‼I have posted a response to this video answering and addressing a lot of questions from this comment section, watch it here: th-cam.com/video/km7ag3lLI50/w-d-xo.html
My son and daughter are autistic. I suffer with fibromyalgia, pots, and everybody hates me even tho all I do is try to please everyone syndrome. I just can't be the person that pleases them even when I'm trying my hardest. But anyway, I have been told my illness is all in my head, I've been told my adult child would do better if I threw him out. I've been very alone in all of this. I get judged as a parent because who has 2 disabled kids and is also disabled? They think I just want to be disabled or I just want to be lazy. I BAWLED with you when I saw you cry. I'm sorry, I know what you've been through to some degree. Somebody asked if I was in 'Special Ed' once, and that does hurt bad. My stepdaughter left me the most hateful message, after I took care of my dying mom last year, because I did nothing else for a year, and I had no idea she was stewing because my new puppy didn't like her. She told me I was in 'her dad's house!' After 13 years of marriage. It broke me. But so has everything else. So I feel you. I don't know if I'm autistic but I have childhood trauma and it could be that, but life has been impossible for me to manage. I don't understand why people hate us when we're doing our best. But thanks for sharing your story. It really was helpful.
Courtney, I am 45, and the counselor I have now finally diagnosed me as autistic. I have been taking Psychological Evaluations since I was seven years old and now at almost forty six. I got a true diagnosis. I am austic,dyslexia, and Adhd and complex ptsd,audio progressing disorder. I am right with you. I have so many be mean to me. I try to understand it. Remember you, amazing person, no matter what people tell you. I am still trying self unmask myself and forgive one that hurt me.
The “why didn’t anyone notice” is absolutely visceral. I relate so hard. I’ve ALWAYS been weird. Nice but weird. And people made fun of me all the way through childhood and college. And yet no one said, hey, maybe something’s up. Easier to sneer and move on. I totally get it.
Apologies for that awful comment that person left. They've been removed from my channel. This is a safe place but sometimes nasty people feel the need to leave unhelpful comments.
Only a few people are psychologists or neurologists so most people don't recognize it. Add to that, many ND people are very high functioning and do a great deal of masking so how can the rest of us have a clue?
It impacts EVERY aspect of my life. I grieved for WEEKS !! All of the struggles and wondering what the hell was WRONG with me ??? I’m 65 and newly diagnosed and months later I have peace.
I’m 65 and undiagnosed. I have figured it all out and it helps for sure to let me be me. I wouldn’t talk to anyone except family and close friends until I was in my late teens at least. Time blind. My gr 9 English teacher thought I was deaf.
The part where you said that you can't with people anymore. I felt that. I even have a shirt that says "I used to be a people person, then people ruined it"
Oh.. then people ruined it 😂 sorry it is a very funny way of saying it.. and i totally get it.. 😢 love to be with people undtil i actually are with people, then it is just how do i get away from here
I burst into tears when you got the awnser. I legitimately cried with you and before you clarified the way you felt at that moment, I knew the feelings were a mix of pain and relief. Im in my search for a diagnose of Autism atm. Hope I can navigate whatever is my uneven thing, as good as you did.
You know why no one put it together? You’re hyper intelligent and mask really well. I’m 20yrs older than you and am asking myself the same questions. Make no mistake, not only past Courtney needs this, future Courtney needs this too.
Same here. I pass all the online quizzes and such but I don’t have money to go after diagnosis. I was very good at masking and did well academically. I’m 43 so of course it wasn’t easy for girls to be diagnosed in my age range.
Being a woman is definitely a huge part of it too. I actually asked for a psyche eval when I was only 6 years old, but was shut down because "girls cant get the things theyre testing for." I was horrible at masking for decades and was dismissed solely for being an intelligent woman.
Has anyone ever questioned if they had borderline personality disorder before they found out they had autism? I am a 41yo woman diagnosed with adhd and possible borderline or cptsd. The ADHD diagnosis I believe because the medication actually works. I haven’t taken any of the autism tests yet because if I’m autistic then I’m worried I’m not “autistic enough“ for it to matter to other people. For other people to understand that I really am different than them. This is making me cry. Good luck to everyone searching for answers 😊
Yes, both borderline and bipolar were considered long before autism. People who already care about you will gain understanding of who you are from the diagnosis. Those who desire to treat you poorly will continue to treat you poorly, unless they are now legally obligated not to. Remember that the diagnosis is primarily for you, so that you can understand what you need to do to adapt to situations in a healthier way. Keep in mind as you take the assessments that if you are good at masking you might score lower than you actually are. Just be really honest with yourself and you should be okay. I didn't score the highest on all the self-tests, but I realized I had adapted to a lot of the situations in the tests already. Good luck.
I just wanted to say that this video was the beginning of my autism rabbit hole. TH-cam recommended it to me back in January. I had never seen any of your other videos before so this was my intro to your channel. I clicked because the son of a friend is autistic and I was curious. Nobody had ever told me what autism was before. This lead me to your signs and symptoms video which sent me to the tests and a whole rabbit hole of "wtf - is THIS what has been going on my whole life?!" Just got my diagnosis 2 days ago. I am 34, autistic, and ADHD. I cannot thank you enough for putting your journey online for those of us who see so much of ourselves in you and your experiences. This video *actually* changed my life and this experience has allowed me to reframe my entire childhood experience through a lens of self compassion. I still have some grieving to do, but from the bottom of my heart, thank you!!!
When you said “for once, it is just about me” I felt very proud of you and happy for you. It doesn’t make you selfish; it will help you be a more authentic human. Good work!
I have Cerebral Palsy, from pre-school on I was around people with what is now called Autism. I learn to live in their framework, and they did their best to live with mine, and I enjoy their friendship. Those that cannot value you as a person only robbed themselves. Their different experience of life has taught me so much. A friend had a son with Autism who supposedly did not talk, he was left in the backyard with me. I said hello, his eyes said hello back from queues taught by life I could tell my facial expressions and eyes were overloading him, so I stood to the side of him we talk for hours, his parents watch from the window. How did you ..? Later, I had to explain how not to overload or trigger him, and talking was hard because the rest of his mind was going so fast. The pros did not tell how to...There are people that love you just the way you are!!! Take Care!!!
I tried to get help, I was treated with disbelief. At 67 years old, I found out I am autistic. What a relief. I now like myself. Great video, thanks for taking the time to document this occasion.
My mom just got diagnosed with adhd at age 61. The rollercoaster of grief, relief, understanding, etc has been a lot for her, but she is learning so much so fast! Good luck to you on your journey!
The “Now I like myself” hit home for me, really hard. I’m balling my eyes out because you felt like I feel (and have my entire life) and it’s the hardest thing to take in daily and to push past when all I want to do is shut down, which I often do. You give me hope, and for that I am very grateful to you. I’m so happy for you that you got the help and answers you needed and deserve. I hope I get my answers soon. I’m calling my dr tomorrow morning first thing to get a referral to start this process, finally, after 45 years of no self-love and always being misunderstood.
67 and fairly certain, though no official diagnosis. My psych who okayed my anxiety meds for years laughed and said no way. My CPTSD confuses things because of common symptoms. Rocking and stimming for example, and HUGE anxiety for decades. Could never look people in the eye.Afraid to call strangers on the phone to for example find out when a store closed until my mid teens. Always had a target for abusers on my forehead. Took people at their word and paid awful prices for my trust. Deep diving for years on special interests. Score high on online tests. Prefer animals to people by far. I'm basically DONE with people. Hypersensitive to sounds and lights. Super empathic though. It doesn't matter anymore though, I am whatever I am and at my age I'm closer to being done and free.
You did this for my 13 year old daughter. Your story is her story. These vids have impacted her father (me) profoundly in such a positive and important way. I understand my little girl and what she goes through everyday 1000X better for having watched your vids! 1 million thank yous.
As someone who finally got diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADHD, and autism at the age of 32 (still being assessed for C-PTSD), I relate so much to this. I too was invalidated by my family and medical professionals whenever I tried to voice that something didn't feel right. I spent countless hours doing research on autism after it got on my radar (which, fun fact, walking into an appointment with a huge binder of notes and research is a pretty common thing for people on the spectrum and is typically something therapists immediately take a mental note of). I also tried my best to spend a few months trying to unmask before the appointment but then I was super anxious if it would seem fake if I avoided eye contact too much or if I started rocking in the chair without realizing so it escalated my anxiety to the point I could feel myself having this internal struggle between trying to unmask so that the therapist could see "the real me" while at the same time telling myself that it wasn't safe to unmask "too much". I also relate to all the second-guessing and the fear of autism not being the answer because, if it's not, then you're back at square one - feeling like you don't belong and not knowing the reason why. I also spent countless more hours looking back at my childhood, reframing my understanding of certain events under the auDHD lens, and just crying and grieving for that poor little girl. But, at the end of the day, I was so proud of myself for having had the strength to finally self-advocate and I'm learning to be more compassionate with myself and practice a bit more self-care.
