5 of the worst narcissistic relationship types
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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Parent-child is the worst.
OH DEFINATELY!!😵😢😭
Especially if you share property or/and a business. My parent wanted me to postpone my life and care for them. They’re still living and I’m 56 years old.
When in the heck would my life have began if I hadn’t been blessed enough to find a way out?
NEVER!!!
Get it through y’all’s head; the narcissistic parent DOES NOT WANT YOU TO HAVE A LIFE!!!
That's not a type, but I agree with you BECAUSE, every one of those 5 types she just listed is involved in the parent-child "narc dance" relationship.
It still hurts and I'm 60 plus.
Absolutely, parents are THEE people we should be able to run to to seek comfort and love especially in a time of sorrow or any difficult time in life. And when they're a narcissist, they are not only not your safe haven and you've been robbed of even knowing what that is, but they're the enemy and bully, leech, pest that you just can't completely shake. It's like Satan himself!
Narc parent, scapegoat child, golden child and invisible child are the worse as they are children, and this is their parent. There is no escape for them, and their little brains can't deal with the Narcs abusive. These parents will often hold their children back in life among other things and society then tells you, you have to have a relationship with them because they are your parent(s).
When the relationship lacks respect, compassion, kindness, balance, empathy, nothing will improve
Wow. I'm a survivor of a narcissistic parent and I just realized that I now future fake MYSELF! I say, "Things will get better when I do (or get) xyz." No! I need to live in the now and enjoy the now and do what needs doing NOW! Man it's like they train us to narc ourselves! I didn't even realize that until just watching this.
24 yrs married. He had no intention of leaving he was having a good time.
I watched for months as he withdrew from people & family. Leaving me very isolated.
I put a plan in place was not easy reading his social media abt me.
1-1-23 I became free of betrayal & control.
I told him I’d show his work all the porn sites. He left & I swore he would never be in this house again.
I’m very proud of what I gave here to a marriage to a narc/addict.
I deserve my freedom @ 72 yr young
Peace returns , grace & a belief that life has just begun,
Narcs are to be pitied their pain that cannot be repaired. I learned in recovery all the attention was on him
He loved it. Relapse/self medicate.
"Hope is like a narcotic [in these relationships] that makes your judgment hazy." So true!
My poor dad 😢…..
He’s passed away now. I’m researching these topics (7 yrs study!) because I found I was raised by a narc. She left my dad when I was 6. Later, he remarried when I was 12….another narc!
My dad and I have the same traits, basically gentle empathetic people. He suffered too!
I nearly fell off my chair when you talked about the future faking. My dad would tell me that “things will get better, when……this and that). I think it was his way of coping.
Full disclosure: nothing changed!!!
He passed away, and me, his daughter of now 56, is learning about all what went wrong.
I’m glad I can put a name on what happened. But my dad passed without knowing. I wish I could bring him back and tell him he was never at fault. He was just a genuine good man at the hands of narc vampires 😭😭
To all of my elders: don’t ever beat yourself up for not seeing or leaving sooner. You were totally in the dark as far as this life saving information, for the most part. To my peers and juniors- let’s not waste this chance to make a huge change at this critical moment. Just think of the world-changing we can all do Now. Now is our power point. Now is the moment we all have in common. It’s never to late or too early to join in the spiritual battle as a force for good.
Someday never comes.
The funny thing is the cognitive dissonance. If you're waiting for the relationship to 'become good' we are admitting it is bad in the moment. But we don't see it.
The whole relationship is mostly based on hope, not reality. 😢
I tolerated because I had nothing left to fight back with.
The gray rock technique it’s amazing. I have 7 years divorced and still he tries to track my car, make up things from school just to worry me, faked broken bones, crash his car on Valentine’s Day while I was with my friend in Puerto Rico, etc. He got in jail because he was harassing his girlfriend and left our son in the car and 4 years later, he still tells everyone that I got him in jail and that I was cheating on him when we have been divorced for a lot of years and had nothing to do with him romantically, people see me weird, I let it go and then they realize the reality by themselves😂😂😂.
During our 26 years of marriage, my (now ex) wife was a champion of future faking: graduate college, buy house, good careers, own a business, have kids, nice cars, etc. Every time we achieved a major goal, she would move the goal-posts. She was NEVER satisfied… always wanting more and more. Of course, I foolishly put up with her crazy making for decades. I am so much smarter than I used to be… now living a life of peace and happiness without her.
