What Happens to CPTSD When You Rush Into Relationships
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 มี.ค. 2021
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Growing up abused or neglected can predispose you to bad relationships. Your emotions and judgment are altered by what I call "the trauma-shaped hole" -- it can cause you to feel anxious during the early stages of dating and make you anxious to move things forward quickly. But FAST is the enemy of real intimacy for people with CPTSD. In this video I talk about the reasons you may be rushing into romance, and why it does more damage than you think.
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For almost 50 years every one of my short-lived relationships was either a mirror or reverse of my relationship with one or the other or, at my most unstable both, of my parents. I finally created 20 questions to answer about my next boyfriend and 20 attributes I really deserve in my relationship. Then I had fun and dated until I found my husband who checked all the boxes. I wish it was so easy for everyone. I would share my lists but you really need to create your own list. Use only positive words in each item. So instead of saying "not an alcoholic", say "clean and sober".
Please share the list if u don't mind 🙂
wow
I have made what I call
THE, List...lol
right on!!!!!
@Melody good for you!
LOL ME TOO..........I wouldn't be sitting here in a 'broken down RV'...with 1/3 of my life left...not having been loved.
It is in old Word files. I will dig for it. I hardly thought anyone else would want it. You all made me feel good.
“You don’t want to use magical thinking as a weapon against your own common sense.”:I love this! I’m gonna say this to myself before any decision I make…thank you, Anna.
Great idea!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Exactly! Magical thinking, prayer & healing affirmations that feel right to you, are effective emotional & mental health tools you keep in your tool box for when they’re needed but not to abuse them. They will serve you and then you’ll know when it’s time to let them go. Letting go of subservient patterns is a process so have compassion for yourself & what you need in that moment. It all has its time and it’s place in moving forward🙏💝
Thank you for this video! I also noticed that I'm rushing in towards men that seem slightly interested in me. That anxiety in the dating phase is very difficult for me to manage. In my case I noticed that I was projecting onto them my own insecurities/self criticism, so in a way rushing in was a way for me to get rid of the question "they like me, they like me not". For example when I got to a physically intimate moment (early on) I would be stuck in my head to make sure I look right for him, that he enjoys it etc etc. Basically for me I wasn't able to enjoy our moment together, it became a performance for me in order to avoid potentially all criticisms that he might have. So because I perceived myself as not perfect (I don't accept myself for this reason or for that reason) I was constantly terrified that he will find out my reasons for not liking myself, agree with me that I'm not worthy and leave me. But that creates a tunnel vision for me into ignoring the fact that I might not like him. If all my time at the beginning is spent trying to become likeable I would have zero time/ energy left trying to decide if I like them. That's how I got to "crap fit".
This is SO insightful. Such a good description of what it's like. Thanks.
Wow can I relate to this. Thanks for putting it into words
100% relate to what you wrote
This is me 💯. I notice too late in the relationship that I'm the one with the attraction issues and discover things I don't like about them but because I'm so insecure about how they feel about me their red flags go completely over my head
omg. this is spot on.
When you said something to the effect of “this can be done at any age” it made tears well up in my eyes. I’m 40 something and only just learning I’m worthy of being treated well and I want that chance to find the right person still. It’s what I pray for. My ideas about relationships have changed so much as I have healed. Thank you Anna.
So glad that you are healing! You deserve it!
I was 53 before I realized I was worthwhile, I am now 54. Stay strong and stick to your values.
My current relationship started off fast (we both got carried away) but we noticed just at the right time, so we could slow down. This is the most healthy relationship I’ve ever been in.
Kudos!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I appreciate this comment. I'm trying to do the same thing. My boyfriend and I jumped into things but he seems real and genuine and worth my time so we are trying to slow down again.
I had this problem with someone who I believe has cPTSD.
I would hope she is ready to take it slower if we get another chance, but I'm not betting on it.
I spoke to her about the condition, and can only hope she watched some of the videos/ did some reading.
She's genuinely lovely, and there was a lot we had in common - which was shared through music, photos, hobbies, interests, humour and familial similarities.
We worked well together on tasks.
Unfortunately we basically packed in the whole "Domestic experience" and it went ridiculously well.
I felt very relaxed with her.
