I went back after being called with apologies. I had my own apartment at the time for 6 months with a plan and a job lined up for me far away. I was bribed with money to pay off bills, and to go back. I'm still with him 17 years later, and nothing much got better, but I'm still hopeful because we go to church and Bible studies now.
Yeah because they know when you go back they can do whatever they want to you and nobody will believe how they act when your alone because flying monkeys
Exactly, that is what am going through since last 4 months now I stayed 2 months NC but it didn’t work out the last time I meet her she was very angry with me said I should leave her alone or else she call the cops, blocked me everywhere I have move on with my life now
If someone's completely healed, he/she will never ever go back to the narcissist. Because once you taste the sweetness of living peacefully without chaos, you'll never want to live in hell again
@@Firdouse3737 Dont think it's a good idea to speak for what someone else should or shouldn't do...We can't say someone isn't completely healed if they chose to engage with the narc( s) in their life, and truth be told, we better learned how to get our ducks in a row, and learn the necessary skills to navigate in this world amongst the narc, they are present, they are many, they are not going anywhere, and most importantly; they are not limited to just being ex lovers & partners, they are our relatives, our kids, our therapist, our parents siblings, bosses, co-workers & the cashier at walmart. And unless you're gonna lock yourself in your house refusing to interact with other human beings, you better find a way to deal with them.
@1stBorn538 I'm a narcissistic abuse survivor myself, and my previous comment was pertaining to a person being married to a narcissist only. As you said, if the narc in our lives is a boss, a colleague, or a close relative, etc, then the radical acceptance part, grey rocking, and all the psychological ways of dealing with problematic people and navigating the rough seas become much more easier. Because with these people, you have a choice, at least regarding how much time you spend with them. If it's a boss or a colleague, you leave them after your work and go to home and rest. If it's a close relative, you may visit them twice or thrice in a week and limit the contact. To me, the most pathetic form of narcissistic abuse is when there's coercion from your partner, with whom you share children. Because, from these monsters, it's not easy to limit your contact, especially when children are involved. So, if someone has managed to escape from their narcissistic partner, they must run to hills. There's no way coming back. Only healing. And I believe that I didn't assert in my previous comment about what someone should or shouldn't do. It was exclusively for the intimate partner coercion. If you return back, at times, it can be very harmful for your own life.
This is exactly what I did last year! I didn’t go back for romantic purposes, I needed to vent, I needed some sort of closure, and boy did that man show me who he truly is! I have lost all desire in my body, mind, and spirit, to ever be in contact with him again
Im working toward that now.....empyting all desire for him...telling myself that I dont really want him the way he is currently anyway. I have lowered my wing long enough, its clear who is on who's team. I am going forward with my life, slowly, one day at a time. I stay just to grieve our manipulationship bevause when I blow up this bridge, it is forever. God is Great and I am forever grateful for this experience and opportunity to get to know myself.🙏🌱🌎💯💪🌟
@@y1s1a2 You got this! It took me six years to finally let go of that ‘manipulationship’ (I love that word btw!), but I don’t regret the journey… so many lessons have been learned and retained.
If you were physically abused, please do not go back no matter how much you want to go back. Do not go back if your narc is at all homocidal, has a history of violence, or suicidal. Do not go back no matter how much you want to. The advice is on point if the trauma bond and love still feels super strong, but not for those who have been physically abused or threatened.
That is so true. I went back several times and every time the illusion dissolved a little more. I was testing my self and my core beliefs. I believed in marriage and being a family and I was determined to forgive and heal for the sake of the marriage but he just kept repeating the same sh!t different day. Now I believe children need a safe and happy mother and psychological safety and to be 6 when they are 6, 10 when they are 10. They deserve to be liked and appreciated for who they are. Kids deserve to not have to be perfect to be loved and respected. Tough love does not have to be cruel, punishing love but rather it should have respected boundaries and safe conversations. I would never go back in a million years but it took me years to figure that out.
I felt bad about being “weak” and going back so many times but you’re so right I did need to go back so I could see the truth and not live the rest of my life wondering if I had lost the best man ever because I didn’t get something right at my end, or I missed something- that one last magic key that would “fix” what was wrong between us. Now I see him for who he really is. He was begging me to see him while lying to me just like he always had. 🤦♀️
That's what I did and now I'm divorcing this month after 29 years of marriage! It's horrible when you wake up from the whole lie, but it feels great to be loved by myself ❤
yes, I literally lost my mind when that moment happened. I was so angry because I couldn't believe I let someone treat me so badly for so long. That moment I knew I was never going back.
Excellent. I just did this and felt incredibly horrible for allowing myself that. Yes I came home totally disgusted and needed no more answers. It was over
Yes, Danish, I share your opinion, go back until you do not want the narcisisst any more and this way you eliminate traumabonding greetings from Germany ❤
I did that one time. Told him if he ever tried to blame me for his behaviors I was finished. Two years later he did. Got mad because I wouldn’t pay his self-employment taxes. I filed a separate return and he showed his butt with a screaming fit about something trivial. Had told him a year before I would never pay his taxes again….he could save up his money and pay quarterly or whatever. Reminded him throughout the year as he was blowing his money on things. I was out of there within less than 2 weeks after his hateful fit. Moved when he went to work on a house out of town for the week. Nothing of mine left in the house.
This was me within last two weeks. Put myself at risk and had contact with him because YES I needed to connect the dots and the dots were connected. Him and his new supply he had met whilst we were together. That period of contact helped me see what I always knew. Thanking You kindly 🙌🏽
I did exactly that I exhausted all avenues...until i lost myself , empty, shell of a person, lonely, feeling ugly, unwanted unlovable, and was told i was crazy..100% correct...❤❤❤❤
This is true. You have to give enough second chances that you are deeply convinced that ever going back again is a compete waste of your life, nothing will be different.