Anxiety and depression are symptoms, not diagnoses. Trauma is guaranteed for an Autistic person. Forcus on the Autism and ADHD. What interferes with your life the most? Focus on that.
How did you get screened for autism? The last few years I have really noticed that things I used to hate and find difficult have become worse to the point they are almost unbearable and saw a video on autism and it felt so familair to my issues I didn't realize most people don't experience. So I have been doing lots of research and some tests online that have I have scored high on for autism. But I don't know where to go to actually get an assessment and I feel like I need one for me, but also for my family and work to also take it seriously. I am so lost and I just need to know for sure.
the moment of truth... Man I cried with you. I have no diagnosis yet but I know I am autistic. My whole life is a prime example of autism... So good to know I'm not alone! Thank you for sharing your experiences! You are not alone! We are many! Finding out that you are autistic is like if in your whole life you were a bad runner. everibody finishis 1000 miles before you, and you kind of accept it that you are wrong. Then somebody comes and point out that you have a huge steel ball on your leg which can't be removed - that you have never realized. Suddenly all the struggle and failure makes sense! And the sombody tells you that you are not wrong! Maybe you are not good in running but you are good in diving... :D
I also last year at 38 received my autism diagnosis and can wholeheartedly understand the sense of relief of finally understanding myself. But also the confusion of not knowing who I am exactly under the layers of masking. Thank you for sharing and take care
My son has ADHD and autism. I've been told by many I have it too but as an adult I don't know who to ask for help. It affects my daily life. I know I have it and I know I need help understanding myself.
And seeing your reaction & how loving your man and fur baby are, I cried with you. Love you honey. You are going to be ok. Keep doing what brings you joy in your Mermaid tails and more. No one has a right to judge you. So I was so happy to hear you dont care about what bullies say anymore. You are strong! Big hugs.
Pausing halfway through. This "I'm a chronic people pleaser... It never comes out that way... I come out quite selfish... and I'm trying so hard!" gave me chills. I feel this so completely. I know some (all?) of my loved ones see me as selfish and lazy, but I feel like I'm literally always trying to make/keep them happy and ignoring my own needs... Yeah. Figured out in the last year or so I'm (diagnosed) ADHD and (self-diagnosed, but there's a LOT of evidence) autistic. Thank you and please know you are not alone.
Newly diagnosed here but I'm someone who knew for years. I pleased people by giving them my time and energy. They needed a ride somewhere, I'd do it. They needed money, food or to vent I'd do it. What I learned is neurotypicals take A LOT to playcate... They'll judge you as selfish based off your tone/rhythm of voice, body language and facial expressions. You not being the same as them here can be registered as a lack of empathy. It could be more them than you (I do not know you or them), but you'll still need to learn to manage it yourself. We also just take less interest in social stuff which can be viewed as rude. We're human too though, and they can honestly seem to forget that
This is the most beautifull video I have ever seen about this kind of journey. As a neurodiverse psychologist, this is just so heartbreaking to watch and very recognizable. I'm very happy you where willing to show us and let us in. Thank you so much for sharing this.
Your experience mirrors mine! It's so similar, including, and especially, when you said " what if I'm not autistic..." That's exactly how I felt and why I was so nervous to find out, but I had to, at the same time! Thank you for sharing!
I found out I have ADHD earlier this year, and everything in my life finally makes sense. The most important part of this ND life is that you aren’t alone, and you never will be!
I felt it when you said "Why didnt nobody notice?" Nobody in my family said anything when I put clothes on backwards, thought nothing of playing in my underwear in the enclosed backyard after coming home, when I would lie down behind the lounge sofa and roll side to side for hours, why i would roll in my sleep in bed. Nobody said anything when i took things literally so many times, or was really gullible with other people's claims, or I used gestures out of context. Almost nobody spoke up as i struggled with making friends or being the target of bullies. My Dad spoke up when the bullying spread outside of school such as when i was walking home (the bullies would travel *miles* out of their way just to harass me) though that led to no change long term, and when the bullying escalated to assault in broad daylight and threats against my life, my Dad was too preoccupied with a failing marriage to act. No one else acted or just victim blamed. No one thought about what could be happening when I had meltdowns, couldnt hold down a job, or had emotional blowups or sudden changes in character when stepping out of public into private home space. I wasn't diagnosed until 28, after years of missed opportunities with specialists. I've met with more therapists since then with some not accepting my diagnosis. That said they also dismissed the possibility I had PTSD despite the above mentioned abuse and emotional neglect/abuse from my parents/siblings. Ive since self assessed and self diagnosed PTSD and still get triggered if I hear anything about the bullies who tormented me. The good news is my Parents have come around and even apologised to me, and I have insight into why they were neglectful (my Dad is also Autistic, and my Mom was emotionally neglected too and facing painful truths can be difficult for them). With Diagnosis, first hand and heard second hand, a lot of the diagnostic tools still aim at children when this is a condition that lasts a lifetime. Finally, from life experience, i've found a small few people i can connect with and whom are understanding or empathetic, and that I have i choice but to be affirmative with people who "stir the poop" in regards to my experiences, even if it means frankly telling them how *their* behaviour has been unjust or ostracising for me. I hope that since the diagnosis, things are getting better for you. Lots of love and care 🙂
I appreciate the raw honesty in sharing this. I laughed, I cried but also felt anger towards the fact that there were so many invalidating experiences for you to get here. I'm glad you did this for all of the undiagnosed girls (of which I am probably one tbh). Your Dr. seemed like such an empathetic individual and while this process was in no way easy, I'm so proud of you for going through it. The more we share our truths, the easier it is for the world to learn and accept those who are different and I truly believe that this and the next generation is creating a better world for everyone who is differently abled.
You explaining how everything went helped me a lot. I’ve been self-diagnosed for 1 or 2 years now. After I found out about autism I had to sit in silence for some minutes and rethink my entire life. Everything finally made sense. I teared up during parts of this video but when the clip came where you had the call with the doc I started sobbing. Because I related to you bursting out in tears so much and also because I imagined myself in this situation and remembered all the times people told me that they think that I’m autistic. I want to thank you a lot for filming and posting this. I’m getting tested soon and I’m honestly very excited and happy but also very nervous.
That sense of relief you talked about was exactly how I felt after my diagnosis. A part of me was absolutely gutted, but mostly it felt so good to finally have a reason for why I felt different. I don't think people realise how important it can be to find out. I was diagnosed when I was 15 and even that felt too late since I was leaving school, but I can't imagine how it must feel to have an adult diagnosis. I hope that now you can live as your true, authentic self, both on and off camera. Wishing you all the best ❤
My psychologist told me I was autistic on our second interview, on the third interview it was to find out what level I am. I too got the full assessment 2 weeks after my final interview but I'm glad I didn't have to wait for the answer... Like you said - it is a big relief to finally have an answer as to why you are how you are and why you are so different from other people, I was diagnosed at 41 last year. I was grieving for a while as well but looking back at my life through an autistic lense my life made a lot more sense as to why I acted this way in that situation, and this situation etc... Thank you for sharing your story ❤
Hi I was on this same path at 58 I read and watched and researched everything I could, I booked an appointment and waited , as you did , then waited some more between appointments (during covid ) then got it confirmed , I am autistic ! I asked her can you repeat that because it was so surreal and she did yes kerilyn you are autistic! It was so validating . I was also relieved and proud that I worked it out for myself , after years of therapy nobody suggested this! go me ! Then the nay sayers , omg , so hard, especially family, who think they know me better than I know myself and my brain , so insulting! I am So relieved still and happy I did it , I am 60 now and one year with the diagnosis. I have a wonderful online community of autistic friends , more supportive than most my family. Congratulations and thanks for sharing .
@@genacat4599 you can still write down things you have in common with people who are autistic, for example if you watch videos like this made by autistic people and something they said is extremely familiar to you, rings a bell for you or explains some thing about your earlier experiences, in light of Autism, then start making a list of those things. Also I do recommend you look up and take the various online quizzes that are available. There are some books you can get out from your local library which also contain quizzes. You could make copies of those pages, take the quiz yourself and have that be something you take in for the evaluation appointment. And I don’t know how long it’s been since you graduated, but if your school system still exists today, it might be possible to get copies of your school records, at least the digital copies. Also, can you remember if the teachers ever put any written comments on your report cards? Or perhaps an older person in your family can remember? I used to have a couple of my report cards, but now they are gone. My mom was a nurse and thought she knew everything. She didn’t need to keep things. Now her memory is starting to go. She still can remember the most common things written on my report cards, and when she mentioned a few, it certainly rang a bell for me! And it brought back some more classroom memories of the type of thing which I got into trouble for repeatedly. Did you happen to keep a diary or journal when you were younger? You might also reread that if you have it, because being older now, you might have a completely different viewpoint on things you didn’t understand when you were younger. But if you can’t find any other resources that are directly from your younger years, I would do as much research as you can, take some quizzes, Keep track/make copies of them, and make a list of why you think you might be autistic. Read books by autistic authors, and take notes as you read of any similar life experiences you have had. I think the first book I read on purpose by an autistic author was written by Temple Grandin. She’s written many good books on different levels and subjects! Look them up, read reviews of them and choose a few. Also, have you watched the movie made about her life? It is just called Temple Grandin. There are so many good books out there, but I’m sure you can find them just like you can find the very many good TH-cam channels by autistic people. The only two channels I can think of right now off the top my head well I’m very tired and haven’t slept a couple nights now, is an Australian channel called That Autistic Guy, and another one called Mom on the Spectrum. For me, I found that doing these things really gave me a lot of answers, Or at least a lot of questions and things to discuss with my psychiatrist! I wish you well! ✌🏼💙🌅
@@SalyLuz-hc6he thank you! This was very helpful. I remember my 3rd grade teacher telling my mom to take me to go see a doctor because I was too quiet and wouldn't talk. But I don't think we got none of that written down or on paper, my mom refused and said I was fine. I never liked talking to the other kids I felt like I didn't fit in.
