I have lost both my parents, my house, my marriage, and both my dogs all within the last year. I'm just now finding myself again after all that chaos. It made me see life in a whole new light, and I'm embracing the next chapters of my life. The past needs to stay there. Live in the present and be hopeful for the future. I'm excited to start living again!
Life will be much different then what your mind was thinking it was going to be. All those memories and images of the future will be the hardest part of letting go. I was in the middle of life turmoil, and moved to the beach. I hated sand , but I found it to be the best thing I could have done. I lay on the sand all summer long embracing the suck. Got back my hobbies and myself over the last four years. I stay here , as it's been good for my mind to reset and find new direction. You lost purpose in life all in the same time frame or even the same chapter. Well it's time to start a new chapter. Embrace the suck, it gave me my best learning experience. 😊
I lost my 21-yr old daughter to cancer in 2022, divorced last year after 25 years and moved out of my home into a basement apartment. Half of my income is gone now to support my ex and remaining daughter, and I can honestly say that this year has been pretty dark. I've spent this past year since moving out doing a lot of healing, processing everything that's happened, and coming to accept the reality of my situation. I've had a shift within this past month, and I'm in the process of rebuilding myself and creating a new life - for the first time in many months, I can pick my head up and drink in the beauty all around me. I'm ready to live again.
@@gojub3173 wow that’s really motivational! I know it’s not easy. But that’s really excellent. I’m sorry for all of the hardship that you’ve experienced, but it does open the door to something new.
Today I saw my psychologist and he asked me 3 times if I was suicidal. I don't think that I am. But I've been through a lot and am in the middle of it. 2 years ago my then one year old son was diagnosed with brain cancer. My wife lived in the hospital with him through 3 brain surgeries, 6 rounds of chemo and many other things. I was instantly a single dad to my other two boys who are 8 and 6. About 15 months ago my wife and son returned home. Shortly thereafter she started having an affair with another dad at the school. She tried to trick me into waiting to file for divorce so she could make it to the 10 year mark. I filed for divorce in February, a week before the 10 year mark. That's when she got real aggressive. She accused me of domestic violence and I was forced out of my home. Now she lives there with her boyfriend, his son and my 3 sons. And I only get to see my sons 32% of the time. I've been fighting for equal custody and she recently retaliated by filing for sole custody. Meanwhile I am supporting everyone and it's all falling apart because I do not make enough money. So her attorney filed a criminal contempt against me that will be heard on Dec 10. Then last week I found out that my son's cancer is back. I remember the oncologist telling me if it comes back, he will probably die. Luka is only three, but he is the best person I've ever known. I wish this hell was over and I could imagine a new life but that seems impossible right now. Actually I'd like to move to another country (with my boys) like Barry below. But I'm trapped here for another 10 to 15 years in order to pay support. It feels like a jail sentence. I hope one day I can forgive her and see the beauty in life. Right now, the only beauty I see is in my boys.
Life 1.0 was a time of youthful innocence. Life 2.0 was being married to a narcissist. Life 3.0 is recognizing dysfunctional patterns and moving on, without the naïveté of Life 1.0.
Perfectly stated; these are developments of growth, and it truly is like being a different person and having another chance (or two) only when you accept a willingness to change and better oneself; that we are not born perfect, but must strive for that direction. To believe we do not have to transform like a butterfly is naïveté. (And there are many transformations if one lives and learns properly) Thanks!
I had similar life experiences, and it took me over 6 years to fully recover financially and mentally. Married for 24 years, had a 100K a year career, nice brick ranch house in the suburbs, new cars, motorcycles, a boat and all the stuff that is fun, and within six months, it all disappeared. If it wasn't for my daughter, I would have ended it. Now I make half of what I made, live in a small 2-bedroom house that I bought, and I do what I love working for myself. For any man going through this, just KNOW that it's going to be a lengthy recovery, but it is worth it. I look back now, and I ask myself how in the hell did I do it. But I did, and so will you! So, to all the guys going through this, believe me, your life will get MUCH better. KEEP THE FAITH!
@@uctom7364 I would say you need to be honest with yourself and understand and accept your failures that contributed to the divorce. Once you do, that's when you can truly begin to improve yourself. No one is blame free. It truly is liberating once you come to terms with your own shortcomings in the marriage.
Pain can make you or break you. You always always always got the choice to build or destroy. Make you you will enjoy when you look back again for the choices you've made. Welcome the new version of yourself
I'm 75 and I guess I must be different. The war in Vietnam changed me - that was chaos. I watched my friends and brothers die in front of me. I don't think I've cried once since I came back. My parents both passed, but I was not sad, as both were suffering from painful diseases; I was glad they passed quickly. I tend to be positive by nature. I don't do guilt and have always lived life on my own terms. Even my divorces didn't bum me out longer than a week or so.
@@RobertOburu-l1i I'm just about enjoying life now. I have to say Vietnam built a barrier between me and my feelings. At the time it was necessary or I would have been a freaking basket case. You do what you have to do to survive sometimes.
@@twofarg0ne763 much respect to you. I served but not during war time, but I know many brothers who served during various wars. You compartmentalize , to survive. I wish you continued peace and much joy.
Relieve yourself of the anger, but never forget an injustice if you were targeted by evil. Anger can provoke action and change, so it must be controlled. It can be healthy to be angry and bitter at justified things. But your point has not lost me: don’t let it consume you. But, I am here to say we have these emotions for a reason.
Letting go of grudges has taken longer and been more difficult than I ever would have imagined. I have grown and learned more about myself in the process however. The reward seems to be acceptance and peace with myself. I want the best quality of life I can achieve for what is left of it (hopefully many years yet to come 😊).
