my mom straight attempted to have sex with me. When I rejected her angrily, she teared her eyes like III did some wrong, to guilt me. My body was drowning in testosterone at that age but it seems my instinct of self defense was much stronger and I still congratulate myself for not being obedient (as a child) and not going along with her idiotic plan.
Whoa.... omg. Testosterone? Are you a male? You profile name is a woman. Daughter or son, it is hugely abuse of power as a parent. She was a horribly abusive to you. Hope you got therapy and aren't talking to her anymore.
That's a very interesting point. I felt that (jealousy) towards my father. I imagine it could have gone the other way too. And I have always yielded women to other men the rest of my life. In fact, I'm gay, so i figure it is from that rather than giving up the hunt like I did as a child
Thank you Daniel for making this video. My own story was very similar to your own. My mother (divorced, no father around) would frequently expose her naked body to me, often under the guise that it was 'accidental'. She had big issues with being unable to respect boundaries - shaming and ridiculing me for closing the bathroom door when I used the toilet or showered. Coming into my room in the middle of the night when I was asleep. Once she told me she had come in the night before and said that my hand was 'down there' True or not, it was meant to embarrass and shame me. Another time when I was 14 I woke up in the night, didn't hear anything but suddenly had a feeling someone was in the room. I looked over and she was just sitting in a chair about 6 ft. from my bed. I was so startled I shouted "what are you doing?" She calmly said 'nothing' and walked out of the room. Next morning she denied it completely. All these things are sexual abuse and very damaging to boys.
Somewhat similar to what I went through, man.. I feel you. The whole thing left me scarred and with a sort of an "ew" feeling towards women (mainly those that resemble my mother in attitude) because my biggest example of the feminine growing up was such a nasty one. Truly society wilfully overlooks the dark and perverse side of the feminine. Women are as a rule treated as victims and saints while men are often portraited as devils. This is a messed up world.
It’s more psychological abuse cuz it causes cognitive dissonance, ur MOM shouldn’t enter your psyche in anyway sexually, he doesn’t know exactly how to feel or what to do about, weirded out, confused but at the same time he loves and adores the mother as he should. So as a kid he’s constantly trying to comprehend something that only an adult could. That’s why he didn’t know how to file the “weirdness” in his mind unto he was adult and put a label on it.
What you shared isn’t weird in the least, Daniel. We need to talk about our “family secrets” because we all have them and they all mirror one another. So over this cult family dynamic of keeping people quiet to protect generations of bullshit.
I had to watch my mum doing these things with my younger brother and let me tell you it was disgusting. Now guess what? My brother is not in her life. He vanished with all his traumatic memories. I remember at the time, she thought it was perfectly ok to do these things. Now, I don't think she can remember any of this but I do. The worst thing is that it screwed my own sexuality witnessing it.
Im a newly qualified social worker and this video help me to gain a deeper understanding of sexual abuse and what to look out for in children im working with . Thanks Daniel
I'm so upset that anyone invalidated your experience. Yes, sexual abuse absolutely can and does take place without sexual touching, and I am so grateful you are talking about it publicly. Thank you so much ❤️
I told a therapist that my father touched my waist and told me I had a "nice figure." My therapist ; "and you consider that abusive?" I'm shocked and repulsed about how collectively dismissed it is for parents to sexualize and sexually abuse their kids. No wonder so many people downplay and downgrade their own experiences.
@@gingerisevil02 I know that you know, but just in case you need to hear it, yes that was abusive. I'm sorry that therapist was dismissive. Hearing sexual comments or even getting sexual looks from our parents is completely abusive and traumatizing
You all sound unable to cope with life in general. Be appreciative that someone was honest with you. Don’t understand this nonsense at all. He’s got sex issues!
Sexual harassment is a thing, and you can face consequences for it in the real world. It can be something that is dealt with and then forgiven. Doing this within the family where you're not supposed to be sexually going after each other as a rule, clear abuse.
2 years have went by with no one responding to you, because it was never clear what it was you were trying to say, or even to whom you were addressing. Have a nice life numb nuts.
that's unfortunate. I interned once at an outpatient psychiatric clinic and have heard stories of this multiple times. the first time a man told this to me, it stayed in my head for a long time. he was deeply psychologically damaged by his mom who used to flash him, bend down in front of him with no underwear etc. I'll never forget him and hope that he is doing better somehow... has had multiple suicide attempts and deep deep depression.
And some of us struggle along as best we can, while people think were gay because we dont act right...I do have older kids so I cant do that to them (suicide)
Right, I think one thing Daniel did not mention is that having an inappropriate parent is also a loss of that parent. I felt the same about my father, that I never really had a father, despite having one on paper. It took me almost 30 years of my life to realize my mother was beyond messed up too.
I'm the mother of 2 adult sons and that makes me feel nauseated. I spent the night with a friend when I was in about the 7th grade. After meeting her mother, I thought she was strange. We came in the house to get something to drink and had to pass by her mother's bedroom. Her door was wide open and she was lying in bed, completely nude, sprawled out, taking a 'nap'. I asked my friend about it and she said, 'oh, she does this all the time'. I felt so weird. Plus, when we went to bed that night, the girl insisted that I rub her back until she fell asleep. I was sleepy and didn't want to do it, but I did, for about 2 minutes and stopped and she got angry at me. I got on the phone with my mother and told her to come and get me. Plus, there was a raging storm outside, but she got there fast and I never even talked to the girl again. A lot of kids would never tell their parents about stuff like that, especially in the 50's. I'm sure most parents do, but we should, very early on, make our children feel comfortable to tell us if anything that doesn't look or feel right to them. Children are so incredibly vulnerable and when they're not with us, they are at the mercy of the world. If I get the nerve, I'll tell another incident that happened when I was between 11 and 13. I Thank the sweet Lord that I was never subjected to anything like that in my own family.
I've had therapist say "and you consider this abusive?" When I shared that my father would leer at me, tell me I had a "nice figure" and make sexual commentary. The sexually charged conversations my father had towards me was very sexually abusive. I literally had a panic attack remembering him asking me in a salacious tone if I knew what an orgasm was and being forced to answer, then he responded crassly "and it feels good." I was iffy when I saw the title of this video but I'm actually surprised anyone would dismiss this... this is by definition covert sexual abuse... this is perverted. What you described is pretty much my experience, only it was also overtly threatening cause there was early childhood overt sexual abuse, hands on and other. It wasn't till I stated dating (trying to anyway because he got jealous when I tried to date,) that I realized it was gross because I was triggered by my own sexual thoughts... "does this mean I'm dirty?" The tone of my thoughts reminded me of my father... and I'm repulsed a mother would do this to her son. I didn't realize this was so common... Seeing my father naked traumatized me. This is all sick. I think a good portion of children are sexually abused but therapists and social workers primarily and society dismisses it.... I'm shocked by it. My father did the sex Ed too... I don't remember anything before 5. This is fucked up... Thanks for sharing this like this is scary. "The way her eyes would change." My father would do this. Fucking hell. My fear of being asked sexual questions is why i avoided relationships. This helps a lot. The eyes changing, sexually charged tones, etc. this helped my perspective a LOT. "Sexually charged conversations." I have a hard time condensing so speech like this that narrows it down helps
Am so sorry that it happened to you :( Moreover those therapist who invalidate you are too wrong. You know what happened, You know your truth. Even if therapist invalidate it don't let them decided the truth. You know what happened was abusive, irrespective of what others says. Hope you are doing well as of now.
"The tone of my thoughts reminded me of my father" that's deep and sad and shows how damaging it can be to establishing healthy sexual connections as an adult.
I was stunned and horrified when my boyfriend told me his mom showed him porn when he was only 11 years old. I blame her for his porn addiction. Thanks for sharing your open and honest experience. I hope it helps you as much as it does others.
My heart hurts for you💔I, too, was sexually abused for years and so were you. My parents were broken and their parents were broken. So much pain in the world. People that have never been abused as children have no idea how this totally destroys lives.😵😰😭😟
I know you’re not looking for this, but I’m so sorry you had these experiences! Thanks for bringing these abusive behaviors forward. Sending love and healing ✨
Really want to thank you for sharing on this subject Daniel. To share your own story and provide context for how common this is so validating. I’m 27, only JUST coming to realise that my entire relationship with my mother has had an undercurrent of this type of sexualised “education” and “openness” you’re talking about and how that’s totally affecting me as a man now.
I’m grateful you shared this. I saw my mom’s nakedness as a child which caused me to lose respect for her. Try as I might to justify Why she chose to walk around our home in that manner, I could not unsee it 🤮 I don’t think children should ever be exposed to Any form of abuse esp in their own homes by those who should be protecting them. We really do live in a fallen world.
That is some truly nasty sh*t you had to go through, Daniel. I'm really horrified by what you went through. It makes me wonder whether this dynamic could have been afoot in my own family without my realising it. How disturbing. Thanks for laying it bare. I hope it helps the people who need to get some perspective on their own histories. As an aside, I'm happy you mentioned how downright unhealthy pornography is for all involved. I was exposed to it very young (age six, maybe) and it warped my expectations of men and women for a very long time. I glad you spoke about that. Not many people talk about it because I think so many people retain it as their last secret addiction (and obviously many think its a healthy part of well-regulated sexuality). I think speaking really frankly about its harmfulness on both sides of the equation is really important. And, while it shouldn't matter, it helps to hear it from a man. I hope your words help to wake people up to the frightening normalcy of their addictive behaviours. Thanks for that. Your wisdom makes a difference.
