This is a fascinating story. I am impressed with the ease with which you talk about personal issues such as breasts, menstruation and mood changes. It seems to me that your account of going on and off testosterone could be valuable to doctors in several related fields.
I just want to say that usually i cant sit through a long video of someone talking but the way you speak and your voice is just captivating. It also helps that you have amazing eyes and your smile is to die for.
Thank you for this--your thoroughness, clarity, and story-telling ability definitely benefit your viewers. And isn't it interesting the malleability of the human body!
wow. I don't know what has been said in other comments, but your videos are so refreshing because I see they are real and full of substance. it's exactly what I needed to hear. I really appreciate your ability to communicate your feelings and your insight is spot on. I admire your humility. I would love to hear more spiritual aspects of your journey... really anything you have said is quality and I feel honored to have even been able to contact you . I thought I was going to transition but didn't four years ago. I no longer live in despair and dysphoria about my body or my gender but it still everything still is confusing to me.
I appreciate these videos so much, they are just what I've been needing. Been struggling a lot with my gender and I don't honestly believe I'm trans, however I don't feel like I "fit" within any gender role and it's difficult and confusing. There are many parts of me that are male, but many female parts is well. I can't imagine making the decision to... pick, so to speak. I can't imagine trying to rewrite history, to some extent I feel like it's too late and I'll never be fully satisfied with myself if I don't change something inside of me. I wish I could just somehow be both and be accepting of my body and have others be accepting and understanding of my differences. Your videos have given me a lot of insight into the FtM lifestyle. I don't know if I'll ever be happy with my gender but hearing stories helps me get through my dizzying thoughts and emotions. Thank you.
I feel exactly the same. Not quite trans....though not male or female... Sometimes I feel like I have two souls in one body...instead of feeling like my soul doesn't match my body. if that makes sense.
Your videos are so insanely helpful.. I really appreciate you and your strength in sharing these stories. I've been wanting to take Testosterone solely for looking more masculine and deepening my voice.. And as disheartening as it is knowing I'd wouldn't be able to be as androgynous or as masculine as I'd like to be from taking it.. Like I'm glad I found this video because I wasn't able to find anything about starting and then stopping it. I guess I'm stuck looking how I do, I mean it seems the only thing that really stayed for you is your voice.. and that'd be insanely helpful for me, but.. It wouldn't really be worth taking it just to get a lower voice. I'm non-binary, but I'm constantly struggling with my looks, and my voice, I have NEVER had someone question my gender or refer to me as male when first meeting me.. I have to constantly say my pronouns and my gender... But there's NOTHING I can do about it besides taking testosterone. At least that's what I thought. But even if I take it, it seems like I'll just end back where I started eventually... Thanks for the video though. It's nice to at least know I don't have to waste my time.
+hellaciouslyrad Everyone reacts to T differently. As soon as I took T my menstrual cycle was gone, I had full on facial hair in 3 months. I wasnt emotional anymore. Nothing made me cry and nothing made me mad. etc etc.. Then again, I must have already had more T than most women because I would be taken as guy every now and then without even trying. I know that very feminine people post T take longer to have changes appear... I am actually considering stopping T because of my family. It sucks to have everyone around you support you except the people that you care about the most in your life. You just want T to change your voice tho ???
Sei Wot Naoh That just happens to be an important part of it. I want to be more masculine, and having facial hair is a completely neutral thing for me. I could do with or without. The voice is basically just my *first* concern though... because even if I can make myself look very masculine, as soon as I speak everyone starts calling me She, and Her, and it's very disheartening. I'm honestly relatively androgynous, I can pass as a really young cis boy if I try, but that's about it.. but if I speak they instantly refer to me with stereotypical feminine pronouns. I feel like overall having outside changes will make me feel a lot better, even though I don't want to get any surgery or anything.
As promised, I am back. I love this video, and even more, hearing what it is that you have to say. Not all of of us will transition, I still have a lot to question myself. I like to hear the honesty that comes from people, and you did this here. People need to hear all aspects of what a trans life entails, and even if someone physically transitions, it does not always offer a free pass to happiness. Hearing all the aspects of transition including detransition is real and it gives people like me comfort to see more sides of the story. I can see that even if I do not transition......we are all the same, and I do not have to feel like I am alone. ( .^_^. )
Wonderful video. I'm on the precipice of my own gender journey, and your insights and experiences are of great help. You also have a very nice way about you. Many thanks, and looking forward to hearing more from you!
impfish I'm very touched by your comment. You said so little, but you said so much. Were you an English major, by chance? I hope your gender journey turns out to be full of adventure.
Thanks for sharing! I hope you will upload the next video you mentioned in this one - it would be very interesting to hear about your reasons to get off from testosterone.
what's the next video called? has anyone ever told you that you're a great storyteller, btw? normally people dont have me for the whole video, let alone two back to back. also, has your voice remained deep, was it naturally deep, or? i have a pretty low voice for a female, and i've always thought i sounded masculine, even since i was a child, even though people tell me i don't. so like i've always been curious how deep my voice would be if i was a guy.
I just watched your other video first on "why I quit testosterone" which I thought was good.. I think you express yourself very well, and I especially liked the other video about who we really are, our ideas of what should be, what really is,, I'm not saying like you did, of course, but I was very impressed.. I subscribed and will watch your others in the near future. Thanks for posting.
wow very touching and sincere coming from the heart story telling! Im touched by your journey! Good luck to you whatever path you take in life! You seem to be a well adjusted kid, so hopefully, you wont have too much problem adjusting. I hope your family and loved ones are with you throughout your journey! Take care! Thanks for the video upload. Please keep us updated. YOU ARE SPECIAL, WHATEVER and WHOEVER YOU ARE AND WHATEVER and WHOEVER YOU WILL BECOME IN THE FUTURE! Stay positive!
OMG, you are sooooo Gorgeous!!!! This was an awsome and amazingly informative video. Thank You for sharing this with us. Best of luck to you on your new journey of self discovery. 🙏
WOW! you have one of the most enjoyable videos on TH-cam!! Thank you so much for letting us in and sharing your life's journey. There is something about your confidence and androgynous look that really draw me in. In a non gender way. Like truly listening to your words and experiences without gender attached. (I hope that made sense) Anyways thank you again for sharing and can't wait for your next video. Subscribed!
