Why Gay Men Are Lonely...
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 ธ.ค. 2023
- Hey guys, how are you? Today's video is about something I've wanted to talk about for a while now, why some of us gay or bi guys might be feeling a bit lonely. Having read most of your stories and having talked to you guys in the past, I know many of you guys had a similar experience with this issue, just like me. So let's chat openly, share experiences, and build a supportive space.❤️
F I N D M E H E R E !
📷Instagram: @matraeisi
👯TikTok: @matraeisi
🐥Twitter: @matraeisi
I feel like dating apps are breaking us more than uniting us.
Are they actually dating apps or hookup apps? I honestly don’t know coz I’m too young and stupid to be allowed on them. Whatever they are, I can’t say I have any use for them.
I have no sense of age, either, so I don’t know how old this guy up there 👆🏼 is, I know he’s older, but I don’t know if he’s 25, 35, or 45 (no way he’s 45). But my generation isn’t so tied to ancient mythology and we’re more aware that the future’s ours, not old people’s, so if gramps doesn’t like that you like boys, I guess your grandpa’s got problems. But they’re his problems, not yours.
Sometimes you just gotta stick to the truth and let people have their heart attacks. If they’re that scared of the truth, it’s not my job to keep’em alive on a steady diet of lies. FOXnews has been a good source of lies for ages. Just hook the old people up to cable-tv. They’ll be fine.
Dating is an extinct term in the gay community anymore
@@brite1217 I don't think there is love here.
The problem isn't dating apps. Love comes from within. Instead of looking for a culprit to blame for our loneliness, we must strive to overcome it.
@@user-rt1sr4fm5m there is love. (I hope!)
When you’re a teenager, those apps foster whatever the opposite of appreciation for people is. They definitely enable the lustful, disingenuous hookuppy aspect of use-and-discard, even predatory behaviour people warn us about.
Think about it: you’re 14, 16, whatever, and you’ve got guys that’ll do and say anything to get you naked. You don’t really understand these people are actually preying on you. You just think, “cool, more bj’s for me!”
By 17, you’re already jaded and really reticent about being in an actual relationship. (By “you”, I obviously mean “I”.)
Love has to exist. It’s not easy, and it requires work and trust and patience. Not exactly the stuff teenagers are famous for, and I have to admit, I don’t trust dating apps anymore. With Covid over and done with, they’re not really necessary anymore.
Do the legwork, go meet people, invest in your relationships, and give them time to grow. There’s nothing wrong with sex, but a relationship cannot be based solely on sex.
The apps, though, I’m not sure they’re good.
I think the 20-something generation got hooked on the apps bc of covid, but the generation coming up on 20 have seen the apps, and how they screwed you guys’s generation.
Maybe as a umm response to this, give younger ppl a shot. We know of the problem, but we aren’t addicted to the apps. Which means you’ll have to look for us and talk to us instead of trying to figure out our profile. Cos we’ve deleted them and the apps.
Find us, talk to us, get our phone numbers, and text us like normal people. Absolutely worst-case scenario: you’ll have made a friend. That’s not too bad.
And maybe tell your friends what you’re saying here. Like I said: meet people and get to know them. “Offline”. Or gaming, obviously online, I’m always on those so I won’t be a hypocrite about it, but _not_ in hookup apps.
(Is it hypocrite or hypocrit? Hypocrit is getting the red wavy line treatment. Hmm.)
The most strong person is who can go to a movie theatre or a restaurant and enjoy the movie or food alone happily 🤞👌❤
Well said👌🏼Loving and treating yourself first comes on top❤️
That person is me 🥰🥰
Me too. I actually enjoy that and I'm never hesitant to go out by myself
I agree completely. Going to the movies and a restaurant by myself was such a growing experience in my life. I can’t truly explain how great it felt and how good it was for me to do that alone. 😁😊❤️
Apparently, I am the incredible Hulk.
Something I heard which really took me aback was that queer people are the only minority group not born into their community; we are born isolated and have to seek out our community by ourselves. It also means that we have a disconnection from our parents and we don’t inherit generational knowledge and a sense of identity - we’re forced to find and build those on our own.
Wow 🤯 thank you for this
I agree. Never thought of this. Thank you.
I heard it too in a video "Why am I so gay?" a TED Talk by Thomas Lloyd. You guys should check it out.
Deaf folks have entered the chat
@@danachosdon’t deaf people get diagnosed early on when they do the tests?
as a 15 year old gay boy from Nigeria from the Islamic north (way worse that Iran) watching your videos really makes my day especially because you're so relatable and give actual practical advise and this particular video really resonated with me and your videos in general, anyway u have made such a big impact on my life. lots of love ur biggest fan from nigeria
Love from France. It's really heart-breaking to see your message. I hope you will be able to move to a safe country once you are ready, and that you will have all the happiness in the world.
@@SuperMatyoO thanks it means a lot to me, have a good day
Wish you the best! I’m sure you’ll find your way 😊 Stay strong! 💪
❤ from 🇳🇬🇳🇬
Sending you love from Europe. Stay strong, I wish you a joyful future in a safe country.
I don't let loneliness consume me; rather, I see it as a minor discomfort in comparison to the personal growth I've experienced. Embracing my queerness has enriched me with empathy, compassion, and self-love, inspiring a desire to establish organizations benefitting diverse communities worldwide. In addition, despite the isolation that comes with self-development, I've chosen this path, realizing it refines my standards in relationships. I value the profound relationship I've cultivated with myself, finding contentment in discomfort within an inherently challenging world.