4 years ago my liver completely failed due to an autoimmune disease. It almost cost me my life. And i needed an organ transplant to save my life. During the lead up to the surgery it cost me almost everything. My marriage, my career, my very sense of who i was. I was now vulnerable. After the surgery i am a completely new person. A better man. I am healthiervthan ive ever been, a new appreciation of the simple fact of living. I found a new life, and i am so much happier. I would never recommend a life threatening illness, but if this unavoidable choice made me so much happier, then i ask you not to fear these life changes. I moved to the Philippines and found joy with a filipina fiancee. Good luck and i wish for much joy to all who read this.
I am 35 years old, from Romania. Had 2 failed long term relationships so far. In one of them, more recent one, we were both very hot tempered and it started from her initial tendencies to control things in the relationship and basically trying to change everything about me from the clothes I wear to the people people I talk to, to who manages the money in the house. I, being a control freak myself in many ways which I find healthier to deal with, never gave in to her more obnoxious requests, like for example to stop speaking to my own mother because she felt that my mom was controlling me, when in fact she was the one who wanted to do the controlling. Funny thing is I'm still attracted to the women I had the relationships with, but I'm sad we weren't wise enough to see that the small stuff were the things creating the arguments. I've watched almost all your videos I think. I wish you the best and I thank you for sharing your wisdom. I hope to apply the wisdom and not just let it leave my head from one ear to the other.
John, your sincere authentic, and have your heart in the right place. You articulate your thoughts in easy to understand, and relatable stories. To stay real I wish I could find something that you say that I disagree with, and or can’t relate to. But I can’t. you are always on the money. To me, you’re a friend that I listen to from time to time, who gives me a kind of comfort and companionship through commonality. Listening to your channel makes me feel better about life. Thank you for that. Keep up the good work you do for all those who need it.🙂
In 2000 my mother died. At the same time the woman I had a child with ran off with a some guy that had loads of kids with other women. She also kept my child away from me. I was in emotional turmoil I had been with her for 17 years. To cap it off she had a baby with him. She told me to my face that she didn't want any kids with me. I just could not understand it. Eventually with alot of help from an old teacher i got through it. I embraced what was thrown at me. My mothers death was the biggest issue. She was the world to me. Sadly my ex thought this was the moment to increase my emotional pain. What happened to me made me understand that I have no control over anything so I just surrendered to God and put my life in his hands. It was letting go that did the trick.
In Buddhism, we have something very similar in terms of letting go/surrendering. When we have high expectations, even expectations in general, we plant the seed of suffering.
I'm happy for you that you made it through. May I ask, was there anything special you would share, that helped you let go while you were alone? Or was it basically just time passing and slow healing?
@niceattitude4280 Well my old teacher was the one that really helped me. Without him I would not have made it. By that I mean I would have had a mental breakdown. He spoke to me and made me understand what I was going through. He wrote me a letter explaining what was happening to me and how to get through it. I was on the phone with him constantly talking about my feelings. The love for my son and the future I wanted with him kept me going. The future plans I wanted for myself made me battle through this terrible period in my life. I also had therapy for about a year, that really helped me to see myself and the flaws in me. This period of change has been the best thing that has happened to me. Obviously not at the time, but now it's made me a stronger more compassionate human being. I also now have a really good understanding of female nature. I was trying to make sense of why my ex did what she did. No answer until now. It was fun and excitement. Nothing deep or complicated. The guy she ran off with had a car and I didn't. I see women for who they really are now. With this information I have made much better choices in who I choose to be with. I also prayed and read the Bible. That changed my life forever. I have a real relationship with God. I am truly blessed. My circle of friends is about 4 people all male. This is not by choice. It's just that as a man I have values that most women don't understand. Accountability responsibility, duty and not being selfish. These are common traits in men I feel. My male friends have these values. I have known many women, these values don't seem to resonate with them. It's been one hell of a struggle but it's been worth it. The biggest thing I have gained from it all is wisdom. I continue to learn every day. Life is beautiful. I have a fantastic relationship with my son. We train together in fitness. We spend quality time together. I play guitar now. I have an exam coming up next year sometime, when I am ready. Like I said I feel blessed. Let me know if you want to talk some more. Maybe we can help each other. One more thing. I was never made at my ex I just wanted access to our son. Her actions are just female nature. I don't think these women know any better. They think this is happiness. Not understanding that happiness comes from yourself not another person.
This is your best video! It’s been a tough year overall losing a girlfriend I loved, issues in work life, futures anxiety. The losses and troubles have changed me into a better person. Trust the process
The lesson I took from this video....is see the world as it is, not how we want it....I've adopt his mindset for two weeks now, I'm literally happy...I control my reaction to it vs trying to control the world
Been there, done that and made it out the other side. It did not seem possible at the time. Some good advice here, hang in there guys, embrace the change, put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward
YES. I love my new path of learning and self-improvement. It's VERY liberating and sets you truly FREE to live in the light with the Devine Force. I would not have it ANY other way. 😇🙏👌✌️
Good stuff. I'd add that religiously saving and investing money from a young age smooths out unexpected transitions. For example, if a career ends abruptly with no path forward, the flexibility money on hand provides makes the next chapter a matter of brainstorming and executing.
Good advice. Worth applying. Loss and chaos can be a major motivation for personal transformation with proper direction and self understanding. Or self destructive behavior and a downward spiral.
i am going through this process with a really good wife and mother of our children as a main character. after 15 years. we‘re 38. we were not meant to be. no cheating, gambling, addictions and violence involved. just two good sould having to part ways as romantic partners. it‘s the hardest thing i ever did. not even felt lile that when my best friend died in a paragliding accident (RIP Petsch). life 2.0. and to you guys: best of luck. we‘re in this and we can do it ❤
John. You are bringing understanding and healing to a lot of us. Well done brother. I am thanking the universe and also you, for your efforts in doing these meditative healing videos☀️ I look forward to each and every one.
I've experienced 5 major deaths within the family in just under a year, and now my marriage of 10 years. It has been so tough, but I've been watching alot of your videos, John. Your perspective has helped put me back on the right path.
