I know it very personaly. Also got that label. From that time I now realize was cured as only idiot and problematic person uncopable to take this into my heart. Well thay managed neverthless. My psyche is so much demaged and full of hate as never befor. I stood up for my DG is not this. JUst to whatever do to not be treated as "ashole" on every psychiatric ocasion before i even open my quite mouth just a bit.
I agree with this, but I also think we become reactively abusive and manipulative, although with very little actual malice or self-awareness. We show up in a wounded way, from a wounded place, and while I think understanding WHY we are the way we are is super important, it shouldn’t ever be held onto as a way to avoid accountability for our sometimes awful behaviors and the harm we do to others in our chaos. Being abused in childhood doesn’t give us the right to turn our partners into the parents we never had and hold them hostage with our outbursts. It doesn’t excuse the harm we do to our own selves either. Empathy for the inner child that was abused and/or neglected is crucial. But so is accountability. Speaking only from my own experience of course.
There are now posters at our local hospital and urgent care telling you that "non-compliance" with your caretaker's commands is abuse. Way to manipulate your patients, huh? How about refusing to give your patients their more "enjoyable" prescribed medications, (for whatever reasons), which has happened to me repeatedly over the years. They ALWAYS cover their behinds
I grew up with 2 narcissistic parents. When I finally sought therapy, my therapist never diagnosed me but sent me on a dialectic behavioural therapy course and it gave me some great insights and tools to help me change my toxic thinking and self-destructive behaviour. Looking back now, I can see I suffered from many borderline symptoms, when I was really just traumatised.
I think of stray dogs. Usually people have more patience with mistreated dogs that need a new home than we do with humans who have been mistreated. We know that dogs need a lot of time and effort to be able to trust humans again, but we rarely give people this time and patience to heal. Its sad. More people should know about this.
Unfortunately, if you take one into your life and pay the excruciatingly high emotional cost - you will find that there is nothing you can do to heal them. The dog is a far better bet...
@@brianmarshall3931 Yeah... Its not easy for sure. Maybe our human language gets in the way sometimes too. These stray people can say the most hurtful things to try and keep you away. While stray dogs would simply bite you. I was mostly referring to staff in psychiatry here though
You raise a great point. What would be the proper setting or venue for those people? A group home? A rehab facility? An outpatient program? Structure? I’m no expert. Mark Twain had an interesting quote - “You take a stray dog in, you feed it, shelter it and give it a home and it will be loyal to you for the rest of your life. You take a stray man in , you feed him, shelter him, and give him a home, he’ll steal your wife and then kill you.”
@@foryourspirit3995 Yeah I don't know. But I've seen awesome therapists work wonders with people that didn't even speak. Sometimes by just sitting beside them, giving them time. Maybe they were totally psychotic too. It's about trust and there's no magic formula for that I suppose.
@@markdouglas1601 The term personality disorder is a joke. What does it even mean? That the entire personality is disordered? Personality is identity, does it mean someones identity is a disorder? If a person has a problem that impacts behaviour, like unregulated emotions, then unregulated emotions is the problem, not the personality. Making someone believe there's something fundamentally wrong with them doesn't solve problems, it causes more problems.
@@krystle8534 what is personality if it isnt behavior and emotions? Most clients are relieved when a therapist is able to put a name to what is going on with them. They are aware something is off..you have to know what's wrong in order to fix it
@@krystle8534 an when you consider that theres standard traits to disorders that everyone within that disorder exhibits..its not like it's a made up. Acting like it doesnt exist to spare feelings because "personality disorder" sounds offensive is a problem
It is the darndest thing that BPD is considered ego synthonic, when so many of the people diagnosed as such have self hatred and intense emotions and fears. It does not make sense.
Yeah. Also the whole concept of mood disorders is misleading. It really seems like (usually) a natural response to trauma/ being rejected/ disowned, etc. either very intensely in the past &/or persistently. Of course said person is going to be (at least sometimes, when not numb/ major depressive) hyper-sensitive, mood swings, trust issues, etc. It's just people who have been Very fortunate usually say "oh well they're acting weird, they aren't right, so they must be ill/ must be a chemical imbalance" 😆 can't help but laugh at it, but it really seems true. Some people are completely controlled by their emotional self, some can move in and out of it. When stressed, I mean it's inevitable or at least very likely the emotional mind will take over. But yeah, ultimately yep everyone reacts differently, some may think it's mostly their fault, some may blame the system, some may be sometimes proud of it, or not at all, etc.
I was looking for that comment! So true, everyone with bpd will say they are suffering from it... I get it with narcissism but borderline, hell nah... self harm, depression, anxiety, unstable emotions, clearly not fun for anyone and only someone who is severely disconnected from understanding it and judging from a very narrow mind would ever say that.
@@Dani-lc9hqi think it comes from the nature that these behaviors are (and have been their whole lives) essentially coping mechanisms for their traumas, and they translate these traumatic experiences (and in turn their coping mechanisms) to other experiences they have in life.
I was diagnosed with BPD after being interviewed by a psychiatrist for 10 minutes. He never found out that I was in a cult and that is why there were some results that seem to fit the criteria. Of course, I had no respect for this doctor after this. Who really had the problem?
Right? Unbelievable. I get that though the last church I was at I was telling the elder I was dating, “doesn’t Christianity seem like a cult?” I just kept adding everything up.Yet I’m still a Christian. Lol! Only reason why I still love the church is because everyone is kind there and the pastor and his wife love well. But I still wonder if it’s a cult because of all the rules they place when you join the church. 🤔
Psyches just want to push big pharma s drugs. They get kickbacks to do this, and it’s their way out of not having to actually do any work to resolve the problems. So never trust them, and never believe them.
Going no contact with my abusers (parents) after 3 years, plus working by myself in healing, has helped me to stop reacting and being in defense mode. So, all of my conducts that match criterias like border, ocd and cptsd has vanished and im able to respond in a functional and calm way, Im even becoming more femenine as I used to be when I was a little girl. That is why I also think its not a disorder, its a natural reaction to keep you alive when you live in a war zone created by people you love and trust.
A good therapist can really help, working with oneself is necessary but so is having an objective to help clarify things and point out possible blind spots.
Same for me. I just went no contact to someone who knows my abusers. I just don’t want to go down that path of being bullied again. No contact is the best
But this natural reaction often becomes a disorder in the "normal outside world". The very fact that you adapt so quickly in healthier conditions might speak against the "D" in BPD in your case.
shout out to all the people diagnosed with everything under the sun including bpd, but end up really just having PTSD and/or autism. Those seems to be very common medical pathways people go through
Yup, I have PTSD and a childhood autism dx, yet one really bad psychologist I saw years ago tried to diagnose me with BPD despite that. Turns out she never bothered to tell me that she didn't get my old medical records even though I told her I'd have them fax them over. They were indeed sent to her so I wonder if she just throw them away and didn't even look at them...I think she just wanted to dx BPD because she didn't like me. Who knows. But she completely shattered my trust in psychology. i haven't seen another therapist since
I think the goal is not to learn to trust people or others. The goal is to: 1. Accept that the people in your childhood were not trustworthy. This is hard 2. Work on trusting yourself and becoming trustworthy to yourself. We internalized that backstabbing person. All we need to do is to learn to trust ourselves by doing the things, for us, our parents wouldn't. Things like, taking the time to sit with our unpleasant feelings when our parents taught us to run from them.
We have a rational brain and a survival brain which has a name I forgot what they call it limbic or something the survival brain is controlling us or overriding the rational critical thinking brain that's why Freud thought unconscious is more important than conscious feelings kinda the same thing
Someone with Borderline is not able to trust herself. There are no structures that would allow it. Three quotes from an actual individual that might illustrate that a bit: "How can I trust myself, when I made so many errors?" "Everything I did in my life turned out to be wrong". "There are tendencies within me that tear in all directions, but in all that, I am nowhere to be found". They don't have a base on which they can build anything.
I have been diagnosed borderline. My family knows this so it’s always thrown in my face. I can’t even express how I feel without being told it’s not real. It’s ridiculous
I can imagine that, I was told how everything I'm feeling wasn't real all the time without a diagnosis... imagine cutting someone and then telling them they shouldn't be bleeding... people just don't realize when it comes to emotions... Healing myself from all the abuse and gaslighting I learned that the number one thing to do is to validate my emotions... that's really what it takes to release, "no you're not crazy, those emotions are completely valid," to the inner child... if that's how we would have been treated we wouldn't have developed such extreme emotions in the first place.
Yeah, if your family throws it in your face you are double whamied (didn't know the correct word for doubly hit). Your family of origin caused the problem and now they use it against you! Real helpful, real supportive. It shows you what the problem was/is. Get away from them. They should bring you into their arms and rock you and tell you we love you; we are sorry. They shouldn't do the "I told you so" dance.
People abuse info they have about you. It is wrong. There is a way to show support and within that framework help a person struggling with these issues. But when someone throws it at you as a way of putting you in your place, of one upping you, of denigrating and demeaning you, it says a lot about the person doing it. It is so hard to tell anyone you are struggling with any psychological problem if they are going to use it to control you. It is as if you no longer are entitled to be part of the dialogue about who you are and what happens to you. Someone else gets to decide for you. They have decided you are less intelligent, etc.
Ask them to go to family therapy with you. If they don't then you can proceed to remind them of how they've refused to co-operate & are hiding things...
@@Dani-lc9hq Are you over 40? The reason I ask is because you don't write in sentences and use a bunch of ellipsis marks (the three or four periods in a row). I've read that kids nowadays see that as a "boomer alert." I'm over 40, and I have never written like that.
On PTSD: I had an EMDR therapist scold me for referring to myself as a "traumatized person" because she thought the label put me in a limiting box. EMDR Is literally a modality to treat PTSD. You can never win.
That person doesn't seem to respect the reality of how people change. There are reasons for who and how we all are. Maybe bring this up. If they even take any pride in you getting your problems solved and moving on in your life.
That sounds like countertransference. Like that’s the therapist throwing their own trauma or unresolved issues back at you for whatever reason. I’ve noticed that some therapists are not very sympathetic towards any kind of person dealing with learned helplessness or even legitimate helplessness, despite the reasoning behind how the client may have gotten to that point.
@@loanicastillo3327 I'm not in a box but thank you. Acknowledging that I've been traumatized is not a box. My therapist also had that low key new age victim blaming element to what she said.
@@MyraMabry She often seemed triggered by my shadow side that came out during EMDR and would lecture me about how I was wrong lol, rather than let me come to conclusions on my own. It was very distracting. So yeah she definitely threw a lot of her issues back at me. For the record, I knew that the shadow self was wrong but I was trying to heal it!
This is a great analysis. I had this diagnosis at 14 and was sent to a fascility (troubled teen industry). This was after years and years of being traumatized by my abusive parents yet I was labelled as the problem and the solution was to put me in this place where I was being fully controlled, humiliated and abused even more. Now I am on my thirdies and just beginning to understand what actually happened. It is such a relief to realize that I was actually the victim and the real villains were my parents. So happy I cut ties with them & chose healing instead of life-long sentence of licking their butts
Paris Hilton was in one of those facilities also parents do this because they don’t know how to parent most teens do the whole drinking and partying thing and parents try so hard to control. I rebelled when I was in my 20’s when living with my father. Funny this is that my brother is the golden child now and my half sister is perfect lol while I’m the black sheep oh well
I went through the same and now in my 20's fully realizing the extent of the abuse from parents and professionals alike. They were teammates in the abuse. Wishing you the very best healing.
thank u soooo much for this video!! i've been diagnosed with bpd by abusive mental health professionals and it made me so much worse. they claimed i had something wrong with me biologically. how ridiculous is that? my family is severely abusive. the bpd diagnosis protected them. professionals diagnosed me with bpd bc they didnt give a fuck about me and they were too lazy to acknowledge that my family hurt me extremely severely. psychiatry is cruel, lazy, ridiculous and heartless.
@@mariahconklin4150 yep i've been doing the inner work and finding good qualified competent therapists (online) along the way but the chunk of it is on my own and it's been turning out just fine.. wonderful actually.
Maybe we should judge badly people who manipulate, lie, hurt and completely destroy lives of other people. Covering it by calling them 'happy rainbow people' won't help. In few years HRP will be as "stigmatizing" as BPD. Because it didn't change the underlying evilness of BPD people. It doesn't matter if it's intentional or they were victim in their childhood. Their victims care what they do to them.. now.
It disgusts me how common it is that people employed in a profession that's intended to treat people of their health problems tend to use their power to condemn their patients as undeserving of care. It makes me absolutely sick. Thank you for having compassion.
Daniel you're definitely one of the most intelligent people I've ever come across. I love the way you deconstruct what a lot of doctors and clients never question.
When the majority of BPD diagnoses are women who others have been abused or mistreated, you have to question the validity. Every abusive man I know has said their wives/ex wives has BPD. Ridiculous
Exactly. Abusers never get diagnosed, because they do not suffer. They are clearly disturbed, but hey, abusers love to call the victim crazy. It always works in their defense.
@@altenberg-greifensteinmy ex has ADHD and so does my brother. Both are somewhat narcissistic. I always would stand up for myself and they can’t take it 😂 yea woman can be abusive but it’s mostly men it seems. Way too controlling it sad.
Or you’ll have that case where the man murdered his three kids and the enabling father. Guy just snaps on everyone I never understood why people get married or have kids if they have control issues I do at times and this is why I don’t have kids nor am married I don’t want any of that I’m happy as is
Johnny Depp did this to Amber Heard! That psychologist Depp hired signed an agreement stating she would diagnose Amber with BPD almost a year before meeting Amber! Abusers love labeling their exes as crazy and stupid people believe the abusers nearly every time.
I was diagnosed with BPD back in the 9th grade and all of my therapists and psychologists since then have verified that that is what is going on in my head. I was a neglected and abused kid. I don't have a personality disorder I just learned to think and react differently due to the circumstances I grew up in. Funny how they all say I have this disorder but none of them ever help me with my symptoms in a meaningful way. I still have no clue who I am, I still split over minor things, I still go absolutely numb for months at at time every now and then. I don't know where to go because every time I get a new doctor to work with they see my diagnosis and treat me based on that disorder, not on what I'm actually feeling and why I feel it. In the past I received some treatment for psychosis and cPTSD and thats the only time any psychiatric care has actually done anything for me. The system? Wack. The teaching programs? Wack. The way we look at psychiatric issues from a professional standpoint? Wack. A bitch just want's to be okay.
"the way you react to things is wrong and extreme" Okay Karen you try being assaulted up until the age of 5 by an older male relative and then YOU try to go through your life without doing everything you can to avoid that situation again or even memories of that situation again.
I was severely bullied at school and partly bullied by family members growing up, was diagnosed with BPD at 18, my therapist didn't want to put me on medication so they told me to exercise and eat better, did some CBT and DBT that really helped me. Anyways I ended up going overboard with the exercise and fell down another hole of eating disordered bullshit. Last time I saw a doctor I specifically asked and told them that I need a dietician / help with my eating disorder and she said "I think you have borderline personality disorder and we will treat it accordingly" which was horrible and invalidating for me, because my ED has nothing to do with it. I've always been a bigger person who's struggled with weight/ my appearance before I was "acting out" and being "problematic" . I'm aware they both go hand in hand but calling me emotionally unstable because nobody can treat me with respect and I won't tolerate being treated like shit is pretty fucking invalidating.
@@goroakechi3593 Find the dietitian on your own. And research, research, research! You can "fix" a lot of problems if you have a choice of solutions...