This literally felt like a poem, beautifully said! Your journey of turning loneliness into personal growth is really inspiring, and embracing your queerness and working towards community benefit is admirable! this is why love you so so much❤
Do you consider yourself more introvert than extrovert?
@@hot4kookie I'm an introverted extrovert, meaning I tend to be reserved initially but become quite extroverted once I feel comfortable around someone.
I really do feel this is our mission in this world
@@keeyaletlhakejust wanted to say you saying you're building organizations inspires me to do more so thank you for all you do.
Keep inspiring folks.
I agree with this too and also there are guys who are DL and scared to come out and as a result never get to experience true love.
True!!!!
That's me
I mean, I have been out since the age of sixteen, and I have yet to experience love at the current age of 34. It's not just DL dudes, unfortunately.
@@marllon9786 oh trust me I know, I’m 31 and I haven’t experienced love either
@@marllon9786get yourself a woman. Workout, build up testosterone and you'll realize what you been missing
As a queer person in Iran I totally agree on this one
Not just Persia but all the Middle East countries are like this
True and really sad...🥲 wish you the best❤
Thanks for sharing your story. One big goal I have in life is to start a queer relocation fund that helps the LGBTQ+ community in dangerous places move to safer places in the world if they want to. I believe women, children and queers should be able to move anywhere, for any reason at any time because we are not the ones who are responsible for acts of injustices around the world.
Muslim "culture" is degenerate culture.
@@lastdays9163 And then once they move to the host country they start to romanticize the hell they fled and make an identity out of it while trashing the host country and its symbols? 😂
Evidence for this claim with hints of homophobia?@@EliMardirossian
I didn't come to terms with being bi or gay until I was 30 or so. I graduated high school in 1982 and college in 1986 during the AIDS epidemic. Even though I had friends at the time, they were all straight and getting married. I often went to weddings and such alone. I tried having girlfriends and would go on dates, but it never seemed right. At the same time, friends and family would often ask when am I going to get married and settle down. I wouldn't know how to answer and felt so lonely at the time.
In my 30s, I basically kept to myself and learned to live alone and without shame. I've been on my own for a long time to the point that people now no longer question it. If I found the right guy, I'd probably not live alone. Still, it would be hard to give up since it's basically second nature to me at this point.
I’m almost thirty and I feel this comment so deep in my soul
@razrv3lc Trust me when I say I feel for you and appreciate the fact that my post resonated with you the way it has. Still, I wish we lived in a time where staying hidden was no longer necessary for some people. Embrace your sexuality and live it freely if you can. It's what I should have done when much younger. Those who don't understand never will. Your happiness trumps theirs. Best wishes for a happier future!
Where do you live? Why?
I’m 28 and this is pretty much me
I don’t really want to die alone and I want to make a difference, so my plan is to get really involved in my career and then potentially charity work or something, community groups etc, making friends that way.
@@Monkey_nuts_ it’s not too late. Get a therapist to help you use the key you’re holding to remove the chains you think you still need. You can still choose to be happy. Love you brother.
Lack of empathy, care and common sense. that's why.
I'm gay as well and I came out to people two years ago. I go to college, but I spend most of the time alone. Sometimes I like it, but other times I just want to get out of my house and go anywhere, hang out with friends, I wanna feel free. But the truth is that I only have one friend, and he has many other friends so it's kind of difficult to spend time together, and even though I try to make friends, I feel that I can't fit in any group, because there's always this awkward and cold atmosphere. I feel that they treat me like "if you are not in our group, just go away"
When you get older, and as you continue the process of coming out, you will become more comfortable in your own skin and accept yourself for who you are. It becomes much easier to deal with after time. Many times we will grow from our experiences very quickly and become better people, just be yourself and be true to yourself, stay the hell away from drugs and keep drinking to a minimum or avoid drinking altogether. Stay away from people who are toxic and who create drama.
The other thing is that people around you need to grow up and figure out their own lives as well. Straight bi, or gay, we are all growing and changing with the experiences that we have gone through and what we are currently going through. Later on, it won't matter to others if you are gay, you will have friendships with them and they will like you for who you are. They will like you for what you stand for and for your values. It's tough coming out, at first a lot if it is about trying to adjust to this and others around you knowing who you are, if you choose to disclose this to others, and trying to figure out the world and how we fit in the world.
The people around who make a big deal of it, the ones who are ignorant or intolerant are the ones you have to minimize association with or even flat out avoid if you can. Many times they have their own issues that they have to deal with, and often they are the ones who are pointing the finger at others as a divisionary tactic because they don't want to look at themselves.
I wish you well, Zario.
What you said @ 2:50 about gays knowing how to read people .... IS A SERIOUS FACT . I can recall doing that as far back as Middle School . I Always thought that was just my personality but I see now that it is also for protection . 👍👍👍
Me tooo! since elementary school, some people genuinely wanted to physically hurt me, and sometimes they did. I remember that after a while, I just unconsciously started reading people's body language to predict their moves or words for protection
@matraeisi Yes , and I'm talking about everybody , relatives , church people , coworkers , anybody who might give me the SIDE EYE about being single and never been married . If you are sensitive you will use it to weed out the judgemental people also 👎👎👎
I feel this I'm very quick to pick up on when people are upset with me or uncomfortable in general around me. I'm like a blood hound when it comes to it 😂 saved my ass more than once though
@@UrQueenJuan 👍👍👍😃😃😃
I think loneliness is a human condition, not just as a result of being gay or exclusive for gay people. I know heterosexuals who are married, have big families, living a mainstream life who experience loneliness. It just seems more pronounced for gay people perhaps because we stand out as unique and that can make a person feel as if they are standing alone in the world. But every human is unique in some way and does stand alone in some ways. I've found the best way for me is to accept the feeling of loneliness and continue to move forward, finding my own path in life and what works best for me. The feeling comes and goes throughout life. I am 61 and know this from experience. Loneliness is a feeling. Feelings and emotions come and go like the tides.