"Letting go" is certainly the most important step, but also the most difficult and unfortunately no one can help you with it - not a life coach, friends or family - it is so hard that some people can't bear it and lose the battle. I looked for help to be able to let go of things - there was no help. There is no help. Even John Griffin doesn't help you to let go because he can't. No one can. We are alone with it.
Great inspirational stuff! Thank you. I'm sure I have done my own version of this and living pretty much Life 3.0. I still need to clear tendecies I have to be negative when I'm tired or unwell, but I'm increasingly checking myself and gradually morphing into the self I enjoy being.
I start my 2.0 this Sunday. A move across country. Thx for the advice about leaving 1.0 and not looking back. I think as men we are not taught the importance of protecting our mental health and our peace. I think it happens with the slow encroachment of taking on things that are not your problems.
It reminds me of a quote from John Lennon: "Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans." You planned to live in that house for the rest of your life, but life took a different turn. That quote is really helpful to me. John Lennon had his own plans, but his life didn't unfold as he expected. I've spent a lot of time thinking about my life, and I've realized that other people also have their opinions about it. In the end, life happens, and that's okay. You're right; things often turn out differently than we imagine, so we just need to roll with it. Thanks.
People of introspective personality do not mind change as long as we are directing it. For example, resigning from a long-held position to accept a better opportunity, or moving to a city on the other side of the country or even the world and starting over with new social and business circles. But we are prone to reacting negatively to having change imposed on us without our consent. Wise people learn to make the best of both types of changes. Recognizing that some are negative changes beyond their control, like flying a plane whose engines simultaneously fail, but you still have to make the least damaging crash landing the circumstances allow then board the next flight to where you want to go.
🎵 And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile And you may find yourself in a large beautiful house With a beautiful wife And you may ask yourself How did l get here ? 🎵
One of THE Greatest tracks in the history of Rock 🎸 Needs a 2025 "remaster" with a added verse 🎵 And you may find yourself Walking through a beautiful wood And you may find yourself next to a beautiful river With two beautiful dogs And you will say to yourself Thank F # for Peace & Quiet 🎵
Great video John. Sounds like we were going through very similar experiences at the same time and now find life 2.0 so much better. Keep up the good work and enjoy those forest dog walks.
John, this is a video I will have to watch multiple times, in such a short space you distill the challenges and an approach, and you do it with understanding. In my case it is the loss of my parents after retiring early to care for them. But whatever it is,the brain seems to want to make sense of it all, to replay the issues, looking for a better outcome. You are right, one has to move to the new chapter and embrace it, and reject the guilt that comes with that process. Thanks for doing such a great job for us on these videos.
What l think what you r telling us, nothing is the same forever, things keep changing all the time and you have to adopt yourself to those changes and move forward, ıf you would have had a happy life with your preious job, and wife you would t hardly ever change
I just happen to come across this video and I just wanted to say thank you! I’m going through exactly what you described. Loss loved ones, multiple backstabbing, and torn relationships. And I kept holding on to all of the things of the past. Making me hate everything badly. I just have to let it go. It’s hard but I can do it. Getting older is a journey it seems. I remember when I was little and wanted to be adult. 😅
Good morning thanks for sharing. Yes, a person can get another house, car, etc. Turn the page and move on. Remember to watch the movie FACING THE WIND,. Need I say no more. Also watch the movie To DYE FOR, by parents turn film makers Brandon and Whitney Cawood. Both 🎥 films are exceptional Stay healthy everyone........... from the Ozarks drinking fresh spring water 💦 this morning, rainy ☔ 67 degrees
I am dealing with so much chaos on my job and I would not have been able to cope with that in my earlier carrere as I would have drowned in it. Now I takes as much as I can and leave the rest to the next day. However I must admit I do not love it, but I have so many good colleges which I like to work with that I continue.
Another great video, John. Female viewer here, and I would like to offer my input, if I may. When my son died unexpectedly in 2013, my life went off a cliff in an instant. I have learned enough lessons since then to write a book, but one lesson that I would like to share came directly from the Stoics. I highly recommend reading the Stoics for anyone trying to navigate the storms of life. One thing I learned from the Stoics was that the question was not “why me?” Rather, the question was “why not me?” Understanding the concept of why not me set me free from any chance of having a victim mentality and saved me from the trap of bitterness. It allowed me to process my grief in a more healthy and productive way. Love all the wisdom and your sweet dogs. Keep up the great work. 😊
John, i think you might enjoy some of the writings of Anthony de Mello, a priest in India who adapted a lot of Zen philosophy into his Christian beliefs. He talked a lot about how our attachments lead to our unhappiness. I would suggest his book Awareness or perhaps The Way to Love.
My case's slightly different from the rest. Lost my dad at the age of 14. Left my family at the age of 17 to go to UK as a student on my own. This was traumatic. A year later, a revolution happened in my country, a year after that the most bloody war since WW2 during which I lost many friends, and my family constantly under bombardment started. This war lasted 8 years. Family survived. Two of my young siblings joined me in UK to study a few years later with my support. No time for relationships and marriage yet. Been working as a successful computer scientist for a few US companies. Was diagnosed with a serious illness at the age of 37. Got married at a later age of 39. After 24 years of marriage, and forced retirement through redundancy, my wife recently filed for divorce. She will be taking most of what I have. All I care at the moment is to make sure my 18 year old son has a successful education and stays healthy. Otherwise, life goes on.
Thank you for the words of wisdom. A compelling future is so important for everyone. Health and the connection between mind and body. All so important. Thank you. Helping others is one of life most essential gifts we can give. I empathize essential.
