I have done exactly that when i finally left the relationship 5 months ago. My body and mind are thanking me. Can’t believe how ill that relationship made me.
I stayed sick when I was in that relationship😒anxiety disorder,,,just depressed😞but I'm soooo much happier 😊☺❤,,,now,,,I still have my moments,,,I'm still a work in progress...
Two months ago I was devastated by having to go no contact. Today I cant remember the sound of his voice and that is a relief. For everyone who has had their soul sucked out by a narcissist... I promise time and silence will heal you.
Silence is sweet peace in my daily living ex husband Alcoholic, PTSD, low range crack addict narcsist. When I married him I didn't know any of this because we lived separately and different places and when I married this is when I seen the change still not knowing anything about narcissism PTSD and all the other things that he was observed and doing but when I did I went to a women's shelter I stayed there for 6 months due to domestic violence I got my own place which I already was working we had no children together because my children were adults when I married him as well his children from his first marriage not knowing what I had married married at 50 I was divorced that 58 oh my goodness I stepped out of the box when I met him or he was so charming wow my scene you companion for years I chuckled now what a damn fraud but yes silence I love the sounds of silence coming home to my cats just loving the peace and serenity good riddance narcissism.
I am one full week into my silence/no contact and I am struggling, which is why I am looking at this video, but I am not going back. I'm tired of the lies, the mental and physical abuse. I caught him in lie about his whereabouts and when I ended the relationship, he literally tackled me to the floor like a defensive football tackle. I'm tired of broken bones, my spirit is broken, when I am with him I'm in pain and I feel numb and guarded. I rather go through the pain and emotional rollercoaster associated with no contact.
@@adrianereeder yeah THAT'S A GAME CHANGER AND I PRAY THAT URS ISNT AS EVIL AND VINDICTIVE AS MINE "WAS" I finally got my children raised but the damage my ex caused will take a lifetime to undo. Im in trauma therapy. Just be careful NOT TO GET TOGETHER WITH ANOTHER 1. I MADE THAT MISTAKE & AM NOW GETTING AWAY FROM HIM. ITS HARD BUT I DID IT ONCE UNDER MUCH HARDER CIRCUMSTANCES SO I WILL DO IT AGAIN. I VOW TO NEVER FALL FOR THIS AGAIN!! GOD BLESS YOU STAY STRONG 💪
@@adrianereeder Was that some sort of challenge? Did you seriously just ask the entire TH-cam community at large to solve fix your life? It sounds like you've already given up and resigned yourself to a life of helplessness, poor decisions, and mediocrity. Yours is the saddest story we've heard all day. Tell us all what you've won.
Sounds like it’s all the bloke fault again,, again , again by what your saying!!!! No 1 perfect but it takes 2 for a problem, resolve it with truth or move on!!!! Equally
I love the peace&quiet of my home and the fact I no longer have to worry about breaking some eggshells as I no longer need to tiptoe around the house or hide in my room. Being alone is less lonely than being ignored, neglected, or being given the silent treatment with the narc in the house.
The narcissists liked to dish out the silent treatments. However they got all bent out of shape if I didn't respond to them or I decided to not talk to them. Ending the 'relationship' was the thing to do and then cut contact. Silence is golden. No more narcspeak. My ears are enjoying the break from all the yelling and the constant noise.
Of course you have feelings that’s why you are here! You may have made lots of progress but your feelings are not completely gone. I’m only saying this because being completely honest about your feeling is part of the healing process. Many blessings
Go silent. Silent silent. Even in person. Who cares what they see in your eyes. Don’t even look at them lol. They will kick and scream in their own way for a time, but they’ll eventually give up. You will be slandered but who cares? You’re already being slandered anyway whether you realize that or not. Silence is for you, not them. You cannot get your time back so use it wisely.
I am. My second narcissist. I'm done. They take take take everything is their goal. Manipulative until they get what they want. Relentless. Or...can't get what they want. Attention seeking. So sick of it. A really good man doesn't treat you poorly and go seeking pity from his fans. Other women especially. G R O S S LIARS. IM DONE. I can't believe I did it twice! Two different men in one lifetime. Neither of them were a husband. Thank God.
I tried no contact Wednesday, I looked at my phone Friday, saw a missed call, and fell right back in. Friday night, broke it again and have him blocked. It's just Sunday morning and I literally feel nauseous going through this agonizing process. I have been duped... He put me on a pedestal, took care of me, so I had no reason to believe this wasn't real but am now sick to find this man is a liar, cheater, and incapable of love. Sneaking like a snake behind my back. Nothing I saw was real at all. Thank GOD it was only about 16 months with him and not a lifetime. Taking it hour by hour. The videos help and hurt at the same time. Thank you.
RUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN. Im 3 years no contact. They will be licking and loving on the other supplies on your wedding night before getting to the alter. They are EVIL MANIPULATORS! RUN!!!!!
Mine was 7 months and I almost lost ground of who I truly am. I gave it a flying kick when I decided to drop everything. And when I am tempted to think of illusions about his silence, that he might have missed me so much he lost motivatio n to live, that he must have died missing me too much, lol, I go back to these videos and strengthen my will to completely remove him from my life.
@@hgtudor-theultra Narcissist are also in the matrix, they get fooled too. I've seen it many times even in my own family. There are levels in darkness and I've seen "humble" psychos winning the game to nars due to the laters opinions about their selfworth when if you have an enemy, the worse you can due is underestimated them. Sin acritud. Saludos.
@@hgtudor-theultra So, my narcissistic ex-husband is on his 4th marriage now and seems happy. How does he make it work? How does the woman seem so happy? Or has the inevitable just not happened yet? Or, being older (70s), has he simply "grown out of" his narcissism? Genuinely curious.
I never give a thought to the narcissist, psychopath, borderline, stalker or any other deviant who impedes on my energy. With silence you can somehow keep them at a distance or reduce their influence over your personal space.
No contact and complete silence, lack of acknowledgement causes a narcissistic injury. They cannot stand not being given attention. Complete cut off pains them where they do not know what to do with themselves.
@@loveallofnae8517 that's the best ever outcome. What else do you need from them? They might try that silence thing to make you dependent on their response, but that's why you can't give in. Narcissists being silent towards you actually give you the absolute exit out of their control and you better snatch it and go NC. They won't probably expect that.
They absolutely hate it. My wife would do something, I'd call her out, she would deny it. So, I would do the same thing, she would call me out, and i would deny it. This drove her crazy.
Treat the narcissist as they have treated you ICE COLD and hard as concrete with childeren is it dificult please don't victimize or blame them give them your love they always come first... ignore the narcissist and there family.....if they ask something say nothing don't give them any information about you.
very much fun indeed. after my healing I'm learning his triggers and how to manipulate him using his own weapons . ignore ,the silent treatment blameshifting lack of accountability hehe but only to him and no one else , every one else gets my authentic honest loving warm caring self fun fun :) last laugh will be mine
Spot on. Everything you said is exactly how they work. Been with mine for 33 years married, but started dating in high school. I was groomed, I was the perfect host. Its amazing to think their sickness could start so early in life. Controlling your emotions is the key. They are evil and will have absolutely no boundaries in what they do or say to you. They project themselves onto you and it angers them when you won't accept the fact that YOU are the monster, not them. Understanding they are weak and small inside, so fragile. It's easy to get to them. For I am an empath, I am her worst nightmare.
There's another side to this: The absence of a response from a narcissist -- or maybe a sociopath. Narcissists and sociopaths can use silence as a weapon to wound and control others. Silence is just as formidable a weapon when used by narcissists against others as it is when used by others against narcissists.
Seems like a narcissist is a kind of human black hole. Where if you stay too close for too long to one, not even light can escape and the energy is drained from the human.
It happened to me one winter when he abandoned me....I felt like I was in a deep bottomless abyss.....they want to take you down to hell with them...they are demons....I had my dear cat to keep me company.....
Staying silent is sometimes SO HARD. I feel so profoundly alone in a way I've never experienced in life it seems. But if I go back,or talk to him, it's just taking in more poison from him. I can't be The Giving Tree anymore 😢
Have faith in yourself. Reinforce your determination every morning and follow it with the positives about your self. Do something just for yourself every day. It is better to be alone than with the wrong person.
This is the main way I have wounded narcs...and I love Depeche Mode and do "Enjoy the Silence". Silent treatments are a good time to escape narcs. Besides I am very proficient at silent treatments myself. Maybe I learned silent treatments and ghosting from my narc father, though I am not a narc.