What I don't understand is why would someone, an adult at that, force a child to see their genitalia, even fully KNOWING how it made that child cringe. Unfortunately, that child was me.. on the mornings my mother would drop off my baby brother at daycare. She wouldn't wear underwear beneath her dress/skirt and she'd flash that disgusting mound of pubic hair 😔🤮 at me, while she sat behind the steering wheel. This went on briefly, but it still happened. There were 2 other incidents where she'd "try" to lure me into some sexual activity, but even at 6-7 yrs old I could feel in my tiny being that it was so wrong and that I needed to get the hell out of there, so I did. I don't want to mention the other incidents for protection purpose. Now in my late 30's, I look at the flashbacks and recognize her obsession with me, despite having 2 other children, just hating me in every way possible, going to extremes to ruin my life, including doing things to purposely jeopardize my life, as in....make me die. I've gone no contact, off and on throughout the yrs for my safety. I've seen her face in pics, and she looks possessed. I think that's why I never trusted her as a child, could feel her hatred and evil. Today she has slandered my reputation throughout the family for the past 20 years, since she no longer can get to me. It's incomprehensible that a person could be this way, so cruel, perverse and miserable when she had a good healthy life and upbringing. Strange that a woman would want to experiment w/children, when she has a husband at home.
I am so sorry about the sexual abuse your mother perpetrated onto you! It must have been even harder to unpack and heal from this because it was not as cut and dry as the "typical" case. This was a very enlightening video. Thanks for sharing. I know it cant have been easy to put out there. My mind is blown that she thought this was ok and heart goes out to little daniel. :(
I'm a female and I remember my mum being sexual with me when I was very young then I found pornography mags in her room which I know now, traumatised and confused me too. I carried loads of shame because of this for a long long time.
I've found parents porn too and I think the main reason it was scary is that it was never talked about and processed with them. It was all hush hush and taboo of talking about it. I caught my dad looking at porn on the computer growing up (with 56k internet).
@Agnieszka Gaw yeah it's important to know about all ways of sexual abuse. But in case with Daniel he speaks about his personal experience or experience of his patients or something he observed. We should also share our personal stories when we feel comfortable enough so that wouldn't be such an unknown issue. I'm sorry for what happened to you.
I'm sorry to hear this. My mom was my main perpetrator. It's a very destructive and confusing dynamic. Being female and being abused by a female. The fact that I look like her has really messed me up. I look like my effing abuser.
This is very valuable and doubtless will be used as a training video for counselors who help children who were sexually abused. Your mother was traumatized by sexual and other abuse and she spent your childhood aggressing you via projection of disgust. The healthy sexuality was merely a fig leaf held in place for the purpose of plausible denial. What is also remarkable is that she treated your father the same way and succeeded in securing his participation. The incident about the magazine exposure was so telling. Your mother over-rode your father's attempted intervention.
Thank you so much for making this video, it shed a light on some of my experiences as a young guy. Mine's are being exposed to deliberate nudity by my grandmother at young pre-puberty age. It's sickening actually, it explains so much, but it's okay i am healing.. thank you Daniel
Old people think young people own them some sort of sexual gratification... I think more with the older generations, hopefully with more people speaking out it will stop. I never had a Grandma but I'm Id rather have no grandma than an abusive one.
What you describe I partly witnessed hapening to my own father when I encountered his mother wearing a petticoat only and a dressing gown totally open facing him across the kitchen table sexually intimidating him whilst talking about something else, and he cowering... I realised this must have been going on for years and told her to go and get dressed. I hope I saved him.
You’re the only person I’ve discovered on TH-cam and as a human who is THIS relatable to my life. God bless you. 🙏🏽 I’m honored to have found your channel and grateful that you’ve shared your work with us. 😊❤
Thank you for sharing. This hurt to watch because it brought up memories that were surprisingly similar except it was my dad instead. He would walk around naked and leave porn on the computer. Give me T-shirts with suggestive imagery/text like "Its time to get felt on the table"(referring to the cloth on a pool table). He would also call me a faggot for stupid reasons like wearing a scarf when it was cold in the house. Yet another insight into why I am neurotic and have never felt normal.
A friend of mine would shower with her son. I think he was age 10/11. She thought it was very innocent and you couldn't tell her otherwise. It freaked me out. Waiting to go out - and then you see the mom and son exit the shower together. At this time he also had an extremely keen interest in watching another friend breastfeed. They thought it was innocent but I was watching this kid and it was not..but what do I know I don't have kids (the comment you get when you raise issues as off)
A mother taking a shower with her 10-12 year old son isnt normal At ALL! Just like it's not normal for a father to shower with his preteen daughter. My girls father took a shower with our toddler daughters. He would be in the bathtub with his boxers on. I would hand him our 2 year old and he would wash her then call for me to come get her. It was only after I had taken her from him did he take his boxers off and wash himself. But that's very very different from a parent doing it to an older child!!
What an amazingly wonderful video! Non physical sexual abuse happens with daughter's too. My mother sexually abused me and it severely affected me. I feel so validated watching this. I'm sorry this happened to you too💯
Thank you Daniel for making this video and sharing your story. This is really helpful. Your experience is valid and your intuition is right on. This is an issue that happens perhaps more commonly than we think, between mothers and sons or daughters. I'm a woman, my mother also sexualised me by doing some of the things that you mentioned. I was also sexually abused by several men who she failed to protect me from. A lot of trauma. It's good to hear someone talk about this, highlighting also the subtle, non-physical ways in which sexual abuse can play out on children. Thank you for the work you do.
Wow, horrible to talk to a little toddler about where babies come from. The Blue Lagoon at age 6??? Didn't the theater manager have a say or someone in that theater? People should speak out if they see such things. How abusive of her not to protect you from pornography on purpose; that has nothing to even do with normal sexuality! My son talks about how traumatizing it was to be exposed to porn at a neighbor's home at age 12-13. Talking about girls' bodies with you? She is a very troubled woman. I'm glad you're speaking out about sexual abuse that occurs in this way. I'm female and my dad abused me like that very much; my mother on the other hand just went right ahead and gave me a French kiss when I was around 12. Sad that people don't know and do better. I made plenty of mistakes bringing up my sons too, none to intentionally hurt them, just srcrewed up in the head myself at the time.
Some theaters are corrupt and only care about filling their seats. And that's how some toddlers ruined the show for everyone when their parents decided they should tag along to watch Joker.
Woah, she actually tongue kissed you? I can imagine your shock and disgust. I believe this also happened between 2 women I know after I began putting 2 and 2 together from so many bits and pieces of info I've seen and gathered. This is a particular female in my family whom I suspect was also molested this way by her mom. She'd say to me: Do you remember all those times me and my mom used to play those tongue games? And she'd leave it at that. She was referring to the long tongue hanging out and pretending they were going to touch with it. So weird and creepy, mother and daughter this way! I don't even want to imagine what went on when nobody was around😔🤯. Daughter is bisexual, so maybe has something to do with this upbringing.
Jasmin Flowerz hi and I hope you are having a good day. The tongue kiss that my mom did while saying goodnight to me as I lay in bed did not shock or disgust me as a young teenager. I think shock and disgust comes with knowledge. It more likely produced confusion and as it violates the dignity of a person it leaves a feeling of powerlessness. I would never have been able to articulate anything about it at that time; all I have is the distinct memory of it.
Sparrow You mention it not being “weird” at the time and I very much have the same feelings. It wasn’t until I was an older teen and shared a very small bit of my childhood with a close friend that I realized how not normal and abusive certain behaviors were growing up.
SRC I think I did feel that it was weird or odd at the time....just not disgusted or in shock, which might have allowed me to stand up for myself. As children we are naturally made to follow our parents, and must in fact for our survival. Glad your healing journey started so young in your teens; you’re fortunate!
Thanks so much for sharing in a non traumatizing way, and to the people on here who shared details of their own creepy and sleazy adults in their lives. Not talking about this makes it easier for it to continue, and for the victims to think it's them that has something wrong, not the creepy abuser. I see a lot of uncomfortable looking teenage boys out and about with their mums who are dressed in a flaunting way and being physically too close to them etcAnd that's in public. I had a horrible vile experience staying with a female friend who insisted on flaunting full on nudity in front of me even after I told her it was not okay. It was sickening, violating boundaries and done for her gratification. Fully sick.
Daniel, you definitely did not share too much detail. People need to hear this. You are a warm hearted, articulate young man. Well done for understanding where your difficulties have come from and facing them head on!
Thank you Chap, powerful. always uncomfortable dealing in this end of the swamp... just hearing someone elses take on this, gives me, my voice, volume.
I now understand a lot of things. I only thought I was emotionally extorted by the members of my family. I come from a different culture, being Eastern European, so people here live with a lot of generations under the same roof (I shared a bed with my maternal grandma for the first 12 years of my life and another 4 (13-17) with my parents due to lack of space) and they are often unconscious about this stuff. I've grew up with porn and horror movies and it wasn't because anyone was putting it in front of me, but because they were asleep when I watched them. TV after the fall of communism wasn't censored. As a result I grew avoidant of any form of relationship. Now I'm 30 and I never dated anyone, never even kissed anyone. I'm very confused gender and orientation wise. I still feel an unnatural attraction to my mom, though I am physically female. The kicker is I still can't afford to permanently leave my parents. I've been through ERASMUS to college for a couple of months in a different country, but due to the pandemic and me not being able to make friends not much has changed about me. I still have plans to move to Asia, but I have to finish everything I've started back home.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. There were no healthy boundaries in your home growing up, which can definitely mess with a person’s sexuality and gender identity in some ways. I really hope that you will find financial independence so you can move out on your own and separate from your family for your own health and well being. You deserve much better for yourself. I hope for the very best for you.
There's a fb group called "daughters of narcissistic mothers" and a lot of women talk about this. If you want to share there I can promise you a LOT of women have gone through this and will believe you!! I believe you.
