Links and everything are in the description of this video! Leave your questions and comments and I will do my best to get back to you all either here or in another follow up video! 💖
Question: the long thumpy sounding thing that you held in your fist and twisted your wrist to make it curl around your hand and make a thumping noise…WHAT IS IT CALLED and where did you get it? (I looked at your Amazon list and I didn’t see it in any of the packs listed)
Brilliant video, soz 4 my long comment on main video. All good though 💟 For those who can't have a sensory swing, an inflatable gym ball is also good for motion. 👍
I really liked that video. I watched it last week, as a preparation for my own assessment that’s starting next week. I’m 34. Thank you for making that video, and this one too.
I watched your other video and I’m 61 years old. So I’m not that accustomed to commenting on videos. But here I am. My adult children are both being diagnosed with autism and my youngest shared the unmasking autism book with me. I saw so many parallels for myself and my parents that really had me wonder if I am on the spectrum. So I asked my therapist. She works with a lot of parents of autistic children and also adults on the spectrum. She gave me a questionnaire. I filled it out. Told her my score. And she recommended I follow through with getting a diagnosis. I also wonder…why do I need a diagnosis at this point in my life? I agree with you-confirmation. Learning more about myself. Another piece of the puzzle who am I? You are adorable. Easy to listen to and very helpful. You showing the process of diagnosis as you went through it was eye opening even though I’ve been walking this with my two adult kids. Very helpful. Keep going. We can relate to you. Clearly. Keep being your awesome self. Yes please on how to use fidget toys. I have some that my oldest makes (crochets them) and they are nice. Curious about when and why to use them. Love all the other tips you share. Seems like a process of identifying what feels good and what we need. How to unmask and feel safe doing it. Thank you again for showing us your real self.
I'm realizing that crocheting itself seems to help me, and I wonder how many of our grandmothers and aunties were autistic before there was even a word for it. ♥
It’s just incredible that we have to essentially ask permission just to be who we are… And while I hold no hostility to Neurotypicals in general, It does make me angry that they gatekeep … not really happiness, but the sense of self-worth, because if you are different than everyone else, then you don’t deserve to feel worthy. As a 52-year-old man that is just now discovering that I am autistic, I know I have a long road ahead of me and a lot of hard work to do, Just to get some medical professional to tell me what I already know about myself. It seems just ridiculous. Courtney I want to thank you for making the videos the way you do. I only just found your original diagnosis video a couple of days ago and I’m glad to hear that you are going to be making more autistic based content. I really appreciate your no bullshit approach, and this is the kind of content that I need to maintain the strength to go forward with the diagnostic process… so thank you so much for your bravery.
As someone who is in the process of getting diagnosed in my young adulthood your video was incredibly relatable and validating. I’d love to see how you’ve made more accommodations for yourself in your daily life as someone who’s currently trying to navigate it and heal/evolve as a person as well. On behalf of the rest of tistic community thank you❣️❣️
I'm 21 and I've been questioning for YEARS whether I have autism/ADHD/something and honestly this and the diagnosis video (which btw made me cry :') I felt understood and I also understood your frustration that no one noticed till you found the video on TH-cam, it is an emotion I'm also experiencing) gave me a huge insight and further reason to seek a proper diagnosis. People also ask me why I want to go for a diagnosis and my answer is that I want to get to know myself better! Some of my friends have autism, ADHD or both and they ALL told me that I should get tested so that's another alarm, but I tend to put myself down and think that I'm just faking it all :( But your videos have helped me a low ❤️ Thank you!
The diagnosis part of the assessment video made me cry because I felt like that would be me when I finally get the correct answers. I am 22 and have autistic brothers and have similar experience to them without a 100% recognized diagnosis. I am diagnosed with adhd and nvld. hope you get your diagnosis.
@@zoegignac9032 I got a diagnosis for autism last week so my hunch was right :') I swear I feel a lot more releaf now that I know something new about myself that also explain so much about me!
I loved your video! I cried with you, I realized I had the 'tism as me and my neurodivergent friends call it. I'm sorry it almost mess up your life! I didn't feel so alone when you posted it. ❤ we finally have a bit manual! I still have family that attempt to make me feel bad for my symptoms. I just try to keep swimming.
"that" video and this one are wonderful. I'm newly diagnosed at 34, so everything is still brand new, confusing, disheartening, and exciting all at once. I find you very inspirational, especially in this video. I love the personality you put on display here, and anyone trying to put you down for it must be very small minded. Subscribed, and hoping for more 😊
Thank you for being "random". Stream of consciousness is (sometimes) awesome. Thanks for being blunt and honest with us. Even those of us that aren't Autistic can appreciate it....looking forward to you next one.....
Lololol your exasperation with the medical system cracked me up at ~3:15. I do that exact same gesture and my hubby and I both recognized me in that moment when I'm expressing my frustration with things lol ❤🎉🎉😂 Very relatable. I self-dx'd with multiple tests at 51, 6 years ago, and it was the one MISSING PIECE that counseling, education, hard work, books, etc had never filled-in for me. Suddenly a million things I never understood before made sense. I use one ear plug at a time to reduce noise but not shut out the world. Absolutely LOVE my weighted blanket, I fall asleep really quickly now, even with PTSD. I have oodles of fidgets, but I also really love rocks and usually have some I'm either wearing or have stuffed in my pocket, and I'm knitting or crocheting or stitching endlessly bc I've always done that- and didn't know it was a fidget, but it totally calms me and helps me with social anxiety, etc. I love my eye cover mask at night, except I put it over my ear for crinkley white noise and it's great. Also purring and floofy cats are really soothing. Etc etc etc. It's a discovery process. Finally understanding that I'm just wired a bit uniquely and being able to learn to let go of some of my impossible expectations for things I really struggle with and will never be good at, and celebrating my strengths instead has really been helpful. I have 2 brothers on the spectrum, 1 formally diagnosed and 1 in denial lol. In the process of trying to learn more about my brother I found videos about "what it's like to be a female on the spectrum"... after a number of videos and saying things like, "She CAN'T be autistic, I do the same thing"... ummmm, it dawned on me that maybe I was autistic and she was toooooo lolol What a relief to finally find my tribe, as they say. I'm exactly the same as I always was, but now able to see myself with more compassion and humor and able to advocate better for myself and others. 🎉🎉🎉 Mermaids, and unicorns, and monkeys!! 🎉🎉🎉❤ Was thinking of starting an online channel for crafting with ASD and ADHD or a little online shop, but would need help to get it set up I think. Anyways, very happy to find your channel, there are a ton of us who were not diagnosed bc females with verbal ability and normal to above-average IQ were overlooked and just called "shy" or "socially awkward" 50 years ago. But today's a new day, and "different" does NOT mean "less". It means mermaids, and unicorns, and monkeys 🎉❤ woohooooo
I really resonate with your comment about things finally making sense… I’ve bought hundreds of self help books over the years, and nothing made any sense or was really of a lot of help until autism. Then I had my lightbulb moment!
Thank you so so much for this video! 30 minutes of recording and you gave us 24 of them. This feels so much less curated and edited and feels so much more open and real. And yes please, give us a fidget toy video! I tend to use one a few times, and then discard it and buy a new one, even though I love the "current" one dearly and appreciate what it does. I especially love that rubbery one you mentioned to help with flappy hands, what in the world was that?! 💙
We need a diagnoses because we know something is up but not exactly sure what it is. The diagnoses helps us put a label on it and then find resources to help better ourselves
Totally agree on the sensory swings thing. I'll move out soon and my father gifted me a hammock chair for my balcony. I've always loved swings and hanging chairs, since the movement really helps me relax 👌🏻 I actually have an entire room at my new place which I dedicated to all of my art, stories, mangas, comics, books, anime figures and posters. Whenever I step into that room, I am instantly happy, being surrounded by all of my interests, all my hyperfixations and all the things that make me truly happy 💖 I really like videos like these, because they help me to understand myself a little better. I've suspected I might be somewhere on the autistic spectrum for some time now (even thought my father said I "don't look autistic" and that he couldn't possibly imagine that -_-) and if my informal interview with a therapist goes well next week, I might be able to start a therapy where I can sort out my suspected autism, among other things. Thank you so much for being so informative and letting us get a glimpse of what life with autism is like for you.
I'm almost 45, was diagnosed (officially) ADHD at 44, and am still wrapping my head around (for the last few months) a self-ID as ASC (but DAMN does it fit). I just found you yesterday through your diagnosis video and was so touched and could identify so completely with the sheer relief and joy you clearly felt. Thank you for sharing that. I'm glad we both found our Tribe. 😃
Literally brought to tears when you said "I'm allowed to take up space." .......... .... This is something I'm doing my best to understand is ok for me, too. Moment of raw vulnerability there. Again, ty for this.
Thanks again, Courtney. I'm looking forward to learning how to use fidget toys and all the things. I'm here for it. Great to see your enthusiasm to share.
For the people that don’t understand or like your content l, then they can just find something else. Last time I checked it’s just the viewer’s choice. Mermaids United!
I watched your video yesterday - and I body sobbed with you. Thank you for your vulnerability. I have been on the wait list for an autism diagnosis for 2 years. I re-took all the quizzes last night because your binder of stuff inspired me to get organised. It's probably still another year away, but I will get it eventually and I can finally get that validation. I'm kind of embarrassed that I do feel the need to have it 'official', but c'est la vie. Thanks again!
OMG when you were talking about fidgets I wasn't really feeling it. Thinking back to my childhood slinky and how I loved letting it move through my hands, how touching smooth rocks turns me on and wondering if those things even qualified as fidgets. Yes, second guessing myself is my superpower. 😉 Then you mentioned how even your wedding ring is a fidget and I burst into tears! While my husband and I still live together, we stopped wearing our wedding rings about a year ago and I can't tell you how much I miss that damn ring! FYI I'm 70 and undiagnosed. Really grateful for the way you are putting yourself out there about all this. I relate to SO much of it! I have watched the video about your diagnosis and I'm still on the fence about whether or not to put myself through it, so thank you for everything, and I'm so sorry about the backlash. WTF is that about anyway? I love the way you are all over the place and keep inserting bits of explanation and clarification. I love your passionate intensity about claiming your own space and "Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!" This is who I am. Take it or leave it." You go girl! You are simply a breath of fresh air!
The more we understand what type of operating system we are using, the better informed we are to find the tools that work best for us to navigate the world. I'm only just now learning about myself late in my 40's. Now everything makes sense, and it also opens the doors for me to be easier on myself in general.
