Lying On The Internet For Attention

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 ธ.ค. 2024

ความคิดเห็น • 20K

  • @dizzy4198
    @dizzy4198 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5981

    when i was almost one my mom got mad at me for throwing away her sweets. then i said "my dearest mother, those sweets are not healthy." Those were my first words. She started crying tears of joy and then everybody from our apartment building came in and clapped. Later, my mom died from natural causes and i was adopted by obama.

    • @JustNuggie
      @JustNuggie 3 ปีที่แล้ว +313

      I'm sorry for your loss😥😢😰😨😱😓😥😢😨😴😴😪😢😢😰😓😪😰😵😰😮😵😳😯😑😨😨😭😓😓😪😢😵😓🤤😨😰😵😵😵😰😱😨😮😧😧😫😩☹️😣😖😔😔😒😒😔😟😟😢😢😰😰😰😲😐😶😯😳😢😓😞😞😞😞😔😖😣😣🙁😒😔😔😟😞😒😴😫😑😑🤧🤧🤧🤧🤔😭😓😪😨😰😱😰😴😰😨😮😵😵😲😲

    • @hamianagrande
      @hamianagrande 3 ปีที่แล้ว +133

      😔😟😕🙁☹️🥺😩😫😖😣😢😭😤😠😡🥶🥵😳🤯😱🤬😨😰😥😥😓😭😤😠🙁🥺☹️😩🙁😫😕😖😟😣😔😢😟🙁😫🙁😩☹️😩😫☹️😖😕😖😟😣😟😖😫😫🙁😩🙁😩🙁🥺🥺ok

    • @pnjodaro
      @pnjodaro 3 ปีที่แล้ว +31

      🤣🤣🤣🤣

    • @SM-qv2om
      @SM-qv2om 3 ปีที่แล้ว +316

      I went to a Michelle Obama concert once. She pulled me onto the stage and we sang classic 80s rock songs together. Then she looked at me and said, "keep the change, luv" in a posh British accent. I fainted and fell and then Gwen Stefani caught me and said, "I bet the oranges are burnt, huh?" I fainted and then I fainted. True story.

    • @hamianagrande
      @hamianagrande 3 ปีที่แล้ว +113

      @@SM-qv2om and then everybody clapped

  • @button9584
    @button9584 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6146

    Yesterday my little son told me in the middle of the night, “mother, why do people tell lies? Do they want approval from other people? Do they want to make laugh? Why? People should only lie with wholesome intentions.” My son was 3 days old

    • @wxyz459
      @wxyz459 4 ปีที่แล้ว +302

      My baby son is the fourth reincarnation of Kierkegaard 💁🏾‍♀️ do better

    • @button9584
      @button9584 4 ปีที่แล้ว +59

      A A Aw shoot!! Man your son sounds Sick!! :0

    • @francescalewis3
      @francescalewis3 4 ปีที่แล้ว +66

      seems legit

    • @daizywhitehead1688
      @daizywhitehead1688 4 ปีที่แล้ว +97

      Oh that’s cute! I remember when my son said the exact same thing but with Gandhi quotes at only 78 minutes soooo.....

    • @button9584
      @button9584 4 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      Daizy Xoxo what?!?! Ok I think you’ve got us beat lol

  • @zora1138
    @zora1138 3 ปีที่แล้ว +31061

    My 1 year old daughter just said her first words! She rapped the entire Hamilton musical! And she did the choreography! And the entire country started clapping! Then some government agents came and took her away for testing or something. Hopefully they'll give her back at some point.

    • @swag6023
      @swag6023 3 ปีที่แล้ว +778

      Hamilton LMAO

    • @jacksibjo4944
      @jacksibjo4944 3 ปีที่แล้ว +506

      Best one yet

    • @froggycheckers
      @froggycheckers 3 ปีที่แล้ว +868

      It's true, I was there.
      Btw love your profile picture, happy Pride!

    • @jackkoscak8501
      @jackkoscak8501 3 ปีที่แล้ว +327

      Lmfao dude holy shit
      Btw I love that pfp. Happy pride month!!

    • @froggycheckers
      @froggycheckers 3 ปีที่แล้ว +240

      @@jackkoscak8501 Happy Pride!! 🌈🌈

  • @maneskingirlie
    @maneskingirlie ปีที่แล้ว +1872

    My daughters first words were literally "For me, despair is not a goal, or a set of principles, or a lifestyle, or even an instinct... It's what defines me-” Couldn’t be happier, even if she didn’t finish the sentence. I can tell little Junko will grow up to help so many people

    • @Stoopid420
      @Stoopid420 ปีที่แล้ว +61

      Uh oh

    • @kelatitsfinest7730
      @kelatitsfinest7730 ปีที่แล้ว

      please put her down before she gets to high school

    • @TheNomad94
      @TheNomad94 ปีที่แล้ว +174

      And then Monokuma clapped

    • @maneskingirlie
      @maneskingirlie ปีที่แล้ว +102

      @@TheNomad94 yep. Monokuma burst into the room and started clapping

    • @eldeewt
      @eldeewt ปีที่แล้ว +13

      Was gonna like, but you have 69 likes so I can't.

  • @mollyrueckel
    @mollyrueckel 5 ปีที่แล้ว +14314

    well *ACTUALLY* my kids first words were “hey what’s up you guys, if you’re new to my channel, what’s up how’s it going?, and if you’re coming back what’s up? how’s it going? it’s very good to see you again.”

    • @mellowlemons22
      @mellowlemons22 5 ปีที่แล้ว +354

      @Molly Renee
      mom?

    • @hayoung6227
      @hayoung6227 4 ปีที่แล้ว +566

      And everyone started clapping

    • @Zazabazaa
      @Zazabazaa 4 ปีที่แล้ว +138

      In order huh? Impressive

    • @cance.dressing
      @cance.dressing 4 ปีที่แล้ว +247

      "...See what happened happens when you subscribe to my channel...."

    • @capenkongolo2001
      @capenkongolo2001 4 ปีที่แล้ว +155

      @@cance.dressing you get an extra greeting at the begining of every video.So subscribe to my channel...F O R A N E X T R A G R E E T I N G. F O L K S *CLAP*

  • @DarkShadic9632
    @DarkShadic9632 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6601

    I’m 5 years old and my 57 year old son just said his first words, he said, “Minecraft good Fortnite bad”! I can’t believe it, he’s only 57

    • @smrithir.265
      @smrithir.265 4 ปีที่แล้ว +227

      My headaches just reading that lol

    • @audreyxx8311
      @audreyxx8311 4 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      lmfao

    • @Akuma-qv5zi
      @Akuma-qv5zi 4 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      Well it it was switched saying I'm 57 and my son is 5 that would make a lot more sense so this one isnt so bad

    • @arfalowarfalow2147
      @arfalowarfalow2147 3 ปีที่แล้ว +208

      OMG I'M SO PROUD OF HIM. As a fellow 5 year old parent, I know how hard it can be to raise your middle-aged children. It's such a hastle! Congratulations!

    • @foxtech543
      @foxtech543 3 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      @@Akuma-qv5zi still wouldn't make sense even if the ages were switched, since women are unable to birth children after 50-51 or sometimes in their 40's.

  • @LeafELoxx
    @LeafELoxx 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1731

    So basicly my wife just gave birth to our hour old child and in the hospital he recited the entire book of the art of war and a bus behind us clapped like my hour year old knows this

    • @aubreekersey9030
      @aubreekersey9030 4 ปีที่แล้ว +73

      "hour year old"

    • @muki_the_coyote_17
      @muki_the_coyote_17 4 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      That makes the comment even better

    • @mman6564
      @mman6564 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      He knows a little more about fighting than you do pal!

    • @axolotlarson9384
      @axolotlarson9384 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      The bus _itself_ Clapped

  • @Justmemojito
    @Justmemojito 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1559

    You can recognize a lie immediately when someone says “everyone started clapping” or something similar

    • @zubetp
      @zubetp ปีที่แล้ว +124

      what if it ended with "and everybody booed me"

    • @negligible_reality
      @negligible_reality ปีที่แล้ว +67

      @@zubetp then i'd believe it 💀

    • @Stoopid420
      @Stoopid420 ปีที่แล้ว +53

      "and then I saved the world from an evil alien race and everybody booed me"

    • @Justmemojito
      @Justmemojito ปีที่แล้ว +14

      @@zubetp depends on what the reason behind the booing is

    • @DrewPNeck
      @DrewPNeck ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Yeah no that’s when I know damn well it’s satire

  • @sewerrat2683
    @sewerrat2683 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5089

    One time I was singing in the bathroom in my school. I thought that I was alone but there was a bully in the stall next to the mirror who got on top of it and recorded me singing and post it on (insert social media) everybody in the school saw it and when they saw be the next day they started clapping and praising me saying how talented I was. Then Obama came over and offered me to sing at the white House.
    This took place in 2014
    Now, I'm doja cat

    • @basicallyj3ss516
      @basicallyj3ss516 5 ปีที่แล้ว +107

      WAIT IS THAT... THE OBAMAS?