Silent treatments are a good time to escape narcs. So doggone true! That is the time I've escaped from most of them. I just didn't realize it until I read your comment.
Your attractive lol and for the record, most of the Chad’s you deal with are more than likely narcissistic. Just saying as a guy I had to lower mines a little to actually meet decent people after my last relationship with a narcissistic individual. The silent treatment kills them by the way.
Not enough. Be aware that you deal with disordered person, normal guy would buzz off, not narcissist. He will hoover you from another email, phone number, social account, even with beautifully written hand letter if he can reach to you, parents, sister with their sneaky messages.
I wish I could find the strength, muted but not blocked. Part of the problem is that I’m still horribly in love with her… but 50+ days NC and crossed the street to avoid her without making eye contact when she called out a few weeks ago. The big step here was not immediately apologising and justifying the action. No apologies, no explanations - I’m doing me!!
You are in love with YOU!!!!! They mirror your desires and wishes. They wear masks so they suck you in TO PHAWK YOU OVER. RUNNNNNN!!!! Don't walk. 3 years NC... TIME WILL HEAL
Yes, I did not give him the reaction he wanted silence so he started yelling at me saying "YOU NEED TO ADMIT YOUR ANGRY" which I would not do so later on he went into a complete rage. I discarded him 3 months ago after 5 years of total hell. I admit I never fully knew what a narc was but I sure do now. He had every trait and I told him this is why I was leaving and never coming back. He thought I was going to turn around as I had so many times but not this time. It was finally over as an empath I had all I was going to take period. I am free thanks to God.
Stay free. Don't let them suck you bk in. It will just be more abuse from them. Only worse. Bc, they see your returning to them as a weakness as they will not respect you. They nvr did in the first place value you anyway. True love comes from inside you. The spirit of love that Only GOD can give us through his Son, Jesus Christ. He came to give us life. Satan only wants to see us destroyed. But thru faith in God, we are more than conquers.
My Mother, the true definition of a narc would rather stay angry than make peace with her only daughter. To try to break my silence, she blocked me on Facebook, returned a Mother’s Day card I sent her, and turned other relatives against me. 5 months later, and I still keep my silence. Through that thick ego and pride of hers she cannot accept that her actions has caused a lot of damage. I feel free.
Realise the truth. That we have never had a " mother". The word " mother", don`t just apply to a person who gives birth, gives food, shelter. But also a person who has care and respect for their child. And the abillity to learn the child to be be interdependent. Instead we are brainwashed to be codependent. The toxic narcissist was just the person who birthed us. Nothing more. Even if i don`t know you. I know that the only real autentic person in that story is you. Your "birther" and mine on the other hand shared almost identical personality traits. And used the identicaly same methods of control.
@@Ikaros23they're demonic 💯% We could almost be called 'lucky' because we get to experience pure evil (evil for the sake of it and nothing else) from up close. 😏 We get to see the spiritual warfare with the naked eye; which is life's purpose here on earth ➡️ as a seen reality. Our mothers chose the darkside, don't ask me why... I see zero merit in it. And we chose to refuse to become bad people ourselves. Then on judgment day they get their free wills taken away because they are irrationally irresponsible with it, and caused great damage to creation. Politicians are on extreme steroïds for an example of narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths. People like us get to understand life's purpose: an examination of the free will of the individual. Be responsible and keep your heart sound whatever happens and you win your soul back. They'll literaly drag us to hell if they could, and these are supposed to be our 'mothers'. Listen guys, a year ago I saw a literal demon in my mother's eyes. And her soul felt like not there anymore in the same instant. Of course the soul is still there but its like: inactive, zombified. And whatever demon was looking at me had control. This does not mean I dont hold her accountable for that wicked situation within her. She let them. She let them for sure.
I was so done and disgusted when I knew what he was that when he got with his new woman all I did was pray for her and feel sorry for her. I know the hell she had just entered into. It made me feel sick 😢But still, I was thankful it is no longer me Thank God❤️
@@zubieM yeah. That got me thinking too. How exactly can a relationship with a narcissist be good? Hmmm. Maybe at the beginning, that person was just "slightly" narcissistic, like my ex husband, for example (it's funny that at the beginning of our 10-year-long relationship I was way more narcissistic and manipulative than him, and he was more like a victim, and then we kinda switched our roles)?
Good for you❣Stay string and NO CONTACT, will hurt the matchstick l narcisist the MOST. They are not human anyway All they will do is look for another unsuspecting fuel supply to their emptiness! Don't be a victim, BE A SURVIVOR if toxic relation💩.
@@melanieparis8697 oh God......I call it gibberish.....and the gaslighting is insane......they are the devil incarnate.....I started no contact today.....he called and I did not answer......
It's all energetic. Honestly you can be silent all you like. A narcissist (at true one) is high in confidence. They'll still know you're thinking of them... hello, they know your patterns. Patterns of strong indented emotions don't change over night. The minute you genuinely stop; *then* they'll feel it. Watching these videos is still energetically focusing on them.
Great song, great lesson HG. Enjoy the silence folks. Get busy with finding healthy relationships, not a minute more on people for whom therapy will not work. Very sad really.
I was raised by narcissistic parents. My younger sister was the golden child, and just as narcissistic as they were. I was the family scapegoat. No matter how hard I tried I could never do anything right in their eyes. I was constantly devaluated, guilt tripped and gaslit anytime I dared to stand up for myself. I spent most of my life feeling unworthy and less than. It stayed that way until the day they died. I thought my misery would end then. I was wrong. My younger sister took the lead role of head narcissist, and tried to take control of my life. That was it for me. I walked away, moved to the other side of the state, went no contact with the whole lot of them, only staying in relationships with my children and grandchildren, who know all too well how that bunch is. We are all happy and at peace now. Thank you for your work.
Narcissists are a real thing, with predictable habits and practices. Lying and devaluing you after a few weeks or maybe a month or two…they absorb your energy but produce nothing. Your energy streams into their void. It’s like being too close to a black hole. You will come close to true despair, but take heart…and thank you Joe for your thoughtful, wise and kind words.
HG, is 100% accurate! Silence wounds to the core, it stings the serpent that lives deep within. It doesn’t kill it because it will survive from other fuel sources but it does give a burning sting that lasts a long time... Thank you HG for sharing the pain you have experienced to safe us❤️
I gave my gal pal one clear look. I had never challenged her, though there were plenty of times i could have. I knew how she was from the start. She did improve some because of my influence. The day came, i was done. And she saw it, & left. She knew i wasn't buying the bullshit she was selling. Then, i brought all my focus to my own life. I painted the entire outside of my house. I never went back on fb. I went No Contact. It was very quiet.
You just reminded me how much I like the album "violator" I discovered the album during my time in hell. I've listened to it a million times during my 15 year entanglement but tonight now I know the truth of him and how he thinks and operates due to your work. the whole album is a narcissists confession. No wonder I played it so often. My mind knew the truth before I did. Wow. Mind blown
I had a lovely “hoovering” conversation, promised to comeback and have lunch. Got into my car blocked him and never looked back. He has NS, he’ll be fine. Lord, knows I am😁
Thank you for the explanation. I had a total collapse a couple of years ago where a false self collapsed. Now back in my rebuild phase I slip into a part of myself that is almost ancient. As if tapping into a forcefeeld, its more the case of how much do I allow myself to be
Meaning, I recognize my narsisist ways but also am aware of the painful consequences of growing up with a narsisist. I desire the life force, but am hold back by the painful memory of consequences.