It seemed too much to crap-fit all of it, so I know some of it must have been genuine.
However, if I had known she may have this, I would not have rushed in.
I have started relationships from sex before, so to me it was not such an issue.
I hope she figures everything out, and finds meaningful friendships/relationships.
You are the most competent person I've ever heard on the topic of CPSD. This is so insightful for me. Thank you for making these videos for me and all of us who need it!
Appreciate you watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
She’s awesome
I am so very happy I found you. Years of therapy did absolutely nothing. I always felt the therapist caused more feelings of anxiety and felt as though I was being re traumatized. For the first time someone understands!
agreed, anna is phenomenal. ive read many books and saved a few lives as an advocate to abused women. anna is easily in my top my top three people i learn from and take techniques from
I dont intend to enter into any kind of relationship for a very long time- if ever. 4 years single and absolutely loving the peace
That's wonderful :)
that's great, wow you got damaged!! make yourself the safe space you need, but keep in mind we evolved as a society because people do better in families and in groups with close associations, trust and love. if you're trust in those things got damaged, after your safely separated from those, maybe give some thought to what the heck happened and why, and try to find a healthy way back. I suggest Lisa A. Romano on TH-cam, Les Carter and Alan Robarge are all excellent!!
Me. Too.
Ditto!!!
Mee too, 10 years. Dated once, a year ago. Will definitely stay single.
We've been married for nearly 12 years. I was diagnosed with CPTSD just a few years ago. I'm sure my husband has some degree of it as well. We royally blew the beginning of our relationship, and even broke it off and laid it down to take time to see if it really was something we should do.... And here we are almost 12 married years later. We struggle with communication, flashbacks, and poor coping mechanisms. We both were abused horrifically as children and were in long term abusive marriages before we met. Trainwrecks through and through. But kindhearted, and funny, and creative, and sensitive. I struggle with how we started out often, and we both know we need to learn new ways to navigate the ravages of abuse. It's been very hard and very beautiful at the same time. Is there a video that would be helpful for us? We so want healing. Thank you for all you do, and who you are Anna. You are a treasure for sure. 🌻🦋Margaret Elaine
That is beautiful, you can both do the Daily Practice I talk about. Hopefully it will open up more lines of communication and give you more coping mechanisms.
courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
❤
I met someone recently and was completely overwhelmed with feelings even though I knew it wasn't a good idea. I've thrown cold water on my fantasies once already but they came back. Thanks for bringing me back down to earth, I needed it!
Are you still with the person?
Strangely I've always taken my time with relationships and they're still crappy. I must have a sign that says only bastards need apply. I've been on my own for over 20 years & very happy. Haven't got the time or energy for relationships
You’re not alone. I think most men in the context of an intimate relationship are very difficult to relate to. Don’t let anyone blame you for not being able to find a ‘good one’. I refuse to over function and fill in the gaps for a man who can’t relate.
That's wonderful, feeling happy is what we want!
Me, too!
Me- I don't even like him
Him- this isn't really working for me
Me- oh hell no!
Exactly!!!
Omg me
Oh my god it just clicked for me that that's why I always so quickly feel stuck in relationships and I'm just waiting for them to see the "real me" and break up with me (because I have the narrative I'm a crazy and unlovable person). It's because I rush in the relationship with my guards and some rose tinted glasses on, so I don't actually see them and they don't actually see me. - I got a lot of healing to do.
Here is a course on how to stop that narrative:
courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
Be aware of the one who say's its not Healing you need but Change is what the fact is 😦. Healing does sound more like the Truth of the illness. 🙂
Done both extremes. I had to explore. I needed to learn and understand. I'm feeling that scar tissue a lot. I need to rest and recover. I need to keep the energy vampires away.
I'm so glad to see men in the comments section. And that there might be some out there who would understand us if they've gone through the same.
@@saltpepper7525 I'd suggest many do understand but learned "This is how the world is, I'm not allowed to be open without feeling attacked in my most vulnerable place". Growing up in my family taught me that it may be understandable, but terribly misguided in the long run. I'd rather embody the alternative, because many men never come to see the value in it.
