How to Beat a Narcissist at Their Own Game | Story time

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 23 ธ.ค. 2024

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  • @narcabusecoach
    @narcabusecoach  ปีที่แล้ว +68

    Here is the link to all my best resources:
    beacons.ai/narcabusecoach/

    • @yachwb
      @yachwb ปีที่แล้ว +5

      🗝️ Bestest vid yet! 🔑

    • @ThatMontanaMom
      @ThatMontanaMom ปีที่แล้ว +7

      I love your videos. That you have gone through these things yourself, I feel gives you a perspective other coaches don't have. I would love for you to do a video on calming techniques that can be used in the midst of a narcissistic onslaught. In the past my reactivity has gotten the better of me, and in the case where physical violence was often the end result, that reactivity became a danger to my own safety. My logical brain knew this, but my primal brain was the one taking over. I feel I was missing the key component to disengaging enough to even check in with myself, it often happened so fast.

    • @ElizzzaB
      @ElizzzaB ปีที่แล้ว +3

      ​@ThatMontanaMom they will keep pushing and pushing until you react. All calculated. I now remove myself from their presence. Tell them they just gave you a case of explosive diarrhea 😅 and run for your life.

    • @ElizzzaB
      @ElizzzaB ปีที่แล้ว

      They get really mad when you call out their shadi.....ness. Also, they see empaths as weak and not intelligent. They want what they want (usually our wallet). Face turned red (embarrassment b/c you caught him). Imagine if you asked him if he gives his money away? (I actually said that to one who thought i was naive lol). Notice base pruce is never less lol? He was used to people just payimg whatever they say. Was in a relationship with one who turned into a monster when I tried to get back what was mine (which was futile in the end). His fury told me what the whole relationship was all about. I'm glad you perservered, Danish. He was probably afraid you would report him. Glad he didn't turn the tables and gaslight you into oblivion. Also it's good they have surveillance now to keep us safe. Good thing you were able to check on the fare. I usually become afraid when they get mad... which is exactly what they want.

    • @adreenalynharris5723
      @adreenalynharris5723 ปีที่แล้ว

      @narcabusecoach what to do if the abuser is an 85 year old mom who has no one else?

  • @theartzscientist8012
    @theartzscientist8012 ปีที่แล้ว +1398

    I believe to defeat a narc, you need to stop caring what they think. Be true to yourself and your feelings. Set boundaries!

    • @robinwelch2265
      @robinwelch2265 ปีที่แล้ว +40

      🦄It was much easier to ignore him when I started cheating....Alot.

    • @aaronlayton494
      @aaronlayton494 ปีที่แล้ว

      ​@robinwelch2265 way to make yourself look like a pos. Narc partner or not cheating is cheating. Letting the narc change your own morals....who really wins?

    • @billieself1495
      @billieself1495 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Okay, thank you for the advice. I think this is the way. Its not easy though but I believe it can help you.

    • @deirdremorris9234
      @deirdremorris9234 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      YES!!!!

    • @Connie-wn4so
      @Connie-wn4so ปีที่แล้ว +4

      And tell them that. it doesn't matter to them but that way you're not going to be held accountable for what you do to them. 😈😅

  • @simev500
    @simev500 ปีที่แล้ว +437

    "A cycle of trauma,drama, and chaos" is exactly what narcissists revel and excel at, like an expert puppeteer.

    • @blossom1643
      @blossom1643 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      That’s exactly right & I’ve never understood it. Spent Way too much time worryin about it. Still don’t Get it.

    • @monicagaray4650
      @monicagaray4650 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      It is better to not “play into it at all” THEY don’t fear using the things that you hold most dear just to get a quick fix.

    • @monicagaray4650
      @monicagaray4650 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      It’s best to keep your mind, body and emotional state of being clean and sober.

    • @monicagaray4650
      @monicagaray4650 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      In all ways

    • @sherisanchez4334
      @sherisanchez4334 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Well said

  • @daynapeterson9033
    @daynapeterson9033 ปีที่แล้ว +500

    I had a raging female narcissist boss once. I ignored her rages and her door slams and kicking her trashcan. The more I ignored her, the more angry she became. One day she leaned over my desk and physically threatened me. I walked out and filed charges on her. Never said a word to her. She got 2 weeks suspension.

    • @racs9606
      @racs9606 ปีที่แล้ว +24

      How was she around you when she came back? Did she behave?

    • @JamFlava1
      @JamFlava1 ปีที่แล้ว +46

      Lol. I wanna meet a narcissist woman actually, because most woman, men are afraid of me. Because I have a cold aura in my presence. If an narcissist insult me, I give a cold stare and don’t react at all and make her uncomfortable by my stare. I think the reason why you attract an narcissist is, you’re empathic, that’s my guess, it’s easier to hurt you, narcissists can read people, remember that. I am not empathic person in real life for example this is why I don’t meet an narcissist. I am cold, indifferent, callous person….Narcissist are pathetic, insecure individuals. I can break them so easily….

    • @Margottaful
      @Margottaful ปีที่แล้ว +8

      it´s always fighting for power.

    • @sheri883
      @sheri883 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      ​@@JamFlava1Focus on you don't get in the game, suppressive people are miserable

    • @reesedaniel5835
      @reesedaniel5835 ปีที่แล้ว +23

      @@Margottaful Not just that, they want to use their targets to emotionally regulate. They are trying to dump their rage onto the target so that they can be calm and superior. When the target doesn't react, they have nowhere to dump their rage and it escalates.

  • @kimberlyadams1300
    @kimberlyadams1300 ปีที่แล้ว +534

    "Accusations are confessions." Beautifully said. I'm proud of you for the way you handled that cab driver.

    • @jessiesheldon-huffey1824
      @jessiesheldon-huffey1824 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Yes, amazing cab driver experience to share and great job, I probably would have gone a step further and called the company to express my concern regarding fraudulent cab charges.

    • @amandachilds5290
      @amandachilds5290 ปีที่แล้ว

      This is why narc cheaters Always accuse you of cheating and then say good defense is offense and I'm like um. No it's projection and secret confessions...they always tell on themselves IF you just listen to them and realize and be patient. The crazier they accuse them you know they are capable of just that thing and that's when you run and don't look back. Some narcs are sadistic and malignant in ways more like ASPDs. Those are too dangerous to grey rock

    • @lionofJudah77730
      @lionofJudah77730 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      They talk about themselves through talking about you. They also make confessions in jokes.

    • @WorldOfARandomVegan
      @WorldOfARandomVegan ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Yes!!

  • @lanovia3838
    @lanovia3838 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +73

    "narcissist's accusations are confessions". SO TRUE!!!

    • @kimlogan1278
      @kimlogan1278 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      That is so true. Everytime I got accused of something, I would say, "look in the mirror".

  • @allentempleton2429
    @allentempleton2429 ปีที่แล้ว +335

    The only thing about not reacting is that it sometimes leads to escalation. Ignoring someone you don't live with is easy. If you live with a hard core narcissist it could get really bad. Yes they will get upset but their instinct is to attack you. A victim not reacting "properly " is totally unacceptable. To really make this work safely it's best to quietly escape. Permanently.

    • @i_read_bad_reviews
      @i_read_bad_reviews ปีที่แล้ว +13

      Problem is we share a child. She constantly is doing 1upmanship. It’s easy to defeat. All you gotta do is live a happy life, but it sucks because it’s a constant battle when dealing with them.

    • @allentempleton2429
      @allentempleton2429 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      @yes.sir. Totally understand. I was forced to sacrifice much of my life in order to protect my children. I've been abused in every conceivable way. There are times when we have to choose between what's best for us or what's best for our children. The experts will always tell us it's better to leave and it is but there is always a price to be paid and somtimes it's too high. It won't always be like this. When your time comes don't hesitate. Narcissists don't change they just try to present a new temporary version of themselves to get you to stay.

    • @i_read_bad_reviews
      @i_read_bad_reviews ปีที่แล้ว

      @@allentempleton2429 I’m at the stage where I feel super human. My narc knows they have zero control over me. I have called out their bs eloquently while remaining calm and emotionless. Not just pretending they have no control, but knowing they have no control and walking away always feeling empowered.
      This has turned my narc into a dangerous stage of devaluation. She claims she knows these things about me she is going to expose and just making flat out crazy claims. According to the experts, this is the final stage so hopefully it’s over soon.
      The best revenge is live a happy life.