I'll keep wounding and giving NARC injury to the demons I snatched my high vibrational EVERYTHING back from. Being indifferent, not giving them positive or negative emotions as fuel, and ignoring them and their hoovers while showing your happiness KILLS THEM!!! Stay strong survivors and remain NO contact NO communication permanently. I'm still NEVER responding to any communications from the narcs I rid myself from😎
I ran into my ex narc earlier today. I assume he saw me first because I never notice him in public but this was a 'head on' collision. He was ahead of me in a line to be assisted at a hardware store as I came in. I had to stop by the sanitization station. By the time I reached the service station and realized he was there, he had a 'perfectly timed phone call' which he answered by saying 'baby'. I almost laughed out loud. I said a general hello to the people around (culturally appropriate) and waited in line. He went on with his call, I wasn't listening. One man left and an assistant was available. I walked over to her counter. I was only looking for a single nut. She quickly found it and fitted it to the bolt sample I had brought. I then asked how much it was. She couldn't find it in the stock list so she asked the supervisor behind her. At this point the narc addresses me directly: 'Didn't you find me ahead of you in the line?' Me: Silence, didn't even look at him. Him: made a comment in our language that is equivalent to a mild 'wtf'. Supervisor and assistant also ignored him. Which was appropriate considering he had been on the phone. Did he expect everyone to wait until he was done with his call? If I had been in the wrong, they would not have served me first. They clearly saw me step around him as he chatted away. I continued to speak to them. In the end the super. decided to give me the nut for free to which I said a cheery 'thank you' and walked out of the store. I'd like to think I handled myself as well as could be expected. This is the 2nd time we've been in the same space and he's done something stupid to get my attention. I've ignored him both times. I will probably get a 'wrong number call' again soon. That's his typical move. (It's my professional line up on billboards all over town- not worth changing it) Either way, I'm happy with my composure and poker face, I didn't sneer or make a funny look. I won't even mention this encounter to anyone we know in common or any of my friends and family. I don't know if he was wounded or whatever. My guess is I'm going to be smeared to 'baby' tonight with a heavy dose of revision of history and a generous dollop of triangulation. Poor girl. I owe my performance to the excellent instruction of HG. May his legacy live forever.
3 1/2 years ago I cut off a highly narcissistic man I was having a relationship with for a few years. It was so hard for me to do and it took me 6 months of no contact to finally get the mental relief that I needed but it was so worth it. And now years later, I have zero feelings toward him and zero desire to have any contact. Choose to practice self focus and self-love.
Sometimes, when I have gone quiet and stopped responding to one person who was toxic (I didn't know what narcissism was at the time), they would then have someone else, sometimes a few other people, contact me on their behalf. It was clear, from what those other people said, that I had wounded that person, and I didn't feel badly about that, but I did feel badly about the confusion that their go-betweens (lieutenants?) seemed to be experiencing, and I tried to explain the situation to them. But then I suppose that by doing that, I indirectly provided fuel to the toxic person (the narcissist). I didn't know any better at the time. But I suppose that the ultimate answer is probably to end all contact with those other people too, though that may not always be easy.
Eerie but this video makes deadly serious, relevant points. For those of you who give in and break no contact, it's an addiction, like cigarettes. It will take many tries and months to master it so keep at it. We codependents don't understand how true self love feels, so it will feel foreign and even uncomfortable at first. There will be times when you scream in the dark, curl up, rock yourself, sob, and miss this person to the pit of your core. It's just withdrawals because the narcissist planted their darkness in you. What you are feeling is what the narcissist went through as a child of neglect and abuse. Yes, your compassion for the undeserved injustices done to them as children will break your heart. But your love won't save them so stop acting like their savior and dragging your big cross of pity around hoping you'll be rewarded. Freedom might make you feel vulnerable at first, like the Munchkins creeping out after the Wicked Witch of the West died. Lol! But you'll love it, I promise.
Reality is that we don`t miss the person. We miss " the mask", and the " golden period". And yes it is exactly like as addiction to nicotine, drugs, alcohol. That is a addiction to the short term boost, while ignoreing the anxiety, suffering, the drug creates. That is when going on a alcohol binge, there is always a hangover. But in the codependents fantasy, they think that there can be " just the golden period" and no hangover with the narcissist. The reason the codependent thinks this way. Is because that most of us have grown up in dysfunctional families. We think this is " how love is". When in reality this is not love,care, respect at all. But a mix of fantasy, obsession, pain, suffering, addiction. But the codependent don`t realise this before he/she realises the truth and can see the red flags for their own eyes. And reach a level of mindfullness ( awareness) of their own addiction, and often toxic traits. It`s like realising that Jesus don`t exist and have never existed. It was all just a con, to get control. Heaven is not real. And we have to do with real humans, in this real life. With the natural ups/downs. Getting out of the fictional world of the narcissist. Out of the " shared fantasy".
Despite The Fact That Your Empathic Traits May Have Been Eroded And The Narcissistic Traits Of Pride & Anger Have Come To The Fore And You Want To React This Is The Best Way Of Dealing With Them. Thanks HG
H.G.Tudor, You are soooo right, To you H.G.Tudor, you are a brilliant teacher, and I now see your lessons 📚 as a defence as well as a learning experience thankyou.
My addiction to the narcissist also includes an addiction to getting a good dig in even when the cost and punishment is great. Silence hurts more because he is fine with it. It’s me that picks up the phone and relapses. Being alone with no friends or family makes it very hard to maintain silence. Loneliness can seem worse. Especially when you have been abused since birth. The abuse is a comfort zone.
This is one of the best videos I've seen It makes SO MUCH SENSE This was very helpful thank you It made me realise why my silent treatment doesn't seem to work and doesn't ignite self reflection, only challenge fuel With an ex narc is caused challenge fuel to be physically intimate with me and with my dad narc it makes him buy gifts that ultimately he uses against me and uses to evade responsibility for what he actually did wrong and ignited the silence in the first place So literally the only solution is to act like they don't exist Thank you for saving me further headache and wasted energy
I always find people who put forth so much effort into other people's lives weirdo's, it gets to the point where you realize you have so much power over these demons
The best part was quietly walking away. . . Days and weeks, now months later I no longer cry from the list of lies. Only now laughing from time to time at now understanding the games played at my energy exspence for the fuel game. Oh when his mask fell that was the day I planed my escape. Success feels so good now. As the lies and disappointments disappear in the distance, I am so GRATEFUL I got away with me ! Silencing that fkn narc.
Unfortunately i ran into my ex at the shops and couldn't escape because we were on parallel escalators. He smirked at me and i slowly turned my head away. He messaged me later called me beautiful and i ignored it 🙃 He then wrote insults about me on his Facebook 👍
"Over time she grew into a draconian landlord from the dark ages. I was enlightened and removed myself and my resources to my new humble abode where I reside in silence . "
This why I would never let him look me in my eyes , whenever I would run into him I would ignore him and turn my back on him I know that pisses him off!!!! 6 months of this NO CONTACT!!! he's been asking my friends about me!!!
It's so good to know my silence has wounded The Narcissists I grew up with. I don't have to do a thing- except not answer my phone or open the door- it drives them mad and makes me feel I have control just for a moment
Same here, 2 years now! But if they don’t wanna change to make family relations a little bit better or refusing to see the good in the ones who really love and respect you, it’s time to go your own way! I always give more than I get back and for the first time in my life I don’t settle for less anymore! I always end up as the one who suffers the most! Free yourself Love yourself! That is all you need to be happy and stressless 🙏🏼✌🏼♥️
I’m 3 yrs plus no contact with my entire family, plus the far family members, my narc family went too far n I just left, even I didn’t know I was capable of doing that n they would have never guessed I’d ever do that but I did! All their flying monkies, family members Hoover’s, constant stalking of me online, to provoke a response, I did not respond to anyone, just blocked over a 100 ppl, Went off line, no social media, no updates, nothing! Like I fell of the face of the earth or died, it’s quiet now, blocking n deleting works. Narcs doing the most to get me to respond, crazy accusations, just waiting for me to respond, I just give dead silence. It was extremely hard at first but it’s gotten easier n it’s lonely but I’m mentally peaceful and happy !
My son is a Narcissist. First day of seeing him in more than 8 yrs. We were cordial. The second day, I refused eye contact and was absolutely silent. I realized he hadn't change one bit. He left to go home the same day. No hugs no nothing. not even a goodbye.
THAT IS A GREAT SATISFACTION for me HG , TO KNOW MY DISTANCE AND COMPLETE SILENCE IS DIMINISHING THE ABUSIVE NARC I DISENGAGED FROM3 YEARS AGO👊🏻👍🏻. Exactly what I was hoping it would do😁! Thank You for giving out the VALUABLE INFORMATION 🥰.
I like the last part the best. Embrace the silence an find comfort in it lol. I mean look around, an take note that ur not being drug down with stress anymore. Yea, i have come to love the peacefulness of the silence..
Reality is that most of us often come from dysfunctional families. We have always been alone. There where people around us, but they where always obsessed with their own fake self image. When i first started to cut narcissists, and toxic people out of my life i felt the terror and fear of beeing loneley. But then i realised that i had always been alone ( not the same as loneley). What i thought was the feeling of beeing " alone" was in reality " neglect". That is been " forgotten" by the narcissist caretakers. My point is that the feeling we feel when we are neglected is not " beeing alone". It is real suffering from abuse. Beeing alone is actualy a good feeling. The feeling we get when we meditate, or walk in nature. Or just haveing a night home chilling out on our own. The narcissists " hot and cold" dynamic brainwashes us to be afraid of something that is natural. A huge red flag is also that the narcissist is unable to be alone. They are unable to enjoy the " little things" in life, like haveing a cup of tea and just sit and chill. They need their phone to get the supply and distraction. Their mind is never calm. It`s always planning how to get their next " fix" of supply, some benefit ( fix the fasade), or who to control..