Sounds like what I dealt with. My ex would just fantasize about all that stuff. But never put in the work to actually achieve it. Or if she did achieve something she'd be depressed. Was the weirdest thing lol
Ditto. Three college degrees, three careers, kids, pets, house, new cars. I'm so glad I put off having kids now. I miss the house a little bit, but now that I see the tactic for what it was... jeez, we got scammed.
Dr. Ramani:
"Toxic people " ?
Is it a scientific term?
Is it a scientific approach?
Think about that for a second, please...
Thank you for mentioning the stigma of going NC, especially with a parent. Went NC with my mother. Heard it all.
“You’ll regret it when she dies, she can’t live forever”
“That’s your MOM! Moms do everything for their kids!”
When she was on hospice: “You should give her a chance. You’ll never have this chance again.”
The belittling of these conversations was amazing. I am not 2. The people that respected me and knew even a bit of the history were supportive. Others had the forgive and forget attitude. I have moved on. Decided that I was not going to be treated in that way and it was my choice.
As a hospice nurse, this has been truly helpful with patients and families. I understand that I am seeing a snapshot in time. I do not judge when families refuse contact with a terminal family member. Not knowing the history, and knowing how difficult NC is, I am not in a position to judge.
Thank you for all the time you spend on your videos!
Went no contact with evil step monster ten years ago. Had to go no contact with every member of my family to maintain no contact with evil step monster. Three of my four grandparents(the healthier three) have past away in the last ten years. Now I am being gaslight with it wasn't that bad (yes it was!!!) and you'll regret not making up with him(evil step monster's father). Both of my brothers have gotten married and divorced in the past ten years. I have not meet there wives, but that doesn't stop them from trying to blame me for their divorce. I can tell you the only thing I regret is not learning about narcissist earlier and not going no contact with my family on my 18th birthday. So thank you for your post about hospice.
It would seem all moms do what's best for her children.
That's not always the case. My ex wife was a great mom , taught school , loved her husband. That is untill she decided doing drugs with a paraplegic dealer was more what she enjoyed than home , family and truth. We separated and because her family stood behind her even taking my children to court all day, I guess to pressure me. We settled with joint physical custody , she kept them Mon to Thur because her family wanted her to appear in control and a good mother.
In 6 months not one but two overnight men were overdosed and dead in bed beside her while my children slept in that home.
It's a heavy truth to learn and integrate when you finally realize there's a name for all of this, and that you're the child of a very abusive narcissist. Leaving meant I had to walk a walk of shame even though I was being abused.
It's only a walk of shame to the shamers. Don't accept that label. Reframe it in your mind as what it actually is: It was a walk of heroic victory.
I understand. It is hard not to beat yourself up.
@@steelcarnations2207 Thank you 😊
amen to this@@steelcarnations2207
I totally get that and so sorry you had to go through that.
27:35 “Enough good days to keep the person in the relationship. Enough bad days to question yourself." This! Also: "fight[ing] to make it work until [your] heart breaks."
Knowing narcissism "is a thing" has made all the difference. ; - )
*THANK YOU, Dr. Ramani!* ❤❤
Excellent post! I heard those words & phrases deeply too. ☮️
@@suzyhomeacre : - ) The way she gets it is so healing!
All the difference.
@@bellaluce7088for sure.
Yes!! I had people warning me and I just kept thinking that I wasn't trying enough or that I deserved all the abuse 😢. I now see the truth, thanks to Dr. Ramani!❤ I filed separation papers 5 months ago and am looking forward to my freedom!! 🎉
He hurt me constantly. When I stood up for myself and told him I'm leaving, he'd cry and swear he'll do better. And when I did give him a chance and ask when, he'd future fake. He'd tell me to stop putting pressure on him. He'll put in the effort at his pace... Honestly, the sheer audacity. 1 year, 5 months of peace and freedom!!!!!
How do you prepare for grief?
The hardest part of radical acceptance for me is the grief of losing what I once believed was a loving family.
You are mourning what you thought and fought for what your life would be like. That pain is searing, trust me I know, but one day that pain will be replaced with a sense of peace and do NOT feel guilty about it when it comes, it is a sign that you have put yourself first and that healing has begun. All the best to you Deborah
When my NM passed, after 7 years NC, many people thought I should be in mourning. I mourned many years ago.