Great points, however even a new life and routines will become stasis after a period of time. The human condition will have its way no matter which path you choose
I wish I agreed and you were right. On a deep psychological level I don’t believe it is meaningless Jordan Peterson comments in his podcasts that we live longer if we have some status Of course it’s different for everyone. Some people can never get enough. At least it would be good to have what our culture regards as normal and respectful or things like a Buddhist respectful
The world around us is in permanent flux. We contort ourselves in order to avoid having to evolve with our changing realities, until one day we can bend no more. That day, when our lives break in order to adapt, is the day we discover who we really are.
well, very interesting - quit job, sold house...and shortly afterwards the woman left - what a coincident ;-). Seen so often - well, it is as it is: Men love romantically (according to Disney - blind and dumb - till they suffer and discover Red Pill dynamics), women love opportunistically. It is what it is...
The deth of the American dream being real my not including family be worth it chaos every week every day life for most men that are their ability to just turn it off before thay loose it is just to say I quit.hear all the time that they are responsible for all bad things yes I am a quiting the game and join in life and happy it's not about other but me.i dropped out a long time ago and glad I did 😮
You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Any man who is worth anything will face struggles and challenges only other men understand. Either he can choose to avoid relationships, marriages and children and cruise through life that way or he can accept the challenges of trying to live with a woman, have children and know going in it will be a thankless, almost hopeless task but do it anyway. Most men choose the latter.
Word of advice: Be careful making medical claims. This is the 2nd video where things were mentioned that are supported by medical science. I don’t want you to be blocked by TH-cam. Stay single.
@@john-griffin I'm not sure what he originally meant but possibly the remark about the hippocampus and fat leading to slowness and dullness of thinking. I agree with you but you know how strong " fat acceptance" is in this world... TH-cam is a highly censored liberal platform..
Vanilla is extremely correct. I reject Vanilla I hate Vanilla women Life is meant to eat anything but Vanilla Missionary position = Vanilla 😂😂😂 🍿 😂😂😂 1000% on this
Hey man, theres a lot of substance to your truth telling rants, great oratory content. I'm enjoying listening to your insightful stories and the impromptu humour. Thanks for putting it out there, valuable for any man in any stage of life. 👍🍻
We must keep this in our minds, there is no way to happiness in this life if we miss the path. in the name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful•[All] praise is [due] to Allah, Lord of the worlds•The Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful•Sovereign of the Day of Recompense•It is You we worship and You we ask for help•Guide us to the straight path•The path of those upon whom You have bestowed favor, not of those who have evoked [Your] anger or of those who are astray. th-cam.com/video/2LtCLWjyeqo/w-d-xo.htmlfeature=shared
I have lost both my parents, my house, my marriage, and both my dogs all within the last year. I'm just now finding myself again after all that chaos. It made me see life in a whole new light, and I'm embracing the next chapters of my life. The past needs to stay there. Live in the present and be hopeful for the future. I'm excited to start living again!
@@RS-ms1bz you’ve definitely had a rough year. I’m glad you’re able to move forward.
My dad's dog died right after his life left him. I wonder if the dogs absorb our stress.
makes my “problems” look like small fries! thx for sharing!
I'm sorry for your loss.
I went through something similar all in a span of 2-3 months.
It felt like being punched on the face over and over again.
Life will be much different then what your mind was thinking it was going to be. All those memories and images of the future will be the hardest part of letting go. I was in the middle of life turmoil, and moved to the beach. I hated sand , but I found it to be the best thing I could have done. I lay on the sand all summer long embracing the suck. Got back my hobbies and myself over the last four years. I stay here , as it's been good for my mind to reset and find new direction. You lost purpose in life all in the same time frame or even the same chapter. Well it's time to start a new chapter. Embrace the suck, it gave me my best learning experience. 😊
"Every man has two lives, and the second one begins the moment you realize you only have one."
Jimmy Carr
@@ellenroehl6022 I can’t believe Jimmy Car said that! Isn’t he that British comedian?
@john-griffin yes he is! It was during an interview. He seemed like a pretty smart,thoughtful man. Quite a contrast to how he is on stage.
Actually it’s a quote by Confucius that Jimmy Carr repeated
You never disappoint. Love your videos, John.
I lost my 21-yr old daughter to cancer in 2022, divorced last year after 25 years and moved out of my home into a basement apartment. Half of my income is gone now to support my ex and remaining daughter, and I can honestly say that this year has been pretty dark.
I've spent this past year since moving out doing a lot of healing, processing everything that's happened, and coming to accept the reality of my situation. I've had a shift within this past month, and I'm in the process of rebuilding myself and creating a new life - for the first time in many months, I can pick my head up and drink in the beauty all around me.
I'm ready to live again.
@@gojub3173 wow that’s really motivational! I know it’s not easy. But that’s really excellent. I’m sorry for all of the hardship that you’ve experienced, but it does open the door to something new.
Wow! That’s difficult. Good luck
Today I saw my psychologist and he asked me 3 times if I was suicidal. I don't think that I am. But I've been through a lot and am in the middle of it. 2 years ago my then one year old son was diagnosed with brain cancer. My wife lived in the hospital with him through 3 brain surgeries, 6 rounds of chemo and many other things. I was instantly a single dad to my other two boys who are 8 and 6. About 15 months ago my wife and son returned home. Shortly thereafter she started having an affair with another dad at the school. She tried to trick me into waiting to file for divorce so she could make it to the 10 year mark. I filed for divorce in February, a week before the 10 year mark. That's when she got real aggressive. She accused me of domestic violence and I was forced out of my home. Now she lives there with her boyfriend, his son and my 3 sons. And I only get to see my sons 32% of the time. I've been fighting for equal custody and she recently retaliated by filing for sole custody. Meanwhile I am supporting everyone and it's all falling apart because I do not make enough money. So her attorney filed a criminal contempt against me that will be heard on Dec 10. Then last week I found out that my son's cancer is back. I remember the oncologist telling me if it comes back, he will probably die. Luka is only three, but he is the best person I've ever known. I wish this hell was over and I could imagine a new life but that seems impossible right now. Actually I'd like to move to another country (with my boys) like Barry below. But I'm trapped here for another 10 to 15 years in order to pay support. It feels like a jail sentence. I hope one day I can forgive her and see the beauty in life. Right now, the only beauty I see is in my boys.