@kayjay-kreations I am 60 years old, and just got diagnosed (finally!) 2 months ago. I have suspected for over 10 years that I am autistic, but it wasn't until last year I started actively pursuing getting assessed. I finally found someone I could afford (it was still quite expensive, though), and after 6 very intense sessions I was diagnosed autistic. It was also very validating and relieving for me to finally know for sure, what I had suspected for so long. I'm not stupid, lazy, unmotivated, or a horrible person. My brain just works differently, and it's ok! Now with this new understanding of myself, my past makes more sense. I understand why I have struggled so much with everyday things that most people do without even thinking about it. I am learning how to better accomodate myself, and I am more hopeful for my future.
You nailed when you say 'hopefully when it's about me, someone would be able to relate to it' I, for one, relate to your experience and it is a relief for me. I feel less alone in this.
I am also autistic! I'm glad you were able to get a diagnosis. I wasn't diagnosed until college and going with a long time without knowing and the masking can really do a number on you. I hope this can help you moving forward!
12:41 "I wonder how many people are gonna stick around after this." That's the moment I hit Subscribed. I'm 72 years old and relate so much to you and your story. And you doing this on behalf of your younger self means everything. You're brave and amazing. THANK U
I'll let you know, this diagnosis does not change my view of you. I'm glad you have your answer for this will help you. And I will still look up to you as someone you inspires me as a mermaid, a person, an artist, and so much more.
That’s generational imo. In my childhood, no one discussed these issues or mental health EVER. It was suck it up and go play, be a happy kid etc. while the adults smoked cigarettes and drank tea . Different times.
"Why didn't anybody notice" was what bothered me at 33 when I found out I was autistic. You're very much not alone in this. ❤ For me, I knew I was different than others for as long as I could remember. I just didn't know why. Too sensitive, shy, too blunt, stubborn, etc. Stumbled on what autism can present like in girls after learning about sensory processing disorder and took all those self assessment tests and it was like a light went on. Finally, I knew why I was different. I'm officially diagnosed autistic but I self identify as an ADHDer and Autistic or AuDHD as I struggle with a lot of the same things that people with both diagnosis do. The reason why it went undetected in my case, besides the 90's being nearly impossible as a little girl on the spectrum to get a diagnosis, is because my parents didn't know anything was wrong. I have many of the same traits they do and they were never diagnosed. So naturally, they didn't know what to look for. My dad is still staunchly certain that nothing os wrong with him when even I can see some pretty clear traits on his part now that I've learned more about how autism presents. He has like 3 subjects he will talk your ear off about. There's no changing the subject. And both my parents have been social outcasts their whole lives. My mother is most obviously autistic to me. And it impacts her ability to function in life quite a bit but she doesn't see the point in being assessed in her 60's now. Fair enough.
I'm surprised that this video is from a year ago. I'm just seeing this now for the 1st time, so it might seem a little late to be telling you that I felt every word. I'm significantly older, but I have never had a doctor willing to diagnose me. Something has been off my entire life, and I have never been able to pinpoint it. As hard as it was for you to get diagnosed, I'm so thankful that you could.
I hope you don't give up on finding the acknowledgement and acceptance you deserve, even just a ND person or two that will really see you (irrespective of a formal diagnosis). But for now, I see you 🤗
I get this. So frustrating. Even with a diagnosis, it's not like you can ask for space, or whatever. If you look/act normal enough, it's almost proof (to them) you aren't.
I go for my assessment on May 1st. I broke down when you broke down in this video 😭 I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2021 at 40 years old. Looking back at everything in my life through that lens, so many pieces finally made sense. Flashforward to now at 41 knowing there's this final piece to the puzzle is exciting but scary as hell. I always knew I was different, I struggled my entire life with so many things and was bullied for as long as I can remember. Teachers, kids, kids parents, it didn't matter. What I understand now about being ND, having ADHD and autism, makes me realize it wasn't my fault. I tried so hard for a long time to be "normal" but it never worked. I gave up for the most part and just embraced my weirdness but there has always been that part of me that was still trying and failing. For me the diagnosis will be that definitive piece that I need to fully believe in myself. I am 99.9% sure but there would always be that little voice of doubt. I appreciate you sharing this process with all of us and especially the vulnerable moments. I know that's not easy but it really means the world to me. I know I will be a mess during my appointment but to finally hear those words will be so validating. Thank you ❤
WOW. This really resonated with me. I'm 53 and was just diagnosed 13 days ago. When I started researching what autism is it was SO blatantly obvious to me. WTF? How did all the "professionals" I went to for help miss this completely? I was dismissed so many times.
Thank you for this. Current Ari needed this video: my final assessment is tomorrow morning and I’m going through all the emotions. I had a short assessment when I was 31 and doctor said I was autistic but that I would need to do this bigger 3hr assessment to be officially diagnosed but it’s been a year and a half of crying and mourning. And feeling alone in this. But so scared about tomorrow and this video brings me so much comfort. I’m looking forward to watching more of your content. It hit me when you said why didn’t no one notice. That’s how I feel.
Your reaction to the diagnosis literally made me cry ❤️ I'm so happy for you that you were able to find some understanding and hopefully peace with what's been going on with you. Your whole life was rewritten in an instant and that would break anyone. Wishing you the best and lots of hugs on your continued journey of self love and self understanding ❤️❤️❤️ you're worthy ❤️
Still not officially diagnosed, but I bawled when you got your diagnosis, knowing how that must feel to be validated, but to also have a whole new world of questions.
Thank you Courtney. I am 53 yrs old. I have been considering getting an assessment for about a year now. Your video was very helpful and it touched my heart. I cried watching this vid. You are so courageous and generous/kind for sharing your journey. I was born with neonatal withdtawal syndrome due to being exposed to heroin and other drugs in the womb. I had a lot of early childhood trauma and it continued throughout my life. I waa diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Attention Deficient Disorder, but not until my 40's. Life has been rough, but I wont give up. ❤
We are all here for u Courtney and we love all of u💕 yes, a lot of us don’t know u in person, but we are here for u as a creator, a mermaid, a person, and an artist✨💕
Iv been watching you for awhile, and I’m not to surprised by this. This isn’t a bad thing, iv known autistic people my entire life so the signs tend to go under the radar for me I just except it as normal. The journey to acceptance takes time (I’m dyslexic, known for awhile but only really started looking into it recently) it’s good to know, take your time with this no one’s rushing you :)
Getting a diagnose explains so many things about the way we are and what we do/did ''wrong'' in our lives. Your dog comforting you was so sweet to see.
I am so happy that you got answers and validation. You past experiences make me realize the importance of educators being trained in nurodiverse signs 💙💚💛
It's so important. I grew up in a time (back in the 90's) when the research really wasn't there yet and boys were really the only ones being recognized unless you had much higher support needs.
This is the first video of yours I've seen. I'm a 51-yo man who's just now exploring whether I may be autistic. I've had lots of moments of doubt about myself in this process. It occurs to me that neurotypicals probably don't usually spend as much time and energy as I have researching whether they may be autistic. Clearly something about life is deeply different from the norm for me, and much of what I've found from autistic creators has resonated. I just wanted to drop a note to say thank you for posting this. It really spoke to a lot of the feelings and experiences I've had recently and throughout my life. I don't know whether I'll seek professional diagnosis. It's expensive, and I have issues with the DSM anyway (I'm a psychotherapist). But I will say that the validation you seemed to get from the formal diagnosis adds to the argument in favor of my seeking a professional diagnosis. I appreciate your honest and vulnerable sharing.