Thank you so much for sharing these videos....I am 62 (diagnosed as Autistic last year, at 61) and trying to unmask and assess/understand the damage that 6 decades of being undiagnosed has done isn't easy....the disappointment of other peooles reactions is also hard and the lack of understanding and support has been shocking. I now understand that we have to advocate for ourselves, set our own boundaries and protect ourselves (nobody else is going to do it for us) .... Your videos help more than you can know, thank you for your bravery and honesty 🌈
I was diagnosed 11 years ago but it's not until I hit an autistic burnout about a year and a half ago at 33 that I actually started getting to know myself without the mask. Thanks for these two videos in adding some perspective to how it's like for you to live autistic, it adds some validity to what I've been going through.
I got the diagnosis FOR ME. Your last video popped up on my feed just a few days after I received my diagnosis of Autism at 38 (39 in April.) I had recently transitioned to a new psych doctor, and she had concerns with my BP + presumptive ADHD diagnosis given the contraindications with their medications. So my referral was to clarify BP vs ADHD. Didn’t completely rule out BP, but the neuropsych dr was highly skeptical it is an organic issue for me. He did say that my manic episode after a dosage increase (literally the only time i can say mania happened, even hypomania is a major major stretch and i would have to be HIGHLY rapid cycling for that to work) is something that tends to happen a lot with autistic people. But anyway, I brought up the autism possibility on my pre-evaluation questionnaire and in my initial interview. I literally wrote 22pages of things that I have noticed throughout my life that made me consider “is this autistic?” With examples from my childhood up until now. I have ALWAYS felt like an alien outcast. From the time i could remember in pre-school until now. I didn’t NEED the diagnosis for services-because lets face it its absolute shit, especially for people that are late-diagnosis and classified under Level One (which i disagree with for me.) I got the diagnosis FOR ME. I needed to know. I self-identified as autistic, but i needed validation for it. Imposter syndrome is real, and it really messes with your head. People that aren’t autistic do not research for HOURS each and every day for YEARS, spend time in autistic led spaces (TH-cam channel, fb groups, etc.) That just DOES NOT happen. They may think about it for a few minutes, then go Nah, and go back to their life. My husband brought up him possibly being autistic, and honestly I don’t see it. I do think he fits the NDA profile, and possibly inattentive ADHD, but I don’t get autism from him at all. Of course, I’m not going to going to say that unless he flat out asks me-im not going to invalidate him if he thinks that, that’s on him. I don’t know what he does all in his spare time. I don’t know what he is thinking, i don’t know how much time he’s spent researching. I just don’t get that vibe from him. I do absolutely believe he is ND with a high propensity introvert is, but again it’s not my job and duty to discount what he may or may not believe.
Thank you for all you do! You give me so much hope. I’ve made it to 73 using masking. I quite literally made versions of myself to survive. As I’ve grown wiser (ie: older), I can no longer do it. It’s simply too exhausting. I’ve completed several of the tests which show I’m on the spectrum but somehow think I have to retake them cause maybe I’m just an imposter and didn’t answer questions correctly. I know; kind of sad but true. I’m in the investigation phase right now - finding my true self. Thanks for making it easier for me to find the courage to pursue it. So many people think it’s impossible for a 73 year old like me to have an autistic diagnosis. Thank you for seeing us.
Masking does seem to get harder the older I get. And the more I accept my Tism and me self, the less I want to mask.connecting to others in our community really helps.
Hi Courtney, I'm a Dyslexic AuDHD myself. Dyslexia & ADD diagnosed in 3rd grade & ASD recently at 47 years old. Love the video, 16:16 giving us a hard time for ASD might be "a them problem" however when the people are close family members it really makes daily life hell. I struggle watching & interacting with live content because my mind will jump topics & I have to rewind a bit, combine this with Dyslexia & the topic moves on before I can compose & post a comment.
I received a diagnosis last October at 57. I pretty much knew beforehand but I am so fed up of being told to pull myself together or get a grip due to my multitude of health issues which relate to autism. I can now tell people why I am not feeling well or being anxious or stress is real and not my imagination.
loved this video ^^ didn't like how your other video made things hard for you :( but I loved the face you made when you looked into the fidgettoy box XD Lately I have been allowing myself some of that excitement when going to supermarkets with my partner when going through toys and also fidgettoys and it's so pleasant when you can "just be" Also, on my journey to self accommodation, I have got everything you mentioned minus the creams (I have them but i hate the feeling of creams on my skin) especially since, while I am in the process of hopefully getting diagnosed, I don't have much hope that I will actually be diagnosed with autism, because of everything else that's going on with me :/ I really wished diagnostic criteria would stop being so extremely external and actually involve how we are internally...cause that seems alot more clearer to distinguish from other possibilities.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us Courtney. I'll be looking forward to the fidget toys video and how to accommodate yourself as a business owner! How you got started and managed all the ins and outs of websites and customers and sales and all the little things that most people brush over, how you allocate time too is all stuff I'm insanely curious about!
Thank you! I am now starting my diagnosis journey. For me, it has been eye opening doing research now for years and analyzing my life up until now. I hope that the diagnosis process will be healing for me no matter what the outcome is. I also hope it will help others to understand me and hopefully do research of their own about it. Although, I understand now that research isn't something NT's do for hours and hours and days and weeks and months and years like me, so I might still have to help them understand. But they may listen and accept me for who I am with a diagnosis of some sort rather than being ignored as I am now.
Is it strange that I feel like I've been masking so long that I don't know what - my - needs are or where to begin accomodating myself? I'm so new to the idea of taking care of myself rather than making everyone else comfortable instead. I found you through your diagnosis video tonight and immediately watched this video afterwords. This video hit home hard. I have, for a long time, wondered if I am autistic. Like you, my people pleaser...."broke" and I don't want to turn back. I also LOVE creatures of myth and legend. I tie them into every single one of my special interests. Im tired of people going "you know the difference between fantasy and reality, right?" Yes...yes I do know the difference, can I not enjoy a bit of pretend now and again with my cosplays, or write a story? We call pretend pretend for a reason! Just...thank you, so much for these videos. For validating my experiences through showing us yours. I've never felt so heard before when it comes to my special interests . In my heart, I'm still the little girl who climbed up on a rock at the beach, wearing green overalls so she could pretend to be Ariel. As an adult, I don't want to throw that magical feeling of imagination away just because others feel that my free time should be spent doing something that pleases them. I want to use it to fule my creativity and art. Its just...hard to learn to let yourself....BE. To let yourself exist as what you are, rather than what others wish to mold you to be.
Omg I love you 😂 I'm so glad I found you!! You and Morgan Foley are my favorite TH-camrs now❤❤ As soon as you said this will be your content going forward, I subscribed😊 I'm 33 and FINALLY just got diagnosed with ADHD but my doctor thinks I may be autistic as well, so we're working on getting me evaluated
I was obsessed with mermaids a few years ago, you're channel was one of my favorites. I've been looking into getting an autism diagnoses and I just think it's so cool that you're sharing your autism diagnosis journey. I know that these videos really would have helped me those years ago, that's why it can be so important for people to speak so openly about being neurodivergent. Also your tails are literally amazing :)
I got my diagnosis last week. I felt I was in the room with you in the Moment of Truth portion of the video. I cannot relate any more than I am right now. Having found your video that is seemingly climbing the algorithm I just wanted to let you know that I found your journey very validating. To see and hear that others have gone through what I have, that I'm not just WeIrD and QuiRkY. There is an explanation, and an adjective I can now use when communicating my needs....whatever those are... I'm still figuring that out. I have been stumbled through life for the last 30 years. I believe it will be a long process to pick away the mask and allow myself to be...myself. So thank you so much! I also like to use a broken leg analogy when I'm asked "why do yuo want a diagnoses". Funnily enouigh, this was something I somewhat relate to as a few years ago I severely torn a ligament in my leg, which mean I needed survey and be non-weightbearing for a couple months. Anyway, just because someone is limping around, possibly using crutches, it does not mean they are coasting through life just fine. They are struggling just to even walk, but they have to make do. If there was a resource to help that person understand what is wrong with their leg so we can then look into helping them fix it. Why wouldn't you? Why do you need to get your leg looked at my the doctor? You've been fine this whole time?!1 That doesn't make sense, does it? I find a sense in irony that the allistic people who ask autistic people, why they want a diagnosis, see life as a black-and-white, you're fine or you're not.
I am 59 and a year into the diagnostic process here in Ontario. Still waiting for my final interview. I did just see your video on your diagnosis, and the emotion you share speaks to my experience. I burst into tears as soon as you got the answer... I think I'll react that way when my turn comes. Also, what you say about the mermaid stuff overlapping the autistic stuff... oh ya! Love it! And would love a video on fidget toys. Thank you for sharing.❤
I’ve been deep diving into ADHD and ASD for well over a year now and am starting the process for diagnosis for myself and my children next week. I found your first ASD related video last week and immediately saved it and have referred back to it a couple of times as I prepare myself for this process. I just want to tell you I think you are incredibly brave and wonderful as well as very inspiring. I would love to know more about the accommodations you have set up for yourself (especially around routines, organization, schedules, energy, self care) as well as how your journey has been since your first ASD video. Thank you for your insights and honesty! You are amazing!
The first thing you said, that neurotypical dont go around wondering if they are autistic... I do wonder, but i'm not really sure about it. I'm 90% sure on ADHD, and waiting for my diagnosis appointment right now. But i still wonder about ASD mainly since my bff brought it up. I had thought about it before but later i just was like nah, it's probably just anxiety. But then my bff brought it up and now I'm like, "does she have a warped image of me, or do I?". She met a few ASD girls recently and learnt how ASD can look like for girls. I do have ASD traits, but i also have OCD and i've heard they can be similar. When I think about adult me, i'm really not sure, but when i think about my childhood, I never was included in groups, was bullied, had trouble learning to speak, I also had a problem that my adenoids were so big that my tongue didnt fit in my mouth so most people thought i was disabled until the age of 5 when they took them out. So i don't know if those problems were related to me looking disabled and therefore being rejected, or anything else
Im only 2 minutes into this, but it breaks me to hear you say that video destroyed your life. I found out last weekend that my daughter is autistic. Throughout the procoess of getting her diagnosis I noticed many similarities betweeen her and I and am currently waiting for my evaluation. Ive done nothing but binge your autism videos since putting my girls to bed and i cant even begin to explain how much of this i can relate to. Im very thankful you put yourself out there and were so open about your process. Even if my assessment doesnt come back with an autism diagnosis, it helps me understand my daughter more. so thank you ❤
I just want to also highlight how helpful these videos have been for people who are not autistic. I have an adult friend who was diagnosed last year, and I believe your videos helped me be a more supportive friend in that time. Likewise, my workplace has been working to become a certified autism center, and your videos were very helpful to have seen before the trainings we had to do. Thank you again for all that you do!
