5 CPTSD MISTAKES That Keep You STUCK in Trauma
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ก.ค. 2024
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Much of what people say about Complex PTSD is flat out WRONG. In this video I talk about five mistakes to avoid -- even though they are common -- because they can increase a sense of hopelessness stop your healing from progressing.
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00:43 1. Don't make CPTSD your identity. It's an injury. You are not your trauma. Disidentify. (Daily practice.)
06:29 2. Don't give away your power to heal.You are the captain of your own healing, you hire help, but you're in charge. (Sheet 12 Things)
13:25 3. Don't keep talking about the past. You need to tell your story, but don't go on and on and on talking about it. Can be triggering. Instead write about it or mix of practices. (Daily practice)
20:31 4. Don't use isolation to control your triggers. You need other people to heal. Learn to control your triggers.
22:25 5. Don't try to make other people control your triggers. Learn to control them yourself, then you have the freedom to hang out with anyone.
Ah no, I do all of this😒. In my quest to find out what is wrong with me I've become my trauma identity. It's going to be an uphill journey to try and break free from the only thing that gave me an identity cos besides that I don't know who I am.
Thank you! 😘😘
@@sino4456 I hear you! I'm halfway through my life (maybe further) and only just began to realise that my mother had been emotionally abusive throughout my childhood. I slowly started paying closer attention to hers and her siblings' behaviours and flaws and gradually started to realise they were all still suffering and self medicating in their own unique ways without really knowing (or perhaps they know but don't accept?). It's a hell of a blow to realise so late on that you've not been really living your life. I don't know if it gets a lot harder to transform your life the later you leave it, and whilst window of time one has left on earth. Or perhaps the less time you have the more motivated you become? Good luck in your search.
@@roberttruman8444 My thoughts exactly! And going to therapy every week for 45 min....I would b soooo frazzled due to the little "fires of chaos" and people pleasing I was guilted into that we NEVER we're ABLE to discuss root Issues (soooo plural) as we were discussing y I was so angry ,crying,frustrated at each visit...that I would become ANGRY that after 2 years NOTHING was even discussed never mind healing!..
And seeing my 5 kids and 3 of my grandkids fall into same pattern is soooo disheartening...I research healing ways better ways...like a yo-yo dieter! I just want to heal so my kids can see it IS possible...
@@sino4456 i know the feeling... but that´s the road to recovery, identifying our "mistaken beliefs" and let God (and Ana) lead us out of this. I am like you, and I pray every day to build up the courage to continue putting one step in front of the other. Blessings and much love to you.
Even though isolation and dissociating isn't the ideal way to go through life, it kept me sane and alive for all these years. I've been burned by so many people in my past, that I stopped relying on people to bring me happiness.
I totally understand how you feel. That’s where I am at right now. But after watching these CPTSD TH-cam videos from the Crappy Childhood Fairy, I’m feeling a ray of hope and possibility. Still I have a lot of work to do, and I’m not as young as I used to be. But my hope is to have this trauma drama trigger driven life put to rest once and for all. Not only for myself but for the betterment of all those around me. Not relying on people to bring me happiness leaves me isolated and miserable. So I am beginning a new journey here. I wish the same for you.
WIthout some real solutions, we do what we have to do and there is nothing wrong with that! Crappy Childhood Fairy offers some solid solutions, methods that have worked for a lot of us, and practical techniques. So, there's a lot to be hopeful about :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
It's helpful to not worry about what others think of us just ask if you can help them ...stacking wood, giving a ride somewhere, helping pack..what ever
Wrote resent and fear down
yes.
"When I'm dysregulated, I can't remember anything..." Ma'am, you've just summarised the last 16/17 years of my life.
and the last 68 years of mine!! so lucky you Tshego you can change and good luck!
Lots of healing tools for dysregulation, in fact there is a whole course on it bit.ly/3t5vPtN
-Cara@TeamFairy
Is there a relationship/connection between dysregulation and disassociation? Is dysregulation a specific subclass of disassociation?
SAME!
And I’m almost always dysregulated lately. Very angry because anger feels safer than sadness
I feel like my whole life is one big never ending trigger.
Crappy Childhood Fairy can help with that :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Sounds like snow ball effect
FINALLY!!!!!!
30 years of being misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety. Overmedicated. Now I understand why talk therapy never helped. I've had CPTSD all this time! Thank you
YES, me too 100% all of that :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Same here!!
Can totally relate....
Same 🦋
The cause might be CPTSD and the effects are anxiety/ depression/ etc
Once cried so hard in the shower that when I got out I turned and saw my soul still there looking back at me. Years later went back and got her back.😁
So glad you reunited!!☺️☺️☺️
I'm so glad to hear that!
oh wow! reading this hit my heart. I'm going to have to sit with one for a bit to see why. maybe my soul is out of my body and I need to get her back.
