These 7 Things make YOU lovebombable
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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Narcissist's have a way of making you think they're the love of your life and they always end up being the biggest mistake of your life.
To love is nothing.
To be loved is something.
To love and be loved is everything.
Unfortunately it is true 🤔but I was really enjoyed that time with my ex boyfriend 😀no money or children involved 👍
@user-dt1vz4ce2w Enjoyed? Are you sure that was a narc you were involved with? 🤔
I have got 2years of the best romantic love in my life 😀I was lucky the guy was polite and not aggressive but he cheated and lied me🤔then I have to let him go 😡The problem is I got to attached to him and still healing after 6 months.I don’t want him back!Never will be the same ✌️Than I will be ok in time 💪😅
@@reelflyyes👍
Too true … well said
It’s your innocence and naivety. Your hopes and expectations. Your goals and dreams for a relationship. And maybe because you’ve worked hard all your life, so you expect a certain level of treatment. Which makes it easier for a narcissist to come in and act like they’re the person you’ve been waiting for. When they’ve never even done the work and they don’t have anything of value to share with you. They’re just there to take and leech off you and then they’re on to the next.
Spot on
It sounds like women are far more gullible to be lovebombed. So typical
Wise helpful words as always.
Thank you❤
Oh my goodness...I have love bombing texts on a phone I don't use anymore from my NPD person. I felt like I was being courted and of course, I enjoyed it. Thanks for this Video 😊
I don’t agree with this… it’s at least partially that you want normal reality to be false and a fantasy to come true.
Some people are so desperate to be in a relationship, they forget the basic one. Your friendships. You need to be friends with the person first. And yourself
💯
bingo!
1. Having a narrative
2. Not knowing what gaslighting is
3. Overfocus on romance
4. Strong desire for a relationship
5. Meeting your standards
6. You focus on appearance
7. You are vulnerable
Thank you for making the list, Roxy ✍
@@yukio_saito Yukio, nice to meet you here 😉 And welcome as always, of course. Thank you 🙏💛🙏
Thank you for the list!
I'm always looking for those comments, since having the menu written helps me focus. Please like if you're the same, so that list goes to the top!
And a nice day to you all xx
I was about to write down the list - but thank you, you did it for me!!
@@charlottepembroke5446 You are very welcome, Charlotte 🙏💛🙏
I learned that you shouldn't be looking for true love or a soulmate necessarily. What you're looking for is a best friend. Someone you want to be with and hang out with for the rest of your life.
Romance is something that comes and goes, there are moments of comfortable normality where nothing much happens.
If you try to force love and connection, it won't happen or it will be artificial.
I'm writing this down. Best advice ever ❤
Very wise !
Totally true
Correct. The nuero chemicals that most people confuse for love are definitely going to dissipate. Once the limerance stage is over Most people think they've fallen out of love.
Not so, Your brain Has simply done what it's designed to do, attract you to a mate For obvious reasons.
My former friend/narcissist had this knack to get me talk about myself and I realized he was just mirroring me, "we are so much alike, two peas in a pod, brothers from another mother" etc.. He would lovebomb me to a point where it was uncomfortable. The things he did and said creeped me out! Fortunately I fell down a youtube rabbit hole about narcissism and I started checking off the boxes. Up until that point I didn't know the first thing about narcissism but I did know I had to get rid of this guy!
Did he accept that the friendship is over? Did he start a smear campaign?
My list was compassion, kindness, honesty, good sense of humor etc. he showed all of that in the beginning.I didn’t realize he was just mirroring. He told me within two weeks that “Good asked him how he liked his next future wife?’ He also within the first two weeks insisted that we had shared many past lives and I was a warrior in my past. Obviously I was in a very vulnerable place when we met. Oh yes and he was pretty.
That’s very unfortunate, as it’s more difficult to spot than being showered with gifts and compliments
Yup.. I fell for the future faking..........what a sad and wicked creep.
@@visualizeinside and from a woman’s POV and I am Spiritual he told me that our souls were created at the same time ….