@@kcjo737 My NM is 95 and in a nursing home. I don't visit, I can't. Too many people would shame me for this but I can't.
I need help with that also.
U can’t prepare for grief. There is only one way- through it while self-parenting and building supportive relationships. But the knock-you-too-your knees grief can eventually give way to a kind of wistful sadness that can be dealt with my maximizing the space for beauty w low (or no) contact. Ultimately, my only regret was that it took me so long to find radical acceptance and start the grieving. On the other side is a joy that is unimaginable for one whose eyes are still veiled by false hope. Peace on your journey ❤
What will they do with your love?.. they want your soul and if you give it they want to break it by crushing it.
He ALWAYS asked me to be patient. It was his favorite catch-phrase. Of course it was all future faking and all lies.
me too!!
When I broke up with my ex and the father of my oldest child he promised I'd never see my son again. He kept his word. I haven't seen my son since he was 6 he's 15 and we are perfect strangers. My ex hired an extreme fathers rights attorney who has represented men who eventually murdered their spouses. I fought for years I lost everything. My ex compromised my life completely went on a smear campaign and his hate for me is deeper then his love for our son. Be careful who you have children with I should have left when it got bad and I had money.
You are not alone. I had To leave running for my life. He abducted my son and still got custudy. A very long story .And now manipulating my grand children Like a never ending story . Courage !
@@kitty.k1924 horrible. And then the social stigma of noncustodial mothers vs fathers. Society has sympathy for men without custody. Women without are monsters it’s assumed. :(
Almost 45 years after my divorce I am finding out with dr.Ramani that i had married a malignant narcissist. Good luck To you +don't give up🦋
@@TracyMarieBriare the therapist back then used the théory (he's Ok and you're ok)he was a million light years away from getting it. It wasn' t Ok at all. I wish i could have known what i know now. Great new year To you😉
@@kitty.k1924 thank you for the positive vibes. Happy new year! And best of luck to you as well. One day at time. Thank you
I was future faked so badly about his income. He was going to get more customers for his business, he was going to get a job in addition to his business, he was going to start another business and so on. He did get a job for while and then did something deliberately that he knew would get him fired. This went on for years. He feels he is above working for someone else. He does not want to work weekends, doesn't want to do this, doesn't want to do that. Now finally that we are getting divorced he is finally feeling the pinch and realizes that his low-profit business ain't enough to live off of.
Trying to keep a sinking boat afloat - this really captures my experience. You feel that you need to do more and be more and then you can fix the situation, because you just want a happy family and happy memories so badly.
I think also that these relationships are so hard to leave because if you are being devalued by the people who "know you best", then it really feels like it must be you. What you have to realize is that the people who should know you best are actually seeing through such distorted lenses that their judgements are not valid.
I stayed with my ex because she was sometimes a companion and sex.
She hated my son. She hated my house. She hated my hometown. She had nothing to offer but sex. The sex had to be the way she liked it or I got shamed. The rest of her was a bunch of BS. I tolerated her until I got sick of it
Hi Dr Ramani. I was having "gut feelings" that something was wrong. I couldn't pin point it, but it was weird. Today I know WHY I was getting these feelings. The future faking was my "pretend" engagement to him. He never had any intentions of getting married.
He used to say, "oh, we'll get married soon." He said this for years. I realized my GUT FEELING was telling me to RUN, and I did
I was in a denial-based relationship. Like the woman in Dr. Ramani’s example, my partner was of the neglectful, self-righteous, conversational, cerebral, cheerful sort. That made it hard for me to recognize that I was in a narcissistic relationship. What ultimately got me out of the relationship is that I was hollowed out inside and I was miserable and my therapist suggested I go to Al-Anon, a 12-step program for people in toxic relationships. Al-Anon gave me “the courage to change” my marital status.
When you hear "If only..." come out during a conversation, either from someone else or yourself, then you know a lie is being told. More often than not its us telling it to ourselves.
What about just remembering what you wanted to do or be but the people around you stopped you in some way?
Thank you for speaking to the point of rural, small town being especially difficult. Social (religious, community, school) structure, proximity of family systems, lack of mental health services and support systems is very real. Thank you for your posts and podcasts
Good comment. Thank you.
Yes I think its made healing impossible. The lies fly quickly I'm a target for my victim husband and the flying monkeys have me hog tied. I spent 2 yrs in the house wouldn't leave unless I had to. You can't fight the lies or you're the crazy one.