Hi there...I'm a mom to 4 great kids. ..(boy 22, biy18, girl 17, boy 14). Its a huge long story. But my daughter came out as gay in october and 3 weeks ago told us that she believes she is transgender. I won't lie...I'm a bit freaked out. But I love my child completely and unconditionally...so right now I'm just trying to get educated.....knowledge is empowering and extremely comforting to me. I'm wondering...how old are you? Are your parents supportive? Did you think you were gay at first too, like my daughter? Ans most importantly. ...are you happy? Although you sound so mature and calming in your video....I can't help but wonder if you are sad. Good luck...I have subscribed and will keep watching..hugs
Heather Hanson I'm so glad you reached out. It is true that "being transgender" has become an increasingly popular trend inside the young lesbian community. It's difficult to know if some are just following the tide, or if they are "truly trans." However, I don't believe it's our job to screen them-to see if they're right, or if they're just confused. I'm afraid if you tell them they're "not transgender," they might feel pressure to prove you wrong, and thus make a premature decision. The best you can offer is complete support for their exploration (as every exploration of our human selves is worth it, and deserves understanding), so they won't feel pressure to make a decision one way or the other. If your child is not transgender, the difficulty of this path will deter them in time. If they are transgender, they really, really need you right now. Heck, they really need you right now anyway. Let this play out; let them reveal themselves to you (and find themselves, in the process). I am 26. I never came out to my parents as gay, because the word never seemed to quite fit. I knew myself to be male (in some sense) from a very early age, but never attempted to voice it. I came out as trans 4 years ago now. My parents were not supportive, and remain that way today. We have mostly lost contact. It's no doubt: this road is not easy. It's not for the thin-skinned, and those of us with no family support experience a lonelier path than others. I've spent years with the "why me?" syndrome, and often just wanted to be "normal." Only recently have I found happiness in my trial, and tried to make it mean something more than just..."I was born with a defect." This doesn't have to be an exclusively painful or lonely journey, and your support for your child right now can be that difference. I'm sorry I don't have more concrete advice to offer. I have never been a parent, and can only imagine how trying this is for you.
Wow you are insightful for your young age. Thank you for your advice....you put everything that i want to be for my child into words. I am glad that you found peace and are happy on your journey. I am quite sad for your parents. I see your videos and see a person who is confident and strong. I watched and found myself hoping that my child will have that same surety someday. Even the most open minded parents see their children with blinders on. Right now I am trying desperately to back up and see my daughter the way the rest of the world sees her....pretty awesome. No matter what gender she identifies with. Thanks for your response. I wish you nothing but happiness, love and strength in the future.
Heather Hanson Then you are indeed a good parent. If it helps (for you or your child), here is the video I made for my parents when I came out to them as trans. They had a negative reaction, of course, but I still think the video explains things in the best terms I could've used at the time. Maybe it will resonate with your child's current situation. I gave this to them on a DVD. Only afterward did I upload it to a remote corner of the Internet, to share with close friends when they asked. I feel very moved by your desire for knowledge, and that's all I meant for this video to be: a bridge between parent and child via knowledge. vimeo.com/26816599
Omg...thank you Emma Lee. That just brought tears to my eyes. I'm not perfect...still trying to grasp a hold of this whole thing and getting educated. But one thing is certain...I love my children completely and unconditionally. I have made mistakes....but mostly out of love....and I'm not afraid to admit to those mistakes. Sadly..im not convinced that my daughter sees me that way. She is struggling and takes a lot of her frustrations out on me...you know what they say about hurting those that are closest to you. Sometimes its hard...but I always try to see things her way....that helps me carry the load a little bit easier. For any parents out there. ...my first and most important step was to accept that this really doesn't have anything to do with me and my parenting etc...It's not my "fault"....that is the most important step for us parents...once you remove the guilt the rest is a whole lot easier. Still learning...still not perfect. Thanks again...its so nice to hear that. Hugs
Hello. I love hearing many perspectives and am looking forward to your story which is not very common. You appear to be frank and insightful. I will be transitioning starting June of this year for top surgery. I have yet to take testosterone or take any other measures. Thank you for sharing and look forward to a little exchange if possible.
I would love to chat with you about testosterone and your upcoming surgery, Promise4U123. Send me a private message on my About page if you have any specific questions before my next video comes out. Thanks for watching
Hi! I have never heard anyone speak on TH-cam about being off of T. Especially for a year and give details. I look forward to your next vlog. At this time I wonder if you gave T enough time. Maybe you would have learned more about your emotions, etc. over time. And then would have been able to work through some of the things you mentioned. Only the best for you. Anthony
I'm actually genderfluid (identify as both male and female) and my spouse is also nonbinary, but identifies more as Agender. I was curious about my level of discomfort as female (dysphoria) and wanted to know if testosterone therapy might relieve this and what happens if I change my mind. I am curious abut when the voice changes back too because I sing, but I am worried that doing this would just move me from one type of discomfort into another type f discomfort. I've often wondered if the answer for me would be top (but not bottom) surgery. I guess you can't really give me these answers but we appreciate your bravery and this video. Being informed can help in many ways. So thank you!
Oh also I thought your descriptions of what happened when you went off Testoterone, in this video, were interesting, since I am new to understanding exactly what happens when you go on it.. Certainly the stamina aspect sounds wonderful. I would hate to give that up. Still the opposing situation also has its benefits as you pointed out, the perceived ability to feel, I guess is what you were saying... wish I could watch more today but I need to get off computer, Best to you.
Hey there. I just came out as trans* and am seriously considering starting T. However, I have a lot of things I'm trying to sort out... the whole gender thing is crazy. I look forward to your follow-up video & to hear about your experiences! Solidarity.
Emerson Rensink , gender indeed is a complicated cluster. Or a very simple cluster with complicated labels. Either way, I hope to help you find what you're looking for. Good work on the GMO front, btw.
thank you for sharing your video. i really want to start T soon, i just havent found a doctor yet, and still dont know much about it. youre a very handsome guy
It's curious, I definitely can't cry since testosterone injections hit my system. However, I am so calm, right now, I've never felt this kind of 'chilled' emotions before.And I don't get angry or I get angry way less. Are you concidering going back on t? I was off for a month and I felt horrible
Emilijus Sebastianas Why did you feel horrible when you went off the T? I remember feeling off-kilter for a few weeks after quitting. I suppose the estrogen was reestablishing itself in my system.
It was more mental than physical I suppose. I felt insecure and alienated. And then after a month or two I hit my muscle with a Nebido injection and felt like a fucking gladiator straight away, in a snap
i swear i could look in your eyes forever. you have the face of a cherub. my goodness! i hate to reduce this entire video to aesthetics, but i was so moved by your beauty. i need to go to bed, so i don't have time to watch a video of this length at the moment. however, as someone who is genderqueer as well, i will return and watch it in its entirety. sending you warm vibes.
No, it doesn't. That's why male to female trans women have to train their voice to be feminine, because the voice changes due to testosterone are irreversible.
I enjoyed your video, it was very interesting and I'd like to hear more in the future. As for my story, it is really just beginning. I have started the surprisingly long journey to begin taking testosterone just recently. I am constantly amazed to hear of the subtle changes our hormones can have on our reactions to things and people- it raises interesting questions about personality and nature. With that said, I'm pretty afraid of seeing changes in myself when I start testosterone. I have a (perhaps irrational) fear of losing myself and becoming somebody that the current me wouldn't like. Again, I'd like to hear more about the emotional changes that you went through on testosterone, perhaps to get an idea of what I'm in for. Take care.
ClockworkRobot100 , I had a similar fear, and it wasn't entirely irrational. But perhaps we don't so much "lose ourselves" as we do "become different selves." Some people say they are "becoming themselves," and their old selves weren't really true. I guess the important question is: are we okay with what we've become? Are we still good people when we change? Tough questions. My next video focuses a lot on the concept of "becoming," and what that really means. I hope you'll keep me updated on your journey as I continue to share mine. Much luck to you.
Cóz X I still have very light hair growth on my face, and I shave about once a month. Clitoral growth (in terms of length only) has also remained. I also still pass as male the vast majority of the time, so perhaps there is some masculine quality left in my face or body that I cannot see myself.