As a man I have had male friends over my lifetime that all the women were crazy about and would drop their panties in an instant for Mr Beautiful! I was always a little jealous of this as a young man I got the one they didn’t want. Now as an old guy and very hip to narcissism, every one of these guys were major narcissists. If they were still around I wouldn’t even socialize with them.... So...most drop dead gorgeous men are narcissists or have several narcissistic characteristics which stinks just the same. If you’re into looks enjoy what you get..... by the time you’re well into your 30’s all the decent people are taken so most of the single people typically have some sort of issues...not an easy world to attempt to date in....
I like how you describe "this person could never be interested in me, they're just too attractive" as a neurosis
Another great topic/video. I got love/future bombed. He checked the ALL boxes. Within a year it all ended. Totally ignored me out of his life. I let him leave, but I was heartbroken. Now realize the trash took itself out. LOL.
When dealing with a love bomber, moving things too quickly and blowing up my phone 24/7 were glaring red flags. Thankfully, this only happened to me once, and very early into the relationship I was able to get out of it quickly and not too badly scathed. I've dealt with similar situations in non-romantic scenarios as well - not necessarily showered with gifts though. It was very overwhelming and unsettling.
Excellent, Dr. Ramani. I would like to add that women who feel the pressure of their biological clocks and want children very, very badly, are vulnerable to lovebombing. It clouds judgment. An infamous case that reminds me of this is the murder of Dr. Toni Henthorn by her husband. She was a brilliant medical doctor but her desperation in wanting a child made her vulnerable and clouded her judgment because she married a very bad man. This is invaluable information.
This❤
Oh my-spot on!
"Society makes us all more lovebombable!" Right on!
Sadly I don't know what true romance looks like 😢
It’s sometimes just wanting to be special to that person, and feeling like you are the person you want to be when you’re with them. It’s scary how accurately they sense what you really desire, and they appear to give it via mirroring & manipulation.
It can be like a shared fantasy almost.
And then you wonder how you can go from that to ceasing to exist in their eyes. Crushing.
I know that deep crushing pain. Two years of my life were wasted on what turned out to be just a long drawn out game to him. Sick.
I don't think I will ever totally heal 100% from that kind of anguish.
I was emotionally checked out when I briefly dated a narcissist due to the loss of my husband. The lovebombing tactic was a huge turnoff for me. Especially after he became furious when I said my husband was a wonderful man.
Glad you got out. In a way, it sounds like your husband was still protecting you beyond his death.
@@neestovekin8251 thank you 💗
Like you I dated a narcissist after my late husband. Mr.Narc lost his wife through suicide. We identified in each other’s pain….not a good idea, certainly not with a Narc. I never had anyone ply me with so much flowers, perfume and bottles of hard licquor as he did. I reckon he was a high-functioning alcholoic.
@@deepinn3815 I'm sorry. We are stronger from our losses.
Spot on Dr. R, as always. Now that I can recognize love bombing for what it is, I look back and see what a vulnerable target I was. It's easier to forgive myself. As an empathic, HSP, it still blows my mind just how vile these people can be. With a strong firewall in place I'm finally able to get back out there and socialize, but at this point minus the delusions. What a journey through hell it's been. "Narcissistic rodeo", now that cracked me up. People need to be aware and cautious at this point too, because rejecting a narc during the love bombing phase can really bring out the psychopath in them. I knew a woman (I was friends with her brother) who was murdered by one of these types. His pedigree was near perfect, he was good looking, attended ivy league schools, and bought her a big ring after weeks of love bombing. When she tried to "slow it down" he snapped. Trapped her in his apaftment for days in NYC. Finally when she escaped, she fled home to her family. After a few weeks she left her brother's house, and went back to her own cottage. Beth was stabbed to death days later on her own front porch. Everyone on Nantucket was rocked to their core. I was gut punched by seeing her picture on the cover of People magazine, that's how I found out. I'd moved to Florida by then. The point in relaying this is to remind women, listen to your gut. Don't ignore the red flags and one of those is if it's too good to be true...
Especially if you have no real blueprint for what romantic love even looks like. If you grew up unseen, boy does it feel AMAZING to have someone "see" you in all the ways you could only imagine. I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Then the controlling/stalking behavior crept in.