    • @lesliebb8400
      @lesliebb8400 4 ปีที่แล้ว +223

      And then everyone clapped.

    • @bullaro59
      @bullaro59 4 ปีที่แล้ว +251

      You had me in the first half ngl

    • @leavemychannelaloneiquit840
      @leavemychannelaloneiquit840 4 ปีที่แล้ว +94

      WHY DONT U SAY SOOOOO?

    • @TobeEvans
      @TobeEvans 4 ปีที่แล้ว +61

      Holy shit Doja Cat I love you!!1!!!11

  • @melissabelissa
    @melissabelissa 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4308

    the eye bit made me cry so hard that a whole bus drove past and clapped

    • @melaniebaez6310
      @melaniebaez6310 5 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA LPM

    • @mtak160
      @mtak160 5 ปีที่แล้ว +78

      Dude that’s crazy the exact same thing happened to me

    • @wdse24
      @wdse24 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Are you lying too now?

    • @thegoods7011
      @thegoods7011 5 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      @@wdse24 r/wooosh?

    • @wdse24
      @wdse24 5 ปีที่แล้ว +26

      @@thegoods7011 double wooosh i was joking too

  • @noriakikakyoinakamilfhunte3540
    @noriakikakyoinakamilfhunte3540 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2820

    Haha my cat's first words were "Sister, i require §ū§țāňåñčə," so cute!

    • @napalmeris
      @napalmeris 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@iogdavhd4icafhvnonsense540 Dude it's a joke.

    • @napalmeris
      @napalmeris 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@iogdavhd4icafhvnonsense540 😑

    • @plankton1547
      @plankton1547 4 ปีที่แล้ว +58

      Dam my cats first word was woof, you have a way cooler cat

    • @hufflepuffhorcrux3269
      @hufflepuffhorcrux3269 4 ปีที่แล้ว +44

      Have you tried putting your cat in rice

    • @alixthegod7398
      @alixthegod7398 4 ปีที่แล้ว +29

      The first words of my cat were “FOOD CONSUMPTION T I M E”, I’m so happy for you 🥰😄

  • @ChaosTheSalamander
    @ChaosTheSalamander ปีที่แล้ว +122

    I love how, like, it could have been super easily explained that like, "i honestly just never put it together," or, "I'm not really familiar with how Zip Codes work" could have worked. I'm 23 and I barely know my own home address...but then they jump the shark and go the amnesia route. It's perfect

    • @fromloverboy
      @fromloverboy 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      Also there are pen pal services that don’t disclose addresses and that would be SUCH a simple explanation

  • @certainlynotsav54
    @certainlynotsav54 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2277

    “I think I would... be murdered if I didn’t do the extra greeting”
    ain’t that the truth

    • @GreedGibbon
      @GreedGibbon 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      go sub 2 squeebie spider hes my friend and he hates sugar

    • @deqdqss
      @deqdqss 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      grandma gammr hh hbhvhvh. h have to gyyy
      h in hb un

    • @xandarosu
      @xandarosu 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Id like the comment but it has 666 likes

    • @certainlynotsav54
      @certainlynotsav54 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      OwO UwU OwO yep i feel that

    • @vampirecat8256
      @vampirecat8256 4 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      Such foreshadowing

  • @RockUnicornCorn
    @RockUnicornCorn 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2520

    5:46 whenever Kurtis says "fishy" all I hear in my head is "fishy fishy fishy makin' it stinkeyy"

    • @anureet123
      @anureet123 4 ปีที่แล้ว +60

      I was looking for a comment about this 😂😂😂

    • @abbysykes6673
      @abbysykes6673 4 ปีที่แล้ว +49

      You're my hero

    • @frogreadingabook
      @frogreadingabook 4 ปีที่แล้ว +42

      god i can hear him pressing the button for this on the soundboard now haha

    • @pssd-ff-dth-grps-fn8797
      @pssd-ff-dth-grps-fn8797 4 ปีที่แล้ว +49

      Oop fish in the mouth

    • @RockUnicornCorn
      @RockUnicornCorn 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@frogreadingabook I love your name

  • @eddieee2
    @eddieee2 5 ปีที่แล้ว +27666

    me: *wakes up from surgery*
    me: where's kurtis?
    doctor: who do you think gave you the extra greeting?
    me: :,(

    • @peachpit4461
      @peachpit4461 5 ปีที่แล้ว +544

      Eddieee this sent me omfg

    • @katierundle9469
      @katierundle9469 5 ปีที่แล้ว +782

      who do u fink gave u the teef

    • @straybeans143
      @straybeans143 5 ปีที่แล้ว +165

      Best comment I've seen in a long time 😅

    • @liv6250
      @liv6250 5 ปีที่แล้ว +146

      Number one comment of all time, this needs to be pinned

    • @EvelynCrawfordURL
      @EvelynCrawfordURL 5 ปีที่แล้ว +46

      This is everything to me

  • @duck4738
    @duck4738 2 ปีที่แล้ว +206

    My 2 year old son was at a mcdonalds and the cashier told my son he's stupid and my son said "You made a mistake mortal, you do not know my power. I can invert your organs with my finger, I can destroy your life with moving my tiny eyes, your spine will collapse in 30 seconds if you do not apologize and give me the entire store for free.". Then everyone started clapping 😊

  • @lukewarmwaterYT
    @lukewarmwaterYT 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9183

    “I think I’d be murdered if I didn’t do an extra greeting.” You got that right #kurtisconnerisoverparty

    • @mxlkbread7433
      @mxlkbread7433 4 ปีที่แล้ว +176

      Lukewarm Water Me first reply, me one year old and go to highschool and I can do algebra 1 I work for my mommy and me know how count money and I have credit card

    • @shea8977
      @shea8977 4 ปีที่แล้ว +90

      @@mxlkbread7433 what the hell

    • @mxlkbread7433
      @mxlkbread7433 4 ปีที่แล้ว +107

      vashta me no curse, that bad

    • @CuddlePhantom
      @CuddlePhantom 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Haha

    • @CuddlePhantom
      @CuddlePhantom 4 ปีที่แล้ว +21

      @@mxlkbread7433 are you okay?

  • @carpedm9846
    @carpedm9846 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5593

    "Pull the plug!"
    "She's not on life support."
    "Then put her on life support and then pull the plug!!"

    • @inaaya2738
      @inaaya2738 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      The likes are at 666-

    • @lamedrawings
      @lamedrawings 5 ปีที่แล้ว +94

      Ah yes, I too watched the video.

    • @kingayy9267
      @kingayy9267 4 ปีที่แล้ว +25

      @Inaaya Rathur
      Why do people comment things like this?

    • @pichrachanahai6179
      @pichrachanahai6179 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahagahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahajajjajajajahajahahahahah

    • @pichrachanahai6179
      @pichrachanahai6179 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@sylviap837 3jjejwjwjw

  • @rexflamingo1037
    @rexflamingo1037 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5781

    I texted Kurtis Conner and he texted me back and said I'm *his hero*

    • @ferdavila4560
      @ferdavila4560 4 ปีที่แล้ว +478

      I FORGOT THAT THE VIDEO WAS ABOUT LYING ON THE INTERNET FOR A SEC AND THOUGHT THIS WAS REAL, BYE- 💀💀💀💀

    • @chaotickreg7024
      @chaotickreg7024 3 ปีที่แล้ว +95

      *claps*

    • @carodame9419
      @carodame9419 3 ปีที่แล้ว +51

      Wow this deserves an A pls class stand all up and clap

    • @parisr.2894
      @parisr.2894 3 ปีที่แล้ว +57

      And the comment section clapped

    • @SR-fq2jz
      @SR-fq2jz 3 ปีที่แล้ว +20

      Liar! No way that nobody clapped!

  • @Eclipseee_
    @Eclipseee_ 2 ปีที่แล้ว +130

    My sister did “technically” not talk until she was able to say phrases and names and shit, but it’s not like she was just brain dead for three years and then suddenly acquired the knowledge to speak sentences and stuff. She just didn’t like talking

  • @redheadlightningluver
    @redheadlightningluver 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8925

    no cap my mom was yelling at the delivery man and my dog physically said, "only I can yell at them!" and proceeded to transform into cinderella. All the dogs in the neighborhood escaped and barked in approval.