@@euchiron may be but it's no good. When a lot more people are going to suffer from cptsd and other forms of mental illnesses. This mind set is "shallow" and selfish. Kinda like distorting reality.🤷🏽♀️
So glad you're here.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I'm glad this channel makes clear things that our society desperately needs.
It’s hard to do the courtship phase when the men you meet just want to dive straight in with sex. I haven’t gone along with what they want for years now, which has just led to years of being single and celibacy. Not easy, but I’m enjoying better relationships with friends snd with myself. Unfortunately, this is the reason why so many women are now realising it’s easier to go it alone.
yeah and if you put the sex off it seems like it doesn't matter anyway. You were just more of a challenge.
I relate to your story. To the people I wished I dated first before deep-diving and not went along with the charging in: I am sorry.
I'd throw in some tough truth: people need to be in contact with other people of different kind. So many people living alone and lonely because of the "broken" past. One can so often read in the comments about "the right person to come".
When you know how to take care of your emotions, you don't wonder if he comes or not. You know how to handle yourself and that's all you need to know. Only this makes you open enough to see how other people handle themselves and you ;-)
Amen..
Yeah...after two years of not allowing myself to get too attached to anyone...I am starting to recognize that it is easier to be alone. I am also remembering the loneliness too. I made the choices I did -- including living with a man for 7 years I had no intention of marrying-- just to avoid being alone and the stigma of being single. I knew must spend time alone before having any chance of a healthy relationship, but it sucks being alone sometimes facing all the things I didn’t want to face about myself. The fear of never finding true (romantic) love still plagues me.
I have been grieving my life before I acknowledged my CPTSD. Love is all I've ever wanted in this life. To love and be loved. And it's the one thing I can't figure out. It's incredibly painful. You give me hope that this healing path will work for me.
Just also want to say that even when you don’t rush in- you’re still going to learn new things about your partner after five or six months- things will continue to get deeper and deeper. It’s also normal for people to have flaws.
Great point!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Or 27 years.
This is called settling. This is called falling inlove with someone's potential. This is called I will always be alone. This is called codependency. This is called staving in love.
I have done all of these. I have done both jumping in and avoiding. My added challenge is social awkwardness... introversion. I need a mentor😁... To be shown.
I need one too;(
I'm glad it resonates and hope the strategies do was well :)
Please pray for my g son of 5 years old. Hes been through a lot. But he needs to see me being treated with respect even if im alone.
I'm sorry to hear about what sounds like a really difficult family situation for you at the moment, Cynthia. Is there someone not treating you with respect? And is your grandson witnessing this behavior regularly?
@Cynthia glad you're here, hopefully you learn some strategies here that help you with what is going on.
Going through similar situation with my grandchild....( abuse of sorts from each parent who are divorced who treat me horrid....This child clings to me...till they ...fill the child's mind with trash about me ...I truly AM the more giving/caring person in this little ones life )
its a journey of finding you and your worth. nice you're here.
G = gay?
I have a great marriage, but I do all of these things with friendships! Obviously not the sex lol but I meet someone, think I knew them from “another life”, get in close very quickly and then get burned. I tend to gravitate to narcissistic people and I’m trying to break that pattern. It’s very painful
Great self-awareness, you can work on it only if you can see it :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Magical thinking has always been a thing for me, but it got kicked into high gear this year because I've been taking such a close look at my childhood and my boundaries.
Now, as I attempt to do more physical socialisation, I'm going to lean WAY back where sex isn't even on the table until I've actually witnessed and learned about this other being that, in the past, I would've just given-in and then either run away, gotten annoyed with, or gotten taken advantage of.
Society formed sex into "no big deal", but it is hurting a lot of us to be playing with it like we've been.
Not only that, but all of this sex stuff has been me operating from my masculine...and it's not working to attract the right men haha.
This is how a lot of us feel about sex, for us it is a really big deal and minimizing that hurts us. I'm so glad you are trying something different, well done!
I'm sitting here crying and wiping my nose. A week ago the man i thought I would grow old with left me. My trauma suffocated him and he is exhausted. The pain I feel is something I've never felt before. I was terrified of being abandoned again - just like my parents did.. and here I am. But this video gave me hope, and maybe there's still someone out there that can love me as I am. Im in no rush, I'm still grieving. But my first instinct was to go out and start dating again. I need to feel loved and important. It's so unhealthy, and for the first time in my life I'll stay single for a while, working with myself - and perhaps in time, find healthy love.
