Thanks 😊all we ask of the general public is compassion and acceptance. We are not any different than you other than we were born into a situation without parents or support. It means alot
I was taken away from my mother and then returned several times. The worst thing they did was keep returning me to my mother because she completed some 30 day program. She was a drug addict not a human being anymore. Drug addicts or not people. Their animals to act on instincts alone. They should never returned you to a drug addict. To me it was the back-and-forth that destroyed the kids that I knew. Most of them didn’t really want to live with their parents but that’s what they knew and that’s where they knew they would end up. The problem is people who have children and put them in this position. I would love to see forced birth control of some kind on every single person who is convicted of a drug offense until they can prove they are clean.
Been in foster care for almost 2 months. I always thought that this is something that only happened in movies, online, in stories etc. Turns out it's not. I used to be a good student (good grades and everything). Now the only reason I'm still going is because of the hope that I can go home. It's honestly scary how much I can relate to all this. I can't get through a day without crying my eyes out and all the teachers treat me differently. I even started eating in the toilets at school. The foster carer is getting a little annoyed at me and to be honest I can't completely blame her. I'm lucky because I'm still at the same school I was before this though I don't know for how much longer as my foster carer might be giving up soon. Sorry this was so long. Wish me luck so I can go home soon: ).
I believe in you a spent almost 2 years in the system so in many ways I can relate to you and video. Keep fighting the good fight it will get better not overnight but it will the best thing you can do is talk I understand that in the system it is hard to trust in many ways to talk and open up but trust me is the only way it will get better and easier for you. I AM PRAYING for ALL of my faster brothers and sister in and the ones who have made it out.
Maxi Johnson dear, I am so sorry! I'm keeping you in prayer for stability! Oh my, I have no words to express my thoughts! Children need stability and family! I hope your family completes everything they need to bring you home! Hugs! Please hold onto HOPE and JESUS! HE'll be the stability you need as you wait! I know. HE'S always been mine! 💞💞💞
Just triggered all the old feelings from growing up through foster homes. Anxiety, and defense mechanisms on high alert. Brought tears to my eyes, seeing this. People that have never been will never understand how it follows you throughout your life. There are great people involved with foster care, and some very horrible people also. I've been through both. Thank you for this video
@@Clara-sp5yd well in my case I was in an orphanage so when I was asked at eight would I like to be fostered I suppose I said because it was the lesser of two evils I felt I would see life
When she talked about the experience of walking into a foster home for the first time and how your entire world has just shifted in that moment, the smell of new foster family's home, it brought back such strong memories.
Sadly there is so much drug abuse involved in separation from biological parents, but you are right, we need to support families efforts to keep their children.
I'm glad you were able to adjust and the abuse was stopped. But, wouldn't it have been better for your abuser to be removed from the home instead of the children?
This nailed the description of what it’s like to be placed in foster care. It always gave me this blank feeling when I arrived to a new group home or family. Changed schools,friends,and even your day to day habits based on how the new family or homes routines were every time you’re placed in a new location. And the over whelming need to want to run away for me was almost an automatic response those feelings,like imagine being a 10 year old and feeling like your only way to survive these changes and feelings was to abandon ship and seek out your parents or even a single person that you found familiar. Even if it meant sleeping on the streets until you got there. Somewhere. Anywhere,that felt like you were “home.”
"I don't understand how there's so much funding for foster care benefits, for adoption benefits, for emergency shelters. There's so much funding for that, but there's no funding for family preservation." Dahm
Because foster care is a business, just like child detention centers and prisons. And it's literally designed and even encourages the attraction of the worst kinds of people in each of those systems.
My heart breaks for these poor kids in the system. I hope to be a volunteer in the future and at least try to make life better for at least one or more kids. 💖💖
I think spreading awareness is one way to get more solutions, and get things done to help. There isn't enough attention on foster care, or child abuse, like there is on a lot of other societal issues. And I don't understand why that is when practically everyone gets upset about child mistreatment.
I'm thinking of being a foster mom in a few years. I just want to save more money first so we can have a nice home and nice things. Maybe a kitty. Gymnastics lessons. Things like that.
Takes me back to that childhood pain ...I was the only girl in the family with four brothers and I was always separated from them which was terrifying but thank GOD I'm now deliverd from the pain the abuse and missuse of my time in and outta care ...Thankyou Jesus for loving me when no one else did and taking my pain away Must admit I still can't stand social workers to this day lol ...Great Vidio thank you and God bless .
This is the most accurate depiction of what it's like, I've been dealing with foster care for 4 years and it's hell but I'm finally about to turn 18 and go home where I shoulda been along time go.
I was there zach and always went through rehabilitation centers until 17. I ran away from home and lived a careless life for 2 yrs, getting evicted and sleeping in cars. When you turn 18, know that its okay to work fast food, we all start from somewhere even if its from the bottom. Just dont turn to drugs and alcohol, thats where rock bottom is. Good luck, and remember that you're our youth
@@kelseyusera4656 When I go back home I'm getting a job with my mom and uncle shipping out the vaccine making about 20$ a hour and I'm gonna save up and pay the house off and take care of mamaw. I didn't get to really spend time with my papaw these past few years, he had a bad stroke and slowly got worse and they wouldn't let us see him. He was like my dad because mine wasn't ever around and he passed away February 11. They wouldn't let us go to his funeral neither. I'm gonna try to adopt my little sisters and little brother too if I can because I don't know where'd they go. Thanks for the comment sorry for ramblin on
@@zacharypearl4325 I'm so sorry that u had to go through all of that, I, too, hope that u have accomplished at least some of ur goals But please don't say sorry for "ramblin on", it's okay to tell ur hardships, everybody needs to be heard and that surely includes u too I hope u're doin' okay Wishing u and everybody else the best, Kata
I’m in foster care but soon to be adopted but I say I had trauma with my parents but the foster care system traumatized me more and I never wanted to leave my parents and now I suffer from serve depression because of the system.
My mom went through the system from 10ish to 18 and she had trauma and bad health issue and also I can say being moved around so much like I have going to different schools losing friends and I can say it did affect me and it’s true if my mom had help and people to get the proper help she needed because she was going through some hardships and seeing the wrong people and if she had some help she would of gotten me and my siblings back and I would of never had the anger and the sadness and not working about what’s going to happen to me and be with my mom. My mom as been a single mother of 4, had trauma from her childhood, bad mental and physical health so she couldn’t work and got money from the state so we were poor but at least she loved us and tried her best she just couldn’t do it by herself. She was getting back lashed by her friends for losing us and had nobody to turn to for help and went into a state of depression and lost us. A little help for her and I bet she could of done it and the children are the ones who have to deal with the trauma of going though the system for so long because they won’t help the parents so it just ends up hurting everyone.
I was in foster care for almost 2 years I am now in safe loving family. I’m praying for everything one in the system you are my brothers and sisters I feel what you have been though in many ways. 2 and half years since I leave the system but I still feel the physical and mental trouble from the system. It does get better but it takes time I am praying for all of you in the system. This video is not wrong we need foster care reform and we need it now. Keep fighting the good fight y’all got this. Love you all in the system y’all are my family my brothers and my sisters.
I just got into foster care cause my family is arguing a lot. I was supposed to do so much fun this summer break but everything got cancelled because I had to move into another family. The family I moved into, they are kind but it’s different. I miss the old surroundings, I miss walking with my friends from school, I miss biking 10 min to my cousin. I miss everything. I know I can’t do anything though.
Maybe your family should be seperated if its your parents they can seperate and coparent, sometimes its better for the sake of kids if a couple cannot get along to seperate and share the kids individually. I had to do as things were out of control and the fights made my daughter tremble so i ended the marriage. I kept the children.
Somtimes it doesn't matter how much funding is there to help the parents..sometimes for whatvever reason some parents are just unable to parent their children
That is true yet we find that most parents really want to keep their children but are not supported enough...every single foster child I had, they wanted to go back to their parent/parents and they needed support so badly and at the time had none.
I'm so thankful my parents didn't have major substance abuse problems (just minor). My dad's dad was an alcoholic and would spend his paycheck on booze and gambling before he even made it home. So many children suffer so badly in this type of situation. I wouldn't be able to handle it.
That’s true too! Every case is different. But the funding for unification should be there for those families that struggle with food/medical/counseling. In the other hand: if there’s child abuse of any kind. Take them away from that hell, and place them in a safe place.
Very Insightful and Wise of you, when you say, they have the funding to break up and separate families but NOT to help them stay together, which cost less. Children Services is not about helping families heal, it is about getting more funding from the government to keep their agencies lucrative. It is the same in Canada
I was in DCF custody in Connecticut for nearly 3 years, she worded everything perfectly. The family I spent the majority of my time with were great people, but because of the situation I was in I never let myself open up to them and often got into altercations and disputes with them. it’s a deep regret I have and I wish I could’ve met them in another light because of how much I appreciate them. No doubt if the system was geared towards keeping kids in their homes, they wouldn’t have to suffer outside of them.