    • @Emilygeee
      @Emilygeee 3 ปีที่แล้ว +204

      Damn. Really makes you think 🤔

    • @bunnybug3996
      @bunnybug3996 3 ปีที่แล้ว +166

      I indeed was the neighborhood

    • @jessicagutierrez6401
      @jessicagutierrez6401 3 ปีที่แล้ว +165

      It's true, I was the dog

    • @Tw0Dots
      @Tw0Dots 3 ปีที่แล้ว +80

      @@jessicagutierrez6401 what the dog doin

    • @pioxia777
      @pioxia777 3 ปีที่แล้ว +55

      its true, i was the mom

  • @Hardstool
    @Hardstool 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2572

    Omg my 2 month old actually started babbling so i took out my camera and recorded her and she said "A 3.5-ounce (100-gram) serving of chicken breast provides 165 calories, 31 grams of protein and 3.6 grams of fat (1). That means that approximately 80% of the calories in chicken breast come from protein, and 20% come from fat." im such a proud mama!! unfortunately i tripped over frozen gluten free pancake mix and my phone flew out my hands and all the way to ibiza so its a shame i lost the video but im still a proud mama!

    • @rottingfleshbreadstick7768
      @rottingfleshbreadstick7768 4 ปีที่แล้ว +175

      Omg rlly?! My son said the whole bee movie script, but when he was done my camera flew out of mii hands and down the stairs it deletep it self... 😟😞😖🙁😭😢😩😧😦😨😵😬😰😨😱😦🙁😔😒😕😲😳😨😖😟😖😖😨😤😢😭😬😠😡😞😧😧🤯

    • @jordynsucks7559
      @jordynsucks7559 4 ปีที่แล้ว +45

      What a blessing 👍😊

    • @fartmaster684
      @fartmaster684 4 ปีที่แล้ว +88

      what a gift from our lord and savior, god straight from heven 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🥰🥰🥰 i give my blessings to you and your child 👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼

    • @bobacloud7039
      @bobacloud7039 4 ปีที่แล้ว +38

      so blessed 🤩

    • @Kirill-rc5ng
      @Kirill-rc5ng 4 ปีที่แล้ว +68

      omg my SON INVENTED RUNNING ACTUALLY

  • @Gemdancer101
    @Gemdancer101 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1491

    "I need to go back to my roots" he says whilst forgetting to do his introduction 😂

    • @august1224
      @august1224 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Graci
      I want to like but you’re at 420 so I can’t

    • @questions177
      @questions177 ปีที่แล้ว

      Whilst😂

  • @kezi7728
    @kezi7728 2 ปีที่แล้ว +63

    15:15 The first story (the yes I can one) honestly could be true. There are stories of kids who don’t talk until they’re older. Sometimes it’s because their parents fight a lot or sometimes because they just aren’t ready to talk. But they can talk in full sentences because they listen to others talking

    • @peterberning
      @peterberning ปีที่แล้ว +8

      but talking is more than listening and understand words. you still have to practice moving your mouth, tongue, throat, vocal chords, etc. like it's still a thing you have to practice. so sure they might say mutilple words in one "sentence" but it will be incoherent and rather garbled because they don't have the skills yet to properly control the sounds.

  • @Kyte_VaNa
    @Kyte_VaNa 5 ปีที่แล้ว +13614

    When Kurtis forgot the folks and the extra greeting: :(
    When Editing Kurtis remembered: :)

    • @Yutaaaaaa
      @Yutaaaaaa 5 ปีที่แล้ว +144

      That extra greeting makes me happy :’)

    • @cadengraf791
      @cadengraf791 5 ปีที่แล้ว +98

      when Kurtis puts glasses on : :)
      aha get it like four eyes cause glasses

    • @oneshotonehit6731
      @oneshotonehit6731 5 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      relief, am I right)

    • @M4rili4
      @M4rili4 5 ปีที่แล้ว +36

      I can go without the "folks 👏", but not without my extra greeting! 🥺

    • @abuafreed6308
      @abuafreed6308 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Kyte VaNa 4 eyes lol

  • @invalidpersn4496
    @invalidpersn4496 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2682

    “Put her on life support and pull the plug”
    I’m using this as a threat

    • @clarity2517
      @clarity2517 3 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      Samesies

    • @elizabethj3308
      @elizabethj3308 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      😂😂😂

    • @notlana13
      @notlana13 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      i will actually start saying this

  • @samuel.thornton
    @samuel.thornton 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4385

    That pen pal one is so funny because he could've said, "oh, it was a pen pal service you sent the letters to, to protect everyone's privacy." But instead my guy just goes with amnesia.

    • @mocapcow2933
      @mocapcow2933 2 ปีที่แล้ว +508

      My Man forgot he uses a pen pal service, he has amnesia

    • @minus606
      @minus606 2 ปีที่แล้ว +106

      Tbh atleast here were I am peps call ''penpals'' even through mail penpal-friends. So he could have easly ''corrected'' himself by saying ''oh there was no adress bc....''
      Ore heck just ''well I am pretty stupid, somehow didn't noticed.'' Would have 100% worked for me tbh...

    • @maxbracegirdle9990
      @maxbracegirdle9990 2 ปีที่แล้ว +51

      But you shouldn't really be able to pull the dumb card. They claim they were penpals for 30 YEARS. You mean you ain't moved, they ain't moved, or you havnt talked to your neighbor in all that time when both y'all have been living there. You don't realize your atleast 35 year old ass is writing almost the same address on an envelope twice?? Playing the dumb car would just straight up not work, maybe if you only think about it for like 5 seconds at the most, but any more than that and it's busted

    • @Многокартошка
      @Многокартошка ปีที่แล้ว +2

      ​@@maxbracegirdle9990Still would be a better option

    • @OrgansonbreadKidneysOnPizza
      @OrgansonbreadKidneysOnPizza ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Even the truth would have worked:
      “I’m a fawkin’ idiot”

  • @HotCafeMocha
    @HotCafeMocha 2 ปีที่แล้ว +105

    Wait until you watch "the disastrous life of Saiki kusuo", he was teleporting to shop groceries when 1 year old. In fact, he started talking when he was 1 month old.
    Its his parents writing these posts.

    • @fallaciouslandlord
      @fallaciouslandlord ปีที่แล้ว +22

      “my son started walking on the ceiling when he was a baby”

    • @bitesnails
      @bitesnails 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      I love that show ‼

    • @grass_6679
      @grass_6679 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Hel yeah saiki kusuo

    • @AtticusE-qs1vc
      @AtticusE-qs1vc 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      yare yare.

    • @Nik0__
      @Nik0__ 23 วันที่ผ่านมา

      HOLY SHIT!! WE FOUND HIM!

  • @gottkonighorus1493
    @gottkonighorus1493 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7024

    My childs first words were actually: "Father, I find it saddening that our fellow human beeings feel so inadequate about themselves that they wouldn`t even lie about something they themselves accomplished but that they have to live out success through obvious make belief about their offspring."
    So yeah. Looking for an exorcist.

    • @prig1557
      @prig1557 3 ปีที่แล้ว +295

      Yesterday, my 64 year old said his first words in Latin. Yay

    • @carmenmercedes9903
      @carmenmercedes9903 3 ปีที่แล้ว +32

      hows it going?

    • @RG-rm6ih
      @RG-rm6ih 3 ปีที่แล้ว +137

      Omg this is so true, i was the baby

    • @carmenmercedes9903
      @carmenmercedes9903 3 ปีที่แล้ว +103

      @@RG-rm6ih how did the exorcism go?

    • @prig1557
      @prig1557 3 ปีที่แล้ว +78

      @@carmenmercedes9903 I heard it went good

  • @ambored24
    @ambored24 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5833

    "Pull the plug!" "Shes not even on life support. There is no plug to pull." "Then put her on life support and pull the plug."
    One of my favorite lines, probably ever

    • @crypticshadows
      @crypticshadows 3 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      Ikr

    • @LunaAclipse
      @LunaAclipse 3 ปีที่แล้ว +45

      I’m 200% stealing that joke tho 😂

    • @ana7icia
      @ana7icia 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      LOL

    • @Jabberwoot
      @Jabberwoot 2 ปีที่แล้ว +20

      One of my favorite insults I've ever heard was "you look like if you took ugly Betty and multiplied her by holy shit"

  • @jdtoaster9498
    @jdtoaster9498 4 ปีที่แล้ว +16841

    I’m 14 years old and my 16 year old daughter just said her first words after I gave her her first beer and she said “The government is corrupt” she’s only 5

    • @hawkeyepierce8886
      @hawkeyepierce8886 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1561

      So wise

    • @peeler22345
      @peeler22345 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2003

      this story is touching.