In a sincere way, I look up to you. You're a brave soul. I have a few questions though. When you started taking T, did it feel right? Or did you feel like you were just starting something new? ORR will these questions lead on in the next video? I'm subscribing either way. I want to know your side.
Cori Arview When I started T, it felt like the realization of a dream I'd been dreaming my entire life. It felt exciting and terrifying. And I had hope that it would mean congruence. But as you said, I will touch on these things in my next vid. Thanks for your comment.
I want to know that since you've quit T, do you experience any joint/bone pains? I've heard something about quitting hormones will have an adverse effect on your bones. I want to start T soon.
Gene W. Identity is such an ongoing process, isn't it? By the way, I see that you like Japanese culture. Do you speak any of the language? I was fluent about a year ago; I should really brush up.
BluntedFSharps Yes, it definitely is. But it seems there's a more comfortable point we can find in our own identities that we can rest at, making only minor changes, which is always relaxing to consider. I only know a few words here and there, haha. I wish I knew more, but I don't have as much time to learn. My priority is learning Cantonese because it's the language my gf's family speaks.
Gene W. Cantonese were also written in traditional Chinese characters just that the pronunciation and some expressions will be very different :) I am a Taiwanese and I speak Chinese and Taiwanese and a lil Cantonese because the basic concept is pretty similar lol I think Mainland China is the only country that uses the simplified Chinese characters, but at the same time, it is used pretty widely in western countries since it's easier to write. However, I have to clarify that traditional Chinese characters are the ones that are real Chinese, not those which were simplified because once u simplify them, their true meanings were already gone, they became drawings instead of a language!!
I have a curiosity about Female to Male trans. Don't get me wrong on anything I say here. Im not a trans, but a very vibrant (about to be 30) bisexual. I am curious because at a young age my, now ex, stepfather went through these changes between my ages of 7 and 18. My mother had just come out as gay to me and my younger (by a year and 12 hours) brother when I was 5. Then we introduced her girlfriend and her 3 sons in to our lives. I remember seeing the changes and even helping her wrap her chest on day when he was running late and my mother was not home ( I was the only girl). I can tell someone everything there is to tell about my experience through this, but I can not tell someone about his side of it all. I am interested in what you are putting out here for us to see. I have always wanted to know what it was (is) like on the other side of this and if she ever thought of changing her mind. I just want to say thank you! I went through all this when you had to keep your mouth shut about it, I was not even allowed to let others know my mom was gay. Thank you early 90's. But thank you for putting what you went through out here for us to see and understand.
Yes, everything went back to pre-testosterone size down there. None of the growth or sensation stayed after I quit T. I've heard some trans guys say their growth was permanent, so perhaps it's different with everyone.
lol. first say no. now say yes. confused? are u being honest? how could u not know of growth or shrinkage? i had noticeable growth after 3 months... now I question all prior statements because if u are not aware of growth or shrinkage in your body how real are the answers to your other questions?
celluloidcypher If you'd like to question my honesty, that is your prerogative. For anyone else who'd like to know: on testosterone, the enlarged clit / small penis feels very sensitive and excitable, and becomes engorged rather easily. Off testosterone, the sensation for me is next to nothing, and the enlarged clit is no longer "enlarged." It no longer looks, feels, or functions the way that it did on T. But if we are measuring the length of the flaccid clit / penis in millimeters, the length is probably still the same now that I'm off testosterone.
Hi Jonah. I saw both your videos and I have several questions to ask of you. It'd make a lot more sense to maybe do this over a chat, and if you're ok with that, then it'd be really great. Just in case you're not comfortable doing that I'm gonna ask you what I can think of here. First, I'd like to thank you, a lot, for posting your videos. Things like GID are so much into shadows, even in the minds of people dealing with it directly that any and every discussion helps. My question to you is that when you started on testosterone, like I'm thinking of doing right now, what were your expectations? Like, in my case, I sit around visualizing all these changes on me, and the whole 'cons' part of taking shots kind of seems insignificant to having all of these things happen for real with me. But I am a little doubtful, especially after watching your video, I feel like I might end up arguing the same things against myself, that are you really doing this just for the sake of a pronoun? So, well, while it may not really possible to be 100% sure for everyone, discussing does help. My second question is, well, once you went off them, didn't you miss those changes at all? Finally, is getting off T really worth being called a 'she' in public? Thanks, you're doing a great job!
King Every discussion helps. You're so right. To answer your first question) Before I began testosterone, I used to sit around and visualize bumping into girls I had liked in the past, and them seeing me AS ME for the first time ever, and finding me more attractive with a male physique and facial hair. That did indeed happen, but it felt ingenuine, and I came to realize the REAL ME was me without any added substance-au naturel. I expected to become a new and improved version of myself, but my expectations were unrealistic. The T ended up decreasing my confidence and I ended up missing my face. I feel more attractive and confident as myself in my natural state, without the injections. For your second question) I have missed my strength and endurance the most, but I've had to make up for those things by going to the gym, running, staying active, and eating well. I have not missed the oily skin, acne, coarse hair, different body smell, and body hair that came with testosterone. Granted, there's nothing inherently bad about those qualities, and I WOULD have gotten used to them had I stayed on the T. Third question) I am not called a "she" in public but MAYBE once a month. I am sure most people are confused about what to call me, and then decide on "he" once I open my mouth. My deep voice will never go away, and will aid me in "passing" (whatever the heck that's supposed to mean) for the rest of my life. Learning to deal with that one time a month has absolutely been worth it. Not caring what others think has been its own test, and a very valuable lesson.
Im a pseudo hermaphrodite on T. I have to take it because my body produces less than yours and my bones are fragile from never producing enough T. A female dose of testosterone when your older,like after 23 (no hurry though)when it drops off suddenly for females might save you from later bone problems,which when your older or any age really suck.
To be on injections to complete the transition to LOOK the part comes with serious harm to the body. From your video (well done and truthful), is another difficult decision. I'm glad you made this for others that might be in the same predicament and need some guidance. You are magnificent and brave. You are not alone. Be happy and healthy is the key.
Wow, thank you for posting this video. I've always wanted to know what will happen If I have T and then stop it. I love your eyes btw ^^ very beautiful, I fall for them at first sight~
Perfect. Now I have a crush on some youtube guy I've never met. Ok - let's get serious now ;) thanks for sharing your experience. I didn't even start with T yet, but probably will in about a year. People who talk about detransitioning help me a lot to see what could be my future. I define as genderqueer, so I'll never pass as my gender anyway - the question for me is now, from which side I want to be misgendered. Looking forward to your next video!
dasMaiki, I find it interesting that you may never pass as your gender, because genderqueer, third gender, gender other, non-gender, bi-gender, etc. is not a part of our society's vocabulary. How much our words define our parameters... It's amazing. The term "detransitioning" bothers me a little, though I know it's a word befitting for some folks when they decide to quit T. Detransitioning seems to indicate that I am reversing a previous transition. I plan to talk about that word in a later video. Thanks for the youtube love
+BluntedFSharps hey love ,you are courageous and beautifully designed for the whole world to see you are humble unbiased and honest. . don't ever stop being you the only weirdos are those who don't recognize beauty. Peace.