No No No. I will NEVER go back because I can not see myself getting physically ill again. Even my doctor couldn't understand why my body was breaking down. But I clearly understood after I listened to your teaching about how even your body rejects the narcissist with symptoms of unexplained illness.
I'm with you. Never go back. Zero-contact. We lived with these monsters for years. We damned well know what they are like. I don't understand where Danish is going with this.
I had to go back a few times as I could not believe or understand this was happening or how a human being could actually be that way. Jekl and Hyde was who I was married to. I then saw so many things I felt like I was going insane. It takes time to move past the betrayal.
"those good memories were nothing but a fragment of their false reality" this has been the worst part for me. The most disappointing part. But also the most helpful to stabilize my mind. It's the conflict of the good memories vs. the bad that causes the most pain for me.
Correct answer. I strongly disagree with Danish on this one. Never go back! We lived it for years. We damned well know what we saw. There is nothing left to learn.
First Time o heard that from a „expert“ and you are so right!!!!! I did go Back 4 times and now there was no more connection no more trauma bond nothing. I just felt empty close to her and her bullshit and gaslighting… they can feel there are no more emotions left and thats when they go crazy because now THEY know they have Lost the Control over you. Good Point 👍🏼👍🏼
Nope I'm good 38 years, I see very clearly. Dots connected. Saw the lies. Self cared, but .............undermined since day one. Never communicated, pointless. Lost everything and building healthy relationships now. ❤
You healed so much pain in this one video. So much regret that I had for going back, that I never thought I would forgive myself for. I told myself the same thing that you said, but it wasn't until I heard it from you, that I was actually able to believe it from me. Thank you.
So right. You go back to tell them what you never told them ...before you leave! Because You are a Person with emotions and opinions too. You have an Identity. ..regardless of what they thought.
Twenty years of my ex and his narc family and my narc family I will Never go back for life! I was tortured not by one narc but by a pack my ex his family and my family. Omg they nearly finished me off with demonic trap setting! Their totally satanic I’m out. My life now is always total bliss I’m beautiful again I self nurture me and I love my life at last after decades of torture by these satanic creatures! Do the courts know about narcissists and how they abuse people emotionally and sometimes physically too? Once my ex narcissistic mother in law was holding a steel chair and drop it on my head did not speak a word. Once I ate at her house I swear she poisoned the food I had a stomach ache for days after that. Very dangerous creatures. Run and don’t look back!
Totally agree. I went back to “fix” the relation and had a straight forward open conversation. The response was an open narcissistic and evil fact. My response was ; when you feel that way it’s sad for you and I don’t like to be the source of your negative energy so I will turn around and wish you a positive trip to the future. After that I blocked here and all related people , deleted all the fake happy pictures of here and deleted all communications to protect myself. I decided to take time for the healing and not have any other relationship for a while so i can heal. according some specialists you need a year. i already feels much better 😊
Once I finally left, I truly have no desire to ever see or speak to him ever again. The night I pulled out of the garage was the most empowering moment of my life. Its been almost a year and a half since then. I'm still trying to pick up the pieces of my life though.
When a book is in your face, can you read it? Can you see the images in it clearly? No, it's all blurry, because there's no distance between the book and you. Move a little away, and you can see things clearly. This is why many people are surprised as to how they didn't realize how very evil the narc is.
I went back and apologized for loosing my temper when I felt unsafe with him. Instead of caring that I felt unsafe he implied that there was something else that I was doing wrong, and of course he wasn't going to tell me what that was, and that even if I did want to stop losing my temper, I didn't have the resolve to do it long term. So, he basically changed the goalpost with an unanswerable question designed to make me ruminate on what else I could be doing wrong before I would be granted the privilege of his presence in my life. It's a grace I could do without and now I really see him for what he is.
Sounds like mine. Everytime I tried to talk to him and explain I don't like this and this and this and he said yeah well I don't like when you do.... what? I'd ask and he'd say, "If I have to tell you then you really have bigger problems than I thought." Never ever could give me an answer. I even said please tell me cause I love you and hurting you or causing you any displeasure is the last thing I want to do.
@@Jessica-J.ones. I've learned to let go of him. I started thinking about what my life could be like without him and it seemes a lot freer when I got past the pain of it all.
@@jenofthejungle3023 oh honey. Yes. He has left me several times. Once for 6 months and come back. He left this past Wednesday... had some woman pick him up after lying to me all day about texting someone..... but it's been so peaceful and I'm so relieved he is gone. I only worry when he comes back to get his stuff. His vehicle is still here. The thought of seeing him gives me heart palpitations and the shakes. We own a house together and both of our names are on the deed so I don't know how to navigate that issue and I certainly don't want to sell my house when everything in the economy is the way it is. I'm blessed to have a home that's paid for. I don't know what to do. But that's why he's left and been able to come back whenever. He left the entire week of my 40th birthday. I spent it alone. I'm so over it now. I've tried everything I know to try to make it work.I love and pray for him and I pity and pray for whoever picked him up.
Amen... the more go back the less you feel for these monsters no matter how much it hurts.. the better your heal no matter how much they try and destroy you
😘😘😘This is absolutely correct!!! I thought I was crazy but it really helped me to FINALLY REALISE there's nothing left for me..HE NEVER REALLY CHANGED. Period.
