I found you on my school account and you are so inspirational for me!! Thank you so much for sharing, your story has resonated within me to a degree I had been closed off to. Thank you so much for starting this amazing journey for me!!
The sigh… yeah. I’ve had people get angry at me for JUST BREATHING. So many assumptions about what it MEANS. I’m not even on the spectrum - I usually type out about midway between “normal” and “autistic” - but this thing about sighing has gotten me so judged, up to and including during my recent grad school IN COUNSELING PSYCHOLOGY. *headdesk* I finally got diagnosed as ADHD at age 49, after dealing with my daughter, husband of 20+ years (now ex), and sister all having been diagnosed ADHD already. Before that? Depression and anxiety diagnoses, experimentation with meds for OCD and even BIPOLAR, and so many years of being told I wasn’t TRYING hard enough. So many things you have mentioned resonate with me: food textures, sound sensitivities, just … not fitting in as a child. On and on and on. Understanding myself as neurodiverse has helped me so much. Thanks for sharing ing your experience so others could benefit. It’s super helpful!
The way you describe your sensory issues resonate so much with me. I used to gag at certain textures as a child and was deemed „fussy“. Noise cancelling headphones are a savior too
I do the sigh thing: for me, I'm anxious a lot and without realising it, I'm often breathing very shallow and when I realise, I expel the air that's been held in my chest for ages.
I really sighed a lot, when I found myself housed with people I had a hard time getting along with. It was safer than fully verbalizing my thoughts. But I had no peace except middle of the night until I was able to move. I have to tie my shoes really tight. I think it is a subtle, continuous stim. I remember starting this when I first learned to tie my own shoes. A few falls occasioned by laces that worked loose made me aware how tight laces are reassuring. Tight to point my feet don't swell when I over-ate salt, not until night when slide shoes off.
18 years ago at age 24 I told my therapist about my suspicion about having Asperger‘s (as it was called back then). She brushed it off and told me my problems are caused by my traumatic childhood. And I believed her, after all she was the professional and I „just“ the patient. Now I‘m 42 and about to have my ASD evaluation. Doing my research and listening to other autistics experiences has already helped me so much to understand myself and my needs/boundaries better and to not fight against my own nature all the time because „I should be different“. I lost so much time already and I refuse to waste any more. Thank you for sharing your experience ❤
I stumbled upon these videos today, TH-cam doing its thing… I did all the tests, I score high. But then I think that is it just my CPTSD? I’m also in my eary 40s. 😢
I have been doing research for about six months now and whenever I see videos like yours where people with a diagnosis talk about their experience, I feel so understood. It's very reassuring. Thank you for sharing this.
You sound a lot like me. Im 67. Just took 3/4 of the tests and this has been my problem all my life. I didn't cry but sat back in overwhelm mode. Been told it's depression before and that seemed to fit for my childhood and teen years. And my 30's.
Edit: Thinking on it.. This is my 2nd time watching. I think the first time, i watched at "normal" speed. :) Kudos to brains hearing differently! Original message: I am only watching this video at 1.25... Instead of the usual 1.5 or 1.75
I didn't notice the speed of her talking until you mentioned it! This feels like an optimal speed to me! Life at 1.5 speed! xD Oops, maybe too many exclamation points.
The speedy speakers hold my attention much better than people who talk slow-to-normal speed. 🤗 I think y'all'd like "The Aspie World" -- Dan talks so rapidly and yet he enunciates so clearly! 👀 😊
I have an unofficial diagnosis from my therapist. I do not have the money to be tested but the evidence is mounting so to speak. I appreciate your honesty and I feel it is helping prepare when I do get tested. Thank you.
I'd recommend looking into Action Behavior Centers. They do autism testing for children/adults. Its free and they dont have a waitlist. Thats where I went to get my son evaluated because everywhere else had 2+ years waitlist. They scheduled it same week i called
I’m currently in the middle of my assessments. Here’s something interesting: I’m a gifted teacher and I’ve had 2 VERY obviously autistic students. I’ve spoken to admin, the school psych, and the ESE director about getting them assessed. The ESE director said that if their grades are fine, they can’t get them assessed. If they’re not causing issues, they can’t get assessed. I’ve dropped very obvious hints to parents (teachers can’t legally name a condition since we’re not doctors) and they’re oblivious about it. I find it very frustrating because my grades were fine and I wasn’t a disturbance (extreme rule follower) and I faced many issues directly linked to my (alleged) autistic traits all throughout life. By the time it got very bad, services were no longer available to me, as I was over the age of 22. I wish it could be more than grades and causing trouble to get an assessment in the public school system 😫
Society as a whole barely understands the term autism, let alone can really recognize it. Autism in women… is another 20 year exercise in getting the word out.
Funny, how you only get taken seriously if you cause trouble. I was a calm, anxious boy. Always like in a bubble, few friends, constantly lost in daydreams, not participating, hard time following along. However, written tests were good, so I made it through. As a man in his forties, now doing the typical tests and getting highish results everywhere. AQ50, RAADS, CATQ, MQ, you name it. Huh. Considering assessment now.
That's awful! I'm really fortunate I got into a developmental disabilities program while I was homeless which ended up housing me. I feel very fortunate for all of this and guiltynbecauze other disabled people who lack basic needs can't get helpnlike thus. The assessments to get into the program I think are what helped me get approved for disability (ssdi) but I also have a crazy life story and plenty of medical records related to mental health and addiction. It's like a rap sheet 😭 I know I shouldn't feel guilty for getting this help. I've been to drug rehabs and long term program but never got the help as an Autisfic person with living independently. They'd say oh just vdt a job like it's the easiest thing in the world and it hurt my self esteem when everyone else got jobs super easily and I couldn't. My goal is to become self employed and sell photography. I don't feel optimistic cause I feel like everyone sells photography or like it'll make pennies a month. Overall I'm more fortunate than most disabled Americans and feel like anytime I'm depressed that I'm an ungrateful spoiled POS. The whole system for disability needs to change like yesterday. The application and way they will deny people even with clear medical records for SSI/SSDI is evil. Then if you work, they'll use it against you. Or you need a lot of money sometimes to get a diagnosis just to get accommodations. It's insane 😢
My journey started when my daughter was diagnosed, after doing research and seeing her do things that I did as a child really had me thinking, I relate to another of things but I have talked to a few people and I always get let down my mother in law said we're all a little autistic and when I tell my husband things he says everyone does that not just you and he doesn't understand why I want to get tested, he also said that I'll just make excuses for being a certain way rather its me or not and not try to change, I feel so alone but these videos help me feel better that there are others out there like me that I can relate too. I'm so happy you got your diagnosis and have support thru it. I bet it's the best feeling in the world to finally understand yourself better now
You're not alone..as far as I know, I'm an ADHD'er, so I still can relate (diagnosed as adult) and have a son "slightly Asperger's". I'm wondering, though, if there's another component at work in my life. For years and still to this day, I've said I feel like I don't do life well. Anyway, I hope something I said was helpful, at least made sense, or something. I care. 🙂
This is the third autism related video of yours that I'm watching. I believe I have a mix of autism and ADHD, and apparently, I've passed it on to my kids. My husband is extremely accommodating to all my issues and quirks, so I told myself I don't need a diagnosis. Now, you're making me think... I might pursue it regardless of if I'm currently getting by or not. Thank you for the videos.
"Why do you even need a diagnosis at this point?" is something that only a NT would ask. Anyone who was diagnosed later in life knows exactly why we're paying all this money and going through all this trouble. Words alone can not explain how much this actually means and what a difference it can make in someone's life.
I'm still trying to get a diagnosis and I have found it's extremely difficult and everyone turned you away to a different source than that source turns you to a different source. I score off the charts and every test I've done online and identify with every single thing every autism blog says about it but I grew up as a Jehovah's Witness so my autism really flew under the radar for very many years and now that I found this out I've noticed family and other people think I'm using it as an excuse when all the signs have been right in front of their face the entire time and that's really upsetting. 50% of autistic adults go undiagnosed..... That's a lot of people but I'm also noticed not many people know anything about autism. I didn't either because I was born in the '80s and they didn't test for stuff like that.
@@TheBenzwanger I honestly got diagnosed for myself. I let it slip to my mom at some point (because she was insulting my stepdad for "being stupid because he's on the spectrum" and I couldn't just say nothing) but I don't really know if the rest of the family even knows I'm autistic or not. If they do, they didn't hear it from me. My plan from the start was to never tell my family. I spent my entire childhood, teenagehood, and even early adult years complaining to them about my struggles and asking for help, and they always undermined me and never took me seriously. So, I felt like they had lost the right to know what diagnosis I was given, especially since they kept telling me that "it was all just in my head". They know about the anxiety (and maybe the depression?) but that's about it. They don't get to know about the ADHD, the autism or the C-PTSD.