Beat Mode , I regret that I didn't take many photos during my time on testosterone. But I will definitely add a "before, during, and after" video to my vlog here in the future. Thanks for the excellent suggestion.
You're absolutely handsome and beautiful in every way. I really enjoyed your video and support you with whatever decision you make, as long as you're happy, that's the most important :). (I forgot to say the following) Edit: I can't really relate to all the things you're talking about (the testosterone) because I don't "suffer from" gender identity dysphoria, but as a female, I have been through a certain phase in my life where I thought being someone else (a boy or anything like that) could help me ease all the pain I felt at certain times (so I acted more like one, to others of course I was still a girl). I often wonder if it was just because I love women in particular, even though I don't consider myself as a lesbian, because people are people to me, and I don't feel comfortable with labels at all et cetera. I think the feeling of not fitting in anywhere just hurts us the most and in that way I can relate, often this is one of the only reasons why we change ourselves (without wanting to generalize here), in order to get some acceptance, (because people like stereotyping and if you don't belong anywhere "you're out".). If I may be curious. Do you have/had the feeling you had to change yourself FOR yourself (in the end), or because of the fact that people don't see you as how you see yourself? And if people would see YOU as how you see yourself, would you still feel the urge to change your physical self? How is that for you? Excuse me for the lack of structure in my comment.
Byul I know you asked him, but as a female I had really bad acne. As I transitioned to male, my acne was even worse, way worse than female puberty. I drank lots of water and I prayed 😂 a lot!! But eventually after 2 years, it like went away. It was a dark hold for a long time. The first year I had the worst face acne, I’m talking; pepperoni pizza. But, like I said, your body gets used to the t, and eventually you stop breaking out. I still get acne, but not awful, awful acne like at 6mo on t.
Hi. I have a lot of complex feelings, both about gender and sexuality, and I've spent the last few years trying to put so many labels on myself and NONE of them fit. Every time I make a decision something happens which makes me doubt it all over again. I've come to realise recently that I don't WANT to be put into a box or put a label on myself. I really wish that the world would just be completely gender neutral so that pronouns, names and stereotypes wouldn't really matter anymore.. sorry haha. I was just wondering what your thoughts on gender/sexuality are. But if they're going in your next video anyway don't worry. But thank you for this video. It was really inspiring and I've come to realise there are a lot more choices.
crazi4yu I can empathize with your disdain for labels. I too wish that gender mattered so little that we didn't need therapy, surgery, vlogs, marches, suicide prevention measures, and days for remember hate crime victims. I will discuss some of my personal views in the next video. Thanks for your comment
Well hello. /Justin Bieber hair flip/ I halted progress for a short while because of my busy work schedule. The second video is definitely still in the works, and will be published soon. Thanks for keeping an eye out.
about the anger issues and not being as emotional (crying), i think it depends on what brand of t you take, me for example were really cold before t and now i think everything about animals and cartoons(for kids) are cute, and get teared eyes if someone tells me a sad story(about kids or animals). i am more happy and confident now then before t, only times i am moody is around when i take my shoot(before and after) i take nebido(10 weeks between every shoot) and other ppl that take nebido, seem to change a lot like me. we also get a beard faster, and the monthly cycle stops for most of us who take nebido after a month (like myself). But maybe i am wrong it can be genes too because the ppl who take nebido is uk and Scandinavian, so maybe we change different, even if we had taken same brands as the ppl in america.
The lengthening of my vocal chords has been permanent, so the deepness in my voice hasn't changed since going off T. I will say, however, that I've noticed a slight change in tonal quality. In politically incorrect terms, I sound more like a "gay man" now than I did on T, but that can be attributed to any number of things outside of testosterone. Thanks for your question, Nakedcrap .
***** I heard there was something called a laryngoplasty that many MTFs do to feminize their voice, I don't know how effective this surgery is. If it does work on an MTF wouldnt it work on a detransitioing FTM (FTMTF) to regain somewhat of a feminine voice
Y o u r v o i c e
its literally the most soothing thing i've heard in my life
This is a fascinating story. I am impressed with the ease with which you talk about personal issues such as breasts, menstruation and mood changes. It seems to me that your account of going on and off testosterone could be valuable to doctors in several related fields.
You are so cute...male or female, doesn't matter as long as you're happy
I just want to say that usually i cant sit through a long video of someone talking but the way you speak and your voice is just captivating. It also helps that you have amazing eyes and your smile is to die for.
You transmit a lot of love with your way of talking and being. Thank you for that. :)
The quick reversion really speaks to the quality of your genes.
Ever thought about going into psychology? your demeanor and how you talk to people is perfect for counseling. :)
Thank you for this--your thoroughness, clarity, and story-telling ability definitely benefit your viewers. And isn't it interesting the malleability of the human body!
Thank you for making and sharing these videos...
wow. I don't know what has been said in other comments, but your videos are so refreshing because I see they are real and full of substance. it's exactly what I needed to hear. I really appreciate your ability to communicate your feelings and your insight is spot on. I admire your humility. I would love to hear more spiritual aspects of your journey... really anything you have said is quality and I feel honored to have even been able to contact you . I thought I was going to transition but didn't four years ago. I no longer live in despair and dysphoria about my body or my gender but it still everything still is confusing to me.
Thank you. You are a beautiful human being.
In all of your videos, your honesty and gender fluidity... (Sorry... Not sure how to describe it..) make you incredibly beautiful.
I appreciate these videos so much, they are just what I've been needing. Been struggling a lot with my gender and I don't honestly believe I'm trans, however I don't feel like I "fit" within any gender role and it's difficult and confusing. There are many parts of me that are male, but many female parts is well. I can't imagine making the decision to... pick, so to speak. I can't imagine trying to rewrite history, to some extent I feel like it's too late and I'll never be fully satisfied with myself if I don't change something inside of me. I wish I could just somehow be both and be accepting of my body and have others be accepting and understanding of my differences. Your videos have given me a lot of insight into the FtM lifestyle. I don't know if I'll ever be happy with my gender but hearing stories helps me get through my dizzying thoughts and emotions. Thank you.
I feel exactly the same. Not quite trans....though not male or female...
Sometimes I feel like I have two souls in one body...instead of feeling like my soul doesn't match my body. if that makes sense.
lol, having a 'feeling' of having two souls...and being aware that I am a female. Must be crazy... God the internet is fucking stupid.
Danielle Bessette "two spirit" ;)
You have such a soothing, calm voice.
Your videos are so insanely helpful.. I really appreciate you and your strength in sharing these stories.
I've been wanting to take Testosterone solely for looking more masculine and deepening my voice.. And as disheartening as it is knowing I'd wouldn't be able to be as androgynous or as masculine as I'd like to be from taking it.. Like I'm glad I found this video because I wasn't able to find anything about starting and then stopping it.
I guess I'm stuck looking how I do, I mean it seems the only thing that really stayed for you is your voice.. and that'd be insanely helpful for me, but.. It wouldn't really be worth taking it just to get a lower voice.