Wow Donna what an amazing experience-and you describe it so succinctly and so well.
Pure poetry.
I retrieved my soul years later too
Thats beautiful 💕
1. Don't make your CPTSD your identity. You are a complex person.
2. Don't give away your power to heal. Don't be mad at the world for not understanding and healing you. Do what works, captain your own ship.
3. Don't keep endlessly talking about the past.
4. Stay connected to people, even if just in little bits. Don't isolate to control your triggers - learn to control your triggers even around people.
5. Don't try to make others control your triggers for you. When you control them, you have the freedom to hang around anyone you like. Don't outsource that responsibility.
Nice!
-Cara@TeamFairy
The worst is when you turn your energy inwards when you’re dis-regulated, and people take offense to that. It’s like, I’m trying to protect them by going inwards rather than lashing out - but they don’t understand.
@Lia_Lia I completely understand, glad you are here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I relate to this.
The tricky bit can be when/how you turn inwards. If you have just triggered or just plain hurt the other person-whether deliberately, as by (more or less overtly) insulting them, or inadvertently, as by presenting a disproportionate, unreasonable, and/or unfair emotional reaction to something they’ve done or said-it is certainly well-intentioned and admirably self-aware to remove yourself from the situation before flying completely off the handle and making things much, much worse.
But from the perspective of the person you are trying to protect from your rage, doing so without sufficient explanation can look and feel very much like an emotional hit-and-run. If they are already bewildered and knocked off-balance, then whether their own impulse is to escalate and get retribution or simply to get an apology, your inward-turning move isn’t going to give them what they now justly want (i.e., *closure* of some form or another), and could well be taken as a further insensitivity and self-indulgence. Not knowing your altruistic motivations for suddenly bowing out of the very argument you had just as suddenly started, any insistence on your part that they respect the time-out could even be seen as a DARVO move: you got your sucker-punch in on them, but now *they’re* the bad guy for not respecting *your* apparently newfound need for boundaries.
The key, of course, is communication, but that’s easier said than done when you’re trying to keep your mouth shut for fear of lashing out!
I relate.. i call it implosion.. i never explode to others.. it is a exploding towards/inside myself..
@@XxYwise this makes sense, but in the moment and until there is awareness of what's happening....is one person more responsible than the other?
If I tell my partner I need space, I need to process, I'm dysfunctional and disregulated and cant talk yet... and they pry and peck and it feels like despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage
"When you isolate yourself for too long, you get a little bit weird"... Oh man, it's already starting.
We're here for you :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Lil bit weird for me is a lot weird. Just saying. 💙
Funny, I was not trying to identify with the statement, nope. I relate.
Maybe a little, but as a non conformist type myself, it can also be positive in that society isnt molding us so easily and we're at least becoming more of who we are. So many people become so much like everyone in their social network or family and don't even question their thoughts/life, even morality, on a deeper level. I would never want to be like that. However, I do want to find some good friends or groups I can grow, laugh and have fun with. These videos are helping me to want to venture out a bit so I can find what's best. Take care, and don't be down on yourself. We have gifts to offer others after being alone that not everyone has.
Going to therapy just reinforced the fact that something was wrong with me. I was there to talk about what was wrong not what was going right in my life. The focus was negative. Didn’t really resolve anything for me.
This changed for me after doing some EMDR. I wasn't just "a survivor" anymore--it stopped being my identity.
I can relate. It's so good when we find a thing that works!
I've been thinking about trying EMDR. And MDMA, too. They both seem like dirct approaches to the injury while meditation feels sort of fuzzy, indirect, and slow! I JUST figured out what's wrong with me. I don't want to take more years to heal! I feel like I've already missed out on such of my life.... I'm 56.
@@codacreator6162 I hear you.. So much time/life can be wasted on ineffective treatments. Check out Somatic, too.. It's another thing that's really helped.. So simple, so effective.
I am going to do 5 sessions of EMDR next months and then a few in the winter. How many sessions of EMDR were critical for you?
@@codacreator6162 I feel you. I am 48. I read so many self-help books since I was 19 believe it or not, and, though there was change with those books, there was, it was like a 20% change when I needed something more like 70%. I haven't tried MDMA. I have done Ayahuasca and San Pedro, and I am going to do more Ayahuasca, 5-DMT. For me plant medicines seem to get to me somewhat. I feel I changed somewhat from the ceremonies.
This was a fabulous video. Trauma victims are so hungry for truth and to be understood. Thank you for putting yourself out there.
