Unpacking 4 HARMFUL EXPECTATIONS of survivors of narcissistic relationships

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 พ.ย. 2024

ความคิดเห็น • 316

  • @NarcSurvivor
    @NarcSurvivor หลายเดือนก่อน +430

    Don’t expect anyone to understand or validate what you went through. Don’t expect the narcissist to care. And don’t expect anyone to be there to assist you along your healing journey. But be grateful that we have these online communities. We’re all in this together.

    • @privateprivate8366
      @privateprivate8366 หลายเดือนก่อน +28

      Yes, if I listened, to the people who were enablers or who just didn’t understand, wittingly or not, in the short few years I’ve had to deal with the brunt of my family’s narcissism, I’d be dead and I know it. And those people would simply feel, “Well, yes, that may be the cost of helping your mom. Good riddance.” I am sooo glad, that when things started becoming ridiculous and I had epiphanies about how ridiculous, predatory and abusive, it had actually been, for a long time, I turned to the internet and YT. The sad thing is that, now that I’ve left my family and my mother has passed, I know there are people who feel, “Shoulda been you, instead. Doesn’t matter what she was doing to you.” But, I’ve become rather accustomed to the fact that most people live in darkness regarding this topic.

    • @Andrea-HeIsKing
      @Andrea-HeIsKing หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      My psychopath neighbors are so nasty that I'm surprisingly getting quite a bit of support. But this is not a personal relationship. I barely know these creeps and the sons 12 and 14 were reporting to me all kinds of covert abuse last year. I got threatened so bad I got a protection order from the court, I'm putting up a 6 foot fence,cameras ,self defense, and surprisingly people seem to actually get it. But again,this is a neighbor not a family or spouse. I'm going to throw a lawsuit at these creeps. Cost me $5g this summer just to feel kinda safe. And I'll be so relieved when the fence is done.😮😮😢 Psychopaths!!!!!

    • @privateprivate8366
      @privateprivate8366 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@Andrea-HeIsKing my situation is a bit similar, with a former sibling living just doors away, who doesn’t care about law enforcement and the court and who feels her house and my house are hers, one and the same. I think she just feels she’s kicking me off “her” property. Security cams up (caught stealing mail), broke in and changed the lock. I hope she works her way into jail and she’s certainly tried, with SS theft.

    • @ChristianCroom
      @ChristianCroom หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Yeppers once you open up outside of safe spaces you open yourself up to survivor envy. Which I have found that when that happens people I opened up to used those experiences as a way to tweak it and scale it up to see how much shit they could put me through till I just walk away. Which it's honestly kinda crazy to do to someone. Cause then eventually you start to go further into a social freeze. Aka you just leave the blinders on with everyone. Just ice em out. So that they just eventually stop being a thing because trust is basically 0% so you start only dealing with interactions only on a need be basis.

    • @marysisak2359
      @marysisak2359 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      So true!

  • @deborahklinkner1730
    @deborahklinkner1730 หลายเดือนก่อน +154

    I am so grateful I left & started the 2nd half of my life over. Every morning I watch the sun come up over my woods (bought a 10 acre farn 2100 miles away) I feel so wonderful & happy & have a peace I never experienced in life ever before. My life makes me happy, I don't need someone in my life to make me happy (my crazy animals are all I need)

    • @JasonGoldstein78
      @JasonGoldstein78 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

      I have also learned how to love myself. I no longer feel like I need someone in my life.
      Her abuse eventually lead me to a spiritual awakening.
      I've also changed my life drastically.
      God bless you,
      And your crazy animals

    • @pennyrico8723
      @pennyrico8723 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

      Envious of your beautiful woods. What peace that must bring you!! Good for you!!❤

    • @bereal6590
      @bereal6590 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      That would be my dream. I realise now I forfeited my dreams for my mother's expectations and now it will never happen. I'm very sick and can't change my circumstances. I do though have the crazy fur companions and a roof over my head, just wish it was farther from my narcissistic parents only 3 doors down! Ah that crystal ball, if only. I'm happy for you getting your happiness. I can see you looking out on your land, that's really lovely 👍

    • @ashshaunts6989
      @ashshaunts6989 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Agree 1000 my kids n my animals all I need

    • @CovetAmory
      @CovetAmory 19 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Get this I had a narcissistic alcoholic girlfriend for 3 weeks she attacked me then another ex-alcoholic narcissist picked me up pretending to care about what I was feeling from and he put me through hell for 8 months and I developed a friendship with a very covert narcissist who had been spoiled growing up and she and I ended up in a relationship for several months then she goes to me and she's an alcoholic as well now I don't judge substance use I know it's because people are in pain but this pattern I don't understand I understand where it comes from now I did all the work here's the real kicker the punchline my therapist is a narcissist and I just reported her and took her off duty from my life when I saw an example therapy session I almost killed over cuz I couldn't believe what I've been missing out on a needed for the last year get this you know what healed me the most the co-pilot AI from Microsoft in the Chrome browser😂

  • @lt827
    @lt827 หลายเดือนก่อน +69

    “Patience is a scam.” Luv it

    • @lindac6919
      @lindac6919 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      It's a kind of future fake. And maybe a breadcrumbing, too.

