This is the reason I went through 2 years of neglect and then 2 foster homes before I was finally adopted. Because even though I was starving and neglected nobody was "good enough" to take us.... Literally anything would have been better than staying but they don't see it that way.
Wow I’m really sorry this gave me a new perspective on this whole thing and legislation really needs to change. There has to be such a thing as “good enough given the alternative is worse” like black and white doesn’t help children who need anything better than what they are getting
There's just something about "you don't make enough money to qualify" and "you don't have enough time because of your job to take on essentially a second job" that really breaks my heart.
This is one of the biggest reasons our foster care system is so overwhelmed. My close friend was raising her niece (as her daughter) but because she was considered a "foster child" my friend had to meet all these insane qualification or her daughter be removed and placed with another family. Even though she had had her from birth. All because one of the windows didn't meet the requirements. She literally had to up and move apartments just to keep her kid. I understand they're there for a reason, I understand the concern but it shouldn't be so complicated to find suitable foster homes.
I’d love to foster a kid and looked into it. The hoops you have to jump through are ridiculous and don’t stop the horrific abuse that happens in some homes. I have epilepsy, don’t drive because of it, and that would make me unable to foster. Even though it’s extremely rare for me to have a seizure and I feel them coming. I don’t drive because it makes me nervous, not because I’m legally not allowed. I’ve raised my 3 sons without incident. Now that I think about it, the dog we have now also wouldn’t be allowed. She’s a pit mix rescue (she’s on the small side, sweet, and good with kids, but I do understand that rule regardless.).
As an infertile couple, this is why these kids won't get homes. We'd rather pay for IVF than jump through some power tripping social workers arbitrary hoops.
you can’t just call out a country like that. as an american, i know we haven’t shown our best lately, but this shit happens all over the world. shootings have nothing to do right fucking foster care. jesus christ common sense isn’t real common anymore, huh?
As an infertile couple, that's why these kids won't find homes. Most bio parents wouldn't have their kids if the same standard was held to them. We absolutely refuse to be told we are unworthy of parenthood over a God damn dog.
@natk4017 as a former foster youth, I think it's insane as well. My foster parents met all of these checks, but the abuse behind closed doors was pretty bad. I was abused worse in foster care than I was in the home with my parents (which was pretty bad). Kids need love. Period. Thats what should weigh the heaviest.
The two parts that bother me are "have a job good enough to provide the financial stability (100% get it) BUUUTTTTT you gotta have a tone of flexibility too! I'm sorry huh? How do you have both? No wonder we got 12 kids to a house in foster care in North carolina. Its terrible! My neighbor would take as many kids as the state would allow and they wouldn't get the love and care they deserve.. yet they disqualify people for reason that are just excessive!
Easy. Only rich or well off people get to do it. You can't have a very comfortable income like they expect and also not be working all the time to keep that income.
My husband is the stay at home parent as he is retired and the agency still calls me when I'm at work. So even with a stay at home parent sometimes good sense isn't used.
Considering the hefty some they give to foster parents depending on the state, I know here back in 2004-2005 The monthly salary of a foster parent with one foster child was like $800 to $1,200 depending on the difficulty of the child and the age of the child and the sex of the child(some would get more money for boys because boys are "harder to place")... that'd be the equivalent of almost 3k a month now... I get wanting foster parents to be completely and utterly "financially stable"(which is subjective, it's all based on lifestyle, and where you live), But also it's only super important if they are no longer paying foster parents for their time energy and home... I mean yeah it's a good way to weed out people who are literally just going to do it for money, But you do also weed out good people who want to do it to help the children... Financial stability is not synonymous with a loving caring home...
So kids get placed in residential treatment centers, where many of the workers are barely trained, kids are placed on units with other kids who have severe behavioral and/or mental health issues, the methods to restrain violent acts are insufficient for restraining kids who are taller than ~4’5”, the crisis staff get their jobs by being large and aggressive, and the corporation is bilking the government agencies by serving low quality food and cutting every other corner possible. If a worker tries to push or present research to the corporation to get more activities or even something as small as getting the kids outside for 15 minutes a day, that worker is labeled as a trouble employee. The system is a mess. I’ve seen some really bad foster homes and some kids who come from really bad foster homes with bruises all over, but the home retains their license.
A lot of teens, especially boys, end up in placement with juvenile offenders. I work in a good one (not perfect but nothing is) but I've heard horror stories from kids coming from other facilities.
@@Masquaradethewriter and they truly are horror stories. Anyone not in the field has no idea how bad it can be for these kids, especially when criminals are placed with mental health residents. So many vulnerable and easily manipulated kids in with criminally minded kids is bad all together.
So you're not able to foster cuz your schedule is busy because you work but you dont work and you don't make enough to foster... imagine that... damned if you do, damned if you don't.
You may not be aware but there can be alot of things added into your life when you take on one foster child. There's parent/child visits, sometimes sibling visits, medical appointments, therapy appointments, medical management appointments, etc. There's even more when you have older kids who may need to take driver's education classes, participate in Independent Living classes/events, etc and that's all not including if a youth participates in activities with school, church, etc.
Gotta love a system where any irresponsible hormonal teenager can have a one night stand and keep their kid but loving adults with or without day jobs can’t get one. Yay capitalism.
People who work and make enough to meet everyone's needs aren't working 24/7. There's a huge middle ground between getting a new job every few months and working every waking hour.
What infuriates me is that kids get returned to unsafe homes where NONE of these rules are followed for them. I've seen kids returned to homes where the parents are not finished with drug rehab, have no job, furniture or adequate food. But foster parents get yelled at if we leave a bottle of Windex on the counters.
Children are seen as objects and property in the system, and foster parents are basically seen as holding the birth parents' property for them. You birthed it, you own it, is the logic. So of course the standard is rock bottom for them, but sky high for the foster parents.
This is something I brought up in marriage counseling. I want desperately to be a mother and our counselor suggested adopting and I was just like, "We're too poor, who would give us a baby?" It doesn't matter how much love we have, we don't meet the requirements.
@bina nocht Moving is expensive and long stay visas are typically expensive, too. How is this helpful advice? Most people can’t just pick up and move to another country.
@bina nocht It’s ridiculous advice. Do you know how difficult it is to relocate to a different country? I’ve done it. The process takes YEARS, and you would have to be considered a permanent resident and speak the local language and meet all the necessary requirements before you would even begin to qualify to adopt a child from said country. Also, how messed up can you get? “If you don’t meet the requirements to adopt, go somewhere where they’re poor and can’t afford to have such high requirements for the children who need homes.” They’re CHILDREN, not souvenirs. And attitudes like yours are part of the reason more and more countries are banning international adoptions.
@bina nocht No, OP is referring to adoption. Adoption agencies can also have additional criteria for adopting children beyond the legal requirements, these can vary from agency to agency and whether it's coming from a private agency or not. Some adoption agencies can be stricter about who they will let adopt children (E.g. if you already have two children - biological or not; some are either completely closed or open adoptions etc.). It's also not as cheap to adopt as you say, it can cost up to $45,000 for a complete adoption process from beginning to end (though this is a more extreme example, it's not unheard of to be in tens of thousands of dollars). Also, coming from a European country, "poor people foster easy" is a complete myth as many countries require foster parents to have a minimum income before they'll be considered. Also, I don't know where you got €600/week from as each country in Europe can have vastly different requirements and varying rates of stipend for foster parents. I know you were trying to be helpful and encouraging but it's often a better idea to do a little research first, especially if you're not familiar with fostering
I was a foster parent for 2.5 years. Our lives were SO disrupted- the foster agency viewed our home as an extension of their organization. We had to post no smoking signs IN OUR HOME. We didn't smoke. We'd make appointments with a worker for 9 am because we had plans at 12 and would get a call at 11 that they would arrive at 1- not ASKING if we were available- it was assumed we would spend the entire day waiting on them. We were expected to have family/friends take a SIX WEEK foster parent training course JUST to babysit the foster kids or they were not allowed to be babysat. But they COULD attend programs with people unknown to us. Respite Care- babysitters approved to watch our foster kids- were TWO HOURS AWAY. And the "rules" would change depending on who the case worker was. I asked for policies in writing so we would know exactly what the expectations were (after I was told my 14 year sister couldn't sleep over my house unless we got a background check on her) and was told "it depends who the worker is." We hung in there for the kids we had for 2.5 years until they were placed in their adoptive home. It was grueling. Traumatizing. We were truly treated like indentured servants and the kids were the leverage. We didn't want them bounced to multiple homes so we couldn't complain about anything. It was truly awful.
Unfortunately, not everyone is suited to foster. The children's needs and safety come before the foster parents' convenience. Do you know how many children are abused or molested while in care? No, you should not be able to leave them with random unvetted, un trained friends/neighbors or have unapproved teens or adults sleeping in the same house with them. Social workers have insane case loads and may be late to a meeting because they were literally removing another child from a situation that could harm or kill them. Your experience definitely sounds very taxing and frustrating, but it is nothing compared to what these children are put thru, and thankfully, no one is required to or forced to be a foster parent.
@@Milkymommy09 the thing is, a lot of those respite care agencies only require a 7 hour training course. My son has special needs and I don't use respite care because I don't trust the agencies/carers So it's OK for a stranger to watch these children, often with little to no actual training, yet family and friends need a SIX WEEK training course. I don't think they were upset about them needing to be vetted and trained, they were upset about the fact that 6 weeks is an unreasonable ask for someone to train to babysit.
As a former teacher this frustrates me to no end!!! I can’t tell you how many times I have had to call CPS because a child was living in a bug infested home, wore the same outfit to school 4 days in a row, and ALWAYS came to school starving. Not to mention their lack of parental supervision or hot water and was told and I quote, “ dirty homes are a lifestyle choice, as long as they have ONE change of clothes, ONE piece of bread and water for every meal, and a mattress on the floor we can’t do anything.” Not to mention the parents not having a job….
I agree with most points, but I do find it interesting that they require you to have a reliable job and financial stability, yet you have to have availability and flexibility to attend all these meetings and visits and such. Seems to me like that is designed to rule out single parent households.
@@vt3039being a single parent doesn't mean there are no other adults you can count on. You don't need two parental figures to have a perfectly stable support system. Some of these rules are just borderline discriminatory.
@@vt3039 I'm a single mother and have been for a long time. My kids KNOW they going to their aunt, my twin. Or my mother. Or my other sister. Or my neighbor., etc.. You build a community, a loving community around your kids as a single parent.
@@vt3039 ummmm my mom was a single mom and she definitely had trusted adults she could call in case of emergency. including my aunt that lived with us specifically to help my mom out. don't assume such negative things about single parent households.
It amazes me that the states have these requirements for foster parents yet their “goal” is reunification with families who don’t meet the requirements. Make it make sense.
Being a foster carer is not the same as being a parent. There are a lot of meetings, medical appointments etc. A traumatised child needs a lot more of your time and attention . You can't take a child from their parents and put them somewhere chaotic or unsafe. The children will only return to their families when/if the parents improve their situation. They are thoroughly assessed. The goal is reunification, but it should only happen when it is going to be the best thing for the child.
A foster parent isn't a bio parent, and you aren't entitled to keep their child forever...Look up all the kids who have been given to "great" families and wound up dead?
@@fayebarbary4748 I’ve been in the system. I’ve been taken away and reunited 7X. I’ve been on my own, fully supporting myself since I was 15. I dropped out of school and had to work 2 jobs. I had no help from the state, only help from my friends and their parents. The state of MD knew I was on my own. I say again, make it make sense. If you have standards for fostering, you should have standards for reunification.
@@brittanyo5182 I'm sorry Brittany, nobody should have to go through that. I work with kids in foster care in the UK. I guess things are different elsewhere. I agree it doesn't make sense to return children to their parents when nothing has changed.
