Hi, I'm Leo. I told my mom I don't feel like a girl and that I am a boy. She said I'm just being brainwashed by the media or something like that... She always says to me, almost every day, that I'm not a boy, and that I can never be a real boy. I want to be called a he and be called my new name so badly... but my mom always ends up bringing up the fact that I was born female and I can't be anything else. I feel like I can't tell my step dad, biological dad, or brother because I know they will react the same... I've asked all of my friends to call me my new name and pronouns, but nobody has, I guess they're trying though. Anyway, I just really needed to say all of this, so I posted it here where I hopefully will be accepted. Thank you for reading all of this.
Hey just Keep strong I saw a link in another one of the comments callhimhunter.wordpress.com/ally-moms/ I haven't visited it but from what i read it's a good place for support and advice. Good luck Bud :D
I can't explain how I feel, honestly. Being female (I'm lesbian, by the way. I hate being female but I love girls) I feel..trapped. I feel trapped in my body. Like I wish I could change something. Like, I want to change my entire experience. I wish I was male. But I'm scared. And I feel dirty and weird whenever someone uses female pronouns on me. Whenever I see males, I'm overcome with a strong jealously. I'm jealous of males because I wish I was one.
That's exactly how I feel, (but I guess the other way around) A dance party thing where I saw a bunch of girls in dresses and being jealous kinda made me half realize it.
I feel this toward men, as well! I'm so jealous of how they get to interact in relationships, how they are treated in professions, at the gym (they can get as big/strong as they want, and no one bats an eye.) I've always just pushed this down because I felt like there was nothing I can do about it.
This comes pretty late, but I thought I could give you some advice. It might be a phase, and it might not. But either way doesn't make what you feel any less valid, and I hope you are able to explore what you're feeling and how you express yourself. And in the end, only time will tell if how you feel will change.
I thought it might be a phase since I first started realizing it (I wasn't familiar with the term though but I was able to describe it, I lived in an extremely anti lgbtq area) so I just went with the flow for years and... In the end I didn't grow it out, it's the opposite, I grew in it and I felt the greatest gender euphoria admitting that I'm male.
I was at a reptile thing and I was holding a tarantula (no one is allowed to judge they are cute) and this women came up to me and says to her son "Look at that boy! He's holding a tarantula!" I felt so happy. Sadly it was probably because I was wearing a tie and my face was painted (I am a vampire for Halloween)
@@april_showers15 I've had a similar experience only a week ago where someone called me a girl and I had this deep visceral reaction to it of it feeling right and really great. And then a lot of memories in my life came flashing back where I was like "Ohhh god damn this all makes so much more sense now". I've been confused as to how such a little thing can trigger such a huge revelation and now I'm working through it and looking at stuff online to see how other people are going about it, but I'm really happy about it because it just feels right now I just have to sort through all the confusing bits that come with that but that's cool. ^^
A guy on Discord thought I was a girl one night and used feminine pronouns on me, I felt incredibly happy that night, and seriously considered the idea of being trans because I felt so comfortable with that label
I'm questioning my gender and have been for about a year now but when I was little I was the most girly girl possible and loved dresses, now I hate them. I'm so confused... I kinda want to be a guy but I'm not sure if I'm trans. I do experience some body dysphoria... I don't know what to do
Don't worry about what you liked as a child, or even what you like now. You can like 'girls things' or 'boys things', and still be trans. Most say it is either a feeling of discomfort/hatred with your own body, or with how you are treated socially.
Aren't there Doctors that consult patients over the internet via apps like Skype? Might be hard to invoice insurance companies hence a personal expenditure but it could be a new market. Of course, a willingness to face personal expenditure would be another mark of dedication and it seems to me part of the question is how much you want the changes in your life.
When I was 11 I went through a “phase” of wanting to be a boy. Seeing how it upset my mum I told her it was just a phase. It’s come back (I’m 15 now) I never enjoyed being a girl, I felt comfortable with Male friends and talking like a boy. I’m loud and confident when I feel very masculine and I feel like if look so much better as a boy and I’d feel so much happier but I’m worried that it’s just a phase again :( Edit: hi! It's been 2 and a half nearly 3 years or so since I made this comment which is crazy, I forgot about this until I got a notification on a commenter. A little update about how I'm doing: shortly after I made this comment I came out to my friends and family as a trans man and decided to make that terrifying huge step to coming out publically. I've now been identifying as a man, dressing as a man, using a binder, men hair cut and legal name change. Its been nearly 3 years being out as a trans man and I have not regretted a single thing. It's been a massive journey and I'm nowhere near finished with many surgeries coming up and exciting testosterone shots. I can't wait to be closest to my real self as possibly. Also mens bathrooms stink of piss, come on boys, aim a little better (joking sort of)
@@Ur_dreambfMatt yeah, the same here, it's likely that the phase is you trying to be "normal" and force yourself to forget all those stuff you feel and think, sticking to show yourself its a crazy idea and trying to be cool with being your fake gender, but every some amount of time the feeling and the thinking come back! I ignored myself lot of times since i was 8 till now I'm 23, but not anymore.
Question: How exactly do you think boys talk, because I don't think there's a gender to anything other than body. There is just as many styles of talking as personalities, for example I, as a man, have a very old fashioned way of talking, but just because I read a lot and was born in a country with lots of fairytales and myths as part of it's culture, gender plays no role here. Long story short, I think it's not really that you're trans, but are just not a traditionally femminine girl.
@@lucad9667 I've been out as trans for nearly 3 years, dressing as a man, only being called male Pronouns and only going by my new legal name, Mason. I haven't onced doubted myself and I am a thousand times happier now then I was before, which many people have also noticed and commented on. I have always been a man but it took some time to accept that about myself. I am excited for starting testosterone this year and excited to one day be A Dad and a Husband
I figured out I'm trans even not knowing the term and that something like this exists lol (I lived in an isolated extremely anti lgbtq area). Then I found the term years after it and I was just like... Okay, I found a word describing my situation so I won't need describing it anymore, it's simpler now.
I'm 12 (born female) and I have actually tried crossdressing. The second I looked at my face, and I felt male, I smiled almost impulsively. I love baggy clothes baseball caps and I hate makeup and skirts. I write a lot of stories and almost all the main characters are male. Whenever people call me "she" I mentally correct it to "he". I've started crossdressing so much, that I have memorized how to tie a tie. But when I looked at myself in the mirror, it felt weird that my moments matched with my boy self. Am I going through a phase or am I truly trans? Help!
TheComedyClownfish hey i doubt you still use this account, but i've had a really similar experience to you and i was wondering if you ever found out if you were trans or not?
luccino sorry for the late reply, I totally forgot about this comment until the last person who replied. But, yes I actually am trans! I’m 2 years on testosterone as of this past February :)
Melany Mellow :3 well, I can’t give you any definitives, but I can tell you that I did end up being trans. I’m now 17 and have been on testosterone for just over 2 years :) my best advice would be to try out different methods of self-expression and see what you feel most comfortable with. There really is no rush to put a label on yourself if you aren’t sure. If you have a supportive parent, friend, or other person in your life you can talk to about this kind of stuff, I would bring it up to them. If not, I’ve been there and it’s a really tough feeling. What I did was go out biking in an area of my town where no one really knew me and presented as male just to see how it felt to have others regard me as such. Best of luck! I’m here to help if you have any questions about other trans related topics :)
Andre Nickell Rhys Howard very true, lots of girls like baggy clothes, too. But, as you’ll notice, this comment is several years old and I did turn out to be trans. It wasn’t the baggy clothes, of course, but the reason why I liked them (dysphoria).
I am nearly 50 and I always wanted to be female. I don’t identify as a male. I don’t like being male, and felt all my life I have I have been disconnected. I am married to a beautiful woman, and don’t want to break her heart and tell her I feel more female. Life is certainly interesting.
But you are not female. The best thing that you can do, is to get I to talk therapy with a regular therepist. (Not a gender person. All they do is push you down the road of medicalazation) to find out if this delusion that a person can cha get gender is based in autism, or one the the B cluster personality disorders, sexual gratification in thinking of yourself as a female, or trauma. Look into the detrans stories. Insights are there
That's a tough situation, but I applaud you for considering your family's feelings especially given that far too many today pursue their own path to happiness even when that path causes pain to those close to them. And I hope your life becomes less interesting.
I can totally relate to you, however sadly I broke my wife's heart. Things happened and one of those was a strengthening feeling odf being more female. I meet a guy at a gay bar and the minute I saw him I knew he was going to be the love of my life! I when for 0 to 100 in my life changes because of him and his supporting me being a woman. I tried to prove manhood to peers by going with women but once I had fallen in love with David I could not get aroused by the women. Today I live as a woman and love it. My name is Kristine
when I try to explain what it feels like to be trans its like ur a snake shedding their skin. u expect it to come off, but it won't and ur trapped inside.
I really confuse myself sometimes because I don't feel like a girl and whenever someone says something to do with my being a girl I always feel an urge to say "Yeah, but I'm not a girl". However sometimes there's a moment where I say "I'm a girl" and it feels so unnatural and wrong, despite me saying it almost automatically. Its almost like I say it because I feel like I'm expected to say it rather than because I believe it. However I don't really consider myself to be a boy either, despite feeling more on the masculine side. I think I'm Genderfluid or something but its really confusing. >_< I just know I'm not a girl. It doesn't really help that my family claim to be open-minded, but don't really act that way when it comes to myself. They find it weird that I don't want to be feminine and put it down to me being a 'tomboy' or making the excuse that I'm a teenager so my hormone are going everywhere and it kind of hurts. I'm not exactly 'out', but all things considering I really don't feel comfortable telling them. All my plans for transitioning in some way or starting to dress more like I want to are set in place for my adulthood, when I hopefully wont be living with them anymore and thus wont have to suffer under their scrutiny or try to explain myself. I just feel so self-conscious around them and thus don't want to make any sudden changes while under the same roof. I'm trying to sort of ease into it slowly, for example insisting on wearing a suit to prom and expressing an interest in the clothes in the mens section in the hopes that they will either take the hint or will be less surprised when I eventually come out. Sorry for rambling. >_
Keelan C on every detail I am the exact same, except I thought I was androgynous than gender fluid, but literally everything else was a thought and experience I have had and felt
Heyo, I'm 14 years old (male) and have for the past few months almost a year, thoroughly ripping my mind apart on who am I and why I was born the gender I am... In the past I have had major short flashes of emotional experience about wanting to be a woman, even crying about it and dreaming about it (sleep). My community and "friends" would be extremely reject I've to the thought of me or anyone wanting to be female/male opposite to who they are. I don't usually tell people just in case I decide not to go through with anything. Lots of times in my life I go through phases and I've found this "war" in my head not to be one. I thought it would go away and I was sad at the thought but it keeps coming back like a fiery storm. I look around and see other girls and want to be them, like them, start my own story. Every morning, even now, I wake up and usually almost instantly start thinking about the thought of being female. Though my brain has split into two very specific and different minds. One the female side, the other my current male. They argue all of the time on what should happen and I just watch... I usually try not to think about it much but every two minutes my opinion switches. I did a lot of research during this time and found out a lot of positive things for me. So now they fight but mostly the female side is winning and I'm now in the stages of worrying if I classify as a transsexual (specific transgender, I want to have the SRS). It'll take a while as I have 4 years and I always look to my future worrying on what will happen but I now have hope. I also want to make a decision soon. Very soon. This April 14th 2015 (12 days away >~
Same. I'm a girl wanting to be a guy. There are some nights where I steal my brothers cloths. I put them on and put my hair up with a hat then the rest the night I feel comfortable.
I was really girly from as far back as I can remember. My mom raised me feminine. I felt like I was supposed to be a girl but I didn't know anything about that because I was so young. I was always getting my sister's panties and wearing them and I got caught but my mom didn't say anything about it. From then on I wore panties and a half tshirt around the house and it didn't matter who was there. I guess I was her other girl. Well where I'm from transgendered people were heavily criticized. All of a sudden my life was ruined. The life I should've been living. I had to be a boy. I've always had really small parts and I was embarrassed by them and wanted to have what I was meant to have. I've come to terms with myself and I'm pretty sure I will be the woman I am supposed to be. As far as parts. Those are still very small and seem to be shrinking and I have not taken any form of medication for that purpose. Well anyway I wish I could have lived the way my heart yearned to. Good luck
Absolutely fantastic post, which resonates with my own daily and continual feelings. I just know I am truly female, but as you very eloquently put across, fear that it could be a very very longstanding psychological split personality type thing. The feeling is just so strong, and mannerisms, movements, posture and personality so incredibly feminine, that I just feel totally aligned to being a woman, and just know that is my true self. I felt such a parallel with much of your post that I felt compelled to comment.
I just turned 29, and I've been pushing thoughts like this away since I was 14. I don't know if I can anymore. I don't even know if I'm trans, like, there's so much confusion. Woman doesn't feel right though, and it hasn't since puberty. :(
In my honest opinion, I'm inclined to say that consciously "pushing thoughts away" and bottling them up is a pretty decent sign that you should look into the matter further. Also, this comment was from 3 years ago, how are you doing now?
Just a little tip for everybody, things that are assigned to genders are not genders themselves. You can be a trans man and wear dresses or a trans woman and wear a suit and tie etc. a gender role is different than gender itself, though there is much sociological overlap. We have to think about how nuanced cis gendered people are. Those same nuances exist within transgender people and they are perhaps even more complex. Just be what makes YOU feel MOST content. ✌️😊
@@David-vt9hr my non existent Lord. Why do you care so much? This video obviously.isnt for someone like you but you still felt the need to comment this garbage. This video is for people like me, who are unsure or don't know how we can tell. And it's not like we are necessarily trying to teach this to really young people.
If you aren’t happy with who you are...because ....being normal is loving yourself. Don’t worry about other people’s expectations. Love yourself first.
I'm a little overwhelmed and still questioning the fact that I might be transgender. I'll admit that despite being a female, I was raised more like a son. I was never into playing tea party or dressing out. I never realized that a lot of the other girls found me "weird" because I was never girly. I've really questioned it in the past couple years, but I tried to ignore it due to the fact I'm almost 15 now and I genuinely thought that it was just going to be another teenager phase. I always told myself to not be ridiculous and that maybe I just didn't like the same things girls do. Now I am really questioning it. I'm sort of fine with being referred to as a she but deep down inside I find myself wishing I was different. I don't have a problem with the name thing due to the fact my nickname is Zacharie which is a masculine name anyways. Someone recently pointed it out to me and now I really just noticed that I actually do these things. I don't wear makeup at all, not even a little foundation in the mornings. I *loathe* hair dryers and curling irons, can't stand the bloody things! I don't like skirts, heels, not even shorts! I like having brush-and-go hair and would go for a pair of trainers over UGG boots any day. I do dress nicely but I prefer having blouses under sweaters or button ups with a tie. The thing is, we had dress up day at school and "genderbent" was our theme, and I actually enjoyed it. I felt comfortable, and kind of liked it when I had people say that I actually looked like a boy.(good thing for having an androgynous face) I find myself actually being unintentionally biased and hanging around with males. I get along with them a whole lot better. I wouldn't really go to the point of wrapping up my chest but I really do feel like a boy in a girl's body sometimes. I actually question some of the "feminine habits" too. Like, I've said things that has offended ladies that I would just kind of shrug and ask why they got offended. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right. I've actually wanted my parents to call me by Zacharie just like my friends do but I don't know how they would feel about it. I don't know how to talk to them about being transgender. Right now I'm trying to pinpoint everything. I've done tons of research and all has led me to being extremely tomboyish or transgender. Sorry for the lengthy comment. I'm just needing some help.
