I’ve struggled with porn addiction since I was like 12 and I’m 20 now and about last year really started to realize how unhealthy it was and in result I never even tried to engage with girls my age let alone a relationship. I cut it out of my life and it has made such a drastic impact on me
@@BoxOfCurryos It was more of a lifestyle change , I totally changed my diet from fast food 4/5 times a week to even more with coffees daily to all protein based cooked meals with shakes . I stopped exercising and have just started to consistently get back into it and I’ve just been trying to stay busy and focus on things that actually matter to better myself like reading self improvement books etc
@@TheZestySoul97 just make friend then turn it into relationship. Dating sucks. It’s the only way I had relationships. But with dating I would get disposed quickly. It’s filthy lol
In Islam , people are encouraged to fast, it helps control our desires. Be in control of the self. Lower the gaze, both men and women. Pray 5 times a day, which demands , purity and cleanliness, to wash up before each prayer. Say no, to sexual activity, for almighty God’s sake, to keep your pure connection with our lord. Sexual acts outside marriage and porn, damages or push back the connection with out lord .
I really don't buy that being against porn can ever be a totally secular idea. Daniel appears to be heavily influenced by culture. And our culture is still dripping with a lot of religious influences and overtones.
@@thunderpooch Everyone is religious in some way. At some level, everyone has a religion, a worldview based on some kind of faith. But I do think you're right, everyone, including people who think they're real atheists, has been influenced by classical religion.
@@the81kid I don't think everyone is religious in some way. But I do think far too many self described agnostics and atheists have uncritically swallowed religious sentiments and incorporated them into their worldview and subsequently into their daily behaviors. Either be secular or don't. Don't pick and choose for no reason at all, is what I'd say to the vast majority of self described "no religious affiliation" demographic.
TH-cam Curates Content, algorithm is a lie ....religion is misogyny. So is porn. You can think between the divide. I’m an ex Mormon, an atheist, and mormons stance of being against porn doesn’t go all ther deep, cause they can’t talk about how women are disrespected without acknowledging power imbalances, power imbalances that exist in the church. Conservatives and liberals are the same wings on the woman hating bird. Ofc you can be secular and anti porn. Being anti porn is common sense. If you respect women, you don’t watch porn...
@@gingerisevil02 I disagree. If you're respectful of women, certain porn won't be appealing while other porn will be. And secular people can be against porn but it rarely has much to do with moral sentiments and disrespecting women. It's more along the lines that watching too much porn could be a form of sensory overload and/or a poor use of one's time. Addiction can clearly be an issue. But people get addicted to food, movies, and video games. There's no real call to ban them from a morality standpoint. There's the slippery slope argument against porn since some porn is abusive or needlessly violent, but that's not really being against all porn per se. You have to build up sex in your mind as having super natural attributes and that God has deemed it only appropriate in a certain context to truly be against porn on a moral basis. I watch porn, but the kind I like is tame in comparison to all that is available. I too think some porn is a direct result of some people having addiction issues and so they keep seeking out more graphic and intense scenarios because they've become desensitized. And yes, some sex addicts get involved in the porn industry, which is also unhealthy. But many professional coaches and people who work in finance are also addicted to their job and have zero life balance. Why is watching people engage in sex a harm if they're there willingly and no acts are being depicted which display dominance or disrespect to the women involved? I'm truly curious. If a convincing argument can be made, I'll might very well give up porn. It's not my intent to disrespect women. I use porn as fantasy, an escape, and a way to learn about sex. Sure it's lazy entertainment. Even the limited social interactions of people engaging in porn and sex are quite fascinating. The men and women behave as they do and have distinct actions, and i don't get any of that when I opt to touch myself in a darkened room. It's like watching The Lion King to learn about Africa and animals instead of picky up a book on lions and hyenas. It's entertaining fluff. Is that so bad? Should I read journals and works by sexologists if I claim I'm fascinated? But I don't think I'd do it, nor would I read about lions.
What a brilliant, mature talk. Porn separates people and real respect and love in the world. Not to mention it being demoralizing and dehumanizing. You have some amazing good points.
I am deeply grateful for this video. I broke into tears. Pornography has touched my life in a deeply destructive way, and I am so sick of how "normal" it is now. It makes me feel as if I cannot trust anyone.
I would never be with a man who is into Porn, even as a adult it dehumanizes women and the actresses are often sexual abuse victims while young as you mentioned and they are further victimized in this industries. As a sexual abuse survivor, I only see victimized women. It also gives a distorted view to men of how to treat women and what they want from a men, they are instead taught to objectify and abuse women.
I think anyone who's honest with themselves understands porn is extremely harmful. But the problem is that sexual desire is such a basic driver for biological existence and it's just too hard to avoid it especially when there's little (obvious) cost to watching it. Add ease of access due to the internet and the free market, and it takes an otherworldy amount of willpower to overcome that temptation. It's like being hungry all the time and only having junk food around.
I think understanding that a porn addiction is actually quite seperate from your biological desires is an important stepping stone in breaking away from feeling you need it and that it is something you can break, it definitely helped me and I am currently still in this process of breaking away from it. With these things the addiction reaches a point where your use of porn is the addiction, not the actual physical ejaculation, its the porn that you are addicted to, and understanding this and separating it from your natural desire for sex is so important. It often reaches a point where you struggle to reach normal levels of arousal without porn. That is in no way a part of our biology. Best of luck, it is possible.
@@alexstone9099 Good point. Even if you think that you "need" to orgasm regularly, that doesn't mean you have to watch porn. When you're very attached to porn, it's easy to forget that you can masturbate without it.
As a man it's honestly so refreshing to see women in the comments talk about these things In my own experiences with women, when we've reached a point in the relationship where we're sexually interacting with each other, I'll ask what they're into and so often the answer is BDSM, but here's the interesting part: When I've told them I'm not into those sorts of things, they'll then backpedal and tell me about how they're not really that into it either, when I've told them I'm not into it I've always mentioned that I'm willing experiment with engaging in it with them, because I care about their pleasure and I'm not prude or shameful or anything, yet they'll insist that they're really not that into it despite what they told me earlier about being into it I've always had a feeling that the reason I've seen this happen so many times is because they've assumed that I'm into it, due to so many men being into aggressive pornography, like they think men want a 'freaky' girl, and so because they want to feel worthy of this criteria they've assumed I have, they'll pander to me by saying they're into freaky stuff, while in reality I just want them to be their selves
There's a lot of people completely desensitized to human connection. They need more and more extreme kinks and fetishes just to get some kind of sensation. Not that I would recommend anyone watching porn, if you see the "performers", they very often look dead in their eyes, bored, like they don't feel anything anymore. Porn sites cater for more and more extreme fetishes because so many people are completely numb to how intimacy really feels.
@@the81kid I've noticed the same thing you're describing, pornography can act as a sort of 'gateway drug' to more extreme things, it makes men become so selfish and predatory sex is supposed to be something that's intimate, selfless, sincere, loving, sensual, a form of bonding porn reaps these elements from their minds, and in-turn becomes something insincere and vapid, void of connection
I've had similar experiences with woman I'd been with. Every single one except my very first sex partner wanted something special like spanking, biting, strangling, but in the end they all told me I didn't do it right. For some, even the kissing, touching, the spooning, or hugging wasn't right. Had I not had a more innocent and grateful experience very early on, I think I would have given up on sex life altogether like so many young people do nowadays. They are so afraid to get hurt and that is totally understandable. Not to go into the detail but all of my unsatisfied partners had been abused in some way at a very young age. Some were open about it, some just showed it unknowingly. Knowing this made and still is making me so sad and powerless.
Goomatora I remember when I first introduced to porn! My cousin saw that I had an iPod touch! He was excited and said “ooh dude let me see it” he immediately searched porn on it and showed me you can clear history. Ever since then I just been jerking off to it. It’s horrible and degrading. I can really see how it effects my relations with women and men. It’s not okay.
LAF 98 it’s the most accessible addictive substance especially now more than ever in the era of information. It’s easy to start and incredibly difficult to stop once you have a habit. Millennials are so screwed man. The internet is everywhere now, it’s not difficult to use or only available for the mid and upper class. I don’t think banning it entirely will solve this but perhaps some sort of heavy filter as to how you access these sites or something. I pity the poor instant gratification reliant children that will grow into even worse adults. My generation is scary
@@Goomatora you can also get bored with it. If you're addicted to anything it is because you have a shame about doing it at all. Once you cut the shame, it is much less addictive. I go through phases of liking it and finding it helpful to find things that turn me on. Then I can go back to sex with real people and not do it pornographically but re-enjoy what I like about sex than get bored with it or forget why, which is easy with age. The problem is more to do with all the taboos around it. European people have much healthier sex lives because there isn't a puritanical association. Sex is natural. Kids can see violence before sex? Ok ..makes no sense. Porn can be used to the negative. If people think gagging on cock repeatedly and triggering the vomit reflex is fun, well, that's not for everyone. Everyone isn't into their nipples being pinched, being sucked, certain positions. It is important to stay present during sex about what you like and if you and the partner can't mutually enjoy it, you shouldn't be together since you're not sexually compatible then. I say this as a gay man who has had TONS of sex. Daniel is usually insightful, but I think I have much more experience on this front. I've gone from sex addiction to complete non interest in sex to rediscovering it. Porn is not inherently harmful. Heaven forbid Daniel you were "exposed" to lesbians as a child. Sorry they exist! Only heterosexual sex should be shown in your mind? The idea that sex should only be done one way is extremely limiting, the idea people have to choose a sexuality. I've been gay my whole life, but I've started to explore being bi and I think it is frustrating and sad how people can be so closed off to certain ideas as though it threatens their world view. I think this could be an area of growth for you. There is a lot of stuff you haven't processed about sex and porn, Daniel
This is why when I start dating again I'm gonna ask how much porn they watch. Not on the first date, obviously. But, I want someone that watches very little or is just no fap. My ex was addicted to porn and it's honestly one of the most disgusting and degrading addictions out there. He abandoned me on my 21st birthday to masturbate in the bathroom for 3 hours. Really disgusting and pathetic addiction.
Still makes more money than Disney per year. Hard to swallow pill. It's probably the purest form of art there is to be filmed. Unless you're a tight butt conservative.
I feel like this kind of language is more damaging than the porn itself. Yes porn isn't healthy, but the way we shame yourself and others feeds into negative behaviors (porn being one of them)
sometimes poison is ok lol. ever heard of alcohol? thats much more a poison than porn. but i think you can drink alcohol and not judge yourself for being "bad", just as much as you can enjoy porn and sex without being "bad".
@@theoofsweden except drinking alcohol is socially acceptable, while I think porn consumption is still considered by most in America to be taboo. Calling it a poison fuels the self esteem/shame issues that are the root of porn addiction.
I’m a woman and in my mid 20s. This is a huge refresher (like the Pretty Privilege video). I’ve relapsed back into p0rn, but it doesn’t feel the same as it did when I was a teenager. As a teenager, I was in a rush, hated my body, had warped views on men and women, hid my sexuality, and was numb. I was also a people pleaser, so I got fucked over by people. Most of it was shit I never wanted in the first place As an adult, it makes me sad, guilty, and realizing I’ve got trauma to heal from. I’ve realized I was a girl who was overly sexualized, objectified, and assaulted. Not all my experiences were traumatic or bad, but the good didn’t outweigh the bad. The journey to cut out p0rn is hard. Then again, it really helps when I can actually seek intimacy by telling my friends I love them or spending time with pets.
I never thought women could possibly get addicted to it. But I was ignorant. It’s hard to remember I want an actual relationship when there’s a bunch of “options” of women on my phone.
Pornography is not about love. I know what you mean when you first see it when you are quite young it poisons your mind. It is not helpful. Sadly we have separated love and sex. Great realistic appraisal of pornography Daniel. So true about child sexual abuse victims trying to heal themselves. This one of your best discussions Daniel
Some people don't share the idea that love and sex have to coexist at the same time. Much of the gay community works better under open relationships. It recognizes reality--people get horny and want variety. Most people don't eat the same foods everyday. Why is variety valued for food and monogamy for sex and not the opposite. If more people ate the same foods everyday, there would be less disordered eating, eating disorders, medical conditions related to obesity because it is so much easier to portion control when you know what your daily intake already is.
jrg305 yes I didn’t say that love should always go with sex, they have often been separate especially for men in heterosexual relationships and perhaps for women when reliable birth control became available. I just suggest that sex and love together make for a beautiful experience. Also although sex is important we do not need it to survive. However if we don’t eat and drink we would die within a month.
@@gingerisevil02 what do you mean proven / our? It could be true for you but I don't agree and see how that can be proven across a population. Someone would have to have attached some strong meaning and associations to it for it to have such an effect
@@ily9402 It indicates two things: one, it’s too painful to talk about, and two, the subject matter is awfully taboo-which is why I put up with it until it had destroyed everything.
@@seekonlytruth512 Same approximately 5 years of age . Often wonder, why was I automated into this fallen existence instead of staying in the spiritual form forever as a free spirit.
Just shredded my magazines two days ago and tossed by DVD's out today. I can't say I won't ever watch some online, but I don't want it laying around my house. I want to ween myself off.
I really appreciate how you framed it. The fact that pornography is away to disassociate is exactly why I‘ve been addicted to it for 15 years. I know that it has a negative impact somehow. The longest I managed to not watch porn was 2 months.
I used porn to escape my traumatic feelings and past. It was an addiction that allowed me to escape the feeling of hopelessness that I was drowning in. It took me half a year to wean myself off of it to where I am now. But there was a lot of hurt and healing that I had to do to make it a permanent change in my life. I wish you the best. Hope you're doing better and can kick this habit if that's what you truly want.
What do you mean "the longest was 2 months"? Do you mean you stopped watching it from 2 months and even until making this comment? Or you mean you stopped for 2 months and went back to it?
@@captainredan5339 stopped for 2 months and went back in slowly but surely. I enjoyed the time off, I felt like I had more time to think about things. Now I'm also trying to stop, it's been about 2 weeks. It was normal for me to watch it everyday at least. Keep in mind, I am in a longterm relationship of 5 years, even with that I couldn't stop watching porn, it's been a struggle (although admittedly nothing like a real drug like alcohol, benzos or heroin)
I have had a horrific porn addiction from when I was 13. I still battle with it to this day. I have come to realize over the past few years how destructive it is and how destructive it has been to me. I hope to be able to get over it soon.
"Troubled people do pornography, this isn't something healthy people engage in" EXACTLY. I thought to do it many times when I was jobless and unhealthy and I count it as one fortunate thing in my life that I did not. Sure, every relationship I ended up being in was terrible, but I appreciate I also didn't sell my body. If somebody had ever made it real easy for me to do, without me having to step out and try to (well some DID kind of attempt this but online), I'm certain I would have. Part of what even kept me from making money off my body was the pure fact I was USED TO being poor, starving, and suffering. And you don't tend to leave what you're used to. Guys offered to fly me across the country to live with them and I just didn't do it. The number one thing I want to say, as a woman who does not watch porn and has barely viewed any, is that when I have seen it, the women always look like they are being raped. It's horrifying. And if you have to go through effort and take drugs to even get hard enough to have this stupid filmed sex, how can anybody still find that appealing...? I asked a bf once to send me something he watched, out of curiosity, and it was terrifying. How could that bf not notice how uncomfortable the woman was? (this man would end up being violent and also rape me later, but how uncommon is that?) And then people imagine that they have good sex "IRL" and lie to themselves about it... I can go on and on about this. And all the shame people imagine and put on others that isn't real.
I completely agree, so much porn is for a violent man's gaze. It's terrible to think what the overproduction of porn has done for relationships, between men and women especially
Thank you for this!!! I know for a fact watching porn at a very young age (that was brought to me by a “friend”) totally corrupted me. Having relationships has always been issue and I think it is a direct result of those horrible and twisted ways I viewed how a man and a woman should be. Quite frankly it’s disgusting... And the way that Hollywood has normalized it with people like Halle Berry winning Oscars for literally being in pornographic positions is sickening!!! Honestly thank you for this!!!
Reign you’re absolutely right… Hollywood praises it and promotes it on top of it. I’m starting to realize that everything we see in TV and movies and news is the polar opposite of how things should actually be.
I have watched some porn during my life, and have always thought of it like something that spices up masturbation, nothing to do with sex or romance, just visual stimuli like hand stimuli. But I have realized that it's not healthy for my self-esteem. I always feel ashamed and lonely after. I have decided to try one month of no masturbation or porn. I'll see what happens. I think it will help my social life, confidence and creativity.
I'm wondering if you went through with your month? It's more difficult than many people think...so, no shame if you did not fully complete the goal! Did you see positive effects?
What if you allowed yourself self-pleasure without a stimulus? There's nothing wrong with giving yourself pleasure, unless you attach shame to it. But it seems that for many, they're a package deal: self pleasure means porn, and giving up porn--in this logic--means giving up self pleasure (when I don't think it needs to).
As someone just a couple years younger than you, who didn't grow up with internet porn, you're absolutely right. Of course, our generation thought that a Sears catalog was wanking material, so I have no idea what kids are going through now and absolutely don't want to know. My faith in humanity is almost nil as it is.