This is exactly why I quit fostering. I wanted to go back to college to further my career to care for the child I was attempting to foster to adopt. The years of intrusion and constant nit picking made me completely give up because it was effecting my marriage. Funny how my way of life was just fine for my biological child. No wonder there is such an issue in the foster care system. 🙄 Very frustrating
Makes sense. Your bio child is fine emotionally, but many of these kids come with their own traumas and need more support. Not to mention they’re someone else’s kids so there’s a legal liability. Your bio kid has no liability.
@@pisces2569 I am aware. We fostered and were approved to the distain of some psycho bish in the comments. I was just sick of being poked and prodded and the parents were allowed to walse in and out as they pleased to the kids we did qualify for. I was well prepared and awfully bold of you to assume my kid just "turned out emotionally fine" We were domestic abuse survivors from my previous marriage and I fought really hard to ensure my child didn't end up like a statistic.
may i ask what happened to your foster child? were they returned to their "family"? i'm sorry this happened to you, it sounds really hard, i couldn't imagine.
@@hyde1893 Their parents ended up back in jail. They contacted me and I told them until they give up their rights I'm not interested. That's not good for the kid or you. When you foster to adopt that rug can get pulled from you at any time no matter what.
How can you be expected to work full time for stability but at the same time be required to be available at a moments notice for meetings etc? Genuinely asking
I understand all of these issues, but it still bothers me. You can raise your own babies with any kind of dog or home setup, but you can't raise someone else's, even if the area is desperate for foster parents.
I think a big reason is what you said: because it is someone else's children (as opposed to their own). Especially since the bio parents don't get to choose who has their kids. It can become a liability. It is sad though because there is such a need for foster parents, like you said! We have a rottie mix, and it's sad that we may not qualify even though he's sweet!
@@lukerinderknecht2982 Are there tiers like prison or inpatient? For example, one hospital might keep a patient who had assaulted 3 different therapists over 2 years because "they know him" while another facility would say "we're not setup to handle this level of care"
@@trainablemonkey9912 While there are some tiers in foster care, pretty much all children are in the same tier. The other tiers are for serious needs (such as a child that needs 24/7 care).
Love that you covered this! As a foster care specialist who is responsible for licensing homes, people get so irate with me when I have to explain certain reasons why they cannot foster. The kids come from trauma and unhealthy experiences. There are certain triggers and situations that will retraumatize a child when we place them in a home! This topic is so misconstrued. We WANT To license your home, but we also have standards set forth through the state and placing agency that we have to follow, as well!!
@@MariaMaria-sr8zg each situation is different. We are not the only foster placing agency in my area. If the child cannot be placed in a foster home for whatever reason, they either go to a residential treatment facility, a shelter, a group home, or in dire cases for teenagers, they can go to hotels. Hotels are always worst case scenario/last ditch effort, though.
@@virginiadefrance2427 it seems like a shelter or group home would have more variables for re traumatizing a child with how crowded they can get at times, or having more people there that can have criminal backgrounds or other children that are bullies.
@@jessicad3081 in the state I’m in, we have children shelters and those shelters have a capacity based on the ratio of staff to children. Furthermore, the children entering into the shelter cannot have certain behaviors. For example, if the child has sexual aggressions they will not be admitted. Bottom line, children shelters are different than adult and /or family shelters.
Every single person who is thinking about becoming a foster parent needs to watch this video. My son had 8 different people checking on him and I for the first 3 months. After that, the visits went down to 1x a month, not including weekly visits w bio parent.
Actually we ask that you do not kill the children. They are brought into the world and are created at conception. How you treat them is a direct reflection of your character - killing the most vulnerable unborn is despicable. And so is the foster care system. They need to allow for private orphanages again. Having this state run foster system has been a complete disaster.
@@courtiepie13 no, life does not begin at conception, it begins at birth, the moment air fills the child's lungs, if the Bible is to be followed, which you people are usually Bible bashers but don't have any idea what the Bible says
@@courtiepie13 You say all this “but only if we could-“ but look at what we actually have! An overcrowded, underfunded, foster system with sometimes impossible conditions and overlooked problems with the guardians that lead to the children being even more traumatized than they came in. You can get off your high horse so you can see the world for how it actually is.
@@courtiepie13 your comment has no effect on my comment. You are quote misinformed. Abortion will happen whether it's legal or not. There's a reason they became legal. Read a bit of history that isn't from your echo chamber and you will see there was also a reason that "private run orphanages" were closed down. 😉
Exactly. My niece and her husband fostered and there were so many appointments she had to go to. There is no way that if she had a job that an employer would let her take off so much. It's unreal all the things you have to do in a very short time. It doesn't stop. It's just constantly!
I was going to say what Pam said, maybe a little nicer. I think it varies wildly state to state. I live in Oregon, one of the states that permitted the Hart family massacre to happen. As a former foster kid, I believe inspections of foster homes are less frequent here. I never saw it. I ended up in a nice house with a teacher and two other teen girls who had been in the system for a while. My brother ended up in a house where the adults were trying to profit off of the kids. Abuse was rampant. Even after my brother reported the abuse, no investigation was done. What he described sounded a lot like they sent a case worker to say “stop being abused” and that was the end of it. I don’t think it’s like that everywhere. I know it’s worse some places, but I also know that we have serious problems in our system here that are known nationally.
Meanwhile apparently not doing any parenting was the requirement for my brother's fosters and their 'job' was what they brought in fostering and did not spend on even fresh food. My brother is hypoglycemic. 💀 They did nothing to help him, it was really upsetting.
I foster and agree with all. Including finances..but I have also found it tricky to both work and foster, especially when we need to do visits. You'll need a boss that is understanding and also a flexible schedule
I disagree with dog breeds. I think any dog in a foster home should have to pass something like a CGC and a temperament test instead of it being by breed. I've met PLENTY of dangerous goldens.
@@NoThankUBeQuiet I don't think the average dog owner even knows CGC is a thing. My dogs have been trained since puppyhood and one of them would still fail because she's too smart and is a pro at malicious compliance. She's still just 2 so I hope by the time she's 3 she'll have better impulse control, we practice like 4 times a day but she just HAS to negotiate her terms for complying with commands each time. That's what I get for adopting a border collie.
"Hey, you're not absolutely perfect. You're actually so terrible that the abusive bio-mom has a better chance of getting their kid back." That would make anyone feel horrible...
It drives me crazy how strict they are and all the stipulations when there's AMAZING people out there that have made misgakes, that can give children an amazing home..
Made mistakes AND LEARNED FROM THEM, and can now provide a deeper level of support VECAUSE OF THEM. A 30 year old charge, that was dropped in court, kept my father from being able to foster my nephew who was shipped off to kid jail because no one likes to foster teenagers. It's asinine
Different in every state. For example, Oregon will certify infant only (foster parents can choose to only take kids of certain ages if they wish - my hubby and I take 10+) and any dog breed is ok if the dog is well behaved.
Everything I look up just says “financially stable.” Like if you have a house rented, average credit, and job you’ve worked at a long time, but you don’t make what I would call even comfortable, will they accept you? Also I can see why not baby-only homes, but do you think most agencies would be willing to license if you don’t want younger than school age? Like if your age is 6-14 (or maybe older teens)? Also thanks for these videos! So helpful!! I’m not quite to where I want to be financially (I’m a program director at an out of school care organization and we’re still working on the “fair” pay though it is salary and I absolutely love it.) I think we will be there in a couple years.
The requirements vary state to state. Almost every foster family that I know has an age range that they accept. My parents would take kids 0-6. A family we are close to wouldn’t take kids younger than 12. But most agencies don’t have need for a family only willing to take on kids 0-2.
My range is 6-14 and the agency was fine with that. Taking younger kids requires baby-proofing your home, locking up meds and cleaners, and having car seats. They know that not everyone is suited for younger kids. And there’s a major shortage of households for older teens, so they’d be fine with you specializing in the 14-21 range, too.
Probably kind of depends on the needs in your area. My friends who are foster parents said there was a lot of need for 0-2 age foster parents because they didn't have very many people willing to take babies.
Our agency also took into consideration our adopted children already in the home. Their suggestion was taking foster placements younger than our oldest. It truly depends on the state and the agency (private vs. state).
A lot of times, they don’t take prospective parents that only want babies because A. The babies that are in care currently have homes B. There aren’t a lot of babies currently in care (the goal of foster care is reunification, and it’s more often that older kids are put in foster care long-term or permanently) or C. The prospective parents keep talking about the potential baby as “their own” or bad-mouth the bio parents. The goal of foster care is reunification, and if a prospective parent goes into fostering with the idea that they will have “their own” baby or immediately adopting them, or bad mouthing the bio parents, that can look bad to the state, because in the end it will likely lead to heartbreak for the foster parents or a child that has been turned against their bio parents. Foster parents with flexibility in ages are much more likely to get approved because there are a lot more older kids in the system and it shows that the prospective parent isn’t afraid of having “troubled kids”. They’re in foster care. Very often they are troubled to some extent. The goal is to take the best care of that child you can. And the term baby is normally reserved for kids under 2. So to answer your question, yes, if you want kids 5 and under, teens, or a mix of any age, they really like to hear that and are much more likely to approve. Hope this helps, From someone whose parents fostered throughout the years. ❤️
The system's not perfect, but just because someone is young doesn't mean that it's better for the baby to be killed than to have the possibility of ending up in foster care. Children with parents of any age can end up in foster care and teenage moms can make wonderful parents who raise children who are a benefit to society. Killing someone out of convenience shouldn't be an option.
It should be noted that adoption is an option if people don't want or can't take care of their children. This video just shows how strict some of the rules are around foster parenting because they are looking for stable, healthy homes for children. Having the system be strict, doesn't mean that it's broken. The rules are for the safety of the children.
A lot of the parents whose children are in the system are not teen parents so this is an assumption you are making. There is a lot of help for teens who are pregnant t these days. It is also an assumption that a teen mom can't make it work when many of them do just fine.
And who do you expect to hold them to those standards? Is that not on the *_women_* who choose to sleep with them? Why should her body be his responsibility?
@@JJ-yc2sv Are you mental. Women are taught from girls that their bodies are the property of men. How are they supposed to just turn that off once they realise property doesn't = responsibility? You can't have your cake and eat it dipshit
@@JJ-yc2svIt’s the kid that should be equally the dad’s responsibility and the mom’s. Where did you even get “her body is his responsibility” from this comment? Your attempt to start a fight is really pathetic.
How tf have I only heard of a handful of folks that got through foster care unscathed. Like seriously, forget the outstanding news stories, my two buddies, foster brothers, were both sexually and physically abused (obviously mentally as well) and both "parents" had jail time before and during it all. They ended up adopting them both, one had a bio sibling they also adopted, they told him he'd never see his sibling again if he didn't lie and agree to being adopted. That's just one brief story. It's bs, the whole system.
Thank you so much for being such an awesome foster parent. I’ve never been in foster but some of my best friends have and they have had horrible story’s from many things, so thank you so much for being a great foster parent❤❤❤
When I went to foster care training, they had you bring your application, but not hand it in and then went over every little thing that could get your disqualified, because being rejected as a foster parent can show up on background checks and it doesn't explain why, so they wanted to make sure people would qualify before handing in the application and putting any additional time into the classes.
They need to license those families only willing to take babies, or whatever ages, because they WILL be needed! Especially since babies cant go to daycare until 6 weeks old. They need those people who are probably working from home. I know, I was this person- I took a newborn in may and then another in September- because they had no other places for them. I ended up adopting one of them and she is 17 now ❤
Things have changed a lot in the past 17 years. We waited for years to adopt a baby and there was an average of 7-10 babies per year that were available in my province and hundreds of waiting parents. We were told that the average wait for a baby right now is 10 years because of the high spike in abortion rates. So we are now going into foster care. It is very rare for a baby to end up in foster care unless the mom abandons them at the hospital without an adoption plan or they already have other children in care, in which case, they try to place the baby with the siblings. They really want people who will take kids of any age, not just babies. Especially since Covid, there have been a lot of empty homes because the number of kids coming into care has gone down drastically. But, when they do have a family of kids come into care, they don't want to give the baby to one family and the rest of the kids to another, or have kids ages 6-12 but only have homes that will only take newborns.