That term, "It's all just in your head," is typical gaslighting to get you to question your reality. To that I would say, "I agree. It's in my head, not yours. That's what I'm asking you to accept."
Courtney, I feel like you walked around in my brain and stole all my own issues. I love you! You are helping me with my discovery of this. After 5 mental health diagnoses, I'm 45 and I'm actually autistic.
5:21 i’m on the other side of this. i’m constantly misinterpreting other people. when someone sighs my brain goes into over drive tryna figure out what’s wrong and if i did smth and then i shit down cuz i’m afraid of making this worse or i start incessantly asking questions to the point where people get mad. i hate it here!!! edit: PEOPLE ALWAYS SHUSHED ME TOO GROWING UP 😭😭
I'm STILL fighting for a diagnosis. So many gaslighting "professionals" that refuse to send me for late diagnosis at 43 because im a pro at masking when im around people I dont know or trust. Going tomorrow to start again with my Primary Care. Fingers crossed that I make progress for once. ❤
@@kaye_dee_did I'm fine with just self diagnosis. I'm just thinking ahead at this point. If anything happens to my spouse, I will need accommodations to make sure I can find some way to take care of myself. After unmasking, and a massive meltdown that sparked it all, I can't hold the reins like I used to and can't pretend like I used to. I've lost skills and abilities, and genuinely have had to acknowledge my level of disability in this neurotypical world, so I can learn to work WITH my current level of abilities. We're not getting any younger, and this isn't going to get easier. I need that diagnosis so I can plan for my future, hoping to have one. 💜💜💜
I have not yet been diagnosed but I do have a lot of autistic traits and symptoms. I am waiting on an assessment but I was told it could be a year. Thank you for sharing your story ❤
I'm getting tested for both ADHD and Autism in a week. I'm pretty confident in saying that my ADHD was mostly in the drivers seat when I was younger but now my ASD has aggressively taken the wheel.
17:23 I have not be DX’d yet, and I can’t speak towards the outside observations of my life, but the ‘normal parts’ I often feel that those parts are highly motivated to mask: to fit in, gain acceptance, or avoid ridicule/bullying.
I have so many signs. At 56 years old, with a 6 year old child with autism, I am realizing why i have struggled since childhood. I am not sure getting a diagnosis at 56 is worth it. But it may help me live my best life...
What made me think I was autistic? I always had trouble in groups and reading other people. This goes way back to kindergarten, I am in my 50's now. I was never sure which group to sit with at lunch, I mostly would eat alone. I was always confused in social situations, but I did not know how to explain my situation to my self or others. I did not know why I had such a hard time with groups. I thought maybe it was social anxiety. So I started reading up on it, and aspergers was mentioned. I started reading about aspergers/ autism, and a lot of the info on autism made sense. For example, I had a hard time switching tasks, I was eating frozen pizza 7 nights a week(routine), I had trouble with eye contact, I had trouble with relationships and large groups. I never had fun at bars/clubs, I never had fun at concerts. I'd rather go someplace peaceful like for a bike ride or hike then go to a party. Anyways after reading about aspergers I knew it was a fit, and finally got diagnosed in my 50's.
Wow! I’m 54 and not diagnosed but this is me! So much of this hits home. I’m blown away right now bc you described me with almost every point. Thank you for sharing
In my country there still isn't autism in adults as a diagnosis. It is barely recognized in children, so as a grown woman I have no chance to be properly diagnosed. So I'm misdiagnosed and i have felt wrong and "crazy" all my life, only now , thanks to people like you , I realize what is it about me and can actually relate, I'm crying, it's a lot to take in and even then I doubt myself
all of this had me in tears the whole time. especially the “doesn’t try hard enough” thing. it was always “ivy isn’t trying, you need to work harder. you need to be better. you need to just focus more.” and the reality was i WAS trying really really really hard. i worked really hard, i did everything i could but it still wasn’t perceived as “trying hard enough”. as i get older and lean more towards getting diagnosed officially, i realize now that i was failed IMMENSELY by a LOT of people who were supposed to notice the things that were different about me. hopefully i can come back to this video in a little while and obtain a diagnosis. it doesn’t need to be autism, but this is resonating so much with me.
I have NEVER heard such an accurate description! A mac book in a world of PCs trying to work using the pc instructions. THAT IS HOW I FEEL TOO !!! I couldn't describe it before so I'm using that from now on. Thank you
I am 2:59 in and in tears already. Everything you said and more: olfactory, temperatures and visuals are included in all those that you mentioned as things that make my skin and soul crawl, too. I am sitting here struggling with even starting a GP e-consult form and asking for an appointment, as the last time I mentioned that I believe I am autistic and that I also believe I have ADHD, too, the GP I saw said that he doesn't think so as I managed eye contact. I was dying inside from forcing myself to stare at him as I thought it'd help me to be taken seriously. I just did the ADHD UK online assessment and scored very high with a total of 17 out of 18. I am now going to watch your video from the start and list all the things that I suffer with, and then use that and the ADHD UK Q and A form printout to present at my appointment. Once I've battled my anxiety and attention span. I hope you realise how much of a truly wonderful human being you are, to share your mental health journey on here. You are helping hundreds or thousands - if not millions - of us to action our health requests and demand better health care. Thank you for being you. ❤
I cringed when you talked about the texture of things including the food part. I shook when you describe some of those things beings slimy. Got cold chills
Been deep diving in these videos from you and other TH-camrs today to see different views on their “am I autistic” and “how I was diagnosed as an adult” videos and it all resonates with me so much!!! I have pages upon pages of notes I’ve been taking today; all to take to my dr (which I take notes with me to almost every dr appt because if I don’t I won’t remember most of why I’m there). I’ve gone 45 years without knowing why I’m the way I am and not loving or liking myself, being told I’m lazy and pathetic but I feel like I could do 100 tasks on the inside but it doesn’t show on the outside of me because I’m sitting on the couch and don’t know why I can’t actually get up and do the things that I should be doing. I can only wear one specific type/material of tank tops and I have to take off any other outer clothing as soon as I walk in the door, I have to have a blanket on my lap at all times, I rock back and forth and don’t even know I’m doing it, and so many other things that are relatable to you. Thank you for your honesty, insight, and bravery to put it all out there. It’s helping so many, including myself, to realize where to start with asking for help (since no dr has ever put two and two together to even question if this could be autism-I have adhd, depression, chronic anxiety and many more diagnosis). Thank you 100 times over, I appreciate you so much and am so glad you got the answers you were looking for!!
My son got diagnosed with Autism yesterday, and I came to TH-cam for more info. This video and your results video popped up as a suggestion. I have to say, after watching them both, I think I may personally take those self-assessment tests because I see a lot of me in what my son does and what you describe you do.
Especially when I was younger (and prior to a food surgery), I consistently wore one sock because I didn't particularly like socks, but also did not like for my feet to touch
😂😂😂 All of these things! I'm listening and am just checking off all the things I do on the regular. Definitely don't mask. The right people will find you! ❤❤❤
I just started noticing different behaviors and when an AS friend pointed it out it was like Pandoras box opening and now I can't stop researching and I couldn't feel more Identified it's scary and I want to tell everyone but it's terrifying
After watching all of your videos and gaining confidence in my own suspicions, I am actually thinking my daughter may be on the spectrum as well. She is not my biological daughter, but I have been able to understand how she thinks far better than my wife. Like she has done certain things or said certain things and I've been all "yeah, makes total sense" and my wife can't comprehend the thought process. This is also why she can only do her homework with me. But she has been struggling with school lately and you said a number of key phrases that I heavily suspect she may be on the spectrum and struggling to figure things out. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Late diagnosed at 36. So validating to hear your perspective and experience in a world that constantly invalidates our experience. Thank you for sharing! ♥
My little sis is Autistic, on an extreme level. I recognise some behaviours I learned to hide. Get asked if I'm autistic all the time and people think I am, and are surprised I'm not. I hate the idea of self-diagnosing, since I see a lot of hate doing it. But I'm going to try get assessed, might take a few years though. My main thing is pinning down specific traits, because when I think of them I just blank. I'm not as bad as my sister so I doubt myself, but I know people are different so hopefully I get the support I need.
I've only recently started putting the pieces together that I might be autistic. I know my mind and my body better than everyone else in my life, and yet they all say "No your not" "How do you know?" How do you explain your autism to others so they understand? It may be obvious to some people but I am sooo confused lol I resonate very hard to not only your content but others as well, and articles that I've read, self tests that I've done. I know I'm not doing searching for a diagnosis for a label. I just want to know that I'm not crazy and that there are others like me out there doubting themselves too. And yeah, relationships will be tested and I know I may loose a few people. My grandma thinks less of the autistic community and that breaks my heart. I have autistic siblings and I share some similarities with my brother but I know that we're still different. I do the hand flappies and I also do what you do Courtney, closed fist and the arm shake from side to side! I also rock from side to side sometimes, also back and fourth. There are so many more things but this is already very long XD Have a great day!