The kind of porn which is normal today nd is one front page of pornhub used to be called gonzo porn. Kind of porn where you had to know someone in the industry to secretly get it and had to be over certain age. Now kids as young as 10 are exposed to it.
Thank you for being such a healthy role model for those of us lost in this world, your perspective is always so expansive and healing. I appreciate you so much
Best therapist on you tube and beyond that. Great approach and honest conveyance. Ty each video I've watched really helped me relate intelligently and gain self awareness. Ty
I appreciate when men call this out. This shit is way too normalized. I can’t look at men in the same way... I was raised by a Mormon man who I’m coming to terms with watched porn. He has no love for women. His father looked at porn and sexual abuse is rampant on my father’s side. Had 2 of the 2 most heinous evils; mormon ideology that women exist to subservient to men, even into the idea of polygamy. Women not as human beings, and sexualized them through porn. I’m painfully coming to terms that my father used porn. He wanted me as a “mini wife.” I was not a human being. He rationalized molesting me and then owning my sexuality as a teenager as I tried to heal and received healthy and positive attention from boys he would get jealous and threaten me with further sexual violations. I just wanted a normal and helpful sexuality. I didn’t remember the CSA till I was 19. I sabotogized relationships out of fear and I’m heartbroken cause for a moment I associated sexuality with intamicy only to realize I couldn’t have that. I feel disgusting now that I remember and associate sexuality with abuse and I’m not sure that I’ll heal or experience romantic love given how many men watch porn. Even violent rape porn!!! Most of it sexualizes pedophilic and incest!!! I My mother didn’t like that I didn’t “make her feel like a good mom” and said he “wasn’t abusive.” He loved the immunity. When my mother died he said she was “only 110 pounds and bragged that he would have 2 wives in the “celestial kingdoms now.” He had sexually charged convos with me through my teens with smirks duping delight as he and she went around claiming I was “delayed” as he had a putrid fantasy of having a “mini wife.” To him women are sexual collections, conquests. I was a mini version of his wife tha fhe wanted. “If I can’t have her, no one will.” I’m traumatized by this. He got off on stealing in innocence. The more I process my traumas, and the ways I’ve acted it out, the more I’m coming to terms with the fact I was raised by a porn user who loved getting away with sexualizing women. The red lags were all there; repulsed by women having body hair, attached to women young enough to be his daughter (bragged his new wife, Aka new maid, is only 13 years older,) attracted to his own family members, depriving them of humanity. I hope I can heal past feelings disgusting. I get triggered by the constant porn normalization. Porn sexualizes everything bad that happens to women; incest, pedophilia, rape, racism, CSA, you name it. And if you don’t accept it, you’re a “prude.” Men can’t claim to respect women if they watch porn. Period. Porn infantilizes women. 100% of women with smooth and uniform labia are infants. Hairless women are infants. This is what turns men on these days; women who don’t look like women. I can’t trust them anymore. I remember him commenting about the different “holes” a fly could leave from of a fly entered a woman’s bodies; men who watch porn aren’t attracted to women; they’re attacked to using women as sexual objects, and view sex as something you do to women, not with them. How scary. I have severe trauma from having to sbaotogize relationships, where before I remembered the abuse, I actually felt a connection through love and intimacy, only to realize I couldn’t have that. Rape is the practice, porn is the theory. I’m repulsed at how porn is so normalized. Boys as young as 11 are taught to believe that pulling a woman’s hair, slapping her, and calling her names is “normal sexuality.” “Why does he do that, inside the minds of controlling and abusive men” is such a profound book that even touches on it; men who have their sexuality shaped by porn, will think that if a woman isn’t turned on by being slapped in the face, that something is not wrong with him, but with her sexuality. Porn is rape on tape. It is hate speech against women. I’ll probably have to accept I’ll never experience romantic love. Makes me want to die tbh, being “damaged goods” and most men are turned on by women’s trauma; women carry the trauma of incest and rape in their hearts everyday and men masturbate and laugh like it’s a damn joke. It’s so rare to see men call this out, but 9 times out of 10 I see men calling this out ONLY cause they can’t “get it up anymore” no regard to how porn fuels sex trafficking. Porn hub is fucking evil, child porn has landed on that site, real rape videos have landed on porn hub, and I’m revolted to see that site still defended. “Scared step daughter gets fucked by step father while mother sleeps.” Porn hub, 24.7 million views. But I’m “crazy” and a “prude” for thinking porn is trash. A woman’s biggest nightmare, a man’s proudest fap. My liasian’s step father did attempt to rape her. I met a woman at the hospital whose father raped her repeatedly; real trauma, that porn sexualizes. The difference between a rapist and someone turned on by rape? TIME. I’m sad to say I can never trust men now. I’ve literally had men rage at me merely for stating I’m terrified of men because of my father. No one lectures someone traumatized by dogs who was a attacked by one, and yet, women get all the vitriol for being scared of men, a normal response to trauma. If you’re turned on by rape, you’re not trustworthy. How sad that women would do this to their sons though; I did have a close friend who had a mother who showed her son porn. Thankfully, he turned out ok.
Wow. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that with your father. Your self awareness is something to be admired and will aid you on your journey to healing. I also thought that I'll never find romantic love since viewing women as sexual conquests and sexualizing women in general is so normalized. Intimacy is equated with sex by so many. If I don't sleep with someone after only a month of knowing them then I'm a prude. Dating apps and our hook up culture promote this and it runs rampant in the younger generation especially, who've grown up watching porn since they were under 10 years old. Over sexualization has poisoned our society. I remember being exposed to it in elementary school by other students, without my consent. Kids in middle school were having sex, and they were considered cool. If you hadn't had sex by college something was wrong with you. Media promotes this idea. But I believe true intimacy and true romance and true love exist. I've sabotaged healthy relationships in the past because healthy relationships were foreign to me, and they made me uncomfortable. I was only familiar with dysfunction and attracted just that. We're all learning to love ourselves again, health our inner child, respect ourselves first and foremost, and establish healthy boundaries with those around us so that we don't repeat the errors of the past. Trust is earned and takes time to establish. If you're encountering someone who doesn't get that, then they aren't worth your energy. True love is worth the wait.
It goes both ways, I briefly dated a female porn addict, and Ive had women ask me to do rough and degrading things to them sexually. I believe it is desensitization as a result of childhood trauma, where they want that traumatic element to feel engaged, and they are actually afraid to experience true intimacy or find it boring. Without a doubt porn has contributed to an increase and normalization of these unhealthy behaviors and probably an increased dissatisfaction with sex across the entire spectrum of society as well.
The Great Plague don’t even start with the “goes both ways” please. A man being turned on by slapping and hitting women is not on par with women being turned on by being abused. Women often unconsciously act out their traumas. What lead me to want to process and be better is when I acted out traumas recently, I kept getting intrusive thoughts; “what if you wanted it?” Often times women who are sexually abused experience unwanted stimulus; this re-wires the brain to associate sex with abuse and pleasure with shame. Some women cannot get off without pain and abuse because they have so much shame in their sexualities, and it’s a shame we are now in a society that shuts off criticisms as “kink shaming.” Men have all the power to say NO to choking and slapping and spitting women. And you would not believe the amount of women not involved in the BDSM community getting choked without consent. Why are men turned on by choking and hitting women? Women have been killed under “sex games gone wrong” it is disgusting. I am sure it is confusing for guys to be asked to do violent things to women and I’m sad for these women who are being brainwashed to think that violence =sexy. Violence =love. Empathy and compassion is dying on this world and it’s sick. I wish I got to experience romantic love before this world turned into even deeper vile putrid filth. I’ll never ever seek a relationship until all my sexual traumas and issues are healed but even if I am healed, I don’t know that I could trust them even like 99% or so of men (I’m guessing, I don’t have a stat for that ) watch porn. And this isn’t 80’s soft core porn. It is violent rape porn and it sexualizes incest and pedophilia. I would never date a man turned on by traumas. I pretty much agree but the “goes both ways” is hackneyed and fallacious, it really doesn’t. But yea, the revolution at affectionate and loving sex as “vanilla” and push to normalize violent sex as normal is disturbing. Sex is about connection, not to prove how edgy you are. I think deep down these women know, and the men know, or they wouldn’t need to seek validation and attention for it on every social media platform. As far as I’m concerned, most people have sex, doesn’t mean I need to hear about it. Kinksters post Their shit everywhere pushing for acceptance. What I took from my own trauma, the “what if you wanted it” what I really wanted was to be numb and dissociated and feel in control. In my core I’ve always craved intimate love. That stuff gets shit on now.
@@gingerisevil02 I agree with what you said, insofar as it pertains to adults. But what about an adult female with a male child totally under her power? These abusive males aren't created by porn, merely encouraged by it. Unfortunately women who are drawn to abusive men often reproduce with them, furthering the cycle of abuse. These same women often subconsciously mold their sons into abusers. We live in a system that is designed to be deeply hostile and antithetical to women, so I agree that men bear more responsibility particularly when it comes to physical violence. However both parents must be held responsible for creating the next generation of abusers. I was lucky enough to have one really intimate and healthy relationship in my life that made me aware of how disfunctional my other ones were.
SPIRIT AND SOCIETY it is so damn sad. Whatever happened to taking things slow? Months talking and spending time together, getting to know each other, connecting based on the intimacy of sharing vulnerabilities and aspirations, hopes and dreams along with slowly building physical connection, going from holding hands, kissing, caressing, etc, before having sex? I don’t think promiscuity is good or safe for women! Extremely risky and that’s pushed under the drivel of “sexual liberation.” Thanks for listening and sharing your story btw! I’m slowly peeling back layers because I’ve had people on my life, like my lisian and online community validate me and make me aware of abusive social workers behaviors, and I’ve had a few wake up calls with others and my own behavior. I recently started to process the heartbreak of sabotogize in my teens; my mother neglected and abandoned me and I had no source of maternal love so I’d seek that out in boys. My father didn’t like that. Would get handsy towards me, always “asserting dominance” over my sexuality; if he wanted to rape me he could’ve and my mother would pretend it wasn’t exist. I had to live with that unconcious awareness so I hated that instead. I had 1 intense infatuation with a boy in HS. It was just heartbreaking. Found out I liked him and I couldn’t have a bf because of my father. That is where I learned what a health sexuality looked like though. We both had very abusive raging mothers, it set me up to be bullied a lot. He’d check in with me, ask if I was ok, and his mother didn’t want him to date either; my father started grooming him, he assumed I was only afraid of rejection like he was so he tolerated my scared mixed signals while my father “joked” about how he would send photos of me in my bathing suit and then played it off as “all guys are like that.” I was addicted to the affection from this person, and the relationship ended with him feeling used and me being hurt; one intimate moment, and I didn’t remember the abuse so I didn’t feel shame for 1 moment because I didn’t remember. I didn’t realize how gross my father’s behavior was till I had sexually charged thoughts when we had an intimate moment because he was vulnerable with me. I had no choice but to sabaotize, because I grew up with “you’re a pretty girl, you could get raped.” “Have you ever gone skinny dipping before?” “Oh he’d like that.” He was threatening me, and my mother raged and said ir wasn’t abuse when I talked about it and was smearing my trauma responses as special needs. Her death and going No contact woke me up; I think she died of fear and shame. He is a sadistic sociopath. I sincerely hope I’ll be able to trust again but the memory messed me up. I wish I got to experience that “innocent love” based on vulnerability, trust, affection, and mutual respect. You won’t get any of that shit with a porn wanker. I plan to heal and cultivate my life and if it happens it happens, if it doesn’t it doesn’t, but it kinda hurts knowing I very likely will never experience romantic love. I’m jealous of feminists who can happily choose separatism; I think I’d be fine with it if my life hasn’t been defined by assualt and I got to experience romantic love. I’m sure it’s out there but they’re like “rare unicorns” in this day and age. I’m hopeful seeing more platforms speak out against porn now though. Woman hate is the root of all evil imho. Men’s need to dominate animals, women, and children as a class... its shocking. I grew up with sexual abuse and sexual shaming, so realizing I didn’t care about church rules but was afraid of my father at 15 was traumatizing. When I didn’t remember and wasn’t judged as “gross” for having a sexuality it was almost healing for a moment until I remembered I couldn’t have it. I never got to experience a healthy sexuality. Remembering was the worst
Literally, ... it turns other fully conscious beings into '15 minute' commodities. As a teen I recognized very young that I had a propensity to obsess about girls if I found them physically attractive, that's a reasonably common tendency. But porn-prostitution-pimping leverage that skewed perception and grossly distort it, turn it into a characature .... all for profit. The women and young men drawn into the industry have different motivations, the women are so often financially vulnerable, a consequence of their youth and (frequently) a lack of useful education. It's an exploitation industry, it's a type of 'mining'... as grotesque as that analogy may appear, a continuous conveyor belt of 'disposable' beauty/bodies/deliberate nastiness. As bad as it the industry is in America, it's horrendous in Japan.
And thank you for saying how everyone loses! I’m tired of hearing women on the internet say it’s empowering to be porn stars and trying to support that idea. It’s not empowering. It’s really not.
@@annmarie6870 exactly…it’s so easy to demonize sex workers for doing what they do but what’s the alternative? Look at the top industries where women are commonly employed: nurses, teachers, social workers and compare their salaries to p0rn an industry where women dominate. The issue is how men fundamentally view women and their contributions. And it’s not a 21st century idea it’s been happening since the beginning of time
I'm following this channel for about a year now and daniel talks about different misbehaviours and how it's connected to our "hurt children" inside. now about myself, i sometimes feel like i'm a hypocrite. on one side i'm trying to connect more and more to myself and try to heal myself. on the other hand i sometimes do watch porn which caused me so much harm in different levels and i think in my case the activity is so in contrast with what i'm trying to do with my life that i feel like a hypocrite. This video is so much valuable for me. Daniel talks about things that are hard for us to admit. I think about myself as a person on his way to healing but I still do something that helps me "NOT TO HEAL" and "BYPASS THE HEALING PROCESS", "GO BACK INTO DISSOCIATION", "LOSE MYSELF", "LOSE MY SOUL", "GET LOST", "GET CONFUSED", "FIND WAYS OF FEELING QUICK EASY PLEASURE", "DIVERSION", "LOSE GOOD HEALTHY CONSCIOUSNESS" in order to watch things that people shouldn't be watching. so why i'm posting this comment? i have seen other videos of daniel about some misbehaviours in other people that i personally get hurt from and i'm thinking, man am i that different? am i really honest about what i do? am i faking being a more healthy person because i still do watch porn and i knew it from a long time ago that it's not right. but then i get philosophical and lose my course of action. man, this is a long comment but somehow i felt i should talk to someone else about this besides myself. kinda like a confession...
Just try to balance it out. I think porn is like anything that feels good but is bad. Fast food once in a while is actually good, it may release a lot of dopamine. The problem is jot being able to enjoy healthy food. Or drinking, it is bad. But once in a while I do myself some self love and drink and socialise with some friends, and really makes life worth living. It would be ideal to not use these things. But in what ways are you unhappy without them? Just find the most joy in this life time with balance :)
@@rpgzan2028 There is a lot of blame in using it, which makes us feel worse. It is okay to use it if it is a balanced thing:) Of course we should thrivr to have good relationships, but sometimes fast food just feels good :D
He is just a guy on the internet. He doesn't know everything. If it was true that we're, above all, "children trying to heal" or whatever, then nobody should have sex because of the obvious. If we can't look at porn because we're "children deep down" then we shouldn't have sex either because we're "children deep down". What a load of crap.
Because we try to distract ourselves from the trauma or pain we feel deep down. It’s all related to trauma it all really is we heal the trauma the behaviour disappears naturally it’s not that society etc it’s because we violate our kids early we need to heal ourselves first so we do not hurt our kids or other people further or at all if we disconnect we suffer I feel it heavily here as I feel lost through secual desire through porn too it’s sucks I hope we heal how we feel soon Cheers
@@nickandrews2255 While I do agree our society has neglected to properly heal trauma, and provide resources to do so. It also is society and the marketing of products like different media we consume etc, using sex to sell products. Society in general places too much importance on sex, and doesn’t stigmatize use of sex as a form of escapism enough. Society has allowed concepts of morality and self control to fall by the wayside. Sex as you said, is being used as a distraction, both by the individual, and society as a whole. So it is both a problem at an individual level, and a societal level.
@@domonator5000 As we heal the trauma the desire to use these products disappears. As so does the pain deep inside. When we heal the trauma or prevent it at all the market for these things will disappear naturally as we get a new compass to determine what we do / do not need for the world. All these products are a by product of the cycles of exploitation which stems from disconnection to the self. If we are connected to the self we do not harm others as we understand how it feels to harm ourselves deeply. It becomes impossible to hurt others through the means of immoral acts versus perhaps hurting the person by expressing a opinion which is unavoidable (despite sticking to a code of ethics or code to which we do not harm with words). We heal the trauma we heal the earth. We need to get to therapy. All of us. So we do not repeat the cycles of trauma to others or our kids so we force change to naturally occur this will happen regardless to be real its just a matter of time as it is the next level of evolution for us here as we trim down from capitalism to self direction plus connection after all the war plus trauma we have been through through the overall lack of safety everywhere...physical plus emotional. I hope you get the healing you deserve CHEERS>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I do wish I could say I was fully over using porn. I was released from its grip for quite a while, but the urges now creep up on me sometimes and being single makes it tough. For me, the orgasm hangover from PMO seems much heavier than if it was just normal masturbation, as there is always lingering shame with the PMO.