Okay so basically you are my long lost twin hahaha.... you just took the words outta my mouth and yes.... a biatch just wants to be okay. Hope that life gets better for you!!! I actually found isolating myself works whilst I slowly work on myself.... I research stuff on internet and mostly youtube. I found hypnotherapy (most from youtube so its free) whilst I sleep, listening to frequency (again youtube) sounds, listening to positive affirmations constantly or meditation music, yoga (with Adrianne), and taking responsibility for everything in my life , oh and staying away from relationships or casual relationships and watching stuff on manifesting and building a relationship with the creator in a universal, esoteric way... I also found it really good to make rules for myself around interacting with other humans (such as keeping my anger to myself and trying not to lash out or stay away from people who trigger me), setting up simple boundaries such as people arent allowed to visit me without calling first (very simple). Also, in regards to traumatic relationships in my past I try to find three main things that were good about the people involved and I only think about that.... it helps me to only see the good in all that has happened and then I only invite that into my current. It doesnt take away from whatever they did that was wrong to me.... I would not allow it into my life ever again but forgivness is def the key.
If all therapists followed these views, the world would have a healthier mental outlook. Locking humans up, sticking on labels, telling people how they're defective and handing them medications..... has never made anyone better. Again, another video from you that has made me understand myself better and most of the people around me. Much love from alberta. Belinda...
That goes for mainstream healthcare and treatment of almost anything you can think of, not just mental disorders. It shows that we live in a sick insane society...how improper and out of balance things are. People used to shun and isolate people with leprosy before we truly understood it and how to treat it. It’s a sickness of humanity...when it comes to anything unknown, we don’t seem to have the wisdom and intelligence to respond appropriately.
I was diagnosed with C-PTSD and don't behave anything like people diagnosed with BPD do. There are lots of videos by psychiatrists/psychologists discussing the differences between C/PTSD and BPD. There may be some overlap, but they remain distinctly different disorders. You can also have comorbid disorders--BPD and PTSD simultaneously, which applies to many BPD people if they experienced trauma.
NKN112011 Psychologist here. And yes, I am a psychologist who was diagnosed with CPTSD and changed career paths after severe abuse. Just because you don’t personally behave similarly, doesn’t mean that BPD and CPTSD aren’t very similar. One person with anxiety will act completely different than another-or a person diagnosed with depression, Bipolar disorder, ect. can have varying behaviors. Many in the psych field don’t understand BPD very well. There is so much misinformation on this disorder. That’s why Daniel Mackler hit the nail on the head. People diagnosed with BPD come from trauma and are having a post traumatic stress response to horrific trauma. It’s VERY common for women to be misdiagnosed with BPD for this reason. I could continue, but saying that you don’t behavior similarly, is not enough evidence to say that CPTSD and BPD are not essentially the same. There is also a lot of information out there agreeing with this perspective, ie this video.
@@saraH-yu1mx yes I happen to agree with you. Many so called "disorders" stem from trauma. They manifest differently in everyone. At this point there is no proof that they are not all the same thing, and have simply been renamed to distinguish one constellation of symptoms from another. All roads lead to Rome in my opinion. Thank you for your comment.
@@saraH-yu1mx There are a number of mental health professionals, including TH-camrs Dr. Todd Grande and Dr. Tracey Marks, who see PTSD, C-PTSD, and BPD as distinct disorders. They may acknowledge there is some overlap, but they argue there are significant differences. For one, not all people with BPD experienced childhood abuse or betrayal trauma, and many people with PTSD or C-PTSD do not have BPD traits. (C-PTSD isn't even an official disorder in the US.) I used myself as an example, but I did not say I was basing my argument just on my personal experience. In addition, there is research indicating that BPD has a genetic component. This is another way BPD stands out from people who have experienced trauma generally. I suspect the push to argue that BPD is just a trauma disorder is because BPD has a stigma that PTSD or C-PTSD don't. Moreover, implying that everyone with BPD has suffered trauma downplays the abuse that some people with BPD inflict on others. Finally, as I mentioned, someone with BPD can also have PTSD or C-PTSD, which may be why you were misdiagnosed. But certainly not every person with BPD does, and there is research that backs this up.
Societal Betrayal : that's what has happened in my entire life yet most folks have been betrayers. I basically have had to put myself back together again. I really appreciate your position with regard to BPD.
Yes, exactly. PTSD and Borderline are interchangeable diagnoses. I also agree that the diagnosis is cruel especially when you consider the damage done to them. I think a mental health professional who uses this diagnosis is 'borderline' cruel.
To be fair, PTSD diagnosis doesn't account for the dark triad traits borderlines often display, such as manipulation, playing the victim, and acting out maliciously. There is a reason why borderlines were originally classed in the same category of personality disorders along with antisocial personality and narcissistic personality.
I went to the hospital and was accused of "attention seeking." I was afraid I might hurt myself, but had no plans so, but wanted to get stabilized for the night and thus "attention seeking." A rude nurse told me about the notes for idk why cause now I really don't want to seek help
Cynthia Baker are you trolling or? Saying that someone seeking hospital care when they're afraid for their emotional well being "histrionic" or "attention seeking" is pretty gross. I already am fearful of seeking care as it is.
Cynthia Baker it sounded like you were saying I was and if I was upset at your comment I am thus histrionic. I guess I don't entirely get your comment then- can you clarify?
Darcy Royce thank you. I'm so glad you got help! At this point I'm staying away from insurance. I'll be seeking out of pocket and I hope I can find someone helpful!
Cynthia Baker you were not on that call. I needed to speak to a crisis councilor, he was incredibly critical and gaslighting when he was just suppose to transfer me to a crisis councilor's. I've never had a nurse drill me when I was in emotional crisis so I could get transferred to a crisis councilor's. Even the crisis councilor's said he was awful and I cannot believe you're using the appeal to authority fallacy to justify someone's insensitive behavior.
Thanks Kim. I appreciate it. I think, however, that mental health professionals could learn best if they listened more to their clients and less to their pre-ordained theories.
I tried getting psychiatric help for seven years, and my symptoms just got progressively worse as the years went by, most likely because of all the doctors telling me how crazy and "unwilling to cooperate" I was. It wasn't like the psychiatrists treated me like shit which might've been the reason I was so "unwilling"! Plus the psych meds didn't help. But then I saw one of your videos, and it planted a seed that has grown so rapidly in just half a year. No psychiatrists have ever been close to how you have helped me. You validated my feelings, telling me that, in fact, I wasn't batshit insane, and made me actually want to learn healthier behaviours - for myself. Before I had always felt like I needed to "get better" in order to be seen as less of a nutjob, but I want to heal for myself now, and I'm not some lunatic and I never was and never will be. I don't think healing really has a final destination, it's a lifelong thing, but just by you telling me that I'm not crazy has made me finally feel like I *genuinely* deserve a healthier and 'better' life, and makes me want to try to begin healing my traumas. Thank you.
Telling you that you are "unwilling to cooperate" is code for them being frustrated with you not allowing them to abuse you and otherwise violate your boundaries. It's easier for them to scapegoat their clients when they prove inept at truly helping. Most therapists suck hard.
Excellent comment! I don't think there's any such thing as NORMAL! If everyone was perfectly robotically perfect it'd be the most boring world. If you look at most really great movies, the behaviors of the lead characters are usually some form of very high emotions! People needn't be pigeon holed!
I’m studying to become a clinical psychologist and to be quite candid when I read about BPD and the prevalence rates etc., I felt like this “disorder” is the modern-day “hysteria” of Freudian era. Yes it is a stigmatizing & insulting diagnosis and from what I’ve heard even clinicians in private practice *avoid* taking on someone with this label. How is it consistent with our credo of “do no harm” to give someone a diagnosis that will limit their care in the future?! As a person who migrated to this country, I believe that all these labels only exist to satisfy “insurance” requirements of the US “health care” system. If we moved to a model of universal free healthcare, we wouldn’t need this and be able to treat clients as a WHOLE PERSON seeking healing!
Except, in Canada, we have healthcare, though not full mental health care. Same problems here. Except if you end up in a mental health team which is covered (a psych and a caseworker), they will torment you and you can’t really just leave. Well I haven’t tried because of abusive parents but my impression is that they refuse to just let you go. They want to squash you no matter what. When I finally lost it once because if listening to one psych go and on about ridiculous bs and finally the last straw. He immediately said we’re not a good fit and then eventually pushed me onto a new psych who is worse than him. I’ve since had issues with her but she hasn’t transferred me so I’m guessing they are trying to control me and she’s their best option. I wish I could just leave. But it really feels like I’m stuck with this stupid team who has only ever made me worse. And traumatized me a million times. Each session feels like a huge ordeal and I literally explode in relief when it’s over. I dunno but my point is, the same shit happens here.
Insurance, meaning money, drives so much of life. These issues are complicated and we all need to give our stories to the learning process. Don't give up. You have a perspective that is needed to drive change. It may not happen in your lifetime but let's hope we will eventually make better sense of all of this.
Well explained. The etiology of such behavior is terrible trauma and violations. Kindness is never wasted. Thank you for sharing your professional experiences. I learned something.
@Archie from Brighton Absolutely !! Yes, one has to be very careful not to go along or be an enabler or reward bad behavior, it can be tricky. I'm with you 100%.
26 years ago I was diagnosed with DID. But, there were no doctors who treated tag in Louisiana, at the time. A few years later I was with another therapist, mine retired and then I had BPD. Forward to last weekend. I went with a long time friend to visit a friend who was suffering from mental health issue and had abandoned herself. My friend warned me about the state of her home. I walked in to find my last therapist the one who said I had BPD. Now my life NEVER WENT THAT LOW! It was shocking to me. She did not recognize, nor know me. Thank God! She is now in a hospital and abusing on all who locked her up! Just unreal! Thank God I chose painting art on furniture to move on from the death of My husband and 3 year old toddler in 1998. I had to survive for my other 4 children. I never remarried. I am now 66 and the healthiest and happiest and poorest of my friends. Thank God something within me said I could move forward if I focused on other things, instead of the heart ache! Labels kill the self, denial kills the self. Give yourself some love via a new hobby, it truly worked for me. Blessings to all
A lot of therapists are really sick themselves. I have DID It’s basically fancy ptsd My life will be better if I focus on living it and not labels Good for you! ❤
it's from not getting our needs met by our parents at an early age. We hate them but we need them. The solution is to abandon our parents, externally and internally. We cannot help our parents and they don't even want it; we need to move on, on our own. Always remind ourselves that our feelings about them are our biggest area for work and growth.
I had a friend tell me she was diagnosed with BPD. And she didn’t continue therapy, and her therapist also told her she was over reacting to her trauma so that makes sense what sort of therapist it was.
I am halfway through my MSW and I have realized I don't want to be a clinical therapist. As you bring up, it is so messed up on so many levels (no thanks to the for profit medicine garbage). I can state how messed up it is. On my first intake with a psychologist to receive an assessment for adult ADHD, the psychologist screamed at me and was violent because she wanted to know what my clinical speciality was going to be, and I made the mistake of telling her that I was not going to be a social worker, but I would finish my degree. She accused me of being selfish, of stealing a seat at my university from a more deserving student, of stealing scholarship money, and how I should be ashamed of myself. This at an intake! I made a report to the board, though I doubt it will amount to anything. I didn't steal a seat - my university is open; if you aren't decomposing you will get in. I didn't steal scholarship money - I have a local state scholarship for being a war veteran, met the strict criteria for it, and I have a 3.7 GPA. There is no law, rule or regulation that says I have to be a social worker after graduation. I can go sell cotton candy if I want, my life and my decision. People like this shrink made me realize the mistake I made becoming a social work student. I should have gone for my MBA.
I fell in love with a young man when I was sixteen he was a nineteen-year-old psychology student. His dad was a g p so it seemed like a natural thing for him to go into I thought it was a noble thing mostly I just loved him he was my long-haired hippie boyfriend sensitive type of guy very intelligent but I would have been perfectly happy if you would have done something else it ruined my life and it ruin here's I guess I shouldn't say that it was his choice. He was much more selfish than I knew and he wanted the big career and a prestige in the money that came with it me on the other hand I thought maybe that was because he was altruistic but he wasn't he put his career before me and he strung me along for a year after he asked me to marry him I broke up with him but I love him too much and stayed best friends with him for 24 years but what happened was it took 12 years for him to get that PhD in Psychology and three extra years of goofing around at another University just for I don't know what but anyways finally he took a job as a federal prison psychologist just for the ease of it the pension the automatic job. He hated it he hated it so bad that when I asked him how it was his new job he said he cried himself to sleep every night woke up crying having nightmares every night discontinued probably at least 6 months or more I begged him to quit but he wouldn't quit. When he first told me he was going to take that he was thinking about taking that job I said no that job is not for you you are too sensitive and his mother said the same thing he should have listened to us years went by and he still hated the job I tried to get him to quit but he wouldn't quit I still loved him after 20 years and still wanted to marry him but we were too old to have children then. Then he ghosted me there's more to the story but shame on him he was just like his dad he physically looked like his dad and he had his dad's personality his mother even said it to me that he was selfish like his dad I thought it was all about being altruistic and wanting to help people but it wasn't he just wanted to be some big thing and make money and put his career before me well he really had one horrible career to me you don't go to college for 15 years to do something you absolutely hate. He was a straight-A student to. Oh yeah I may add a few years after I broke up with him I fell in love with another young man he was too young though younger than I still had a few years of prep school left his mother wanted him to be a doctor because she taught medical terminology and was married to the Chief of Staff of a nearby teaching University this boyfriend had dyslexia and really could barely read and I told him absolutely no don't even try to be, doctor I had to tell him the truth you don't read well enough yet and you probably never will and that was true I said it would be horribly hard for you believe me I've been engaged to be married to somebody University is really hard to give you a lot to read you don't want to be a doctor you won't have a life I said pick a nice four-year degree of something like business business the Arts whatever you want to do but just make it a four-year degree you're the marrying kind you're the kind that wants marriage and children he was he couldn't wait to get married was fantasizing like a woman about a church wedding he was a real nice man anyways I gave him the best advice and he took it I don't think he took it because of me I think it just came out that way but I knew what was best for him I never got to see him again he went to Upstate around Buffalo and I went back to Houston but 10 years later he married and had his first child and he is still married and has a good life. I loved him and I gave him good advice.
When I was around 18 -19 I developed a kind of weird online "friendship" with a much older man from the US(a therapist, who also taught at a reputed US University, as I later found his profile on that university's website). In retrospect, I am not so sure his intentions were that "pure". He was around 50 at the time. I really went through a severe trauma around that age, and (in retrospect) I totally had almost all the typical symptoms of a "borderline" Massive mood swings, often within the same day, hypersensitivity to others' comments ( I remember I was actually afraid to go shopping for fear that the cashier might say something mean to me and it would feel like getting stabbed ), suicidal ideation, self-harm. It was a weird time. But in any case, the therapist I was chatting with tried to convince me that I was a "borderline" and needed to get professional help (and even medication ).For a while, I believed him, since a lot of videos and articles I came across about BPD seemed to reflect my behavior and feelings at that time. But over time, I started working on myself slowly, gaining independence from my family slowly, then finally starting to analyze my childhood and I went through a real rollercoaster of emotions, I remember having manic phases too, all these up until roughly my mid to late 20s when I was finally able to realize what had happened to me, and that all my so-called mood swings and depression were results of trauma. I am still not totally out of the woods, but way more stable and confident than I've ever been. Yet, now, that I am over the turbulence zone, I realize that had I actually sought professional help in my early 20s I may have gotten a ton of misdiagnoses and medications that would have probably made things worse for me.
I had a therapist in rehab diagnose me with borderline personality disorder after like two sessions. I was recovering from months of constant alcohol abuse and alcoholic psychosis during this brief time in my life. I think it was irresponsible for her to casually diagnose me with a personality disorder. I literally internalized this judgment for years until I started advocating for myself. I had to sit down and read and listen and learn about mental health for myself first, though. It took me years to undo what that fleeting interaction gave me. I'll never get over how irresponsible and arrogant most rehab/mental health triage places are. My dream is to create safer, more holistic, more trauma informed treatment centers. Thanks for your videos
Dude I went to a couples therapist and I was crying because my husband was talking about leaving me and she was like “you can’t function”. Like, yes. My husband is about to leave me? What am I supposed to do? Laugh?