Thank you Daniel for sharing your painful experiences: this must be triggering in a big way for me, because I almost chocked swallowing while listening! Yeah, those weird sexual boundaries...my father, sexually charged (like a raging bull), would physically discipline me; my mother in a jealous, seething competition with me for his attention, would instigate the violence; I was 6. His violent episodes felt like a discharge, a necessary release on his part. This cycle of charge and discharge of his rage/sexual tension happened on a weekly/bi-monthly basis, picked in my early to mid teens and ended in my late teens. I felt like a dump.
Wow… definitely understand the charge and discharge metaphor… the rage a cover for perverse desire/control... and blame… total projection of blame… and they want to try to shame, because what one can shame, one can control. It’s all so messed up. Love to all survivors. End the cycle. Protect kids.
My mom would have loud intercourse where my siblings and I could hear everything and we were so little... She also spoke about it in a way that used to make me sick. It's like she got off on knowing we heard her. To this day I still have issues with intimacy and I'm also a female. I will never do this to my child... Horrendous. I just used to feel violated even though she didn't touch me.
Thank you for sharing, it's not easy but you do it in such a balanced mature way. Honestly and just the way it was. I am so happy for you that you had the strength to throw all that abuse and confusion back on your mum (figuratively). It takes so much time to process and heal. You are a champion. Now I understand you even more.
Oh my God this happend to me even the movies and stuff and it distorted a lot my perspective of reality. And I remember I was really uncomfortable and my mom would kind of enjoy watching me feeling weird. Thank God for your video now I know it was not ok.
I think it's that many of them don't know how to use their words or get any kind of buy-in from the child as to why he or she shouldn't sleep with strangers... I still think that all other things being equal the church is better about this stuff than Hollywood and business but that doesn't mean I haven't heard horror stories
Thank you for sharing Danial, I have 4 older brothers and I saw my mom interact with them in ways that were sick and she never touched me, but the covert sexuality and lack of healthy age appropriate boundaries was their and it affects the female siblings as well. My brothers are all abusive in their own ways as adults. I had to go no contact and was fortunate to get a very good therapist that helped me understand this and more important, to do my own trauma healing and reparenting myself and loving that little girl.
While watching this I am experiencing wave after wave of goosebumps. I am remembering things I have forgotten and reanalyzing almost all of my memories with my mom. Thank you for your videos.
Fuck...Can not believe your channel has been brought up to me. My parents were always more nude than other families, but after my parents divorced (i was about 10yo) my mother would start acting as if i was her husband, asking me if she was looking sexy and stuff. She also was walking around the house more and more in nudity and violeted my own privacy, when i did not want to show her my body. I feel terrible and abused (way more than that happened and is still happening today)... So much trauma and social anxiety + self doubt, that i have problems finding a job and moving out. But in that moment i am finally free from this household, i will give her the prize she proudly earns... NO CONTACT
The thing is I don't remembered my childhood at all, like little glimpses here and there and I am so terrified that something horrible happened that I don't want to remember. Maybe I'm just being paranoid
My view changed so much when I read “secretly seduced” I recommend it when i see someone struggling like me. My mom had a Pervy dad that molested her. So I feel you, and I think my cousins have been dealt the same and I see some of them repeating the pattern. This is sooo rampant and I hope one day emotional incest is more known. I know I didn’t realize that happened to me. I’m a girl and my mother had used me as a spouse since her’s was a mean workaholic. I had to listen to my mom’s rape tapes while driving. Listening about rape victims and being a child of rape. And it confused the fuck out of me and made me scared and forced me to think about if I got raped if I would keep the baby at probably around 12ish. Thank you for putting this out there. I feel like you should get in contact with Paul from mental illness happy hour podcast. He’s talked about this a lot.
Your video has a heck of a lot of views and I really hope you’re getting people to think about these taboo and damaging topics. I like how you talk about boundaries. We need more of that in our culture I believe.
OMG, I'm not a guy, but you just described how creepy my mum acts around me and how uncomfortable I in the same room with her for to long. You described why I avoid her and how she ajitates me so much. Wow.. thanks so much. 🙏 I'm so sorry yr mum did the same and acted the same way with you, but im greatfull I don't feel so alone... But It also really sux...😔
a better title would be "Sexual Abuse of children by Parents". I was a daughter/step-daughter that had similar experiences by a step father. I needed to understand that non-touch violations are deeply wounding and with this information I gained insight on how inappropriate these actions were. Somehow being in my 40's it just didn't click that it was, in fact ,sexual abuse. I feel justified and wanted to thank you for the content.
Idk if you kniw this or not but he has made another video specifically for sexual abuse of daughters by fathers. Though I agre that title you suggested may be better too. Am so sorry that it happened to you :(
My mother was always physically and emotionally abusive to me. Lately I've been pondering about sexual abuse but I don't believe what I experienced can ever qualify as sexual abuse. She was always overly-enthusiastic about explaining sexual things to me. I pretty much always knew where babies came from because I watched a lot of documentaries. But even though I knew she insisted on explaining it to me at 8 and 10 years old. It's as if she would forget that she ever explained it to me, or thought I didn't understand, and then explain it again to me later on.Then when sex education and biology class happened at school, she insisted I had difficulty with that biology topic and made it an excuse to explain to me again and again. This went even further. I became an anxiety-ridden and shy adolescent, then adult. Someone like that is 95% unlikely to be having sex. Still, she would find ways to accuse me of going out with boys. She would suggest that old, adult co-workers were flirting me. I could sense it was never neutral or educational. Her eyes would change, she'd giggle a lot, and it looked like she wanted to make me uncomfortable, just like you described. Perverted is the vibe I got from her. There are other graphic things she said not to do with sex as such, I'm sure she's very dirty-minded besides abusive and narcissistic. I think it would be a good idea to examine these kind of behaviours and pedophilic behaviour as a drive to ruin innocence, because that makes the most sense to me. Unfortunately I know no one, especially people not of this generation, would ever take it seriously because we are the same gender and they would see it as regular mum/daughter talk.
As a boy with an abusive mother I 100% resonate with "I became an anxiety-ridden and shy adolescent, then adult. Someone like that is 95% unlikely to be having sex." People assume the worst of me and treat me like a creep, loser, niceguy.
That’s not true about the people of this generation. We’re really interested and consider the truth important, we also find it very important to break “generational curses“ or just traumas that people think are OK to continue because it happened to them so it must not be abnormal. But I’ll tell you right now that I do take it seriously. It doesn’t matter what the gender combination is when your parent doesn’t make you feel safe expressing yourself, safe in your home and in conversations, or like you need to hide something or step around a topic like that if describing your life experiences. I can only imagine the lack of trust that you would have with your mother from being treated and projected on like that and BECAUSE I have a mom who would never do that.
Anyone can sexually abuse someone without ever touching them. Sometimes it's worse because you're not aware of it and also people can easily deny it happened.
You have a great ability to reason and look objectively at an abusive situation you experienced. Children need to hold onto their innocence. It's right and appropriate to be protected from it. I feel for you and am glad to see that you are opening up and educating others. I have no experience of this, but am sure you are a great help in validating and directing others.
Giving sexual education to 2 years old?? Yikes! To your final words. Yes its was very helpful. Alot of bells ring inside of me when you talk, and your healhy perspective is 2x helpful. My mother used to change her clothes, when I was in my room, becouse we shared a room for many years(she didnt slept with my father). I experience also alot of what you can call "covert incest" with her. Her focus was on me, my father was always the bad guy(he was in many ways, but in childhood i needed to stick for my mother, and she never did that for me). I needed to pick sides most of my childhood. Usually for her, becouse she kept me close. I saw my mother bleeding once. It was embarrasing. She was embarrased also. But did not talk about it. That was not purposefull. I think it was just that she run out of tampoons or something. It was strange. As to pornography. My father used to have few VHS cassets of it. Once I saw him watch it, and he made this smily face, and I run away. Later it came from my brother. My mother was sexually cold and withdrawn. She was at least in words opposite of yours. Running from room when sexual scene was on screen. I wonder how that affected me.
Daniel this is terrifically honest of you. Thank you for sharing, this is an excellent series about the damage of sexuality & intention. Interestingly this issue is addressed in religious texts that are often dismissed in modern society but your talk does tell me there's something 'in it'.
I didn't know I had been sexually abused until my therapist told me I had. My mother treated me like a spouse/caretaker after my father passed. I was forced to wash her back, clip her toenails, pluck her facial hairs, and she grabbed my hand when she was topless and forced me to place my hand where she'd had a mastectomy.
This IS weird. & uncomfortable. & I think that's what makes it SO important & SO valuable. I clicked out of curiosity I guess. I research a lot of serious topics & sadly I come across SA info/stories in all of them. I know a lot for a non professional & have gone into the darkest of rabbit holes. I only bring that up because this made me notice something. I think most tend to research things beginning at the point where they were first introduced to them & then continue to go deeper & deeper til we reach what seems to be the end. It never really occurred to me to look the 'other way' also, at what is going on at the earlier stages or from less talked about perspectives/points of view. This has opened my eyes not only to that but to the realization that all the things you grow up hearing/ seeing regarding these 'inappropriate' behaviors & scenarios that we usually refer to as weird/ creepy/ inappropriate, etc are actually forms of sexual abuse. When you really think about them/ hear the stories, it's easy to see, but I think that's the problem... for various reasons most aren't really thinking about or talking about these less obvious forms of abuse. We have formed an idea over time of what we consider abuse... we draw a line in the sand so to speak & anything beyond that line is obviously abuse but all of these other 'non physical' things on the other side rarely get any attention & since they are uncomfortable most of us are content to keep it that way & will dismiss them as weird/off & since no one's really talking about these things we can avoid having to really face them & the possibility that they may be more than just the awkward/ uncomfortable memories we've swept under the rug long ago. I didn't expect to gain so much from this short video. It takes courage to address these things in the blurry areas of life. We've got to start talking about uncomfortable things if we ever wish to see change. That is the abusers most powerful tool. If you take a fragile victim & add guilt, shame, confusion & manipulation to the mix it's almost guaranteed they won't have the courage to bring up things that most people are already uncomfortable talking about. We don't like being uncomfortable & will usually avoid it if we have the option. Feels better at the time but ultimately causes more discomfort in the long run. This is how we make change... right here. It only takes one guy (or gal) with something to say & tha courage to say it. 👏👏👏
I remember being startled when as a child my uncle & aunt would run from bathroom to bedroom completely naked in front of their children, no one else. Never understood what they were doing but it caused complete silence among their two children and myself. I found it inexplicable as they were quite conservative traditional people, but now I suspect it was to sexually intimidate & it succeeded. Needless to say, they've stopped all that now. Now it's just normal dysfunction.