Oh man that jumped right out at me too!! I'm from a very small town and it's like it's own entire HOA. I got labeled so bad in my town that I just finally put "Nt Mybrry" (Not Mayberry) on my license plates and held my head high. It's amazing tho, that when you do take courage to step out, others will come forward in secret and support you. But someone's gotta be the first. 😂
Boy, is this a trap. You are so right.
My partner and I were among the first few hundred same-sex couples to get married civilly in Massachusetts in 2004. By 2005 I realized what a mistake the marriage was. But it was of such historic significance to me that we were civilly married that, even though I was unhappy, I was reluctant to end the marriage. Later, when I finally did decide to leave, he told me that he was miserable in the relationship too, but that he would’ve stayed forever for the sake of appearance and financial security. I did, in fact, like being part of his family. They were highly educated. I was temperamentally more comfortable with them than I was with my own family of origin and I really hated losing that.
Which one of you accused the other of narcissism meaninglessly - BOTH ?
Yes, I wasted my life just "waiting for the better time". None of my needs were ever met.
I hope people listen to you Dr. Ramani, and others share your messages. But people have to want to hear the truth
and not just pretend they are living it. Great work Doc!
🌺🌺🌺Please use the Knowledge that Dr. Ramani & Team share!!🌺🌺🌺 You can escape!! Blessings!!💞💞💞
Long ago after an extremely bad incident..I was encouraged to have my ex narc and myself go to counseling. I had no idea what I was living with but knew it wasn’t right. After the first session (separately) the counselor said “you’re husband is just mean to you isn’t he? I said yes, and asked if he could ever change.. counselor said’ not without years of treatment.. I didn’t know about narcissistic personality disorder,but I knew enough to start working on getting out. It took years. I was in a difficult situation with young children. He kicked my butt in court. It was all about the money.
It’s been years and was sheer hell. But finally I am at a good place. I don’t hate him. We are cordial. He was what he was. And I think that he now understands how much I helped him in life. But dang. I shocked myself at my strength. Everyone was against me, even some of my family. Now they kinda understand. It’s been 18 years.Try that in a small town. I did it. Still have haters. 😂
Good for you!!
@gee
That is the only way to live.
I tolerated the ex husband for 26 years, it bought nothing but resentment, grief and bitterness. I was stuck for years as i had young children with no money of my own and i was isolated from my family. I found that the ex future faked himself as well as future faked the children and I. I didnt know he is malignant a narc then so i didnt know what i was dealing with. Now he is repeating the same pattern again with his new wife.
I suspected that there were narcissists in my family. However, I was abused by two of them ( one with narc. traits and one an enabler) about 3 weeks ago. Because of the latter, I decided to back out of a family function and also made the decision to back out a few more family functions.
In the past normally I would enjoy spending time with my family and keeping the family together, especially after my mom the matriarch of our family passed away. However, I felt perfectly fine when I stopped communicating with those family members who abused me a few weeks ago and I contribute that to my being a changed person because of the knowledge I have of narcissism.
I started feeling a little shame like you said that maybe they would think that I was the bad one. So this video is on time in encouraging me and confirming that it was normal to feel that way... I've decided to stay away from them.
Thank u for this video...I am a victim of this future fake relationship. This helps a lot understand what really happened.
I walked away from an MC Club outlaw. once I really left, oh man did my eyes open up! It's been hard however as the years go by it gets better. It has been 20 years and sometimes I think, how did I survive that life. Viewing your videos helps me understand that I was right to step away from everyone. My circle is now very small and I like it! I needed to belong and I did not like myself very much and they seemed to accept me as I was. I love myself now and I know that I am all I need. Thank you for your videos.
My narcissistic sibling would future fake with me all the time, though her idea of a better future was always a totally different idea than mine. She would tell me that she wanted us to live together forever and have a house together, doesn’t understand why I ever wanted to get married, and now that I AM married, she doesn’t understand why I won’t leave my husband though my husband has been great. She tried gaslighting me time and time again into believing that my husband is abusive. She said this is all because she loves that her and I are twins and would often guilt me for not appreciating the twinship. I’m realizing now that her ideas of the future were not only based on the grandiosity of us being close twins, but because I was always the more responsible one of the two of us; I was the one that always had a job, a car, paid the bills, graduated high school, etc. She was always too entitled to do any of that and wanted to rely on me, and never let me live my own life. Anything that ever put her under the impression that I was trying to figure out who I was and be my own person would make her fly into a rage.