Thank you KC Star for posting this and for Michelle to sit down for an interview. It's hard to find videos and articles about the child's perspective on being in state care. There is a place for adoption in society, and there are parents out there who cannot care for their children no matter how much help they get, but too often the government jumps on the chance to take children away when there are better options available.
It's so true when she talks about the family preservation. Because my kids were removed all because suspicion of alcohol and drug abuse. I had my career . I had taught fr 10 years. I was still breast feeding my 2 year old baby who had been born premature. I would never had thought to drink or do drugs. If only the system only have had helped me to do things better. things are not based on the foster kids needs it's based on what the workers think these kids need.
This is a message that is very close to me. My kids went through this and would completely agree with you. One is scarred for life, and another wants nothing to do with any of us. If they thought we needed help, why would they not only give the help, but tell us why? I would always tell them; we can't fix what we don't know. We were falsely accused by one child, and the way it works is you are guilty, good luck proving innocence. Meanwhile, you must sit back night after night and know that your kids are going through what you experienced. This is a message that MUST get out there! I can't tell you how many friends we lost, friends they lost, and the number of times I heard, "You must have done something, because that can't happen in America..." Many told me to write a book on the experience, and maybe someday I will, but until then it is very reassuring to see someone like you with the guts to stand up and tell it like it is. Thank you for making this and I will be sure to share it with others.
Thank you for letting us know how you loose everything & everyone. It has really shifted the way I view fosters, and much more understanding of where there at.
I'm going thru a process of being taken away from my mum rn, after 14 years of physical and mental abuse.....its a long story but I hope this is the end of abuse that I suffered from her. my dream as a little kid is becoming true.
demonic@ sweetheart, whatever happens, don't give up on yourself! Take all opportunities to learn, which will lead you to independence. Nothing will compensate for what you lost. But, you can raise yourself for yourself, for your future. Much love to you! X
Went into care when I turned seven in the UK. Mum is an alcoholic/schizophrenic who has repeatedly been offered help and rejected it. My childhood (if you could call it that) consisted of beatings, starvation and the locking, where I'd be held in the pantery for hours sometimes day's. The emotional and physical neglect to this day sits on my shoulders as a 22 year old lad. My foster parents to whom I call mum and Dad are the reason I'm here today. Day to day life is hard, I have S.A.D and paranoid schizophrenia along with substance misuse. I spend my day's after work drinking myself into a hole. I book appointments for help/therapy etc. Then end up running away. Most of the town I live in however see me as a lovely, kind, compassionate bloke, if only they knew. Sorry for the sop story, life just ain't my thing.
Michelle, thank you so much for expressing this. this is beautiful. i hope that you continue to heal and grow. i'm so happy you were able to express my feelings for me in a way that many struggle to understand. thank you : ) EDIT: I googled your name and found out you are currently doing a substantial sentence for second degree murder. shocked to say the least. and it takes a lot to shock me as I know what the system does to kids. I spent the majority of my childhood in it from 7-19 (in and out before 7). I lived in care homes with gang members and that is where i realised many things we are told are BS. I was different to a lot of these kids in a sense i guess. I wasn't committing crimes (well, bit of weed obviously haha). But i still felt so similar to them in other ways. They were just traumatised kids looking for love like me. had the capacity to be charming and likeable like me. Just humans man, but very damaged ones. In hindsight, i think i just got lucky. If a few things went differently, maybe it could have been me. I look forward to the day when you are released and turn your life around. Please do not let the darkness take you. EDIT 2: I know i'm kinda talking into the void a bit here but just wanna say i won't forget you and that i will be showing others this video in the future so they can understand better. ❤🙌
I agree with this 100%. My kids were taken from me a few months ago and over the last 2 years I have been asking for assistance and asking for help with certain things but yet I kept getting told they cant help me because they don't have anything like that however as soon as the kids were taken all of a sudden they now have all that help i was needing and been had it for years but they can't provide it because we don't qualify because we make too much for it to be free(we make barely over minimum wage) and we don't make enough to be able to afford it ourselves (because we have to be able to still pay bills that we already can barely afford) it makes no sense why they say they only wanna help but all they do is the opposite by making everything harder.
I have to say - I spent a short time (4 months) in jail. A lot of the women there had lost their children to the system, but in truth the system offered them everything to keep them together including housing, food assistance, clothing vouchers, free medical care, treatment, counseling … but in every case the women chose drugs over their kids. They deserved to lose them because meth or opiates usually coupled with the love of awful men meant more to them than the kids. They had years …. years to get clean but their addictions were their obsession. I’m sure sometimes bio families just needed more support but in my microcosmic experience the love of drugs trumped the love of the children. Oh they paid lip service to their loss but when they talked about getting high their eyes grew dreamy. Their true love was obvious.
Let's not forget that stability didn't necessarily exist for many of them before the removal. So it's just another example of folks around them not being trustworthy. And i wholeheartedly agree about needing more funding to keep the families together. Thats absolutely accurate. So long as we also have clearly defined moments when were like im sorry but you are placing your children in clear and present danger.
Thank you so much for expressing what it feelings like to be in this position! I had the great neices and nephew live with me for 3 months last year! Oh my, all they wanted was to go home! In get it, but now I understand even more! Sincerely, sending you love and blessings for all the best! What happened to you is so tragic! You are so right! Being able to support family's before this happens, works prevent so much tragedy! I agree 100 percent! You are such a voice of reason for those still suffering from our broken system! 💜🙏💜
I hear you. I was taken away from my biological parents when I was two years old. It was all about lack of money. If there would have been support to help them I'd never be adopted away. It was forced, to give me up by the State themselves. And it wasn't loving or caring. Being ripped away literally from everything and everyone to be put into a home with abuse and neglect. Home to home. That type of trauma works on the brain and so we think differently as adults. Forward-thinking into the future, making plans is difficult. I often wonder what I would have been like had the State not forced their hand.
@@shaunanacole no sweetie it's not that easy. Some people no matter how hard or how many times they try they still get denied for assistance. The system doesn't care about anyone. And half the time the state takes kids away because for every kid they take from their family they get paid good for it. They do not have anyone's best interest in mind. They see people as a paycheck and that's it. So just hush
Growing up with a neglectful mother I wished I could have grown up in foster care. When I see how foster parents provide for their foster kids I sometimes get jealous. Having enough to eat, actual toys to play with, clean laundry, help with homework and all those things my mom couldn't provide. Not receiving essential care as a kid messed me up... But listening to her story, I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. I was neglegted at home, but I did have some stability in my childhood through school and my community. Even though my mom wasn't able to take care of me, she still managed to tell me how much she loved me and how proud I make her. And I guess that's a lot more valuable than I thought it was.
I'm glad you can see the positives but I'm sorry you didn't get all your needs met as a child. I hope you are learning to fill in these gaps yourself with love, patience and compassion 💖
Yes, I get that. But even when you’re adopted, you are NEVER out of the woods. And even when it looks good to think you’ve actually got people invested in you, you’re gonna have to be VERY lucky. I learned this the hard way after getting adopted. I suffered sexual abuse and re entered the system. At that point, you don’t even trust yourself and you don’t know what’s real anymore. Believe me, I’ve had it happen time and time again. But I’m doing better now. I got lucky. I would never wish for foster care even on my worst enemy. It breaks your life in so many different ways and you feel suicidal each day. And I’m only 7% healed and I’m 18 now. I endured 12 years of trauma. I’m still healing and I wish the best for all my other brothers and sisters in care. May they have all the luck in the world to find a loving home. Because every child deserves a loving home and family to count on. ❤
I'm new to the foster system and I'm here cause my mom died in February on the second of this year but thankfully I'm turning 18 in August but before hand my aunt is trying to get me.
@@amandafernald-sheaff6593 yeah they’re was to much drama in the home and the foster mom only kept me for the money. She also hinted that I was replaceable that the other kids were all replaceable
I remember at 7 being drove from house to house in the back of my case workers car, as she went down a list of foster families trying to find me a place to stay. This girl articulates our pain very well. im 41 and live alone, probably will forever because my experience had led me to not trust anyone, I think everyone is gonna leave me and it makes me toxic in a relationship, so I just stay alone. It's not fair to others, and I don't know how to change those feelings.
The corruption of social services is just unbelievable. They are ripping families apart for personal gain. I hope God will put end to all of this one day. We are at war for children, we are at war for planet. I live in UK where they can take your child for any stupid fabricated reason ( like risk of future harm for example ). I have 2 boys and this is my greatest fear.