@@commenter5901 I'm a child advocate, so I can tell you there are always babies available. They don't always end up freed for adoption, but a lot of times they do. Also, there will be times when siblings are separated, unfortunately. I have 61 kids on my caseload alone right now; 5 are infants. At least 4 will have their parents' rights terminated. And I'm just one advocate out of maybe 20 in just my county alone. I guarantee the others have infants on their caseloads too. If a mother or newborn test positive for substances at birth, the baby will be removed from the mom. 9/10 times, the father of the baby (if known) is also using substances.
I don’t have any dogs right now-just aggressive attack geese. They are most definitely NOT child friendly, but a joy to watch. 😂 In my State there are no barriers with animals, other than to report what you have and make sure they are current on all required shots. There were a couple of issues with my house, but they wrote a variance for the problems and we were good to go. In my experience it depends greatly on the need for homes. I was emergency licensed for 1 in less than a month, got another kiddo within 3 days (supposed to stay for 7 days, stayed for 3 months), then got 2 more afterwards even though I wasn’t qualified for it. I’ve had 4 kids when I was only supposed to have a max of 2, and they wanted me to take on 7-in my very first year. I’ve been called 6 times in a day asking if I could take “just one more!”, and when I said I had no more beds, was told that it would be perfectly fine for the kiddo to sleep on the couch or on the floor. You absolutely must set boundaries and know your limits, otherwise you will burn out and not be able to help anyone.
Wow I wasn't aware that that was even possible. My biggest thing would be space in my vehicle. I definitely need establish boundaries in advance. Thank you.
@@shanab.6561 I ended up with 4 kiddos, the max that my vehicle would fit. When asked to take 7, I said “if someone would buy me a van, lol!”-and they said, in all seriousness -“can you get a van?”. I was really torn at the thought of the kids being separated, but as work more than full time at the same time as taking care of kiddos I realized I couldn’t go from no kids to 7 while keeping my sanity, even if I had a big enough vehicle.
Damn it’s so crazy that with so many checks like this, that there are still so many stories in the news of viciously unqualified people raising foster children. Still, it is uplifting to know that there are people checking for stuff like this :)
The thing that weirds me out is it isnt the same if you go through ivf or anything like that? So anyone can have ivf if they have the money (so basically only rich people), but not anyone can adopt/foster even though its a massive issue. And because they look at often insignificant things like if you have a fence instead of what the family values are, if their personalities mesh with the kid (if its old enough) etc, i think this leads to the amount of bad experiences kids have in the system
That's because in foster care, you're not the child's parent, and if something happens to the child, the state is legally liable, whereas if it's your own kid and something happens, that's your responsibility. Also, 900 kids drown in the US each year, and it happens quickly and usually pretty quietly - the image of drowning people waving their hands and shouting is a myth because people who are drowning are silent. So having a fence around water features/pools can save a kid's life.
Yeah it's interesting that any person can have a kid or go through IVF, but the standards for fostering and adoption are MUCH higher. Obviously some standards are needed, but any idiot can get pregnant, which is unfortunate
If someone does ivf and they turn out to be a dangerous parent, the kid ends up in the system with a family that is proven to be safe. Biological parents may not go into it with all the safety checks, but if they fail along the way, they don't get to keep their children either.
@@JulEnglefaris With IVF, you’re dealing with embryos not children. Embryos are not considered people in the eyes of the law and most of society. Not to mention it all embryos are viable. Children are people with certain needs and their own traumas. They need validation and special care.
It makes complete sense. These are the most vulnerable children. They cannot just go to any home and experience more trauma from a delinquent relative, a bite from a pet known for aggressive tendencies, both parents working all day outside the home. These are preventitive measures that reduces most issues.
The “too busy” part…we’re all too busy …busy raising children. Am I right? I was a single parent. Not a single mother with support but a true single parent. I did a great job. I was a great mother and provider. Not a good disciplinarian. I could definitely be a foster parent. A great one. Idk how some people get approved at all when others don’t.
Sad that any horrible person can go and HAVE kids.. but you can be denied giving a kid a loving home from things like "too busy" I fully understand they need to really vet foster parents but some of these seem a little restrictive
@@melbapeach162 It’s not “sad” that people can have kids just because you decide they’re “horrible”. One of the reasons I love this channel so much is her complete failure to vilify birth parents. You’re not in charge of procreation, which is good - because truly what makes YOU the expert? Stop talking and think about it.
@@LeaverWild paedophiles can have kids. People beat or even kill their children. Are you really such a bleeding heart that you wouldn't call that horrible? Not everyone deserves children but they can have them. The way you end that brainless comment telling me to think is wonderfully ironic.
The only people who get approved are males who are bread winners and the wife has to stay at home. So if you're not a nuclear family you're not going to be able to help a child in the foster care system no matter how safe/how much money you make. I had a squeaky clean record. That's how it is here anyway. I gave up and I'll never put myself through this heartbreak again
Did you even read the caption on that part of the video? It’s not just that the person was busy, their schedule was so packed they were missing basic visits, training, and appointments. If you can’t make these extremely important scheduled events you are directly impacting the child’s possibility of reunification. Your foster child’s future is more important than your hurt feelings.
Thank you so much for your examples. I have two adults with disabilities and I spoke with a family member using your advice. It helped give me confidence, and it helped with an issue.
@@TheSUPERHAPPY1 "Lost generation" was first applied to those men and women who died in WWI and who experienced the hardship and great depression after the war. Because so many of these men died, an entire generation was not born. It was also a time when people began questioning the so called American Dream and consumerism was on the rise. In countries like North America and Australia, the "lost generation" is also referred to as the "stolen generation" of children who were taken or forcibly removed by government or church intuitions for "civilizing" starting in the early 1800s and ending in the late 1970s. For children, especially those who were Black, biracial and Native American, there was a belief by social workers, church and government that those children born in poverty should belong in two parents homes. Many children were put into foster care as they were illegitimate, mothers were forced to sign their children over to the state and the state openly preyed on these kids filling juvenile detention, orphanages and foster homes with children of single and poor parents. Unfortunately, many of these kids were never adopted or found homes for because the standards 50 or 60 years ago was so high that most minority or poor families could not reach them. In the worst cases children died in care and never saw their parents again. You have to remember that at that time about 60-70% of Black and Native Americans were living in poverty. The state and church thought they were doing the children a favor. However, what was found through research that the children had a one in four chance of becoming criminal, teenage parent, mentally ill or substance abuser because of the abuse and cutting of family ties which was experienced in Native and Church schools along with state foster homes and orphanages. Hence why many of these facilities were closed down. Therefore, when we talk about a "lost or stolen" generation, we refer to people who as children experienced state care and because of it suffered from it. Today, there are many cases which are going before the court to ask for reparations for poor and inhumand treatment from the state. Canada and Australia have apologized for the poor treatment of its native population while the US has only done it partially. The children who are now in their late 40s, 50s and 60s are witnesses to the mistreatment. Many are now participating in programs where their siblings who died on state property are searched for and given a proper burial.
@@fredrika27 This is the kind of stuff that they don't put in history books. The government does shitty, sketchy things all the time. We all know that, but we don't always get to hear specifics. Thank you for informing us about what took place. People deserve to know what those kids went through. I'll definitely be doing more reading up on this.
@@rebekahhobbs9605 What angers me is that the majority of single mothers back in the day simply needed financial support instead of putting their kids in care! Now, aid is given, but it is so meager. In many cases/states foster parents get more aid than single mums! That's horrible. People are starting to talk and telling the truth about state and church care. If you listened to these agencies, you'd think the mothers were unfit and acting horrible. While it's true in some cases most mothers will say they didn't want to give their children away!
@@fredrika27 The worst part is all of the abuse, separation, and mistreatment of these children and families could have been avoided if the government had given financial aid to these families to get them out of poverty rather than putting kids in homes where (presumably) they were overcrowded so children couldn't have gotten anymore food or resources than they would've in poverty.
And yet somehow even with all of this, foster children are still some of the most traumatized and abused by their foster parents. Look at what happened to those poor Turpin kids.
Yes - a lot of people didn’t read the article about how the foster parents that took in the Turpin kids also abused them. It’s pretty horrible. Hope those people sit in jail for a while.
Out of all the foster homes I had to go in to, only one was amazing. Most of the others were worse than “home”. As an adult I wanted to give foster kids that safe place to land, someone who understood what they were going through and keep them safe while in my care. Our home passed everything except one item, not being able to put a 6 foot tall fence around the neighbors pond that was over 2 acres away from our back yard. Role my heart.
This is why this whole system is fucked up. Either children are left in abusive situation’s sexually physically emotionally, The amount of horror stories I have heard from other people being fostered is what scared me to death when I was almost placed in foster care. It seems like it’s just two sides, this overbearing you can’t parent if you don’t have the right equipment constantly breathing down your back making it so that you can’t even be a foster parent when you’re more qualified than most regular parents. Or your left in abusive hell, something seriously needs to change now, we need to find a good medium between loving caring homes and allowing the parents to parent normally like they would any other biological child.
No she doesn't. You do realize she get just over 500 per child she takes in. That doesn't include the food stamps she gets which is 300 per child (because she is a foster parent). She just lost one of her fosters due to her significant other sexually abusing one of her fosters and is under investigation.
@@jessicapearson9479 just stop. My family fosters in the same state as this lovely woman and literally everything you just said is inaccurate. IDK why you feel the need to spread hate, lies, and misinformation, but I’m going to pray for you.
yeah I get the house having to be safe, everyone passing a background check and you should have enough time and money to care for the child, but I get the feeling the time and money requirement might be too high and the dog breed one is just plain stupid as long as they have no behavioral issues and are fine around children any dog should be fine
Thanks for sharing this information! I've always wanted to be a foster parent, especially since working in childcare, but I'm not at that point in my life yet. It's really cool to be able to get some information in a relaxed way. I'm going to wait until I'm ready for kids and I'm financially and otherwise stable before I even think about starting the process and trying to ask questions so it's nice to be able to find some stuff out now too. I want to talk to my boyfriends parents about it, they've fostered many kids, but they're also very religious and so I want to wait until we're married before I ask them about child related things (that's just how they are.) They adopted my boyfriend and 3 of his siblings, and they have 2 bio kids. They fostered many more kids too, and they have a picture wall of all of them. They've really inspired me to foster as well, on top of my time in childcare. My dad has as well, because he was in the foster care system from age 13 til adulthood. And you've really inspired me as well!
Some of these make sense to me and others are frustrating. People don’t need to be perfect. Other parents don’t have to go through that stuff to have a baby and there’s such a huge need for fosters families that to disqualify someone for some of these seems sad
I was in a foster home who met all of these requirements and they were a nightmare, because my foster mother has narcissistic personality disorder. She only had me as an accessoire, so people would tell her how great she is saving children ( and animals too ). Meanwhile my grandparents were forbidden from fostering me after my parents death, because the room they had at that point was a bit too small.... And they were considered too old. Messed up my whole childhood.
Which is crazy considering the absolute HORROR stories Ive heard about some foster parents. So sad. I'm happy to know there are some good ones out there
Here's the ONLY two things that should matter, mental health check and appropriate home, meaning clean and safe. These ridiculous rules might be why so many genuinely good people are turned down and monsters are approved. So sad. My doberman would lick a kid to death. Oh no! So scary!