So wonderfully put. You can be constantly surrounded by people and still be lonely, even when there is love among them all. It is a human condition. I think loneliness has a lot to do with grief. Managing the loss of people, relationships, and even dreams can have a significant impact on loneliness. The best thing you can do for yourself is not stay stuck. Life is way too short for that.
Yes, in existential psychotherapy, loneliness is conceptualized as one of three common fundamental issues that all human beings deal with in their lives. The other is death, and the third is the essential meaninglessness of life. Mean, just thinking about that can make you feel funky lol.
Yes, you are right in saying that loneliness is a human condition.
However, aloneness is also universal and is experienced by everyone in different.
ways.
Loneliness AND aloneness applies to everyone and experienced in different ways...NO ONE CAN ESCAPE ITS EXPERIENCE.
People seem to get confused about the difference of these two points.
Aloness could be experienced as the " Dark night of the soul"...A call to your higher self
Your point of view is right, all of you three, a person who enjoy and fell fine to be alone is special person, since we are social community. I have to say that you all miss the point of the topic here. We gays are a community that is not only discriminated by other communities but for the same community, and good 80% live in a promiscuo state. That is few of the reason gay people are lonely.
Everyone’s experience is unique and I agree with that. I also think that his point is that discrimination exacerbates what already is part of the human condition for everyone. Sooo many gay men experience loneliness and it’s often directly and predominantly linked to experiencing discrimination and learning to mute themselves.
Growing up in a homophobic and hostile country like yours, I was quite aware of my feminine qualities since a very young age and had to wear a mask 24/7. My whole life has been an act, I deserve an oscar at this point.😂 Whenever I talk to someone I need to make sure that my voice stays deep, don't talk with my hands, etc.
Italians talk with their hands. I guess you're not Italian.
I was bullied in childhood. Also, I had to go through several breakups. I developed depression and anxiety. My current boyfriend loves me a lot regardless of my physical traits and emotional issues. I hope no one has to go through these stages. I wish everyone will meet the person in their life who will love them for who they are in all conditions.
@jawadsoomrotheboss
I am so happy for you that you have found love. You are blessed and have so much to contribute to society and humanity! Never forget that!
@@paulthomas281 thank you so much 😊
Sounds like a fairytale...
Wow that's amazing💕😍 u
@@Pixie162 hahaha nobody asked your religion opinion
You are awesome! I am a 64 year old gay man who has experienced many years of loneliness. Being alone is my norm, but trying to change this by putting myself out there more. It’s a process and I am trying very hard not to fall into the traps any longer.
Hi there. Can we get to know each other?
All my best to you. I have a number of friends in the same boat. It's hard to "get out there" and I think harder still as we get older. Society unfortunately glorifies youthful bodies and Gay culture even more so. Still there are groups and clubs to be found where older Gay men congregate. I belong to just such a group, Senior Gay Men, here in Western Massachusetts. See if you can scout out such a group. Then join. I wish you luck on your next adventure.
Ted. I’m 66 and living in Amsterdam which was once the Gay capital of Europe. I’ve always found it difficult to connect whether with friends or a potential lover in the Gay world. Then again that might be due to my character more than due being Gay. It did and still does result in loneliness. Due retirement it only got worse. So i also put myself out there. Met some people. Still difficult to keep contact up. Everything seems so shallow and my age group seems to have disappeared. Wish you the best. At least you still have your looks. 😉
You make a lot of sense. I’ve been masking to please people for so long that I don’t really have a clue who I am. I’ve always wanted to be in a relationship, but at my age that hope is gone. All hope for a happy future is gone. I’m so happy the younger generations are more able to be themselves. Best of luck to you. I genuinely wish you joy, true happiness, and personal fulfillment in all that you do.
I am a 17 year old gay guy who recently came out to everyone and this exact topic has been on my mind lately! In fact my mental health hasn’t been the best lately because I’ve been struggling with loneliness and anxiety, all because of the somewhat impossible standards presented by society and peers. The problems or struggles from being supposedly different from everyone else at school seem to block me out in ways that keep me from being truly happy due to the challenges that are presented by other people around me. Fortunately this video has open my eyes even more and helped me to learn more about this community and why or what struggles come with it! So thank you for this video it has helped me to realize more of how I can overcome challenges and see these things through a broader perspective ❤️
Stay strong. I won’t say it gets easier cause that is a lie. Life is full of challenges but stay strong, stay true to you and you alone, and try not to let others get to you too much. One day, it will become easier to deal with everything you are now and whatever else life wants to throw at you. Take it from someone who once felt very much like you back in the 90s. You’ve got this!
