In my case, my mother was already walking in my room at midnight, as I was a kid, also when I had to get up early to school. Later, she was exactly then always texting between 12 Midnight and 1 am and dare me, if I did not answer immediately, no matter, what I had to do the next day in the morning. I broke up the contact two years ago, because I could not bare it anymore. Only one, of many things she did. What was it about? The TV of the neighbour was too loud. I am originally from Austria, but moved in 2017 to the Republic of Ireland. I got a job there and was glad to be as far away from Austria I could. She still managed to terrorise me, until I blocked her completely!
@@shireencassam4206 Unfortunately and yes, I also can only see them as Demons. I slowly start up to "breath again", it was like, I would have something around me (a ring or so), which was made more and more tight, until I hardly could breath. All the best for you. ❤
1. They will hang up on you when you give them a narcissistic injury. 2. They make weird noises, have side conversations, don't listen, play music etc. during the call. 3. They will appear and disappear during the call. 4. They talk talk talk at you and don't listen. It's all about them 5. They will incessantly call when they know you have an important call or meeting.
Mine would call and call and call, when I didn't answer he would arrive at my workplace. Ending a disagreement was also fun. He would follow me around to natter, complain about how I didn't support him and would totally gaslight me. He would play the victim-- poor me, I'm adopted. A horrible, misogynistic, narcissistic human being. He called me about 7 yrs after we split up. He had had a major heart attack and had gone through major surgery. He was looking for sympathy. He told me he was living with a woman. I said, "of course you are." His response was, "it's the least I could do, she saved my life." After a few more comments on his part I said to him, "huh, well take care, don't call me again, ever." and hung up on him. It was an empowering experience to say the least.
My mother would call over and over and over again instead of leaving a voicemail. Serial calling which irritated me. When I finally called her back, she lectured me on not answering my phone
2. About 5 years ago, a person I had been friends with for 20 years began multitasking whenever we spoke on the phone. For example, she'd be cooking, often dropping pots and pans in the background, or watching youtube videos, or be private messaging other people in chat rooms while trying speak with me on the phone. This behavior caused me to feel disrespected, invalidated, and as if she didn't want to make time for our friendship any more. I realized she didn't value interacting with me, and it felt like she had stopped prioritizing our relationship. Eventually, I stopped reaching out to her. I don't pursue people who show no interest in being there for me, and who can't bother to listen, as if what I have to say doesn't matter, and is boring them. I have zero patience for a lopsided relationship. I expect the give and take present in a healthier friendship dynamic.
I don't pick up half the time either. My time is more important and I don't want to hear the drama. You're protecting yourself and there's nothing wrong with it❤
It's not scary, a person who has dealt with two narc parents just like me know all the little details of a.narc, even if it's not their love partners. Plus Danish is a professional
It's scary how MANY people say the same thing! But it's TRUE! I'm hoping to be free someday. Been married 24 years, he's a monster. Happy to hear that you got away!
Unfortuately with narcissists you have to reach the point when you no longer fear the relationship ending. Even if it's your parent. Until then they'll always be in control.
Holy fuck. This is so true. My ex once gave a very traumatic road trip to me. Driving above boulders, imbalanced state of car, stopping in the middle of the road to get attention. I still can't believe why i could not leave him right after that moment!!
It is very interesting because when you examine the behavior of a narcissist and break it down, there are startling similarities. They are easy to see once you are awakened.
My radar is always on, now that I've been involved w/narcs. My 2 sisters, my former close friends, my ex- fiancee; these freaks are everywhere, they walk among us. They feed on you, like emotional vampires.
They call to dump their energy on you, throw a tantrum, blame shift, be a victim and hung up the phone before you say anything! They can’t carry a conversation. If you confront the line disconnects!
After listening patiently to them for minutes at a time without interruption, if I then dare start talking about myself for a few seconds sometimes even having to talk over their bragging just to say a simple thing, they say "I gotta go", then I say ok I better let you go...and then 30 sec later they still haven't gone and have steered the call right back to talking about themselves for another 30mins plus. They have no shame, they seem to do it without any effort or guilt, the shear arrogance is unbelievable! I'm too nice, and I think they know it and take advantage of it.
You were not weak, we have all tried to placate them in numerous ways one because we could never have imagined somebody who supposedly loved us was out to destroy us
My ex has always had to have the last say, I told him months ago we are done. through phone calls texts etc. He texted me the other day with personal avatars and the last one was I am doing better without you Good Bye..lol😂
@@gigidayz6936 they are blind to anything beyond self...bottomless pit..or probably full of venomous slithering snakes there ..rotting at the bottom of their dirty minds
Yes you're not lying my dad lives in Texas and every year me and my husband and kids go visit him it seems like he always start a big argument when I'm on my way to see my dad so my energy will be bad when I get there it became like a pattern then when we get there he acts like everything is good he wants to take over the conversation I like to play oldies that my dad like he wants to control the music he wants to control everything I am 43 years old and just now learning about narcissism I wish I knew this 14 years ago I literally just put him out last night so it's fresh and hard for me we have two kids I need God to give me the strength😢
After 940 days of no contact with my ex wife , low and behold I get a text to call her which I ignored, next day same thing a text to call her again same response finally third day in a row she calls me one ring and hangs up , needless to say I ignored it , don’t need to hear anything she has to say , I am the phoenix
I am the one who hangs up on the narcissist. I do this because I can only take so much of the non-stop talking. I will also stay quiet and multitask on other things. When he notices that I am quiet, he will ask, "oh is there anything you have to say or add"? My response is no, or I'll say something like, since you like to talk for the both of us, go for it. He can't take the silence and then he will say "ok, we'll talk later. The cycle repeats with baiting, devaluing, discard. I am so ready for this divorce to be finalized.
Exactly. And I let him know I'm going to need to end the conversation if he continues being abusive. I'm not going to listen to abuse. I've ended the friendship at this point.
My dad is a narcissist, last time my sister ignored his phone call because we were in the car, he called back and threatened to run through our house and stab us all. We're all kids btw
After finally moving out on my own hanging up on the narc was one of my most freeing moments then cutting all ties was the ultimate freedom. 19 years now and still healing.
The distraction technique is certainly a weird one: the narcissist rings you up and you imagine that there will be some sort of exchange. But, typically, she is walking home from work, or out and about somewhere, and the point is to use you as an audience for the next 20 minutes of her life: talking to shop assistants, reacting to funny dogs, listening in to some street musician etc etc An authentic conversation is the last thing on her agenda. I'm glad to say such phone calls are now a thing of the past. I find whatsapp very useful, A brief, written message every few weeks avoids the otherwise rather drastic remedy of stopping all contact. Thanks for this post: I've found it very helpful!
Another one I have experienced quite a bit over the years: They say things completely unrelated to what you have said to them because at their end they have people with them and they want to make you sound unreasonable/crazy. So it sounds to their audience like a totally different conversation from the one you are trying to have with them.
Number 5. All the time, particularly if I am in a meeting. One time while I was on vacation, my apartment was broken into and ransacked. He called while I was talking to the police. I told him what happened and that I couldn't talk but would call him later, the police were at my house. He wouldn't stop calling. Finally, I just shut my cell phone off till after I had dealt with the police and filed a report. There is one other thing that they do - they call for some information which you have to look up. You say, "I'll call you right back". When you try and call with the information they wanted - they don't answer the phone.
All true, and I have one more. How about they only call when they are doing something else like walking or driving because they have to be multi-tasking? They don’t want to give you undivided attention, ever. This used to happen all the time and I always wondered why this person never called me from home. Now I understand.
OMG!!! This was every phone call I had with my daughter. I haven’t seen or talk to her for two years. The peace I am feeling now is indescribable. Thank you so much for your videos!
My son, my only child did the same to me. He died 2 yrs ago from lifestyle. My pain is indescribable of losing him, but also God has been watching and gave me peace.
My goodness you're 100% right!! The minute they call u have to prepare yourself mentally for the games they play, they love hanging up on u to annoy you,plus they want you to call them back
Talking at me: Zero patience for listening. This is my mom. Literally everything is about her. She talks incessantly, doesn’t even pause for me to speak. If I call her and mention anything I’m going through (recently cancer, chemo, multiple surgeries, death of my son), she completely ignores me and immediately starts talking about herself and what she’s going through, which are little minor things that everyone deals with day to day. She talks and talks and every subject turns into another, and another, on and on she rambles. My problems are not even acknowledged. Forget any support or encouragement, they’re not even acknowledged. She calls people to talk, not to have a conversation.
I’m sorry that you were raised by that woman. My mom was a narcissist too. When I was little and people would tell her how pretty they thought that I was, she would say, “Of course she is! Look at her mother!” My parents treated me horribly. I was a straight A student but never an acknowledgement. But when their friends came to visit they would tell them about my grades and say, “I guess we are great parents! Look how well she turned out!” I couldn’t get away from them fast enough. I left at 17 and never went back. THAT’s how great of parents they were.
When my husband of 40 years passed away, I called my brother to tell him. I was a mess and needed some emotional support. He changed the subject within 2 minutes back to himself. If that weren’t bad enough, I didn’t hear from him for four months. He let me grieve all alone. When he does finally call, it’s to ask me if my husband had left him anything in his Will. I was so happy to say no. Haven’t spoken with him since.
Yep. My mother talks nonstop about herself. The same stories over and over. I can put the phone down and walk away , and I have. Also she gets mad if I tell her that I already heard that, or I don't want to hear the inappropriate story again. Lol
@@probi99 I have to take him in small doses, because he is toxic. If for nothing else, our brothers have taught us how to recognize a narcissist so that we don’t make that mistake in the future with a life partner, you know? LOL!
❤ Thank you for your talk today on Hanging up. My Mother was a Covert Narcissist and since my Dad died when I was 3, there was no adult to protect me. She was smart and abused me emotionally, neglected me & blamed me. So I married another Covert Narcissist and suffered worse abuse. His favorite way of hurting me is to hang up on me, saying “I don’t want to talk to you anymore- bang! I’m the person who is faithful, and I discovered he has another woman he won’t give up. I want out, but the physical damage done to my body through all this stress has caused me to have to quit my job as a nurse and I’m on disability. I’m trying to get well enough to work because right now I can’t make my financial obligations without his help. I would be glad to pay you to talk to me if you have any ideas on what I can do to get away from him. we’ve been married almost 5 years. I know I can’t bear this much longer and I’m trying to work my way out of this. Thank you, Teri.
This intriguing video serves as a poignant reminder of the heartache I've been enduring since my 7 year relationship came to an end 4 months ago. My cherished partner, the love of my life, made the difficult decision to part ways, leaving me consumed by thoughts of him. Despite my earnest attempts to win him back, I find myself facing frustration and an overwhelming sense of emptiness, unable to envision a life without his presence. Despite my efforts to move on, I'm compelled to confess my lingering feelings and longing for him here.
The process of releasing a loved one can be an uphill battle. I can relate, having navigated a similar journey when my 8 year relationship dissolved. Despite the heartache, I refused to relinquish hope and embarked on a quest to win him back. Turning to a spiritual counselor for assistance, I found guidance that ultimately led to our reconciliation.
I am sooo grateful for your videos... I am just now realizing that my son is a worse version of narcissist. I am heartbroken, 💔 (as he is my only child and I went through hell in an abusive marriage with his father), but will not let him hold me his hostage. He does absolutely every single thing explained in this video. I am so overwhelmed by his abuse and arrogance... I am now planning on moving back to Europe and just leaving him here in the US. I need break and healing. Over the years of such abuse, I lost my physical and mental health because of him. I lost myself... 😢💔
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
Okay hear me out. I don't think the guy was a narc. It sounds to me, he didn't have a committed relationship and he got what was easy. Or, big or. He saw the weak gazelle on the African safari, and his lion instincts kicked in. Dude was just tryna eat 😅, it's a drought out here for normal guys. 😂😂😂😂 I got my own narc story too, I think most ppl do. I'm curious, what's everyone else's story?
Before cutting off a former friend, I could put the phone down for a while and he's still would still be talking. When I would try to re-enter the conversation, he would shift his tone and bring up the "important" issues of his conversation. I then could put the phone down so he could talk to himself about himself again.
