn"
I wanted to add my thoughts on being liked. So many people bend themselves into pretzels and bend over backwards for people believing that it will cause other people to like them more. What may seem ironic to these people is that the exact opposite it true. People will actually have less respect for you and you will also cause yourself a significant amount of stress running after others and facing the reality that you did not get what you were searching for. Doing what you want to do will allow you to live more authentically. This is far less stressful and you will be happier because you are living your life in a way that matters most to you. Although not the goal, the irony is that people will like you more as a natural byproduct of living this way.
Wow I really needed to read this today. Thank you so so much for this :)
I agree except for the last part because they won't actually like you at all but they all secretly respect you for having the balls to be who you truly are and not bend over backwards like the rest of the pathetic flock. People are only "nice" when they have to or if it's in their self-interest but not otherwise unless they're actually really decent people of course.
Life is a game at the end of the day so just focus on becoming the best player and go for yours.
Yeah the need for approval is a validation seeking behavior. People perceive you as a simp. He has a video on it already.
It’s about the 60th one down the video list titled “The need for approval makes you invisible “
Hi from St.lucia 🤗 I agree one hundred percent, be yourself aways.
I've been saying this for a while. To me, the best Support unit you can get is yourself. Deep down, you know what you need to hear, and what can give you the most determination as well as the force to stand up and go on.
Like it's crazy, sometimes I just tell myself "Imma imagine what I'd like to hear rn" and I end up giving myself a speech, small or long, so motivational I feel excited to carry on and see how things will work out from now on.
Plus that feeling is really amazing.
But that's me, that's what I like.
We're all unique, all get up with more or less different kind of words, and all know exactly what that is for us only
I tried living like this for a while without having known it was a philosophy. I just simply thought you control how you feel about everything & i tried letting go of things that didn’t really matter. It was okay for a few weeks. But depression is a bitch
“He does not know my other faults, else he would not have mentioned only these”. I can’t wait to use this next time someone says something bad about me 😀
"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters."
- Epictetus
Bullshit, it's the other way around, it's actually how society reacts that matters a lot
Thanks for the upload. I am at a dark place in my life and well this was comforting to hear. I am going to learn to just let go. I have tried so hard to stay in control of every aspect of my life that that I have lost myself. I let past thoughts and emotions ruin me by clinging on to people who I felt loved me. I'm not gonna feel shame anymore nor let people shame me.
I was in a very similar life until l realised God exists, when l learned to let go & trust him everything changed, by the same token the Devil also exists & its he that causes all the trouble we encounter, the Only way past it is to rise above it & have Faith in a powerful & Loving God,
I spent a couple of years in and out of hospital for various issues. It wasn't easy, but looking back I learned many things that still shape me today. I often pause and give thanks that I can wash and dress myself again, make my own food again, brush my teeth, go outside, and more. I'm thankful for my bath lift that helps me shower, my wheeled walker that helps me take walks outside again, my bifocals that help me see. But mostly I'm grateful for all the people who helped me in the times I couldn't do many of those things. I hope that in some small way I can give back for all the rich blessings I recieved.
I don't know what tomorrow may bring in terms of my health or anything in the world around me, and I still often struggle with wanting to cling to those things I love, but I'm learning to practice gratitude for each day, and take nothing for granted. Everything I have, even my life itself, has been lent to me by God, and He will take it back according to His plan.
To paraphrase Viktor Frankl, we can have everything taken from us except the abilitity to choose how we will respond. However, seeing my grandmother and my mother succumb to dementia, I know that even that isn't always true. Mental and emotional faculties can and do change, which is why it's so important to train mind, heart and attitude while we can. Habits we develop now will stay with us longer in the times when we no longer can.
You sound very wise. I find your words inspiring and I hope things are going well for you
@Souljahna is so right. Your words are very wise! Thank you for sharing with us. I wish you all the best!🤗
@@jazziew2148 Thanks! Tbh I often have to remind myself of what I wrote, too... 😊
@@Souljahna Thanks! Tbh I often have to remind myself of what I wrote, too... 😊
I love the point on the opinions of others. The reality is that not everyone will like you and that's fine so your main goal should be to do what's best for you. If people like you as a result, great, if not, that's fine too.