I was in a push pull relationship or rather a very good supply for 3 years. My husband realized I wasn’t the one to be messed with and hence asked for divorce in 3 months and I was like how can someone really be so manipulative because I had a very strong individualistic view I wanted to call it quits with proof so that I don’t keep repeating the same mistakes the last time I went was with a list of non negotiables if he crosses even 1 of the non negotiable I’m out and also being disciplined enough to be aware you’re here with a narc and he can be manipulating me so I started keeping a private journal to write my facts and my side of the story. I sometimes now ruminate then read my facts and be like oh now I know why I left 😅
I went back several times, until it just didn’t hurt anymore. I was numb, and leaving was all I wanted . I lost all motivation to stay with that cruel toxic monster.
You are absolutely correct and trust me other people in your life won't understand it's not about them it's just one thing they say or do and it changes everything in you then you leave and see everything so different and the pain and healing begins with you a lot of work but do it for yourself and when you start healing a long journey your life will see the new you everything different and you become very strong blessing sent to all
I did that. Many times! Each time met with regret. I left way too late! My sister in law- married to my Narcs brother (he’s a narc too!) she was weak, has way more support, money, emotional wise but, she was a coward & didn’t want to give up the idea of her home & money. Now, she seems crazy- like a zombie, she’s convinced herself he’s changed & does indulge in all the material things she can buy. But she’s not the same
Damn 🙏🏾that was my hardest giving up the material and currency he provided and the safety of being in A Top Law Enforcement Position But I’m 10 days in the longest I’ve ever been and it feels liberating ❤❤❤❤
I reconstructed it in my mind to find what went wrong and discovered that because Im an easy going person with a kind heart of understanding, I didn't think much of what he was doing to me. Love bombing led to his slowly changing my identity to his wants,having me wear similar jackets of his to deflect me for his own attention. Then wanted me to wear a similar clothing of another woman.I really started to feel unworthy around him. I look back at this felt so naive,ashamed I did this to myself. But I've become stronger, back to myself.
You are an angel 💗. Again I got the deepest answer...the best thing I learn from you is being compassionate towards ownself. I am staying, I am holding, I am waiting,just because not to come back again.
Am at this stage, listening to the narc and connecting all the dots that represent their characteristics. It's given me confirmation and the ability to see it all as someone with boundaries.
There is so much truth in exactly what you’re saying, you are putting yourself in harms way and it teaches you to create stronger boundaries for yourself.
Thank you. This is so validating and makes me feel better about myself. This is actually what I did with my mother. I felt so guilty for not cutting her off permanently - for going back into the relationship. But I kept saying there's something I need to know. I couldn't understand it. Finally I heard what I needed to hear. Then I walked away. The first cut off was angry. The second was also angry because it was painful. but then I became calm almost immediately. At peace. I had no mother. I needed to know that. I suppose that happened with my husband. I emotionally left the relationship over and over again for years but kept running back in a panic. Then 2-3 years ago I knew he was lying and didn't love me but i couldn't leave. In staying I truly did find myself while I looked through him. And after I left I knew I would never go back but that's when I was in the most pain. That's When healing seemed impossible. Now I see a light. Pain is there but it becomes less every day. Thank you for your help. Thank you for seeing us. Thank you for helping me understand my behavior. I think you helped me know I was real 💜
The best Channel I've Seen yet! 100% true!!! You learn it step by step and feel greater every time and you see that everything teached here is accurate. 😢
Going back with that knowledge of narcissism and fully equipped to do some little revenge, give them a taste of their own medicine (this time aware of what you are dealing with) and then just feel fulfilled.. I'm there, thanks for opening my eyes Danish
I went back several times until there was no denying the evilness of this person. I kept getting stuck in the loop. Now I am totally out and no contact. It was a journey.
"To have that one final conversation." Trouble is, they never communicate honestly with you. STILL constant denial and blame, and taking no responsibility. Perhaps that what you need to see...again.
Oh this makes sense!! I been going back only as in sending text messages to connect them dots !! And he keeps stonewalling but it's still helping me by texting over and over again and really getting this messed up crap he did really stand out .and sink in. And I need that ! Trauma bonds do not really have our best interests in mind !!! I love this channel so much! I listen to you every day and I really enjoy!! HAPPY NEW YEAR !!🎉🎉
You are always on point, I did that 3 years ago and this year i managed to connect all the dots. he had been banking up several back up supplies for himself. promising marriage to them, evident that he did not have genuin longterm plans for me. I simply erased myself from the picture and been healing just fine
when I knew I was thru, knowing how many times I had gone back, I told myself that no matter if I forget or not why I left, just remember that it was bad enough to make you leave.
I left after 50 years and it was impossible to have a proper conversation. I resisted leaving for good but so much life force within me was depleted. I do remember good times as well as bad. Somebody said, no, there were no really good times, you were always waiting for the good time to end because it always did, usually with a comment meant to end it.
Absolutely beautiful said Danish. I did this and understood that they blame with false allegations and I simply walked away. Understood that they are not the people where we should waste our time and energy. They are afraid to face the reality, their focus is to attack people and not address the concern. When I tried to show them the facts, they just moved to different allegations. When i again told them the facts with evidences....they just randomly spoke to put the entire blame on me. Now I feel I have taken the right decision to block them and no contact. Life is so beautiful 🎉
It depends on situation. How much healing was done how resilant we are and how good at maniplulation narc is. For me every time when I just saw my narc ex it give me more closure. I didnt even need to talk to her. That demon that was created in my head look like just pathetic little thing. I asked myself she did it to you? Hownit was even possible? She mean nothing. Suddenly I felt calm and relief. Each time I felt better. Beceause I saw that she had nothing beside her games and manipulations.
Hes right. I did no contact but he keot coming back and i was miserable crying everyday and confused. This time he left..... ive been so at peace. The thought of him turns my stomach and hes only been gone since wednesday. Dont worry friends youll get there if you havent already.
Accurate . After going no contact for months, I visited my narc mother . Only to realise what a hollow person she has always been and that there was one less person back home .😢
Exactly, there’s absolutely nothing to go back to. I’ve already been back and forth many times to the point they’re thinking I won’t stop. But they’re wrong!!