I've just walked off and left the phone unannounced, gone to the kitchen to get food 🍔, come back and they're still talking to themselves 👀 Then pick up phone and say a random "yeah wow" whilst they're still going on about whatever as I eat food...
@@ladyjadelindiakids cut their selves off ,just becuz you share DNA with someone doesn't mean you should bow down to being abused by them defunded by them and harmed. By them sometimes distance is BEST you must have boundries especially with family that thinks family relations means you have to tolerate their unkind abusive behaviors
Narcissistic Ex used to take me shopping as someone with Agoraphobia and leave me in the supermarket causing me to go into a panic attack. He used to be on calls to me in town and then say hi to random strangers in the street whilst on the phone, he would sometimes just hang up mid conversation to go and speak to someone else and even new supply he had ‘bumped into’ whilst on the phone to me. My narc friend at the time used to walk around distracting herself and was always doing something whilst on the phone to me, she’d ring me and then start doing things crashing about being weird. I dumped both their butts and moved on! 😂
My sister is always banging around when we're on the phone. I have hyperacusis, so background noise is extremely painful to my ears. When I mention the noise, as carefully as possible, she snaps at me, "I'm not doing anything!!!" I tell her it sounds like she's demolishing a building because of my condition. She then tells me she can't talk very long. She always thinks she's the busiest person in the world.
@@katherineverret3143 I'm sorry to hear that. I know it is actually physically painful for you. It's strange, I can listen to fairly loud music and am fine, but certain sounds, and phones cause me to climb the walls.
I noticed my cousin does that, you will be on the call with her and she hardly listened and makes funny side distractions or talk with other people 😂wooohooo
went sealife center lol he went toilet and i waited outside, then my daughter said she needs a wee after he already walked in. (he knew my phone battrey was low btw as i couldnt take pictures) i popped in quickly hoping he assunes weve gone toilet to (cubicles are right next door) i come out he was missing goneeeee , goneeeee lol i rang n rang n rang said line busy when i found him he was on the phone walking out sea life center talking to another girl. like wdffff then threaten me in the car..... it was to much way to much like....
I used to hang up on my narcissistic father in law. Frequently. I refuse to be spoken to like I am lower than another. He told everyone in the family how rude I was but failed to tell them why I hung up on him. This encouraged the family to treat me terrible and blame me. When I tried to explain how he was treating me, this is what I heard: “You know he only cares about you, wants the best for you”. Really? By telling me every decision is wrong, I should listen to him, obviously I do not know what I am doing? Then turning around and encouraging gang stalking against me? Yeah. He wanted the best for me.
I hung up on dad when he was insulting me, he got so angry lol, how dare I hang up while being insulted. They have reactions sometimes that you can't believe are real, like straight out of a movie. Sadly in some cases it might be just that, my brother once said he learned how to socialize by watching Friends because of the lack of connection within our family. I understand that, being his sister and all. But friggin Friends, really? They weren't even nice to each other, it was constant sarcasm.. from one mindfk into the other. He tried tho lol, he was aware.
We MUST find and open ONLY WITHIN OUR PACK, not with our abusers. Definitely our pack are all those who went through our same kind of...torture... Sending hugs
My father was a toxic narcissist - drove so many to death and suicide - my brother, my sister-in-law, my mother. He made me very sick with a heart condition due to chronic stress and anxiety and my older brother into a becoming a total recluse from society.
Wow… I am so sorry. That is truly awful. I am glad you are still here and I pray you will be healed from all that trauma and that you get to have joy and peace and real love in your life ❤
Thank you, all. I survived only because I was the youngest and not directly targeted. The others who challenged him were like my mom - honest and straightforward, no match to his cunning, never understanding where he was coming from. He recruited my mom's own birth family against her. My brother assures me that in human society narcissism is the norm. This is borne out by the state of the world as it has always been. Today we have the knowledge but whether we can escape from the narcissists in our lives is another matter. Because many may find themselves truly trapped, especially in a marital situation for women who may be the victims of financial abuse as well, and so dependant on the narcissist, who - GET THIS - very often finds the law also to be on his side!
I watch all your videos. I grew up with a malignant narcissist mother and a covert narcissist father. The telephone habits of my parents were like any other conversations we had. It was all about them and I didn’t matter. I worked shift work and couldn’t turn my phone off because I worked in emergency services and was often on call. They made a point of calling when I was trying to get some sleep. They said I was lazy for sleeping during the day even if I had just worked a very busy twelve hour night shift and was going to work another one in a couple of hours. They have both passed away and I tell a lie when people ask me if I miss them. I tell them I do, but the truth is, it’s a great relief not to deal with them any more. Thank you for your videos. I don’t feel so crazy or alone anymore.
@@chris-b thank you. The phone calls were one aspect of their narcissistic behavior. I wish I’d known then what I know now. I’m grateful to Danish and his videos.
@@teresasmith4383 that one aspect speaks a lot about all the other aspects without you telling them. After all they all are the same. A bunch of soulless people.
My junior year in college, I had evening final exams one term, and I had to be out of my dorm room that same night because the college was starting renovations on the building the next morning. I arrived home exhausted at 2:00 am after a long drive. My narc father was in my basement room at 7:30 a.m. angrily demanding that I get up. When I told him that I had late finals and asked why he was doing this, his answer was, "I JUST THINK YOU SHOULD BE UP!" and then marched back upstairs to go to work. Sleep deprivation is yet another tool used to control others around them.
I may hope so they will be punished hard👍👍mean evil people!! The problem nowadays: Everywhere where you are with a small or medium big group of people, there is very often at least one person with a real narcissistic personality disorder and often also one or two persons with clear traits of narcissism. Nowadays it's a big puzzle to only go along with not toxic and not narcissistic people. It's searching to create such a healthy group. I hope in future it will get better, but i'm worried.
Yep! Last night ! Hang up in the middle of a conversation that they called and started!!! I’d said “ Thanks, but I’ve already done that,” and instead of a normal “Oh that’s great! Thanks!” I got grumbling name calling and a hang up. It was no big deal, the situation. I am now proud of myself for not calling back and ask why!!
They take everything as an insult, while always looking for ways to insult you. I'm under constant criticism and it's gotten to the point I don't give a flip or even try to please him anymore.
100% he is spiritually guided, i resonate with him when he said he was a dedicated kid towards God just to find some.peace, same thing happened to me, I followed the path towards God cz there was nothing to hold on to with narc parents
My ex-husband would listen to my phone calls. It didn't matter if they were personal calls with family or friends, or if they were work related calls. He would either interrupt me and tell me what to say to the person or he would criticize me after the call. He would say "that was so unprofessional or your mother calls too much and is crazy". I would try to leave the house and talk to people outside. Then he would tell me I am hiding things or I don't want him to know what I'm talking to people about. On the flip side, I always listened to his calls because that was the only way I could find out what was going on. He would never communicate with me, so I had to listen to what he told other people to learn about what plans were being made or what I might need to prepare for. So very irritating.
I’ve experienced being in the presence of someone. ( like being with them in the car) it was all fine and dandy when they were on the phone.. talking loudly and laughing and they would talk through the car speakers.. or if they wanted to make it seem like they were having an important call, they would take it off speaker and talk with the phone to ear. If I had something to say, like to tell them they are making the wrong turn.. they will wave me off to be quiet. I would have wait until they were done….. If I’m on the phone in their presence, they act irritated like I’m being rude or they will straight up ask me who am I talking to.. I used to just answer and they would then interject themselves in my conversation, trying to say hello to the person I’m talking to. Now, I ignore the question and they will now, yell out random names to try and get me to say who I’m talking to.. I just say “no” and keep talking.. when that doesn’t work, they will turn the radio up so loudly, that I have to close off one ear to hear the person… then finally, I can’t hear at all and will have to hang up quickly The other thing they do is to ask loudly what I said over and over again to interrupt…I’ll have to say,” I’m not talking to you…” … (let’s say someone else is in the car) they will claim that I am disturbing them and the other person’s conversation…if that doesn’t get me off the phone, they will call someone, talk to them through the car speaker.. and then exclaim the I am distracting them from their conversation…. They’ll also try and listen in ( like your ex- husband did to you) to tell me what I should and shouldn’t say… I’m never on the phone long, because I know I can’t speak freely; when I am it’s a circus. When there are no phone calls no distractions .. they will call someone to keep from having to talk to me.😂.
Over the years my wife has been verbally abusive and physically abusive towards me if she gets mad she will break my things,she has cheated on me but never wants to talk about it lately if I try to tell her how I feel she gets mad and start yelling so I’ll hang the phone up am I wrong for hanging up? I’m learning that she could be a narcissist. If I try to hold her accountable she cries and say I’m attacking her her and that I’m the narcissist, I’m on blood pressure medication now and my head always hurting I’m tired and feel like all my energy is gone, my sleep is off. The worst thing is I have to keep my feelings to myself or it becomes a big argument. When we met 17 years ago she told me that she prayed to God for a man like me thst would love her and her son who was a year old at the time she treated me so good that I was like yes this the one but later on she started talking about me and saying things that really cut my spirit but I had fell in love with her then we had a son and that really made me want to make it work. In the past 17 years I have been through so much that I can’t name all of it. The bad part is my family and friends really love her they tell me that I’m blessed to have her but not knowing the things the kids and I go through. I’m sorry for rambling but as I started typing it started coming out. I need help I have no one to talk too some times I feel like I’m dying inside.
😮😢 Your children are seeing and feeling you suffering. For your own health and safety of your children, you could maybe consider moving out to a peaceful place. It is hard but so worth it ! Prepare everything quietly and have evidence on how bad she is treating you just in case. It's not fair on you. Your children will be proud of you and you will be proud of yourself.
I'm sorry that's awful that she's treating you so badly 😔 I wouldn't feel bad for hanging up if she is shouting at you, or belittling you. You don't deserve that. I'd like to say maybe she will learn to have some respect but I don't know how likely that is.
Sounds a lot like the marriage I just got out of. The best u can do is quietly create an escape route and execute. It sounds like ur kids are older so talk it out with them to see where they stand on the subject and make ur decision. What I will say is: it’s gonna be difficult, but stay the course. Ur peace and ur health are worth more than whatever she can give/offer. If necessary, block her and do ur best to avoid contact unless it’s about the kids. An extra piece of advice: get therapy from the trauma u endured, it’s definitely worth it.
Please take advice given by the beautiful souls here. Staying longer and deteriorating even further.. not worth it. Get out and go on the journey of self-healing.
They also like to call you from a car, which drives me crazy because they then can come up with a million sudden excuses to hang up on you and/or keep the call short. They love calljng you from a car, dropping shit in your head, then getting off the phone. They will also call you from a car to help them kill time. I had one friend, now an ex-friend, who when I was in the devalue phase use to call me while she was in line at the drive-through waiting for her food. I also always got a call from heron my birthday usually around 6 pm, the time most people are NEVER home on their birthday. A phone is a weapon to a narcissist.
Absolutley. My ex called me, started talking and when I wanted to say something he had to stop at the gasstation. I was ' But you called me, so what the ...?'. They steel my time but no more🎉
With him it was always him who will talk...i just have to listen and when he finished he cut the line without listening to me...this always left me confused scratching my head 😕
A friend of mine constantly starts looking around and smiles to passing strangers or has a big bout of yawning when its my turn to talk,a lot of this ties in with my suspicions he could be a narc,ive known him for years but this is an eye-opener
I made it only so far. I went total NO CONTACT FOREVER just one year ago with my mother. This is bringing back the memories of the horrifying calls from her. I must leave now. BUT I understand totally about the "PHONE CALLS" I will never be in the same room with my mother ever again. Not even if she's dead......very horrible trying to please a narcissist bc it's impossible. A narcissist parent never did, never will love you. NEVER !!!!!
He will call me so many times non stop , if he picking me up he will call many times I’m outside , I’m outside , I’m out side . He is very impatient and will say why you don’t answer your phone . He already knew why .