I know how daunting this feels but you really can do it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
❤️
I was a teenager in the 70:s and learned the message of ”free love” and to be a liberated woman brave enough to ”say yes”. It ruined my life. I wish I had heard Your messages about dating instead. As a vulnerable, but attractive woman, I have been used and emotionally exhausted. I had no defenses. Now, I am not likely to find a serious relationship because it is late in life. However, at least I am learning why it all was wrong before. Some kind of closure....
Maybe this will be the change point :)
I relate to that but think most men are only interested in skin deep attraction. It's their loss no one stuck around long enough to find out what's behind the looks. Their loss, my gain.
AC Fatemi it's never too late. Miracles happen everyday. ❤
There are many late life relationships, glad you're here :)
You can have a love no matter how old you are. First be your own love, fall in love with you first. You are the most correct and most important person in your life ❤
AWESOME ADVICE. It not just romantic relationship. It is EVERY relationship for me.
The 'imagination' running wild - for me - was the psychological escape method I used to 'check out' while enduring the childhood torture and during my full spectrum abusive marriage.
I truly believe God has purposely kept me unmarried for many decades. He is jealous for my heart, mind, soul and spirit. My relationship with Him brings healing. He has the infinite patience I need. It did take a very long time not to be afraid him too.
Glad to hear you have found some peace!
No one talks about this phase. Thank you so much.
I'm so glad you find it helpful!
Absolutely fantastic. I have tendency to find a man abuser
I stayed so long with someone who treated me like animal. I though the is no way out. There is always way out.
So glad you found your way out and here with us :)
I've been desperately attached to a man that I hated. I guess I was triggered and felt abandoned by a parent all over again.You're right! I just couldn't let go. My neighbors started avoiding me.
We find out we are often attracted to something made up, it's really not the person at all. Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I’m an expert at crap fitting !!
Then you are right where you belong-glad you're here!
Me too, 30 years!
Heh! I thought she was saying “crack fitting.”
“Crap fitting” sounds more apt to what I do.
Oh my Godesss…this WAS the story of my life. In recovery of old behaviors. Thanks Anna & everyone in the comments sharing & supporting each other.
This is the best community on TH-cam!!!
I get I'm an anomaly. I've been married for 33 years (36 years together) with a very similar person to myself. Yes, I have lots of triggers and poor reactions that I struggle with and work on constantly (i'm in my late 50s now), but somehow he is patient and knows when to talk to me and when to walk away. He too, i think, has CPTSD to an extent, so i think he just understands. And loves me. :) Such a good video; thank you.
He does love you for You . Warts n all. He probably has been hurt . My husband of 30 years passed due to cancer , we spoke of our childhoods , we were children,13&16, when we first met and for 30 years we were never apart for long ,& I know if he was here now he would of been diagnosed with cptsd due to what he had been through as a child . Thankfully we both knew about our third eye from very young and I believe we were destined to b together . I still get messages from him . 1 time after my husband had passed for atleast 5 years . I and my granddaughters other gran and her sister were going out to celebrate a birthday as we were walking through the door to leave . My husbands voice shouted out? It was his answer phone message ? It was on my phone but in a file . For it just to shout out Twice his name and how he would get back as quick as he could . The others near ran out the front door ? Personally I found it reassuring he was always with us . He knew the others really well ! Friends From their childhoods . They got a fright and a bit freaked out by it but I made it positive and we went out and celebrated her birthday. I am smiling right now at the memory. I miss my husband and I have become too selfish to have a man in my life as a partner . Finding some1 to trust how we trusted eachother. Blessings. 🌹
@@karenmcardle142 Wow. That is so lovely, touching, amazing and full of love and hope. Thank you for sharing that.
That's wonderful!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I'm veeeery lucky, thank you. :)
@@thatswhatisaidCA As soon as I started reading , I could feel the love you and your hubby share , just from what you had written. You both have a very special love for eachother, Enjoy everyday with eachother ❤
You nailed it with this video. Been there; did that; too embarrassed to wear the T-shirt. Thank you!
Glad it was helpful and you'll get free of that embarassment!