Knowing that I’ve helped you become a more supportive friend means the absolute world to me and I want to thank you so much for taking the time to watch my videos and for commenting to let me know! 💖
Thank you! I’ve spent my nearly 50 years on this planet thinking I’m the problem. I don’t think people can comprehend what it’s like to spend that long thinking there’s something supremely wrong with you because the world, and the people in it, just don’t make sense to you, so you constantly try to mimic them because they must be right… right?! I am now self-diagnosed, because I can’t afford to go through the diagnosis process; it’s also not available in my part of BC. Since I had my “oh, yeah, that makes my whole life make a lot more sense” moment, I’ve stopped blaming myself for being faulty somehow. And it’s thanks to people like you creating this content. I’m thankful to all of you. Also, as a nurse here in BC, I can confirm that our healthcare system is absolutely broken now.
You are so freaking real for all of this, and I am so thankful! I have seen the other videos and I’m happy to see you are more happy in this one while still calling out the fake crap in the world and standing up for yourself.
I’m not diagnosed yet but…I know. I’ve been following your channel for a couple years now and this was a delight to watch Courtney. It felt so very authentic and genuine, not to mention relatable lol I watched that video so fast when you posted it cause I already knew it about myself. I’m so glad it’s blown up like it has and kept you around cause I’d definitely miss seeing your videos if you left ( though I definitely understand the inclination to leave)
I’ve watched your channel for years because mermaids are one my special interests. You have no idea how seen I have felt watching your diagnosis video.
Hearing you say how devastating to your life that video was made me feel compelled to say: that video helped me *so* much. I was diagnosed about a month after watching it, just shy of my 30th birthday, and your video was so validating, informative, and supporting to me. So thank you for making it.
p.s. absolutely yes please to the massive autism masterlist video of how to use fidgets and how you accommodate yourself and maybe how to stim? because like late dx often means you've learnt to suppress stims but now you know you need them to regulate and it's a whole thing
You would have so much to say about this video, thank you so much Courtney you’re my favourite fishie/mer person and favourite TH-camr! I loved the little parenthesis on fidget toys and the stimming/fidgeting! I also do fist shaking when I’m excited, Send you love from the other side of Canada!!! 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Most of these things you have shown are items my family and myself have, over the last 40 years, bought for my middle son, and more recently for my grand daughter Neither of them have been tested, though i now know they both show strong signs of autism. Despite all the problems he had growing up, and all the psychologists and psychiatrists he saw, no one ever suggested my son might be autistic.....ADHD, Frontal lobe damage, some kind of personality disorder, just plain weird, a nerd, dyspraxic, social anxiety.....anything and everything, bar autistic.....his IQ tests (despite being oddly bad in some areas, always in the same areas) came out overall really high. But he had no friends, couldn't distinguish serious talk from joking, couldn't keep still, was obsessed with weird specific things, overreacted to noise and lights, couldnt hold a proper conversation, they would always disintegrate into him holding forth on his weird interests.He felt different. He was not a happy person That was 40 years ago Two years ago, a new neighbour, in passing, casually said to him one day when they were talking ' well thats because you're autistic'. He was shocked, and asked her why she said that. Her response was, "Well, you're just like my son. You talk like him, interact like him, respond like him, so I kind of presumed...." She went on to apologise, but it made him start thinking. So he looked it all up, did a load of the tests available, and came to the conclusion that she was probably right...he ticked all the boxes. So then he told me. I looked it up too, and there, in black and white, was the explanation to his entire life in front of me. He then spoke to his doctor, who was surprised he'd never been tested for it, (he's a new doctor) he'd just presumed he was. So he was immediately offered the tests. I was surprised when he turned them down. He said he knows it's pretty certainly the case that he is on the spectrum, it explains a lot, but he cant see what use the label would be to him now. He's learned to live through life without it. And he now realises that he doesnt need to hide the way he thinks and feels any more. He doesnt need a label for it, and he shouldnt need an excuse to be himself. People can take him or leave him, he has his interests, his passions and hes happy with those. So he's not bothered now about being different. He can actually get on with doing things his own way, and be happy about it. It makes no difference to the rest of us in the family. We bought him sound proof headphones because noise irritated him, we bought him fidget toys because he liked them. He has a weighted blanket because we all like them...We love him just the way he is. Even when he drives us crazy. Now it seems that my 13 year old granddaughter is on the spectrum too. We had wondered since she was a toddler, she was so much like her uncle, but she wasn't unhappy, like him. Again, she was the one who brought up the subject of autism. She asked us if we thought she was on the spectrum, and we were honest and said she might well be, and that she could be tested if she wanted. She didn't want to be tested either, but she said it was because she is afraid that if she is found to be autistic, then she will be pushed into programs to 'help her fit in better' with society. She doesnt want that. She actually likes the way she is, even if it is different, she doesn't particularly want to blend in. So, she has some fidget rings to keep her going. And headphones to keep out the noise. She follows her own passions, and like her uncle she is super good at the things she enjoys. Lets face it they follow things so deeply they're bound to be good at them. She's happy in what she's doing, and her peers respect her for that. Her best friend ( only real friend actually) was diagnosed as being on the spectrum when she was a baby. They are close and share the same interests. Maybe that helps. I dont know. But in all honesty, I've learned that we are all different in one way or another, and well maybe I'm a bit on the spectrum myself too, but I'd rather go for weird and interesting than run of the mill and boring.
Thank you for putting yourself out there and help me with your story. I’m 45 and suffered for so long and now I’m my true self but I still need other autistic people to help me navigate through this
dawg the way "none of this is real" is a genuine thing I tell myself all the time as comfort rghdgvfh fr nothing's real nothing matters and as long as you're not hurting anyone else you do what you do lol
I always knew there was something "wrong" my whole life but when I started to see what autism really was (not what the neurotypical people around me assumed) everything fit! I almost cried. It's very important for people with these "disorders" to get accommodations, or just simple understanding, and a diagnosis is a big part of that. Without a diagnosis, people don't take you seriously.
Self-diagnosed here... This is probably the most useful video you could have put out as a follow-up after the diagnosis video, thanks so much! 💖 I am also living with headphones on my ears... except I got relatively affordable ANC earbuds. I find it annoying how the over-ear headphones get in the way 🫤 and I also couldn't shower with them 🫣
You are awesome! Your honesty and courage in sharing you has changed my life for the better. My Aspie Quiz score was 125/200, and a 94% likelihood of being autistic. Rock on!
Thank you for sharing your experience with getting diagnosed. It’s brave and inspiring. Your channel was recommended by TH-cam to me today. I’m 54 and recently found out that I am on the spectrum. I completely understand why you pursued formal diagnosis. I don’t understand why it triggers people but it is a very real thing that happens. I love mermaids too and I wish you so much happiness on your journey.
I have my very 1st appointment for an ASD assessment tomorrow. I’m 37 years old! Then I have 3 more appointments! I literally just want answers. Why else would I pay $175/hr out of pocket? I’ll be honest. I’m TERRIFIED. However, I know that once I have answers I’ll be able to discover me. Probably for the first time, and I’ll be able to learn how to accept myself no matter the outcome. Thank you for the video
Not related to autism but your thoughts about your struggles related to people being skeptical about your experience and overall being mean and judging that benefits no one but their scared hearts....these thoughts are not only relatable but also makes me grin gleefully! It just hit right at the feels. Not only that but your beliefs about discovering yourself and finding the things that make you feel content and satisfied with life and yourself is something I personally believe in as well.
I'd just like to quickly say that I notice you excusing yourself often for sounding "selfish", even though nothing I've ever heard you say is selfish. I'm sure you've heard people tell you that plenty of times to the point it's in your head and a thing you worry about, but you dont sound selfish, youre not rude, you are valid, you are a great person and you are a help for so many people. Of course I don't know you personally and you edit the videos and may still be masking and things but I still stand by what I said and just wanted to tell you that I, we understand and that it's okay ❤
Oh my god, I love your energy! Getting fidgets and a hammock changed the game for me, even before my diagnosis. We know ourselves best. Like you said, we’ve got to do what it takes to make ourselves comfortable with the life we have.
Im confused why you - what and who, how was anyone - damn people are fracked. YOU are saving me right now, I have not heard anyone like you before, aged 52. Offical ADHD 10 yrs ago, but now Au- coming, but no one who KNOWS me, just a few of them, all - for years, Oh yes "we always knew you have the 'tisms'.... you are doing the work of the angels, thank you
Personally I think getting a diagnosis is a super difficult decision, and the answer may depend on which country you live in. On one hand it could be validating to close off the question in your mind once and for all, but on the other hand it seems like a lot of effort and expense. Where I am from, a diagnosis also comes with government funded support so the medical system is tilted towards avoiding having to give more money to more people who get this diagnosis. For me, I am content with the fact that I have discovered that my life experience is not unique, and that there are other people who have had the same experience but more importantly, simply knowing about strategies and techniques people use to make life easier has been so helpful. So for example, if headphones make my life so much so much better, whether I have a diagnosis that tells me to wear them is irrelevant.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I just cried along with you while watching the diagnosis video and I really appreciate you sharing the whole journey and links. I’m in the process and watching your videos are helping me mentally prepare for the official assessment. Thanks again please keep sharing!! ❤️
Hi, i just found your original video today and am watching the follow up today. I was diagnosed with Asperges aged 40 and really connected with your reaction when you finally got your diagnosis. Good on you for sharing your experience. I completely understand you wanting to get a diagnosis to be able to understand yourself better. I had the same feelings of understanding lots of moments from my earlier life. I think we have shared many experiences throughout this journey. Andy up and be proud. Well done from the UK.
Gah sorry for a million comments - and yet oh my GOOOOOSH I know. Why does it matter if I want to make MY life easier, so that I can be a calmer, happier, better overall person?! I felt that. I so felt that. Thank you for reminding me that it's time to put US first. Love you!
i sincerely don't understand why people question us wanting a diagnosis and wanting to figure ourselves out. i feel exactly the same way as you do - why is it wrong of us to want to finally learn the truth about ourselves? i get the results of my assessment next week and i've been going thru a roller coaster of emotions. while i've been more accepting of myself, i'm afraid that when (if?) i get diagnosed it's gonna hit me again and i'll react just like you did... thank you for being so open and honest about this. also i love your personality - you're so fun to listen to!
You said "30 minutes of recording and what have I really said...?" You just said one of the most profound and meaningful sentences which is: " It broke" referring to the whole masking thing, which is soul killing. That just happened to me. About two weeks ago I stopped and thought, I can't do this anymore. I won't do this anymore. I deserve to take up space and be me just like everyone else.
Oh, I got a ring like that, too and found it so nice to play with it :D. I totally understand why you wanted to get a diagnosis. I feel like I wouldn‘t get one but sometimes I feel like I‘m never going to fit in and be able to myself in public or even in my garden (when I know my neighbors are outside too). I hate it when I feel like I’m failing and I don’t understand why and feel like there is nothing really anyone could change about it. It‘s really hard to accept oneself when you can‘t really be happy although you think your life isn‘t that bad.