Yet another residual benefit of no contact... It is that the narcissist gets a taste of their own medicine. It’s particularly damning for a daughter to do this to her mother after the mother spent the daughter’s childhood neglecting or scapegoating the child. The narcissist has to go to the trouble of finding a new scapegoat if she doesn’t already have one waiting on standby. Silence is so healing for victims of narcissistic behavior.
Well in my case its just the reverse. demon narc is seeking me everywhere while i blocked him from everywhere 🤣😂. While i am upgrading , the demon is getting his karma back. God hates prideful and will demonstrate his might by empowering the empath.The narc will learn not to mess with the people of God.in Jesus name.amen
Amen! You understood that this is a spiritual battle. No coincidence that those demons are seeking to destroy us. But they can’t. “You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” 1 John 4:4
God also hates the eastern mystic idea of "karma". Sorry that isn't God. God says he lets it rain on the wicked and righteous. Revenge is the lords, pray for your enemy albiet very difficult.
They will LEARN. not to touch or torture GODS chosen ones! No the faith depend on the Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth, no matter how hard it gets for you! DON'T EVER GO BK. Satan will b waiting to kill you.
The book Fury is fabulous. HG's audio consults, booked on his website, are the gold standard for navigating life with a narcissist, his advice; life altering/saving. Unfortunate though for my unsuspecting narcissist, who knew the game had changed, but couldn't figure out why. HG was controlling the controller, by empowering the victim, me. Checkmate. If you want revenge on your abuser schedule an audio consult, buy yourself a weapon - not literally - the best weapon is knowledge and you don't have it. HG does.
That is brilliant! I love that idea of that Checkmate !! I used the knowledge I gleaned from HG to leave and stay gone from the ex. I even sent the old, current and New women in his life links to HG website.. I heard via the grapevine that he was not pleased 😀
That's when you just smile and tell them you're going to go have fun with people that are fun see you later ignore all text messages all phone calls all emails all knocks on the door Absolute Total indifference ignore them no matter how hard it is not to
Had lot of crazy bsck and forth trying to break up with the narc the moment I ignored two emails and few calls magic happened they gone lol like I never existed fascinating yet they claimed love😂 those bastards are all about attention remove it and so they are. Never thought it was actually that easy if I only had known
One year and a half in silence and hopefully this will go on forever. Mine are Parents so a lot harder when i started doing it. Now i feel nothing but peace like im floating. Sometimes it gets lonely seeing other families have normal parents especially those important days. But i would not go back to that constant wave emotion like your about to jump off the cliff or not.
My ex would create an argument out of nowhere, it could be as simple as being at the dinner table and he would accuse me of looking at him a certain way, or saying what are you looking so happy about, or accusing me of talking negatively about him to people we both knew, or asking me what was wrong whether there was or wasn't something wrong. My answers were never what he wanted to hear and he would just push for an argument, it felt like I was walking on egg shells. He would start putting me down and saying I am not the same person, say I want the old you back, your sick you need help, you don't love me, you don't trust me, you don't realise what you're doing do you along with many other accusations. One day I asked him what is it that I am doing then, he said "if you don't know what you're doing I am not telling you". It got to the stage that it was easier for me not entertain his arguments and just not say anything, I hated the conflict and didn't want arguments in front of our young child which that was when my ex always wanted to start an argument was in our toddlers presence.
:Four and a half years of total no contact. I didn’t know what would happen, but nothing did. She had ended up in a weird game of access. Minimal contact but arranged “random” meetings with another person whom she was using as an intermediate Asking how I’m doing and stuff. It was like “I’m not going to hoover you but I must have some form of access to you”. She didn’t get blocked and deleted after a fight and for all I know, at the time of my disappearance she was having a good fuel flow. BYW, since I neer changed my number, she could have tried to text or call me, I’d still see it on my “blocked” list. But she never did. HG knows why. I know why. Those of you who don’t know, may need to watch more videos about npd.
The best silence of all is to go no contact and never ever exchange another word again
I have done exactly that when i finally left the relationship 5 months ago. My body and mind are thanking me. Can’t believe how ill that relationship made me.
@@Tend-er-Rose
Totally agree
I'm on 5 months no contact as well
The positive changes have been undeniable
@@eddiewhite642 Amazing what grand things happen once you stay away from poison
It's called radio silence.
I stayed sick when I was in that relationship😒anxiety disorder,,,just depressed😞but I'm soooo much happier 😊☺❤,,,now,,,I still have my moments,,,I'm still a work in progress...
Two months ago I was devastated by having to go no contact. Today I cant remember the sound of his voice and that is a relief.
For everyone who has had their soul sucked out by a narcissist... I promise time and silence will heal you.
Silence is sweet peace in my daily living ex husband Alcoholic, PTSD, low range crack addict narcsist. When I married him I didn't know any of this because we lived separately and different places and when I married this is when I seen the change still not knowing anything about narcissism PTSD and all the other things that he was observed and doing but when I did I went to a women's shelter I stayed there for 6 months due to domestic violence I got my own place which I already was working we had no children together because my children were adults when I married him as well his children from his first marriage not knowing what I had married married at 50 I was divorced that 58 oh my goodness I stepped out of the box when I met him or he was so charming wow my scene you companion for years I chuckled now what a damn fraud but yes silence I love the sounds of silence coming home to my cats just loving the peace and serenity good riddance narcissism.
YES!!!!!
I am one full week into my silence/no contact and I am struggling, which is why I am looking at this video, but I am not going back. I'm tired of the lies, the mental and physical abuse. I caught him in lie about his whereabouts and when I ended the relationship, he literally tackled me to the floor like a defensive football tackle. I'm tired of broken bones, my spirit is broken, when I am with him I'm in pain and I feel numb and guarded. I rather go through the pain and emotional rollercoaster associated with no contact.
I'm about to leave and am anxious
Thank you. Need that.
Just leave them in silence and let your actions do the talking. Keep focused on your goals.
What if you have a child with them?
@@adrianereeder yeah THAT'S A GAME CHANGER AND I PRAY THAT URS ISNT AS EVIL AND VINDICTIVE AS MINE "WAS" I finally got my children raised but the damage my ex caused will take a lifetime to undo. Im in trauma therapy. Just be careful NOT TO GET TOGETHER WITH ANOTHER 1. I MADE THAT MISTAKE & AM NOW GETTING AWAY FROM HIM. ITS HARD BUT I DID IT ONCE UNDER MUCH HARDER CIRCUMSTANCES SO I WILL DO IT AGAIN. I VOW TO NEVER FALL FOR THIS AGAIN!! GOD BLESS YOU STAY STRONG 💪
@@adrianereeder Was that some sort of challenge? Did you seriously just ask the entire TH-cam community at large to solve fix your life? It sounds like you've already given up and resigned yourself to a life of helplessness, poor decisions, and mediocrity.
Yours is the saddest story we've heard all day.
Tell us all what you've won.
Sounds like it’s all the bloke fault again,, again , again by what your saying!!!! No 1 perfect but it takes 2 for a problem, resolve it with truth or move on!!!! Equally
@@blueheron5232 this response is just about pathetic. Move along with your life. Obviously her comment triggered you in some way. 🙄🙂
I love the peace&quiet of my home and the fact I no longer have to worry about breaking some eggshells as I no longer need to tiptoe around the house or hide in my room. Being alone is less lonely than being ignored, neglected, or being given the silent treatment with the narc in the house.
Good for you. Hope you are doing well and life is getting better day by day.
Well said and amen.
Wow I passed through this myself, these demons are here to do the same work
Praise the Lord
FREE AT LAST 🌷
Very true infact tiptoing around the narcissist is far worse than being peacefully alone
Congrats to everyone who’s blocked their narcissist and able to go no contact. I pray I will be able to do the same. 🖤
Rather than praying, why not just vote with your feet?🎉
4 months of silence and forever to go. I WONT break my no contact. I've taken back my power
Good for you. Silence is golden.
Be proud amigo mine
Yes! Good for you. It gets better as time goes on too.