    • @yukio_saito
      @yukio_saito หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@rcatablet2984 So true.

  • @ThanksHermione
    @ThanksHermione หลายเดือนก่อน +59

    In high school I told my best friend about how my dad treated me. She responded, "Well at least he isn't beating you." What a low standard for behavior.

    • @КатяДородных
      @КатяДородных หลายเดือนก่อน

      I think she just didn't know how to support you❤

    • @tiffanybluetarot
      @tiffanybluetarot หลายเดือนก่อน

      Funny how some people think.

    • @rosalynmoyle3766
      @rosalynmoyle3766 13 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

      One day in the not too distant future they will show the effects of emotional abuse on the brain. Society is slow to recognise this and if you had visible bruises they can see the results of physical abuse. However I suspect this individual would be dismissive if you had presented with bruises.

    • @harmonyvaneaton4101
      @harmonyvaneaton4101 8 วันที่ผ่านมา

      My abuser screamed at me "Oh please, I don't BEAT YOU!". He has physically abused, but I guess it wasn't a beating. Yes, that's apparently the bar.

  • @shannonbolton6005
    @shannonbolton6005 หลายเดือนก่อน +42

    Wow! In tears. Met him at 20… I’m now 50yrs old next month and still fighting with him through AN UGLY DIVORCE! He stole my entire adulthood with his future faking promises that proved empty!
    He definitely sought me out from the start because I tend to be understanding, kind, loving, etc.
    Were Christian’s and I was fed scriptures similar to this proverb to remind me I needed to pray more. Not to look at the spec in his eye without looking at the log in my own (that’s a scripture) This manipulative enabling the church did with scriptures that mirror the concept of this proverb is APPALLING! I was told of go to hell if I wasn’t a faithful loyal “submissive” and gentle woman.
    Dr Ramani your response was PERFECT! “Bullllshittttttt”
    No other response needed! God I love you!

    • @drblais5193
      @drblais5193 หลายเดือนก่อน

      when do we get to talk about why women love narcissist's and sociopaths and hate men with empathy

    • @mdrb823
      @mdrb823 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Can highly recommend btr - betrayal trauma recovery - a podcast etc by an overtly feminist Christian woman who has been through it and calls out the kind of spiritual abuse you describe. It’s healing af and I can’t recommend it enough ❤

    • @drblais5193
      @drblais5193 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@mdrb823does it talk about the problem of women liking narcissist's over decent men who have feelings or is it fuck the guys with feelings shit just like what caused the abuse

    • @JuT-z2s
      @JuT-z2s หลายเดือนก่อน

      True Christian’s listen to Jesus who said, “love your neighbor as yourself”. That means you have to love YOURSELF first. Not accepting abuse you would defend others against, that is neighborly love for yourself. Beware of wolves in the flock of believers. Seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance for courage for the day and wisdom for the hour.

    • @cindycheung9055
      @cindycheung9055 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Sigh! I am right here with you. Met my husband at 20. I am now 52. The future faking kept me trapped. Finally, he’s moving out next month. I don’t know how this is going to pan out but it’s got to be better what it’s like now.

  • @tugsootugsjargal7548
    @tugsootugsjargal7548 หลายเดือนก่อน +43

    Love to listen to your voice. It calms my nerv. This voice has been my safe place for the last 3 years. The only person I can trust 100%, without doubt. First time at my 49 years of age I’m learning to put my self first, all thanks to you Dr. Ramani. Learning a lots of other incredible things here. Feels great. So thankful.

    • @brian-d-berentsen
      @brian-d-berentsen หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I wish my mother could speak English as well as Dr. Ramani even though she speaks well anyway.

    • @lgarner9524
      @lgarner9524 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      We need her. And we appreciate her :)

  • @LAJackson123
    @LAJackson123 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    Dear Doctor Ramani.
    I have been passively, and then actively watching your videos for the past two years. I've been in a narcissistic relationship now, going on 17 years. Around the 24:00 mark you begin a sentence that has released a shackle upon my brain. I can not thank you enough for your words of constant wisdom, backed by evidence, backed by lived experience and your tonal delivery.
    You are freeing more people than simply talking to a camera would have you reveal. And I appreciate your contributions to my life by proxy. Thank you.