@DanielMackler: I really enjoy your perspective on these things because you exited the profession that I’m training to be a part of. When I saw this post, the title was a bit of a trigger for me because I was married to man who for 14-15 years of our marriage rejected me in favor of porn and did it so obviously and blatantly so as to hurt me emotionally and upset me during my pregnancies etc. He even said to me “I would rather jerk off to these inanimate pictures than be intimate with you” all while trying to hold me hostage in about 2-3 years of couples counseling where he was paying our counselor thousands of dollars & one out of 168 hours per week “convincing” the therapist that he was “committed to preserving our family”. Ultimately when I left, I took half of what he called “his” wealth, being in the community property state of California so when I saw the title of your video, on the one hand yes it triggered me, on the other hand my defense of humor came in to rescue me and said “well I do know someone who lost half his millions and his house because of porn! 😂😂😂 So there!!!” Not to make light of the entire subject of course, but sometimes lightness helps healing 💕😇
I was sexually molested in the 1960s before I entered grade school and I wasn’t communicating because of it. My mother told me in the 1990s that she and my dad had a meeting with other people in my home town to decide whether or not to make me do it … learn to communicate. She said and I quote, “We should have made you do it.” Therapy for grade school children with PTSD related trauma. The decision was made at that meeting in the 1960s not to make me do it. If I were made to do it in grade school, it wouldn’t have taken me two weeks to overcome the trauma and learn to communicate. I was also learning disabled from the trauma of being sexually molested and the people of my hometown thought it was funny. They hid things from me so I wouldn’t know what was going on, so I would remain learning disabled. I believe the reason I was intentionally neglected is because I was the victim of a hate crime committed by people that hate boys (in particular German Lutheran boys). This is why I was molested in the first place and why I was intentionally neglected. Would you be willing to provide your input? Why wasn’t I made to do it in grade school? Was I the victim of a hate crime?
Yes there is something inherently private about one's body and Daniel is right, healthy people do not going around showing their naked bodies to strangers. That's called exhibitionism. Even in the tribal societies people keep mentioning (where nudity is related to climate, not liberation) and one's "private parts" are covered nor are these societies even that liberal or promiscuous. (Margaret Mead's famous study in Samoa which "proved" young girls were naturally promiscuous turned out to be totally false.) Daniel is not even religious and the fact that people attribute his attitude to Christianity is ridiculous as is his being "prudish". Pornography objectifies women and men who watch porn have problems with intimacy, attachment, fidelity and are often stunted at an adolescent level of growth. Cannot imagine a good father who watches porn. If you have a healthy intimate relationship with your partner you don't need to be watching graphic videos acting out male fantasies and if you need a sexual outlet read some erotica. Great video, like the videos on circumcision trauma and sex as an adolescent, these should be shown in schools.
About him acting "prudish/religious" is bs, since as you pointed out he is also very much against male genital mutilation which puritans introduced to the u.s.a.
Freeman's criticism of Mead's findings was rejected by the anthropological community, mainly because Freeman cherry-picked and misrepresented quotes and arguments.
Some of the comments, like this one, are so judgy. “I Can’t imagine a good father who watches porn.” Talk about prejudgment and generalization. It’s gross.
@@Frohbee I don't trust these people (as a survivour of abuse). "Male fantasies"? as if there aren't women who like to fantasize about these things?? And why is it so focused on men as if women were pure beings who cannot be corrupted? "healthy people do not going around showing their naked bodies to strangers." literally a cultural difference, just say you're from north america and that you see all types nudity as a sexual and "unhealthy" thing.
@@transsexual_computer_faerywtf porn is designed to be addictive you can be completely normal is every area of your life and still be addicted to porn.
I can clearly observe how getting healthier emotionally naturally diminishes my impulses to look at pornography. I'm so grateful to you for expressing your viewpoint on pornography. It made me realise how deeply disturbing this is for a child to be exposed to pornography. I'm actually beginning to make some sense of it now. I think pornography is at the core of the decay of our culture. It's a gangrene tissue of our culture that people feel aroused by, in other words people get aroused by pathology. I don't disdain them, I am or was one of them. I'm just sad and pessimistic about the future of our children living in this culture where pornography keeps pushing itself into the mainstream.
I think you're so right that porn is at the center of the decay of our culture. And it's going down FAST! I was brought up in a strict Christian home, but still experienced abuse (sexual and physical) by older brothers and boy cousins. I knew my mother wouldn't believe me, so I never told anyone. My father was rarely physically & never sexually abusive. I consider myself very lucky for that. I know that there are still good men out there. I consider myself blessed to believe in Heavenly Father (father of our spirits) who loves me perfectly, who values all of his daughters. It gives me a lot of comfort and I prefer men who believe in Him, too.
You sound like you have found THE problem, but you're completely reading through your glasses. Like an alcoholic suddenly realizing "hey, alcohol is BAD! everyone, stop drinking and all pour problems will go away!". Childhood abuse in all its forms and the lack of healing is at the root of evil, of which porn is just another societal expression. You said it yourself: first, heal (or as you put it, mature), then the compulsion will go away. Not the other way around. Why? Because the addiction is not the problem. It is *not being aware of why* you have an addiction.
At 5 years old my brother and my cousin made me watch really violent porn in order to see "what women are supposed to get used to" . That experience scarred me for my entire childhood and adolescence.
I don't know if you read these comments, but thank you for taking time out of your life to record these videos, it means so much. I have years of last responder ptsd, its extremely therapeutic to watch/listen to you🙏🏻🙌🏻
i feel like it really screwed my development. i got hooked on porn at like 9-10 years old because at a sleep over my friends older brother (he was like 2.5 years older than us) and he showed us porn on his laptop. that really messed with my teen years and made it impossible for me to be in relationships. i used to look at it all the time but now i’ve got a handle on it and it no longer controls me, but the damage is still there and i don’t think it’ll ever leave me
My parents were very "sexually off" and my first exposure to hardcore sex as a child was through my parents' inappropriate behaviour. They did not shield us kids from their unhealthy sexual relationship - their sexual dysfunction was out in the open for my brother and I to see.
You are so on the money with this one Daniel. I am a recovering porn addict and yes, I used it to dissociate as a child and escape my real life, because I didn't have the ability to heal. It is so accessible, so vast, so easy to completely obliterate yourself in. I have even heard it described as 'the iconography of the devil'.
I am glad to come across this video. I've been exposed in bizarre ways since I was fairly young and as the years have passed by, my "preferences" have progressively become more bizarre and inhuman. I feel like I am trapped in a circle, telling my self in the end that I'll stop, only for me to repeat the same pattern of this insanity. I know that this is also affecting my relationship and mood. I'm hoping to put an end to this once and for all. Thank you
exactly you are sooo on point. i have also heard that to be hypersexual which tends to be why some people get into the porn industry is a response from trauma. an example is incest, typically by the older figure like an older sibling or parent which can be argued as rape (because is there really a chance to consent when the other person is at a more powerful position and youre young with no full grasp of what healthy sex is?). glad to see someone with experience and background in psychology discuss this. its already fucked up in the context of psychology, we havent even touched its systemic nature in a feminist or patriarchal perspective.
Thank you, as always Daniel. To each their own, though I will say, in the extremes of these behaviours, it can lead to actual dangerous territory. Where acts, especially involving Sadistic Violence, are seemingly normalised, and more extremes are needed to gain the same experience. So a Drug in essence, like you said, and not one of the few that are beneficial.
@@Maria-sy7ej no, I don't like violence in the porn I watch. Believe it or not, there's porn which doesn't contain disrespectful acts towards women. It's just sex between consenting adults. There's no choking, hitting, name calling etc. I think some people are so sex negative that they think the mere act of sex is somehow disrespectful towards women. And some women and men behave as though this is the case. It's a weird little game such couples play. Then men will buy the woman jewelry and do nice things for the woman and then the woman will engage in sex. It's weird and not healthy. Attitudes like this and women feeling the need to play coy when they actually enjoy sex is often more disrespectful to women than porn. If I thought I needed to do something special for a girlfriend or give them gifts to make sex acceptable, I'd never start such a relationship to begin with.
@@thunderpooch then you're willlfuly blind to reality of mainstream porn just because you watch something different. These are real women being there and it influences the attitude towards women of millions of men who watch it. I also have my own experience and I know that as a woman. At about 11-14 years of age my male classmates have changed in their attitudes. They would comment on every girl's sexual appeal and comment on their body parts and they'd sexually harass them. I know you don't care how it feels, but just pointing out so someone else sees this that it feels awful as a girl. No, it's not about hormones themselves. It's about socialization and what they see in porn. Then it influences their expectations and demands in sex which is just based on their pleasure which is not even inherently theirs because it's what they've seen in porn and many women are just aroused by the fact that they're pleasing and wanted, they objectify themselves and go to uncomfortable extents to please a man and the lines and boundaries are blurred. And men feel too like they can cross her boundaries. I'm not even talking about the conventional definition of rape. There are gang rapes that are not with porn ''actresses'' being filmed and streamed. There are lots of women who died by ''gagging in consented sex''. What do you think has influenced someone to come up with that sort of thing in the first place? That shows everything but an equal status of women in our modern world. Of course, you want to ignore that so I'm just writing this comment for someone else to see maybe. I think some men on the left think that porn is the only alternative to religious influences on sex, but what truly drives them is wanting to preserve the status quo and wanting to preserve their beloved porn while you can jack it off to your fantasies without a video of people actually doing it. It's really easy to see porn or e-girls in a couple of clicks and it's not so easy to go out there meet girls as an equal and build a casual sexual relationship with them even. It just makes everyone lonely. Lots of men seriously need to grow in their attitudes towards women.
@@Maria-sy7ej But why did I never seek out crude disrespectful porn? Why did I never make rude comments about the girls in my class? You're making a slippery slope argument. That's fine.
Ted Bundy gave an interview shortly before his execution where said that porn was part of what began the process of him looking at women as sexual objects.
Oh right, let's believe serial killers and blame porn for people for assaulting and killing women. Facepalm Most people watch porn and then seek to give me more pleasure to their partner, not hack their head off or shoot them. Ted Bundy was screwed up long before porn. For all we know, porn kept his demented ass occupied which led to fewer women being killed. Call me crazy, but I don't respect or believe what serial killers have to say.
TH-cam Curates Content, algorithm is a lie Nope. Not what anyone is saying. Even as a kid, his mother evidently woke up to him smiling at her while he had knives surrounding her. Porn simply gives abusive men new ideas on how to abuse women. No one is saying porn is the cause but it does worsen misogyny.
You believe a pathological liar, rapist and serial killer? Give me a break. The reason he said that was because he wanted to have a scapegoat to blame, so that he wouldn't be executed
Nobody could never explain it any better I'll definitely come back to this channel, thank you Mr Daniel you're a wise and helpful man know you're loved ♥
Amen! Excellent common sense analysis. It just goes to show that as human beings, we have a built-in ability to rationalize almost anything if we want to bad enough. Thanks for shedding much needed light on this topic.
I’ve noticed that at so many of my trauma responses are being funneled through my sexuality. The vulnerability, intimacy, boundaries, expression, consent, pleasure, desire, authentic connection, love, respect- everything had been contaminated by my negative childhood experiences. But sexuality has given me a path toward healing when I got truthful and humble about how sexuality feels. I think porn is on the other side of the spectrum where love is completely absent because the participants don’t believe they are worthy of it at all. The idea of being turned on by people objectifying themselves in this way is really something to question. In fact I honestly believe that’s the purpose of porn- objects for projection of shame. It’s like they are making an effort to clearly demonstrate the lack of pleasure they are deriving from the act and it feels intentional. The more dissociated and objectified the actors, the more popular the porno. I don’t think it’s about sex at all, just shame.
Sir, I just wanna say that I really appreciate you doing these videos as I find them significant and substantial. Your insights with the factor of past experience as a former psychotherapist are truly intriguing.
Also, unfortunately now there is the added “cool girl” thing. Not to be ‘uptight’ etc. I was even briefly influenced by it myself for a while, so went along with something that (when I reflected in it later) I did find gross and humiliating. Normal, vanilla (another contemptuous term) sex is actually just amazing /lovely by itself! And it’s sad that people’s sex and love lives are being distorted and sullied by the influence of porn
Vanilla is my favorite flavor of ice cream. It gets dissed because it's not colorful or fancy or exotic. But it has subtlety and complexity, and when you stop feeding the "need" for crazy new flavors, you can truly savor and appreciate those things. There's nothing in the world like REALLY good vanilla, made with love and care from the finest ingredients. And...when you occasionally follow the spontaneous urge for chocolate or cookie dough...or something really wild like "Cherry Garcia"...it's absolutely mind-blowing.
I really can't agree with the idea that pornography is so inherently harmful. I'm not going to tell you that it is this wonderful, and great thing that enriches our lives, but is it really impossible to have a healthy (or at least inconsequential) relationship with porn? I really don't think it is.
Yeah this video is completely generalizing, suffers from selection bias (obviously porn actors who are mentally healthy wouldn't come to him for therapy), and moralizes sexuality (it doesn't always have to be about love, it can just be lust and that's fine). There's some valid criticism in there but also a lot I disagree with.
@@KarlSnarks Tbh I didn’t watch the video but that’s kinda what I expected. It certainly could be harmful I think in excess but as with anything you should be mindful of your consumption, and the overall effects of it on your life. That said honestly I think viewing porn as something incredibly evil or toxic can be just as bad. One time my very religious aunt found my (very specific) porn stash on a phone I was giving away (didn’t realize the files were still there) when I was 19, and essentially I felt like I was treated as a complete monster. Compared to the same level as a meth addict or something. She also prayed over me like I made a deal with the devil. It was actually insane and I couldn’t stop crying or apologizing for it when I was caught. To make matters worse she told my mom about exactly what I was into (implying she watched them), and she was legit scared of me. Honestly I hate my aunt for poking her nose into things like that, because I’ll be honest that event totally scarred me and destroyed my self esteem. After that point it was really hard to look at myself the same again and I nearly completely lost myself, and so I just ended up going sooooo much deeper into porn than I ever thought I would. It wasn’t affecting my life before but it totally was at that point now I thought. Before that incident I mostly only used it for fun or comfort sometimes, and I never thought anything bad about it. It was only when my aunt did that was when I just totally felt worthless. Sooo yeah unfortunately these kinds of negative viewpoints on porn can honestly be just as bad imo. Eventually I learned that it was never actually the porn but it was the negative thoughts. That was what was destroying my life and causing me to spiral out of control.
100% it's the stigma that creates an air of shame around it and superimposes so much psychological harm. Porn isn't necessarily good or bad, though the default perception of it is bad. A lot of that ties back to viewing of women as property and religion
Porn is the animalistic side of human that nourishes fantasm and so many desires ...its sad you guys can't see the depraved side (dark side) of porn . Porn is dehumanizing and does go in every directions including pedophilia and rape as fantasm creates desires in some individuals that will lead them to hurt themselves and others !
I got addicted to internet porn at a young age. It took over a decade and a broken engagement to be willing to admit it's a problem. Luckily I'm still with my partner and we're healing and going strong. It's hard to see porn as an issue when that reframes... so much of my youth. Platonic relationships I let die because of sexual obsession; sexual relationships with literally any man who would take me. I had no respect for my own body or others' around me. In high school I watched porn instead of sleeping. In college, I basically majored in penis. I can't say I'm "fixed," but I at least know there's something to work on.
This is an extremely important and difficult conversation to have for men. And it's important that the arguments don't only come from a religious perspective. I know that the religious perspective made it easier for me to dismiss the message, because I am not particularly religious. Whether you look at it from a secular or religious point of view, the creation of porn damages women, but it's consumption damages men, too, in different ways. The interesting thing that happens if you calmly assert that think pornography is damaging is the frenzied pushback from consumers. It's the behavior of addicts. And it's sad to see.
Im super glad i have never had been addicted to porn. I have had a few days recently where i looked at instagram thirst traps, it made life worse for those few days, i had harder time falling asleep, wouldnt engage in hobbies, and it just scarred me in general. Im back to normal again and im feeling much better, also 14 btw.
Lol There's only three types of men: Men who watch porn, men who are asexual, and men who lie about not watching porn. If he's into sex, he's watching porn; he's just not telling you the truth.
latt.qcd92 My brother and I don’t watch porn. Last time I checked, we both have dicks. Please stop projecting. There are people that don’t watch porn, women and men.
@@latt.qcd9221 you speak the truth. Men who avoid all porn at all costs have sexual hangups and sex negative attitudes that are far more severe and troubling than the act of watching porn.