My sensory issues have been relatively minor, but i do get that "hearing everything all at once" thing, it actually makes music so beautiful, especially with audiophile headphones its like taking ecstasy sometimes when you get the right song. With food, i grew up in a big seafood area so im not bothered by slimy things, but grainy things like peas, beans, the starchy flesh of potatoes and the like, and for some reason mushrooms. I like everything about mushrooms but the idea of eating one makes me sick. With being touched, if someone comes behind me and touches my lower back when they reach around me or something I will jump so hard that they always get a healthy dose of elbow to the nose
Group stimming is also worth a try both intentionally and unintentionally… I kid you not you can start a Stim Storm ⛈️ in the right group of people… testing what causes certain people to rather than Notice and point out “you’re weird” will automatically start doing the same stim without noticing they have joined you if you’re being subtle about it >.> 🤗⛈️ puuussssh stim Storm ☔️ 😅
By the way, the sighing thing is also to reopen your lungs, which slowly start sticking to themselves. They literally programmed the Iron Lungs to take deep breaths every so often because without it the patients would get anxious. I sigh a lot too and when I'm focused I _forget to breathe_ I ended up moving the sighing to a deep breath in, pause, then under rib/diaphragm pressure letting it out slowly and silently. I also have the temperature sensitivity part of the neurospicy combo pack so I have a heated blanket and a cooling weighted blanket Whatever works, works Also: hello neighbour! I'm near Vancouver so uh howsitgoin?
😂 you said tshirts and I'm over hear plotting how to make this really cool new tshirt NOT feel like it's choking me or making my shoulders claustrophobic even though technically it actually fits it just sits wrong and I'm about to get out the sewing machine I've never used but bought in 2018 to take up sewing lol
I've already watched a few of your videos and have found them helpful, or more accurately, comforting. At 62, I have just been diagnosed with Autism, along with PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Acute Stress Disorder, etc. Sadly, I've gone through my entire life masking to the point of constant autistic burnout and some serious physical ailments as a result. I'm still struggling with autistic burnout and to what extent I'll recover is still in question. Yes, getting a diagnosis as young as possible is so important because going through life pretending sucks the life and joy right out of you and serious mental and physical consequences can result. I do have a question on stimming for anyone who sees my comment. While I'm sitting in my chair at home, I frequently and vigorously shake my feet, sometimes for an extended period. I even do that at night while in bed. If I'm in a rocker (love rockers), I'll give it a good workout. Does anyone else do that with their feet?
I’m totally with you in the sighing front. I get told I’m moody and I’m in a mood. I’m not I’m just getting rid of my nervous energy. Also people really take my tone badly. I sometimes think I’m being nice to someone and they think I’m being sarcastic or even nasty. It really upsets me x
I sigh a lot too. I think it is in part that I shallow breathe, like a small animal trying to be as unnoticeable as possible. So of course it catches up with me and I take a deep breath which sounds like a sigh. I’ve also discovered there’s a connection between autism and autonomic nervous system dysfunction which includes heartbeat, breathing, digestion, and sensation among other things. There’s another word for this but for now it escapes me… so frustrating!
Interesting..I hope you can come up with the term you're looking for. But, I relate to you on the breathing thing. My husband thinks I'm upset. I'm just trying to regulate and normalize my breathing.
You just popped up in my feed, and boy am I glad you did. I’m a 45 year old and I have two kids on the spectrum. I’m undiagnosed autistic and I found so much in common with you. Unfortunately I can’t go and get a diagnosis because of were I live it’s a lack of knowledge in adult women in autism and it’s cost a lot too. And maybe you get misdiagnosed and I can’t take the risk of that. But I feel all the emotions in your videos when you got your autism diagnosis. I was crying with you and for myself. I hope in the future that things can be better for all of us that have autism and struggles daily ❤️Love from Norway🇳🇴
"...this is just about a label, and you don't wanna label yourself..." That is EXACLTY what my PCP said when I tried to get a referral for an eval. She said I couldn't have autism because I'm nice and interact with her just fine. She said she didn't want people to treat me different if I had an autism label, especially my spouse.
I have been called a liar so many times, its easy for me to doubt my own sanity. But thanks to people like you, I now know what time it is, and what is happening is natural for me. Being openly autistic solves more problems than it causes. I still mask to some extent, so that I don't freak others out too much. I do understand the power of eye contact and facial & body language, so I consciously use them to my advantage. If you want to be correctly understood, you have to communicate in a neurotypical way. *** I developed my own fighting style because I got tired of being bullied. The idea is to take care of business and not really hurt anyone. I never forget these types of conflicts, or the people I hurt; they all pop in and out of my brain often. This is not pleasant for me. I go over it again and again , trying to figure out what I could had done better.
Honestly I really like hearing about peoples special interests. They know so much and it’s often so niche, and my adhd novelty brain loves the new knowledge. I will probably go on a mermaid content spree on this channel lol.
I enjoy your videos and identify with your experiences! I’m in my 50’s and have lived these experiences but am just recognizing them… also because TH-cam sent me a random video in my feed. I’ve tested myself and done the CAT-Q with my counselor who is not trained in this area and score quite high on all assessment tools. My husband and I realize this explains a TON of things. Where?? Where do I go (like name of a person or testing center in US) that will take an older adult seriously and do formalized testing for confirmation. I NEED to know….thanks!
I do the sighing thing too, but it's usually because I feel like I'm not getting quite enough air (I _am_ getting enough air/oxygen, that's been confirmed by multiple doctors, but it's still a _feeling_ I get that I _have_ to relieve, and if I don't, I start to panic), so I take an extra big breath, and then of course I have a lot of air to expel afterwards. 🤷🏻♀️ I also have misophonia (for anyone reading who doesn't know, misophonia is a condition that causes intense irritation/anger due to repetitive ticking/buzzing/humming/chewing/whistling noises), and it took me waaaaaaay too long to figure out that I could accommodate myself with headphones. 😅 I actually once tore apart a closet in my parent's house looking for a _single_ cricket because either IT HAD TO STOP CHIRPING, or I was gonna run out of the house screaming. My mom said "I don't understand why you're doing this" and I'm pretty sure I shouted back "I DON'T KNOW EITHER BUT THE CRICKET HAS TO STOP IT HAS TO STOP IT HAS TO STOP." Seriously thank goodness for noise canceling headphones. I also wear very loose clothing, can't stand itchy tags, and anything that pinches my midsection at all is PAINFUL. I become INTENSELY uncomfortable when I feel even a single loose head hair somewhere on my body, don't want strangers (or sometimes even people I know) touching me in almost any way, but my interoception is awful; I never know when I'm hungry or have to pee, etc. There's also my rocking and the rubbing at my face and the hand flapping (I didn't realize I was doing that one, I didn't consciously notice and no one told me for decades, which I guess is nice, because no one found it weird or off-putting enough to tell me to stop, which I appreciate). I also constantly sing songs, either out loud or in my head (I think internal stimming still counts). Then there's food. Yeeeeeeeah texture is a huge thing for me. Slimy, NO. Gritty, NO. Bitter, NO. Soggy when it's meant to be crunchy, NO. I couldn't even stand the amount of sauce that'd come on the pizzas we used to get when I was a kid, so I would literally peel back the cheese, scoop the sauce off with my finger, scrape it onto the side of the plate, and THEN the pizza was edible. My entire family hated it, but I did it anyway. I HAD to. And the trouble with object permanence? Where, if I don't see or talk to someone for a while, they basically don't exist anymore? 🤚🏻 Yep. Absolutely. Oh god there's so much more, the special interests (cults, forensic science, fandoms, knit/crochet, LGBTQ+ and disability representation in modern media, and marbles were a big thing when I was a kid lol), the utter confusion with social life (how it seemed to come so naturally to everyone else, like they'd all had it exlained to them in a manual or pamphlet or something, and I was the only one who didn't get the instructions, so I was constantly lost/confused), the way I would talk and talk and talk about the thing I was REALLY into and didn't register that the other person wasn't actually interested... I'm probably doing that right now 😂 Anyway, I've watched several of your autism-related videos now, and they're incredibly relatable and validating as a late-diagnosed adult. Thank you for putting yourself out there. ❤
Thank you for mentioning the sighing thing. I do this from subconsciously almost holding my breath when anxious. Then my partner goes "What's the matter now?" ...I'm literally breathing! So many things like this in my life make sense now. Diagnosed at 47.
we are cut from the same seam-free, tag free, extra big cloth - (except I wouldn't be happy walking around naked in public). yay dinosaurs and horses. don't mask or change - you are easy to understand and you have a nice tone and presentation. yes, you make sense. tell your story. you will help a lot of people. learn autistic culture and be a leader.