Thank you as well!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I AM. Very very much
I have been looking to psychology for my mental health for decades. This is the first time I've heard someone actually say that talking about it ad nauseam isn't healthy. She's spot-on. when I couldn't afford a therapist I always wrote my about my tribulations & never re-read them. None of my therapists have really done more good than all the self help, reading and writing I've done. It's like the Hawaiian healer I see now who has an ability to physically pull out negative energy from my body. I'm lighter and could care less about my past trauma. Talking & rumination stores negative energy! Releasing it is the best solution. Bravo Anna! Only someone who's lived it gets it.
That's me as well. Friends would encourage me to share but doing so would only make me feel worse. It's better for me to not say anything
LOVE LOVE LOVE and RELATE so much to your comment/share. Healing love from Canada.
@@evanskimberlyevans well thank you. I needed to hear that. Healing love back at you from Hawaii.
Omg that reframe about being the captain of your own healing is gold!
Yes and if I had a nickel for every alleged professional that at the very least disregarded me well I'd have plenty of nickels what's really scary is that the more you try to talk to some medical professionals well I wish I had been recording at the time some of the outrageous things they say well they're just outrageous I don't even know what the purpose of some of their lies and weird manipulation techniques is talk about who's f and crazy don't even get me started on therapists haha but yeah that was my attitude and I had forgotten and it's exactly the attitude I need to get back on like like a horse I fell off of I'm the captain of this ship and they are my hired help earning respect is a two-way thing
Two therapists are riding bikes in the park. One of them falls, scrapes all the open skin on the pavement. His friend rides up, looks at his buddy cradling a massive gash on his shin. Leans in and says in a soft understanding voice: "I can see you are hurting. You want to talk about it?"
LOL! Yes.
Omg! "Don't talk about it" . Everytime I talked about it I felt sick, depressed, off centered and upset. I realized I need to stop, I felt too vulnerable and open to being hurt. Thank you for clarifying that 🙏🙏🙏
Mb it's offtopic, but yesterday I managed to refuse buying some expensive item, and didn't feel guilty to upset the shop assistant! Yay!))) Congratulate me, ppl!)
Well done!
Well done, congrats! 🥳
Well done.
Excellent job! Real progress. Keep it up!!
Congratulations
This is excellent. I am an Air Force brat who grew up being torn away from my home from age 6 weeks to age 18-19. I'm now 74. Finally, someone can speak sense to the real dysregulation from trauma. This has been left out reasons why chronic health problems like Fibromyalgia develop. I wish highschool knew how to teach these topics so when it happens to you, you have a foundation to understand.
Wonderful talk. It speaks to my whole life. Thank you
Thank you for being here. I'm glad that the content speaks to you.
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you so much for bringing up the tickling aspect because I was tickled as part of my sexual abuse as a little child and now as an adult it brings up so many negative reactions that I cannot help but kick and punch to get that person away from me. I actually had someone I used to date who was resentful because he wanted to tickle me and would get mad at me because it was a trigger of mine and thankfully I am healing enough to not allow people who have that type of perspective into my life anymore. I have now taken back that power and I’m so grateful for your videos
Thanks for sharing such a personal detail, I think the tickling resonated with a lot of us and that is a great example of empowerment 💜
-Cara@TeamFairy
Anna, I signed up for the free course. I've done the practice for 3 days...and not even as you prescribe...I keep forgetting to do it later in the day...but I hope to work up to it...the last 3 days I've done it in the morning, first morning I did writing and 20 min meditation, second and 3rd day writing, but only 10 min meditation...and already I feel better. I like dumping out the fear and resentments and humbly asking God for HIs will...and knowing I can do it anytime...and even though I only intentionally sat down to put it on paper once a day, what happened, was throughout the day when something would pop in my head I would realize "oh, I dumped that this morning"...wow...it was so much easier to get on with the day after that. I'm excited. I will get better at it but I'm really happy with the start I've made. ~Dawne
Aw, I'm so glad Dawne! Welcome!
Can someone help please?
How can I sign up in the free course? ...can't find the link.
@@tutaremaria Open the SHOW MORE above (under the first two links Anna provides) there's a list of courses....hope that helped!
Wow this video made me realize how much my life is being affected and controlled by my CPTSD... I'm just kind of sitting here in awe of how much my life was described back to me in this video
I'm glad you caught this one @stuart_mcnulty and heard what you needed :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you for referring to “tickling” as torture. My dad molested my older sister, who was much prettier than I, but with me, he used to hold me between his legs and tickle me until I was sobbing and close to passing out. Only then would he stop. I always felt like a lunatic for getting so upset about it, but I think it’s actually a form of abuse. He was also a raging alcoholic, so I’m deeply relating to all of your videos.
It’s a sexual thing. Look it up.
it's definitely a form of abuse.
I was tickle tortured too! People think I’m crazy when I say that, until I tell them it was done til I was bleeding.