Thank you Daniel. Im diagnosed with borderline, and lets not forget that in treatment, they invalidate critiqe from patients, with the reason that we have to cope with emotions. I questioned why they encouraged patoents to stay in unhealthy relationships and the reason i got was that we have to learn that people are not perfect, and its better than being alone. And i was like, but how can they ever heal if they are living with a drugaddict or someone that abuses them? Crazy!
@@danceswithcoyotes8273 That sucks. I don't know your story, but it really sounds like gaslighting, and I actually think its not that unusual. My friend recently was told that he was "projecting" because he expressed a need for the therapist to be more warm ( the therapist was actually telling my friend that it was something he inhibited, even though they only saw each other one time ). That is such a crazy thing to say to a client, without even knowing them. There are some fucked up therapists out there.
@@danceswithcoyotes8273 what I have heard, expression is part of the healing. Trying to pull you back in to repressing your feelings, is destructive. It sounds like she is not able to hold space for your anger, yes. It sounds like she haas some work to do with herself. A warm therapist is a must for us to feel safe expressing difficult emotions.
11:58 I honestly think the therapist who said that about clients/patients with BPD should lose his license, because that's a straight up evil thing to say! I think there are a lot of people with medical degrees who just want to make a lot of money. 💰
When you encounter BPD, truly encounter it, it is so bizarre, that you never forget it. My BPD guy saw me only in respect to how he felt. If he felt good, then I was doing something good to make him feel that way, even if I was objectively being shitty to him. If he felt bad, then no matter how incredibly nice I was being or what great meal I had lovingly cooked for him, he would blame me FOR THE WAY HE FELT. His outbursts were periodic; you could feel it building. When he started yelling at me for no reason I would say "I'm not your mother!" because he was yelling at his mother not me. I'm saying that he was completely madly delusional and he was a PhD Psychotherapist and court expert in San Diego county... When we were breaking up (which happened pretty quickly) he made a big deal of "what I would say to our friends", like who was breaking up with who... it was VERY important that HE was leaving ME and not the other way around. I had never heard of such a thing!!... but BPD... they freak out when the relationship is ending... are you leaving them or are they leaving you? To normal people, who cares but to them it's existential!. I'm just glad I lived to tell. He also gaslit me all through our relationship... It was only after I left him that I realized it... that I hadn't misplaced my keys, that I wasn't losing my mind as he continually suggested. That guy was completely nuts. And he couldn't treat kids because his ex-wife had caught him jerking off to his young daughter and her friend in the backyard. He was also a major misogynist... A real sicko and he's still practising to this day! State of California licensed psychotherapist who's a complete nutcase! BPD is very real... they are delusional and their minds work so differently from ours... you either know it or you don't. I don't think anyone who doesn't live with a BPD can ever really know how strange their minds work... it's not something you can read in a book. I'm convinced of that. You have to actually live with them personally in an intimate relationship over a period of time before it manifests and you begin to understand this illness. It's like pulling reality inside out.
I just got out of a relationship with a "BPD" woman and it's traumatizing as hell. So confusing and heartbreaking to witness and being on the receiving end off. I'm trying to be understanding right now, but i mostly just feel hate towards her. And myself for not seeing the signs to begin with.
I’m sorry you had to go through that. It sounds very similar to how one of my older sisters treated me growing up but I think it’s likely that it’s narcissism more than anything. Another trauma response that can wreak havoc on people’s relationships and self perception to where they are truly the center of the world and everyone else is just a mere chess piece in their game. They develop these traits over time because they felt they had to in order to survive the situations they were in but down the line if they don’t heal it only sets them up for failure in their future. It’s getting better I think but as Daniel says the way the mental health industry has been set up makes it very hard for people to heal let alone in the proper way.
Extremely true. Why aren’t therapists approaching everybody as if they’re ruled by trauma anyway? Most people are, at least parts of their lives are, especially the people arriving at therapy!
I am very sorry to hear that’s how the system works in the US. I’ve been in psychoanalytic therapy for years here in Mexico, and going through the process I would feel such sadness and despair that I would beg my therapist to tell me my diagnosis, so that I could understand what was wrong with me and do something about it. Yet she would always refuse. Now, several years later, I’m feeling much better and stronger, and I so understand her, appreciate her work even more, and agree with her that words have immense power so we’d better use them wisely ❤
I am so very grateful for you Daniel. Your videos are very informative, so helpful and non judgemental. It is so hard to find someone who is empathic and understanding. I was diagnosed BPD. I do not agree with my diagnosis. When people hear that diagnosis, people treat you differently. There is a huge stigma that goes with that label. After many years, I was very lucky to have found a great therapist that is not focused on labels. We are both great fans of yours. Thank you so much for being the beautiful person you are. You have helped me so much in my healing process and give me faith in humanity.
Whenever personality disorders come up in conversation I can’t stop thinking about how a psychiatrist yelled at my mother saying I was a drama queen and that I have a personality disorder. Now she asked which personality disorder of course, and he just never responded to the question and continued to yell at her. I stopped seeing him after that. Also I love this video a lot! I display most if all the criteria for Borderline and this video is very helpful in understanding there are ways to cope outside of heavily medicalization.
Thank you so much Daniel ❤️. As a therapist and a client who really dislikes this diagnosis (particularly because it’s given out indiscriminately to women and minority groups); I find it impossible to resist this diagnosis both in my practice and in my personal life without having to justify that I’m not saying this simply because I have “it”. It’s not a real thing - it’s a catch all diagnosis for when a therapist is trying to treat their own countertransference. I have almost done this too with clients- and I’ve had to stop myself and self reflect because I know the experience of a therapist doing this to me. I find that as soon as the “borderline” word is used in session - anything the client says or does is used against them. It’s a horrible diagnosis and is just a modern day version of shaming abuse survivors. I think hearing about another person’s abuse brings up such difficult feelings in most of us that we are looking for an ego syntonic way to push them away. This diagnosis says so much more about the person doing the labelling than anything else. Personally I think this also has something to do with our collective dislike of witnessing “feminine” distress. It’s such a relief to hear someone else talk about this. Thank you for all that you do.
What you describe Is that the unreflected reaction to the diagnosis is bad. The diagnosis itself cannot have a mal or benign intention, it can only be correct or incorrect. It is our posture towards the patient that matters. So we have to evolve as a professional group. it's not the diagnosis that has to die for our colleagues' stupidity.
The impact of the diagnosis goes beyond the therapist’s need for being correct in their observations. Why do we presuppose that someone who has a degree can objectively diagnose when there are so many dynamics that favour the therapist (just get the diagnosis) so we can notch another paying client (be successful) and please the college (be in compliance)?
As others have commented, BDP is 99.99% a mostly misogynistic diagnosis for therapists/psychiatrists who don't want to work "difficult" aka very traumatized women. People look at my oddly for being therapy critical most of the time but the under belly of the profession is very real. Thanks for your thoughts.
@@lacheinc Please point out where anyone said 1. it's only women and never men who are diagnosed BPD, 2. everything is about misogyny, 3. there's any need for anyone to be concerned what you specifically might find annoying. Could it be that making everything not about misogyny is indicative of something worse than merely annoying? I think it might be. It's worth looking into.
Thank you so much for this. I needed to hear it from another professional. I’m a psychiatry resident and I feel every word of this. I experienced first hand how psych ward health professionals talk about this group of patients, how they are treated and it was quite toxic to be a part of. This is one of the reasons why I’m leaving the field. Maybe call it emotional dysregulation /emotional regulation challenges instead? I’ve never liked the personality disorder label, I mean telling traumatised people there’s something wrong with their personality seems quite harsh and unempathetic.
I received it from a psychiatrist (but said straight away that she could be wrong) specialist in trauma and it didn't sit well. but I looked into it and there were definitely some relevant traits but not really that much and later she adjusted her diagnosis and said it was trauma complex which actually fits better and in a strange way, maybe we should just see those diagnosis as merely framework conceptual tools and not exaggerating their power that they have per se
I was diagnosed with BPD few years ago, I'm 26 now. I felt ashamed, miserable and helpless. Last year i found kind of healing in religion after almost losing my life because of medication i've got. I was like zombie because of them and got even bigger desire to kill myself. Today i discovered you. All i can say is THANK YOU for doing this. You motivated me to work on myself even more and to learn more about mental health in general. ❤
I know a person with bpd diagnosis and know some of the personal history and I must say you are absolutely right. That person has been heavily traumatized in different ways since early childhood.
Lmao. I had some of those behaviors as a teen during and after long term abuse and neglect. With help over time a lot of internal feelings and of course the behavior changed. I so much believe deep down that lots of those feelings n behaviors are a natural response to the environment witch was severely unhealthy rather then a disorder.
I agree that a good treatment of bpd is to blame and forgive people that hurt you in the past through realising that they had their own issues themselves from their own childhood traumas that lead them to hurt you. And that this did not make it okay for them to hurt you, but understanding that because they hurt you, you have a defense mechanism that results in you hurting others. But this is not an excuse for you to hurt others, and you do not want to. Deep down inside no one wants to. But you can change that through choosing to forgive and understanding what forgivness means, No one is perfect and you cant control who hurts you but you can control how you respond. Through understanding the other person. Because we ourselves are not perfect and hurt people. People hurt people and then expect forgivness but they find it difficult to forgive other people.If we do not forgive we think other people do not forgive either. If we do not forgive it makes us angry and hatefull and we project that on other people and start to see other people as bad. Because we ourselfs have bad traits. People with bpd feel they are out of control because they feel other people are in control of their emotions because in the past this is what happened. Once someone realises that through forgivness you can control how other people affect you, and that anger is an emotion which has been built up through not forgiving, you realise that you can control the way you feel through letting go. It is very difficult because you have to realise that you cannot control other people and other people cannot control you but what you can be in control of are your reactions by letting go
Yeah, i got diagnosed with this in 1969. I thought it meant that I was not really possessed of a personality. As a child I had adopted the idea that personality was a sort of super excellence, like Shirley Temple, a charisma which I obviously lacked. So when they told me that diagnosis, I translated that into no personality. This diagnosis was made four months after the birth of my second child. A pregnancy that was unusual in that I was unable to eat properly for the entire time, just small amounts, lots of vomiting, and total carsickness, could not go anywhere without vomiting. My obstetrician was very happy with my failure to gain weight, it made his reputation improve when that happened. No one was willing to decide that the starvation in pregnancy, and the subsequent near death of the baby in question by starvation because my milk was not so healthy. I was hospitalized for most of a year. Treated with so called truth serum, which in those days was meth and sodium amatol 50/50 intravenously. The theory was that I could not be that sick unless there was an early childhood trauma it could not be postpartum because too many weeks had passed between delivery and hospitalization. But if it existed, my parents did not know, or were unwilling to admit. So this was supposed to reveal that. But it didn't and eventually the Dr. sent me home with enough meds to kill me, and I did take it all. I do not remember taking it, and obviously I did survive. All of his other young patients were successful, and he was given much support for this loss. I am convinced that while I was drugged he instructed me on suicide, and his plan failed. When I was about 50 yrs old, my older brother told me that he had seen something horrible happening to me in childhood, but was too afraid to help, and wanted my forgiveness. But, he would not tell me what he saw and he is dead now.
It seems like the issue is the stigma and the name. Fine, maybe it should be called Emotional Dysregulation Disorder instead, but having a label for people with these traits can be helpful for both patients and their victims. As a child of a woman who strongly exhibits BPD traits, it has been very helpful to have some context for the abuse I grew up with as a child and why I attracted men with BPD and narc traits as an adult. I'd add that the research indicates that not everyone with a BPD diagnosis suffered childhood abuse and there are some studies that tie it to genetics. Moreover, plenty of people experience childhood trauma and don't develop BPD or any other PD, for that matter. Trauma isn't the only cause of this disorder.
NKN112011 there’s a strong correlation between having a mother with narcissistic personality disorder and developing bpd later in life which is essentially ptsd
This channel is amazing! As somebody who is coming from a country where there are no standards for mental health and no licenses or insurance, my dream is to study DBT in the US. It is great to have that critique of the duagnosis and have realisitc expectations. I am also diagnosed with BPD and have been through the DBT therapy and it helped me immensely (did it with the only practicing DBT therapist in the whole country, who also studied in the USA!). I am sure that I did not feel stigmatized because of the lack of regulations here, although I have been refused therapy and called "immature", blamed having "daddy issues" by previous therapists here. Although it really hurt every time, I did not find this manner of treatment adequate and I would not start devaluing myself or internalizing it. I would think therapists are wrong to treat a vulnurable client this way. However, I do find myself in the popular non-official "quiet" subtype - I would never have anger outbursts and would be considered highly "functional" most of the time, although the emotional rollercoaster made my life impossible. My first ideation was when I was 12 and honestly - up until 26, it was coming and going. Meds helped me immensely but I am also sure it is that because of EU regulations we have nothing as addictive as the meds in the US (could be wrong). I have suffered a lot of abuse and recently I had a particular person I let too close to trigger it - every time they are in a room with me I have all the symptoms of anxiety & fight or flight. Like, they pass by and my heart rate skyrockets, my stomach churns... All that. I read Bessel Van Der Kolk's book and I found it very very relevant to my situation. I feel like I am not a horrible person, I just suffered abuse and betrayal for most of my life and was reluctant to go into the mental health field because of feeling "f*cked up" but in the end started the process and honestly... I find people with mental issues most of the time just really traumatized and I enjoy taking their insight and seeing their empathy. I, myself, don't feel abnormal at all. I feel loving, loyal, empathetic and sensitive, having BPD. I have literally 0 doubts right now that therapy is the personal and professional path for me (lol), especially seeing Psychology students be absolutely judgemental en masse towards people with mental issues. I totally see them just taking rich clients one day and treating episodic and easier conditions, if they ever finish school. I, however, relate more to "abnormal" people and talk easier to them. Who knows, maybe one day I will burn out and do video editing! Thanks for the content, Daniel!
Was it Bessel Van Der Kolk who said if trauma was taken seriously, the DSM would be a pamphlet? (Something along those lines.) From everything I've been through, everything I've read and learned, etc., BPD is trauma. Just a novice opinion.
This was made 3 years ago, but is very relevant to me now, as I recently was told by a clinical social worker that I have borderline traits. A previous counsellor told me she does not believe in diagnosis, that it doesn't help people, and that I am not sick. But I have been desperate to know what's wrong with me, because how can I cure it unless I know what the ailment is. And there must be something wrong with me, or I wouldn't be struggling so much and losing so many friends and loved ones. I am currently doing a DBT workbook on my own because I felt disgruntled about paying a lady $120 an hour to teach it to me, when I can teach myself it for $30. At present I would feel relieved to be given a diagnosis, because then I would have a starting point to make it better. I am leery though of telling too many people this diagnosis because of the stigma/stereotype, fear it could create. I would however like an explanation for why I am different. Then maybe people wouldn't blame me so much. At the same time I'd like to think that there is nothing wrong with me that I am just fine how I am, and just like always, I just need to learn how to stick up for myself and be confident.
If you need someone to go through the book with you feel free to reach out I don’t mind it. I know what you mean to I feel like theirs something wrong with me when I cut my whole family out of my life and friends I felt so lost still do. I have one friend and it’s my ex and I get so triggered by him or out of the blue I’ll just get triggered and mad. I think I may have a sensory processing disorder to because I don’t like to be around people nor do I trust them. Not sure if that’s what you’re going through but feel free to reach out to me. Name is Mariah I just have different accounts
looking into complex ptsd may be fruitful for you. lots of people in the comments here and some working professionals in these fields are thinking BPD is more a presentation of trauma than some innate personality type. whether or not you feel cPTSD is a term that fits, the literature that does exist for it will probably be able to offer you some help in figuring out where your behaviors may have come from, likely starting in childhood. it could be parents, close family members, bullying in school by peers/friends that warp your behaviors and mindset towards the world, resulting in traits that may be called borderline
@@eg4441 Yes. Thank you. I do feel c-ptsd is an apt diagnosis for me. Everything fits. Just waiting to get an official diagnosis so I can get help from the Canadian government. Meanwhile I might spend all my hard won savings just on food, vet bills and basic utilities, and end up on welfare again. 😢 I have a lot of anxiety about losing my money. Hard to get and keep any kind of acceptable long-term employment.