True facts. We only talked about getting back together but it made me too scared to lose the things I accomplished myself and I knew there's no going back.
"Make the Narcissist love you again". Huh, what, the ugly Narcissist NEVER LOVED you to begin with. No point conversing with an alien in human form. No Contact.
Agree 100% I left a narc - not physically abusive but abusive in other ways. Id see him around town and have panic attacks. That’s never happened in my life. and of course he came crawling back crying saying he loved me, had been to therapy was healed etc etc I took him back with the attitude of “ok buddy show me” and he did the same thing all over again. And I left him again - it was painful but nothing like the first time and after that whenever I saw him - no panic attacks no feelings really at all except pity. It’s been two years now And I am completely done.
Exactly!!! Thank you for giving victims the benefit of the doubt and not judging or assuming negative/sad/ pitiful reasons (like low self-esteem, low-self worth, low self-confidence, being blinded by love, permanently trauma bonded or desperate) would be the ONLY reasons a victim would engage with the narc again in life. It takes strength and bravery (while healing or once healed) to confront and/or contend with what seemed like a scary, dangerous, roaring lion who almost killed you literally or figuratively. You get the opportunity to see for yourself that it was just a small, scared, insecure, wounded, pathetic, cowardly cat all along could be a relief/release and a great way to move on! But, victims are ALWAYS discouraged from doing that. 💁🏽♀️Loved hearing your confidence in the strength, determination, and ability of former victims to heal and make healthy, sound choices for themselves. Thank you!!!🙏♥️🙌
Agree much! I have started the process with my narc family and love them from a distance and able to stay my course as now I have processed much of the 'narc abuse', now that I have the knowledge and information which I never had earlier on... Thank You Danish 🙏
I agree. I opened my eyes & I saw. The 2nd (& final) time made me realize the ugly truth. And I left for good. And I never looked back. "No contact" came by itself. And there were no 2nd thoughts
I did the same, I came back after all kinds of expected abuse by him, but with more strength and a prepared mindset about how to live with him. Now I can clearly see how every scenario created in the past was a lie. I am making myself thrive with two little daughters even after all kinds of possible abuse done by him in past. Now he can't even see directly into my eyes. He knows that I got him in all possible ways and there is no possibility now I can believe him again. I came back and decided to live my life without worrying about what he is doing. I feel now Almighty has given me more strength and confidence to really value my life and live for a better cause other than the narcissist. ❤ Your videos give me strength untill।now in some unexpected scenarios.
Absolutely. I moved out of state for college to distance myself but stayed in (limited) contact. After that first year I had to go back home for the summer because student housing wasn't available. That was the worst our relationship ever got and after I went back to school in the fall I swore I'd never live with my mom again. About a year after that I went fully no contact. It's been over three years and so far I've kept my promise.
I went back 2 years later after I mostly healed to see what I was so addicted too and longing for. I grew up with an alcoholic father / covert narcissist and this x was sober from alcohol but traded one addiction for weed. I thanked him for torturing me to death bc I wouldn’t have healed my insecurities so deeply and now I help others learn to find the center. He is transgender now.
I've always felt there was something missing from the narcissist abuse literature and this is it. This man is so wise. No wonder Vaknin had a little pop at him.
![[LIVE] : ONE ลุมพินี 84 วันนี้!! คู่เอก "ก้องศึก vs เมืองไทย"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/3kuzsAIDf1c/mqdefault.jpg)
Wow! This is so accurate! And just know that every time you go back, it gets worse.
I went back after being called with apologies. I had my own apartment at the time for 6 months with a plan and a job lined up for me far away. I was bribed with money to pay off bills, and to go back. I'm still with him 17 years later, and nothing much got better, but I'm still hopeful because we go to church and Bible studies now.
Exactly. It'll get worse.
Danish is Right but only theoretically.
Practically you inviting them in.
Yeah because they know when you go back they can do whatever they want to you and nobody will believe how they act when your alone because flying monkeys
Fr ❤
Exactly, that is what am going through since last 4 months now I stayed 2 months NC but it didn’t work out the last time I meet her she was very angry with me said I should leave her alone or else she call the cops, blocked me everywhere I have move on with my life now
When you leave long enough and heal and then go back, you can see how crazy they really are. You wonder how you did not see it all along.
Very true..
If someone's completely healed, he/she will never ever go back to the narcissist. Because once you taste the sweetness of living peacefully without chaos, you'll never want to live in hell again
@@Firdouse3737
Dont think it's a good idea to speak for what someone else should or shouldn't do...We can't say someone isn't completely healed if they chose to engage with the narc( s) in their life, and truth be told, we better learned how to get our ducks in a row, and learn the necessary skills to navigate in this world amongst the narc, they are present, they are many, they are not going anywhere, and most importantly; they are not limited to just being ex lovers & partners, they are our relatives, our kids, our therapist, our parents siblings, bosses, co-workers & the cashier at walmart. And unless you're gonna lock yourself in your house refusing to interact with other human beings, you better find a way to deal with them.
Yes soo true
@1stBorn538 I'm a narcissistic abuse survivor myself, and my previous comment was pertaining to a person being married to a narcissist only. As you said, if the narc in our lives is a boss, a colleague, or a close relative, etc, then the radical acceptance part, grey rocking, and all the psychological ways of dealing with problematic people and navigating the rough seas become much more easier. Because with these people, you have a choice, at least regarding how much time you spend with them. If it's a boss or a colleague, you leave them after your work and go to home and rest. If it's a close relative, you may visit them twice or thrice in a week and limit the contact. To me, the most pathetic form of narcissistic abuse is when there's coercion from your partner, with whom you share children. Because, from these monsters, it's not easy to limit your contact, especially when children are involved. So, if someone has managed to escape from their narcissistic partner, they must run to hills. There's no way coming back. Only healing. And I believe that I didn't assert in my previous comment about what someone should or shouldn't do. It was exclusively for the intimate partner coercion. If you return back, at times, it can be very harmful for your own life.