Ooof, that was a good observation. You grew up unseen and didn't have a voice. So when someone 'sees you' and 'listens to what you have to say', boy, that's a powerful weapon in the wrong hands.
So scary and deceptive. I was love bombed by my female pastor. It was not romantic, platonic, however, she did appease to my insecurity of my beauty. She constantly called me, “hey beautiful”. I’m now in the “devalue” stage and it hurts. Thankfully I’m strong enough to keep moving forward and focus on better things.
It happens in ALL relationships, jobs, school, whatever. You must be vigilant.
A lot of people tend to think narcissistic abuse is only between romantic partners. I was abused by a narcissistic coworker & boy she drove me mad to the point of getting physically ill. At the time this information wasn't really out there & I didn't have words for what was going on, I was being gaslighted & there was no way I could articulate it! Im so happy this information is becoming more mainstream so people can protect themselves from these monsters. Stay away from her, don't go through any other stages, you know now so run & stay healthy 🙏
@@Chahlieindeed, I highly suspect that the president of a cultural association of which I'm a member is a narcissistic, he literally ticks all the boxes. What's worse is that the other members seem to be unaware and even enablers ☹
@@blessedly4499I went through work harassment as well, I fear I know how it felt for you. Hope you are doing better now, please receive a virtual consensual hug 🫂
@@Chahlie wow all relationships? Can you explain? This freaked me out a little bit.
My BF doesn't understand how I'm so "content" with the little things. Because I just love spending authentic time together. And he's always there to meet my needs. Whether I want to talk, or cuddle, or i need a back rub, or im hungry.
Sweet 😊
When my ex fiance and I got together I actually had a voice come in my head and be like "if it feels too good to be true it probably is. Be careful." Years later when my dad came in and started love bombing me telling me how much he loved me and that he was never gonna leave me and that I'd always be his girl I heard the same voice in my head. Two days later he told mom (after 31 years of marriage) that he wanted a divorce and he walked out. Since then that same voice has come back a lot and you can bet I listen to it now.
That being said, I'm glad that I have videos like this to remind me to stay mindful and vigilant of others because I know I'm not immune. In fact, thank you Dr. Ramani for reminding me that empaths and people who have a vision of the "perfect relationship" are even more susceptible. Now maybe I'll be more careful.
Dr. Ramani is my favourite channel here on TH-cam. Love love love her videos. Thanks so much for the work. Have a great day everyone. Greetings from Ireland 🇮🇪
To me, love means that when rhey come home from work they worry abour how your day has been when you're laid down poorly, not them complaining about their tea not being ready. 🍒
Growing up in a home where there was minimal affection and positive attention from the parental units made me very susceptible to lovebombers who showered me with affection and attention. I recognize it now for what it is... insincerity designed to manipulate. It's like being stranded on a desserted island. Are you going to turn down the only ship that happens by? Yes, but only if you know how to spot the pirates who are trying to take you hostage.
It happens in jobs too, never forget that.
I have been very lovebombable. I’m learning and paying attention to all the signs for sure because I think I’ve exploded too many times.
Also to find out that they never cared in the beginning about me.
Self awareness will set you free. Good work
i really appreciate your soundediting lately. Alot easier to listen to without stressing the speakers.
Self esteem. Low self esteem leaves on open to believe the love bombing.
My mother never talks to me like a friend unless she calls me on the phone. But one time when I was visiting her she surprised me by having a really nice conversation with me for about two hours. The following day she asked me if I knew of anyone in the family who has mental issues, which seemed very odd. I sensed that something was up so I said that I did know someone (a "golden-child" sister) and that she is being medicated for it. My mother answered that she knew that, but wanted to know if there was "anyone else." Meaning me. I can't help but think that she buttered me up by being real nice so that I might "admit" that I am having mental issues. Yeah, I am in really minimal contact with her, a birthday card and no gift, and I will receive her phone calls, but that is it.