    • @lixonzito2481
      @lixonzito2481 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1193

      that kid grew up to be Kurtis Conner

    • @eefsart
      @eefsart 4 ปีที่แล้ว +925

      Are you- 🤢🤢 are you a-🤢🤢🤢 I cant even say it.. 🤢 are you assuming your child’s gender 🤢🤢🤢

    • @jdtoaster9498
      @jdtoaster9498 4 ปีที่แล้ว +936

      Freckle Feather Why are you assuming I have a child

  • @rosegoldpineapple936
    @rosegoldpineapple936 ปีที่แล้ว +85

    One time my mom was pregnant with me and the hospital gave her epidural, so she was a little loopy. Well she popped the baby out and when she was signing the documents as far as what name would be, I yelled and told her “Think of the consequences before you write anything down lady.”

    • @bogwife7942
      @bogwife7942 ปีที่แล้ว

      fucked up that she went ahead and named you rosegoldpineapple936 anyway

    • @bandaidd_
      @bandaidd_ ปีที่แล้ว +2

      That is true, I was the epidural

    • @teeya-s6x
      @teeya-s6x ปีที่แล้ว +3

      real i was the consequences

    • @grey.themusiccat
      @grey.themusiccat 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      this is real i was the documents

    • @johndawn6951
      @johndawn6951 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Facts I was the mom

  • @craftwire1711
    @craftwire1711 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3241

    I just picked up my dog from the shelter and I tried to take a picture of him with my phone and he said “mother, we don’t need smart phones. Just be in the moment

    • @mrfrogkingg
      @mrfrogkingg 3 ปีที่แล้ว +185

      Ugh, your dog is so polite and understanding. The first time I met my cat, he only said: " get me out of here, dumbass, I want chicken nuggies "

    • @BoggDog
      @BoggDog 3 ปีที่แล้ว +96

      Its true, i was the clapped

    • @icattgacha1891
      @icattgacha1891 3 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      @@BoggDog sus

    • @beowulf1658
      @beowulf1658 3 ปีที่แล้ว +30

      It’s true, I was the phone.

    • @gray.2081
      @gray.2081 3 ปีที่แล้ว +29

      It’s true, I was the dog

  • @cassiefromooo
    @cassiefromooo 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4802

    This morning, my 2 year old son saw a woman refusing to wear a mask in Del Taco, so he stood up and said 'Do not call me handsome, if you ain't gonna hand me some of that badonkydonk!' Everyone clapped and the barista gave us free cappuccinos for life! #proudmom

    • @rqyzilla1534
      @rqyzilla1534 3 ปีที่แล้ว +85

      LMAOO

    • @sleepiest_of_dem_all0_o
      @sleepiest_of_dem_all0_o 3 ปีที่แล้ว +114

      Omg so brave

    • @xav6969
      @xav6969 3 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      @@rqyzilla1534 i see you in most of these comments this is amazing

    • @Vexlith
      @Vexlith 3 ปีที่แล้ว +71

      It's true I'm the cashier

    • @chebic5095
      @chebic5095 3 ปีที่แล้ว +79

      @@Vexlith I was the badonkydonk

  • @wilburtron1111
    @wilburtron1111 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2815

    kurtis: **literally forgets his intro**
    also kurtis: oh yeah i need to go back to my roots

    • @pizzabitch1210
      @pizzabitch1210 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Yes

    • @casualcrisis6349
      @casualcrisis6349 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      technically he didn’t have the extra greeting in his older videos so

  • @questionableadviser
    @questionableadviser 2 ปีที่แล้ว +125

    Today my paralysed deaf blind mute autistic premature 2 day old niece said her first word today (a miracle blessing from God). She said “phone bad book good” and started handing pancakes to homeless people on the floor after a hurricane while telling them to get jobs like the legless man who was using a book as an umbrella. Such an inspiring story ❤️ ❤️

    • @Ieatmoldforfunzies_x0x0
      @Ieatmoldforfunzies_x0x0 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      I was the book and I can confirm the generosity your son showed, She was so kind. Truly a good man.

    • @auramint
      @auramint ปีที่แล้ว +12

      I was the autism. I can confirm

    • @BoxOfToasters
      @BoxOfToasters 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      I was the deafness. I can confirm.

    • @californium-2526
      @californium-2526 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I can confirm about the inspiration that this story gives; I was the pancakes.

  • @amorekoos
    @amorekoos 5 ปีที่แล้ว +15843

    *girl wakes up after surgery*
    “where’s kurtis conner?”
    “he didn’t tell you?”
    “what?”
    “who do you think gave you the facetune eyes?”

    • @Ame_Katze
      @Ame_Katze 5 ปีที่แล้ว +611

      *girl begins crying*

    • @nietts
      @nietts 5 ปีที่แล้ว +72

      :'-(

    • @jennys43
      @jennys43 5 ปีที่แล้ว +201

      Then after that day, she prayed to her cross made out of pepsi

    • @lemonycatapult7300
      @lemonycatapult7300 5 ปีที่แล้ว +269

      Then everyone in the hospital clapped 👏🏼 💯

    • @xzielaz
      @xzielaz 5 ปีที่แล้ว +26

      Nagito Komaeda haha like if you v I b e d

  • @bayklingender1269
    @bayklingender1269 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2494

    'I'm as naked as the day I was born' Kurtis was born with a chain and a nose piercing confirmed

  • @maggiew5078
    @maggiew5078 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2007

    when my kid was a month old she recited the entire Bill Of Rights and the Constitution, and then obama showed up and awarded her the noble peace prize. kids are the greatest haha.

    • @Glasschime1
      @Glasschime1 4 ปีที่แล้ว +75

      My kid IS obama

    • @bassproshopsnob5883
      @bassproshopsnob5883 4 ปีที่แล้ว +51

      bobebo no way! My dog is also Obama!

    • @destiny8170
      @destiny8170 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Aww

    • @destiny8170
      @destiny8170 4 ปีที่แล้ว +27

      Im obama's great great great great great great grandmother

    • @yungjet00
      @yungjet00 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Nobel* 🙃

  • @ArkaneStephanie
    @ArkaneStephanie ปีที่แล้ว +16

    One day I when I went to the swimming pool with my unborn child I asked her why she didn't speak yet. Then she turned and said "Ive been speaking for years. I am that pen pal you have been talking to ever since you were a child. You just had amnesia and couldn't remember." Then she did a fortnight dance and the pool manager exploded

    • @cringelord_67
      @cringelord_67 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Combustion at the pool? Smh my head that is so unprofessional #CancelHimOrHerOrThey(ILoveAllGenders)

  • @oliviamgreenwood
    @oliviamgreenwood 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2263

    My brothers first words were: *"Mother I would greatly appreciate if you would buy a baked good with lots of carbohydrates shaped as a circle please."*

  • @teeveeee
    @teeveeee 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4141

    Today my 1 year old finally spoke, his words were "We live in a society-"

  • @bri7259
    @bri7259 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9856

    my first word was “mother my human form is limiting”

    • @npc-333
      @npc-333 4 ปีที่แล้ว +145

      Mine too

    • @crowsoto9612
      @crowsoto9612 3 ปีที่แล้ว +623

      aww! mine were "I crave a sacrifice to keep my physical form in this realm"

    • @BlueberryDragon13
      @BlueberryDragon13 3 ปีที่แล้ว +154

      Mine was woo woo hoo woo. My parents were pretty concerned.