Yes, seam free, tag free, extra large, but not naked...I don't like the sensation of my skin on my skin. And I agree that Courtney has a great tone and pace; nice to listen to. And, I guess one of my "things"-I notice teeth and Courtney has beautiful teeth and an adorable, friendly smile. 🙂
@tracirex everybody hey! Wear your underwear and your socks inside out! The seams will be away from your body and won't irritate you. Plus the socks are usually softer that way!
I also sigh a lot, and I never understood why people are so put off by it. Many people have seemed genuinely angry with me because of it, and I’m like, I’m sorry! I just do that! I don’t even realize I’m doing it until someone points it out. People have even asked me if it was because of one thing or another but I really don’t know why I do it and it really doesn’t mean anything.
Oh yes! I totally relate. The worst for me is that what I feel inside and think I look outside the opposite is true for how I look outside. Foe example: I am jus happy and zoning out and someone says: what is the problem? Why are you so sad? Or upset. And I am like: what??
Thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences. I feel less alone 😅 so many things that I feel just the same. So happy to have found your content here . 💚
2:00 "Women's tee shirts with the little armpit thing." ROFL. Yes! Also, you mentioned that you listen to your comments for a half-hour each day, so I'll try to use more text and fewer emojis.
Again, I send you the biggest, thanks I have watched a lot of autism videos and I have yet to find one so relatable so thank you for your vulnerability and determination to be seen. and keep your videos coming for others to benefit from your experience.
Courtney, I could have been the one to write your outline or manuscript for this video... because the way you described your experience from youth, school years, into adulthood, and coincidental self-discovery as prompted by TH-cam to check out this topic felt very much like my own. The only significant difference: I'm about twice your age, and I only discovered myself two years ago. Growing up as a quiet, easily distracted, though highly intelligent female child in the 1970s-1980s, my struggles went unnoticed, unlike my failures, because I did not display the stereotypical behaviors of either ADHD or Autism. It was so liberating to learn that I wasn't a "broken normal person who just wasn't trying hard enough," but I am a "normal autistic person with ADHD and chronic PTSD who is struggling like mad below the surface to still not meet neurotypical expectations." The more I learn about others' experiences, the more I feel understood! 🤗❤️🩹 I use the illustration of Mac-vs-PC operating systems so frequently. In fact, I drew a meme of sorts using familiar "different operating system" symbolism to express how it feels. Also much like you, I was recently introduced to small yet VERY helpful accommodations such as headphones and ear plugs/inserts. Sound doesn't have to hurt my eardrums anymore! 😅 There's so much more I'd like to share, but it's late and my phone and brain need to rest and recharge to be ready to tackle tomorrow! ❤️🩹🩹🤗
Hearing this is too real. I was diagnosed early, but a lot of these things I can absolutely relate to. Especially when it comes things like food, and clothes.
5:00 Yes, sigh to release energy. As for Lawful Good, I'm more Chaotic Good and hate unjust heirachies - but as a kid, I was taught that if you follow the rules, life will be good and turn out well for everyone. I have unlearned that lie as I've gotten older. At the same time, I get pissed about people letting their dogs off leash, because it endangers the dog, and 99.9% of the time, the dog doesn't listen to recall commands. I also do the squeeze and shake the fists thing instead of hand flapping. Hand flapping burst my wrists.
I am curtain I'm autistic. I've suspected it for almost 20 years. I had so many signs as a kid. Like sensory issues, troubles socializing, not understanding WHY most of the other kids didn't want to be around me (I was actually homeschooled from grades 3-9 because being around other kids was too stressful for me, to the point that I had developed a severe eye twitch and other issues), troubles communicating and getting my words out correctly, trouble with knowing what to say to people, stims, self harm, and on and on... I had multiple psychological evaluations in childhood but each time they misdiagnosed me (these diagnoses, like ADHD, were later taken away when it was clear that wasn't the case). Apparently, at some point, they suspected "high functioning autism" but it was never looked into. My mom said she doesn't recall this but it's literally in my medical records. So WHY I was never properly assesed for autism, I have no idea... I learned a lot of coping skills as I got older, and became good enough at masking so that MOST people couldn't tell anything was different about me (A few people who know me very well have said they can tell... Including my friend with 4 diagnosed autistic step children and who also works in mental health). I tried twice (in my late 20's and early 30's) to get an evaluation. My GP was on board with this but the psychologist he sent me to (FYI these were NOT official assessments and we only spoke for a brief period each time. I don't think he knew much about autism because he clearly expected me to act very differently) told me I probably just had GAD and social anxiety. I know I don't have those. I know I do have some degree of anxiety, which many autistic people have, but I know its not JUST anxiety. I also don't fit in with social anxiety. And funny enough I found out just last year (after gaining access to my medical records) that the psychologist said autism was a possibility, particularly after reviewing notes from my childhood evaluations, but he felt I had advanced my social skills enough since childhood and he didn't seem to think that me seeking an official diagnosis would help. Yes it wouldn't help to know that many of the issues I've faced in my life are potentially because of that... Ok then. I would love to know for sure, but unfortunately testing is expensive and I can't afford it. It just kind of really pisses me off that the signs were there when I was young, the suggestion was made, but nothing was done about it.
As an elementary school teacher, I find this so interesting. My brother has 3 sons. The oldest is very high functioning Autistic (top of his class as a Jr. in High School) and the middle son is very low functioning (attends special school for special needs kids) and the youngest is "normal". It's such a spectrum and you are so "tuned in" to your autism. Thanks for sharing your story.
I got diagnosed with GAD and depression, along with cPTSD and ADHD… but I also believe I am on the Autism spectrum. Thank you for this! I don’t have all of the things, stimming was shamed out of me, but I have signs that I’m masking HARD! So, I may have to reintegrate and allow myself to be myself for the first time, with my own acceptance and permission. That’s hard! It’s not usual to find it so hard to “just be yourself”, is it? 🤷🏻♀️ I never could “just be myself”, because I didn’t know who I was! I was who I needed to be in the context I was in… did you feel that way? This is so helpful, thank you so much!!
Hi, I am 60 years old and only realized a couple weeks ago that I am autistic. How's that for late diagnoses?! I've also come to realize that most of the people in my family also have some level of autism. All of this has been hugely insightful, and now I understand so much about what has happened not only to myself, but also some of the things that others have done that didn't make sense. Thank you for sharing.
I don't even know how one "mermaids". (You do you though!!!) TH-cam fed me the original video with the diagnosis story having never seen your channel before. Currently going through the screening quizzes, and I sent them to my sister too because she and I have occasionally expressed "the question" to each other about ADHD and/or autism. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your story. Every person you reach begins their own journey, and hopefully we can all understand ourselves better together.
So many things in this video resonate with me, thank you for making it. I'm still awaiting an official assessment, but this video was useful all the same. But goodness, looking back at my childhood and remembering the times when people told me to stop doing X, Y, or Z thing and now seeing it through the lens of potential autism is both relieving and a touch frustrating that I couldn't be granted simple human kindness.
I have created a new channel where I will be posting my Autism-related content moving forward: www.youtube.com/@courtneyliterally
I found you on my school account and you are so inspirational for me!! Thank you so much for sharing, your story has resonated within me to a degree I had been closed off to. Thank you so much for starting this amazing journey for me!!
The sigh… yeah. I’ve had people get angry at me for JUST BREATHING. So many assumptions about what it MEANS. I’m not even on the spectrum - I usually type out about midway between “normal” and “autistic” - but this thing about sighing has gotten me so judged, up to and including during my recent grad school IN COUNSELING PSYCHOLOGY. *headdesk* I finally got diagnosed as ADHD at age 49, after dealing with my daughter, husband of 20+ years (now ex), and sister all having been diagnosed ADHD already. Before that? Depression and anxiety diagnoses, experimentation with meds for OCD and even BIPOLAR, and so many years of being told I wasn’t TRYING hard enough. So many things you have mentioned resonate with me: food textures, sound sensitivities, just … not fitting in as a child. On and on and on. Understanding myself as neurodiverse has helped me so much. Thanks for sharing ing your experience so others could benefit. It’s super helpful!
The way you describe your sensory issues resonate so much with me. I used to gag at certain textures as a child and was deemed „fussy“. Noise cancelling headphones are a savior too
I do the sigh thing: for me, I'm anxious a lot and without realising it, I'm often breathing very shallow and when I realise, I expel the air that's been held in my chest for ages.
Same with me n the breathing thing. I was told years ago it's just anxiety but I see it differently now
I do it too and it's because I hold my breath unknowingly when I'm anxious.
So often it doesn't seem I'm able to expel All the air though some of it it seems,
I really sighed a lot, when I found myself housed with people I had a hard time getting along with. It was safer than fully verbalizing my thoughts. But I had no peace except middle of the night until I was able to move.