    • @SouLightness
      @SouLightness ปีที่แล้ว +9

      I was calling a "robot and condescending"as i was trying to detach. As i have a disability, no family and depend on him as i live in a small place in his property, i had to backtrack and appease him. I keep a polite attitude and if i share emotions is something i dont care much about. He is very covert and loves the charitable image of "keeping me"the crazy ex...i have my old dog, no savings, parkinsons disease and we have a housing crisis. I need support and strategies.

    • @allentempleton2429
      @allentempleton2429 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      @HekateMoonLight I feel your pain. Both you and I are what is called financial prisoners. We survived the abuse and basically ended the relationship but our financial situation holds us in a sort of limbo. I myself live in a large, run down Victorian house that my former abuser also lives in. The cost to live here is far less than any apartment in the area. The house is sufficiently large that we both have our own living quarters. If either one of us decides to leave we would be unable to find independent living. At my age and with my health conditions there's no way I will ever make considerably more money so here I am. Half way between Heaven and Hell. I wish I had an answer for you. I try to keep my sanity by exercising, keeping in touch with friends and working as much as my health allows. I try to find joy in simple things. I have stopped wishing for things that are out of my reach and try to find something to be thankful for every day. Unfortunately there are too many days when I am full of regret for allowing myself to fall into this trap. I'm sure you have days just like that as well. Please know you are not alone. I prey you and I will find a way to be happy.

  • @izawaniek2568
    @izawaniek2568 ปีที่แล้ว +264

    It resonates with me so strongly. Narcisists surround themselves with enablers who turn a blind eye to their evil, manipulative actions and they will attack and persecute anybody who holds a mirror to show them what they are actially doing and how wrong it is. Our silence is powerful and it often speaks louder than words. Thank you Danish❤ God bless you❤

    • @shaistaijaz2019
      @shaistaijaz2019 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Wish I could give ur comments more thumbs up honestly

    • @teresarinne9397
      @teresarinne9397 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      I did Not hardly speak with my narcissist for 2 + years except to say “please pass the salt….” All the while I wanted so badly to divorce him and be done with it all, but I kept praying and crying out to God to please deliver me and do something about him. Well, my silence spoke volumes and we are still together but I limit my time I spend with him. I spend as much time as possible with my real friends who aren’t and never were fakes. I’ve educated myself with videos similar to this one and. Now I know when he’s looking for supply. I do not engage in ANY of the arguments he starts and I keep myself under control and emotionally cold when he’s nearby. This is the only way it works and yes, for a while there he was very angry. But after 2 years, he figured out that he’d better treat me with kindness (like he did when we dated and were engaged) or it was going to be a very lonely existence!

    • @Catalinameyerr
      @Catalinameyerr ปีที่แล้ว +4

      This is SO true! I once dated a guy who’s family thought he was the sweetest man alive. Soon as I called him out on his evil ways, he attacked me with his words because he knew he was in the wrong.
      Thank you for sharing your wisdom 🤍

    • @SavedbyGrace_90
      @SavedbyGrace_90 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@Catalinameyerr I think they just don't the work on themselves. On their insecurities, they don't accept who they are and instead of working on themselves they just wear this mask that they thought that would be acceptable to other people where they can get love. I am become toxic too before and I am still working on that negative side of me. Fighting them would be stressful and pointless. But I think giving everyone understanding and be compassionate will help. Ofc, always have strong boundaries, know them well, be vigilant but not paranoid and protect yourself because we don't know what kind of demons we are facing.

    • @Cornusnuttallii
      @Cornusnuttallii หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@teresarinne9397 Are you sure you are not a case of 6:00 ? Why on earth would you stay, when you don't even love him, unless it's for your own benefit?

  • @x-2954
    @x-2954 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +145

    When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..

    • @Dislob
      @Dislob 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Stupid advertisement. Gtfo of here.

    • @WalksfortheSoul77
      @WalksfortheSoul77 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      "They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle." Thank you for this. Needed it today. He used his new gf to come after me (via text on his phone) and initially I felt sorry for her, but today I realized she's as crazy and narcissistic as he is, or close to it from my encounters with her. Gaslighting, threatening me, etc.
      I see (now) how everything he says to me is projection. Everything. He often says "GROW UP!" or "You are delusional and crazy". "You're psychotic" etc. I never believed any of that stuff, but I couldn't understand how he hated me so much after everything I gave him - emotionally and more. Again, all projection. I spent a lot of time looking at myself saying "it takes two". But there was no self-reflection with him. They are perfect for each other and I no longer feel bad for her. They will cheat on each other, guaranteed. Because she is so insecure, just like him. They will fight for years if they do last, and stonewall, gaslight, the whole narc spectrum. I am lucky to be out, but still processing my anger at the wasted time caring about someone who hid their narc and sociopathic traits so well at first. Until it all unraveled.

    • @taelyrlazke473
      @taelyrlazke473 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@WalksfortheSoul77ugh I relate to your comment. We just broke up a couple days ago for the last time. I’m trying my best to stay away. And I’ve been so afraid cuz I know he’ll get a new gf as soon as he realizes I’m really not coming back. Just trying to brace myself so it doesn’t hurt so much and I can not be jealous of her because I know all this. Just breaks my heart about the wasted time and I really did love him. Still I hope maybe one day he wakes up and we find our way back. I see his true soul and that’s who I love but I even love his mask. I’ll forever love him but I can never be with him unless he seriously changes and is seeking help..

    • @WalksfortheSoul77
      @WalksfortheSoul77 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@taelyrlazke473 It gets easier to stay away from the toxic ex over time. The hardest part is right after it. The first month or two. But most of all the first few weeks is the most painful part. Hang in there. It does ease up and I hope you have someone to talk to about all this. I leaned on a good friend heavily in the beginning especially. Some friends just can't cope with you not moving on right away. That's their issue. It does take healing yourself and time. These are not normal relationships to get over. Trauma bonding, etc. They use that new girlfriend to get back at you and often it is more about hurting you than it is the new person. That is not the type of people we want to be in a relationship with. They can only be happy when you are in pain, so I'm not signing up for that anymore. And yes, I still love and care for him despite all of it. But I also love myself and want more in my life than the emptiness that is inevitable with a narcissist.

    • @str4wb3rryo3o
      @str4wb3rryo3o 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@taelyrlazke473 i can relate gurl i feel u, i wish they could even feel love or love us back but i don't think they are capable of it. it's like falling in love with something that isn't even real, mourning something that was never there

  • @oskarkamil8208
    @oskarkamil8208 ปีที่แล้ว +116

    Absolutely relatable. Each time you try to talk to them about some issue, they take everything as a personal attack and will become defensive and will try to double down and twist the worlds and make it about them

    • @LinYouToo
      @LinYouToo ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Yes, and then blame shift

    • @Link_Skywalker007
      @Link_Skywalker007 ปีที่แล้ว

      Yep

    • @neiturelover
      @neiturelover ปีที่แล้ว

      So true!!!

    • @jeannieab5218
      @jeannieab5218 ปีที่แล้ว

      Bingo!

    • @Cornusnuttallii
      @Cornusnuttallii หลายเดือนก่อน

      And or they stonewall you, which makes a minor issue become a large issue, because you just can't believe they are doing this to your relationship.

  • @norcal1009
    @norcal1009 ปีที่แล้ว +182

    💯 it's all about controlling your emotions, watching you, and gauging what you're thinking and feeling, for nothing more than their narcissistic sadistic pleasure.