This is exactly what I did last year! I didn’t go back for romantic purposes, I needed to vent, I needed some sort of closure, and boy did that man show me who he truly is! I have lost all desire in my body, mind, and spirit, to ever be in contact with him again
Im working toward that now.....empyting all desire for him...telling myself that I dont really want him the way he is currently anyway. I have lowered my wing long enough, its clear who is on who's team.
I am going forward with my life, slowly, one day at a time. I stay just to grieve our manipulationship bevause when I blow up this bridge, it is forever.
God is Great and I am forever grateful for this experience and opportunity to get to know myself.🙏🌱🌎💯💪🌟
@@y1s1a2 You got this! It took me six years to finally let go of that ‘manipulationship’ (I love that word btw!), but I don’t regret the journey… so many lessons have been learned and retained.
If you were physically abused, please do not go back no matter how much you want to go back. Do not go back if your narc is at all homocidal, has a history of violence, or suicidal. Do not go back no matter how much you want to. The advice is on point if the trauma bond and love still feels super strong, but not for those who have been physically abused or threatened.
That is so true. I went back several times and every time the illusion dissolved a little more. I was testing my self and my core beliefs. I believed in marriage and being a family and I was determined to forgive and heal for the sake of the marriage but he just kept repeating the same sh!t different day. Now I believe children need a safe and happy mother and psychological safety and to be 6 when they are 6, 10 when they are 10. They deserve to be liked and appreciated for who they are. Kids deserve to not have to be perfect to be loved and respected. Tough love does not have to be cruel, punishing love but rather it should have respected boundaries and safe conversations.
I would never go back in a million years but it took me years to figure that out.
So very true... such good advice! The victim needs repeated reality check before checking out finally.
I'm quotable
" When so disgusted you can't eat or sleep, you're ready for no contact "
Hmm when u feel like eating again ur healed lol
Lolol
I felt bad about being “weak” and going back so many times but you’re so right I did need to go back so I could see the truth and not live the rest of my life wondering if I had lost the best man ever because I didn’t get something right at my end, or I missed something- that one last magic key that would “fix” what was wrong between us. Now I see him for who he really is. He was begging me to see him while lying to me just like he always had. 🤦♀️
We must not ask for peoples opinions, bc they really have no idea
That's what I did and now I'm divorcing this month after 29 years of marriage! It's horrible when you wake up from the whole lie, but it feels great to be loved by myself ❤
Truth. You need to get to the point where the spell snaps. When you get to the point of of oh hell no. I never can be around this person.
yes, I literally lost my mind when that moment happened. I was so angry because I couldn't believe I let someone treat me so badly for so long. That moment I knew I was never going back.
Excellent. I just did this and felt incredibly horrible for allowing myself that. Yes I came home totally disgusted and needed no more answers. It was over
I like your comment. There really are no answers.
Yep. There comes that point of disgust.
Yes, once you've pulled narc mask off and you see it what it is - you'll never unsee it. Thanks Danish.
Yes, Danish, I share your opinion, go back until you do not want the narcisisst any more and this way you eliminate traumabonding greetings from Germany ❤
I did that one time. Told him if he ever tried to blame me for his behaviors I was finished. Two years later he did. Got mad because I wouldn’t pay his self-employment taxes. I filed a separate return and he showed his butt with a screaming fit about something trivial. Had told him a year before I would never pay his taxes again….he could save up his money and pay quarterly or whatever. Reminded him throughout the year as he was blowing his money on things. I was out of there within less than 2 weeks after his hateful fit. Moved when he went to work on a house out of town for the week. Nothing of mine left in the house.
This was me within last two weeks. Put myself at risk and had contact with him because YES I needed to connect the dots and the dots were connected. Him and his new supply he had met whilst we were together.
That period of contact helped me see what I always knew.
Thanking You kindly 🙌🏽
I did exactly that I exhausted all avenues...until i lost myself , empty, shell of a person, lonely, feeling ugly, unwanted unlovable, and was told i was crazy..100% correct...❤❤❤❤
This is true. You have to give enough second chances that you are deeply convinced that ever going back again is a compete waste of your life, nothing will be different.
💯When you do this,you truly realize how insane it was for you to ever think that you had a future with the broken narcissist.
No No No. I will NEVER go back because I can not see myself getting physically ill again. Even my doctor couldn't understand why my body was breaking down. But I clearly understood after I listened to your teaching about how even your body rejects the narcissist with symptoms of unexplained illness.
I'm with you. Never go back. Zero-contact. We lived with these monsters for years. We damned well know what they are like. I don't understand where Danish is going with this.
I had to go back a few times as I could not believe or understand this was happening or how a human being could actually be that way. Jekl and Hyde was who I was married to. I then saw so many things I felt like I was going insane. It takes time to move past the betrayal.
One of your best videos. People beat themselves up for going back but sometimes you need to for yourself.
"those good memories were nothing but a fragment of their false reality" this has been the worst part for me. The most disappointing part. But also the most helpful to stabilize my mind. It's the conflict of the good memories vs. the bad that causes the most pain for me.
No thanks. I can finally sleep, poop, and im not having my energy sucked out from me. I will never , ever, go back.
Truth
Correct answer. I strongly disagree with Danish on this one. Never go back! We lived it for years. We damned well know what we saw. There is nothing left to learn.