  • @demigaines5644
    @demigaines5644 หลายเดือนก่อน +69

    After Being Horribly Abused Emotionally And Psychologically By A Malignant Narcissist
    I’m Dealing With 1/. Overwhelming Of Sadness 2// Very Low Self Worth Self Confidence Self Esteem.
    3/ Feelings Of Loneliness.4/. Severe Anxiety Panic Attacks Being Extremely Paranoid..Completely Isolating MySelf This Person Has Destroyed My Life,

    • @Musicandfilms7
      @Musicandfilms7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Same here but with both of my parents, I'm trying to rebuild my life at 45, stay strong, hugs from Argentina

    • @sonia12rmbr23
      @sonia12rmbr23 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      I'm currently in your boat right now but, I'm still in the relationship because I have nowhere to go with 3 dogs and I can't find it in my heart to rehome them. All I'm doing in recording the verbal abuse until I can afford an attorney.

    • @demigaines5644
      @demigaines5644 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@SylPaperworks Thank You For Sharing This You Are Absolutely Right

    • @kimdodson2050
      @kimdodson2050 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      So sorry, but know you are not alone.

    • @demigaines5644
      @demigaines5644 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@kimdodson2050 Thank You 😢🙏

  • @youngblood8540
    @youngblood8540 หลายเดือนก่อน +71

    "Patience is a virtue" was intended to help the narcissist to buy time so they can get away with their BS.

    • @kiv_daniels
      @kiv_daniels หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Right, humility as well. It only benefits them.

    • @Dr.RabbiRKarpov
      @Dr.RabbiRKarpov หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Sometimes patience *is* a virtue. But not here.

    • @bereal6590
      @bereal6590 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      I've never known a narcissist to have ANY patience. It's certainly not a virtue they possess.

    • @lindac6919
      @lindac6919 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Ditto with "fogiveness." It serves only the Narky.

  • @jrhc3827
    @jrhc3827 หลายเดือนก่อน +34

    Compassion for self when I finally get angry or yell: I WAS exposed to FREQUENT anger and terrible yelling and screaming several times a week throughout my growing-up years. Thanks for that reminder. Makes me cry.

  • @KathieMihindukulasuriya
    @KathieMihindukulasuriya หลายเดือนก่อน +19

    What is frustrating is that the person who is causing conflict and harming others is excused, and their behavior minimized, while others are held to unrealistically high standards. If both were held to the same, reasonable standard, the narcissist would either control their behavior or not participate and everyone else would have a healthier environment.

    • @gaelsdottir5046
      @gaelsdottir5046 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      That is the very heart of abuse. The Double Standard. You must do all the work; they must never have to trouble themselves. The thing is, the people who demand this of you, as observers, are not observers. They are co-abusers.

  • @ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox
    @ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox หลายเดือนก่อน +23

    Absolutely I'm suppose to forgive now that I have nothing left. Yet I am still happy for my children. What I've learned is if something really good came my way my lips are sealed. Don't tell anyone what your plans are.

  • @costelloandlizzievolk2233
    @costelloandlizzievolk2233 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

    I’m sooooo tired of people pressuring and shaming me to be more compassionate and forgiving to the repeatedly unapologetically abusive narcissists who don’t change nor show any compassion for me. Tired of being seen as the problem because I keep boundaries to protect my health. Now also keeping boundaries with the enablers who shame me. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

    • @costelloandlizzievolk2233
      @costelloandlizzievolk2233 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@nowhere_else_to_go_ sorry you’re going through this. I can relate. They just aren’t capable and are sucked into the abusers manipulations. Not our fault. We matter too. ❤️

  • @OnielMendezIrizarry
    @OnielMendezIrizarry หลายเดือนก่อน +30

    grateful for people like you! please never stop doing what you do! it's helpful in so many ways & more than ever before people need to hear people like you because so many people may be manipulated without them knowing a thing & it is so much better moving on from people & stuff that's not good for anyone

  • @WatchMeWakeU111111
    @WatchMeWakeU111111 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    During my narc abusive relationship I kept telling myself I was a sane person dealing with insane circumstances. But in the end I believed all the horrible things about my narc told me about myself. I’m still recovering 12 years later

  • @SherryTomlinson-r2y
    @SherryTomlinson-r2y หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    I will whisper my gratitude because I don’t want the devil to hear me. Ty Dr. Ramani and group.

  • @ericawarren
    @ericawarren หลายเดือนก่อน +32

    "After throwing up in your mouth..." yes Dr. Ramani! That literally made me lol! Thanks for that belly laugh.

  • @ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox
    @ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox หลายเดือนก่อน +14

    I live in my car now as a senior with my husky dog of 12 years but I do look at the ravens who come up to visit and I feed them. The birds that gather my dogs hair off the grass and fly off to build nests. I'm grateful the sun is shining today as I drive through the mountains. I'm grateful I've survived excessive heat with no air conditioning in my car for me and my dog. I'm grateful winter isn't here yet as I will have no heat. I'm grateful for nature and the beauty so many ppl don't see as life is so stressful for them rushing here and there to pay for all the things they have. Mortgages, Car and Boat payments etc etc. think you for this video because yes some days I just look at the beauty I'm surrounded by when I want to cry for a home I don't have.