    • @ghostlierbat8150
      @ghostlierbat8150 3 ปีที่แล้ว +57

      Mine was aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    • @kyocera1618
      @kyocera1618 3 ปีที่แล้ว +69

      Idk what mine was but my brothers was fuck- should've seen it coming that he curses to much and is racist and sexist and uses the r slur

  • @babeofmoss
    @babeofmoss ปีที่แล้ว +9

    This still slaps 4 years later. Thank you Kurt 🙏

  • @alejandramartinez6581
    @alejandramartinez6581 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2870

    Kurtis’ skits are the funniest thing ever:
    “To baby or not to baby” 😂😂

    • @Rose-y1g3e
      @Rose-y1g3e 5 ปีที่แล้ว +56

      "PuT HeR On LiFe SUpPOrt AnD PUlL ThE PlUg"

    • @izzy5764
      @izzy5764 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@Rose-y1g3e this was the best. Ever. 😂

    • @dolphin8397
      @dolphin8397 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      That wasn’t a skit he was actually telling a story about his babies first words

  • @jess6368
    @jess6368 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1968

    Whenever Kurtis says “yeah dude?”, an angel gets its wings

  • @gabys9460
    @gabys9460 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1387

    “Never heard of cameras in classrooms “
    Cries In public school

    • @dallasbelfiore1699
      @dallasbelfiore1699 5 ปีที่แล้ว +86

      gaby s my school only have them in hallways

    • @dizz4386
      @dizz4386 5 ปีที่แล้ว +46

      Only classes with special needs kids are supposed to have cameras

    • @Anonymous-tu3yw
      @Anonymous-tu3yw 5 ปีที่แล้ว +21

      Cries in American

    • @whytho1368
      @whytho1368 5 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      I'm around the same age as Kurtis and my public school's classrooms never had security cameras in them. *cries bc I'm getting old asf*

    • @maolisa08
      @maolisa08 5 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      gaby s WE HAVE CAMERA IN THE BATHROOM

  • @batsontoast
    @batsontoast 2 ปีที่แล้ว +80

    When my brother was -4 he came up to me crying, and when I asked him what was wrong he said that I'm on my phone too much. And then he turned into a whale and my dog ate him. I fed my phone to the dog and then he came back alive and everyone clapped. So the lesson is don't be on your phone too much also feed it to your dog.

  • @tulseytowngirl3
    @tulseytowngirl3 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1113

    I died at “You’re my hero.”
    Honestly I died when Kurtis entered the screen. That man has perfected the art of satire bits.

    • @noah60065
      @noah60065 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      I'm yer 1k like :)

  • @zaystation.
    @zaystation. 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1415

    I was playing with my 1 year old (F), and she said "this is your heart." So I said "what are you made of?"and she replied with " Water (35L), Carbon (20Kg), Ammonia (4L), Lime (1.5Kg), Phosphorus (800g), Salt (250g), Saltpeter (100g), Sulfer (80g), Flourine (7.5g), Iron (5g), Silicone (8g), and 15 traces of other elements!" Wow. Sometimes they teach you a thing or two!

    • @SunviArt
      @SunviArt 4 ปีที่แล้ว +19

      LMAO

    • @ninaveina
      @ninaveina 4 ปีที่แล้ว +84

      at least now you know that if you ever die she will probably be able to bring you back with alchemy 😌😌

    • @deceased.vampire
      @deceased.vampire 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      so smart 🤩

    • @maya-bx3vq
      @maya-bx3vq 4 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Why'd I say Fahrenheit for f next to 1yo. I don’t even use Fahrenheit I’m Canadian

    • @xexpaguette
      @xexpaguette 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@maya-bx3vq it means female. Fahrenheit is F°

  • @camilaborges941
    @camilaborges941 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3257

    My baby's first word was:
    "I'm proud to be born in Kurtistown"

    • @astro5761
      @astro5761 5 ปีที่แล้ว +86

      My baby's first word was nothing cause he died in the womb

    • @alanaz918
      @alanaz918 5 ปีที่แล้ว +55

      TKN_ASTRO is that a paw patrol pfp

    • @alanaz918
      @alanaz918 5 ปีที่แล้ว +54

      TKN_ASTRO it is. that makes this 10x better

    • @Ashley-oq2yr
      @Ashley-oq2yr 5 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      Chenle .mp4 HAHAHA you’re right

    • @raemakenzie
      @raemakenzie 5 ปีที่แล้ว +53

      My baby's first word was "What's up Greg?"

  • @Jeffrey_LOL-vi9wy
    @Jeffrey_LOL-vi9wy 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    When I was -1 I told my mom “mother, Speech is a human vocal communication using language. Each language uses phonetic combinations of vowel and consonant sounds that form the sound of its words (that is, all English words sound different from all French words, even if they are the same word, e.g., "role" or "hotel"), and using those words in their semantic character as words in the lexicon of a language according to the syntactic constraints that govern lexical words' function in a sentence. In speaking, speakers perform many different intentional speech acts, e.g., informing, declaring, asking, persuading, directing, and can use enunciation, intonation, degrees of loudness, tempo, and other non-representational or paralinguistic aspects of vocalization to convey meaning. In their speech, speakers also unintentionally communicate many aspects of their social position such as sex, age, place of origin (through accent), physical states (alertness and sleepiness, vigor or weakness, health or illness), psychological states (emotions or moods), physico-psychological states (sobriety or drunkenness, normal consciousness and trance states), education or experience, and the like.“
    Then the people on the plane flying towards our building started clapping

  • @finalhazard883
    @finalhazard883 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3068

    I still can't believe how hilarious this dude is "Pull the plug" "She isn't on life support, there's no plug to pull" "Well put her on life support and then pull the plug"

    • @jonathansoelle266
      @jonathansoelle266 3 ปีที่แล้ว +36

      I saw the joke coming but the delivery was fucking amazing 🤣

  • @whyyousostinky3057
    @whyyousostinky3057 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2127

    Yesterday I heard my grandma say:
    “yo shawty wanna hit a lick?”
    And I was like “yo hell ya”
    Then we both snorted a massive amount of cocaine and my step grandpas ashes!
    Let me tell you...that lady knows how to yodel!

    • @humangarbage8934
      @humangarbage8934 4 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      LMAOOOO

    • @krunchykat9249
      @krunchykat9249 4 ปีที่แล้ว +44

      Fluid went out of my nose laughing to this so thank you

    • @whyyousostinky3057
      @whyyousostinky3057 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      KrunchyKat Anytime lmaoooo

    • @probnotking
      @probnotking 4 ปีที่แล้ว +23

      This my friend, is a vibe

    • @ghostii716
      @ghostii716 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      LITERALLY WHAT

  • @dioxidecarbon2631
    @dioxidecarbon2631 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2458

    Me first words were "
    According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. "

    • @luka9967
      @luka9967 4 ปีที่แล้ว +115

      Gravity: *Why do I hear boss music*

    • @liekereuvekamp6779
      @liekereuvekamp6779 4 ปีที่แล้ว +51

      Ya like jazz

    • @applepi3866
      @applepi3866 4 ปีที่แล้ว +29

      *a t s u m u t h e b e e*

    • @billygladman9644
      @billygladman9644 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      And makes a little honey too...

    • @pogchamp5276
      @pogchamp5276 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      love that profile pic ✌️😭💕✨

  • @heavisbubbles
    @heavisbubbles 2 ปีที่แล้ว +28

    kurtis missing the satire on the second one and doing a play by play rant was the funniest thing ever 😭🫶🏽

  • @LibsLOL42
    @LibsLOL42 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1297

    i love when someone makes a post lying and then someone else is like “it’s true!! i knew them blah blah” and the op is like “dude i was so obviously lying tf”

    • @attiegrey
      @attiegrey 5 ปีที่แล้ว +55

      Love those. I see them every time. It's true, I'm the tumblr text box, I see it all. True story

    • @colecollins616
      @colecollins616 5 ปีที่แล้ว +35

      i like it when people are like "its true i was the floor"

    • @فرحنورالدين-ر4ن
      @فرحنورالدين-ر4ن 5 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      It’s true, I was the story

  • @uncertain_zee
    @uncertain_zee 5 ปีที่แล้ว +523

    "i need to go back to my roots."
    *forgets the extra greeting*
    *forgets the 'folks *clap*'*
    hmmmm

  • @sazaaaam
    @sazaaaam 3 ปีที่แล้ว +10329

    My son was only a week old when he said "never gonna give you up,never gonna let you down,never gonna run around and desert you,never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye,never gonna tell a lie and hurt you" everyone in the neighborhood clapped.

    • @Ifmdvjgoo
      @Ifmdvjgoo 3 ปีที่แล้ว +155

      wow 😍

    • @ruewest5828
      @ruewest5828 3 ปีที่แล้ว +650

      I did not just get rickrolled by a fucking comment i-

    • @KingOfGaymes
      @KingOfGaymes 3 ปีที่แล้ว +187

      Pfp checks out

    • @swan8803
      @swan8803 3 ปีที่แล้ว +188

      And Rick Astley came and clapped

    • @ccherry.berryy
      @ccherry.berryy 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Yes

  • @AvocadoToast06
    @AvocadoToast06 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    3:11 I love how obvious this moment makes the fact that Kurtis just got back from a nation-wide tour with Danny and Drew, cause that aggressive pointing and baby talk is such Danny humour I love it

  • @urlocalghostwithanxiety6279
    @urlocalghostwithanxiety6279 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2076

    “Put her on life support and pull the plug!”
    - kurtis conner 2019

  • @jem3662
    @jem3662 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2577

    kurtis turning his jokes into long-extended skits for EACH JOKE is what makes him the best channel on this app

    • @JustTheWarning
      @JustTheWarning 5 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      well yeah, cause if he didn't have them this would just be the subreddit
      r/thathappened, lol.