Very articulate review of this difficult situation. You can be of great help to others who find themselves in the same position. Wishing you well and healing
Thank you for posting this second video to clarify your first one and to educate us parents on the things that we should watch out for in order to have healthy relationships with our children. We can only learn what we are taught, and it's especially difficult if we were raised in abusive households with poor boundaries ourselves. I have to admit that the first video triggered me a little because it made me doubt whether I am behaving in a healthy way towards my son - we are very nonchalant about nudity in general and I do educate my children about puberty, sex, relationships etc. Thankfully, this video clarifies a lot to me and it has reassured me in many ways. I found it useful because it has also made me aware that I will should take a closer look at the way I engage with my children when discussing certain subjects - I speak to my daughter (11) and my son (nearly 9) together, and my daughter is very engaged and asks questions etc; however, lately I have noticed that my son is receptive only to certain topics (he loves talking about puberty in boys/girls) but gets a bit fidgety for others (sex/relationships). Perhaps if he is not comfortable I should only discuss these topics with my daughter for now. A video on how to speak to children in a more appropriate way would be helpful!
@@seekonlytruth512 That is the question, why is it popular? Is it because it's a scandalous topic, or maybe it's the fruit of some nebulous You Tube algorithm or is it because many people genuinely resonate with that video enough to watch it all the way through like and share it. I wonder since it is one of the outliers on this channel.
porn is so sad and damaging, i watched a video on porn addicts male and female, they all felt depressed and some suicidal, also they felt very detached from relationships with family, friends, co - workers etc... and got therapy and stopped watching porn and began to feel better
Thank you for this!! This will definitely help me help others in finding their inner healing. I definitely know what you meant about their eyes and tone of voice changing! God bless you!
Please to a video like this about fathers and daughters. It would be so incredibly helpful to have you talking about all the ways of sexual abuse without touch being involved.
Thank you a lot for being so specific and direct and for being so curageous to speak these things out lout that most people don´t even dare to think about. I could find myself a lot in this and I agree with you and not lots others that it´s more about the sexualized energy than about the touch per se, even though I was touched, though not violently in a physical way and on the arse and they know how weird my mum is sometimes and most agree that it´s screwed up, but not necessarily would people accept when I say this was sexual abuse and thank you for saying it so I don´t feel all alone with my opinion torturing myself because "I´m dramatizing it and should just forget about it" that´s the worst, really. I am still 80% feelingless around my hip and get panic attacks when she creeps into my building and rings the doorbell, but yea, sure, that´s no stalking. Just my mother. And I also found it very interesting that you talked about "how her eyes changed" and her "motivation" and I cannot say what a relief it is to me that other ppl also consider this as a part of it. I call it "creature" and who knows, right? It´s like it´s not even the same person and the horrible thing is with two thirds of the abused ppl I know (not so many) including myself "inherit" this creature after being abused. You learn this different mode of being and a screwed up kind of pseudosexuality and it´s scary. Because you knew how to do it yourself and if you are not really conscious (and if you have to repress to survive well how are you gonna do that?) you are going to act out in some way or another maybe on yourself, maybe on others and I think that´s even worse than the memory of the abuse itself. What monster could you become, I certainly did, but I will regain my healthy being, because I really, really want to. What I didn´t get towards the end so much was (maybe because you didn´t go into detail there, understandable considering other ppl were involved) was: Is it really all bad asking your children about their relationships and if they are kissing or more? Because I think you also need to monitor a little bit if your children aren´t going into something they can´t be ready for yet and say like if you have a 12yr old boy and you see him exchange sexual glances with a 13yr old girl, they both problably don´t know what they are doing and if they are about to have sex that age, well, Jesus, you should check for that and stop them and how are you going to if you can´t ask? Now, I understand, that YOUR parents were everything but good people to talk about sex and you felt you needed to keep them out of it as much as you could and that´s a healthy response and so did I, but I think it came about a little unclear.
Hi Daniel, again I can relate word-for-word with this very appreciated (and graciously surprising) follow-up. Your channel really helps me process things more positively. Thanks :)
My friend asked me how to answer her daughters questions about where babies come from and what I said was that you answer only the questions asked and in an age appropriate way.
this video and part 1 are some of my favorite videos, but one thing is just, there's nothing sexual about periods, I don't know how anyone who gets them could think of them in a sexualized way. they hurt terribly, we're taught to feel gross and ashamed of ourselves and we feel it's unfair we have to go through that every month. society treats women as sex objects so to men periods are traumatizing, disgusting things that shouldn't be talked about but honestly it's just a part of life and it's not sexy to us at all. I don't know if your mother got off on talking about her vaginal anatomy or something and I'm not invalidating your feelings, I don't think mothers should be sharing it with little children as young as 0 - 10 but like I said, it's not a sex thing and we shouldn't have to keep it to ourselves like a dirty secret, it's just a cycle of life. it should be shared with you like education when you go into puberty like it is to girls. but when I got taught about it in 5th grade we were told to never ever discuss this with boys, always make sure they have no idea you're going through this, they said men shouldn't have to hear about this because we're supposed to be objects of desire. it's extremely oppressive.
Loox, I actually agree with you -- and thanks for sharing this. The thing with my mother is that she shared about periods not only when I was quite young (maybe five or six years old or earlier) but also in a context of her periods being something private between her and me. And she also connected them to sex and sexuality, because she talked about them with me in relation to her and my father having sex, etc. When I was a child she also shared with me about other women (and girls) I knew getting their period -- things I had no business knowing about. So she didn't share about them in a neutral way, and that was a real disservice to me. After having done a lot of healing (and getting far away from her), I now find that periods are just a neutral thing, not weird or strange or sexualized, just part of life. If I'd been raised more appropriately I think they would have been that way from a lot earlier in my life... greetings--Daniel
Thanks for sharing, Daniel! It's important to know about this too. It's not widely-known and it's important to know about it to prevent it, just like it's important to know about other ways of sexual abuse of children, including physical one.
My mother pretty much did all of the above. I also remember a scene when I was a teenager and my father and I were both standing naked in front of her. She touched my father's penis asked permission to touch mine - supposedly to compare girth - a permission which I unfortunately gave. Massive boundary violations.
Someone I know was sexually abused by his mother and the abuse was so severe it makes my abuse seem like nothing and he has been abused by just about everyone who was supposed help. Or protect him. Even to the day and I dont know where to go for help he has no peace and I'm the only person he can trust what do I do
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my mom straight attempted to have sex with me. When I rejected her angrily, she teared her eyes like III did some wrong, to guilt me. My body was drowning in testosterone at that age but it seems my instinct of self defense was much stronger and I still congratulate myself for not being obedient (as a child) and not going along with her idiotic plan.
That's absolutely terrifying and thats awful you had to go through this.
I am sorry you had to go through this. It was not right or your fault.
Wow... even though you took a big blow, at the same time you dodged a bullet. So sorry but also well done.
Whoa.... omg. Testosterone? Are you a male? You profile name is a woman. Daughter or son, it is hugely abuse of power as a parent. She was a horribly abusive to you. Hope you got therapy and aren't talking to her anymore.
That's beyond messed up...
yes, this is happening, especially when the husband loses sexual interest. The mother will use the son to provoke jelousy. Sick, sick, sick.
That's a very interesting point. I felt that (jealousy) towards my father.
I imagine it could have gone the other way too.
And I have always yielded women to other men the rest of my life. In fact, I'm gay, so i figure it is from that rather than giving up the hunt like I did as a child
@@jrg305 yes, interesting. I think abuse and being gay have a lot in common and should be openly discussed/exposed.
Mostly histrionic and attention-seeking women.
RUth Spiteri histrionic, narcissistic, borderline etc.
@@matilda4406 Not politically correct though, the gays {most) will fight you on that
Thank you Daniel for making this video. My own story was very similar to your own. My mother (divorced, no father around) would frequently expose her naked body to me, often under the guise that it was 'accidental'. She had big issues with being unable to respect boundaries - shaming and ridiculing me for closing the bathroom door when I used the toilet or showered. Coming into my room in the middle of the night when I was asleep. Once she told me she had come in the night before and said that my hand was 'down there' True or not, it was meant to embarrass and shame me. Another time when I was 14 I woke up in the night, didn't hear anything but suddenly had a feeling someone was in the room. I looked over and she was just sitting in a chair about 6 ft. from my bed. I was so startled I shouted "what are you doing?" She calmly said 'nothing' and walked out of the room. Next morning she denied it completely. All these things are sexual abuse and very damaging to boys.
You’re right, and I’m super sorry that that happened to you 💔
What a fecking psycho. I hate stupid mental power games like that. I feel very fortunate to have not had that in my life.
Somewhat similar to what I went through, man.. I feel you. The whole thing left me scarred and with a sort of an "ew" feeling towards women (mainly those that resemble my mother in attitude) because my biggest example of the feminine growing up was such a nasty one.
Truly society wilfully overlooks the dark and perverse side of the feminine. Women are as a rule treated as victims and saints while men are often portraited as devils. This is a messed up world.