I dealt with a person who was traumatized by abuse a lot of times the issue with dating childhood abuse survivors is the lack of communication and the constant rejection from yall its hard trying to reach someone who is in constant turmoil emotionally
@@nicolegibson1820 That’s why I stopped dating. It’s not fair to the person Im with, and for me its no fun, as im just waiting for the other person to find a reason to leave.
As someone who went into foster care when I was a kid, I’ve always told myself I wanted to become a foster parent to help kids feel as safe as possible
is there anything that you wished your foster parents did or things that they did do that you liked? i want to foster when i’m older but I want to make sure I don’t traumatize kids more than they already are.
Children need structure and security and to know that they are loved and wanted. My heart goes out to the children who are lost in foster care. I’ve always wanted to become a foster parent but I don’t know if I have what it takes to love and care for a child for however long only to let them go.
As a foster mom, I hear that excuse more than any other. It's not easy to love them hard and then let them go, but you sacrifice your heart for them, and it's worth every piece you give away.
Moving to any unfamiliar space as child is an uneasy and uncomfortable experience. However, if you were not loved by your parents (physical, emotional and sxl abuse), a foster home is a welcomed safe space and gives a child hope for their future. There are reasons why some children run away from home, they don't want to run back.
I aged out of foster care, my mother was adopted, so i was pretty much born without a family. i can either choose any of the 8-10 foster homes/hospitals i grew up in as family or i can consider the adoptive family of my mother who disowned her as a family. but either way I really don't know any of them, enough to consider them family. im more of a foreign exchange child LOL because thats how i feel in any situation with anything family now. I have made my own family over the last 10 years. but i want ever have any aunts for my kids or a grandma to take my kids to for Easter, i wont have old parents to mow the yard for, i wont have siblings to share in life events with. its really a gift to be born with all that. so that when you grow up your not surrounded by people who don't know you and feelin alone.
I'm 32 now and I only now 19 years after coming out of care I've finally realised I wasn't the problem. My mum made me believe she fort for me. 3 years ago I was ready to get my care records. It was the most surreal experiance reading my own life back as I had no idea all the stuff going on behind closed doors. She never fort for me, if anything I was out the picture. It's affected my trust in people.i still can't answer the door when someone knocks becuase the only people that visited me was social services for meeting. My kindness has been taken advantage off. I never though I would see a way out. I've got 3 children now. Having my first daughter was my first understanding of love. I learnt I was begging for my parents and family love and then I realised I didn't need to beg. Just because there my parents I don't have to owe them anything. I was always straight up with my kids. I lived a very regimented life style. Which led me to meet my ex husband in the military. Because it was the only life I knew being in a strict regime. I met my new husband in the military and when I new I needed to change my ways. He came out the raf and it's mad how it changed us. He have up his career to make my life less pressured. My daughter suffered anxiety at the hands of my depression and my family. But we have openly spoke of my life and why I try so hard to give them everything I didn't. There the reason I'm living. If ant of u get change watch a video on u tube called dear anxiety. Its the kick up the backside I need sometimes. To remind myself I'm worthy. We are all worthy. The past sticks with us it will never go away the memories n hurt is still there it's how we manage it. But u are enough. U can change the cycle. And don't be afraid to say you need hep. ✨️ xx
Sorry to hear this - it is very possible your mother was persecuted by these people who stole you when your Mother DID fight for you as this is the way that system documents things when they don't get their own way, are in the wrong as they want to keep their jobs ; it was likely made to make it look like (strategically) that your mother did not - a system agenda to decimate the family unit : it is not your fault or your mothers fault - and you are both worthy xx
Imagine this whole story but you don’t get to say “she was a good mom” at the end. I envy you being able to have that solace. Some of us just had our world shattered and then. That was that.
Thanks for sharing this message Michelle! I've lived 7 years of my life in several foster homes too. Separation Anxiety, Insecurity are the things that never goes away in my life. I recently started my TH-cam channel were I hope to inspire more people what I've been through in my still so short life. My experience as a foster child is one of them. And never forget. WE ARE NOT ALONE. ❤️
I know there’s many reasons why children end up in foster homes but hearing things like this really make me feel that everyone doesn’t deserve or need to have kids.
When I was younger I was sent to foster care.It was late are night and I was almost asleep.The cops pulled up and picked me up.The cps lady made fun of me for crying.I hadn’t experienced anything like this it was always just me,my mom and grandma together as a team they were the only people I really trusted as a kid so when I was away from them it felt like my world had ended.In the home I was placed in there were seven kids.Most were boys and the pretty much only female figure was the mother who was disabled and could not give me that hugs I was looking for and could not hold me at night when I cried for my family.I went from a home with no male figures to home with one female figure.I cried for three days straight.The home I was out in was too different for me to handle.All my favorite things that comforted me they didn’t approve of for example when I was younger I loved the tv series Spongebob but this family did not approve of the show.I went from a only child to a family of 7 and at one point 9.The town they stayed in was almost three hours away.The cps lady told me I was only gonna be there for a weekend.For three weeks I thought I was still in my home town waiting for a phone call from my mom and grandma.Over the three weeks I felt let down lied to.Cps would not give my family the number to the foster family,but I didn’t know this at the time.The weekend soon turned into almost four years.I changed a lot over those years I went from a honor role student to failing every class.At first I did my best and acted the same but my good behavior was looked over since the kids who we’re normally “bad” in the home were being watched closely.The “bad” kids were praised every time the did something good.I stoped caring.My grades dropped and nothing made me happy.The only reason I had to stay for so long is Bc my case workers kept quitting so my grandmother’s home would have to get reproved.The casa worker just gave up on my case and tried to let my foster family adopt me.I had strangers trying to adopt me but it wasn’t that I needed to be adopted it’s just the system kept failing.Finally four years later I am back home with my grandma but things aren’t the same I don’t have the relationship with my mom nor grandma anymore that I used to.I thought for so long that they didn’t want me anymore that I just didn’t trust them.It’s hard for me to reconnect and they are different they miss the old me and so do I.
I feel so sorry for you.:-((((((( They are ripping good families apart because of greed and money. Every child means a lot of money to be made for them. I wish one day to become a lawyer to just expose and fight this corrupt system. So many children are suffering because of pure greed
Thank you! I'm a 25 year veteran social worker who recently was recruited to work in foster care. All I want to know... how can I help? Sometimes it's clear, reunification is impossible, other times it's not that clear. Your point of view is dead on.
This is not an wccurate assessment of foster situations. The goal is reunification. Parents do get so many chances. There are hundreds of thousands of kids in homes where the rent is paid, utilities are paid , food stamps, medical insurance ( that many families whose parents work and support them dont have) often cash payments and still the parents wont try to get and keep a job to work to keep rheir kids all the time blaming the system. As for a car, not only do you have to pay for it , but license and maintain insurance , fill with gas, and do upkeep. Nobody can do all that for you. As a parent you have to take responsibility for the children yourself and make sure you put them first, and providing them with love, cherishing them providing emotionally, financially, psychologically, seeing to their educational needs, and the list goes on. This means getting and keeping a job, and maintaining stability . No spending what money you get on drugs, alchohol. Etc. BEING A RESPONSIBLE PARENT. LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH.Yes, the parents are given a plan to work, and so many programs but the parent has to be willing to put their children FIRST and work to provide for them. Another misconstrued idea is that fosters receive tons of money. Not true. Depending on your state, many 350 month to provide housing , clothing, other needs, food personal care products spending money toys furniture etc. In fact most states require long financial reports to make sure you can provide without stipend . In addirion you pass fbi fingerprint and background check and get a report from your physcian that says you are healrhy. Always 2 sides to the story. Most discrepancies are made by bio parent assigning guilt and not taking responsibility for their own circumstances that lead to foster placement.
For those of you commenting that are in foster care or have been in foster care. What do you think that foster parents should do or know for kids in their care? For example, Michelle mentioned in this video of being taken away from her family, moved into a completely different home with people who are total strangers (which naturally would make any child feel scared, confused or traumatized). So how can foster parents/families help that child feel more comfortable, less scared and make that experience of being in a new place less traumatic? What do you wish your foster families did for you? Or if there is something they did that really did help you in some way, what is it that they did or said?
I think that foster parents shouldn't be so hard on the kids. I felt like I was always a stranger in someone's home and was given strict rules at some places. This felt like a prison, and so because they were acting or trying to be my parents i deliberately did what they told me not to do and acted out. I was being forced to be there so it was already tough being away from my brother and sister so the only power I had was to act out like an animal pushed into a corner. However, at some foster care homes, I just remember running through the sprinklers and being given a chance to run wild and free. Foster parents should be light-hearted, and understanding. because it's hard taking a shower, eating or asking for anything even food from someone you don't know especially as a 6yr old. I had a foster parent that let us pick out a can of food and someone grabbed a can of spinach, instead of understanding that she regretted it and it was a simple mistake, I was forced to sit at the table for hours trying to swallow the spinach even though I kept regurgitating it. (throwing it up) to this day I cant look or touch spinach.