    • @norcal1009
      @norcal1009 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      @caroleminke6116 😊 The narc couldn't handle it. My emotions were played with constantly, and the therapy (and no contact) is helping me feel again.💞

    • @undercoverbird8592
      @undercoverbird8592 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      ItS so freaking awesome when they try to get to your emotions and you don’t have any. 😂 welcome to my world of Schizotypal disorder. ❤

    • @norcal1009
      @norcal1009 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      ​@undercoverbird8592 I certainly noticed psychosis in people with NPD, but thankfully, I do not suffer from psychosis. My healing is more like a journey, to find the truth in every human encounter. Sometimes it's easier to keep a distance from people and any forms of deception. The knowledge and therapy help me come to better peace with my environment reflecting rather than analyzing. 😅❤️

    • @marjoriewilson3091
      @marjoriewilson3091 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      No response sounds really good

    • @amandachilds5290
      @amandachilds5290 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      It's not always about pleasure if they aren't sadists. It's about using you as there own thermostat. They probably came from a family where that was normal. Using the most empathetic person to help regulate themselves and they aren't even aware they do it or why. The ones who are high level know why and are aware but have turns it into a sick game and are high on dark triad spectrum and super malignant and sneaky. They are the most dangerous ones. The ones who are having a bad day and you can say you know what, I didn't mean to get you upset but I think it's a fair question to ask why $2, using the cab example, are the ones that aren't so malignant IF they take a deep breath and say ya know I understand now, I'm sorry it was a mistake and don't drive like a maniac. So my advice is to go stoic after at least one or two attempts fail and you have spotted more red flags. But everyone needs to choose what's best for themselves without changing too much of themselves in response to narcs and other types of toxic behavior because that means they win that way too, when you become less you. It's not always so cut and dry like he says when talking about the other video we always need context and without it we just have to look out for ourselves and set some boundaries because no one else is doing it for us now we are adults. 🕊️

  • @deborahlloyd2237
    @deborahlloyd2237 ปีที่แล้ว +104

    Danish, you are a most impressive warrior.

    • @Mara_143
      @Mara_143 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      👑👑👑

    • @crazyredheadbeyotch8125
      @crazyredheadbeyotch8125 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Man, if THAT ain't the truth...he's a goddamn WARRIOR.
      We all love you, Danish!

    • @joseenoel8093
      @joseenoel8093 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I happened to name my son Owen, then hoping it didn't mean "Beautiful man" or something nerdy I learnt it means "Young warrior", he's 25 now and I couldn't be prouder!

  • @WackyWitchTV
    @WackyWitchTV 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +51

    They LOVE when you lose your cool! It makes them validated in their sick minds!

  • @SunnyBeetle1922
    @SunnyBeetle1922 ปีที่แล้ว +26

    A narcissist an only control you if they can control how you feel and your reactions!!!… spot on!!!!❤️❤️❤️💯💯👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

  • @KatherineGrey-pz9on
    @KatherineGrey-pz9on ปีที่แล้ว +195

    Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.

    • @nizcaetano5692
      @nizcaetano5692 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Hello! One of the best things that happened in my marriage with a narcissist, the love disappeared sooner then I thought could be. In fact I never really loved him, we got married so soon because this is one of their strategies, to lock you in asap. This is a huge account for me, I didn’t suffer emotionally, I ran from him, in one afternoon while he was in a court meeting. I drove from Georgia to California by myself running from a narcissist dangerous man. I escaped alive luckily. But the story didn’t finish easily. This has been the most tragic experience in my life, he almost killed me poisoning my drinks and food for long time, I was getting sick and didn’t know exactly what was, then, my intuitions started working. Long story.

    • @MTY305
      @MTY305 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Sounds very familiar, except I wasted almost 20 years on a never-ending emotional roller-coaster ride.... We are better off without the stress 🎉

  • @zorabujaroska3645
    @zorabujaroska3645 ปีที่แล้ว +42

    If you are with a narcissist, no trick helps. You have to listen or else. There were times when he imitated me, criticised, belittled, humilated, insulted, lied, .... for hours, 4--5 hours, for months. He would sit across from me, and insult me in every way he could. I could never think of so many insults, and for such a long time. If I raised my head, he would say - oh, you're proud. And I had to bend down my head again and listen. I wasn't allowed to look at the TV. Finally, I would break down and cry and he still wouldn't stop. I'm crying now because I remembered how I felt then. God, have mercy on us, the victims

    • @5gx673
      @5gx673 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      It sounds like you are done with him. Take care of yourself ❤

    • @mylesheyward
      @mylesheyward ปีที่แล้ว +2

      You are strong now, stronger than ever

    • @zorabujaroska3645
      @zorabujaroska3645 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @@5gx673 Yes, I left him on the 3rd of Aug this year and I'm 64.

    • @talestrimoon1102
      @talestrimoon1102 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ​​​@@zorabujaroska3645i also left narc 5th august 2023, same situation, listening to all kinds of insults, but at one point I was "wtf" and then confronted him "think what you want I dont care" , but trully to see him that on my face that i'm serious and he stopped

    • @raghugoud8497
      @raghugoud8497 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      It's your blind love and your dependence on them that you tolerated his bullshit.. learn that now and become financially and emotionally independent! And never never go back to them again because they somehow try to Hoover you back again into their life once they see your life is getting better after leaving them . This time you need to be strong and reject them straight away

  • @justmemother2
    @justmemother2 ปีที่แล้ว +93

    💯👍 Remain calm, show no emotion and continue your day. It drives them over the edge. 😂

  • @Mara_143
    @Mara_143 ปีที่แล้ว +108

    "Accusations are confessions."💡💡💡You handled that well, Danish.

  • @zelanina
    @zelanina ปีที่แล้ว +107

    It's dangerous to be quiet.
    My ex and even my adult kid physically attacked me bc I was quiet. My kid was screaming at me that she hates when I am quiet.
    I am so exhausted for many years.
    My ex past away 4 years ago and I still deal with the flashes of abuse. And now I am with another abuser.
    What the he'll is wrong with me. I just cannot believe it. BTW I grew up with nars parents too. I realized that I don't know what is normal.
    Sir, last few months I am learning from you to understand about this evilness. Thank you for opening my eyes. God bless you 🙏 ❤

    • @simonpegg1196
      @simonpegg1196 ปีที่แล้ว +20

      You are right! A narc would rather unalive a person than be exposed. It's dangerous to be around them. Going no-contact is the only safest way.

    • @lexbest
      @lexbest ปีที่แล้ว +13

      I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Just keep remembering you don't deserve it. You are conditioned as a child. And so you fall into these patterns repeatedly and it's not your fault. Just know that you're worthy and it's not your fault. You can't know what normal is when your conditioned that way as a child. The blame is on the abusers and you need to always remember that. There is nothing wrong with you for repeating a pattern that you learned as a child. You learn survival techniques as a child. And now you're an adult and you have to put those survival techniques in place in a different way. Because I agree with you sometimes the most dangerous thing is to stay quiet. What I learned with my rageful father was many things. I could never afford to panic. Because panicking and losing control of my emotions meant that I was putting myself at great risk. At risk of being killed. So in his face went red my first instinct would be to run. But sometimes you can't run. You can't run when you're in a car. You can't run when you're trapped physically. And during those times my brain would slow down and everything would be in slow motion and I would be in control of my reactions. And I would diffuse him and I later learned how to diffuse many other narcissists. I would defuse them instead of being silent because being silent can get you killed. I would say whatever I needed to say whatever they needed to hear I would denigrate myself for them. I would tell them how stupid I was how I had made a mistake by saying something that upset them how important they were. I would defuse them until I could get away safely. I never believed any of the things I said to them. I never walked away in shame. I walked away proud that I had escaped yet another time. There are many techniques that we have to use to stay safe to protect ourselves. Sometimes staying silent and not engaging is the best possible thing to do it just depends on the type of person you're dealing with. When you're in a car I don't think you can ever take that risk. They get so riled up and you're at their mercy and you have no idea what will happen. Just keep telling yourself that you're not to blame for their abuse. You didn't cause it. It's not personal. You don't deserve it. And and you do have to get away and you have to get away safely. Peace and healing to you. You have a struggle ahead of you. You've made it this far and that means that you're strong. Put all your skills to use You will need every one of them. Just remember you are still here for a reason. Because you knew how to keep yourself safe

    • @lydiabeg7387
      @lydiabeg7387 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@lexbestI’m sorry you have to go through that. Yes, that part that you tell them it’s your fault , you are horrible person, apologies how wrong you are just to escape when you were trapped is what most people in narcissistic relationship ship goes through. The part that you said you don’t believe anything you say to them is good. I always see it as whatever they do or say got nothing to do with the us but it’s just person they are.