Yes, we've found you and happy you're here! The "randomness" is totally okay and relatable (I know it's how my brain works, I totally followed, and didn't realize you were jumping subjects until you mentioned it, haha... it all tied in together, so it was natural imho). Fidget/Stim toys... I've never been interested and tend to use games/apps on my phone for this. But as you were going through your box, I remembered that I used to have this wooden flexible snake thing that was probably one of my fidget/stim things. So after pausing your video and looking for it, I don't seem to have it anymore... soooo, I guess I'll have to buy a box of 24 of them on Amazon as that seems to be the closest option (many of the offerings were unfinished and the feel of the finished polish was one of the highlights of it along with the weight and sway).
Parent of a 15 yo daughter I am desperately trying to get tested and watching your videos helped me want to push on. I feel like we are slipping through the cracks even though I keep bugging people. So keep up the good work!!
My fave stimtoys are: - NeeDoh NiceCube (omg the texture is heaven, it is amazing!) - NeeDoh Swirl stressball (sooooo soft and squishable) - Jellycat Storm octopus (most softest boingy stimmy arms to curl around your fingers
I got my diagnosis just after I turned 38 almost 7 years ago. I got mine solely so it would be easier for my child to get theirs. I thought that maybe they could get assistance for a few things I never did. Years later in review, I was not prepared for how much of my life that I was personally affected by being autistic. Probably the biggest thing that means the most to me, SO MANY Things were not my fault. *strong exhale* Even years later occasionally I have a brief thought that "maybe I'm not really..." the diagnosis is something concrete that isn't "just my opinion" on my life. Your mac vs PC analogy in another video is similar to my iPhone vs Android. The diagnosis now I use it to force accommodations that I used to feel guilty for doing. IE earbuds/headphones, walking away from work area to relax for a few minutes, etc. I get to go "Nope, I'm not in the wrong, ADA says you have to accommodate and if you bug me about it again you're risking being found discrminating" The diagnosis helps me be me guilt free.
I just subscribed to your channel. Number one, I’m a mermaid too! Go, merfolk! But also I love an autistic person. And we didn’t understand he was autistic until we made another person who was a lot like him in so many ways, and had challenges we have been helping her through. My daughter is very “gifted,” and is autistic and has ADHD. It’s been a challenge loving her and supporting her, but also very rewarding. When she was first diagnosed I struggled with letting her teachers know about her diagnosis, but what I have come to realize is that the label of "autism" helps people understand the person better. i wish my husband had the support we found for my daughter growing up, but we can only know what we know, i guess. thank you for making your videos, and mermaid on!
A bamboo weighted blanket is all I can use, and I always use soft sheets underneath. Non-itchy and non-heat retaining. I got mine from Amazon because of their return policy. I'm so sorry you have had so much ableist conditioning thrown at you. People are threatened by vulnerability and anything different because it confronts their own vulnerability despite their denial. It also confronts how tightly they are wound trying to fit themselves into toxic expectations that don't meet ANYONE'S needs. Herein lies your courage! I stand with you in the ethical value that everyone deserves to get their needs met for quality of life!
I have those exact headphones!! Saved my frickin existence is an understatement!! I could watch you talk about autism for hours I absolutely am loving this content!!
Im 1:41 in and I HAVE TO TELL YOU I am so happy and grateful You DID the video about your diagnosis. It was SO important for me - everything you said and did, the way you were - genuine and real, anxious and happy... All of it resonated with me/in me on such a deep level I was then in the - nerve wrecking - process of my own diagnosis and it helped to not be the only freaking out freak there is... And on top of that, I asked my husband to watch your video, he did and said "Oh, Ok, now I get what is happening with you" - and this was so super important for both of us - him understanding more. So LUV LUV LUV Courtney Mermaid
Your assessment video actually resonated with me quite a lot, being one of the times when I genuinely started crying over this topic. Not for a bad reason, on the contrary. For being heard, for relating to something so much, and for feeling the same pain you described. I plan on seeking out a diagnosis to understand whether I am autistic or not, and to answer the question of "why get one", it's quite simple: Personally, I want to find the reason why my life has been so upside down, I want to validate my feelings and connect them to something that many other people experience. I'm tired of thinking that I'm just a lazy, uneducated and "weird" individual. I want to know myself, and I want to know what I'm going through I have a playlist with over 300+ videos about autism and ADHD, and I relate to each one of them. Ever since I started researching on these two topics, I discovered that all of these describe my life and experience so precisely. They're such specific things that I thought nobody else experienced. But now I know Don't stop making videos for the sake of people that spread negativity. Of course, unless it impacts your mental health that is. But otherwise, I think more people need to hear the message, hear more about this topic, spread information and educate. It's such a taboo topic for many, and unfortunately, isn't something people take the time to educate themselves on. It's been quite hard to find information on this topic from autistic individuals themselves. It really matters to hear their voices, and their experience
Thank you for making these videos I feel less alone for them. I’m lucky to have an autistic husband and one autistic son. Our son’s diagnosis led to ours rather informally. Basically as she told us our son is autistic she also said “ sometimes… sometimes, like now, autistic kids have autistic parents “ this is how she started the conversation to tell us that we too are autistic. We were diagnosed in the autism center attached to children’s hospital. Fidget toys, I use yarn, and uh my fingers. I love body brushes.
Yes Ma'am. I love that you said you actually have the right to be you and take up your own space in your own life! I have never been diagnosed or thought I might be Autistic but I get having my own quirks and people thinking I'm weird because of it. So what! My chapstick obsession is my own. My irritation with repetitive noises is not that weird. My physical illness about certain lighting is something I cannot control.Ive enjoyed your videos and I get where you're coming from. 🧜♀💙
You made the video for people like us who are like you! Who are going on this SAME JOURNEY YOU ARE!!!!! This is and has been helping me!!!! Of course you are going to have those bullies!!!!!! Always gotta have negative ppl!! Thank you too for encouraging me and letting me feel im not alone.. ..... and my child also is worse then me so i Def feel like my journey will help my child.....
I cried watching your assessment video, thank you so much for making it, and for this video too. I would absolutely love a video about fidget toys and how to accommodate your environment. I just discovered your channel today, but I definitely plan on watching your next videos!
Thank you for this video and that other video about your autism assessment. I had just finished my Autism assessment the day I found that first video and it really helped me see how valid my feelings during this process are. I get my results at the end of this month on what will be my 24th birthday after researching Autism since I was 15. I’m hoping to receive the diagnosis but in the meantime I’m just trying to allow myself to take up space and accommodate myself even though others don’t always understand. Looking forward to seeing more content from you.
There has been so much crap since my childhood... So many things about myself, and stuff that has happened that has made zero sense to me. Things that no matter how I try I can't change. I can try to pretend to fit in (easier if you can look the part too... TBH if people like how you look they notice the weirdness less. Or you become their "manic pixie dream girl"...) but I can't change who I am deep down. Countless nights I've cried or gotten so frustrated wondering why I'm not understood and have such trouble explaining myself and getting my words out, why I often don't know what people mean unless they are literal, why it's so hard to connect with others, why I can be so naive and easily hurt, why I'm so sensitive to different things (like lights, sounds, textures) and no one around me gets that and will make fun of me for it, and many other thing as well. Why I can't just be freaking normal... Literally the only thing I can see making sense, the only thing that REALLY fits after decades of research, is "Oh yeah I'm probably autistic..." They suspected very high functioning autism (probably would have been considered PDD-NOS) in my childhood but nothing ever came of that and I just fell through the cracks. I learned how to mask really well and was considered to have "developed the necessary social skills". But that's bs. Yes I've "gotten by" by an outsider's perspective but they look at the social skills of CHIDREN. They don't consider the effects on high masking adults who have gone their whole lives without any help. NTM the person who said this also said I likely had "social anxiety" (I don't FYI). So I've developed the "necessary social skills" but I have social anxiety? Umm... Yes it's harder to get help now but it's not impossible and at least there would be resources better suited to my needs. That's why knowing would be a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders.
My new favorite accommodation is an address stamp for putting my return address on things! You don't have to be a business to buy one! I haaaaaate writing the same thing over and over, but I write cards to ppl. So, I just made it easier! Its ok to take shortcuts. It isnt a character flaw ❤
I finally, finally, finally got my diagnosis this week after years of knowing it in my heart, and years of doctors and psychiatrists telling me I was silly for wanting to be evaluated. Getting my diagnosis was so powerful in helping me understand myself, and helping others to understand me as well. I finally know the right lens with which to view my difficulties. Having the language and words to describe our struggles is hugely empowering.
Most people recognise that understanding ourselves is important, so seeking a diagnosis shouldn't be strange. IMO, many of these comments can often be explained by politics (labels = bad) and/or just prejudice; "you can be autistic, I just don't want to know or see it". I was diagnosed at 31 years old and it's helped me immensely in navigating the allistic world in a health way. Knowing when to say 'enough', not blaming myself endlessly for things I can't control. It's helped me know my strengths which in turn helps me pursue my goals. If we take the time to humanise the other, these sorts of insights really aren't that elusive.
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Links and everything are in the description of this video! Leave your questions and comments and I will do my best to get back to you all either here or in another follow up video! 💖
Question: the long thumpy sounding thing that you held in your fist and twisted your wrist to make it curl around your hand and make a thumping noise…WHAT IS IT CALLED and where did you get it? (I looked at your Amazon list and I didn’t see it in any of the packs listed)
Brilliant video, soz 4 my long comment on main video. All good though 💟
For those who can't have a sensory swing, an inflatable gym ball is also good for motion. 👍
@@dashleydiepen4487 So sorry about that! I just added them now! I can't believe I missed them! amzn.to/4bQDIKp
i actually liked "THAT" video. I watched today and i thank you for uploading it and keeping up there.
I bet there's people who agrees with me.
Thank you for talking about the shaky fists vs flappy hands! That's me, too: I'm also a shaky fists person, not a flappy hands person! Go us! 🤛🤛
I got officially diagnosed with ASD today, age 55, better late than never.
Absolutely! 💖
Me too, 55 and being diagnosed. Big hug from Barcelona!!! 🥰😭
Congrats! I got mine a year ago at 54.
Me too at age 54. It's been life changing for me 🙂
@@bronwynlennox1240 In a good way? I think It will help me not be so hard on myself.
I really liked that video. I watched it last week, as a preparation for my own assessment that’s starting next week. I’m 34.
Thank you for making that video, and this one too.
I hope your assessment went well! ❤ I have one myself, next month. This video and the previous are super reassuring ❤️
I watched your other video and I’m 61 years old. So I’m not that accustomed to commenting on videos. But here I am. My adult children are both being diagnosed with autism and my youngest shared the unmasking autism book with me. I saw so many parallels for myself and my parents that really had me wonder if I am on the spectrum. So I asked my therapist. She works with a lot of parents of autistic children and also adults on the spectrum. She gave me a questionnaire. I filled it out. Told her my score. And she recommended I follow through with getting a diagnosis.