For real! Lol! I LOVE the way you put that, Freedom Rings!
😁
Magical thinking, this is so me. I will never get involved with another person who is addicted. I ignore the bad in the hope it will get better. Eventually reality hits you between the eyes.
Endings are awful. Isolated and shut off as the pain is so deep. Trying to be my own best freind. It's hard as I've realised I don't particularly like myself. Trying to change the voice to be more loving. Thank you so much for your videos,
So glad you're here, thanks for watching!
Ihear you well as i have this in side of not worth it. But it also seems so many today are hiding this also. it seems its breaking out like fly's but we who suffer it from the past all ready aware and hope we have a better awareness of or grip on it in a way.
I hear that. Feel the same. X
@@Ladyjojo695 Who you responding to? not sure sorry
I'm 62 years old grew up in an abusive alcoholic environment and this describes my history to a T. After multiple failed rushed into relationships where I tried to crap fit myself, because I knew how to put up with the unacceptable, I went into a nearly 30-year period of just avoiding relationships altogether. I'm not even going to tell you how long it's been since I've had sex. At 62 what I hope to do is meet somebody nice somewhere that I can spend time with and get to know in a very slow manner. I just couldn't do it anymore because of the pain of disappointment and having to break up with people. I'm going to assume that it's not too late as long as I'm alive. Thank you Anna you hit the nail on the head.
Not too late! There is a Dating & Relationships course designed to give you the extra support
-Cara@TeamFairy
You nail every single issue, Anna. There are many, many people who have talked about how our childhood affects us, but you presentation is so completely and sensibly explained! Even if our childhood wasn't a terrible one, many of us did not feel validated by our parents, and even if they were doin the best they could do, we are still having to heal.
Spot on! I've been isolating more and more over the years. It's affected my relationships, friendships, and career. I can see why much more clearly now. Thank you!
Thanks for sharing!!
-Cara@TeamFairy
How did you work on this?
I feel so understood! I’m realizing that healing happens by facing my triggers.. not avoiding them! 🧿🧿🧿
Yes. Challenging but it works.
What is so awful about being alone? Seriously. I am post-menopausal, "alone", and happier than I have ever been. I don't have my hormones demanding that I get into one non-relationship after another. At 63, I finally see just how much control my hormones had over my life. But if you've got some data and research on post-menopausal women who no longer feel like they *need* to have a man, I'm willing to listen. IDK, maybe I'm nuts but I like my life, I like me, and I really don't want to be "in a relationship." I'm by myself, and it's okay. It's second childhood time but I have my own money now and my body is my own.
As I teeter at the edge of perimenopause (44), this sounds almost ideal. I've never had a healthy relationship, a good partner - maybe it's just time to stop trying, instead of inviting future head and heart aches.
I love this! I’ve been single for two years and sometimes I get lonely but really only around Christmas or times when I am, “supposed “to be happy lol.
Same here! I am so fed up of the dating rollercoaster. I’m quite happy on my own, but some people don’t seem to understand it and are always saying things like ‘aw, one day you will meet the right one’ …. No thanks! I’m done!
POWER love this.
I can relate and agree!
You are such a kind human being. Thank you.
Thanks for being here!
Thanks for this video. I have disorganized attachment, so I want to run towards and run away at the same time. I'm making myself take it slow, but I need resources like this to reassure myself because courtship is THE WORST anxiety.
Yes! Good for you for working on it :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I’m 28 years in. I wanted out after I said I do.
I really hope you can get some healing and peace around that.
Ow hurts my heart to read that, I'd say it's well passed time, for yourself and others involved. Be honest, authentic 🙏
Me too
oh my goodness! You've explained exactly what I did when I rushed into both my marriages! I have CPTSD but NEVER understood why I rushed into them both and then tried to fit retro-fit into the marriage..and then try to fix my husbands. Thank you! this is so, so helpful!
Glad it was helpful!
-Cara@TeamFairy
There are many of us who share your experience.
“Crap fit.” Love it. Also very true.
OMG You just described my entire 20 years of dating experiences in a 15 minute video. I'm shook.