@@kelseyusera4656 I'm so sorry you had to go through that! Every child should feel safe, loved and protected. Thanks for sharing your experience even if its an unpleasant one. Its an important reminder for foster parents and people alike to not forget that they are taking care of children! Children need to be treated with love and compassion and given the safety and security to grow and thrive! I hope you are doing much better now Kelsey and that those bad experiences have only pushed you to become your best, strongest self. ❤️❤️
Basically, the child needs stability to feel secure, to feel life as predictable. Foster parents should support child relationships and friendship. There are lots of other things that foster parents should fulfill to meet a child's needs that are impossible to state here. I would refer you to check "triangle framework assessment"/parenting capacity (you can google it easily).
Michelle Voorhees, thank you for sharing your insight from your experience. I was engaged, moved and impressed with how well you expressed your thoughts on this.
Coming from someone who went through an Experience along the same as what Michelle experienced, I personally don't think that this could have been said any better! I loved the Explanation she gave when it comes to the "Foster Care" Scenario, and I personally believe that EVERYONE needs to hear this!
Excellent video. CONTINUE TO RAISE AWARENESS of these Precious kids' LIVES & the fact their lives are handled by the system in wrong ways. WHY does the system move kids AROUND so much!?? STOP this ridiculous aspect of the system!!!
Thank you for this. I’m so heartbroken, the same thing happened to me and my son. I did everything in my cps case plan and would not give him back to me. He’s 10 years old, his names Shyah ♥️ he is my entire life. And they took him for being poor.
According to study results, mothers who lost custody of a child to foster care experienced significantly higher rates of depression, substance use, physician visits for mental illness, and prescriptions of psychotropic medications compared to mothers surviving the death of a child. Interpreting these results, authors suggest the disproportionate share of mental health burden among women with children in foster care is likely a reflection of lower social support and a lack of social acknowledgment of grief following this form of loss.
see for me it was diffrent. i remember when i was a kid i remember falling asllep.in a car with my case worker. who i knew. and then i woke up in a house i didnt know and in a room i didnt know. i remember just thinking "well i guess ill meet them in the morning.". it wasnt until i was an adult that the truama hit. i was adopted at 7 but they kicked me out at 14. its just been me since. at 16 i started to really understand what happened. the truma finally hit. i was diagnosed with ptsd and the worse part was that i thought i was fine until 19. thats when i realized. thats when i collapsed. but ingot back up and fight. its hard it really is. but i wont be a statistic. and i reduse to put any of my belongings in a trash bag loo
I was a foster kid. My mom couldnt take care of me cause of her mental illness. I was in so many foster homes and felt like no one ever loved me. I had a lot of anger. I still cry thinking about it. Just the feeling and the thought that no one loved me. My mom said she never gave me up for adoption and she wouldn't allow the agency to give me up. She went to court to get me back, but the judge said no. I understand now why but it still effected me cause no one had patients to understand the issues that i too have.
Would you mind if I ask you? As someone who went from foster homes and felt like no one loved you, do you think that abortion is a justification for abortion ?
Social services are evil they lie in reports and in court and she’s right they should help families stick together not split them up which causes a lot of trauma
Unfornatley(sp?), my sister was not a stable parent, even if you would have thrown thousands of dollars at reunifaction. Her kids were raised by her ex sister law and their Dad. While it sounds nice in theory, there are parents, more than we want to know, that will never be stable parents for thier kids. I was raised in a dysfuctional home and I always wonder how my emointal health would have turned out differently if I was raised in my aunt's home, that I had spent one year at the age of 12. My aunt never belittled my Mom, protected me from my Dad. That one year led me on a path, in my adulthood, to have a "normal" home. Even when reunification isn't a possibility, perhaps stronger familial connection should be encouraged to give the child/children a connection and a place to feel grounded.
Thank you for showing us what is needed n what many children feel through a change in their environment. We hope many see this so they can help… even to extend a hand for parents who need assistance or to a child that needs assistance. A good view point.
My daughter and son-in-law recently took in a 14 year old girl. No one in her family wants her. They do not want funding or counseling. Things seem to be going well so far. I am so excited to meet her. I understand that she has been through so much pain. If anyone who has been through this has any advice for the grandparents, please let me know.
I see some years have passed since you posted. I hope things worked out. I would have definitely suggested therapy for the child, and also separately for your daughter and son-in-law on how best to move forward and how to navigate difficulties which will surely come up. Any child taken from a home will need someone to talk with they can trust (a trained therapist) who has proper tools to help them along. I'd also suggest your daughter spend more time with the child than her husband.
I can't even imagine the degree of trauma these poor children suffer. It just breaks my heart. It's not their fault.
Thanks 😊all we ask of the general public is compassion and acceptance. We are not any different than you other than we were born into a situation without parents or support. It means alot
That was me
@Python PogChamp yes it is
I was taken away from my mother and then returned several times. The worst thing they did was keep returning me to my mother because she completed some 30 day program. She was a drug addict not a human being anymore. Drug addicts or not people. Their animals to act on instincts alone. They should never returned you to a drug addict. To me it was the back-and-forth that destroyed the kids that I knew. Most of them didn’t really want to live with their parents but that’s what they knew and that’s where they knew they would end up. The problem is people who have children and put them in this position. I would love to see forced birth control of some kind on every single person who is convicted of a drug offense until they can prove they are clean.
@@lolly1405 been there.. We were just price tag's..
Been in foster care for almost 2 months. I always thought that this is something that only happened in movies, online, in stories etc. Turns out it's not. I used to be a good student (good grades and everything). Now the only reason I'm still going is because of the hope that I can go home. It's honestly scary how much I can relate to all this. I can't get through a day without crying my eyes out and all the teachers treat me differently. I even started eating in the toilets at school. The foster carer is getting a little annoyed at me and to be honest I can't completely blame her. I'm lucky because I'm still at the same school I was before this though I don't know for how much longer as my foster carer might be giving up soon. Sorry this was so long. Wish me luck so I can go home soon: ).
Just want to say I’m praying for all the best for you. You are precious and unique, and very loved. ❤
I’m sorry this is happening to you. ❤
I hope things turn out well for you :). I will remember you in my prayer
I believe in you a spent almost 2 years in the system so in many ways I can relate to you and video. Keep fighting the good fight it will get better not overnight but it will the best thing you can do is talk I understand that in the system it is hard to trust in many ways to talk and open up but trust me is the only way it will get better and easier for you. I AM PRAYING for ALL of my faster brothers and sister in and the ones who have made it out.
Maxi Johnson dear, I am so sorry! I'm keeping you in prayer for stability! Oh my, I have no words to express my thoughts! Children need stability and family! I hope your family completes everything they need to bring you home! Hugs!
Please hold onto HOPE and JESUS! HE'll be the stability you need as you wait! I know. HE'S always been mine! 💞💞💞
Sad how 1 person can ruin or traumatize a persons life forever
Facts
th-cam.com/video/TlcIfjai0MA/w-d-xo.html
ye...
Just triggered all the old feelings from growing up through foster homes. Anxiety, and defense mechanisms on high alert. Brought tears to my eyes, seeing this. People that have never been will never understand how it follows you throughout your life. There are great people involved with foster care, and some very horrible people also. I've been through both. Thank you for this video
yea she told it so well, she seems much stronger then I was.
Aged out in march and been on my own since. This just triggered sum rs that I didn’t even know was there
In foster care, are you forced to go to a family to be adopted?? Or do you get the choice to not get adopted
@@Clara-sp5yd well in my case I was in an orphanage so when I was asked at eight would I like to be fostered I suppose I said because it was the lesser of two evils I felt I would see life
When she talked about the experience of walking into a foster home for the first time and how your entire world has just shifted in that moment, the smell of new foster family's home, it brought back such strong memories.
I am in foster care but I am going to be adopted ☺️ soon
That's wonderful :D
Are you sad about being adopted or are you happy? I'm sure you will be a little of both. I hope you find peace.
I hope, nobody will hurt you, be careful and good luck.
Good luck aye :p
Hooray I’m happy for you.
So much funding to separate the family not enough to keep them together 😔💔
Sadly there is so much drug abuse involved in separation from biological parents, but you are right, we need to support families efforts to keep their children.
that's not true though. I was in foster care and went back to my mom. they had program setup to pay for the house/food for x amount of year.