I didn't know any of this stuff! I didn't even know what gaslighting was until I was 37! I didn't realise all his behaviours had names and patterns, and other people did the same! It blew my mind! Incredibly validating too. They should teach this stuff in school
I feel the same - if I had been educated about this 15 years ago I would not have made a mistake, but you live and learn
@@charlottepembroke5446 you're right, we shouldn't have to live through it to learn though. You have to think, why they don't want us to have this information at schools. It doesn't serve the patriarchy. So now we have to educate our children
It makes such a difference once you find out there's a name for something.
@@MW-bv3wu it really really does! You're not going crazy, it's real, and others do and say the exact same thing! And it has a pattern and a name, and sometimes you can then see the reason (not that you have to accept it as an excuse but it's good to know why they do it). So validating.
To be honest before being in a romantic relationship with a narcissist I had no idea what narcissism was.
A close relative ,who has been through a narcissist relationship with her own mother, told me most people won’t understand. She was right.
I find it hard to explain what I’ve been through when people ask, just very few close friends know the extent.
At least you have close friends who are willing to be honest and not jump to the spiritual Perspective that .. " oh it's all a mirror of your hidden shadow parts" ugh
talking about feelings at all is very vulnerable and hard to do with anyone & sharing this emotionally vulnerable uncomfortable information out loud is pretty much just not possible for someone like me and that's why I was a great target
My narcex actually explicitly said to me “you know, it’s very visible that you’ve been damaged during your upbringing”. At another point, she also said (in relation to me lending money) “you know, you’re the least miserly person I know [what a strange negative to use, when so many antonyms exist]” and “I think that when you lend money, you actually assume you’ve given it and forget about it, right?” I also unwarily added a narrative by convincing her to watch “corny old romantic movies” such as Pretty Woman and The American President. By withholding her affection and insisting that our relationship be “label-less” and “unofficial” she pushed me into turbocharging it just for the sake of convincing her that it was worth officialising.
As an middle aged and informed about narcissism person I now see those as red flags. But of course as a person in my 20s and maybe early 30s i would have just found them a bit odd and not concluded anything, like you. Sympathy to all those affected by narcissists
The narc would listen and seemingly empathize about my childhood. Then tell me " you weren't even raised right" anytime they wanted to leverage me.
I finally said " yes, I'm feral, back off!"😂
@mescouettes It’s not that dichomatic, she just ran our relationship into the ground once and dumped me only to circle back and swiftly hoover me back up, and later, towards the end of a long-distance stretch, she dumped me again and I kind of let go, and then she came back, sniffed around a bit, and I accidentally caused a massive narcissistic injury and got the final discard. A total waste of fourteen months of my life.
You’re right about the quote marks: any movie older than ten years was off-limits to her, because the special effects would be sub-par. I kid you not. Then again the fault is mine: there were more red flags than a communist party parade. I just thought they were coincidental and that it was an amusing coincidence one could so easily mistake what we had going for something unhealthy.
Yeah. Well. Heh. 🙄
@mescouettes You mean guilt tripped, but yeah, I both guilt-tripped and gilt-tripped myself. I didn't even get a real lovebombing stage. I got a window of opportunity wherein which she was willing to let me love bomb her without experiencing countermanding consequences.
Yours are words of wisdom. Thanks. 🖖
"Disney Princess Indoctrination" 👏👏
Always trust that niggling feeling you get when you are being "targeted"....stop and ask yourself why you feel this way !
“Most of us don’t know this until we knew it”.
This statement had me shaking my head up annd down and laughing at the same time.
Beautifully said when comparing romance and love bombing.
Growing up without my father and having a self absorbed mother made me very vulnerable to narcissists. My first boyfriend played the Prince Charming roll well. And what was I to do? I had no prior knowledge of how a man should treat me. I believed everything he said. I was innocent and he stole that from me. It still hurts to think that all I wanted was love and he deceived me the whole time.
Could you do an "action plan" video for someone who is very isolated and has no support network? Should one see their doctor, or a counsellor/therapist/psychologist, and of what specialization? Or any other steps to take which may not be obvious to the oppressed.
That's very true! Yeah! Good one!
Bless your heart Dr. Ramani, you are helping me heal!
I'm so glad I listened to this. So encouraging! I can recognize some previous mistakes. TY Doctor.