I have to tie my shoes really tight. I think it is a subtle, continuous stim. I remember starting this when I first learned to tie my own shoes. A few falls occasioned by laces that worked loose made me aware how tight laces are reassuring. Tight to point my feet don't swell when I over-ate salt, not until night when slide shoes off.
I also do the sigh, and I often get asked if I’m okay.
18 years ago at age 24 I told my therapist about my suspicion about having Asperger‘s (as it was called back then). She brushed it off and told me my problems are caused by my traumatic childhood. And I believed her, after all she was the professional and I „just“ the patient.
Now I‘m 42 and about to have my ASD evaluation.
Doing my research and listening to other autistics experiences has already helped me so much to understand myself and my needs/boundaries better and to not fight against my own nature all the time because „I should be different“.
I lost so much time already and I refuse to waste any more.
Thank you for sharing your experience ❤
I stumbled upon these videos today, TH-cam doing its thing… I did all the tests, I score high. But then I think that is it just my CPTSD? I’m also in my eary 40s. 😢
@@SakennaMIt could be both.. I recommend Dr Kim Sage here on YT, she talks about both.
I have been doing research for about six months now and whenever I see videos like yours where people with a diagnosis talk about their experience, I feel so understood. It's very reassuring. Thank you for sharing this.
You sound a lot like me. Im 67. Just took 3/4 of the tests and this has been my problem all my life. I didn't cry but sat back in overwhelm mode. Been told it's depression before and that seemed to fit for my childhood and teen years. And my 30's.
I love how you explained accommodations as “human needs”- such a perfect way to put it! 🙌🏼
4:21 NO GREY AREA drives my family up a wall. Like. My sense of right and wrong is so strong and so deep
I love the speed you talk in your videos. Most times with other peoples' I have to play things on 1.75 speed so I can bear to listen.
Edit: Thinking on it.. This is my 2nd time watching. I think the first time, i watched at "normal" speed. :) Kudos to brains hearing differently! Original message: I am only watching this video at 1.25... Instead of the usual 1.5 or 1.75
I didn't notice the speed of her talking until you mentioned it! This feels like an optimal speed to me! Life at 1.5 speed! xD Oops, maybe too many exclamation points.
love it!!😅
The speedy speakers hold my attention much better than people who talk slow-to-normal speed.
🤗
I think y'all'd like "The Aspie World" -- Dan talks so rapidly and yet he enunciates so clearly! 👀 😊
Haha same!
I have an unofficial diagnosis from my therapist. I do not have the money to be tested but the evidence is mounting so to speak. I appreciate your honesty and I feel it is helping prepare when I do get tested. Thank you.
I'd recommend looking into Action Behavior Centers. They do autism testing for children/adults. Its free and they dont have a waitlist. Thats where I went to get my son evaluated because everywhere else had 2+ years waitlist. They scheduled it same week i called
I’m currently in the middle of my assessments.
Here’s something interesting: I’m a gifted teacher and I’ve had 2 VERY obviously autistic students. I’ve spoken to admin, the school psych, and the ESE director about getting them assessed. The ESE director said that if their grades are fine, they can’t get them assessed. If they’re not causing issues, they can’t get assessed. I’ve dropped very obvious hints to parents (teachers can’t legally name a condition since we’re not doctors) and they’re oblivious about it.
I find it very frustrating because my grades were fine and I wasn’t a disturbance (extreme rule follower) and I faced many issues directly linked to my (alleged) autistic traits all throughout life. By the time it got very bad, services were no longer available to me, as I was over the age of 22. I wish it could be more than grades and causing trouble to get an assessment in the public school system 😫
Please don't stop trying to get kids assessed.
Update: I got an autism diagnosis
Society as a whole barely understands the term autism, let alone can really recognize it. Autism in women… is another 20 year exercise in getting the word out.
Funny, how you only get taken seriously if you cause trouble.
I was a calm, anxious boy. Always like in a bubble, few friends, constantly lost in daydreams, not participating, hard time following along. However, written tests were good, so I made it through.
As a man in his forties, now doing the typical tests and getting highish results everywhere. AQ50, RAADS, CATQ, MQ, you name it.
Huh.
Considering assessment now.
That's awful! I'm really fortunate I got into a developmental disabilities program while I was homeless which ended up housing me. I feel very fortunate for all of this and guiltynbecauze other disabled people who lack basic needs can't get helpnlike thus. The assessments to get into the program I think are what helped me get approved for disability (ssdi) but I also have a crazy life story and plenty of medical records related to mental health and addiction. It's like a rap sheet 😭 I know I shouldn't feel guilty for getting this help. I've been to drug rehabs and long term program but never got the help as an Autisfic person with living independently. They'd say oh just vdt a job like it's the easiest thing in the world and it hurt my self esteem when everyone else got jobs super easily and I couldn't. My goal is to become self employed and sell photography. I don't feel optimistic cause I feel like everyone sells photography or like it'll make pennies a month. Overall I'm more fortunate than most disabled Americans and feel like anytime I'm depressed that I'm an ungrateful spoiled POS.
The whole system for disability needs to change like yesterday. The application and way they will deny people even with clear medical records for SSI/SSDI is evil. Then if you work, they'll use it against you. Or you need a lot of money sometimes to get a diagnosis just to get accommodations. It's insane 😢
My journey started when my daughter was diagnosed, after doing research and seeing her do things that I did as a child really had me thinking, I relate to another of things but I have talked to a few people and I always get let down my mother in law said we're all a little autistic and when I tell my husband things he says everyone does that not just you and he doesn't understand why I want to get tested, he also said that I'll just make excuses for being a certain way rather its me or not and not try to change, I feel so alone but these videos help me feel better that there are others out there like me that I can relate too. I'm so happy you got your diagnosis and have support thru it. I bet it's the best feeling in the world to finally understand yourself better now
You're not alone..as far as I know, I'm an ADHD'er, so I still can relate (diagnosed as adult) and have a son "slightly Asperger's". I'm wondering, though, if there's another component at work in my life. For years and still to this day, I've said I feel like I don't do life well. Anyway, I hope something I said was helpful, at least made sense, or something. I care. 🙂
YES! The sighing thing! I sigh all the time and everyone is like "What!?" and I'm like "I'm just breathing, jeez!"
This is the third autism related video of yours that I'm watching. I believe I have a mix of autism and ADHD, and apparently, I've passed it on to my kids. My husband is extremely accommodating to all my issues and quirks, so I told myself I don't need a diagnosis. Now, you're making me think... I might pursue it regardless of if I'm currently getting by or not.
Thank you for the videos.
"Why do you even need a diagnosis at this point?" is something that only a NT would ask. Anyone who was diagnosed later in life knows exactly why we're paying all this money and going through all this trouble. Words alone can not explain how much this actually means and what a difference it can make in someone's life.
Absolutely 🎉❤
I'm still trying to get a diagnosis and I have found it's extremely difficult and everyone turned you away to a different source than that source turns you to a different source. I score off the charts and every test I've done online and identify with every single thing every autism blog says about it but I grew up as a Jehovah's Witness so my autism really flew under the radar for very many years and now that I found this out I've noticed family and other people think I'm using it as an excuse when all the signs have been right in front of their face the entire time and that's really upsetting. 50% of autistic adults go undiagnosed..... That's a lot of people but I'm also noticed not many people know anything about autism. I didn't either because I was born in the '80s and they didn't test for stuff like that.
@@TheBenzwanger I honestly got diagnosed for myself. I let it slip to my mom at some point (because she was insulting my stepdad for "being stupid because he's on the spectrum" and I couldn't just say nothing) but I don't really know if the rest of the family even knows I'm autistic or not. If they do, they didn't hear it from me. My plan from the start was to never tell my family. I spent my entire childhood, teenagehood, and even early adult years complaining to them about my struggles and asking for help, and they always undermined me and never took me seriously. So, I felt like they had lost the right to know what diagnosis I was given, especially since they kept telling me that "it was all just in my head". They know about the anxiety (and maybe the depression?) but that's about it. They don't get to know about the ADHD, the autism or the C-PTSD.
That term, "It's all just in your head," is typical gaslighting to get you to question your reality. To that I would say, "I agree. It's in my head, not yours. That's what I'm asking you to accept."
Courtney, I feel like you walked around in my brain and stole all my own issues. I love you! You are helping me with my discovery of this. After 5 mental health diagnoses, I'm 45 and I'm actually autistic.
regarding 6:30 I have an exactly same issue, I think when stressed we stim verbally
5:21 i’m on the other side of this. i’m constantly misinterpreting other people. when someone sighs my brain goes into over drive tryna figure out what’s wrong and if i did smth and then i shit down cuz i’m afraid of making this worse or i start incessantly asking questions to the point where people get mad. i hate it here!!! edit: PEOPLE ALWAYS SHUSHED ME TOO GROWING UP 😭😭
Mac/PC analogy is insanely accurate for me holy shit
I'm STILL fighting for a diagnosis. So many gaslighting "professionals" that refuse to send me for late diagnosis at 43 because im a pro at masking when im around people I dont know or trust. Going tomorrow to start again with my Primary Care. Fingers crossed that I make progress for once. ❤
I decided to just accept it without evidence because I am having the same issue. 45 here.