Thank you so much for writing that! I'm turning 15 too and I have pretty much the same problem. I've been questioning my gender for a while now, but it hit me pretty hard today when I washed off my make up in the bathroom and strapped down my chest with a scarf, I rolled up my sleeves and I've got a pixie cut so my hair is already short. I looked like a boy. And after feeling so down and anxious about my gender identity, I looked at myself in the mirror and I got this surge of happiness, like I was MEANT to be a boy. But the thing is I don't mind being a bit girly sometimes...Not often but...I'm still questioning, this is really confusing.
+Alyssa Mackenzie you can be who ever you want good luck c: in trans too. but I can't apear as a man yet due to people in my school bieng transphobic and some of my family too.
What I'd you e only recently started feeling the discomfort? I was always put in dresses from I was very little, I used to love make-up, but it all feels wrong now. I started feeling like this a year or so ago, but the more I think about it the more I realise it's always felt wrong. There's always been something out of place.
Well when your younger you don't have really a feminine body, I mean it's there, but not as prominent. So when you went through puberty, you probably noticed more that you don't like it. It's okay
Hi, I'm 12 years old (female) and I'm really confused. Ever since I was 3 years old, I've ALWAYS felt like a boy. NEVER a girl.. Around ages 4-9 I always pretended to like girly things, even though I hated them. And when i was 10, i pretty much went full boy. I wore ONLY boys things to school, and I felt HAPPY. I felt in the right position. My parents wouldn't let me cut my hair or wear suits and stuff like that. They would always just say "You're a GIRL. Not a boy." And they still do. Now, I wear mostly gender neutral clothes, and people call me a tomboy and a lesbian. It's so annoying. My voice is also REALLY deep, like REEEEALLY deep. Even people at school said it.. My voice sounds just like my 14 year old brother's voice. I'm also cutting my hair really short in 6 or 7 days, and I'm a bit scared about it. I don't wanna get judged, but I think I'm gonna have to deal with it. I've never told anyone that I feel like a boy.. No one really asks. So what am I? Someone help! Does anyone feel the same??
Your comment is now a few month old but I'm gonna answer anyway. The only person who can answer the question "what am I?" is you. People can help bit in the end it's always you and just you who can answer this. I would definitely recommend talking to someone you trust and feel safe with if you feel ready. And always remember that it's okay to be confused about your gender, sexuality or whatever. For me it sounds a lot like you don't feel comfortable being considered a girl. But I'm not you and I don't know you so I can't really tell you if you are transgender non-binary or whatever.
I was born a girl and the second you said "what if someone sees you as a he and calls you a he?" I started crying because the thought of being called a he just feels so right. Thank you so much for this video. I needed this.
Did someone in family mess with u win u were little cuz my family all used me and that all I new thier were many adults passed me around and I thought I loved it
I was born female but I'm questioning my gender. I also thought I was a lesbian but now my attraction towards boys has grown a lot and sometimes it's difficult to seperate wanting to be with a boy and wanting to be one. But I'm kind of afraid to admit that to anyone because I'm worried that if I am Male, they will doubt my transition
As a kid i had a lot of acess to internet and i used to pretend to be a boy on games such as animal jam or club penguin just for fun. Then, growing up, i got my period at the age of 11 and i didn't care at all, but as soon as my family started calling me a lady i got angry and couldn't understand why. After that, i started pretending i was a boy again on the internet, but this time on social media. It made me feel more comfortable and happier overall. I soon realized that i could just... You know? Ask for my friends to refer to me on other ways, so i asked them to use masculine pronouns on me and i've never stopped ever since! Sometimes i doubt myself, so it's good to have somewhere to talk about it even if nobody listens to it. It makes me feel more valid.
Who I want to sleep WITH is less important than who I want to go to sleep AS. I was assigned female at birth and never felt that was who/what I was, though I couldn't verbalize those feelings that way. I grew up during the 60s and 70s; being transgender was never discussed or even known widely. The first time I ever even heard about such was Rene Richards and that was presented almost as if related to being transexual, which as societally presented as cross-dressing gone to a medical result. Mine was a long development as I learned over decades without the internet or wide public (news) discussions as to what was possible. I wanted to be a boy since I was 3-4 and made my wishes known (that I didn't want girl toys, clothes or activities), but (again) not in that way. I always looked boyish, despite gaining weight once I started school. I always thought that I gained the weight due to wearing glasses at 6, but now think it may have been that I was REQUIRED to be in a girl role in school: wearing DRESSES or SKIRTS, girlish activities, etc. Anyway, now, later in life, I gladly accept that I am a transgender man. Due to life issues, I've only been able to even start T just over a year ago, at 61. Long road. Read, research and realize.
I'm born female, but there are times where I look away from the mirror because of it. there is that thought of being a boy but I don't know for serenity that I'm not a girl. but my hate for my female body and my preference to be a boy isn't an all the time thing it's like the dysforia is episodic and my mum always says "your my little princess" "your my girls" "I love my girlies" (I'm a twin) so I just feel so confused and like I'm on the verge of tears. using "she" makes me wanna cry but "he" makes my feel scared and I know I'm not nonbinary the only thing I am, is anxious and uncomfortable I really just don't know 🙁❓❔❓🙁
hey! im cameron. im ftm. lately ive been having a lot of anxiety about my gender because im overthinking it so much. i look feminine and being 15 its hard to accept that im not a girl. i grew up calling myself a girl and hearing others call me a girl and it feels so weird and unnatural. i often wear hoodies and jeans and occasionally a little makeup to cover acne and my undereye circles. that makes me feel better but it doesnt get rid of the dysphoria and i don't have the confidence to cut my hair or whatever. i cant come out to my family. i have great parents but they are transphobic and the only people who really accepts me is my friends. on amino i made an acc under the name Cameron and i feel so much more confident under that name. i made friends easier than my original acc with my birthname. i have a lot of friends irl and online and they make it all easier
This helped a lot. Last year around this time I was questioning my gender identity. Biologically, I am female. However, at that time, I didn't feel that I was female but, I didn't feel exactly male either. However, I did prefer male physical features over female. And, scouts honor, I did try this. I went to CVS and bought make up, and did my make up to look male. (Played with shadowing and gave myself a beard) I preferred this look over my biological female features but, I wasn't completely satisfied. I gave it thought as to maybe, that was the first time I've ever done any sort of make up on myself and it just didn't look good or, I just wasn't feeling the male look as much as I thought I would. I never really minded people calling me she but, in relationships (I am a lesbian) I also really preferred the dominant rule. I also didn't mind my name. But one thing that still bugs me even today is my body. It's way too feminine for my liking. But, it's not enough to give me extreme dysmorphia. But from time to time, I'll catch myself looking in mirror and saying, "Well, this really sucks." But anyway, thanks for the help!
This is the same with me I like my name and being called she or her but I hate my breasts and I like male attributes my mum and dad are very understanding but I'm only 12 and I've not hit puberty yet so I think i might wait until I hit puberty then if I still feel the same I'll proceed from there
In my country, a "written in stone" requirement is that it has to be persistent since the age of 3. How messed up is that. Also, to go to a gender specialist, you're required to have a parent present. AS AN ADULT, you need a parent present. This breaches patient confidentiality laws and I'm not ready for my parents to know again. I told them before, but they didn't take it well. So I put myself back in the closet. That was 5-6 years ago when I was still a teen. And now that these feelings have come back stronger than ever as an adult, I need to address them.
love you top, and the banners in the background. I've kinda done the opposite most my life. Trying to act male. When I decided to be me I was relieved . thanks for sharing..
Me too. I've always tried to act hyperfeminine to hide the fact that I didn't feel like a girl at all. Now I'm starting to embrace the masculinity I tried to suppress for so many years, and I'm pretty happy. Of course sometimes it feels awkward because I'm afraid people won't take me seriously and only call me the right pronouns to be patronising.. but I think I just need to get used to it because I know presenting as a guy would make me feel so much better in the long run.
I've always been fascinated by the idea of being female instead of male and i also "pretended" to be female on the internet for a long time and recently I've been noticing that i am much happier being called by female pronouns and overall feel very uncomfortable in my male body and I'm pretty sure I am a girl now I'm planning on coming out as trans to my parents this week
Some times I feel not like a girl and I always feel different then others and I always felt uncomfortable with my self When I was a little girl I was the most girly girly girl u could meet and I loved dresses but now I hate to wear them and now I don't know what to do?
Don't worry. This sort of thing happens to a lot of girls. Just BE. Embrace your womanhood, embrace all the parts of yourself. It's great to be a woman. Don't ask yourself too many questions. Don't waste your time, your energy, your ĺife. Think of your goals, your dreams. Think of your talents, develop them. Pursue meaning, not happiness. Do breathing exercises. Stay in your body. It does not matter if you don't always fit in. It doesn't matter if there are male facets in you too. Embrace them as well. Reconcile with all your fragments. Don't binge watch videos about transgenderism. Otherwise it will influence you, like hypnotism. Try to heal from your childhood traumas. Maybe some of your emotional needs have been unmet. Maybe you have been abused emotionally or physically. Think of your dreams beyond your gender. Don't question your gender, you don't have to. Don't repress your reason. Listen to your heart and to your conscience. Face your fears and try to take a practical step to achieve a dreams.
I really liked your point of acting your assigned gender, I reached a point where I am TIRED with the uphill battle of being the role others have put on me!
These videos of how families stick by child NO MATTER what along w/how child is not at such an early age the child has felt stuck in wrong body has helped my son express himself SO MUCH! It helps him feel he's not alone, a freak & puts the conversation started with questions into words he can express properly. Thank you for helping him put his feelings into words he couldn't or didn't know how to express how was feeling inside.
Kudos to you as well for supporting your son! We're working together to make this a better world for everyone to be able to express themselves. Glad to hear the video helped. :)
I was wondering if I am trans. I am born a female but I feel really uncomfortable wearing skirts, dresses, short shorts and other girly clothes even though I go to an all girls school so we're forced to wear skirts. In my spare time, I wear my hand me down from my older brother and recently cut my hair short. Many strangers call me a boy or male and I feel really happy. I don't feel so nice when people call my female or girl. When I was younger, like 3 to 6, I always wanted to be Prince Charming or the boy roles but I dressed up like princesses because that's what I was told that girls are only allowed to be princesses and girls can never be boys. Am I trans?
I don't think anybody has the right to tell you if you are or not. It is your life. Yet let me share what it spontaneously makes me think of. You wrote that from 3 to 6 you wanted to be a little boy. A lot of little girls don't remember but in fact it is the case of all little girls. The psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud said that from 3 to 6, just before the age of reason, all the little girls feel penis envy and would like to be a boy. It is at this age they can compare themselves to the others and they notice they do not have a penis unlike little boys. They imagine they have nothing because their sexual organs are not visible. The little girls sometimes feel that they have nothing, no penis, (not even breasts like their mums) and are nothing. At the same age little boys don't feel penis envy at all since they have one, they feel castration anxiety because they imagine that girls had had a penis but it was cut off. It is also the Oedipal stage. The little boy is attracted to his mum the opposite sex and would like "to kill" his dad to keep his mummy to himself but he is afraid of castration. Once he starts identifying with his dad his fear of castration alleviates. The dad separates the little boy from his mum a little and introduces him to the outside world. It is the role of the father to separate the child from their mum. Little girls' first object of love is their mother like boys. Yet from the age of 3 to the age of 6 their father becomes their second object of love, they love their daddy and feel jealousy towards their mother. They can sometimes also feel jealousy towards their father because if they had had a penis they could have been their mother's lover. When they realise that they have the same sex as their mum and can identify with her they can move on. The Oedipal complex (the Electra Complex for the girl) is a major one for the construction of identity. When the Oedipal complex is not resolved puberty is more violent, more disturbing because it comes back to the surface. Sometimes a few external events and internal reactions have prevented the child from resolving this complex. For instance if the dad was absent or physically present but emotionally absent, or narcissistic or tyrannical or abusive (emotionally or physically ), if there was sexual abuse. Maybe the mother was too close to her child. She protected her infant but she kept overprotecting her child as if it were still an infant later on and smothered her child (maybe in some cases to protect the child from a malignant narcissist.) When there are traumas the child can't go through the stages smoothly. If the child lives in an unstable home it is difficult, if the child lives in an apparently perfect family but with stressed parents or parents who are too busy or with parents who have not healed themselves from their childhood traumas, the child's needs will not be met and he will have wounds and suffer from a deep shame and a fear of abandonnent, rejection. Maybe you are suffering from CPTSD (=Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) without knowing it. Please don't jump to conclusions. Remember that medical transitioning is very very unnatural and can be detrimental to your physical health and even in the long run to your mental health. Whether you are trans or not I believe that your body is your body. Embrace your brain and your body. Embrace all the parts of yourself. Maybe someone made you believe that you were less than and made you lose your confidence and your self-esteem. In fact there is nothing wrong with you. I know it is easier said than done sometimes but try to just BE. If you really can't maybe you need to heal from childhood traumas. Transitioning doesn't heal. Good luck. I wish you the best.
ive been questioning for a bit now. i feel fine with being called she/her or pretty much any pronouns but if someone says for example... my room was referred to the girls room and it made me really uncomfortable.
My male name is not to be disclosed at this time, but you can call me Jenny. I only cross-dress in women's clothing. Is cross-dressing a part of the transgender spectrum?