This video was incredibly well done. This is what so many people need to know. I definitely needed to. Thank you so much for sharing your awareness and insight, it helps so much to know there are like-minded people out there amidst the rest who are quick to conform with the societal norm even when it is proving to be harmful to do so.
As a former therapist diagnosed with BPD, this video is phenomenal. I've had this discussion with my therapist. We both agree that I definitely have CPTSD, but he's sold on BPD as well. I think I'm fortunate to have him, though. He's committed to helping and I'm convinced that he doesn't dislike me. Cheers
I for one needed the diagnosis, I was in a really dark place because I didn’t understand why I acted that way. Everyone was calling me crazy and I was extremely suicidal. Since being diagnosed I have never been better. I look to these diagnoses for answers, it helps me feel less alone.
Diagnosis doesn't give any explanation what so ever. It's only a lifelong stigma. They could have been giving you any diagnosis, and you would have related.
I've been binge watching your videos and I've never so understood in my life ever as I do now by you, Daniel. Thank you so much for the amazing work that you do. Please never stop. Your videos are helping me heal from the trauma I went through. i can't thank you enough.
I think another reason it's so hard for me to connect well with others is because other people are great at feeling, expressing, and sharing their emotions. Idk what to do with any of it. It really creates a wall between me and others. And it's because I have a wall between me and myself.
I was called a psychopath by my ex boyfriend of 6 year friend’s. So sad. I’m learning to forgive them. “She’s the woman from Fatal Attraction” is what I got. Splitting and devaluating of others is what I do best. Singing too loud, believing one’s truth or past to be true to how they are today and judging and criticizing, liking someone then becoming bored and unsatisfied with that person, love bombing (I think I do this because I really do care for the person or I’ll do it because I want something in return), obsessing over someone, using people, not wanting to do anything alone when I’m in a relationship with a man, staying at a job for a while then quitting shortly after because I’ll value people then disvalue them and find them to all be annoying. I realized to that religion does not help with my growth because then I try and be the perfect “Christian” and usually I can’t be around “sinners” and try not to sin myself which brings me back into sin anyways. 🤷♀️ Then I’ll blame others for my sin. Oh and mirroring behavior to because I don’t have an identity. I felt like an actor in a play when I was at church.
I was diagnosed with BPD 10 years ago. I come from a very destructive family of narcissists and abusers who, to everybody else, were the perfect parents and I was the black sheep of the family. My mother never cared about me, she hated me and I think she wanted me to just vanish. She loved and accepted only my younger brother - her golden child. She let my father whom she despised to do whatever he wanted to do with me. I don't remember being sexually abused, but I sure remember being beaten like a dog until I was 19 years old. I remember him taking me for skiing where we would be alone, but I was too young to remember if he did something inappropriate to me or not. My both parents are very well educated, very cultural, no alcohol, no vulgar words. Perfection. When I was 16-17 I started to run away from home and express autoagressive behaviours such as cutting myself (initially in front of my mother which, as I understand it today, was the cry out for help). She didn't care, I think she wanted me to kill myself. When I sought for happiness among strangers I was raped (gang raped to be exact), abused BUT I still came back. This crazy time ended when I was 18 and decided to change my life. I accepted what my mother had always been telling me, i.e. that it was all my fault and I started preparing myself for medical school exams. I passed the exams and got in. Unfortunatelly, I had my first nervous breakdown before I completed the first year and although I was one of the best students (top 10) I gave up. She said she knew I wasn't good enough for medical school and I agreed with her. I didn't know anything about psychology but I knew I hated her. As years passed by I managed to obtain two bachelor's degrees and one master's but I was feeling worse and worse mentally. My marriage was ruined, I was a single mother living with my child in my mother's house because I had no resources to leave. I believe she completely destroyed my soul and self esteem. I don't know who I am anymore. I still live under her roof because I'm afraid I can't live on my own. She's always been sending this message "You're nothing without me", and I'm afraid I can't move on. I'm not able to earn enough to provide for my son and just move out. One thing I'm happy about is that my father has been living with his second wife for more than 25 years and I don't have to see him. She hasn't changed, although nowadays she's a little bit calmer (too old to shout constantly). But she tries all her old techniques with my son. He hates her for that and I do too. And we live in this little hell of ours. I hope to one day just leave. To pluck up the courage, find a better job and just leave. I don't know if that's BPD, but definitely PTSD.
Daniel is 100% accurate. Being raised by a parent that has this behavior confuses the hell out of their children and causes all types of difficulties in their adult lives. There has to be a reason I was brought into this world under this environment. I do believe I lived my life mostly disconnected from my true self until I did the deep dive of looking within. I'm so much more reserved now and pick up on peoples micro expressions very easily. My circle of "friends" has decreased dramatically after my introspection.
Ego syntonic doesn't mean that a person feels good about their behavioral patterns it just means they've accepted that those patters are traits of their natural personality. A borderline will likely accept the traits as natural after years of repeating the same patterns seemingly helplessly, but they don't feel "good" about having those traits any more than someone feels good about being on fire. A narcissist will feel "good" about claiming those traits as part of their identity, because they don't feel bad about anything they do. It's a key distinction worth acknowledging
Hallelujah!!! I was intrigued by the title of your video and wondered if you might challenge the diagnosis. And, you sure did! Omgoodness, I believe BPD is one of the most damaging labels that can be doled out. It boxes people in and automatically creates a stigma that can be difficult to shake. Bless you for starting off your conversation in the way you did. 🙏🏻
Bethany Saxton in my city if you have BPD even if you’re very suicidal etc you’re unlikely to ever get a hospital admission. People have died due to this here. One guy went to ER four times in the week before he died from suicide.
When I read the traits of BPD years ago, I recognized it in a former friend immediately. She was unlikable a lot of the time, difficult, very subtly abusive and caused a lot of drama, worry and distrust. I have no doubt in my mind that she had trauma, and we talked about it before I left. She's the most intelligent person I've met and immensely creative, yet it would be extremely challenging for a therapist to see her positive sides, as she on top of everything hated all authority. So she did not go to therapy at all, maybe she dodged a bullet. But I do hope she got help.
I dont study psychology. But i feel like i learn so much more watching your channel than i would in a classroom. Your perspective is very eye opening and makes a lot of sense. Many would be against your way of thinking. The way you explain these subjects and go into detail must be very hard to do. I think i remember seeing a video in which you explained ur a bit of a perfectionist and u have to practice a lot for your videos. Or how you want to get your point across. I really love your channel and its fascinating how your subscriber count doesnt add up to your content. I try to employ your explanations into every day life all the time. I have an inquiry that im very curious about. Seeing as im interested in psychology but i know you left behind that profession... What do you do for a living? If you no longer work as a psychologist do you still work in a related field? I dont want to study psychology and become a "bad" psychologist due to the things im taught. As well as be overwhelmed with clients in which "i lower my guard for".(basically the reasons of stress you left the field if im not mistaken) So im curious to see what else is available or what it is that interests you personally to go about making a living currently.
My last psychiatrist diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder after my first 20 minute phone visit with her, and she talked the majority of the time. She didn’t tell me she put the diagnosis in my chart and I was entirely taken off guard by it. Next appointment I brought it up and wanted her to explain to me why she gave the diagnosis, I was told I was overreacting. I refused to see her again. If I truly have the diagnosis, fine, I guess, but I was personally more upset about the fact that she couldn’t even tell me why she gave it to me. The clinic director wanted to just issue a cookie cutter apology and send me on my way but I insisted they place me with a new provider per their ‘clinic promises’ on their website so they unwillingly obliged. The next provider took that diagnosis out of my chart and put PTSD in with like 4 clicks while saying “you don’t even match the criteria, didn’t she even listen to you?” Absolutely wild. Turns out I’m just autistic and unbelievably traumatized.
I was diagnosed with BPD and NPD when I was 20 and in my life's worst crisis. Like, it's obvious that when you are in a crisis, you're less stable and you want to gain controle over your emotions. Plus, I was mentally a teenager and as far as I know idealising things and persons is completely normal for teenagers. I remember questionning this diagnosis and I was trying to talk through all the criteria but my psychoterapist would always insist on the fact that she was sure about it and there was no need to prove it. I was told that personality disorders stick with you forever. Guess what, a year later my life conditions changed and since then I've been feeling great. All of the sudden, the "profoundly complexe and life-long disorders" have disapeared... On the other hand, after this diagnosis I felt that finally I had the right to suffer and I no longer had to pretend everything was okay. So I've got mixed feelings about diagnosis - as long as they are pertinent, they could help the patient better understand their problems.
Dude, thank you so much for this, it's exactly right. My sister has been diagnosed with BPD and I completely disagree with that. I know she isn't crazy. My problem is maintaining boundaries. Please please do a video on how to maintain boundaries with someone with (dare I say) BPD. I would love to help.
Daniel, I've watched this video many times. It is a misdiagnosis that causes a person to be discriminated against by health care and by therapists. It is a misdiagnosis that says, alright, I don't like you, you're so right. It is sad that distress gets medicalised and pathologised. Having learned that those in the helping profession saw my understandable distress, as disordered. How I was viewed with suspicion and having every aspect of my being looked through the lens of the ICD and DSM, has hurt me, really damaged my sense of self. I read my records two years ago and it really messed with me. It is an injustice to not have compassion for those who have a graveyard of loses like you said. Such people are not 'manipulative' they behave in ways to protect themselves unconsciously..
As someone who was almost diagnosed with BPD, I get your point completely. I was depressed and the therapist kept trying to spin it around to say I had self-directed bursts of anger and splitting, even though it didn't feel fitting at all. However, my past abuser fulfills a lot of the criteria. Even though I feel no love for them, I've been trying to get them help. But because it's ego-syntonic, they refuse it. They say it's "just temperament" and the problem is with everyone else. This person raised me and as a child, I was made subject to their erotomanic and persecutory delusions. I was subjected to their splitting and attacks of anger. Several kinds of abuse. So while I've been at the receiving end of this diagnosis also, it makes me flinch when I hear people say that BPD is not a problem, it's just a temperament, it shouldn't be worked on if the patient themselves is not actively suffering from it. When the surrounding people's experiences are discarded. I'd agree with that if I wasn't a child forced to live behind locked doors with that peron. I wouldn't care what label they'd get as long as they get the help they need. I know that's not exactly your point here but that is just my gut reaction.
Rewatching again, and I am still confounded by the ego dystonic/ego synthonic dichotomy as it applies here. It just sounds backward and wrong in relation to this diagnosis. As far as I have listened and read and seen, people who are eventually diagnosed with BPD often do not feel okay, are aware of a sense of something being "wrong with" them, do go for help -- and are repeatedly failed in their attempts at finding help. They may not know what is actually wrong, but they do most definitely not feel okay and fine and content with how they are. For the longest time, no one knew how to help them. It is a Competence of the Entire Profession kind of issue. And hmm how convenient then that this diagnosis, in spite of evidence to the contrary, gets to belong on the ego-synthonic side. In the dangerous and frightening category. And one last thing: "fear of abandonment"-- given that abandonment is a very real phenomenon, a very rampant phenomenon-- is not any kind of "wrong" response to this world. People who have a heightened awareness to the possibilities of abandonment and the dangers of abandonment, are not wrong. In certain contexts abandonment is lethal. Fatal even. And we have an innate inborn drive to avoid it. Something out there in this world triggers this innate survival-linked thing in some people and they have an overwhelming sense of how vulnerable they are on an evolutionary level.
Exactly! Fear like that also don't come out of nowhere... abandonment can also be "only" emotional... my Dad would give me the silent treatment allll the time, and be shut down and not available when I needed him... it was a survival threat for sure...
I'm convinced that most people who've been labeled with BPD have simply been subjected to narcissistic abuse and neglect
Or the "professional" handing out the diagnosis dislikes them and wants to discredit them, for whatever reason.
I know it very personaly. Also got that label. From that time I now realize was cured as only idiot and problematic person uncopable to take this into my heart. Well thay managed neverthless. My psyche is so much demaged and full of hate as never befor. I stood up for my DG is not this. JUst to whatever do to not be treated as "ashole" on every psychiatric ocasion before i even open my quite mouth just a bit.
I agree with this, but I also think we become reactively abusive and manipulative, although with very little actual malice or self-awareness. We show up in a wounded way, from a wounded place, and while I think understanding WHY we are the way we are is super important, it shouldn’t ever be held onto as a way to avoid accountability for our sometimes awful behaviors and the harm we do to others in our chaos. Being abused in childhood doesn’t give us the right to turn our partners into the parents we never had and hold them hostage with our outbursts. It doesn’t excuse the harm we do to our own selves either. Empathy for the inner child that was abused and/or neglected is crucial. But so is accountability. Speaking only from my own experience of course.
There are now posters at our local hospital and urgent care telling you that "non-compliance" with your caretaker's commands is abuse. Way to manipulate your patients, huh? How about refusing to give your patients their more "enjoyable" prescribed medications, (for whatever reasons), which has happened to me repeatedly over the years. They ALWAYS cover their behinds
I grew up with 2 narcissistic parents. When I finally sought therapy, my therapist never diagnosed me but sent me on a dialectic behavioural therapy course and it gave me some great insights and tools to help me change my toxic thinking and self-destructive behaviour. Looking back now, I can see I suffered from many borderline symptoms, when I was really just traumatised.
I think of stray dogs. Usually people have more patience with mistreated dogs that need a new home than we do with humans who have been mistreated. We know that dogs need a lot of time and effort to be able to trust humans again, but we rarely give people this time and patience to heal. Its sad. More people should know about this.
Unfortunately, if you take one into your life and pay the excruciatingly high emotional cost - you will find that there is nothing you can do to heal them. The dog is a far better bet...
@@brianmarshall3931 Yeah... Its not easy for sure. Maybe our human language gets in the way sometimes too. These stray people can say the most hurtful things to try and keep you away. While stray dogs would simply bite you. I was mostly referring to staff in psychiatry here though
You raise a great point. What would be the proper setting or venue for those people? A group home? A rehab facility? An outpatient program? Structure? I’m no expert.
Mark Twain had an interesting quote - “You take a stray dog in, you feed it, shelter it and give it a home and it will be loyal to you for the rest of your life. You take a stray man in , you feed him, shelter him, and give him a home, he’ll steal your wife and then kill you.”
@@foryourspirit3995 Yeah I don't know. But I've seen awesome therapists work wonders with people that didn't even speak. Sometimes by just sitting beside them, giving them time. Maybe they were totally psychotic too. It's about trust and there's no magic formula for that I suppose.
Damn, this is SUCH a good way to think about it. Thank you
The curse of labeling. This guy offers truth, with compassion. He's a better healer than
most "therapists."
You’re right he really is. I like Patrick Teehan also and he has courses I can take which is cool. Love both of them though.
Therapists are fixers. They fix. Just fix….. Mr. Mackler is a healer.
You are so right about this ! 🫂🫶🏼
Therapists have the "rapists" in their name for a reason 😊
You're a voice of sanity in an insane world.
give to his patreon :)
Dudes a joke. Doesnt believe in personality disorders? Lol the DSM isnt just based off nothing.
@@markdouglas1601 The term personality disorder is a joke. What does it even mean? That the entire personality is disordered? Personality is identity, does it mean someones identity is a disorder? If a person has a problem that impacts behaviour, like unregulated emotions, then unregulated emotions is the problem, not the personality. Making someone believe there's something fundamentally wrong with them doesn't solve problems, it causes more problems.