I would argue financial stability is important. Lack of finances and resources is a common cause in abuse and neglect. The driving record makes sense since you will be driving the kid to and from their appointments. Also someone who works 12 hour shifts and is on call for emergencies like ETMs and firefighters probably won’t have the time to devote to kids (these kids need special care compared to their own bio kids) compared to someone with a 9-5 job
Certain dog breeds are incredibly dangerous around children, for example pitbulls. It's so the child doesn't end up getting mauled or killed. And in case pitnutters see this: "Nanny dogs" aren't a thing and no dog would ever be safe around children because they're unpredictable.
This hurts my heart. I grew up in a family that always took in the children (mainly friends who had a very hard life) and we treat them like siblings. I have always wanted to foster children. I've even been to several "foster exchanges" and have heard some seriously messed up stories. To think that because I have some issues with cars in an age of Uber and Lyft I couldn't help when I'm willing and able.
The lost one is a bit nuts. Have a busy schedule doesn't mean you can't be a good foster parent. At that point, you are just looking for rich people who don't have to work and don't have pets
Thank you for this. There are a couple of reasons why I wouldn't be able to foster. All good reasons but they also make sense from a fostering perspective
Yeah, because if the kids are injured or killed in a car crash, the state is legally liable. And the parents aren't necessarily bad (though sometimes they are, obviously) - they could just be too ill to take care of a child (physically or mentally), in jail awaiting trial, or in prison for a nonviolent crime.
I just made a comment wondering what it takes. Funny that you mentioned dogs because that was one of my thoughts. My age is also something Id speak to them about. Im 50 so possible adoption of a small child would not be possible for someone as old as me. Im glad you included an earlier short, talking about how they often need ypu to be open to that.
Foster parents should be qualified by the love they can give. You might not be able to go on fancy outings but having a bord game night and feeling loved is so much more
it is not fancy outings but if you can't support yourself , you can't support a foster child because you will be working too much to pay your own expenses.. and then there are those who 'foster' for the money to support their own lives :-(
I wonder if the Foster requirements will less and become more lax if, there is a huge uptick in children/babies needing more foster care as states make other options illegal.
I'm beginning to think that's the whole point. Keep people poor, keep people demoralized, keep people struggling. Overloaded foster system? Just bring back private institutional foster homes, with little to no budget and even less oversight. Look how great it's worked for the prison system! Children growing up in poverty and educationally/economically disadvantaged? Just easier to control and subjugate. None of these are bugs. They're features.
Yep. Gotta control the women, the poor, the not white.....oh and let's make sure that nobody but the rich and healthy have medical care. We are barbaric.
I’m almost 18, and I’ve wanted to be a foster parent for a while now. Obviously I can’t do that yet, and won’t be able to for years to come due to all of the requirements, but it’s something I’d love to be able to do. I don’t want to have children of my own, simply because I don’t want to go through the pregnancy, and fostering and/or adopting seems like the thing for me, and I would love to help kids in the process.
And this is why i don't foster. Your life isn't your own. The birth parents get chance after chance when they are actually abusing and neglecting their kids, but get the wrong pet, or not have an open schedule with a huge cash flow and you aren't good enough. And yet the state placed a child with my abusive parents and my abusive sister. The holes in the wall that my father punched weren't a red flag, or the shady business deals my mom tried doing that were not above board. Or that my sister was on an entire pharmacy and had a foster. But, despite having healthy, happy kids and a stable home, I can only imagine why we would be denied. And yet, my parents who literally stalked us were fosters. The system makes no sense.
Just so everyone knows, the dog breed thing can vary based on your state. My friends are foster parents in Minnesota, and they have a (very gentle and well-behaved) Rottweiler.
I just wish there was a better way to determine if someone was fit based off of their individual situation instead of a formated evaluation like this. Ik that's impossible but it sure would stop a lot of babies from going to the wrong homes. So many wonderful people get denied and so many horrible people get approved.
It's always refreshing when these videos come up and they aren't about reuniting families. Literally ruined my adoptive brothers life and the first homes he was in before didn't help. It's gross how this is sanitized and business like though.
Whew... that last one... the number of times I have gone to set up kiddos in kinship care for services at our office and the grandma/uncle/mom's friend is like, "I don't have time for all these doctors' appointments and stuff". I want to ask so badly why they took the child in if they weren't going to make sure the kiddo was taken care of.
Also: (depending on state) trampolines, swiming pools, unsecured barbecue grilles (gas with starter in backyard if younger children could mess with them). Unsecured power tools. Etc. Etc. ANYTHING they could hurt themselves with.
I completely understand All of this but I believe state juvenile homes need to be regulated more as well. When children can not be fostered in a private home they may be sent somewhere less safe. The options for kids who can not be fostered into a home are not great options. I understand All of these concerns and regulations but knowing the amount of kids who grew up in the system, the most unsafe places for many were the state facilities. What can we do to make those places safer And more conducive to helping children thrive not just stay alive. I do completely get all of these regulations. These kids are someone else's children. They may never return home but sometimes it isn't an issue of a bad parent maybe just a bad circumstance. Fostering is not adoption. These are someone else's kids just like when you send your child to a daycare or a summer camp or school. They have your kids for a certain amount of time but they are not Their kids. All kids should be protected at all costs and for instance a family dog may love your family but may hurt another child. You can not take chances. As a parent there is always chances to take with your own child so you can live your life and they can live theirs. But all the agencies have to go on is on paper. No nuances are known. So err on the side of caution because this is a child's life.
I know here in Colorado they are getting rid of group homes and facilities alike. They will transfer a kid to a different county first. Because each county has multiple foster care agencies and if there are no homes in that county, they will try to reach out to another county. There’s research showing that group homes are not beneficial to a child mental development during such scary time in their lives
My carers made time for the meetings- but they were never able to make time with me. I got to sit down with them 1/2 hours 5 evenings a week to watch tv and wound be able to talk because they were watching something…. I personally believe their fostering listens should be revoked because one of the carers threw things at me and said they had enough and I’m too difficult and that the issue wasn’t my mother- it was me (I was there 12.5 weeks) I’m not in a staffed house and they’ve never said anything like that and it’s been 6 months here….. I’m not saying I’m not an issue. But what they said about me: being a nightmare, a risk to the children, uncontrollable, tore the family apart……. I’m not allowed back into foster Me being a risk to the children was because I self harmed- my arms were always covered when they were around. It was that I had blades in my room. The one they’ve been told not to go in and the blades were in my pillow cases?? They also blamed me they couldn’t have their renovation finished because the builder they hired had 🪢☠️ himself. And because I was “one of them- it was my fault” and one of them being depressed…… They also hated when I didn’t control my autism: going mute when overwhelmed, not understanding what they’re asking, getting emotional when I get confused why they’re feeling a certain way. For context, they shouted at me for throwing a pillow (if I didn’t, they would ignore me) and they’re reaction made me pass out They need to have their liscence revoked TLDR: my ex foster carers should have their liscence removed because they threw things at me and then tried to kick me out onto the street in the middle of the night with no belongings
Sorry, you don’t make enough money to foster. Maybe you could work more hours! Unfortunately, the extra hours you needed to work, to make more money, now disqualifies you because you won’t have enough time available for the child.
It’s weird because I thought fostering does bring in income, like being a foster parent IS your job. It’s weird that they want someone to be a foster parent and work outside the home at the same time. That’s just bozo.
It’s 2023 and we’re still discriminating against certain dog breeds. As a groomer, little dogs are way more likely to attack than a pitbull. They just want love.
@@Robynhoodlum my place has a breed ban too, and the apartment manager even said the only dog incident she’s had was a chihuahua attacking someone. I have a pittie, and he’s only in the clear because he’s my esa. And I can’t stand the fact some countries just ban the breed altogether like England and Australia. I’m sure there’s more 😓 my boy was used as a bait dog before I got him, and he’s just the sweetest boy with dogs and people.
This makes me wonder how in gods name do the nightmarish homes we hear of in foster care get licensed to begin with?
Bribery, theres money in human traffickering
Christian social workers automatically trusting straight christian couples is one I see pretty frequently
Exactly
Totally agree also I don’t like the condescending tone of this vid to begin with.
@@KBRhacs its not condescending dude. the safety of that child or baby wil always be priority over your feelings.
This is the reason I went through 2 years of neglect and then 2 foster homes before I was finally adopted. Because even though I was starving and neglected nobody was "good enough" to take us.... Literally anything would have been better than staying but they don't see it that way.
Wow I’m really sorry this gave me a new perspective on this whole thing and legislation really needs to change. There has to be such a thing as “good enough given the alternative is worse” like black and white doesn’t help children who need anything better than what they are getting
Unbelievable and infuriating
Horrible! I'm so sorry. Things need to change!
It's like starving someone because the food isnt perfect. Sorry you had to go through that.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. Often I think about how those making the rules are the same people who haven’t lived it
There's just something about "you don't make enough money to qualify" and "you don't have enough time because of your job to take on essentially a second job" that really breaks my heart.
Makes no sense, too. Don't foster parents receive funding to help provide for the foster kids?
This is one of the biggest reasons our foster care system is so overwhelmed. My close friend was raising her niece (as her daughter) but because she was considered a "foster child" my friend had to meet all these insane qualification or her daughter be removed and placed with another family. Even though she had had her from birth. All because one of the windows didn't meet the requirements. She literally had to up and move apartments just to keep her kid. I understand they're there for a reason, I understand the concern but it shouldn't be so complicated to find suitable foster homes.
Especially since these are homes for children whose parents are not providing even the most minimal standard of care
Really one window? Wow, what was the issue with it?
@@lpsjewel Yup. One single window.
I’d love to foster a kid and looked into it. The hoops you have to jump through are ridiculous and don’t stop the horrific abuse that happens in some homes. I have epilepsy, don’t drive because of it, and that would make me unable to foster. Even though it’s extremely rare for me to have a seizure and I feel them coming. I don’t drive because it makes me nervous, not because I’m legally not allowed. I’ve raised my 3 sons without incident. Now that I think about it, the dog we have now also wouldn’t be allowed. She’s a pit mix rescue (she’s on the small side, sweet, and good with kids, but I do understand that rule regardless.).
As an infertile couple, this is why these kids won't get homes. We'd rather pay for IVF than jump through some power tripping social workers arbitrary hoops.
If birth parent(s)/relative guardians were given the same standard, 99% of people would lose their kids lol.
So true!
This!!! I was thinking the same thing! 😂
Seriously. My kid would have been taken away the second I gave birth 😅
For real haha. I guess it’s a liability issue. They’re probably worried about getting sued.
So true.
and then kids get placed into homes that meet all these requirements and get horrifically abused. america moment
Not just America unfortunately
you can’t just call out a country like that. as an american, i know we haven’t shown our best lately, but this shit happens all over the world. shootings have nothing to do right fucking foster care.
jesus christ common sense isn’t real common anymore, huh?
As an infertile couple, that's why these kids won't find homes. Most bio parents wouldn't have their kids if the same standard was held to them. We absolutely refuse to be told we are unworthy of parenthood over a God damn dog.
@natk4017 as a former foster youth, I think it's insane as well. My foster parents met all of these checks, but the abuse behind closed doors was pretty bad. I was abused worse in foster care than I was in the home with my parents (which was pretty bad).
Kids need love. Period. Thats what should weigh the heaviest.
@@natk4017people who REALLY want to adopt kids will do anything to have them, even abide by ridiculous rules. maybe it’s a good thing y’all don’t 💀
And kids STILL get abused. Crazy
Rules are nore important than commitment and personality
Because breeds of dogs doesn't have anything to do with being good parents. Bogus rules.
The two parts that bother me are "have a job good enough to provide the financial stability (100% get it) BUUUTTTTT you gotta have a tone of flexibility too! I'm sorry huh? How do you have both? No wonder we got 12 kids to a house in foster care in North carolina. Its terrible! My neighbor would take as many kids as the state would allow and they wouldn't get the love and care they deserve.. yet they disqualify people for reason that are just excessive!