Dara, why do assume that someone who is uncomfortable with their gender is in some way "unaligned " with their biological sex??? (they may be "unaligned" with the cultural load/ expectations imposed on their body). The idea you push (and yes I realise yours is the culturally dominant idea right now) of bodies needing to be "aligned" with identities in a particular way is oppressive, and rejects much of the healthy and happy diversity in the ways the bodies, expressions and identities meet. Secondly, why do you claim that transgender narratives/ identities are the only way to express friction / discomfort with gender? ??A lot of people are gender critical - that is they challenge the rules imposed on our bodies and on our behaviours... Of course gender "frames" (makes rules about and tries to define) some things that are natural and important to ourselves, and we can feel unfortable if the rules say our ways of feeling belong with different bodies or social roles - but freedom is in challenging the rules that say these parts of ourselves have to "match" our bodies or "match" a bunch of cultural expectations in a particular way. Yes, there are some people who experience extreme and persistent body dysphoria (feel their body is wrong for them) and get some comfort from interventions which create something closer to the sex they would prefer to be (which also helps in appearing gender conforming, making body appearance atch gender if that is what they feel more comfortable with) -but most people either shifting gender (which is your social postition not your body) or challenging gender , grow to be happy in their bodies, regardless of their gender identity journey or gender strategies. Gender nonconformity is something to be celebrated , not resolved or cured. It isn't helpful to coach gender nonconforming and gender challenging people into a transsex "allignment" narrative (ie repeatedly pushing the idea of things needing to "match" as you have here). Of course we need treatment and compassion for people who are body dysphoric - but imposing body dysphoria ideas on gender non-conformity is oppressive. If people are questioning gender - great. If they are doubting the conformity solution you are offering - great too. Keep doubting people.. You don't need to become yourselves - you already are. You just might need to fight to be more free in expressing your diverse self - and to be free to keep changing and growing over a lifetime (that is what people who are free do). You will continue to be as you change and grow continuously over a lifetime, regardless of what identities strategies or boxes you chose. . "Identity" is a life-long dynamic story which develops over our lifetimes - not something we should be asked to "resolve" or stop questioning.
for example.. My body is either leaning towards feminine and healthy (im a guy) or moremasculine and Its not as healthy becaus ei lock a lot of mental pain in (this is the physical) then theres clothes. Have you seen clothing? Guys clothes suck and then for me I'm bisexual still but getting laid is only going to work as well if you shapeshift towards the binary, body mind and lets face it, clothing/identity, so being choosy, different of opposite is not going to be 'ok' for waaay too many people still for many to choose to do so. But what if we are born not as opposite slices of pie but roaming free on the whole pie? I think there are all types of brainwashed people, trans, gay, straight, truckdrivers.. and then there are authentic people in all the same categories. hope this makes sense its late on full moon and my childhood memories are flooding back about my suppression of aspects of my own sexuality and gender mixup. This is huge stuff and chances are, it may not be gender for everyone but we all have something weve supressed about our true nature because most of our parents going back a few generations either did not beleive we had a soul, or that it belonged to some ideaology or religion or deity or something and so they naturally and rightly so, did their best to raise us whith what they know. Now a lot of the old generation are getting a second wind on their deepest needs as a soul spark too
I feel dirty and gross when someone calls me any type of thing connecting to female things I want he/them/him pronouns and short hair but I’m so scared to tell anyone I know only 1 person knows
I genuinely don't mean to belittle trans people and this is something I am genuinely trying to understand. Since nobody really knows how it 'feels' to be male vs female (we only have our own experience to draw from and nothing to compare it to). I have no issue with man wanting to adopt what they deem to be a feminine image or lifestyle (or vice versa) but the effort to "become" someone else seems instinctively unhealthy. It also seems that many people put far too much emphasis on how others see them, instead of learning to nurture and love themselves as they are. If it's the gender 'norms' that people feel uncomfortable with, shouldn't we work on smashing those rather than expecting people to change their identities to fit?
They aren't changing them to fit in, though. They're becoming what they've always felt they are. Like yeah, I was born female and I associate my personality as pretty feminine, but I still would like for my body to match what my mind tells me it should be. It's more of a "do it for your happiness" kinda thing. That's like dieting. Fat people who want to become skinny aren't always doing it for everyone else, they're most likely doing it for their own health or happiness.
Well this is my point. How could you possibly know what it is to 'feel' male or female, since every one of us only gets to experience our own minds. For me I feel like my gender is completely separate from my personality, I just happen to be female. If I had been born into a man's body I feel like I would still be 'me', I'd just be gay and not very sporty.
hi maybe i can help. the idea of "feeling male" or "feeling female" is a very personal thing. for many people, it is something they can't put words to. they just know. it's kind of like love. you can't see it or pin down one universal definition but people still feel it. although gender is a social construct that does not mean it isn't real. basically everything is a social construct but we live in the real physical world in which these constructs have real life effects and functions. so for trans people like me, we experience something called dysphoria which can be extremely uncomfortable and distressful. our physical being does not match up to how we feel on the inside. although you said you don't think you would feel any different if you were suddenly in a male body, many people would. study's have found that there is evidence of an internal gender identity in the brain. whether or not you believe these studies does not matter. sure, it's nice to say that society should change and not trans people but that is unrealistic and discouraging to hear when you are struggling with disphoria NOW. a genderless world would be very freeing but until we reach that point, trans people will need to transition for their own, well being, identity, and safety :)
It's interesting - other than the fact that I'm heterosexual and am attracted to men, I really wouldn't have a clue/strong feeling about what gender I was unless I had been told/raised that way. I don't 'feel' like a woman at all, but I don't 'feel' like a man either. I am just 'me'. If I grew a penis tomorrow I would like to think I could adjust to life as a gay man without changing 'who' I am, if you get my drift. But then that's probably easy for me to say.
What if your mind is diametrically opposed to your body, since you can remember? You've had wishes and dreams of things that are diametrically opposed to your imposed gender role and physical sex, and such things. However, since you've lived as your assigned gender role, you've grown accustomed to it; have certain desires that require you to remain your assigned gender. Also, you feel your feelings would be exacerbated due to always knowing you'd never "truly" physically be the person you feel you are. What would you suggest?
I know a lot of people who can really relate to what you are saying. It comes down to 1st - figuring out how uncomfortable/inauthentic you feel you are being right now. 2nd - how much are you able to handle that and for how much longer. 3rd - figuring out ways, even if they are little at first, that you can move more towards being more comfortable/authentic. And 4th - knowing that you can do this over a long period of time, trying one thing out at a time, seeing how you feel as you get older. From what I can tell the older one gets, the more one gets fed up with living what feels like a lie. To be able to do all of this you need to find support, be it from people currently in your life, friends you make online, a counselor... Don't do it alone! :)
Dara Hoffman-Fox I'm 29. Have had periods of contemplating dismemberment/suicide. But always come around to the fact neither of those would solve anything (well, unless I find out we actually are reincarnated in human form... then I'll just be pissed I didn't do it sooner >_
Here's some ideas for when you're feeling that way, which of course I can understand why you do! 1. Having a counselor you can talk to about it - especially if this is something you struggle with frequently - getting to the bottom of it and finding solutions is key! 2. Transgender Suicide Hotline (phone) www.lauras-playground.com/transgender_suicide.htm 3. Transgender Chat Room and Online Suicide Prevention Help www.lauras-playground.com/chat.htm 4. Finding trans* persons online who are comfortable with you sharing how you are feeling. Here are some online groups, to get you started: www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender www.reddit.com/r/transpositive www.reddit.com/r/transgender www.reddit.com/r/rainbow www.reddit.com/r/lgbt
Hey, Dara. I'm a pre-T trans male. I came out a few months ago to everyone I know, and started going to my own gender therapist, and now I'm waiting on my letter to start hormone treatment. It's interesting that you mention acting like the gender you're expected to be and not being your true self because my mom will not believe that I am a guy since I tried conforming as a female for her and others for so long. I always felt uncomfortable in my biological sex, but after coming out my dysphoria is even worse. I used to not really be bothered by being referred to as female, even though it felt wrong, but now when straight guys hit on me, or people I meet call me a she, I get so angry and it makes me feel so uncomfortable.
I've had a lot of clients say that the further they moved away from their "expected" and "assigned" gender at birth, the more it bothers them when they are misgendered. Makes total sense! Am glad you are on your way to starting HRT, good luck to you!
My path took me where a lot of people are afraid of. I'm on my own, I have no friends, no family, no nothing. I was working for this one company. A woman came up to me and let me know she was a lesbian. She flirted with me a lot. So, one day we were talking. So I outed myself to her. She said she already knew and how brave she thought I was for being FtM. I stopped her and corrected her. I told her I was MtF. All of a sudden she started to attack me verbally. All of a sudden I'm a disgrace, I'm disgusting, and a pervert. Later that day I lost my job. When people ask me why did it take so long to come out.....no comment necessary.....
Heyy there i have this problem, can anyone help? Ive been feeling like i was trans for years, and ive never had any doubt in my mind about it, and yesterday i finally came out to my mum, and suddenly, for some reason, i literally dont feel trans at all. like i suddenly feel extremely okay with being a boy. Wtf???
I’ve thought about what it would be like to be a girl off and on since like high school but I never really took it serious bc it was mainly just random shower thought and was never that moment where I was like “im for sure trans” but now I think about it more often and that paired with my coming out as non-binary last august makes it kinda feel more real but idk bc im not one of those people that has always known they were in the wrong body, im just one of those people that hates my body and hates being a guy bc im non-binary and I wanna present more feminine and it’s hard bc facial hair and male parts and not having the right body shape to dress feminine like I wanna and not knowing how to do makeup and being really bad at painting my nails and kinda wanting SRS but bottom surgery is expensive and wanting to get on hormones.
Somehow I feel uncomfy, almost embarrassed being called a guy (I'm biologically female) and my girl name and she/her feels "lighter" but he/him and seeing other guys creates this longing, jealous ache in my heart and I feel like I relate more to guys and like accidentally refer to myself as if I was a guy and wanted to be a guy when I was younger, but then idk... I literally don't even know what I want anymore because I've been questioning for so long
i go back and forth between thinking im either a female butch lesbian or a trans guy and i wish i could just figure it out already. i want to love myself as i am but when idk who i am its hard.
Hello, I know I'm way late to commenting on this. But I'm quite unsure if I am transgender, I am 15 years old and I've basically always liked male clothes, I remember always going and looking at them. My mom would always make me wear dresses and all of that jazz. In either 6th or 7th grade was the first time I had my hair really short. I had always worn baggier clothes, I remember people asking after I had cut my hair "who's the new guy" "what's his name" and I remember smiling about it. Last year I had told my Dad that I wanted to talk to someone and so he took me to this girl and she just so happen to be my old therapist. She basically said that everything I was saying(about feeling more masculine) was bs and I'm only thinking this way from my past. I came out of there crying my eyes out and crying the entire way home. On and off for years I kept saying to myself "it's just a phase" and it's made me so confused about my gender. I've been saying I'm genderfluid for about a year and a half to two years. Why I say that is because I like the more masculine things but I also like makeup. But I hardly wear makeup. I also have two separate Facebook accounts, one male and one female. Just yesterday on my male account I had complimented someone and they said "Thank you Chris" and my heart fluttered and it made me so happy. So now I'm trying to figure out if I am transgender. Please reply if you can, thank you :)
Dara, it has been about 8 months since I first watched this video,although I already knew I was trans ,still this video gave me inspiration and in fact I have pinned it as a welcome video in a top trans support group on FB ,,,a few people have came to me in secret after viewing and it helped them discover something about themselves,,,I refer them to the rest of your vids and they all enjoy them ,,you are too cool my friend ,,,
Lately I've been really confused on whether or not I am transgender FTM. When I was a child, I never wore dresses or skirts. I went through a phase in my life where I dressed really girly, but through that entire time I was really depressed. And then I started to wear makeup and my depression got even worse. I've always worn gender neutral clothes. When I was in middle school I loved it when people would mistake me for a boy from behind. I'm going to be a senior in highschool and although I am bisexual I mostly attracted to guys, but I've had straight girls have a crush on me before. And I always really like the attention even though I didn't like them back and I would always say that the reason why they liked me was because I was like a guy but everything they wanted in a girl. And once I even forgot my own gender and I thought I was a boy for a split second. I would always pick male characters in a duo. And in choir I always wanted to be the male part in the duet. I always tell everyone "okay, I'll do it but as long as I get to be the guy." And I realized lately that I feel really uncomfortable in my body and I thought that it was just because I insecure about my weight. But then I lost about 30 pounds and I still felt uncomfortable. And I didn't realize until now that I have symptoms of dysphoria. I want to get a binder and get men's clothes just to see if I feel better but I'm afraid to ask my parents. I told my friend that I think I might be trans. And she was pretty shocked but she just started helping me come up with male names. And I was really happy. I'm just afraid of inconveniencing my friends and disappointing my parents. But I want to know for sure if I am trans before I start to tell people I am. But I don't know how to figure it out. Sometimes though, I like to put on makeup. And wear necklaces and perfume and paint my nails. But not all the time. I feel wrong whenever I do. I feel uncomfortable and like a freak. Kind of like everyone's looking at me because I'm a boy wearing girl clothes. Even though I know they're not. I know that I look normal. But on the inside. I hurt.
I like being called sweetie and darling by women. An interesting point. Previously, as my male-presenting self, I couldn't NOT take it somewhat flirtatiously when a woman would use those terms. Now, I'm flattered rather than conflicted about whether I should respond to some perceived come-on. On the subject of pronouns, since I'm still a biologically functioning male, I don't mind being called he or him. I also don't mind if I'm called ma'am or miss because of how I'm dressed. But that's just me.
Hey, my name is Alexandria, but I prefer Alex. I also have a question about my gender, and if I am transgender, how to come out to my family. I am 12 years old and I am female. I absolutely hate wearing dresses (even though I have about a dozen of them) and when I was younger I always stayed away from barbie dolls and makeup kits and things of that nature. My hobbies are welding, working on cars, cooking, doing crafts, making and playing music, cosplaying (mostly as guys), and reading books. When I cosplay and roleplay I tend to stick to the male characters because I like the sound of their names better than the female names and their character structure is more alike me than the girls. The guys clothes tend to be more appealing to me as well. I prefer they/them pronouns right now but I don't mind she/he pronouns. I do have dysphoria (I think that is how you spell it) and I do suffer from depression, anxiety attacks (not too often), and suicidal thoughts. I am panromantic and still unsure about my sexuality. Please do tell me your opinion and your answer.
I'm sorry if this sounds weird, but after using this video to receive some useful information regarding gender, I have begun listening to it to help me drift off to sleep. You have a very soothing voice, I think you'd make a wonderful ASMR artist, but I'm sure you're probably too busy to be doing all of that. Anyway, off topic now...thanks very much for posting this :)
Wow, that is so kind of you to say! I actually have a friend who asked me to make a recording of me reading anything to help him sleep lol. I have heard about ASMR and find it fascinating. Perhaps I will look into it at some point. :) Take care...
I know i’m not 100% a female (i was assigned female at birth) but i also don’t feel 100% male. I’m out as trans ftm right now and it’s starting not to feel right anymore. When i was in school i was so sure but now i’m starting to doubt it.
Thanks, for the past 6 months I have been wondering If I was trans or not. I have been all alone and just dealing it with it myself,which as you said drove me nuts. I'am now seeking a therapist in Canada, and hopefully getting my answers :)
Hi Dara, I'm a 46yo female questioning my identity. I've NEVER felt like a female. I've hated being addressed as such. I CANT CANT CANT wear women's clothes or accessories. I've worn men's clothes since I could pick and buy my own clothes. The purpose for writing is to acknowledge and embrace the fact that I feel like I'm male and that when I try to portray a woman, I look like a fricken clown especially the one in the original IT. Thank you for your video. Lucky Tutor
+Reygan Kiewiet Since your parents are being supportive so far of you being pansexual that gives me hope that they will be opening to listening to what you'd like to share about possibly being FtM. You know them best - would it be best to sit them down and talk to them in person? Start with an email? Also think about if you should have any information with you to share that can help answer their questions. Plan on it involving lots of conversations over a long period of time - just get the first part about, let them know you are wanting to explore this, and that you are taking it one step at a time. Good luck!
Personally I've never had issues about my pronouns and my name (Erika) for some reason never felt feminine to me. I didn't think it was masculine but I always saw it as more gender neutral for some reason, and in my country there are barely any gender neutral names so I find it interesting how I thought that. I've read some of this woman's book on this exact issue, figuring out one's gender identity, and I STRONGLY recommend it to anyone
Im a born female and i wish i was a guy i hate my chest but I don’t care being called a female and im so confused. I feel like everyone wont believe me and what if i get it wrong? I grew up with no gender pressures and was able to like what ever i wanted to like. Everytime im called a guy or my masc name it makes me super happy.