I'm non-binary, but I'm constantly struggling with my looks, and my voice, I have NEVER had someone question my gender or refer to me as male when first meeting me.. I have to constantly say my pronouns and my gender... But there's NOTHING I can do about it besides taking testosterone. At least that's what I thought.
But even if I take it, it seems like I'll just end back where I started eventually... Thanks for the video though. It's nice to at least know I don't have to waste my time.
+hellaciouslyrad Everyone reacts to T differently. As soon as I took T my menstrual cycle was gone, I had full on facial hair in 3 months. I wasnt emotional anymore. Nothing made me cry and nothing made me mad. etc etc.. Then again, I must have already had more T than most women because I would be taken as guy every now and then without even trying. I know that very feminine people post T take longer to have changes appear...
I am actually considering stopping T because of my family. It sucks to have everyone around you support you except the people that you care about the most in your life.
You just want T to change your voice tho ???
Sei Wot Naoh That just happens to be an important part of it. I want to be more masculine, and having facial hair is a completely neutral thing for me. I could do with or without.
The voice is basically just my *first* concern though... because even if I can make myself look very masculine, as soon as I speak everyone starts calling me She, and Her, and it's very disheartening.
I'm honestly relatively androgynous, I can pass as a really young cis boy if I try, but that's about it.. but if I speak they instantly refer to me with stereotypical feminine pronouns.
I feel like overall having outside changes will make me feel a lot better, even though I don't want to get any surgery or anything.
You are ridiculously charming and well spoken :)
As promised, I am back. I love this video, and even more, hearing what it is that you have to say. Not all of of us will transition, I still have a lot to question myself. I like to hear the honesty that comes from people, and you did this here. People need to hear all aspects of what a trans life entails, and even if someone physically transitions, it does not always offer a free pass to happiness. Hearing all the aspects of transition including detransition is real and it gives people like me comfort to see more sides of the story. I can see that even if I do not transition......we are all the same, and I do not have to feel like I am alone. ( .^_^. )
I've also detransitioned and I'm changing my name back soon. Just want to say good for you! So important to stay true to yourself.
Wonderful video. I'm on the precipice of my own gender journey, and your insights and experiences are of great help. You also have a very nice way about you. Many thanks, and looking forward to hearing more from you!
impfish I'm very touched by your comment. You said so little, but you said so much. Were you an English major, by chance?
I hope your gender journey turns out to be full of adventure.
You are a beautiful soul. That is all.
Thanks for sharing! I hope you will upload the next video you mentioned in this one - it would be very interesting to hear about your reasons to get off from testosterone.
devokica Thanks for watching. I think my reasons are interesting, too :)
what's the next video called? has anyone ever told you that you're a great storyteller, btw? normally people dont have me for the whole video, let alone two back to back. also, has your voice remained deep, was it naturally deep, or? i have a pretty low voice for a female, and i've always thought i sounded masculine, even since i was a child, even though people tell me i don't. so like i've always been curious how deep my voice would be if i was a guy.
You are a beautiful soul...keep enlighten and be true to yourself...
I read some comments and I see who is listening and who is not
Love hearing your story - thank you for sharing yourself with us. Looking forward to learning more about your journey. Peace & Love ~ Jules
Looking forward to your being a part of my journey, JulieMoon131 .
I just watched your other video first on "why I quit testosterone" which I thought was good.. I think you express yourself very well, and I especially liked the other video about who we really are, our ideas of what should be, what really is,, I'm not saying like you did, of course, but I was very impressed.. I subscribed and will watch your others in the near future. Thanks for posting.
Hi! I enjoy your videos tremendously :) May I ask how you leg hair changed after you were off T? Did it ever return to the pre-T level? Thanks!
wow very touching and sincere coming from the heart story telling! Im touched by your journey! Good luck to you whatever path you take in life! You seem to be a well adjusted kid, so hopefully, you wont have too much problem adjusting. I hope your family and loved ones are with you throughout your journey! Take care! Thanks for the video upload. Please keep us updated. YOU ARE SPECIAL, WHATEVER and WHOEVER YOU ARE AND WHATEVER and WHOEVER YOU WILL BECOME IN THE FUTURE! Stay positive!
OMG, you are sooooo Gorgeous!!!! This was an awsome and amazingly informative video. Thank You for sharing this with us. Best of luck to you on your new journey of self discovery. 🙏
BluntedFSharps is there any side effects when you stopped "T"??? And
Does your body turns back into your normal body before "T"??? Thank you
WOW! you have one of the most enjoyable videos on TH-cam!! Thank you so much for letting us in and sharing your life's journey. There is something about your confidence and androgynous look that really draw me in. In a non gender way. Like truly listening to your words and experiences without gender attached. (I hope that made sense) Anyways thank you again for sharing and can't wait for your next video. Subscribed!
Deegan James , that's just about the best compliment I've ever received. Thank you for being a part of my journey.
you are incredibly handsome :)
Well thank you.
When are you gonna post your next vid? Interested in hearing about you reasons for going off T :)
Hi Alexander L . The next video is up now. Feel free to take a look.
do you think taking testosterone was a necessary part of your journey? maybe you wouldn't have been able to let it go until trying it
Hi there...I'm a mom to 4 great kids. ..(boy 22, biy18, girl 17, boy 14). Its a huge long story. But my daughter came out as gay in october and 3 weeks ago told us that she believes she is transgender. I won't lie...I'm a bit freaked out. But I love my child completely and unconditionally...so right now I'm just trying to get educated.....knowledge is empowering and extremely comforting to me. I'm wondering...how old are you? Are your parents supportive? Did you think you were gay at first too, like my daughter? Ans most importantly. ...are you happy? Although you sound so mature and calming in your video....I can't help but wonder if you are sad. Good luck...I have subscribed and will keep watching..hugs
Heather Hanson I'm so glad you reached out.
It is true that "being transgender" has become an increasingly popular trend inside the young lesbian community. It's difficult to know if some are just following the tide, or if they are "truly trans." However, I don't believe it's our job to screen them-to see if they're right, or if they're just confused. I'm afraid if you tell them they're "not transgender," they might feel pressure to prove you wrong, and thus make a premature decision. The best you can offer is complete support for their exploration (as every exploration of our human selves is worth it, and deserves understanding), so they won't feel pressure to make a decision one way or the other. If your child is not transgender, the difficulty of this path will deter them in time. If they are transgender, they really, really need you right now. Heck, they really need you right now anyway. Let this play out; let them reveal themselves to you (and find themselves, in the process).
I am 26. I never came out to my parents as gay, because the word never seemed to quite fit. I knew myself to be male (in some sense) from a very early age, but never attempted to voice it. I came out as trans 4 years ago now. My parents were not supportive, and remain that way today. We have mostly lost contact.
It's no doubt: this road is not easy. It's not for the thin-skinned, and those of us with no family support experience a lonelier path than others. I've spent years with the "why me?" syndrome, and often just wanted to be "normal." Only recently have I found happiness in my trial, and tried to make it mean something more than just..."I was born with a defect." This doesn't have to be an exclusively painful or lonely journey, and your support for your child right now can be that difference.
I'm sorry I don't have more concrete advice to offer. I have never been a parent, and can only imagine how trying this is for you.