I also wonder…why do I need a diagnosis at this point in my life? I agree with you-confirmation. Learning more about myself. Another piece of the puzzle who am I?
You are adorable. Easy to listen to and very helpful.
You showing the process of diagnosis as you went through it was eye opening even though I’ve been walking this with my two adult kids.
Very helpful. Keep going. We can relate to you. Clearly. Keep being your awesome self.
Yes please on how to use fidget toys. I have some that my oldest makes (crochets them) and they are nice. Curious about when and why to use them.
Love all the other tips you share. Seems like a process of identifying what feels good and what we need. How to unmask and feel safe doing it.
Thank you again for showing us your real self.
I'm realizing that crocheting itself seems to help me, and I wonder how many of our grandmothers and aunties were autistic before there was even a word for it. ♥
It’s just incredible that we have to essentially ask permission just to be who we are… And while I hold no hostility to Neurotypicals in general, It does make me angry that they gatekeep … not really happiness, but the sense of self-worth, because if you are different than everyone else, then you don’t deserve to feel worthy. As a 52-year-old man that is just now discovering that I am autistic, I know I have a long road ahead of me and a lot of hard work to do, Just to get some medical professional to tell me what I already know about myself. It seems just ridiculous. Courtney I want to thank you for making the videos the way you do. I only just found your original diagnosis video a couple of days ago and I’m glad to hear that you are going to be making more autistic based content. I really appreciate your no bullshit approach, and this is the kind of content that I need to maintain the strength to go forward with the diagnostic process… so thank you so much for your bravery.
As someone who is in the process of getting diagnosed in my young adulthood your video was incredibly relatable and validating. I’d love to see how you’ve made more accommodations for yourself in your daily life as someone who’s currently trying to navigate it and heal/evolve as a person as well. On behalf of the rest of tistic community thank you❣️❣️
It's wonderful seeing you again. Making videos about what's important to you. You're a refreshing TH-camr!
Thank you so much! 💖
I'm 21 and I've been questioning for YEARS whether I have autism/ADHD/something and honestly this and the diagnosis video (which btw made me cry :') I felt understood and I also understood your frustration that no one noticed till you found the video on TH-cam, it is an emotion I'm also experiencing) gave me a huge insight and further reason to seek a proper diagnosis. People also ask me why I want to go for a diagnosis and my answer is that I want to get to know myself better! Some of my friends have autism, ADHD or both and they ALL told me that I should get tested so that's another alarm, but I tend to put myself down and think that I'm just faking it all :( But your videos have helped me a low ❤️ Thank you!
Thank you so much for letting me know that I've helped! That means a lot! 💖
The diagnosis part of the assessment video made me cry because I felt like that would be me when I finally get the correct answers. I am 22 and have autistic brothers and have similar experience to them without a 100% recognized diagnosis. I am diagnosed with adhd and nvld. hope you get your diagnosis.
@@zoegignac9032 I got a diagnosis for autism last week so my hunch was right :') I swear I feel a lot more releaf now that I know something new about myself that also explain so much about me!
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@@cholm2070 AHHH thank you!! :D It's custom made by myself and I've been rocking it for years!! 💜
I loved your video! I cried with you, I realized I had the 'tism as me and my neurodivergent friends call it. I'm sorry it almost mess up your life! I didn't feel so alone when you posted it. ❤ we finally have a bit manual! I still have family that attempt to make me feel bad for my symptoms. I just try to keep swimming.
Really good comment. And I cried with her too.
"that" video and this one are wonderful. I'm newly diagnosed at 34, so everything is still brand new, confusing, disheartening, and exciting all at once. I find you very inspirational, especially in this video. I love the personality you put on display here, and anyone trying to put you down for it must be very small minded.
Subscribed, and hoping for more 😊
Thank you for being "random". Stream of consciousness is (sometimes) awesome. Thanks for being blunt and honest with us. Even those of us that aren't Autistic can appreciate it....looking forward to you next one.....
Thank you so much for saying so and for watching! ❤️
Lololol your exasperation with the medical system cracked me up at ~3:15. I do that exact same gesture and my hubby and I both recognized me in that moment when I'm expressing my frustration with things lol ❤🎉🎉😂 Very relatable. I self-dx'd with multiple tests at 51, 6 years ago, and it was the one MISSING PIECE that counseling, education, hard work, books, etc had never filled-in for me. Suddenly a million things I never understood before made sense. I use one ear plug at a time to reduce noise but not shut out the world. Absolutely LOVE my weighted blanket, I fall asleep really quickly now, even with PTSD. I have oodles of fidgets, but I also really love rocks and usually have some I'm either wearing or have stuffed in my pocket, and I'm knitting or crocheting or stitching endlessly bc I've always done that- and didn't know it was a fidget, but it totally calms me and helps me with social anxiety, etc. I love my eye cover mask at night, except I put it over my ear for crinkley white noise and it's great. Also purring and floofy cats are really soothing. Etc etc etc. It's a discovery process. Finally understanding that I'm just wired a bit uniquely and being able to learn to let go of some of my impossible expectations for things I really struggle with and will never be good at, and celebrating my strengths instead has really been helpful. I have 2 brothers on the spectrum, 1 formally diagnosed and 1 in denial lol. In the process of trying to learn more about my brother I found videos about "what it's like to be a female on the spectrum"... after a number of videos and saying things like, "She CAN'T be autistic, I do the same thing"... ummmm, it dawned on me that maybe I was autistic and she was toooooo lolol What a relief to finally find my tribe, as they say. I'm exactly the same as I always was, but now able to see myself with more compassion and humor and able to advocate better for myself and others. 🎉🎉🎉 Mermaids, and unicorns, and monkeys!! 🎉🎉🎉❤ Was thinking of starting an online channel for crafting with ASD and ADHD or a little online shop, but would need help to get it set up I think. Anyways, very happy to find your channel, there are a ton of us who were not diagnosed bc females with verbal ability and normal to above-average IQ were overlooked and just called "shy" or "socially awkward" 50 years ago. But today's a new day, and "different" does NOT mean "less". It means mermaids, and unicorns, and monkeys 🎉❤ woohooooo
I really resonate with your comment about things finally making sense… I’ve bought hundreds of self help books over the years, and nothing made any sense or was really of a lot of help until autism. Then I had my lightbulb moment!
Thank you so so much for this video! 30 minutes of recording and you gave us 24 of them. This feels so much less curated and edited and feels so much more open and real. And yes please, give us a fidget toy video! I tend to use one a few times, and then discard it and buy a new one, even though I love the "current" one dearly and appreciate what it does. I especially love that rubbery one you mentioned to help with flappy hands, what in the world was that?! 💙
"Don't give up . . . even if you have to keep it to yourself." 😭💜💜💜🧜♀♾
❤ Jag är 42 år och väntar på min utredning. Tack för att du berättar, allt detta. Det hjälper mig hitta mig själv! ❤
We need a diagnoses because we know something is up but not exactly sure what it is. The diagnoses helps us put a label on it and then find resources to help better ourselves
Totally agree on the sensory swings thing. I'll move out soon and my father gifted me a hammock chair for my balcony. I've always loved swings and hanging chairs, since the movement really helps me relax 👌🏻
I actually have an entire room at my new place which I dedicated to all of my art, stories, mangas, comics, books, anime figures and posters. Whenever I step into that room, I am instantly happy, being surrounded by all of my interests, all my hyperfixations and all the things that make me truly happy 💖
I really like videos like these, because they help me to understand myself a little better. I've suspected I might be somewhere on the autistic spectrum for some time now (even thought my father said I "don't look autistic" and that he couldn't possibly imagine that -_-) and if my informal interview with a therapist goes well next week, I might be able to start a therapy where I can sort out my suspected autism, among other things.
Thank you so much for being so informative and letting us get a glimpse of what life with autism is like for you.
I'm almost 45, was diagnosed (officially) ADHD at 44, and am still wrapping my head around (for the last few months) a self-ID as ASC (but DAMN does it fit).
I just found you yesterday through your diagnosis video and was so touched and could identify so completely with the sheer relief and joy you clearly felt. Thank you for sharing that.
I'm glad we both found our Tribe. 😃
Literally brought to tears when you said "I'm allowed to take up space." .......... .... This is something I'm doing my best to understand is ok for me, too. Moment of raw vulnerability there. Again, ty for this.
Thanks again, Courtney. I'm looking forward to learning how to use fidget toys and all the things. I'm here for it. Great to see your enthusiasm to share.
Thank you so much being on this journey with me! 💖
For the people that don’t understand or like your content l, then they can just find something else. Last time I checked it’s just the viewer’s choice. Mermaids United!
Thank you! YES! 💖
I watched your video yesterday - and I body sobbed with you. Thank you for your vulnerability. I have been on the wait list for an autism diagnosis for 2 years. I re-took all the quizzes last night because your binder of stuff inspired me to get organised. It's probably still another year away, but I will get it eventually and I can finally get that validation. I'm kind of embarrassed that I do feel the need to have it 'official', but c'est la vie.
Thanks again!
OMG when you were talking about fidgets I wasn't really feeling it. Thinking back to my childhood slinky and how I loved letting it move through my hands, how touching smooth rocks turns me on and wondering if those things even qualified as fidgets. Yes, second guessing myself is my superpower. 😉
Then you mentioned how even your wedding ring is a fidget and I burst into tears!
While my husband and I still live together, we stopped wearing our wedding rings about a year ago and I can't tell you how much I miss that damn ring!
FYI I'm 70 and undiagnosed. Really grateful for the way you are putting yourself out there about all this. I relate to SO much of it! I have watched the video about your diagnosis and I'm still on the fence about whether or not to put myself through it, so thank you for everything, and I'm so sorry about the backlash. WTF is that about anyway?
I love the way you are all over the place and keep inserting bits of explanation and clarification. I love your passionate intensity about claiming your own space and "Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!" This is who I am. Take it or leave it." You go girl! You are simply a breath of fresh air!
Its not a label...its a manual.
I have adhd and autism,it helps so mutch knowing whats goining on.
Clears up a whole lot
The more we understand what type of operating system we are using, the better informed we are to find the tools that work best for us to navigate the world. I'm only just now learning about myself late in my 40's. Now everything makes sense, and it also opens the doors for me to be easier on myself in general.