Almost 5 months. Forever to go
8 months and forever to go to remain safe, free and happy 😊
Anger is the worst possible response, that's exactly what the narcissist wants.
That's why I never got angry and said I've reached the end, enough is enough and discarded it!
We can't change the way others are...but we can change the way we react to it!!
Powerful to realise and act upon indeed.
Old habits die hard though🥴
You didn’t do anything wrong
Remember that.
It’s not your fault.
The narcissists liked to dish out the silent treatments. However they got all bent out of shape if I didn't respond to them or I decided to not talk to them. Ending the 'relationship' was the thing to do and then cut contact. Silence is golden. No more narcspeak. My ears are enjoying the break from all the yelling and the constant noise.
yes i agree.. God forbid you do what they do to you
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
@@user19kjkjhhgutyfuyktvkvj oh THEY CAN NOT HANDLE THAT! That was an eye opener for me!!
They can dish it but can’t take it. It’s actually funny when you can see through it. You realize just how empty they are.
Amen
I AM PROUD OVER MY SELF... NO CONTACT WITH HIM... NO FEELINGS ...
Well done!😘
I’m proud of you too‼️
Good✨👍
Of course you have feelings that’s why you are here! You may have made lots of progress but your feelings are not completely gone. I’m only saying this because being completely honest about your feeling is part of the healing process. Many blessings
God bless you 🤗
It is better to be alone then to be in bad company.
No man is better than any man. I'm alone but NOT lonely
Silence is Golden !
Lyn333,You got a lovely smile 😊
I'm trying to learn to shut my mouth because im outspoken
Yes! We should reclassify No Contact as our Golden Period.
Silence is violence to the narc 😮
Go silent. Silent silent. Even in person. Who cares what they see in your eyes. Don’t even look at them lol. They will kick and scream in their own way for a time, but they’ll eventually give up. You will be slandered but who cares? You’re already being slandered anyway whether you realize that or not. Silence is for you, not them. You cannot get your time back so use it wisely.
I am.
My second narcissist.
I'm done.
They take take take everything is their goal. Manipulative until they get what they want. Relentless. Or...can't get what they want.
Attention seeking.
So sick of it.
A really good man doesn't treat you poorly and go seeking pity from his fans. Other women especially.
G R O S S LIARS.
IM DONE.
I can't believe I did it twice! Two different men in one lifetime.
Neither of them were a husband. Thank God.
Permanent silence & never look back...never.
I tried no contact Wednesday, I looked at my phone Friday, saw a missed call, and fell right back in. Friday night, broke it again and have him blocked. It's just Sunday morning and I literally feel nauseous going through this agonizing process. I have been duped... He put me on a pedestal, took care of me, so I had no reason to believe this wasn't real but am now sick to find this man is a liar, cheater, and incapable of love. Sneaking like a snake behind my back. Nothing I saw was real at all. Thank GOD it was only about 16 months with him and not a lifetime. Taking it hour by hour. The videos help and hurt at the same time. Thank you.
RUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN. Im 3 years no contact. They will be licking and loving on the other supplies on your wedding night before getting to the alter. They are EVIL MANIPULATORS! RUN!!!!!
Dodge that bullet girl !! ❤
Mine was 7 months and I almost lost ground of who I truly am. I gave it a flying kick when I decided to drop everything. And when I am tempted to think of illusions about his silence, that he might have missed me so much he lost motivatio n to live, that he must have died missing me too much, lol, I go back to these videos and strengthen my will to completely remove him from my life.
Oh it was so real, just NOT GENUINE!
I'm no longer in his fuel matrix. He's moved on with the new person that's her job. I'm staying low thanks to you HG.
You are always in the fuel matrix, but you may not be currently accessed by the narcissist as part of the fuel matrix. Stay no contact, well done.
@@hgtudor-theultra
Narcissist are also in the matrix, they get fooled too. I've seen it many times even in my own family. There are levels in darkness and I've seen "humble" psychos winning the game to nars due to the laters opinions about their selfworth when if you have an enemy, the worse you can due is underestimated them.
Sin acritud. Saludos.
OH GIRL...THANK HER EVERY DAY FOR TAKING HIM OFF YOUR HANDS , NOW HES HER PROBLEM!!°
FREE AND CLEAR...BLESSINGS!!!
There's no such thing as matrix smh. The day humans realzie that...
@@hgtudor-theultra So, my narcissistic ex-husband is on his 4th marriage now and seems happy. How does he make it work? How does the woman seem so happy? Or has the inevitable just not happened yet? Or, being older (70s), has he simply "grown out of" his narcissism? Genuinely curious.
I never give a thought to the narcissist, psychopath, borderline, stalker or any other deviant who impedes on my energy. With silence you can somehow keep them at a distance or reduce their influence over your personal space.
No contact and complete silence, lack of acknowledgement causes a narcissistic injury. They cannot stand not being given attention. Complete cut off pains them where they do not know what to do with themselves.
So true. they do not like not being acknowledged. It drives them crazy.
What if they discarded you and you stayed silent
I hope so!
@@loveallofnae8517 that's the best ever outcome. What else do you need from them? They might try that silence thing to make you dependent on their response, but that's why you can't give in. Narcissists being silent towards you actually give you the absolute exit out of their control and you better snatch it and go NC. They won't probably expect that.
Even when they discard and block you?
Sounds like they don't much care for the taste of their own medicine- can't say I feel bad about it
They absolutely hate it. My wife would do something, I'd call her out, she would deny it. So, I would do the same thing, she would call me out, and i would deny it. This drove her crazy.
💯💯💯💯🥴🥴🥴🥴
But all this is under the assumption that they are hoovering/reaching out to you… what if they block and ignore you?
“Words are very unnecessary,” indeed. Thank you!
Being ignored wounds anyone, it’s a human need to be heard and understood.
Treat the narcissist as they have treated you ICE COLD and hard as concrete with childeren is it dificult please don't victimize or blame them give them your love they always come first... ignore the narcissist and there family.....if they ask something say nothing don't give them any information about you.
They're always asking questions.. so nosy...
Exactly what I’m doing!
Yes it’s fun to play their game and ignore them since they just wanna walk all over everyone
very much fun indeed. after my healing I'm learning his triggers and how to manipulate him using his own weapons . ignore ,the silent treatment blameshifting lack of accountability hehe but only to him and no one else , every one else gets my authentic honest loving warm caring self fun fun :) last laugh will be mine
Yessss ice 🧊 cold.!!! Remember what they did to you how cruel and undeserved it was straight from the devil himself.! Let them burn 🔥 in hell #ICECOLD
Spot on. Everything you said is exactly how they work. Been with mine for 33 years married, but started dating in high school. I was groomed, I was the perfect host. Its amazing to think their sickness could start so early in life. Controlling your emotions is the key. They are evil and will have absolutely no boundaries in what they do or say to you. They project themselves onto you and it angers them when you won't accept the fact that YOU are the monster, not them. Understanding they are weak and small inside, so fragile. It's easy to get to them. For I am an empath, I am her worst nightmare.
There's another side to this: The absence of a response from a narcissist -- or maybe a sociopath. Narcissists and sociopaths can use silence as a weapon to wound and control others. Silence is just as formidable a weapon when used by narcissists against others as it is when used by others against narcissists.
One is used for evil and control, and one is used for self-protection against evil and control. Never confuse the two.
Excellent point.
Seems like a narcissist is a kind of human black hole. Where if you stay too close for too long to one, not even light can escape and the energy is drained from the human.
It happened to me one winter when he abandoned me....I felt like I was in a deep bottomless abyss.....they want to take you down to hell with them...they are demons....I had my dear cat to keep me company.....
I finally got the strength to go no contact. Your channel and feedback from your readership helped immensely. It's truly liberating. Thank you.
Staying silent is sometimes SO HARD. I feel so profoundly alone in a way I've never experienced in life it seems. But if I go back,or talk to him, it's just taking in more poison from him. I can't be The Giving Tree anymore 😢
Have faith in yourself. Reinforce your determination every morning and follow it with the positives about your self. Do something just for yourself every day. It is better to be alone than with the wrong person.
Me neither..
It’s hard but be kind abs patient with yourself. Keep your self busy and do things that benefit you and work towards your goals.
Get over it!
Surround yourself with people who care and respect you, make you feel happy.
This is the main way I have wounded narcs...and I love Depeche Mode and do "Enjoy the Silence". Silent treatments are a good time to escape narcs. Besides I am very proficient at silent treatments myself. Maybe I learned silent treatments and ghosting from my narc father, though I am not a narc.