    • @lexbest
      @lexbest ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@lydiabeg7387 yes, it's just who they are and nothing to do with us. Peace and healing to you 💜

    • @sheri883
      @sheri883 ปีที่แล้ว

      Once you learn get so angry let them treat like that gaslight me and I lose my shit on who does it hate narc's

  • @Jennifer-bw7ku
    @Jennifer-bw7ku 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +209

    Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

    • @APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU
      @APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

    • @elizabethwilliams6651
      @elizabethwilliams6651 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

    • @patriaciasmith3499
      @patriaciasmith3499 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I wish they were readily available in my place.
      Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
      He's constantly talking about killing someone.
      He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.

    • @APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU
      @APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Is he on instagram?

    • @elizabethwilliams6651
      @elizabethwilliams6651 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Yes he is. dr.sporesss

  • @chanteynk7324
    @chanteynk7324 ปีที่แล้ว +142

    Thank you Danish for this Video. Just like the Bible says in 1. Peter 5:8 Be self-controlled and vigilant always, for your enemy the devil is always about, prowling like a roaring lion looking for ist prey.

    • @jeannedouglas9912
      @jeannedouglas9912 ปีที่แล้ว

      Know this also what men will be like when time ends...lovers of self, covetous, without conscious, boastful,proud,fierce,blaspheme,jigh minded,heedy,back biting,without natural affection, having forms of godliness never knowing where it comes, false accusers...There are 28 specific demonic states. The last is diver lusts or witchcraft. Makes you wonder...

    • @deirdremorris9234
      @deirdremorris9234 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I wonder if everybody has a possibility to be narcy at some point in life?

    • @manuellaarbeit5481
      @manuellaarbeit5481 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@deirdremorris9234 test your intentions.

    • @reesedaniel5835
      @reesedaniel5835 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@deirdremorris9234 Narcs are the seed of Cain. See Genesis 3:15 and Psalm 58:3-5. Also the Parable of the Wheat (normal humans) and Tares (Narcs) in the Book of Matthew. All of us have sinned and fallen short of God's glory, however, narcs have chosen to go along with evil/wickedness to give them power over others.

    • @deirdremorris9234
      @deirdremorris9234 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@reesedaniel5835 I had to go no contact with my sister who is a Christian. Constant IBS, anxiety, exhaustion. Turns out, she never liked me!!!

  • @TheBookOfNoel
    @TheBookOfNoel ปีที่แล้ว +130

    My last relationship with a narcissist, I told him we should start recording our conversations like a podcast [so he could hear his demonic-possessed tantrum outbursts], but at first he wanted to sound sane so he would change his tone when we were both recording, but eventually he couldn’t even keep THAT mask on 😭😂 I laugh about it now bc I’m safe.

    • @wanjiitheequiin850
      @wanjiitheequiin850 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      This is what I'm going through right now. Friends pray for me

    • @Nwitnyipit
      @Nwitnyipit ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Haha this is so funny, that's so intelligent & creative 😂

    • @donnahalsted7718
      @donnahalsted7718 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      I threatened to record him. He threw a tantrum! He deliberately broke things in front of me. I never reacted. He threw water all over my wood stove, hearth and hardwood floor. I just cleaned it up while he followed me with his black eyes, arms crossed over his chest. No response....
      My older Brother walked off to the bedroom and shut the door.
      Then came major destruction.... I'm still repairing me, yes the PTSD from the trauma, and my home, tools, farm equipment....I nicely asked him if he was prepared to repair what he damaged. He raged.
      He's gone and blocked.

    • @stacierose1692
      @stacierose1692 ปีที่แล้ว

      ​@@wanjiitheequiin850🕊️my prayers to you for God's peace and protection 🙏🙏🙏🫂

    • @jennydesu2544
      @jennydesu2544 ปีที่แล้ว

      Good for you❤

  • @freedomofspeech6095
    @freedomofspeech6095 ปีที่แล้ว +43

    That was a great example with the taxi driver. Indifference and silence has literally saved me from more narcissistic abuse. “you are nothing to the narc and when you no longer respond to them their is an energy shift in the dynamic of the relationship and now they experience being NOTHING to you.” This makes them feel annihilated. They attach themselves to you by your emotional response. Getting under your skin as the expression goes. Game over once you’ve achieve a high level of stoicism .

    • @enginedoc5988
      @enginedoc5988 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Their tricks are actually perfect for growth, because they point out our weaknesses. They dont do it because they are evil, but because they are even lower than us, so down that only seeing others suffer lifts them up. Its unconscious and shouldnt be taken personally. When we heal they are forced to heal easier aswel, or we just split because we dont go along anymore.

  • @hireathgautam8041
    @hireathgautam8041 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    I was married to a narcissist in an arrange marriage set up as they do in India, little did i knew about the enmeshment my husband and MIL shared.. it all started getting very clear when i got pregnant. She did horrific things to me, as she wanted me to loose this child. When i confronted her and my husband he abandoned me and my infant emotionally. She pushed me when i was holding my 11day old child. That was the point when I decided to walk out of my marriage and put physical assualt charges on her.
    Since that day almost 2 years ago i came across Danish's video and can't be more thankful and grateful to him!!! You are a true warrior and our savior at the same time.

    • @shilpaabhiram829
      @shilpaabhiram829 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I can feel you😢😢, stay strong, God revealed their true face to you which is Narcissism and made you aware of it. Or else it'd be more depressing without the awareness about narcissists by thinking why they do what they do. My ex is a dark triad malignant narcissist and I'm a scapegoat child of Narcissistic father as well where God saved me from these two great evil forces 🙏

  • @makutumafwa7496
    @makutumafwa7496 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    Teach by example.
    The part when you were able to stay calm was impressive.

  • @Maggie22002
    @Maggie22002 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    This is exactly why you absolutely NEED to get away from the Narcissist & NEVER go back again. Nobody should need to hear all that abuse on a daily basis.

  • @cl2814
    @cl2814 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    I learned they have their opinion and I have mine which I kept to myself. The backstabbing and defamation of character. Killed the trust.

  • @EydyLuvsyou
    @EydyLuvsyou ปีที่แล้ว +41

    When I first became 'aware' I was being abused, your episode 'narcissists are evil' was a game change for me. I played it over and over and over. My abuser is in an adjacent apartment and he listens in on everything I do. I know this because he and his 'cohorts' repeat what I watch, what I post on facebook, and bully me through a technique of 'directed conversations' so I can hear them talking about me from the next apartment (we live in old thin walled apartment).I became aware of my 'situation' in March 2023 so I am just over 7 months into the abuse and awareness of it and I can't get away from my abuser right now as I cannot afford to move at this time...... I love this video and it perfectly fits in with the current growth stage I am in (not responding) and I am going to save it. I am finally starting to master the 'no response' and will watch this often! Thank you for your videos. 😘

    • @joseenoel8093
      @joseenoel8093 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      I was gang attacked/bullied and stay low out of sight, anything you do just adds to the fire 🔥, I stood my ground and they've all moved, they're jealous of your lone wolf independence, they'll try to jerk your chain, just a game to them and they're dangerous, beware!

    • @juliechurch1799
      @juliechurch1799 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Eydy keep a journal in case they start a smear on you .whatever you do don't react .ignore the crap . It gets easier .god bless !

    • @ZLLi661
      @ZLLi661 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      The neighbor sounds like a stalker

    • @donnahalsted7718
      @donnahalsted7718 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      My Brother who stayed with me, expense free, became more and more dangerous. I think he didn't physically hurt me because he needed my taxi services to get him everywhere he needed to go. But tiptoing on eggshells became tiptoing over razor blades.
      If you need to stay where you are, you may see if you can switch a like/similar apartment if one becomes available.
      The journal suggestion is a wise one. Also be careful of their behavior. You may want to alert the office of your concerns. The more awareness you can make regarding your situation the more evidence you will have if a problem arises. Prayers and blessings.

  • @charmee4045
    @charmee4045 ปีที่แล้ว +38

    I have taken the MBCT course which deals with emotional regularity and was able to navigate a relationship for quite some time 5 years with a borderline/narcissist. He threw at me every trick in the book, I never took the bait. I don't think he could figure out what was going on. I was so non-reactive, in the end he blew the entire relationship up but I was quite proud of myself for never ever losing it and staying calm among the chaos. He will probably never experience anything like that again. I will forever be a mystery and thats the way I like it. Our and at peace. Reacting is like throwing kerosene on a fire, don't do it.