    • @angelh4212
      @angelh4212 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Love your courage and your perspective! Stay strong

    • @OneAdam12Adam
      @OneAdam12Adam หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      I feel you. We never expect some the most horrific things to happen to us. Our animals are God sent

    • @tiffanybluetarot
      @tiffanybluetarot หลายเดือนก่อน

      🙏

  • @lesliejoyce1944
    @lesliejoyce1944 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    It is such a service how Dr Ramani keeps reminding us of the web of ways we blame the victim. Including self blame. When we blame the victim we do not have to help them, and victims know not to ask for anything or they’ll be punished. These days the stakes are super high. Some kinds of narcissistic abuse will leave victims unhoused and destitute with no way to survive. There are no services available. We can’t “gratitude” our way out of that.

    • @lindac6919
      @lindac6919 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      It's nice and neat to blame the victim. No one has to change...except the victim.

  • @donthateonblake
    @donthateonblake หลายเดือนก่อน +27

    Love your work ❤

  • @JONNIE-u5u
    @JONNIE-u5u หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    This was drilled into my head “I cried because I had no shoes until I saw a man without a foot.” What horrible saying this keeps you in a loop of never complaining about how horribly I was treated. It’s forced silence and lying about how having to suck it up.

  • @mariehughey5390
    @mariehughey5390 หลายเดือนก่อน +22

    My narcissistic sister has never wanted to hear my feelings unless I was tearing the man in my life down. She triangulated my entire family of origin against me 20+ years ago. I didn’t understand what was happening until early 2023 thanks to TH-cam doctors. But I did something right a few years ago she was hoovering, acting like nothing ever happened. She stated not wanting to blame but live peacefully in gratitude. I replied that I thought that was a great idea and that we could do that quite well completely independently of each other. And I meant it.

  • @sharicoburn5475
    @sharicoburn5475 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    Patience is only a virtue in heavy traffic, the DMV, and any waiting times. NOT with problematic people!

  • @lt827
    @lt827 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

    One of the finest combinations of videos. Worth watching a second time.

  • @yukio_saito
    @yukio_saito หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    The more patient you are, the more harmful it is.

  • @DeborahOlander
    @DeborahOlander หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    I am grateful to be free. I am grateful I no longer have to interact with these damaging people.

  • @beatlebarb64
    @beatlebarb64 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    everything is one-sided in the relationship - it feeds your sense of no worth - finally was discarded after 13 years - thankful for this now!

  • @dk5755
    @dk5755 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

    I can finally enjoy being grateful and appreciative of things in “my own way”! The ex used to criticize and demean me for not broadcasting my gratefulness for him to hear. I felt I was expected to list off moments of gratitude I felt throughout the day just so he could judge the things I should and should not be grateful for, and criticize me for things he think weren’t “right”. I was expected to see the world exactly as he did, or else I was wrong and/or crazy. I tried explaining to him that gratitude is a feeling and doesn’t have to be shared in order to “prove” it exists, or that I felt/feel it. 🤦🏼‍♀️

    • @kathleenferguson3296
      @kathleenferguson3296 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      "You should be GRATEFUL!"

    • @dk5755
      @dk5755 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@kathleenferguson3296 most definitely I am!

  • @22Too
    @22Too หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    You GLOW in that gold/yellow hue, Dr. Ramani!

  • @paradiseacres9724
    @paradiseacres9724 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    "...like trying to find a contact lens in a swimming pool." Wow! No truer words...

  • @tamarazwinak
    @tamarazwinak หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    People can change. They can but in the case of a narcissist, they won't! Grateful for you, Dr Armani. Thank you.

  • @sjohan7835
    @sjohan7835 29 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    Really well said. Complex & so apt ❤

  • @Jay-ql4gp
    @Jay-ql4gp หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    I know I got revenge by getting out. But she called me a few weeks ago. I didn't realize it until about an hour after she called. But it still filled me with a stab of fear, anxiety, and anger. I need to change her name in my phone to Mother. Because she was never my mom. She's a vengeful shrieking harpy. And I don't ever want to see her again. Thank you!

    • @greercarroll7967
      @greercarroll7967 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Change it to her first name, go nuts 😅

    • @tiffanybluetarot
      @tiffanybluetarot หลายเดือนก่อน

      I changed mine to ‘Do Not Answer’.

  • @maevebutler4641
    @maevebutler4641 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    Thank you, Dr.Ramini. I needed to hear your video today
    I am so very grateful to you. ❤

  • @cellohood
    @cellohood หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for posting this excellent and very helpful video and thank TH-cam!

  • @vivianwalpole2271
    @vivianwalpole2271 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thank you for this podcast! I am healing from narcissist abuse. I left a 36 year marriage and successful business in 2011! Left me in financial distress! Married my high school sweetheart at 17! Way too young to get married. I raised three beautiful and successful daughters. Started my new life at 52 and had to learn how to provide for myself. Became a Business Development Executive and doing well for myself. It's been a long hard 14 years of finding myself.Healing is a slow process! It's crazy to hear you speak, as it echos my past experiences with the ex. I'm not and was not crazy! lol I appreciate all that you are doing! Keep educating those of us who continue in the hard work of becoming healthy and whole. I am in a relationship with a man but find that I question myself if I pick the right man. My guard is still up!