@ I think you have one of the toughest stories I’ve ever heard. God bless you, man.
@@john-griffin Thank you John. Please know that you are the one person who is really helping me.
Life 1.0 was a time of youthful innocence.
Life 2.0 was being married to a narcissist.
Life 3.0 is recognizing dysfunctional patterns and moving on, without the naïveté of Life 1.0.
Perfectly stated; these are developments of growth, and it truly is like being a different person and having another chance (or two) only when you accept a willingness to change and better oneself; that we are not born perfect, but must strive for that direction. To believe we do not have to transform like a butterfly is naïveté. (And there are many transformations if one lives and learns properly) Thanks!
I had similar life experiences, and it took me over 6 years to fully recover financially and mentally. Married for 24 years, had a 100K a year career, nice brick ranch house in the suburbs, new cars, motorcycles, a boat and all the stuff that is fun, and within six months, it all disappeared. If it wasn't for my daughter, I would have ended it. Now I make half of what I made, live in a small 2-bedroom house that I bought, and I do what I love working for myself. For any man going through this, just KNOW that it's going to be a lengthy recovery, but it is worth it. I look back now, and I ask myself how in the hell did I do it. But I did, and so will you! So, to all the guys going through this, believe me, your life will get MUCH better. KEEP THE FAITH!
6 years to recover That’s fantastic It took me 16 years
Thank you. Divorced a year ago. After 12 year relationship
Any more advice ?
Just turned 40.
@@uctom7364 Travel and have fun Screw it all
@@uctom7364 I would say you need to be honest with yourself and understand and accept your failures that contributed to the divorce. Once you do, that's when you can truly begin to improve yourself. No one is blame free. It truly is liberating once you come to terms with your own shortcomings in the marriage.
Pain can make you or break you. You always always always got the choice to build or destroy.
Make you you will enjoy when you look back again for the choices you've made.
Welcome the new version of yourself
I'm 75 and I guess I must be different. The war in Vietnam changed me - that was chaos. I watched my friends and brothers die in front of me. I don't think I've cried once since I came back. My parents both passed, but I was not sad, as both were suffering from painful diseases; I was glad they passed quickly. I tend to be positive by nature. I don't do guilt and have always lived life on my own terms. Even my divorces didn't bum me out longer than a week or so.
God bless you. 🙏🏼
Thanks for your service
What a strong mindset. I look at life from a perspective of an ascetic. It keeps me focused on the future
@@RobertOburu-l1i I'm just about enjoying life now. I have to say Vietnam built a barrier between me and my feelings. At the time it was necessary or I would have been a freaking basket case. You do what you have to do to survive sometimes.
@@twofarg0ne763 much respect to you. I served but not during war time, but I know many brothers who served during various wars. You compartmentalize , to survive.
I wish you continued peace and much joy.
The anger and bitterness keep us living in the past. They keep us from moving forward.
@@eric_linden thanks
Wise words. 🙏🏼
Vanilla dead marriage interesting
Relieve yourself of the anger, but never forget an injustice if you were targeted by evil. Anger can provoke action and change, so it must be controlled. It can be healthy to be angry and bitter at justified things.
But your point has not lost me: don’t let it consume you. But, I am here to say we have these emotions for a reason.
@@7fall True... we need to learn from the past.
Letting go of grudges has taken longer and been more difficult than I ever would have imagined. I have grown and learned more about myself in the process however. The reward seems to be acceptance and peace with myself. I want the best quality of life I can achieve for what is left of it (hopefully many years yet to come 😊).
It does seem like a long, hard road. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Attachment is suffering.
4 years ago my liver completely failed due to an autoimmune disease. It almost cost me my life. And i needed an organ transplant to save my life. During the lead up to the surgery it cost me almost everything. My marriage, my career, my very sense of who i was. I was now vulnerable.
After the surgery i am a completely new person. A better man. I am healthiervthan ive ever been, a new appreciation of the simple fact of living. I found a new life, and i am so much happier.
I would never recommend a life threatening illness, but if this unavoidable choice made me so much happier, then i ask you not to fear these life changes.
I moved to the Philippines and found joy with a filipina fiancee.
Good luck and i wish for much joy to all who read this.
God blessed you Barry
Enjoy your life sir
Great story! Thanks
I am 35 years old, from Romania. Had 2 failed long term relationships so far. In one of them, more recent one, we were both very hot tempered and it started from her initial tendencies to control things in the relationship and basically trying to change everything about me from the clothes I wear to the people people I talk to, to who manages the money in the house. I, being a control freak myself in many ways which I find healthier to deal with, never gave in to her more obnoxious requests, like for example to stop speaking to my own mother because she felt that my mom was controlling me, when in fact she was the one who wanted to do the controlling. Funny thing is I'm still attracted to the women I had the relationships with, but I'm sad we weren't wise enough to see that the small stuff were the things creating the arguments. I've watched almost all your videos I think. I wish you the best and I thank you for sharing your wisdom. I hope to apply the wisdom and not just let it leave my head from one ear to the other.
John, your sincere authentic, and have your heart in the right place. You articulate your thoughts in easy to understand, and relatable stories.
To stay real I wish I could find something that you say that I disagree with, and or can’t relate to. But I can’t. you are always on the money.
To me, you’re a friend that I listen to from time to time, who gives me a kind of comfort and companionship through commonality.
Listening to your channel makes me feel better about life. Thank you for that.
Keep up the good work you do for all those who need it.🙂
Managing change and doing something about it is definitely a good way to go.
In 2000 my mother died.
At the same time the woman I had a child with ran off with a some guy that had loads of kids with other women. She also kept my child away from me.