Easy. Only rich or well off people get to do it. You can't have a very comfortable income like they expect and also not be working all the time to keep that income.
My husband is the stay at home parent as he is retired and the agency still calls me when I'm at work. So even with a stay at home parent sometimes good sense isn't used.
Considering the hefty some they give to foster parents depending on the state, I know here back in 2004-2005 The monthly salary of a foster parent with one foster child was like $800 to $1,200 depending on the difficulty of the child and the age of the child and the sex of the child(some would get more money for boys because boys are "harder to place")... that'd be the equivalent of almost 3k a month now...
I get wanting foster parents to be completely and utterly "financially stable"(which is subjective, it's all based on lifestyle, and where you live), But also it's only super important if they are no longer paying foster parents for their time energy and home... I mean yeah it's a good way to weed out people who are literally just going to do it for money, But you do also weed out good people who want to do it to help the children... Financial stability is not synonymous with a loving caring home...
Was the neighbor abusing them?
So kids get placed in residential treatment centers, where many of the workers are barely trained, kids are placed on units with other kids who have severe behavioral and/or mental health issues, the methods to restrain violent acts are insufficient for restraining kids who are taller than ~4’5”, the crisis staff get their jobs by being large and aggressive, and the corporation is bilking the government agencies by serving low quality food and cutting every other corner possible. If a worker tries to push or present research to the corporation to get more activities or even something as small as getting the kids outside for 15 minutes a day, that worker is labeled as a trouble employee.
The system is a mess. I’ve seen some really bad foster homes and some kids who come from really bad foster homes with bruises all over, but the home retains their license.
A lot of teens, especially boys, end up in placement with juvenile offenders. I work in a good one (not perfect but nothing is) but I've heard horror stories from kids coming from other facilities.
@@Masquaradethewriter and they truly are horror stories. Anyone not in the field has no idea how bad it can be for these kids, especially when criminals are placed with mental health residents. So many vulnerable and easily manipulated kids in with criminally minded kids is bad all together.
So you're not able to foster cuz your schedule is busy because you work but you dont work and you don't make enough to foster... imagine that... damned if you do, damned if you don't.
You may not be aware but there can be alot of things added into your life when you take on one foster child. There's parent/child visits, sometimes sibling visits, medical appointments, therapy appointments, medical management appointments, etc. There's even more when you have older kids who may need to take driver's education classes, participate in Independent Living classes/events, etc and that's all not including if a youth participates in activities with school, church, etc.
Gotta love a system where any irresponsible hormonal teenager can have a one night stand and keep their kid but loving adults with or without day jobs can’t get one. Yay capitalism.
@@lexa_power THANK YOU!!!! THATS MY POINT!! 👍
Think she’s talking out her ass
People who work and make enough to meet everyone's needs aren't working 24/7. There's a huge middle ground between getting a new job every few months and working every waking hour.
What infuriates me is that kids get returned to unsafe homes where NONE of these rules are followed for them.
I've seen kids returned to homes where the parents are not finished with drug rehab, have no job, furniture or adequate food.
But foster parents get yelled at if we leave a bottle of Windex on the counters.
Children are seen as objects and property in the system, and foster parents are basically seen as holding the birth parents' property for them. You birthed it, you own it, is the logic.
So of course the standard is rock bottom for them, but sky high for the foster parents.
@@veevee306 we have a very broken system where children are not always put first. One part of fostering is to be an advocate.
💔💔💔
This is something I brought up in marriage counseling. I want desperately to be a mother and our counselor suggested adopting and I was just like, "We're too poor, who would give us a baby?" It doesn't matter how much love we have, we don't meet the requirements.
There are programs that help with cost of adoption you can adopt from the foter care system without being a foster parent.
@bina nocht Moving is expensive and long stay visas are typically expensive, too. How is this helpful advice? Most people can’t just pick up and move to another country.
@bina nocht It’s ridiculous advice. Do you know how difficult it is to relocate to a different country? I’ve done it. The process takes YEARS, and you would have to be considered a permanent resident and speak the local language and meet all the necessary requirements before you would even begin to qualify to adopt a child from said country. Also, how messed up can you get? “If you don’t meet the requirements to adopt, go somewhere where they’re poor and can’t afford to have such high requirements for the children who need homes.” They’re CHILDREN, not souvenirs. And attitudes like yours are part of the reason more and more countries are banning international adoptions.
@@TiffanyAllen1784 they can't even move to another state.
@bina nocht No, OP is referring to adoption. Adoption agencies can also have additional criteria for adopting children beyond the legal requirements, these can vary from agency to agency and whether it's coming from a private agency or not. Some adoption agencies can be stricter about who they will let adopt children (E.g. if you already have two children - biological or not; some are either completely closed or open adoptions etc.). It's also not as cheap to adopt as you say, it can cost up to $45,000 for a complete adoption process from beginning to end (though this is a more extreme example, it's not unheard of to be in tens of thousands of dollars). Also, coming from a European country, "poor people foster easy" is a complete myth as many countries require foster parents to have a minimum income before they'll be considered. Also, I don't know where you got €600/week from as each country in Europe can have vastly different requirements and varying rates of stipend for foster parents. I know you were trying to be helpful and encouraging but it's often a better idea to do a little research first, especially if you're not familiar with fostering
I was a foster parent for 2.5 years. Our lives were SO disrupted- the foster agency viewed our home as an extension of their organization. We had to post no smoking signs IN OUR HOME. We didn't smoke. We'd make appointments with a worker for 9 am because we had plans at 12 and would get a call at 11 that they would arrive at 1- not ASKING if we were available- it was assumed we would spend the entire day waiting on them. We were expected to have family/friends take a SIX WEEK foster parent training course JUST to babysit the foster kids or they were not allowed to be babysat. But they COULD attend programs with people unknown to us. Respite Care- babysitters approved to watch our foster kids- were TWO HOURS AWAY. And the "rules" would change depending on who the case worker was. I asked for policies in writing so we would know exactly what the expectations were (after I was told my 14 year sister couldn't sleep over my house unless we got a background check on her) and was told "it depends who the worker is."
We hung in there for the kids we had for 2.5 years until they were placed in their adoptive home. It was grueling. Traumatizing. We were truly treated like indentured servants and the kids were the leverage. We didn't want them bounced to multiple homes so we couldn't complain about anything. It was truly awful.
What a nightmare!
Unfortunately, not everyone is suited to foster. The children's needs and safety come before the foster parents' convenience. Do you know how many children are abused or molested while in care? No, you should not be able to leave them with random unvetted, un trained friends/neighbors or have unapproved teens or adults sleeping in the same house with them. Social workers have insane case loads and may be late to a meeting because they were literally removing another child from a situation that could harm or kill them. Your experience definitely sounds very taxing and frustrating, but it is nothing compared to what these children are put thru, and thankfully, no one is required to or forced to be a foster parent.
@@Milkymommy09 the thing is, a lot of those respite care agencies only require a 7 hour training course. My son has special needs and I don't use respite care because I don't trust the agencies/carers
So it's OK for a stranger to watch these children, often with little to no actual training, yet family and friends need a SIX WEEK training course. I don't think they were upset about them needing to be vetted and trained, they were upset about the fact that 6 weeks is an unreasonable ask for someone to train to babysit.
Yeah it’s brutal. Some workers are just awful.
You truly are better than me for holding out, you did the right thing.
As a former teacher this frustrates me to no end!!! I can’t tell you how many times I have had to call CPS because a child was living in a bug infested home, wore the same outfit to school 4 days in a row, and ALWAYS came to school starving. Not to mention their lack of parental supervision or hot water and was told and I quote, “ dirty homes are a lifestyle choice, as long as they have ONE change of clothes, ONE piece of bread and water for every meal, and a mattress on the floor we can’t do anything.” Not to mention the parents not having a job….
A piece of bread for every meal? What the fuck?!
@@lovinglifebutnotonearth3909 exactly…. It’s ridiculous what the birth parents can get away with.
@@brookecarrillo3432 exactly but perfectly good foster parents with clean homes and food are rejected.
Isn’t this why it’s so important that foster homes are held to a higher standard?
@@Kyiecutie there is a “higher standard” and there are ridiculous rules that rule out amazing people from being a foster parent.
I agree with most points, but I do find it interesting that they require you to have a reliable job and financial stability, yet you have to have availability and flexibility to attend all these meetings and visits and such. Seems to me like that is designed to rule out single parent households.
To be fair, single-parent households aren't ideal for any kids because they also don't have a back-up adult on hand in case of emergency.
@@vt3039being a single parent doesn't mean there are no other adults you can count on. You don't need two parental figures to have a perfectly stable support system. Some of these rules are just borderline discriminatory.
@@vt3039 I'm a single mother and have been for a long time. My kids KNOW they going to their aunt, my twin. Or my mother. Or my other sister. Or my neighbor., etc.. You build a community, a loving community around your kids as a single parent.
@@vt3039 ummmm my mom was a single mom and she definitely had trusted adults she could call in case of emergency. including my aunt that lived with us specifically to help my mom out. don't assume such negative things about single parent households.
@@vt3039 statistically speaking this is true.
It amazes me that the states have these requirements for foster parents yet their “goal” is reunification with families who don’t meet the requirements. Make it make sense.
Exactly
Being a foster carer is not the same as being a parent. There are a lot of meetings, medical appointments etc. A traumatised child needs a lot more of your time and attention . You can't take a child from their parents and put them somewhere chaotic or unsafe. The children will only return to their families when/if the parents improve their situation. They are thoroughly assessed. The goal is reunification, but it should only happen when it is going to be the best thing for the child.
A foster parent isn't a bio parent, and you aren't entitled to keep their child forever...Look up all the kids who have been given to "great" families and wound up dead?
@@fayebarbary4748 I’ve been in the system. I’ve been taken away and reunited 7X. I’ve been on my own, fully supporting myself since I was 15. I dropped out of school and had to work 2 jobs. I had no help from the state, only help from my friends and their parents. The state of MD knew I was on my own. I say again, make it make sense. If you have standards for fostering, you should have standards for reunification.
@@brittanyo5182 I'm sorry Brittany, nobody should have to go through that. I work with kids in foster care in the UK. I guess things are different elsewhere. I agree it doesn't make sense to return children to their parents when nothing has changed.
This is exactly why I quit fostering. I wanted to go back to college to further my career to care for the child I was attempting to foster to adopt. The years of intrusion and constant nit picking made me completely give up because it was effecting my marriage. Funny how my way of life was just fine for my biological child. No wonder there is such an issue in the foster care system. 🙄 Very frustrating
Makes sense. Your bio child is fine emotionally, but many of these kids come with their own traumas and need more support. Not to mention they’re someone else’s kids so there’s a legal liability. Your bio kid has no liability.
@@pisces2569 I am aware. We fostered and were approved to the distain of some psycho bish in the comments. I was just sick of being poked and prodded and the parents were allowed to walse in and out as they pleased to the kids we did qualify for. I was well prepared and awfully bold of you to assume my kid just "turned out emotionally fine" We were domestic abuse survivors from my previous marriage and I fought really hard to ensure my child didn't end up like a statistic.
may i ask what happened to your foster child? were they returned to their "family"? i'm sorry this happened to you, it sounds really hard, i couldn't imagine.
@@hyde1893 Their parents ended up back in jail. They contacted me and I told them until they give up their rights I'm not interested. That's not good for the kid or you. When you foster to adopt that rug can get pulled from you at any time no matter what.
How do SO MANY terrible, terrible people still manage to get licensed 😩
How can you be expected to work full time for stability but at the same time be required to be available at a moments notice for meetings etc? Genuinely asking
Have a 2 adult/parent household.
@@Milkymommy09 and if you can't?
@@Milkymommy09 And if both parents work?
I understand all of these issues, but it still bothers me. You can raise your own babies with any kind of dog or home setup, but you can't raise someone else's, even if the area is desperate for foster parents.