Wow you are insightful for your young age. Thank you for your advice....you put everything that i want to be for my child into words. I am glad that you found peace and are happy on your journey. I am quite sad for your parents. I see your videos and see a person who is confident and strong. I watched and found myself hoping that my child will have that same surety someday. Even the most open minded parents see their children with blinders on. Right now I am trying desperately to back up and see my daughter the way the rest of the world sees her....pretty awesome. No matter what gender she identifies with.
Thanks for your response. I wish you nothing but happiness, love and strength in the future.
Heather Hanson Then you are indeed a good parent.
If it helps (for you or your child), here is the video I made for my parents when I came out to them as trans. They had a negative reaction, of course, but I still think the video explains things in the best terms I could've used at the time. Maybe it will resonate with your child's current situation.
I gave this to them on a DVD. Only afterward did I upload it to a remote corner of the Internet, to share with close friends when they asked. I feel very moved by your desire for knowledge, and that's all I meant for this video to be: a bridge between parent and child via knowledge.
vimeo.com/26816599
Heather Hanson You sound like such a wonderful mom! Your daughter is so luck to have a parent like you! Lots of love to you and your daughter! xo
Omg...thank you Emma Lee. That just brought tears to my eyes. I'm not perfect...still trying to grasp a hold of this whole thing and getting educated. But one thing is certain...I love my children completely and unconditionally. I have made mistakes....but mostly out of love....and I'm not afraid to admit to those mistakes. Sadly..im not convinced that my daughter sees me that way. She is struggling and takes a lot of her frustrations out on me...you know what they say about hurting those that are closest to you. Sometimes its hard...but I always try to see things her way....that helps me carry the load a little bit easier. For any parents out there. ...my first and most important step was to accept that this really doesn't have anything to do with me and my parenting etc...It's not my "fault"....that is the most important step for us parents...once you remove the guilt the rest is a whole lot easier. Still learning...still not perfect. Thanks again...its so nice to hear that. Hugs
That was interesting. You are a wise old soul.
Hello. I love hearing many perspectives and am looking forward to your story which is not very common. You appear to be frank and insightful. I will be transitioning starting June of this year for top surgery. I have yet to take testosterone or take any other measures. Thank you for sharing and look forward to a little exchange if possible.
I would love to chat with you about testosterone and your upcoming surgery, Promise4U123. Send me a private message on my About page if you have any specific questions before my next video comes out. Thanks for watching
Hi! I have never heard anyone speak on TH-cam about being off of T. Especially for a year and give details. I look forward to your next vlog. At this time I wonder if you gave T enough time. Maybe you would have learned more about your emotions, etc. over time. And then would have been able to work through some of the things you mentioned. Only the best for you. Anthony
Can't wait to watch your next video
The wait is almost over! Thanks for watching, Devin King .
really enjoyed your video. looking forward to hearing more about your journey.
Thank you for watching, and sharing your own lovely journey.
I'm actually genderfluid (identify as both male and female) and my spouse is also nonbinary, but identifies more as Agender. I was curious about my level of discomfort as female (dysphoria) and wanted to know if testosterone therapy might relieve this and what happens if I change my mind. I am curious abut when the voice changes back too because I sing, but I am worried that doing this would just move me from one type of discomfort into another type f discomfort. I've often wondered if the answer for me would be top (but not bottom) surgery. I guess you can't really give me these answers but we appreciate your bravery and this video. Being informed can help in many ways. So thank you!
+M.R. Hawks Youre voice doesn't go back to your pre-T voice.
You are beautifully androgynous...perfect just as you are. Intelligent, articulate, curious and brave.
Something About You, there's something about you.
Its so interesting, that this one thing can change so many things, and significant things at that. Very intriguing.
next video pls
Oh also I thought your descriptions of what happened when you went off Testoterone, in this video, were interesting, since I am new to understanding exactly what happens when you go on it.. Certainly the stamina aspect sounds wonderful. I would hate to give that up. Still the opposing situation also has its benefits as you pointed out, the perceived ability to feel, I guess is what you were saying... wish I could watch more today but I need to get off computer, Best to you.
Hey there. I just came out as trans* and am seriously considering starting T. However, I have a lot of things I'm trying to sort out... the whole gender thing is crazy.
I look forward to your follow-up video & to hear about your experiences!
Solidarity.
Emerson Rensink , gender indeed is a complicated cluster. Or a very simple cluster with complicated labels. Either way, I hope to help you find what you're looking for.
Good work on the GMO front, btw.
thank you for sharing your video.
i really want to start T soon, i just havent found a doctor yet, and still dont know much about it.
youre a very handsome guy
Hey well nice video. Good to know about the changes after quitting T. Just wondering n I bet u get this a lot. But, are u gonna make more vids?
It's curious, I definitely can't cry since testosterone injections hit my system. However, I am so calm, right now, I've never felt this kind of 'chilled' emotions before.And I don't get angry or I get angry way less.
Are you concidering going back on t? I was off for a month and I felt horrible
Emilijus Sebastianas Why did you feel horrible when you went off the T? I remember feeling off-kilter for a few weeks after quitting. I suppose the estrogen was reestablishing itself in my system.
It was more mental than physical I suppose. I felt insecure and alienated. And then after a month or two I hit my muscle with a Nebido injection and felt like a fucking gladiator straight away, in a snap
'Love your courage!
Lol. Most of the hair on my head is fine blonde, but the only facial hair I grow is just about pitch black.
Strange how our bodies work...
i swear i could look in your eyes forever. you have the face of a cherub. my goodness! i hate to reduce this entire video to aesthetics, but i was so moved by your beauty. i need to go to bed, so i don't have time to watch a video of this length at the moment. however, as someone who is genderqueer as well, i will return and watch it in its entirety. sending you warm vibes.
You make me blush, ashxc
You look cute bro but great thing is that your voice is deep for ever now be happy live life you are a man
wow its so beautiful to hear about, you have the most beautiful eyes, I have a question ? does the voice not go back to feminin again?
No, it doesn't. That's why male to female trans women have to train their voice to be feminine, because the voice changes due to testosterone are irreversible.
thank for your answer; i didnt know that
You're welcome.
I'm a cis-male and I've never bulked up in a muscular way like how FTM people do. (Not that I want to.)
You look amazing, no matter if you do or do not fit a stereotype. Anyway, how are you doing now?
You look gorgeous both ways female or male and your voice is so calming
I enjoyed your video, it was very interesting and I'd like to hear more in the future. As for my story, it is really just beginning. I have started the surprisingly long journey to begin taking testosterone just recently.
I am constantly amazed to hear of the subtle changes our hormones can have on our reactions to things and people- it raises interesting questions about personality and nature. With that said, I'm pretty afraid of seeing changes in myself when I start testosterone. I have a (perhaps irrational) fear of losing myself and becoming somebody that the current me wouldn't like.
Again, I'd like to hear more about the emotional changes that you went through on testosterone, perhaps to get an idea of what I'm in for.
Take care.
ClockworkRobot100 , I had a similar fear, and it wasn't entirely irrational. But perhaps we don't so much "lose ourselves" as we do "become different selves." Some people say they are "becoming themselves," and their old selves weren't really true. I guess the important question is: are we okay with what we've become? Are we still good people when we change? Tough questions.