    • @reesedaniel5835
      @reesedaniel5835 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      👏Way to go! This is precisely what Jesus Christ meant when He said "turn the other cheek"......(don't give them the reaction they want!!).

    • @rahasovereign9510
      @rahasovereign9510 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I also did the nonreact technique. It really does work. He walked out in me several months ago. Probably the best and safest for me! He literally leaves if I see him somewhere. I think he’s scared of me bc he can’t figure me out. He knows I’m very smart so he doesn’t think I’m stupid. See? He can’t figure it out why I’d not react At All !!!

  • @pamelachisholm2166
    @pamelachisholm2166 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    I was diagnosed with PTSD, Major depression, fibromyalgia, and adrenal fatigue several years ago.( 5-6 years ago) and I never understood the PTSD diagnosis. It’s just been within the past two years I get it ! Not a single counselor addressed it. I had developed behavioral patterns (symptoms ) as a result of being in a 12 year relationship with a
    narcissist and not a single therapist addressed it. Without going into detail about my 12 year relationship with a narcissist, having two children with him, I’m learning why these changes in my behavior have developed I’ve been following different counseling persons on TH-cam that have helped me recognize why I am the way I am now and I’m learning how to work through so many different emotions and situations. I can honestly say that having found Danish on TH-cam has been a Godsend. Danish has been on point with so many of his explanations on recognizing and working thru life after living with a narcissist.
    I will most definitely refer him to many !
    Thank you Danish for being short and to the point on these topics ❣️

  • @Angie_Secret_Squirrel
    @Angie_Secret_Squirrel 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    This is the most insightful advice I have seen in a long time, I deal with someone like this on an almost daily basis, I rarely respond and you are right, it will send them absolutely crazy. I believe they are devil created. The nice part of me believes it is a mental disorder, but that doesn’t mean I have to accept the vile behaviour and I don’t.

    • @serenityisaproblem
      @serenityisaproblem 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Somehow, considering them as a reptiles/demons seems more real to me, an extremely rational person) You're empathy doesn't let you to comprehend their behaviour. 😅

  • @danetteperez3863
    @danetteperez3863 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Chaos was always present when he was here.
    There was no peace.
    Completely disrespectful of anything that was mine.
    He was constantly breaking something of mine or destroying it “ accidentally “ or “ he did know”.
    Danish , you are truly a recovery specialist!
    You have helped me so much this past year.
    God bless you.

  • @LightVioletRoses7786
    @LightVioletRoses7786 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Love it!!!
    That metaphor if you wrestle with pigs you will be the only one that will not enjoy it because the pig will enjoy being down in the dirt and the mud. 😮
    So True

  • @josephsmith9374
    @josephsmith9374 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    You are right. Silence destroys a narcissist. The last encounter I had was actually quite comical because I knew he was trying to get under my skin and control me through my emotions but I was impenetrable to his agenda. I don't have anymore trouble with him because now he realizes he has absolutely no power over me and is wasting his time trying. He literally almost started crying like a little girl once I began laughing at his insults and judgements

  • @Elkycreates
    @Elkycreates 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Don’t respect people who don’t respect you.

  • @lauralerner8342
    @lauralerner8342 ปีที่แล้ว +42

    Thank you Danish for reenforcing this same technique that I've started using with my narcissistic daughter. She gets triggered easily. The only opinion that matters is her own. My father was a narcissist (my mom too to a lesser degree), and now I have a daughter, and daughter-in-law that display narcissistic traits. I feel that this world and it's culture give rise to more, and more narcissists.

    • @sheri883
      @sheri883 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      I was around many at once and went to the crazy farm get out you will have brain damage from them. I still am off

    • @MonaHerSelfM
      @MonaHerSelfM ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Um. I may have news for you.

    • @jennydesu2544
      @jennydesu2544 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      My ex is narcissist my current bf is narcissists (no contact)my two x friends narcissist !world full of narcissists beware

    • @sheri883
      @sheri883 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@jennydesu2544 It's crazy the spoiled child

    • @JS-dv9ji
      @JS-dv9ji 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ​@@MonaHerSelfMOh good, someone else noticed the common denominator 😂

  • @maryritabrown2717
    @maryritabrown2717 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I like this gentleman’s way of dealing with a narcissist . He’s very calm and collective . Good man . 😇

  • @jensanges
    @jensanges ปีที่แล้ว +26

    I did exactly what you are saying Danish, and that made him even bolder in lots of ways to degrade and humiliate me. I jumped on board with that sentiment wryly, as I continued to be calm and peaceful in his presence. Eventually I got debilitating IBS, anxiety and depression. This I’m still working through, however I’ve been free of the physical contact for a year and life is bringing joy to me. The only way out is through, and it has been my life for my entire life, since childhood. It’s a long road and I’m glad I’m finally travelling it 🙏🥰

    • @5gx673
      @5gx673 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Good job

    • @user-q992
      @user-q992 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Oh, I wanted to ask someone if they got IBS after living with a narcissist. I got the answer now🙏

  • @julieripoli5512
    @julieripoli5512 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    The best narcissistic info I have EVER heard in my life.

  • @ekdaufin1485
    @ekdaufin1485 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    It just gives me delight to hear you talk truth about narcissists. 🤣 Thank you.

  • @Akshata.Patil555
    @Akshata.Patil555 ปีที่แล้ว +25

    When a Narcissist is caught badly,if we react to what they’ve done to us they cross blame,act like we are creating an unnecessary drama,tell us we don’t have such rights on them or we never had,try to make us look like we are too immature and try to drag every weakness of us so that we should feel the lowest that time and also try to guilt trip us so badly that whatever they’ve done should look like nothing just to satisfy their ego ! Never share your personal life with them it’s the biggest mistake one could ever do because when the time comes they will use it against you to put you down and put u on guilt.May god watch their every step and stop every good human being to be a victim of them.May realisation and Karma hit them so hard that they know the value of god and good human beings around them.May they all be mentally ill so that they can never make another person mentally ill anytime🙌🏻🙏🏻don’t feel bad if they’ve fooled you with lies once, God will fool them so badly one day that they can’t use their smart brain anymore to fool a good person or to drain anyone mentally or emotionally.
    You are doing an amazing job Danish❤️May god bless you🙌🏻

    • @TheREALLibertyOrDeath
      @TheREALLibertyOrDeath ปีที่แล้ว

      The abuse causes stress, the deadliest disease there is.

    • @letonyastreety4143
      @letonyastreety4143 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Well said 💯

    • @sreamingonline6160
      @sreamingonline6160 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Just last week this fool told me that’s why all those dudes before left you. I laughed and said but you’re still here, so your calling yourself stupid? He was trying to to make it look like I’m crazy and nobody want me but him. Just dumb. I stick with him tho because, he’s not crazy crazy. I know he had a bad upbringing and he had to develop a way to game people otherwise he felt like he would not have anything. But as I’m making him aware of what of what he is doing, whether he likes it at the time or not God can heal anyone. Everyone writes how they can’t change. That’s a lie, a person who truly follows Christ knows that you have to have changed heart. You can no longer be out to serve yourself. Think narcissist as a term is thrown around to much much for people who just live in their flesh. You gone do what the flesh want you to do. But when you die to yourself and pick up your
      cross and follow the guidance of the father, you WILL become a new person. People! Don’t let no one tell you otherwise tell you otherwise

    • @maureensheppard3613
      @maureensheppard3613 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Yes but the one I know keeps telling me what a good christian he is, & quotes the Bible,as he goes about destroying anyone he can use & destroy.He delights in it & shruggs it off saying we are all fallen ?? He though belives in Jesus & is going straight to Heaven.Its a mental problem. Its an evil problem as he continually thinks he can do & say whatever he wants & because of his religious beliefs (which others in that church too think) ; all they have to do on death bed is cry out to Jesus & their saved.What hyprocrisy.This gives licence to his horrible ways.Just get free of them totally if you can, or at least keep them at bay.When your the one to use & destroy ,they unleash their full rotteness on you.Not those however where they thrive on being Mr nice good guy or shiela,& will do small things to elevate their status amoungst that group,whilst gaslighting you there too.There is no good end to it.
      Their sub human cruel ,usuarious & totally for themselves & to look good in the main arena. They are callous, mercilous, stressful, dangerous,threatening dishonest -wanting everthing you have & demanding it, while they degrade you.Just plain dreadful...And costly $$$!
      They are evil. Keep clear.
      Surely they carn"t go to heaven ???