Thank you for saying porn is so harmful to everyone involved. In this day and age it seems anything is accepted and nothing is sacred.
Yes, I know.
Most secular therapists don't hold that same stance, which is too bad.
People who say that this is not sexual abuse say it because they behave in similar ways and dont want to feel the guilt they should be feeling
It’s more psychological abuse cuz it causes cognitive dissonance, ur MOM shouldn’t enter your psyche in anyway sexually, he doesn’t know exactly how to feel or what to do about, weirded out, confused but at the same time he loves and adores the mother as he should. So as a kid he’s constantly trying to comprehend something that only an adult could. That’s why he didn’t know how to file the “weirdness” in his mind unto he was adult and put a label on it.
What you shared isn’t weird in the least, Daniel. We need to talk about our “family secrets” because we all have them and they all mirror one another. So over this cult family dynamic of keeping people quiet to protect generations of bullshit.
👏👏👏👏👏👏
I had to watch my mum doing these things with my younger brother and let me tell you it was disgusting. Now guess what? My brother is not in her life. He vanished with all his traumatic memories. I remember at the time, she thought it was perfectly ok to do these things. Now, I don't think she can remember any of this but I do. The worst thing is that it screwed my own sexuality witnessing it.
😢 I’m sorry to hear this. I send both you and your brother lots of love 💕
Im a newly qualified social worker and this video help me to gain a deeper understanding of sexual abuse and what to look out for in children im working with . Thanks Daniel
You are so very courageous about talking about such a difficult subject. 👍🏽
🌹
covert sexual abuse is very difficult to detect and it does significant damage
I'm so upset that anyone invalidated your experience. Yes, sexual abuse absolutely can and does take place without sexual touching, and I am so grateful you are talking about it publicly. Thank you so much ❤️
I told a therapist that my father touched my waist and told me I had a "nice figure."
My therapist ; "and you consider that abusive?"
I'm shocked and repulsed about how collectively dismissed it is for parents to sexualize and sexually abuse their kids.
No wonder so many people downplay and downgrade their own experiences.
@@gingerisevil02 I know that you know, but just in case you need to hear it, yes that was abusive. I'm sorry that therapist was dismissive. Hearing sexual comments or even getting sexual looks from our parents is completely abusive and traumatizing
You all sound unable to cope with life in general. Be appreciative that someone was honest with you. Don’t understand this nonsense at all. He’s got sex issues!
Sexual harassment is a thing, and you can face consequences for it in the real world. It can be something that is dealt with and then forgiven. Doing this within the family where you're not supposed to be sexually going after each other as a rule, clear abuse.
2 years have went by with no one responding to you, because it was never clear what it was you were trying to say, or even to whom you were addressing. Have a nice life numb nuts.
that's unfortunate. I interned once at an outpatient psychiatric clinic and have heard stories of this multiple times. the first time a man told this to me, it stayed in my head for a long time. he was deeply psychologically damaged by his mom who used to flash him, bend down in front of him with no underwear etc. I'll never forget him and hope that he is doing better somehow... has had multiple suicide attempts and deep deep depression.
thank you for sharing
And some of us struggle along as best we can, while people think were gay because we dont act right...I do have older kids so I cant do that to them (suicide)
Right, I think one thing Daniel did not mention is that having an inappropriate parent is also a loss of that parent. I felt the same about my father, that I never really had a father, despite having one on paper. It took me almost 30 years of my life to realize my mother was beyond messed up too.
Hope you are doing well as of now.
I'm the mother of 2 adult sons and that makes me feel nauseated. I spent the night with a friend when I was in about the 7th grade. After meeting her mother, I thought she was strange. We came in the house to get something to drink and had to pass by her mother's bedroom. Her door was wide open and she was lying in bed, completely nude, sprawled out, taking a 'nap'. I asked my friend about it and she said, 'oh, she does this all the time'. I felt so weird. Plus, when we went to bed that night, the girl insisted that I rub her back until she fell asleep. I was sleepy and didn't want to do it, but I did, for about 2 minutes and stopped and she got angry at me. I got on the phone with my mother and told her to come and get me. Plus, there was a raging storm outside, but she got there fast and I never even talked to the girl again. A lot of kids would never tell their parents about stuff like that, especially in the 50's. I'm sure most parents do, but we should, very early on, make our children feel comfortable to tell us if anything that doesn't look or feel right to them. Children are so incredibly vulnerable and when they're not with us, they are at the mercy of the world. If I get the nerve, I'll tell another incident that happened when I was between 11 and 13. I Thank the sweet Lord that I was never subjected to anything like that in my own family.
I've had therapist say "and you consider this abusive?" When I shared that my father would leer at me, tell me I had a "nice figure" and make sexual commentary.
The sexually charged conversations my father had towards me was very sexually abusive.
I literally had a panic attack remembering him asking me in a salacious tone if I knew what an orgasm was and being forced to answer, then he responded crassly "and it feels good."
I was iffy when I saw the title of this video but I'm actually surprised anyone would dismiss this... this is by definition covert sexual abuse... this is perverted.
What you described is pretty much my experience, only it was also overtly threatening cause there was early childhood overt sexual abuse, hands on and other.
It wasn't till I stated dating (trying to anyway because he got jealous when I tried to date,) that I realized it was gross because I was triggered by my own sexual thoughts... "does this mean I'm dirty?" The tone of my thoughts reminded me of my father... and I'm repulsed a mother would do this to her son.
I didn't realize this was so common...
Seeing my father naked traumatized me. This is all sick. I think a good portion of children are sexually abused but therapists and social workers primarily and society dismisses it.... I'm shocked by it.
My father did the sex Ed too... I don't remember anything before 5.
This is fucked up...
Thanks for sharing this like this is scary. "The way her eyes would change." My father would do this. Fucking hell.
My fear of being asked sexual questions is why i avoided relationships.
This helps a lot. The eyes changing, sexually charged tones, etc. this helped my perspective a LOT. "Sexually charged conversations." I have a hard time condensing so speech like this that narrows it down helps
Am so sorry that it happened to you :( Moreover those therapist who invalidate you are too wrong. You know what happened, You know your truth. Even if therapist invalidate it don't let them decided the truth. You know what happened was abusive, irrespective of what others says. Hope you are doing well as of now.
Just wanted to let you know that your comment has helped me. Blessings and wishing the best for you.
"The tone of my thoughts reminded me of my father" that's deep and sad and shows how damaging it can be to establishing healthy sexual connections as an adult.
I'm so sorry that happened to you, similar things happened to me when I was younger by my father 😢
I was stunned and horrified when my boyfriend told me his mom showed him porn when he was only 11 years old. I blame her for his porn addiction. Thanks for sharing your open and honest experience. I hope it helps you as much as it does others.
My heart hurts for you💔I, too, was sexually abused for years and so were you. My parents were broken and their parents were broken. So much pain in the world. People that have never been abused as children have no idea how this totally destroys lives.😵😰😭😟
Beverly Gamble sorry about your story.
Beverly Gamble Yes bad things in childhood can affect a person later. No matter what though people can get better!
You are so right. 🙏😔
@@catalinafirefly4685 u r right, it all adds up to, why so many f---up people, fantasy hug to you
I know you’re not looking for this, but I’m so sorry you had these experiences! Thanks for bringing these abusive behaviors forward. Sending love and healing ✨
💜
Really want to thank you for sharing on this subject Daniel. To share your own story and provide context for how common this is so validating. I’m 27, only JUST coming to realise that my entire relationship with my mother has had an undercurrent of this type of sexualised “education” and “openness” you’re talking about and how that’s totally affecting me as a man now.
I’m grateful you shared this. I saw my mom’s nakedness as a child which caused me to lose respect for her. Try as I might to justify Why she chose to walk around our home in that manner, I could not unsee it 🤮
I don’t think children should ever be exposed to Any form of abuse esp in their own homes by those who should be protecting them.
We really do live in a fallen world.
That is some truly nasty sh*t you had to go through, Daniel. I'm really horrified by what you went through. It makes me wonder whether this dynamic could have been afoot in my own family without my realising it. How disturbing. Thanks for laying it bare. I hope it helps the people who need to get some perspective on their own histories.
As an aside, I'm happy you mentioned how downright unhealthy pornography is for all involved. I was exposed to it very young (age six, maybe) and it warped my expectations of men and women for a very long time. I glad you spoke about that. Not many people talk about it because I think so many people retain it as their last secret addiction (and obviously many think its a healthy part of well-regulated sexuality). I think speaking really frankly about its harmfulness on both sides of the equation is really important. And, while it shouldn't matter, it helps to hear it from a man. I hope your words help to wake people up to the frightening normalcy of their addictive behaviours. Thanks for that. Your wisdom makes a difference.
What I don't understand is why would someone, an adult at that, force a child to see their genitalia, even fully KNOWING how it made that child cringe. Unfortunately, that child was me.. on the mornings my mother would drop off my baby brother at daycare.
She wouldn't wear underwear beneath her dress/skirt and she'd flash that disgusting mound of pubic hair 😔🤮 at me, while she sat behind the steering wheel. This went on briefly, but it still happened. There were 2 other incidents where she'd "try" to lure me into some sexual activity, but even at 6-7 yrs old I could feel in my tiny being that it was so wrong and that I needed to get the hell out of there, so I did. I don't want to mention the other incidents for protection purpose.
Now in my late 30's, I look at the flashbacks and recognize her obsession with me, despite having 2 other children, just hating me in every way possible, going to extremes to ruin my life, including doing things to purposely jeopardize my life, as in....make me die. I've gone no contact, off and on throughout the yrs for my safety.