@@kaye_dee_did I'm fine with just self diagnosis. I'm just thinking ahead at this point. If anything happens to my spouse, I will need accommodations to make sure I can find some way to take care of myself. After unmasking, and a massive meltdown that sparked it all, I can't hold the reins like I used to and can't pretend like I used to. I've lost skills and abilities, and genuinely have had to acknowledge my level of disability in this neurotypical world, so I can learn to work WITH my current level of abilities. We're not getting any younger, and this isn't going to get easier. I need that diagnosis so I can plan for my future, hoping to have one. 💜💜💜
I have not yet been diagnosed but I do have a lot of autistic traits and symptoms. I am waiting on an assessment but I was told it could be a year. Thank you for sharing your story ❤
I'm getting tested for both ADHD and Autism in a week. I'm pretty confident in saying that my ADHD was mostly in the drivers seat when I was younger but now my ASD has aggressively taken the wheel.
17:23 I have not be DX’d yet, and I can’t speak towards the outside observations of my life, but the ‘normal parts’ I often feel that those parts are highly motivated to mask: to fit in, gain acceptance, or avoid ridicule/bullying.
I have so many signs. At 56 years old, with a 6 year old child with autism, I am realizing why i have struggled since childhood. I am not sure getting a diagnosis at 56 is worth it. But it may help me live my best life...
What made me think I was autistic? I always had trouble in groups and reading other people. This goes way back to kindergarten, I am in my 50's now. I was never sure which group to sit with at lunch, I mostly would eat alone. I was always confused in social situations, but I did not know how to explain my situation to my self or others. I did not know why I had such a hard time with groups. I thought maybe it was social anxiety. So I started reading up on it, and aspergers was mentioned. I started reading about aspergers/ autism, and a lot of the info on autism made sense. For example, I had a hard time switching tasks, I was eating frozen pizza 7 nights a week(routine), I had trouble with eye contact, I had trouble with relationships and large groups. I never had fun at bars/clubs, I never had fun at concerts. I'd rather go someplace peaceful like for a bike ride or hike then go to a party. Anyways after reading about aspergers I knew it was a fit, and finally got diagnosed in my 50's.
Wow! I’m 54 and not diagnosed but this is me! So much of this hits home. I’m blown away right now bc you described me with almost every point. Thank you for sharing
Your gift of articulating your experience is a profound resource! I'm celebrating this flowering on your channel.
i relate to this video SO MUCH
also a late diagnosed autistic
thank you for making these videos
I love the Mac vs PC analogy. Perfect. Thank you! 😁
In my country there still isn't autism in adults as a diagnosis. It is barely recognized in children, so as a grown woman I have no chance to be properly diagnosed. So I'm misdiagnosed and i have felt wrong and "crazy" all my life, only now , thanks to people like you , I realize what is it about me and can actually relate, I'm crying, it's a lot to take in and even then I doubt myself
all of this had me in tears the whole time. especially the “doesn’t try hard enough” thing. it was always “ivy isn’t trying, you need to work harder. you need to be better. you need to just focus more.” and the reality was i WAS trying really really really hard. i worked really hard, i did everything i could but it still wasn’t perceived as “trying hard enough”. as i get older and lean more towards getting diagnosed officially, i realize now that i was failed IMMENSELY by a LOT of people who were supposed to notice the things that were different about me. hopefully i can come back to this video in a little while and obtain a diagnosis. it doesn’t need to be autism, but this is resonating so much with me.
2 mins in & I already feel like you’re in my head 😅
I have NEVER heard such an accurate description! A mac book in a world of PCs trying to work using the pc instructions. THAT IS HOW I FEEL TOO !!! I couldn't describe it before so I'm using that from now on. Thank you
Finally someone who also hates that type of sleeves, I thought me and my sibling were the only ones 😫 I told my mom and she didn’t understand us
You unlocked a memory. I used to thump my back on chair as a kid too 🫢
I am 2:59 in and in tears already. Everything you said and more: olfactory, temperatures and visuals are included in all those that you mentioned as things that make my skin and soul crawl, too.
I am sitting here struggling with even starting a GP e-consult form and asking for an appointment, as the last time I mentioned that I believe I am autistic and that I also believe I have ADHD, too, the GP I saw said that he doesn't think so as I managed eye contact.
I was dying inside from forcing myself to stare at him as I thought it'd help me to be taken seriously.
I just did the ADHD UK online assessment and scored very high with a total of 17 out of 18.
I am now going to watch your video from the start and list all the things that I suffer with, and then use that and the ADHD UK Q and A form printout to present at my appointment. Once I've battled my anxiety and attention span.
I hope you realise how much of a truly wonderful human being you are, to share your mental health journey on here. You are helping hundreds or thousands - if not millions - of us to action our health requests and demand better health care.
Thank you for being you. ❤
I cringed when you talked about the texture of things including the food part. I shook when you describe some of those things beings slimy. Got cold chills
Been deep diving in these videos from you and other TH-camrs today to see different views on their “am I autistic” and “how I was diagnosed as an adult” videos and it all resonates with me so much!!! I have pages upon pages of notes I’ve been taking today; all to take to my dr (which I take notes with me to almost every dr appt because if I don’t I won’t remember most of why I’m there). I’ve gone 45 years without knowing why I’m the way I am and not loving or liking myself, being told I’m lazy and pathetic but I feel like I could do 100 tasks on the inside but it doesn’t show on the outside of me because I’m sitting on the couch and don’t know why I can’t actually get up and do the things that I should be doing. I can only wear one specific type/material of tank tops and I have to take off any other outer clothing as soon as I walk in the door, I have to have a blanket on my lap at all times, I rock back and forth and don’t even know I’m doing it, and so many other things that are relatable to you.
Thank you for your honesty, insight, and bravery to put it all out there. It’s helping so many, including myself, to realize where to start with asking for help (since no dr has ever put two and two together to even question if this could be autism-I have adhd, depression, chronic anxiety and many more diagnosis). Thank you 100 times over, I appreciate you so much and am so glad you got the answers you were looking for!!
My son got diagnosed with Autism yesterday, and I came to TH-cam for more info. This video and your results video popped up as a suggestion. I have to say, after watching them both, I think I may personally take those self-assessment tests because I see a lot of me in what my son does and what you describe you do.
Especially when I was younger (and prior to a food surgery), I consistently wore one sock because I didn't particularly like socks, but also did not like for my feet to touch
Does anyone have any resources for taking evaluations cheap and or free? I live in NY. Thank you. ❤
😂😂😂 All of these things! I'm listening and am just checking off all the things I do on the regular. Definitely don't mask. The right people will find you! ❤❤❤
I love your take on it. I feel like now that i've got the manual i now need to work out how to game the system, lol.
I just started noticing different behaviors and when an AS friend pointed it out it was like Pandoras box opening and now I can't stop researching and I couldn't feel more Identified it's scary and I want to tell everyone but it's terrifying
After watching all of your videos and gaining confidence in my own suspicions, I am actually thinking my daughter may be on the spectrum as well. She is not my biological daughter, but I have been able to understand how she thinks far better than my wife. Like she has done certain things or said certain things and I've been all "yeah, makes total sense" and my wife can't comprehend the thought process. This is also why she can only do her homework with me. But she has been struggling with school lately and you said a number of key phrases that I heavily suspect she may be on the spectrum and struggling to figure things out.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I can totally relate. I can’t afford to get proper assessments, but I am 60 now . I do agree that it would be nice to accommodations
Late diagnosed at 36. So validating to hear your perspective and experience in a world that constantly invalidates our experience. Thank you for sharing! ♥
My little sis is Autistic, on an extreme level. I recognise some behaviours I learned to hide. Get asked if I'm autistic all the time and people think I am, and are surprised I'm not. I hate the idea of self-diagnosing, since I see a lot of hate doing it. But I'm going to try get assessed, might take a few years though. My main thing is pinning down specific traits, because when I think of them I just blank. I'm not as bad as my sister so I doubt myself, but I know people are different so hopefully I get the support I need.
Me too. Texture of anything.
I've only recently started putting the pieces together that I might be autistic. I know my mind and my body better than everyone else in my life, and yet they all say "No your not" "How do you know?" How do you explain your autism to others so they understand? It may be obvious to some people but I am sooo confused lol
I resonate very hard to not only your content but others as well, and articles that I've read, self tests that I've done.
I know I'm not doing searching for a diagnosis for a label. I just want to know that I'm not crazy and that there are others like me out there doubting themselves too.
And yeah, relationships will be tested and I know I may loose a few people. My grandma thinks less of the autistic community and that breaks my heart. I have autistic siblings and I share some similarities with my brother but I know that we're still different.