True indeed
The "Infulencer's of social media" are gonna crying over this statement 🤣
truly a deep thought
This is very true, something I've come to realize for myself. Wasting time trying to make everyone happy. No matter how good a person you are, there's always someone who is going to dislike you. So, don't worry about it. Do what you were doing anyway.
Not everyone will like us as they don't know what's in our hearts. Don't be surprised when genuine kind people have a lot of haters.
I love that, to think nothing is really ever ours to “own” like everything we have in our possessions, like money, electronics, etc… it’s all just borrowing til we’re dead. Interesting way to view it now!
Not even until our death. Life can take away all the things we borrowed at any given moment. I think that's the helpful part of this view point: Instead of resisting and feeling betrayed, we can acknowledge that our time with this particular object or person is over.
It maight help us to move on.
That part of the video slapped harder than any song
This is absolutely the message I needed to hear! I am sacrificing myself for others and fir things that don't matter and I need to stop and re-prioritize.
I always thought being nice and virtuous was the way to go and that I would receive what I put out but I got taken advantage of with this path. I am learning very late in life but it's better than never.
❤️ pray you are doing well. I am in it now. This is helpful
I have to realize that how my adult child deals with his life, his feelings are not my responsibility. I have to stop feeling so responsible for his choices. I do have to start having boundaries with people who are not emotionally healthy.
This is extremely hard but can be done.
"Treat life as a dinner party. " I love that.
This video has spoken to me… the love of my life has left me and given me little chance of getting back together. There’s so much love and history between us. I’m struggling hard too hold it together. But I need too let go and let life take its course.
Man I'm sorry I'm going through the same. Cherry on top she won't let me see my kids. This video will help us all. Sometimes we just need to let go.
That sounds more comfy....
❤
Going through same thing... Worst pain. Wish she realized all the good we had instead of focusing on what bad we had circumstancial
I hear you loud and clear. Going through separating with my best friend aka the love of my life aka my wife of 15 years. I’d rather get shot in the leg, the pain is crippling, some days I can barely function. Finding joy in living seems very distant but is so obvious now it’s the only thing that matters.
Same here, it's a waste of time and energy fighting for something that does not want to be, instead it's best to open the door for what want's to be.
Gee I needed to hear this today, I'm having a very hard time lately as in facing homelessness, isolation and finding it really hard to see something positive in life
Sending you love, strength and prayers for things to better for you soon. ♥
This video did a better job of treating my depression than any medication has.
I love, love, love this video. From a more “woo-woo” point of view, the act of clinging also suffocates and might eventually kill off the connection between you and someone or something (an object or a situation) you were (potentially) in connection with, just like a fire dies without oxygen;
Since everything on its core level is mere energy and connections are energies that flow on the same wavelength naturally and inherently, a connection is like a dance, a wave or a stream. If you cling to someone or something, you stop that flow (by closing in) and you disrupt its natural course. Often times we cling out of fear (of lack of control, losing somebody, feeling unworthy etc.) and neediness, which is also an energy that blocks this natural current which is based on trust, love and openness.
So do not cling; rather attract. Do not hustle; rather align. Do not just work very, very hard; work disciplined and smart. Don’t control life, which you can’t; control what you can and trust.
Exactly what I say!! Well stated 💯
but, what about clinging with the booty to that D before he kumms? U gonna let go of that too?
@Jag Woof your exactly right! Killed off my chances with my recent ex by being too needy and clingy
This is a bit off topic but I totally agree. My example is that I bought a motorcycle that is my dream super bike that I've wanted since I was a kid. After I got it, I was very excited. But noticed overtime that I would always be looking out the window to make sure it wasn't stolen, always paranoid that it would break down or have mechanical problems. My clinginginess and attachment to owning it created more stress than if I had never had it in the first place. But now, I'm able to accept the reality that I won't have it forever and that my happiness and self image don't depend on it.