We, Gay men, have each other to be less alone. If we are united and together, we will not feel alone. Gay men together forever ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
I'm gay, and I've never been the bored or lonely type. I grew up on a farm, as an only child, in rural Arkansas back in the 70s, and I learned to occupy my time at an early age. I love living alone, sleeping along, being intimate alone, eating alone, and I travel all over the country and abroad, alone! I have a new boyfriend, and he is wonderful, but I'm still debating if I want to share my life with another person. I am very social, but not all gay men are lonely. Some of us are just true introverts. 😊
A lot of us are hurt by the people that claimed to love us most growing up. Having that happen leads to us expecting others to put in the effort in relationships. We don't trust love unless the other person tries harder than us, and since we all feel that way, we're constantly fighting each other to get the other person to be the one putting in the effort.
There's truth to what you say, but some of us can't even find a relationship.
I've given up on finding someone who wants a relationship and is a top.
I meet gay men who want a relationship. We are all bottoms.
@@zenwilds2911 Is that really your issue? Can't you just switch roles with your partner and top from time to time? I swear, gays are ridiculous and then they're surprised they can't find anyone...
@@ninfreak95then date women it be easier and it's natural
Thanks for your insightful comments. When I realized I was different but did not understand I was gay I withdrew into my own world and found it quite comforting. When I finally realized the crush I had on my middle school bus driver meant I was gay I was relieved and never felt guilty. I decided this is how I was born. Still I stayed in the “closet” till the late 70’s but never dated a woman. When I came out to my family my parents weren’t supportive and were totally surprised at this revelation. They finally supported me after about a year. When I came out at my job everyone was supportive. I’ve been in a relationship for 44 years now but still enjoy my solitude.
Amazing story! Thank you so much for sharing. I can tell that you're an amazing person, and I was so relieved to see everything worked out in the end. I wish you and your partner the best!❤
@@matraeisi Thank you. It will get better. ❤️
@@vinalboy❤
You're such a cute guy. Very handsome. Being lonely is very real, and something I've dealt with for years. Stay positive and do the things you enjoy. Finding someone can be a very difficult thing. Just try to always be good to yourself.
how can 5'2 feet guy be handsome?
Being gay is a huge struggle on a day to day basis. I came out and talked about my struggles to the 'so called ' friends. They will listen to me and just vanish from my life.I will continue waiting for that one person who supports me not matter what ....
This is weakness
This is absolutely the most accurate, sincere, and truthful message about what gay men go through!
My lonely years were mostly in my adolescence when fear of being out made me avoid anything but superficial contact. As I got into my university years, I was still in the closet, but starting to open the doors on my true personality and let people at least partway in. But I will say, unequivocally that my experience of loneliness didn’t “toughen me up.” It broke me and left scars I carry to this day. It was only with building community, with becoming truly open about all parts of myself, that I started to heal and truly come into myself as a human being.
I agree gay men are lonely but we should not allow loneliness to take control of us and we should not allow others to take advantage of our loneliness. We should look for options that keep us happy and engaged and we should stay healthy.😀
Why can’t I find someone like you!!! I like you for being real!!! And you nailed everything on the head!!!! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your friends and family!!!!
You are so right. And adorable. What's really sad, and you touched on it, is a big part of loneliness, and isolation can come from people within our own community. That's really sad.
I really appreciate what you're sharing are things that you have experienced and have gained knowledge from it, to be vulnerable to be your authentic self. Well done 👏
Identified with your comments so much.. I go to movies weekly alone, cruise alone…travel alone.. I also agree with your comments on us being able to read people.. Enjoy your videos, helps you are very easy on the eyes lol.. Merry Christmas to you… Greetings from Australia
This guy deserves the best. He inspires me to be more sincere and open
Nice advice, talking about toxic gay friends I think I went through such a relationship...I wouldn't encourage anybody to blindly dive in a relationship be it friendly or love relationship.Your advice adds more reasons for me to be more careful and conscious of what I want and what I need in a relationship...sincerely thank you
I'm glad you found this video helpful! Same here, I also wouldn't encourage anyone to blindly dive into relationships or friendships. It's always better to take it slowly and get to know that person fully. I wish you many really nice, kind hearted people in your life🥰
One of the most difficult, lonely moments is when your heart is broken, when your boyfriend has left, you and straight people cannot understand the pain you’re going through because deep down they do not believe that our relationships are real. I say this out of my personal experience. I’ve been there when my siblings went through a break up but when my boyfriend left me after more than six years, my sister could not understand why I looked sad and down and in private I was devastated by sorrow and loneliness.
Your sister sounds either very unempathetic or just cruel and dismissive 😮
I actually raised this issue with her today. There was a lot of misunderstanding. She’s a very compassionate woman, and she’s going through a lot herself. We had a very good conversation. She’s a very good person. What I wrote here was also the result of previous experiences with other people and this led me to misread what my sister Said or did. She’s a very good person.
@@armando1333I'm happy it went well! I hope you recover from your sadness and find peace in life and in your sister ❤
There is a difference between loneliness and aloneness. Learn to embrace and to own it. Be much more selective in who you share time with. What is precious to you, may easily be damaged by others, then simply keep it to yourself.
Thank you for sharing your inspiring thoughts. You are a wise, beautiful young man, and I wish you well on this amazing journey called life😊
Going to a trendy place, cinema, amusement park, concert, all alone or with my mom.
It hurts when I see couples doing their stuff, but at least I can enjoy my life with myself. I always put this mindset that those couples that I see are only a sneak peek of 0.0001% of their actual life.
The only challenge is when that "urge" hits. It drives me nuts and makes me an idiot for a while lol.