  • @swathi5773
    @swathi5773 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Cut off emotional supply. Don’t react. Disengagement from cycle of trauma, drama and chaos. Don’t let them know what you feel, they lose control. Silence is biggest weapon. Don’t justify, react to accusation, explain, fight. Stay in your control. Ideally leave to be safe else ignore.

  • @m998hmmwv7
    @m998hmmwv7 ปีที่แล้ว +25

    I enjoy smiling at them without saying a word 😂 But i also know how to physically handle them if needed.

    • @angelawilliams3361
      @angelawilliams3361 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      😂😂 yup

    • @Strawberry.leeraymartinez5829
      @Strawberry.leeraymartinez5829 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Jus watch your back ,they sneaky...

    • @m998hmmwv7
      @m998hmmwv7 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @soulTraveller144 fight them with intelligence. First figure out the problem then you will figure out how to solve it.. And most of all have no worries

  • @alejandrapoch9338
    @alejandrapoch9338 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    Thank you Danish. What a beautiful approach by going into your own body. And keeping quiet. I walked away and the narcissist followed me with rage. And when I closed my door she went crazy and I was discarded right then and there. We had been friends for 2 years and there was less and less reciprocity from her. Actually there had never been reciprocity from her side if I look back. When trying to talk things over she reacted as though I had done this only to her and she condemned it instead of trying to understand each other reactions. It all was only about her and how I had done this to her. And still raging even days later. And I got the silent treatment for months. I apologized and wanted to try again. But again her rage was just too much for absolutely nothing important (hockey carpool) and I remained calm and her rage exceeded the first time. That was the moment I didn’t react and took myself out the carpool. And I’m still getting the silent treatment but I don’t mind anymore. It’s over. No friendship anymore for me. How can someone be so seemingly loving to you, and then become so hateful of you the next. Now you have answered that question for me. Thank you.
    I have another question though, how can I not attract narcissists anymore? (I have a narcissistic family of origin)

    • @Erica-cf1xb
      @Erica-cf1xb ปีที่แล้ว

      Not sure if they won't try you, but boundaries, saying NO at the gate, resisting the devil. They are serial beggars. It's funny to them. Look past them and don't acknowledge them. After a certain amount of abuse you will know the difference between God's people who need help and the fake ones.

  • @oregoncountrygirl
    @oregoncountrygirl 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Wow I can’t tell you how I needed this video, like right now. Just had a family reunion and for first the time, think I beat my older, golden child ,Narc sister at her own game and it feels really nice!

  • @crystalcrane3722
    @crystalcrane3722 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    I really appreciate your videos. They certainly help to make some kind of sense out of the madness the narcissist puts you through. It's just so hard to stay quiet when being taunted and belittled nonstop😔

  • @EfrenRomero-i7n
    @EfrenRomero-i7n ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Thank you so much for your great advice! I've been married for 46 years and discovered my husband is a narcissist. Apparently the older they get the worse their narcissism gets.

  • @rachaelgosdin9240
    @rachaelgosdin9240 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I think your channel is some of the best advice that I've ever heard on dealing with narcissists.

  • @anishasharma20
    @anishasharma20 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    Absolutely correct you are a masterpiece in understanding a narcissist 🙏

  • @Melva-Tjong
    @Melva-Tjong ปีที่แล้ว +16

    Many thanks for sharing your example and experiences. The difference between your videos and other people’s videos is that you don’t repeat what others said as if reading a theory, but you provide your insight and practical examples which help the audiences to resonate what they have experienced so far. I had a very same experience like you but it is worse, the narc almost assaulted me because I ignored him and he can’t stand it. He then pushed me to show me of his existence but I still ignored him. I felt scared and fear of being assaulted but if he did, I would have a proof/ witnesses to take legal action against him because it happened at work. I didn’t realise what was going through his mind until I watch your video today. May God bless you.😊

  • @sonyamihaylova1433
    @sonyamihaylova1433 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    The only victory at that "game" is through Jesus Christ- all the glory is for Him! Blessings!

    • @Sean0526a
      @Sean0526a 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I don't need imaginary friends to conquer a weak narcissist.

    • @sonyamihaylova1433
      @sonyamihaylova1433 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@Sean0526a Is it!?

  • @melissawildman3425
    @melissawildman3425 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    I've done that and the level of agression gets 10 times worse..the verbal abuse reach such limits that it breaks my soul..

  • @marygabriel8800
    @marygabriel8800 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    You can not win run 🏃‍♀️ y’all run 🏃‍♀️ as fast as you can 💪🙏💯

  • @janfarman7629
    @janfarman7629 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    You are the absolute best at describing these individuals. I listen to no one else now.. you have described, over various videos exactly what I have gone through and experienced..these people, truly are evil. Thank you so much, you have made me realise it's not me..

  • @myrtenuman621
    @myrtenuman621 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    My mother accused me of being weak for wanting nothing to do with her. I was 14 when I ran away.

  • @cherylberk4593
    @cherylberk4593 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Wow! Thanks for this video because your experience exposed multiple things that have troubled me. The mumbling, talking under their breath is so common. You cant hear exactly. It is crazy making. The inability to ever say thank you from previous video is another. No wonder we feel exhausted. Saying Thanks to you is not enough bcs you actually save our sanity❤️🙏🏻❤️

  • @aparna1170
    @aparna1170 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    the 2 points resonated with me the most is they don't want their shame to be pointed out. and our comments are of no use to them. By being quiet we only kept our peace. The soul was dying inside

  • @gail6844
    @gail6844 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    My neighbor is constantly trying to trigger me. I've learned over the years about not reacting. He even uses his daughter in his charades against me. He's obviously trying to make me leave my home but I will not let him push me out. I rise above his games by ignoring and continuing to be happy in my life with my husband and the neighbor hates this.

  • @pbrocks4648
    @pbrocks4648 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I LOVE YOU DANISH, HAVE YOU BEEN NOT THERE , SO MANY LIVES COULDN'T HAVE BEEN SAVED EVER.

  • @clyndermoody4192
    @clyndermoody4192 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Awesome job on how you handled that driver. Silence has been working for me with my father, who has lived with me for ovet 20 years because i needed help with my children, and they (he and my mother were in need of housing). Now, he wants to get me to help him with my mom when he is able to do it himself. Plus,I have to work. I let him know that giving them shelter is all i can do, and i will do nothing else. Any other help down the road he has to get else where and get to know some new people which he doesn't want to do but he doesn't have any choice. He wants to argue about it, but i consistently avoid it. Narcissistic people are so ungrateful. Like you say, a bottomless pit.

  • @doityourselfbuddy8091
    @doityourselfbuddy8091 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Amazing, I was very negative before watching this video because I'm dealing with a narcissistic person in ofc and whatever I was trying, was making it worse. And everyday I feel very negative about this situation and I can't leave my job because of this. You truly gave a bestest solution.. thank you so much.

  • @RKX_Errant
    @RKX_Errant ปีที่แล้ว +10

    Excellent examples. I also appreciated that you stated that you checked in with yourself first. As often stated, it sounds easier to do than it actually is. For me, when I first applied the "no reaction" method, I did not fully understand the psychology of it. Once I saw how well it actually works, then I was able to grasp a better understanding of the whys and wherefores. However, the best part of the complete lesson is being better able to understand oneself and your own emotions and gaining a better control within oneself; mastery of the self. This is the silver lining of interactions with a narcissist.

    • @Erica-cf1xb
      @Erica-cf1xb ปีที่แล้ว +1

      They are radioactive. So non-reactive is better because that raggedy demon wants the fire back. It's a mind game with real life consequences. Very low vibrational.

  • @TraceRussell-m7h
    @TraceRussell-m7h 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Your question was very simple to him. He could have Answer the question but instead acted the way he did... nice job... You did the right thing

  • @angelahafford3658
    @angelahafford3658 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    THANK YOU ! I'm refreshed and better able to defeat my narcissist!

  • @anithamary2996
    @anithamary2996 หลายเดือนก่อน

    OMG. Im with this person for the past 5 years. Think you to open my eyes.