Thank you Dr Ramani this makes so much sense
today’s and yesterday’s videos have been especially helpful 🙏🏻🙏🏻thank you
Discernment is an understatement! Excellent information. Thank you
This is the one I've been wanting for! Thank you Dr Ramani!
Oh, you got that right. Can't wait to get your book. I loved "dont you know who I am"
Dear Dr Ramani,
I have discovered you since almost two years.As I had to put my carreer and social life on hold, for a health reason, I started working on my mental health. Educating myself about narcissism,and the subcategorie (for example, communal narcissism etc.) has been a gamechanger. At the beginning it was a huge shock and struggle to put this word on some people in my life, but then it felt liberating, just a tool for understanding and have power of choice. Now I spot these sort of behaviors more easily and grey rocking the hell out of them : ) it works,indeed,like a charm. It is not easy but it is a practice. Please keep making these sort of educational videos for us,so enriched with real life examples. I did not have good models of balanced and serene relationships so seing examples of both narcissist and more sane relationship patterns is wonderful. Have preordered your book,btw.
Thank you!
Thank you
You were the right information at the right time years ago.
Thank you feels so inadequate for how much you've done for.so many
Being love bombed made me feel both uneasy and on top of the world. The constant compliments, having someone so eager to talk to you, so eager to see you, constant future faking, trips away and so on, only for it to all end up in flames. He knew exactly what I had wished for and dreamed of my whole life, and unfortunately I wasn’t used to men actually wanting me or being very expressive of their want for me so I was taken aback and taken in despite feeling like his feelings were moving much faster than mine. The hardest realisation was that all of that beginning stuff was an act, fake as ever and the lines he told me weren’t even original because he said them to the girl before me and after me. I was an object and could be interchangeable and I was destroyed and thrown away in tatters only to be picked up for 5 minutes every now and then when he was bored or needed supply. If it feels too good to be true it probably is.
OMGoodness.. we have the same story.
@@DutchHeart girl I’m so so sorry it’s such a nightmare and makes you fear the possibility of ever letting someone in again. I am still picking up the pieces and year and a half of being absolutely no contact! But we are survivors and there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel for us ❤️❤️
Really good honest analysis, thank you!
Growing up, I lived with a malignant narcissistic grandmother who would heavily love-bomb after doing something horrifically abusive. This would range from buying expensive toys and clothes I didn’t need to going to theme parks or on extravagant vacations. To this day, I don’t like receiving gifts in any form; it makes me feel extremely uneasy, even panicky. Years back, I had guys that would try to love-bomb me, and I’d immediately freak out. No one else around me understood it. One of the reasons I married the person that I did because I liked that he WASN’T a love-bomber. Or a narcissist.
Learn who you are 💜💜💜
Thank you sooo much for your advice Doctor.
I teach Addiction diploma in Canada.
My students love & respect you!
Respect..Professor Walt💥💯
A big factor for me was my age and lack of experience with women.
She worshipped the ground I walked on until we married, then the loving stopped, and I slowly realized I had been conn’d. She was a gold digger.
The lesson: Slow everything down. There is no hurry. Examine her past because that is your future.
I love your videos they have helped me so much, thank you.
You look really pretty in purple and no im not lovebombing you😊❤
Notice your discomfort, anxiety, and feelings of confusion that arise in the beginning. Things that make you go hmm. It moves fast. Go slow. Ask hard questions. Take time to get to know them, don't get caught up in an unreal fairy tale. If they spend a lot of money on you upfront, it could be their brand of manipulation and you don't owe them anything! You can't change, fix, or save anyone. True love feels safe and loving and joyful, and it takes time to build trust.
It really boils down to lack or void of sincerity - if we meet cynicism and defensiveness with cynicism and defensiveness it's a big downward spiral .. but if there is room to allow for niceties and being open to accept that time reveals the sincerity to these niceties 😎 rather than the 'splitting' of pathologizing attractiveness and/or kind gestures (besides the obvious grandiose bs or not exploring ones own potential to being addicted to the attention as well)
New book sounds great, congratulations! 🎯 they saw me a mile off, healthy dose of cynicism has now been developed in my character 😂🙏🥰
Amen, Lady Rrmani!! Lessons ingrained in the DNA....not going back!!
i did not know what narcissism was before "the algoritm" started suggesting me this channel after talking about my situation to a couple of my friends.