Silent treatments are a good time to escape narcs. So doggone true! That is the time I've escaped from most of them. I just didn't realize it until I read your comment.
Huh. Think again
Your attractive lol and for the record, most of the Chad’s you deal with are more than likely narcissistic. Just saying as a guy I had to lower mines a little to actually meet decent people after my last relationship with a narcissistic individual. The silent treatment kills them by the way.
@@averagejoehere9126 i agree with the Chad's, they are
that's why the best way to deal with narc is to silently go away and never look back
forget, move one with your life, be free and be happy
He's blocked and deleted for ever. Done with it.2 months now. He cant ring,text ,or call on me. I've gone.
Not enough. Be aware that you deal with disordered person, normal guy would buzz off, not narcissist. He will hoover you from another email, phone number, social account, even with beautifully written hand letter if he can reach to you, parents, sister with their sneaky messages.
STAY STRONG
I wish I could find the strength, muted but not blocked. Part of the problem is that I’m still horribly in love with her… but 50+ days NC and crossed the street to avoid her without making eye contact when she called out a few weeks ago. The big step here was not immediately apologising and justifying the action. No apologies, no explanations - I’m doing me!!
You are in love with YOU!!!!! They mirror your desires and wishes. They wear masks so they suck you in TO PHAWK YOU OVER. RUNNNNNN!!!! Don't walk. 3 years NC... TIME WILL HEAL
Yes, I did not give him the reaction he wanted silence so he started yelling at me saying "YOU NEED TO ADMIT YOUR ANGRY" which I would not do so later on he went into a complete rage. I discarded him 3 months ago after 5 years of total hell. I admit I never fully knew what a narc was but I sure do now. He had every trait and I told him this is why I was leaving and never coming back. He thought I was going to turn around as I had so many times but not this time. It was finally over as an empath I had all I was going to take period. I am free thanks to God.
Stay free. Don't let them suck you bk in. It will just be more abuse from them. Only worse. Bc, they see your returning to them as a weakness as they will not respect you. They nvr did in the first place value you anyway. True love comes from inside you. The spirit of love that Only GOD can give us through his Son, Jesus Christ. He came to give us life. Satan only wants to see us destroyed. But thru faith in God, we are more than conquers.
Block, delete, unfriend, you must do all three to keep them away.
My Mother, the true definition of a narc would rather stay angry than make peace with her only daughter. To try to break my silence, she blocked me on Facebook, returned a Mother’s Day card I sent her, and turned other relatives against me. 5 months later, and I still keep my silence. Through that thick ego and pride of hers she cannot accept that her actions has caused a lot of damage. I feel free.
So painful. I'm sorry 😢
Realise the truth. That we have never had a " mother". The word " mother", don`t just apply to a person who gives birth, gives food, shelter. But also a person who has care and respect for their child. And the abillity to learn the child to be be interdependent. Instead we are brainwashed to be codependent.
The toxic narcissist was just the person who birthed us. Nothing more. Even if i don`t know you. I know that the only real autentic person in that story is you. Your "birther" and mine on the other hand shared almost identical personality traits. And used the identicaly same methods of control.
@@Ikaros23they're demonic 💯%
We could almost be called 'lucky' because we get to experience pure evil (evil for the sake of it and nothing else) from up close. 😏
We get to see the spiritual warfare with the naked eye; which is life's purpose here on earth ➡️ as a seen reality.
Our mothers chose the darkside, don't ask me why... I see zero merit in it. And we chose to refuse to become bad people ourselves.
Then on judgment day they get their free wills taken away because they are irrationally irresponsible with it, and caused great damage to creation. Politicians are on extreme steroïds for an example of narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths.
People like us get to understand life's purpose: an examination of the free will of the individual.
Be responsible and keep your heart sound whatever happens and you win your soul back.
They'll literaly drag us to hell if they could, and these are supposed to be our 'mothers'.
Listen guys, a year ago I saw a literal demon in my mother's eyes. And her soul felt like not there anymore in the same instant. Of course the soul is still there but its like: inactive, zombified. And whatever demon was looking at me had control.
This does not mean I dont hold her accountable for that wicked situation within her. She let them. She let them for sure.
When they go out of their way to rub their new relationship in your face 1 week after the breakup of a very good relationship they are a narcissist
I was so done and disgusted when I knew what he was that when he got with his new woman all I did was pray for her and feel sorry for her. I know the hell she had just entered into. It made me feel sick 😢But still, I was thankful it is no longer me Thank God❤️
It also shows emotional immaturity
But was it really a very good relationship?!
@@zubieM yeah. That got me thinking too. How exactly can a relationship with a narcissist be good? Hmmm.
Maybe at the beginning, that person was just "slightly" narcissistic, like my ex husband, for example (it's funny that at the beginning of our 10-year-long relationship I was way more narcissistic and manipulative than him, and he was more like a victim, and then we kinda switched our roles)?
Acts speak louder than words. When you know, go! Thank you so much HG❤️
Silence is full of answers. Best choice I've ever made.
@@jamesarmstrong4179 Thank you@
@@christianpulisic7784 Thank you not any longer!
I went silent, like a thief in the night. He went NUTS but he turned around a got some random girl pregnant. I’m STILL NO CONTACT AND STILL SILENT!
Good for you❣Stay string and NO CONTACT, will hurt the matchstick l narcisist the MOST. They are not human anyway All they will do is look for another unsuspecting fuel supply to their emptiness! Don't be a victim, BE A SURVIVOR if toxic relation💩.
I love the silence ♥️
It is blooming peaceful, not having to listen to the word salads❗️☕️
@@melanieparis8697 oh God......I call it gibberish.....and the gaslighting is insane......they are the devil incarnate.....I started no contact today.....he called and I did not answer......
It's all energetic. Honestly you can be silent all you like. A narcissist (at true one) is high in confidence. They'll still know you're thinking of them... hello, they know your patterns. Patterns of strong indented emotions don't change over night. The minute you genuinely stop; *then* they'll feel it. Watching these videos is still energetically focusing on them.
Even when they have new supplies? And discarded you?
You have a strong point here.
gotta get informed one way or another lol
Great song, great lesson HG. Enjoy the silence folks. Get busy with finding healthy relationships, not a minute more on people for whom therapy will not work. Very sad really.
I was raised by narcissistic parents. My younger sister was the golden child, and just as narcissistic as they were. I was the family scapegoat. No matter how hard I tried I could never do anything right in their eyes. I was constantly devaluated, guilt tripped and gaslit anytime I dared to stand up for myself. I spent most of my life feeling unworthy and less than. It stayed that way until the day they died.
I thought my misery would end then. I was wrong. My younger sister took the lead role of head narcissist, and tried to take control of my life. That was it for me. I walked away, moved to the other side of the state, went no contact with the whole lot of them, only staying in relationships with my children and grandchildren, who know all too well how that bunch is. We are all happy and at peace now.
Thank you for your work.
Narcissists are a real thing, with predictable habits and practices. Lying and devaluing you after a few weeks or maybe a month or two…they absorb your energy but produce nothing. Your energy streams into their void. It’s like being too close to a black hole. You will come close to true despair, but take heart…and thank you Joe for your thoughtful, wise and kind words.
HG, is 100% accurate!
Silence wounds to the core, it stings the serpent that lives deep within.
It doesn’t kill it because it will survive from other fuel sources but it does give a burning sting that lasts a long time...
Thank you HG for sharing the pain you have experienced to safe us❤️
I gave my gal pal one clear look. I had never challenged her, though there were plenty of times i could have. I knew how she was from the start. She did improve some because of my influence. The day came, i was done. And she saw it, & left. She knew i wasn't buying the bullshit she was selling. Then, i brought all my focus to my own life. I painted the entire outside of my house. I never went back on fb. I went No Contact. It was very quiet.
FB is the devil
You just reminded me how much I like the album "violator" I discovered the album during my time in hell. I've listened to it a million times during my 15 year entanglement but tonight now I know the truth of him and how he thinks and operates due to your work. the whole album is a narcissists confession. No wonder I played it so often. My mind knew the truth before I did. Wow. Mind blown
I had a lovely “hoovering” conversation, promised to comeback and have lunch. Got into my car blocked him and never looked back. He has NS, he’ll be fine. Lord, knows I am😁
He drove past and said are you alright, I said who are you?, what a hoover.