@@thunderpooch This is true. One of the points the guy makes in the video is that porn prevents r8pe -- it's actually true that porn use has been going up at the same time as r8pe has been going down and there's reason to believe that there is a correlation -- but even if you're not looking at special cases like r8pe, it still keeps you out of trouble when you're younger. When you're young, boy's hormones go crazy and can cause them to do REALLY stupid things that they end up seriously regretting. It's better to have an outlet like porn than to get some girl pregnant when you're in your teens. I know my parents hate porn and video games, but while I was playing video games and watching porn, most other guys my age, when I was a teen, were out doing drugs, getting girls pregnant, and getting put into prison. There's far, far worse things you could be doing than watching porn.
Daniel, I can't tell you how much l appreciate what you have to say about the subject of pornography. I've been saying the same for years & almost nobody gets it. Along with everything else you said, it is purely moronic. What degree of self awareness could one possibly have & still watch this crap? Thank you. I think you're amazingly awake.
Yes!! So much truth here. I live in LA right in the porn capital of the US. Had a few friends that worked in the industry (many who started as exotic dancers). Also had a boyfriend that was shown porn as a kid and then became addicted to the point of masturbating until self harm. The “actors” and consumers get corrupted mentally. So much unhealthy behavior being normalized and even glorified.
Porn just shows us how humans really are. Not saying it's healthy.. but it's what we really are like when all the social pretending goes out of the window. It shows us what men and women really want and what they are willing to do to get it. You can learn a LOT from porn about human behavior and motivation. It's not nice what you learn.. it's quite frustrating and makes you feel lonely because you realize that sex is really just a violent trade of age/looks in women against status/money in men. But once you truly understand it.. it explains the world.
Uhhh no. It doesn't at all show how humans really are. People are porn are not representative of your average person. Theres nothing to learn, its just a social contagion taht takes advantage of biological process to distract and take away attention.
You're deluded. There is no reason to believe this. One, what reason do I have to believe that human beings behave in a vacuum, and are not built by their society into liking what you believe "men and women really want." Minecraft was a popular search on pornhub. Is there a secret Minecraft gene that everyone secretly has to? Am I misunderstanding your argument?
It is true, all you say about pornography. The greatest untruth I've ever been inundated with is that love is not necessary to real adults. They are just too cool for it, and are above the need for love or expressing or feeling love. This great untruth is the root of pornography and the root of several other hell-courting activities and attitudes.
I can kind of get behind this, but I don't want people to project their unhealthy connection of porn onto me. I'm under no illusion how fake it all is. The ideals people like of pornography is something I still will never understand. Part of me feels like a hypocrite because I don't think exhibitionism is healthy, but then kind of support that. I think watching porn is enabling of that behavior. It is really rampant with Only fans. I also am gay and watch the tamest most vanilla stuff. I'm not sure if my situation is different. I'm not interested in casual sex and finding other compatible gay men is really challenging in a small town, coupled with dealing with mental health. I don't think porn has affected my perception of other men. I happen to see it affecting other people though when I am online and people have these ridiculous standards and odd fantasies. I think porn can be harmful, but don't think it is harmful for everyone. However, I don't want to support the industry. Gives me something to think about.
@@Frohbeeporn has always been extremely dehumanizing no matter how you want to look at it. It's history tells us that with the story of Linda Boreman or even the industry itself. Now if you dont want to "support the industry" and still watch porn, "amateur" porn still functions the exact same way. Why do such a high amount of people film themselves? Usually it's just for money and that in itself is coercive. If you only did something for money that is to survive, if you didn't do it you wouldn't have what you have. It has also been shown to change brain chemistry, you quite literally are always affected by it even if you cope and say it's not negative or hasn't changed how you view people. If you feel the need to watch it this badly, even after seeing how horrible it can be, there is quite literally something there that you aren't seeing or ignoring
Lmao. I didn't say I want to watch porn. Yet you continue the completely one sided conversation with repeated points. You're in an echo chamber. You should take a step back, as no one should be this confident about a controversial and nuanced topic. It is complicated, that's the point. @@shponglechunch
Thank you for this! Seems I met too many guys that were porn addicts all my life. I'm so done with relationships, much better off alone now. Some of the stuff I was privy too by a few was rather disgusting too and I'm not easily offended but wow - I feel so bad for kids nowadays. Porn is a huge topic for me, well trigger is a better word. I don't trust any man now after all I've been through and how sad. But I'm good at being alone. I like you touched on 'dreams' oh yes, all my life I've been able to find that, so cool. Then I'd go to work and see the guy and think ohhh, about last night. Don't think I've ever met anyone who can find that in their dreams. Be well, great topic.
I'm very sorry for your experience. I've seen the effect on women too. On dates now, I've noticed women act more like men and tend to want to go to bed as fast as possible. And this almost always means that they don't want any kind of relationship. Sometimes it's because of panic afterwards, sometimes it's because they see relationships as losing all independence and their entire identity. It's not just affecting men, it's one the many ways the internet (which is basically where all the porn comes from) is destroying human relationships. And then I end up in a similar situation to you: I just want to give up and stay single.
@@the81kid thanks and sorry you are going through rough time dating. I can't imagine using the apps they have like tinder etc just for hookups it seems these days. I so agree it is destroying human relationships...so sad but true.
@@Cosmogirl014 Thanks. You're right, dating apps are toxic. I know a few people who have found a partner through them, then deleted the app immediately. That's the minority though. Most guys use them as hookup apps. Some girl friends of mine tell me that every date feels like a race to go to bed, that's all the guy is interested in. And if he can't get that, he'll ignore her and move on to the next. It's having a terrible effect on girls too, where they have to make themselves as "hot" as every other girl. Our society's being poisoned from the inside out.
@@the81kid You are so right. Yep it's all a competition now. Look at the selfies all over social media. Our society has become nothing but objects of desire through techno devices. The worlds gone mad. I know others who met on dating sites too and still together but that was when you didn't just swipe, look at a photo and say yes (I don't know how tinder works I heard of it. I'm from the match.com days lol). It's all too easy now and so unsafe imo. Oh ya society has gone mad.
I first found it as a young child around age 10. Got my first ipod and decided to look up photos of women because it was exciting. When i first seen hardcore images i was so sickened and traumatised i cried for days. I felt an extreme shame and guilt surrounding my attaction to women and my choice of looking it up online. I felt like i wasnt being heard and comforted and on top of that, i was told by my father that he was proud of me because he knows i will be attracted to women as his son.
I think the bottom line is: if you’re behaving in a way that damages your sexual confidence (however that may be oriented) and negatively affecting the way you view yourself or others, then you should change the behavior. Does it mean porn and sex is evil and wrong so long as it’s amongst consenting adults? No. Just as with any pleasurable thing in life, there must be balance. I think being overly restrictive and judgmental towards yourself and others sexually (to the extent it’s amongst consenting adults and not harming anyone or involving kids) can be damaging as well.
I agree with the latter part of the video. When I've heard the "empowerment" argument, I often have thought it winds up sounding more like, "I've already been violated, so I might as well be somewhat in charge of doing it and make some money so at least I get something out of it" after hearing the backstories.
your concerns are with the general culture's prioritizing of individual-centric fulfillment and consumerism, NOT with porn specifically. We are alienated and isolated in many ways that are not sexual, and I would argue these are just as degrading
Though I agree with some of your points, I do feel like you're making too many assumptions about other people. Not everyone will have the same reaction to the same stuff, and I find it hard to believe nobody can have a healthy relationship with porn.
That look when you first see porn is some wild ass shit especially so young like a lot of times it ain’t even discuss is just like confusion to a degree you like just overloaded idk how to describe it
Elementary school bastard classmates used to bring porn to class on their old 2004 model two inch screen phones. Surprisingly, the videos were running very smoothly and we were all exposed to porn involuntarily. It messed me up big time.
Most people don't realize, porn was a major force behind a lot of technological advancements, especially in media distribution...in this case, optimizing video compression algorithms. The smoothness of video streaming was advanced, in the early years, mainly by porn sites.
Very good video. It's important to express honest opinions on this topic, because in today's society it has become almost like a taboo to question anyone's sexual behavior, even if it's harmful for others.
One thing i’ve always said is how, the youth has to grow up in a world created by us adults. It’s especially bad after the boom of internet/tech, because porn is SO accessible now, there’s damn near no amount of parental controls that can prevent it because, the neighbor kids have iphones, or you even get very suggestive game ads when you are playing other games. But yes, very accessible and very psychologically marking… I vividly remember my first encounters with magazines as a young child, then first encounters with actual videos from the internet around preteens… very much psychologically marking to the young.
This is a great take. It is seriously disturbing, the transformative effect the internet had on the accessibility of pornography. Truly a failure of a use of technology. We are animals. We were never meant to have this much access to each other.
Nothing, if you engage with it in a healthy way and understand that it does not accurately reflect real sexual relationships. There's some valid criticism in the video, but overall it's pretty generalizing, condescending, and moralizing, and contains selection bias.
@@KarlSnarks His criticisms seem circular, vague, and a lot more about what porn ISN'T than what it is. Of course it's not love, and of course it's not therapy. It's just an aid for a healthy physical activity. I usually feel good afterwards, not weirded out or guilty. I think those weird and guilty feelings only happen if you come (no pun intended) into the activity with a pre-existing mindset that you're about to do something BAD.
It’s horrific how we realise how traumatic this all is realising e are traumatically traumatised by other traumatised people failed by others plus victims of this pain . We deserve to do better we deserve better for our kids with this information we really have to we really need. To we really need love plus we neeed to show people what live really is here we really do here lots of love here 💜
Porn is the hardest addiction to get rid of. And I have had a lot of addictions in my lifetime (41 years old.) I quit smoking and drinking after doing both for 16 years in 2014. But quitting porn I have struggled with for the last 7 years straight. I'm quite sure now that you can't just willpower through it while counting days of no porn "nofap" etc. Something else needs to happen in one's life. There needs to be a deeper reason for quitting. Faith in God finding love and believing that you are worthy of love success and happiness (which you absolutely are) are good reasons for quitting. Because the truth is porn will keep us stuck exactly where we are right now in life. Same mental state, same shame, same anti-social behavior and the same level of success with women and money. Declare your personal war on porn and win it.
Spot on! My maximum time has been about 3 months approximately, currently now trying to go longer than that or maybe forever if I can keep it up. A few things to point out though and maybe someone might find this information available. If you want to destroy your porn addiction, you need to condition your brain to understanding it’s repercussions on your physical, emotional and mental state. As well, refrain from using any substances that may alter you mentally and make you seek porn/masturbation (weed, alcohol) anything that can draw you back in and justifying this behaviour, if you can cut those things it’ll be a lot easier for you. Also, I’ve found that boredom is one of the easiest ways to find your way to porn. Keep your mind occupied with activities, whatever you can enjoy doing preferably if it’s productive and/or keeps your mind engaged, like outside activities. If you find yourself craving it, you need to STOP yourself in your pattern of thought and realize why you’re even quitting porn. Quitting your porn addiction will open pathways in your life that you couldn’t have possibly imagined, I don’t have scientific evidence on any of this so it’s all anecdotal - but to be able to think properly, live your life as a fit, normal and healthy adult with passion for things and motivation/discipline to make anything you want happen, quitting a porn addiction is certainly a must. Porn addiction will keep you depressed, socially anxious, unmotivated, lack of self-awareness, among other things that will inevitably hold you back. Not doing so will keep you stuck exactly where you are, just like my brother here said in the above comment.
thanks for sharing this. I'm 29 and agree. and for this clown above, it really shows how much p0rn propaganda has shaped ppl to think it's got anything to do with 'normal human functions'
I'm so grateful to be validated in my views! I am a trafficking survivor and porn disgusts me today. Why? Because that same objectification on a screen is the same objectification men put upon me to buy "my" time. I was not human. I was an attractive 21 year old. I was a toy.
OMG the way ted Bundy opened up about pornography... I never saw anyone so genuinely talk about effects of porn on the psyche or the rape of the senses (a lady just said that in the comments) yall gotta watch him talk about it, in a way you could see in his eyes admitting that porn destroyed his life (his victims lives even more so) also I remember him admitting that other inmates that were there all had a strong porn addiction and they had they behaviour heavily influenced by it! Really smth to think about...
Piotr Nogaś it does desensitise the human brain, it rewires it in a way that many researchers have tried to describe , it conditions your brain, literally forms new neural pathways, socially engineers consumers to protect and even encourage its “benefits” as so called “liberation, personal empowerment etc...” but hey I’m sure you have internet access and can do your own research on the harms of consumption of pornography... that is if you are willing to really do it, otherwise I’d say consume what you want but don’t promote it as a way to “numb inner pain” that’s really not what it really is, hope you dig into the facts instead of personal gain and emotional gratification
@@mariecc222 girl, I'm taking a course for people with this problem and probably I'm the most aware about this stuff in this comment section. Yes, what you've written is true, yet at worst porn will push a person to commit suicide, homelessness and/or using child porn. It doesn't create predators though
I partly agree with you guys, but be careful to conflate corrolation with causation. Maybe most of violent people watch violent porn because they are attracted to each of those activities. Or maybe because they already are violent they enjoy violent porn. I think it is too simple to conclude "watching violent porn leads to violence". Maybe having violent tendencies lead to watching violent porn? Or maybe the two things have a third (or more) complexs cause. But that being said, I think porn exposure over time MIGHT inspire SOME people to be more violent in sex. But I think that to most people the addiction and issues with intrapersonal relationships are worst. It's like any drug. A little can actually help some people become liberated and learn about the sexual body, but too much and it can poison the mind in many ways, and actually make you sick.
I’ve struggled with porn addiction since I was like 12 and I’m 20 now and about last year really started to realize how unhealthy it was and in result I never even tried to engage with girls my age let alone a relationship. I cut it out of my life and it has made such a drastic impact on me
what did you replace it with? If you did at all
@@BoxOfCurryos It was more of a lifestyle change , I totally changed my diet from fast food 4/5 times a week to even more with coffees daily to all protein based cooked meals with shakes . I stopped exercising and have just started to consistently get back into it and I’ve just been trying to stay busy and focus on things that actually matter to better myself like reading self improvement books etc
@@lorgnetteify Don’t date girls?? Haha that is normal mate! what is he supposed to do then..
@@TheZestySoul97 just make friend then turn it into relationship. Dating sucks. It’s the only way I had relationships. But with dating I would get disposed quickly. It’s filthy lol
In Islam , people are encouraged to fast, it helps control our desires. Be in control of the self.
Lower the gaze, both men and women.
Pray 5 times a day, which demands , purity and cleanliness, to wash up before each prayer.
Say no, to sexual activity, for almighty God’s sake, to keep your pure connection with our lord.
Sexual acts outside marriage and porn, damages or push back the connection with out lord .
Refreshing to see this viewpoint being expressed by a man, and from a secular rather than religious perspective.
I really don't buy that being against porn can ever be a totally secular idea. Daniel appears to be heavily influenced by culture. And our culture is still dripping with a lot of religious influences and overtones.
@@thunderpooch
Everyone is religious in some way. At some level, everyone has a religion, a worldview based on some kind of faith. But I do think you're right, everyone, including people who think they're real atheists, has been influenced by classical religion.
@@the81kid I don't think everyone is religious in some way. But I do think far too many self described agnostics and atheists have uncritically swallowed religious sentiments and incorporated them into their worldview and subsequently into their daily behaviors.
Either be secular or don't. Don't pick and choose for no reason at all, is what I'd say to the vast majority of self described "no religious affiliation" demographic.
TH-cam Curates Content, algorithm is a lie ....religion is misogyny. So is porn. You can think between the divide. I’m an ex Mormon, an atheist, and mormons stance of being against porn doesn’t go all ther deep, cause they can’t talk about how women are disrespected without acknowledging power imbalances, power imbalances that exist in the church. Conservatives and liberals are the same wings on the woman hating bird. Ofc you can be secular and anti porn. Being anti porn is common sense. If you respect women, you don’t watch porn...
@@gingerisevil02 I disagree. If you're respectful of women, certain porn won't be appealing while other porn will be.
And secular people can be against porn but it rarely has much to do with moral sentiments and disrespecting women. It's more along the lines that watching too much porn could be a form of sensory overload and/or a poor use of one's time. Addiction can clearly be an issue. But people get addicted to food, movies, and video games. There's no real call to ban them from a morality standpoint.
There's the slippery slope argument against porn since some porn is abusive or needlessly violent, but that's not really being against all porn per se.
You have to build up sex in your mind as having super natural attributes and that God has deemed it only appropriate in a certain context to truly be against porn on a moral basis.
I watch porn, but the kind I like is tame in comparison to all that is available. I too think some porn is a direct result of some people having addiction issues and so they keep seeking out more graphic and intense scenarios because they've become desensitized.
And yes, some sex addicts get involved in the porn industry, which is also unhealthy. But many professional coaches and people who work in finance are also addicted to their job and have zero life balance.
Why is watching people engage in sex a harm if they're there willingly and no acts are being depicted which display dominance or disrespect to the women involved?