I've been trying to figure myself out for about 2 years now. I hate my body, especially my chest, but I'm pretty indifferent about what's in my pants and what pronouns people use. I hate long hair, I've been shaving mine, and I only wear boys clothes. But I can't decide if I'm trans or just a masculine girl. I've always acted however I wanted to, so there isn't much I can do to experiment with this. I'm planning to buy a binder with my Christmas money, but besides that I have nothing. My mom knows, but we can't afford therapy, so she's saying I should look for groups in the city (I have, but the only thing I've found is a group for LGBT teens that just acts as a safe area for them to hang out), and/or try talking to my trans friends, which I'm not comfortable with. I'm exclusively male online, and when an irl friend tells someone or says she online, it feels like they're outing me.
Dude, I actually have no idea. When I was a kid, I basically just went along with whatever my parents said I had to do, which included the way I dressed, and I never really felt weird about it or anything, it was just kinda how it was. When I got older, I didn't really think about if what I was wearing was more masculine or feminine, I would just wear whatever I liked, some days that meant more boyish outfits, others, that meant a purple dress. After I got a bit older I stopped wearing dresses and opted for more traditionally masculine clothing for the most part, and I cut my hair short because I've always wanted to try to visualize what a male version of me would look like. Because of the change in my gender expression, when I go outside people often confuse my pronouns, and will sometimes jump from he to she to they all in one sentence, and to be completely honest, I'm not bothered by any one of those pronouns, they all feel okay. I don't really have many problems with my name, but I don't like my hips or boobs, but not to the point where I'd consider testosterone (mostly cause it shortens your lifespan and makes you more susceptible to heart conditions, and those are a huge risk in my family, so I don't wanna die), but at certain times I'll look in a mirror and register myself as a boy, and I'll start thinking about possibly getting top surgery or going on t, but then I start to question if I'm faking, and the next day I might feel a little more femanine, and start to think I AM just faking it, but this cycle won't stop and it's kinda stressfull
I came out to my parents 2 years ago..I’ll be turning 16 in june and I want to start seeing a gender therapist but I don’t know how to talk them about it :(
I used to get that when I was about 6. you have to be a bit careful there were 2 of us. you look inside and youre a girl. then they find it was real. then you have to go back to normal, and then you get gender role, that's now supposed to be gone, but you still get problems with people who still call you or expect you to be this thing that dosent exist. I screamedddd at being called mr sir he or similar. that's now also legally gone anyway. and then it went don't calllll meeee a boyyyyy in the end. I saw some of the doctors and said "I don't need a sex change I am the right sex, its just that its a girl" . we found it was. the worst problem is just fixing it , coping is easy. but its just being able to walk in as a girl again as I did in the first place. I think the song goes I believe a little part of you inside of me will never die" (duran duran). that remains the case x
dara have a question for you.i am a middle aged transgender woman.am on hrt and have a therapist.the problem i have r all the x dressers who think they can put on a cheap wig and dress and say they r a woman.i thought cross dressing was considered a fetish. why do they feel they have the rite to use the ladies restroom ?? i still stand to pee so its either the mens room or a single use.why do so many think its all about themselves ?? with no consideration 4 others
Hello! So as of a couple months ago I have really started to question my gender. I tried to explain it to a friend by saying "I don't always want to be a girL". By that I mean I want to be a boy. Growing up I never wanted to play with "girl toys", or wear more feminine things, and I would look at my parents and tell them I am a boy. They always told me I was wrong and now I almost feel like I don't want to accept that I might be because I was told I wasn't for such a long time. When I walk by strangers I always hope they use he/him pronouns and I hate when I'm called ma'am. Once I got to college I was able to dress more how I wanted to but my parents still give me grief about EVERYTHING. Like as simple as wearing boxers. So basically I'm just really trying to figure all this out but I'm having a hard time. Also money is super tight with me because I am currently having to pay for my medications and seeing a mental health professional so I don't know where to get a reasonable binder.
The problem is, if I’m trans, Mom’d probably be heartbroken. She had 2 boys, and prayed for a girl. Even though doctors told her it was risky to have a third child, she had one anyway. It’d be like a cruel joke if I told her I’m a guy. Oh? You thought you had a girl for 15 years? SYKE! Dad always likes putting his arm around my shoulders and generally just being possessive of me. Would he be heartbroken if I was a boy? Probably. What would my brothers think? What about my half sister and Grandma who love to give me makeup and clothes? (At least my half brother doesn’t seem to care about us) What about my friends? I know, I know, I shouldn’t let other people keep myself from happiness, but I really love my mom and she risked her health just to get a girl...
Ive been thinking about trans and if I am ftm trans for the past 5 months. I don't know if this is just some long phase, and I certainly don't know if I'm just self assigning something that isn't true. I'm scared because I look into the mirror and I feel so disgusted seeing body certain body parts developing (like hips, chest area, etc.). I really don't know what to think about this anymore and I can't get this thought out of my head. I'm only 13, so this should be just a phase right?
I remember growing up thinking, "maybe I was born in the wrong body... No, I have girl parts. I'm not a boy." Nor did I think I wanted them. I had no idea back them that gender was 'hearts not parts' 😄. Recently I learned that you don't have to get 'boy parts' to consider yourself trans. And that has me questioning my gender further.
I wish you were my therapist..unfortunately my parents won’t get me any and where I live there isn’t any gender therapist :/ guess I’ll have to wait a few more years lol And thank you, your videos really help me !
I am I girl now, but I feel like being a male, but I also love makeup, and some girly things, but I hate looking like a girl, i only have three friends that are female, and everyone else that im friends with are boys I try to make friends that are make so i seem less femin (I can't spell) I would love to dress as a boy and be called he and be known as a boy. But my entire family would hate me. With the hate of me liking girls already makes me have really bad depression and I'm just confused. But I would love being male, and be called jake. I have always been questioning my gender, even my friend doesn't except the fact that there are trans people. I just need something to help me or someone but I don't have any friends or family that agree with lgbt.
I've been questioning since last year I'm a girl but when people call me he/him it makes me happy I want short hair and I'm a tomboy but I dk someone pls help :)
I'm born a girl but as a child I always wanted to me a boy. Now as a teenager I don't think I'm transgender but may be bisexual. Can someone go through a transgender phase?
toby cralax There wasn't a "reply" link under your message, so hopefully you'll see this! It's really important you find an adult to talk to about this, and as soon as possible. Preferably a counselor at your school, so they can help you talk with your parents about this. There's lots of information out there to help parents understand what is going on with you, and how important it is that you are able to explore options with them about what to do. Let me know if your counselor or parents need more information, ok?
I have already asked my friends to use my new pronouns, "he/him" but my best friend says she doesnt like that, she says I was born Female, and I will never be male. I dont like being a female, I want to be different. My now gender doesnt satisfy me. I don't like it. I want to be male. I cut my hair and I wear male clothes, I feel male, not female. I dont understand why some people dont accept me... I need some help. I need answers but I have no one to talk to.
I just turned 15 and I am questioning my gender. I just came out to my parents as Pansexual, and I realized I can only see myself with a girl as a boy, and a boy as a boy. The only make up I use is to try to make myself look more masculine and I feel kind of... hurt? inside when people use feminine pronouns for me. I like my name yeah, but I like my more masculine nick name better, Kai. I've been trying so hard for as long as I can remember to get my friends and family to call me that normally but they don't and it makes me sad. I hate dresses and skirts and pretty much all feminine clothing, I am a bit of a 'fasonista' but not for myself, only my friends. I'm like the only girl in my family and it just doesn't feel natural. Ever sense birth I was pushed into this feminine role. my mom always said she tried to keep everything gender neutral because she ran a daycare, but I was the only girl, my family went berserk. I thought because my brothers got the cool toys I wasn't allowed to play with them. Even with my barbies though I would play things like dungeons and dragons. And more often than not I'd wish I had more male dolls to play as. I hate my chest and 'private areas' and I just don't know anymore.
I can't tell if my depression caused my recurrent gender dysphoria (scapegoating, grass is greener on the other side type thinking) or if my recurrent dysphoria is causing my depression. It doesn't matter anyway I guess. I did however buy a wig and put make up on, the last time it flared up, but its subsided again for the most part. I think actual transgender people have it non stop? I don't know.
I'm really late but I want to tell my story and see if anyone can help Hi, my name is Angelo and I was born a girl but identify as male. I remember that I started feeling uncomfortable with my body at 8 years old, but I remember liking pink and "girly things". When I was 11 I found out what transgender was, and came out to my mom as transgender, she said it's a "phase". Anyways, at 12 I got a haircut, and I got so happy. I started to use male pronouns with my boyfriend (I'm bisexual) and social media, and it felt so good. Now, I'm 15 and have a different boyfriend. I identified as gender fluid for a while, cause I believed it could actually be a phase. Turns out it's not. This year everything has gotten worst, I can't see myself in the mirror, can't use dresses, or anything "femenine". I told my boyfriend about it and he wasn't happy at all. I love him a lot but I don't know what to do. I feel stuck. Feel like I shouldn't have been born. And I don't know how to speak to my mom again. Can anyone help me? + I'm sorry, my English isn't the best I speak Spanish
If you can, you should definetly talk to a professional. A gender therapist would probably be best, but even if that's not available, you should seek out a "normal" therapist. Maybe try out different things, like binding and/or packing, that generally "help" with dysphoria. There's a lot of trans people on the internet that give really good tips about it, so you just have to see what helps you. Try to talk with your mom. Tell her what you are feeling and maybe you can figure out something together. For some people, getting hormones and all the operations available is the right way, for others it's not, but you sadly have to figure most that out by yourself or in cooperation with a professional or someone you really trust. I hope this at least helps a little :)
It makes me seriously happy when people treat me as a lady call me female pronouns. I still uncomfortable on my male body. Even when I’m cross dressing. I love being a female that’s the way I am. I’m planning to get hrt. My discomfort is so long. I just hope I get to change my current gender role.
I have been feeling...different since about 4 months ago.. I was born a girl but now as a 11 year old I feel like I'm uncomfortable in my body and want to be a boy.. Am I transgender? How do I tell my parents?
Can't believe it took me this long to watch this one, Dara. Wonderful and informative :) What is your advice for those of us who would really like to seek therapy to discover where we're going, but find it prohibitively expensive?
Hello to you over on this side of the cyber world! :) Some ideas to find less expensive counseling would be to: - See if any therapists in your area have interns who charge either nothing or near to nothing for counseling (I have an intern and this works really well!). - Contact your nearest Pride Center and see if they have counseling or if they know of counselors who offer sliding scale counseling. - Ask any counselor if they are willing to do sliding scale - you may be surprised, especially if you meet with them face to face and ask. - Although they aren't licensed as counselors there are also life coaches out there who could be helpful, and who aren't charging as much. - See if you can find out if there is an agency in your area that offers low cost counseling. Hope that helps!
My parents wouldn't let me go to a gender therapist or anything like that, so I'm too scared to ask. I think I'll just wait until I move out to really embrace it?
That might be the hard truth, but if it's what feels right to you then yes. Here is a video I made that might help too: th-cam.com/video/3_eQr6jmmBY/w-d-xo.html
ok so i’m really really late but if anyone see this i need advice. i’m biologically female but i want to be a guy. i’m gonna run through everything. starting at age 11 i learned what trans was and that night i decided i was trans and wanted to change my name, change my life and everything to become a boy. my dreams were crushed the next morning because i woke up and realized it’s not something that’s easy. i continued to feel like that then around 12 i came out as non binary, and used the name theo. it didnt fit completely me though. then my dad talked to me and i felt so bad about coming out, i put myself back in the closet. i’ve never been close to him and when he has conversations with me my anxiety controls things so rather than continuing to identify as non binary i went back to she/her. 13 i talked to my mom (i’m close to her but not as close as i could be) and she got me a binder. i’m pretty sure my dad knew about it but i still tried to hide it from him. at night times, i cried and literally prayed, begging to let me wake up and be a guy. now i’m 14. cry at night about not being a guy still. but i still doubt myself. i make myself think i’m faking it even though i’d have no reason to be. i also am just scared, because in some ways i don’t want my life to change a whole bunch. i have a crush on a guy and i want to end up dating him but he’s straight and it’s one of the main things making me try to convince myself i’m faking it. it’s a stupid reason though.
I am terrified of transitioning at 60, but don't see any other way to happiness; have I left it too long
good luck!!
Go for it 😊😊
No way!! Your still gonna live as the gender you’ve always meant to be❤️
be true to you
In this case age is just a number. Go for it, it's your life.
Hi, I'm Leo. I told my mom I don't feel like a girl and that I am a boy. She said I'm just being brainwashed by the media or something like that... She always says to me, almost every day, that I'm not a boy, and that I can never be a real boy. I want to be called a he and be called my new name so badly... but my mom always ends up bringing up the fact that I was born female and I can't be anything else. I feel like I can't tell my step dad, biological dad, or brother because I know they will react the same... I've asked all of my friends to call me my new name and pronouns, but nobody has, I guess they're trying though. Anyway, I just really needed to say all of this, so I posted it here where I hopefully will be accepted. Thank you for reading all of this.
I forgot to say I'm pansexual, haha.
Hey just Keep strong I saw a link in another one of the comments callhimhunter.wordpress.com/ally-moms/ I haven't visited it but from what i read it's a good place for support and advice. Good luck Bud :D
+Tobias Todd Thank you so much :) I'll definitely check that out right now!!
Awesome I hope all goes well for you. :D
fite me irlTM same my mom says I'm girl and just bashes me with it everyday by saying "hey baby GIRL" just like that
I can't explain how I feel, honestly. Being female (I'm lesbian, by the way. I hate being female but I love girls) I feel..trapped. I feel trapped in my body. Like I wish I could change something. Like, I want to change my entire experience. I wish I was male. But I'm scared. And I feel dirty and weird whenever someone uses female pronouns on me. Whenever I see males, I'm overcome with a strong jealously. I'm jealous of males because I wish I was one.
me too with the jealousy, and I have so much envy of it that it's damaging me more than ever.
That's exactly how I feel, (but I guess the other way around)
A dance party thing where I saw a bunch of girls in dresses and being jealous kinda made me half realize it.
I feel this toward men, as well! I'm so jealous of how they get to interact in relationships, how they are treated in professions, at the gym (they can get as big/strong as they want, and no one bats an eye.) I've always just pushed this down because I felt like there was nothing I can do about it.
Ryans editz he/him lesbians are totally valid!
You can ask yourself do i want to bang her or do i want to be her? (Take it with humor)
I want to be a boy but I'm just wondering if this is a phase...
Morgan Kon how old are you?
If like 13
I think you should take your time for a month or so and see if it's keeps
It was a phase for me. But then again, I'm a guy so no longer wanting to be a boy might be not be normal for me.
I’m wondering the same thing but if I want to be a female
This comes pretty late, but I thought I could give you some advice. It might be a phase, and it might not. But either way doesn't make what you feel any less valid, and I hope you are able to explore what you're feeling and how you express yourself. And in the end, only time will tell if how you feel will change.