"There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will."
Yes, give up worrying about what other people think of you… It doesn’t matter. It matters what you think of yourself.🙏🏻❣️🙏🏻
This video is very enlightening but I have to say the comments are also very uplifting, reading and understanding other people’s perspectives on the matter can be very encouraging. Not to be taken for granted. “Be mindful of the journey inside as well as the outside and know thyself, after all, that’s what counts most”
This is wonderful to listen to, yet so difficult to implement. The hardest thing in life is to become your own person, regardless of what others are expecting you to be; on another note, it’s the same about other people: projecting our expectations onto them is harmful and will leave us disappointed and them - hurt
You have to let go of ego. We define ourselves with what we have been told . This simply isn't true nor good for you. You have to not let others define you. We must stay in control of our own thoughts and not let the opinions of others make up our minds about ourselves.
"Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them."
- Epictetus
There is nothing which is not under our control, we just have not yet learned how to do it
Well, this philosopher lived in a time when people had little outside influence on their lives. Now we live in a world of commercials, political battles, social upheavals, the internet, social media. We breath outside influence every second. It’s not as easy as he makes it seem to just shift our focus to things that matter. I’m sure it was much easier for him to do so 2000 years ago.
Just put the phone down for a second lol
You have a good point.
I often wonder if it actually seemed easier to them in real time.
Is Difficulty measured relative to your current reality ❓
Is it a simpler time from the perspective of 2023?
Comparatively in ways.
Living under Kings, questionable rule of law if any, no running water, electricity..
Simpler.
Easier?
Not so sure.
“Started not to gaf and stoped fearing the consequences” -drakes
Out of the three more prominent stoics - Epictetus, Seneca and Marcus Aurelius - I always recommend Epictetus and his discourses and The Enchiridion first. To me, Epictetus gets across the main ideas of stoic philosophy really well, especially for a more modern audience.
Agreed
I practice these:
1. Let it be
2. Let it go
3. Dont argue with reality
😢
Wise. I'm struggling w that last part since I have an idea on how things should be- not perfect, just better.
It's hard not to resist reality when reality has been horrible and you can't find an outlet for peace when/where you need it.
@@theweastwumbologist When reality is really bad, take a deep breath. It will get better. 🙏
Thank you so much for this Video. I was literally crying in the end. My Girlfriend left me 2 Months ago and I am still missing her, but this video gave me lots of helpful lessons, especially the last quote was eyeopening for me. Thank you !!!
Heal in the time you want
I find ppl in third would countries reslly have this idea down pat. They live in poverty and still smile and give love. Its amazing and so inspiring tbh
Whereas we want for not and kill ourselves in droves. Living standards being the source of happiness is a massive meme.
materialism & greed in the first worlds have blinded so many.
I don't think you've been in a third world country.
I can't help thinking About the Ukrainians bombed out of their homes having to grab their coats & leave with children in their arms and face going to strange countries not speaking their own language,l honestly couldn't cope, my heart goes out to them.
I live in Brazil and there is a lot of truth to that, the only problem is that this also arrests the country's progress and development.
As someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, I really want to try to study this philosophy to protect my mind and better my life. I can't get a therapy appointment to save my life locally, so I have to resort to books and TH-cam videos and a whole lot of ruined relationships. I'm 25 and I feel like a 5 year old when it comes to emotions. I hope I can succeed.
Just be true to yourself, be authentic and be grateful for where you are and you’ll go in the right direction
.
I have BPD too, this probably sounds incredibly cliche but it does get easier over time! We are a strong and resilient because of, or maybe in spite of this disorder.