I've seen her face in pics, and she looks possessed. I think that's why I never trusted her as a child, could feel her hatred and evil. Today she has slandered my reputation throughout the family for the past 20 years, since she no longer can get to me. It's incomprehensible that a person could be this way, so cruel, perverse and miserable when she had a good healthy life and upbringing. Strange that a woman would want to experiment w/children, when she has a husband at home.
Courageous.
I am so sorry about the sexual abuse your mother perpetrated onto you! It must have been even harder to unpack and heal from this because it was not as cut and dry as the "typical" case. This was a very enlightening video. Thanks for sharing. I know it cant have been easy to put out there. My mind is blown that she thought this was ok and heart goes out to little daniel. :(
For a second there I misread that as "penetrated".
I'm a female and I remember my mum being sexual with me when I was very young then I found pornography mags in her room which I know now, traumatised and confused me too. I carried loads of shame because of this for a long long time.
I've found parents porn too and I think the main reason it was scary is that it was never talked about and processed with them. It was all hush hush and taboo of talking about it.
I caught my dad looking at porn on the computer growing up (with 56k internet).
There is little about sexual abuse between females. For me it was my grandma.
DozyDormouse Sorry about your story.
@Agnieszka Gaw yeah it's important to know about all ways of sexual abuse. But in case with Daniel he speaks about his personal experience or experience of his patients or something he observed. We should also share our personal stories when we feel comfortable enough so that wouldn't be such an unknown issue. I'm sorry for what happened to you.
I'm sorry to hear this. My mom was my main perpetrator. It's a very destructive and confusing dynamic. Being female and being abused by a female. The fact that I look like her has really messed me up. I look like my effing abuser.
yes, I can definitely see that as abuse
Daniel's videos make you think in different ways.
This is very valuable and doubtless will be used as a training video for counselors who help children who were sexually abused. Your mother was traumatized by sexual and other abuse and she spent your childhood aggressing you via projection of disgust. The healthy sexuality was merely a fig leaf held in place for the purpose of plausible denial. What is also remarkable is that she treated your father the same way and succeeded in securing his participation. The incident about the magazine exposure was so telling. Your mother over-rode your father's attempted intervention.
Thank you so much for making this video, it shed a light on some of my experiences as a young guy. Mine's are being exposed to deliberate nudity by my grandmother at young pre-puberty age. It's sickening actually, it explains so much, but it's okay i am healing.. thank you Daniel
Old people think young people own them some sort of sexual gratification... I think more with the older generations, hopefully with more people speaking out it will stop. I never had a Grandma but I'm Id rather have no grandma than an abusive one.
What you describe I partly witnessed hapening to my own father when I encountered his mother wearing a petticoat only and a dressing gown totally open facing him across the kitchen table sexually intimidating him whilst talking about something else, and he cowering... I realised this must have been going on for years and told her to go and get dressed. I hope I saved him.
You’re the only person I’ve discovered on TH-cam and as a human who is THIS relatable to my life. God bless you. 🙏🏽 I’m honored to have found your channel and grateful that you’ve shared your work with us. 😊❤
Thanks 🙏
Thank you for sharing. This hurt to watch because it brought up memories that were surprisingly similar except it was my dad instead. He would walk around naked and leave porn on the computer. Give me T-shirts with suggestive imagery/text like "Its time to get felt on the table"(referring to the cloth on a pool table). He would also call me a faggot for stupid reasons like wearing a scarf when it was cold in the house. Yet another insight into why I am neurotic and have never felt normal.
Grey Eye your dad walked completely naked in front of you? No underwear? I can’t imagine!!!
😔
A friend of mine would shower with her son. I think he was age 10/11. She thought it was very innocent and you couldn't tell her otherwise. It freaked me out. Waiting to go out - and then you see the mom and son exit the shower together. At this time he also had an extremely keen interest in watching another friend breastfeed. They thought it was innocent but I was watching this kid and it was not..but what do I know I don't have kids (the comment you get when you raise issues as off)
A mother taking a shower with her 10-12 year old son isnt normal At ALL! Just like it's not normal for a father to shower with his preteen daughter. My girls father took a shower with our toddler daughters. He would be in the bathtub with his boxers on. I would hand him our 2 year old and he would wash her then call for me to come get her. It was only after I had taken her from him did he take his boxers off and wash himself. But that's very very different from a parent doing it to an older child!!
Thank you for your vulnerability. I feel connected and feel your experience.
What an amazingly wonderful video! Non physical sexual abuse happens with daughter's too. My mother sexually abused me and it severely affected me. I feel so validated watching this. I'm sorry this happened to you too💯
Thank you Daniel for making this video and sharing your story. This is really helpful. Your experience is valid and your intuition is right on. This is an issue that happens perhaps more commonly than we think, between mothers and sons or daughters.
I'm a woman, my mother also sexualised me by doing some of the things that you mentioned. I was also sexually abused by several men who she failed to protect me from. A lot of trauma. It's good to hear someone talk about this, highlighting also the subtle, non-physical ways in which sexual abuse can play out on children.
Thank you for the work you do.
Always happy to get a notification with your new video, very true and interesting, looking forward to new topics from you
Wow, horrible to talk to a little toddler about where babies come from. The Blue Lagoon at age 6??? Didn't the theater manager have a say or someone in that theater? People should speak out if they see such things. How abusive of her not to protect you from pornography on purpose; that has nothing to even do with normal sexuality! My son talks about how traumatizing it was to be exposed to porn at a neighbor's home at age 12-13. Talking about girls' bodies with you? She is a very troubled woman. I'm glad you're speaking out about sexual abuse that occurs in this way. I'm female and my dad abused me like that very much; my mother on the other hand just went right ahead and gave me a French kiss when I was around 12. Sad that people don't know and do better. I made plenty of mistakes bringing up my sons too, none to intentionally hurt them, just srcrewed up in the head myself at the time.
Some theaters are corrupt and only care about filling their seats. And that's how some toddlers ruined the show for everyone when their parents decided they should tag along to watch Joker.
Woah, she actually tongue kissed you? I can imagine your shock and disgust.
I believe this also happened between 2 women I know after I began putting 2 and 2 together from so many bits and pieces of info I've seen and gathered. This is a particular female in my family whom I suspect was also molested this way by her mom. She'd say to me: Do you remember all those times me and my mom used to play those tongue games? And she'd leave it at that. She was referring to the long tongue hanging out and pretending they were going to touch with it. So weird and creepy, mother and daughter this way! I don't even want to imagine what went on when nobody was around😔🤯. Daughter is bisexual, so maybe has something to do with this upbringing.
Jasmin Flowerz hi and I hope you are having a good day. The tongue kiss that my mom did while saying goodnight to me as I lay in bed did not shock or disgust me as a young teenager. I think shock and disgust comes with knowledge. It more likely produced confusion and as it violates the dignity of a person it leaves a feeling of powerlessness. I would never have been able to articulate anything about it at that time; all I have is the distinct memory of it.
Sparrow
You mention it not being “weird” at the time and I very much have the same feelings. It wasn’t until I was an older teen and shared a very small bit of my childhood with a close friend that I realized how not normal and abusive certain behaviors were growing up.
SRC I think I did feel that it was weird or odd at the time....just not disgusted or in shock, which might have allowed me to stand up for myself. As children we are naturally made to follow our parents, and must in fact for our survival. Glad your healing journey started so young in your teens; you’re fortunate!
Thanks so much for sharing in a non traumatizing way, and to the people on here who shared details of their own creepy and sleazy adults in their lives. Not talking about this makes it easier for it to continue, and for the victims to think it's them that has something wrong, not the creepy abuser.
I see a lot of uncomfortable looking teenage boys out and about with their mums who are dressed in a flaunting way and being physically too close to them etcAnd that's in public.
I had a horrible vile experience staying with a female friend who insisted on flaunting full on nudity in front of me even after I told her it was not okay. It was sickening, violating boundaries and done for her gratification. Fully sick.
Daniel, you definitely did not share too much detail. People need to hear this. You are a warm hearted, articulate young man. Well done for understanding where your difficulties have come from and facing them head on!
Thank you Chap, powerful. always uncomfortable dealing in this end of the swamp... just hearing someone elses take on this, gives me, my voice, volume.
Isn't truth a wonderful thing!
I now understand a lot of things. I only thought I was emotionally extorted by the members of my family. I come from a different culture, being Eastern European, so people here live with a lot of generations under the same roof (I shared a bed with my maternal grandma for the first 12 years of my life and another 4 (13-17) with my parents due to lack of space) and they are often unconscious about this stuff. I've grew up with porn and horror movies and it wasn't because anyone was putting it in front of me, but because they were asleep when I watched them. TV after the fall of communism wasn't censored. As a result I grew avoidant of any form of relationship. Now I'm 30 and I never dated anyone, never even kissed anyone. I'm very confused gender and orientation wise. I still feel an unnatural attraction to my mom, though I am physically female. The kicker is I still can't afford to permanently leave my parents. I've been through ERASMUS to college for a couple of months in a different country, but due to the pandemic and me not being able to make friends not much has changed about me. I still have plans to move to Asia, but I have to finish everything I've started back home.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. There were no healthy boundaries in your home growing up, which can definitely mess with a person’s sexuality and gender identity in some ways. I really hope that you will find financial independence so you can move out on your own and separate from your family for your own health and well being. You deserve much better for yourself. I hope for the very best for you.
I had the mother-to-daughter version which people don't believe either... could you do a vid on that?
I wish I could do it justice, but it's not my personal experience -- at least not so directly. I've heard a lot of stories though.
There's a fb group called "daughters of narcissistic mothers" and a lot of women talk about this. If you want to share there I can promise you a LOT of women have gone through this and will believe you!!
I believe you.