I do the hand flappies and I also do what you do Courtney, closed fist and the arm shake from side to side! I also rock from side to side sometimes, also back and fourth.
There are so many more things but this is already very long XD
Have a great day!
Thank you!🙌
My sensory issues have been relatively minor, but i do get that "hearing everything all at once" thing, it actually makes music so beautiful, especially with audiophile headphones its like taking ecstasy sometimes when you get the right song. With food, i grew up in a big seafood area so im not bothered by slimy things, but grainy things like peas, beans, the starchy flesh of potatoes and the like, and for some reason mushrooms. I like everything about mushrooms but the idea of eating one makes me sick. With being touched, if someone comes behind me and touches my lower back when they reach around me or something I will jump so hard that they always get a healthy dose of elbow to the nose
Group stimming is also worth a try both intentionally and unintentionally… I kid you not you can start a Stim Storm ⛈️ in the right group of people… testing what causes certain people to rather than Notice and point out “you’re weird” will automatically start doing the same stim without noticing they have joined you if you’re being subtle about it >.> 🤗⛈️ puuussssh stim Storm ☔️ 😅
By the way, the sighing thing is also to reopen your lungs, which slowly start sticking to themselves. They literally programmed the Iron Lungs to take deep breaths every so often because without it the patients would get anxious.
I sigh a lot too and when I'm focused I _forget to breathe_
I ended up moving the sighing to a deep breath in, pause, then under rib/diaphragm pressure letting it out slowly and silently.
I also have the temperature sensitivity part of the neurospicy combo pack so I have a heated blanket and a cooling weighted blanket
Whatever works, works
Also: hello neighbour! I'm near Vancouver so uh howsitgoin?
😂 you said tshirts and I'm over hear plotting how to make this really cool new tshirt NOT feel like it's choking me or making my shoulders claustrophobic even though technically it actually fits it just sits wrong and I'm about to get out the sewing machine I've never used but bought in 2018 to take up sewing lol
Sometimes in life, you gotta just swim through it, dear. Doesn't matter if you're on dry land or not. Just keep swimming.
I've already watched a few of your videos and have found them helpful, or more accurately, comforting. At 62, I have just been diagnosed with Autism, along with PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Acute Stress Disorder, etc. Sadly, I've gone through my entire life masking to the point of constant autistic burnout and some serious physical ailments as a result. I'm still struggling with autistic burnout and to what extent I'll recover is still in question. Yes, getting a diagnosis as young as possible is so important because going through life pretending sucks the life and joy right out of you and serious mental and physical consequences can result. I do have a question on stimming for anyone who sees my comment. While I'm sitting in my chair at home, I frequently and vigorously shake my feet, sometimes for an extended period. I even do that at night while in bed. If I'm in a rocker (love rockers), I'll give it a good workout. Does anyone else do that with their feet?
I’m totally with you in the sighing front. I get told I’m moody and I’m in a mood. I’m not I’m just getting rid of my nervous energy. Also people really take my tone badly. I sometimes think I’m being nice to someone and they think I’m being sarcastic or even nasty. It really upsets me x
I sigh a lot too. I think it is in part that I shallow breathe, like a small animal trying to be as unnoticeable as possible. So of course it catches up with me and I take a deep breath which sounds like a sigh. I’ve also discovered there’s a connection between autism and autonomic nervous system dysfunction which includes heartbeat, breathing, digestion, and sensation among other things. There’s another word for this but for now it escapes me… so frustrating!
Interesting..I hope you can come up with the term you're looking for. But, I relate to you on the breathing thing. My husband thinks I'm upset. I'm just trying to regulate and normalize my breathing.
You just popped up in my feed, and boy am I glad you did. I’m a 45 year old and I have two kids on the spectrum. I’m undiagnosed autistic and I found so much in common with you. Unfortunately I can’t go and get a diagnosis because of were I live it’s a lack of knowledge in adult women in autism and it’s cost a lot too. And maybe you get misdiagnosed and I can’t take the risk of that.
But I feel all the emotions in your videos when you got your autism diagnosis. I was crying with you and for myself. I hope in the future that things can be better for all of us that have autism and struggles daily ❤️Love from Norway🇳🇴
"...this is just about a label, and you don't wanna label yourself..." That is EXACLTY what my PCP said when I tried to get a referral for an eval. She said I couldn't have autism because I'm nice and interact with her just fine. She said she didn't want people to treat me different if I had an autism label, especially my spouse.
I have been called a liar so many times, its easy for me to doubt my own sanity. But thanks to people like you, I now know what time it is, and what is happening is natural for me. Being openly autistic solves more problems than it causes. I still mask to some extent, so that I don't freak others out too much. I do understand the power of eye contact and facial & body language, so I consciously use them to my advantage. If you want to be correctly understood, you have to communicate in a neurotypical way.
*** I developed my own fighting style because I got tired of being bullied. The idea is to take care of business and not really hurt anyone. I never forget these types of conflicts, or the people I hurt; they all pop in and out of my brain often. This is not pleasant for me. I go over it again and again , trying to figure out what I could had done better.
Honestly I really like hearing about peoples special interests. They know so much and it’s often so niche, and my adhd novelty brain loves the new knowledge. I will probably go on a mermaid content spree on this channel lol.
I enjoy your videos and identify with your experiences! I’m in my 50’s and have lived these experiences but am just recognizing them… also because TH-cam sent me a random video in my feed.
I’ve tested myself and done the CAT-Q with my counselor who is not trained in this area and score quite high on all assessment tools.
My husband and I realize this explains a TON of things.
Where?? Where do I go (like name of a person or testing center in US) that will take an older adult seriously and do formalized testing for confirmation. I NEED to know….thanks!
This is one of the most eye-opening videos I've ever seen. Thanks for sharing all this with us.
I do the sighing thing too, but it's usually because I feel like I'm not getting quite enough air (I _am_ getting enough air/oxygen, that's been confirmed by multiple doctors, but it's still a _feeling_ I get that I _have_ to relieve, and if I don't, I start to panic), so I take an extra big breath, and then of course I have a lot of air to expel afterwards. 🤷🏻♀️
I also have misophonia (for anyone reading who doesn't know, misophonia is a condition that causes intense irritation/anger due to repetitive ticking/buzzing/humming/chewing/whistling noises), and it took me waaaaaaay too long to figure out that I could accommodate myself with headphones. 😅 I actually once tore apart a closet in my parent's house looking for a _single_ cricket because either IT HAD TO STOP CHIRPING, or I was gonna run out of the house screaming. My mom said "I don't understand why you're doing this" and I'm pretty sure I shouted back "I DON'T KNOW EITHER BUT THE CRICKET HAS TO STOP IT HAS TO STOP IT HAS TO STOP." Seriously thank goodness for noise canceling headphones.
I also wear very loose clothing, can't stand itchy tags, and anything that pinches my midsection at all is PAINFUL. I become INTENSELY uncomfortable when I feel even a single loose head hair somewhere on my body, don't want strangers (or sometimes even people I know) touching me in almost any way, but my interoception is awful; I never know when I'm hungry or have to pee, etc. There's also my rocking and the rubbing at my face and the hand flapping (I didn't realize I was doing that one, I didn't consciously notice and no one told me for decades, which I guess is nice, because no one found it weird or off-putting enough to tell me to stop, which I appreciate). I also constantly sing songs, either out loud or in my head (I think internal stimming still counts).
Then there's food. Yeeeeeeeah texture is a huge thing for me. Slimy, NO. Gritty, NO. Bitter, NO. Soggy when it's meant to be crunchy, NO. I couldn't even stand the amount of sauce that'd come on the pizzas we used to get when I was a kid, so I would literally peel back the cheese, scoop the sauce off with my finger, scrape it onto the side of the plate, and THEN the pizza was edible. My entire family hated it, but I did it anyway. I HAD to.
And the trouble with object permanence? Where, if I don't see or talk to someone for a while, they basically don't exist anymore? 🤚🏻 Yep. Absolutely.
Oh god there's so much more, the special interests (cults, forensic science, fandoms, knit/crochet, LGBTQ+ and disability representation in modern media, and marbles were a big thing when I was a kid lol), the utter confusion with social life (how it seemed to come so naturally to everyone else, like they'd all had it exlained to them in a manual or pamphlet or something, and I was the only one who didn't get the instructions, so I was constantly lost/confused), the way I would talk and talk and talk about the thing I was REALLY into and didn't register that the other person wasn't actually interested... I'm probably doing that right now 😂
Anyway, I've watched several of your autism-related videos now, and they're incredibly relatable and validating as a late-diagnosed adult. Thank you for putting yourself out there. ❤
Thank you for mentioning the sighing thing. I do this from subconsciously almost holding my breath when anxious. Then my partner goes "What's the matter now?" ...I'm literally breathing!