When you started talking about magical thinking I thought about something my therapist said to me, btw yes I did this in relationships or more like flat out denial, that was magical thinking, “ evil forces are working in your life”. This statement was so horrible in so many ways. First never NEVER say this to someone with anxiety disorder as I spent the entire weekend in a panic thinking I can’t stop evil forces! Second I just can’t believe in “evil forces” unseen. She said this several months ago and I spent time in my own magical thinking hoping she wouldn’t say weird statements like this again. And then she said she didn’t believe I had covid at first when I had been exposed and was very sick. I’m ending the therapy tomorrow because I’m done magical thinking my way through this! And your daily practice is making more headway than therapy for 15 years has ever!
Thanks so much for sharing, so glad the Daily Practice is helping you!
Doesn’t sound like it would be the healthiest, but, after 15 years, I would love to be able to rush into a relationship with someone who isn’t good for me & deal with all the stuff that comes with that, rather than spend one more year alone
I understand the sentiment but agreed, it doesn't sound like the healthiest :)
I totally get you, In fact thats what I did and end up with people sicker than me that I wish I never knew. And the "dealing with it" part broke me in a million pieces. So please, try not to make a "trauma driven decision" or at least talk about it with someone whos not affected for CPTSD to help you.
Doing that these days…loneliness is a 6 to the burdens of dealing with the 6 of someone who, of course, also has issues…everyone has a past or pain and joy… that is what life is…how to decide…loneliness is safer…
This could not have come at a better time. With covid cases going down and spring here, everyone’s rushing back to get some physical touch and affection. Thank you! As always a blessing in our lives!
Remember to slow down yall! Slow is good for CPTSD.
Couldn't agree more!
Magical thinking had me thinking my abuser was my Twin Flame. Over a year out and I still feel so bad about myself for believing this.
You can do the Daily Practice to get rid of shame and keep moving forward :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you! I began writing fears and resentments for 1st time this morning (fear of loosing my 24 year old daughter from a terrible diagnosis is my present fear) wow ive been writing for hours and its clearing my mind (mostly about my husband of 25 years) wow im seeing my life in a brand new way "behold i make all things new" says the Lord. I dont think i want to live like a servent or a momma to him anymore. Im beginning to believe that "hey maybe i could have a better life" because getting things on paper lessens the fear of leaving. It doesnt seem so bad anymore. God bless you dear one!
You deserve a beautiful life, Cynthia! I'm wishing you all the peace and happiness you've missed☮️💜
@Cynthia that is wonderful! This technique is SO powerful and I'm thrilled you are using it. I hope you left your email on the website so you can get updates about the zoom calls for those doing this Daily Practice. We can meet and there is more community support :)
I hope you do one on avoidance
It's coming!
👍😊
All of a sudden my life and struggles make sense! 😭
What is amazing about you, is the fact you can relate to how we are all feeling. I've only just come across your videos, yet I feel more empowered than I have done in a long time. I'm starting your daily techniques today.
Watched 4 videos.
Spiritually I'm healing, I want to thank my angels or the universe or who ever, for bringing you into my life. Here is where my hard work starts. Thank you. 🙏
So great! I hope you'll join a Daily Practice zoom call soon :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Fyi from the retired psychologist sometimes people with cptsd are diagnosed with Borderline personality. Cptsd needs to be ruled out before borderline personality disorder. Don't go fast in any relationship. Sex is not intimacy; wait take things slow. Some caution against dating just do your healing for 8 months before dating. Action oriented actions are an escape from feeling bad. We need insight not action.
Appreciate the insight!
Thank you for sharing
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy what is sex if not intimacy?
Why 8 months?
@@tiff965 you have to heal or you'll end up w a different person same problems.
This series is changing my life, both personally and in my relationship. Respect.
wow its only been a week since I found this channel but already its changing my life. thank you
Happy to hear that!
I’m so glad I found your videos, Anna. That’s all I can say right now - you’ve just been incredibly helpful to me
I need to end a friendship I have with a guy I work with who I’ve been crazy about for 5 years. He came on strong about a year after we met and we had a serious flirtation where we could barely keep our hands off each other and he had a habit of smelling my hair when we were around each other. It was fun and playful.
He suddenly cooled off about 3 years ago and started dating someone out of town and our carefree flirtation was over. I was devastated. I thought he was as into me as I was into him.