It's always lovely to see and hear you speak. Your little chuckles add to the love and I of course don't even know you, except that of your humanity that shines through! You're a Mr Wonderful!
You are soooo good at “talking” to us. Great advice to young and old alike. You are truly an old soul in a young body.
Loneliness, sadness, depression have been my companions my whole life... Even in a happy relationship and good at my job, I always felt this way... Alone.
If you are gay and if you are alive, you did well. Don't expect anything more. There's no humanity left in the world. Earn money & have fun.
I'd have to disagree, sir. For one no one is "better" than the other, for we all fall short of the glory of God or whatever else. No one is perfect & even though we're definitely in some dark times not everyone is hopeless or bad. It's just about learning to use discernment & like the video poster said reading an individual in making your decision on whether you want to be bothered with that person or not. Also not selling one's self short or settling for less.
What you've written is basically just "survive & do you, because that's all that's out there." Too many people are doing that now & news flash it's NOT working for most in the long run. Hence why this video was even made....
Nah being "alive" is not enough. Learn to love yourself and stop being toxic
I agree completely. This is a cold world and true happiness is very hard to find/substantain.
This is an absolute LIE. Please DONT listen to this person. There are lots of good people around!!
The bar is low 😬
What you are saying is the absolute truth. It doesn’t matter what side of the world you are from or in what era you grew up, the same things happen. You are doing a real service. Keep it up. I love your videos!
This is a video that I can relate with cuz you ain't wrong, thank you for making this. Love from Nigeria 🇳🇬 😁🙏🏾❤️
I made the big double 6 recently. Looking back I've always enjoyed being around my friends but never been afraid to do stuff on my own. Especially traveling! I guess it's my independent streak! I've always felt like a monk traveling in this life!! Love yourself and others as yourself. I don't know how this popped up today but I'm happy it did. Peace to all!
Just wanted to say every time I watch your videos, I feel better and more at peace it’s kinda weird. It’s very true how establishing relationships before coming out is exhausting, it feels like my personality is split into two and it puts me in a dilemma on what my true self really is.
While I have come out to a few of my friends, I struggle to bring myself to tell many others, especially friends I’ve know for years
I hope to reach a point where later in life I feel comfortable for who I am and not feel judged by everyone around me.
In the 1970ss, I think there were NO lonely gays. I personally have never been lonely, and I am 81 years old now.
Awesome video! Really needed the refresh!
Thanks so much for this video. Everything you said is true. As an almost 70 year old man it can get very lonely and difficult to find true friends. But I believe I still have a lot to give but just have to find the right friends. Steve ❤
Gay men are lonely, for one thing, because of the way we treat each other.
Trop de préjugé dans le monde gay. C'est très, très bizarre.
we’re too nice perhaps, no one likes nice guys
@@kensei4237 uhum, they want Bad boys
⛓️👄⛓️ Ahaahahah
I agree. I've met some truly terrible gay people that it made me appaled to be gay myself. I assume its because of how we grow up so repressed
I couldn't say much better than that
I really appreciate how honest you were in this video!! Thanks!
What a wonderfully intelligent, insightful and sensitive guy. Know that you're not alone, so no need to feel lonely. Keep up the great work - so many others need to hear it. Big hugs 😊
Thank you very much for sharing your experience and wisdom words!!!! Love the video!!!! You are a very special person!!!!!
You’re welcome always! and thank you for being here and giving me so much love, and support🥹I really appreciate you❤️
All you need is a true love ❤
Thank you. I needed this today. Have a great week!
when you said " Reading people's skill" I got goosebumps!
Its crazy how some aspect about ourselves are actually universal traits among people like us.
Amazing video
I just found your channel...I freaking adore your attitude towards life. You have an amazing sense of humor about it and that's the best way to get through the tough and rough times ❤❤💪❤
Longer content!!!! I would have loved to hear some examples of your own experiences cleaning up your connections in life.
You’re in Canada, you’re young, you’re intelligent, you’re exceptionally handsome and there’s much to be thankful for (but of course it must have been very hard to uproot yourself from home and family just to safely be the ‘you’ that you are). However life could be a lot worse (believe me I was your age in the AIDS ravaged 80s and life was much worse) focus on the positives Matin.
Excellent video. You speak with a lot of wisdom. Very thoughtful and insightful video. Keep up the great work
This was breathtaking because I have had this understanding for so long it’s nice to see someone else make it clear
I do agree about nearly everything you said. Loneliness is addictive, the more time we spend with ourselves the more time we just unlearn how to create bounds with the others.
I can go to a movie or eat alone. I enjoy my alone time, but I don’t like feeling lonely or not having intimacy with someone else. Intimacy is important to a healthy life. I love that you bring up good topics. I hope you have that intimacy in your own life. Be well my friend.
Woooow the beauty is REAL ! ;)))
Regarding the topic, it's true and remind me of an ex who was trying so hard to be perfect, say the right stuff, looking handsome etc etc just to be accepted and loved by everybody! You just opened my eyes as I am not like this at all....
Your a breath of fresh air, I am 68 years old, most everyone on my path passed away because of AIDS, I had wonderful friends, great times. The good news about my age is now I truly don’t care 🤷♂️ what anyone thinks. I doesn’t matter .