I did something that really helped me with narc mom. I wrote myself a letter to me from her apologizing for all she did in my childhood. It really expedited healing
Interesting, glad that gave you some relief :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
That's a great idea! So glad it helped you. ❤
I isolate but practice using my new filters and boundaries on folk that I now meet. I have learnt so much. I asked a close friend to refrain from gossip and overly deep talks as we have therapists for that and I realized I was constantly being triggered by a lot of our conversation content. I just am prioritizing time to actually enjoy how far I've come and don't want to be constantly discussing our 'war stories' time to break that bad habit🌼
"When I'm dysregulated I can't even form memories" wow this explains so much about all the holes in my memory especially around high school and the therapy I supposedly went to but don't remember
Wow, this one sounds like it really resonated with you. Glad you're here
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Is it possible to get back the memories? I feel like I am missing so much of my life. I have no doubt that it is because I was dysregulated most of the time. I am ready and willing to deal with both the bad and the good memories. I just feel robbed of most of my life!
My family thinks I'm crazy that I know I have cptsd/ptsd it hurts so much. I tried to reach out to my siblings in hopes to talk about growing up. My dad was an alcoholic My mom continues to enable. All my siblings and myself are unable to find healthy relationships/love. It was a dead end and only reminded me that my family doesn't care about my feelings. Your videos are beyond helpful to me. I'm back to reality again. I'm 47 years old. I'm starting to realize I don't have parents or family anymore. I'm alone.
Same here, I'm 23, I just got called crazy yesterday by my "ex lover" 😢 I opened up to him, I thought he would understand. He didn't 😢😔 just like everybody... It feels lonely
Healing really is a solo job. That doesn't mean we can't have supportive people around us, rather, we can't heal along with the abusers and abused. 'Healing Childhood PTSD' is a great starting point though and includes a healing community at Crappy Childhood Fairy bit.ly/39NxUBo
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you. I moved across the country on my own at the first of the year with my career. So I'm away. I Will watch that one. Thank you so much. I hope to find some friends soon!
I’m so sorry that people in your family make you feel that way and behave that way, they might be making you feel very alone but i promise your not, you are very valuable, more than you’ll know, there is a free group support for many different problems/topics it’s called daily strength.com💞💞💞
❤️🤗
Thank you so much for this.
I am not my trauma.
Yes healing is possible. I believe this. I’m improving. 💞🌞🌷😘😊☀️
congrats. one little victory
We are full human beings! Not trauma at all!
Forensic Therapists/Addiction Specialists understand emotional regulation, I forward your videos to clients all the time
I'm so glad to hear that!
What is a Forensic Therapists
A 26 minute video from CCF? My Sunday just got better 😁
Thanks @Danielle! Happy Sunday.
I adore you Anna💕💕💯💯In a world where I don’t trust anyone, I trust you 100%. You are the only one who makes sense for me. Counseling doesn’t help, I have to agree. Thank you for caring about us out here💕
Thank you so much!
Anna my mother is an alcoholic too and my childhood was destroyed because she chose a partner who was a psychopath. He made our lives hell. I have made tremendous progress and a part of that is due to writing my story. I just want to thank you for sharing your story. I found also that is OK to have days and cry. Tears are apart of the healing.
Thanks for being part of this community!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you for this. My trauma was at birth (adoption trauma). I had all the symptoms of CPTSD but had no idea why until I started talking about my life. Adoptee, because of the societal view of adoption being beautiful, rarely know why they struggle. Adoptees are 4 times likely to attempt suicide and are significantly over represented in behavioral health services because we are often silenced about the impact of adoption. It's the constant denial of experience that leads to CPTSD. So we MUST keep talking about it. First, to identify and understand it and then to raise awareness so future generations don't have the same experience. We are still told, to this day, by society as a whole that we are lying and ungrateful. It's hard to overcome in community when it denies it, so we have to isolate from everyone except other adoptees and those communities are rare. We go behavioral health treatment that also denies our trauma. So the population over represented in behavioral health services is denied by those services.
Fellow adoptee here, agreeing 100%. And when you go to see a therapist and you mention you are adopted, a light bulb goes up and it goes ding ding ding, jackpot! In their brains and you become this case study and not a person. This is awful. I had a therapist who was also adopted, and she was somehow helpful but it did not help in the end, because the trauma is physical and I don't believe it can be healed through talk therapy but through physical therapy integrating the mind like Body Mind Centering work that is absolutely miraculous ( but that you must keep doing).
I find most of your descriptions of PTSD very clear and thoughtful. However as someone who was raised in an emotionally abusive home, I feel that the deep emotional pain is a part of me and the most useful ways to deal with it, is to know that it is part of my identity
now. As much as someone who has had trauma losing their sight or a limb is their reality. You learn to accept but you need to work with it while you live your present life.