Thank you Daniel for sharing your painful experiences: this must be triggering in a big way for me, because I almost chocked swallowing while listening! Yeah, those weird sexual boundaries...my father, sexually charged (like a raging bull), would physically discipline me; my mother in a jealous, seething competition with me for his attention, would instigate the violence; I was 6. His violent episodes felt like a discharge, a necessary release on his part. This cycle of charge and discharge of his rage/sexual tension happened on a weekly/bi-monthly basis, picked in my early to mid teens and ended in my late teens. I felt like a dump.
Wow… definitely understand the charge and discharge metaphor… the rage a cover for perverse desire/control... and blame… total projection of blame… and they want to try to shame, because what one can shame, one can control. It’s all so messed up. Love to all survivors. End the cycle. Protect kids.
My mom would have loud intercourse where my siblings and I could hear everything and we were so little... She also spoke about it in a way that used to make me sick. It's like she got off on knowing we heard her.
To this day I still have issues with intimacy and I'm also a female. I will never do this to my child... Horrendous. I just used to feel violated even though she didn't touch me.
She didn't respect your psychological boundaries. I am sorry.
@@kungfujiujitsufliptrick4832 That's so inappropriate. She wasn't acting maternal. I'm sorry.
@@strawberryseason oh trust me thats not the half of it but thank you so much
You are 100% right about these issues. Those that deny it may have their own issues to work through. Thank you for posting this
Thank you for sharing, it's not easy but you do it in such a balanced mature way. Honestly and just the way it was. I am so happy for you that you had the strength to throw all that abuse and confusion back on your mum (figuratively). It takes so much time to process and heal. You are a champion. Now I understand you even more.
Thank you Daniel. I’m so glad I’ve found your channel. ❤️
Cool!
Oh my God this happend to me even the movies and stuff and it distorted a lot my perspective of reality. And I remember I was really uncomfortable and my mom would kind of enjoy watching me feeling weird. Thank God for your video now I know it was not ok.
Hello Daniel! Can you talk about the sexual shame coming from religious family?
I think it's that many of them don't know how to use their words or get any kind of buy-in from the child as to why he or she shouldn't sleep with strangers...
I still think that all other things being equal the church is better about this stuff than Hollywood and business but that doesn't mean I haven't heard horror stories
Thank you for sharing Danial, I have 4 older brothers and I saw my mom interact with them in ways that were sick and she never touched me, but the covert sexuality and lack of healthy age appropriate boundaries was their and it affects the female siblings as well. My brothers are all abusive in their own ways as adults. I had to go no contact and was fortunate to get a very good therapist that helped me understand this and more important, to do my own trauma healing and reparenting myself and loving that little girl.
Thank you for this and the previous one! Had some lightbulb moments.
While watching this I am experiencing wave after wave of goosebumps. I am remembering things I have forgotten and reanalyzing almost all of my memories with my mom. Thank you for your videos.
You are such a voice of reason, Daniel.
A million thanks, Daniel. I just understood my four eldest sisters after listening you. I love you.
# losing innocence too young
GENEROUSLY HELPFUL
I knew a guy who was sexually abused by his aunt. He was so thankful and said it was a wonderful experience. What's wrong with people?
Fuck...Can not believe your channel has been brought up to me. My parents were always more nude than other families, but after my parents divorced (i was about 10yo) my mother would start acting as if i was her husband, asking me if she was looking sexy and stuff. She also was walking around the house more and more in nudity and violeted my own privacy, when i did not want to show her my body. I feel terrible and abused (way more than that happened and is still happening today)... So much trauma and social anxiety + self doubt, that i have problems finding a job and moving out. But in that moment i am finally free from this household, i will give her the prize she proudly earns... NO CONTACT
The thing is I don't remembered my childhood at all, like little glimpses here and there and I am so terrified that something horrible happened that I don't want to remember. Maybe I'm just being paranoid
My view changed so much when I read “secretly seduced” I recommend it when i see someone struggling like me. My mom had a Pervy dad that molested her. So I feel you, and I think my cousins have been dealt the same and I see some of them repeating the pattern. This is sooo rampant and I hope one day emotional incest is more known. I know I didn’t realize that happened to me. I’m a girl and my mother had used me as a spouse since her’s was a mean workaholic. I had to listen to my mom’s rape tapes while driving. Listening about rape victims and being a child of rape. And it confused the fuck out of me and made me scared and forced me to think about if I got raped if I would keep the baby at probably around 12ish.
Thank you for putting this out there.
I feel like you should get in contact with Paul from mental illness happy hour podcast. He’s talked about this a lot.
My mother was filling my head about rape when I was 7 years old.
I admire your courage and honesty Daniel. Thanks
Your video has a heck of a lot of views and I really hope you’re getting people to think about these taboo and damaging topics. I like how you talk about boundaries. We need more of that in our culture I believe.
OMG, I'm not a guy, but you just described how creepy my mum acts around me and how uncomfortable I in the same room with her for to long. You described why I avoid her and how she ajitates me so much. Wow.. thanks so much. 🙏 I'm so sorry yr mum did the same and acted the same way with you, but im greatfull I don't feel so alone... But It also really sux...😔
a better title would be "Sexual Abuse of children by Parents". I was a daughter/step-daughter that had similar experiences by a step father. I needed to understand that non-touch violations are deeply wounding and with this information I gained insight on how inappropriate these actions were. Somehow being in my 40's it just didn't click that it was, in fact ,sexual abuse. I feel justified and wanted to thank you for the content.
Idk if you kniw this or not but he has made another video specifically for sexual abuse of daughters by fathers. Though I agre that title you suggested may be better too. Am so sorry that it happened to you :(
Can you make a video
on sexual healing
what you mentioned
(even trough your own experiences)?
There's a great book written by Wendy Maltz called "Sexual Healing Journey" published 1991.
@@VioletteValentine thank you
I relate to your story - & my mother hid behind the "its natural" bs
My mother was always physically and emotionally abusive to me. Lately I've been pondering about sexual abuse but I don't believe what I experienced can ever qualify as sexual abuse. She was always overly-enthusiastic about explaining sexual things to me. I pretty much always knew where babies came from because I watched a lot of documentaries. But even though I knew she insisted on explaining it to me at 8 and 10 years old. It's as if she would forget that she ever explained it to me, or thought I didn't understand, and then explain it again to me later on.Then when sex education and biology class happened at school, she insisted I had difficulty with that biology topic and made it an excuse to explain to me again and again. This went even further. I became an anxiety-ridden and shy adolescent, then adult. Someone like that is 95% unlikely to be having sex. Still, she would find ways to accuse me of going out with boys. She would suggest that old, adult co-workers were flirting me.
I could sense it was never neutral or educational. Her eyes would change, she'd giggle a lot, and it looked like she wanted to make me uncomfortable, just like you described. Perverted is the vibe I got from her. There are other graphic things she said not to do with sex as such, I'm sure she's very dirty-minded besides abusive and narcissistic. I think it would be a good idea to examine these kind of behaviours and pedophilic behaviour as a drive to ruin innocence, because that makes the most sense to me.
Unfortunately I know no one, especially people not of this generation, would ever take it seriously because we are the same gender and they would see it as regular mum/daughter talk.
As a boy with an abusive mother I 100% resonate with "I became an anxiety-ridden and shy adolescent, then adult. Someone like that is 95% unlikely to be having sex." People assume the worst of me and treat me like a creep, loser, niceguy.
That’s not true about the people of this generation. We’re really interested and consider the truth important, we also find it very important to break “generational curses“ or just traumas that people think are OK to continue because it happened to them so it must not be abnormal. But I’ll tell you right now that I do take it seriously. It doesn’t matter what the gender combination is when your parent doesn’t make you feel safe expressing yourself, safe in your home and in conversations, or like you need to hide something or step around a topic like that if describing your life experiences. I can only imagine the lack of trust that you would have with your mother from being treated and projected on like that and BECAUSE I have a mom who would never do that.
Anyone can sexually abuse someone without ever touching them. Sometimes it's worse because you're not aware of it and also people can easily deny it happened.
You have a great ability to reason and look objectively at an abusive situation you experienced. Children need to hold onto their innocence. It's right and appropriate to be protected from it. I feel for you and am glad to see that you are opening up and educating others. I have no experience of this, but am sure you are a great help in validating and directing others.
Thanks!
Giving sexual education to 2 years old?? Yikes!
To your final words. Yes its was very helpful. Alot of bells ring inside of me when you talk, and your healhy perspective is 2x helpful.
My mother used to change her clothes, when I was in my room, becouse we shared a room for many years(she didnt slept with my father). I experience also alot of what you can call "covert incest" with her. Her focus was on me, my father was always the bad guy(he was in many ways, but in childhood i needed to stick for my mother, and she never did that for me). I needed to pick sides most of my childhood. Usually for her, becouse she kept me close.
I saw my mother bleeding once. It was embarrasing. She was embarrased also. But did not talk about it. That was not purposefull. I think it was just that she run out of tampoons or something. It was strange.
As to pornography. My father used to have few VHS cassets of it. Once I saw him watch it, and he made this smily face, and I run away. Later it came from my brother. My mother was sexually cold and withdrawn. She was at least in words opposite of yours. Running from room when sexual scene was on screen. I wonder how that affected me.
Daniel this is terrifically honest of you. Thank you for sharing, this is an excellent series about the damage of sexuality & intention. Interestingly this issue is addressed in religious texts that are often dismissed in modern society but your talk does tell me there's something 'in it'.
I didn't know I had been sexually abused until my therapist told me I had. My mother treated me like a spouse/caretaker after my father passed. I was forced to wash her back, clip her toenails, pluck her facial hairs, and she grabbed my hand when she was topless and forced me to place my hand where she'd had a mastectomy.
I am so sorry you experienced that. Thank you very much for your fantastic presentation! You did it marvelously!!
Thank you so much for making this video!! This is so validating!! Your so brave and generous to talk about this in order to help people!! 🙏✊🔥
Can you please do a video on sexual abuse of daughters by mothers?