I'm truly curious. If a convincing argument can be made, I'll might very well give up porn. It's not my intent to disrespect women. I use porn as fantasy, an escape, and a way to learn about sex. Sure it's lazy entertainment. Even the limited social interactions of people engaging in porn and sex are quite fascinating. The men and women behave as they do and have distinct actions, and i don't get any of that when I opt to touch myself in a darkened room.
It's like watching The Lion King to learn about Africa and animals instead of picky up a book on lions and hyenas. It's entertaining fluff. Is that so bad? Should I read journals and works by sexologists if I claim I'm fascinated? But I don't think I'd do it, nor would I read about lions.
What a brilliant, mature talk. Porn separates people and real respect and love in the world. Not to mention it being demoralizing and dehumanizing. You have some amazing good points.
Abbey Winters and Playboy is dehumanizing?
i love porn its dope
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There is no real respect and love in the real world which is why people gravitate towards prn
@@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259 yes, that is what is so sad. God help us.
I am deeply grateful for this video. I broke into tears. Pornography has touched my life in a deeply destructive way, and I am so sick of how "normal" it is now. It makes me feel as if I cannot trust anyone.
I feel you bro
@@indissolubilisociavit6560 *sis
@@youtube__handle we are all brothers herr
I would never be with a man who is into Porn, even as a adult it dehumanizes women and the actresses are often sexual abuse victims while young as you mentioned and they are further victimized in this industries. As a sexual abuse survivor, I only see victimized women. It also gives a distorted view to men of how to treat women and what they want from a men, they are instead taught to objectify and abuse women.
@@ginadean5696what if it's in reverse? What if a man wants to be abused by a woman
I think anyone who's honest with themselves understands porn is extremely harmful. But the problem is that sexual desire is such a basic driver for biological existence and it's just too hard to avoid it especially when there's little (obvious) cost to watching it. Add ease of access due to the internet and the free market, and it takes an otherworldy amount of willpower to overcome that temptation. It's like being hungry all the time and only having junk food around.
What a great analogy 🙌
Discipline my friend
I think understanding that a porn addiction is actually quite seperate from your biological desires is an important stepping stone in breaking away from feeling you need it and that it is something you can break, it definitely helped me and I am currently still in this process of breaking away from it. With these things the addiction reaches a point where your use of porn is the addiction, not the actual physical ejaculation, its the porn that you are addicted to, and understanding this and separating it from your natural desire for sex is so important. It often reaches a point where you struggle to reach normal levels of arousal without porn. That is in no way a part of our biology. Best of luck, it is possible.
Good analogy
@@alexstone9099 Good point. Even if you think that you "need" to orgasm regularly, that doesn't mean you have to watch porn. When you're very attached to porn, it's easy to forget that you can masturbate without it.
As a man it's honestly so refreshing to see women in the comments talk about these things
In my own experiences with women, when we've reached a point in the relationship where we're sexually interacting with each other, I'll ask what they're into and so often the answer is BDSM, but here's the interesting part: When I've told them I'm not into those sorts of things, they'll then backpedal and tell me about how they're not really that into it either, when I've told them I'm not into it I've always mentioned that I'm willing experiment with engaging in it with them, because I care about their pleasure and I'm not prude or shameful or anything, yet they'll insist that they're really not that into it despite what they told me earlier about being into it
I've always had a feeling that the reason I've seen this happen so many times is because they've assumed that I'm into it, due to so many men being into aggressive pornography, like they think men want a 'freaky' girl, and so because they want to feel worthy of this criteria they've assumed I have, they'll pander to me by saying they're into freaky stuff, while in reality I just want them to be their selves
interesting point and I've had similar experiences, however there are also women who genuinely want some 'kink'.
There's a lot of people completely desensitized to human connection. They need more and more extreme kinks and fetishes just to get some kind of sensation. Not that I would recommend anyone watching porn, if you see the "performers", they very often look dead in their eyes, bored, like they don't feel anything anymore. Porn sites cater for more and more extreme fetishes because so many people are completely numb to how intimacy really feels.
@@the81kid I've noticed the same thing you're describing, pornography can act as a sort of 'gateway drug' to more extreme things, it makes men become so selfish and predatory
sex is supposed to be something that's intimate, selfless, sincere, loving, sensual, a form of bonding
porn reaps these elements from their minds, and in-turn becomes something insincere and vapid, void of connection
Yep so sad
I've had similar experiences with woman I'd been with. Every single one except my very first sex partner wanted something special like spanking, biting, strangling, but in the end they all told me I didn't do it right. For some, even the kissing, touching, the spooning, or hugging wasn't right. Had I not had a more innocent and grateful experience very early on, I think I would have given up on sex life altogether like so many young people do nowadays. They are so afraid to get hurt and that is totally understandable.
Not to go into the detail but all of my unsatisfied partners had been abused in some way at a very young age. Some were open about it, some just showed it unknowingly. Knowing this made and still is making me so sad and powerless.
A lot of poor children are having their mind ruined by this garbage.
Goomatora I remember when I first introduced to porn! My cousin saw that I had an iPod touch! He was excited and said “ooh dude let me see it” he immediately searched porn on it and showed me you can clear history. Ever since then I just been jerking off to it. It’s horrible and degrading. I can really see how it effects my relations with women and men. It’s not okay.
LAF 98 it’s the most accessible addictive substance especially now more than ever in the era of information. It’s easy to start and incredibly difficult to stop once you have a habit. Millennials are so screwed man. The internet is everywhere now, it’s not difficult to use or only available for the mid and upper class. I don’t think banning it entirely will solve this but perhaps some sort of heavy filter as to how you access these sites or something. I pity the poor instant gratification reliant children that will grow into even worse adults. My generation is scary
@@Goomatora you can also get bored with it. If you're addicted to anything it is because you have a shame about doing it at all. Once you cut the shame, it is much less addictive. I go through phases of liking it and finding it helpful to find things that turn me on. Then I can go back to sex with real people and not do it pornographically but re-enjoy what I like about sex than get bored with it or forget why, which is easy with age. The problem is more to do with all the taboos around it. European people have much healthier sex lives because there isn't a puritanical association. Sex is natural. Kids can see violence before sex? Ok ..makes no sense.
Porn can be used to the negative. If people think gagging on cock repeatedly and triggering the vomit reflex is fun, well, that's not for everyone. Everyone isn't into their nipples being pinched, being sucked, certain positions. It is important to stay present during sex about what you like and if you and the partner can't mutually enjoy it, you shouldn't be together since you're not sexually compatible then. I say this as a gay man who has had TONS of sex. Daniel is usually insightful, but I think I have much more experience on this front. I've gone from sex addiction to complete non interest in sex to rediscovering it. Porn is not inherently harmful.
Heaven forbid Daniel you were "exposed" to lesbians as a child. Sorry they exist! Only heterosexual sex should be shown in your mind? The idea that sex should only be done one way is extremely limiting, the idea people have to choose a sexuality.
I've been gay my whole life, but I've started to explore being bi and I think it is frustrating and sad how people can be so closed off to certain ideas as though it threatens their world view.
I think this could be an area of growth for you. There is a lot of stuff you haven't processed about sex and porn, Daniel
This is why when I start dating again I'm gonna ask how much porn they watch. Not on the first date, obviously. But, I want someone that watches very little or is just no fap. My ex was addicted to porn and it's honestly one of the most disgusting and degrading addictions out there. He abandoned me on my 21st birthday to masturbate in the bathroom for 3 hours. Really disgusting and pathetic addiction.
Pornography is not for children
Porn is poison for the soul. I agree.
Still makes more money than Disney per year. Hard to swallow pill. It's probably the purest form of art there is to be filmed. Unless you're a tight butt conservative.
Very well said.
I feel like this kind of language is more damaging than the porn itself. Yes porn isn't healthy, but the way we shame yourself and others feeds into negative behaviors (porn being one of them)
sometimes poison is ok lol. ever heard of alcohol? thats much more a poison than porn. but i think you can drink alcohol and not judge yourself for being "bad", just as much as you can enjoy porn and sex without being "bad".
@@theoofsweden except drinking alcohol is socially acceptable, while I think porn consumption is still considered by most in America to be taboo. Calling it a poison fuels the self esteem/shame issues that are the root of porn addiction.
I’m a woman and in my mid 20s. This is a huge refresher (like the Pretty Privilege video). I’ve relapsed back into p0rn, but it doesn’t feel the same as it did when I was a teenager.
As a teenager, I was in a rush, hated my body, had warped views on men and women, hid my sexuality, and was numb. I was also a people pleaser, so I got fucked over by people. Most of it was shit I never wanted in the first place
As an adult, it makes me sad, guilty, and realizing I’ve got trauma to heal from. I’ve realized I was a girl who was overly sexualized, objectified, and assaulted. Not all my experiences were traumatic or bad, but the good didn’t outweigh the bad.
The journey to cut out p0rn is hard. Then again, it really helps when I can actually seek intimacy by telling my friends I love them or spending time with pets.
Wow I relate a lot to this
Best of luck on quitting porn. I too was a hardcore porn addict. Just completed 90 days sober, few days ago.
feel u girl
Oh, so you could easily fix your life due to being girl. What a privilege.
I never thought women could possibly get addicted to it. But I was ignorant. It’s hard to remember I want an actual relationship when there’s a bunch of “options” of women on my phone.
Pornography is not about love. I know what you mean when you first see it when you are quite young it poisons your mind. It is not helpful. Sadly we have separated love and sex. Great realistic appraisal of pornography Daniel. So true about child sexual abuse victims trying to heal themselves. This one of your best discussions Daniel
Some people don't share the idea that love and sex have to coexist at the same time. Much of the gay community works better under open relationships. It recognizes reality--people get horny and want variety.
Most people don't eat the same foods everyday. Why is variety valued for food and monogamy for sex and not the opposite. If more people ate the same foods everyday, there would be less disordered eating, eating disorders, medical conditions related to obesity because it is so much easier to portion control when you know what your daily intake already is.
jrg305 yes I didn’t say that love should always go with sex, they have often been separate especially for men in heterosexual relationships and perhaps for women when reliable birth control became available. I just suggest that sex and love together make for a beautiful experience. Also although sex is important we do not need it to survive. However if we don’t eat and drink we would die within a month.
jrg305 sex devoid of love and affection has proven harmful to our psychology... sex should at least have basic love and respect...
@@gingerisevil02 what do you mean proven / our? It could be true for you but I don't agree and see how that can be proven across a population. Someone would have to have attached some strong meaning and associations to it for it to have such an effect
See, thats the worst part, the separation of love and sex
My husband’s pornography addiction destroyed my first marriage. I don’t want to talk about it.
Sounds good
@@Frohbee she talked about it without talking about it
First rule of Marriage Club.
Why make this comment if you don't want to talk about it...
@@ily9402 It indicates two things: one, it’s too painful to talk about, and two, the subject matter is awfully taboo-which is why I put up with it until it had destroyed everything.
I was introduced to porn at a young age it really effed my life up since then .
Craig W you have great courage and thankyou for being honest to others.I hope you overcome and are able get stronger
Me too. I was 5
@@seekonlytruth512 Same approximately 5 years of age . Often wonder, why was I automated into this fallen existence instead of staying in the spiritual form forever as a free spirit.
@@seekonlytruth512 Dayum
@@karma_97_ 5 years old😢, i was 11 or 12 years and it fcked up my life
Daniel,
do you know how much effect you have on me? listening to your voice always calms me down, why is that? Please don't stop making these videos
Agree, watch him every night too.
Such heavy topics discussed in a gentle yet productive way. Some ppl like nature sounds but unfortunately this is my idea of soothing lol
Just shredded my magazines two days ago and tossed by DVD's out today. I can't say I won't ever watch some online, but I don't want it laying around my house. I want to ween myself off.
Proud of you. I never have dealt with that, but addiction is always difficult
That last sentence was so deliberate. 🤣
I really appreciate how you framed it. The fact that pornography is away to disassociate is exactly why I‘ve been addicted to it for 15 years. I know that it has a negative impact somehow. The longest I managed to not watch porn was 2 months.
I used porn to escape my traumatic feelings and past. It was an addiction that allowed me to escape the feeling of hopelessness that I was drowning in. It took me half a year to wean myself off of it to where I am now. But there was a lot of hurt and healing that I had to do to make it a permanent change in my life. I wish you the best. Hope you're doing better and can kick this habit if that's what you truly want.
What do you mean "the longest was 2 months"? Do you mean you stopped watching it from 2 months and even until making this comment? Or you mean you stopped for 2 months and went back to it?
@@captainredan5339 stopped for 2 months and went back in slowly but surely. I enjoyed the time off, I felt like I had more time to think about things. Now I'm also trying to stop, it's been about 2 weeks. It was normal for me to watch it everyday at least. Keep in mind, I am in a longterm relationship of 5 years, even with that I couldn't stop watching porn, it's been a struggle (although admittedly nothing like a real drug like alcohol, benzos or heroin)
I have had a horrific porn addiction from when I was 13. I still battle with it to this day. I have come to realize over the past few years how destructive it is and how destructive it has been to me. I hope to be able to get over it soon.
"Troubled people do pornography, this isn't something healthy people engage in" EXACTLY. I thought to do it many times when I was jobless and unhealthy and I count it as one fortunate thing in my life that I did not. Sure, every relationship I ended up being in was terrible, but I appreciate I also didn't sell my body. If somebody had ever made it real easy for me to do, without me having to step out and try to (well some DID kind of attempt this but online), I'm certain I would have.
Part of what even kept me from making money off my body was the pure fact I was USED TO being poor, starving, and suffering. And you don't tend to leave what you're used to. Guys offered to fly me across the country to live with them and I just didn't do it.
The number one thing I want to say, as a woman who does not watch porn and has barely viewed any, is that when I have seen it, the women always look like they are being raped. It's horrifying. And if you have to go through effort and take drugs to even get hard enough to have this stupid filmed sex, how can anybody still find that appealing...? I asked a bf once to send me something he watched, out of curiosity, and it was terrifying. How could that bf not notice how uncomfortable the woman was? (this man would end up being violent and also rape me later, but how uncommon is that?)
And then people imagine that they have good sex "IRL" and lie to themselves about it... I can go on and on about this. And all the shame people imagine and put on others that isn't real.
I completely agree, so much porn is for a violent man's gaze. It's terrible to think what the overproduction of porn has done for relationships, between men and women especially
Thank you for this!!!
I know for a fact watching porn at a very young age (that was brought to me by a “friend”) totally corrupted me.
Having relationships has always been issue and I think it is a direct result of those horrible and twisted ways I viewed how a man and a woman should be.
Quite frankly it’s disgusting...
And the way that Hollywood has normalized it with people like Halle Berry winning Oscars for literally being in pornographic positions is sickening!!!
Honestly thank you for this!!!
Dave Sims crazy how people in Hollywood get praised for devaluing themselves. Actually it’s quite heartbreaking
Reign you’re absolutely right… Hollywood praises it and promotes it on top of it.
I’m starting to realize that everything we see in TV and movies and news is the polar opposite of how things should actually be.
I have watched some porn during my life, and have always thought of it like something that spices up masturbation, nothing to do with sex or romance, just visual stimuli like hand stimuli. But I have realized that it's not healthy for my self-esteem. I always feel ashamed and lonely after.
I have decided to try one month of no masturbation or porn. I'll see what happens. I think it will help my social life, confidence and creativity.
did it help?
I'm wondering if you went through with your month? It's more difficult than many people think...so, no shame if you did not fully complete the goal! Did you see positive effects?
What if you allowed yourself self-pleasure without a stimulus? There's nothing wrong with giving yourself pleasure, unless you attach shame to it. But it seems that for many, they're a package deal: self pleasure means porn, and giving up porn--in this logic--means giving up self pleasure (when I don't think it needs to).
As someone just a couple years younger than you, who didn't grow up with internet porn, you're absolutely right. Of course, our generation thought that a Sears catalog was wanking material, so I have no idea what kids are going through now and absolutely don't want to know. My faith in humanity is almost nil as it is.
The kind of porn which is normal today nd is one front page of pornhub used to be called gonzo porn. Kind of porn where you had to know someone in the industry to secretly get it and had to be over certain age. Now kids as young as 10 are exposed to it.