I’ve tried to be the cool, understanding friend but that’s a lie. I wish him well, but I can’t be his friend. I still have feelings for him and he chose someone else. Hoping he’ll somehow realize what a wonderful woman I am is magical thinking and I chose not to live that way anymore. Being honest about my feelings and making better choices equals freedom in my spirit and pride in my growth. Time to move on.
You sound very sad but very sane! Thank you for sharing.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I can't do anything for them. But i can do for me and slow down!
Correct!
You’re amazing! Lost my parents at 11, have been struggling since then- you’re helping immensely, thank you! 🙏🏻
I think I've been crap-fitting by being that "cool" "nonchalant" girl to avoid appearing too clingy or too attached. Wonder if anyone else does that?
Yup. th-cam.com/video/RkGQWEqWhQ0/w-d-xo.html
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you so much, Anna, for the encouragement. And for the reassurance that it is possible to heal. Hope is certainly a lot better than despair.
This really resonated with me, especially with making new friends. I'll try to go slow this time even though it is quite anxiety-inducing when you don't know for sure if someone wants to be your friend or noh. Thank you so much for the positive and encouraging words!
I relate to so much of what you say here. Thank you for shedding some light on what I didn't even recognize as painful patterns that I didn't understand or sometimes weren't even aware of. This is so helpful in becoming healthier and in turn happier and feeling and acting less crazy (for lack of a better term).
Glad it was helpful!
Story of my life. Thankfully I’ve found this channel. Life changing information.
I’ve been binge watching your videos because I feel like you are the first person who is saying out loud exactly what has been happening with me and what’s in my head!!! My Daughter also! I am sharing your videos with her so I hope she is watching as well! As far as relationships I have been in numerous meaningless relationships, had two kids from two different meaningless relationships which caused issues in all of our lives. I’m at the point now where I am just alone. I’m afraid of relationships but I have a joke I always say I’m going to write a book called 1001 reasons why I’m single, everytime I see a couple fighting, a guy gets caught cheating or even just doing something dumb or whatever I will say, reason #261 (random number) why I’m single. It’s just something that keeps me safe but very lonely and I hate it! I feel like I should not be in any relationships until I can get some healing first, so I’ve been single for about 8 years lol
I also have gotten to the point where I have a 90 day rule where if I’m interested in someone, I will not get serious for at LEAST 90 days, I definitely won’t sleep with anyone for at least 90 days, etc. I figure most employers won’t give you insurance until you’ve been there 90 days, There’s a reason for that lol. It seems people start showing their true colors by then so I’ve avoided a lot of mistakes of jumping in too soon! My daughter is having a hard time being alone so she will attach herself to literally anyone and has had numerous relationships in a short period of time and none have been healthy to say the least! I’m very worried about her but I am taking everything in that I’m watching from you and printing out the quizzes and sharing with her. I’ve started the daily practice and I hope to take the courses in the future! 💝🙏🏻
I’m so happy I found your page!
It’s amazing. It’s like you know me inside and out. This is better than any therapy I’ve gotten.
Thank you so much.
Glad Anna's videos are resonating for you. Grateful you're here! - Ashley, Team Fairy
This is so powerful. Thank you.
I’ve been dating on and off since I was 15 and I’m 43. 29 years of broken 😞 relationships. However I didn’t have the tools and I beleive in this 43rd year I am supposed to heal it and transform it. I can’t wait
You can do it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I just turned 44, and same 💗
This video and you are both amazing! Thank you for articulating with precision such helpful information!
Glad it was helpful!
This is amazing. I've never heard something so directly on point and understands CPTSD
The Fairy has a way of throwing it down :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
This brought me to tears...
Omygosh I feel so broken going through my 5th divorce at age 71. People see me as attractive, smart, and fundamentally sound describing me as “a good catch”, but when they ask me why I have such bad luck in relationships I’ve never been able to come up with a good answer because I really haven’t known why. All I could figure out was that men become horrible after the marriage. It’s so insightful to study your channel and others that teach me about narcissism and the effects of childhood abuse. I’ve been very successful in life while ignoring a childhood of horrific abuse and neglect…being alternatingly favored by my narcissistic father, sexually abused, and horrifically beaten. My mother was also a narcissist who treated me like a devil child and hated me when my dad favored me. Evidently I can’t ignore my past because it still shows up in my relationships.