Being brought up Catholic in a religious household in the 80s/90s didnt help. My father was very homophobic so I never came out. He died a few years ,so never knew maybe I should have had the guts to tell him, but fear is a paralyzing thing. I missed out on so much growing up and that has seriously affected my relationships with both my family and other people. I tried having relationships when I was younger but they never lasted I suppose tainted by my fear. It makes for a very lonely existence as you can imagine. I suppose Im at that period of life where it doesnt matter anymore but I do wish I had been born in a later generation or at least in a more accepting family :D. Sorry for that dump! I just wanted to give my experience and how its affected me, I know compared to other LGBTQ+ kids in areas of the world (including you Matin) where being gay is criminal my experience is very mild in comparison!.
Thanks for sharing! your experience, in no way, is milder than mine or anyone else's we're all in the same boat, I'm sorry you went through that🤕What you said about missing out a lot when growing up was so relatable. I wish you the best, and I know that you're going to get past this trauma. You're not alone in this❤
Thanks Matin you are very kind! @@matraeisi
Sending love to all you who read this and Happy New Year!
Lovely💕😍 I wish u same ❤❤
@timothybrown7779 hey, are you in the USA?
Such an important topic. Thank you for that. It's a common experience and we need to talk about it...
Thank you so much for opening up so widely. I was starting to feel alone in this experience because most of my queer friends feel acceptance and love and have no idea why i dont feel the same. Its hard especially if those hurtful remarks come from family you have loved and cared about your entire life those remarks just have more value and hurt.
YOU BE YOUR MOST AUTHENTIC SELF AT ALL TIMES AND YOU WILL TRULY BE LOVED FOR JUST BEING YOU.
Thank you very much. I’m processing my feelings of loneliness through therapy and spiritual counseling.
You’re welcome always 🫶🏻 and I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself well, therapy and spiritual counselling are the best combo! Wish you completely heal the trauma very soon❤️
@@matraeisi thank you 🙏🏾 ❤️
I was just going through all tye feelings of what you had mentioned, trying to build healthy relationships with my self first and then with others, your word hit a nerve for sure. Love and support ❤❤❤
I love your channel. The stories which you describe are SO real but SO important! I also went through such struggles. You are truly amazing and also quite adorable!! Keep up the great work and the positivity!
As an innocent kid, I used to experience something like that where everyone would judge and question me why I was girlie and like hanging out with girls a lot and that I should be with other boys instead. I tried to fit myself in but I just couldn't and I gave up. Now that those same boys are teenagers like me, they have now become school drop-outs, alcoholics, weed-smokers and drug addicts; and suddenly people stopped judging and instead started praising me a lot more because I wasn't like any of them. All because I never change myself because I didn't doubt that there's anything wrong with me and I never stop believing in myself. PS: I live in a suburban area and I don't care about these people.
_Matin, I think this will sound like a cliche, but in our community, there is a huge difference between loneliness, and choosing slightly more alone time. As you get older, your friendships with your ride-or-die friends will come even more into focus, if not only for having fewer friends like this. Personally, one-on-one committed relationships were far more important to me through my late 30s. (And yes, like many gay men this is profoundly true). Also in the gay community, your dearest friends become your extended family. Love your vlog for sure._
Great video Matin!
It’s not just Gay men, I see it also in my straight friends. I’ve many friends and know many people but most of the time, I enjoy doing things alone. I go out alone, watch theatre and arts alone 🎭 travel ✈️ alone and yeah I get more fulfilment doing things alone, finding love partner would also be great but I’ve had not the greatest relationships. It’s not just Queer people, but most people worldwide are damaged. As a Persian queer I can totally relate ❤❤❤ state strong 😘
Loneliness comes in waves throughout life for everyone. When I was in my 20s, I was depressed often and alone much of the time, but I was not always lonely, just alone. I just felt so overwhelmingly out of place. I didn’t fit in with most groups of people. I was viewed as sociable and outgoing by many, but I was a fraud. I am by nature an introvert with extrovert traits and it is extremely exhausting. I came more into myself in my 40s, but been through some rough periods. I am in my mid fifties now and it feels like I was going backwards feeling like I was when I was in my twenties. I snapped myself out of it quickly. We can choose to be positive, but we sometimes refuse to. We are here for a reason, but it is certainly not to be perfect. Life is full of challenges, struggles and obstacles. But we are fortunate enough to get through them. I’m a loner with an extrovert personality, but refuse to feel lonely. I enjoy my own company, living alone and travel well alone. I was recently in a short lived relationship for about 1.5 years. I realized I liked being in a relationship, but I also liked my alone time and so did he. Oddly, I felt lonely when he didn’t come around as often as I wished he did.
I feel like as a gay man it’s easier to find straight friends than other gay friends
I completely agree! Actually, I've never had gay friends. I feel that I can't connect with them, I guess there has to be at least one that I can get along with hahaha
If you are not materialistic and if you are lower income and don’t travel abroad constantly, it is very hard to have anything in common with other gay men.
Thats pretty obvious, we do live a straight world, there isn't as many gay people as you think, many of us go years without meeting another gay person
Glad I found you❣ This video is incredibly insightful and fun. I love how you find the positive in the journey. Thanks for sharing.
I appreciate your video and your words. You hit it on the nail. I've been by myself for a very long time and I'm at peace with that. However, I would be open arms to those who are genuine , loyal, and positive influence but I fear that they are at risk of extinction. Thank you for your insight.