  • @pamnanthony4639
    @pamnanthony4639 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    You are a very bright man, you help me every day understand and respond to my narcissist properly so I can heal as I know this hopes of changing him or him getting help in zero to none which is a hard pill to swallow. You are exactly right in every situation that i have gone thru so I use your videos as a guide to for self help and lemme share you have the very best content over anyone else’s and I thank you!! I’ve educated him every day with the facts of his sickness however I know this is just temporary before his evil comes right back therefore I’m straightening my crown every day knowing I deserve better & I’ve become silent & distant which is sooo hard to do but it’s the best thing for me to do!!! Thanks ❤ blessings to you

  • @annmariekeim9553
    @annmariekeim9553 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    This was excellent. Lots of people feel that they have to respond to aggressive speech with a strong response. Not so. Keep your control.A narcissist depends on your losing it. This is one of the most important things you need to know about narcissists and taking away their abuse. They create a lot of situations to feel powerful. Don't respond, Don't personalize, Don't explain and Don't elaborate.

  • @nemani3
    @nemani3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Danish! This is so inspiring!!! This is what all in recovery need to learn! The moment that you paused, recognized, calmed yourself and took control of your own side is actually the moment that you won. The driver is insignificant, you had already won. This just makes me smile and aspire to have such clarity when the everyday moments of dealing with narcissism come up!!!

  • @maureenwilson6031
    @maureenwilson6031 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    It works. Don't take the bait. Stay silent. It's a terrible way to have to live...but some us are stuck with it.
    Helpful video....thanks.

  • @daphnewhitaker7519
    @daphnewhitaker7519 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    I love how you handled that. You have to stay in control of your emotions. That's all we have control of thank you for that testimony

  • @jahrasta4907
    @jahrasta4907 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    The cycle of drama, trauma, and chaos is real, my friend. Here's to a beautiful recovery for all of us! If we are also narcissists, then now we can be more aware and stop being so toxic!

  • @diane19456
    @diane19456 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    Thank you for your direct , concise advice. You are so good at unraveling their malevolence!

  • @mistimbida4040
    @mistimbida4040 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    This is the most succinct explanation of the way narcissists think, which is, “don’t call me out, have moral ambiguity like me, never say the thing that’s obvious…or I will make you deeply uncomfortable.” Thanks for the video!

  • @marialewis2726
    @marialewis2726 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    I’m appreciative of your teaching thank you so much❤

  • @Tlj4722
    @Tlj4722 ปีที่แล้ว

    Last part was so spot on....they do not want to be called out at all

  • @sunshinedayz2172
    @sunshinedayz2172 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Excellent advice and spot on once again. thank you Danish.👍

  • @SK43996
    @SK43996 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I recently just cut ties with a narcissist. I deleted his number and I’m avoiding him at all costs. I didn’t realize what he has been doing to me. My energy has been depleted and he’s been playing head games with me (In order to feed his ego). When I didn’t give him something he wanted he got mad and started blaming me. I didn’t want to lose the friendship so I found myself apologizing all the time and going over and beyond to show I care. Well that has backfired because now he is acting like nothing is his fault and left me feeling totally insecure and questioning everything I’ve ever said or valued. When I tried to talk to him again he just says I’m overthinking. Now after cutting ties each day I’m realizing he was never my friend and he never cared. I think he was just using me to stroke his ego 😢

  • @c.w.2234
    @c.w.2234 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    It’s called *Gray Rocking*
    My ex used to violently verbally abuse me for years. I got to the point where I stopped responding. I took back my power because I didn’t react. I stopped taking it personally because I realized this was more about him than me. I wish I had known this years before all the abuse started so aggressively. I can think all the way back to the beginning. How crazy it was! He’s a miserable little man!

  • @browniee_toca
    @browniee_toca 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    You reacted on target…I could feel and sense there demise…loosing the “battle”. So correctly expressed…thank you. I get it!!!

  • @spdadventurer1754
    @spdadventurer1754 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    I have done this some times in past with my mother, she started throwing stuff or tried to beat me , not tried she did beat me... Argument with her has been the most demonic thing ..

    • @doanhoangvan5009
      @doanhoangvan5009 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@obscurum6 Sometimes confrontations are inevitable. The "no contact" mode is just temporary escape until you gather more financial, intellectual and mental strength.

    • @doanhoangvan5009
      @doanhoangvan5009 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@obscurum6 No Contact is a good tactics but psychologically if you overuse it, it creates a negative habit which causes you to tend to escape every time you encounter signs of narcissism.

    • @doanhoangvan5009
      @doanhoangvan5009 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@obscurum6 I don’t encourage being dependent adults. I, you and every other adult can stand on our own feet. We all have inherent potential, whether we believe or not. However, many people have already escaped their narcissistic parents only to bump into similar spouses or friends. Life will force confrontation, naturally, or else you may have your loved ones do that for you at their own expense.

    • @doanhoangvan5009
      @doanhoangvan5009 ปีที่แล้ว

      There are many types of narcissists. Some are mentally and physically stronger and socially more powerful than us. They need to be avoided. Others are suffering but we can be empathetic and let them go since they have no considerable influence on our lives. There are also people who are socially and physically weak but they may be psychologically malicious and need to be careful; but quick and decisive confrontations are perfectly ok if you can outsmart them and stand firm.

  • @sudhakrishnan2138
    @sudhakrishnan2138 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Liked this very much. Your experience with the cab driver made it very clear what you were telling us to do. Thankyou . Relaxing yourself, checking yourself, was the best part.

  • @CristineTot
    @CristineTot ปีที่แล้ว +18

    Ignoring them could work. However, it does feel a bit freeing to shout at their face and throw all their lies and BS at them. My narc mother is forever playing the victim card. Then goes into rages if you don't give her what she wants or do as she say. I think karma is working on her now because she's constantly sick. That's what you get for constantly manipulating people to feel sorry for your myriad "conditions". Maybe her body finally decided to really deteriorate since she loves to pretend to be sick so much.

  • @bagampiriyal69
    @bagampiriyal69 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    The tips given are really useful to handle day to day situations with a narc

  • @seaweedeater3104
    @seaweedeater3104 ปีที่แล้ว +17

    It is very helpful to hear real life experiences and how you reacted. This helps me to see clearly where I can do the same. You did well to keep your system calm with the taxi driver. It would naturally trigger me to panic but in future I will go within, concentrate on breathing properly and staying present. So powerful 💯

  • @jodizellmer994
    @jodizellmer994 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    They absolutely hate it when they can't get the reaction from you that they want. That's why they have to create a situation by doing something they know will upset you, just so they can use your reaction. Too ignorant to realize that if they hadn't created the situation, there would've been no reaction at all. If something really bothers you, then your going to react all on your own.

  • @rupaliparikh758
    @rupaliparikh758 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Yes..! Perfect !
    I recently had guests at my place and she grabbed that opportunity to belittle and devalue me in front of them. She was saying all those false things about me and surprisingly I could keep quiet without reacting ( though with lots of efforts). On Seeing that there was no reaction from me she got restless and angrier and stared putting me down further. I calmly responded to her that it was her who think like that and not me and left the place. I was quiet surprised at myself that I was successful in not reacting to her comments. But... after couple of days she tampered my food in my lunch box which I had kept in the refrigerator at night with dirty water, which I realised the next day during my lunch time.
    In conclusion... It can turn dangerous as Danish just said. One always need to be careful when you have no choice but to live with such people.

  • @cynthiafortier2540
    @cynthiafortier2540 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Oh hi there!! This is your BEST vision yet!! Brilliant and spot on. Lord it feels so good to be free and happy!!!!

  • @MedicineGodsWay
    @MedicineGodsWay ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Someone stopped and glared at me today, too close to me, so I asked, "What are you looking at?" She went off completely! She even yelled, "Don't f--k with me!" What an over the top reaction! That's not normal! I walked away! Thankfully, a neighbor witnessed what happened and thought the other person overreacted too! She just stops and stares at people, looking catatonic, without saying anything. What is anyone supposed to do with that? I believe she's really a scared person, so she over compensates by being loud and aggressive. Walking away is the best thing I could have done!!!