Mine will send me msg after msg, if I don't respond fast enough he'll start calling both on viber and normal phone, lol as if that makes a difference. If I don't pick up then its "ok I'm coming over". Cuz he's "worried". About fkng what exactly??? Me having a life? Its intteresting that my dad's side of the family does it "cuz they're worried" while my mom's side does exactly the same, but when I don't respond fast enough then its "if you're angry at me just say so, we never have to talk again". Tf is wrong with all of them lol...well we know. My mom's side have this covert version, dad's is full blown "open" npd.
@@illyria7756I was wondering what the heck was up with the frantic calling when I don't answer the phone when they think meaning my x and my daughter cuz they "worry"?! Humm... I'm thinking about what exactly.?
@@laurac.9322 yes! It's so weird right, I'm glad I'm not the only one, thank you so much. I think they pretend to worry, cuz worrying is an accepted excuse (for bothering someone) plus it makes them look good. And if you tell others about it, like I have, people react like "aw, he's just worried, he cares", they don't sense the undertone. So its good for the narcs image while it hides their true intentions, which I think, is to have total control over us. These are just my impressions of my own family members ofc. I only recently realised it's full blown npd in the family I grew up in, I knew there was narcicism but not the full extent of it. It explained every single detail, why I am the way I am. It's not fkng me, like they've been saying all my life, its them. Excuse my long reply, am still working through all of it and honestly I am fully isolated, I have 0 people to talk to.
Yes they message a lot and call you repeatedly if you don't answer! My sis always says that my phone doesn't work. She thinks I only speak on the phone..I work! Or might be busy..if you call her she answers you after hours or says she difn't see the message...and yes it's all about her. I'm done 😢.
So true! They listen to respond rather than listen to understand. Super frustrating when at work and need their approval. We refer to our co-worker as a seagull….flies in squawking, craps on everything, & flies out squawking leaving a mess for everyone else to fix and/or clean up.
Interesting... In my case it's the inconsistency. Total absence, ignorance and all of a sudden a reappearance (ghost like ! That was an interesting analogy...) they come to haunt actually but all smile all nice, but the moment you dontn go their way of don't feed their grsndiisity... They become the victim, you are trapped... Horrible
Danish-I have been a long time subscriber. I am a survivor of a Narc Mother and have been no contact for almost 10 years now. I just wanted to say-you are a dear man 💕 Every time I imagine what your childhood must have been like, I cry. But you are strong and are now helping others with your insight and gifts. I’m old enough to be your mother so let me just say “Son, you are loved. 🥰 Thank you for being who you are. Keep letting your light shine. You are a blessing to many!” May you continue to heal as you are helping us heal!!! ❤
Honestly, this is one of the best channels regarding exposure of NPD. This "ghost appearance" is exavtly what happend 3 months ago, the principal of a school. Trying to achieve her goals via flying monkeys. Not via phonecall but email. Her flying monkey added her as a CC
Perfect description of my relationship with my daughter. I have spent years wondering what I have done wrong and feeling that I have not done enough for her. We communicate mainly via telephone calls (frequency controlled by her) and there are subjects I am not allowed to talk about and I always feel that I am walking on eggshells. I try not to call her too often as she says she is very busy so I leave it around 3 weeks then send a text to see if she is ok. Sometimes I get a reply and sometimes not. She visits me once every 4 to 5 years and refuses the offer to stay in my home. We had a recent disagreement and she has now decided to cut contact with me. I am sad about it but realise that this is probably for the best so I can get off the emotional roller coaster.
LOL. Well already told this person all the highlights about how I was the obvious smart intelligent fun and dangerously beautiful humble super christian and everyone loves me. I don't want to hear about your mundane nothing life, I'll just vaccuum until we can go back to talking about MEMEMMEMEMEMEEEEEEEEEEEEE. After all, its very thoughtful of me to listen to you drone on about these idiotic problems you get yourself into, Jesus will think I'm such a great person for this. I dont make mistakes though, thats why everyone loves me and if you just listened to my advice your life would be so much better. Albeit my advice would ruin your life but honestly, who are you to need a big existence? Little ant farm people like you need a good humbling. Maybe I'll walk out to the mailbox and see if anyone is outside I can share my highlight reel with while youre talking. I mean I hate the negativity, I would just rather talk about positive things. Thats why I am a breath of fresh air to everyone in my life and they are all dying to get a piece of meeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
My narc sister used to call me from her car on her way home from work (in crazy traffic) just to brag about herself. Then she'd pretend to be interested in me. Once the topic turned to me she'd quickly say she had to go. I finally refused to answer her calls when I knew she was driving home from work.
Lord, this is so familiar. I'm currently undergoing treatment for cancer. At my last chemo, I suddenly had an allergic reaction to one of the 3 chemo drugs. I had had 2 other rounds previously without any bad reaction at the time, but this time, my lungs shut completely down. I couldn't draw a single breath for about 4 minutes while my amazing medical team gave me oxygen, steroid and benadryl injections into my port which corrected the reaction. The whole time, I had to be supernaturally calm and still and let my freaked out eyes speak for me with my rn bc the only thought I had was if I broadcast that I'm in trouble, he will make this about him and potentially hurt my team. 5 mins after I had recovered, with the drip now slowed down for safety & monitoring, he started loudly complaining about how LONG it was now taking & that we'd be there for 12 hrs at this rate. I had to apologize for nearly dieing and wasting his time. In front of my team.
The difference between me and you I can't leave or feel like I can't leave gotta be there for my mom I feel but at the same time dealing with good old step papa the enemy in disguise
@biarlahhaih We were in a large open floor plan, separated only by curtains, with around 2 dozen other cancer patients undergoing their own treatments within hearing distance. They could hear him. They shouldn't have had to. They were going through enough. IF I "accepted all blame" for the delay, then he would be satisfied for a time and shut the fuck up. Had I told him his behavior was beyond disgusting and upsetting seriously ill patients and their caretakers, (many of whom were around the ages of our children and so would NEVER be seen as "authority figures" in his eyes and the longer/louder his complaints went on there was the chance one of them would try to interrupted him or call security and someone could get hurt) then he would've seen his behavior as "justified" bc I had "challenged" him and everyone would've paid a price. I'm his partner of 16 years, and he wasn't satisfied until I APOLOGIZED FOR ACTIVELY TRYING TO DIE. Use your imagination to extrapolate what he would do/say/and how to complete strangers-either weak/sick or "children" in his eyes-had I said "Shut UP, you whiney little child and look around you. Read the room." He has npd. I know this. He knows this. He doesn't believe it but acknowledges that many of his behaviors fit the definitions of the disorder. It's taken 16 yrs to get that far. In that moment, where I stopped passively dying and gave actively dying a go, it triggered all of his abandonment issues. This was something he, himself, with all of his knowledge and skills, could. not. control. Or fix. He was scared. And he couldn't control that either. For him, that's a sign of weakness, not millions of years of evolution. What he COULD control was projecting anger, punishing all who he saw as making him feel fear, and was finally accepting of a "sacrifice " laid at the alter of his ego. Me. The one he was afraid because of. Not bc of what was happening TO me, but bc of how my dying would impact HIM. Normally, I can console, tease, joke, or even mildly shame him out of a situation where he attacks, BECAUSE on some level he fucking knows what he's doing is fucked up, but given the circumstances, I didn't have the energy/resources within me to do it. The tap was dry. So we both defaulted back to stereotype. It was shorthand. It ended the bitching. Three days later, removed from the situation, we discussed it. Had I attempted to say everything I needed
Our household phone was next to his chair. While we (family members calling friends or recieving a call)would be speaking he would mime putting the phone down,or he would talk to us loudly when we were trying to talk to the caller. If my mum wants to phone me ON HER OWN MOBILE she has to go out to the garden while he is napping.
Today a “friend” texted “I hate when people hang up on me!” I haven’t responded to his 5 attempts at getting me to respond. I don’t want to talk with someone who’s drunk and over talking. He actually texted me “I didn’t diss you”. I haven’t done anything but stop responding to him. Dunzo with that behavior.
God Bless your wisdom!!! My soon to be ex husband would hang up on me all the time ! One time I literally just called to ask for prayer.(I am a Christian) that is all I wanted. Prayer. He hung up. When we were fully married before our separation he never ever ever called me, I would call him dozens of times. How do you not answer your wife??? But you have time all day to talk to other people and scroll social media. I was in the hospital once and he didn't answer and I guess he read the text that I was in the hospital, but he didn't come to the hospital. Because he was too busy doing his laundry. I rarely speak to him and when I do, it's just a reminder of "oh! Yup. This is why you requested a divorce!" I know it is hard to disengage, I personally empathize with anyone struggling to go no contact. But they aren't thinking abot you. They are not. I'm happy, I don't spend much time at all thinking of him. It is so freeing. It is like this cloak of invisible dread has heen taken off my body. So liberating. Whenever you are ready, you will experience the same freedom too I hope. But that your time this is a hard and complex situation for everyone. Survivor and beloved you are strong!!!❤
Would this count? While I don't think my dad is a narcissist, I do remember plenty of times growing up when he would answer a call or make a call on the kitchen phone, then talk in the living room or kitchen while the tv was on and ask or demand the tv volume lowered if me or someone else was watching. Rather than talk in a completely different room that was quiet. It's as though he did this on purpose. I would think any normal person would logically want to go where it's less quiet without bothering anyone else. I can imagine narcissists purposely being in a noisy room to be controlling or manipulative.
That's the Narcissist's playground, Controlling and Manipulation. They really do lack common sense! Even a child Knew the correct answer to this problem. That's how you know that what they are doing to you, on purpose, isn't right. Always blame others and never look in the mirror for a self evaluation. The whole world is wrong and the Narcissist is right...Always! Another clue.
I'm so sorry your mother treated you that way. I wish when I was younger I healed myself from the terrible pain my narcissist family inflicted on me instead of trying to work things out and find solutions so they could still be a part of my life. What a huge regret I feel for doing this but if I didn't I wouldn't truly understand why you need to ALWAYS put yourself first when you're dealing with narcissists. I don't talk to my family anymore. Last time my dad called me he was being really friendly and saying he wants to come visit but I could hear the hate and anger in his voice. Like you said, it's an act just to worm back in. I feel broken from what I've been through but I focus on myself and my life now.
Thank you. This is reassuring for me as it did take some time for me to realize that I was dealing with a narcissist I did eventually realize it. I am so sorry for you it was your mother. That had to be a struggle and you are amazing . I see a very caring person in you.
Danish....thankyou for your content. You have literally described my wife, which I'm currently divorcing. You're videos are helping me identify and heal from YEARS of being subjected to this behaviour...daily...and to a very high level. I'm struggling to come to terms with what I've realised she is...and feel a fool for the excuses I made and behaviour I let happen to me, but watching videos such as these are educating me...and really helping. So, thankyou.
All 5. My ex used to actually say the words “why do you always have to make everything about you?” Anytime I said ANYTHING that wasn’t about him… even if it was me telling him how I feel about what he just said. Nobody’s feelings matter to a narcissist but their own. I don’t even think they view other people as actual people with feelings because our feelings are just an annoyance to them, and our problem to deal with. Not theirs at all… My ex also used to try and tell me that how I feel is wrong because… or I “took it the wrong way” and had I understood what he said the way he meant it I would and should feel differently. Glad that’s over…
I am so sorry for your experience. Although I survived an extremely toxic abusive relationship, mine was my ex husband. (and no I am not a bitter ex. He was diagnosed by 2 separate court ordered psychiatrist. I also left him) I can’t imagine the pain that type of behavior coming from a mother. I have 2 sons, 21 and 19. I feel so much love, respect, appreciation, and protection for them that the thought of hurting them breaks my heart. I know you are a psychologist and know this already. Yet, sometimes it is still nice to hear it from someone else. You didn’t deserve anything that happened to you. You were a child. It was her responsibility to build you up and make you feel true unconditional love. Any child she raised would have been treated just the same. It was her issue, and that issue had absolutely nothing to do with you as an individual. You deserved better and should be so proud of yourself for the great person you have become, despite all the extra obstacles you faced due to her own personal issues.
I used to pretend to forget my phone at home when I went out with my friends. Did it on purpose . I was so tired of being called for no reason at all every 10 minutes asking when I was going to be home.