Foster care saved my life and stopped physical and sexual abuse.
I'm glad you were able to adjust and the abuse was stopped. But, wouldn't it have been better for your abuser to be removed from the home instead of the children?
Wow! One well spoken young woman. She’s got great insight and well connected to self.
My thoughts exactly as I listened to her!
Omg...I feel everything she shared in the video!!! Took me right back
Me too.
Me too my mom passed I had to deal with it when I was 11
Same here
Same
It really did , everything she said was right on .
She is so on point! There is funding for foster care, but none to keep families together!
Yup
This nailed the description of what it’s like to be placed in foster care. It always gave me this blank feeling when I arrived to a new group home or family. Changed schools,friends,and even your day to day habits based on how the new family or homes routines were every time you’re placed in a new location. And the over whelming need to want to run away for me was almost an automatic response those feelings,like imagine being a 10 year old and feeling like your only way to survive these changes and feelings was to abandon ship and seek out your parents or even a single person that you found familiar. Even if it meant sleeping on the streets until you got there. Somewhere. Anywhere,that felt like you were “home.”
Yep, I slept on a bus that ran over night in my old town when I ran away. I was cold and it was familiar.
"I don't understand how there's so much funding for foster care benefits, for adoption benefits, for emergency shelters. There's so much funding for that, but there's no funding for family preservation."
Dahm
A lot of people would rather be homeless than be back with their family, we did try that a long time ago though.
Because foster care is a business, just like child detention centers and prisons.
And it's literally designed and even encourages the attraction of the worst kinds of people in each of those systems.
😢😢😢
My heart breaks for these poor kids in the system. I hope to be a volunteer in the future and at least try to make life better for at least one or more kids. 💖💖
th-cam.com/video/TlcIfjai0MA/w-d-xo.html
Thank you. Directly from a foster kid.
I think spreading awareness is one way to get more solutions, and get things done to help. There isn't enough attention on foster care, or child abuse, like there is on a lot of other societal issues.
And I don't understand why that is when practically everyone gets upset about child mistreatment.
I'm thinking of being a foster mom in a few years. I just want to save more money first so we can have a nice home and nice things. Maybe a kitty. Gymnastics lessons. Things like that.
What kind of "volunteer?" What does that mean?
Takes me back to that childhood pain ...I was the only girl in the family with four brothers and I was always separated from them which was terrifying but thank GOD I'm now deliverd from the pain the abuse and missuse of my time in and outta care ...Thankyou Jesus for loving me when no one else did and taking my pain away Must admit I still can't stand social workers to this day lol ...Great Vidio thank you and God bless .
Remember. God is a DELIVERER
@@annasmira7176 amen 🙏
This is the most accurate depiction of what it's like, I've been dealing with foster care for 4 years and it's hell but I'm finally about to turn 18 and go home where I shoulda been along time go.
I was there zach and always went through rehabilitation centers until 17. I ran away from home and lived a careless life for 2 yrs, getting evicted and sleeping in cars. When you turn 18, know that its okay to work fast food, we all start from somewhere even if its from the bottom. Just dont turn to drugs and alcohol, thats where rock bottom is. Good luck, and remember that you're our youth
@@kelseyusera4656 When I go back home I'm getting a job with my mom and uncle shipping out the vaccine making about 20$ a hour and I'm gonna save up and pay the house off and take care of mamaw. I didn't get to really spend time with my papaw these past few years, he had a bad stroke and slowly got worse and they wouldn't let us see him. He was like my dad because mine wasn't ever around and he passed away February 11. They wouldn't let us go to his funeral neither. I'm gonna try to adopt my little sisters and little brother too if I can because I don't know where'd they go. Thanks for the comment sorry for ramblin on
@@zacharypearl4325 best of luck to you
@@zacharypearl4325 hope your doing well and have accomplished some of the goals you had a year ago.
@@zacharypearl4325 I'm so sorry that u had to go through all of that, I, too, hope that u have accomplished at least some of ur goals
But please don't say sorry for "ramblin on", it's okay to tell ur hardships, everybody needs to be heard and that surely includes u too
I hope u're doin' okay
Wishing u and everybody else the best,
Kata
Michelle should speak at our government agencies. Be a voice for kids that couldn't speak for themselves.
I’m in foster care but soon to be adopted but I say I had trauma with my parents but the foster care system traumatized me more and I never wanted to leave my parents and now I suffer from serve depression because of the system.
My mom went through the system from 10ish to 18 and she had trauma and bad health issue and also I can say being moved around so much like I have going to different schools losing friends and I can say it did affect me and it’s true if my mom had help and people to get the proper help she needed because she was going through some hardships and seeing the wrong people and if she had some help she would of gotten me and my siblings back and I would of never had the anger and the sadness and not working about what’s going to happen to me and be with my mom. My mom as been a single mother of 4, had trauma from her childhood, bad mental and physical health so she couldn’t work and got money from the state so we were poor but at least she loved us and tried her best she just couldn’t do it by herself. She was getting back lashed by her friends for losing us and had nobody to turn to for help and went into a state of depression and lost us. A little help for her and I bet she could of done it and the children are the ones who have to deal with the trauma of going though the system for so long because they won’t help the parents so it just ends up hurting everyone.
I was in foster care for almost 2 years I am now in safe loving family. I’m praying for everything one in the system you are my brothers and sisters I feel what you have been though in many ways. 2 and half years since I leave the system but I still feel the physical and mental trouble from the system. It does get better but it takes time I am praying for all of you in the system. This video is not wrong we need foster care reform and we need it now. Keep fighting the good fight y’all got this. Love you all in the system y’all are my family my brothers and my sisters.
I just got into foster care cause my family is arguing a lot. I was supposed to do so much fun this summer break but everything got cancelled because I had to move into another family. The family I moved into, they are kind but it’s different. I miss the old surroundings, I miss walking with my friends from school, I miss biking 10 min to my cousin. I miss everything. I know I can’t do anything though.
Maybe your family should be seperated if its your parents they can seperate and coparent, sometimes its better for the sake of kids if a couple cannot get along to seperate and share the kids individually. I had to do as things were out of control and the fights made my daughter tremble so i ended the marriage. I kept the children.
Somtimes it doesn't matter how much funding is there to help the parents..sometimes for whatvever reason some parents are just unable to parent their children
Or unwilling
That is true yet we find that most parents really want to keep their children but are not supported enough...every single foster child I had, they wanted to go back to their parent/parents and they needed support so badly and at the time had none.
I'm so thankful my parents didn't have major substance abuse problems (just minor). My dad's dad was an alcoholic and would spend his paycheck on booze and gambling before he even made it home. So many children suffer so badly in this type of situation. I wouldn't be able to handle it.
That’s true too!
Every case is different.
But the funding for unification should be there for those families that struggle with food/medical/counseling.
In the other hand: if there’s child abuse of any kind. Take them away from that hell, and place them in a safe place.
;-;
Very Insightful and Wise of you, when you say, they have the funding to break up and separate families but NOT to help them stay together, which cost less.
Children Services is not about helping families heal, it is about getting more funding from the government to keep their agencies lucrative.
It is the same in Canada
I was in DCF custody in Connecticut for nearly 3 years, she worded everything perfectly. The family I spent the majority of my time with were great people, but because of the situation I was in I never let myself open up to them and often got into altercations and disputes with them. it’s a deep regret I have and I wish I could’ve met them in another light because of how much I appreciate them. No doubt if the system was geared towards keeping kids in their homes, they wouldn’t have to suffer outside of them.
You could always send them a letter to tell them how truly you felt
"So much funding to take us away, but no funding to keep us there" - Exactly! The foster homes got extra money taking us in, like a business.
I started crying after the first sentence. Wow. Thank you for this video. It has opened my eyes.
Thank you KC Star for posting this and for Michelle to sit down for an interview. It's hard to find videos and articles about the child's perspective on being in state care. There is a place for adoption in society, and there are parents out there who cannot care for their children no matter how much help they get, but too often the government jumps on the chance to take children away when there are better options available.
It's so true when she talks about the family preservation. Because my kids were removed all because suspicion of alcohol and drug abuse. I had my career . I had taught fr 10 years. I was still breast feeding my 2 year old baby who had been born premature. I would never had thought to drink or do drugs. If only the system only have had helped me to do things better. things are not based on the foster kids needs it's based on what the workers think these kids need.
I feel everything she saying. Everyone thinks foster care is a safe place and a magical place but reality it’s the complete opposite.
Am already going to foster care i dont like strangers on monday
foster care is safer and better not having care
@@BigChiken44 yeah in the end it helps you but you’re not the same person.