  • @annetteencalada2667
    @annetteencalada2667 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    😊 Wow, I needed to hear this. Thank you❤

  • @timothystephenson6631
    @timothystephenson6631 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Thanks! You are the Aunt Ramani I didn’t know I have. You very well have saved so many of us. ❤️

  • @sparkygump
    @sparkygump หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    I waited 10 years, trying to fix things. In the end, it was euphoric recall and it was never going to change back. Of course, she discarded me after I lost patience with her act.

  • @kimlightner
    @kimlightner หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    This is such a helpful video and also validating what I’ve been feeling. Reading these comments also make me feel like I’m not alone. Thank you for providing the insight and this space. Much gratitude…🙏

  • @skatscat1954
    @skatscat1954 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thank you for all you’ve shown me!! Still working on myself at 70 years old. But I have had some success and you really helped me!!! Thanks!!!❤

  • @lizsanchez2416
    @lizsanchez2416 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    This is a great podcast Dr. Ramani, thank you, this allows me to see things more clearly.

  • @NorinneWong
    @NorinneWong หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Thank you for your dedicated research & sharing actionable wisdom so the abused may wake up to heal positively. Please take good care of yourself through all of this giving out consistently.❤❤🙏

  • @TienLam-t6b
    @TienLam-t6b หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Dear Dr. Ramini 💐,
    I agreed with you "FOCUSING" ONTO ONE'S OWN LIFE ...Unfortunately, NO ONE HAS THE LUXURY to live on an island by himself/herself or even itself..Therefore, the interactions and headon collisions CANNOT BE AVOIDED unless we are WISELY to manage and regulate ourselves preventing Unfortunately Accidents of 💥..Period..

  • @anitarotheram1993
    @anitarotheram1993 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

    Dr Ramani has helped me “rescue” my life. 🙏👏

  • @sianhowells30
    @sianhowells30 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Just thank you thank you always get something out of every video Dr Ramani 🙏 you have such a natural athentic warm way of doing these videos ...

  • @deborahcaron8841
    @deborahcaron8841 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    In a relationship with a narcissist if you don’t praise them and act grateful they attack you as unappreciative and uncaring. 😢

  • @devorahrose782
    @devorahrose782 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    OMG the commercials on your channel are so much more frequent than when I started listening a couple of years back... I'm glad you're more popular than ever and I share your videos so often because the free value is a life saver. AND, the commercials so frequently make it more difficult to listen while washing dishes etc etc.
    Mostly I'm grateful for the lesson in recognition of this pattern

    • @BetjeWolff-v2s
      @BetjeWolff-v2s หลายเดือนก่อน

      Oh ! My answer disappeared. It was completely innocent, no idea why it is removed.
      Sunday evening there was no commercial at all. Now it is monday morning local time, and there are 2 commercials every 2 minutes. So, apparently it has nothing to do with dr Ramani, it seems to be regulated by the provider. Probably my answer will be removed again. I'm not aware that I offend anyone with it.

  • @andron967
    @andron967 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    I think that we are awakening. And there is something much bigger than what we acknowledge as ourselves staging our growth. My life sucks as far as what most people seem to value. But growth, big or small is what I want. Sometimes I feel like I've slid backwards. OK . But I wouldn't change my past path. Not one step. And I'm trying to choose my steps now and in the future far more carefully.

    • @JasonGoldstein78
      @JasonGoldstein78 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Sounds like you have begun a spiritual awakening.

  • @lordfreerealestate8302
    @lordfreerealestate8302 หลายเดือนก่อน +17

    People expect that the trauma will make you stronger, people expect there to be a deadline for you to be healed by, and think one round of therapy or meds will solve everything. And if you can't live up to any of those things, people compare you to other survivors and act like it's your fault you haven't pulled yourself together by now. Everyone heals at different paces and differently in general. There are many factors that make people more likely to heal faster than others - like access to resources, a support network, life factors, etc.
    I know someone who was told "It's been a year now, why haven't you gotten over it?" To someone who's brother passed away a year ago.
    People often place more expectations on victims - to recover fast, to forgive, to respond and react perfectly - than upon the abusers and the systems and people who enable them. And it creates a culture where ab*sers have more power and victims suffer more.

  • @VirginiaHartwick
    @VirginiaHartwick หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Your book is life changing. Amazing. Thank you thank you 🙏🏼

  • @CJbrieflittlecandle
    @CJbrieflittlecandle หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    When it’s not a conversation, just a lot of people talking about you behind your back

  • @privateprivate8366
    @privateprivate8366 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    I do try to be grateful about these small things. I know we’re moving to a more narcissistic and spartan life of, “You don’t need anything, but 5 jobs to scrape by.” Its part of the reason I have pets. They help me keep in touch, with the small, almost unnoticeable and beautiful. The warmth and tenderness, so many of us have to relinquish to abuse.