I "lost" my phone because of this. He bought me another one and I'm just so absent minded that I lost that one too. I remember having gone to a party for a friend who was going overseas for an extended time, and my ex husband calling me every 20 minutes, screaming down the phone at me. There was another time when I was trying to do the grocery shopping, and he started calling repeatedly because our 1yo daughter was hungry and he was demanding I come home to make her lunch. Useless 🦆
@srodriguez721 It was better. I've been no contact for over 4 years but the trauma damage is still a nightmare, my narcissist was my daughter, The abuse she has done damaged me beyond repair. She is dead to me and she did something that I will never forgive...
"My" narcissist routinely hangs up on me for no reason whatsoever. It seems to be some sort of game/control thing, or simply for his own pleasure. It's not even during an argument . I'll be saying something, trying to make arrangements or whatever, and mid sentence, he'll just hang up. I used to get really annoyed, but then I realised that pleased him. Now I just ring back and carry on as if nothing happened. I pray for the day when I have things in order to get away from him!!!
Brilliantly expressed, Danish! You missed one though: my husband will call and talk at you as though he's already halfway through a conversation without feeling the need to identify himself or say why he's calling. He does this with everybody whether he knows them well or has just spoken to them once ever. One time when he called, my sister answered because I was indisposed and he talked at her for five minutes before she could even get a word in to say that it wasn't his wife he was speaking to!!! 😆😆😆 My mother does exactly the same. All of them 😖
My narc ex. girlfriend only wanted to talk videocall (facetime) I didnt get it, but now i know it was to analyze my face while speaking, she wanted to see the tears in my eyes, my face expression when she pressure tested me all the time. 😢
It's so true, I experienced a lot of times being hung up, abandoned like piece of trash with a lot of negative emotions that I have to later deal with, by my own. And of course later this person was acting like nothing happened, not even one 'sorry'. A lot of truth in this video.
Experienced all of those behaviors /x-narc of 7 months.Don't miss his "evil behavior at all!"Thanks Be to God,intervened when he did.Forever and Always Love to God.Amen🙏❤️
I can’t believe how much is the ex in this checklist. I’ve never been able to put it into words. I divorced him last year and am slowing breaking that trauma bond. I am so grateful to have listened to ones who really cared.
The few times my mother called me was just hours of 'I..me...my...'. Nothing important, nothing interesting, just taking up my time and attention and showing me who's boss and who's in control. One of the last times i saw my parents, they came to my house uninvited after being told we had plans. We gave them tea and entertained them anyway, and they couldn't even bother to feign interest in me, my partner, or anything we tried to show them or tell them. They literally started looking around the room like a kid with adhd every time one of us tried to speak. On top of that, they're trying to one-up each other the whole time. So uncomfortable and off the charts cringe.
So many valid observations you note here in your most helpful video - I couldn't count, the number of instances and nor how many times I fell into their narcissistic grip of emotional trolling, beleaguering and/or demoralizing moments experienced until I learned about the truth of narcissism. Thank you for sharing your own stories as well, as that takes courage, yet, when survivors grow strong, we can assist others to escape this seemingly restless, non-stopping revolving door of narcissistic emotion and verbal abuse. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a narcissist will break up anything to suit them best, even if it be their own children egos and personalities. Thank you, I know your words helped your listeners and I along with them, look forward to your next educational video. Namaste.
Thank you for sharing this information with us. I looked back through many phone calls that left me feeling confused or upset about an unknown reason. I now see what rubbed me the wrong way about those interactions 😮😊❤
Thank you, Danish I feel so validated after watching this episode. It really shed some light on some I have my patterns of self-doubt and insecurity every time I hang up the phone with my mother like an impending doom, almost like a deep anger with myself for allowing it to bother me, but it doesn’t have to ruin my day anymore now that I understand that they are just fulfilling a need that they are not aware has completely hijacked their consciousness and their vessel so hard boundaries is what I stick to and taking these healing practices one day at a time thank you so much again. God bless you and your healing as well.❤❤❤
Funny you should bring this up, I was talking with my ex narc this morning, that's exactly what he did; talking to me while talking to other people, I couldn't even hear anything and finally he said; I will call you back later, that was 11 Hours ago. If it was him that needed something from me, he would be calling me every second of the day.
They never call you to say hey how are you? I love you. They just get right to the point for what they’re calling about. Example would be “where are you?”
Danish each word is true to the depth....I salute to your guts taking your own stand and labelling them for what they actually are. Every word holds a weightage 💯💯.
It's my daughter and I love her but i have put up with too much, recently for a month she didn't answer my calls or texts, she texted that she was busy and overwhelmed. I texted that this was hurting me and I'm tired of hurting. It's been two months since then and I haven't heard from her, l am ready to let it go, but it's hard when you love someone, and she truly is grandiose, a beautiful brilliant scientist. I'm done though!
My experience: they like to talk about their daily achievements, aren't interested in you _at_all_ and criticize other people (like colleagues) endlessly. They talk a lot of detailed bs about people you've never met.
😮..and this is the behavior of one of my closest friends of 38yrs.. I used to fall victim to their behavior quite often..and get REALLY upset at times. Then one Fine-Äss Day.. i Realize all i needed to do was Change My Attitude! YES because that's thee Only thing i Could change.. Certainly can't change Another Person..Especially a Narcissist 😂 So..i then began to Stop giving in to that person's Attempts at getting a 'Reaction' out of me over various situations..and they Finally realized they could no longer Manipulate me! 🎉 I no longer feel the Need to 'have the last word' with someone if they want to try and argue with me.. i let THEM have it so That will be the thing that rings in their mind later on..Not something i said so they could obsess over and twist into something it never was.. 😮 Oh my..look at me.. babbling on and ON 😂 (well if u got this far God Bless ya! hope whatever ur dealing with gets better soon..🙂)
I know someone who used to call me, speak whatever she wanted to tell me, usually telling me what i should do, and after she finished speaking, she wasn't waiting to hear my response. She was hanging up the phone the moment she finished talking. Listening to my opinion or my reaction didn't even cross her mind.
I unhinge my narcissist daily lol. I know I shouldn't,but I'll not be a victim!!!!!I am the hero in my story....❤ All of you keep your heads up and keep learning!!!!
Exactly. These habits are ways to control you and gain power. The narcissist will say they want to speak to you, however a TV program is on. When you say ok and turn the volume down, the narcissist says we could have talked when the commercial was on, I want to see the rest of this show. Completely blowing you off so that you'll be annoyed and walk away. Then, they'll say, 'well I wanted to talk, but you walked away! Total gaslighting!
My God you’re describing my relationship with my mum 100% - it’s so spot on it sent chills down my spine! I’m working hard to become trauma ‘unbonded’ - great video - looking forward to seeing more of your content
Danish? I love watching your channel. You are so on point as I was in a narcissistic relationship for 8 years and didn’t even know how I lost myself in him. It finally just ended about a week ago and I have to admit I’m truly crushed. I’m trying to take it day by day to heal myself .
Register for the upcoming webinar: Release Grief After Narcissistic Abuse
www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/gan
In my case, my mother was already walking in my room at midnight, as I was a kid, also when I had to get up early to school. Later, she was exactly then always texting between 12 Midnight and 1 am and dare me, if I did not answer immediately, no matter, what I had to do the next day in the morning. I broke up the contact two years ago, because I could not bare it anymore. Only one, of many things she did. What was it about? The TV of the neighbour was too loud. I am originally from Austria, but moved in 2017 to the Republic of Ireland. I got a job there and was glad to be as far away from Austria I could. She still managed to terrorise me, until I blocked her completely!
Have gone exactly through this. Its absolutely true the way they behave these Demons
@@shireencassam4206 Unfortunately and yes, I also can only see them as Demons. I slowly start up to "breath again", it was like, I would have something around me (a ring or so), which was made more and more tight, until I hardly could breath. All the best for you. ❤
@@andreagruber5813 Good for you! Took me only 50 years to learn cutting these people out of my life.
You bring up so many things they do!!
1. They will hang up on you when you give them a narcissistic injury.
2. They make weird noises, have side conversations, don't listen, play music etc. during the call.
3. They will appear and disappear during the call.
4. They talk talk talk at you and don't listen. It's all about them
5. They will incessantly call when they know you have an important call or meeting.
They incessantly interrupt and overtalk.
Talk to you with their eyes 👀 closed it's creepy.
Mine would call and call and call, when I didn't answer he would arrive at my workplace. Ending a disagreement was also fun. He would follow me around to natter, complain about how I didn't support him and would totally gaslight me. He would play the victim-- poor me, I'm adopted. A horrible, misogynistic, narcissistic human being. He called me about 7 yrs after we split up. He had had a major heart attack and had gone through major surgery. He was looking for sympathy. He told me he was living with a woman. I said, "of course you are." His response was, "it's the least I could do, she saved my life." After a few more comments on his part I said to him, "huh, well take care, don't call me again, ever." and hung up on him. It was an empowering experience to say the least.
My mother would call over and over and over again instead of leaving a voicemail. Serial calling which irritated me. When I finally called her back, she lectured me on not answering my phone
2. About 5 years ago, a person I had been friends with for 20 years began multitasking whenever we spoke on the phone. For example, she'd be cooking, often dropping pots and pans in the background, or watching youtube videos, or be private messaging other people in chat rooms while trying speak with me on the phone. This behavior caused me to feel disrespected, invalidated, and as if she didn't want to make time for our friendship any more. I realized she didn't value interacting with me, and it felt like she had stopped prioritizing our relationship.
Eventually, I stopped reaching out to her.
I don't pursue people who show no interest in being there for me, and who can't bother to listen, as if what I have to say doesn't matter, and is boring them.
I have zero patience for a lopsided relationship. I expect the give and take present in a healthier friendship dynamic.
Wow. It makes sense now. This is why I have severe “phone anxiety” and won’t even pick up a call no matter who it is.
Same
I don't pick up half the time either. My time is more important and I don't want to hear the drama. You're protecting yourself and there's nothing wrong with it❤
Same I can’t pick up the phone unless it’s my child.
Same, fone anxiety, I still hate foning but I'm getting better.x
Same
It's scary how much you know every detail of my marriage of 30 yrs. Divorced now, praise God❤
It's not scary, a person who has dealt with two narc parents just like me know all the little details of a.narc, even if it's not their love partners. Plus Danish is a professional
Same here only 29 years of marriage !
35y of craziness! He Divorced me...and I too Praise God for FREEDOM!
🎉💛🌝🌹✨🧡💜🌈❤️🌟🌞
It's scary how MANY people say the same thing! But it's TRUE! I'm hoping to be free someday. Been married 24 years, he's a monster. Happy to hear that you got away!
Unfortuately with narcissists you have to reach the point when you no longer fear the relationship ending. Even if it's your parent. Until then they'll always be in control.
AGREE!
Actually that's your power back..when they know you don't care if the relationship ends !
Truth! 🙌
So true.
Yes. The abandonment you fear is already happening. It doesn't matter what you do.
This is spot on. The one which resonates the most is "Talking at You...Zero patience for listening".
Avoid getting suck in a car during a fight, my ex would drive very dangerously.
Mine too. Used to absolutely terrify me. Still have trauma from it.
Truth!!!
Holy fuck. This is so true. My ex once gave a very traumatic road trip to me. Driving above boulders, imbalanced state of car, stopping in the middle of the road to get attention. I still can't believe why i could not leave him right after that moment!!
Been there too.
God doesn’t punish. If the narcissist is saved, they will be healed of their personality disorder when they meet our Lord.
It is very interesting because when you examine the behavior of a narcissist and break it down, there are startling similarities. They are easy to see once you are awakened.
Oh yes indeed. So easy.
My radar is always on, now that I've been involved w/narcs. My 2 sisters, my former close friends, my ex- fiancee; these freaks are everywhere, they walk among us. They feed on you, like emotional vampires.
They call to dump their energy on you, throw a tantrum, blame shift, be a victim and hung up the phone before you say anything! They can’t carry a conversation. If you confront the line disconnects!
My husband of 30 yrs blocks and unblocks me on his phone when it suits him..... ❤
@@melanienaidoo775 but if you don't answer his call, "why do you even have a phone?!"