I feel like my marriage has been a combo of all of the above. It took some distance to see it more clearly.
We were in a long distance relationship.
“Give it time.”
“When we see each other again”
“When we’re married”
Doesn’t seem like he ever intended to get there.
Me too , tooooo long tho
I'm no contact. I get stigma from professionals too. I've had to switch therapists 3 times to find one that just validates that I am making a choice and respecting my right to make that choice.
It was things like we would travel some day,and such things...never happened...
When I met my ex, he talked about all the places he traveled. I said “I’ve never been there” his response was “we can change that.” …During our relationship I stayed while he went on vacation after vacation. When I told him of my frustration and that he implied that he would take me along on vacations, he said “I meant you could come with me, not that I would pay your way.” If that was really the case he would have notified me ahead of time during the booking stage of travel planning. Nope he never did.
I have had no contact with my ex and my kids for about 6 months. It's difficult. Small town. Its like you said. The fall out is nothing short of catastrophic. But I'm glad I was able to get out. thank you, Dr Ramani. Although I did not find this resource until recently, it has validated all that I've experienced.
Wow! Again thank you DR. I’m in a radical acceptance point for the time being, but watching, is still traumatic at times!
Dr. Rimini, I luv how much you've put into this subject, it's so insightful.
"That someday" and "euphoric memory" parts of my relationship assisted me in staying in a "structural" community covert narc experience. I can see clearly now, and wish all people could see these patterns before they take 15 years and health away from them. I did get out, and still healing the damages.
I resonate w/a few of these narcissist relationships. Ik he will stalk me if I take off. So in a way I feel trapped 😔❣️
If and when you leave have a safe place lined up to go to.
35:10 Narcissism deniers are some of the worst things you can encounter when trying to come out of these horrid places, especially when that's the only thing you've known all your life, and you ran just into a new place that was only that, when you got out from your narcissistic family, for example. Those can be narcissists themselves (often they are emotionally immature imho), or they are flying monkeys for narcissists and thus have to be in denial themselves, are brainwashed with the standard lines the narcissist fed into their brains, or they are simply in complete denial of reality in that there can be such things like bad people in the first place. In their minds there are only good people who only want the best for everyone else, and all problems are just misunderstandings. I have met the latter a couple times and they always seem deranged, like, the product of some suppressed trauma-history.
It's especially not fun when you run into these types as social workers or other care-personnel as you try getting out and understanding this gordian knot of madness you've been entangled in for years if not decades.
I absolutely love your videos ❤
Euphoric recall, structural narcissism, & denial-based narcissistic relationships are things I have seen too many times in churches: "I was so horrible before/without salvation", the huge relief/joy after salvation (20 years ago like it was yesterday), "I deserve nothing but Hell from God", "We are such a loving church family". So many sweet people unwilling to look at/confront ugly realities.
I'm so lucky!😅. When my mum died and my stepdad died the others stopped coming! I know that I wouldn't have left before that; I thought it was just normal and others coped better.
I hear so much of my situation in these videos. Praying for courage and strength to finally get out and not be afraid to live the life I deserve
Engagement is a time when your future life partner is to show you how that married life will be. Pay very Close Attention during that time . Red Flags must be counted and if you see too many... Back Out ‼️
Dr Ramani 🦅
Champion 🏆 Content
as Always
Hope is torture. I was almost euphoric at the beginning I was so relieved to find someone who Got me.
Having an adopted 17 year old son who clearly has NPD, but is under 18, is the very worst. There is no escape until he is 18 and there is zero support.
And I took that 4 year VCR repair course...🤣🤣🤣 Just Kidding!
“I am learning, and going through thinking about, how I can change what I do.”
That is what the narcissist says to me all the time.
I ask them how many more decades they need to do the right thing, and I say that they’ve been saying the same thing for over three decades already.
I do not expect them to ever be different. Most days I know it will never happen that the narcissist will change.
Some days I forget, and chastise myself for being stupid for forgetting.
Those are the tough days for me - when I face the truth that I let myself down.
Never ceases to amaze me how beneficial these videos have been for me and for my healing journey. Thank you Dr Ramani.