This IS weird. & uncomfortable. & I think that's what makes it SO important & SO valuable. I clicked out of curiosity I guess. I research a lot of serious topics & sadly I come across SA info/stories in all of them. I know a lot for a non professional & have gone into the darkest of rabbit holes. I only bring that up because this made me notice something. I think most tend to research things beginning at the point where they were first introduced to them & then continue to go deeper & deeper til we reach what seems to be the end. It never really occurred to me to look the 'other way' also, at what is going on at the earlier stages or from less talked about perspectives/points of view. This has opened my eyes not only to that but to the realization that all the things you grow up hearing/ seeing regarding these 'inappropriate' behaviors & scenarios that we usually refer to as weird/ creepy/ inappropriate, etc are actually forms of sexual abuse. When you really think about them/ hear the stories, it's easy to see, but I think that's the problem... for various reasons most aren't really thinking about or talking about these less obvious forms of abuse. We have formed an idea over time of what we consider abuse... we draw a line in the sand so to speak & anything beyond that line is obviously abuse but all of these other 'non physical' things on the other side rarely get any attention & since they are uncomfortable most of us are content to keep it that way & will dismiss them as weird/off & since no one's really talking about these things we can avoid having to really face them & the possibility that they may be more than just the awkward/ uncomfortable memories we've swept under the rug long ago. I didn't expect to gain so much from this short video. It takes courage to address these things in the blurry areas of life. We've got to start talking about uncomfortable things if we ever wish to see change. That is the abusers most powerful tool. If you take a fragile victim & add guilt, shame, confusion & manipulation to the mix it's almost guaranteed they won't have the courage to bring up things that most people are already uncomfortable talking about. We don't like being uncomfortable & will usually avoid it if we have the option. Feels better at the time but ultimately causes more discomfort in the long run. This is how we make change... right here. It only takes one guy (or gal) with something to say & tha courage to say it. 👏👏👏
I remember being startled when as a child my uncle & aunt would run from bathroom to bedroom completely naked in front of their children, no one else. Never understood what they were doing but it caused complete silence among their two children and myself. I found it inexplicable as they were quite conservative traditional people, but now I suspect it was to sexually intimidate & it succeeded. Needless to say, they've stopped all that now. Now it's just normal dysfunction.
Very articulate review of this difficult situation. You can be of great help to others who find themselves in the same position. Wishing you well and healing
Thank you for posting this second video to clarify your first one and to educate us parents on the things that we should watch out for in order to have healthy relationships with our children. We can only learn what we are taught, and it's especially difficult if we were raised in abusive households with poor boundaries ourselves. I have to admit that the first video triggered me a little because it made me doubt whether I am behaving in a healthy way towards my son - we are very nonchalant about nudity in general and I do educate my children about puberty, sex, relationships etc. Thankfully, this video clarifies a lot to me and it has reassured me in many ways. I found it useful because it has also made me aware that I will should take a closer look at the way I engage with my children when discussing certain subjects - I speak to my daughter (11) and my son (nearly 9) together, and my daughter is very engaged and asks questions etc; however, lately I have noticed that my son is receptive only to certain topics (he loves talking about puberty in boys/girls) but gets a bit fidgety for others (sex/relationships). Perhaps if he is not comfortable I should only discuss these topics with my daughter for now. A video on how to speak to children in a more appropriate way would be helpful!
I am surprised at the popularity of the first video
Why?
@@seekonlytruth512 That is the question, why is it popular? Is it because it's a scandalous topic, or maybe it's the fruit of some nebulous You Tube algorithm or is it because many people genuinely resonate with that video enough to watch it all the way through like and share it. I wonder since it is one of the outliers on this channel.
Sayo Manzini I think because we never talk about this.
Bizzare statement. Probably a narc.
porn is so sad and damaging, i watched a video on porn addicts male and female, they all felt depressed and some suicidal, also they felt very detached from relationships with family, friends, co - workers etc... and got therapy and stopped watching porn and began to feel better
Thank you for sharing Daniel. I know it's a tough story to share.
In french there are two seperate terms: l'inceste et l'incestuel. The first being physical sexual acts and the second being about emotional incest.
This was very helpful for me! Thank you 😊🦋
It was good to explain specific ways of the abuse so we could understand. It will help people know what is abuse and to set boundaries.
Mr. Mackler, I am totally projecting onto you -- but you are such a Daddy.
Thank you for sharing. This was so horrible and uncomfortable to hear but really eye opening.
Thank you for this!! This will definitely help me help others in finding their inner healing. I definitely know what you meant about their eyes and tone of voice changing! God bless you!
Please to a video like this about fathers and daughters. It would be so incredibly helpful to have you talking about all the ways of sexual abuse without touch being involved.
Thank you a lot for being so specific and direct and for being so curageous to speak these things out lout that most people don´t even dare to think about. I could find myself a lot in this and I agree with you and not lots others that it´s more about the sexualized energy than about the touch per se, even though I was touched, though not violently in a physical way and on the arse and they know how weird my mum is sometimes and most agree that it´s screwed up, but not necessarily would people accept when I say this was sexual abuse and thank you for saying it so I don´t feel all alone with my opinion torturing myself because "I´m dramatizing it and should just forget about it" that´s the worst, really. I am still 80% feelingless around my hip and get panic attacks when she creeps into my building and rings the doorbell, but yea, sure, that´s no stalking. Just my mother. And I also found it very interesting that you talked about "how her eyes changed" and her "motivation" and I cannot say what a relief it is to me that other ppl also consider this as a part of it. I call it "creature" and who knows, right? It´s like it´s not even the same person and the horrible thing is with two thirds of the abused ppl I know (not so many) including myself "inherit" this creature after being abused. You learn this different mode of being and a screwed up kind of pseudosexuality and it´s scary. Because you knew how to do it yourself and if you are not really conscious (and if you have to repress to survive well how are you gonna do that?) you are going to act out in some way or another maybe on yourself, maybe on others and I think that´s even worse than the memory of the abuse itself. What monster could you become, I certainly did, but I will regain my healthy being, because I really, really want to. What I didn´t get towards the end so much was (maybe because you didn´t go into detail there, understandable considering other ppl were involved) was: Is it really all bad asking your children about their relationships and if they are kissing or more? Because I think you also need to monitor a little bit if your children aren´t going into something they can´t be ready for yet and say like if you have a 12yr old boy and you see him exchange sexual glances with a 13yr old girl, they both problably don´t know what they are doing and if they are about to have sex that age, well, Jesus, you should check for that and stop them and how are you going to if you can´t ask? Now, I understand, that YOUR parents were everything but good people to talk about sex and you felt you needed to keep them out of it as much as you could and that´s a healthy response and so did I, but I think it came about a little unclear.
Thank you for sharing. I can't imagine what you went through. This video was really useful for me (and I guess for many others also).
Hi Daniel, again I can relate word-for-word with this very appreciated (and graciously surprising) follow-up. Your channel really helps me process things more positively. Thanks :)
It was very brave of you to share this, I'm sorry for what you have been through
There’s not a day that goes by that the sexual violation I experienced from my mom does not enter my thoughts... it is always there....always
Im so sorry
This is so validating. Thank you for sharing even though it's so hard to do
My friend asked me how to answer her daughters questions about where babies come from and what I said was that you answer only the questions asked and in an age appropriate way.
this video and part 1 are some of my favorite videos, but one thing is just, there's nothing sexual about periods, I don't know how anyone who gets them could think of them in a sexualized way. they hurt terribly, we're taught to feel gross and ashamed of ourselves and we feel it's unfair we have to go through that every month. society treats women as sex objects so to men periods are traumatizing, disgusting things that shouldn't be talked about but honestly it's just a part of life and it's not sexy to us at all. I don't know if your mother got off on talking about her vaginal anatomy or something and I'm not invalidating your feelings, I don't think mothers should be sharing it with little children as young as 0 - 10 but like I said, it's not a sex thing and we shouldn't have to keep it to ourselves like a dirty secret, it's just a cycle of life. it should be shared with you like education when you go into puberty like it is to girls. but when I got taught about it in 5th grade we were told to never ever discuss this with boys, always make sure they have no idea you're going through this, they said men shouldn't have to hear about this because we're supposed to be objects of desire. it's extremely oppressive.
Loox, I actually agree with you -- and thanks for sharing this. The thing with my mother is that she shared about periods not only when I was quite young (maybe five or six years old or earlier) but also in a context of her periods being something private between her and me. And she also connected them to sex and sexuality, because she talked about them with me in relation to her and my father having sex, etc. When I was a child she also shared with me about other women (and girls) I knew getting their period -- things I had no business knowing about. So she didn't share about them in a neutral way, and that was a real disservice to me. After having done a lot of healing (and getting far away from her), I now find that periods are just a neutral thing, not weird or strange or sexualized, just part of life. If I'd been raised more appropriately I think they would have been that way from a lot earlier in my life... greetings--Daniel
Daniel Mackler thanks for the great reply 💛
@@chicklynx :) :)
Thanks for sharing, Daniel! It's important to know about this too. It's not widely-known and it's important to know about it to prevent it, just like it's important to know about other ways of sexual abuse of children, including physical one.
My mother pretty much did all of the above. I also remember a scene when I was a teenager
and my father and I were both standing naked in front of her. She touched my father's penis asked permission to touch mine - supposedly to compare girth - a permission which I unfortunately gave. Massive boundary violations.
😓😢 this is sad am so sorry about what happened to you..mothers are meant to be a safe place
Someone I know was sexually abused by his mother and the abuse was so severe it makes my abuse seem like nothing and he has been abused by just about everyone who was supposed help. Or protect him. Even to the day and I dont know where to go for help he has no peace and I'm the only person he can trust what do I do
Are you still looking? Would you like to know some resources that i believe are good?