We encourage everyone to be honest about what resonates for them :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I relate
Let it be a part of you - but don't let it be your entire identity.
You are MUCH MUCH MORE than that.
I really like how you highlighted your sovereignty, our sovereignty in healing. What a different perspective ❤
That really seemed to resonate with people, it's an empowerming point of view which we need!
Right there on how important it is to own your healing process. Realize that not every practioner will "get it", just learn to figure out what they can offer and take responsibility for the overall results. Once I decided that I would make my mental health a non negotiable thing that I insisted on having in my life, I begin to get really creative about noticing ways I could help myself to deal with triggers and keep myself "reasonably functional" when triggered. The biggest tool has been learning to accept and be curious about my negative emotions, rather than automatically believing the narrative they suggest are true about a situation or acting on them immediately.
Well said!
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is so true. I saw a somatic/spiritual advisor yesterday who helps me with CPTSD and really whole body trauma effects, and the clear mind was the best part. She reminded me how my own actions were impeding me getting what I need, and it felt so clear and wonderful. Granted, this is after years of somatic healing and learning, but it is so worth it. Like the teacher here says, you will find what works, so stay on the path.
Is that like the Peter Levine Healing Trauma stuff?
I’m 34, it’s been 18 months and it’s the biggest trauma of my life so far. It has knocked me for six. I’m still healing, I’ve accepted it’s going to be a longer process than I thought it would be but I’m over the nasty hump. I’m finally stable enough, I’m not in survival mode anymore, mentally and situationally. Which is good but I’m in the next phase of grief. It’s the kick up the arse I’ve needed. I’m one of those people that is pain motivated. I achieve better and feel a greater sense of purpose from pain or trauma. I have no purpose in easy, stable and comfort - likely due to my upbringing. I can only thank my trauma for reminding me of my purpose and ability. And I also thank my trauma for reminding me that you can’t be in full control of every aspect of your life and it’s ok, it will be ok. It will be amazing!
We highly recommend the "Daily Practice' for healing bit.ly/3608opl
What a loving endeavor for you to share your story and teach others to change the course of their lives. You are pointing the way, like a lighthouse to lost ships. AND you are so easy-going. Thank you!
Thanks so much for this loving comment.
I so appreciate you doing these videos. I started watching 2 of your videos upon suggesting by youtube, and the one on possibly having trauma from siblings caught my attention. I am the youngest of 5 girls, the sisters are all 9-18 years older than myself. Now I feel you have helped me identify my experiences instead of just believing Im weird because I cant handle certain things. So I am going back to the first video i could find from you and trying to heal from here. Only took me this long… (62+ years)
Just love your frank, genuine and sensitive approach. So glad I found you. My healing starts today. 🌈💕
This sounds almost exactly how I talk to people in my therapy practice. I have been a therapist for 35 years and have been teaching people this especially the part when I tell people, "You are not your trauma. You are a complete and perfect and whole person who experienced trauma. You can heal and grow and learn to put it behind you. You are not a victim, you are a survivor!"
And the writing, ALWAYS recommend people keep their Handy, dandy notebook with you all the time. I'm glad to see other people teach these techniques, too! Light the candle!!
That's great to hear!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Echos of the 12 steps of AA ring throughout your description of the Daily Practice.
Write it down, say it out loud, meditate/sit quietly/pray/be still.
Simple and wildly complex all at once.
Thank you for sharing your experience 😊
Thank you. None of my therapists understand what I'm going through. Your videos, especially this one, save my sanity. I've recently expressed my disappointment with my current therapist. He just doesn't understand why I can be forgetful (forget to pay his invoice; forget appointments); just does NOT understand dysregulation. Here, Fairy says that we must teach our therpists. Thanks for the information and guidance. So good to know that there is a reason why the "experts" do NOT understand us! Thanks. I am beginning to realize that I really need to try your course. Best wishes.
I love this lady. Look how she helping so many people, by pointing the way and helping us to understand our feelings , thoughts and behaviour . I bet when she was a small child, she wouldn’t have believed that she would become a saviour .
You're too sweet, thank you so much!
Thank you for validating me and my journey. I feel that disregulation runs my life and I need to try something new.
You can do it!
Me too.
I must say too, that CPTSD can occur any time later in life. Not only in childhood. Accidents, terrorist attacks, horrible hardships and heartbreaks, etc...
Triggers can also be due to being part of the highly senitive personality types. These people are just much more sensitive than the normal range of people. And are often misunderstood. Alas.
That's true however research has indicated that most children fare better if they have parents who they trust.