People around me ask why i want to find diagnoses so much, and I'm like "I WANNA KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH MEEE"
Thank you so much for sharing these videos....I am 62 (diagnosed as Autistic last year, at 61) and trying to unmask and assess/understand the damage that 6 decades of being undiagnosed has done isn't easy....the disappointment of other peooles reactions is also hard and the lack of understanding and support has been shocking. I now understand that we have to advocate for ourselves, set our own boundaries and protect ourselves (nobody else is going to do it for us) .... Your videos help more than you can know, thank you for your bravery and honesty 🌈
I was diagnosed 11 years ago but it's not until I hit an autistic burnout about a year and a half ago at 33 that I actually started getting to know myself without the mask. Thanks for these two videos in adding some perspective to how it's like for you to live autistic, it adds some validity to what I've been going through.
I got the diagnosis FOR ME. Your last video popped up on my feed just a few days after I received my diagnosis of Autism at 38 (39 in April.) I had recently transitioned to a new psych doctor, and she had concerns with my BP + presumptive ADHD diagnosis given the contraindications with their medications. So my referral was to clarify BP vs ADHD. Didn’t completely rule out BP, but the neuropsych dr was highly skeptical it is an organic issue for me. He did say that my manic episode after a dosage increase (literally the only time i can say mania happened, even hypomania is a major major stretch and i would have to be HIGHLY rapid cycling for that to work) is something that tends to happen a lot with autistic people.
But anyway, I brought up the autism possibility on my pre-evaluation questionnaire and in my initial interview. I literally wrote 22pages of things that I have noticed throughout my life that made me consider “is this autistic?” With examples from my childhood up until now. I have ALWAYS felt like an alien outcast. From the time i could remember in pre-school until now. I didn’t NEED the diagnosis for services-because lets face it its absolute shit, especially for people that are late-diagnosis and classified under Level One (which i disagree with for me.) I got the diagnosis FOR ME. I needed to know. I self-identified as autistic, but i needed validation for it. Imposter syndrome is real, and it really messes with your head.
People that aren’t autistic do not research for HOURS each and every day for YEARS, spend time in autistic led spaces (TH-cam channel, fb groups, etc.) That just DOES NOT happen. They may think about it for a few minutes, then go Nah, and go back to their life. My husband brought up him possibly being autistic, and honestly I don’t see it. I do think he fits the NDA profile, and possibly inattentive ADHD, but I don’t get autism from him at all. Of course, I’m not going to going to say that unless he flat out asks me-im not going to invalidate him if he thinks that, that’s on him. I don’t know what he does all in his spare time. I don’t know what he is thinking, i don’t know how much time he’s spent researching. I just don’t get that vibe from him. I do absolutely believe he is ND with a high propensity introvert is, but again it’s not my job and duty to discount what he may or may not believe.
Thank you for all you do! You give me so much hope. I’ve made it to 73 using masking. I quite literally made versions of myself to survive. As I’ve grown wiser (ie: older), I can no longer do it. It’s simply too exhausting. I’ve completed several of the tests which show I’m on the spectrum but somehow think I have to retake them cause maybe I’m just an imposter and didn’t answer questions correctly. I know; kind of sad but true. I’m in the investigation phase right now - finding my true self. Thanks for making it easier for me to find the courage to pursue it. So many people think it’s impossible for a 73 year old like me to have an autistic diagnosis. Thank you for seeing us.
Masking does seem to get harder the older I get. And the more I accept my Tism and me self, the less I want to mask.connecting to others in our community really helps.
Do whatever is best for you. Masking is tiring and can be overwhelming all by itself.
Hi Courtney,
I'm a Dyslexic AuDHD myself.
Dyslexia & ADD diagnosed in 3rd grade & ASD recently at 47 years old.
Love the video,
16:16 giving us a hard time for ASD might be "a them problem" however when the people are close family members it really makes daily life hell.
I struggle watching & interacting with live content because my mind will jump topics & I have to rewind a bit, combine this with Dyslexia & the topic moves on before I can compose & post a comment.
I received a diagnosis last October at 57. I pretty much knew beforehand but I am so fed up of being told to pull myself together or get a grip due to my multitude of health issues which relate to autism. I can now tell people why I am not feeling well or being anxious or stress is real and not my imagination.
loved this video ^^ didn't like how your other video made things hard for you :( but I loved the face you made when you looked into the fidgettoy box XD
Lately I have been allowing myself some of that excitement when going to supermarkets with my partner when going through toys and also fidgettoys and it's so pleasant when you can "just be"
Also, on my journey to self accommodation, I have got everything you mentioned minus the creams (I have them but i hate the feeling of creams on my skin) especially since, while I am in the process of hopefully getting diagnosed, I don't have much hope that I will actually be diagnosed with autism, because of everything else that's going on with me :/ I really wished diagnostic criteria would stop being so extremely external and actually involve how we are internally...cause that seems alot more clearer to distinguish from other possibilities.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us Courtney.
I'll be looking forward to the fidget toys video and how to accommodate yourself as a business owner! How you got started and managed all the ins and outs of websites and customers and sales and all the little things that most people brush over, how you allocate time too is all stuff I'm insanely curious about!
Thank you! I am now starting my diagnosis journey. For me, it has been eye opening doing research now for years and analyzing my life up until now. I hope that the diagnosis process will be healing for me no matter what the outcome is. I also hope it will help others to understand me and hopefully do research of their own about it. Although, I understand now that research isn't something NT's do for hours and hours and days and weeks and months and years like me, so I might still have to help them understand. But they may listen and accept me for who I am with a diagnosis of some sort rather than being ignored as I am now.
Is it strange that I feel like I've been masking so long that I don't know what - my - needs are or where to begin accomodating myself? I'm so new to the idea of taking care of myself rather than making everyone else comfortable instead.
I found you through your diagnosis video tonight and immediately watched this video afterwords. This video hit home hard. I have, for a long time, wondered if I am autistic. Like you, my people pleaser...."broke" and I don't want to turn back.
I also LOVE creatures of myth and legend. I tie them into every single one of my special interests. Im tired of people going "you know the difference between fantasy and reality, right?" Yes...yes I do know the difference, can I not enjoy a bit of pretend now and again with my cosplays, or write a story? We call pretend pretend for a reason!
Just...thank you, so much for these videos. For validating my experiences through showing us yours. I've never felt so heard before when it comes to my special interests .
In my heart, I'm still the little girl who climbed up on a rock at the beach, wearing green overalls so she could pretend to be Ariel. As an adult, I don't want to throw that magical feeling of imagination away just because others feel that my free time should be spent doing something that pleases them. I want to use it to fule my creativity and art.
Its just...hard to learn to let yourself....BE. To let yourself exist as what you are, rather than what others wish to mold you to be.
Omg I love you 😂 I'm so glad I found you!! You and Morgan Foley are my favorite TH-camrs now❤❤ As soon as you said this will be your content going forward, I subscribed😊
I'm 33 and FINALLY just got diagnosed with ADHD but my doctor thinks I may be autistic as well, so we're working on getting me evaluated
I appreciate hearing authentic people sharing authentically.
You seem super rad. Keep being yourself; you make this world more beautiful.
I was obsessed with mermaids a few years ago, you're channel was one of my favorites. I've been looking into getting an autism diagnoses and I just think it's so cool that you're sharing your autism diagnosis journey. I know that these videos really would have helped me those years ago, that's why it can be so important for people to speak so openly about being neurodivergent. Also your tails are literally amazing :)
Thank you so much! 💖
I got my diagnosis last week. I felt I was in the room with you in the Moment of Truth portion of the video. I cannot relate any more than I am right now. Having found your video that is seemingly climbing the algorithm I just wanted to let you know that I found your journey very validating. To see and hear that others have gone through what I have, that I'm not just WeIrD and QuiRkY. There is an explanation, and an adjective I can now use when communicating my needs....whatever those are... I'm still figuring that out. I have been stumbled through life for the last 30 years. I believe it will be a long process to pick away the mask and allow myself to be...myself. So thank you so much!
I also like to use a broken leg analogy when I'm asked "why do yuo want a diagnoses". Funnily enouigh, this was something I somewhat relate to as a few years ago I severely torn a ligament in my leg, which mean I needed survey and be non-weightbearing for a couple months.
Anyway, just because someone is limping around, possibly using crutches, it does not mean they are coasting through life just fine. They are struggling just to even walk, but they have to make do. If there was a resource to help that person understand what is wrong with their leg so we can then look into helping them fix it. Why wouldn't you?
Why do you need to get your leg looked at my the doctor? You've been fine this whole time?!1 That doesn't make sense, does it?
I find a sense in irony that the allistic people who ask autistic people, why they want a diagnosis, see life as a black-and-white, you're fine or you're not.
I am 59 and a year into the diagnostic process here in Ontario. Still waiting for my final interview. I did just see your video on your diagnosis, and the emotion you share speaks to my experience. I burst into tears as soon as you got the answer... I think I'll react that way when my turn comes. Also, what you say about the mermaid stuff overlapping the autistic stuff... oh ya! Love it! And would love a video on fidget toys. Thank you for sharing.❤
Hey! Of course you're not the only one, but you were part of my journey that lead me to get a diagnosis! Thanks!!
19:28 “everything is fake” THANK YOU. THIS.
I’ve been deep diving into ADHD and ASD for well over a year now and am starting the process for diagnosis for myself and my children next week. I found your first ASD related video last week and immediately saved it and have referred back to it a couple of times as I prepare myself for this process. I just want to tell you I think you are incredibly brave and wonderful as well as very inspiring. I would love to know more about the accommodations you have set up for yourself (especially around routines, organization, schedules, energy, self care) as well as how your journey has been since your first ASD video. Thank you for your insights and honesty! You are amazing!
The first thing you said, that neurotypical dont go around wondering if they are autistic... I do wonder, but i'm not really sure about it. I'm 90% sure on ADHD, and waiting for my diagnosis appointment right now. But i still wonder about ASD mainly since my bff brought it up. I had thought about it before but later i just was like nah, it's probably just anxiety. But then my bff brought it up and now I'm like, "does she have a warped image of me, or do I?". She met a few ASD girls recently and learnt how ASD can look like for girls.
I do have ASD traits, but i also have OCD and i've heard they can be similar. When I think about adult me, i'm really not sure, but when i think about my childhood, I never was included in groups, was bullied, had trouble learning to speak, I also had a problem that my adenoids were so big that my tongue didnt fit in my mouth so most people thought i was disabled until the age of 5 when they took them out. So i don't know if those problems were related to me looking disabled and therefore being rejected, or anything else
I literally ran across your original video today for the first time and can’t wait for more content from you about autism. ❤
Thank you so much for watching! 💖
Im only 2 minutes into this, but it breaks me to hear you say that video destroyed your life. I found out last weekend that my daughter is autistic. Throughout the procoess of getting her diagnosis I noticed many similarities betweeen her and I and am currently waiting for my evaluation. Ive done nothing but binge your autism videos since putting my girls to bed and i cant even begin to explain how much of this i can relate to. Im very thankful you put yourself out there and were so open about your process. Even if my assessment doesnt come back with an autism diagnosis, it helps me understand my daughter more. so thank you ❤
I just want to also highlight how helpful these videos have been for people who are not autistic. I have an adult friend who was diagnosed last year, and I believe your videos helped me be a more supportive friend in that time. Likewise, my workplace has been working to become a certified autism center, and your videos were very helpful to have seen before the trainings we had to do.