@@krystle8534 what is personality if it isnt behavior and emotions? Most clients are relieved when a therapist is able to put a name to what is going on with them. They are aware something is off..you have to know what's wrong in order to fix it
@@krystle8534 an when you consider that theres standard traits to disorders that everyone within that disorder exhibits..its not like it's a made up. Acting like it doesnt exist to spare feelings because "personality disorder" sounds offensive is a problem
The mental health system is crap.
Absolutely
Exactly it is
@Lucky Star The mental health system is crap.
The mental health system is DESTRUCTIVE.
@@WaluigiPooper666very crap
It is the darndest thing that BPD is considered ego synthonic, when so many of the people diagnosed as such have self hatred and intense emotions and fears. It does not make sense.
Okay then every disorder would be egotistical. Everyone in general is egotistical these days. 🤷♀️ This is why I think all these disorders are bs
Yeah. Also the whole concept of mood disorders is misleading. It really seems like (usually) a natural response to trauma/ being rejected/ disowned, etc. either very intensely in the past &/or persistently. Of course said person is going to be (at least sometimes, when not numb/ major depressive) hyper-sensitive, mood swings, trust issues, etc. It's just people who have been Very fortunate usually say "oh well they're acting weird, they aren't right, so they must be ill/ must be a chemical imbalance" 😆 can't help but laugh at it, but it really seems true. Some people are completely controlled by their emotional self, some can move in and out of it. When stressed, I mean it's inevitable or at least very likely the emotional mind will take over. But yeah, ultimately yep everyone reacts differently, some may think it's mostly their fault, some may blame the system, some may be sometimes proud of it, or not at all, etc.
I was looking for that comment! So true, everyone with bpd will say they are suffering from it... I get it with narcissism but borderline, hell nah... self harm, depression, anxiety, unstable emotions, clearly not fun for anyone and only someone who is severely disconnected from understanding it and judging from a very narrow mind would ever say that.
Clarity doesn't equate freedom.
@@Dani-lc9hqi think it comes from the nature that these behaviors are (and have been their whole lives) essentially coping mechanisms for their traumas, and they translate these traumatic experiences (and in turn their coping mechanisms) to other experiences they have in life.
I was diagnosed with BPD after being interviewed by a psychiatrist for 10 minutes. He never found out that I was in a cult and that is why there were some results that seem to fit the criteria. Of course, I had no respect for this doctor after this. Who really had the problem?
Right? Unbelievable. I get that though the last church I was at I was telling the elder I was dating, “doesn’t Christianity seem like a cult?” I just kept adding everything up.Yet I’m still a Christian. Lol! Only reason why I still love the church is because everyone is kind there and the pastor and his wife love well. But I still wonder if it’s a cult because of all the rules they place when you join the church. 🤔
If you were in a cult yu had some serious issues that needed to be addressed.
@@michaelpond813 Maybe, but "BPD" was not one of them.
Psyches just want to push big pharma s drugs. They get kickbacks to do this, and it’s their way out of not having to actually do any work to resolve the problems.
So never trust them, and never believe them.
How are you doing now?
Going no contact with my abusers (parents) after 3 years, plus working by myself in healing, has helped me to stop reacting and being in defense mode. So, all of my conducts that match criterias like border, ocd and cptsd has vanished and im able to respond in a functional and calm way, Im even becoming more femenine as I used to be when I was a little girl. That is why I also think its not a disorder, its a natural reaction to keep you alive when you live in a war zone created by people you love and trust.
A good therapist can really help, working with oneself is necessary but so is having an objective to help clarify things and point out possible blind spots.
Same for me. I just went no contact to someone who knows my abusers. I just don’t want to go down that path of being bullied again. No contact is the best
This exactly!
How did you manage to break contact? Do you not see any siblings either? I am on verge of choosing this
But this natural reaction often becomes a disorder in the "normal outside world". The very fact that you adapt so quickly in healthier conditions might speak against the "D" in BPD in your case.
shout out to all the people diagnosed with everything under the sun including bpd, but end up really just having PTSD and/or autism. Those seems to be very common medical pathways people go through
Yup, I have PTSD and a childhood autism dx, yet one really bad psychologist I saw years ago tried to diagnose me with BPD despite that. Turns out she never bothered to tell me that she didn't get my old medical records even though I told her I'd have them fax them over. They were indeed sent to her so I wonder if she just throw them away and didn't even look at them...I think she just wanted to dx BPD because she didn't like me. Who knows. But she completely shattered my trust in psychology. i haven't seen another therapist since
I think the goal is not to learn to trust people or others. The goal is to:
1. Accept that the people in your childhood were not trustworthy. This is hard
2. Work on trusting yourself and becoming trustworthy to yourself. We internalized that backstabbing person. All we need to do is to learn to trust ourselves by doing the things, for us, our parents wouldn't. Things like, taking the time to sit with our unpleasant feelings when our parents taught us to run from them.
And basic self care.
This is so important!
@@jine7123 :)
We have a rational brain and a survival brain which has a name I forgot what they call it limbic or something the survival brain is controlling us or overriding the rational critical thinking brain that's why Freud thought unconscious is more important than conscious feelings kinda the same thing
Someone with Borderline is not able to trust herself. There are no structures that would allow it.
Three quotes from an actual individual that might illustrate that a bit:
"How can I trust myself, when I made so many errors?"
"Everything I did in my life turned out to be wrong".
"There are tendencies within me that tear in all directions, but in all that, I am nowhere to be found".
They don't have a base on which they can build anything.
I have been diagnosed borderline. My family knows this so it’s always thrown in my face. I can’t even express how I feel without being told it’s not real. It’s ridiculous
I can imagine that, I was told how everything I'm feeling wasn't real all the time without a diagnosis... imagine cutting someone and then telling them they shouldn't be bleeding... people just don't realize when it comes to emotions...
Healing myself from all the abuse and gaslighting I learned that the number one thing to do is to validate my emotions... that's really what it takes to release, "no you're not crazy, those emotions are completely valid," to the inner child... if that's how we would have been treated we wouldn't have developed such extreme emotions in the first place.
Yeah, if your family throws it in your face you are double whamied (didn't know the correct word for doubly hit). Your family of origin caused the problem and now they use it against you! Real helpful, real supportive. It shows you what the problem was/is. Get away from them. They should bring you into their arms and rock you and tell you we love you; we are sorry. They shouldn't do the "I told you so" dance.
People abuse info they have about you. It is wrong. There is a way to show support and within that framework help a person struggling with these issues. But when someone throws it at you as a way of putting you in your place, of one upping you, of denigrating and demeaning you, it says a lot about the person doing it. It is so hard to tell anyone you are struggling with any psychological problem if they are going to use it to control you. It is as if you no longer are entitled to be part of the dialogue about who you are and what happens to you. Someone else gets to decide for you. They have decided you are less intelligent, etc.
Ask them to go to family therapy with you. If they don't then you can proceed to remind them of how they've refused to co-operate & are hiding things...
@@Dani-lc9hq Are you over 40? The reason I ask is because you don't write in sentences and use a bunch of ellipsis marks (the three or four periods in a row). I've read that kids nowadays see that as a "boomer alert." I'm over 40, and I have never written like that.
I believe "BPD" characteristics are born of a life steeped in early shame. Saddest thing to shame them further and reinforce their trauma.
On PTSD: I had an EMDR therapist scold me for referring to myself as a "traumatized person" because she thought the label put me in a limiting box. EMDR Is literally a modality to treat PTSD. You can never win.
That person doesn't seem to respect the reality of how people change. There are reasons for who and how we all are. Maybe bring this up. If they even take any pride in you getting your problems solved and moving on in your life.
A bad, incompetent therapist. There are a lot of them around, unfortunately.
That sounds like countertransference. Like that’s the therapist throwing their own trauma or unresolved issues back at you for whatever reason.
I’ve noticed that some therapists are not very sympathetic towards any kind of person dealing with learned helplessness or even legitimate helplessness, despite the reasoning behind how the client may have gotten to that point.
@@loanicastillo3327 I'm not in a box but thank you. Acknowledging that I've been traumatized is not a box. My therapist also had that low key new age victim blaming element to what she said.
@@MyraMabry She often seemed triggered by my shadow side that came out during EMDR and would lecture me about how I was wrong lol, rather than let me come to conclusions on my own. It was very distracting. So yeah she definitely threw a lot of her issues back at me. For the record, I knew that the shadow self was wrong but I was trying to heal it!
This is a great analysis. I had this diagnosis at 14 and was sent to a fascility (troubled teen industry). This was after years and years of being traumatized by my abusive parents yet I was labelled as the problem and the solution was to put me in this place where I was being fully controlled, humiliated and abused even more. Now I am on my thirdies and just beginning to understand what actually happened. It is such a relief to realize that I was actually the victim and the real villains were my parents. So happy I cut ties with them & chose healing instead of life-long sentence of licking their butts
Wishing you the best!!!
Paris Hilton was in one of those facilities also parents do this because they don’t know how to parent most teens do the whole drinking and partying thing and parents try so hard to control. I rebelled when I was in my 20’s when living with my father. Funny this is that my brother is the golden child now and my half sister is perfect lol while I’m the black sheep oh well
I went through the same and now in my 20's fully realizing the extent of the abuse from parents and professionals alike. They were teammates in the abuse. Wishing you the very best healing.
Sorry about what you endured. That's really effed up. 😢 now you can finally start healing and you know the truth.
thank u soooo much for this video!! i've been diagnosed with bpd by abusive mental health professionals and it made me so much worse. they claimed i had something wrong with me biologically. how ridiculous is that? my family is severely abusive. the bpd diagnosis protected them. professionals diagnosed me with bpd bc they didnt give a fuck about me and they were too lazy to acknowledge that my family hurt me extremely severely. psychiatry is cruel, lazy, ridiculous and heartless.
Same. I'm in a hard place now. I'm told to "reach out" for help. I'm mistreated by the mental health system.
Same. Sadly, there are lots of us out there
Right? It’s unbelievable.
@@kahlodiego5299 it’s better to just do the inner work and see what’s going on.
@@mariahconklin4150 yep i've been doing the inner work and finding good qualified competent therapists (online) along the way but the chunk of it is on my own and it's been turning out just fine.. wonderful actually.
PTSR . . . post traumatic stress response. No judgement.
That's a very good change and much more appropriate to the condition.
Disorder isn't judgemental either, so no reason to change the name.
@@ian1352 I disagree. "Disorder" implies that a negative response to traumatic stress is abnormal.
Maybe we should judge badly people who manipulate, lie, hurt and completely destroy lives of other people. Covering it by calling them 'happy rainbow people' won't help. In few years HRP will be as "stigmatizing" as BPD. Because it didn't change the underlying evilness of BPD people. It doesn't matter if it's intentional or they were victim in their childhood. Their victims care what they do to them.. now.
Far less judgement, but still. People with PTSD are not exactly treated with the level of compassion, on the societal level.
It disgusts me how common it is that people employed in a profession that's intended to treat people of their health problems tend to use their power to condemn their patients as undeserving of care. It makes me absolutely sick. Thank you for having compassion.
Daniel you're definitely one of the most intelligent people I've ever come across. I love the way you deconstruct what a lot of doctors and clients never question.
Most of them are selected through the education system because of their relecutance to question... Look up Pyschometric testing.
It's not a question of extraordinary intelligence. It's a question of extraordinary honesty and courage.
@@AnnaPrzebudzona Disagree: it is the combination of intelligence, sensitivity, experience and courage.
Many of us do, this is also why we are here
When the majority of BPD diagnoses are women who others have been abused or mistreated, you have to question the validity. Every abusive man I know has said their wives/ex wives has BPD. Ridiculous
Exactly. Abusers never get diagnosed, because they do not suffer. They are clearly disturbed, but hey, abusers love to call the victim crazy. It always works in their defense.
Right? 😂
@@altenberg-greifensteinmy ex has ADHD and so does my brother. Both are somewhat narcissistic. I always would stand up for myself and they can’t take it 😂 yea woman can be abusive but it’s mostly men it seems. Way too controlling it sad.
Or you’ll have that case where the man murdered his three kids and the enabling father. Guy just snaps on everyone I never understood why people get married or have kids if they have control issues I do at times and this is why I don’t have kids nor am married I don’t want any of that I’m happy as is
Johnny Depp did this to Amber Heard! That psychologist Depp hired signed an agreement stating she would diagnose Amber with BPD almost a year before meeting Amber! Abusers love labeling their exes as crazy and stupid people believe the abusers nearly every time.
My wife and I had a good talk and cry after watching this, thank you for your good work and genuine care
I was diagnosed with BPD back in the 9th grade and all of my therapists and psychologists since then have verified that that is what is going on in my head. I was a neglected and abused kid. I don't have a personality disorder I just learned to think and react differently due to the circumstances I grew up in. Funny how they all say I have this disorder but none of them ever help me with my symptoms in a meaningful way. I still have no clue who I am, I still split over minor things, I still go absolutely numb for months at at time every now and then. I don't know where to go because every time I get a new doctor to work with they see my diagnosis and treat me based on that disorder, not on what I'm actually feeling and why I feel it. In the past I received some treatment for psychosis and cPTSD and thats the only time any psychiatric care has actually done anything for me. The system? Wack. The teaching programs? Wack. The way we look at psychiatric issues from a professional standpoint? Wack. A bitch just want's to be okay.
"the way you react to things is wrong and extreme" Okay Karen you try being assaulted up until the age of 5 by an older male relative and then YOU try to go through your life without doing everything you can to avoid that situation again or even memories of that situation again.
I was severely bullied at school and partly bullied by family members growing up, was diagnosed with BPD at 18, my therapist didn't want to put me on medication so they told me to exercise and eat better, did some CBT and DBT that really helped me. Anyways I ended up going overboard with the exercise and fell down another hole of eating disordered bullshit. Last time I saw a doctor I specifically asked and told them that I need a dietician / help with my eating disorder and she said "I think you have borderline personality disorder and we will treat it accordingly" which was horrible and invalidating for me, because my ED has nothing to do with it. I've always been a bigger person who's struggled with weight/ my appearance before I was "acting out" and being "problematic" . I'm aware they both go hand in hand but calling me emotionally unstable because nobody can treat me with respect and I won't tolerate being treated like shit is pretty fucking invalidating.
@@goroakechi3593 Find the dietitian on your own. And research, research, research! You can "fix" a lot of problems if you have a choice of solutions...
9th grade!!!, go back at 40 and see if it's real and ongoing. Imo
Okay so basically you are my long lost twin hahaha.... you just took the words outta my mouth and yes.... a biatch just wants to be okay. Hope that life gets better for you!!! I actually found isolating myself works whilst I slowly work on myself.... I research stuff on internet and mostly youtube. I found hypnotherapy (most from youtube so its free) whilst I sleep, listening to frequency (again youtube) sounds, listening to positive affirmations constantly or meditation music, yoga (with Adrianne), and taking responsibility for everything in my life , oh and staying away from relationships or casual relationships and watching stuff on manifesting and building a relationship with the creator in a universal, esoteric way... I also found it really good to make rules for myself around interacting with other humans (such as keeping my anger to myself and trying not to lash out or stay away from people who trigger me), setting up simple boundaries such as people arent allowed to visit me without calling first (very simple). Also, in regards to traumatic relationships in my past I try to find three main things that were good about the people involved and I only think about that.... it helps me to only see the good in all that has happened and then I only invite that into my current. It doesnt take away from whatever they did that was wrong to me.... I would not allow it into my life ever again but forgivness is def the key.
BPD ties to a lot of trauma reactions.
If all therapists followed these views, the world would have a healthier mental outlook. Locking humans up, sticking on labels, telling people how they're defective and handing them medications..... has never made anyone better. Again, another video from you that has made me understand myself better and most of the people around me. Much love from alberta. Belinda...
BPD isn't treated with medications, it's treated with therapy
Nick Ark Quite likely some are prescribed benzodiazepines and other sleepers often.