-Cara@TeamFairy
Absolutely outstanding, yet again. Thank you so much for these analyses and guidance. I've had a few genuine epiphanies watching your videos recently that make so much sense of my partner. Maintaining attention for more than a minute or so on any given task, talking (often in circles) endlessly about the past, worrying about the future, rarely being in the moment, isolating to protect others from trigger reactions, and delegating responsibility for those triggers to those around and closest... it's all there. I can see great improvements in my partner over the past year or so - she's trying so hard - we have an outstanding therapist (he specialises in childhood trauma) and I feel like I now have your wisdom in my ear each night also. Thank you again, so much.
I accepted a diagnosis of myself in my 20’s ( I’m now 61 ), and it was Borderline Personality Disorder with Histrionics.
Through a loved one, I learnt about Cptsd.
My then psychiatrist came to know my history.
I did not hear words like
Abuse nor words I would use now and many would as a normal response.
Not the psychiatrist.
Over years, I have had 1 positive interaction with a psychiatrist.
And I remain dubious about most male psychiatrists.
Videos like these are gifted.
✨✨✨✨✨
Tickling is a deal-breaker for me too. And also coming up behind me and scaring me is we're not friends after that. It feels horrible to be scared by loud noises. My body feels attacked and it lasts quite a while afterward and I'm in a terrible mood after that. Who thinks this is funny.?
I hear you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Same
Yes! It throws me into a place that I cannot even describe.
AGREED! Don't sneak up and touch me, especially tickle me - it's so frightening, not funny AT ALL, and it makes me want to punch you in the face!!
Sounds like whoever did that to you is a narcissist or sadist who enjoys seeing the level of pain they can cause you.
THANK YOU for all your time and effort spent in explaining to us a lifetime of learning! It means SO MUCH! 💕 At 13:25 when you describe mistake #3, you're explaining to me the mystery of why I feel a sense of panicked dread after opening up about my traumas, even to a trusted friend. As if I'd just forever "slimed" them (and myself) in the process. So I isolate for fear of saying too much. Knowing I can actually "write out" my recovery gives me so much hope.🙏🎉
Yes, learning to stop talking about it and dealing with the symptoms.
Also becareful who you open up to. Not all friends can handle that.
Writing really is relief. Sometimes you can't wait on ppl or an appointment. I need to get it out now
Every time I see you be vulnerable for my sake, I want to cry. Thank you.
You make me feel understood.
Aw, what a kind thing to say. Thank you!
i love your show. it is deep and a common problem and yet not well known remind me of alice e miller the drama of the gifted child and the untouched key I dont know if you liked those books at all, but i sure do enjoy your show and I have been threw so many similar things , amazing that we can be 50 or even 60 and STILL have unhealed wounds !!
You and me and everyone here -- totally OK that we are still wounded and extra great that we are working on it now. Thanks for your kind words!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you very much for your reply. I will be watching ur show and learning.....;. A young friend once told me ''you have to bravely chase after your happiness... until you finally get it.'' he always inspired me with that... and with his positivity ( in spite that I knew he was battered a bit as a kid. Great guy too )
Til next !
You are so SPOT on! I can't believe someone understands what many of us go through.
Found you today and so appreciate all these confirmations! Also understand your story all too well. And I love peaches too. I too feel I am the sovereign in my life & decide what works well for me as too! I focus on calming my triggers all the time. I used to write as a kid and I still do. Dance is another. Yes it can take days to recuperate. So guilty of being an extreme hermit. 🙏🏽💕
.. you are literally a blessing. I’ve been listening to you for a few years ... no one gets it like you do. God Bless 🙏✨
Thanks for listening!
I am 72, quite frankly l have lived with the destructive voices in my brain all my life. I have lived like this for so long l have given up on any recovery. Good luck to anyone young
Enough to recover.
I hope you'll reconsider about giving up- we have many members in their 70's having a great experience!
-Cara@TeamFairy
It’s never too late. I’m 56 & just figured this out the last 2 years
You are so sweet!! I've watched many many people talk about mental health online, and it's refreshing to find someone who talks (even tough love situations) sweetly and calmly, with compassion. Thank you for that.
ANNA! FREEDOM FROM TICKLE TORTURE!!! i was "tickle tortured" too....i learned too late (but share w/you & ANYONE ELSE who has been tortured in this way) YOU CANNOT TICKLE YOURSELF! STOP the sensation IMMEDIATELY by putting your OWN HAND wherever you are being tickled....it STOPS the tickle IMMEDIATELY! love you & thank you for helping ME so much....NEVER be afraid of being TICKLED again!
My biggest mistake was trying to challenge my triggers when I was dis regulated or problem solve my triggers. It was like a endless cycle. Now when I feel them come up I just comfort myself and focus on my nervous system it seems to be helping
I am really having a hard time with my identity as a "victim" in the eyes of others. Since my scars are quite visible, I am actually regularly asked, "what happened?", by absolute strangers. I've created a 15-second response that no longer triggers me. I only answer because these nosy strangers can really go into a tailspin of blah blah blah or even get angry and frighten me if I do not answer. Why do strangers demand an answer to such an obviously triggering question? Currently I figure they are mean or poorly raised. I don't even tell them the truth because I don't want to comfort a stranger crying about what happened to me. I simply recite a vanilla story that might result in scars like mine.