So many things like this in my life make sense now.
Diagnosed at 47.
we are cut from the same seam-free, tag free, extra big cloth - (except I wouldn't be happy walking around naked in public). yay dinosaurs and horses.
don't mask or change - you are easy to understand and you have a nice tone and presentation. yes, you make sense. tell your story. you will help a lot of people. learn autistic culture and be a leader.
Yes, seam free, tag free, extra large, but not naked...I don't like the sensation of my skin on my skin. And I agree that Courtney has a great tone and pace; nice to listen to. And, I guess one of my "things"-I notice teeth and Courtney has beautiful teeth and an adorable, friendly smile. 🙂
@tracirex everybody hey! Wear your underwear and your socks inside out! The seams will be away from your body and won't irritate you. Plus the socks are usually softer that way!
I also sigh a lot, and I never understood why people are so put off by it. Many people have seemed genuinely angry with me because of it, and I’m like, I’m sorry! I just do that!
I don’t even realize I’m doing it until someone points it out. People have even asked me if it was because of one thing or another but I really don’t know why I do it and it really doesn’t mean anything.
Oh yes! I totally relate. The worst for me is that what I feel inside and think I look outside the opposite is true for how I look outside. Foe example: I am jus happy and zoning out and someone says: what is the problem? Why are you so sad? Or upset. And I am like: what??
Thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences. I feel less alone 😅 so many things that I feel just the same. So happy to have found your content here . 💚
You are you and I’m thankful for you
Thank you!
2:00 "Women's tee shirts with the little armpit thing." ROFL. Yes! Also, you mentioned that you listen to your comments for a half-hour each day, so I'll try to use more text and fewer emojis.
Hi from Ireland, just got late diagnosed last year. So I feel you ❤😊
❤️
Again, I send you the biggest, thanks I have watched a lot of autism videos and I have yet to find one so relatable so thank you for your vulnerability and determination to be seen. and keep your videos coming for others to benefit from your experience.
I'm so glad and grateful that you find my content helpful. Thank you so much for watching and commenting!
I love that your glasses fit perfectly to your shirt.
Courtney, I could have been the one to write your outline or manuscript for this video... because the way you described your experience from youth, school years, into adulthood, and coincidental self-discovery as prompted by TH-cam to check out this topic felt very much like my own. The only significant difference: I'm about twice your age, and I only discovered myself two years ago. Growing up as a quiet, easily distracted, though highly intelligent female child in the 1970s-1980s, my struggles went unnoticed, unlike my failures, because I did not display the stereotypical behaviors of either ADHD or Autism.
It was so liberating to learn that I wasn't a "broken normal person who just wasn't trying hard enough," but I am a "normal autistic person with ADHD and chronic PTSD who is struggling like mad below the surface to still not meet neurotypical expectations."
The more I learn about others' experiences, the more I feel understood! 🤗❤️🩹
I use the illustration of Mac-vs-PC operating systems so frequently. In fact, I drew a meme of sorts using familiar "different operating system" symbolism to express how it feels.
Also much like you, I was recently introduced to small yet VERY helpful accommodations such as headphones and ear plugs/inserts. Sound doesn't have to hurt my eardrums anymore! 😅
There's so much more I'd like to share, but it's late and my phone and brain need to rest and recharge to be ready to tackle tomorrow!
❤️🩹🩹🤗
Hearing this is too real. I was diagnosed early, but a lot of these things I can absolutely relate to. Especially when it comes things like food, and clothes.
Thank you so much for watching and for commenting. ❤️
I do the happy dance too! Also when I'm eating something very nice I will wiggle in delight :)
Me too! The little happy shimmy/happy wiggle! We call it the "wibbles" in our house haha!
5:00 Yes, sigh to release energy. As for Lawful Good, I'm more Chaotic Good and hate unjust heirachies - but as a kid, I was taught that if you follow the rules, life will be good and turn out well for everyone. I have unlearned that lie as I've gotten older. At the same time, I get pissed about people letting their dogs off leash, because it endangers the dog, and 99.9% of the time, the dog doesn't listen to recall commands. I also do the squeeze and shake the fists thing instead of hand flapping. Hand flapping burst my wrists.
Hurts.
I know a few people who do the handshake thing. Wallace does it in Wallace and Gromit.
4:06 resonating!🤯
I love expelling air heavily. It feels great and helps me regulate.
I am curtain I'm autistic. I've suspected it for almost 20 years. I had so many signs as a kid. Like sensory issues, troubles socializing, not understanding WHY most of the other kids didn't want to be around me (I was actually homeschooled from grades 3-9 because being around other kids was too stressful for me, to the point that I had developed a severe eye twitch and other issues), troubles communicating and getting my words out correctly, trouble with knowing what to say to people, stims, self harm, and on and on... I had multiple psychological evaluations in childhood but each time they misdiagnosed me (these diagnoses, like ADHD, were later taken away when it was clear that wasn't the case). Apparently, at some point, they suspected "high functioning autism" but it was never looked into. My mom said she doesn't recall this but it's literally in my medical records. So WHY I was never properly assesed for autism, I have no idea...
I learned a lot of coping skills as I got older, and became good enough at masking so that MOST people couldn't tell anything was different about me (A few people who know me very well have said they can tell... Including my friend with 4 diagnosed autistic step children and who also works in mental health). I tried twice (in my late 20's and early 30's) to get an evaluation. My GP was on board with this but the psychologist he sent me to (FYI these were NOT official assessments and we only spoke for a brief period each time. I don't think he knew much about autism because he clearly expected me to act very differently) told me I probably just had GAD and social anxiety. I know I don't have those. I know I do have some degree of anxiety, which many autistic people have, but I know its not JUST anxiety. I also don't fit in with social anxiety. And funny enough I found out just last year (after gaining access to my medical records) that the psychologist said autism was a possibility, particularly after reviewing notes from my childhood evaluations, but he felt I had advanced my social skills enough since childhood and he didn't seem to think that me seeking an official diagnosis would help. Yes it wouldn't help to know that many of the issues I've faced in my life are potentially because of that... Ok then.
I would love to know for sure, but unfortunately testing is expensive and I can't afford it. It just kind of really pisses me off that the signs were there when I was young, the suggestion was made, but nothing was done about it.
THANK YOU FOR SHARING THE MATH THING.
That is all.
Thank you.
As an elementary school teacher, I find this so interesting. My brother has 3 sons. The oldest is very high functioning Autistic (top of his class as a Jr. in High School) and the middle son is very low functioning (attends special school for special needs kids) and the youngest is "normal". It's such a spectrum and you are so "tuned in" to your autism. Thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you so much for sharing. You are amazing for sharing.
Omg, are we the exact same person? 💀😂 my dr recommended I get an assessment this month!
I was told a lot that I wasn’t trying enough when I had nothing else to give
Just 20 years ago, autism wasn't diagnosed unless the symptoms were severe. None of us were to be blamed for missing it. It just wasn't known.
I got diagnosed with GAD and depression, along with cPTSD and ADHD… but I also believe I am on the Autism spectrum. Thank you for this! I don’t have all of the things, stimming was shamed out of me, but I have signs that I’m masking HARD! So, I may have to reintegrate and allow myself to be myself for the first time, with my own acceptance and permission. That’s hard! It’s not usual to find it so hard to “just be yourself”, is it? 🤷🏻♀️ I never could “just be myself”, because I didn’t know who I was! I was who I needed to be in the context I was in… did you feel that way? This is so helpful, thank you so much!!
I absolutely did feel that way and definitely relate! Thank you so much for watching and for commenting! ❤
I have autism. I'm a long time fan. Thank you for sharing your story. Love You.
Hi, I am 60 years old and only realized a couple weeks ago that I am autistic. How's that for late diagnoses?! I've also come to realize that most of the people in my family also have some level of autism. All of this has been hugely insightful, and now I understand so much about what has happened not only to myself, but also some of the things that others have done that didn't make sense. Thank you for sharing.
@@monical.8360 67 here and diagnosed a few weeks ago
I love your computer analogy! That’s how I totally feel!
Hi did you make that video on self diagnosis
I don't even know how one "mermaids". (You do you though!!!) TH-cam fed me the original video with the diagnosis story having never seen your channel before. Currently going through the screening quizzes, and I sent them to my sister too because she and I have occasionally expressed "the question" to each other about ADHD and/or autism. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your story. Every person you reach begins their own journey, and hopefully we can all understand ourselves better together.
5k$ for an adult diagnosis ??? Wtf if we really need help and a diagnosis… wow that’s depressing
So many things in this video resonate with me, thank you for making it.
I'm still awaiting an official assessment, but this video was useful all the same.
But goodness, looking back at my childhood and remembering the times when people told me to stop doing X, Y, or Z thing and now seeing it through the lens of potential autism is both relieving and a touch frustrating that I couldn't be granted simple human kindness.