My next video focuses a lot on the concept of "becoming," and what that really means. I hope you'll keep me updated on your journey as I continue to share mine. Much luck to you.
BluntedFSharps
Thank you, I'll keep my eye out for your next video and I would certainly be glad to share my experiences with you in return.
Aside from your voice, were there any T changes that remained after you went off?
Cóz X I still have very light hair growth on my face, and I shave about once a month. Clitoral growth (in terms of length only) has also remained. I also still pass as male the vast majority of the time, so perhaps there is some masculine quality left in my face or body that I cannot see myself.
Endocrine system disruptors...Acne on the neck ... thyroid gland. Mast cells?
In a sincere way, I look up to you. You're a brave soul. I have a few questions though. When you started taking T, did it feel right? Or did you feel like you were just starting something new? ORR will these questions lead on in the next video? I'm subscribing either way. I want to know your side.
Cori Arview When I started T, it felt like the realization of a dream I'd been dreaming my entire life. It felt exciting and terrifying. And I had hope that it would mean congruence. But as you said, I will touch on these things in my next vid. Thanks for your comment.
I want to know that since you've quit T, do you experience any joint/bone pains? I've heard something about quitting hormones will have an adverse effect on your bones. I want to start T soon.
Karina Ibarra I haven't had any joint or bone pain, no. I wonder if older patients are more apt to experience joint pain after quitting T.
Dude, you're adorable af! Also, nice piercings ^-^ dont let anyone tell you otherwise, aight?
One love, Ducky Ling
Thanks for posting the video! It was very informative. Glad to see I'm not the only one who identifies as ftm with genderqueer aspects as well. :)
Gene W. Identity is such an ongoing process, isn't it?
By the way, I see that you like Japanese culture. Do you speak any of the language? I was fluent about a year ago; I should really brush up.
BluntedFSharps Yes, it definitely is. But it seems there's a more comfortable point we can find in our own identities that we can rest at, making only minor changes, which is always relaxing to consider.
I only know a few words here and there, haha. I wish I knew more, but I don't have as much time to learn. My priority is learning Cantonese because it's the language my gf's family speaks.
Gene W. Very nice. The Chinese and Japanese both write with kanji, so perhaps you'll be learning a little Japanese as you go.
BluntedFSharps Possibly, but I'm not sure if it's as similar to traditional Chinese, which is what they use in Hong Kong.
Gene W. Cantonese were also written in traditional Chinese characters just that the pronunciation and some expressions will be very different :) I am a Taiwanese and I speak Chinese and Taiwanese and a lil Cantonese because the basic concept is pretty similar lol I think Mainland China is the only country that uses the simplified Chinese characters, but at the same time, it is used pretty widely in western countries since it's easier to write. However, I have to clarify that traditional Chinese characters are the ones that are real Chinese, not those which were simplified because once u simplify them, their true meanings were already gone, they became drawings instead of a language!!
I have a curiosity about Female to Male trans. Don't get me wrong on anything I say here. Im not a trans, but a very vibrant (about to be 30) bisexual. I am curious because at a young age my, now ex, stepfather went through these changes between my ages of 7 and 18. My mother had just come out as gay to me and my younger (by a year and 12 hours) brother when I was 5. Then we introduced her girlfriend and her 3 sons in to our lives. I remember seeing the changes and even helping her wrap her chest on day when he was running late and my mother was not home ( I was the only girl). I can tell someone everything there is to tell about my experience through this, but I can not tell someone about his side of it all. I am interested in what you are putting out here for us to see. I have always wanted to know what it was (is) like on the other side of this and if she ever thought of changing her mind. I just want to say thank you! I went through all this when you had to keep your mouth shut about it, I was not even allowed to let others know my mom was gay. Thank you early 90's. But thank you for putting what you went through out here for us to see and understand.
what about clitoral growth? Did shrinkage occur once u discontinued test?
Yes, everything went back to pre-testosterone size down there. None of the growth or sensation stayed after I quit T. I've heard some trans guys say their growth was permanent, so perhaps it's different with everyone.
darn. i find the growth more enjoyable and stimulating... maybe pumping helps sustain the growth?
celluloidcypher I take that back. Size stayed; sensation did not.
lol. first say no. now say yes. confused? are u being honest? how could u not know of growth or shrinkage? i had noticeable growth after 3 months... now I question all prior statements because if u are not aware of growth or shrinkage in your body how real are the answers to your other questions?
celluloidcypher If you'd like to question my honesty, that is your prerogative.
For anyone else who'd like to know: on testosterone, the enlarged clit / small penis feels very sensitive and excitable, and becomes engorged rather easily. Off testosterone, the sensation for me is next to nothing, and the enlarged clit is no longer "enlarged." It no longer looks, feels, or functions the way that it did on T. But if we are measuring the length of the flaccid clit / penis in millimeters, the length is probably still the same now that I'm off testosterone.
hi thanks for your videos. if I may ask, what dose were you on?
Hi Jonah. I saw both your videos and I have several questions to ask of you.
It'd make a lot more sense to maybe do this over a chat, and if you're ok with that, then it'd be really great.
Just in case you're not comfortable doing that I'm gonna ask you what I can think of here.
First, I'd like to thank you, a lot, for posting your videos. Things like GID are so much into shadows, even in the minds of people dealing with it directly that any and every discussion helps.
My question to you is that when you started on testosterone, like I'm thinking of doing right now, what were your expectations? Like, in my case, I sit around visualizing all these changes on me, and the whole 'cons' part of taking shots kind of seems insignificant to having all of these things happen for real with me. But I am a little doubtful, especially after watching your video, I feel like I might end up arguing the same things against myself, that are you really doing this just for the sake of a pronoun? So, well, while it may not really possible to be 100% sure for everyone, discussing does help.
My second question is, well, once you went off them, didn't you miss those changes at all?
Finally, is getting off T really worth being called a 'she' in public?
Thanks, you're doing a great job!
King Every discussion helps. You're so right.
To answer your first question) Before I began testosterone, I used to sit around and visualize bumping into girls I had liked in the past, and them seeing me AS ME for the first time ever, and finding me more attractive with a male physique and facial hair. That did indeed happen, but it felt ingenuine, and I came to realize the REAL ME was me without any added substance-au naturel. I expected to become a new and improved version of myself, but my expectations were unrealistic. The T ended up decreasing my confidence and I ended up missing my face. I feel more attractive and confident as myself in my natural state, without the injections.
For your second question) I have missed my strength and endurance the most, but I've had to make up for those things by going to the gym, running, staying active, and eating well. I have not missed the oily skin, acne, coarse hair, different body smell, and body hair that came with testosterone. Granted, there's nothing inherently bad about those qualities, and I WOULD have gotten used to them had I stayed on the T.
Third question) I am not called a "she" in public but MAYBE once a month. I am sure most people are confused about what to call me, and then decide on "he" once I open my mouth. My deep voice will never go away, and will aid me in "passing" (whatever the heck that's supposed to mean) for the rest of my life. Learning to deal with that one time a month has absolutely been worth it. Not caring what others think has been its own test, and a very valuable lesson.
More videos please? I would really like to hear your opinions.
Did you talk to your doctor before you stopped taking it? Or did you just stop?