I first wondered whether I could be on the spectrum some five years ago. I was researching the subject for another person's sake, and it suddenly occurred to me that all the criteria applied to me. Everything fell into place and started making sense. At last. - 15 years of therapy (with 5 different therapists) during which every single issue I described was actually a symptom of autism and/or adhd, and nobody considered it! - I discussed the possibility with a close friend of mine who is a consultant psychiatrist: he was adamant that I didn't meet the criteria (too much empathy he said). - I was told that I was depressed. A therapist asked me: "Have you considered getting a job? Being productive would help with your depression...". (Eventhough she knew that I was caring for an elderly parent who lived with me). I wanted to answer her: "I am not depressed, I'm mad" 😡 The thing is, researching is something that I am good at. Before long, I knew enough to feel justified and insist my doctor refers me for an assessment. When I received the diagnosis, I was told that there wasn't a shadow of a doubt because I scored so high: the consultant told me being amazed that I could have functioned for so long without falling apart, because I was so high on the spectrum. She added that I had severe adhd and that i should ask gor a formal adhd assessment as well. When you know, you know.
I find it interesting how many Autists on this channel are also psychotherapists. I went into the field too to try to figure myself out and there discovered the rampant Narcissism in my family of origin, which now I'm considering endowed me with a lifelong CPTSD. Wondering whether that is the source of my suffering depression or if it is from an undiagnosed neurodivergence, I have also discovered a common comorbidity of the 2 Dxs. I have learned more about myself from research here about these things than I did in grad school, although I made an important start on that journey by seeking the MFT degree. Thank you for your sharing.
My whole life I was told I was too picky of an eater, sounds and smells that bothered me weren’t that big of a deal and that I needed to stop complaining, that I was too sensitive, that I was rude, etc. I also went through a lot of things that you did. The pandemic hit and my world fell apart. My schedule was non-existent. Then we had to move during the pandemic.
I cried so hard when you cried. I feel it, too. I have yet to get my official diagnosis (I'm on a wait list), but I know. And I've already been through the whole grieving process of who I thought I was. Going through all those memories, being bullied, having a manager at my summer job call me the R-word in my case (and me quitting then and there, don't worry), all the things. Thank you for making this video. I feel very seen and supported, and I hope you feel held similarly by these comments. 🫶🏼
I'm a lil late commenting on this one but I found it while researching after watching tons of Paige Layle's videos and realizing my last therapist had to be right. I'm 35 years old, all my life I've been diagnosed with bipolar depression, anxiety, adhd, and ptsd. I was completely unaware that I had been stimming my whole life, I couldn't explain how as I got older the explosive episodes just kinda went away(I mean I did a lot of work on myself to try and thwart it bc no combination of meds for my supposed disorders ever worked) but I still constantly felt so intensely awkward, making a phone call feels like the scariest thing in the world and I would literally have to imagine that I was someone who had their shit together in order to make it through conversations without melting down. I stim in so many different ways and I had never even heard the term before. My last therapist said she thought I'd been misdiagnosed my whole life and that she thought I might be autistic. So I started researching. I've been trying so hard to understand myself and achieve my full potential for so long, and unfortunately I started self medicating at a young age and that destroyed most of my life so far. I just successfully completed a treatment program for the first time and through that alone I discovered so much about myself and how my childhood traumas were still shaping my decisions. I've been practicing CBT for a long time trying to fix myself, and trauma therapy really helped me figure some shit out but there is still something...something else, something so difficult. I took a quick quiz from IDRLabs and it says I scored high on the spectrum. I'm so glad you shared your experience and were able to get that kind of closure or fuller understanding of yourself, validation. I'm inspired to continue my journey of discovery but like you were I'm fucking terrified. What if I'm not then what the hell am I? If I am what does that mean for me now, where do I go from there? Sorry for such a long comment, I just felt so compelled to reach out to someone who understands. If you have the time to communicate I'd love to know how you've been handling things, any suggestions you might have, etc. I'm going to watch the pinned video below as well as scour the website you linked. Thank you so much.
You are a beacon, a guiding light. Ever since I met you I had an admiration for your kindness and the way you draw you boundaries and show how to do it. And now this video. Yes, I very much believe there are many fishes that need to see this, that will feel stronger and more validated seeing how you share your journey. I don't think I'm neurodivergent. I am a survivor, who has some sometimes challenging coping mechanisms, but I don't know how is it to feel what you feel, but at moments it broke my heart to hear what you went through. You are amazing. And I hope you never ever feel 'less than'. As for those people who might stop liking you when you stop masking it's their loss. You are a magnificent creature and I love you dearly. SO MERMAID
Thank you so much for your kind words. I did for a long time feel "less than" but now I feel "more than" because I know myself better. 💖 Thank you for watching!
The way you hugged your dog hit me in a way that no other TH-cam video ever has. It's so relatable and similar to the love and bond that I have with mine. My youngest pittie is my default when I'm upset. I'm so glad you decided to share this with us. I'll know the results of my assessment in two weeks as well. Much love! 💟
Thank you for being brave enough to share your story with us & for providing a link to these tests. Anytime ive ever brought up the possibility to a living soul I too have quickly been dismissed. I can so heavily relate to everything you had to say, please know my heart is with you.
I’m so happy you finally got the closure you needed! I be been following you for quite sometime and seeing you so vulnerable was super eye opening for myself.
Thank you for sharing this very personal journey. With all the challenges that there are with living on the spectrum and struggling to be understood, people on the spectrum also have some amazing (what I refer to as) "super powers". Most of the people closest to me are on the high functioning end of the spectrum and are the most amazing people I know. Their unique view on the world is amazing. My life would not be as enriched as it is without them in my life.
This makes so much sense. Neuro-divergent women and afab people are so under-diagnosed, and I'm so relieved and happy that there's been a huge information revolution on social media that's helped people realise there might be a very good reason why they've struggled their entire life with things that neuro-typicals don't struggle with. I was diagnosed with ADHD in my mid/late thirties, and it was life changing. Be prepared to process grief over the life you feel you might have had if you had known sooner and had the tools you are being offered now, back then, or even feeling betrayed for not having been "picked up by the system" earlier. Those are all valid feelings, and almost every person who gets diagnosed as an adult go through this, so allow yourself to feel all of those feelings and work through them with professionals and with those around you. You are about to learn so, so much, and you are not alone. Welcome to the neurodiverse family! ❤️🥰
The moment of truth after a lifetime of pain and confusion, the emotional release and then your partner and your puppy instantly responding to your distress, trying to comfort you... This was so heartwarming and beautiful 🥺Thank you for sharing
This is the first video I'm seeing of yours. It's funny because I didn't even process that you were saying this, but right as you were saying "if you don't like it, you can unsubscribe", I was tapping the Subscribe button. For any of the people you've lost, may you gain the people who can appreciate your actual self. Thanks so much for sharing, from someone who starts their own evaluation process in 3 days (a couple setbacks aside).
Oh Courtney, I wanted to just hug you and cry with you, Girl! I will have my first assessment this coming week and I am 67 years old. Every thing you have said is my truth, too. Please wish me luck. I am new to your channel, but I am so grateful to be here!
I struggled all my life and still do with ADHD and didn't figure it out until this year at age 30. I have sensory issues that affect my relationships and day-to-day life. Figuring it out... was like being handed a map of your entire past. Your past choices, why you did things in that way, etc. Your response was the same as my response. Crying right there with you. I'll never forget when I watched a ted talk on women with undiagnosed ADHD and it's like... she was talking about me. My struggles, my shit, my entire fucking life. I just broke down completely because suddenly someone else actually understood me. They didn't even know me. The relief.... is surprising in its strength, like a tidal wave washing over you. Here's to breaking down the mask! Thank you for sharing your story. We are definitely not alone.
I was on a waiting list for 3 years. Last year I ended up being seen by a ‘partially trained’ 20 year old who would only ask generalised questions and wasn’t interested in any of the nuances that I felt were relevant. She was the middlewoman that gave the information to the qualified people. In the end I was declared not autistic. I’m 47 next month and I still don’t know why I don’t want to be around people for very long or why I flinch if I don’t see a touch coming. Crippling OCD. I haven’t been more that 100 yards away from my home in 4 years. It’s nice you got your closure, I don’t think I ever will.
As a fellow late-diagnosed Autistic, I loved coming along on your journey! NOT ME IN TEARS OVER YOUR REACTION! So happy you finally have some *official* validation. 🥰
I cried with you literally every time you did in this video, I relate so much and am so convinced that this is my truth too, but am getting such pushback from the medical resources I have available to me with state provided low income health care and don't have any idea how to get where I need to go right now. I'm so happy for you, having answers is always such a relief, hopefully someday I'll have answers too.
@@CourtneyMermaid thank you so much for posting it, I think this video being out there like this is going to mean so much to so many people. I'd caught some of the hints in videos that this might be the case for you, but honestly as well as you mask and edit that for your videos I thought that perhaps it was ADHD you were poking at. It's such a horrible self fulfilling prophecy where masking both does and doesn't help. It helps you pretend, but the pretending makes it worse. I'm so glad you're going to be able to work towards actually getting what you really need out of life now!
Your vulnerability and authenticity in sharing your journey I find so courageous and so needed 🤍 I have family and friends who I'm very close with who (it sounds like from what you've shared here) had very similar experiences growing up. They were not diagnosed until they were adults as well. I 1,000% believe that you ARE making a life changing, and life saving, difference by being a voice and a resource for others (especially young people and those diagnosed later in life). I know this video is a year old, but I still wanted to thank you for making it. It's so incredibly important and valid, and I'm grateful you are out here making content and sharing your story!