😆😆😆😆
'Who are you ' could have been a good wound
Thank you for the explanation. I had a total collapse a couple of years ago where a false self collapsed. Now back in my rebuild phase I slip into a part of myself that is almost ancient. As if tapping into a forcefeeld, its more the case of how much do I allow myself to be
Meaning, I recognize my narsisist ways but also am aware of the painful consequences of growing up with a narsisist. I desire the life force, but am hold back by the painful memory of consequences.
I'll keep wounding and giving NARC injury to the demons I snatched my high vibrational EVERYTHING back from. Being indifferent, not giving them positive or negative emotions as fuel, and ignoring them and their hoovers while showing your happiness KILLS THEM!!! Stay strong survivors and remain NO contact NO communication permanently. I'm still NEVER responding to any communications from the narcs I rid myself from😎
Well watching these videos gives them your energy..it's the narc your thinking about..ijs
Oh it wounded him alright. He was so angry at not being answered
he was angry to be seen as "dead" to someone before he actually died. Shame
I ran into my ex narc earlier today. I assume he saw me first because I never notice him in public but this was a 'head on' collision. He was ahead of me in a line to be assisted at a hardware store as I came in. I had to stop by the sanitization station. By the time I reached the service station and realized he was there, he had a 'perfectly timed phone call' which he answered by saying 'baby'. I almost laughed out loud.
I said a general hello to the people around (culturally appropriate) and waited in line. He went on with his call, I wasn't listening.
One man left and an assistant was available. I walked over to her counter. I was only looking for a single nut. She quickly found it and fitted it to the bolt sample I had brought. I then asked how much it was. She couldn't find it in the stock list so she asked the supervisor behind her.
At this point the narc addresses me directly: 'Didn't you find me ahead of you in the line?'
Me: Silence, didn't even look at him.
Him: made a comment in our language that is equivalent to a mild 'wtf'.
Supervisor and assistant also ignored him. Which was appropriate considering he had been on the phone. Did he expect everyone to wait until he was done with his call? If I had been in the wrong, they would not have served me first. They clearly saw me step around him as he chatted away.
I continued to speak to them. In the end the super. decided to give me the nut for free to which I said a cheery 'thank you' and walked out of the store.
I'd like to think I handled myself as well as could be expected. This is the 2nd time we've been in the same space and he's done something stupid to get my attention. I've ignored him both times. I will probably get a 'wrong number call' again soon.
That's his typical move. (It's my professional line up on billboards all over town- not worth changing it)
Either way, I'm happy with my composure and poker face, I didn't sneer or make a funny look. I won't even mention this encounter to anyone we know in common or any of my friends and family. I don't know if he was wounded or whatever. My guess is I'm going to be smeared to 'baby' tonight with a heavy dose of revision of history and a generous dollop of triangulation. Poor girl.
I owe my performance to the excellent instruction of HG. May his legacy live forever.
3 1/2 years ago I cut off a highly narcissistic man I was having a relationship with for a few years. It was so hard for me to do and it took me 6 months of no contact to finally get the mental relief that I needed but it was so worth it. And now years later, I have zero feelings toward him and zero desire to have any contact. Choose to practice self focus and self-love.
Yes! Choose!
Sometimes, when I have gone quiet and stopped responding to one person who was toxic (I didn't know what narcissism was at the time), they would then have someone else, sometimes a few other people, contact me on their behalf. It was clear, from what those other people said, that I had wounded that person, and I didn't feel badly about that, but I did feel badly about the confusion that their go-betweens (lieutenants?) seemed to be experiencing, and I tried to explain the situation to them. But then I suppose that by doing that, I indirectly provided fuel to the toxic person (the narcissist). I didn't know any better at the time. But I suppose that the ultimate answer is probably to end all contact with those other people too, though that may not always be easy.
Eerie but this video makes deadly serious, relevant points.
For those of you who give in and break no contact, it's an addiction, like cigarettes. It will take many tries and months to master it so keep at it. We codependents don't understand how true self love feels, so it will feel foreign and even uncomfortable at first.
There will be times when you scream in the dark, curl up, rock yourself, sob, and miss this person to the pit of your core. It's just withdrawals because the narcissist planted their darkness in you. What you are feeling is what the narcissist went through as a child of neglect and abuse.
Yes, your compassion for the undeserved injustices done to them as children will break your heart. But your love won't save them so stop acting like their savior and dragging your big cross of pity around hoping you'll be rewarded.
Freedom might make you feel vulnerable at first, like the Munchkins creeping out after the Wicked Witch of the West died. Lol! But you'll love it, I promise.
Reality is that we don`t miss the person. We miss " the mask", and the " golden period". And yes it is exactly like as addiction to nicotine, drugs, alcohol. That is a addiction to the short term boost, while ignoreing the anxiety, suffering, the drug creates. That is when going on a alcohol binge, there is always a hangover. But in the codependents fantasy, they think that there can be " just the golden period" and no hangover with the narcissist.
The reason the codependent thinks this way. Is because that most of us have grown up in dysfunctional families. We think this is " how love is". When in reality this is not love,care, respect at all. But a mix of fantasy, obsession, pain, suffering, addiction. But the codependent don`t realise this before he/she realises the truth and can see the red flags for their own eyes. And reach a level of mindfullness ( awareness) of their own addiction, and often toxic traits.
It`s like realising that Jesus don`t exist and have never existed. It was all just a con, to get control. Heaven is not real. And we have to do with real humans, in this real life. With the natural ups/downs. Getting out of the fictional world of the narcissist. Out of the " shared fantasy".
Did they hoover or ever reach out? There’s a lot of conflicting messaging
Despite The Fact That Your Empathic Traits May Have Been Eroded And The Narcissistic Traits Of Pride & Anger Have Come To The Fore And You Want To React This Is The Best Way Of Dealing With Them. Thanks HG
H.G.Tudor,
You are soooo right,
To you H.G.Tudor, you are a brilliant teacher, and I now see your lessons 📚 as a defence as well as a learning experience thankyou.
My addiction to the narcissist also includes an addiction to getting a good dig in even when the cost and punishment is great. Silence hurts more because he is fine with it. It’s me that picks up the phone and relapses. Being alone with no friends or family makes it very hard to maintain silence. Loneliness can seem worse. Especially when you have been abused since birth. The abuse is a comfort zone.
You scar the hell out of me man but your information is incredible! Thank you
Knowledge growing by leaps and bounds. Thanks HG.
This is one of the best videos I've seen
It makes SO MUCH SENSE
This was very helpful thank you
It made me realise why my silent treatment doesn't seem to work and doesn't ignite self reflection, only challenge fuel
With an ex narc is caused challenge fuel to be physically intimate with me and with my dad narc it makes him buy gifts that ultimately he uses against me and uses to evade responsibility for what he actually did wrong and ignited the silence in the first place
So literally the only solution is to act like they don't exist
Thank you for saving me further headache and wasted energy
I always find people who put forth so much effort into other people's lives weirdo's, it gets to the point where you realize you have so much power over these demons
The best part was quietly walking away. . . Days and weeks, now months later I no longer cry from the list of lies. Only now laughing from time to time at now understanding the games played at my energy exspence for the fuel game. Oh when his mask fell that was the day I planed my escape. Success feels so good now. As the lies and disappointments disappear in the distance, I am so GRATEFUL I got away with me ! Silencing that fkn narc.
Silence is Golden... Peace & Love
Love your work! Thank you for shining some light on this very complex disorder. Truly grateful!!!
Unfortunately i ran into my ex at the shops and couldn't escape because we were on parallel escalators. He smirked at me and i slowly turned my head away.
He messaged me later called me beautiful and i ignored it 🙃
He then wrote insults about me on his Facebook 👍
I found peace in my silence... Thx HG for your awesome voice and your lovely videos... You are our voices 💖
Thanks sir so much for sharing your wisdom and advise .God bless you
"Over time she grew into a draconian landlord from the dark ages. I was enlightened and removed myself and my resources to my new humble abode where I reside in silence . "
Lol I blocked him, changed my number, blocked his emails, deleted my social media. I VANISHED!!!
This why I would never let him look me in my eyes , whenever I would run into him I would ignore him and turn my back on him I know that pisses him off!!!! 6 months of this NO CONTACT!!! he's been asking my friends about me!!!
If you know that he's been asking your friends about you .....that's NO no contact!
Silent treatment always works on my narc. It really deflates him. But over the phone it really infuriates him.
Silence is golden 😉
Thanks
It's so good to know my silence has wounded The Narcissists I grew up with. I don't have to do a thing- except not answer my phone or open the door- it drives them mad and makes me feel I have control just for a moment
It's hard when it's family. I haven't talked to my sister in a year and a half.