Yes! My mother is the queen of hang ups! She will hang up on you on a dime. My ex too.
No big loss.
After listening patiently to them for minutes at a time without interruption, if I then dare start talking about myself for a few seconds sometimes even having to talk over their bragging just to say a simple thing, they say "I gotta go", then I say ok I better let you go...and then 30 sec later they still haven't gone and have steered the call right back to talking about themselves for another 30mins plus.
They have no shame, they seem to do it without any effort or guilt, the shear arrogance is unbelievable! I'm too nice, and I think they know it and take advantage of it.
I remember when I used to apologise for things that were not my fault, just to please him. I can't believe how weak I was...........
You were not weak, we have all tried to placate them in numerous ways one because we could never have imagined somebody who supposedly loved us was out to destroy us
@@michaelcoles7588yes, you said it perfectly
You weren't weak, you were being programmed bc you cared.
You're not the only one 😢
I think it was not your weakness but the only way you knew...❤
Its scary how accurate this is for the narcissist in my life.
My daughter did all 5. Esp. 1, 2.
Yes, this is spot on. I'm sick of being talked at instead of having a proper conversation. I'm ignoring his calls from now on.
My ex has always had to have the last say, I told him months ago we are done. through phone calls texts etc.
He texted me the other day with personal avatars and the last one was I am doing better without you Good Bye..lol😂
@@MC-mk6gsHonest question: Why did you not block him on everything when you were done so he could not do that to you?
Why don’t you just block him?
Yes
@@MC-mk6gs😂😂😂😂 good for him. We are so freeeeeee. I love it. Meanwhile they have to go living on in their miserable, sad so- called life.
And they get SO bored if something isn't about them. Then they keep re-steering the "conversations" until it is.
2
@@gigidayz6936 they are blind to anything beyond self...bottomless pit..or probably full of venomous slithering snakes there ..rotting at the bottom of their dirty minds
So yes!!!
@@gigidayz6936 they are sooooo boring to be with...no depth or range of interests of knowledge
Yes you're not lying my dad lives in Texas and every year me and my husband and kids go visit him it seems like he always start a big argument when I'm on my way to see my dad so my energy will be bad when I get there it became like a pattern then when we get there he acts like everything is good he wants to take over the conversation I like to play oldies that my dad like he wants to control the music he wants to control everything I am 43 years old and just now learning about narcissism I wish I knew this 14 years ago I literally just put him out last night so it's fresh and hard for me we have two kids I need God to give me the strength😢
After 940 days of no contact with my ex wife , low and behold I get a text to call her which I ignored, next day same thing a text to call her again same response finally third day in a row she calls me one ring and hangs up , needless to say I ignored it , don’t need to hear anything she has to say , I am the phoenix
Be strong..don't let anyone e disrespect u
🔥🕊️
Should have blocked her
👏👏👏👏👏
Good for you !!! You are Strong 💪
That part about being a bad listener and lacking patience is so true 🔥.
I am the one who hangs up on the narcissist. I do this because I can only take so much of the non-stop talking. I will also stay quiet and multitask on other things. When he notices that I am quiet, he will ask, "oh is there anything you have to say or add"? My response is no, or I'll say something like, since you like to talk for the both of us, go for it. He can't take the silence and then he will say "ok, we'll talk later. The cycle repeats with baiting, devaluing, discard. I am so ready for this divorce to be finalized.
Exactly. And I let him know I'm going to need to end the conversation if he continues being abusive. I'm not going to listen to abuse. I've ended the friendship at this point.
My dad is a narcissist, last time my sister ignored his phone call because we were in the car, he called back and threatened to run through our house and stab us all. We're all kids btw
Me too "grey rock". Boundaries are important especially before leaving.
I agree and just do what I had to do
But you continue contact. That doesn't count, it's just your excuse. What only counts is total disconnect forever.
Recently just started a relationship with a narcissist but luckily I saw the signs ran for my dear mental health. Mental health is real guys ❤
After finally moving out on my own hanging up on the narc was one of my most freeing moments then cutting all ties was the ultimate freedom. 19 years now and still healing.
I'm an older person and two of the three narcs from my past aren't even alive anymore, yet I still enjoy the feeling of being free of them.
The distraction technique is certainly a weird one: the narcissist rings you up and you imagine that there will be some sort of exchange. But, typically, she is walking home from work, or out and about somewhere, and the point is to use you as an audience for the next 20 minutes of her life: talking to shop assistants, reacting to funny dogs, listening in to some street musician etc etc An authentic conversation is the last thing on her agenda.
I'm glad to say such phone calls are now a thing of the past. I find whatsapp very useful, A brief, written message every few weeks avoids the otherwise rather drastic remedy of stopping all contact.
Thanks for this post: I've found it very helpful!
Wow same! you described my ex behaviours.
They are the same.
Whatsapp is BS, not helpful. My ex used to obsess about my last seen, and sometimes it wouldn't even be accurate.
Another one I have experienced quite a bit over the years: They say things completely unrelated to what you have said to them because at their end they have people with them and they want to make you sound unreasonable/crazy. So it sounds to their audience like a totally different conversation from the one you are trying to have with them.
@FergusGrant yep I've experienced this. It's horrific to say the least!
True. When people are around them they talk differently.
My convert narc MIL did this to me.
Your grandparents must be something else. Narcissism travels through generations and we must break that cycle.
They can twist conversation
Yep 44 yrs of it - freedom is soooo sweet
Number 5. All the time, particularly if I am in a meeting. One time while I was on vacation, my apartment was broken into and ransacked. He called while I was talking to the police. I told him what happened and that I couldn't talk but would call him later, the police were at my house. He wouldn't stop calling. Finally, I just shut my cell phone off till after I had dealt with the police and filed a report. There is one other thing that they do - they call for some information which you have to look up. You say, "I'll call you right back". When you try and call with the information they wanted - they don't answer the phone.
Yes getting you on their task list then acting like they never asked you to do it and then wonder why you’re annoyed then a fight is on
All true, and I have one more. How about they only call when they are doing something else like walking or driving because they have to be multi-tasking? They don’t want to give you undivided attention, ever. This used to happen all the time and I always wondered why this person never called me from home. Now I understand.
More like when they want money
OMG!!! This was every phone call I had with my daughter. I haven’t seen or talk to her for two years. The peace I am feeling now is indescribable. Thank you so much for your videos!
My daughter did this also.
My son, my only child did the same to me. He died 2 yrs ago from lifestyle. My pain is indescribable of losing him, but also God has been watching and gave me peace.
Pre marriage sessions should teach DSM-5 issues.
@@PrettyMamaPatchwork I am so so sorry for the pain you must be feeling
My daughter is the same way. She is my only child and we’re not speaking right now because I defended myself and she didn’t like it
Receiving a weird or unexpected phone call from a narcissist can be unsettling because narcissists often have ulterior motives when reaching out
My goodness you're 100% right!! The minute they call u have to prepare yourself mentally for the games they play, they love hanging up on u to annoy you,plus they want you to call them back
Danish….Im sorry you’re also a victim of Narcissist Abuse…thank you so much for eloquently explaining them to us…it’s so needed & appreciated 🙏
U understand this wen u get through... If u havenot met a narcissist u would never understand
Amen💯❤
I have never come across anyone who describes this behaviour so well.
It’s such a relief to hear it explained by someone else
yes so true
Talking at me: Zero patience for listening. This is my mom. Literally everything is about her. She talks incessantly, doesn’t even pause for me to speak. If I call her and mention anything I’m going through (recently cancer, chemo, multiple surgeries, death of my son), she completely ignores me and immediately starts talking about herself and what she’s going through, which are little minor things that everyone deals with day to day. She talks and talks and every subject turns into another, and another, on and on she rambles. My problems are not even acknowledged. Forget any support or encouragement, they’re not even acknowledged. She calls people to talk, not to have a conversation.
I’m sorry that you were raised by that woman. My mom was a narcissist too. When I was little and people would tell her how pretty they thought that I was, she would say, “Of course she is! Look at her mother!” My parents treated me horribly. I was a straight A student but never an acknowledgement. But when their friends came to visit they would tell them about my grades and say, “I guess we are great parents! Look how well she turned out!” I couldn’t get away from them fast enough. I left at 17 and never went back. THAT’s how great of parents they were.
When my husband of 40 years passed away, I called my brother to tell him. I was a mess and needed some emotional support. He changed the subject within 2 minutes back to himself. If that weren’t bad enough, I didn’t hear from him for four months. He let me grieve all alone. When he does finally call, it’s to ask me if my husband had left him anything in his Will. I was so happy to say no. Haven’t spoken with him since.
Yep. My mother talks nonstop about herself. The same stories over and over. I can put the phone down and walk away , and I have. Also she gets mad if I tell her that I already heard that, or I don't want to hear the inappropriate story again. Lol
@@LauraSchendel-ko1qkmy bros too. Totally selfish.
@@probi99 I have to take him in small doses, because he is toxic. If for nothing else, our brothers have taught us how to recognize a narcissist so that we don’t make that mistake in the future with a life partner, you know? LOL!
Dear Danish, maybe you should do an episode of narcissistic children...... Because there are parents who go through this as well.
Yes!
oh man how scary
Yes...I think you're describing my daughter.
Yes , a son is exactly his narcissistic father
❤ Thank you for your talk today on Hanging up. My Mother was a Covert Narcissist and since my Dad died when I was 3, there was no adult to protect me. She was smart and abused me emotionally, neglected me & blamed me. So I married another Covert Narcissist and suffered worse abuse. His favorite way of hurting me is to hang up on me, saying “I don’t want to talk to you anymore- bang! I’m the person who is faithful, and I discovered he has another woman he won’t give up. I want out, but the physical damage done to my body through all this stress has caused me to have to quit my job as a nurse and I’m on disability. I’m trying to get well enough to work because right now I can’t make my financial obligations without his help. I would be glad to pay you to talk to me if you have any ideas on what I can do to get away from him. we’ve been married almost 5 years. I know I can’t bear this much longer and I’m trying to work my way out of this. Thank you, Teri.
This intriguing video serves as a poignant reminder of the heartache I've been enduring since my 7 year relationship came to an end 4 months ago. My cherished partner, the love of my life, made the difficult decision to part ways, leaving me consumed by thoughts of him. Despite my earnest attempts to win him back, I find myself facing frustration and an overwhelming sense of emptiness, unable to envision a life without his presence. Despite my efforts to move on, I'm compelled to confess my lingering feelings and longing for him here.
The process of releasing a loved one can be an uphill battle. I can relate, having navigated a similar journey when my 8 year relationship dissolved. Despite the heartache, I refused to relinquish hope and embarked on a quest to win him back. Turning to a spiritual counselor for assistance, I found guidance that ultimately led to our reconciliation.
Impressive! How did you manage to connect with a spiritual counselor, and what's the process for me to reach out to her?
Allow me to introduce Suzanne Ann Walters, a highly skilled spiritual counselor known for her expertise in rekindling past relationships.
Thank you for this invaluable information; I've just checked her out online. Very impressive indeed!
I have some of those same feelings I've never been do confused angry happy and exploited at the same time .I'm too old for this .
Soooo True!!! When they show contempt and you insert intolerance toward that behavior they hang up quick I repeat do not call back!!!!!
I am sooo grateful for your videos... I am just now realizing that my son is a worse version of narcissist. I am heartbroken, 💔 (as he is my only child and I went through hell in an abusive marriage with his father), but will not let him hold me his hostage. He does absolutely every single thing explained in this video. I am so overwhelmed by his abuse and arrogance... I am now planning on moving back to Europe and just leaving him here in the US. I need break and healing. Over the years of such abuse, I lost my physical and mental health because of him. I lost myself... 😢💔
😢 the apple didn't fall far from the tree.
@@idid138 sadly, very true... 💔
@@Rain36956 🌷💜 yes, exactly described... like watching endless drama 💔, day in - day out... If possible, please say no to that 🙏🏻
Yes me to.
Lord have mercy
1000times i have gone through this. Only a survivor can understand the pain. Thanks for bringing it out.
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
My nex wasn't interested in sex with other women, but still a narc. They're not all womanizers.