I was in emotional turmoil I had been with her for 17 years. To cap it off she had a baby with him. She told me to my face that she didn't want any kids with me.
I just could not understand it.
Eventually with alot of help from an old teacher i got through it. I embraced what was thrown at me. My mothers death was the biggest issue. She was the world to me.
Sadly my ex thought this was the moment to increase my emotional pain.
What happened to me made me understand that I have no control over anything so I just surrendered to God and put my life in his hands. It was letting go that did the trick.
In Buddhism, we have something very similar in terms of letting go/surrendering. When we have high expectations, even expectations in general, we plant the seed of suffering.
@@Mike-s7h5l Thank you for that my friend.
@@gehanoates885 No problems.
I'm happy for you that you made it through. May I ask, was there anything special you would share, that helped you let go while you were alone? Or was it basically just time passing and slow healing?
@niceattitude4280 Well my old teacher was the one that really helped me. Without him I would not have made it. By that I mean I would have had a mental breakdown.
He spoke to me and made me understand what I was going through.
He wrote me a letter explaining what was happening to me and how to get through it. I was on the phone with him constantly talking about my feelings.
The love for my son and the future I wanted with him kept me going.
The future plans I wanted for myself made me battle through this terrible period in my life. I also had therapy for about a year, that really helped me to see myself and the flaws in me.
This period of change has been the best thing that has happened to me. Obviously not at the time, but now it's made me a stronger more compassionate human being. I also now have a really good understanding of female nature. I was trying to make sense of why my ex did what she did. No answer until now. It was fun and excitement. Nothing deep or complicated. The guy she ran off with had a car and I didn't.
I see women for who they really are now. With this information I have made much better choices in who I choose to be with.
I also prayed and read the Bible. That changed my life forever. I have a real relationship with God. I am truly blessed.
My circle of friends is about 4 people all male. This is not by choice. It's just that as a man I have values that most women don't understand. Accountability responsibility, duty and not being selfish. These are common traits in men I feel.
My male friends have these values. I have known many women, these values don't seem to resonate with them.
It's been one hell of a struggle but it's been worth it. The biggest thing I have gained from it all is wisdom. I continue to learn every day. Life is beautiful. I have a fantastic relationship with my son. We train together in fitness. We spend quality time together. I play guitar now. I have an exam coming up next year sometime, when I am ready. Like I said I feel blessed.
Let me know if you want to talk some more. Maybe we can help each other.
One more thing. I was never made at my ex I just wanted access to our son. Her actions are just female nature. I don't think these women know any better. They think this is happiness. Not understanding that happiness comes from yourself not another person.
You got to stay present. Am listening this video for the fourth time. You're a tower of strength John. Blessings 🙏🙏
I like the stream and rocks scene.
That is a nice spot
John's videos literally give me the shot of caffeine I need!
@@joeyzacher9296 thanks
John, i'm currently 'in crisis'-your advice is priceless. Thank you sir.
@@HunkumSpunkum I’m really happy to hear that you’re finding my Contant helpful. I wish you the best.
This is your best video! It’s been a tough year overall losing a girlfriend I loved, issues in work life, futures anxiety. The losses and troubles have changed me into a better person. Trust the process
I agree this video puts it all together so well. It needs to be watched many times for all the points to sink in.
Trusting the process. This has been my mantra when the dark clouds of doubt arrive.
Excellent content as per usual. Thanks.
Thanks
The lesson I took from this video....is see the world as it is, not how we want it....I've adopt his mindset for two weeks now, I'm literally happy...I control my reaction to it vs trying to control the world
Your wisdom provides me with sense of comfort and clarity.
Great video John. I'm so tired of my old life and just coasting through life. I'm getting ready to make some big life changes and needed to hear this
Best of luck!
@@john-griffinthank you sir 🙏
@@john-griffinbtw happy thanksgiving I hope it's a good one
Man!! You're the greatest coach, listening to your video's every day for inspiration. Thanks John! 🙏🏽
I appreciate that! Thanks
Hardship is the steel you use to sharpen yourself.
Been there, done that and made it out the other side. It did not seem possible at the time. Some good advice here, hang in there guys, embrace the change, put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward
This really helped me. Thank You Sincerely.
@@tashahass8597 I’m really glad you enjoyed the video
YES. I love my new path of learning and self-improvement. It's VERY liberating and sets you truly FREE to live in the light with the Devine Force. I would not have it ANY other way. 😇🙏👌✌️
learn from the lessons of the past
, live your life, be happy, move on, never look back…
Thank you John. This is very helpful for me.
Good stuff. I'd add that religiously saving and investing money from a young age smooths out unexpected transitions. For example, if a career ends abruptly with no path forward, the flexibility money on hand provides makes the next chapter a matter of brainstorming and executing.
True
This video is a game changer! Have watched many of your videos lately and they are a true piece of art. Thanks John!
Good advice. Worth applying. Loss and chaos can be a major motivation for personal transformation with proper direction and self understanding. Or self destructive behavior and a downward spiral.
It’s a choice we all face at some point
i am going through this process with a really good wife and mother of our children as a main character. after 15 years. we‘re 38. we were not meant to be. no cheating, gambling, addictions and violence involved. just two good sould having to part ways as romantic partners. it‘s the hardest thing i ever did. not even felt lile that when my best friend died in a paragliding accident (RIP Petsch).
life 2.0.
and to you guys: best of luck. we‘re in this and we can do it ❤
John. You are bringing understanding and healing to a lot of us. Well done brother. I am thanking the universe and also you, for your efforts in doing these meditative healing videos☀️ I look forward to each and every one.
Thanks
I've experienced 5 major deaths within the family in just under a year, and now my marriage of 10 years. It has been so tough, but I've been watching alot of your videos, John. Your perspective has helped put me back on the right path.