@@annmariecrespin1667 thank you so much ❤️🙏 bless you
Nothing helped me overcome BPD as well as Stoicism. My fiancé called it my “transformation”. I was unable to get into a DBT program so I turned to reading the Stoics and I am no longer borderline. Those tendencies are still in me but they never take hold of my mind/life like they used to! I just read through my journal from 6 years ago and it’s a stunning difference. Someone recently asked me if I am worried that I am deluding myself and I was able to say no- because 1) I am sincere in my practice of Stoicism and 2) I no longer have issues with anyone - even if there are problems- because I know to respond from a centered place and not act/speak if I feel agitation or too excited.
You are on the right track!
I have bpd too. Just lost a baby and had a horrible breakup with the guy. Hurting so badly. Will try anything
Once it’s over, at least I won’t be among you loving and rational people. This is a madhouse.
The best philosophy lesson I learned is that everything and everyone we deem to own or have is actually on a limited term of borrow/lease. That includes all our physical possessions, reputations, successes, people we love and care for, and certainly our own lives too. This realization can certainly change the way we see and react to this world in our limited borrowed time on this beautiful planet.
I went from having a very encouraging boss who gave me autonomy to do my best, to a severe micromanager who has clamped down on being able to do anything without his chaotic control. This has made me wake-up to how much of my time people-pleasing has taken away... all the school and grading authority, to all the ladder climbing for jobs, and even just being a polite member of society. We police one another. I'm tired and need a vacation from being told what to do.
Go for you it man, whatever is takes.
Well stated. But what happens to society when we are all on vacation?
Quit. You will find another job with a better environment. Because courage is rewarded
I was born with a disorder and had learning difficulties. It caused me to be depressed and I struggled a lot. Four years ago I got over these hang ups and learning about stoicism definitely helped that process. I wished I learned all about this sooner but it doesn't matter, I know it now and I'm a lot happier. Learning to let go and forgiving my shortcomings put me on the right path and I will continue to grow. I don't blame myself nor others, it's just life and it was beyond my control. I'm going to add what I learned here to myself. Great video.
I praise God for your humility good man. You indeed are on a path, a good path.
Mm.... sounds good, yes we're here to learn & grow our Souls, the only other thing l would do is change you're photo,
Mm yes
Self forgiveness
Unconditional love and so forth
It's achievable for us all
One part of your journey was to find out what you wish you learned earlier. When? At anytime. And did you do it? Hell yeah! Remember mate, don't cling to things that are outside of your control and your past is definitely one of them.
I bought your book a few days ago and it’s really changed my perspective on life! I’m going to buy my parents a copy for christmas ( They are getting divorced right now)
Can you share the book title?
@@beatriztorres9219 pretty sure its in the video
@@beatriztorres9219 stoicism for inner peace
In the last few years I stopped to cling to anything. Including my work, my health and all my life in general. Every day I try to empty my mind. I have no reason to fight for anything.
I love epictetus. One of my fav quotes is "there is a reason why people have two ears and only one mouth" -epictetus
We say that first Zeno of citium said that quote. A lot of times there is misunderstanding about the origin of the quotes because philosophers were taking ideas of each other. But Zeno was one of the oldest philosophers.
@@olgakarasavvidou7814 you're that guy that when you show them your new mountain bike they tell you how the suspension design was copied from another manufacturer instead of saying awesome dude let's go shred!
@@DingbatToast hehehe. I'm not. I'm the guy who says awesome. But it's ok, you can think whatever you want.
I kinda getting addicted to these videos nowadays. If there's some of inner peace within me, that's bcz of your videos. You are one among few who enlightened me, & settle my mind with calmness. I respect you.
All I can say is, Thank you very much. 🙏🏼
The videos are brilliant but the creator of the videos didn't come up with these concepts thank the ancients for that
An enlightening exploration of Epictetus's philosophy! The emphasis on focusing on what we can control and letting go of what we can't is a powerful reminder. The idea of treating life as a dinner party, taking what is offered to us with moderation, and not being upset when something is not passed to us is a perspective I hadn't considered before. The video also beautifully highlights the importance of not clinging to objects, people, power, opinions of others, and outcomes. It's a valuable lesson in finding inner peace and contentment in our ever-changing world. Thank you for this thought-provoking content!