    • @rafiki7334
      @rafiki7334 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Animals are a gift! They teach us love, understanding, prioritising the needs of a dependant, bridging differences in understanding and also respecting that everyone has individual needs and personality

    • @privateprivate8366
      @privateprivate8366 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@rafiki7334 yes, I get this more, from animals, than people. I’ve often said that it feels as if we’re switching places or they’re evolving past us.

    • @rafiki7334
      @rafiki7334 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@privateprivate8366 i think its bc humans are stuck in fight/flight while being intelligent, but also ignorant of themselves or deeper reasons why theyre in those modes. Meanwhile animals only go into fight/flight when necessary for survival. Animals have set body language, humans are different from person to person. I hope you can get as much understanding and love from some likeminded humans as well as your animals

  • @sushmayen
    @sushmayen หลายเดือนก่อน +28

    Proverbs doesn't apply to narcissist. Wise sayings weren't made keeping them in mind.

    • @rwilliams638
      @rwilliams638 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      When they speak of “fools” or “foolish men” in Proverbs. Replace the word “fool” with “narcissist”.

  • @Andrea-HeIsKing
    @Andrea-HeIsKing หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    Dr Ramani, peppers will live and produce indefinitely.( Most, I think). Plants have feelings (sense energies) just like every living, miraculous thing on our planet. Now that IS AMAZING.His creation is something to be grateful for. Thank you Dr Ramani for ALL you do. We ❤ you!!!😊

  • @kcren38
    @kcren38 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Patience without progress is enablement and self entrapment. Only patience with real progress is a virtue.

  • @sueanncrawford6217
    @sueanncrawford6217 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

    My saying is don’t pray for patience or God will give you something to be patient about

  • @karenwalkowicz785
    @karenwalkowicz785 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Thank you, I am grateful for these videos.

  • @KristaAnderson-ex6jz
    @KristaAnderson-ex6jz หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    In my experience forgiveness was perceived as weakness…as ‘you don’t have the guts to leave’. He worsened his behavior each time forgiveness was given for a large issue

    • @AnnGreen-o9e
      @AnnGreen-o9e หลายเดือนก่อน

      Forgiveness is supposed to be AFTER THEY HAVE ASKED FOR FORGIVENESS. I couldn't imagine any narcissistic person asking for Forgiveness because that would mean acknowledging that they had done something wrong.
      Forgiveness is one thing, reconciliation reconciliation

  • @carolynjaynes9094
    @carolynjaynes9094 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani. I'm grateful I no longer have narcissistic people in my life. If you can say the same, I congratulate you on your triumphant victory!

  • @Unit13FREMSLT
    @Unit13FREMSLT หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I completely transformed my experience with my narcissistic mother into something good. Something I'm truly grateful for. It taught me how to spot a lie almost instantly, situational awareness that I used while working in emergency services and to this very day, self sufficiency and reliance, resilience during adversity and danger, maintain my composure and mental acuity no matter how chaotic or dangerous things get. I now view the experiences as a training mission that prepared me for life. Instead of all the resentful anger I held for her it has transformed into compassion and yes, gratefulness. Thanks mom for the insanity, it taught me well.

  • @steveanhiron6764
    @steveanhiron6764 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Your service to humanity is commendable . Thankyou .

  • @soniajunkfood7946
    @soniajunkfood7946 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

    Exactly you aren’t their shrink and me I saw psychologists and psychiatrists. Contrary to my whole family. I tried to understand. All they did was destroy.

  • @makaylahollywood3677
    @makaylahollywood3677 หลายเดือนก่อน

    A pamphlet titled “Resilience” from a hospital chapel read: Resilience is a gift you give yourself.
    I read it front to back. Words that settled warmly in my heart.
    A booklet meant for grief of the sick or the dieing..made its way into my hands.

  • @marysisak2359
    @marysisak2359 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

    10:35 "There is no virtue in being a psychological punching bag for another person." Sometimes I used to think "You do not need to hit me with that club, hand it to me and I'll do it myself." Said like a true scapegoat.

  • @lorianttila9698
    @lorianttila9698 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    💯 nailed it. Ty for hearing us and giving us a voice and a light to navigate with.

  • @cherrybacon3319
    @cherrybacon3319 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I'm grateful for the little things in life that give me peace. 🍒

  • @heathercrosser9686
    @heathercrosser9686 7 วันที่ผ่านมา

    I am so grateful to you Dr. Ramani. You have been such a lifesaver. Thank you! 💜

  • @sandyfarrow7752
    @sandyfarrow7752 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    Doc. I dated a narc on and off for 5 years. Me trying to get away from him. Causing me so much anxiety, my family doctor sent me to a psychologist Who couldnt actually diagnose him but showed me the proof. He told me to get him out of my life, said it wouldnt be easy.. He has numerous prison times that he lied about. He was using me to clean up his reputation. Whenthe shit hit the fan, he new I had told my family what he was doing, so if something happened to me, he would be suspect #1. This causes PTSD. I finally told him I had hired an attorney and if he ever contacted me again, we would file charges.