Great video, I have fell into some of these traps, but one thing is for sure that off gut feeling is never wrong. Sometimes, I have thought, "maybe I am being too judgmental?" Nope, those bad gut feelings are safety features built in you. There are unfortunately people out that simply have malicious intentions, but don't worry you don't have to live in fear. Keep watching these videos and pray for discernment. It will come, and you may be shocked to see the true nature behind a pleasant smile and demeanor, but it is for your protection. God bless you all.
Wow, how spot on.
I definitely would like to learn more about becoming lovebomb-resitant! Also, I have been missing your podcasts, dr. Ramani.
This is so helpful, in particular the distinction between romance and love bombing!
The reason I have become so vulnerable was the number 6 in the description: appearence. Really…it was as exactly as said…and that took me to an insane path of doing everything possible and spending money and health to keep this “romance” alive , because I always felt I wasn’t enough.
Thank you : )
Thank you 🙏
I Had Noo clue that there were people like this in the world.😢
Same 😢! But we are strong and we will be okay 🥰
Strange..i have always been a love bomber in all my relationships and i always expected the same from others.. until I met a secure/safe friend. I love bombed him and all I received from him was slow paced, deep and health connection..nothing hurried and no need to prove yourself......it was the first time in my life experiencing this kind of relationship since i had a very abusive childhood .as a kid i was convinced you have to work so hard for people's love,attention and time. So most love bombers are not even aware or see anything wrong with the love they offer.
Yes I totally agree. Last night I got Love bombed on Social Media with Angels and Protection and JC meditations. And it went on and on! Stay focused on your path and dont deter from it with attempts of distracting behaviours. Its merely a projection of someone attempting yet another connection with you. Be real. You have your own Life. Dont be influenced by fantasy especially when you are simply focused on your own goals. No one has a claim on you. Be aware of anyone else being used by the Love Bomber also, making things all nice warm and fuzzy...then saying " So what are you doing for the rest of the day?"
It has happened frequently. Do what you have to do with genuine intention. You are not a cold hearted person for not being interested in other people's ideas or interest in you. 🙏
Get off social media, you will be at far more peace.
I agree with having certain types of vulnerabilities. What makes it harder to spot the live bombing is that the narcissists friends and family are supportive of the relationship. They’re unaware of the narcissists true nature. I remember going on a trip with my ex and his family and his mum was talking to my and her other sons new girlfriend. She said she could tell why her sons were besotted with us because we were such lovely women. His friends were also supportive of the relationship. My friends and family also didn’t see the red flags. They thought he was polite. It took about five months before the mask started slipping
So I was number 2, that was 16 years ago, I have followed your You Tube channel and I am amazed that what you said would happen has, and he is now love bombing someone else, so I am just waiting to see how long it will take him to abandon me…. Can’t wait. Thanks for all the information you put out.
"sweet texts and attention"...yes, thanks to being raised by a narc father and borderline mother. I was invisible and my time not valued. So...time and attention with a few words of praise put me in his pocket.
Brilliant
I have watched all my siblings go through their love lives and Horrible relationships.
I am 42 and still a proud virgin.
I believe you have to know someone for a Long Time, and understand most people just go by looks, or situations that Literally “present” themselves to you.
I understand Perfectly what it means to resist the bait. I hope to Never be love bombed in my life.
If I Ever Marry, it will be with a Friend that I Know, has shown can be trusted, and has a good level head on their shoulders
GOOD FOR YOU!😊 sex just enhances the trauma anyway. God bless you.
Be careful. You’re so proud about this it’s actually a vulnerability. Keep up the good judgement but the ability to be tricked goes way up for people who think they can’t be tricked.
yes, agreed! Please keep that information to yourself when newly in a relationship@@M_SC
Same here. My 2 older siblings have had terrible relationships with highly narcissistic people and our father is a narcissist also. I just started to attempt dating and the first person I ‘connected with’ was a narc. I’m so thankful I was able to walk away before I ever met him, but I hate that I wasted a month ‘getting to know’ this scary individual. I’m trying to learn all I can about NPD, because it’s crazy how obsessive they become so quickly.