I love watching these videos and then not using the information to actually better my life.
I can't tell how many times this channel brought me back on the right path in my life while feeling shitty. Thank god this channel exists. Thank you for all videos.
one thing i have learned in my life is that words, wise or otherwise, do not help when you need them most. they help later, when you already on the path.
The hardest step towards this path is the first one which we must all make alone.
only then do we find ourselves receptive to external guidance.
I wish you strength and fortitude in summoning the will to make that first step.
there are many here to help once you arrive.
❤️
Going back to this after a year.. nothing is more comforting than knowing some things are better this way.
My goodness, i was in need of this right now as i have just experienced a negative encounter with my roommate. Though we have been friends for many years he makes life difficult for me. I get angry and confused and hurt often. I went to bed seething then I chanced upon your channel. I am back in balance once again. Thank you so much.
I remember watching you back at the beginning of your journey, it helped me a lot and still helps me now! You even published a book, so proud! Keep up the great work, it helps during these difficult times
Thank you :)
@ what is the book ? Where to buy it ? I'm from india
@@mortalgod8892 - the link is in the description of this video.
This was packed with True Wisdom. Thank you so much. This was life changing for me.
That's nice to hear :)
Your life has changed during the 4 days this video has been available?
@@banania3839 yes
A brilliant eye opener, finally I have decided to let go of everything I was clinging to since the past decade. I am done enduring the pain of resisting the plans of the universe.It’s time to ride the wind and embrace change that life brings forth . Powerful and insightful video. I am truly grateful for these pearls of wisdom 🙏🏻👍🏻💪🏻🏃🏻🏃🏻🏃🏻😇
I always cling to other people. This is the behavior I need to change. FOR GOOD.
No it doesn't, people need to cling back to you as well
@@joshuabuchanan1141 good point.
This is my favorite Einzelgänger video ever. As many all over the world, I’ve had some big blows during 2020-21 and have been inconsolable at times, practically nonfunctional. These words of Epictetus and your interpretation of them struck so many chords. Thank you.
I don’t know If someone is reading this, but if you are: You are amazing and beautiful! I believe in you! 🔥😊
So are you, thank you 💜
Thank you
Taking care of your health is the most simple way to practice self love and peaceful life. ❤️
This is so helpful, such a great reminder not to hold on to things. I have such a fear and worry of losing my possessions or being evicted that it takes up so much time in my mind. I'm working on letting go.
This is about survival
*Fate leads the willing and drags along the reluctant.*
Love hearing this again and again as it is so easy to think otherwise:
Outside world is out of our control, we can only control our own actions and reactions to it. ✨
Yes, you are right. Especially now with all the craziness. I can't control what the gov't does or doesn't do. All I can control are my actions.
Wow. Thank you very much for this video. I am jobless for over a month and was rejected on a few interviews already. And it's making me having some kind of anxiety attacks sometimes when I'm alone at my rented room. But after watching this video and reminding myself to not cling to a situation that's beyond my control made me feel like I took a head out of water or I woke up from some dreadful dream. Thank you again Einzelgänger.
Make me realize how grateful I am to be in a place where I could to control of how I think
The consideration of what is or is not within your control is a rabbit hole. You may find the deeper into the hole you go, the more you realize how little control you have both externally and internally.
As a life philosophy, Bobby McFerrin probably said it best, "Don't Worry. Be Happy." When one realizes how little control one actually has, including how they feel most of the time, you get let in on the joke. You’re then left with the only appropriate response to life, which is simply to laugh and try to enjoy the ride.
I really like Einzelganger and I bought the book. Thank you for the videos :-)
Reminds me of a line from The Wire "'Money ain't got no owners, only spenders" -Omar
These are some great videos.
Thank you ❤️. This popped up on my feed and the timing is perfect. I was pretty much making myself sick over a change that is happening. Now I am learning this content of your video and I am so relieved.
❤️👍