I was told that I'm so impatient. but, waiting 8 years for him to fix the ______, whatever, I think I'm pretty patient!! I like that you said "no end line."
“Pathological hope” is basically future faking. It is a terribly delusional way to live as I know this from personal experience. Now I am divorced and have limited communication with the other narc in my life. Thank God I am
finally free of this sadistic type of abusive.🙌🏼🥰
It has been devastating to watch my son slip deeper and deeper into his narcissistic marriage of 10 years and three children. Theirs is definitely a structural narcissistic relationship with elements of denial, sprinkled with a touch of euphoric recall. At ths point, his wife's level of dominance and control has left him and his children completely isolated and confused... utterly heartbreaking.
I was happy my father disowned me in a certified letter because I went to college and wanted out of abuse. But, I don't seem to get out of the no win traps the ex narcissist sets to shame me publicly with friends. I wish I could get on top of the traps. His immature childish ways know how to claim my entire social group as his. I was fine with no contact. He finds ways. He will never end with me as he says. He dates his exes when his relationship dies out, I want him to leave me alone.
It's bad enough that they abuse decent people at least we have a voice and can get help. I feel worse for pets even farm animals and what's going on in China with the dog meat market is disgusting.
It must be really confusing for pets. My heart goes for all of them.
I agree! We have to keep fighting for justice!
How about it being a natural progression of all types. From euphoric recall to denial to tolerating to finally radical acceptance. Finally got to radical acceptance after 20 years of marriage and learning all about narcissism at 17 year mark. It has been a long haul and I’m almost ready to uncage myself.
I’ve had enough!
Note: 7 yrs ago, I knew nothing about NPD. But this guy pursued me, wanted to marry me. Very LONG story short, I knew something was off. And I studied. And binged on videos like this one. And understood, found he was a covert narc. Even why I suffered so much in my childhood, at the hands of a narc mother, and later at the hands of my step mother.
So I should be immuned by now, right? Nope.
Now I’m dealing with a dark empath. And more…
Won’t play the victim card, “woe is me”!
But I seem to attract all toxic people, I do have knowledge about these demonic traits, yet they’re still in my face.
I don’t understand anymore. Of course, I have all the traits of the perfect supply: super-empath, sensitive, vulnerable and rather isolated. But all the knowledge I gathered from these videos have not protected me for falling prey on these freaks….
Please help! Any advice welcomed.
I do have an answer for that, though. Narcissists are legion! There are more and more of this kind. Courtesy to the “educational” system that groom our kids and make them high profile narcs!
One key element is likely recognizing our own insecurity and difficulty in filling (or feeling/recognizing) our own needs - safety, companionship, physical needs (food, exercise, sex), etc.
The way out is addressing those - and getting away from/managing those who get in the way of resolving those needs, instead of helping resolve them (or at a minimum, getting out of the way).
@@JB-jg1tcthis was very well put, thank you.
Dr. Ramani, I truly am so grateful & appreciative to have found your channel. especially currently.
I’ve reached the point of no return and I chose me, however he did leave a good deal of hurt, resentment, conditioned me to feel and believe certain things so now that I’ve disengaged I’m working on ME now, and your videos have been so effective just in the short time I’ve found them. Thank you. You are a beautiful lady, Inside and out!
I really enjoy your podcasts Dr. Rahani. I know 2 of them that could be the poster child for Narcissistic behavior. Keep up the great podcasts. I look forward to them every day!
"It's all about timing" was his favorite thing to say.
@DoctorRamanl Hello
Doctor Ramani
VERY helpful Narcissistic Relationship healing video - Thank you for sharing (I saw myself in "a lot" of the reasons and excuses that you mentioned, that we give, to justify staying in these unhealthy relationships).
Want to share my epiphany. Does my elderly ill Dad have narcissistic traits? I'd say a solid yes. But I/we conducted a major breakthrough today. I had an epiphany this morning while analyzing why Dad is so nice to nurses, doctors, and strangers while being so angry and miserable to the ones who help him. He's displacing guilt with anger. The guilt he feels at having disrupted our lives is too much to bear; anger is easier to feel. I discussed it with him. He did not disagree. I'd give it a 70-30 in my favor. And while I write this, he calls me to remind me about the Jets game! Dad NEVER calls me!! We connected today. He knew I "saw" him. Wow. Just...wow.