Keep going on the right path
@@Krulltek live day to day and slowly regain your balance. Don't ever give up.
@barryj3266 thank you for that. It's been 2 months since the separation but the pain is still immense.
Great advice! I still feel as if I am in chaos running a business house and raising a child on my own. Thank you John
"Letting go" is certainly the most important step, but also the most difficult and unfortunately no one can help you with it - not a life coach, friends or family - it is so hard that some people can't bear it and lose the battle. I looked for help to be able to let go of things - there was no help. There is no help. Even John Griffin doesn't help you to let go because he can't. No one can. We are alone with it.
Thanks
I love this guy. 😀 ❤🎉 cracks me up and sometimes makes me miss my step-dad. His name was Bob. He would have loved these videos 📹 🎉🥰‼️ lol
Great inspirational stuff! Thank you. I'm sure I have done my own version of this and living pretty much Life 3.0. I still need to clear tendecies I have to be negative when I'm tired or unwell, but I'm increasingly checking myself and gradually morphing into the self I enjoy being.
"Warm place to poop." I'm gonna borrow that line.😂💩
I start my 2.0 this Sunday. A move across country. Thx for the advice about leaving 1.0 and not looking back. I think as men we are not taught the importance of protecting our mental health and our peace. I think it happens with the slow encroachment of taking on things that are not your problems.
It reminds me of a quote from John Lennon: "Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans." You planned to live in that house for the rest of your life, but life took a different turn. That quote is really helpful to me. John Lennon had his own plans, but his life didn't unfold as he expected. I've spent a lot of time thinking about my life, and I've realized that other people also have their opinions about it. In the end, life happens, and that's okay. You're right; things often turn out differently than we imagine, so we just need to roll with it. Thanks.
John Lennon is a favorite! Thanks
People of introspective personality do not mind change as long as we are directing it. For example, resigning from a long-held position to accept a better opportunity, or moving to a city on the other side of the country or even the world and starting over with new social and business circles. But we are prone to reacting negatively to having change imposed on us without our consent. Wise people learn to make the best of both types of changes. Recognizing that some are negative changes beyond their control, like flying a plane whose engines simultaneously fail, but you still have to make the least damaging crash landing the circumstances allow then board the next flight to where you want to go.
🎵 And you may find yourself
behind the wheel of a large
automobile
And you may find yourself
in a large beautiful house
With a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself
How did l get here ? 🎵
Great song
One of THE Greatest tracks in the history of Rock 🎸
Needs a 2025 "remaster" with a added verse
🎵 And you may find yourself
Walking through a beautiful wood
And you may find yourself next to
a beautiful river
With two beautiful dogs
And you will say to yourself
Thank F # for Peace & Quiet 🎵
Talking Heads! Yes! David Byrne speaking truth... "Same as it ever was..."
😎 :) 🎸
Great advice!!!
Great video John.
Sounds like we were going through very similar experiences at the same time and now find life 2.0 so much better.
Keep up the good work and enjoy those forest dog walks.
Thanks for sharing!
John, this is a video I will have to watch multiple times, in such a short space you distill the challenges and an approach, and you do it with understanding. In my case it is the loss of my parents after retiring early to care for them. But whatever it is,the brain seems to want to make sense of it all, to replay the issues, looking for a better outcome. You are right, one has to move to the new chapter and embrace it, and reject the guilt that comes with that process. Thanks for doing such a great job for us on these videos.
Thanks
This video is perfect! Thank you. From Brazil 😊
Honest, real vid. Your best one.
Thanks
I wish you well! Sorry to hear about your challenges in life.
What l think what you r telling us, nothing is the same forever, things keep changing all the time and you have to adopt yourself to those changes and move forward, ıf you would have had a happy life with your preious job, and wife you would t hardly ever change
Thank you!
Great info....I can confirm all true...Thank you sir!
I just happen to come across this video and I just wanted to say thank you! I’m going through exactly what you described. Loss loved ones, multiple backstabbing, and torn relationships. And I kept holding on to all of the things of the past. Making me hate everything badly. I just have to let it go. It’s hard but I can do it. Getting older is a journey it seems. I remember when I was little and wanted to be adult. 😅
Hang in there. Happiness is just a matter of time
outstanding !!
Thanks
Thanks John
Godbless
Thanks
Though we travel the World in search of the beautiful,..we must carry it with us or we find it not.❗️
That's pretty impressive to change your life like that John. It took a lot of courage and belief in yourself. Something your ex did NOT have.
Good morning thanks for sharing. Yes, a person can get another house, car, etc. Turn the page and move on. Remember to watch the movie FACING THE WIND,. Need I say no more. Also watch the movie To DYE FOR, by parents turn film makers Brandon and Whitney Cawood. Both 🎥 films are exceptional Stay healthy everyone........... from the Ozarks drinking fresh spring water 💦 this morning, rainy ☔ 67 degrees
I am dealing with so much chaos on my job and I would not have been able to cope with that in my earlier carrere as I would have drowned in it. Now I takes as much as I can and leave the rest to the next day. However I must admit I do not love it, but I have so many good colleges which I like to work with that I continue.
Great insight. Thanks
There is a Japanese saying *ame futte ji katamaru* which means adversity builds character.
"The ground becomes firm after rain."
Thanks!
Thank you!
This was very helpful, thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
I'm foundering right now. Looking forward to seeing if your message gives me any clarity. I hope it does.
Just keep moving forward. One step at a time
Great video 👍😊
Thanks
Another great video, John. Female viewer here, and I would like to offer my input, if I may.
When my son died unexpectedly in 2013, my life went off a cliff in an instant. I have learned enough lessons since then to write a book, but one lesson that I would like to share came directly from the Stoics. I highly recommend reading the Stoics for anyone trying to navigate the storms of life. One thing I learned from the Stoics was that the question was not “why me?” Rather, the question was “why not me?”