Im a pseudo hermaphrodite on T. I have to take it because my body produces less than yours and my bones are fragile from never producing enough T. A female dose of testosterone when your older,like after 23 (no hurry though)when it drops off suddenly for females might save you from later bone problems,which when your older or any age really suck.
I have few questions but i would like to talk to you a lot in a private way.. I wonder where can I send you a PM??? Hope to hear from you. Thanks
You are a very good looking guy!!!! Do you like boys or girls?
To be on injections to complete the transition to LOOK the part comes with serious harm to the body. From your video (well done and truthful), is another difficult decision. I'm glad you made this for others that might be in the same predicament and need some guidance. You are magnificent and brave. You are not alone. Be happy and healthy is the key.
Are you going to post another video? I hope so this video was good.
I am indeed, ***** . Thanks for staying tuned.
Wow, thank you for posting this video. I've always wanted to know what will happen If I have T and then stop it.
I love your eyes btw ^^ very beautiful, I fall for them at first sight~
Perfect. Now I have a crush on some youtube guy I've never met.
Ok - let's get serious now ;) thanks for sharing your experience. I didn't even start with T yet, but probably will in about a year. People who talk about detransitioning help me a lot to see what could be my future. I define as genderqueer, so I'll never pass as my gender anyway - the question for me is now, from which side I want to be misgendered. Looking forward to your next video!
dasMaiki, I find it interesting that you may never pass as your gender, because genderqueer, third gender, gender other, non-gender, bi-gender, etc. is not a part of our society's vocabulary. How much our words define our parameters... It's amazing.
The term "detransitioning" bothers me a little, though I know it's a word befitting for some folks when they decide to quit T. Detransitioning seems to indicate that I am reversing a previous transition. I plan to talk about that word in a later video.
Thanks for the youtube love
+BluntedFSharps hey love ,you are courageous and beautifully designed for the whole world to see you are humble unbiased and honest. . don't ever stop being you the only weirdos are those who don't recognize beauty. Peace.
Can you show us how you looked on before t and during t? And maybe how your voice sounded before t?
Beat Mode , I regret that I didn't take many photos during my time on testosterone. But I will definitely add a "before, during, and after" video to my vlog here in the future. Thanks for the excellent suggestion.
I was really really taken back by your beauty. seriously dreamy
You're absolutely handsome and beautiful in every way. I really enjoyed your video and support you with whatever decision you make, as long as you're happy, that's the most important :). (I forgot to say the following) Edit: I can't really relate to all the things you're talking about (the testosterone) because I don't "suffer from" gender identity dysphoria, but as a female, I have been through a certain phase in my life where I thought being someone else (a boy or anything like that) could help me ease all the pain I felt at certain times (so I acted more like one, to others of course I was still a girl). I often wonder if it was just because I love women in particular, even though I don't consider myself as a lesbian, because people are people to me, and I don't feel comfortable with labels at all et cetera. I think the feeling of not fitting in anywhere just hurts us the most and in that way I can relate, often this is one of the only reasons why we change ourselves (without wanting to generalize here), in order to get some acceptance, (because people like stereotyping and if you don't belong anywhere "you're out".). If I may be curious. Do you have/had the feeling you had to change yourself FOR yourself (in the end), or because of the fact that people don't see you as how you see yourself? And if people would see YOU as how you see yourself, would you still feel the urge to change your physical self? How is that for you? Excuse me for the lack of structure in my comment.
how did you deal with hormonal acne? I want to sart T soon but I'm really afraid of getting acne.
Byul I know you asked him, but as a female I had really bad acne. As I transitioned to male, my acne was even worse, way worse than female puberty. I drank lots of water and I prayed 😂 a lot!! But eventually after 2 years, it like went away. It was a dark hold for a long time. The first year I had the worst face acne, I’m talking; pepperoni pizza. But, like I said, your body gets used to the t, and eventually you stop breaking out. I still get acne, but not awful, awful acne like at 6mo on t.
Hi. I have a lot of complex feelings, both about gender and sexuality, and I've spent the last few years trying to put so many labels on myself and NONE of them fit. Every time I make a decision something happens which makes me doubt it all over again. I've come to realise recently that I don't WANT to be put into a box or put a label on myself. I really wish that the world would just be completely gender neutral so that pronouns, names and stereotypes wouldn't really matter anymore.. sorry haha. I was just wondering what your thoughts on gender/sexuality are. But if they're going in your next video anyway don't worry. But thank you for this video. It was really inspiring and I've come to realise there are a lot more choices.
crazi4yu I can empathize with your disdain for labels. I too wish that gender mattered so little that we didn't need therapy, surgery, vlogs, marches, suicide prevention measures, and days for remember hate crime victims. I will discuss some of my personal views in the next video. Thanks for your comment
Very interesting and informative!
What was the dosage that you where taking per injection?
You are adorable!!!!
Beautiful
You.
I want to know more! :D More videoos!
You are a wonderful person :)
hey handsome. when do we get another video? :) I want to hear more about your "story" and going off of T :)
Well hello. /Justin Bieber hair flip/
I halted progress for a short while because of my busy work schedule. The second video is definitely still in the works, and will be published soon. Thanks for keeping an eye out.
your eyes are beautiful, you should be a model! thank you for this informative video
In what country do you live?
i know this is an old video but real fucking cute , i love the hair placed that way and just a real nice lookin face too >
I totally agree! you like 19 days too? ʕ； •`ᴥ•´ʔฅ
about the anger issues and not being as emotional (crying), i think it depends on what brand of t you take, me for example were really cold before t and now i think everything about animals and cartoons(for kids) are cute, and get teared eyes if someone tells me a sad story(about kids or animals).
i am more happy and confident now then before t, only times i am moody is around when i take my shoot(before and after) i take nebido(10 weeks between every shoot) and other ppl that take nebido, seem to change a lot like me. we also get a beard faster, and the monthly cycle stops for most of us who take nebido after a month (like myself).
But maybe i am wrong it can be genes too because the ppl who take nebido is uk and Scandinavian, so maybe we change different, even if we had taken same brands as the ppl in america.
Robyn B, I am not familiar with nebido. I wonder why it isn't commonly offered to ftm patients in the U.S.
How much did your voice return after the 13 months of being off T?
The lengthening of my vocal chords has been permanent, so the deepness in my voice hasn't changed since going off T. I will say, however, that I've noticed a slight change in tonal quality. In politically incorrect terms, I sound more like a "gay man" now than I did on T, but that can be attributed to any number of things outside of testosterone. Thanks for your question, Nakedcrap .
do you have a facebook or i way to connect other than on here? i have had the same experience but wanna ask some questions......
just got this message. are you still off testosterone?
Will your voice ever go back
+supererik man no it is permanent
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are there any surgeries that can be done, I heard there were
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I heard there was something called a laryngoplasty that many MTFs do to feminize their voice, I don't know how effective this surgery is. If it does work on an MTF wouldnt it work on a detransitioing FTM (FTMTF) to regain somewhat of a feminine voice
I don't know what. All I is that it's irreversible. Talk to a/your doctor about laryngoplasty
you look good in this video (: cute
You have beautiful eyes.
you r unique,
So why have you stopped making videos?
I haven't.
I see.