Dr Ramani, you are saving my sanity. ❤️
I was in a future faked relationship for many months. And promised everything I ever wanted - my deepest needs. She even said she can’t wait to see my face when she hands me our newborn. I am 51 and she knows this was my greatest desire and vulnerability. She also hid our relationship - bc she was going through a divorce - and feared the optics of jumping into a relationship too quickly. So she future faked claiming that one day we will be together and I was her soulmate. I supported her emotionally every day for a long time only to be told during the discard ‘we were only friends and never in a relationship.’ I was devastated. She then ghosted and floated away like nothing happened. I sit in my silence, lost, and still protect her. None of her family or friends know she secretly used me to survive the process of divorce. I’ve never felt so invalidated or erased. Indifference is the worst of insults.
The Future Faking I got from a still masked Narcissist (though I suspect he was something even worse), was just used to keep me away from my friends, control the narrative, drive the wedge deeper and go for the final blow while I was in a clinic that didn't even help (narcissistic run, many patients complained) but made for justifications for all the psychosis-allegations put out against me by the spider in the center of the web. The "friend" I was dealing with was just an agent with the same goal. Regarding the "spider", she used the "psychosis-allegation" against everyone who was ever in her way or about to see through her, or didn't take her crap anymore. The only strange thing about that is that so many people kept buying this nonsense that somehow so many psychotic people appeared just around this one person. This rare condition magically flared up in people just around that one and only when someone didn't speak in blind praise of that spider. Yet all those under the spell never questioned that odd statistical outlier. Mind you, you, most who fell for that cult of personality had proven high IQs, proving that plain intelligence is absolutely no ward against Narcissistic manipulation. Only experience can help against that.
For Context: There is of course more to this, and when I'm in better shape I can also put more together. Trying to summarize things also puts me into the dilemma that I think think then lack comprehensibility through lack of detail and more before and after. I guess that's an autism-problem I never got figured out.
Suffice to say, the spider in this story is the root cause of major trauma, and in the first round that was already enough for so much stress it led to organ damage on my side. The second round that came half a decade later upon the spider's return, did worse, and had a other people in tow, some of which shared goals and were thus passive allies in the endeavor - like the mentioned "friend" who after massive retraumatization kept "helping" me, but really kept me away from everyone else, whom I didn't want to burden due to my broken state. The perfect situation to spread invented rumors as facts unopposed. That went on for months. I was even gaslit about whether I was fine or in super bad shape - not even that feedback had any consistency to it. I needed professional attention immediately, but that would have raised questions about the event that caused it all, so they just kept dragging it out until I was past my limit. Mind that narcissists (and psychopaths) have no trouble with the outcome of your total demise, that you are gone completely, not just away but "out". That also takes out all possible evidence against the narcissists away and they can play hero-victim about how they tried so much to help you, when the opposite is true. Noone will question that narrative then, especially when you have already been slandered and thus isolated fully. It is the most vile way to get rid of someone. These people know exactly what they are doing, and they have no qualms about it, but will never admit.
There's a novel by Patricia Highsmith, titled: Edith's Dairy..it delineateds the denial relationship: the protagonist has a whole fake diary because the reality of her life with her narcissistic husband is so unbearable.
You meant "Edith's Diary", right? Not Dairy? 🖐️👍
Always enlightening ✨
My life since childhood has been 'some day' 'about to reach' 🚪 my hand never turns the handle to open the door! I called God a liar! My mother never lied! 🫢🤯 I met Dr Ramani now 2 years. I don't need to say more!
This video, is another example of what I thought I was wrong about! Thank you! God bless you for pushing on and on! Please, don't stop! I rather have you skin me alive with truth, than stay in 'future fake' while my insides tell me I cannot stay in this blind swamp anymore. Knowing is preparedness❣️🙏
Raised by a narcissistic mother. I have learned so much lately. Wish it was learned back then but the explanation is soothing now …
6 months ago we had a good day! Lol
I noticed I was thinking like that not long ago
Glad I've made some progress
This is incredibly helpful!
The Narcissistic landlord that keeps the lease on a month to month basis and who constantly tries to change the terms of the lease is the WORST! Narcissist Math at its very best(worst)...
5 of the Worst Narcissistic Relationship Types
00:27 - Future Faked Relationships
08:19 - Structural Relationships
17:36 - Tolerator Relationships
24:33 - Euphorically Recalled Relationships
33:37 - Denial-Based Relationships
Thank you!!!!❤
Thank you🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Thank you for tracklisting.