I think a big reason is what you said: because it is someone else's children (as opposed to their own). Especially since the bio parents don't get to choose who has their kids. It can become a liability. It is sad though because there is such a need for foster parents, like you said! We have a rottie mix, and it's sad that we may not qualify even though he's sweet!
@@audrieking7109 exactly, plus the kids coming into Foster Care already need special care / attention / safety / etc.
I agree. Unless allergies would be an issue
@@lukerinderknecht2982 Are there tiers like prison or inpatient? For example, one hospital might keep a patient who had assaulted 3 different therapists over 2 years because "they know him" while another facility would say "we're not setup to handle this level of care"
@@trainablemonkey9912 While there are some tiers in foster care, pretty much all children are in the same tier. The other tiers are for serious needs (such as a child that needs 24/7 care).
And they wonder why more people aren’t jumping at the chance to foster.
Love that you covered this! As a foster care specialist who is responsible for licensing homes, people get so irate with me when I have to explain certain reasons why they cannot foster. The kids come from trauma and unhealthy experiences. There are certain triggers and situations that will retraumatize a child when we place them in a home! This topic is so misconstrued. We WANT To license your home, but we also have standards set forth through the state and placing agency that we have to follow, as well!!
100%. The focus should always be about what's best for the kids. Nobody has a right to foster, but every kid has a right to a safe home
If you can not find a suitable foster home for a child where does the child go?
@@MariaMaria-sr8zg each situation is different. We are not the only foster placing agency in my area. If the child cannot be placed in a foster home for whatever reason, they either go to a residential treatment facility, a shelter, a group home, or in dire cases for teenagers, they can go to hotels. Hotels are always worst case scenario/last ditch effort, though.
@@virginiadefrance2427 it seems like a shelter or group home would have more variables for re traumatizing a child with how crowded they can get at times, or having more people there that can have criminal backgrounds or other children that are bullies.
@@jessicad3081 in the state I’m in, we have children shelters and those shelters have a capacity based on the ratio of staff to children. Furthermore, the children entering into the shelter cannot have certain behaviors. For example, if the child has sexual aggressions they will not be admitted. Bottom line, children shelters are different than adult and /or family shelters.
Every single person who is thinking about becoming a foster parent needs to watch this video. My son had 8 different people checking on him and I for the first 3 months. After that, the visits went down to 1x a month, not including weekly visits w bio parent.
We get three visits a month
Bring every child into the world they say. If the mother can't raise them, adopt or foster. Not realising how difficult it is.
Actually we ask that you do not kill the children. They are brought into the world and are created at conception. How you treat them is a direct reflection of your character - killing the most vulnerable unborn is despicable. And so is the foster care system. They need to allow for private orphanages again. Having this state run foster system has been a complete disaster.
If people are broken they can't make a system that isn't broken..and that system raises the next generation ..it's a vicious circle.
@@courtiepie13 no, life does not begin at conception, it begins at birth, the moment air fills the child's lungs, if the Bible is to be followed, which you people are usually Bible bashers but don't have any idea what the Bible says
@@courtiepie13 You say all this “but only if we could-“ but look at what we actually have! An overcrowded, underfunded, foster system with sometimes impossible conditions and overlooked problems with the guardians that lead to the children being even more traumatized than they came in. You can get off your high horse so you can see the world for how it actually is.
@@courtiepie13 your comment has no effect on my comment.
You are quote misinformed.
Abortion will happen whether it's legal or not. There's a reason they became legal.
Read a bit of history that isn't from your echo chamber and you will see there was also a reason that "private run orphanages" were closed down. 😉
So.... you have to have a job with financial security but you also can't be too busy... do they know what employers and jobs are like these days??
I mean working a 9-5 job is one thing but a 12 hour job or a job where you are on call for medical and fire emergencies is another thing
Exactly. My niece and her husband fostered and there were so many appointments she had to go to. There is no way that if she had a job that an employer would let her take off so much. It's unreal all the things you have to do in a very short time. It doesn't stop. It's just constantly!
Ugh as a retired nurse this is absolutely SO FRUSTRATING
I call bull…as an educator I have seen the quality of people who are foster parents…scary.
No doubt
Yes cause it's the same in every state.
I was going to say what Pam said, maybe a little nicer. I think it varies wildly state to state. I live in Oregon, one of the states that permitted the Hart family massacre to happen. As a former foster kid, I believe inspections of foster homes are less frequent here. I never saw it. I ended up in a nice house with a teacher and two other teen girls who had been in the system for a while. My brother ended up in a house where the adults were trying to profit off of the kids. Abuse was rampant. Even after my brother reported the abuse, no investigation was done. What he described sounded a lot like they sent a case worker to say “stop being abused” and that was the end of it.
I don’t think it’s like that everywhere. I know it’s worse some places, but I also know that we have serious problems in our system here that are known nationally.
Meanwhile apparently not doing any parenting was the requirement for my brother's fosters and their 'job' was what they brought in fostering and did not spend on even fresh food. My brother is hypoglycemic. 💀 They did nothing to help him, it was really upsetting.
I feel like financial stability and a busy schedule goes hand in had for people in the United States
I foster and agree with all. Including finances..but I have also found it tricky to both work and foster, especially when we need to do visits. You'll need a boss that is understanding and also a flexible schedule
That's where I found it to be less manageable, especially for single parent households.
I disagree with dog breeds. I think any dog in a foster home should have to pass something like a CGC and a temperament test instead of it being by breed. I've met PLENTY of dangerous goldens.
@@NoThankUBeQuiet I don't think the average dog owner even knows CGC is a thing. My dogs have been trained since puppyhood and one of them would still fail because she's too smart and is a pro at malicious compliance. She's still just 2 so I hope by the time she's 3 she'll have better impulse control, we practice like 4 times a day but she just HAS to negotiate her terms for complying with commands each time. That's what I get for adopting a border collie.
"Hey, you're not absolutely perfect. You're actually so terrible that the abusive bio-mom has a better chance of getting their kid back."
That would make anyone feel horrible...
🎯
It drives me crazy how strict they are and all the stipulations when there's AMAZING people out there that have made misgakes, that can give children an amazing home..
Made mistakes AND LEARNED FROM THEM, and can now provide a deeper level of support VECAUSE OF THEM. A 30 year old charge, that was dropped in court, kept my father from being able to foster my nephew who was shipped off to kid jail because no one likes to foster teenagers. It's asinine
@@jennifersantanello860 that's disgusting
Different in every state. For example, Oregon will certify infant only (foster parents can choose to only take kids of certain ages if they wish - my hubby and I take 10+) and any dog breed is ok if the dog is well behaved.
From what I understand, specialising in a certain age range can definitely be fine, but “babies only” is too narrow a range.
Oregon also has an extremely problematic foster care system. It gained national attention when the Hart family died.
Sheesh! It’s no wonder they have trouble finding people.
Everything I look up just says “financially stable.” Like if you have a house rented, average credit, and job you’ve worked at a long time, but you don’t make what I would call even comfortable, will they accept you?
Also I can see why not baby-only homes, but do you think most agencies would be willing to license if you don’t want younger than school age? Like if your age is 6-14 (or maybe older teens)?
Also thanks for these videos! So helpful!! I’m not quite to where I want to be financially (I’m a program director at an out of school care organization and we’re still working on the “fair” pay though it is salary and I absolutely love it.) I think we will be there in a couple years.
The requirements vary state to state. Almost every foster family that I know has an age range that they accept. My parents would take kids 0-6. A family we are close to wouldn’t take kids younger than 12. But most agencies don’t have need for a family only willing to take on kids 0-2.
My range is 6-14 and the agency was fine with that. Taking younger kids requires baby-proofing your home, locking up meds and cleaners, and having car seats. They know that not everyone is suited for younger kids. And there’s a major shortage of households for older teens, so they’d be fine with you specializing in the 14-21 range, too.
Probably kind of depends on the needs in your area. My friends who are foster parents said there was a lot of need for 0-2 age foster parents because they didn't have very many people willing to take babies.
Our agency also took into consideration our adopted children already in the home. Their suggestion was taking foster placements younger than our oldest. It truly depends on the state and the agency (private vs. state).
A lot of times, they don’t take prospective parents that only want babies because A. The babies that are in care currently have homes B. There aren’t a lot of babies currently in care (the goal of foster care is reunification, and it’s more often that older kids are put in foster care long-term or permanently) or C. The prospective parents keep talking about the potential baby as “their own” or bad-mouth the bio parents. The goal of foster care is reunification, and if a prospective parent goes into fostering with the idea that they will have “their own” baby or immediately adopting them, or bad mouthing the bio parents, that can look bad to the state, because in the end it will likely lead to heartbreak for the foster parents or a child that has been turned against their bio parents.
Foster parents with flexibility in ages are much more likely to get approved because there are a lot more older kids in the system and it shows that the prospective parent isn’t afraid of having “troubled kids”. They’re in foster care. Very often they are troubled to some extent. The goal is to take the best care of that child you can.
And the term baby is normally reserved for kids under 2. So to answer your question, yes, if you want kids 5 and under, teens, or a mix of any age, they really like to hear that and are much more likely to approve.
Hope this helps,
From someone whose parents fostered throughout the years. ❤️
...And 14 year olds are coached into staying pregnant out of guilt. This system is so broken.
The system's not perfect, but just because someone is young doesn't mean that it's better for the baby to be killed than to have the possibility of ending up in foster care. Children with parents of any age can end up in foster care and teenage moms can make wonderful parents who raise children who are a benefit to society. Killing someone out of convenience shouldn't be an option.
It should be noted that adoption is an option if people don't want or can't take care of their children.
This video just shows how strict some of the rules are around foster parenting because they are looking for stable, healthy homes for children. Having the system be strict, doesn't mean that it's broken. The rules are for the safety of the children.
A lot of the parents whose children are in the system are not teen parents so this is an assumption you are making. There is a lot of help for teens who are pregnant t these days. It is also an assumption that a teen mom can't make it work when many of them do just fine.
@@commenter5901 gross. 14 yrs old shouldn't have children.
@@nicoles-m9500 gross
If only guys with no condoms had to pass these same standards before having sex.
And who do you expect to hold them to those standards? Is that not on the *_women_* who choose to sleep with them? Why should her body be his responsibility?
@@JJ-yc2sv Are you mental. Women are taught from girls that their bodies are the property of men. How are they supposed to just turn that off once they realise property doesn't = responsibility? You can't have your cake and eat it dipshit
@@JJ-yc2svIt’s the kid that should be equally the dad’s responsibility and the mom’s. Where did you even get “her body is his responsibility” from this comment? Your attempt to start a fight is really pathetic.
How tf have I only heard of a handful of folks that got through foster care unscathed.
Like seriously, forget the outstanding news stories, my two buddies, foster brothers, were both sexually and physically abused (obviously mentally as well) and both "parents" had jail time before and during it all. They ended up adopting them both, one had a bio sibling they also adopted, they told him he'd never see his sibling again if he didn't lie and agree to being adopted.
That's just one brief story.
It's bs, the whole system.
Thank you so much for being such an awesome foster parent. I’ve never been in foster but some of my best friends have and they have had horrible story’s from many things, so thank you so much for being a great foster parent❤❤❤
When I went to foster care training, they had you bring your application, but not hand it in and then went over every little thing that could get your disqualified, because being rejected as a foster parent can show up on background checks and it doesn't explain why, so they wanted to make sure people would qualify before handing in the application and putting any additional time into the classes.
They need to license those families only willing to take babies, or whatever ages, because they WILL be needed! Especially since babies cant go to daycare until 6 weeks old. They need those people who are probably working from home. I know, I was this person- I took a newborn in may and then another in September- because they had no other places for them.