    • @jem3662
      @jem3662 5 ปีที่แล้ว +20

      JustTheWarning he could still tell his jokes w/o including the skits....

    • @nina-ll5sp
      @nina-ll5sp 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      i agree ☝🏻

    • @neegas3490
      @neegas3490 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Oop

    • @shaf2317
      @shaf2317 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      exactly

  • @justheretocomment9869
    @justheretocomment9869 5 ปีที่แล้ว +634

    one time i was at the zoo. the animals all seemed so sad being kept in small enclosures. i knew this wasn’t the life for them so i released ALL the animals from their enclosures to live a good life. everyone started clapping and cheering! they all thought i was a hero and kept clapping!

    • @kaelenkenna2970
      @kaelenkenna2970 5 ปีที่แล้ว +45

      I remember that!

    • @krissybee123
      @krissybee123 5 ปีที่แล้ว +42

      and they continued to clap as the animals began eating them. you are a hero!

    • @scoobyskreep3518
      @scoobyskreep3518 5 ปีที่แล้ว +27

      It’s true, I was the turtles

    • @h0neyk0i777
      @h0neyk0i777 5 ปีที่แล้ว +23

      it's true i was the zoo

    • @getoffmyhotspot
      @getoffmyhotspot 5 ปีที่แล้ว +20

      It's true, I was the stomach acid digesting the humans

  • @redtailarts101
    @redtailarts101 2 ปีที่แล้ว +51

    I would have believed the "I'll go to work for you" one if it was said by a 5 year old but a 1 year old?

  • @Ana-sh5ps
    @Ana-sh5ps 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4495

    My baby’s first words were:
    The fitness gram pacer test is a multi stage aerobic capacity test...

    • @Smartfellafartsmella
      @Smartfellafartsmella 4 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      Jackspedicey????

    • @Ana-sh5ps
      @Ana-sh5ps 4 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      @@louise4815 lmao

    • @apathysatragedy3114
      @apathysatragedy3114 4 ปีที่แล้ว +48

      I actually liked PE, but even I agree the pacer test SUCKS BALLS

    • @mcr5truther
      @mcr5truther 4 ปีที่แล้ว +26

      Emily Jeska I still have to take the pacer test.
      One of my friends got the record, but she CHEATED! We all saw it.

    • @scrambledeggs1677
      @scrambledeggs1677 4 ปีที่แล้ว +20

      throw the whole baby away

  • @justinbellman
    @justinbellman 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2326

    My baby's first words were "What's up, how's it goin?"
    And his second words were "What's up, how's it goin?"
    Then everyone in Kurtistown clapped

    • @michaelkeating9624
      @michaelkeating9624 5 ปีที่แล้ว +42

      What a beautiful true story that definitely really happened 😂😂😂

    • @megamozaik
      @megamozaik 5 ปีที่แล้ว +54

      I hope you subscribed to your baby for those second words.

    • @justinbellman
      @justinbellman 5 ปีที่แล้ว +25

      @@megamozaik How do you think I got him to say them in the first place

    • @maddyporter36
      @maddyporter36 5 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      That really happened, I was the baby's diaper..

    • @skyecristina5572
      @skyecristina5572 5 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      All the folks* in Kurtistown clapped

  • @turner15
    @turner15 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6837

    As someone who would definitely say “phones don’t belong at school” when they were a kid I can confirm that that lady’s son is a loser.

  • @shjttygremlynn
    @shjttygremlynn 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    hey kurtis, i know this video is old and i know you won't see this but i'm a little too drunk to care about that right now
    but i just wanted to tell you that i am grateful that you make content because it's genuinely so comforting and it helps me so much through tough times
    i'm struggling with a lot personally and watching your videos makes my days just so much more brighter
    thank you so much for making all this content!!

  • @CaseyShontz
    @CaseyShontz 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3301

    “I’m as nakey as the day I was born!”
    Kurtis was born with a necklace and a nose ring

    • @red_dickfigures
      @red_dickfigures 5 ปีที่แล้ว +236

      And you weren't? Damn, that must suck

    • @nini-qu5hi
      @nini-qu5hi 5 ปีที่แล้ว +129

      @@red_dickfigures Wait, everyone isn't born with a necklace and a nose ring?

    • @red_dickfigures
      @red_dickfigures 5 ปีที่แล้ว +51

      @@nini-qu5hi yeah, that's what I was thinking

    • @woahtherebud01
      @woahtherebud01 5 ปีที่แล้ว +71

      And inked

    • @mxwitcher
      @mxwitcher 5 ปีที่แล้ว +63

      @@nini-qu5hi I wasn't, I was born with a mouth piercing and a choker, guess everyone is different

  • @robertlopez2052
    @robertlopez2052 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4572

    “There are no security cameras in schools”
    *Cries in American*

    • @zombieboyx165
      @zombieboyx165 5 ปีที่แล้ว +51

      STARKID

    • @mars5881
      @mars5881 5 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      Chandler Animated YES

    • @ef4253
      @ef4253 5 ปีที่แล้ว +80

      I got confused for a sec cuz I was like ...uh yeah there are

    • @jordanmorrison4060
      @jordanmorrison4060 5 ปีที่แล้ว +193

      @@ef4253 Not in the actual classroom. Just the halls. They can't put any in the classrooms.

    • @vermillion6805
      @vermillion6805 5 ปีที่แล้ว +71

      Atomic Duck556 they put them in classrooms in my school

  • @rust-2450
    @rust-2450 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1306

    Gotta love how the mom in that scenario is just letting her kid throw junk food to these endangered fish, and the man doing his job and telling him to stop is the bad guy...

    • @TahtahmesDiary
      @TahtahmesDiary 2 ปีที่แล้ว +21

      Well, the fish was the one who determined that tho! If a fish squirts water on you, that's it 🤷🏾‍♀️

    • @m0bz0mb38
      @m0bz0mb38 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      You also gotta love how Kurtis doesn't know classrooms have cameras lmao
      *Well I guess he was before columbine so ig that makes since

    • @nosebledd
      @nosebledd 2 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      @@m0bz0mb38 most schools i know of still only have cameras in the hallways, not each classroom. that would be wayyy expensive, plus there’s not really a need to track a shooter by what classroom they’re in anyways

    • @m0bz0mb38
      @m0bz0mb38 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@nosebledd 🤷‍♀️the school I went to had a camera at the back of each classroom and in the hallways and outside the building

    • @sorryifoldcomment8596
      @sorryifoldcomment8596 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@m0bz0mb38 Damn, how many classrooms are there and was it a public school?
      Can't imagine any public schools in America doing that. Not just using taxes to cover the cost of the cameras, the cost of running them every day, but also storing all the data and deleting it, etc. Someone gotta be paid to deal with all that footage...which will all be the same.
      But I live in a city, so all the schools in my area have a bunch of rooms, even the private schools. So just one camera in every room would be a lot of cameras and a lot of footage and a lot of electricity.

  • @the-greatest-gatsby-12
    @the-greatest-gatsby-12 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    My 4 month old baby look at me, and then re-acted the entirety of Mischa Bachinski’s lines and his songs!!! I started crying and stuff!!!

    • @ACEATTORNEYANDMHABRAINROT
      @ACEATTORNEYANDMHABRAINROT 25 วันที่ผ่านมา

      This comment made me imagine a 4 month old going Mad wicked awesome

  • @HarriWasHere
    @HarriWasHere 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1575

    Guys her eyes are obviously just from a surgery from a bad accident she had when she was 7 like it's a bit obvious y'all smh

    • @clara-md3qp
      @clara-md3qp 5 ปีที่แล้ว +92

      Obviously. I got into a car accident last year and now I have anime eyes.

    • @clara-md3qp
      @clara-md3qp 5 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      @I am a bot uwu thank you kind sir

    • @HarriWasHere
      @HarriWasHere 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@clara-md3qp so sorry to hear. My cousin was mugged and hit in the face with a bat and now her eyes are massive anime style eyes after many surgeries

  • @be_kind_to_bees8676
    @be_kind_to_bees8676 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2274

    Mom:he’s saying his first word
    Baby:m-m-mitochondria is the power house of the cell

    • @wordyweirdo8581
      @wordyweirdo8581 5 ปีที่แล้ว +23

      This made my morning. Thank you.