Same here, 2 years now! But if they don’t wanna change to make family relations a little bit better or refusing to see the good in the ones who really love and respect you, it’s time to go your own way!
I always give more than I get back and for the first time in my life I don’t settle for less anymore! I always end up as the one who suffers the most! Free yourself Love yourself! That is all you need to be happy and stressless 🙏🏼✌🏼♥️
I’m 3 yrs plus no contact with my entire family, plus the far family members, my narc family went too far n I just left, even I didn’t know I was capable of doing that n they would have never guessed I’d ever do that but I did!
All their flying monkies, family members Hoover’s, constant stalking of me online, to provoke a response, I did not respond to anyone, just blocked over a 100 ppl,
Went off line, no social media, no updates, nothing! Like I fell of the face of the earth or died, it’s quiet now, blocking n deleting works.
Narcs doing the most to get me to respond, crazy accusations, just waiting for me to respond, I just give dead silence.
It was extremely hard at first but it’s gotten easier n it’s lonely but I’m mentally peaceful and happy !
I have 3 sisters and a brother that I don't talk to......best thing ever🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@helenhood5161 ik that's right,shit just just a title,aka family that is
@@Kim-vs4vb You did amazing!
They still have a hold when you say “MY Narc” instead of “THE narc!
I'm staying silent life is a lot better without these sickos around,thank God for giving me the strength to get rid of these evil bitter people 🙏
My son is a Narcissist. First day of seeing him in more than 8 yrs. We were cordial. The second day, I refused eye contact and was absolutely silent. I realized he hadn't change one bit. He left to go home the same day. No hugs no nothing. not even a goodbye.
That's your son you can't ignore that , if you believe in Jesus take him to a prophet to be delivered otherwise he will leave to hurt others
So, the 2nd day you gave your son the cold shoulder? Who's the narc here???
How did he become a narcissist 😆🤔
Si sad. Pray for him.
THAT IS A GREAT SATISFACTION for me HG , TO KNOW MY DISTANCE AND COMPLETE SILENCE IS DIMINISHING THE ABUSIVE NARC I DISENGAGED FROM3 YEARS AGO👊🏻👍🏻. Exactly what I was hoping it would do😁! Thank You for giving out the VALUABLE INFORMATION 🥰.
I like the last part the best. Embrace the silence an find comfort in it lol. I mean look around, an take note that ur not being drug down with stress anymore. Yea, i have come to love the peacefulness of the silence..
I don't remember the last time I spoke to my mother and it feels great.
4 yrs silence here/nct. it's beautiful to not hear the B.S.
Reality is that most of us often come from dysfunctional families. We have always been alone. There where people around us, but they where always obsessed with their own fake self image. When i first started to cut narcissists, and toxic people out of my life i felt the terror and fear of beeing loneley. But then i realised that i had always been alone ( not the same as loneley). What i thought was the feeling of beeing " alone" was in reality " neglect". That is been " forgotten" by the narcissist caretakers. My point is that the feeling we feel when we are neglected is not " beeing alone". It is real suffering from abuse. Beeing alone is actualy a good feeling. The feeling we get when we meditate, or walk in nature. Or just haveing a night home chilling out on our own. The narcissists " hot and cold" dynamic brainwashes us to be afraid of something that is natural.
A huge red flag is also that the narcissist is unable to be alone. They are unable to enjoy the " little things" in life, like haveing a cup of tea and just sit and chill. They need their phone to get the supply and distraction. Their mind is never calm. It`s always planning how to get their next " fix" of supply, some benefit ( fix the fasade), or who to control..
Yet another residual benefit of no contact... It is that the narcissist gets a taste of their own medicine. It’s particularly damning for a daughter to do this to her mother after the mother spent the daughter’s childhood neglecting or scapegoating the child. The narcissist has to go to the trouble of finding a new scapegoat if she doesn’t already have one waiting on standby. Silence is so healing for victims of narcissistic behavior.
yeah it is probably not so much about losing a child but more about narc supply getting cut off😱😱😱
Well in my case its just the reverse. demon narc is seeking me everywhere while i blocked him from everywhere 🤣😂. While i am upgrading , the demon is getting his karma back. God hates prideful and will demonstrate his might by empowering the empath.The narc will learn not to mess with the people of God.in Jesus name.amen
So hes stalking the precious girl.....this Girl deserves better..
Congratulations on dumping the loser!!!
Amen! You understood that this is a spiritual battle. No coincidence that those demons are seeking to destroy us. But they can’t. “You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” 1 John 4:4
Amen God bless us all 🙏
God also hates the eastern mystic idea of "karma". Sorry that isn't God. God says he lets it rain on the wicked and righteous. Revenge is the lords, pray for your enemy albiet very difficult.
They will LEARN. not to touch or torture GODS chosen ones! No the faith depend on the Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth, no matter how hard it gets for you! DON'T EVER GO BK. Satan will b waiting to kill you.
The book Fury is fabulous. HG's audio consults, booked on his website, are the gold standard for navigating life with a narcissist, his advice; life altering/saving. Unfortunate though for my unsuspecting narcissist, who knew the game had changed, but couldn't figure out why. HG was controlling the controller, by empowering the victim, me. Checkmate. If you want revenge on your abuser schedule an audio consult, buy yourself a weapon - not literally - the best weapon is knowledge and you don't have it. HG does.
That is brilliant! I love that idea of that Checkmate !!
I used the knowledge I gleaned from HG to leave and stay gone from the ex.
I even sent the old, current and New women in his life links to HG website..
I heard via the grapevine that he was not pleased 😀
That's when you just smile and tell them you're going to go have fun with people that are fun see you later ignore all text messages all phone calls all emails all knocks on the door Absolute Total indifference ignore them no matter how hard it is not to
Had lot of crazy bsck and forth trying to break up with the narc the moment I ignored two emails and few calls magic happened they gone lol like I never existed fascinating yet they claimed love😂 those bastards are all about attention remove it and so they are. Never thought it was actually that easy if I only had known
把很多自己混在腦子裡的想法抒發表達出來，很多時候也啟發了對生活的不同想像，感謝陪伴。
Your videos are the best your explanation is spot on thank you for spreading knowledge you are saving lives
Brilliant
Thank you
Stay strong and
Shhhhhhh 🌷
I'm praying for you 🙏
One year and a half in silence and hopefully this will go on forever. Mine are Parents so a lot harder when i started doing it. Now i feel nothing but peace like im floating. Sometimes it gets lonely seeing other families have normal parents especially those important days. But i would not go back to that constant wave emotion like your about to jump off the cliff or not.
Do narcissists have demon entities attached to them? I can't fathom this level of cruelty.
Actions speak louder than words, goso get out stay out,buy Felicia 👍 up HG
My ex would create an argument out of nowhere, it could be as simple as being at the dinner table and he would accuse me of looking at him a certain way, or saying what are you looking so happy about, or accusing me of talking negatively about him to people we both knew, or asking me what was wrong whether there was or wasn't something wrong. My answers were never what he wanted to hear and he would just push for an argument, it felt like I was walking on egg shells. He would start putting me down and saying I am not the same person, say I want the old you back, your sick you need help, you don't love me, you don't trust me, you don't realise what you're doing do you along with many other accusations. One day I asked him what is it that I am doing then, he said "if you don't know what you're doing I am not telling you".
It got to the stage that it was easier for me not entertain his arguments and just not say anything, I hated the conflict and didn't want arguments in front of our young child which that was when my ex always wanted to start an argument was in our toddlers presence.
Mine the same
Exactly!
Exactly the same to me
Same as mine too
Our teenagers are always the audience. He love doing that.
:Four and a half years of total no contact. I didn’t know what would happen, but nothing did. She had ended up in a weird game of access. Minimal contact but arranged “random” meetings with another person whom she was using as an intermediate Asking how I’m doing and stuff. It was like “I’m not going to hoover you but I must have some form of access to you”. She didn’t get blocked and deleted after a fight and for all I know, at the time of my disappearance she was having a good fuel flow. BYW, since I neer changed my number, she could have tried to text or call me, I’d still see it on my “blocked” list. But she never did. HG knows why. I know why. Those of you who don’t know, may need to watch more videos about npd.
It does nothing to them it just allows them to focus on the new supply
This is true
not true
Exactly
so true .. I learned that the hard way
Until the new supply gets painted black
I love the silence of cutting off the narrcist but I can't stop the feeling he's contemplating my demise
Thank you for informing us HG.