I ended up adopting one of them and she is 17 now ❤
Things have changed a lot in the past 17 years. We waited for years to adopt a baby and there was an average of 7-10 babies per year that were available in my province and hundreds of waiting parents. We were told that the average wait for a baby right now is 10 years because of the high spike in abortion rates. So we are now going into foster care. It is very rare for a baby to end up in foster care unless the mom abandons them at the hospital without an adoption plan or they already have other children in care, in which case, they try to place the baby with the siblings. They really want people who will take kids of any age, not just babies. Especially since Covid, there have been a lot of empty homes because the number of kids coming into care has gone down drastically. But, when they do have a family of kids come into care, they don't want to give the baby to one family and the rest of the kids to another, or have kids ages 6-12 but only have homes that will only take newborns.
@@commenter5901 I'm a child advocate, so I can tell you there are always babies available. They don't always end up freed for adoption, but a lot of times they do. Also, there will be times when siblings are separated, unfortunately. I have 61 kids on my caseload alone right now; 5 are infants. At least 4 will have their parents' rights terminated.
And I'm just one advocate out of maybe 20 in just my county alone. I guarantee the others have infants on their caseloads too. If a mother or newborn test positive for substances at birth, the baby will be removed from the mom. 9/10 times, the father of the baby (if known) is also using substances.
I just need this lady to tell me I'm okay. Her voice is so soothing.
I don’t have any dogs right now-just aggressive attack geese. They are most definitely NOT child friendly, but a joy to watch. 😂 In my State there are no barriers with animals, other than to report what you have and make sure they are current on all required shots. There were a couple of issues with my house, but they wrote a variance for the problems and we were good to go. In my experience it depends greatly on the need for homes. I was emergency licensed for 1 in less than a month, got another kiddo within 3 days (supposed to stay for 7 days, stayed for 3 months), then got 2 more afterwards even though I wasn’t qualified for it. I’ve had 4 kids when I was only supposed to have a max of 2, and they wanted me to take on 7-in my very first year. I’ve been called 6 times in a day asking if I could take “just one more!”, and when I said I had no more beds, was told that it would be perfectly fine for the kiddo to sleep on the couch or on the floor. You absolutely must set boundaries and know your limits, otherwise you will burn out and not be able to help anyone.
Wow I wasn't aware that that was even possible. My biggest thing would be space in my vehicle. I definitely need establish boundaries in advance. Thank you.
Jesus, do you get paid to foster? Sure sounds like a job to me
😳 wow
I knew there were some areas that had to be like this but..... 😲 Wow......how sad
What county n state are u in?
@@shanab.6561 I ended up with 4 kiddos, the max that my vehicle would fit. When asked to take 7, I said “if someone would buy me a van, lol!”-and they said, in all seriousness -“can you get a van?”. I was really torn at the thought of the kids being separated, but as work more than full time at the same time as taking care of kiddos I realized I couldn’t go from no kids to 7 while keeping my sanity, even if I had a big enough vehicle.
Damn it’s so crazy that with so many checks like this, that there are still so many stories in the news of viciously unqualified people raising foster children. Still, it is uplifting to know that there are people checking for stuff like this :)
The thing that weirds me out is it isnt the same if you go through ivf or anything like that? So anyone can have ivf if they have the money (so basically only rich people), but not anyone can adopt/foster even though its a massive issue. And because they look at often insignificant things like if you have a fence instead of what the family values are, if their personalities mesh with the kid (if its old enough) etc, i think this leads to the amount of bad experiences kids have in the system
That's because in foster care, you're not the child's parent, and if something happens to the child, the state is legally liable, whereas if it's your own kid and something happens, that's your responsibility.
Also, 900 kids drown in the US each year, and it happens quickly and usually pretty quietly - the image of drowning people waving their hands and shouting is a myth because people who are drowning are silent. So having a fence around water features/pools can save a kid's life.
Yeah it's interesting that any person can have a kid or go through IVF, but the standards for fostering and adoption are MUCH higher. Obviously some standards are needed, but any idiot can get pregnant, which is unfortunate
If someone does ivf and they turn out to be a dangerous parent, the kid ends up in the system with a family that is proven to be safe. Biological parents may not go into it with all the safety checks, but if they fail along the way, they don't get to keep their children either.
@@JulEnglefaris With IVF, you’re dealing with embryos not children. Embryos are not considered people in the eyes of the law and most of society. Not to mention it all embryos are viable. Children are people with certain needs and their own traumas. They need validation and special care.
It makes complete sense. These are the most vulnerable children. They cannot just go to any home and experience more trauma from a delinquent relative, a bite from a pet known for aggressive tendencies, both parents working all day outside the home. These are preventitive measures that reduces most issues.
This is why so many kids are stuck in group homes. :(
Can’t say it enough. Love her❤️
So much knowledge, insight, and wisdom on so many levels and in so many domains.
The “too busy” part…we’re all too busy …busy raising children. Am I right? I was a single parent. Not a single mother with support but a true single parent. I did a great job. I was a great mother and provider. Not a good disciplinarian. I could definitely be a foster parent. A great one. Idk how some people get approved at all when others don’t.
Sad that any horrible person can go and HAVE kids.. but you can be denied giving a kid a loving home from things like "too busy"
I fully understand they need to really vet foster parents but some of these seem a little restrictive
@@melbapeach162 It’s not “sad” that people can have kids just because you decide they’re “horrible”. One of the reasons I love this channel so much is her complete failure to vilify birth parents. You’re not in charge of procreation, which is good - because truly what makes YOU the expert? Stop talking and think about it.
@@LeaverWild paedophiles can have kids. People beat or even kill their children. Are you really such a bleeding heart that you wouldn't call that horrible? Not everyone deserves children but they can have them.
The way you end that brainless comment telling me to think is wonderfully ironic.
The only people who get approved are males who are bread winners and the wife has to stay at home. So if you're not a nuclear family you're not going to be able to help a child in the foster care system no matter how safe/how much money you make. I had a squeaky clean record. That's how it is here anyway. I gave up and I'll never put myself through this heartbreak again
Did you even read the caption on that part of the video? It’s not just that the person was busy, their schedule was so packed they were missing basic visits, training, and appointments. If you can’t make these extremely important scheduled events you are directly impacting the child’s possibility of reunification. Your foster child’s future is more important than your hurt feelings.
Thank you so much for your examples. I have two adults with disabilities and I spoke with a family member using your advice. It helped give me confidence, and it helped with an issue.
I do understand that finding a good home is very important, but isn’t a 90% perfect household still better than a foster home…?
You need to work to be financially safe, but you need to be free to take care of them
So how come there’s so many terrible terrible foster parents then…..?
SMH, when I was in foster care, the standards were not this high! Despite this, there is a lost generation of kids born between 1950 and 1980!
What do you mean by 'lost generation born between 1950-1980'. I haven't heard of this. What does it mean?
@@TheSUPERHAPPY1 "Lost generation" was first applied to those men and women who died in WWI and who experienced the hardship and great depression after the war. Because so many of these men died, an entire generation was not born. It was also a time when people began questioning the so called American Dream and consumerism was on the rise. In countries like North America and Australia, the "lost generation" is also referred to as the "stolen generation" of children who were taken or forcibly removed by government or church intuitions for "civilizing" starting in the early 1800s and ending in the late 1970s. For children, especially those who were Black, biracial and Native American, there was a belief by social workers, church and government that those children born in poverty should belong in two parents homes. Many children were put into foster care as they were illegitimate, mothers were forced to sign their children over to the state and the state openly preyed on these kids filling juvenile detention, orphanages and foster homes with children of single and poor parents. Unfortunately, many of these kids were never adopted or found homes for because the standards 50 or 60 years ago was so high that most minority or poor families could not reach them. In the worst cases children died in care and never saw their parents again. You have to remember that at that time about 60-70% of Black and Native Americans were living in poverty. The state and church thought they were doing the children a favor. However, what was found through research that the children had a one in four chance of becoming criminal, teenage parent, mentally ill or substance abuser because of the abuse and cutting of family ties which was experienced in Native and Church schools along with state foster homes and orphanages. Hence why many of these facilities were closed down. Therefore, when we talk about a "lost or stolen" generation, we refer to people who as children experienced state care and because of it suffered from it. Today, there are many cases which are going before the court to ask for reparations for poor and inhumand treatment from the state. Canada and Australia have apologized for the poor treatment of its native population while the US has only done it partially. The children who are now in their late 40s, 50s and 60s are witnesses to the mistreatment. Many are now participating in programs where their siblings who died on state property are searched for and given a proper burial.
@@fredrika27 This is the kind of stuff that they don't put in history books. The government does shitty, sketchy things all the time. We all know that, but we don't always get to hear specifics. Thank you for informing us about what took place. People deserve to know what those kids went through. I'll definitely be doing more reading up on this.
@@rebekahhobbs9605 What angers me is that the majority of single mothers back in the day simply needed financial support instead of putting their kids in care! Now, aid is given, but it is so meager. In many cases/states foster parents get more aid than single mums! That's horrible. People are starting to talk and telling the truth about state and church care. If you listened to these agencies, you'd think the mothers were unfit and acting horrible. While it's true in some cases most mothers will say they didn't want to give their children away!
@@fredrika27 The worst part is all of the abuse, separation, and mistreatment of these children and families could have been avoided if the government had given financial aid to these families to get them out of poverty rather than putting kids in homes where (presumably) they were overcrowded so children couldn't have gotten anymore food or resources than they would've in poverty.
And yet somehow even with all of this, foster children are still some of the most traumatized and abused by their foster parents. Look at what happened to those poor Turpin kids.
the turpin were the victims biological parents, not foster parents. so i'm confused about what they have to do with foster parents being abusive?
@@hyde1893 bio and foster both abused them. They were failed by everyone
Yes - a lot of people didn’t read the article about how the foster parents that took in the Turpin kids also abused them. It’s pretty horrible. Hope those people sit in jail for a while.
Out of all the foster homes I had to go in to, only one was amazing. Most of the others were worse than “home”.
As an adult I wanted to give foster kids that safe place to land, someone who understood what they were going through and keep them safe while in my care. Our home passed everything except one item, not being able to put a 6 foot tall fence around the neighbors pond that was over 2 acres away from our back yard. Role my heart.
This is why this whole system is fucked up. Either children are left in abusive situation’s sexually physically emotionally, The amount of horror stories I have heard from other people being fostered is what scared me to death when I was almost placed in foster care. It seems like it’s just two sides, this overbearing you can’t parent if you don’t have the right equipment constantly breathing down your back making it so that you can’t even be a foster parent when you’re more qualified than most regular parents. Or your left in abusive hell, something seriously needs to change now, we need to find a good medium between loving caring homes and allowing the parents to parent normally like they would any other biological child.
u restore faith in humanity
No she doesn't. You do realize she get just over 500 per child she takes in. That doesn't include the food stamps she gets which is 300 per child (because she is a foster parent). She just lost one of her fosters due to her significant other sexually abusing one of her fosters and is under investigation.
@@jessicapearson9479 Can you give a source? Or tell us where to find one? That is a pretty significant claim to make without providing proof
@@jessicapearson9479 This is quite a claim. Please provide a source or tell us where you got this information.
@@jessicapearson9479 proof?
@@jessicapearson9479 just stop. My family fosters in the same state as this lovely woman and literally everything you just said is inaccurate. IDK why you feel the need to spread hate, lies, and misinformation, but I’m going to pray for you.
Guess they shouldn’t complain about no available foster homes then. Some of these reasons make sense, but the dog one is ridiculous.
Agreed
yeah I get the house having to be safe, everyone passing a background check and you should have enough time and money to care for the child, but I get the feeling the time and money requirement might be too high and the dog breed one is just plain stupid as long as they have no behavioral issues and are fine around children any dog should be fine
No, it's a good one. They made it a rule for a reason and following statistics.
The dog one makes sense. I will never have certain breeds on my home while my child is under 10. I'm not putting my child or any other child at risk.