It took a lot for me to get here ALL THE ABUSE!!
THIS IS ONE GOOD REASON TO HAVE YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA PRIVACY SETTINGS SET AT MAXIMUM SECURITY. No requests from strangers with agendas!
I’m became very immune against it after many cases.
I said I simply wanted my son back. Religious abusers lying about me to him isn't going to achieve this.
I appreciate this video. One of the main questions we all have "How do I know we're being love-bombed?" because it feels so nice, and get attached by the "nice" gestures that it's hard to detect their smoking screen while is happening. THANK YOU
Love bombing also happens in a pseudo-parent/I'm-your-best-friend & adult "child" relationship, especially those with abandonment issues. Wow, what a coincidence, that person was abandoned, too. I witnessed it & it was heart-breaking.
After love the narc, I will throw the flowers given to me. Lol
I have been quite immune to grandiose narcs, feeling that too much presents, luxury and praise feels wrong, esp. when you just know each other for a short while. I fell for vulnerable narcs though, having a bit of a helper syndrome, but I learned from experience.
10:23... I felt so called out, lol.
I love that colour on you 💜
Ace/aro not interested in romance in any case. I'm essentially a cat... "K that's enough people-ing now fuck off before I scratch your face." Love bombing seems too much like people-ing.
This can apply to non-romantic relationships, too - for example, a parent love-bombing in order to try to sweep a big issue under the rug and avoid talking about it together in any meaningful, helpful way. And like Dr. Ramani says, it's about them and not both people. In fact, I wish there were another name for it other than love-bombing. Because it's not really love.
Сердечно вас благодарю за правду и мужество! Низкий поклон за ваш труд!
Which means:
I sincerely thank you for your truthfulness and courage! Hats off to your work!
I’m really curious what happens when the narcissist buys your book; they do live in a delusional bubble after all. Anyway all good points as usual to remember. Still sad to me that after 4 years being kind to one another, my spouse decided to run off with their ex 😵💫 leaving me with these words: “for you our marriage was about love, for me it was a production.” Good goddess what kind of person behaves like this AND announces it?
Where’s your kitty, Dr? Time to get outside for a great day 🦋🐬
I think you just confirmed that I am completely ill-equipped to mother my teenage daughters in this arena. I always had high standards. He had to pick me up. He had to ask me out. He had to open my door. What now?! Do I teach my daughters to not have these standards? Do I not teach my sons to do these things? I am seriously confused. I have never seen a healthy relationship in my life, so I am a completely ignorant person here. I feel like a newborn baby and I’m 49 years old. I don’t know how to pick them. I don’t know how to teach my daughters how.
Buy them her book. There are so many books on these issues.
@@tt-co8it they wouldn’t read it. They’re teenagers. They read Wings of Fire and manga books. Not interested in self help books.
are you Mocking 🤔 Respect 🦅 Dr Ramani
When you said the word "craving" the word "drug" popped in my head...
Narcissists can be like an addiction for their victims - they make you feel you cannot live without them, but you so can and are better off without!
Agreed to attractive is RIGHT
Watching someone else mirror you. Studying your behaviors and likes, makes you realize they are just being a chameleon and they aren't even being honest with themselves about who they truly are. Just be yourself, that's good enough for me.
2 is why it happened… had noooo idea what was narcissism or the signs or love bombing that swept me away and before I knew it I was like what happened… that along with financial abuse omg I wish I just knew
Let's see. I'm sure I'm lovebombable as fuck haha. I was having a huge flashback earlier and thinking how my family fucked me up. I don't like existing right now.
Please take care of yourself. Do things that you enjoy to try to keep your mind off things. I’ve been where you are emotionally. My family has always treated me poorly. I’m currently in ‘no contact’ with a majority of them. I realize it may not be possible for others to take that route, but you can still take small mental and emotional breaks from them by focusing on things you enjoy.
They work to improve their game their entire lives.
They were playing a game and never told YOU about it.
Your eyes are open, you didn't deserve to be fooled played and destroyed.