Thank you again for all that you do!
Knowing that I’ve helped you become a more supportive friend means the absolute world to me and I want to thank you so much for taking the time to watch my videos and for commenting to let me know! 💖
Thank you! I’ve spent my nearly 50 years on this planet thinking I’m the problem. I don’t think people can comprehend what it’s like to spend that long thinking there’s something supremely wrong with you because the world, and the people in it, just don’t make sense to you, so you constantly try to mimic them because they must be right… right?! I am now self-diagnosed, because I can’t afford to go through the diagnosis process; it’s also not available in my part of BC. Since I had my “oh, yeah, that makes my whole life make a lot more sense” moment, I’ve stopped blaming myself for being faulty somehow. And it’s thanks to people like you creating this content. I’m thankful to all of you.
Also, as a nurse here in BC, I can confirm that our healthcare system is absolutely broken now.
Thanks for explaining your PoV!
You are so freaking real for all of this, and I am so thankful! I have seen the other videos and I’m happy to see you are more happy in this one while still calling out the fake crap in the world and standing up for yourself.
I’m not diagnosed yet but…I know.
I’ve been following your channel for a couple years now and this was a delight to watch Courtney. It felt so very authentic and genuine, not to mention relatable lol I watched that video so fast when you posted it cause I already knew it about myself. I’m so glad it’s blown up like it has and kept you around cause I’d definitely miss seeing your videos if you left ( though I definitely understand the inclination to leave)
I’ve watched your channel for years because mermaids are one my special interests. You have no idea how seen I have felt watching your diagnosis video.
That means the world to me to know. It was my hope in sharing my story. 🫂❤️
Hearing you say how devastating to your life that video was made me feel compelled to say: that video helped me *so* much. I was diagnosed about a month after watching it, just shy of my 30th birthday, and your video was so validating, informative, and supporting to me. So thank you for making it.
p.s. absolutely yes please to the massive autism masterlist video of how to use fidgets and how you accommodate yourself and maybe how to stim? because like late dx often means you've learnt to suppress stims but now you know you need them to regulate and it's a whole thing
You would have so much to say about this video, thank you so much Courtney you’re my favourite fishie/mer person and favourite TH-camr!
I loved the little parenthesis on fidget toys and the stimming/fidgeting! I also do fist shaking when I’m excited,
Send you love from the other side of Canada!!! 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Most of these things you have shown are items my family and myself have, over the last 40 years, bought for my middle son, and more recently for my grand daughter Neither of them have been tested, though i now know they both show strong signs of autism.
Despite all the problems he had growing up, and all the psychologists and psychiatrists he saw, no one ever suggested my son might be autistic.....ADHD, Frontal lobe damage, some kind of personality disorder, just plain weird, a nerd, dyspraxic, social anxiety.....anything and everything, bar autistic.....his IQ tests (despite being oddly bad in some areas, always in the same areas) came out overall really high. But he had no friends, couldn't distinguish serious talk from joking, couldn't keep still, was obsessed with weird specific things, overreacted to noise and lights, couldnt hold a proper conversation, they would always disintegrate into him holding forth on his weird interests.He felt different. He was not a happy person That was 40 years ago
Two years ago, a new neighbour, in passing, casually said to him one day when they were talking ' well thats because you're autistic'. He was shocked, and asked her why she said that. Her response was, "Well, you're just like my son. You talk like him, interact like him, respond like him, so I kind of presumed...." She went on to apologise, but it made him start thinking.
So he looked it all up, did a load of the tests available, and came to the conclusion that she was probably right...he ticked all the boxes. So then he told me. I looked it up too, and there, in black and white, was the explanation to his entire life in front of me. He then spoke to his doctor, who was surprised he'd never been tested for it, (he's a new doctor) he'd just presumed he was. So he was immediately offered the tests. I was surprised when he turned them down. He said he knows it's pretty certainly the case that he is on the spectrum, it explains a lot, but he cant see what use the label would be to him now. He's learned to live through life without it. And he now realises that he doesnt need to hide the way he thinks and feels any more. He doesnt need a label for it, and he shouldnt need an excuse to be himself. People can take him or leave him, he has his interests, his passions and hes happy with those. So he's not bothered now about being different. He can actually get on with doing things his own way, and be happy about it.
It makes no difference to the rest of us in the family. We bought him sound proof headphones because noise irritated him, we bought him fidget toys because he liked them. He has a weighted blanket because we all like them...We love him just the way he is. Even when he drives us crazy.
Now it seems that my 13 year old granddaughter is on the spectrum too. We had wondered since she was a toddler, she was so much like her uncle, but she wasn't unhappy, like him. Again, she was the one who brought up the subject of autism. She asked us if we thought she was on the spectrum, and we were honest and said she might well be, and that she could be tested if she wanted. She didn't want to be tested either, but she said it was because she is afraid that if she is found to be autistic, then she will be pushed into programs to 'help her fit in better' with society. She doesnt want that. She actually likes the way she is, even if it is different, she doesn't particularly want to blend in. So, she has some fidget rings to keep her going. And headphones to keep out the noise. She follows her own passions, and like her uncle she is super good at the things she enjoys. Lets face it they follow things so deeply they're bound to be good at them. She's happy in what she's doing, and her peers respect her for that. Her best friend ( only real friend actually) was diagnosed as being on the spectrum when she was a baby. They are close and share the same interests. Maybe that helps. I dont know. But in all honesty, I've learned that we are all different in one way or another, and well maybe I'm a bit on the spectrum myself too, but I'd rather go for weird and interesting than run of the mill and boring.
You do seem different in this video compared the diagnosis video. I think you’re more comfortable in your own skin and unmasking for us. Love it
Thank you for putting yourself out there and help me with your story. I’m 45 and suffered for so long and now I’m my true self but I still need other autistic people to help me navigate through this
dawg the way "none of this is real" is a genuine thing I tell myself all the time as comfort rghdgvfh
fr nothing's real nothing matters and as long as you're not hurting anyone else you do what you do lol
I always knew there was something "wrong" my whole life but when I started to see what autism really was (not what the neurotypical people around me assumed) everything fit! I almost cried. It's very important for people with these "disorders" to get accommodations, or just simple understanding, and a diagnosis is a big part of that. Without a diagnosis, people don't take you seriously.
Self-diagnosed here... This is probably the most useful video you could have put out as a follow-up after the diagnosis video, thanks so much! 💖
I am also living with headphones on my ears... except I got relatively affordable ANC earbuds. I find it annoying how the over-ear headphones get in the way 🫤 and I also couldn't shower with them 🫣
I cannot tell you how much your videos on this subject have meant to me over the past several weeks. Thank you for posting about this! Truly ❤
You are awesome! Your honesty and courage in sharing you has changed my life for the better. My Aspie Quiz score was 125/200, and a 94% likelihood of being autistic. Rock on!
Thank you for sharing your experience with getting diagnosed. It’s brave and inspiring. Your channel was recommended by TH-cam to me today. I’m 54 and recently found out that I am on the spectrum. I completely understand why you pursued formal diagnosis. I don’t understand why it triggers people but it is a very real thing that happens. I love mermaids too and I wish you so much happiness on your journey.
I have my very 1st appointment for an ASD assessment tomorrow. I’m 37 years old! Then I have 3 more appointments! I literally just want answers. Why else would I pay $175/hr out of pocket?
I’ll be honest. I’m TERRIFIED. However, I know that once I have answers I’ll be able to discover me. Probably for the first time, and I’ll be able to learn how to accept myself no matter the outcome.
Thank you for the video
Not related to autism but your thoughts about your struggles related to people being skeptical about your experience and overall being mean and judging that benefits no one but their scared hearts....these thoughts are not only relatable but also makes me grin gleefully! It just hit right at the feels. Not only that but your beliefs about discovering yourself and finding the things that make you feel content and satisfied with life and yourself is something I personally believe in as well.
Subscribed years ago, found out about my ASD a little after you did, this helped my self acceptance deeply.
Thank you Courtney.
I'd just like to quickly say that I notice you excusing yourself often for sounding "selfish", even though nothing I've ever heard you say is selfish. I'm sure you've heard people tell you that plenty of times to the point it's in your head and a thing you worry about, but you dont sound selfish, youre not rude, you are valid, you are a great person and you are a help for so many people. Of course I don't know you personally and you edit the videos and may still be masking and things but I still stand by what I said and just wanted to tell you that I, we understand and that it's okay ❤
Oh my god, I love your energy! Getting fidgets and a hammock changed the game for me, even before my diagnosis. We know ourselves best. Like you said, we’ve got to do what it takes to make ourselves comfortable with the life we have.
Im confused why you - what and who, how was anyone - damn people are fracked. YOU are saving me right now, I have not heard anyone like you before, aged 52. Offical ADHD 10 yrs ago, but now Au- coming, but no one who KNOWS me, just a few of them, all - for years, Oh yes "we always knew you have the 'tisms'.... you are doing the work of the angels, thank you
Personally I think getting a diagnosis is a super difficult decision, and the answer may depend on which country you live in. On one hand it could be validating to close off the question in your mind once and for all, but on the other hand it seems like a lot of effort and expense. Where I am from, a diagnosis also comes with government funded support so the medical system is tilted towards avoiding having to give more money to more people who get this diagnosis. For me, I am content with the fact that I have discovered that my life experience is not unique, and that there are other people who have had the same experience but more importantly, simply knowing about strategies and techniques people use to make life easier has been so helpful. So for example, if headphones make my life so much so much better, whether I have a diagnosis that tells me to wear them is irrelevant.
I love this video, and I live that you’ll make more content about autism going forward😍✨ Also, a «how to fidget» video would be really helpful!😍
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I just cried along with you while watching the diagnosis video and I really appreciate you sharing the whole journey and links. I’m in the process and watching your videos are helping me mentally prepare for the official assessment. Thanks again please keep sharing!! ❤️
Watched these two videos the week before my assessment, gaining some confidence in moving forward through you sharing your experience.
Hi, i just found your original video today and am watching the follow up today. I was diagnosed with Asperges aged 40 and really connected with your reaction when you finally got your diagnosis. Good on you for sharing your experience. I completely understand you wanting to get a diagnosis to be able to understand yourself better. I had the same feelings of understanding lots of moments from my earlier life. I think we have shared many experiences throughout this journey. Andy up and be proud. Well done from the UK.