My future fake arrived (think life threatening illness,) but what it did was bring what I was dealing with into sharp enough focus to finally see it & face it.
Bless you for opening eyes to narcissists game, at least that is what it feels like Don't play!
Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!!!❤❤❤
I have to admit that a lot of this happened to me: our "future fake relationship" kept me stuck until I realized it wasn't going to work😢 and thank to your channel and books I felt empowered to leave🙏🏻🍀
Truth. Spouse was verbally abusive and sometimes physically. 4 children, he told me he would cheat on me, and did.
Oh my goodness talking my way through it first 5 years ? Stuck & painful & always next time ; I voice my needs & am gaslighted repeatedly & yes others get burned out engaged with me waiting on the yield that is goin to deliver / oh no - no payout? Hope for future or bring convinced & future promises that never occur
Agree on HOA's.
Holy Moly.
I’ve been calling it. The bait and switch. Future faking is a better fit.
OMG thank you ❤
I have been in 1 tolerating work relationship. The toll was paid for in raises. The narcissistic boss liked me for the supply and I leveraged that in a sort of win-win for me, until the boss was 'promoted away' to a 'business development' position that has apparently made redundant years later.
My dad was the narcissist and ruined my life. Now I’m in a narcissistic relationship with my female pastor who is a spiritual narcissist (the worst type) that I’m leaving this Sunday.
Hope is horrendous. Denial sucks
I changed my parents names in my phone to “Lower your Expectations” 1 &2 to remind myself of their limited capacity for empathy.
😂that so made me smile so much as I have saved mines as their first names (that’s me been respectful 😂)
@@juliathomas2807 This really helped me as it reminds me should I be sharing this with them.
Self gaslighting 😔
That Someday wish.., I am so glad I'm out!
DoctorRamani can you maybe talk about, or how to look at the people after the escape?
I realize that I see a Narcissist in almost everyone, it sometimes even seems like my 3 year old is becoming a narcissist, because of the tantrums.....
I think I have a good idea on how to cope with reality and the aftermath from the past, but I'm merely referring to the way in which to look at humanity afterwords. I still haven't made any new connections (not even friends) in fear of repeating history. also I have children to look after, thus taking a leap of faith can directly or indirectly put them through a possible repeat of the past?
As a heavily family oriented victim of abuse from several different types of narcissists, it shatters my heart and makes me physcially ill with guilt and regret when i think about cutting my entire fanily out of my life (id have to cut everyone out bc everyone is so heavily interconnected to eachother and everyone talks to eachother)
There are a few good peeps in my family who make it even harder to cut everyone out, it hurts my heart beyond what i can express but ik i have to do it for my safety and sanity.
My parents are 2 different types of narcissists that are too far gone and deep in denial (they have an incomprehendable level of cognitive dissonance and self righteousness and entitlement and victim complex)
Im just waiting for the day that i get to move in with my best friend...
I've been going through something since 1999. And it is so horrible period when kids are involved. It is just the worst thing in the world period I've been broke up for my accents 2000 nine, so it was a 10 year run and she was taught.
My ex that is, called. She was taught by her parents and her previous in-laws. So I had everything going against Me..... I've got a story that would blow. Everybody's mind, it is so bizarre.
I'm glad I'm not held under any more. The kids are grown up now they are adults. They've got so many questions they are still bearing the pain
A couple yrs ago I started talking to my niece after like 2 yrs and I luv my niece alot but my sister ,her mother is a totally different story,she still trying to control me like I'm her project and she wants me to live in this certain place a" white cleaned up let's all be quiet obey the rules and do nothing. Haha, it's Strang this person wants me to shut up listen to her and don't question anything, so what if it's my own life, really? Oh , I forgot , this person also can't have a 5 min conversation with me or a cup of coffee for that matter,does that make since? Thank God I finally heard her voice yesterday and was able to hear all the anger wanting to argue and pushiness. I found out before I made another big mistake by listening to the expert .😊I feel a little more energy and hopeful about me.
Hearing future faking … *pulls out the rolodex* NOPE! 👀🤣
Father daughter.....I felt at times that if I were a boy my father would love me more.
Had gender/identity issues.lgbtq style
I was so confused.
Today I KNOW im enough and im a woman