Look out, they will likely try to work their way back in again.
As you heal, you'll start to feel better.
I can relate. Don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes we have to CREATE our own reasons to live. It may seem corny but, if I didn't have faith in Jesus and believe that he loves me, I would've done something awful to myself long time ago. He is like life support to me. ❤😊
Plus I started doing art again, which I stopped doing with the narc.
I hope you hang in there. You're worth more than you were told!
@@jclay452I'm no contact too. Seems I'm the only one who's not allowed to have opinions or beliefs or even solid morals around them...The scapegoat.
I get attacked just for being present. Take it as a compliment because to be accepted by them is to become like them.
@@acolley2891 “To be accepted by them is to be like them.” So true! You really have been through it and you do understand. I was groomed to be the golden child people pleaser, but turned scapegoat when I started to apply healthy boundaries for myself, said no, and stuck to my morals.
I read your other response on this thread and what you said there about Jesus resonates so much with me too. I gave up art too and found it again. It helped me heal. Cheers to healing, living, and loving life again ❤️
TRUE TRUE TRUE
OMG #4!!!!
I'm definitely not high on the narcissistic spectrum but love bombing is kind of normal for me. All the non grandiose "love bombing" steps seem normal. Does that make me bad? I shouldn't like the early days of slightly elevated communication? I shouldnt open doors, pay for dinners or check in that they made it home? This kind of ruins dating in a way. For me, I almost have to intentionally make myself unlikeable. I recently heard your love bombing on a budget episode and that hit me hard to because, TBH the attempt to not love bomb seems like it kills romance. Another reason narcissistic people suck.. they ruin it for the rest of us 😂
Case in point.. I bought tickets to a Led Zepplin cover band for my current date because she mentioned she wanted to see one on the date before. It just happened that there was one next week playing nearby. She said "It was meant to be"... so I said "No No no.. No magical thinking" 😂🤣😂
@biggestidiot123 Everyone is on the narcissistic spectrum. It's called having an ego. So that'd be like saying I'm a healthy, well adjusted individual.. lol
I think it's less "am I lovebombing" and more of "am I on the same level of commitment/trust/affection as my partner". Simply, especially in the early stages, if you are on the same level as your partner. Stepping back for a moment and seeing if your (new) partner is putting as much effort as you are and if they're still excited to see you as much as they were on week 1, 2, month 1, 2, etc. If they're not as excited and even pull away, that might be a sign that you're trying to force a connection that just isn't there. This is more of a codependent trait rather than a narcisstic one. Sometimes it has to do with abandonment fears.
@@Sanathias "force a connection" is absolutely what I do not do. But people lean into relationships when a connection is forming. I absolutely am my authentic self and never mirror or morph myself into what someone else wants... so I'm not trying to honey trap anyone. I hope she continues being herself and honoring her commitments to hobbies, friends, family... etcetera.....etcetera
..........etcetera.
I'm supportive of that of any partner. But look.. your idea of intentionally withdrawing to test someone's level of commitment is in itself a manipulation. I don't force or rush anything.. why should I put on brakes when everything is organically moving along in the beginning?
@@ClusterB-Magnet Oh it's not withdrawing or "testing" anyone, it's preserving yourself and your energy so that you don't over-spend it. You can of course move at whatever speed you want! It's also important to take a look at what speed that your partner is going at. Something to take with you on your future relationships. :)
@@Sanathias I know what you mean and believe you are well intentioned so thank you. I do intentionally slow things down sometimes but it usually comes across as a scratched vinyl record. It's like intentionally playing disjointed annoying jazz music on a date instead of something smooth and sensual because you don't want to to hit that emotional resonant frequency on purpose.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for this video. I have a question, and I would appreciate hearing your answer and explanation. Why would a narcissist return and talk to their victims as if nothing has happened, after causing their victim a great deal of harm?
I think it's because: they want to suck more energy out of you, and see how much they can play and use you again. Best to keep away, physically and emotionally.
My guess is it's a power move. Try again to see if you fall yet again. Act as if nothing happen so maybe you can be thrown off. Somewhat like the psychopath's irresistible urge to hang around the scene of the crime.