@@danmurray1143 I know seriously..it would be like self harming your own self
But you are already way past the point he describes, the point of deciding to leave, when there IS still a lot to learn to reinforce your decision.
@@janebrown7231 Reinforced my decision the minute I walked out that door.
Sometimes the rose-colored glasses need to be slapped off your face. Learning our boundaries will always be painful ❤
I got punched in the head
First Time o heard that from a „expert“ and you are so right!!!!! I did go Back 4 times and now there was no more connection no more trauma bond nothing. I just felt empty close to her and her bullshit and gaslighting… they can feel there are no more emotions left and thats when they go crazy because now THEY know they have Lost the Control over you. Good Point 👍🏼👍🏼
Nope I'm good 38 years, I see very clearly. Dots connected. Saw the lies. Self cared, but .............undermined since day one. Never communicated, pointless. Lost everything and building healthy relationships now. ❤
You healed so much pain in this one video. So much regret that I had for going back, that I never thought I would forgive myself for. I told myself the same thing that you said, but it wasn't until I heard it from you, that I was actually able to believe it from me. Thank you.
I went back and learned not to ever doubt my judgement again.
We don’t need closure! The hurt is enough. Know you’re worth and never go back.
Ya. Why is he saying this?
The closure on their part will be fake.
@@lovelocked5385 no idea, they’ll love bomb again and suck you back into a vicious cycle.
@@SilverSunPublishing exactly, if anything it’ll hurt way more to see that they don’t care about your feelings.
@@lovelocked5385You got me. Danish is way off on this one. Never go back. Not even for an hour!
This is true💯.This is how I got rid of my trauma bonding when I realised their live lies and past horrible lies
(After watching your videos) ,
Very well said!
So right. You go back to tell them what you never told them ...before you leave! Because You are a Person with emotions and opinions too. You have an Identity. ..regardless of what they thought.
I can't subject myself to that, again. I would lose me, ultimately, and that's not a good thing.
Twenty years of my ex and his narc family and my narc family I will Never go back for life! I was tortured not by one narc but by a pack my ex his family and my family. Omg they nearly finished me off with demonic trap setting! Their totally satanic I’m out. My life now is always total bliss I’m beautiful again I self nurture me and I love my life at last after decades of torture by these satanic creatures! Do the courts know about narcissists and how they abuse people emotionally and sometimes physically too? Once my ex narcissistic mother in law was holding a steel chair and drop it on my head did not speak a word. Once I ate at her house I swear she poisoned the food I had a stomach ache for days after that. Very dangerous creatures. Run and don’t look back!
Totally agree. I went back to “fix” the relation and had a straight forward open conversation. The response was an open narcissistic and evil fact. My response was ; when you feel that way it’s sad for you and I don’t like to be the source of your negative energy so I will turn around and wish you a positive trip to the future. After that I blocked here and all related people , deleted all the fake happy pictures of here and deleted all communications to protect myself. I decided to take time for the healing and not have any other relationship for
a while so i can heal. according some specialists you need a year. i already feels much better 😊
Once I finally left, I truly have no desire to ever see or speak to him ever again. The night I pulled out of the garage was the most empowering moment of my life. Its been almost a year and a half since then. I'm still trying to pick up the pieces of my life though.
I'm very proud & happy for you!! Stay strong 💪
When a book is in your face, can you read it? Can you see the images in it clearly? No, it's all blurry, because there's no distance between the book and you. Move a little away, and you can see things clearly. This is why many people are surprised as to how they didn't realize how very evil the narc is.
I went back and apologized for loosing my temper when I felt unsafe with him. Instead of caring that I felt unsafe he implied that there was something else that I was doing wrong, and of course he wasn't going to tell me what that was, and that even if I did want to stop losing my temper, I didn't have the resolve to do it long term. So, he basically changed the goalpost with an unanswerable question designed to make me ruminate on what else I could be doing wrong before I would be granted the privilege of his presence in my life. It's a grace I could do without and now I really see him for what he is.
Sounds like mine. Everytime I tried to talk to him and explain I don't like this and this and this and he said yeah well I don't like when you do.... what? I'd ask and he'd say, "If I have to tell you then you really have bigger problems than I thought." Never ever could give me an answer. I even said please tell me cause I love you and hurting you or causing you any displeasure is the last thing I want to do.
@@Jessica-J.ones. I've learned to let go of him. I started thinking about what my life could be like without him and it seemes a lot freer when I got past the pain of it all.
@@jenofthejungle3023 oh honey. Yes. He has left me several times. Once for 6 months and come back. He left this past Wednesday... had some woman pick him up after lying to me all day about texting someone..... but it's been so peaceful and I'm so relieved he is gone. I only worry when he comes back to get his stuff. His vehicle is still here. The thought of seeing him gives me heart palpitations and the shakes. We own a house together and both of our names are on the deed so I don't know how to navigate that issue and I certainly don't want to sell my house when everything in the economy is the way it is. I'm blessed to have a home that's paid for. I don't know what to do. But that's why he's left and been able to come back whenever. He left the entire week of my 40th birthday. I spent it alone. I'm so over it now. I've tried everything I know to try to make it work.I love and pray for him and I pity and pray for whoever picked him up.
Amen... the more go back the less you feel for these monsters no matter how much it hurts.. the better your heal no matter how much they try and destroy you
😘😘😘This is absolutely correct!!! I thought I was crazy but it really helped me to FINALLY REALISE there's nothing left for me..HE NEVER REALLY CHANGED. Period.