100%!
man's nature is to make war with other people who are different
That goes for mainstream healthcare and treatment of almost anything you can think of, not just mental disorders. It shows that we live in a sick insane society...how improper and out of balance things are. People used to shun and isolate people with leprosy before we truly understood it and how to treat it. It’s a sickness of humanity...when it comes to anything unknown, we don’t seem to have the wisdom and intelligence to respond appropriately.
Bingo, it's PTSD! That's exactly right. Love you as usual Mackler. 👍
Yup! I was misdiagnosed with BPD after a severely abusive relationship. I was finally diagnosed with CPTSD.
I was diagnosed with C-PTSD and don't behave anything like people diagnosed with BPD do. There are lots of videos by psychiatrists/psychologists discussing the differences between C/PTSD and BPD. There may be some overlap, but they remain distinctly different disorders. You can also have comorbid disorders--BPD and PTSD simultaneously, which applies to many BPD people if they experienced trauma.
NKN112011 Psychologist here. And yes, I am a psychologist who was diagnosed with CPTSD and changed career paths after severe abuse. Just because you don’t personally behave similarly, doesn’t mean that BPD and CPTSD aren’t very similar. One person with anxiety will act completely different than another-or a person diagnosed with depression, Bipolar disorder, ect. can have varying behaviors. Many in the psych field don’t understand BPD very well. There is so much misinformation on this disorder. That’s why Daniel Mackler hit the nail on the head. People diagnosed with BPD come from trauma and are having a post traumatic stress response to horrific trauma. It’s VERY common for women to be misdiagnosed with BPD for this reason. I could continue, but saying that you don’t behavior similarly, is not enough evidence to say that CPTSD and BPD are not essentially the same. There is also a lot of information out there agreeing with this perspective, ie this video.
@@saraH-yu1mx yes I happen to agree with you. Many so called "disorders" stem from trauma. They manifest differently in everyone. At this point there is no proof that they are not all the same thing, and have simply been renamed to distinguish one constellation of symptoms from another. All roads lead to Rome in my opinion. Thank you for your comment.
@@saraH-yu1mx There are a number of mental health professionals, including TH-camrs Dr. Todd Grande and Dr. Tracey Marks, who see PTSD, C-PTSD, and BPD as distinct disorders. They may acknowledge there is some overlap, but they argue there are significant differences. For one, not all people with BPD experienced childhood abuse or betrayal trauma, and many people with PTSD or C-PTSD do not have BPD traits. (C-PTSD isn't even an official disorder in the US.) I used myself as an example, but I did not say I was basing my argument just on my personal experience. In addition, there is research indicating that BPD has a genetic component. This is another way BPD stands out from people who have experienced trauma generally. I suspect the push to argue that BPD is just a trauma disorder is because BPD has a stigma that PTSD or C-PTSD don't. Moreover, implying that everyone with BPD has suffered trauma downplays the abuse that some people with BPD inflict on others. Finally, as I mentioned, someone with BPD can also have PTSD or C-PTSD, which may be why you were misdiagnosed. But certainly not every person with BPD does, and there is research that backs this up.
Societal Betrayal : that's what has happened in my entire life yet most folks have been betrayers. I basically have had to put myself back together again. I really appreciate your position with regard to BPD.
I like your term Societal Betrayal. 👍
I recommend reading Alice Miller's book: "Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society's Betrayal of the Child"
Yes, exactly. PTSD and Borderline are interchangeable diagnoses. I also agree that the diagnosis is cruel especially when you consider the damage done to them. I think a mental health professional who uses this diagnosis is 'borderline' cruel.
To be fair, PTSD diagnosis doesn't account for the dark triad traits borderlines often display, such as manipulation, playing the victim, and acting out maliciously. There is a reason why borderlines were originally classed in the same category of personality disorders along with antisocial personality and narcissistic personality.
@@AI-ch3if That is a good point.
I went to the hospital and was accused of "attention seeking."
I was afraid I might hurt myself, but had no plans so, but wanted to get stabilized for the night and thus "attention seeking." A rude nurse told me about the notes for idk why cause now I really don't want to seek help
That's horrible. I'm sorry you went through that. Fuck her tho , dont get bogged down by their opinions
Cynthia Baker are you trolling or? Saying that someone seeking hospital care when they're afraid for their emotional well being "histrionic" or "attention seeking" is pretty gross. I already am fearful of seeking care as it is.
Cynthia Baker it sounded like you were saying I was and if I was upset at your comment I am thus histrionic. I guess I don't entirely get your comment then- can you clarify?
Darcy Royce thank you. I'm so glad you got help! At this point I'm staying away from insurance. I'll be seeking out of pocket and I hope I can find someone helpful!
Cynthia Baker you were not on that call. I needed to speak to a crisis councilor, he was incredibly critical and gaslighting when he was just suppose to transfer me to a crisis councilor's. I've never had a nurse drill me when I was in emotional crisis so I could get transferred to a crisis councilor's. Even the crisis councilor's said he was awful and I cannot believe you're using the appeal to authority fallacy to justify someone's insensitive behavior.
You are such a gift to mental health...so insightful and compassionate
You sound like a caring therapist
Thank you for this critique of BPD. All mental health professionals could learn from this.
Thanks Kim. I appreciate it. I think, however, that mental health professionals could learn best if they listened more to their clients and less to their pre-ordained theories.
I tried getting psychiatric help for seven years, and my symptoms just got progressively worse as the years went by, most likely because of all the doctors telling me how crazy and "unwilling to cooperate" I was. It wasn't like the psychiatrists treated me like shit which might've been the reason I was so "unwilling"! Plus the psych meds didn't help.
But then I saw one of your videos, and it planted a seed that has grown so rapidly in just half a year. No psychiatrists have ever been close to how you have helped me. You validated my feelings, telling me that, in fact, I wasn't batshit insane, and made me actually want to learn healthier behaviours - for myself.
Before I had always felt like I needed to "get better" in order to be seen as less of a nutjob, but I want to heal for myself now, and I'm not some lunatic and I never was and never will be.
I don't think healing really has a final destination, it's a lifelong thing, but just by you telling me that I'm not crazy has made me finally feel like I *genuinely* deserve a healthier and 'better' life, and makes me want to try to begin healing my traumas.
Thank you.
Good on you! You've no idea how rare you are!
Telling you that you are "unwilling to cooperate" is code for them being frustrated with you not allowing them to abuse you and otherwise violate your boundaries. It's easier for them to scapegoat their clients when they prove inept at truly helping. Most therapists suck hard.
@@wordivore haha exactly
How are you doing today?
Excellent comment! I don't think there's any such thing as NORMAL! If everyone was perfectly robotically perfect it'd be the most boring world. If you look at most really great movies, the behaviors of the lead characters are usually some form of very high emotions! People needn't be pigeon holed!
I’m studying to become a clinical psychologist and to be quite candid when I read about BPD and the prevalence rates etc., I felt like this “disorder” is the modern-day “hysteria” of Freudian era. Yes it is a stigmatizing & insulting diagnosis and from what I’ve heard even clinicians in private practice *avoid* taking on someone with this label. How is it consistent with our credo of “do no harm” to give someone a diagnosis that will limit their care in the future?! As a person who migrated to this country, I believe that all these labels only exist to satisfy “insurance” requirements of the US “health care” system. If we moved to a model of universal free healthcare, we wouldn’t need this and be able to treat clients as a WHOLE PERSON seeking healing!
Hallelujah!!!!
I'm so happy that someone with this thought is studying to be a clinical psychologist.
Except, in Canada, we have healthcare, though not full mental health care. Same problems here. Except if you end up in a mental health team which is covered (a psych and a caseworker), they will torment you and you can’t really just leave. Well I haven’t tried because of abusive parents but my impression is that they refuse to just let you go. They want to squash you no matter what. When I finally lost it once because if listening to one psych go and on about ridiculous bs and finally the last straw. He immediately said we’re not a good fit and then eventually pushed me onto a new psych who is worse than him. I’ve since had issues with her but she hasn’t transferred me so I’m guessing they are trying to control me and she’s their best option.
I wish I could just leave. But it really feels like I’m stuck with this stupid team who has only ever made me worse. And traumatized me a million times. Each session feels like a huge ordeal and I literally explode in relief when it’s over.
I dunno but my point is, the same shit happens here.
Insurance, meaning money, drives so much of life. These issues are complicated and we all need to give our stories to the learning process. Don't give up. You have a perspective that is needed to drive change. It may not happen in your lifetime but let's hope we will eventually make better sense of all of this.
Clinicians don't like taking them on because as Daniel says, they increase a private practioner's insurance. Also they are very difficult to treat.
Well explained. The etiology of such behavior is terrible trauma and violations. Kindness is never wasted. Thank you for sharing your professional experiences. I learned something.
@Archie from Brighton Absolutely !! Yes, one has to be very careful not to go along or be an enabler or reward bad behavior, it can be tricky. I'm with you 100%.
26 years ago I was diagnosed with DID. But, there were no doctors who treated tag in Louisiana, at the time. A few years later I was with another therapist, mine retired and then I had BPD.
Forward to last weekend. I went with a long time friend to visit a friend who was suffering from mental health issue and had abandoned herself. My friend warned me about the state of her home. I walked in to find my last therapist the one who said I had BPD.
Now my life NEVER WENT THAT LOW! It was shocking to me. She did not recognize, nor know me. Thank God! She is now in a hospital and abusing on all who locked her up! Just unreal!
Thank God I chose painting art on furniture to move on from the death of My husband and 3 year old toddler in 1998. I had to survive for my other 4 children.
I never remarried. I am now 66 and the healthiest and happiest and poorest of my friends. Thank God something within me said I could move forward if I focused on other things, instead of the heart ache!
Labels kill the self, denial kills the self. Give yourself some love via a new hobby, it truly worked for me.
Blessings to all
A lot of therapists are really sick themselves.
I have DID
It’s basically fancy ptsd
My life will be better if I focus on living it and not labels
Good for you! ❤
it's from not getting our needs met by our parents at an early age.
We hate them but we need them.
The solution is to abandon our parents, externally and internally.
We cannot help our parents and they don't even want it; we need to move on, on our own.
Always remind ourselves that our feelings about them are our biggest area for work and growth.
I had a friend tell me she was diagnosed with BPD. And she didn’t continue therapy, and her therapist also told her she was over reacting to her trauma so that makes sense what sort of therapist it was.
I am halfway through my MSW and I have realized I don't want to be a clinical therapist. As you bring up, it is so messed up on so many levels (no thanks to the for profit medicine garbage). I can state how messed up it is. On my first intake with a psychologist to receive an assessment for adult ADHD, the psychologist screamed at me and was violent because she wanted to know what my clinical speciality was going to be, and I made the mistake of telling her that I was not going to be a social worker, but I would finish my degree. She accused me of being selfish, of stealing a seat at my university from a more deserving student, of stealing scholarship money, and how I should be ashamed of myself. This at an intake! I made a report to the board, though I doubt it will amount to anything. I didn't steal a seat - my university is open; if you aren't decomposing you will get in. I didn't steal scholarship money - I have a local state scholarship for being a war veteran, met the strict criteria for it, and I have a 3.7 GPA. There is no law, rule or regulation that says I have to be a social worker after graduation. I can go sell cotton candy if I want, my life and my decision. People like this shrink made me realize the mistake I made becoming a social work student. I should have gone for my MBA.
That screaming was plain wrong.
I have so much respect for your realization of reality within these systems. I hope you are doing well.
I fell in love with a young man when I was sixteen he was a nineteen-year-old psychology student. His dad was a g p so it seemed like a natural thing for him to go into I thought it was a noble thing mostly I just loved him he was my long-haired hippie boyfriend sensitive type of guy very intelligent but I would have been perfectly happy if you would have done something else it ruined my life and it ruin here's I guess I shouldn't say that it was his choice. He was much more selfish than I knew and he wanted the big career and a prestige in the money that came with it me on the other hand I thought maybe that was because he was altruistic but he wasn't he put his career before me and he strung me along for a year after he asked me to marry him I broke up with him but I love him too much and stayed best friends with him for 24 years but what happened was it took 12 years for him to get that PhD in Psychology and three extra years of goofing around at another University just for I don't know what but anyways finally he took a job as a federal prison psychologist just for the ease of it the pension the automatic job. He hated it he hated it so bad that when I asked him how it was his new job he said he cried himself to sleep every night woke up crying having nightmares every night discontinued probably at least 6 months or more I begged him to quit but he wouldn't quit. When he first told me he was going to take that he was thinking about taking that job I said no that job is not for you you are too sensitive and his mother said the same thing he should have listened to us years went by and he still hated the job I tried to get him to quit but he wouldn't quit I still loved him after 20 years and still wanted to marry him but we were too old to have children then. Then he ghosted me there's more to the story but shame on him he was just like his dad he physically looked like his dad and he had his dad's personality his mother even said it to me that he was selfish like his dad I thought it was all about being altruistic and wanting to help people but it wasn't he just wanted to be some big thing and make money and put his career before me well he really had one horrible career to me you don't go to college for 15 years to do something you absolutely hate. He was a straight-A student to. Oh yeah I may add a few years after I broke up with him I fell in love with another young man he was too young though younger than I still had a few years of prep school left his mother wanted him to be a doctor because she taught medical terminology and was married to the Chief of Staff of a nearby teaching University this boyfriend had dyslexia and really could barely read and I told him absolutely no don't even try to be, doctor I had to tell him the truth you don't read well enough yet and you probably never will and that was true I said it would be horribly hard for you believe me I've been engaged to be married to somebody University is really hard to give you a lot to read you don't want to be a doctor you won't have a life I said pick a nice four-year degree of something like business business the Arts whatever you want to do but just make it a four-year degree you're the marrying kind you're the kind that wants marriage and children he was he couldn't wait to get married was fantasizing like a woman about a church wedding he was a real nice man anyways I gave him the best advice and he took it I don't think he took it because of me I think it just came out that way but I knew what was best for him I never got to see him again he went to Upstate around Buffalo and I went back to Houston but 10 years later he married and had his first child and he is still married and has a good life. I loved him and I gave him good advice.
You can never be sincere around in those circles, it is dangerous..
When I was around 18 -19 I developed a kind of weird online "friendship" with a much older man from the US(a therapist, who also taught at a reputed US University, as I later found his profile on that university's website). In retrospect, I am not so sure his intentions were that "pure". He was around 50 at the time. I really went through a severe trauma around that age, and (in retrospect) I totally had almost all the typical symptoms of a "borderline" Massive mood swings, often within the same day, hypersensitivity to others' comments ( I remember I was actually afraid to go shopping for fear that the cashier might say something mean to me and it would feel like getting stabbed ), suicidal ideation, self-harm. It was a weird time. But in any case, the therapist I was chatting with tried to convince me that I was a "borderline" and needed to get professional help (and even medication ).For a while, I believed him, since a lot of videos and articles I came across about BPD seemed to reflect my behavior and feelings at that time. But over time, I started working on myself slowly, gaining independence from my family slowly, then finally starting to analyze my childhood and I went through a real rollercoaster of emotions, I remember having manic phases too, all these up until roughly my mid to late 20s when I was finally able to realize what had happened to me, and that all my so-called mood swings and depression were results of trauma. I am still not totally out of the woods, but way more stable and confident than I've ever been. Yet, now, that I am over the turbulence zone, I realize that had I actually sought professional help in my early 20s I may have gotten a ton of misdiagnoses and medications that would have probably made things worse for me.