I thought it might be a phase since I first started realizing it (I wasn't familiar with the term though but I was able to describe it, I lived in an extremely anti lgbtq area) so I just went with the flow for years and... In the end I didn't grow it out, it's the opposite, I grew in it and I felt the greatest gender euphoria admitting that I'm male.
I got addressed as Ma'am on social media yesterday and it made my heart skip a beat and made me incredibly happy.
I got called a bitch and that made me happy lol
Ok ma'am
I was at a reptile thing and I was holding a tarantula (no one is allowed to judge they are cute) and this women came up to me and says to her son "Look at that boy! He's holding a tarantula!" I felt so happy. Sadly it was probably because I was wearing a tie and my face was painted (I am a vampire for Halloween)
@@april_showers15 I've had a similar experience only a week ago where someone called me a girl and I had this deep visceral reaction to it of it feeling right and really great.
And then a lot of memories in my life came flashing back where I was like "Ohhh god damn this all makes so much more sense now".
I've been confused as to how such a little thing can trigger such a huge revelation and now I'm working through it and looking at stuff online to see how other people are going about it, but I'm really happy about it because it just feels right now I just have to sort through all the confusing bits that come with that but that's cool. ^^
A guy on Discord thought I was a girl one night and used feminine pronouns on me, I felt incredibly happy that night, and seriously considered the idea of being trans because I felt so comfortable with that label
I'm questioning my gender and have been for about a year now but when I was little I was the most girly girl possible and loved dresses, now I hate them. I'm so confused... I kinda want to be a guy but I'm not sure if I'm trans. I do experience some body dysphoria... I don't know what to do
That's just how I feel now.
oh my god me too
Don't worry about what you liked as a child, or even what you like now. You can like 'girls things' or 'boys things', and still be trans. Most say it is either a feeling of discomfort/hatred with your own body, or with how you are treated socially.
That's how I feel omfg
QT munchkin Same
Can I replace my therapist with you? You're so much more simple and less complicated lol.
Aw that's sweet of you to say. :) Are you in Colorado???
Welcome ^^ and Unfortunately I am not anywhere close. I'm all the way in Arkansas.
Ah bummer!
Aren't there Doctors that consult patients over the internet via apps like Skype? Might be hard to invoice insurance companies hence a personal expenditure but it could be a new market. Of course, a willingness to face personal expenditure would be another mark of dedication and it seems to me part of the question is how much you want the changes in your life.
@@darahoffmanfox what part from Colorado?? I’m from here too! And I so need a therapist about this...
When I was 11 I went through a “phase” of wanting to be a boy. Seeing how it upset my mum I told her it was just a phase. It’s come back (I’m 15 now) I never enjoyed being a girl, I felt comfortable with Male friends and talking like a boy. I’m loud and confident when I feel very masculine and I feel like if look so much better as a boy and I’d feel so much happier but I’m worried that it’s just a phase again :(
Edit: hi! It's been 2 and a half nearly 3 years or so since I made this comment which is crazy, I forgot about this until I got a notification on a commenter. A little update about how I'm doing: shortly after I made this comment I came out to my friends and family as a trans man and decided to make that terrifying huge step to coming out publically. I've now been identifying as a man, dressing as a man, using a binder, men hair cut and legal name change. Its been nearly 3 years being out as a trans man and I have not regretted a single thing. It's been a massive journey and I'm nowhere near finished with many surgeries coming up and exciting testosterone shots. I can't wait to be closest to my real self as possibly.
Also mens bathrooms stink of piss, come on boys, aim a little better (joking sort of)
Della Sheri maybe it’s not a phrase it probably came back because you might be
@@Ur_dreambfMatt yeah, the same here, it's likely that the phase is you trying to be "normal" and force yourself to forget all those stuff you feel and think, sticking to show yourself its a crazy idea and trying to be cool with being your fake gender, but every some amount of time the feeling and the thinking come back! I ignored myself lot of times since i was 8 till now I'm 23, but not anymore.
Question: How exactly do you think boys talk, because I don't think there's a gender to anything other than body. There is just as many styles of talking as personalities, for example I, as a man, have a very old fashioned way of talking, but just because I read a lot and was born in a country with lots of fairytales and myths as part of it's culture, gender plays no role here.
Long story short, I think it's not really that you're trans, but are just not a traditionally femminine girl.
@@lucad9667 I've been out as trans for nearly 3 years, dressing as a man, only being called male Pronouns and only going by my new legal name, Mason. I haven't onced doubted myself and I am a thousand times happier now then I was before, which many people have also noticed and commented on. I have always been a man but it took some time to accept that about myself. I am excited for starting testosterone this year and excited to one day be A Dad and a Husband
I found out was transgender mtf and am starting hrt and I'm very happy because I am becoming the person I was always ment to be
Awesome hope everything works out for you!!!!
I’m so ready to start.. I just don’t know where to.
your video more helpful than them tests find out if your transgender or not, no one should try them tests they just confuses you.
imnxtc2001 mmm no
imnxtc2001 sex and gender are different though
I figured out I'm trans even not knowing the term and that something like this exists lol (I lived in an isolated extremely anti lgbtq area). Then I found the term years after it and I was just like... Okay, I found a word describing my situation so I won't need describing it anymore, it's simpler now.
@@ghost_of_comments_past But biological sex are different. And if Someone already transitioned[FTM] they do count as a guy then?
@@ghost_of_comments_past But I don't believe you could tell the difference between a FtM and a man.
I'm 12 (born female) and I have actually tried crossdressing. The second I looked at my face, and I felt male, I smiled almost impulsively. I love baggy clothes baseball caps and I hate makeup and skirts. I write a lot of stories and almost all the main characters are male. Whenever people call me "she" I mentally correct it to "he". I've started crossdressing so much, that I have memorized how to tie a tie. But when I looked at myself in the mirror, it felt weird that my moments matched with my boy self. Am I going through a phase or am I truly trans? Help!
TheComedyClownfish hey i doubt you still use this account, but i've had a really similar experience to you and i was wondering if you ever found out if you were trans or not?
TheComedyClownfish
That’s been happening to me too, I’m afraid if it’s a phase, I’m 12 too, most of my characters are not girls, so idk
luccino sorry for the late reply, I totally forgot about this comment until the last person who replied. But, yes I actually am trans! I’m 2 years on testosterone as of this past February :)
Melany Mellow :3 well, I can’t give you any definitives, but I can tell you that I did end up being trans. I’m now 17 and have been on testosterone for just over 2 years :) my best advice would be to try out different methods of self-expression and see what you feel most comfortable with. There really is no rush to put a label on yourself if you aren’t sure. If you have a supportive parent, friend, or other person in your life you can talk to about this kind of stuff, I would bring it up to them. If not, I’ve been there and it’s a really tough feeling. What I did was go out biking in an area of my town where no one really knew me and presented as male just to see how it felt to have others regard me as such. Best of luck! I’m here to help if you have any questions about other trans related topics :)
Andre Nickell Rhys Howard very true, lots of girls like baggy clothes, too. But, as you’ll notice, this comment is several years old and I did turn out to be trans. It wasn’t the baggy clothes, of course, but the reason why I liked them (dysphoria).
I am nearly 50 and I always wanted to be female. I don’t identify as a male. I don’t like being male, and felt all my life I have I have been disconnected.
I am married to a beautiful woman, and don’t want to break her heart and tell her I feel more female. Life is certainly interesting.
But you are not female. The best thing that you can do, is to get I to talk therapy with a regular therepist. (Not a gender person. All they do is push you down the road of medicalazation) to find out if this delusion that a person can cha get gender is based in autism, or one the the B cluster personality disorders, sexual gratification in thinking of yourself as a female, or trauma. Look into the detrans stories. Insights are there
That's a tough situation, but I applaud you for considering your family's feelings especially given that far too many today pursue their own path to happiness even when that path causes pain to those close to them. And I hope your life becomes less interesting.
I feel that if her love is true she would support you no matter what, but I’m also like fucking 14 so probably don’t listen to me
I can totally relate to you, however sadly I broke my wife's heart. Things happened and one of those was a strengthening feeling odf being more female. I meet a guy at a gay bar and the minute I saw him I knew he was going to be the love of my life! I when for 0 to 100 in my life changes because of him and his supporting me being a woman. I tried to prove manhood to peers by going with women but once I had fallen in love with David I could not get aroused by the women. Today I live as a woman and love it. My name is Kristine
when I try to explain what it feels like to be trans its like ur a snake shedding their skin. u expect it to come off, but it won't and ur trapped inside.
I really confuse myself sometimes because I don't feel like a girl and whenever someone says something to do with my being a girl I always feel an urge to say "Yeah, but I'm not a girl". However sometimes there's a moment where I say "I'm a girl" and it feels so unnatural and wrong, despite me saying it almost automatically. Its almost like I say it because I feel like I'm expected to say it rather than because I believe it. However I don't really consider myself to be a boy either, despite feeling more on the masculine side. I think I'm Genderfluid or something but its really confusing. >_< I just know I'm not a girl.
It doesn't really help that my family claim to be open-minded, but don't really act that way when it comes to myself. They find it weird that I don't want to be feminine and put it down to me being a 'tomboy' or making the excuse that I'm a teenager so my hormone are going everywhere and it kind of hurts. I'm not exactly 'out', but all things considering I really don't feel comfortable telling them. All my plans for transitioning in some way or starting to dress more like I want to are set in place for my adulthood, when I hopefully wont be living with them anymore and thus wont have to suffer under their scrutiny or try to explain myself. I just feel so self-conscious around them and thus don't want to make any sudden changes while under the same roof. I'm trying to sort of ease into it slowly, for example insisting on wearing a suit to prom and expressing an interest in the clothes in the mens section in the hopes that they will either take the hint or will be less surprised when I eventually come out.
Sorry for rambling. >_
Keelan C I feel like that too!!
Pro tip: see a psychologyst to help you out.
Keelan C on every detail I am the exact same, except I thought I was androgynous than gender fluid, but literally everything else was a thought and experience I have had and felt
Gender faun? It's basically gender fluid but without ever feeling feminine. Or demi-boy or something? Idk. Hope this helps!
Heyo,
I'm 14 years old (male) and have for the past few months almost a year, thoroughly ripping my mind apart on who am I and why I was born the gender I am... In the past I have had major short flashes of emotional experience about wanting to be a woman, even crying about it and dreaming about it (sleep). My community and "friends" would be extremely reject I've to the thought of me or anyone wanting to be female/male opposite to who they are.
I don't usually tell people just in case I decide not to go through with anything. Lots of times in my life I go through phases and I've found this "war" in my head not to be one. I thought it would go away and I was sad at the thought but it keeps coming back like a fiery storm. I look around and see other girls and want to be them, like them, start my own story. Every morning, even now, I wake up and usually almost instantly start thinking about the thought of being female.
Though my brain has split into two very specific and different minds.
One the female side, the other my current male. They argue all of the time on what should happen and I just watch... I usually try not to think about it much but every two minutes my opinion switches. I did a lot of research during this time and found out a lot of positive things for me.
So now they fight but mostly the female side is winning and I'm now in the stages of worrying if I classify as a transsexual (specific transgender, I want to have the SRS). It'll take a while as I have 4 years and I always look to my future worrying on what will happen but I now have hope. I also want to make a decision soon. Very soon.
This April 14th 2015 (12 days away >~
I feel exactly the same 😳😢
Same. I'm a girl wanting to be a guy. There are some nights where I steal my brothers cloths. I put them on and put my hair up with a hat then the rest the night I feel comfortable.
You are 17 now
I was really girly from as far back as I can remember. My mom raised me feminine. I felt like I was supposed to be a girl but I didn't know anything about that because I was so young. I was always getting my sister's panties and wearing them and I got caught but my mom didn't say anything about it. From then on I wore panties and a half tshirt around the house and it didn't matter who was there. I guess I was her other girl. Well where I'm from transgendered people were heavily criticized. All of a sudden my life was ruined. The life I should've been living. I had to be a boy. I've always had really small parts and I was embarrassed by them and wanted to have what I was meant to have. I've come to terms with myself and I'm pretty sure I will be the woman I am supposed to be. As far as parts. Those are still very small and seem to be shrinking and I have not taken any form of medication for that purpose. Well anyway I wish I could have lived the way my heart yearned to. Good luck
Absolutely fantastic post, which resonates with my own daily and continual feelings. I just know I am truly female, but as you very eloquently put across, fear that it could be a very very longstanding psychological split personality type thing. The feeling is just so strong, and mannerisms, movements, posture and personality so incredibly feminine, that I just feel totally aligned to being a woman, and just know that is my true self. I felt such a parallel with much of your post that I felt compelled to comment.
I just turned 29, and I've been pushing thoughts like this away since I was 14. I don't know if I can anymore. I don't even know if I'm trans, like, there's so much confusion. Woman doesn't feel right though, and it hasn't since puberty. :(
Hey, you posted this a year ago. Have things gotten any clearer for you now?
How are you doing now?
In my honest opinion, I'm inclined to say that consciously "pushing thoughts away" and bottling them up is a pretty decent sign that you should look into the matter further. Also, this comment was from 3 years ago, how are you doing now?
Just a little tip for everybody, things that are assigned to genders are not genders themselves. You can be a trans man and wear dresses or a trans woman and wear a suit and tie etc. a gender role is different than gender itself, though there is much sociological overlap. We have to think about how nuanced cis gendered people are. Those same nuances exist within transgender people and they are perhaps even more complex. Just be what makes YOU feel MOST content. ✌️😊
Thank you I needed this
Thank you for your work. You're amazing and you're making the world a better place for everyone.
My pleasure sweetie!
@@David-vt9hr Chill, what is your problem?
@@David-vt9hr my non existent Lord. Why do you care so much? This video obviously.isnt for someone like you but you still felt the need to comment this garbage. This video is for people like me, who are unsure or don't know how we can tell. And it's not like we are necessarily trying to teach this to really young people.
@@RemnantRose313 wait what did the person say? I cant seee
If you aren’t happy with who you are...because
....being normal is loving yourself.
Don’t worry about other people’s expectations. Love yourself first.
I've been questioning for years and always doubt it because I'm scared that if I transition I'll realize that I'm not trans and have to detransition..
Same
I'm a little overwhelmed and still questioning the fact that I might be transgender.
I'll admit that despite being a female, I was raised more like a son. I was never into playing tea party or dressing out. I never realized that a lot of the other girls found me "weird" because I was never girly. I've really questioned it in the past couple years, but I tried to ignore it due to the fact I'm almost 15 now and I genuinely thought that it was just going to be another teenager phase. I always told myself to not be ridiculous and that maybe I just didn't like the same things girls do.
Now I am really questioning it. I'm sort of fine with being referred to as a she but deep down inside I find myself wishing I was different. I don't have a problem with the name thing due to the fact my nickname is Zacharie which is a masculine name anyways.
Someone recently pointed it out to me and now I really just noticed that I actually do these things. I don't wear makeup at all, not even a little foundation in the mornings. I *loathe* hair dryers and curling irons, can't stand the bloody things! I don't like skirts, heels, not even shorts! I like having brush-and-go hair and would go for a pair of trainers over UGG boots any day. I do dress nicely but I prefer having blouses under sweaters or button ups with a tie.