I must say that the moment of diagnosis made me cry, but it was also very wholesome when those closest to you immediately jumped to your side to comfort you. It was beautiful and I am so happy that you have someone to lean on!
Thank you for doing this! I hope this helps someone out. Thank you for being a light and inspiration to me and many others. You were one of the first mermaids I have discovered and thanks to you, I became one myself! Mental health is so important and I'm glad you are reaffirming that! I'm not autistic myself, but I know how hard it can be to have something "off" in your head space and not being able to understand why. Taking time to research and explore it is a great first step. Don't ever stop doing what you love. Don't ever stop being you. And most importantly, don't ever water down or hold back who you are for someone else just because it might cause a minor inconvenience! 🧜♀️💙 Edit: grammar
This might be the most beautiful sharing of a vulnerable self-discovery journey I've ever seen! I've done a lot of screenings for Neurodivergence for people, and never have I experienced someone being this transparent. It's very clear how hard you've worked to be honest with yourself. This brought me to tears. Thank you so much for your courage. Blessings to your mermaid-heart! 💙
Wow! The first few things you mentioned about sensory disorder, anxiety and depression is all things I’ve been hit with all before I was officially diagnosed with autism
I feel like there is a trend that by the time you seek a diagnosis, doctors and family have diagnosed/labeled individuals with multiple other issues that could have all been explained by Autism. That’s how it was for me too
@@blissfuljoy6049because it's the wrong diagnosis. depression, anxiety, and sensory processing disorder mixed together still are not the same thing as autism. Autism has other factors like rigid thinking/inflexibility of routines and rules, special interests, social differences including a lack of the innate understandings of the established social order that people without autism possess, and much more.
Oh the pdf, and binder made me laugh so hard. I am 61 late diagnosed and just now able to work a job and not burn out in 5 minutes. But I still have binders and notebooks and graphs for everything. I made one in like 6th grade trying to figure out why I did not fit in, and how i could fix that. Also I love your cadence and way of speaking i get it totally. As with most autistic people I think there are some neurotypicals who are just hard for us to watch. You are so easy to listen to for me.
Thank you so much for sharing something so personal and vulnerable. It’s very helpful. My new therapist was the first person to ever bring this up as something she saw in me. I’m 30 and I’ve always been a failure to my family and teachers despite a high IQ and I could never understand why I couldn’t perform better. At first I thought my therapist was bonkers, but once I started researching, especially videos like this of personal experiences of the female persuasion…well, it vibes hard. My psychiatrist thinks it’s likely enough as well that I’ve been referred out for testing, but I’m in that icky limbo state of feeling like I finally understand my life and this is it…but I don’t have that official diagnosis yet. This helps me feel less alone. Thank you.
I’m you at the beginning of your story rn, and I’m so relieved and grateful for your explanation of what you were feeling. Listening to you describe how the entirety of your life was affected and no one noticed…for me, it has been people closest to me (mom/sister/aunt/one or two bosses) that noticed how I was different to others - enough to describe how I needed to improve or change my behavior - but never to question if there was something else going on. The degree of impact this realization is having on me can be summed up by saying that I’ve been going through some really hard stuff the past couple of years (divorce, narcissistic abuse, family stuff) and I’ve never once felt like talking to a therapist would change my perspective or help me process. But discovering ASD and connecting all these seemingly random dots, I’m immediately feeling the need to talk to a professional about it.
Your an amazing person so don’t get too upset because being autistic doesn’t seem like it stopped you from chasing ur dreams just minor set backs and currents u where able to fight and sail through to make it here ur awesome and I love ur channel and u inspire so many people so stay strong and keep doing what ur doing❤️❤️
@@Pinkbabyjay it definitely has been an upset so much as an opportunity to understand parts of my life that haven’t made sense to me, especially growing up.
I don't have a question but I just wanna say I hope this brings you even more support and love from your family, friends and subscribers. I know having the language to explain how your brain works to others can be soo helpful, my learning disability diagnosis has even changed the course of my college and career. Good luck 💕
Recently I have wondered if there's something wrong with me socially because I have problems connecting. I'm constantly deconstructing and judging decisions I have made throughout my life and try to make sense of why. Lack of eye contact, constant awareness of my surroundings, anticipating bad from others is what my life is daily, and is why I feel I may have some form of autism even if just a little.
Man that TikTok algorithm is scary good though, right? Seeing other folks deal with the same or similar issues I've had has really helped me give myself more grace as I'm relearning my brain. You sharing here helps. 💙💚
Yeah, TikTok had me almost ENTIRELY figured out within my first hour of use. I wish I knew how an app could do that so fast but professionals couldn't...
thank you SO much for sharing your experience. I was diagnosed a couple weeks ago at the age of 48. My assessment process felt very very similar to how you describe yours.
I felt this for my non-speaking severely autistic grandson when he was 3. Now my 67 year sister just had her interview. I am hoping this will bring us closer now.
I'm 27, and as I get older, I feel like adhd, autism, and depression symptoms are just more prevalent. It's getting harder for me to concentrate, focus in general. My depression isn't getting any better, I feel overwhelmed a lot, like I'm playing catch up with my life. Mostly cause I'm comparing to others but how can you not at times? 27, no driver's license, no college degree, trying to figure himself out in this world. Definitely heard the teachers say I need to try harder, focus more, talk too much or too little. Was bullied quite a lot, even and my sister is autistic which makes me wonder if i got the beta and she got the alpha build lol. It sucks because I know I need help and want it, just trying to find places to help, I don't even have insurance at the moment, so cost is another thing I'm worried bout. Feels like I'm stuck in a hole at times in life. My father one time after I did something wrong, probably bad grades or something, and said was I retarded and that sits with me till this day. In the moment I thought is there actually something wrong with me? Or am I really just a lazy, stupid person? I know i'm not dumb, but that also affected how I view myself. I will keep trying to get help and be better. And heal myself along with any trauma I'm carrying. Just really needed to vent how I'm feeling right now.
Just found you, and I'm so glad I did! You are such a strong person and it's been a pleasure to watch your journey. Gives me some hope about finally starting my own. Thank you, and best wishes!
Im so glad i came across this video, im going for an assessment (I'm 35). I cant ask family for a developmental history (they'd want to know why im suddenly asking all these questions about my self and i know they would absolutely not support me trying to get diagnosed) and i have no friends. I was literally going to show up to my first app completely unprepared no documentation, but i realised after watching this there are some things I do have access to. I've also taken some of the online quizes you mentioned, i know they're not diagnostic but I scored very high for n/d on every single one!
I leave in an hour for my first intake meeting of my Autism Evaluation (i'm 39). Your video really hit me hard. I relate so much to the beginning and feel like I'll need rewatch this in a couple months to see how much we related throughout the process and at the end. Thank you so much for making this video and for being vulnerable
@@TheaLightweaver Psychologist: "There's no question about it, you're definitely autistic." The emotions still haven't hit half a year later. It seemed like an official confirmation of what I already knew to be true and have been so focused on placing accommodations for myself. Life isn't the same. I'm kinder to myself, half the people I've told rarely communicate with me anymore, I've a wonderful supportive neurodivergent community at work, more confidence when advocating for my kid at school, and my hypochondriac tendencies have vanished.
Oh my goodness, when you were told that you are autistic and you started crying, I FELT that so much. ❤️ It's so good to know that I'm not alone. I am 35 and I have struggled with so many aspects of autism all of my life and told "nothing was wrong with me", but I finally got my diagnosis last week. It was the most validating and liberating experience. And I agonized over waiting for the diagnosis result like you and was so nervous. Thank you for sharing your experience, it really hits home.
It's really great that you shared this with all of us. I struggle with things myself, but I think I maybe just have an anxiety disorder though I have never been diagnosed with such and I'm kinda scared to get therapy or anything of the sort. I find psychology and human psyche and mental health etc to be really interesting and so I have been watching these kinds of videos. Girl, when you cried, I friggin cried. I have so much empathy for people who are struggling or going thru something. I know how I feel in situations and I don't want others feeling bad like I do and so it makes me cry when others do. You do you, girl and unapologetically. You are awesome 😉
Hi courtney, I'm only 21 minutes into your video and I have to stop to go walk a dog I'm a pet sitter dog walker but I am also ADHD and just setting up my autism assessment evaluations! The emotions that you are going through I am feeling right there beside you I just want to stop real quick and thank you very much first of all for posting this and sharing everything that you're sharing! Honestly I can't tell you how much I am relating to everything you're saying and I never ever comment on TH-cam by the way but I had to after watching this thank you again so much I will continue to watch the rest of the video I've already subscribed to your channel and I've already sent this video to a couple of my family members and friends who know what I'm going through right now. You've got this girl! We've got this!!! And now that we know what we've been dealing with all these years and I'm a lot older than you by the way I'm 59 find me a step in the right direction I'm glad you were able to take it at a younger age and hopefully the right counseling and help will help make our lives a little easier ✌🏼♥️🤗🥰 P. S. Kisses and hugs to Alfie 🐕💘🐾
I empathize…my wife went through this…as well as a diagnosis for ADD (mixed) it’s not easy…I understand. I’m a psychiatric and neuroscience nurse and studying for my neurology and psychiatric nurse practitioner … I also am a certified brain injury specialist and most importantly. I’m a survivor of two traumatic brain injuries. I had a severe TBI in 1994. I almost died back then and was on a ventilator for a week and in an induced coma for a week. It took me a very long time to heal. I have symptoms like autism and ADD/ADHD. Same areas of the brain are effected. 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️ there are so many of us. 1 in 20 have acquired brain damage and many others have ADD and ASD … it’s that they are and were missed in school. …. I’m glad you received your diagnosis.