We're here to help! courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com
-Cara@TeamFairy
I really enjoyed this video. I have done the same thing in my current relationship but thankfully we realized pretty quickly we have been moving too fast. We have been slowly working on trying to slow things down and take it one day at a time to get to know one another.
you have so much insight.....i can tell that what you're saying is very ground level from knowledge and experience, unlike many therapists
Thank you!
Very helpful. Thanks!
EXCELLENT video. Saving this
Previously I jumped head first into every relationship I’ve ever had, even with new friends and jobs, thinking I finally found the “perfect” job… I’m not doing this any longer. I made the decision to stop dating (relationshipping) 1 1/2 years ago, and 3 months ago stop diving in 100% with new potential friends. It’s much more peaceful and provides time for me to honor myself enough to take my time and sit back and observe. 😊
That does make so much sense! Thank you
Glad it was helpful!
One doesn't learn about themself unless they get burned for their wrong thinking. I try to not get burned twice but that is another dead end of its own. I'm growing out of the CPTSD trauma and into a very happy spiritual growth. Being single is a big part of that growth but not if it's just hiding from pain. I think the difference is in having those famous boundaries. Observe them, when they remind you of their presence, so we don't bump up against them so hard. Namaste.
Thank you for sharing that, it's true that sometimes being single for a long stretch is really healing. Glad you're here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Shoooot...seriously wish you had been in my life in my early adulthood. I had such toxic magical interactions with men. I married one of them and am just getting out of the marriage 12 years later. I actually started to heal a few year ago from my relationship with my mom who likely struggles severely with CPTSD as well after going no contact with her for a period. Then a year and a half ago my husband was removed from my home for an abusive incident. It's been lots of focus on healing my own heart and asking myself very hard questions. I don't want to do the same thing in the future or to jump from on man to another to another like my mother who is on her 4th marriage and was never single in between. Thank you for everything you do and for your straight forward perspective. It helps so so much!
Your telling the story of my past .
Love your insightful videos .
Thank you for sharing your knowledge .
Thanks for watching!
I've done that more than once in my desperation for love and affection. After being hurt and burned by not having wisdom in what was happening. I've taken a step back and now I'm trying to work on taking down these walls that have been built up as a defense. It's hard to not compare myself and life timeline to others around me.
Very hard not to compare to others, I understand. They all don't' need to have the healing we do and here you are doing the work!
-Cara@TeamFairy
You’re amazing. Thank you for existing on Earth during this time. 💓
You’re always spot on with everything!
Thanks so much!
You make great points!!! I wish I knew all this 20 years ago... but I'm so much more aware now....and working it..
You can do it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I love your videos, Anna! I found videos on narcissistic abuse which were incredibly helpful for personal understanding of the then what and the why, but I've found your videos have been a godsend for understanding "now what, why, and how" to start healing. How now, brown cow? I know it's a long path of healing, but at least I have understanding and a community who also gets it and also struggles. Peace and love, ya'll!
Your notion of the two step process makes sense! Thanks.
Thank you for all of your videos.
You completely described me at the beginning of this video. Thank you so much for sharing and helping
Glad it was helpful!
This is good stuff. Thank you from the island of Trinidad and Tobago
Wow- thanks for dropping the location :)
This is so helpful beyond words. Thank you😊
So glad!
👌🏻 thank you Anna for sharing your understandings and super useful clarity
Thank YOU for watching :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is SO enlightening! Thank you
Thank you, thank you! 😇
You're fantastic. Just a few videos in and I'm feeling hopeful.
Welcome!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Anna, you give me so much hope. I always learn a lot from your videos. I love you. Thank you!
You are so welcome!
This was really helpful! Thank you
Your compassion is beautiful.
You are so kind, we appreciate you :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you 😊 💓
I thank -Jesus for you! You worked hard on your healing, it shows and is so inspiring.
Thank -you for doing the work, for Trusting God along the way. You are helping me along my journey. I just wanted to say THANK You!!!! 😘😇
This kind comment makes my day. Thank you!
I am going to heal my trauma shaped hole. What an excellent new mantra. What wonderful information ❤️