Thank you for being such a healthy role model for those of us lost in this world, your perspective is always so expansive and healing. I appreciate you so much
Best therapist on you tube and beyond that. Great approach and honest conveyance. Ty each video I've watched really helped me relate intelligently and gain self awareness. Ty
I appreciate when men call this out. This shit is way too normalized. I can’t look at men in the same way... I was raised by a Mormon man who I’m coming to terms with watched porn. He has no love for women. His father looked at porn and sexual abuse is rampant on my father’s side. Had 2 of the 2 most heinous evils; mormon ideology that women exist to subservient to men, even into the idea of polygamy. Women not as human beings, and sexualized them through porn. I’m painfully coming to terms that my father used porn. He wanted me as a “mini wife.” I was not a human being. He rationalized molesting me and then owning my sexuality as a teenager as I tried to heal and received healthy and positive attention from boys he would get jealous and threaten me with further sexual violations. I just wanted a normal and helpful sexuality. I didn’t remember the CSA till I was 19. I sabotogized relationships out of fear and I’m heartbroken cause for a moment I associated sexuality with intamicy only to realize I couldn’t have that. I feel disgusting now that I remember and associate sexuality with abuse and I’m not sure that I’ll heal or experience romantic love given how many men watch porn. Even violent rape porn!!! Most of it sexualizes pedophilic and incest!!! I My mother didn’t like that I didn’t “make her feel like a good mom” and said he “wasn’t abusive.” He loved the immunity. When my mother died he said she was “only 110 pounds and bragged that he would have 2 wives in the “celestial kingdoms now.” He had sexually charged convos with me through my teens with smirks duping delight as he and she went around claiming I was “delayed” as he had a putrid fantasy of having a “mini wife.” To him women are sexual collections, conquests. I was a mini version of his wife tha fhe wanted. “If I can’t have her, no one will.” I’m traumatized by this. He got off on stealing in innocence. The more I process my traumas, and the ways I’ve acted it out, the more I’m coming to terms with the fact I was raised by a porn user who loved getting away with sexualizing women. The red lags were all there; repulsed by women having body hair, attached to women young enough to be his daughter (bragged his new wife, Aka new maid, is only 13 years older,) attracted to his own family members, depriving them of humanity. I hope I can heal past feelings disgusting. I get triggered by the constant porn normalization. Porn sexualizes everything bad that happens to women; incest, pedophilia, rape, racism, CSA, you name it. And if you don’t accept it, you’re a “prude.” Men can’t claim to respect women if they watch porn. Period. Porn infantilizes women. 100% of women with smooth and uniform labia are infants. Hairless women are infants. This is what turns men on these days; women who don’t look like women. I can’t trust them anymore. I remember him commenting about the different “holes” a fly could leave from of a fly entered a woman’s bodies; men who watch porn aren’t attracted to women; they’re attacked to using women as sexual objects, and view sex as something you do to women, not with them. How scary. I have severe trauma from having to sbaotogize relationships, where before I remembered the abuse, I actually felt a connection through love and intimacy, only to realize I couldn’t have that. Rape is the practice, porn is the theory. I’m repulsed at how porn is so normalized. Boys as young as 11 are taught to believe that pulling a woman’s hair, slapping her, and calling her names is “normal sexuality.” “Why does he do that, inside the minds of controlling and abusive men” is such a profound book that even touches on it; men who have their sexuality shaped by porn, will think that if a woman isn’t turned on by being slapped in the face, that something is not wrong with him, but with her sexuality. Porn is rape on tape. It is hate speech against women. I’ll probably have to accept I’ll never experience romantic love. Makes me want to die tbh, being “damaged goods” and most men are turned on by women’s trauma; women carry the trauma of incest and rape in their hearts everyday and men masturbate and laugh like it’s a damn joke. It’s so rare to see men call this out, but 9 times out of 10 I see men calling this out ONLY cause they can’t “get it up anymore” no regard to how porn fuels sex trafficking. Porn hub is fucking evil, child porn has landed on that site, real rape videos have landed on porn hub, and I’m revolted to see that site still defended. “Scared step daughter gets fucked by step father while mother sleeps.” Porn hub, 24.7 million views. But I’m “crazy” and a “prude” for thinking porn is trash. A woman’s biggest nightmare, a man’s proudest fap. My liasian’s step father did attempt to rape her. I met a woman at the hospital whose father raped her repeatedly; real trauma, that porn sexualizes. The difference between a rapist and someone turned on by rape? TIME. I’m sad to say I can never trust men now. I’ve literally had men rage at me merely for stating I’m terrified of men because of my father. No one lectures someone traumatized by dogs who was a attacked by one, and yet, women get all the vitriol for being scared of men, a normal response to trauma. If you’re turned on by rape, you’re not trustworthy. How sad that women would do this to their sons though; I did have a close friend who had a mother who showed her son porn. Thankfully, he turned out ok.
Wow. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that with your father. Your self awareness is something to be admired and will aid you on your journey to healing. I also thought that I'll never find romantic love since viewing women as sexual conquests and sexualizing women in general is so normalized. Intimacy is equated with sex by so many. If I don't sleep with someone after only a month of knowing them then I'm a prude. Dating apps and our hook up culture promote this and it runs rampant in the younger generation especially, who've grown up watching porn since they were under 10 years old. Over sexualization has poisoned our society. I remember being exposed to it in elementary school by other students, without my consent. Kids in middle school were having sex, and they were considered cool. If you hadn't had sex by college something was wrong with you. Media promotes this idea. But I believe true intimacy and true romance and true love exist. I've sabotaged healthy relationships in the past because healthy relationships were foreign to me, and they made me uncomfortable. I was only familiar with dysfunction and attracted just that. We're all learning to love ourselves again, health our inner child, respect ourselves first and foremost, and establish healthy boundaries with those around us so that we don't repeat the errors of the past. Trust is earned and takes time to establish. If you're encountering someone who doesn't get that, then they aren't worth your energy. True love is worth the wait.
It goes both ways, I briefly dated a female porn addict, and Ive had women ask me to do rough and degrading things to them sexually. I believe it is desensitization as a result of childhood trauma, where they want that traumatic element to feel engaged, and they are actually afraid to experience true intimacy or find it boring. Without a doubt porn has contributed to an increase and normalization of these unhealthy behaviors and probably an increased dissatisfaction with sex across the entire spectrum of society as well.
The Great Plague don’t even start with the “goes both ways” please. A man being turned on by slapping and hitting women is not on par with women being turned on by being abused. Women often unconsciously act out their traumas. What lead me to want to process and be better is when I acted out traumas recently, I kept getting intrusive thoughts; “what if you wanted it?” Often times women who are sexually abused experience unwanted stimulus; this re-wires the brain to associate sex with abuse and pleasure with shame. Some women cannot get off without pain and abuse because they have so much shame in their sexualities, and it’s a shame we are now in a society that shuts off criticisms as “kink shaming.” Men have all the power to say NO to choking and slapping and spitting women. And you would not believe the amount of women not involved in the BDSM community getting choked without consent. Why are men turned on by choking and hitting women? Women have been killed under “sex games gone wrong” it is disgusting. I am sure it is confusing for guys to be asked to do violent things to women and I’m sad for these women who are being brainwashed to think that violence =sexy. Violence =love. Empathy and compassion is dying on this world and it’s sick. I wish I got to experience romantic love before this world turned into even deeper vile putrid filth. I’ll never ever seek a relationship until all my sexual traumas and issues are healed but even if I am healed, I don’t know that I could trust them even like 99% or so of men (I’m guessing, I don’t have a stat for that ) watch porn. And this isn’t 80’s soft core porn. It is violent rape porn and it sexualizes incest and pedophilia. I would never date a man turned on by traumas.
I pretty much agree but the “goes both ways” is hackneyed and fallacious, it really doesn’t. But yea, the revolution at affectionate and loving sex as “vanilla” and push to normalize violent sex as normal is disturbing. Sex is about connection, not to prove how edgy you are. I think deep down these women know, and the men know, or they wouldn’t need to seek validation and attention for it on every social media platform. As far as I’m concerned, most people have sex, doesn’t mean I need to hear about it. Kinksters post Their shit everywhere pushing for acceptance. What I took from my own trauma, the “what if you wanted it” what I really wanted was to be numb and dissociated and feel in control. In my core I’ve always craved intimate love. That stuff gets shit on now.
@@gingerisevil02 I agree with what you said, insofar as it pertains to adults. But what about an adult female with a male child totally under her power? These abusive males aren't created by porn, merely encouraged by it. Unfortunately women who are drawn to abusive men often reproduce with them, furthering the cycle of abuse. These same women often subconsciously mold their sons into abusers. We live in a system that is designed to be deeply hostile and antithetical to women, so I agree that men bear more responsibility particularly when it comes to physical violence. However both parents must be held responsible for creating the next generation of abusers. I was lucky enough to have one really intimate and healthy relationship in my life that made me aware of how disfunctional my other ones were.
SPIRIT AND SOCIETY it is so damn sad. Whatever happened to taking things slow? Months talking and spending time together, getting to know each other, connecting based on the intimacy of sharing vulnerabilities and aspirations, hopes and dreams along with slowly building physical connection, going from holding hands, kissing, caressing, etc, before having sex? I don’t think promiscuity is good or safe for women! Extremely risky and that’s pushed under the drivel of “sexual liberation.” Thanks for listening and sharing your story btw! I’m slowly peeling back layers because I’ve had people on my life, like my lisian and online community validate me and make me aware of abusive social workers behaviors, and I’ve had a few wake up calls with others and my own behavior. I recently started to process the heartbreak of sabotogize in my teens; my mother neglected and abandoned me and I had no source of maternal love so I’d seek that out in boys. My father didn’t like that. Would get handsy towards me, always “asserting dominance” over my sexuality; if he wanted to rape me he could’ve and my mother would pretend it wasn’t exist. I had to live with that unconcious awareness so I hated that instead. I had 1 intense infatuation with a boy in HS. It was just heartbreaking. Found out I liked him and I couldn’t have a bf because of my father. That is where I learned what a health sexuality looked like though. We both had very abusive raging mothers, it set me up to be bullied a lot. He’d check in with me, ask if I was ok, and his mother didn’t want him to date either; my father started grooming him, he assumed I was only afraid of rejection like he was so he tolerated my scared mixed signals while my father “joked” about how he would send photos of me in my bathing suit and then played it off as “all guys are like that.” I was addicted to the affection from this person, and the relationship ended with him feeling used and me being hurt; one intimate moment, and I didn’t remember the abuse so I didn’t feel shame for 1 moment because I didn’t remember. I didn’t realize how gross my father’s behavior was till I had sexually charged thoughts when we had an intimate moment because he was vulnerable with me. I had no choice but to sabaotize, because I grew up with “you’re a pretty girl, you could get raped.” “Have you ever gone skinny dipping before?” “Oh he’d like that.” He was threatening me, and my mother raged and said ir wasn’t abuse when I talked about it and was smearing my trauma responses as special needs. Her death and going No contact woke me up; I think she died of fear and shame. He is a sadistic sociopath. I sincerely hope I’ll be able to trust again but the memory messed me up. I wish I got to experience that “innocent love” based on vulnerability, trust, affection, and mutual respect. You won’t get any of that shit with a porn wanker. I plan to heal and cultivate my life and if it happens it happens, if it doesn’t it doesn’t, but it kinda hurts knowing I very likely will never experience romantic love. I’m jealous of feminists who can happily choose separatism; I think I’d be fine with it if my life hasn’t been defined by assualt and I got to experience romantic love. I’m sure it’s out there but they’re like “rare unicorns” in this day and age. I’m hopeful seeing more platforms speak out against porn now though. Woman hate is the root of all evil imho. Men’s need to dominate animals, women, and children as a class... its shocking.
I grew up with sexual abuse and sexual shaming, so realizing I didn’t care about church rules but was afraid of my father at 15 was traumatizing. When I didn’t remember and wasn’t judged as “gross” for having a sexuality it was almost healing for a moment until I remembered I couldn’t have it. I never got to experience a healthy sexuality. Remembering was the worst
Encouraging people to think of each other as commodities never helps. Porn does a lot of that.
Literally, ... it turns other fully conscious beings into '15 minute' commodities.
As a teen I recognized very young that I had a propensity to obsess about girls if I found them physically attractive, that's a reasonably common tendency. But porn-prostitution-pimping leverage that skewed perception and grossly distort it, turn it into a characature .... all for profit. The women and young men drawn into the industry have different motivations, the women are so often financially vulnerable, a consequence of their youth and (frequently) a lack of useful education. It's an exploitation industry, it's a type of 'mining'... as grotesque as that analogy may appear, a continuous conveyor belt of 'disposable' beauty/bodies/deliberate nastiness. As bad as it the industry is in America, it's horrendous in Japan.
And thank you for saying how everyone loses! I’m tired of hearing women on the internet say it’s empowering to be porn stars and trying to support that idea. It’s not empowering. It’s really not.
Just like women posting their half naked bodies on social media. These women label it as empowerment.
Eh…kind of judgmental 🤔 but not everyone has the same idea some people need the money and I’m sure they make more then a lot of jobs out there
And maybe for some it’s empowering but I just couldn’t do it I don’t think. 🤷♀️
@@annmarie6870 exactly…it’s so easy to demonize sex workers for doing what they do but what’s the alternative? Look at the top industries where women are commonly employed: nurses, teachers, social workers and compare their salaries to p0rn an industry where women dominate. The issue is how men fundamentally view women and their contributions. And it’s not a 21st century idea it’s been happening since the beginning of time
Being honest...I wonder about this guys views though
I'm following this channel for about a year now and daniel talks about different misbehaviours and how it's connected to our "hurt children" inside. now about myself, i sometimes feel like i'm a hypocrite. on one side i'm trying to connect more and more to myself and try to heal myself. on the other hand i sometimes do watch porn which caused me so much harm in different levels and i think in my case the activity is so in contrast with what i'm trying to do with my life that i feel like a hypocrite. This video is so much valuable for me. Daniel talks about things that are hard for us to admit. I think about myself as a person on his way to healing but I still do something that helps me "NOT TO HEAL" and "BYPASS THE HEALING PROCESS", "GO BACK INTO DISSOCIATION", "LOSE MYSELF", "LOSE MY SOUL", "GET LOST", "GET CONFUSED", "FIND WAYS OF FEELING QUICK EASY PLEASURE", "DIVERSION", "LOSE GOOD HEALTHY CONSCIOUSNESS" in order to watch things that people shouldn't be watching.
so why i'm posting this comment? i have seen other videos of daniel about some misbehaviours in other people that i personally get hurt from and i'm thinking, man am i that different? am i really honest about what i do? am i faking being a more healthy person because i still do watch porn and i knew it from a long time ago that it's not right. but then i get philosophical and lose my course of action. man, this is a long comment but somehow i felt i should talk to someone else about this besides myself. kinda like a confession...
Just try to balance it out.
I think porn is like anything that feels good but is bad.
Fast food once in a while is actually good, it may release a lot of dopamine. The problem is jot being able to enjoy healthy food.
Or drinking, it is bad.
But once in a while I do myself some self love and drink and socialise with some friends, and really makes life worth living.
It would be ideal to not use these things. But in what ways are you unhappy without them?
Just find the most joy in this life time with balance :)
@@dianadias3 Thank you, Diana. It was really nice of you to reply to this old comment. You're right, it's just another "feel-good" bad thing.
@@rpgzan2028 There is a lot of blame in using it, which makes us feel worse.
It is okay to use it if it is a balanced thing:)
Of course we should thrivr to have good relationships, but sometimes fast food just feels good :D
He is just a guy on the internet. He doesn't know everything. If it was true that we're, above all, "children trying to heal" or whatever, then nobody should have sex because of the obvious. If we can't look at porn because we're "children deep down" then we shouldn't have sex either because we're "children deep down". What a load of crap.
The way our society engages in sexual behaviors and satisfying sex as a need is equivalent to binge eating regarding hunger at this point.
Wow. I actually kinda agree with that. We overindulge in both
Because we try to distract ourselves from the trauma or pain we feel deep down. It’s all related to trauma it all really is we heal the trauma the behaviour disappears naturally it’s not that society etc it’s because we violate our kids early we need to heal ourselves first so we do not hurt our kids or other people further or at all if we disconnect we suffer I feel it heavily here as I feel lost through secual desire through porn too it’s sucks I hope we heal how we feel soon Cheers
@@nickandrews2255 While I do agree our society has neglected to properly heal trauma, and provide resources to do so. It also is society and the marketing of products like different media we consume etc, using sex to sell products. Society in general places too much importance on sex, and doesn’t stigmatize use of sex as a form of escapism enough. Society has allowed concepts of morality and self control to fall by the wayside. Sex as you said, is being used as a distraction, both by the individual, and society as a whole. So it is both a problem at an individual level, and a societal level.
@@domonator5000 As we heal the trauma the desire to use these products disappears. As so does the pain deep inside. When we heal the trauma or prevent it at all the market for these things will disappear naturally as we get a new compass to determine what we do / do not need for the world. All these products are a by product of the cycles of exploitation which stems from disconnection to the self. If we are connected to the self we do not harm others as we understand how it feels to harm ourselves deeply. It becomes impossible to hurt others through the means of immoral acts versus perhaps hurting the person by expressing a opinion which is unavoidable (despite sticking to a code of ethics or code to which we do not harm with words). We heal the trauma we heal the earth. We need to get to therapy. All of us. So we do not repeat the cycles of trauma to others or our kids so we force change to naturally occur this will happen regardless to be real its just a matter of time as it is the next level of evolution for us here as we trim down from capitalism to self direction plus connection after all the war plus trauma we have been through through the overall lack of safety everywhere...physical plus emotional. I hope you get the healing you deserve CHEERS>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I do wish I could say I was fully over using porn. I was released from its grip for quite a while, but the urges now creep up on me sometimes and being single makes it tough. For me, the orgasm hangover from PMO seems much heavier than if it was just normal masturbation, as there is always lingering shame with the PMO.
Porn at a young age can be traumatic in ways
What a great perspective . My partner was almost a victim, I pray for healing everyday.
You're one in a million, Daniel.