    • @TP-tg8cc
      @TP-tg8cc 5 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      Gosh dang it

    • @sixteenbells
      @sixteenbells 4 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      And everybody clapped

    • @waylonwaylon5513
      @waylonwaylon5513 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      The mighty nugget Never lies but you never lie!

    • @sadieb27
      @sadieb27 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      do people actually find this funny

  • @iinamorata
    @iinamorata 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8062

    My first words as a baby were "comrade, let's abolish the government."

    • @razzledazzledorito2588
      @razzledazzledorito2588 3 ปีที่แล้ว +81

      :O mine too

    • @SM-qv2om
      @SM-qv2om 3 ปีที่แล้ว +248

      my first words were:
      Союз нерушимый республик свободных
      Сплотила навеки Великая Русь.
      Да здравствует созданный волей народов
      Единый, могучий Советский Союз!
      Славься, Отечество наше свободное,
      Дружбы, народов надежный оплот!
      Знамя советское, знамя народное
      Пусть от победы, к победе ведет!
      Сквозь грозы сияло нам солнце свободы,
      И Ленин великий нам путь озарил.
      Нас вырастил Сталин - на верность народу
      На труд и на подвиги нас вдохновил.
      Славься, Отечество чаше свободное,
      Счастья народов надежный оплот!
      Знамя советское, знамя народное
      Пусть от победы к победе ведет!
      Skvoz grozy siialo nam solntse svobody,
      I Lenin velikij nam put ozaril.
      Nas vyrastil Stalin - na vernost narodu
      Na trud i na podvigi nas vdokhnovil.
      Slavsia, Otechestvo chashe svobodnoe,
      Schastia narodov nadezhnyj oplot!
      Znamia sovetskoe, znamia narodnoe
      Pust ot pobedy k pobede vedet!
      Мы армию нашу растили в сраженьях,
      Захватчиков подлых с дороги сметем!
      Мы в битвах решаем судьбу поколений,
      Мы к славе Отчизну свою поведем!
      Славься, Отечество наше свободное,
      Славы народов надежный оплот!
      Знамя советское, знамя народное
      Пусть от победы к победе ведет

    • @XX_CUTECAT_XX
      @XX_CUTECAT_XX 3 ปีที่แล้ว +87

      My first words were: "hey man I'm gunna tear your eyes out!"

    • @mrfrogkingg
      @mrfrogkingg 3 ปีที่แล้ว +122

      Mine were : "I'm WAY too sleep deprived to deal with your negativity right now." And then everyone in Singapore came to my house and screamed as 456 Alexas played Africa by Toto.

    • @susanthefish8940
      @susanthefish8940 3 ปีที่แล้ว +49

      Mine was, "Assemble dear comrades, we have to take over." Yeah, I am reborn as Karl Marx.

  • @ivycantthinkofaname4303
    @ivycantthinkofaname4303 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    10:59 people do sometimes have cameras in classrooms, but my school has cameras literally everywhere else. I don't know why, but there are cameras in every room (even outdoors) just not the classrooms.

  • @MicBur17
    @MicBur17 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2857

    My babies first word was actually “The Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell”

    • @rowan2086
      @rowan2086 4 ปีที่แล้ว +65

      Beast Burchett lol this is unrelated but once at the end of my school year we had to do a reflection of what we learned. i just answered “the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell” no cap

    • @Jackson_the_king66
      @Jackson_the_king66 4 ปีที่แล้ว +27

      Isn’t that everyone’s

    • @princeleo1041
      @princeleo1041 4 ปีที่แล้ว +32

      I said every word in the dictionary when I was 4

    • @sorellfart2700
      @sorellfart2700 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      this was by far the best comment i’ve ever seen

    • @izzy350
      @izzy350 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      I-

  • @emmabennett-mcconnell8592
    @emmabennett-mcconnell8592 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1431

    kurtis: that would be so scary if babies could talk
    danny gonzalez: *silent fear*

    • @axolotlarson9384
      @axolotlarson9384 4 ปีที่แล้ว +133

      L E T S T O G E T H E R B A T H

    • @nessa3025
      @nessa3025 4 ปีที่แล้ว +86

      PressUnownF I A M T H E B A L L I C E C R E A M

    • @Arrandir
      @Arrandir 4 ปีที่แล้ว +36

      CONE ICE CREAM

    • @articulated_clavicles
      @articulated_clavicles 4 ปีที่แล้ว +35

      I A M T H E B A R I C E C R E A M *drops bars*

    • @jayapapaya9083
      @jayapapaya9083 4 ปีที่แล้ว +29

      G R E E N I S H. P I S T A

  • @swishyb
    @swishyb 5 ปีที่แล้ว +17246

    everybody gangster until kurtis almost leaves us extra-greetingless

  • @quas3r__
    @quas3r__ ปีที่แล้ว +6

    that kid praying at the pibb cross really took "and i pray to my fountain of slush" to a whole new level

  • @itsgrace717
    @itsgrace717 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2966

    One of my unfertilized eggs just said to me "Mother, I have decided after much deliberation that I desire to create commentary videos on the internet website known as 'TH-cam' when I grow up" and then proceeded to recite the entirety of every Kurtis Conner video from memory. I'm so proud.

    • @e6026
      @e6026 3 ปีที่แล้ว +153

      She got angry so she ran off on a tampon, it’s true, she’s at the dumpster rn playing cards with the rats 💕

    • @lagg421
      @lagg421 2 ปีที่แล้ว +70

      It's true I'm the egg

    • @Nick07900
      @Nick07900 2 ปีที่แล้ว +31

      Would you just, have to keep on birthing children until that specific egg is fertilized? Is it like the 22 convention where you have unlimited babies?

    • @user-me3ge8de4o
      @user-me3ge8de4o 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      This is true i was the table

    • @timohara7717
      @timohara7717 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Nah bro even the virgins be having periods adding periods at the end of sentences 😭😭😭💀

  • @OrchidJaddles
    @OrchidJaddles 3 ปีที่แล้ว +12245

    Im 12 and my 14 year old son said his first words. They were "the cure for cancer is..." He didn't get to finish bc he died. He turns 15 this month. Ima get him a motorcycle.

    • @Equa11ysurl
      @Equa11ysurl 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1546

      It’s true, I was the motorcycle.

    • @blitzyblook3315
      @blitzyblook3315 3 ปีที่แล้ว +852

      its true i am the son

    • @ericaploof998
      @ericaploof998 3 ปีที่แล้ว +955

      It's true I was the cure for cancer

    • @thisurldoesnotexist
      @thisurldoesnotexist 3 ปีที่แล้ว +273

      Did he die in a motorcycle accident

    • @aeyakieduenas1331
      @aeyakieduenas1331 3 ปีที่แล้ว +478

      It's true, I am cancer
      (I just realized this was a pun because my sign is cancer)

  • @twiggyzaza
    @twiggyzaza 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1528

    When Kurtis is so disoriented after tour that he almost forgets the extra greeting

    • @TheGamevan
      @TheGamevan ปีที่แล้ว +2

      yeah

    • @Lee-wf4kr
      @Lee-wf4kr ปีที่แล้ว +2

      So true, poor Kurt =(

  • @notanemovampire
    @notanemovampire 2 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    Kurtis seems like the type of person to wash his hair with a bar of soap and have it still look awesome

  • @nolandailey3362
    @nolandailey3362 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2090

    My baby said his first words at the young age of 2 months! The first thing he EVER said was “e=mc^2”! He grew up to be Leonardo Da Vinci. I’m so proud of him!!! 😊😊😊

    • @gingerbread9691
      @gingerbread9691 4 ปีที่แล้ว +179

      Nolan Dailey My child’s first words were mooooooo he grew up to be a cow, last month we gave him to a farm and everybody clapped

    • @Hermanator1124
      @Hermanator1124 4 ปีที่แล้ว +72

      @@gingerbread9691 must've been delicious to eat your own kid and drink his nice nice milk

    • @mynameisnotlisa
      @mynameisnotlisa 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      It was Einstein's formula...