Gah sorry for a million comments - and yet oh my GOOOOOSH I know. Why does it matter if I want to make MY life easier, so that I can be a calmer, happier, better overall person?! I felt that. I so felt that. Thank you for reminding me that it's time to put US first. Love you!
i sincerely don't understand why people question us wanting a diagnosis and wanting to figure ourselves out. i feel exactly the same way as you do - why is it wrong of us to want to finally learn the truth about ourselves? i get the results of my assessment next week and i've been going thru a roller coaster of emotions. while i've been more accepting of myself, i'm afraid that when (if?) i get diagnosed it's gonna hit me again and i'll react just like you did... thank you for being so open and honest about this. also i love your personality - you're so fun to listen to!
You said "30 minutes of recording and what have I really said...?" You just said one of the most profound and meaningful sentences which is: " It broke" referring to the whole masking thing, which is soul killing. That just happened to me. About two weeks ago I stopped and thought, I can't do this anymore. I won't do this anymore. I deserve to take up space and be me just like everyone else.
Oh, I got a ring like that, too and found it so nice to play with it :D. I totally understand why you wanted to get a diagnosis. I feel like I wouldn‘t get one but sometimes I feel like I‘m never going to fit in and be able to myself in public or even in my garden (when I know my neighbors are outside too). I hate it when I feel like I’m failing and I don’t understand why and feel like there is nothing really anyone could change about it. It‘s really hard to accept oneself when you can‘t really be happy although you think your life isn‘t that bad.
Yes, we've found you and happy you're here! The "randomness" is totally okay and relatable (I know it's how my brain works, I totally followed, and didn't realize you were jumping subjects until you mentioned it, haha... it all tied in together, so it was natural imho). Fidget/Stim toys... I've never been interested and tend to use games/apps on my phone for this. But as you were going through your box, I remembered that I used to have this wooden flexible snake thing that was probably one of my fidget/stim things. So after pausing your video and looking for it, I don't seem to have it anymore... soooo, I guess I'll have to buy a box of 24 of them on Amazon as that seems to be the closest option (many of the offerings were unfinished and the feel of the finished polish was one of the highlights of it along with the weight and sway).
Parent of a 15 yo daughter I am desperately trying to get tested and watching your videos helped me want to push on. I feel like we are slipping through the cracks even though I keep bugging people. So keep up the good work!!
My fave stimtoys are:
- NeeDoh NiceCube (omg the texture is heaven, it is amazing!)
- NeeDoh Swirl stressball (sooooo soft and squishable)
- Jellycat Storm octopus (most softest boingy stimmy arms to curl around your fingers
I got my diagnosis just after I turned 38 almost 7 years ago. I got mine solely so it would be easier for my child to get theirs. I thought that maybe they could get assistance for a few things I never did.
Years later in review, I was not prepared for how much of my life that I was personally affected by being autistic. Probably the biggest thing that means the most to me, SO MANY Things were not my fault. *strong exhale* Even years later occasionally I have a brief thought that "maybe I'm not really..." the diagnosis is something concrete that isn't "just my opinion" on my life.
Your mac vs PC analogy in another video is similar to my iPhone vs Android.
The diagnosis now I use it to force accommodations that I used to feel guilty for doing. IE earbuds/headphones, walking away from work area to relax for a few minutes, etc. I get to go "Nope, I'm not in the wrong, ADA says you have to accommodate and if you bug me about it again you're risking being found discrminating"
The diagnosis helps me be me guilt free.
I just subscribed to your channel. Number one, I’m a mermaid too! Go, merfolk! But also I love an autistic person. And we didn’t understand he was autistic until we made another person who was a lot like him in so many ways, and had challenges we have been helping her through. My daughter is very “gifted,” and is autistic and has ADHD. It’s been a challenge loving her and supporting her, but also very rewarding. When she was first diagnosed I struggled with letting her teachers know about her diagnosis, but what I have come to realize is that the label of "autism" helps people understand the person better. i wish my husband had the support we found for my daughter growing up, but we can only know what we know, i guess. thank you for making your videos, and mermaid on!
A bamboo weighted blanket is all I can use, and I always use soft sheets underneath. Non-itchy and non-heat retaining. I got mine from Amazon because of their return policy.
I'm so sorry you have had so much ableist conditioning thrown at you. People are threatened by vulnerability and anything different because it confronts their own vulnerability despite their denial. It also confronts how tightly they are wound trying to fit themselves into toxic expectations that don't meet ANYONE'S needs.
Herein lies your courage! I stand with you in the ethical value that everyone deserves to get their needs met for quality of life!
I have those exact headphones!! Saved my frickin existence is an understatement!! I could watch you talk about autism for hours I absolutely am loving this content!!
I would love to see a video about fidgets! I am definitely one of the people who struggles to figure them out haha 😂
Im 1:41 in and I HAVE TO TELL YOU I am so happy and grateful You DID the video about your diagnosis. It was SO important for me - everything you said and did, the way you were - genuine and real, anxious and happy... All of it resonated with me/in me on such a deep level
I was then in the - nerve wrecking - process of my own diagnosis and it helped to not be the only freaking out freak there is... And on top of that, I asked my husband to watch your video, he did and said "Oh, Ok, now I get what is happening with you" - and this was so super important for both of us - him understanding more. So LUV LUV LUV Courtney Mermaid
Your assessment video actually resonated with me quite a lot, being one of the times when I genuinely started crying over this topic. Not for a bad reason, on the contrary. For being heard, for relating to something so much, and for feeling the same pain you described. I plan on seeking out a diagnosis to understand whether I am autistic or not, and to answer the question of "why get one", it's quite simple: Personally, I want to find the reason why my life has been so upside down, I want to validate my feelings and connect them to something that many other people experience. I'm tired of thinking that I'm just a lazy, uneducated and "weird" individual. I want to know myself, and I want to know what I'm going through
I have a playlist with over 300+ videos about autism and ADHD, and I relate to each one of them. Ever since I started researching on these two topics, I discovered that all of these describe my life and experience so precisely. They're such specific things that I thought nobody else experienced. But now I know
Don't stop making videos for the sake of people that spread negativity. Of course, unless it impacts your mental health that is. But otherwise, I think more people need to hear the message, hear more about this topic, spread information and educate. It's such a taboo topic for many, and unfortunately, isn't something people take the time to educate themselves on. It's been quite hard to find information on this topic from autistic individuals themselves. It really matters to hear their voices, and their experience
Thank you for making these videos I feel less alone for them. I’m lucky to have an autistic husband and one autistic son. Our son’s diagnosis led to ours rather informally. Basically as she told us our son is autistic she also said “ sometimes… sometimes, like now, autistic kids have autistic parents “ this is how she started the conversation to tell us that we too are autistic. We were diagnosed in the autism center attached to children’s hospital.
Fidget toys, I use yarn, and uh my fingers. I love body brushes.
Yes Ma'am. I love that you said you actually have the right to be you and take up your own space in your own life! I have never been diagnosed or thought I might be Autistic but I get having my own quirks and people thinking I'm weird because of it. So what! My chapstick obsession is my own. My irritation with repetitive noises is not that weird. My physical illness about certain lighting is something I cannot control.Ive enjoyed your videos and I get where you're coming from. 🧜♀💙
Thank you - love that so much. You make some of us be seen and that doesn't happen that often but is so needed. ❤
You made the video for people like us who are like you! Who are going on this SAME JOURNEY YOU ARE!!!!! This is and has been helping me!!!! Of course you are going to have those bullies!!!!!! Always gotta have negative ppl!! Thank you too for encouraging me and letting me feel im not alone.. ..... and my child also is worse then me so i Def feel like my journey will help my child.....
KNITTED WEIGHTED BLANKETS!!!!!!!! they are the best
I cried watching your assessment video, thank you so much for making it, and for this video too. I would absolutely love a video about fidget toys and how to accommodate your environment. I just discovered your channel today, but I definitely plan on watching your next videos!
Thank you for this video and that other video about your autism assessment. I had just finished my Autism assessment the day I found that first video and it really helped me see how valid my feelings during this process are. I get my results at the end of this month on what will be my 24th birthday after researching Autism since I was 15. I’m hoping to receive the diagnosis but in the meantime I’m just trying to allow myself to take up space and accommodate myself even though others don’t always understand. Looking forward to seeing more content from you.
There has been so much crap since my childhood... So many things about myself, and stuff that has happened that has made zero sense to me. Things that no matter how I try I can't change. I can try to pretend to fit in (easier if you can look the part too... TBH if people like how you look they notice the weirdness less. Or you become their "manic pixie dream girl"...) but I can't change who I am deep down. Countless nights I've cried or gotten so frustrated wondering why I'm not understood and have such trouble explaining myself and getting my words out, why I often don't know what people mean unless they are literal, why it's so hard to connect with others, why I can be so naive and easily hurt, why I'm so sensitive to different things (like lights, sounds, textures) and no one around me gets that and will make fun of me for it, and many other thing as well. Why I can't just be freaking normal... Literally the only thing I can see making sense, the only thing that REALLY fits after decades of research, is "Oh yeah I'm probably autistic..." They suspected very high functioning autism (probably would have been considered PDD-NOS) in my childhood but nothing ever came of that and I just fell through the cracks. I learned how to mask really well and was considered to have "developed the necessary social skills". But that's bs. Yes I've "gotten by" by an outsider's perspective but they look at the social skills of CHIDREN. They don't consider the effects on high masking adults who have gone their whole lives without any help. NTM the person who said this also said I likely had "social anxiety" (I don't FYI). So I've developed the "necessary social skills" but I have social anxiety? Umm... Yes it's harder to get help now but it's not impossible and at least there would be resources better suited to my needs. That's why knowing would be a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders.
My new favorite accommodation is an address stamp for putting my return address on things! You don't have to be a business to buy one! I haaaaaate writing the same thing over and over, but I write cards to ppl. So, I just made it easier! Its ok to take shortcuts. It isnt a character flaw ❤
I finally, finally, finally got my diagnosis this week after years of knowing it in my heart, and years of doctors and psychiatrists telling me I was silly for wanting to be evaluated. Getting my diagnosis was so powerful in helping me understand myself, and helping others to understand me as well. I finally know the right lens with which to view my difficulties. Having the language and words to describe our struggles is hugely empowering.
It is so important and so helpful! I'm so happy for you!
Most people recognise that understanding ourselves is important, so seeking a diagnosis shouldn't be strange. IMO, many of these comments can often be explained by politics (labels = bad) and/or just prejudice; "you can be autistic, I just don't want to know or see it". I was diagnosed at 31 years old and it's helped me immensely in navigating the allistic world in a health way. Knowing when to say 'enough', not blaming myself endlessly for things I can't control. It's helped me know my strengths which in turn helps me pursue my goals. If we take the time to humanise the other, these sorts of insights really aren't that elusive.