The thing is, we had dress up day at school and "genderbent" was our theme, and I actually enjoyed it. I felt comfortable, and kind of liked it when I had people say that I actually looked like a boy.(good thing for having an androgynous face) I find myself actually being unintentionally biased and hanging around with males. I get along with them a whole lot better. I wouldn't really go to the point of wrapping up my chest but I really do feel like a boy in a girl's body sometimes. I actually question some of the "feminine habits" too. Like, I've said things that has offended ladies that I would just kind of shrug and ask why they got offended.
I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right. I've actually wanted my parents to call me by Zacharie just like my friends do but I don't know how they would feel about it. I don't know how to talk to them about being transgender. Right now I'm trying to pinpoint everything. I've done tons of research and all has led me to being extremely tomboyish or transgender. Sorry for the lengthy comment. I'm just needing some help.
Me to
Thank you so much for writing that! I'm turning 15 too and I have pretty much the same problem. I've been questioning my gender for a while now, but it hit me pretty hard today when I washed off my make up in the bathroom and strapped down my chest with a scarf, I rolled up my sleeves and I've got a pixie cut so my hair is already short. I looked like a boy. And after feeling so down and anxious about my gender identity, I looked at myself in the mirror and I got this surge of happiness, like I was MEANT to be a boy. But the thing is I don't mind being a bit girly sometimes...Not often but...I'm still questioning, this is really confusing.
Sorry for the long comment! XD
I hope you figure out who you are soon
+Alyssa Mackenzie you can be who ever you want good luck c: in trans too. but I can't apear as a man yet due to people in my school bieng transphobic and some of my family too.
I hope you can be who you are soon! :3
What I'd you e only recently started feeling the discomfort?
I was always put in dresses from I was very little, I used to love make-up, but it all feels wrong now. I started feeling like this a year or so ago, but the more I think about it the more I realise it's always felt wrong. There's always been something out of place.
Well when your younger you don't have really a feminine body, I mean it's there, but not as prominent. So when you went through puberty, you probably noticed more that you don't like it. It's okay
Hi, I'm 12 years old (female) and I'm really confused. Ever since I was 3 years old, I've ALWAYS felt like a boy. NEVER a girl.. Around ages 4-9 I always pretended to like girly things, even though I hated them. And when i was 10, i pretty much went full boy. I wore ONLY boys things to school, and I felt HAPPY. I felt in the right position. My parents wouldn't let me cut my hair or wear suits and stuff like that. They would always just say "You're a GIRL. Not a boy." And they still do. Now, I wear mostly gender neutral clothes, and people call me a tomboy and a lesbian. It's so annoying. My voice is also REALLY deep, like REEEEALLY deep. Even people at school said it.. My voice sounds just like my 14 year old brother's voice. I'm also cutting my hair really short in 6 or 7 days, and I'm a bit scared about it. I don't wanna get judged, but I think I'm gonna have to deal with it. I've never told anyone that I feel like a boy.. No one really asks. So what am I? Someone help! Does anyone feel the same??
Your comment is now a few month old but I'm gonna answer anyway.
The only person who can answer the question "what am I?" is you. People can help bit in the end it's always you and just you who can answer this. I would definitely recommend talking to someone you trust and feel safe with if you feel ready. And always remember that it's okay to be confused about your gender, sexuality or whatever.
For me it sounds a lot like you don't feel comfortable being considered a girl. But I'm not you and I don't know you so I can't really tell you if you are transgender non-binary or whatever.
just because you like things some boys like doesn't make you a boy. I'm a girl and I'm just like you.
it's ryan i feel the same but im scared
Yes but vise versa for me boy to girl
the confusion
What confusion?
I was born a girl and the second you said "what if someone sees you as a he and calls you a he?" I started crying because the thought of being called a he just feels so right. Thank you so much for this video. I needed this.
I’m 15, I’ve felt like a girl my whole life but my family keeps saying kNoW fOr sUrE. I don’t even need hormones I just want to wear a dress :/
Did someone in family mess with u win u were little cuz my family all used me and that all I new thier were many adults passed me around and I thought I loved it
I was born female but I'm questioning my gender. I also thought I was a lesbian but now my attraction towards boys has grown a lot and sometimes it's difficult to seperate wanting to be with a boy and wanting to be one. But I'm kind of afraid to admit that to anyone because I'm worried that if I am Male, they will doubt my transition
As a kid i had a lot of acess to internet and i used to pretend to be a boy on games such as animal jam or club penguin just for fun. Then, growing up, i got my period at the age of 11 and i didn't care at all, but as soon as my family started calling me a lady i got angry and couldn't understand why.
After that, i started pretending i was a boy again on the internet, but this time on social media. It made me feel more comfortable and happier overall. I soon realized that i could just... You know? Ask for my friends to refer to me on other ways, so i asked them to use masculine pronouns on me and i've never stopped ever since!
Sometimes i doubt myself, so it's good to have somewhere to talk about it even if nobody listens to it. It makes me feel more valid.
Who I want to sleep WITH is less important than who I want to go to sleep AS.
I was assigned female at birth and never felt that was who/what I was, though I couldn't verbalize those feelings that way. I grew up during the 60s and 70s; being transgender was never discussed or even known widely. The first time I ever even heard about such was Rene Richards and that was presented almost as if related to being transexual, which as societally presented as cross-dressing gone to a medical result.
Mine was a long development as I learned over decades without the internet or wide public (news) discussions as to what was possible.
I wanted to be a boy since I was 3-4 and made my wishes known (that I didn't want girl toys, clothes or activities), but (again) not in that way. I always looked boyish, despite gaining weight once I started school. I always thought that I gained the weight due to wearing glasses at 6, but now think it may have been that I was REQUIRED to be in a girl role in school: wearing DRESSES or SKIRTS, girlish activities, etc.
Anyway, now, later in life, I gladly accept that I am a transgender man. Due to life issues, I've only been able to even start T just over a year ago, at 61. Long road.
Read, research and realize.
I'm born female, but there are times where I look away from the mirror because of it. there is that thought of being a boy but I don't know for serenity that I'm not a girl. but my hate for my female body and my preference to be a boy isn't an all the time thing it's like the dysforia is episodic and my mum always says "your my little princess" "your my girls" "I love my girlies" (I'm a twin) so I just feel so confused and like I'm on the verge of tears. using "she" makes me wanna cry but "he" makes my feel scared and I know I'm not nonbinary the only thing I am, is anxious and uncomfortable I really just don't know 🙁❓❔❓🙁
hey! im cameron. im ftm. lately ive been having a lot of anxiety about my gender because im overthinking it so much. i look feminine and being 15 its hard to accept that im not a girl. i grew up calling myself a girl and hearing others call me a girl and it feels so weird and unnatural. i often wear hoodies and jeans and occasionally a little makeup to cover acne and my undereye circles. that makes me feel better but it doesnt get rid of the dysphoria and i don't have the confidence to cut my hair or whatever. i cant come out to my family. i have great parents but they are transphobic and the only people who really accepts me is my friends. on amino i made an acc under the name Cameron and i feel so much more confident under that name. i made friends easier than my original acc with my birthname. i have a lot of friends irl and online and they make it all easier
This helped a lot. Last year around this time I was questioning my gender identity. Biologically, I am female. However, at that time, I didn't feel that I was female but, I didn't feel exactly male either. However, I did prefer male physical features over female. And, scouts honor, I did try this. I went to CVS and bought make up, and did my make up to look male. (Played with shadowing and gave myself a beard) I preferred this look over my biological female features but, I wasn't completely satisfied. I gave it thought as to maybe, that was the first time I've ever done any sort of make up on myself and it just didn't look good or, I just wasn't feeling the male look as much as I thought I would. I never really minded people calling me she but, in relationships (I am a lesbian) I also really preferred the dominant rule. I also didn't mind my name. But one thing that still bugs me even today is my body. It's way too feminine for my liking. But, it's not enough to give me extreme dysmorphia. But from time to time, I'll catch myself looking in mirror and saying, "Well, this really sucks." But anyway, thanks for the help!
This is the same with me I like my name and being called she or her but I hate my breasts and I like male attributes my mum and dad are very understanding but I'm only 12 and I've not hit puberty yet so I think i might wait until I hit puberty then if I still feel the same I'll proceed from there
Thanks For Help You Don't have Any Idea How Much This Video Helps Me 😊
In my country, a "written in stone" requirement is that it has to be persistent since the age of 3.
How messed up is that.
Also, to go to a gender specialist, you're required to have a parent present. AS AN ADULT, you need a parent present. This breaches patient confidentiality laws and I'm not ready for my parents to know again. I told them before, but they didn't take it well. So I put myself back in the closet. That was 5-6 years ago when I was still a teen. And now that these feelings have come back stronger than ever as an adult, I need to address them.
love you top, and the banners in the background. I've kinda done the opposite most my life. Trying to act male. When I decided to be me I was relieved . thanks for sharing..
Me too. I've always tried to act hyperfeminine to hide the fact that I didn't feel like a girl at all. Now I'm starting to embrace the masculinity I tried to suppress for so many years, and I'm pretty happy. Of course sometimes it feels awkward because I'm afraid people won't take me seriously and only call me the right pronouns to be patronising.. but I think I just need to get used to it because I know presenting as a guy would make me feel so much better in the long run.
Thank you so much for creating this channel and being a compassionate and helpful medical professional. I really appreciate your work.
I've always been fascinated by the idea of being female instead of male and i also "pretended" to be female on the internet for a long time and recently I've been noticing that i am much happier being called by female pronouns and overall feel very uncomfortable in my male body and I'm pretty sure I am a girl now
I'm planning on coming out as trans to my parents this week
Some times I feel not like a girl and I always feel different then others and I always felt uncomfortable with my self
When I was a little girl I was the most girly girly girl u could meet and I loved dresses but now I hate to wear them and now I don't know what to do?
Don't worry. This sort of thing happens to a lot of girls.
Just BE.
Embrace your womanhood, embrace all the parts of yourself.
It's great to be a woman.
Don't ask yourself too many questions. Don't waste your time, your energy, your ĺife.
Think of your goals, your dreams.
Think of your talents, develop them.
Pursue meaning, not happiness.
Do breathing exercises. Stay in your body.
It does not matter if you don't always fit in.
It doesn't matter if there are male facets in you too. Embrace them as well.
Reconcile with all your fragments.
Don't binge watch videos about transgenderism. Otherwise it will influence you, like hypnotism.
Try to heal from your childhood traumas.
Maybe some of your emotional needs have been unmet.
Maybe you have been abused emotionally or physically.
Think of your dreams beyond your gender. Don't question your gender, you don't have to.
Don't repress your reason.
Listen to your heart and to your conscience.
Face your fears and try to take a practical step to achieve a dreams.
I really liked your point of acting your assigned gender, I reached a point where I am TIRED with the uphill battle of being the role others have put on me!
These videos of how families stick by child NO MATTER what along w/how child is not at such an early age the child has felt stuck in wrong body has helped my son express himself SO MUCH! It helps him feel he's not alone, a freak & puts the conversation started with questions into words he can express properly. Thank you for helping him put his feelings into words he couldn't or didn't know how to express how was feeling inside.
Kudos to you as well for supporting your son! We're working together to make this a better world for everyone to be able to express themselves. Glad to hear the video helped. :)
I was wondering if I am trans. I am born a female but I feel really uncomfortable wearing skirts, dresses, short shorts and other girly clothes even though I go to an all girls school so we're forced to wear skirts. In my spare time, I wear my hand me down from my older brother and recently cut my hair short. Many strangers call me a boy or male and I feel really happy. I don't feel so nice when people call my female or girl. When I was younger, like 3 to 6, I always wanted to be Prince Charming or the boy roles but I dressed up like princesses because that's what I was told that girls are only allowed to be princesses and girls can never be boys. Am I trans?
Yes you are
I don't think anybody has the right to tell you if you are or not. It is your life.
Yet let me share what it spontaneously makes me think of.
You wrote that from 3 to 6 you wanted to be a little boy.
A lot of little girls don't remember but in fact it is the case of all little girls. The psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud said that from 3 to 6, just before the age of reason, all the little girls feel penis envy and would like to be a boy.
It is at this age they can compare themselves to the others and they notice they do not have a penis unlike little boys. They imagine they have nothing because their sexual organs are not visible.
The little girls sometimes feel that they have nothing, no penis, (not even breasts like their mums) and are nothing.
At the same age little boys don't feel penis envy at all since they have one, they feel castration anxiety because they imagine that girls had had a penis but it was cut off. It is also the Oedipal stage.
The little boy is attracted to his mum the opposite sex and would like "to kill" his dad to keep his mummy to himself but he is afraid of castration. Once he starts identifying with his dad his fear of castration alleviates. The dad separates the little boy from his mum a little and introduces him to the outside world.
It is the role of the father to separate the child from their mum.
Little girls' first object of love is their mother like boys. Yet from the age of 3 to the age of 6 their father becomes their second object of love, they love their daddy and feel jealousy towards their mother.
They can sometimes also feel jealousy towards their father because if they had had a penis they could have been their mother's lover. When they realise that they have the same sex as their mum and can identify with her they can move on.
The Oedipal complex (the Electra Complex for the girl) is a major one for the construction of identity.
When the Oedipal complex is not resolved puberty is more violent, more disturbing because it comes back to the surface.
Sometimes a few external events and internal reactions have prevented the child from resolving this complex. For instance if the dad was absent or physically present but emotionally absent, or narcissistic or tyrannical or abusive (emotionally or physically ), if there was sexual abuse.
Maybe the mother was too close to her child. She protected her infant but she kept overprotecting her child as if it were still an infant later on and smothered her child (maybe in some cases to protect the child from a malignant narcissist.)
When there are traumas the child can't go through the stages smoothly.
If the child lives in an unstable home it is difficult, if the child lives in an apparently perfect family but with stressed parents or parents who are too busy or with parents who have not healed themselves from their childhood traumas, the child's needs will not be met and he will have wounds and suffer from a deep shame and a fear of abandonnent, rejection.
Maybe you are suffering from CPTSD (=Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) without knowing it.
Please don't jump to conclusions.
Remember that medical transitioning is very very unnatural and can be detrimental to your physical health and even in the long run to your mental health.
Whether you are trans or not I believe that your body is your body.
Embrace your brain and your body.
Embrace all the parts of yourself.
Maybe someone made you believe that you were less than and made you lose your confidence and your self-esteem.
In fact there is nothing wrong with you.
I know it is easier said than done sometimes but try to just BE.
If you really can't maybe you need to heal from childhood traumas.
Transitioning doesn't heal.
Good luck. I wish you the best.
I’m still confused I’ve been questioning it for a few weeks and I just don’t know what to do.
ive been questioning for a bit now. i feel fine with being called she/her or pretty much any pronouns but if someone says for example... my room was referred to the girls room and it made me really uncomfortable.
Wow, this vid popped up in my recommended after 7 years from watching it the first time and being reassured I was trans. Thanks, doc.
My male name is not to be disclosed at this time, but you can call me Jenny. I only cross-dress in women's clothing. Is cross-dressing a part of the transgender spectrum?