This is a message that is very close to me. My kids went through this and would completely agree with you. One is scarred for life, and another wants nothing to do with any of us. If they thought we needed help, why would they not only give the help, but tell us why? I would always tell them; we can't fix what we don't know. We were falsely accused by one child, and the way it works is you are guilty, good luck proving innocence. Meanwhile, you must sit back night after night and know that your kids are going through what you experienced. This is a message that MUST get out there! I can't tell you how many friends we lost, friends they lost, and the number of times I heard, "You must have done something, because that can't happen in America..." Many told me to write a book on the experience, and maybe someday I will, but until then it is very reassuring to see someone like you with the guts to stand up and tell it like it is. Thank you for making this and I will be sure to share it with others.
Wow. She sure summed up “The System” well and offered insights and suggested remedies! She should be a advocate in the government.
This helps us increase our empathy as parents who care for kiddos in foster care.
Thank you for letting us know how you loose everything & everyone. It has really shifted the way I view fosters, and much more understanding of where there at.
Hit the nail on the head when she said there is no funding for family preservation
I'm going thru a process of being taken away from my mum rn, after 14 years of physical and mental abuse.....its a long story but I hope this is the end of abuse that I suffered from her. my dream as a little kid is becoming true.
demonic@ sweetheart, whatever happens, don't give up on yourself! Take all opportunities to learn, which will lead you to independence. Nothing will compensate for what you lost. But, you can raise yourself for yourself, for your future.
Much love to you! X
Such an insightful video.
Went into care when I turned seven in the UK.
Mum is an alcoholic/schizophrenic who has repeatedly been offered help and rejected it.
My childhood (if you could call it that) consisted of beatings, starvation and the locking, where I'd be held in the pantery for hours sometimes day's.
The emotional and physical neglect to this day sits on my shoulders as a 22 year old lad.
My foster parents to whom I call mum and Dad are the reason I'm here today.
Day to day life is hard, I have S.A.D and paranoid schizophrenia along with substance misuse. I spend my day's after work drinking myself into a hole.
I book appointments for help/therapy etc. Then end up running away.
Most of the town I live in however see me as a lovely, kind, compassionate bloke, if only they knew.
Sorry for the sop story, life just ain't my thing.
the fact these people have the power to take people away from their families, unable to contact them, etc. is just disgustingly wrong.
This is satanic system created by elite psychopaths and pedofiles
Michelle, thank you so much for expressing this. this is beautiful. i hope that you continue to heal and grow. i'm so happy you were able to express my feelings for me in a way that many struggle to understand. thank you : )
EDIT: I googled your name and found out you are currently doing a substantial sentence for second degree murder. shocked to say the least. and it takes a lot to shock me as I know what the system does to kids. I spent the majority of my childhood in it from 7-19 (in and out before 7). I lived in care homes with gang members and that is where i realised many things we are told are BS. I was different to a lot of these kids in a sense i guess. I wasn't committing crimes (well, bit of weed obviously haha). But i still felt so similar to them in other ways. They were just traumatised kids looking for love like me. had the capacity to be charming and likeable like me. Just humans man, but very damaged ones. In hindsight, i think i just got lucky. If a few things went differently, maybe it could have been me.
I look forward to the day when you are released and turn your life around. Please do not let the darkness take you.
EDIT 2: I know i'm kinda talking into the void a bit here but just wanna say i won't forget you and that i will be showing others this video in the future so they can understand better.
❤🙌
She seems oddly bright and articulate to be in prison.
I agree with this 100%. My kids were taken from me a few months ago and over the last 2 years I have been asking for assistance and asking for help with certain things but yet I kept getting told they cant help me because they don't have anything like that however as soon as the kids were taken all of a sudden they now have all that help i was needing and been had it for years but they can't provide it because we don't qualify because we make too much for it to be free(we make barely over minimum wage) and we don't make enough to be able to afford it ourselves (because we have to be able to still pay bills that we already can barely afford) it makes no sense why they say they only wanna help but all they do is the opposite by making everything harder.
I have to say - I spent a short time (4 months) in jail. A lot of the women there had lost their children to the system, but in truth the system offered them everything to keep them together including housing, food assistance, clothing vouchers, free medical care, treatment, counseling … but in every case the women chose drugs over their kids. They deserved to lose them because meth or opiates usually coupled with the love of awful men meant more to them than the kids. They had years …. years to get clean but their addictions were their obsession.
I’m sure sometimes bio families just needed more support but in my microcosmic experience the love of drugs trumped the love of the children. Oh they paid lip service to their loss but when they talked about getting high their eyes grew dreamy. Their true love was obvious.
Let's not forget that stability didn't necessarily exist for many of them before the removal. So it's just another example of folks around them not being trustworthy.
And i wholeheartedly agree about needing more funding to keep the families together. Thats absolutely accurate. So long as we also have clearly defined moments when were like im sorry but you are placing your children in clear and present danger.
Thank you so much for expressing what it feelings like to be in this position! I had the great neices and nephew live with me for 3 months last year! Oh my, all they wanted was to go home! In get it, but now I understand even more! Sincerely, sending you love and blessings for all the best! What happened to you is so tragic!
You are so right! Being able to support family's before this happens, works prevent so much tragedy! I agree 100 percent! You are such a voice of reason for those still suffering from our broken system! 💜🙏💜
I hear you. I was taken away from my biological parents when I was two years old. It was all about lack of money. If there would have been support to help them I'd never be adopted away. It was forced, to give me up by the State themselves. And it wasn't loving or caring. Being ripped away literally from everything and everyone to be put into a home with abuse and neglect. Home to home. That type of trauma works on the brain and so we think differently as adults. Forward-thinking into the future, making plans is difficult. I often wonder what I would have been like had the State not forced their hand.
There is plenty of support to help in financial situations. Housing, food stamps, medicaid, etc. It's all up to the adult to go get these benefits...
@@shaunanacole no sweetie it's not that easy. Some people no matter how hard or how many times they try they still get denied for assistance. The system doesn't care about anyone. And half the time the state takes kids away because for every kid they take from their family they get paid good for it. They do not have anyone's best interest in mind. They see people as a paycheck and that's it. So just hush
@shaunanacole what horribly ignorant comment
Growing up with a neglectful mother I wished I could have grown up in foster care.
When I see how foster parents provide for their foster kids I sometimes get jealous. Having enough to eat, actual toys to play with, clean laundry, help with homework and all those things my mom couldn't provide.
Not receiving essential care as a kid messed me up...
But listening to her story, I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. I was neglegted at home, but I did have some stability in my childhood through school and my community. Even though my mom wasn't able to take care of me, she still managed to tell me how much she loved me and how proud I make her. And I guess that's a lot more valuable than I thought it was.
I'm glad you can see the positives but I'm sorry you didn't get all your needs met as a child. I hope you are learning to fill in these gaps yourself with love, patience and compassion 💖
Yes, I get that. But even when you’re adopted, you are NEVER out of the woods. And even when it looks good to think you’ve actually got people invested in you, you’re gonna have to be VERY lucky. I learned this the hard way after getting adopted. I suffered sexual abuse and re entered the system. At that point, you don’t even trust yourself and you don’t know what’s real anymore. Believe me, I’ve had it happen time and time again. But I’m doing better now. I got lucky. I would never wish for foster care even on my worst enemy. It breaks your life in so many different ways and you feel suicidal each day. And I’m only 7% healed and I’m 18 now. I endured 12 years of trauma. I’m still healing and I wish the best for all my other brothers and sisters in care. May they have all the luck in the world to find a loving home. Because every child deserves a loving home and family to count on. ❤
Not the foster homes I was in...
I'm new to the foster system and I'm here cause my mom died in February on the second of this year but thankfully I'm turning 18 in August but before hand my aunt is trying to get me.
Hopefully your aunt will obtain custody and treat as well as your mother did. Much love to you.
@@kellykelly9521 thank you 😊
My 4 kids were in foster for 6 months and it affected them Bad..... they all have serve issues from it. It Kills me how the kids are
@@amandafernald-sheaff6593 yeah they’re was to much drama in the home and the foster mom only kept me for the money. She also hinted that I was replaceable that the other kids were all replaceable
@@amandafernald-sheaff6593 I also had to share a small room with 3 other girls and it was rough
I remember at 7 being drove from house to house in the back of my case workers car, as she went down a list of foster families trying to find me a place to stay. This girl articulates our pain very well. im 41 and live alone, probably will forever because my experience had led me to not trust anyone, I think everyone is gonna leave me and it makes me toxic in a relationship, so I just stay alone. It's not fair to others, and I don't know how to change those feelings.
I aged out of foster care, I'm 44 now. The trauma is lifelong and affects all my relationships.
@Jennifer I agree with that, people think I hate people. I tell them that after years of rejection, being friendless is just easier for me.