Wow. I think that's the grumpiest thing I've written all week. Sorry. I may need help shaping my opinion of nosy strangers. They do so irritate me.
Quite understandable that this would be a very irritating question (to say the least). You are quite welcome to be a bit grumpy :)
sounds like your solution is probably the best one as unfair as it is,
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@i2ndsight @Melody Lacy Thank you for your honesty and your perspective. I agree that your grumpiness is understandable. Nosy people may be really naïve and ignorant of your pain. If you want to, and feel safe doing so, perhaps respond with something like, I understand your curiosity, but thinking and taking about it hurts me further; thank you for respecting that.
@@jshadow536 Hey J.K. When I say something like, "it hurts my feelings to talk about it", many respond with a further passel of questions and demands for "the truth". Often including aspersions upon my willingness to heal. I'm tough as old boots. I have been blessed with several miraculous healings earned by thousands of hours of therapeutic exercise. It really hurts to be so insulted by strangers.
@Melody Lacy If I were in your shoes I think I would react with a politely toned but confident and firm, "That's none of your business. Have a good day." And walk away or turn my back on them. Good luck! It seems like you've survived a lot.
This is so brilliant. I love what you said about us being the pioneers of our CPTSD treatment, because it’s so true. I never really thought about CPTSD not even being in the DSM yet. I love your channel SO much!!!!!!!! 🧡
Thank you for this. So much bias and judgement from people, but it really stems from a lack of understanding and misconceptions surrounding what someone suffering is going through or experiencing. You did a wonderful job and doing a wonderful service for all of us. Let’s face it - whether you realize it or not, someone you know is unfortunately experiencing these difficulties and could use the support.
I am sooo grateful to have found your channel this morning. I have known I have CPTSD ever since I first learned what it was & have been healing but basically all alone (which I’m glad to see that’s the most effective approach with this rn) and I just feel like I finally am understood and the words “you can heal from this” mean so much I have tears in my eyes. Thank you
Reading this comment gives me so much hope! Would you mind sharing how did you heal and which strategies or tools did you use? Thank you so much and wish you ll the best! Knowing that there are people who managed to heal makes me happy 😊
It's so good to hear, I always identified myself with aaaalll my difficulities and about a year ago, as I read more and more I started to see myself detached from this concept and rather having problems and not being the problem.
That's great progress!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I find your videos very helpful and easy to understand. Thank you for sharing so much with us.
I have learned so much from your videos. I have a rare chronic illness called POTS. My automatic system is damaged. My body goes into fight or flight mode on a regular basis. It is very uncomfortable and stressful on my body. Healing from my past and growing as a person is helping me to learn how to stay calmer during an episode. I wish I knew the statistics of people who grew up in abuse and the diagnosis of POTS.
Thanks for sharing. If you haven't tried it yet, here is the link to the free course, The Daily Practice bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
Isolation is what I’ve for 15 years, I’m trying to really connect with my soul. The past three years I’ve found a community of an Jungian community. These people have taught me more and helped me in ways I never could imagine.
I'd love to hear more about it, what kind of work or discussions did you guys do that were helpful to you? And did you meet them irl or over the internet?
I'd love to know more about how you connected with that Jungian community also. Sounds like it could help a lot of us here.
Thank you so much for keeping me on the right track when it feels like I'm losing hope on healing. You're an angel!
Thank you. That means a lot.
THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME!!! I have been so frustrated because a new friend is constantly trying to cure me or heal me and it is SO BEYOND ANNOYING. It makes me feel weak and babied and NOT HELPFUL and watching your video has helped me feel empowered that they have no right to try to drive my healing. IT IS MY LIFE AND MY BODY AND MY MIND!
this is changing my life right now hellooo new me. i dont have money for therapy again, and the last time i had it it was exactly as you describe it, just talking and dysregulating with no conclusion or end. and ive despaired to get better for so long, never really clicked how to work together with myself instead of against myself. im favoring this video to come back to when it's difficult. ive never been this certain that i can do it as i am now.
Yes, you can do it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
So much is becoming accessible! ❤️. I appreciate these reminders today.
Thanks!
I am living everything you just said . I am so stuck . I am going to do my best the advice you gave starting with the jurnal it makes so much sense since I have nobody to talk to . I literally vibrate with anxiety. Thank you 🙏
Did you look at this free course yet bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
Finding the right therapist is a blessing.
Mine helps tremendously.