    • @joanramsey4002
      @joanramsey4002 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      A male neighbour just stood a grinned at me when I was unloading the car with shopping. He said nothing, just grinned. I thought I had a wardrobe malfunction, but no, he's just a N. He also went up a ladder in his back garden and when I turned around and looked up, again he was just grinning at me from on high. Later, my husband & I caught him prowling in our back garden, we challenged him only for him to say I thought you ought to know there's a prowler in the area!
      We ignore him, but he keeps baiting us. Unknown to him we have screenshots & dirt on him. Meantime, security is set up, boundaries strengthened and neighbours are aware.

    • @reesedaniel5835
      @reesedaniel5835 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@joanramsey4002 Ha ha. He told the truth. HE IS THE PROWLER IN THE AREA....

  • @maryellenschrunk7179
    @maryellenschrunk7179 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I recently discovered you. This video is very helpful. I called out one of these sickos-Finally. Heaven knows what he claimed-but complained about ME to HR! I realize who he is and this was his effort to damage me. I can tell he has become anxious as I have been blank/silent. He is a coward with zero relationships, works to turn people against others to elevated himself. As we have his number; those in our department avoid him. Honestly, Danish, this guy looks like he will explode or implode now that his true colors are known. Thank you! Your wisdom helps me.

  • @themathsprofessor6962
    @themathsprofessor6962 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    Totally agree; she could be the narcissist. That was my very first thought when you showed the video clip. It is an extremely common tactic of a nacissist, to provoke and then record the reaction of the victim. This could have easily been a scene from my relationship with my ex narc. The previous night she would have gone out and flirted with other men in front of my face at a bar. Probably engineered a situation where we had gone home separately. I would be completely distraught at what had happened and she would be revelling in the pain she had caused me. The next day, not say a single word as an apology and then be sitting there recording everything so as to show her friends the video and continue the process of smearing me. And she just sits there doing her makeup... She's getting everything she wants. It is a cold and calculated endeavour. The man is clearly upset in this video and yet still (if you listen to his words) saying some things that aren't narcissistic. He says that to him she is ugly inside. A narcissist would say that everyone thinks you are ugly, but he doesn't. He clearly says that to other people you may not be. Indeed, I am almost certain that this is a recording of a situation that has been orchestrated by a narcissist.

    • @chris9527
      @chris9527 ปีที่แล้ว

      Bro its clear as day how entitled and immature can you be to record people's negative emotions while you do you're makeup for another man. Arguments are to be done behind closed doors because it's extremely unhealthy for the children she's obviously his narc and the voice we hear is cptsd she's wrecking his world inside our like Satan himself.

    • @UntilThenn
      @UntilThenn ปีที่แล้ว

      Agree with this take. They love to make us the monster. Like they unload their nasty self onto us, and say, "see? You're the worst. You're the problem." Then we are defeated in shame. All the more reason to be stoic and find an exit asap

    • @deborahjones4085
      @deborahjones4085 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Agree

    • @chandraadam3656
      @chandraadam3656 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I agree. Narcissist know what tactics make them seem innocent. They're fabulous actors.

  • @newjarfilms245
    @newjarfilms245 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    You have nailed it on the head. This is a lot of wisdom that I can use against narc.

  • @Sunny-q5b7x
    @Sunny-q5b7x ปีที่แล้ว +4

    I blurted out of annoying c9nnen5 and said you have one hell of a ego from hell that just won't quit , they also are aware I'm jumping in a Grey hound bus and heading way out onto a a whole new life! 2 weeks to go!!🎉🎉🎉🎉 I wear my earbuds all the time that protects my mind (shield) I have art work I'm focusing on and that gives me strong boundaries! ( energy protection) starve narcissist!! Freedom !! No emotional attachment at all , I'm a sigma empath (warriors) keep on keeping on out there! Thank you for videos!!

  • @monicarai1497
    @monicarai1497 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Absolutely. They feed off our reactions. How sad they must be. Im glad with God's grace. I've moved on. I can't imagine living like this all my life wanting to destroy people.

    • @maureensheppard3613
      @maureensheppard3613 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Yes myself too included.They happily destroy you when you help them in everyway? Bite the hand that feeds them for sure,but on every other level too?And not a word of thanks, nor a kind word?How they delight in going about their destructive paths- & fully justifying it.Too dreadful to comprehend their reasoning.Just stand clear.They are monsters.

  • @y_limit_yourself
    @y_limit_yourself 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Sir, this was the BEST VIDEO I’ve ever watched on how to deal with a narcissist. You are saving millions of peoples lives and well-being through this. Thank you

  • @JUMPforyourLIFE
    @JUMPforyourLIFE ปีที่แล้ว +16

    Narcissistic Rage is one of the most freighting experiences I have ever experienced. I was in my thirties and I had seen a lot, but the rage was terrifying since it was so sudden and extreme.

    • @reesedaniel5835
      @reesedaniel5835 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Yes its explosive, like a giant mean toddler throwing a tantrum, complete with foot stomping and throwing objects...😄

    • @JUMPforyourLIFE
      @JUMPforyourLIFE ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@reesedaniel5835 if I may also add, weapons and when I asked why she wanted to stab me she said after that she was only trying to scare me. As a trained person I know that we don’t pick up or expose our weapon unless we intend to use them. Bloody frightening. Thank you for your reply.

  • @awakeningEmpath
    @awakeningEmpath ปีที่แล้ว +1

    great example of narc rage, they fly off the handle at the slightest scrutiny, it’s not easy practising stoic silence when you are dealing with an overgrown toddler but afterwards you get a power surge like no other, cos YOU WON

  • @lindseyw2791
    @lindseyw2791 ปีที่แล้ว +27

    Impossible to do when it’s a child you gave birth to and chooses to behave the same way their narcissistic father is and has manipulated them into. The ‘child’ is now 40. Lies to your face and behaves with intense cruelty

    • @lindseyw2791
      @lindseyw2791 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @@obscurum6 if only it was that simple. My contact is extremely limited but she uses others to continue with the cruelty while playing the victim. It was easy to do that with her father, all feelings were killed by him.

    • @hannahhughes4801
      @hannahhughes4801 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      I'm afraid my 14 year old has his narcs way too, everyday I try my best to teach him right from wrong, luckily he doesnot spend a lot of time with his narc dad ❤

    • @JustMe-uu3bh
      @JustMe-uu3bh ปีที่แล้ว +4

      it is too late because they are a fully grown adult and choosing to make their own choices. if we take responsibility for our own part in having helped create where we find ourselves will help us to grow and heal. we just have to learn from our experiences to avoid having to going thru it again. we all make mistakes in life, taking responsibility is how we learn. I had to do this to wake up. God bless us.

    • @cherylberk4593
      @cherylberk4593 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      It is hard to do, very painful but you MUST go NO Contact. If you put up with this behavior from a 40 year old it will only get worse. This is NOT your fault. This is an adult abusing you. Go no cntact!

    • @g.s.632
      @g.s.632 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@hannahhughes4801 Don't give up !!!!!! 14 years old is still very very young :) You've got this.

  • @raquelmurillo8791
    @raquelmurillo8791 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    It's your anger,fear, insecurities that feed their GRANDIOSITY and it EMPOWERS them. I learned to stop doing that, it really ate him up when I didn't respond with anger, I wasn't afraid....when I finely told him, if you wanted to kick me,when I was down ...You should have prayed, that I didn't get up...I am not the same person,that you manipulated and wanted total control of...your words are meaningless to Me...I know,I can be happy without you I survived, I'm a Warrior, I deserve better, I love myself...unlike you ... I know you ...will Always be an angry, miserable person. and a coward...no matter what, that's what you've chosen...own it

  • @mainamaseeti
    @mainamaseeti 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I had no idea my parent was a narcissisit till a couple weeks ago!! I had started watching all this YT videos in an attempting to decipher the personality of some one I was doing business with. interactions with another. My parent would have these rages with several layers of complexity that got more intense the older I became...I knew there was something wrong but not what!, I instinctively practiced most of the techniques to counter narcissim, particularly what I have seen being refered to as 'no contact'. I tell you I suffered all the levels and forms of punishments!!
    Thank you bro for posting

  • @sisterlavender1188
    @sisterlavender1188 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Omg thank you for mentioning how it puts our life in danger to not react to their bs! It's nuts that no one mentions this! Just stay tf away away from them.