I am a gay male who has also ‘been psychologically alone’ most of my life - I graduated high school early at 16 years of age (the term ‘California Schools’ is an ‘oxymoron’) then left Los Angeles and moved to England to go to a prep-school to ‘catch up to the European educational model’ and do my A-levels in Bedfordshire for two years & then went up to Durham to read Theology under the great C. K. Barrett -
For the first two years in the UK I was even more of a ‘loner’ than I was in California - but over time I learned to embrace my loneliness ‘the hard way’ (I was singled out as ‘the Rebel Colonial’ or the butt of Anti-American pejoratives e.g. ‘Yanks have got NO Idea !’) so when I moved back to Hollywood with my fancy British Master’s Degree I thought things would change in terms of building a social life- but I still found myself with perhaps 1 friend that I would call ‘a friend’ at most (but a lot of ‘emotionally-draining people that were really just mere acquaintences’ who were mostly ‘users’) and when I did enter into a relationship my 2 ‘closeted bi-sexual top’ partners were both themselves ‘loners’ & ‘outsiders’ just like me -
Over the years I have gradually reduc’d my circle of ‘user-acquaintances’ to one or two people in my orbit who are either gay themselves or decidedly gay-friendly & have deliberately avoided gay men who throw parties with 10-15 other ‘gotta-party’ members of their gay-circle - way too much drama .… and drugs/alcohol to boot…
I have over the past 5 years very slowly found peace within myself at last - after 25 long (some would say ‘wasted’) years of sacrificing my own needs and ‘people-pleasing’ - so much of what Matin has
spoken about so eloquently (and from the heart) resonates very deeply with my own experiences… so I’m grateful that I’m not the only loner out there in YT-and I sincerely hope that Matin finds the love that he so richly deserves !!
One main issue is a lot of the straight community think gay relationships are not "real" relationships because we do not have children.
In my workplace I can always tell a lot of the straight men only got on with me because they had to. At work social events they would give me a wide berth or get away as quickly as possible so they werent seen with the gay boy. Holiday priorities were always given to families with children and i never was given an option. I was outed at school at 15 in the early 1980's and I rode that rollercoaster like a beast. I never let anyone bully me and completely stuck up for myself. I had quite a few fights but was good with my fists. I could also "read a room" like a psychic gift and was very rarely wrong about people's agenda etc.
Problem is when i moved to London i met loads of guys who just wanted sex or a ticket to an easy life. When they realised i wanted friendship and wasn't a mug they would disappear!!
I never "entertained" the crowd as the token gay but challenged straight thinking.
It has been tough, really tough especially as in the gay world the "aesthetic" is everything.
I am fast approaching 60 and still feel a complete outsider, it's either follow the straight crowd or be at the mercy of the "gay communtiy".
Great video and good to hear other points of view. Everyone take care of yourselves XX
Hello, can I chat with you? My English is awful
My god everything you just said in the video was absolutely relatable, i still do this sometimes when i try to be extra nice to seek ppl's likeness even after discovering myself 3 years ago and it does still affect me in my love relationship, I think this is the message i needed today thank you again ❤❤
I completely understand absolutely everything that you are explaining here, for I have gone through it all myself.
Fortunately, I am glad to report, currently (and for a while now) I have managed to make very strong connections with plenty of friends, but in and out of work, that I certainly do not feel lonely anymore.
I am very happy with all the friends I have nowadays. I feel like I have a socially active enough life right now. I'm quite satisfied with it.
There are always plenty of "the right people" out there that support us and love us for who we are.
So never despair!
I'm never lonely.
I think, being gay, you learn how to stand on your own feet. I'm 70 now, various relationships have come & gone, but I've never been lonely.
Keep thinking that.
@@daddygrace253 - and I am sure Muswell will continue to think that, because that's how he is, and that's how he deals with life. Many of us can be alone without being lonely.
The community's values lead to this. Always looking for something, someone, new and different, leaves so much division and separation.
Amen 🙏 like I get it but it's sad
And it's never gonna change either since for one, people say the community doesn't even exist (and as far it being a monolith that's true) and two, gay men love to promote the sentiment that gay men 18 to 30 should sleep around to discover what they like. This is a problem from developmental perspective because this is when the brain in men reaches the extent of it's full maturation. That's a bad thing as after that learning anything becomes much harder. So if men don't learn how to be in a relationship or form serious romantic emotional attachments by that time... they may never do it. Worse if all you do sleep around then all your training your mind and body to do is be permanently primed for being hypersexual. Which isn't really strongest component for forming long healthy romantic relationships or lasting bonds of any sort that aren't transactional.
as a gay man from the middle east, i am always relieved to hear good and relatable words from others like me... i clicked this video since i was so sad in my skin, but i know it will get better someday, with voices like you and many other queer people. i hope someday i will find my true authentic self and live happily with it.
this video is very appreciated and gives me a glimpse of hope, so keep being yourself, you're awesome :]
being vulnerable makes you beautiful. Its the best look you can have. thank you for this video.
I feel you and I felt the same way
I’m sorry to hear that🥲 hope you get to heal the trauma someday❤️
It's definitely a journey to love yourself and show that authentic self to the people around you.
Agreed and you're hot papi 😘
As an older gay male, sometimes our "community" can be just as isolating from one another....recovery made me see that some of my choices were not necessarily the best. But your overall points are true! It can be very lonely and we need our friends gay and str8!
Very well said Matin. I must say I enjoy my own company and have perhaps become selfish to a degree at times. However, yes, many times I miss having that close bond with someone and one-night stands just leave you feeling empty.