I was in a push pull relationship or rather a very good supply for 3 years. My husband realized I wasn’t the one to be messed with and hence asked for divorce in 3 months and I was like how can someone really be so manipulative
because I had a very strong individualistic view I wanted to call it quits with proof so that I don’t keep repeating the same mistakes the last time I went was with a list of non negotiables if he crosses even 1 of the non negotiable I’m out and also being disciplined enough to be aware you’re here with a narc and he can be manipulating me so I started keeping a private journal to write my facts and my side of the story. I sometimes now ruminate then read my facts and be like oh now I know why I left 😅
It's SCARYYYYY!😮😢😢💔💔💥
I went through a Bloody Nightmare,Day After Day,Night after Night, for several months!!!
It is a peace to hear this unseen truth spoken outloud. Thank you.
Thank you for saying this, and letting the other people (friends and family) possibly understand why some of us “go back.”
I went back several times, until it just didn’t hurt anymore. I was numb, and leaving was all I wanted . I lost all motivation to stay with that cruel toxic monster.
You are absolutely correct and trust me other people in your life won't understand it's not about them it's just one thing they say or do and it changes everything in you then you leave and see everything so different and the pain and healing begins with you a lot of work but do it for yourself and when you start healing a long journey your life will see the new you everything different and you become very strong blessing sent to all
Iconic Danish,more people need to hear it!!
I did that. Many times! Each time met with regret.
I left way too late!
My sister in law- married to my Narcs brother (he’s a narc too!) she was weak, has way more support, money, emotional wise but, she was a coward & didn’t want to give up the idea of her home & money.
Now, she seems crazy- like a zombie, she’s convinced herself he’s changed & does indulge in all the material things she can buy.
But she’s not the same
Damn 🙏🏾that was my hardest giving up the material and currency he provided and the safety of being in A Top Law Enforcement Position But I’m 10 days in the longest I’ve ever been and it feels liberating ❤❤❤❤
I reconstructed it in my mind to find what went wrong and discovered that because Im an easy going person with a kind heart of understanding, I didn't think much of what he was doing to me. Love bombing led to his slowly changing my identity to his wants,having me wear similar jackets of his to deflect me for his own attention. Then wanted me to wear a similar clothing of another woman.I really started to feel unworthy around him. I look back at this felt so naive,ashamed I did this to myself. But I've become stronger, back to myself.
You are an angel 💗. Again I got the deepest answer...the best thing I learn from you is being compassionate towards ownself. I am staying, I am holding, I am waiting,just because not to come back again.
Am at this stage, listening to the narc and connecting all the dots that represent their characteristics. It's given me confirmation and the ability to see it all as someone with boundaries.
There is so much truth in exactly what you’re saying, you are putting yourself in harms way and it teaches you to create stronger boundaries for yourself.
This is very true.... When I went back, I could see everything I missed before.
Yes, Danish you are 💯 percent right
When you go back and fourth
You will know for sure you are living with an evil, dangerous person
Thank you. This is so validating and makes me feel better about myself. This is actually what I did with my mother. I felt so guilty for not cutting her off permanently - for going back into the relationship. But I kept saying there's something I need to know. I couldn't understand it. Finally I heard what I needed to hear. Then I walked away. The first cut off was angry. The second was also angry because it was painful. but then I became calm almost immediately. At peace. I had no mother. I needed to know that. I suppose that happened with my husband. I emotionally left the relationship over and over again for years but kept running back in a panic. Then 2-3 years ago I knew he was lying and didn't love me but i couldn't leave. In staying I truly did find myself while I looked through him. And after I left I knew I would never go back but that's when I was in the most pain. That's When healing seemed impossible. Now I see a light. Pain is there but it becomes less every day. Thank you for your help. Thank you for seeing us. Thank you for helping me understand my behavior. I think you helped me know I was real 💜
The best Channel I've Seen yet!
100% true!!! You learn it step by step and feel greater every time and you see that everything teached here is accurate. 😢
Going back with that knowledge of narcissism and fully equipped to do some little revenge, give them a taste of their own medicine (this time aware of what you are dealing with) and then just feel fulfilled.. I'm there, thanks for opening my eyes Danish
I went back several times until there was no denying the evilness of this person. I kept getting stuck in the loop. Now I am totally out and no contact. It was a journey.
"To have that one final conversation." Trouble is, they never communicate honestly with you. STILL constant denial and blame, and taking no responsibility. Perhaps that what you need to see...again.
Oh this makes sense!! I been going back only as in sending text messages to connect them dots !! And he keeps stonewalling but it's still helping me by texting over and over again and really getting this messed up crap he did really stand out .and sink in. And I need that ! Trauma bonds do not really have our best interests in mind !!! I love this channel so much! I listen to you every day and I really enjoy!! HAPPY NEW YEAR !!🎉🎉
This was it for me. Slowly peel/shed off any remaining feelings while being back and forth until I was ready to walk away completely.
You are always on point, I did that 3 years ago and this year i managed to connect all the dots. he had been banking up several back up supplies for himself. promising marriage to them, evident that he did not have genuin longterm plans for me. I simply erased myself from the picture and been healing just fine
when I knew I was thru, knowing how many times I had gone back, I told myself that no matter if I forget or not why I left, just remember that it was bad enough to make you leave.
You know you have connected enough dots, when you are ready to stay away. But never expect to connect ALL the dots.
Gosh I really have no good memories with my narcissistic parents
I left after 50 years and it was impossible to have a proper conversation. I resisted leaving for good but so much life force within me was depleted. I do remember good times as well as bad. Somebody said, no, there were no really good times, you were always waiting for the good time to end because it always did, usually with a comment meant to end it.
@@meeperbirdmy mums a narc but Jesus my oh my what a long time to live with a cold vampire sucker 😮
@@meeperbird I was 58, A year before my father died. It was draining all my life force and getting worse. sad but necessary.
So wise and generous, Danish! Painful, but pivotal! ❤
Thank you for your kind words of support for long lasting peace.