I am so sorry that you had to go through so much hardship and if i may say so rejection from society and the people around you. I do not think that I am autistic but I am a highly sensitive person and I could relate to a lot of the experiences you talked about. I am in my late thirties and I only now am starting to allow myself to be uncomfortable for others while trying to understand, meet and advocate for my needs. It hasn't been smooth, even with close family. Thank you so much for sharing your story, it did help me, even though I am probably not on the spectrum. I hope the judgement of the people who are not yet ready to understand and support you does not hurt you too much. You are seen by those who you made this video for and we are grateful, and it means a lot. I wish you all the best, thank you
Thanks for posting this! I really relate to your experiences. I started figuring out my autism this year. I'm comfortable with self-diagnosis at this point since I have looked at it from every angle and pulled up so many memories that make sense through the lens of Autism where they didn't before. My daughter sent me the link to this, she's the mermaid in the family.
Holy moly. The amount of similarities between your feelings leading up to your diagnosis and the way I felt. I thought I was alone in my feelings about it. I was just diagnosed two weeks ago with level one ASD, panic disorder, GAD, OCD ADHD mild inattentive type with ODD, and depression. People have asked me how I feel now with the diagnosis, and I keep saying that other than all of the times I wanna tell someone, "I told you so!" because I was doubted so much over the past 2.5 years, it's actually very anticlimactic. I still struggle with executive functioning, making and keeping friends, sensory issues, etc, so I don't work. I'll have to reapply for disability benefits with these new diagnosis, but it's just really reassuring and nice to know that I have the self-awareness, knowledge, persistence, and confidence to be like, you know what, this is my freaking truth, and until it is finally recognized that I'm not just lazy and over-exaggerating, that my struggles are legitimate, I'm not going to give up trying. My PCP didn't refer me for testing for nearly two years because she didn't believe me until finally, for whatever reason, she started to believe me.
That part where you said "You just want me to make you comfortable - You like me better when I pass/look okay". HIT ME. My experience to a T with friends and family - even now as an adult. Sensory issues/Misophonia especially - always been made to feel horrible for not being able to 'deal with it' like everyone else, when I'm literally in pain all the time and people are just irritated with me about it. Idk that part really got me. Thank you for sharing this. All the best to you
You're so brave to share this! And you are a great example of high-functioning Autism with an ability to blend in so well that even you were surprised with the Dx. Seeing myself as a high functioning Autist, yet not as verbally fluent as you, I don't think I'll need a Dx to prove it to myself anymore. I can be comfortable knowing what I am, and I won't need any normal person to confirm it. What a relief. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I too was diagnosed autistic (and with ADD) as an adult, at the age of 26 and I recognize the relief you felt. ❤ And at the age of 31 I'm still unable to unmask completely because I don't know how and I can't help but to feel somewhat betrayed by family, friends, teachers who never suggested this could be a thing..
SAME. Diagnosed at 42. I can’t blame my parents because they didn’t know. But at the same time, all the teachers, counselors, coaches, drs etc, how did NO ONE NOTICE!!! My whole life makes perfect sense now!! I was consumed by it once it was presented to me and I took action but I kinda feel failed in a sense. Its lonely but I have found my BIGGEST SUPPORT through the auDHD community. I am so glad I found your video. All the feeling you are mentioning is EXACTLY where I was or where I am now. So glad. Thank you for being vulnerable and honest.
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‼I have posted a response to this video answering and addressing a lot of questions from this comment section, watch it here: th-cam.com/video/km7ag3lLI50/w-d-xo.html
My son and daughter are autistic. I suffer with fibromyalgia, pots, and everybody hates me even tho all I do is try to please everyone syndrome. I just can't be the person that pleases them even when I'm trying my hardest.
But anyway, I have been told my illness is all in my head, I've been told my adult child would do better if I threw him out. I've been very alone in all of this. I get judged as a parent because who has 2 disabled kids and is also disabled? They think I just want to be disabled or I just want to be lazy.
I BAWLED with you when I saw you cry. I'm sorry, I know what you've been through to some degree. Somebody asked if I was in 'Special Ed' once, and that does hurt bad.
My stepdaughter left me the most hateful message, after I took care of my dying mom last year, because I did nothing else for a year, and I had no idea she was stewing because my new puppy didn't like her. She told me I was in 'her dad's house!' After 13 years of marriage. It broke me. But so has everything else. So I feel you.
I don't know if I'm autistic but I have childhood trauma and it could be that, but life has been impossible for me to manage. I don't understand why people hate us when we're doing our best. But thanks for sharing your story. It really was helpful.
Oh boy, my heart was crushed for you when you got the diagnosis. Bless your dog though. Honestly I don't know if I want to go get screened now...
Courtney, I am 45, and the counselor I have now finally diagnosed me as autistic. I have been taking Psychological Evaluations since I was seven years old and now at almost forty six. I got a true diagnosis. I am austic,dyslexia, and Adhd and complex ptsd,audio progressing disorder. I am right with you. I have so many be mean to me. I try to understand it. Remember you, amazing person, no matter what people tell you. I am still trying self unmask myself and forgive one that hurt me.
Thx for sharing !😍😍
my moms been telling me ive aspergers and autism for sitting at the computer my entire life. lol
The “why didn’t anyone notice” is absolutely visceral. I relate so hard. I’ve ALWAYS been weird. Nice but weird. And people made fun of me all the way through childhood and college. And yet no one said, hey, maybe something’s up. Easier to sneer and move on.
I totally get it.
Ditto
I can relate to this too.
I have 60 years to unravel x
Apologies for that awful comment that person left. They've been removed from my channel. This is a safe place but sometimes nasty people feel the need to leave unhelpful comments.
Only a few people are psychologists or neurologists so most people don't recognize it. Add to that, many ND people are very high functioning and do a great deal of masking so how can the rest of us have a clue?
It impacts EVERY aspect of my life. I grieved for WEEKS !! All of the struggles and wondering what the hell was WRONG with me ??? I’m 65 and newly diagnosed and months later I have peace.
I’m 65 and undiagnosed. I have figured it all out and it helps for sure to let me be me. I wouldn’t talk to anyone except family and close friends until I was in my late teens at least. Time blind. My gr 9 English teacher thought I was deaf.
I’m 60 and never diagnosed.
I’m really sorry to hear 👂 about that
@@UntangledTreasures
Same here.
♥️☮️😘
The part where you said that you can't with people anymore. I felt that. I even have a shirt that says "I used to be a people person, then people ruined it"
That sounds like an amazing shirt ❤️
😂❤ Where can we get that T-shirt? !
Oh.. then people ruined it 😂 sorry it is a very funny way of saying it.. and i totally get it.. 😢 love to be with people undtil i actually are with people, then it is just how do i get away from here
😂 I have this same shirt I've had it for years
Your t-shirt text did give me a chuckle.
I burst into tears when you got the awnser. I legitimately cried with you and before you clarified the way you felt at that moment, I knew the feelings were a mix of pain and relief. Im in my search for a diagnose of Autism atm. Hope I can navigate whatever is my uneven thing, as good as you did.
same here and im crying too
I felt it too. What if there is so many of us running around undiagnosed and still in need of validation...
@@johannamonapa5368 As someone who only got diagnosed (AuDHD + anxiety/depression) at the age of 32, there absolutely are many others out there.
oh my godd me too
Me too, exactly the same...
You know why no one put it together? You’re hyper intelligent and mask really well. I’m 20yrs older than you and am asking myself the same questions. Make no mistake, not only past Courtney needs this, future Courtney needs this too.
Same here. I pass all the online quizzes and such but I don’t have money to go after diagnosis. I was very good at masking and did well academically. I’m 43 so of course it wasn’t easy for girls to be diagnosed in my age range.
Being a woman is definitely a huge part of it too. I actually asked for a psyche eval when I was only 6 years old, but was shut down because "girls cant get the things theyre testing for." I was horrible at masking for decades and was dismissed solely for being an intelligent woman.
Has anyone ever questioned if they had borderline personality disorder before they found out they had autism?