The corruption of social services is just unbelievable. They are ripping families apart for personal gain. I hope God will put end to all of this one day. We are at war for children, we are at war for planet. I live in UK where they can take your child for any stupid fabricated reason ( like risk of future harm for example ). I have 2 boys and this is my greatest fear.
I dealt with a person who was traumatized by abuse a lot of times the issue with dating childhood abuse survivors is the lack of communication and the constant rejection from yall its hard trying to reach someone who is in constant turmoil emotionally
@@nicolegibson1820 That’s why I stopped dating. It’s not fair to the person Im with, and for me its no fun, as im just waiting for the other person to find a reason to leave.
God bless her, thank you for sharing this important perspective.
As someone who went into foster care when I was a kid, I’ve always told myself I wanted to become a foster parent to help kids feel as safe as possible
cute
is there anything that you wished your foster parents did or things that they did do that you liked? i want to foster when i’m older but I want to make sure I don’t traumatize kids more than they already are.
I hope youre doing good . Would you mind if I ask you a question, do you think a foster care system a justification for abortion ?
wow very true. I myself take care of foster kids for the past 18 years and the stories they told me it's very heartbeaking wow.
Good video. Lots of truth. Thanks for sharing
Weird. A different place from home was what I prayed for. Ran to. Loved with like 4 different families. lol better than my own home thank God.
How are you doing today?
Children need structure and security and to know that they are loved and wanted. My heart goes out to the children who are lost in foster care. I’ve always wanted to become a foster parent but I don’t know if I have what it takes to love and care for a child for however long only to let them go.
If you believe they belong to their family (healthy family) then you can do it.
As a foster mom, I hear that excuse more than any other. It's not easy to love them hard and then let them go, but you sacrifice your heart for them, and it's worth every piece you give away.
Is it still traumatic for children who are removed for abuse wouldn't that make them happier to know they will never be hurt again
Moving to any unfamiliar space as child is an uneasy and uncomfortable experience. However, if you were not loved by your parents (physical, emotional and sxl abuse), a foster home is a welcomed safe space and gives a child hope for their future. There are reasons why some children run away from home, they don't want to run back.
I aged out of foster care, my mother was adopted, so i was pretty much born without a family. i can either choose any of the 8-10 foster homes/hospitals i grew up in as family or i can consider the adoptive family of my mother who disowned her as a family. but either way I really don't know any of them, enough to consider them family. im more of a foreign exchange child LOL because thats how i feel in any situation with anything family now. I have made my own family over the last 10 years. but i want ever have any aunts for my kids or a grandma to take my kids to for Easter, i wont have old parents to mow the yard for, i wont have siblings to share in life events with. its really a gift to be born with all that. so that when you grow up your not surrounded by people who don't
know you and feelin alone.
This is a excellent investigation I read every link in the description I hope more people can see it and we can change this sad reality
Ingrid Pereira u know I really like the person you are btw this is my mom
Every person who works with a foster child should watch this. I was in tears.
Thank you for for being courageous!!
I'm 32 now and I only now 19 years after coming out of care I've finally realised I wasn't the problem. My mum made me believe she fort for me. 3 years ago I was ready to get my care records. It was the most surreal experiance reading my own life back as I had no idea all the stuff going on behind closed doors. She never fort for me, if anything I was out the picture. It's affected my trust in people.i still can't answer the door when someone knocks becuase the only people that visited me was social services for meeting. My kindness has been taken advantage off. I never though I would see a way out. I've got 3 children now. Having my first daughter was my first understanding of love. I learnt I was begging for my parents and family love and then I realised I didn't need to beg. Just because there my parents I don't have to owe them anything. I was always straight up with my kids. I lived a very regimented life style. Which led me to meet my ex husband in the military. Because it was the only life I knew being in a strict regime. I met my new husband in the military and when I new I needed to change my ways. He came out the raf and it's mad how it changed us. He have up his career to make my life less pressured. My daughter suffered anxiety at the hands of my depression and my family. But we have openly spoke of my life and why I try so hard to give them everything I didn't. There the reason I'm living. If ant of u get change watch a video on u tube called dear anxiety. Its the kick up the backside I need sometimes. To remind myself I'm worthy. We are all worthy. The past sticks with us it will never go away the memories n hurt is still there it's how we manage it. But u are enough. U can change the cycle. And don't be afraid to say you need hep. ✨️ xx
Sorry to hear this - it is very possible your mother was persecuted by these people who stole you when your Mother DID fight for you as this is the way that system documents things when they don't get their own way, are in the wrong as they want to keep their jobs ; it was likely made to make it look like (strategically) that your mother did not - a system agenda to decimate the family unit : it is not your fault or your mothers fault - and you are both worthy xx
Damn I can relate. Awesome job describing what it's like suddenly being ripped from everything you once knew.
Imagine this whole story but you don’t get to say “she was a good mom” at the end. I envy you being able to have that solace. Some of us just had our world shattered and then. That was that.
Thanks for sharing this message Michelle! I've lived 7 years of my life in several foster homes too. Separation Anxiety, Insecurity are the things that never goes away in my life. I recently started my TH-cam channel were I hope to inspire more people what I've been through in my still so short life. My experience as a foster child is one of them. And never forget. WE ARE NOT ALONE. ❤️
This blew me away...her narrative unique & one I've wanted to hear articulately...thank you so much...total understanding. Powerful for me x
She is so intelligent and has a light about her. Even thou she got mixed up in some real bad things, Glad to have her stories and feelings heard.
I know there’s many reasons why children end up in foster homes but hearing things like this really make me feel that everyone doesn’t deserve or need to have kids.
Yeah but some kids have great parents but are still removed
Wow This was so Beautiful!!! Thank you!!!!
When I was younger I was sent to foster care.It was late are night and I was almost asleep.The cops pulled up and picked me up.The cps lady made fun of me for crying.I hadn’t experienced anything like this it was always just me,my mom and grandma together as a team they were the only people I really trusted as a kid so when I was away from them it felt like my world had ended.In the home I was placed in there were seven kids.Most were boys and the pretty much only female figure was the mother who was disabled and could not give me that hugs I was looking for and could not hold me at night when I cried for my family.I went from a home with no male figures to home with one female figure.I cried for three days straight.The home I was out in was too different for me to handle.All my favorite things that comforted me they didn’t approve of for example when I was younger I loved the tv series Spongebob but this family did not approve of the show.I went from a only child to a family of 7 and at one point 9.The town they stayed in was almost three hours away.The cps lady told me I was only gonna be there for a weekend.For three weeks I thought I was still in my home town waiting for a phone call from my mom and grandma.Over the three weeks I felt let down lied to.Cps would not give my family the number to the foster family,but I didn’t know this at the time.The weekend soon turned into almost four years.I changed a lot over those years I went from a honor role student to failing every class.At first I did my best and acted the same but my good behavior was looked over since the kids who we’re normally “bad” in the home were being watched closely.The “bad” kids were praised every time the did something good.I stoped caring.My grades dropped and nothing made me happy.The only reason I had to stay for so long is Bc my case workers kept quitting so my grandmother’s home would have to get reproved.The casa worker just gave up on my case and tried to let my foster family adopt me.I had strangers trying to adopt me but it wasn’t that I needed to be adopted it’s just the system kept failing.Finally four years later I am back home with my grandma but things aren’t the same I don’t have the relationship with my mom nor grandma anymore that I used to.I thought for so long that they didn’t want me anymore that I just didn’t trust them.It’s hard for me to reconnect and they are different they miss the old me and so do I.
I feel so sorry for you.:-((((((( They are ripping good families apart because of greed and money. Every child means a lot of money to be made for them. I wish one day to become a lawyer to just expose and fight this corrupt system. So many children are suffering because of pure greed
@@i.l.y.m.l6331 it is insane I’m just glad I got sent back home thank you for reading :)
@@twistcemetary if you go to a foster care do they take you back home
@@Moses_footy19 if your original home is deemed fit enough for you to go back home you’ll get sent back but the process is long
Thank you! I'm a 25 year veteran social worker who recently was recruited to work in foster care. All I want to know... how can I help? Sometimes it's clear, reunification is impossible, other times it's not that clear. Your point of view is dead on.
I wish people would really stop & look at their financial situation before bringing. Child into thr world. My heart breaks for foster children.