Dara, why do assume that someone who is uncomfortable with their gender is in some way "unaligned " with their biological sex??? (they may be "unaligned" with the cultural load/ expectations imposed on their body). The idea you push (and yes I realise yours is the culturally dominant idea right now) of bodies needing to be "aligned" with identities in a particular way is oppressive, and rejects much of the healthy and happy diversity in the ways the bodies, expressions and identities meet. Secondly, why do you claim that transgender narratives/ identities are the only way to express friction / discomfort with gender? ??A lot of people are gender critical - that is they challenge the rules imposed on our bodies and on our behaviours...
Of course gender "frames" (makes rules about and tries to define) some things that are natural and important to ourselves, and we can feel unfortable if the rules say our ways of feeling belong with different bodies or social roles - but freedom is in challenging the rules that say these parts of ourselves have to "match" our bodies or "match" a bunch of cultural expectations in a particular way. Yes, there are some people who experience extreme and persistent body dysphoria (feel their body is wrong for them) and get some comfort from interventions which create something closer to the sex they would prefer to be (which also helps in appearing gender conforming, making body appearance atch gender if that is what they feel more comfortable with) -but most people either shifting gender (which is your social postition not your body) or challenging gender , grow to be happy in their bodies, regardless of their gender identity journey or gender strategies.
Gender nonconformity is something to be celebrated , not resolved or cured. It isn't helpful to coach gender nonconforming and gender challenging people into a transsex "allignment" narrative (ie repeatedly pushing the idea of things needing to "match" as you have here). Of course we need treatment and compassion for people who are body dysphoric - but imposing body dysphoria ideas on gender non-conformity is oppressive. If people are questioning gender - great. If they are doubting the conformity solution you are offering - great too. Keep doubting people.. You don't need to become yourselves - you already are. You just might need to fight to be more free in expressing your diverse self - and to be free to keep changing and growing over a lifetime (that is what people who are free do). You will continue to be as you change and grow continuously over a lifetime, regardless of what identities strategies or boxes you chose. . "Identity" is a life-long dynamic story which develops over our lifetimes - not something we should be asked to "resolve" or stop questioning.
Georgina Whitby just found this and your position is awesome! Thank you😎
for example.. My body is either leaning towards feminine and healthy (im a guy) or moremasculine and Its not as healthy becaus ei lock a lot of mental pain in (this is the physical) then theres clothes. Have you seen clothing? Guys clothes suck and then for me I'm bisexual still but getting laid is only going to work as well if you shapeshift towards the binary, body mind and lets face it, clothing/identity, so being choosy, different of opposite is not going to be 'ok' for waaay too many people still for many to choose to do so. But what if we are born not as opposite slices of pie but roaming free on the whole pie? I think there are all types of brainwashed people, trans, gay, straight, truckdrivers.. and then there are authentic people in all the same categories. hope this makes sense its late on full moon and my childhood memories are flooding back about my suppression of aspects of my own sexuality and gender mixup. This is huge stuff and chances are, it may not be gender for everyone but we all have something weve supressed about our true nature because most of our parents going back a few generations either did not beleive we had a soul, or that it belonged to some ideaology or religion or deity or something and so they naturally and rightly so, did their best to raise us whith what they know. Now a lot of the old generation are getting a second wind on their deepest needs as a soul spark too
I feel dirty and gross when someone calls me any type of thing connecting to female things I want he/them/him pronouns and short hair but I’m so scared to tell anyone I know only 1 person knows
I genuinely don't mean to belittle trans people and this is something I am genuinely trying to understand.
Since nobody really knows how it 'feels' to be male vs female (we only have our own experience to draw from and nothing to compare it to). I have no issue with man wanting to adopt what they deem to be a feminine image or lifestyle (or vice versa) but the effort to "become" someone else seems instinctively unhealthy. It also seems that many people put far too much emphasis on how others see them, instead of learning to nurture and love themselves as they are.
If it's the gender 'norms' that people feel uncomfortable with, shouldn't we work on smashing those rather than expecting people to change their identities to fit?
They aren't changing them to fit in, though. They're becoming what they've always felt they are. Like yeah, I was born female and I associate my personality as pretty feminine, but I still would like for my body to match what my mind tells me it should be. It's more of a "do it for your happiness" kinda thing. That's like dieting. Fat people who want to become skinny aren't always doing it for everyone else, they're most likely doing it for their own health or happiness.
Well this is my point. How could you possibly know what it is to 'feel' male or female, since every one of us only gets to experience our own minds. For me I feel like my gender is completely separate from my personality, I just happen to be female. If I had been born into a man's body I feel like I would still be 'me', I'd just be gay and not very sporty.
hi maybe i can help. the idea of "feeling male" or "feeling female" is a very personal thing. for many people, it is something they can't put words to. they just know. it's kind of like love. you can't see it or pin down one universal definition but people still feel it. although gender is a social construct that does not mean it isn't real. basically everything is a social construct but we live in the real physical world in which these constructs have real life effects and functions. so for trans people like me, we experience something called dysphoria which can be extremely uncomfortable and distressful. our physical being does not match up to how we feel on the inside. although you said you don't think you would feel any different if you were suddenly in a male body, many people would. study's have found that there is evidence of an internal gender identity in the brain. whether or not you believe these studies does not matter. sure, it's nice to say that society should change and not trans people but that is unrealistic and discouraging to hear when you are struggling with disphoria NOW. a genderless world would be very freeing but until we reach that point, trans people will need to transition for their own, well being, identity, and safety :)
It's interesting - other than the fact that I'm heterosexual and am attracted to men, I really wouldn't have a clue/strong feeling about what gender I was unless I had been told/raised that way. I don't 'feel' like a woman at all, but I don't 'feel' like a man either. I am just 'me'. If I grew a penis tomorrow I would like to think I could adjust to life as a gay man without changing 'who' I am, if you get my drift. But then that's probably easy for me to say.
+Christina Lake thank you, I was thinking the Same thing. Just get rid of gender roles.
What if your mind is diametrically opposed to your body, since you can remember? You've had wishes and dreams of things that are diametrically opposed to your imposed gender role and physical sex, and such things. However, since you've lived as your assigned gender role, you've grown accustomed to it; have certain desires that require you to remain your assigned gender. Also, you feel your feelings would be exacerbated due to always knowing you'd never "truly" physically be the person you feel you are. What would you suggest?
I know a lot of people who can really relate to what you are saying. It comes down to 1st - figuring out how uncomfortable/inauthentic you feel you are being right now. 2nd - how much are you able to handle that and for how much longer. 3rd - figuring out ways, even if they are little at first, that you can move more towards being more comfortable/authentic. And 4th - knowing that you can do this over a long period of time, trying one thing out at a time, seeing how you feel as you get older. From what I can tell the older one gets, the more one gets fed up with living what feels like a lie.
To be able to do all of this you need to find support, be it from people currently in your life, friends you make online, a counselor... Don't do it alone! :)
Dara Hoffman-Fox I'm 29. Have had periods of contemplating dismemberment/suicide. But always come around to the fact neither of those would solve anything (well, unless I find out we actually are reincarnated in human form... then I'll just be pissed I didn't do it sooner >_
Here's some ideas for when you're feeling that way, which of course I can understand why you do!
1. Having a counselor you can talk to about it - especially if this is something you struggle with frequently - getting to the bottom of it and finding solutions is key!
2. Transgender Suicide Hotline (phone)
www.lauras-playground.com/transgender_suicide.htm
3. Transgender Chat Room and Online Suicide Prevention Help
www.lauras-playground.com/chat.htm
4. Finding trans* persons online who are comfortable with you sharing how you are feeling. Here are some online groups, to get you started:
www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender
www.reddit.com/r/transpositive
www.reddit.com/r/transgender
www.reddit.com/r/rainbow
www.reddit.com/r/lgbt
"How do you know if you're transgender?"
How do you know you're not just imagining it all?
Hey, Dara. I'm a pre-T trans male. I came out a few months ago to everyone I know, and started going to my own gender therapist, and now I'm waiting on my letter to start hormone treatment. It's interesting that you mention acting like the gender you're expected to be and not being your true self because my mom will not believe that I am a guy since I tried conforming as a female for her and others for so long. I always felt uncomfortable in my biological sex, but after coming out my dysphoria is even worse. I used to not really be bothered by being referred to as female, even though it felt wrong, but now when straight guys hit on me, or people I meet call me a she, I get so angry and it makes me feel so uncomfortable.
I've had a lot of clients say that the further they moved away from their "expected" and "assigned" gender at birth, the more it bothers them when they are misgendered. Makes total sense! Am glad you are on your way to starting HRT, good luck to you!
My path took me where a lot of people are afraid of. I'm on my own, I have no friends, no family, no nothing.
I was working for this one company. A woman came up to me and let me know she was a lesbian. She flirted with me a lot. So, one day we were talking. So I outed myself to her. She said she already knew and how brave she thought I was for being FtM. I stopped her and corrected her. I told her I was MtF. All of a sudden she started to attack me verbally. All of a sudden I'm a disgrace, I'm disgusting, and a pervert. Later that day I lost my job.
When people ask me why did it take so long to come out.....no comment necessary.....
Heyy there i have this problem, can anyone help? Ive been feeling like i was trans for years, and ive never had any doubt in my mind about it, and yesterday i finally came out to my mum, and suddenly, for some reason, i literally dont feel trans at all. like i suddenly feel extremely okay with being a boy. Wtf???
I recommend going to therapy maybe they can help you
I’ve thought about what it would be like to be a girl off and on since like high school but I never really took it serious bc it was mainly just random shower thought and was never that moment where I was like “im for sure trans” but now I think about it more often and that paired with my coming out as non-binary last august makes it kinda feel more real but idk bc im not one of those people that has always known they were in the wrong body, im just one of those people that hates my body and hates being a guy bc im non-binary and I wanna present more feminine and it’s hard bc facial hair and male parts and not having the right body shape to dress feminine like I wanna and not knowing how to do makeup and being really bad at painting my nails and kinda wanting SRS but bottom surgery is expensive and wanting to get on hormones.
Somehow I feel uncomfy, almost embarrassed being called a guy (I'm biologically female) and my girl name and she/her feels "lighter" but he/him and seeing other guys creates this longing, jealous ache in my heart and I feel like I relate more to guys and like accidentally refer to myself as if I was a guy and wanted to be a guy when I was younger, but then idk... I literally don't even know what I want anymore because I've been questioning for so long
I AM TRANSGENDER!!! I KNEW IT😊😀😀😀😊
@@LuchoPiastri You just read it
i go back and forth between thinking im either a female butch lesbian or a trans guy and i wish i could just figure it out already. i want to love myself as i am but when idk who i am its hard.
Hello, I know I'm way late to commenting on this. But I'm quite unsure if I am transgender, I am 15 years old and I've basically always liked male clothes, I remember always going and looking at them. My mom would always make me wear dresses and all of that jazz. In either 6th or 7th grade was the first time I had my hair really short. I had always worn baggier clothes, I remember people asking after I had cut my hair "who's the new guy" "what's his name" and I remember smiling about it. Last year I had told my Dad that I wanted to talk to someone and so he took me to this girl and she just so happen to be my old therapist. She basically said that everything I was saying(about feeling more masculine) was bs and I'm only thinking this way from my past. I came out of there crying my eyes out and crying the entire way home. On and off for years I kept saying to myself "it's just a phase" and it's made me so confused about my gender. I've been saying I'm genderfluid for about a year and a half to two years. Why I say that is because I like the more masculine things but I also like makeup. But I hardly wear makeup. I also have two separate Facebook accounts, one male and one female. Just yesterday on my male account I had complimented someone and they said "Thank you Chris" and my heart fluttered and it made me so happy. So now I'm trying to figure out if I am transgender. Please reply if you can, thank you :)
Dara, it has been about 8 months since I first watched this video,although I already knew I was trans ,still this video gave me inspiration and in fact I have pinned it as a welcome video in a top trans support group on FB ,,,a few people have came to me in secret after viewing and it helped them discover something about themselves,,,I refer them to the rest of your vids and they all enjoy them ,,you are too cool my friend ,,,
Lately I've been really confused on whether or not I am transgender FTM. When I was a child, I never wore dresses or skirts. I went through a phase in my life where I dressed really girly, but through that entire time I was really depressed. And then I started to wear makeup and my depression got even worse. I've always worn gender neutral clothes. When I was in middle school I loved it when people would mistake me for a boy from behind. I'm going to be a senior in highschool and although I am bisexual I mostly attracted to guys, but I've had straight girls have a crush on me before. And I always really like the attention even though I didn't like them back and I would always say that the reason why they liked me was because I was like a guy but everything they wanted in a girl. And once I even forgot my own gender and I thought I was a boy for a split second. I would always pick male characters in a duo. And in choir I always wanted to be the male part in the duet. I always tell everyone "okay, I'll do it but as long as I get to be the guy." And I realized lately that I feel really uncomfortable in my body and I thought that it was just because I insecure about my weight. But then I lost about 30 pounds and I still felt uncomfortable. And I didn't realize until now that I have symptoms of dysphoria. I want to get a binder and get men's clothes just to see if I feel better but I'm afraid to ask my parents. I told my friend that I think I might be trans. And she was pretty shocked but she just started helping me come up with male names. And I was really happy. I'm just afraid of inconveniencing my friends and disappointing my parents. But I want to know for sure if I am trans before I start to tell people I am. But I don't know how to figure it out. Sometimes though, I like to put on makeup. And wear necklaces and perfume and paint my nails. But not all the time. I feel wrong whenever I do. I feel uncomfortable and like a freak. Kind of like everyone's looking at me because I'm a boy wearing girl clothes. Even though I know they're not. I know that I look normal. But on the inside. I hurt.
How are u know?? Hope u are happier 😊😊
I like being called sweetie and darling by women. An interesting point. Previously, as my male-presenting self, I couldn't NOT take it somewhat flirtatiously when a woman would use those terms. Now, I'm flattered rather than conflicted about whether I should respond to some perceived come-on. On the subject of pronouns, since I'm still a biologically functioning male, I don't mind being called he or him. I also don't mind if I'm called ma'am or miss because of how I'm dressed. But that's just me.
Hey, my name is Alexandria, but I prefer Alex. I also have a question about my gender, and if I am transgender, how to come out to my family. I am 12 years old and I am female. I absolutely hate wearing dresses (even though I have about a dozen of them) and when I was younger I always stayed away from barbie dolls and makeup kits and things of that nature. My hobbies are welding, working on cars, cooking, doing crafts, making and playing music, cosplaying (mostly as guys), and reading books. When I cosplay and roleplay I tend to stick to the male characters because I like the sound of their names better than the female names and their character structure is more alike me than the girls. The guys clothes tend to be more appealing to me as well. I prefer they/them pronouns right now but I don't mind she/he pronouns. I do have dysphoria (I think that is how you spell it) and I do suffer from depression, anxiety attacks (not too often), and suicidal thoughts. I am panromantic and still unsure about my sexuality.
Please do tell me your opinion and your answer.
I'm sorry if this sounds weird, but after using this video to receive some useful information regarding gender, I have begun listening to it to help me drift off to sleep. You have a very soothing voice, I think you'd make a wonderful ASMR artist, but I'm sure you're probably too busy to be doing all of that. Anyway, off topic now...thanks very much for posting this :)
Wow, that is so kind of you to say! I actually have a friend who asked me to make a recording of me reading anything to help him sleep lol. I have heard about ASMR and find it fascinating. Perhaps I will look into it at some point. :) Take care...