    • @user-mz6et6fr1r
      @user-mz6et6fr1r 4 ปีที่แล้ว +46

      @@mynameisnotlisa r/woooosh

    • @shouto6176
      @shouto6176 4 ปีที่แล้ว +30

      @@mynameisnotlisa r/woooooooooosh

  • @heszedjim9699
    @heszedjim9699 2 ปีที่แล้ว +7554

    So my son woke me up one night, in tears. I asked him why and he said, "why do people lie on the internet for clout instead of finding a hobby that could benefit mankind?" And then everyone in the starbucks clapped and the manager got arrested.

    • @logicbuilder1204
      @logicbuilder1204 2 ปีที่แล้ว +258

      I assume the son was 1 month old.

    • @cricketandgraham8644
      @cricketandgraham8644 2 ปีที่แล้ว +136

      Nah my one day year old child woke me up in tears when I fell asleep at the cafe and umm.. and um said that and everyone clapped and congrated me..

    • @timohara7717
      @timohara7717 2 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Bruh I said my first word at 2

    • @calowenby1654
      @calowenby1654 2 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      That final sentence got me so good lol.

    • @kass_G59
      @kass_G59 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      So moving 🙏🏼

  • @punksnail1312
    @punksnail1312 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2960

    I know a kid whos first words were a sentence, but they had like serious issues and it was also at 8 years old lol

    • @lj.853
      @lj.853 4 ปีที่แล้ว +79

      😲

    • @emma-xi4ih
      @emma-xi4ih 4 ปีที่แล้ว +100

      😛
      🧥

    • @lawfulcha0tic
      @lawfulcha0tic 4 ปีที่แล้ว +50

      👀

    • @zhuang2320
      @zhuang2320 4 ปีที่แล้ว +214

      what are these replies

    • @burntwater876
      @burntwater876 4 ปีที่แล้ว +134

      they had us in the first half, not gonna lie.

  • @amyy.y9318
    @amyy.y9318 28 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

    DUDE about 15:20 that IS A THING that happens, however, it's like on a diferent scale, for example oomf talked for the first time at 5, after never saying a THING. iirc it was something along the lines of "[sister's name] stop talking i need to concentrate" keep in mind she did NOT say concentrate correctly, she was speaking the way 5 year old children talk normally.. except it was her first time.

  • @emonemo.
    @emonemo. 5 ปีที่แล้ว +844

    “Then put her on life support and pull the plug” IM ACTUALLY WHEEZING

    • @parwhal8152
      @parwhal8152 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      You have 69 subscribers itz mee

    • @antfactory1
      @antfactory1 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      I died lmao

    • @kayliejones3670
      @kayliejones3670 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Itz mee I’m getting this tattooed 😂

  • @marissawilder4587
    @marissawilder4587 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2276

    "oh my God, pull the plug"
    "Wh... She's not even on life support, she-"
    "WELL THEN PUT HER ON LIFE SUPPORT AND PULL THE PLUG"

    • @Gabby-kb9vv
      @Gabby-kb9vv 5 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      I lost it at this point 😂😂😂

    • @delraveravioli5264
      @delraveravioli5264 5 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Whaaattt, we watched the same video, no way

    • @marissawilder4587
      @marissawilder4587 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@delraveravioli5264 I'm just saying that this part was funny.. lol

  • @kateelizza9046
    @kateelizza9046 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1475

    "I'm as nakey as I was the day I was born" - Kurtis Conner, with a chain around his neck.

    • @olivermoth
      @olivermoth 5 ปีที่แล้ว +42

      he was born sick

    • @khkayla6575
      @khkayla6575 5 ปีที่แล้ว +36

      And a nose ring

    • @jakobayres4970
      @jakobayres4970 5 ปีที่แล้ว +24

      kateelizza that’s cause he was born a fucking g

    • @thylane5879
      @thylane5879 5 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      He was born drippin’

  • @theadaunicorn
    @theadaunicorn 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    the section about kids not talking until they could form sentences is a real thing- my parents say I did it.
    I refused to say anything beyond their names for so long they almost brought me to speech therapy. Then (according to my parents) I one day woke up and started using full sentences

  • @boyes15
    @boyes15 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1055

    My first words were "The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start."
    Crazy right?

    • @lune4089
      @lune4089 4 ปีที่แล้ว +50

      I would throw you away and run as fast as I could after filling the trash can you were in with holy water, cause you must’ve been the spawn of Satan. That thing gave me PTSD.

    • @ElpSmith
      @ElpSmith 4 ปีที่แล้ว +27

      Your birth sounds like a terrifying experience

    • @cerisakatchmart
      @cerisakatchmart 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @@lune4089 same. That kills the heck out of me

    • @JennaLeigh
      @JennaLeigh 4 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      "Kids who don't speak until they can recite an entire lengthy ad are the fucking best."

    • @doomergirl6012
      @doomergirl6012 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      We called it just beep test in school. And we wanted to kill the teacher

  • @joshthegoodson
    @joshthegoodson 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1232

    I feel like some of these are intentionally making fun of “everyone clapped” stories and were never meant to be taken seriously because there’s no way that fish story was meant to be believed

    • @kurtisconner
      @kurtisconner  5 ปีที่แล้ว +235

      i hope so hahaha

    • @NotAPorch
      @NotAPorch 5 ปีที่แล้ว +95

      Kurtis Conner you got wooshed my guy

    • @HotStrange
      @HotStrange 5 ปีที่แล้ว +30

      That’s the only one though. I can totally see the rest being “true”.

    • @Default653
      @Default653 5 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      @@HotStrangethe amnesia pen pals is too stupid to not be a joke

    • @VanessaScrillions
      @VanessaScrillions 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Haha yes that one was definitely a shit post

  • @sunflowr1651
    @sunflowr1651 4 ปีที่แล้ว +829

    “I feel like I would be murdered if I didn’t do those things” was foreshadowing. I’ll never forget Kurtis. Never.

    • @lorkhaniron-shaper5486
      @lorkhaniron-shaper5486 4 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      You really scared me for a moment. Not funny

    • @jamilexcruz5576
      @jamilexcruz5576 4 ปีที่แล้ว +25

      Lmaooo and then he got "cancelled"

    • @silverdrag0n_
      @silverdrag0n_ 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      i was about to say

    • @kinedj699
      @kinedj699 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Jamilex Cruz what wha? Why?

    • @PhantomFandoms
      @PhantomFandoms 4 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      @@kinedj699 he had forgotten to do his extra greeting and got fake canceled over it to the point where he was trending. He did a video on it when it happened.

  • @millicentgarciameiring9713
    @millicentgarciameiring9713 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Not talking can be a sign of autism. My sister is an autistic perfectionist and she did this with her first words (I don’t remember what they were). She also wouldn’t walk until she could run. And she was much older than other kids were when they started talking, I think like 3

  • @Nope-cm6wv
    @Nope-cm6wv 5 ปีที่แล้ว +20515

    I like how he glossed over the fact that one-year-olds can’t really talk

    • @keira.1377
      @keira.1377 5 ปีที่แล้ว +355

      I was talking MUCH before one

    • @thebookgoddess7380
      @thebookgoddess7380 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1607

      Keira. ok well good for u lol

    • @rosetea6590
      @rosetea6590 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1464

      Keira. Right out of the womb definitely

    • @straybeans143
      @straybeans143 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1450

      @@keira.1377 I talked before one too, but I think they meant majority don't speak full sentences.

    • @GoldieBoots
      @GoldieBoots 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1067

      one year olds speak but not really in any coherent way yet

  • @MarthaGonzalez-bm1kf
    @MarthaGonzalez-bm1kf 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2179

    “I like trilogies that are just three of things”-Kurtis Conner, 2k19

    • @Niah33love
      @Niah33love 5 ปีที่แล้ว +29

      I kept reading these as -"kurt Cobain"

    • @Xiskx.
      @Xiskx. 5 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Damn, he really did Douglas Adams like that...

    • @User02751
      @User02751 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Myday♡♡ stan day6 y'all

    • @selalune
      @selalune 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      ow wonpil

    • @LouisaKloe
      @LouisaKloe 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      stream day6 for good skin

  • @user-kq7wz5mh2f
    @user-kq7wz5mh2f 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2794

    “Pull the plug!”
    “She’s not on life support”
    “Then put her on life support and pull the plug!” 😂 😂 😂

    • @tonymontes4778
      @tonymontes4778 5 ปีที่แล้ว +33

      That one made me laugh real hard.. 😂😂😂

    • @drowsified2782
      @drowsified2782 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Woah, too bad this wasn't in the video and that we didn't hear this joke sooner!

  • @EstherAller
    @EstherAller 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    There are two types of learning to speak (but not like literal first words necessarily): kids who want to get the pronunication right and say single words, and those who get whole sentences out (with the caviat that probably only the parents understand them)