@DanielMackler: I really enjoy your perspective on these things because you exited the profession that I’m training to be a part of. When I saw this post, the title was a bit of a trigger for me because I was married to man who for 14-15 years of our marriage rejected me in favor of porn and did it so obviously and blatantly so as to hurt me emotionally and upset me during my pregnancies etc. He even said to me “I would rather jerk off to these inanimate pictures than be intimate with you” all while trying to hold me hostage in about 2-3 years of couples counseling where he was paying our counselor thousands of dollars & one out of 168 hours per week “convincing” the therapist that he was “committed to preserving our family”. Ultimately when I left, I took half of what he called “his” wealth, being in the community property state of California so when I saw the title of your video, on the one hand yes it triggered me, on the other hand my defense of humor came in to rescue me and said “well I do know someone who lost half his millions and his house because of porn! 😂😂😂 So there!!!” Not to make light of the entire subject of course, but sometimes lightness helps healing 💕😇
L comment
I was sexually molested in the 1960s before I entered grade school and I wasn’t communicating because of it. My mother told me in the 1990s that she and my dad had a meeting with other people in my home town to decide whether or not to make me do it … learn to communicate. She said and I quote, “We should have made you do it.” Therapy for grade school children with PTSD related trauma. The decision was made at that meeting in the 1960s not to make me do it. If I were made to do it in grade school, it wouldn’t have taken me two weeks to overcome the trauma and learn to communicate. I was also learning disabled from the trauma of being sexually molested and the people of my hometown thought it was funny. They hid things from me so I wouldn’t know what was going on, so I would remain learning disabled. I believe the reason I was intentionally neglected is because I was the victim of a hate crime committed by people that hate boys (in particular German Lutheran boys). This is why I was molested in the first place and why I was intentionally neglected. Would you be willing to provide your input? Why wasn’t I made to do it in grade school? Was I the victim of a hate crime?
This world is hell bent on traumatizing infants and children and adults and animals
Yes there is something inherently private about one's body and Daniel is right, healthy people do not going around showing their naked bodies to strangers. That's called exhibitionism. Even in the tribal societies people keep mentioning (where nudity is related to climate, not liberation) and one's "private parts" are covered nor are these societies even that liberal or promiscuous. (Margaret Mead's famous study in Samoa which "proved" young girls were naturally promiscuous turned out to be totally false.)
Daniel is not even religious and the fact that people attribute his attitude to Christianity is ridiculous as is his being "prudish". Pornography objectifies women and men who watch porn have problems with intimacy, attachment, fidelity and are often stunted at an adolescent level of growth. Cannot imagine a good father who watches porn. If you have a healthy intimate relationship with your partner you don't need to be watching graphic videos acting out male fantasies and if you need a sexual outlet read some erotica.
Great video, like the videos on circumcision trauma and sex as an adolescent, these should be shown in schools.
@Fires And Flowers Check what she said, it was a WOMAN who did a bogus study about teenager girls being promiscuous...
About him acting "prudish/religious" is bs, since as you pointed out he is also very much against male genital mutilation which puritans introduced to the u.s.a.
Freeman's criticism of Mead's findings was rejected by the anthropological community, mainly because Freeman cherry-picked and misrepresented quotes and arguments.
Some of the comments, like this one, are so judgy. “I Can’t imagine a good father who watches porn.” Talk about prejudgment and generalization. It’s gross.
@@Frohbee I don't trust these people (as a survivour of abuse). "Male fantasies"? as if there aren't women who like to fantasize about these things?? And why is it so focused on men as if women were pure beings who cannot be corrupted?
"healthy people do not going around showing their naked bodies to strangers." literally a cultural difference, just say you're from north america and that you see all types nudity as a sexual and "unhealthy" thing.
Thank you so much! I have a friend who’s partner is addicted to porn and it is ruining their relationship. You have such wise words. Bless you Daniel!
Is there an addiction that doesn't ruin relationships?
it's not the porn, it's the addictive personality that ruins it. healthy people do not develop addictions
@@transsexual_computer_faerywtf porn is designed to be addictive you can be completely normal is every area of your life and still be addicted to porn.
I can clearly observe how getting healthier emotionally naturally diminishes my impulses to look at pornography.
I'm so grateful to you for expressing your viewpoint on pornography. It made me realise how deeply disturbing this is for a child to be exposed to pornography. I'm actually beginning to make some sense of it now.
I think pornography is at the core of the decay of our culture. It's a gangrene tissue of our culture that people feel aroused by, in other words people get aroused by pathology. I don't disdain them, I am or was one of them. I'm just sad and pessimistic about the future of our children living in this culture where pornography keeps pushing itself into the mainstream.
Well said.
I think you're so right that porn is at the center of the decay of our culture. And it's going down FAST! I was brought up in a strict Christian home, but still experienced abuse (sexual and physical) by older brothers and boy cousins. I knew my mother wouldn't believe me, so I never told anyone. My father was rarely physically & never sexually abusive. I consider myself very lucky for that. I know that there are still good men out there. I consider myself blessed to believe in Heavenly Father (father of our spirits) who loves me perfectly, who values all of his daughters. It gives me a lot of comfort and I prefer men who believe in Him, too.
You sound like you have found THE problem, but you're completely reading through your glasses. Like an alcoholic suddenly realizing "hey, alcohol is BAD! everyone, stop drinking and all pour problems will go away!".
Childhood abuse in all its forms and the lack of healing is at the root of evil, of which porn is just another societal expression. You said it yourself: first, heal (or as you put it, mature), then the compulsion will go away. Not the other way around. Why? Because the addiction is not the problem. It is *not being aware of why* you have an addiction.
At 5 years old my brother and my cousin made me watch really violent porn in order to see "what women are supposed to get used to" . That experience scarred me for my entire childhood and adolescence.
oh my god. 5 years old!! I'm so sorry.
You are so awesome, Daniel. Love you and thank you! 🙏
Porn is a whole industry founded on trauma.
I don't know if you read these comments,
but thank you for taking time out of your life to record these videos, it means so much. I have years of last responder ptsd, its extremely therapeutic to watch/listen to you🙏🏻🙌🏻
I do read these comments. thank you for yours -- and I wish you the best! Daniel
@@dmackler58 thank you for your response, truly made my day. I wish you the best, and many years of success.
Thank you agan, Sir.
@@stokes2672 Aww-- thanks! Daniel
i feel like it really screwed my development. i got hooked on porn at like 9-10 years old because at a sleep over my friends older brother (he was like 2.5 years older than us) and he showed us porn on his laptop. that really messed with my teen years and made it impossible for me to be in relationships. i used to look at it all the time but now i’ve got a handle on it and it no longer controls me, but the damage is still there and i don’t think it’ll ever leave me
My parents were very "sexually off" and my first exposure to hardcore sex as a child was through my parents' inappropriate behaviour. They did not shield us kids from their unhealthy sexual relationship - their sexual dysfunction was out in the open for my brother and I to see.
Wow. I’m so sorry.
I just want to remind you that you’re worthy of love, and always have been
I'm so sorry for you. I hope you'll be able to heal from that
@@chipichipichapachapa733 Herman Hesse is awesome, nice to meet a fellow Herman Hesse enjoyer
Brutal. You deserved better than that.
Wow, I’m speechless, did you record it?
You are so on the money with this one Daniel. I am a recovering porn addict and yes, I used it to dissociate as a child and escape my real life, because I didn't have the ability to heal. It is so accessible, so vast, so easy to completely obliterate yourself in. I have even heard it described as 'the iconography of the devil'.
My husband has ruined our trust with this evil pornography
You're totally right Daniel.
I am glad to come across this video. I've been exposed in bizarre ways since I was fairly young and as the years have passed by, my "preferences" have progressively become more bizarre and inhuman. I feel like I am trapped in a circle, telling my self in the end that I'll stop, only for me to repeat the same pattern of this insanity. I know that this is also affecting my relationship and mood. I'm hoping to put an end to this once and for all. Thank you
You got this man. Quitting will only help you.
@@hodgy5610 Thanks, I didn't know how much better I feel with encouraging responses until now. Take care
exactly you are sooo on point. i have also heard that to be hypersexual which tends to be why some people get into the porn industry is a response from trauma. an example is incest, typically by the older figure like an older sibling or parent which can be argued as rape (because is there really a chance to consent when the other person is at a more powerful position and youre young with no full grasp of what healthy sex is?). glad to see someone with experience and background in psychology discuss this. its already fucked up in the context of psychology, we havent even touched its systemic nature in a feminist or patriarchal perspective.
Pornography is a DEAD END
Thank you, as always Daniel.
To each their own, though I will say, in the extremes of these behaviours, it can lead to actual dangerous territory. Where acts, especially involving Sadistic Violence, are seemingly normalised, and more extremes are needed to gain the same experience. So a Drug in essence, like you said, and not one of the few that are beneficial.
The violent porn is for degenerate freaks and violent jerks. Normal people don't like that type of porn.
@@thunderpooch you just don't consider regular violence against women in porn violence at all which is what Frankie was talking about
@@Maria-sy7ej no, I don't like violence in the porn I watch.
Believe it or not, there's porn which doesn't contain disrespectful acts towards women. It's just sex between consenting adults. There's no choking, hitting, name calling etc.
I think some people are so sex negative that they think the mere act of sex is somehow disrespectful towards women. And some women and men behave as though this is the case. It's a weird little game such couples play. Then men will buy the woman jewelry and do nice things for the woman and then the woman will engage in sex. It's weird and not healthy. Attitudes like this and women feeling the need to play coy when they actually enjoy sex is often more disrespectful to women than porn. If I thought I needed to do something special for a girlfriend or give them gifts to make sex acceptable, I'd never start such a relationship to begin with.
@@thunderpooch then you're willlfuly blind to reality of mainstream porn just because you watch something different. These are real women being there and it influences the attitude towards women of millions of men who watch it. I also have my own experience and I know that as a woman. At about 11-14 years of age my male classmates have changed in their attitudes. They would comment on every girl's sexual appeal and comment on their body parts and they'd sexually harass them. I know you don't care how it feels, but just pointing out so someone else sees this that it feels awful as a girl. No, it's not about hormones themselves. It's about socialization and what they see in porn. Then it influences their expectations and demands in sex which is just based on their pleasure which is not even inherently theirs because it's what they've seen in porn and many women are just aroused by the fact that they're pleasing and wanted, they objectify themselves and go to uncomfortable extents to please a man and the lines and boundaries are blurred. And men feel too like they can cross her boundaries. I'm not even talking about the conventional definition of rape. There are gang rapes that are not with porn ''actresses'' being filmed and streamed. There are lots of women who died by ''gagging in consented sex''. What do you think has influenced someone to come up with that sort of thing in the first place? That shows everything but an equal status of women in our modern world. Of course, you want to ignore that so I'm just writing this comment for someone else to see maybe.
I think some men on the left think that porn is the only alternative to religious influences on sex, but what truly drives them is wanting to preserve the status quo and wanting to preserve their beloved porn while you can jack it off to your fantasies without a video of people actually doing it. It's really easy to see porn or e-girls in a couple of clicks and it's not so easy to go out there meet girls as an equal and build a casual sexual relationship with them even. It just makes everyone lonely. Lots of men seriously need to grow in their attitudes towards women.
@@Maria-sy7ej But why did I never seek out crude disrespectful porn? Why did I never make rude comments about the girls in my class?
You're making a slippery slope argument. That's fine.
Ted Bundy gave an interview shortly before his execution where said that porn was part of what began the process of him looking at women as sexual objects.
Oh right, let's believe serial killers and blame porn for people for assaulting and killing women. Facepalm
Most people watch porn and then seek to give me more pleasure to their partner, not hack their head off or shoot them. Ted Bundy was screwed up long before porn. For all we know, porn kept his demented ass occupied which led to fewer women being killed.
Call me crazy, but I don't respect or believe what serial killers have to say.
@@thunderpooch
Absolute coomer cope.
TH-cam Curates Content, algorithm is a lie Nope. Not what anyone is saying. Even as a kid, his mother evidently woke up to him smiling at her while he had knives surrounding her. Porn simply gives abusive men new ideas on how to abuse women. No one is saying porn is the cause but it does worsen misogyny.
You believe a pathological liar, rapist and serial killer? Give me a break. The reason he said that was because he wanted to have a scapegoat to blame, so that he wouldn't be executed
Nobody could never explain it any better I'll definitely come back to this channel, thank you Mr Daniel you're a wise and helpful man know you're loved ♥
Amen! Excellent common sense analysis. It just goes to show that as human beings, we have a built-in ability to rationalize almost anything if we want to bad enough. Thanks for shedding much needed light on this topic.
I’ve noticed that at so many of my trauma responses are being funneled through my sexuality. The vulnerability, intimacy, boundaries, expression, consent, pleasure, desire, authentic connection, love, respect- everything had been contaminated by my negative childhood experiences. But sexuality has given me a path toward healing when I got truthful and humble about how sexuality feels. I think porn is on the other side of the spectrum where love is completely absent because the participants don’t believe they are worthy of it at all.
The idea of being turned on by people objectifying themselves in this way is really something to question. In fact I honestly believe that’s the purpose of porn- objects for projection of shame. It’s like they are making an effort to clearly demonstrate the lack of pleasure they are deriving from the act and it feels intentional. The more dissociated and objectified the actors, the more popular the porno. I don’t think it’s about sex at all, just shame.
I think you're spot on.
It's the shame drug.
Maan i can relate to this
This is a very insightful comment, thank you for this.
Sir, I just wanna say that I really appreciate you doing these videos as I find them significant and substantial. Your insights with the factor of past experience as a former psychotherapist are truly intriguing.
Thank you Daniel, for making this video. This video makes me want to be friends with you. Maybe , if our paths cross some day, we could discuss things
How practical
Also, unfortunately now there is the added “cool girl” thing. Not to be ‘uptight’ etc. I was even briefly influenced by it myself for a while, so went along with something that (when I reflected in it later) I did find gross and humiliating. Normal, vanilla (another contemptuous term) sex is actually just amazing /lovely by itself! And it’s sad that people’s sex and love lives are being distorted and sullied by the influence of porn
Vanilla is my favorite flavor of ice cream. It gets dissed because it's not colorful or fancy or exotic. But it has subtlety and complexity, and when you stop feeding the "need" for crazy new flavors, you can truly savor and appreciate those things. There's nothing in the world like REALLY good vanilla, made with love and care from the finest ingredients. And...when you occasionally follow the spontaneous urge for chocolate or cookie dough...or something really wild like "Cherry Garcia"...it's absolutely mind-blowing.
One of the most important videos on the internet.
I really can't agree with the idea that pornography is so inherently harmful. I'm not going to tell you that it is this wonderful, and great thing that enriches our lives, but is it really impossible to have a healthy (or at least inconsequential) relationship with porn? I really don't think it is.
Yeah this video is completely generalizing, suffers from selection bias (obviously porn actors who are mentally healthy wouldn't come to him for therapy), and moralizes sexuality (it doesn't always have to be about love, it can just be lust and that's fine). There's some valid criticism in there but also a lot I disagree with.
@@KarlSnarks Tbh I didn’t watch the video but that’s kinda what I expected. It certainly could be harmful I think in excess but as with anything you should be mindful of your consumption, and the overall effects of it on your life. That said honestly I think viewing porn as something incredibly evil or toxic can be just as bad. One time my very religious aunt found my (very specific) porn stash on a phone I was giving away (didn’t realize the files were still there) when I was 19, and essentially I felt like I was treated as a complete monster. Compared to the same level as a meth addict or something. She also prayed over me like I made a deal with the devil. It was actually insane and I couldn’t stop crying or apologizing for it when I was caught. To make matters worse she told my mom about exactly what I was into (implying she watched them), and she was legit scared of me. Honestly I hate my aunt for poking her nose into things like that, because I’ll be honest that event totally scarred me and destroyed my self esteem. After that point it was really hard to look at myself the same again and I nearly completely lost myself, and so I just ended up going sooooo much deeper into porn than I ever thought I would. It wasn’t affecting my life before but it totally was at that point now I thought. Before that incident I mostly only used it for fun or comfort sometimes, and I never thought anything bad about it. It was only when my aunt did that was when I just totally felt worthless. Sooo yeah unfortunately these kinds of negative viewpoints on porn can honestly be just as bad imo. Eventually I learned that it was never actually the porn but it was the negative thoughts. That was what was destroying my life and causing me to spiral out of control.
100% it's the stigma that creates an air of shame around it and superimposes so much psychological harm. Porn isn't necessarily good or bad, though the default perception of it is bad. A lot of that ties back to viewing of women as property and religion
It is, stay in denial until it sucks out everything from ya. Good luck
Porn is the animalistic side of human that nourishes fantasm and so many desires ...its sad you guys can't see the depraved side (dark side) of porn . Porn is dehumanizing and does go in every directions including pedophilia and rape as fantasm creates desires in some individuals that will lead them to hurt themselves and others !
I love this video, he is so sweet and compassionate. I would love to grab a cup of coffee with this person.
I got addicted to internet porn at a young age. It took over a decade and a broken engagement to be willing to admit it's a problem. Luckily I'm still with my partner and we're healing and going strong.