R you following him now ? Maybe you should mentally should let him go. He might even know and like being followed ❤
Okay hear me out. I don't think the guy was a narc. It sounds to me, he didn't have a committed relationship and he got what was easy. Or, big or. He saw the weak gazelle on the African safari, and his lion instincts kicked in. Dude was just tryna eat 😅, it's a drought out here for normal guys. 😂😂😂😂 I got my own narc story too, I think most ppl do. I'm curious, what's everyone else's story?
You have to be very careful to who you give your love to also. Because you won't be able to get it back.
Before cutting off a former friend, I could put the phone down for a while and he's still would still be talking. When I would try to re-enter the conversation, he would shift his tone and bring up the "important" issues of his conversation. I then could put the phone down so he could talk to himself about himself again.
That's sooo my husband.
Yeap they are soo importantttt! Wtf
😂😂😂 so true.. best way to handle them
Relatable
I've just walked off and left the phone unannounced, gone to the kitchen to get food 🍔, come back and they're still talking to themselves 👀 Then pick up phone and say a random "yeah wow" whilst they're still going on about whatever as I eat food...
Called only when something was wrong. This was my daughter. Haven't seen or talked to her in 2 years. The peace is amazing
Living this, too. Freeing.
Children are hard but It was a hard lesson and a lot of $$$ to learn boundaries and distance. 👍🏽
Yes! Dont miss the drama, but i DO miss my granddaughter 💔
I can’t believe you guys cut off your kids forever. That’s wild.
@@ladyjadelindiakids cut their selves off ,just becuz you share DNA with someone doesn't mean you should bow down to being abused by them defunded by them and harmed. By them sometimes distance is BEST you must have boundries especially with family that thinks family relations means you have to tolerate their unkind abusive behaviors
Narcissistic Ex used to take me shopping as someone with Agoraphobia and leave me in the supermarket causing me to go into a panic attack. He used to be on calls to me in town and then say hi to random strangers in the street whilst on the phone, he would sometimes just hang up mid conversation to go and speak to someone else and even new supply he had ‘bumped into’ whilst on the phone to me.
My narc friend at the time used to walk around distracting herself and was always doing something whilst on the phone to me, she’d ring me and then start doing things crashing about being weird.
I dumped both their butts and moved on! 😂
My sister is always banging around when we're on the phone. I have hyperacusis, so background noise is extremely painful to my ears. When I mention the noise, as carefully as possible, she snaps at me, "I'm not doing anything!!!" I tell her it sounds like she's demolishing a building because of my condition. She then tells me she can't talk very long. She always thinks she's the busiest person in the world.
@@debbiekennedy6030I have that too! I think my narc makes loud noises sometimes just to make my poor ears ring.
@@katherineverret3143 I'm sorry to hear that. I know it is actually physically painful for you. It's strange, I can listen to fairly loud music and am fine, but certain sounds, and phones cause me to climb the walls.
I noticed my cousin does that, you will be on the call with her and she hardly listened and makes funny side distractions or talk with other people 😂wooohooo
went sealife center lol he went toilet and i waited outside, then my daughter said she needs a wee after he already walked in. (he knew my phone battrey was low btw as i couldnt take pictures) i popped in quickly hoping he assunes weve gone toilet to (cubicles are right next door) i come out he was missing goneeeee , goneeeee lol i rang n rang n rang said line busy
when i found him he was on the phone walking out sea life center talking to another girl. like wdffff then threaten me in the car..... it was to much way to much like....
I used to hang up on my narcissistic father in law.
Frequently.
I refuse to be spoken to like I am lower than another.
He told everyone in the family how rude I was but failed to tell them why I hung up on him.
This encouraged the family to treat me terrible and blame me.
When I tried to explain how he was treating me, this is what I heard: “You know he only cares about you, wants the best for you”.
Really?
By telling me every decision is wrong, I should listen to him, obviously I do not know what I am doing?
Then turning around and encouraging gang stalking against me?
Yeah.
He wanted the best for me.
I'd warn my mom... Be polite,... I'm going to say bye bye 👋, nope 🙅🏻 and then back to it soon ringing and you just know it's her,,,,,
Sounds like my father he claims he wants what's best for me but it's really it's all about him always has been.
I hung up on dad when he was insulting me, he got so angry lol, how dare I hang up while being insulted.
They have reactions sometimes that you can't believe are real, like straight out of a movie. Sadly in some cases it might be just that, my brother once said he learned how to socialize by watching Friends because of the lack of connection within our family. I understand that, being his sister and all. But friggin Friends, really? They weren't even nice to each other, it was constant sarcasm.. from one mindfk into the other. He tried tho lol, he was aware.
Yeah sorry this happened to you. You deserve different . Not okay.
We MUST find and open ONLY WITHIN OUR PACK, not with our abusers. Definitely our pack are all those who went through our same kind of...torture...
Sending hugs
My father was a toxic narcissist - drove so many to death and suicide - my brother, my sister-in-law, my mother. He made me very sick with a heart condition due to chronic stress and anxiety and my older brother into a becoming a total recluse from society.
I’m so sorry….heal & no contact 🌸🌸
I can understand what you are going through , stay strong survivor, God is with you❤
Wow… I am so sorry. That is truly awful. I am glad you are still here and I pray you will be healed from all that trauma and that you get to have joy and peace and real love in your life ❤
Thank you, all. I survived only because I was the youngest and not directly targeted. The others who challenged him were like my mom - honest and straightforward, no match to his cunning, never understanding where he was coming from. He recruited my mom's own birth family against her. My brother
assures me that in human society narcissism is the norm. This is borne out by the state of the world as it has always been. Today we have the knowledge but whether we can escape from the narcissists in our lives is another matter. Because many may find themselves truly trapped, especially in a marital situation for women who may be the victims of financial abuse as well, and so dependant on the narcissist, who - GET THIS - very often finds the law also to be on his side!
I truly understand
I watch all your videos. I grew up with a malignant narcissist mother and a covert narcissist father. The telephone habits of my parents were like any other conversations we had. It was all about them and I didn’t matter. I worked shift work and couldn’t turn my phone off because I worked in emergency services and was often on call. They made a point of calling when I was trying to get some sleep. They said I was lazy for sleeping during the day even if I had just worked a very busy twelve hour night shift and was going to work another one in a couple of hours. They have both passed away and I tell a lie when people ask me if I miss them. I tell them I do, but the truth is, it’s a great relief not to deal with them any more. Thank you for your videos. I don’t feel so crazy or alone anymore.
That was horrible that you went through.. I'm so glad you are finally having some peace of mind.
@@chris-b thank you. The phone calls were one aspect of their narcissistic behavior. I wish I’d known then what I know now. I’m grateful to Danish and his videos.
@@teresasmith4383 that one aspect speaks a lot about all the other aspects without you telling them. After all they all are the same. A bunch of soulless people.
@@chris-b you are right about that. I was just a tool to be used and then ignored.
My junior year in college, I had evening final exams one term, and I had to be out of my dorm room that same night because the college was starting renovations on the building the next morning. I arrived home exhausted at 2:00 am after a long drive. My narc father was in my basement room at 7:30 a.m. angrily demanding that I get up. When I told him that I had late finals and asked why he was doing this, his answer was, "I JUST THINK YOU SHOULD BE UP!" and then marched back upstairs to go to work. Sleep deprivation is yet another tool used to control others around them.
Danish you’re such a blessing as you help those suffering
May such Narcissistic people be punished by God in a way that they realise their mistakes 🙏
It’s something you need to learn not as a punishment to you but to help you understand to keep your boundaries.
I may hope so they will be punished hard👍👍mean evil people!! The problem nowadays: Everywhere where you are with a small or medium big group of people, there is very often at least one person with a real narcissistic personality disorder and often also one or two persons with clear traits of narcissism. Nowadays it's a big puzzle to only go along with not toxic and not narcissistic people. It's searching to create such a healthy group. I hope in future it will get better, but i'm worried.
@@Anonymous-du4zt Avoid groups of people, socialise with one or two people.
Every thing
That's called therapy.
Yep! Last night ! Hang up in the middle of a conversation that they called and started!!! I’d said “ Thanks, but I’ve already done that,” and instead of a normal “Oh that’s great! Thanks!” I got grumbling name calling and a hang up. It was no big deal, the situation. I am now proud of myself for not calling back and ask why!!
They take everything as an insult, while always looking for ways to insult you. I'm under constant criticism and it's gotten to the point I don't give a flip or even try to please him anymore.
@@idid138they got such insecurity issues...sooo unending...
Danish you are spot on. You are under a spiritual guidance that reminds you of what you have been through.
100% he is spiritually guided, i resonate with him when he said he was a dedicated kid towards God just to find some.peace, same thing happened to me, I followed the path towards God cz there was nothing to hold on to with narc parents
My ex-husband would listen to my phone calls. It didn't matter if they were personal calls with family or friends, or if they were work related calls. He would either interrupt me and tell me what to say to the person or he would criticize me after the call. He would say "that was so unprofessional or your mother calls too much and is crazy". I would try to leave the house and talk to people outside. Then he would tell me I am hiding things or I don't want him to know what I'm talking to people about. On the flip side, I always listened to his calls because that was the only way I could find out what was going on. He would never communicate with me, so I had to listen to what he told other people to learn about what plans were being made or what I might need to prepare for. So very irritating.
I’ve experienced being in the presence of someone. ( like being with them in the car) it was all fine and dandy when they were on the phone.. talking loudly and laughing and they would talk through the car speakers.. or if they wanted to make it seem like they were having an important call, they would take it off speaker and talk with the phone to ear. If I had something to say, like to tell them they are making the wrong turn.. they will wave me off to be quiet. I would have wait until they were done…..
If I’m on the phone in their presence, they act irritated like I’m being rude or they will straight up ask me who am I talking to.. I used to just answer and they would then interject themselves in my conversation, trying to say hello to the person I’m talking to. Now, I ignore the question and they will now, yell out random names to try and get me to say who I’m talking to.. I just say “no” and keep talking.. when that doesn’t work, they will turn the radio up so loudly, that I have to close off one ear to hear the person… then finally, I can’t hear at all and will have to hang up quickly
The other thing they do is to ask loudly what I said over and over again to interrupt…I’ll have to say,” I’m not talking to you…” … (let’s say someone else is in the car) they will claim that I am disturbing them and the other person’s conversation…if that doesn’t get me off the phone, they will call someone, talk to them through the car speaker.. and then exclaim the I am distracting them from their conversation…. They’ll also try and listen in ( like your ex- husband did to you) to tell me what I should and shouldn’t say…
I’m never on the phone long, because I know I can’t speak freely; when I am it’s a circus.
When there are no phone calls no distractions .. they will call someone to keep from having to talk to me.😂.
@chaseback5102 Thank you for sharing. I completely identify with your experience. 😰
My dad did that and it gave me the worst phone anxiety! He'd also interrogate me about what I posted on Facebook
wow exactly!! .. and sooo irritating
Same with my husband. 😕
Over the years my wife has been verbally abusive and physically abusive towards me if she gets mad she will break my things,she has cheated on me but never wants to talk about it lately if I try to tell her how I feel she gets mad and start yelling so I’ll hang the phone up am I wrong for hanging up? I’m learning that she could be a narcissist. If I try to hold her accountable she cries and say I’m attacking her her and that I’m the narcissist, I’m on blood pressure medication now and my head always hurting I’m tired and feel like all my energy is gone, my sleep is off.
The worst thing is I have to keep my feelings to myself or it becomes a big argument.
When we met 17 years ago she told me that she prayed to God for a man like me thst would love her and her son who was a year old at the time she treated me so good that I was like yes this the one but later on she started talking about me and saying things that really cut my spirit but I had fell in love with her then we had a son and that really made me want to make it work. In the past 17 years I have been through so much that I can’t name all of it. The bad part is my family and friends really love her they tell me that I’m blessed to have her but not knowing the things the kids and I go through. I’m sorry for rambling but as I started typing it started coming out.
I need help I have no one to talk too some times I feel like I’m dying inside.
😮😢
Your children are seeing and feeling you suffering. For your own health and safety of your children, you could maybe consider moving out to a peaceful place. It is hard but so worth it !