I know i’m not 100% a female (i was assigned female at birth) but i also don’t feel 100% male. I’m out as trans ftm right now and it’s starting not to feel right anymore. When i was in school i was so sure but now i’m starting to doubt it.
Google "gender spectrum"
: )
Thanks, for the past 6 months I have been wondering If I was trans or not. I have been all alone and just dealing it with it myself,which as you said drove me nuts. I'am now seeking a therapist in Canada, and hopefully getting my answers :)
That's really great! Best of luck to you - I know you'll get your answers :)
Hi Dara, I'm a 46yo female questioning my identity. I've NEVER felt like a female. I've hated being addressed as such. I CANT CANT CANT wear women's clothes or accessories. I've worn men's clothes since I could pick and buy my own clothes. The purpose for writing is to acknowledge and embrace the fact that I feel like I'm male and that when I try to portray a woman, I look like a fricken clown especially the one in the original IT. Thank you for your video. Lucky Tutor
You're such a good person. Thank you for helping our community.
+Reygan Kiewiet Since your parents are being supportive so far of you being pansexual that gives me hope that they will be opening to listening to what you'd like to share about possibly being FtM. You know them best - would it be best to sit them down and talk to them in person? Start with an email? Also think about if you should have any information with you to share that can help answer their questions. Plan on it involving lots of conversations over a long period of time - just get the first part about, let them know you are wanting to explore this, and that you are taking it one step at a time. Good luck!
Personally I've never had issues about my pronouns and my name (Erika) for some reason never felt feminine to me. I didn't think it was masculine but I always saw it as more gender neutral for some reason, and in my country there are barely any gender neutral names so I find it interesting how I thought that. I've read some of this woman's book on this exact issue, figuring out one's gender identity, and I STRONGLY recommend it to anyone
Im a born female and i wish i was a guy i hate my chest but I don’t care being called a female and im so confused. I feel like everyone wont believe me and what if i get it wrong? I grew up with no gender pressures and was able to like what ever i wanted to like. Everytime im called a guy or my masc name it makes me super happy.
I've been trying to figure myself out for about 2 years now. I hate my body, especially my chest, but I'm pretty indifferent about what's in my pants and what pronouns people use. I hate long hair, I've been shaving mine, and I only wear boys clothes. But I can't decide if I'm trans or just a masculine girl. I've always acted however I wanted to, so there isn't much I can do to experiment with this. I'm planning to buy a binder with my Christmas money, but besides that I have nothing. My mom knows, but we can't afford therapy, so she's saying I should look for groups in the city (I have, but the only thing I've found is a group for LGBT teens that just acts as a safe area for them to hang out), and/or try talking to my trans friends, which I'm not comfortable with. I'm exclusively male online, and when an irl friend tells someone or says she online, it feels like they're outing me.
It's similar for me...
Dude, I actually have no idea. When I was a kid, I basically just went along with whatever my parents said I had to do, which included the way I dressed, and I never really felt weird about it or anything, it was just kinda how it was. When I got older, I didn't really think about if what I was wearing was more masculine or feminine, I would just wear whatever I liked, some days that meant more boyish outfits, others, that meant a purple dress. After I got a bit older I stopped wearing dresses and opted for more traditionally masculine clothing for the most part, and I cut my hair short because I've always wanted to try to visualize what a male version of me would look like. Because of the change in my gender expression, when I go outside people often confuse my pronouns, and will sometimes jump from he to she to they all in one sentence, and to be completely honest, I'm not bothered by any one of those pronouns, they all feel okay. I don't really have many problems with my name, but I don't like my hips or boobs, but not to the point where I'd consider testosterone (mostly cause it shortens your lifespan and makes you more susceptible to heart conditions, and those are a huge risk in my family, so I don't wanna die), but at certain times I'll look in a mirror and register myself as a boy, and I'll start thinking about possibly getting top surgery or going on t, but then I start to question if I'm faking, and the next day I might feel a little more femanine, and start to think I AM just faking it, but this cycle won't stop and it's kinda stressfull
Exactly what one qualifies one to be a gender therapist?
Some days I want to wear a dress and other days (most days) I want to cut my hair short and wear boy cloths. Idk I just idk what I am
I came out to my parents 2 years ago..I’ll be turning 16 in june and I want to start seeing a gender therapist but I don’t know how to talk them about it :(
I used to get that when I was about 6. you have to be a bit careful there were 2 of us.
you look inside and youre a girl. then they find it was real. then you have to go back to normal, and then you get gender role, that's now supposed to be gone, but you still get problems with people who still call you or expect you to be this thing that dosent exist.
I screamedddd at being called mr sir he or similar. that's now also legally gone anyway.
and then it went don't calllll meeee a boyyyyy in the end. I saw some of the doctors and said "I don't need a sex change I am the right sex, its just that its a girl" . we found it was. the worst problem is just fixing it , coping is easy. but its just being able to walk in as a girl again as I did in the first place. I think the song goes I believe a little part of you inside of me will never die" (duran duran). that remains the case x
dara have a question for you.i am a middle aged transgender woman.am on hrt and have a therapist.the problem i have r all the x dressers who think they can put on a cheap wig and dress and say they r a woman.i thought cross dressing was considered a fetish. why do they feel they have the rite to use the ladies restroom ??
i still stand to pee so its either the mens room or a single use.why do so many think its all about themselves ?? with no consideration 4 others
Thank you for this video. It has really helped me get started figuring out my gender.
Hello! So as of a couple months ago I have really started to question my gender. I tried to explain it to a friend by saying "I don't always want to be a girL". By that I mean I want to be a boy. Growing up I never wanted to play with "girl toys", or wear more feminine things, and I would look at my parents and tell them I am a boy. They always told me I was wrong and now I almost feel like I don't want to accept that I might be because I was told I wasn't for such a long time. When I walk by strangers I always hope they use he/him pronouns and I hate when I'm called ma'am. Once I got to college I was able to dress more how I wanted to but my parents still give me grief about EVERYTHING. Like as simple as wearing boxers. So basically I'm just really trying to figure all this out but I'm having a hard time. Also money is super tight with me because I am currently having to pay for my medications and seeing a mental health professional so I don't know where to get a reasonable binder.
The problem is, if I’m trans, Mom’d probably be heartbroken.
She had 2 boys, and prayed for a girl. Even though doctors told her it was risky to have a third child, she had one anyway.
It’d be like a cruel joke if I told her I’m a guy. Oh? You thought you had a girl for 15 years? SYKE!
Dad always likes putting his arm around my shoulders and generally just being possessive of me. Would he be heartbroken if I was a boy? Probably.
What would my brothers think? What about my half sister and Grandma who love to give me makeup and clothes? (At least my half brother doesn’t seem to care about us) What about my friends?
I know, I know, I shouldn’t let other people keep myself from happiness, but I really love my mom and she risked her health just to get a girl...
Ive been thinking about trans and if I am ftm trans for the past 5 months. I don't know if this is just some long phase, and I certainly don't know if I'm just self assigning something that isn't true. I'm scared because I look into the mirror and I feel so disgusted seeing body certain body parts developing (like hips, chest area, etc.). I really don't know what to think about this anymore and I can't get this thought out of my head. I'm only 13, so this should be just a phase right?
I remember growing up thinking, "maybe I was born in the wrong body... No, I have girl parts. I'm not a boy." Nor did I think I wanted them. I had no idea back them that gender was 'hearts not parts' 😄. Recently I learned that you don't have to get 'boy parts' to consider yourself trans. And that has me questioning my gender further.
I wish you were my therapist..unfortunately my parents won’t get me any and where I live there isn’t any gender therapist :/ guess I’ll have to wait a few more years lol
And thank you, your videos really help me !
I am I girl now, but I feel like being a male, but I also love makeup, and some girly things, but I hate looking like a girl, i only have three friends that are female, and everyone else that im friends with are boys I try to make friends that are make so i seem less femin (I can't spell) I would love to dress as a boy and be called he and be known as a boy. But my entire family would hate me. With the hate of me liking girls already makes me have really bad depression and I'm just confused. But I would love being male, and be called jake. I have always been questioning my gender, even my friend doesn't except the fact that there are trans people. I just need something to help me or someone but I don't have any friends or family that agree with lgbt.
I've been questioning since last year I'm a girl but when people call me he/him it makes me happy I want short hair and I'm a tomboy but I dk someone pls help :)
I'm born a girl but as a child I always wanted to me a boy. Now as a teenager I don't think I'm transgender but may be bisexual. Can someone go through a transgender phase?
Thank you Dara! You have made some good points! I do feel fake and not myself when I am expected to do the female role...its just not me!...
toby cralax There wasn't a "reply" link under your message, so hopefully you'll see this! It's really important you find an adult to talk to about this, and as soon as possible. Preferably a counselor at your school, so they can help you talk with your parents about this. There's lots of information out there to help parents understand what is going on with you, and how important it is that you are able to explore options with them about what to do. Let me know if your counselor or parents need more information, ok?
I have already asked my friends to use my new pronouns, "he/him" but my best friend says she doesnt like that, she says I was born Female, and I will never be male. I dont like being a female, I want to be different. My now gender doesnt satisfy me. I don't like it. I want to be male. I cut my hair and I wear male clothes, I feel male, not female. I dont understand why some people dont accept me...
I need some help. I need answers but I have no one to talk to.
I just turned 15 and I am questioning my gender. I just came out to my parents as Pansexual, and I realized I can only see myself with a girl as a boy, and a boy as a boy. The only make up I use is to try to make myself look more masculine and I feel kind of... hurt? inside when people use feminine pronouns for me. I like my name yeah, but I like my more masculine nick name better, Kai. I've been trying so hard for as long as I can remember to get my friends and family to call me that normally but they don't and it makes me sad. I hate dresses and skirts and pretty much all feminine clothing, I am a bit of a 'fasonista' but not for myself, only my friends. I'm like the only girl in my family and it just doesn't feel natural. Ever sense birth I was pushed into this feminine role. my mom always said she tried to keep everything gender neutral because she ran a daycare, but I was the only girl, my family went berserk. I thought because my brothers got the cool toys I wasn't allowed to play with them. Even with my barbies though I would play things like dungeons and dragons. And more often than not I'd wish I had more male dolls to play as. I hate my chest and 'private areas' and I just don't know anymore.
I can't tell if my depression caused my recurrent gender dysphoria (scapegoating, grass is greener on the other side type thinking) or if my recurrent dysphoria is causing my depression. It doesn't matter anyway I guess. I did however buy a wig and put make up on, the last time it flared up, but its subsided again for the most part. I think actual transgender people have it non stop? I don't know.
I'm really late but I want to tell my story and see if anyone can help
Hi, my name is Angelo and I was born a girl but identify as male. I remember that I started feeling uncomfortable with my body at 8 years old, but I remember liking pink and "girly things". When I was 11 I found out what transgender was, and came out to my mom as transgender, she said it's a "phase". Anyways, at 12 I got a haircut, and I got so happy. I started to use male pronouns with my boyfriend (I'm bisexual) and social media, and it felt so good. Now, I'm 15 and have a different boyfriend. I identified as gender fluid for a while, cause I believed it could actually be a phase. Turns out it's not. This year everything has gotten worst, I can't see myself in the mirror, can't use dresses, or anything "femenine". I told my boyfriend about it and he wasn't happy at all. I love him a lot but I don't know what to do. I feel stuck. Feel like I shouldn't have been born. And I don't know how to speak to my mom again.
Can anyone help me? + I'm sorry, my English isn't the best I speak Spanish
If you can, you should definetly talk to a professional. A gender therapist would probably be best, but even if that's not available, you should seek out a "normal" therapist.
Maybe try out different things, like binding and/or packing, that generally "help" with dysphoria. There's a lot of trans people on the internet that give really good tips about it, so you just have to see what helps you.
Try to talk with your mom. Tell her what you are feeling and maybe you can figure out something together. For some people, getting hormones and all the operations available is the right way, for others it's not, but you sadly have to figure most that out by yourself or in cooperation with a professional or someone you really trust.
I hope this at least helps a little :)
Also, if you wanna talk, I can give you my discord, Tumblr, or reddit. I don't use any other social media websites, I'm sorry.
does it make sense to want people to refer to you as a male, but not want to change your body?
I also somtimes feel like I have male parts and it confuses me
It makes me seriously happy when people treat me as a lady call me female pronouns. I still uncomfortable on my male body. Even when I’m cross dressing. I love being a female that’s the way I am. I’m planning to get hrt. My discomfort is so long. I just hope I get to change my current gender role.
You could also have AGP
I have been feeling...different since about 4 months ago.. I was born a girl but now as a 11 year old I feel like I'm uncomfortable in my body and want to be a boy..
Am I transgender? How do I tell my parents?
Can't believe it took me this long to watch this one, Dara. Wonderful and informative :) What is your advice for those of us who would really like to seek therapy to discover where we're going, but find it prohibitively expensive?
Hello to you over on this side of the cyber world! :)
Some ideas to find less expensive counseling would be to:
- See if any therapists in your area have interns who charge either nothing or near to nothing for counseling (I have an intern and this works really well!).
- Contact your nearest Pride Center and see if they have counseling or if they know of counselors who offer sliding scale counseling.
- Ask any counselor if they are willing to do sliding scale - you may be surprised, especially if you meet with them face to face and ask.
- Although they aren't licensed as counselors there are also life coaches out there who could be helpful, and who aren't charging as much.
- See if you can find out if there is an agency in your area that offers low cost counseling.
Hope that helps!
My parents wouldn't let me go to a gender therapist or anything like that, so I'm too scared to ask. I think I'll just wait until I move out to really embrace it?
That might be the hard truth, but if it's what feels right to you then yes. Here is a video I made that might help too:
th-cam.com/video/3_eQr6jmmBY/w-d-xo.html
ok so i’m really really late but if anyone see this i need advice. i’m biologically female but i want to be a guy. i’m gonna run through everything. starting at age 11 i learned what trans was and that night i decided i was trans and wanted to change my name, change my life and everything to become a boy. my dreams were crushed the next morning because i woke up and realized it’s not something that’s easy. i continued to feel like that then around 12 i came out as non binary, and used the name theo. it didnt fit completely me though. then my dad talked to me and i felt so bad about coming out, i put myself back in the closet. i’ve never been close to him and when he has conversations with me my anxiety controls things so rather than continuing to identify as non binary i went back to she/her. 13 i talked to my mom (i’m close to her but not as close as i could be) and she got me a binder. i’m pretty sure my dad knew about it but i still tried to hide it from him. at night times, i cried and literally prayed, begging to let me wake up and be a guy. now i’m 14. cry at night about not being a guy still. but i still doubt myself. i make myself think i’m faking it even though i’d have no reason to be. i also am just scared, because in some ways i don’t want my life to change a whole bunch. i have a crush on a guy and i want to end up dating him but he’s straight and it’s one of the main things making me try to convince myself i’m faking it. it’s a stupid reason though.
Thank you so very much for doing these videos. You are a sweetheart..
It's my pleasure, am glad you are finding them to be of use :)