I had a therapist in rehab diagnose me with borderline personality disorder after like two sessions. I was recovering from months of constant alcohol abuse and alcoholic psychosis during this brief time in my life. I think it was irresponsible for her to casually diagnose me with a personality disorder. I literally internalized this judgment for years until I started advocating for myself. I had to sit down and read and listen and learn about mental health for myself first, though. It took me years to undo what that fleeting interaction gave me. I'll never get over how irresponsible and arrogant most rehab/mental health triage places are. My dream is to create safer, more holistic, more trauma informed treatment centers. Thanks for your videos
Yes I agree, no one should diagnose someone when they are going through withdrawals! It makes no sense to do that
Dude I went to a couples therapist and I was crying because my husband was talking about leaving me and she was like “you can’t function”. Like, yes. My husband is about to leave me? What am I supposed to do? Laugh?
Damn can relate
Thank you Daniel. Im diagnosed with borderline, and lets not forget that in treatment, they invalidate critiqe from patients, with the reason that we have to cope with emotions. I questioned why they encouraged patoents to stay in unhealthy relationships and the reason i got was that we have to learn that people are not perfect, and its better than being alone. And i was like, but how can they ever heal if they are living with a drugaddict or someone that abuses them? Crazy!
@@danceswithcoyotes8273 That sounds crazy. I have thought many times that therapist uses diagnosis to gaslight patients.
@@danceswithcoyotes8273 That sucks. I don't know your story, but it really sounds like gaslighting, and I actually think its not that unusual. My friend recently was told that he was "projecting" because he expressed a need for the therapist to be more warm ( the therapist was actually telling my friend that it was something he inhibited, even though they only saw each other one time ). That is such a crazy thing to say to a client, without even knowing them. There are some fucked up therapists out there.
@@danceswithcoyotes8273 what I have heard, expression is part of the healing. Trying to pull you back in to repressing your feelings, is destructive. It sounds like she is not able to hold space for your anger, yes. It sounds like she haas some work to do with herself. A warm therapist is a must for us to feel safe expressing difficult emotions.
That’s like 1800s BS, what the hell
@@samwallaceart288 yeah, I don't even think they are questioning what they are telling people Its insane.
11:58 I honestly think the therapist who said that about clients/patients with BPD should lose his license, because that's a straight up evil thing to say! I think there are a lot of people with medical degrees who just want to make a lot of money. 💰
I can't agree with you more. I am in diagnosis class in counseling now and I think the whole DSM is just a splattering of trauma responses.
Agreed! 👍
This is so true. A therapist I knew hated a client of hers and diagnosed her with BPD and passed her off to someone else
Much love to you, Daniel from someone on no meds and recovered from CPTSD and dissociation.
We can recover!! 🎉❤😊
When you encounter BPD, truly encounter it, it is so bizarre, that you never forget it. My BPD guy saw me only in respect to how he felt. If he felt good, then I was doing something good to make him feel that way, even if I was objectively being shitty to him. If he felt bad, then no matter how incredibly nice I was being or what great meal I had lovingly cooked for him, he would blame me FOR THE WAY HE FELT. His outbursts were periodic; you could feel it building. When he started yelling at me for no reason I would say "I'm not your mother!" because he was yelling at his mother not me. I'm saying that he was completely madly delusional and he was a PhD Psychotherapist and court expert in San Diego county... When we were breaking up (which happened pretty quickly) he made a big deal of "what I would say to our friends", like who was breaking up with who... it was VERY important that HE was leaving ME and not the other way around. I had never heard of such a thing!!... but BPD... they freak out when the relationship is ending... are you leaving them or are they leaving you? To normal people, who cares but to them it's existential!. I'm just glad I lived to tell. He also gaslit me all through our relationship... It was only after I left him that I realized it... that I hadn't misplaced my keys, that I wasn't losing my mind as he continually suggested. That guy was completely nuts. And he couldn't treat kids because his ex-wife had caught him jerking off to his young daughter and her friend in the backyard. He was also a major misogynist... A real sicko and he's still practising to this day! State of California licensed psychotherapist who's a complete nutcase! BPD is very real... they are delusional and their minds work so differently from ours... you either know it or you don't. I don't think anyone who doesn't live with a BPD can ever really know how strange their minds work... it's not something you can read in a book. I'm convinced of that. You have to actually live with them personally in an intimate relationship over a period of time before it manifests and you begin to understand this illness. It's like pulling reality inside out.
The best description of their behavior I came across was "they do things that make you feel crazy for noticing".
I just got out of a relationship with a "BPD" woman and it's traumatizing as hell. So confusing and heartbreaking to witness and being on the receiving end off. I'm trying to be understanding right now, but i mostly just feel hate towards her. And myself for not seeing the signs to begin with.
I’m sorry you had to go through that. It sounds very similar to how one of my older sisters treated me growing up but I think it’s likely that it’s narcissism more than anything. Another trauma response that can wreak havoc on people’s relationships and self perception to where they are truly the center of the world and everyone else is just a mere chess piece in their game. They develop these traits over time because they felt they had to in order to survive the situations they were in but down the line if they don’t heal it only sets them up for failure in their future. It’s getting better I think but as Daniel says the way the mental health industry has been set up makes it very hard for people to heal let alone in the proper way.
I have had all the symptoms of PTSD and agree that it is very real but not a “disorder!” Yes, PTS would be a better label.
You're more likely to receive real treatment and empathy from practitioners with "CPTSD" than with a "personality disorder".
Extremely true. Why aren’t therapists approaching everybody as if they’re ruled by trauma anyway? Most people are, at least parts of their lives are, especially the people arriving at therapy!
I am very sorry to hear that’s how the system works in the US. I’ve been in psychoanalytic therapy for years here in Mexico, and going through the process I would feel such sadness and despair that I would beg my therapist to tell me my diagnosis, so that I could understand what was wrong with me and do something about it. Yet she would always refuse. Now, several years later, I’m feeling much better and stronger, and I so understand her, appreciate her work even more, and agree with her that words have immense power so we’d better use them wisely ❤
I am so very grateful for you Daniel. Your videos are very informative, so helpful and non judgemental. It is so hard to find someone who is empathic and understanding. I was diagnosed BPD. I do not agree with my diagnosis. When people hear that diagnosis, people treat you differently. There is a huge stigma that goes with that label. After many years, I was very lucky to have found a great therapist that is not focused on labels. We are both great fans of yours. Thank you so much for being the beautiful person you are. You have helped me so much in my healing process and give me faith in humanity.
So glad you're back. This level of compassion, I'm grateful for it
Whenever personality disorders come up in conversation I can’t stop thinking about how a psychiatrist yelled at my mother saying I was a drama queen and that I have a personality disorder. Now she asked which personality disorder of course, and he just never responded to the question and continued to yell at her. I stopped seeing him after that.
Also I love this video a lot! I display most if all the criteria for Borderline and this video is very helpful in understanding there are ways to cope outside of heavily medicalization.
Good for you. Saved yourself. The doc was a looney tune.
He’s clearly just projecting his own crap onto you it’s so obvious.
Thank you so much Daniel ❤️. As a therapist and a client who really dislikes this diagnosis (particularly because it’s given out indiscriminately to women and minority groups); I find it impossible to resist this diagnosis both in my practice and in my personal life without having to justify that I’m not saying this simply because I have “it”. It’s not a real thing - it’s a catch all diagnosis for when a therapist is trying to treat their own countertransference. I have almost done this too with clients- and I’ve had to stop myself and self reflect because I know the experience of a therapist doing this to me. I find that as soon as the “borderline” word is used in session - anything the client says or does is used against them. It’s a horrible diagnosis and is just a modern day version of shaming abuse survivors. I think hearing about another person’s abuse brings up such difficult feelings in most of us that we are looking for an ego syntonic way to push them away. This diagnosis says so much more about the person doing the labelling than anything else. Personally I think this also has something to do with our collective dislike of witnessing “feminine” distress. It’s such a relief to hear someone else talk about this. Thank you for all that you do.
What you describe Is that the unreflected reaction to the diagnosis is bad. The diagnosis itself cannot have a mal or benign intention, it can only be correct or incorrect. It is our posture towards the patient that matters. So we have to evolve as a professional group. it's not the diagnosis that has to die for our colleagues' stupidity.
The impact of the diagnosis goes beyond the therapist’s need for being correct in their observations. Why do we presuppose that someone who has a degree can objectively diagnose when there are so many dynamics that favour the therapist (just get the diagnosis) so we can notch another paying client (be successful) and please the college (be in compliance)?
As others have commented, BDP is 99.99% a mostly misogynistic diagnosis for therapists/psychiatrists who don't want to work "difficult" aka very traumatized women. People look at my oddly for being therapy critical most of the time but the under belly of the profession is very real. Thanks for your thoughts.
YES
. . . The profession IS
predominantly "underbelly."
what about the men who have been diagnosed then? This sounds like you want to be the victim. Stop making everything about misogyny. Its annoying
@@lacheinc the vast majority of this diagnosis go to women. Look at the data
@@lacheinc Please point out where anyone said 1. it's only women and never men who are diagnosed BPD, 2. everything is about misogyny, 3. there's any need for anyone to be concerned what you specifically might find annoying.
Could it be that making everything not about misogyny is indicative of something worse than merely annoying? I think it might be. It's worth looking into.
these "diagnosis" are pure social constructs
Thank you so much for this. I needed to hear it from another professional. I’m a psychiatry resident and I feel every word of this. I experienced first hand how psych ward health professionals talk about this group of patients, how they are treated and it was quite toxic to be a part of. This is one of the reasons why I’m leaving the field. Maybe call it emotional dysregulation /emotional regulation challenges instead? I’ve never liked the personality disorder label, I mean telling traumatised people there’s something wrong with their personality seems quite harsh and unempathetic.
I received it from a psychiatrist (but said straight away that she could be wrong) specialist in trauma and it didn't sit well. but I looked into it and there were definitely some relevant traits but not really that much and later she adjusted her diagnosis and said it was trauma complex which actually fits better and in a strange way, maybe we should just see those diagnosis as merely framework conceptual tools and not exaggerating their power that they have per se
I was diagnosed with BPD few years ago, I'm 26 now. I felt ashamed, miserable and helpless.
Last year i found kind of healing in religion after almost losing my life because of medication i've got. I was like zombie because of them and got even bigger desire to kill myself.
Today i discovered you. All i can say is THANK YOU for doing this. You motivated me to work on myself even more and to learn more about mental health in general.
❤
I know a person with bpd diagnosis and know some of the personal history and I must say you are absolutely right. That person has been heavily traumatized in different ways since early childhood.
That's still not an excuse for shitty behaviour
@@joelbarish no it is not. That person does not have real friends and it is the most lonesome person I know. It is absolutely tragic.
Lmao. I had some of those behaviors as a teen during and after long term abuse and neglect. With help over time a lot of internal feelings and of course the behavior changed. I so much believe deep down that lots of those feelings n behaviors are a natural response to the environment witch was severely unhealthy rather then a disorder.
BPD always seemed like the most egregious of the "Im a lazy therapist and I don't want to deal with you anymore" labels.
I agree that a good treatment of bpd is to blame and forgive people that hurt you in the past through realising that they had their own issues themselves from their own childhood traumas that lead them to hurt you. And that this did not make it okay for them to hurt you, but understanding that because they hurt you, you have a defense mechanism that results in you hurting others. But this is not an excuse for you to hurt others, and you do not want to. Deep down inside no one wants to. But you can change that through choosing to forgive and understanding what forgivness means, No one is perfect and you cant control who hurts you but you can control how you respond. Through understanding the other person. Because we ourselves are not perfect and hurt people. People hurt people and then expect forgivness but they find it difficult to forgive other people.If we do not forgive we think other people do not forgive either. If we do not forgive it makes us angry and hatefull and we project that on other people and start to see other people as bad. Because we ourselfs have bad traits. People with bpd feel they are out of control because they feel other people are in control of their emotions because in the past this is what happened. Once someone realises that through forgivness you can control how other people affect you, and that anger is an emotion which has been built up through not forgiving, you realise that you can control the way you feel through letting go. It is very difficult because you have to realise that you cannot control other people and other people cannot control you but what you can be in control of are your reactions by letting go
God thank you so much for voicing ideas and critiques of the psychiatry industry that I thought I was crazy for having.
Yeah, i got diagnosed with this in 1969. I thought it meant that I was not really possessed of a personality. As a child I had adopted the idea that personality was a sort of super excellence, like Shirley Temple, a charisma which I obviously lacked. So when they told me that diagnosis, I translated that into no personality. This diagnosis was made four months after the birth of my second child. A pregnancy that was unusual in that I was unable to eat properly for the entire time, just small amounts, lots of vomiting, and total carsickness, could not go anywhere without vomiting. My obstetrician was very happy with my failure to gain weight, it made his reputation improve when that happened. No one was willing to decide that the starvation in pregnancy, and the subsequent near death of the baby in question by starvation because my milk was not so healthy. I was hospitalized for most of a year. Treated with so called truth serum, which in those days was meth and sodium amatol 50/50 intravenously. The theory was that I could not be that sick unless there was an early childhood trauma it could not be postpartum because too many weeks had passed between delivery and hospitalization. But if it existed, my parents did not know, or were unwilling to admit. So this was supposed to reveal that. But it didn't and eventually the Dr. sent me home with enough meds to kill me, and I did take it all. I do not remember taking it, and obviously I did survive. All of his other young patients were successful, and he was given much support for this loss. I am convinced that while I was drugged he instructed me on suicide, and his plan failed. When I was about 50 yrs old, my older brother told me that he had seen something horrible happening to me in childhood, but was too afraid to help, and wanted my forgiveness. But, he would not tell me what he saw and he is dead now.
It seems like the issue is the stigma and the name. Fine, maybe it should be called Emotional Dysregulation Disorder instead, but having a label for people with these traits can be helpful for both patients and their victims. As a child of a woman who strongly exhibits BPD traits, it has been very helpful to have some context for the abuse I grew up with as a child and why I attracted men with BPD and narc traits as an adult.
I'd add that the research indicates that not everyone with a BPD diagnosis suffered childhood abuse and there are some studies that tie it to genetics. Moreover, plenty of people experience childhood trauma and don't develop BPD or any other PD, for that matter. Trauma isn't the only cause of this disorder.
NKN112011 there’s a strong correlation between having a mother with narcissistic personality disorder and developing bpd later in life which is essentially ptsd
BPD has helped me understand the ways in which my mother abused me. She did come from a history of trauma but she also traumatized me
Daniel… you are a gift to our broken world. Thank you for being so real and courageous!
This channel is amazing! As somebody who is coming from a country where there are no standards for mental health and no licenses or insurance, my dream is to study DBT in the US. It is great to have that critique of the duagnosis and have realisitc expectations. I am also diagnosed with BPD and have been through the DBT therapy and it helped me immensely (did it with the only practicing DBT therapist in the whole country, who also studied in the USA!). I am sure that I did not feel stigmatized because of the lack of regulations here, although I have been refused therapy and called "immature", blamed having "daddy issues" by previous therapists here. Although it really hurt every time, I did not find this manner of treatment adequate and I would not start devaluing myself or internalizing it. I would think therapists are wrong to treat a vulnurable client this way. However, I do find myself in the popular non-official "quiet" subtype - I would never have anger outbursts and would be considered highly "functional" most of the time, although the emotional rollercoaster made my life impossible. My first ideation was when I was 12 and honestly - up until 26, it was coming and going.
Meds helped me immensely but I am also sure it is that because of EU regulations we have nothing as addictive as the meds in the US (could be wrong).
I have suffered a lot of abuse and recently I had a particular person I let too close to trigger it - every time they are in a room with me I have all the symptoms of anxiety & fight or flight. Like, they pass by and my heart rate skyrockets, my stomach churns... All that. I read Bessel Van Der Kolk's book and I found it very very relevant to my situation.
I feel like I am not a horrible person, I just suffered abuse and betrayal for most of my life and was reluctant to go into the mental health field because of feeling "f*cked up" but in the end started the process and honestly... I find people with mental issues most of the time just really traumatized and I enjoy taking their insight and seeing their empathy. I, myself, don't feel abnormal at all. I feel loving, loyal, empathetic and sensitive, having BPD. I have literally 0 doubts right now that therapy is the personal and professional path for me (lol), especially seeing Psychology students be absolutely judgemental en masse towards people with mental issues. I totally see them just taking rich clients one day and treating episodic and easier conditions, if they ever finish school. I, however, relate more to "abnormal" people and talk easier to them. Who knows, maybe one day I will burn out and do video editing!