Prepare everything quietly and have evidence on how bad she is treating you just in case.
It's not fair on you. Your children will be proud of you and you will be proud of yourself.
I'm sorry that's awful that she's treating you so badly 😔 I wouldn't feel bad for hanging up if she is shouting at you, or belittling you. You don't deserve that. I'd like to say maybe she will learn to have some respect but I don't know how likely that is.
You need to get out before it kills you. I am in the same boat.
Sounds a lot like the marriage I just got out of. The best u can do is quietly create an escape route and execute. It sounds like ur kids are older so talk it out with them to see where they stand on the subject and make ur decision. What I will say is: it’s gonna be difficult, but stay the course. Ur peace and ur health are worth more than whatever she can give/offer. If necessary, block her and do ur best to avoid contact unless it’s about the kids. An extra piece of advice: get therapy from the trauma u endured, it’s definitely worth it.
Please take advice given by the beautiful souls here. Staying longer and deteriorating even further.. not worth it. Get out and go on the journey of self-healing.
They also like to call you from a car, which drives me crazy because they then can come up with a million sudden excuses to hang up on you and/or keep the call short. They love calljng you from a car, dropping shit in your head, then getting off the phone. They will also call you from a car to help them kill time. I had one friend, now an ex-friend, who when I was in the devalue phase use to call me while she was in line at the drive-through waiting for her food. I also always got a call from heron my birthday usually around 6 pm, the time most people are NEVER home on their birthday. A phone is a weapon to a narcissist.
Right 👍
Absolutley. My ex called me, started talking and when I wanted to say something he had to stop at the gasstation. I was ' But you called me, so what the ...?'. They steel my time but no more🎉
That's why you have to block their number. Use the blocking feature
Agree 💯
Right. My mom's phone was a weapon to her.
With him it was always him who will talk...i just have to listen and when he finished he cut the line without listening to me...this always left me confused scratching my head 😕
A friend of mine constantly starts looking around and smiles to passing strangers or has a big bout of yawning when its my turn to talk,a lot of this ties in with my suspicions he could be a narc,ive known him for years but this is an eye-opener
Oh, the hanging up on me. I'm well aware of that pattern. Thank you Danish.
I made it only so far. I went total NO CONTACT FOREVER just one year ago with my mother. This is bringing back the memories of the horrifying calls from her. I must leave now. BUT I understand totally about the "PHONE CALLS" I will never be in the same room with my mother ever again. Not even if she's dead......very horrible trying to please a narcissist bc it's impossible. A narcissist parent never did, never will love you. NEVER !!!!!
He will call me so many times non stop , if he picking me up he will call many times I’m outside , I’m outside , I’m out side . He is very impatient and will say why you don’t answer your phone . He already knew why .
This!!
Mine will send me msg after msg, if I don't respond fast enough he'll start calling both on viber and normal phone, lol as if that makes a difference. If I don't pick up then its "ok I'm coming over". Cuz he's "worried". About fkng what exactly??? Me having a life? Its intteresting that my dad's side of the family does it "cuz they're worried" while my mom's side does exactly the same, but when I don't respond fast enough then its "if you're angry at me just say so, we never have to talk again". Tf is wrong with all of them lol...well we know. My mom's side have this covert version, dad's is full blown "open" npd.
@@illyria7756I was wondering what the heck was up with the frantic calling when I don't answer the phone when they think meaning my x and my daughter cuz they "worry"?! Humm... I'm thinking about what exactly.?
@@laurac.9322 yes! It's so weird right, I'm glad I'm not the only one, thank you so much. I think they pretend to worry, cuz worrying is an accepted excuse (for bothering someone) plus it makes them look good. And if you tell others about it, like I have, people react like "aw, he's just worried, he cares", they don't sense the undertone. So its good for the narcs image while it hides their true intentions, which I think, is to have total control over us. These are just my impressions of my own family members ofc.
I only recently realised it's full blown npd in the family I grew up in, I knew there was narcicism but not the full extent of it. It explained every single detail, why I am the way I am. It's not fkng me, like they've been saying all my life, its them.
Excuse my long reply, am still working through all of it and honestly I am fully isolated, I have 0 people to talk to.
Yes they message a lot and call you repeatedly if you don't answer! My sis always says that my phone doesn't work. She thinks I only speak on the phone..I work! Or might be busy..if you call her she answers you after hours or says she difn't see the message...and yes it's all about her. I'm done 😢.
So true! They listen to respond rather than listen to understand. Super frustrating when at work and need their approval. We refer to our co-worker as a seagull….flies in squawking, craps on everything, & flies out squawking leaving a mess for everyone else to fix and/or clean up.
Interesting... In my case it's the inconsistency. Total absence, ignorance and all of a sudden a reappearance (ghost like ! That was an interesting analogy...) they come to haunt actually but all smile all nice, but the moment you dontn go their way of don't feed their grsndiisity... They become the victim, you are trapped... Horrible
Danish-I have been a long time subscriber. I am a survivor of a Narc Mother and have been no contact for almost 10 years now. I just wanted to say-you are a dear man 💕 Every time I imagine what your childhood must have been like, I cry. But you are strong and are now helping others with your insight and gifts. I’m old enough to be your mother so let me just say “Son, you are loved. 🥰 Thank you for being who you are. Keep letting your light shine. You are a blessing to many!” May you continue to heal as you are helping us heal!!! ❤
Honestly, this is one of the best channels regarding exposure of NPD. This "ghost appearance" is exavtly what happend 3 months ago, the principal of a school. Trying to achieve her goals via flying monkeys. Not via phonecall but email. Her flying monkey added her as a CC
Perfect description of my relationship with my daughter. I have spent years wondering what I have done wrong and feeling that I have not done enough for her. We communicate mainly via telephone calls (frequency controlled by her) and there are subjects I am not allowed to talk about and I always feel that I am walking on eggshells. I try not to call her too often as she says she is very busy so I leave it around 3 weeks then send a text to see if she is ok. Sometimes I get a reply and sometimes not. She visits me once every 4 to 5 years and refuses the offer to stay in my home. We had a recent disagreement and she has now decided to cut contact with me. I am sad about it but realise that this is probably for the best so I can get off the emotional roller coaster.
Exactly
my one daughter is just like that ... found out she binges on hard dope..invites over questionable characters
I LOATHE when the narc cleans the litter box, or scrolls WITH SOUND, or drives in heavy traffic when talking to me. You're very smart Danish ty🎉
LOL. Well already told this person all the highlights about how I was the obvious smart intelligent fun and dangerously beautiful humble super christian and everyone loves me. I don't want to hear about your mundane nothing life, I'll just vaccuum until we can go back to talking about MEMEMMEMEMEMEEEEEEEEEEEEE. After all, its very thoughtful of me to listen to you drone on about these idiotic problems you get yourself into, Jesus will think I'm such a great person for this. I dont make mistakes though, thats why everyone loves me and if you just listened to my advice your life would be so much better. Albeit my advice would ruin your life but honestly, who are you to need a big existence? Little ant farm people like you need a good humbling. Maybe I'll walk out to the mailbox and see if anyone is outside I can share my highlight reel with while youre talking. I mean I hate the negativity, I would just rather talk about positive things. Thats why I am a breath of fresh air to everyone in my life and they are all dying to get a piece of meeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
My narc sister used to call me from her car on her way home from work (in crazy traffic) just to brag about herself. Then she'd pretend to be interested in me. Once the topic turned to me she'd quickly say she had to go. I finally refused to answer her calls when I knew she was driving home from work.
@@AFK62-u7e good job, you're onto her!
I could be on the phone talking to him about something serious; a job problem, a health issue, and he'd start talking to his pets.
Lord, this is so familiar. I'm currently undergoing treatment for cancer. At my last chemo, I suddenly had an allergic reaction to one of the 3 chemo drugs. I had had 2 other rounds previously without any bad reaction at the time, but this time, my lungs shut completely down. I couldn't draw a single breath for about 4 minutes while my amazing medical team gave me oxygen, steroid and benadryl injections into my port which corrected the reaction. The whole time, I had to be supernaturally calm and still and let my freaked out eyes speak for me with my rn bc the only thought I had was if I broadcast that I'm in trouble, he will make this about him and potentially hurt my team. 5 mins after I had recovered, with the drip now slowed down for safety & monitoring, he started loudly complaining about how LONG it was now taking & that we'd be there for 12 hrs at this rate. I had to apologize for nearly dieing and wasting his time. In front of my team.
@@Shade11906 you didnt have to apologize. why did you apologize????
The difference between me and you I can't leave or feel like I can't leave gotta be there for my mom I feel but at the same time dealing with good old step papa the enemy in disguise
Yeah she talks to my infant to avoid me. It’s ridiculous
@biarlahhaih We were in a large open floor plan, separated only by curtains, with around 2 dozen other cancer patients undergoing their own treatments within hearing distance. They could hear him. They shouldn't have had to. They were going through enough. IF I "accepted all blame" for the delay, then he would be satisfied for a time and shut the fuck up. Had I told him his behavior was beyond disgusting and upsetting seriously ill patients and their caretakers, (many of whom were around the ages of our children and so would NEVER be seen as "authority figures" in his eyes and the longer/louder his complaints went on there was the chance one of them would try to interrupted him or call security and someone could get hurt) then he would've seen his behavior as "justified" bc I had "challenged" him and everyone would've paid a price. I'm his partner of 16 years, and he wasn't satisfied until I APOLOGIZED FOR ACTIVELY TRYING TO DIE. Use your imagination to extrapolate what he would do/say/and how to complete strangers-either weak/sick or "children" in his eyes-had I said "Shut UP, you whiney little child and look around you. Read the room." He has npd. I know this. He knows this. He doesn't believe it but acknowledges that many of his behaviors fit the definitions of the disorder. It's taken 16 yrs to get that far.
In that moment, where I stopped passively dying and gave actively dying a go, it triggered all of his abandonment issues. This was something he, himself, with all of his knowledge and skills, could. not. control. Or fix. He was scared. And he couldn't control that either. For him, that's a sign of weakness, not millions of years of evolution. What he COULD control was projecting anger, punishing all who he saw as making him feel fear, and was finally accepting of a "sacrifice " laid at the alter of his ego. Me. The one he was afraid because of. Not bc of what was happening TO me, but bc of how my dying would impact HIM. Normally, I can console, tease, joke, or even mildly shame him out of a situation where he attacks, BECAUSE on some level he fucking knows what he's doing is fucked up, but given the circumstances, I didn't have the energy/resources within me to do it. The tap was dry. So we both defaulted back to stereotype. It was shorthand. It ended the bitching. Three days later, removed from the situation, we discussed it. Had I attempted to say everything I needed
Our household phone was next to his chair. While we (family members calling friends or recieving a call)would be speaking he would mime putting the phone down,or he would talk to us loudly when we were trying to talk to the caller. If my mum wants to phone me ON HER OWN MOBILE she has to go out to the garden while he is napping.
Ex had some weird thing if u are talking a shower, he would always try to get in. Pass 2 bathrooms to get into mine,
@@ladynicole888 probably thought you might escape down the plughole. Really,they are pathetic.
@@pheart2381looooooool im dead mine always use to jump in my baths the one place i have peace
..so weird how they all are
They love when we hang up on them in anger or frustration. They smugly think "I won that one". Sick people.
ÑThey surely have a smirk on their face..
👍🏻🤣🤣🤣😖😖😖😖😬
Today a “friend” texted “I hate when people hang up on me!”
I haven’t responded to his 5 attempts at getting me to respond.
I don’t want to talk with someone who’s drunk and over talking.
He actually texted me “I didn’t diss you”. I haven’t done anything but stop responding to him.
Dunzo with that behavior.