Another interesting thing is that some of us become “tougher” (to avoid saying bitch) just to be able to deal with the hate we receive, and afterwards we might overact that tough part unnecessarily
Gay men are really no different to others. Lonliness is more a state of mind and much depends on your personality type. I'm an introvert, so being alone does not bother me, one bit. It's how I recharge. Covid and the forced isolation was a major issue for many, but I sailed right through it.
You are so sweet!!❤❤ And I especially love how you speak from "the bottomest part" of your big heart!
A beautiful video, a lot to think about. You are wise beyond your years…even quoting Nietzsche!
Thanks for all your sensitivity, you make a big difference in our lives.
Glad you are a fellow Canadian!
Have a beautiful holiday season and a great New Year. All happiness and success to you, you deserve it :)
I was called weird ALL the time because everyone looked at my movements or heard my higher pitch voice and would judge me or assume anything they could about me
same.. middle school was brutal. when i tell you, without exaggeration, i got asked every single day, sometimes by random kids i didn’t even know, “hey are you gay??” and it was so .. exhausting. i didn’t let it consume me though, and my friends stuck up for me. still, it clearly stuck with me nearly 15 years later
Hopefully you don’t let that experience make you discriminate against other flamboyant gay men when dating. I see so many gay men taking their past pain and flipping it into other gay men. It’s like so many gays don’t want a boyfriend who shows the same signs of effeminate behavior as they do. So many gay men “mask” when dating and then once they let themselves be completely comfortable their partner is often turned off because he shares the same qualities and dislikes them in himself. Self love is key.
@@tula1433 I do have internalized homophobia, but unlike many I am aware of its source and take note of how that judgement was externally created. It’s something I constantly work on so that I can be my full self
We are often a minority in our own families, too.
Happy season. Thank you for speaking of this. We need to understand ourselves and bravely present ourselves to the world as we are. Peace
I never really felt lonely not until this year. I’m a Virgo and we usually find ways to entertain ourselves. Virgos like their own company. I have been alone and never had romantic relationships but I never felt lonely but lately I felt the need to be in a relationship because everyone around me is getting married (I don’t have gay friends in close proximity. Most of them are straight). I do feel the isolation. I’ve always felt that since I was young. Always seeking for that belongingness. I feel like I don’t fit in with the gay community and I don’t think I fit in with heterosexuals. I don’t fit in with my girl friends even though they let me in on their circle. I always feel like I’m the odd one out. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere and I think that’s where the sad part is.
I'm exactly like this, i feel like i don't fit nowhere, nor to straight guys nor to women nor to gay life style, i feel like I'm all alone in this world!
The key is to stop finding a community of a certain race or sexuality. Find people in different communities who think similar to you and are on your level emotionally
Couldn't have said it better myself! I just wish you and the Internet were around when I was growing up.
You rule 👑 Thank you for being so wise beyond your years (and so adorable 🥰)
For those of you who are looking for a story to read, here's my take on this video:
Many gay men *are* lonely. And many are middle-aged or older. Having heard countless life stories, of men from all walks of life, there's an ostensible thread running through most. This is their story. My story. Maybe yours, too.
The thread starts in that moment in time when we realize we're different. Many, including myself, point out that this moment was at an exceptionally young age - between 6 and 8 years of age. Some are faster than others to figure-out the nature of that difference. However, once we have, it's a defining moment - the first brick in a wall that, should be left unchecked, may encircle us and keep us isolated. Next, we invariably embark on a unique battle: not only do we combat the hardships of the merciless teenage years with a growing understanding that the endgame of making peace with ourselves is abnormally harder, but we also have to fight another front where we struggle with various circles of society - the nearest one being our family. Parts of the fights are genuine. Parts are in our heads, persistently amplifying the complexity of the genuine ones. At some point, balance intermittently sets in. We variably come to terms with ourselves, with who we are, with the stand our family's taken, and with our friends - both those who proved they sincerely cared, and those who vanished. By now we have acquired a strong sense about the nature of life. We understand that everyone has their battles to fight, but we also understand that our battle has more fronts than our peers do. It once again strikes us - we're different. By now we have also acquired some traits that, consciously or unconsciously, we've given them the credit for our survival - we are observers. We silently and meticulously observe the people around us, especially during new encounters and social gatherings. We can spot minor cues in other's behavior and we eventually are capable of drawing a mental map of society's needs and expectations of us. We're constantly seeking to please as we strive to be liked, to be accepted. And we usually are. Our tailored personality and behavior are rewarded, which perpetuates this vicious cycle - we keep pleasing, behaving the way we've learned society would want us to. And we feel liked. Accepted. We are conditioned to give society what it wants. Regardless of who we really are. But it doesn't really matter because now we are blooming! We feel experienced, young and beautiful. We meet new people and we sharpen our skills with them, and on them. We learn that the gay scene has a wild side and we delve deep into it. Because we feel we deserve it. We fought, we struggled, we sacrificed, and we came out the other side winners. This is our time to shine. And so we shine. The years go by, friends come and go, lovers come and go. We shine a bit less. We reach our 30s, then our 40s. The race never stops. We reflect on our life and realize that the spark's been fading. Love comes less often. More friends go than come. The legendary love we were sure we'd have, seems a fading dream. We are far away from home and we are alone. We reflect on the years that passed us by, and reluctantly realize the trajectory of the years to come. I have burned my candle on both ends and now I am alone. And lonely. And chances are it's going to stay this way.
Surely, the stories between these lines vary. This was mine.
Excellent.
Thank you❤️