You are such a blessing!
Thank you!
That's what I did , I gave him so many chances and that helped me see and know nothing would ever be different.
Absolutely beautiful said Danish.
I did this and understood that they blame with false allegations and I simply walked away.
Understood that they are not the people where we should waste our time and energy. They are afraid to face the reality, their focus is to attack people and not address the concern.
When I tried to show them the facts, they just moved to different allegations. When i again told them the facts with evidences....they just randomly spoke to put the entire blame on me.
Now I feel I have taken the right decision to block them and no contact.
Life is so beautiful 🎉
Danish. You amaze me day by day. You make me realizing that i was right and on the right track. Lots of love
OMG!You are so smart Danish!You are right.❤
This is actually a great healing process. You find out there eventually is nothing to miss. Makes you stronger as a person..
It depends on situation. How much healing was done how resilant we are and how good at maniplulation narc is.
For me every time when I just saw my narc ex it give me more closure. I didnt even need to talk to her. That demon that was created in my head look like just pathetic little thing. I asked myself she did it to you? Hownit was even possible? She mean nothing. Suddenly I felt calm and relief. Each time I felt better. Beceause I saw that she had nothing beside her games and manipulations.
I went back and same old same old nothing changed
THAT is incredible advice that you won't hear anywhere else. It is very wise and makes sense.
I actually did this, and there was nothing there and i left forever
That is such great advice, it's so true. Exhaust yourself of the narcissist, I've done it and it worked.
Hes right. I did no contact but he keot coming back and i was miserable crying everyday and confused. This time he left..... ive been so at peace. The thought of him turns my stomach and hes only been gone since wednesday. Dont worry friends youll get there if you havent already.
Accurate . After going no contact for months, I visited my narc mother . Only to realise what a hollow person she has always been and that there was one less person back home .😢
Exactly, there’s absolutely nothing to go back to. I’ve already been back and forth many times to the point they’re thinking I won’t stop. But they’re wrong!!
This dude is pretty Wise, for real yo 🤣do a whole video on this, you got it man
True facts. We only talked about getting back together but it made me too scared to lose the things I accomplished myself and I knew there's no going back.
"Make the Narcissist love you again". Huh, what, the ugly Narcissist NEVER LOVED you to begin with. No point conversing with an alien in human form. No Contact.
I called them and it worked!
This man has great advice!
Goodbye is forever.
Agree 100% I left a narc - not physically abusive but abusive in other ways. Id see him around town and have panic attacks. That’s never happened in my life. and of course he came crawling back crying saying he loved me, had been to therapy was healed etc etc I took him back with the attitude of “ok buddy show me” and he did the same thing all over again. And I left him again - it was painful but nothing like the first time and after that whenever I saw him - no panic attacks no feelings really at all except pity. It’s been two years now And I am completely done.
In my situation, I don't need to go back. I've seen it all
Exactly!!! Thank you for giving victims the benefit of the doubt and not judging or assuming negative/sad/ pitiful reasons (like low self-esteem, low-self worth, low self-confidence, being blinded by love, permanently trauma bonded or desperate) would be the ONLY reasons a victim would engage with the narc again in life. It takes strength and bravery (while healing or once healed) to confront and/or contend with what seemed like a scary, dangerous, roaring lion who almost killed you literally or figuratively. You get the opportunity to see for yourself that it was just a small, scared, insecure, wounded, pathetic, cowardly cat all along could be a relief/release and a great way to move on! But, victims are ALWAYS discouraged from doing that. 💁🏽♀️Loved hearing your confidence in the strength, determination, and ability of former victims to heal and make healthy, sound choices for themselves. Thank you!!!🙏♥️🙌
Very interesting and profound insight and it’s true; you gotta connect the dots to realize the root of the problem and false reality they created
Agree much! I have started the process with my narc family and love them from a distance and able to stay my course as now I have processed much of the 'narc abuse', now that I have the knowledge and information which I never had earlier on...
Thank You Danish 🙏
I agree. I opened my eyes & I saw. The 2nd (& final) time made me realize the ugly truth. And I left for good. And I never looked back. "No contact" came by itself. And there were no 2nd thoughts
I did the same, I came back after all kinds of expected abuse by him, but with more strength and a prepared mindset about how to live with him. Now I can clearly see how every scenario created in the past was a lie. I am making myself thrive with two little daughters even after all kinds of possible abuse done by him in past. Now he can't even see directly into my eyes. He knows that I got him in all possible ways and there is no possibility now I can believe him again. I came back and decided to live my life without worrying about what he is doing. I feel now Almighty has given me more strength and confidence to really value my life and live for a better cause other than the narcissist. ❤
Your videos give me strength untill।now in some unexpected scenarios.
I m astounded at how I relate so deeply to what you say!
Absolutely. I moved out of state for college to distance myself but stayed in (limited) contact. After that first year I had to go back home for the summer because student housing wasn't available. That was the worst our relationship ever got and after I went back to school in the fall I swore I'd never live with my mom again. About a year after that I went fully no contact. It's been over three years and so far I've kept my promise.
I went back 2 years later after I mostly healed to see what I was so addicted too and longing for.
I grew up with an alcoholic father / covert narcissist and this x was sober from alcohol but traded one addiction for weed.
I thanked him for torturing me to death bc I wouldn’t have healed my insecurities so deeply and now I help others learn to find the center.
He is transgender now.
This is what helped me! Otherwise I’d still be stuck there!!!!!! Thank you!!!!!!!
This is so very true. It takes us several times to become fully aware.
Hell No. Abusive men never get another chance at me. Forget it. I'm getting a reconkings
I've always felt there was something missing from the narcissist abuse literature and this is it. This man is so wise. No wonder Vaknin had a little pop at him.