Thanks for the content, Daniel!
Love this comment so much. Wish you all the best through your path
The diagnostic criteria are so vague/broad that they apply to virtually anyone who isn't fully healed.
Not really. I don't have any of the symptoms, and neither do most people.
Was it Bessel Van Der Kolk who said if trauma was taken seriously, the DSM would be a pamphlet? (Something along those lines.) From everything I've been through, everything I've read and learned, etc., BPD is trauma. Just a novice opinion.
This was made 3 years ago, but is very relevant to me now, as I recently was told by a clinical social worker that I have borderline traits. A previous counsellor told me she does not believe in diagnosis, that it doesn't help people, and that I am not sick. But I have been desperate to know what's wrong with me, because how can I cure it unless I know what the ailment is. And there must be something wrong with me, or I wouldn't be struggling so much and losing so many friends and loved ones. I am currently doing a DBT workbook on my own because I felt disgruntled about paying a lady $120 an hour to teach it to me, when I can teach myself it for $30.
At present I would feel relieved to be given a diagnosis, because then I would have a starting point to make it better. I am leery though of telling too many people this diagnosis because of the stigma/stereotype, fear it could create. I would however like an explanation for why I am different. Then maybe people wouldn't blame me so much. At the same time I'd like to think that there is nothing wrong with me that I am just fine how I am, and just like always, I just need to learn how to stick up for myself and be confident.
If you need someone to go through the book with you feel free to reach out I don’t mind it. I know what you mean to I feel like theirs something wrong with me when I cut my whole family out of my life and friends I felt so lost still do. I have one friend and it’s my ex and I get so triggered by him or out of the blue I’ll just get triggered and mad. I think I may have a sensory processing disorder to because I don’t like to be around people nor do I trust them. Not sure if that’s what you’re going through but feel free to reach out to me. Name is Mariah I just have different accounts
looking into complex ptsd may be fruitful for you. lots of people in the comments here and some working professionals in these fields are thinking BPD is more a presentation of trauma than some innate personality type. whether or not you feel cPTSD is a term that fits, the literature that does exist for it will probably be able to offer you some help in figuring out where your behaviors may have come from, likely starting in childhood. it could be parents, close family members, bullying in school by peers/friends that warp your behaviors and mindset towards the world, resulting in traits that may be called borderline
@@eg4441 Yes. Thank you. I do feel c-ptsd is an apt diagnosis for me. Everything fits. Just waiting to get an official diagnosis so I can get help from the Canadian government. Meanwhile I might spend all my hard won savings just on food, vet bills and basic utilities, and end up on welfare again. 😢 I have a lot of anxiety about losing my money. Hard to get and keep any kind of acceptable long-term employment.
This video was incredibly well done. This is what so many people need to know. I definitely needed to. Thank you so much for sharing your awareness and insight, it helps so much to know there are like-minded people out there amidst the rest who are quick to conform with the societal norm even when it is proving to be harmful to do so.
As a former therapist diagnosed with BPD, this video is phenomenal. I've had this discussion with my therapist. We both agree that I definitely have CPTSD, but he's sold on BPD as well. I think I'm fortunate to have him, though. He's committed to helping and I'm convinced that he doesn't dislike me. Cheers
Can't believe you just posted this! Been thinking about this "diagnosis" so much of late. Thank you thank you thank you.
I for one needed the diagnosis, I was in a really dark place because I didn’t understand why I acted that way. Everyone was calling me crazy and I was extremely suicidal. Since being diagnosed I have never been better. I look to these diagnoses for answers, it helps me feel less alone.
yeah I think it's a good thing to diagnose. It permit us to define ourself
Is to be looking as you say ‘less alone’ one of the reasons you agree with your diagnosis? Does it help you to feel affirmed?
Diagnosis doesn't give any explanation what so ever. It's only a lifelong stigma. They could have been giving you any diagnosis, and you would have related.
Very good critique. I’ve always hated the diagnosis. Because as you say it’s more akin to ptsd. Thank you.
You’ve put into words what I’ve been thinking for the longest. Thank you.
I've been binge watching your videos and I've never so understood in my life ever as I do now by you, Daniel. Thank you so much for the amazing work that you do. Please never stop. Your videos are helping me heal from the trauma I went through. i can't thank you enough.
I think another reason it's so hard for me to connect well with others is because other people are great at feeling, expressing, and sharing their emotions. Idk what to do with any of it. It really creates a wall between me and others. And it's because I have a wall between me and myself.
In the modern day psychiatry.... even if your only symptom is self harm + being a woman ... you automatically get bpd diagnosis
Very informative and insightful! Thank you so much for posting, you bring a wealth of insight and wisdom to this subject matter!
Thank you Daniel, you are doing very important work for people, take good care of yourself and be well, this world is really need you
I was called a psychopath by my ex boyfriend of 6 year friend’s. So sad. I’m learning to forgive them. “She’s the woman from Fatal Attraction” is what I got. Splitting and devaluating of others is what I do best. Singing too loud, believing one’s truth or past to be true to how they are today and judging and criticizing, liking someone then becoming bored and unsatisfied with that person, love bombing (I think I do this because I really do care for the person or I’ll do it because I want something in return), obsessing over someone, using people, not wanting to do anything alone when I’m in a relationship with a man, staying at a job for a while then quitting shortly after because I’ll value people then disvalue them and find them to all be annoying. I realized to that religion does not help with my growth because then I try and be the perfect “Christian” and usually I can’t be around “sinners” and try not to sin myself which brings me back into sin anyways. 🤷♀️ Then I’ll blame others for my sin. Oh and mirroring behavior to because I don’t have an identity. I felt like an actor in a play when I was at church.
I was diagnosed with BPD 10 years ago. I come from a very destructive family of narcissists and abusers who, to everybody else, were the perfect parents and I was the black sheep of the family. My mother never cared about me, she hated me and I think she wanted me to just vanish. She loved and accepted only my younger brother - her golden child. She let my father whom she despised to do whatever he wanted to do with me. I don't remember being sexually abused, but I sure remember being beaten like a dog until I was 19 years old. I remember him taking me for skiing where we would be alone, but I was too young to remember if he did something inappropriate to me or not. My both parents are very well educated, very cultural, no alcohol, no vulgar words. Perfection. When I was 16-17 I started to run away from home and express autoagressive behaviours such as cutting myself (initially in front of my mother which, as I understand it today, was the cry out for help). She didn't care, I think she wanted me to kill myself. When I sought for happiness among strangers I was raped (gang raped to be exact), abused BUT I still came back. This crazy time ended when I was 18 and decided to change my life. I accepted what my mother had always been telling me, i.e. that it was all my fault and I started preparing myself for medical school exams. I passed the exams and got in. Unfortunatelly, I had my first nervous breakdown before I completed the first year and although I was one of the best students (top 10) I gave up. She said she knew I wasn't good enough for medical school and I agreed with her. I didn't know anything about psychology but I knew I hated her. As years passed by I managed to obtain two bachelor's degrees and one master's but I was feeling worse and worse mentally. My marriage was ruined, I was a single mother living with my child in my mother's house because I had no resources to leave. I believe she completely destroyed my soul and self esteem. I don't know who I am anymore. I still live under her roof because I'm afraid I can't live on my own. She's always been sending this message "You're nothing without me", and I'm afraid I can't move on. I'm not able to earn enough to provide for my son and just move out. One thing I'm happy about is that my father has been living with his second wife for more than 25 years and I don't have to see him. She hasn't changed, although nowadays she's a little bit calmer (too old to shout constantly). But she tries all her old techniques with my son. He hates her for that and I do too. And we live in this little hell of ours. I hope to one day just leave. To pluck up the courage, find a better job and just leave. I don't know if that's BPD, but definitely PTSD.
Rachela Ou I watch Joyce Meyers and she might help... I feel I am similar to you
@@wallacemohlenbrok1256 thank you ❤
Daniel is 100% accurate. Being raised by a parent that has this behavior confuses the hell out of their children and causes all types of difficulties in their adult lives. There has to be a reason I was brought into this world under this environment. I do believe I lived my life mostly disconnected from my true self until I did the deep dive of looking within. I'm so much more reserved now and pick up on peoples micro expressions very easily. My circle of "friends" has decreased dramatically after my introspection.
God bless you for speaking Daniel. You are helping so much. ❤
Ego syntonic doesn't mean that a person feels good about their behavioral patterns it just means they've accepted that those patters are traits of their natural personality. A borderline will likely accept the traits as natural after years of repeating the same patterns seemingly helplessly, but they don't feel "good" about having those traits any more than someone feels good about being on fire. A narcissist will feel "good" about claiming those traits as part of their identity, because they don't feel bad about anything they do. It's a key distinction worth acknowledging
Hallelujah!!! I was intrigued by the title of your video and wondered if you might challenge the diagnosis. And, you sure did! Omgoodness, I believe BPD is one of the most damaging labels that can be doled out. It boxes people in and automatically creates a stigma that can be difficult to shake.
Bless you for starting off your conversation in the way you did. 🙏🏻
Bethany Saxton in my city if you have BPD even if you’re very suicidal etc you’re unlikely to ever get a hospital admission. People have died due to this here. One guy went to ER four times in the week before he died from suicide.
When I read the traits of BPD years ago, I recognized it in a former friend immediately. She was unlikable a lot of the time, difficult, very subtly abusive and caused a lot of drama, worry and distrust. I have no doubt in my mind that she had trauma, and we talked about it before I left. She's the most intelligent person I've met and immensely creative, yet it would be extremely challenging for a therapist to see her positive sides, as she on top of everything hated all authority. So she did not go to therapy at all, maybe she dodged a bullet. But I do hope she got help.
Thomas Szasz would approve.
I dont study psychology. But i feel like i learn so much more watching your channel than i would in a classroom. Your perspective is very eye opening and makes a lot of sense. Many would be against your way of thinking. The way you explain these subjects and go into detail must be very hard to do. I think i remember seeing a video in which you explained ur a bit of a perfectionist and u have to practice a lot for your videos. Or how you want to get your point across. I really love your channel and its fascinating how your subscriber count doesnt add up to your content. I try to employ your explanations into every day life all the time.
I have an inquiry that im very curious about. Seeing as im interested in psychology but i know you left behind that profession... What do you do for a living? If you no longer work as a psychologist do you still work in a related field? I dont want to study psychology and become a "bad" psychologist due to the things im taught. As well as be overwhelmed with clients in which "i lower my guard for".(basically the reasons of stress you left the field if im not mistaken)
So im curious to see what else is available or what it is that interests you personally to go about making a living currently.
This really helped me understand some stuff about myself..
My last psychiatrist diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder after my first 20 minute phone visit with her, and she talked the majority of the time. She didn’t tell me she put the diagnosis in my chart and I was entirely taken off guard by it. Next appointment I brought it up and wanted her to explain to me why she gave the diagnosis, I was told I was overreacting. I refused to see her again. If I truly have the diagnosis, fine, I guess, but I was personally more upset about the fact that she couldn’t even tell me why she gave it to me. The clinic director wanted to just issue a cookie cutter apology and send me on my way but I insisted they place me with a new provider per their ‘clinic promises’ on their website so they unwillingly obliged. The next provider took that diagnosis out of my chart and put PTSD in with like 4 clicks while saying “you don’t even match the criteria, didn’t she even listen to you?” Absolutely wild. Turns out I’m just autistic and unbelievably traumatized.
I was diagnosed with BPD and NPD when I was 20 and in my life's worst crisis. Like, it's obvious that when you are in a crisis, you're less stable and you want to gain controle over your emotions. Plus, I was mentally a teenager and as far as I know idealising things and persons is completely normal for teenagers. I remember questionning this diagnosis and I was trying to talk through all the criteria but my psychoterapist would always insist on the fact that she was sure about it and there was no need to prove it. I was told that personality disorders stick with you forever. Guess what, a year later my life conditions changed and since then I've been feeling great. All of the sudden, the "profoundly complexe and life-long disorders" have disapeared... On the other hand, after this diagnosis I felt that finally I had the right to suffer and I no longer had to pretend everything was okay. So I've got mixed feelings about diagnosis - as long as they are pertinent, they could help the patient better understand their problems.
I like removing disorder from the diagnoses as well
Me to I get in this mood where I don’t believe in any of them
Oh my goodness, thank you for this perspective. Just wow!
Man, I love your videos and perspective. Thank you. 👏🏻
Love all ur content . Your approach in conveying ur honest thoughts is perfect
Dude, thank you so much for this, it's exactly right. My sister has been diagnosed with BPD and I completely disagree with that. I know she isn't crazy. My problem is maintaining boundaries. Please please do a video on how to maintain boundaries with someone with (dare I say) BPD. I would love to help.
Lol good luck
Daniel, I've watched this video many times. It is a misdiagnosis that causes a person to be discriminated against by health care and by therapists. It is a misdiagnosis that says, alright, I don't like you, you're so right. It is sad that distress gets medicalised and pathologised. Having learned that those in the helping profession saw my understandable distress, as disordered. How I was viewed with suspicion and having every aspect of my being looked through the lens of the ICD and DSM, has hurt me, really damaged my sense of self. I read my records two years ago and it really messed with me. It is an injustice to not have compassion for those who have a graveyard of loses like you said. Such people are not 'manipulative' they behave in ways to protect themselves unconsciously..
As someone who was almost diagnosed with BPD, I get your point completely. I was depressed and the therapist kept trying to spin it around to say I had self-directed bursts of anger and splitting, even though it didn't feel fitting at all. However, my past abuser fulfills a lot of the criteria. Even though I feel no love for them, I've been trying to get them help. But because it's ego-syntonic, they refuse it. They say it's "just temperament" and the problem is with everyone else. This person raised me and as a child, I was made subject to their erotomanic and persecutory delusions. I was subjected to their splitting and attacks of anger. Several kinds of abuse. So while I've been at the receiving end of this diagnosis also, it makes me flinch when I hear people say that BPD is not a problem, it's just a temperament, it shouldn't be worked on if the patient themselves is not actively suffering from it. When the surrounding people's experiences are discarded. I'd agree with that if I wasn't a child forced to live behind locked doors with that peron. I wouldn't care what label they'd get as long as they get the help they need. I know that's not exactly your point here but that is just my gut reaction.
This video is the most helpful I have ever seen on the whole trauma topic, thank you!
Rewatching again, and I am still confounded by the ego dystonic/ego synthonic dichotomy as it applies here. It just sounds backward and wrong in relation to this diagnosis. As far as I have listened and read and seen, people who are eventually diagnosed with BPD often do not feel okay, are aware of a sense of something being "wrong with" them, do go for help -- and are repeatedly failed in their attempts at finding help. They may not know what is actually wrong, but they do most definitely not feel okay and fine and content with how they are. For the longest time, no one knew how to help them. It is a Competence of the Entire Profession kind of issue. And hmm how convenient then that this diagnosis, in spite of evidence to the contrary, gets to belong on the ego-synthonic side. In the dangerous and frightening category.
And one last thing: "fear of abandonment"-- given that abandonment is a very real phenomenon, a very rampant phenomenon-- is not any kind of "wrong" response to this world. People who have a heightened awareness to the possibilities of abandonment and the dangers of abandonment, are not wrong. In certain contexts abandonment is lethal. Fatal even. And we have an innate inborn drive to avoid it. Something out there in this world triggers this innate survival-linked thing in some people and they have an overwhelming sense of how vulnerable they are on an evolutionary level.
Exactly! Fear like that also don't come out of nowhere... abandonment can also be "only" emotional... my Dad would give me the silent treatment allll the time, and be shut down and not available when I needed him... it was a survival threat for sure...