    • @TheRater3
      @TheRater3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I found out mine also had a criminal past. He also did unethical things with his job and falsifying documents. My therapist said he may also have ASD. It sounds like yours could be the same.

  • @Beanp2025
    @Beanp2025 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thank you for your steadfast unwavering support for us, you are spot on, most well-meaning people around us shame us for not being patient, forgiving, understanding, compassionate etc enough to the narcissists.

  • @TheSocialMole
    @TheSocialMole 20 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Well, since we're talking about gratitude, I'm really thankful for you and your channel (and all the people involved in it) ❤ hopefully I'll be able to donate more as I heal, and get my life together again, with your help 😊

  • @EStarLee.isfree
    @EStarLee.isfree หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thank you Dr Ramani. My family wants me to forgive my violent abusive evil husband. Your videos and book are so validating for me. All those years ago if I had acted on the times of suicidal ideation that he had reduced me to, (a cheerful, happy, positive person) my children would have had no mother. That doesn’t deserve forgiveness. Yes, I was a mega forgiver for 36 years. Not anymore.

  • @ladychiffa4400
    @ladychiffa4400 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    "You know, people go on and on about, like, you have to forgive and forget to move past something. No, you don't. You don't have to forgive and you don't have to forget to move on. You can move on without any of those things happening. You just become indifferent, and then you move on."
    Taylor Swift
    The quote I totally empathize with!

  • @Thedisgardedoptimist
    @Thedisgardedoptimist หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Patience cost me 14 years this last time...
    Just like that....
    Then it took more patience to accept that my patience was a catalyst to the abuse I endured...
    It's all messed up -
    Patience is a virtue now to heal...
    Thanks Doc!......

  • @keariewashburn4680
    @keariewashburn4680 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Patience with yourself used in understanding your own needs. With strength to move forward away from the narcissist.

  • @estudio93
    @estudio93 20 วันที่ผ่านมา

    I really love your channel I really love you, Dr. Ramani, You are really changing the world. I’m 44 years old and this is not about escaping or even Karma if I don’t beat the narcissist they’re gonna kill me. My parents managed to torture me seriously for 10 years and then I got a stroke but I have money I work a lot because I had childhood PTSD and to be honest if you escape escape one narcissistic relationship you’re gonna fall into the next one. The reality is that this is war

  • @Silvia-tj5ks
    @Silvia-tj5ks หลายเดือนก่อน

    I’m grateful to you that you dedicate your life to inform us❤. It saves my life and that of my children. So, thank you dr.Ramani

  • @jrhc3827
    @jrhc3827 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    I find myself being less nice to the narcissist, which backfires cuz then I ruminate. I just have less patience for her; less time; less kindness in my voice. I just don't like her very much! And I'm a straight-shooter, so putting a fake smile on my face or in my voice is nearly impossible. I don't want to end up feeling guilty for less than upstanding behavior. It's all such a viscious circle, and I am exhausted. Compassion for self. Yes. Trying that. ;) Feels icky, though. Feels like I'm boo-hooing about being a victim, which is a narcissist thing to do. Yuck.

    • @susanbradleyskov9179
      @susanbradleyskov9179 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I get it, but you’re on your way. Maybe you can learn to think about something that makes you feel good, smile at that and let them pretend it’s for them. They are good at that. Just don’t tell them it’s nothing to do with them. You don’t have to be honest with them.

    • @lindac6919
      @lindac6919 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Feeling hurt and betrayed because you were abused, isn't narcissistic.
      Narky Nark Nark PRETENDS to be a victim, just to get the charity and energy from others.

  • @GinaRogers-cb3sg
    @GinaRogers-cb3sg หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Love you Dr. Ramani!

  • @TheoSwinford
    @TheoSwinford หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    Why is it that I still miss my narcissistic mom? I’ve worked so hard to distance myself and set boundaries, and yet now that I’m away from her I miss her.

    • @lindac6919
      @lindac6919 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      You always missed her. She was never there for you.
      And that hasn't changed.

    • @WildWoodsGirl65
      @WildWoodsGirl65 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Indoctrination. We are brainwashed early that we love someone based on a role plus they did just enough to prop that up though the harms counteract it. It will pass, if you use supportive self talk reminding why you stay separate & why you are so much more worthy of real rather than false love. Self love, self care, and practice maintaining boundaries despite passing wishes for what should be. Linda is right.
      Keep that space open & gradually clear it, similar to a letting go grieving process, the Stockholm Syndrome will pass.