I am a 41yo woman diagnosed with adhd and possible borderline or cptsd. The ADHD diagnosis I believe because the medication actually works. I haven’t taken any of the autism tests yet because if I’m autistic then I’m worried I’m not “autistic enough“ for it to matter to other people. For other people to understand that I really am different than them. This is making me cry.
Good luck to everyone searching for answers 😊
Being intelligent? Autism doesn’t mean less intelligent. It’s not an intellectual disability.
Yes, both borderline and bipolar were considered long before autism. People who already care about you will gain understanding of who you are from the diagnosis. Those who desire to treat you poorly will continue to treat you poorly, unless they are now legally obligated not to. Remember that the diagnosis is primarily for you, so that you can understand what you need to do to adapt to situations in a healthier way.
Keep in mind as you take the assessments that if you are good at masking you might score lower than you actually are. Just be really honest with yourself and you should be okay. I didn't score the highest on all the self-tests, but I realized I had adapted to a lot of the situations in the tests already. Good luck.
I just wanted to say that this video was the beginning of my autism rabbit hole. TH-cam recommended it to me back in January. I had never seen any of your other videos before so this was my intro to your channel. I clicked because the son of a friend is autistic and I was curious. Nobody had ever told me what autism was before. This lead me to your signs and symptoms video which sent me to the tests and a whole rabbit hole of "wtf - is THIS what has been going on my whole life?!" Just got my diagnosis 2 days ago. I am 34, autistic, and ADHD. I cannot thank you enough for putting your journey online for those of us who see so much of ourselves in you and your experiences. This video *actually* changed my life and this experience has allowed me to reframe my entire childhood experience through a lens of self compassion. I still have some grieving to do, but from the bottom of my heart, thank you!!!
When you said “for once, it is just about me” I felt very proud of you and happy for you. It doesn’t make you selfish; it will help you be a more authentic human. Good work!
Oh my, read: "it will help you be a more _autistic_ human" 😅 (Well, authentic and autistic would mean the same in this context.)
I have Cerebral Palsy, from pre-school on I was around people with what is now called Autism. I learn to live in their framework, and they did their best to live with mine, and I enjoy their friendship. Those that cannot value you as a person only robbed themselves. Their different experience of life has taught me so much. A friend had a son with Autism who supposedly did not talk, he was left in the backyard with me. I said hello, his eyes said hello back from queues taught by life I could tell my facial expressions and eyes were overloading him, so I stood to the side of him we talk for hours, his parents watch from the window. How did you ..? Later, I had to explain how not to overload or trigger him, and talking was hard because the rest of his mind was going so fast. The pros did not tell how to...There are people that love you just the way you are!!! Take Care!!!
I tried to get help, I was treated with disbelief. At 67 years old, I found out I am autistic. What a relief. I now like myself.
Great video, thanks for taking the time to document this occasion.
My mom just got diagnosed with adhd at age 61. The rollercoaster of grief, relief, understanding, etc has been a lot for her, but she is learning so much so fast! Good luck to you on your journey!
“Now I like myself.” Dude. F that sounds so sad but so valid.
I’m so happy for you.
I found out at 42. You’re not alone, and in the end, it doesn’t matter 😂
The “Now I like myself” hit home for me, really hard. I’m balling my eyes out because you felt like I feel (and have my entire life) and it’s the hardest thing to take in daily and to push past when all I want to do is shut down, which I often do. You give me hope, and for that I am very grateful to you. I’m so happy for you that you got the help and answers you needed and deserve. I hope I get my answers soon. I’m calling my dr tomorrow morning first thing to get a referral to start this process, finally, after 45 years of no self-love and always being misunderstood.
67 and fairly certain, though no official diagnosis. My psych who okayed my anxiety meds for years laughed and said no way. My CPTSD confuses things because of common symptoms. Rocking and stimming for example, and HUGE anxiety for decades. Could never look people in the eye.Afraid to call strangers on the phone to for example find out when a store closed until my mid teens. Always had a target for abusers on my forehead. Took people at their word and paid awful prices for my trust. Deep diving for years on special interests. Score high on online tests. Prefer animals to people by far. I'm basically DONE with people. Hypersensitive to sounds and lights. Super empathic though. It doesn't matter anymore though, I am whatever I am and at my age I'm closer to being done and free.
You did this for my 13 year old daughter. Your story is her story. These vids have impacted her father (me) profoundly in such a positive and important way. I understand my little girl and what she goes through everyday 1000X better for having watched your vids! 1 million thank yous.
As someone who finally got diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADHD, and autism at the age of 32 (still being assessed for C-PTSD), I relate so much to this. I too was invalidated by my family and medical professionals whenever I tried to voice that something didn't feel right. I spent countless hours doing research on autism after it got on my radar (which, fun fact, walking into an appointment with a huge binder of notes and research is a pretty common thing for people on the spectrum and is typically something therapists immediately take a mental note of). I also tried my best to spend a few months trying to unmask before the appointment but then I was super anxious if it would seem fake if I avoided eye contact too much or if I started rocking in the chair without realizing so it escalated my anxiety to the point I could feel myself having this internal struggle between trying to unmask so that the therapist could see "the real me" while at the same time telling myself that it wasn't safe to unmask "too much". I also relate to all the second-guessing and the fear of autism not being the answer because, if it's not, then you're back at square one - feeling like you don't belong and not knowing the reason why. I also spent countless more hours looking back at my childhood, reframing my understanding of certain events under the auDHD lens, and just crying and grieving for that poor little girl. But, at the end of the day, I was so proud of myself for having had the strength to finally self-advocate and I'm learning to be more compassionate with myself and practice a bit more self-care.
Good for you! xoxo
Anxiety and depression are symptoms, not diagnoses. Trauma is guaranteed for an Autistic person. Forcus on the Autism and ADHD. What interferes with your life the most? Focus on that.
I was literally giggling when she mentioned the huge research project, thinking that was a huge green flag 😂❤❤
How did you get screened for autism? The last few years I have really noticed that things I used to hate and find difficult have become worse to the point they are almost unbearable and saw a video on autism and it felt so familair to my issues I didn't realize most people don't experience. So I have been doing lots of research and some tests online that have I have scored high on for autism. But I don't know where to go to actually get an assessment and I feel like I need one for me, but also for my family and work to also take it seriously. I am so lost and I just need to know for sure.
💚
the moment of truth... Man I cried with you. I have no diagnosis yet but I know I am autistic. My whole life is a prime example of autism... So good to know I'm not alone! Thank you for sharing your experiences! You are not alone! We are many!
Finding out that you are autistic is like if in your whole life you were a bad runner. everibody finishis 1000 miles before you, and you kind of accept it that you are wrong. Then somebody comes and point out that you have a huge steel ball on your leg which can't be removed - that you have never realized. Suddenly all the struggle and failure makes sense! And the sombody tells you that you are not wrong! Maybe you are not good in running but you are good in diving... :D
such a good analogy the steel ball...
That is such a good analogy that’s exactly what it feels like
I cried too, I like the analogy.
@@bigbojangles4585 Thank you! I'm with you! Keep up!
@@laura5425 Thanks! Keep up Laura!
I also last year at 38 received my autism diagnosis and can wholeheartedly understand the sense of relief of finally understanding myself. But also the confusion of not knowing who I am exactly under the layers of masking. Thank you for sharing and take care
It has definitely been an ongoing process to discover who I am under the mask I’ve worn for so long. Thank you for watching and for commenting ❤️
My son has ADHD and autism. I've been told by many I have it too but as an adult I don't know who to ask for help. It affects my daily life. I know I have it and I know I need help understanding myself.
And seeing your reaction & how loving your man and fur baby are, I cried with you. Love you honey. You are going to be ok. Keep doing what brings you joy in your Mermaid tails and more. No one has a right to judge you. So I was so happy to hear you dont care about what bullies say anymore. You are strong! Big hugs.
Thank you so much. 💖
Pausing halfway through. This "I'm a chronic people pleaser... It never comes out that way... I come out quite selfish... and I'm trying so hard!" gave me chills. I feel this so completely. I know some (all?) of my loved ones see me as selfish and lazy, but I feel like I'm literally always trying to make/keep them happy and ignoring my own needs...
Yeah. Figured out in the last year or so I'm (diagnosed) ADHD and (self-diagnosed, but there's a LOT of evidence) autistic.
Thank you and please know you are not alone.
Newly diagnosed here but I'm someone who knew for years.
I pleased people by giving them my time and energy. They needed a ride somewhere, I'd do it. They needed money, food or to vent I'd do it.
What I learned is neurotypicals take A LOT to playcate... They'll judge you as selfish based off your tone/rhythm of voice, body language and facial expressions. You not being the same as them here can be registered as a lack of empathy. It could be more them than you (I do not know you or them), but you'll still need to learn to manage it yourself. We also just take less interest in social stuff which can be viewed as rude. We're human too though, and they can honestly seem to forget that
This is the most beautifull video I have ever seen about this kind of journey. As a neurodiverse psychologist, this is just so heartbreaking to watch and very recognizable. I'm very happy you where willing to show us and let us in.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Thank you so much for taking the time to watch and comment. I really appreciate it. 💖
You expressed my thoughts exactly! Before my retirement, I also worked as a neurodiverse psychologist.
