"Close that chapter". Far easier said than done. After discovering a 30+ year secret/lies betrayal---I cannot even wrap my head around that much time. Wouldn't I love to 'close the chapter', but the daily pain I'm enduring, the crushing blow to my self esteem and self confidence, the realization that everything I believed about my life was based on lies---I simply don't know how to do that. I do enjoy your videos and try to take comfort in them, to the extent I can. Thank you.
@@BetrayalTraumaPractitioner Yes, we are together, trying to rebuild. It is extremely hard and I struggle every day with anger, disappointment and mistrust. We are both in therapy; he's making very good progress. I seem to be stuck. . . .basically at D-day. I don't understand the lying and secrecy---especially for more than 30 years. He's trying, but I'm not sure what more he could do.
@@evandegenfelder4554Hi, I think we both feel pretty similar, and after reading a few of your comments, I think our timeline is similar too. My husband is also addicted to sex and porn. He had been addicted to sex and porn before we met in 1993, actually since childhood, and with the advent of the Internet the addiction completely took over him. I had no idea either, the typical changes in him have only occurred very slowly over the years - you probably know what I mean. This severely damaged my self-esteem without me understanding where it came from. Of course it's even worse now, I've stupidly developed PTSD, but I'm working on it. I don't really feel well on a single day, but I can still look at it from the side (and maybe it will help you if I write about it?): My husband is not a bad person but a sick person. Yes, he consumed a ton of porn, with all the known consequences; yes, he was with prostitutes, and yes, the idiot had an affair with our neighbor's 21-year-old daughter who only didn't become sexual because the girl didn't want to and instead cleverly led him around (visits to restaurants, cocktail bars, cinema, etc . things he hasn't done to me for many years). Everything hurts, terribly painful. But: he was always there for me! He was hardly emotional at the time - that's not possible with long-term addicts - but he never let me down, he was always there for me and was never mean to me. I believe him when he says he has always loved me. He loved me as much as he could despite his addiction. He's been abstinent for almost two years now and the changes are absolutely amazing! A lot has regulated in his brain again, and he notices that the most, but I do too. Funnily enough, his body hair has even been increasing over the last year - because of his constant masturbation (up to five times a day) he probably had a chronic testosterone deficit and therefore only a little hair. Yes, for me too my life still feels like a lie, but that's not it at all. Things just happened at the same time that we didn't know about, right? And yet our husbands loved us. I think we can believe them. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and your husband that you can always find your way back to each other. There will always be bad days - last Sunday was an absolute low point for me - but if we manage to stick together, a lot has already been achieved.
"Close that chapter". Far easier said than done. After discovering a 30+ year secret/lies betrayal---I cannot even wrap my head around that much time. Wouldn't I love to 'close the chapter', but the daily pain I'm enduring, the crushing blow to my self esteem and self confidence, the realization that everything I believed about my life was based on lies---I simply don't know how to do that.
I do enjoy your videos and try to take comfort in them, to the extent I can. Thank you.
Are you still together? Sounds like there is a lot more your partner could do (if you are reconciling/rebuilding) than they currently are.
@@BetrayalTraumaPractitioner Yes, we are together, trying to rebuild. It is extremely hard and I struggle every day with anger, disappointment and mistrust. We are both in therapy; he's making very good progress. I seem to be stuck. . . .basically at D-day. I don't understand the lying and secrecy---especially for more than 30 years. He's trying, but I'm not sure what more he could do.
@@evandegenfelder4554Hi, I think we both feel pretty similar, and after reading a few of your comments, I think our timeline is similar too. My husband is also addicted to sex and porn. He had been addicted to sex and porn before we met in 1993, actually since childhood, and with the advent of the Internet the addiction completely took over him. I had no idea either, the typical changes in him have only occurred very slowly over the years - you probably know what I mean. This severely damaged my self-esteem without me understanding where it came from. Of course it's even worse now, I've stupidly developed PTSD, but I'm working on it. I don't really feel well on a single day, but I can still look at it from the side (and maybe it will help you if I write about it?): My husband is not a bad person but a sick person. Yes, he consumed a ton of porn, with all the known consequences; yes, he was with prostitutes, and yes, the idiot had an affair with our neighbor's 21-year-old daughter who only didn't become sexual because the girl didn't want to and instead cleverly led him around (visits to restaurants, cocktail bars, cinema, etc . things he hasn't done to me for many years). Everything hurts, terribly painful. But: he was always there for me! He was hardly emotional at the time - that's not possible with long-term addicts - but he never let me down, he was always there for me and was never mean to me.
I believe him when he says he has always loved me. He loved me as much as he could despite his addiction.
He's been abstinent for almost two years now and the changes are absolutely amazing!
A lot has regulated in his brain again, and he notices that the most, but I do too.
Funnily enough, his body hair has even been increasing over the last year - because of his constant masturbation (up to five times a day) he probably had a chronic testosterone deficit and therefore only a little hair.
Yes, for me too my life still feels like a lie, but that's not it at all. Things just happened at the same time that we didn't know about, right?
And yet our husbands loved us. I think we can believe them.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and your husband that you can always find your way back to each other.
There will always be bad days - last Sunday was an absolute low point for me - but if we manage to stick together, a lot has already been achieved.
Thank you so much!