Thanks again for truth I understand. You have certainly found a lot of the root causes for many of our negative reactions and responses. Thanks for stepping out and sharing your experience and perspective. I agree, and know, everything you've shared to be 100% truth. Clarity is so important.
This is the first video of yours I watch after a recommendation. Everything you say feels right and I can relate. I haven't felt this hopeful since I realized I had some bad things happening to me, that it wasn't "normal". I know now I will be okay. Thank you Anna
I'm so glad to hear that!
I never felt soooo understood in my entire life! Thank you so much for this video, it made so much sense for all the things that bothered me. I have done many self-help attempts and trials but I never resonated this much as I did in this video. I am so grateful. Happy healing :)
Great, so glad it resonated :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is so awesome. Hits home. You’re so authentic in your delivery and I feel so safe. Love your videos!
Thank you so much!!
Injury not an identity .
You are not your trauma
. so simple and so clear much gratitude for this !
Thank you for making this video, I did not get help for this until my 40's and still healing at almost 60 .
You're welcome, thanks for being here 🙂
Thank you for this encouragement 🌺
Any time!
I needed this! Thank you❤️
Hi Anna, I'm so glad I found your channel! This is the first video I've watched of yours, and it's exactly what I needed, thank you! 😊
Watching these videos has been life changing. Just understanding myself better makes it so much easier to be inside myself. I just want to mention I’ve been using the app Wysa in addition to watching these videos. These two things Have been helping me end arguments so much faster. I usually get disregulated in an argument and I struggle to get anywhere near over it for like at least 8 hours regardless of how small. But these videos helped me understand that I’ve got reasons and tools for dealing with that and I’ve managed to really improve the way I disagree with my spouse in a healthy way.
Thanks so much for sharing with us!
I just found your channel. Wow! I appreciate knowing I am not alone and there is a way to heal.
Welcome!!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I liked this a lot. Then, the end blew my mind, when you talked about your feelings about being tickled. Thank you for saying that out loud. Helps more than you can imagine.
Thanks for the practical advice.
This is amazing. I am going to have to listen to this one a few times to take it in and digest it. You are the Aunt I always wanted x
Thanks so much for sharing!
This is my second time watching in the last month.
Writing about my issues is very helpful for me. Interesting this is also helpful to you. I've been to numerous concelors, a total waste of time and money. I read and re-read my thoughts often. For me, talking about the 'issues' only leaves me frustrated, sad and depressed. I get caught up in my daughter's issues when she needs to share because I feel like I'm supporting her but it leaves me upset.
This is link to method I use bit.ly/3608opl
I love you! I watch you and it helps me so much, and I turn I help my clients. Thank you xx
Thank you, thank you. This video was so helpful. Just hearing the words, "healing is possible" was huge! I am signing up for your classes today. So grateful for you.
I look forward to meeting you!
I appreciate you so much Anna!...this is so empowering. I continue to heal thanks to your insights in your videos. Forever grateful!🙏🤗💖
You are most welcome!
Amen
Thank you for the gift of hope, you are very generous 🥰
You are so welcome, thank you too!
THANK you for all that you do. You are amazing, and I'm very lucky to have found you.
Great video, thank you 😊
Speaking to boundaries and maintaining my power, I know this sounds a little off, but what I’ve come to do is when I start to feel triggered by someone, I immediately tell myself is “people are just things.” I kind of objectify them. What I mean by this is that just like a an object takes its shape by being fixed that way or molded that way, I just bring people down to that simple level in my mind and realize they are not some gods who control the climate and all humanity. Often the person triggering me becomes larger than life or a sneaky thief I can’t catch or out win. I remind myself to get right back to my own journey inward towards peace and tranquility. But it’s important not to just stop there, at that moment I DO something to Affirm my healing, so as to heal that moment (the writing is an excellent example) and then I act upon a self empowering thought that is the opposite of what I just experienced.
Interesting!
-Cara@TeamFairy
OMG!! You have gotten through to me!!! Subscribed!!!
So glad you found us!
Thank you for your work. It is tremendously helpful to me. Thank you!
one thing helps me is to take the people out of it. Lose the emotions involved and know its my story and journey and who did what doesn't matter. What matters is me healing so I no longer hurt myself or others and I can function daily. I struggle with finding a place to get clarity, I try writing and meditation and exercise as best I can but sometimes find even doing what I know I my head is good for me, doesn't feel good. I was raised to not have any self worth but part of me fought it and until I got chronically ill was managing to be happy with some bad days. Getting sick just brought it all out and just added to how useless I am. Now I have to learn to flow with a body that is not well and may not ever get better and how to still deal with my issues and find how to do life again. Would be in such worse shape if not for this wonderful woman sharing her journey. I am so grateful for the Fairy 🧚♀️ ❣❣❣