This is not an wccurate assessment of foster situations. The goal is reunification. Parents do get so many chances. There are hundreds of thousands of kids in homes where the rent is paid, utilities are paid , food stamps, medical insurance ( that many families whose parents work and support them dont have) often cash payments and still the parents wont try to get and keep a job to work to keep rheir kids all the time blaming the system. As for a car, not only do you have to pay for it , but license and maintain insurance , fill with gas, and do upkeep. Nobody can do all that for you. As a parent you have to take responsibility for the children yourself and make sure you put them first, and providing them with love, cherishing them providing emotionally, financially, psychologically, seeing to their educational needs, and the list goes on. This means getting and keeping a job, and maintaining stability . No spending what money you get on drugs, alchohol. Etc. BEING A RESPONSIBLE PARENT. LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH.Yes, the parents are given a plan to work, and so many programs but the parent has to be willing to put their children FIRST and work to provide for them. Another misconstrued idea is that fosters receive tons of money. Not true. Depending on your state, many 350 month to provide housing , clothing, other needs, food personal care products spending money toys furniture etc. In fact most states require long financial reports to make sure you can provide without stipend . In addirion you pass fbi fingerprint and background check and get a report from your physcian that says you are healrhy. Always 2 sides to the story. Most discrepancies are made by bio parent assigning guilt and not taking responsibility for their own circumstances that lead to foster placement.
Yes, this.
For those of you commenting that are in foster care or have been in foster care.
What do you think that foster parents should do or know for kids in their care?
For example, Michelle mentioned in this video of being taken away from her family, moved into a completely different home with people who are total strangers (which naturally would make any child feel scared, confused or traumatized). So how can foster parents/families help that child feel more comfortable, less scared and make that experience of being in a new place less traumatic?
What do you wish your foster families did for you?
Or if there is something they did that really did help you in some way, what is it that they did or said?
I had the same questions.
I think that foster parents shouldn't be so hard on the kids. I felt like I was always a stranger in someone's home and was given strict rules at some places. This felt like a prison, and so because they were acting or trying to be my parents i deliberately did what they told me not to do and acted out. I was being forced to be there so it was already tough being away from my brother and sister so the only power I had was to act out like an animal pushed into a corner. However, at some foster care homes, I just remember running through the sprinklers and being given a chance to run wild and free. Foster parents should be light-hearted, and understanding. because it's hard taking a shower, eating or asking for anything even food from someone you don't know especially as a 6yr old. I had a foster parent that let us pick out a can of food and someone grabbed a can of spinach, instead of understanding that she regretted it and it was a simple mistake, I was forced to sit at the table for hours trying to swallow the spinach even though I kept regurgitating it. (throwing it up) to this day I cant look or touch spinach.
@@kelseyusera4656 I'm so sorry you had to go through that! Every child should feel safe, loved and protected. Thanks for sharing your experience even if its an unpleasant one. Its an important reminder for foster parents and people alike to not forget that they are taking care of children! Children need to be treated with love and compassion and given the safety and security to grow and thrive! I hope you are doing much better now Kelsey and that those bad experiences have only pushed you to become your best, strongest self. ❤️❤️
@@kelseyusera4656 I wouldn't dream of making a child eat a can of spinach! That's so mean😩 dang.
Basically, the child needs stability to feel secure, to feel life as predictable. Foster parents should support child relationships and friendship. There are lots of other things that foster parents should fulfill to meet a child's needs that are impossible to state here. I would refer you to check "triangle framework assessment"/parenting capacity (you can google it easily).
Michelle Voorhees, thank you for sharing your insight from your experience. I was engaged, moved and impressed with how well you expressed your thoughts on this.
Coming from someone who went through an Experience along the same as what Michelle experienced, I personally don't think that this could have been said any better! I loved the Explanation she gave when it comes to the "Foster Care" Scenario, and I personally believe that EVERYONE needs to hear this!
Excellent video. CONTINUE TO RAISE AWARENESS of these Precious kids' LIVES & the fact their lives are handled by the system in wrong ways. WHY does the system move kids AROUND so much!?? STOP this ridiculous aspect of the system!!!
Wow. Thank you for sharing this. Such a perfect descriptor for these kiddos ❤
Great video ♥️thanks
I remember how alone i felt on Christmas when i was in foster care….
Thank you for this. I’m so heartbroken, the same thing happened to me and my son. I did everything in my cps case plan and would not give him back to me. He’s 10 years old, his names Shyah ♥️ he is my entire life. And they took him for being poor.
What about family? For being poor then try two and three jobs until your financial situation changes
Any luck with getting your child back
@@kellykelly9521 CPS agencies don’t take children because parents are poor. Having a job is not a prerequisite to having children.
My boss asked for baby pictures today. Triggered me so bad. Here I am again feeling like I don’t even know who I am.
Thanks for sharing!
Wow I am sitting here crying watching this. Thanks so much for using your voice so clearly.
how did she just word everything i feel so perfectly....
According to study results, mothers who lost custody of a child to foster care experienced significantly higher rates of depression, substance use, physician visits for mental illness, and prescriptions of psychotropic medications compared to mothers surviving the death of a child. Interpreting these results, authors suggest the disproportionate share of mental health burden among women with children in foster care is likely a reflection of lower social support and a lack of social acknowledgment of grief following this form of loss.
What of mothers who had depression and substance abuse before losing their child? The substance abuse caused them to lose their child.
Thank you for sharing! Incredible insight!!🙏
see for me it was diffrent. i remember when i was a kid i remember falling asllep.in a car with my case worker. who i knew. and then i woke up in a house i didnt know and in a room i didnt know. i remember just thinking "well i guess ill meet them in the morning.". it wasnt until i was an adult that the truama hit. i was adopted at 7 but they kicked me out at 14. its just been me since. at 16 i started to really understand what happened. the truma finally hit. i was diagnosed with ptsd and the worse part was that i thought i was fine until 19. thats when i realized. thats when i collapsed. but ingot back up and fight. its hard it really is. but i wont be a statistic. and i reduse to put any of my belongings in a trash bag loo
Praying for you. Don’t give up!
th-cam.com/video/TlcIfjai0MA/w-d-xo.html
I was a foster kid. My mom couldnt take care of me cause of her mental illness. I was in so many foster homes and felt like no one ever loved me. I had a lot of anger. I still cry thinking about it. Just the feeling and the thought that no one loved me. My mom said she never gave me up for adoption and she wouldn't allow the agency to give me up. She went to court to get me back, but the judge said no. I understand now why but it still effected me cause no one had patients to understand the issues that i too have.
Im so sorrryy that you experience that huhu. I hope you are doing fine and good now. Wishing for the best for you.
Would you mind if I ask you? As someone who went from foster homes and felt like no one loved you, do you think that abortion is a justification for abortion ?
Social services are evil they lie in reports and in court and she’s right they should help families stick together not split them up which causes a lot of trauma
Unfornatley(sp?), my sister was not a stable parent, even if you would have thrown thousands of dollars at reunifaction. Her kids were raised by her ex sister law and their Dad. While it sounds nice in theory, there are parents, more than we want to know, that will never be stable parents for thier kids. I was raised in a dysfuctional home and I always wonder how my emointal health would have turned out differently if I was raised in my aunt's home, that I had spent one year at the age of 12. My aunt never belittled my Mom, protected me from my Dad. That one year led me on a path, in my adulthood, to have a "normal" home. Even when reunification isn't a possibility, perhaps stronger familial connection should be encouraged to give the child/children a connection and a place to feel grounded.
Good speech! I hope this helps out.
Hearing this from the child's perspective, broke part of my soul 😭
Facts, I’m just glad I can have my phone rn
Jesus loves you. God sent him on the cross to die for YOU so you can be freed from sin and spend all eternity in heaven. He’s coming soon!❤❤❤❤
@@psalm3496 Amen
@@user-sosomahmoud111 Allah and God are the same
@@darthjarjar4270 Allah is the devil
She did amazing , thank you
Thank you!
Wow.sjenis.really well.spoken.and.has broken it down for reals...
thanks for putting it into words
Very good perspective on funding to keep families together or for start overs with supports.
But I’m confused, aren’t kids being taken away because they don’t have a secure, safe and stable place to live? Not because they do.
Thank you for sharing ♥️
Thank you for showing us what is needed n what many children feel through a change in their environment. We hope many see this so they can help… even to extend a hand for parents who need assistance or to a child that needs assistance. A good view point.
She is now a champion. Please protect her lord, and add plight to her cause.
My daughter and son-in-law recently took in a 14 year old girl. No one in her family wants her. They do not want funding or counseling. Things seem to be going well so far. I am so excited to meet her. I understand that she has been through so much pain. If anyone who has been through this has any advice for the grandparents, please let me know.
I see some years have passed since you posted. I hope things worked out. I would have definitely suggested therapy for the child, and also separately for your daughter and son-in-law on how best to move forward and how to navigate difficulties which will surely come up. Any child taken from a home will need someone to talk with they can trust (a trained therapist) who has proper tools to help them along. I'd also suggest your daughter spend more time with the child than her husband.
You poor thing I’m so sorry you had to go through that shit my heart really goes out to you and your mom god bless you