Understanding the concept of why not me set me free from any chance of having a victim mentality and saved me from the trap of bitterness. It allowed me to process my grief in a more healthy and productive way.
Love all the wisdom and your sweet dogs. Keep up the great work. 😊
Thanks for sharing your very personal story. You’re right, why not me?
I have a high net worth, am retired at 58 but pretty miserable without my ex. It’s weird. She was toxic but so fun. I need therapy for sure😢
John, i think you might enjoy some of the writings of Anthony de Mello, a priest in India who adapted a lot of Zen philosophy into his Christian beliefs. He talked a lot about how our attachments lead to our unhappiness. I would suggest his book Awareness or perhaps The Way to Love.
I know Anthony Demello! I read his stuff several years ago. He’s one of my favorites.
When you said the partner part you might leave that out of it, at 14:40. Iwas saying that at the same time perfect show and your dogs are great
Good work!
Thanks!
Good video. I enjoyed it.
Glad you enjoyed it
My case's slightly different from the rest. Lost my dad at the age of 14. Left my family at the age of 17 to go to UK as a student on my own. This was traumatic. A year later, a revolution happened in my country, a year after that the most bloody war since WW2 during which I lost many friends, and my family constantly under bombardment started. This war lasted 8 years. Family survived. Two of my young siblings joined me in UK to study a few years later with my support. No time for relationships and marriage yet. Been working as a successful computer scientist for a few US companies. Was diagnosed with a serious illness at the age of 37. Got married at a later age of 39. After 24 years of marriage, and forced retirement through redundancy, my wife recently filed for divorce. She will be taking most of what I have. All I care at the moment is to make sure my 18 year old son has a successful education and stays healthy. Otherwise, life goes on.
0:00 "Chaos... is the result of... WOMEN..."
FTFY
Thank you for the words of wisdom. A compelling future is so important for everyone. Health and the connection between mind and body. All so important. Thank you.
Helping others is one of life most essential gifts we can give. I empathize essential.
How do you get those Drone shots ?
Hoverair x1 pro
Great points, however even a new life and routines will become stasis after a period of time.
The human condition will have its way no matter which path you choose
People need to learn mindfulness like the philosophers taught, and the zen budist monks, daoism, WU WEI, etc.
Status is meaningless...( to me )...
I am a happy peaceful minimalist.
Possessions are a headache.
I wish I agreed and you were right.
On a deep psychological level I don’t believe it is meaningless Jordan Peterson comments in his podcasts that we live longer if we have some status
Of course it’s different for everyone. Some people can never get enough. At least it would be good to have what our culture regards as normal and respectful or things like a Buddhist respectful
@@robbruin8911 I have a crippling disease. Health is so much more valuable.
Being able-bodied is a privilege that people take for granted.
When you're drowning all you can see is water... Sometimes all you need to do is stand up.
Perfect
Attachments are very complex. Buddhist say it’s the root of misery
OMG. I dropped 150lbs! 😂
The world around us is in permanent flux. We contort ourselves in order to avoid having to evolve with our changing realities, until one day we can bend no more. That day, when our lives break in order to adapt, is the day we discover who we really are.
well, very interesting - quit job, sold house...and shortly afterwards the woman left - what a coincident ;-).
Seen so often - well, it is as it is: Men love romantically (according to Disney - blind and dumb - till they suffer and discover Red Pill dynamics), women love opportunistically. It is what it is...
The deth of the American dream being real my not including family be worth it chaos every week every day life for most men that are their ability to just turn it off before thay loose it is just to say I quit.hear all the time that they are responsible for all bad things yes I am a quiting the game and join in life and happy it's not about other but me.i dropped out a long time ago and glad I did 😮
Spoken like a true Buddhist.
Live alone, avoid it all
You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Any man who is worth anything will face struggles and challenges only other men understand. Either he can choose to avoid relationships, marriages and children and cruise through life that way or he can accept the challenges of trying to live with a woman, have children and know going in it will be a thankless, almost hopeless task but do it anyway. Most men choose the latter.
Word of advice: Be careful making medical claims. This is the 2nd video where things were mentioned that are supported by medical science. I don’t want you to be blocked by TH-cam. Stay single.
Agree 👍🏼
What medical claim did I make?
@@john-griffin I'm not sure what he originally meant but possibly the remark about the hippocampus and fat leading to slowness and dullness of thinking.
I agree with you but you know how strong " fat acceptance" is in this world...
TH-cam is a highly censored liberal platform..
@@stuartjohnston4353 me too
@@stuartjohnston4353 me too..
Vanilla is extremely correct.
I reject Vanilla
I hate Vanilla women
Life is meant to eat anything but Vanilla
Missionary position = Vanilla
😂😂😂 🍿 😂😂😂
1000% on this
Rant # 977 coming in hot
John I really needed this video, 🤮, in the thick💩
@@bobhouse9331 I’m really glad that it is helping. Thanks
Why you act crazy?
Not an act maybe
So close a lady
Shifty eyes shady
I stay away
I stay away
I stay away
I stay away
You are born alone , you live alone , and you will die alone. Reality.
I guess a hot wife isn’t enough.
I intially read the title as "Master of Choas, Women" and I was like, yeah that sounds about right 😆
Hey man, theres a lot of substance to your truth telling rants, great oratory content.
I'm enjoying listening to your insightful stories and the impromptu humour.
Thanks for putting it out there, valuable for any man in any stage of life. 👍🍻
We must keep this in our minds, there is no way to happiness in this life if we miss the path.
in the name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful•[All] praise is [due] to Allah, Lord of the worlds•The Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful•Sovereign of the Day of Recompense•It is You we worship and You we ask for help•Guide us to the straight path•The path of those upon whom You have bestowed favor, not of those who have evoked [Your] anger or of those who are astray.
th-cam.com/video/2LtCLWjyeqo/w-d-xo.htmlfeature=shared