It's hard to see porn as an issue when that reframes... so much of my youth. Platonic relationships I let die because of sexual obsession; sexual relationships with literally any man who would take me. I had no respect for my own body or others' around me. In high school I watched porn instead of sleeping. In college, I basically majored in penis. I can't say I'm "fixed," but I at least know there's something to work on.
This is an extremely important and difficult conversation to have for men. And it's important that the arguments don't only come from a religious perspective. I know that the religious perspective made it easier for me to dismiss the message, because I am not particularly religious. Whether you look at it from a secular or religious point of view, the creation of porn damages women, but it's consumption damages men, too, in different ways. The interesting thing that happens if you calmly assert that think pornography is damaging is the frenzied pushback from consumers. It's the behavior of addicts. And it's sad to see.
Im super glad i have never had been addicted to porn. I have had a few days recently where i looked at instagram thirst traps, it made life worse for those few days, i had harder time falling asleep, wouldnt engage in hobbies, and it just scarred me in general. Im back to normal again and im feeling much better, also 14 btw.
That’s kinda how I knew which man to marry, he wasn’t into that stuff
Lol There's only three types of men: Men who watch porn, men who are asexual, and men who lie about not watching porn. If he's into sex, he's watching porn; he's just not telling you the truth.
latt.qcd92
My brother and I don’t watch porn. Last time I checked, we both have dicks.
Please stop projecting. There are people that don’t watch porn, women and men.
@@zain4019 Like I said, there's three types of men and you and your brother fall into one of those categories.
@@latt.qcd9221 you speak the truth. Men who avoid all porn at all costs have sexual hangups and sex negative attitudes that are far more severe and troubling than the act of watching porn.
@@thunderpooch This is true. One of the points the guy makes in the video is that porn prevents r8pe -- it's actually true that porn use has been going up at the same time as r8pe has been going down and there's reason to believe that there is a correlation -- but even if you're not looking at special cases like r8pe, it still keeps you out of trouble when you're younger. When you're young, boy's hormones go crazy and can cause them to do REALLY stupid things that they end up seriously regretting.
It's better to have an outlet like porn than to get some girl pregnant when you're in your teens. I know my parents hate porn and video games, but while I was playing video games and watching porn, most other guys my age, when I was a teen, were out doing drugs, getting girls pregnant, and getting put into prison. There's far, far worse things you could be doing than watching porn.
Daniel,
I can't tell you how much l appreciate what you have to say about the subject of pornography. I've been saying the same for years & almost nobody gets it. Along with everything else you said, it is purely moronic. What degree of self awareness could one possibly have & still watch this crap?
Thank you.
I think you're amazingly awake.
Yes!! So much truth here.
I live in LA right in the porn capital of the US. Had a few friends that worked in the industry (many who started as exotic dancers). Also had a boyfriend that was shown porn as a kid and then became addicted to the point of masturbating until self harm.
The “actors” and consumers get corrupted mentally. So much unhealthy behavior being normalized and even glorified.
Porn just shows us how humans really are. Not saying it's healthy.. but it's what we really are like when all the social pretending goes out of the window. It shows us what men and women really want and what they are willing to do to get it. You can learn a LOT from porn about human behavior and motivation. It's not nice what you learn.. it's quite frustrating and makes you feel lonely because you realize that sex is really just a violent trade of age/looks in women against status/money in men. But once you truly understand it.. it explains the world.
Amen
Uhhh no. It doesn't at all show how humans really are. People are porn are not representative of your average person. Theres nothing to learn, its just a social contagion taht takes advantage of biological process to distract and take away attention.
You're deluded. There is no reason to believe this. One, what reason do I have to believe that human beings behave in a vacuum, and are not built by their society into liking what you believe "men and women really want."
Minecraft was a popular search on pornhub. Is there a secret Minecraft gene that everyone secretly has to?
Am I misunderstanding your argument?
Daniel. You did a great job to humanity. Thanks
Random assumption to make that people who do porn have deep rooted childhood abuse
I know the flying monkeys are right behind me, however I really like the content of your videos, and appreciate you being genuine and wise.
flying monkeys are displased fear
It is true, all you say about pornography. The greatest untruth I've ever been inundated with is that love is not necessary to real adults. They are just too cool for it, and are above the need for love or expressing or feeling love. This great untruth is the root of pornography and the root of several other hell-courting activities and attitudes.
I was just recommended this video after going down the rabbit hole of Adam22 getting cucked. Algorithms be algorithming quick as hell fr
I can kind of get behind this, but I don't want people to project their unhealthy connection of porn onto me. I'm under no illusion how fake it all is. The ideals people like of pornography is something I still will never understand.
Part of me feels like a hypocrite because I don't think exhibitionism is healthy, but then kind of support that. I think watching porn is enabling of that behavior. It is really rampant with Only fans.
I also am gay and watch the tamest most vanilla stuff. I'm not sure if my situation is different. I'm not interested in casual sex and finding other compatible gay men is really challenging in a small town, coupled with dealing with mental health. I don't think porn has affected my perception of other men. I happen to see it affecting other people though when I am online and people have these ridiculous standards and odd fantasies.
I think porn can be harmful, but don't think it is harmful for everyone. However, I don't want to support the industry. Gives me something to think about.
I agree so many of the comments (and Daniel’s opinion) are very one sided, judgy, and lack nuance.
@@Frohbeeporn has always been extremely dehumanizing no matter how you want to look at it. It's history tells us that with the story of Linda Boreman or even the industry itself. Now if you dont want to "support the industry" and still watch porn, "amateur" porn still functions the exact same way. Why do such a high amount of people film themselves? Usually it's just for money and that in itself is coercive. If you only did something for money that is to survive, if you didn't do it you wouldn't have what you have. It has also been shown to change brain chemistry, you quite literally are always affected by it even if you cope and say it's not negative or hasn't changed how you view people. If you feel the need to watch it this badly, even after seeing how horrible it can be, there is quite literally something there that you aren't seeing or ignoring
Lmao. I didn't say I want to watch porn. Yet you continue the completely one sided conversation with repeated points. You're in an echo chamber. You should take a step back, as no one should be this confident about a controversial and nuanced topic. It is complicated, that's the point. @@shponglechunch
Thank you for this! Seems I met too many guys that were porn addicts all my life. I'm so done with relationships, much better off alone now. Some of the stuff I was privy too by a few was rather disgusting too and I'm not easily offended but wow - I feel so bad for kids nowadays. Porn is a huge topic for me, well trigger is a better word. I don't trust any man now after all I've been through and how sad. But I'm good at being alone. I like you touched on 'dreams' oh yes, all my life I've been able to find that, so cool. Then I'd go to work and see the guy and think ohhh, about last night. Don't think I've ever met anyone who can find that in their dreams. Be well, great topic.
I'm very sorry for your experience. I've seen the effect on women too. On dates now, I've noticed women act more like men and tend to want to go to bed as fast as possible. And this almost always means that they don't want any kind of relationship. Sometimes it's because of panic afterwards, sometimes it's because they see relationships as losing all independence and their entire identity. It's not just affecting men, it's one the many ways the internet (which is basically where all the porn comes from) is destroying human relationships. And then I end up in a similar situation to you: I just want to give up and stay single.
@@the81kid thanks and sorry you are going through rough time dating. I can't imagine using the apps they have like tinder etc just for hookups it seems these days. I so agree it is destroying human relationships...so sad but true.
@@Cosmogirl014
Thanks. You're right, dating apps are toxic. I know a few people who have found a partner through them, then deleted the app immediately. That's the minority though. Most guys use them as hookup apps. Some girl friends of mine tell me that every date feels like a race to go to bed, that's all the guy is interested in. And if he can't get that, he'll ignore her and move on to the next. It's having a terrible effect on girls too, where they have to make themselves as "hot" as every other girl. Our society's being poisoned from the inside out.
@@the81kid You are so right. Yep it's all a competition now. Look at the selfies all over social media. Our society has become nothing but objects of desire through techno devices. The worlds gone mad. I know others who met on dating sites too and still together but that was when you didn't just swipe, look at a photo and say yes (I don't know how tinder works I heard of it. I'm from the match.com days lol). It's all too easy now and so unsafe imo. Oh ya society has gone mad.
The way our culture forces the split between healthy emotions and sex is very disturbing.
At the same time there's an incredible amount of unnecessary moralism around sex in the U.S. too.
The Law and the breaking of the law arent opposite things. Its one principle of two steps.
Very underated video, more people need to hear your words🙏
I first found it as a young child around age 10. Got my first ipod and decided to look up photos of women because it was exciting. When i first seen hardcore images i was so sickened and traumatised i cried for days. I felt an extreme shame and guilt surrounding my attaction to women and my choice of looking it up online. I felt like i wasnt being heard and comforted and on top of that, i was told by my father that he was proud of me because he knows i will be attracted to women as his son.
Lmfao i guess every child is different. I thought everything was wonderful
Thank you, really good conversation....im grateful to be able to listen to it
STOP WATCHING PORN
why
I think the bottom line is: if you’re behaving in a way that damages your sexual confidence (however that may be oriented) and negatively affecting the way you view yourself or others, then you should change the behavior. Does it mean porn and sex is evil and wrong so long as it’s amongst consenting adults? No. Just as with any pleasurable thing in life, there must be balance. I think being overly restrictive and judgmental towards yourself and others sexually (to the extent it’s amongst consenting adults and not harming anyone or involving kids) can be damaging as well.
I agree with the latter part of the video. When I've heard the "empowerment" argument, I often have thought it winds up sounding more like, "I've already been violated, so I might as well be somewhat in charge of doing it and make some money so at least I get something out of it" after hearing the backstories.
That's a great point...it's only "empowering" because now they are personally in charge of their own degradation.
You don't understand how common sexual trauma is, especially for women
your concerns are with the general culture's prioritizing of individual-centric fulfillment and consumerism, NOT with porn specifically. We are alienated and isolated in many ways that are not sexual, and I would argue these are just as degrading
Though I agree with some of your points, I do feel like you're making too many assumptions about other people. Not everyone will have the same reaction to the same stuff, and I find it hard to believe nobody can have a healthy relationship with porn.
That look when you first see porn is some wild ass shit especially so young like a lot of times it ain’t even discuss is just like confusion to a degree you like just overloaded idk how to describe it
Dude I just deleted my porn stash. The algorithm knows 😐
Elementary school bastard classmates used to bring porn to class on their old 2004 model two inch screen phones. Surprisingly, the videos were running very smoothly and we were all exposed to porn involuntarily. It messed me up big time.
Most people don't realize, porn was a major force behind a lot of technological advancements, especially in media distribution...in this case, optimizing video compression algorithms. The smoothness of video streaming was advanced, in the early years, mainly by porn sites.
@@j3ffn4v4rr0lmao the things the cromagnon mind will do to see some fleshy bits flapping in the wind
"Pornography exploits people," -Ron Jeremy, Orgazmo
One of the greatest videos of all time 👍🏼
Very good video. It's important to express honest opinions on this topic, because in today's society it has become almost like a taboo to question anyone's sexual behavior, even if it's harmful for others.
One thing i’ve always said is how, the youth has to grow up in a world created by us adults. It’s especially bad after the boom of internet/tech, because porn is SO accessible now, there’s damn near no amount of parental
controls that can prevent it because, the neighbor kids have iphones, or you even get very suggestive game ads when you are playing other games.
But yes, very accessible and very psychologically marking… I vividly remember my first encounters with magazines as a young child, then first encounters with actual videos from the internet around preteens… very much psychologically marking to the young.
That's only Mobile Phone Games. Older Consoles Like ps2 and 3 don't have Ads
This is a world ruled by satan
This is a great take. It is seriously disturbing, the transformative effect the internet had on the accessibility of pornography. Truly a failure of a use of technology.
We are animals. We were never meant to have this much access to each other.
I've never felt guilty about watching porn, what's wrong with it?
Nothing, if you engage with it in a healthy way and understand that it does not accurately reflect real sexual relationships. There's some valid criticism in the video, but overall it's pretty generalizing, condescending, and moralizing, and contains selection bias.
@@KarlSnarks His criticisms seem circular, vague, and a lot more about what porn ISN'T than what it is. Of course it's not love, and of course it's not therapy. It's just an aid for a healthy physical activity. I usually feel good afterwards, not weirded out or guilty. I think those weird and guilty feelings only happen if you come (no pun intended) into the activity with a pre-existing mindset that you're about to do something BAD.
It’s horrific how we realise how traumatic this all is realising e are traumatically traumatised by other traumatised people failed by others plus victims of this pain . We deserve to do better we deserve better for our kids with this information we really have to we really need. To we really need love plus we neeed to show people what live really is here we really do here lots of love here 💜
Porn is the hardest addiction to get rid of. And I have had a lot of addictions in my lifetime (41 years old.) I quit smoking and drinking after doing both for 16 years in 2014. But quitting porn I have struggled with for the last 7 years straight. I'm quite sure now that you can't just willpower through it while counting days of no porn "nofap" etc. Something else needs to happen in one's life. There needs to be a deeper reason for quitting. Faith in God finding love and believing that you are worthy of love success and happiness (which you absolutely are) are good reasons for quitting. Because the truth is porn will keep us stuck exactly where we are right now in life. Same mental state, same shame, same anti-social behavior and the same level of success with women and money. Declare your personal war on porn and win it.
Spot on! My maximum time has been about 3 months approximately, currently now trying to go longer than that or maybe forever if I can keep it up.
A few things to point out though and maybe someone might find this information available. If you want to destroy your porn addiction, you need to condition your brain to understanding it’s repercussions on your physical, emotional and mental state. As well, refrain from using any substances that may alter you mentally and make you seek porn/masturbation (weed, alcohol) anything that can draw you back in and justifying this behaviour, if you can cut those things it’ll be a lot easier for you.
Also, I’ve found that boredom is one of the easiest ways to find your way to porn. Keep your mind occupied with activities, whatever you can enjoy doing preferably if it’s productive and/or keeps your mind engaged, like outside activities.
If you find yourself craving it, you need to STOP yourself in your pattern of thought and realize why you’re even quitting porn.
Quitting your porn addiction will open pathways in your life that you couldn’t have possibly imagined, I don’t have scientific evidence on any of this so it’s all anecdotal - but to be able to think properly, live your life as a fit, normal and healthy adult with passion for things and motivation/discipline to make anything you want happen, quitting a porn addiction is certainly a must. Porn addiction will keep you depressed, socially anxious, unmotivated, lack of self-awareness, among other things that will inevitably hold you back.
Not doing so will keep you stuck exactly where you are, just like my brother here said in the above comment.
I am addicted to normal human functions, I cannot stop drinking water for the life of me
thanks for sharing this. I'm 29 and agree. and for this clown above, it really shows how much p0rn propaganda has shaped ppl to think it's got anything to do with 'normal human functions'
Asexual here. Interesting to hear about this from your perspective
Lao tzu said: “the path of porno….is a difficult one”
I'm so grateful to be validated in my views! I am a trafficking survivor and porn disgusts me today. Why? Because that same objectification on a screen is the same objectification men put upon me to buy "my" time. I was not human. I was an attractive 21 year old. I was a toy.
OMG the way ted Bundy opened up about pornography... I never saw anyone so genuinely talk about effects of porn on the psyche or the rape of the senses (a lady just said that in the comments) yall gotta watch him talk about it, in a way you could see in his eyes admitting that porn destroyed his life (his victims lives even more so) also I remember him admitting that other inmates that were there all had a strong porn addiction and they had they behaviour heavily influenced by it! Really smth to think about...
porn numbs out inner pain. Ted was predatory despite addiction though
Piotr Nogaś it does desensitise the human brain, it rewires it in a way that many researchers have tried to describe , it conditions your brain, literally forms new neural pathways, socially engineers consumers to protect and even encourage its “benefits” as so called “liberation, personal empowerment etc...” but hey I’m sure you have internet access and can do your own research on the harms of consumption of pornography... that is if you are willing to really do it, otherwise I’d say consume what you want but don’t promote it as a way to “numb inner pain” that’s really not what it really is, hope you dig into the facts instead of personal gain and emotional gratification
@@mariecc222 girl, I'm taking a course for people with this problem and probably I'm the most aware about this stuff in this comment section. Yes, what you've written is true, yet at worst porn will push a person to commit suicide, homelessness and/or using child porn. It doesn't create predators though
I partly agree with you guys, but be careful to conflate corrolation with causation. Maybe most of violent people watch violent porn because they are attracted to each of those activities. Or maybe because they already are violent they enjoy violent porn. I think it is too simple to conclude "watching violent porn leads to violence".
Maybe having violent tendencies lead to watching violent porn? Or maybe the two things have a third (or more) complexs cause.
But that being said, I think porn exposure over time MIGHT inspire SOME people to be more violent in sex. But I think that to most people the addiction and issues with intrapersonal relationships are worst.
It's like any drug. A little can actually help some people become liberated and learn about the sexual body, but too much and it can poison the mind in many ways, and actually make you sick.
The Bundy narrative is a total fake.
mileswmathis.com/bundy.pdf
mileswmathis.com/bundy2.pdf