Absolutely, kids don't belong in houses with Chihuahuas
Thanks for sharing this information! I've always wanted to be a foster parent, especially since working in childcare, but I'm not at that point in my life yet. It's really cool to be able to get some information in a relaxed way. I'm going to wait until I'm ready for kids and I'm financially and otherwise stable before I even think about starting the process and trying to ask questions so it's nice to be able to find some stuff out now too.
I want to talk to my boyfriends parents about it, they've fostered many kids, but they're also very religious and so I want to wait until we're married before I ask them about child related things (that's just how they are.) They adopted my boyfriend and 3 of his siblings, and they have 2 bio kids. They fostered many more kids too, and they have a picture wall of all of them. They've really inspired me to foster as well, on top of my time in childcare. My dad has as well, because he was in the foster care system from age 13 til adulthood. And you've really inspired me as well!
All these limitations and most of the system is still failing. If only it was a checklist of how loving and caring you are. 😢
You do a great job at explaining and giving examples.
a loving home: sorry we can’t qualify your home lol
Some of these make sense to me and others are frustrating. People don’t need to be perfect. Other parents don’t have to go through that stuff to have a baby and there’s such a huge need for fosters families that to disqualify someone for some of these seems sad
So sad because so many kids need help
I was in a foster home who met all of these requirements and they were a nightmare, because my foster mother has narcissistic personality disorder. She only had me as an accessoire, so people would tell her how great she is saving children ( and animals too ).
Meanwhile my grandparents were forbidden from fostering me after my parents death, because the room they had at that point was a bit too small.... And they were considered too old.
Messed up my whole childhood.
And yet so many foster kids end up in bad homes
Which is crazy considering the absolute HORROR stories Ive heard about some foster parents. So sad. I'm happy to know there are some good ones out there
if my parents wanted to have foster kids I’d definitely be the thing holding them back
😂😂😂
@@ladoctorasue why are you laughing lol it’s true
Thank you for hitting some of the negative points.
Here's the ONLY two things that should matter, mental health check and appropriate home, meaning clean and safe. These ridiculous rules might be why so many genuinely good people are turned down and monsters are approved. So sad. My doberman would lick a kid to death. Oh no! So scary!
I would argue financial stability is important. Lack of finances and resources is a common cause in abuse and neglect. The driving record makes sense since you will be driving the kid to and from their appointments. Also someone who works 12 hour shifts and is on call for emergencies like ETMs and firefighters probably won’t have the time to devote to kids (these kids need special care compared to their own bio kids) compared to someone with a 9-5 job
Agreed, financial stability leads to my point. "An appropriate home, meaning clean and safe."
Certain dog breeds are incredibly dangerous around children, for example pitbulls. It's so the child doesn't end up getting mauled or killed. And in case pitnutters see this: "Nanny dogs" aren't a thing and no dog would ever be safe around children because they're unpredictable.
This hurts my heart. I grew up in a family that always took in the children (mainly friends who had a very hard life) and we treat them like siblings. I have always wanted to foster children. I've even been to several "foster exchanges" and have heard some seriously messed up stories. To think that because I have some issues with cars in an age of Uber and Lyft I couldn't help when I'm willing and able.
I thought you meant foster for dogs for the first half and was entirely confused 😂
Some of these are trash! Thanks for advocting for the kids. You're amazing!
The lost one is a bit nuts. Have a busy schedule doesn't mean you can't be a good foster parent. At that point, you are just looking for rich people who don't have to work and don't have pets
Thank you for this. There are a couple of reasons why I wouldn't be able to foster. All good reasons but they also make sense from a fostering perspective
So the parents are so bad we have to remove the kids. …. But your driving record is a problem 🙄
Yeah, because if the kids are injured or killed in a car crash, the state is legally liable. And the parents aren't necessarily bad (though sometimes they are, obviously) - they could just be too ill to take care of a child (physically or mentally), in jail awaiting trial, or in prison for a nonviolent crime.
I mean yeah u can see the reason for the reqt
But then u can see ur logic too
It’s bureaucratic red tape in the end
I just made a comment wondering what it takes. Funny that you mentioned dogs because that was one of my thoughts. My age is also something Id speak to them about. Im 50 so possible adoption of a small child would not be possible for someone as old as me. Im glad you included an earlier short, talking about how they often need ypu to be open to that.
I get the unsafe driving record but what if you don't drive at all?
Foster parents should be qualified by the love they can give. You might not be able to go on fancy outings but having a bord game night and feeling loved is so much more
it is not fancy outings but if you can't support yourself , you can't support a foster child because you will be working too much to pay your own expenses.. and then there are those who 'foster' for the money to support their own lives :-(
I wonder if the Foster requirements will less and become more lax if, there is a huge uptick in children/babies needing more foster care as states make other options illegal.
I'm beginning to think that's the whole point. Keep people poor, keep people demoralized, keep people struggling.
Overloaded foster system? Just bring back private institutional foster homes, with little to no budget and even less oversight. Look how great it's worked for the prison system!
Children growing up in poverty and educationally/economically disadvantaged? Just easier to control and subjugate.
None of these are bugs. They're features.
Yep. Gotta control the women, the poor, the not white.....oh and let's make sure that nobody but the rich and healthy have medical care. We are barbaric.
I’m almost 18, and I’ve wanted to be a foster parent for a while now. Obviously I can’t do that yet, and won’t be able to for years to come due to all of the requirements, but it’s something I’d love to be able to do. I don’t want to have children of my own, simply because I don’t want to go through the pregnancy, and fostering and/or adopting seems like the thing for me, and I would love to help kids in the process.
Not having a safe driving record makes sense, but what if you don't have a car or drive at all?
I'd imagine as long as you have the ability to get the child to parent visits, doctor/therapy appointments, etc, in a safe manner, you'd be fine.
How would u get them to the 8 million appts they have?
One mandate for parents to get their own kids back is always a working/safe vehicle
@@YeshuaKingMessiah Well, if they (and the bio parents) live in like NYC or a city with a decent public transit system, it could be doable.
And this is why i don't foster. Your life isn't your own. The birth parents get chance after chance when they are actually abusing and neglecting their kids, but get the wrong pet, or not have an open schedule with a huge cash flow and you aren't good enough.
And yet the state placed a child with my abusive parents and my abusive sister. The holes in the wall that my father punched weren't a red flag, or the shady business deals my mom tried doing that were not above board. Or that my sister was on an entire pharmacy and had a foster.
But, despite having healthy, happy kids and a stable home, I can only imagine why we would be denied. And yet, my parents who literally stalked us were fosters. The system makes no sense.
Just so everyone knows, the dog breed thing can vary based on your state. My friends are foster parents in Minnesota, and they have a (very gentle and well-behaved) Rottweiler.
Here they will deny people for any “pitbull”, pitbull adjacent, and pitbull look alike dogs u
Kind of a tough situation...now this makes me question fostering even though I am an adoptive mother of 2 in California. .
Well it's nice to know that the horrible foster homes that I have been subjected to in my youth at least had the proper pets LMFAO
I just wish there was a better way to determine if someone was fit based off of their individual situation instead of a formated evaluation like this. Ik that's impossible but it sure would stop a lot of babies from going to the wrong homes. So many wonderful people get denied and so many horrible people get approved.
I get everything but the dog breed. Shouldn’t they be evaluated on a case by case basis?
It's always refreshing when these videos come up and they aren't about reuniting families. Literally ruined my adoptive brothers life and the first homes he was in before didn't help. It's gross how this is sanitized and business like though.
Whew... that last one... the number of times I have gone to set up kiddos in kinship care for services at our office and the grandma/uncle/mom's friend is like, "I don't have time for all these doctors' appointments and stuff". I want to ask so badly why they took the child in if they weren't going to make sure the kiddo was taken care of.
Also: (depending on state) trampolines, swiming pools, unsecured barbecue grilles (gas with starter in backyard if younger children could mess with them). Unsecured power tools. Etc. Etc. ANYTHING they could hurt themselves with.
I completely understand All of this but I believe state juvenile homes need to be regulated more as well. When children can not be fostered in a private home they may be sent somewhere less safe. The options for kids who can not be fostered into a home are not great options. I understand All of these concerns and regulations but knowing the amount of kids who grew up in the system, the most unsafe places for many were the state facilities. What can we do to make those places safer And more conducive to helping children thrive not just stay alive. I do completely get all of these regulations. These kids are someone else's children. They may never return home but sometimes it isn't an issue of a bad parent maybe just a bad circumstance. Fostering is not adoption. These are someone else's kids just like when you send your child to a daycare or a summer camp or school. They have your kids for a certain amount of time but they are not Their kids. All kids should be protected at all costs and for instance a family dog may love your family but may hurt another child. You can not take chances. As a parent there is always chances to take with your own child so you can live your life and they can live theirs. But all the agencies have to go on is on paper. No nuances are known. So err on the side of caution because this is a child's life.
I know here in Colorado they are getting rid of group homes and facilities alike.
They will transfer a kid to a different county first. Because each county has multiple foster care agencies and if there are no homes in that county, they will try to reach out to another county.
There’s research showing that group homes are not beneficial to a child mental development during such scary time in their lives
My carers made time for the meetings- but they were never able to make time with me. I got to sit down with them 1/2 hours 5 evenings a week to watch tv and wound be able to talk because they were watching something….
I personally believe their fostering listens should be revoked because one of the carers threw things at me and said they had enough and I’m too difficult and that the issue wasn’t my mother- it was me (I was there 12.5 weeks)
I’m not in a staffed house and they’ve never said anything like that and it’s been 6 months here…..
I’m not saying I’m not an issue. But what they said about me: being a nightmare, a risk to the children, uncontrollable, tore the family apart……. I’m not allowed back into foster
Me being a risk to the children was because I self harmed- my arms were always covered when they were around. It was that I had blades in my room. The one they’ve been told not to go in and the blades were in my pillow cases??
They also blamed me they couldn’t have their renovation finished because the builder they hired had 🪢☠️ himself. And because I was “one of them- it was my fault” and one of them being depressed……
They also hated when I didn’t control my autism: going mute when overwhelmed, not understanding what they’re asking, getting emotional when I get confused why they’re feeling a certain way. For context, they shouted at me for throwing a pillow (if I didn’t, they would ignore me) and they’re reaction made me pass out
They need to have their liscence revoked
TLDR: my ex foster carers should have their liscence removed because they threw things at me and then tried to kick me out onto the street in the middle of the night with no belongings
I'm so sorry you went through all that. You don't deserve that no one deserves that.
Sorry, you don’t make enough money to foster. Maybe you could work more hours! Unfortunately, the extra hours you needed to work, to make more money, now disqualifies you because you won’t have enough time available for the child.
It’s weird because I thought fostering does bring in income, like being a foster parent IS your job. It’s weird that they want someone to be a foster parent and work outside the home at the same time. That’s just bozo.
I fit all the criteria- but sadly a senior, so probably not eligible TBH. Sad, bc so many kids need a grand/parent
It’s 2023 and we’re still discriminating against certain dog breeds. As a groomer, little dogs are way more likely to attack than a pitbull. They just want love.
This! In places with “dangerous dog”bans the dog attacks actually increased!🙄 As a groomer, the worst bite I ever witnessed was a Husky-Chow mix.
@@Robynhoodlum my place has a breed ban too, and the apartment manager even said the only dog incident she’s had was a chihuahua attacking someone. I have a pittie, and he’s only in the clear because he’s my esa. And I can’t stand the fact some countries just ban the breed altogether like England and Australia. I’m sure there’s more 😓 my boy was used as a bait dog before I got him, and he’s just the sweetest boy with dogs and people.
Almost all of these reasons are why most of the homes I lived in lost their license. I like to complain and thats not good for homes with secrets
I’m proud of you for doing the right thing; even if it meant you got juggled around.
Yet they put the kids with abusive foster parents. Makes sense.
They should apply those same strict standards to the condition of their own facilities.