This is so recognizible , this trauma binding I had too , it,s so exhausting
God Bless your wisdom!!! My soon to be ex husband would hang up on me all the time ! One time I literally just called to ask for prayer.(I am a Christian) that is all I wanted. Prayer. He hung up. When we were fully married before our separation he never ever ever called me, I would call him dozens of times. How do you not answer your wife??? But you have time all day to talk to other people and scroll social media. I was in the hospital once and he didn't answer and I guess he read the text that I was in the hospital, but he didn't come to the hospital. Because he was too busy doing his laundry. I rarely speak to him and when I do, it's just a reminder of "oh! Yup. This is why you requested a divorce!" I know it is hard to disengage, I personally empathize with anyone struggling to go no contact. But they aren't thinking abot you. They are not. I'm happy, I don't spend much time at all thinking of him. It is so freeing. It is like this cloak of invisible dread has heen taken off my body. So liberating. Whenever you are ready, you will experience the same freedom too I hope. But that your time this is a hard and complex situation for everyone. Survivor and beloved you are strong!!!❤
Would this count?
While I don't think my dad is a narcissist, I do remember plenty of times growing up when he would answer a call or make a call on the kitchen phone, then talk in the living room or kitchen while the tv was on and ask or demand the tv volume lowered if me or someone else was watching. Rather than talk in a completely different room that was quiet. It's as though he did this on purpose. I would think any normal person would logically want to go where it's less quiet without bothering anyone else. I can imagine narcissists purposely being in a noisy room to be controlling or manipulative.
That's the Narcissist's playground, Controlling and Manipulation. They really do lack common sense! Even a child Knew the correct answer to this problem. That's how you know that what they are doing to you, on purpose, isn't right. Always blame others and never look in the mirror for a self evaluation. The whole world is wrong and the Narcissist is right...Always! Another clue.
lol! ..iknow hey!?
I'm so sorry your mother treated you that way. I wish when I was younger I healed myself from the terrible pain my narcissist family inflicted on me instead of trying to work things out and find solutions so they could still be a part of my life. What a huge regret I feel for doing this but if I didn't I wouldn't truly understand why you need to ALWAYS put yourself first when you're dealing with narcissists. I don't talk to my family anymore. Last time my dad called me he was being really friendly and saying he wants to come visit but I could hear the hate and anger in his voice. Like you said, it's an act just to worm back in. I feel broken from what I've been through but I focus on myself and my life now.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Thank you. This is reassuring for me as it did take some time for me to realize that I was dealing with a narcissist I did eventually realize it. I am so sorry for you it was your mother. That had to be a struggle and you are amazing . I see a very caring person in you.
6:48 Yes appears and disappear is very common
Danish....thankyou for your content. You have literally described my wife, which I'm currently divorcing. You're videos are helping me identify and heal from YEARS of being subjected to this behaviour...daily...and to a very high level.
I'm struggling to come to terms with what I've realised she is...and feel a fool for the excuses I made and behaviour I let happen to me, but watching videos such as these are educating me...and really helping. So, thankyou.
This has opened my eyes so much!!!
Well done 🎉 you've experienced a life of pain but it has made you a better person. Imagine if you'd never changed !!!
All 5. My ex used to actually say the words “why do you always have to make everything about you?” Anytime I said ANYTHING that wasn’t about him… even if it was me telling him how I feel about what he just said. Nobody’s feelings matter to a narcissist but their own. I don’t even think they view other people as actual people with feelings because our feelings are just an annoyance to them, and our problem to deal with. Not theirs at all… My ex also used to try and tell me that how I feel is wrong because… or I “took it the wrong way” and had I understood what he said the way he meant it I would and should feel differently. Glad that’s over…
theyr waaay 2 overwhelmed with their own life.. apparently pre-3yr old trauma..lack empathy to the max
I am so sorry for your experience. Although I survived an extremely toxic abusive relationship, mine was my ex husband. (and no I am not a bitter ex. He was diagnosed by 2 separate court ordered psychiatrist. I also left him) I can’t imagine the pain that type of behavior coming from a mother. I have 2 sons, 21 and 19. I feel so much love, respect, appreciation, and protection for them that the thought of hurting them breaks my heart. I know you are a psychologist and know this already. Yet, sometimes it is still nice to hear it from someone else. You didn’t deserve anything that happened to you. You were a child. It was her responsibility to build you up and make you feel true unconditional love. Any child she raised would have been treated just the same. It was her issue, and that issue had absolutely nothing to do with you as an individual. You deserved better and should be so proud of yourself for the great person you have become, despite all the extra obstacles you faced due to her own personal issues.
I used to pretend to forget my phone at home when I went out with my friends. Did it on purpose . I was so tired of being called for no reason at all every 10 minutes asking when I was going to be home.
I "lost" my phone because of this. He bought me another one and I'm just so absent minded that I lost that one too. I remember having gone to a party for a friend who was going overseas for an extended time, and my ex husband calling me every 20 minutes, screaming down the phone at me. There was another time when I was trying to do the grocery shopping, and he started calling repeatedly because our 1yo daughter was hungry and he was demanding I come home to make her lunch. Useless 🦆
But when you are home they ignore you right?
@@srodriguez721 my narcissistic demon would leave.
@@terrydyer2490 It’s Probably better for you that they leave!
@srodriguez721 It was better. I've been no contact for over 4 years but the trauma damage is still a nightmare, my narcissist was my daughter, The abuse she has done damaged me beyond repair. She is dead to me and she did something that I will never forgive...
This video is pure gold! You nailed it all! Thank you so much for vocalizing all of my observations as well.
"My" narcissist routinely hangs up on me for no reason whatsoever. It seems to be some sort of game/control thing, or simply for his own pleasure. It's not even during an argument . I'll be saying something, trying to make arrangements or whatever, and mid sentence, he'll just hang up. I used to get really annoyed, but then I realised that pleased him. Now I just ring back and carry on as if nothing happened. I pray for the day when I have things in order to get away from him!!!
Brilliantly expressed, Danish! You missed one though: my husband will call and talk at you as though he's already halfway through a conversation without feeling the need to identify himself or say why he's calling. He does this with everybody whether he knows them well or has just spoken to them once ever. One time when he called, my sister answered because I was indisposed and he talked at her for five minutes before she could even get a word in to say that it wasn't his wife he was speaking to!!! 😆😆😆 My mother does exactly the same. All of them 😖
My narc ex. girlfriend only wanted to talk videocall (facetime) I didnt get it, but now i know it was to analyze my face while speaking, she wanted to see the tears in my eyes, my face expression when she pressure tested me all the time. 😢
The best part of your write up is the ex that you wrote before girlfriend. You are a smart boy for taking that decision.
It's so true, I experienced a lot of times being hung up, abandoned like piece of trash with a lot of negative emotions that I have to later deal with, by my own. And of course later this person was acting like nothing happened, not even one 'sorry'. A lot of truth in this video.
I am no contact with my mother...and the rest of the fake family i speak seldom to or never...
Spot On!!! I have experienced All of these and more in 12 years! Thank goodness I'm finally out of that horrific relationship
Experienced all of those behaviors /x-narc of 7 months.Don't miss his "evil behavior at all!"Thanks Be to God,intervened when he did.Forever and Always Love to God.Amen🙏❤️
Yes same God and my son Saved me
I can’t believe how much is the ex in this checklist. I’ve never been able to put it into words. I divorced him last year and am slowing breaking that trauma bond. I am so grateful to have listened to ones who really cared.
The few times my mother called me was just hours of 'I..me...my...'. Nothing important, nothing interesting, just taking up my time and attention and showing me who's boss and who's in control.
One of the last times i saw my parents, they came to my house uninvited after being told we had plans. We gave them tea and entertained them anyway, and they couldn't even bother to feign interest in me, my partner, or anything we tried to show them or tell them. They literally started looking around the room like a kid with adhd every time one of us tried to speak.
On top of that, they're trying to one-up each other the whole time. So uncomfortable and off the charts cringe.
So many valid observations you note here in your most helpful video - I couldn't count, the number of instances and nor how many times I fell into their narcissistic grip of emotional trolling, beleaguering and/or demoralizing moments experienced until I learned about the truth of narcissism. Thank you for sharing your own stories as well, as that takes courage, yet, when survivors grow strong, we can assist others to escape this seemingly restless, non-stopping revolving door of narcissistic emotion and verbal abuse. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a narcissist will break up anything to suit them best, even if it be their own children egos and personalities. Thank you, I know your words helped your listeners and I along with them, look forward to your next educational video. Namaste.
Thank you for sharing this information with us. I looked back through many phone calls that left me feeling confused or upset about an unknown reason. I now see what rubbed me the wrong way about those interactions 😮😊❤
Thank you, Danish I feel so validated after watching this episode. It really shed some light on some I have my patterns of self-doubt and insecurity every time I hang up the phone with my mother like an impending doom, almost like a deep anger with myself for allowing it to bother me, but it doesn’t have to ruin my day anymore now that I understand that they are just fulfilling a need that they are not aware has completely hijacked their consciousness and their vessel so hard boundaries is what I stick to and taking these healing practices one day at a time thank you so much again. God bless you and your healing as well.❤❤❤
Funny you should bring this up, I was talking with my ex narc this morning, that's exactly what he did; talking to me while talking to other people, I couldn't even hear anything and finally he said; I will call you back later, that was 11 Hours ago. If it was him that needed something from me, he would be calling me every second of the day.
My husband worked out of town & would call me from the hotel, but then constantly be talking & joking with his co-workers instead. So annoying.
They never call you to say hey how are you? I love you. They just get right to the point for what they’re calling about. Example would be “where are you?”
Danish each word is true to the depth....I salute to your guts taking your own stand and labelling them for what they actually are.
Every word holds a weightage 💯💯.
It's my daughter and I love her but i have put up with too much, recently for a month she didn't answer my calls or texts, she texted that she was busy and overwhelmed. I texted that this was hurting me and I'm tired of hurting. It's been two months since then and I haven't heard from her, l am ready to let it go, but it's hard when you love someone, and she truly is grandiose, a beautiful brilliant scientist. I'm done though!
My experience: they like to talk about their daily achievements, aren't interested in you _at_all_ and criticize other people (like colleagues) endlessly. They talk a lot of detailed bs about people you've never met.
Exactly. And if you live with them you have to listen to this everyday and it is so tiring.
You nailed it! Also, will roll into the call with no “hello” or a “how are you?”
I know that exact person!
Exactly!
😮..and this is the behavior of one of my closest friends of 38yrs..
I used to fall victim to their behavior quite often..and get REALLY upset at times.
Then one Fine-Äss Day..
i Realize all i needed to do was Change My Attitude!
YES because that's thee Only thing i Could change.. Certainly can't change Another Person..Especially a Narcissist 😂
So..i then began to Stop giving in to that person's Attempts at getting a 'Reaction' out of me over various situations..and they Finally realized they could no longer Manipulate me! 🎉
I no longer feel the Need to 'have the last word' with someone if they want to try and argue with me.. i let THEM have it so That will be the thing that rings in their mind later on..Not something i said so they could obsess over and twist into something it never was..
😮 Oh my..look at me..
babbling on and ON 😂
(well if u got this far God Bless ya! hope whatever ur dealing with gets better soon..🙂)
I’m speechless, you are reading my mind right now. Thank you.
I know someone who used to call me, speak whatever she wanted to tell me, usually telling me what i should do, and after she finished speaking, she wasn't waiting to hear my response. She was hanging up the phone the moment she finished talking. Listening to my opinion or my reaction didn't even cross her mind.
I unhinge my narcissist daily lol. I know I shouldn't,but I'll not be a victim!!!!!I am the hero in my story....❤ All of you keep your heads up and keep learning!!!!
Exactly. These habits are ways to control you and gain power. The narcissist will say they want to speak to you, however a TV program is on. When you say ok and turn the volume down, the narcissist says we could have talked when the commercial was on, I want to see the rest of this show. Completely blowing you off so that you'll be annoyed and walk away. Then, they'll say, 'well I wanted to talk, but you walked away! Total gaslighting!
My God you’re describing my relationship with my mum 100% - it’s so spot on it sent chills down my spine! I’m working hard to become trauma ‘unbonded’ - great video - looking forward to seeing more of your content
It’s more upsetting when their friends aka fans say “ you know how he is “
Condoning bad behavior!!
Danish? I love watching your channel. You are so on point as I was in a narcissistic relationship for 8 years and didn’t even know how I lost myself in him. It finally just ended about a week ago and I have to admit I’m truly crushed. I’m trying to take it day by day to heal myself .