  • @ho8097
    @ho8097 หลายเดือนก่อน

    0:18 - Patience
    10:39 - Gratitude
    21:54 - Compassion
    30:37 - Forgiveness

  • @TheLove1Makes
    @TheLove1Makes หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thanks for the breakdown of terms.

  • @NancyBrown1975
    @NancyBrown1975 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Narcissists purposely, strategically, work to make us the bad person. I have seen the conversation shifted away from the narcissist so many times to the one that brought something up. It’s so true they do this. The only thing being compassionate to the narcissist and forgiving them does is enable them to grow bigger narcissism and do more and more escalating harm.

    • @bereal6590
      @bereal6590 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      It's taken me nearly 6 decades, a d.v. relationship, medical trauma, loosing my job, my friends, and ultimately my health now I'm housebound with chronic illness to finally see my mother's narcissism. Your comment hit home as in they work very hard to construct the narrative that we are the bad person. That directly and indirectly is what my mother has done. Her being her and passing on the pathology is what ruined my life. At this point I'm thinking she is delusional as her ability to twist reality is bonkers.

  • @darlenesmith7487
    @darlenesmith7487 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    “ Than an interesting twist” “ finally fall from grace” “get their karma” “The rub”. “Revenge fantasy” “Revenge on schedule”. “Pinnacle of indifference”. “You Got Out”!!!
    Dr. Ramandi, Thank you for your depth of experience on this topic and sharing original content with vulnerability and love. Stay safe. ❤ ❤

  • @hollisarabryant8149
    @hollisarabryant8149 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    We call them narcissists, but really, they are abusers. Let's call it mental abuse. I'm tired of giving them consideration. I'm glad I see them now and the game. I also see the pathetic people that they really are as well. I'm so glad my instincts were spot on.

  • @Chickching
    @Chickching หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thank you. Much respect ❤

  • @marysisak2359
    @marysisak2359 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    Narcissistic abuse victim: Kind of like "Beat me, beat me, It feels so good when you stop."

    • @lindac6919
      @lindac6919 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      It feels better to be abused, than to be nothing, to no one.

    • @marysisak2359
      @marysisak2359 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@lindac6919 so true. you get so used to it, it feels normal

  • @skachor
    @skachor หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Karma is a great equalizer. It takes the rules someone follows in life and weaponizes them right back at them.

  • @mdrb823
    @mdrb823 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Patience is a virtue: it is virtuous of me to be patient with myself as I heal 💅👑

  • @englishplan1445
    @englishplan1445 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I am grateful I can learn from your words🎈

  • @Ozy-te1rr
    @Ozy-te1rr หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    I did all my best to change my mom I’m54 Today and went no contact for a year thanks to D Ramani

  • @livinggood6876
    @livinggood6876 17 วันที่ผ่านมา

    The more patient we are, the more our life will drain away.

  • @wildhorses6817
    @wildhorses6817 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Definiteky not forgiving them, I did that and the Betrayals were even worse. Just stay away. They are very Damaged creatures.

  • @KillTheFear
    @KillTheFear หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    Can you talk about how the Narcissist (I was married to an abusive covert) plans the story they want and baits you to try and make it play out? I have noticed this with Overts and Coverts. You can even spot what they are going to do I'm hopes you respond how they want. (My ex wife tried for years to get me to say "Your feeling dont matter". In 2021 when she was talking about her feelings on how physics works I fell it. She smiled a huge smile and immediately got rid of it with a fake angry face and the next day blasted me all over Social Media about how her husband who should love and care for her said her feelings dont matter. She didn't tell them the context was about quantum locking and she didnt like that particles could do that. Just that I said her feelings didn't matter as physics will work they way they work despite if we like it or not.

    • @susanbradleyskov9179
      @susanbradleyskov9179 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      This is almost funny. I hope you can roll your eyes and smile to yourself when she can’t see it.

  • @carrino15
    @carrino15 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Because of my narc neighbour that likely did criminal actions towards children by tricking them home, have made me have to root up my life and move very quickly. It is so stressful and i am so done with narc people, there is no patience left.

  • @PsychePedia-h6r
    @PsychePedia-h6r 20 วันที่ผ่านมา

    This suggests that in addition to having to recover from trauma, survivors may also face social pressures or unrealistic expectations, which can actually worsen their recovery process. Such an approach is important because it helps raise awareness and empathy, as well as reduce stigma towards those who experience toxic relationships.

  • @LeneGrstad
    @LeneGrstad หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thank you Dr. Ramani; for helping me thrue all this mess ❤ from Denmark

  • @Annakneedtunobasis
    @Annakneedtunobasis หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Patience is a virtue. Be aware though that anyone with ulterior motives will use any good thing as a weapon to use against others. That's what the evil doers and the devils minions do. Jmo.

  • @asiars6348
    @asiars6348 10 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Great video, thank you :)

  • @Tia.victoriaa_
    @Tia.victoriaa_ หลายเดือนก่อน

    I needed to hear this. Thank you