How would I go about getting tested by someone who is also neurodivergent?
@@laurennnsavageee_ look up Embrace Autism. The professionals there are neurodivergent.
Your experience mirrors mine! It's so similar, including, and especially, when you said " what if I'm not autistic..." That's exactly how I felt and why I was so nervous to find out, but I had to, at the same time! Thank you for sharing!
I found out I have ADHD earlier this year, and everything in my life finally makes sense. The most important part of this ND life is that you aren’t alone, and you never will be!
The same to you. 💖 Thank you for sharing and for watching my video.
I felt it when you said "Why didnt nobody notice?"
Nobody in my family said anything when I put clothes on backwards, thought nothing of playing in my underwear in the enclosed backyard after coming home, when I would lie down behind the lounge sofa and roll side to side for hours, why i would roll in my sleep in bed.
Nobody said anything when i took things literally so many times, or was really gullible with other people's claims, or I used gestures out of context.
Almost nobody spoke up as i struggled with making friends or being the target of bullies. My Dad spoke up when the bullying spread outside of school such as when i was walking home (the bullies would travel *miles* out of their way just to harass me) though that led to no change long term, and when the bullying escalated to assault in broad daylight and threats against my life, my Dad was too preoccupied with a failing marriage to act. No one else acted or just victim blamed.
No one thought about what could be happening when I had meltdowns, couldnt hold down a job, or had emotional blowups or sudden changes in character when stepping out of public into private home space.
I wasn't diagnosed until 28, after years of missed opportunities with specialists. I've met with more therapists since then with some not accepting my diagnosis. That said they also dismissed the possibility I had PTSD despite the above mentioned abuse and emotional neglect/abuse from my parents/siblings. Ive since self assessed and self diagnosed PTSD and still get triggered if I hear anything about the bullies who tormented me. The good news is my Parents have come around and even apologised to me, and I have insight into why they were neglectful (my Dad is also Autistic, and my Mom was emotionally neglected too and facing painful truths can be difficult for them).
With Diagnosis, first hand and heard second hand, a lot of the diagnostic tools still aim at children when this is a condition that lasts a lifetime.
Finally, from life experience, i've found a small few people i can connect with and whom are understanding or empathetic, and that I have i choice but to be affirmative with people who "stir the poop" in regards to my experiences, even if it means frankly telling them how *their* behaviour has been unjust or ostracising for me.
I hope that since the diagnosis, things are getting better for you. Lots of love and care 🙂
I appreciate the raw honesty in sharing this. I laughed, I cried but also felt anger towards the fact that there were so many invalidating experiences for you to get here. I'm glad you did this for all of the undiagnosed girls (of which I am probably one tbh). Your Dr. seemed like such an empathetic individual and while this process was in no way easy, I'm so proud of you for going through it. The more we share our truths, the easier it is for the world to learn and accept those who are different and I truly believe that this and the next generation is creating a better world for everyone who is differently abled.
Thank you so much Faith, I really appreciate you taking the time to watch and to comment. ❤️
You explaining how everything went helped me a lot.
I’ve been self-diagnosed for 1 or 2 years now. After I found out about autism I had to sit in silence for some minutes and rethink my entire life. Everything finally made sense.
I teared up during parts of this video but when the clip came where you had the call with the doc I started sobbing. Because I related to you bursting out in tears so much and also because I imagined myself in this situation and remembered all the times people told me that they think that I’m autistic.
I want to thank you a lot for filming and posting this. I’m getting tested soon and I’m honestly very excited and happy but also very nervous.
That sense of relief you talked about was exactly how I felt after my diagnosis. A part of me was absolutely gutted, but mostly it felt so good to finally have a reason for why I felt different. I don't think people realise how important it can be to find out. I was diagnosed when I was 15 and even that felt too late since I was leaving school, but I can't imagine how it must feel to have an adult diagnosis. I hope that now you can live as your true, authentic self, both on and off camera. Wishing you all the best ❤
Thank you so much ❤️
My psychologist told me I was autistic on our second interview, on the third interview it was to find out what level I am. I too got the full assessment 2 weeks after my final interview but I'm glad I didn't have to wait for the answer... Like you said - it is a big relief to finally have an answer as to why you are how you are and why you are so different from other people, I was diagnosed at 41 last year. I was grieving for a while as well but looking back at my life through an autistic lense my life made a lot more sense as to why I acted this way in that situation, and this situation etc... Thank you for sharing your story ❤
Hi I was on this same path at 58 I read and watched and researched everything I could, I booked an appointment and waited , as you did , then waited some more between appointments (during covid ) then got it confirmed ,
I am autistic ! I asked her can you repeat that because it was so surreal and she did yes kerilyn you are autistic!
It was so validating . I was also relieved and proud that I worked it out for myself , after years of therapy nobody suggested this! go me !
Then the nay sayers , omg , so hard, especially family, who think they know me better than I know myself and my brain , so insulting! I am So relieved still and happy I did it , I am 60 now and one year with the diagnosis.
I have a wonderful online community of autistic friends , more supportive than most my family.
Congratulations and thanks for sharing .
Did you need any paperwork before the appointment like how she made a binder for? I don't have past report cards or any information.
@@genacat4599 you can still write down things you have in common with people who are autistic, for example if you watch videos like this made by autistic people and something they said is extremely familiar to you, rings a bell for you or explains some thing about your earlier experiences, in light of Autism, then start making a list of those things. Also I do recommend you look up and take the various online quizzes that are available. There are some books you can get out from your local library which also contain quizzes. You could make copies of those pages, take the quiz yourself and have that be something you take in for the evaluation appointment. And I don’t know how long it’s been since you graduated, but if your school system still exists today, it might be possible to get copies of your school records, at least the digital copies. Also, can you remember if the teachers ever put any written comments on your report cards? Or perhaps an older person in your family can remember? I used to have a couple of my report cards, but now they are gone. My mom was a nurse and thought she knew everything. She didn’t need to keep things. Now her memory is starting to go. She still can remember the most common things written on my report cards, and when she mentioned a few, it certainly rang a bell for me! And it brought back some more classroom memories of the type of thing which I got into trouble for repeatedly.
Did you happen to keep a diary or journal when you were younger? You might also reread that if you have it, because being older now, you might have a completely different viewpoint on things you didn’t understand when you were younger. But if you can’t find any other resources that are directly from your younger years, I would do as much research as you can, take some quizzes, Keep track/make copies of them, and make a list of why you think you might be autistic.
Read books by autistic authors, and take notes as you read of any similar life experiences you have had. I think the first book I read on purpose by an autistic author was written by Temple Grandin. She’s written many good books on different levels and subjects! Look them up, read reviews of them and choose a few. Also, have you watched the movie made about her life? It is just called Temple Grandin. There are so many good books out there, but I’m sure you can find them just like you can find the very many good TH-cam channels by autistic people. The only two channels I can think of right now off the top my head well I’m very tired and haven’t slept a couple nights now, is an Australian channel called That Autistic Guy, and another one called Mom on the Spectrum.
For me, I found that doing these things really gave me a lot of answers, Or at least a lot of questions and things to discuss with my psychiatrist! I wish you well! ✌🏼💙🌅
@@SalyLuz-hc6he thank you! This was very helpful. I remember my 3rd grade teacher telling my mom to take me to go see a doctor because I was too quiet and wouldn't talk. But I don't think we got none of that written down or on paper, my mom refused and said I was fine. I never liked talking to the other kids I felt like I didn't fit in.
I am 55. I am currrently getting assessed. Traditional therapy isn't helpful for many of us, which is why diagnosis is important to our health
@kayjay-kreations I am 60 years old, and just got diagnosed (finally!) 2 months ago. I have suspected for over 10 years that I am autistic, but it wasn't until last year I started actively pursuing getting assessed. I finally found someone I could afford (it was still quite expensive, though), and after 6 very intense sessions I was diagnosed autistic.
It was also very validating and relieving for me to finally know for sure, what I had suspected for so long. I'm not stupid, lazy, unmotivated, or a horrible person. My brain just works differently, and it's ok! Now with this new understanding of myself, my past makes more sense. I understand why I have struggled so much with everyday things that most people do without even thinking about it. I am learning how to better accomodate myself, and I am more hopeful for my future.
You nailed when you say 'hopefully when it's about me, someone would be able to relate to it' I, for one, relate to your experience and it is a relief for me. I feel less alone in this.
I am also autistic! I'm glad you were able to get a diagnosis. I wasn't diagnosed until college and going with a long time without knowing and the masking can really do a number on you. I hope this can help you moving forward!
Thank you, it’s already making my life make more sense
Your great Courtney you probably won’t see this but I’m always here supporting you hugs from nj
@@sammiewinchester3089 I did see it and thank you ❤️
You got this merbabe trust me it all eventually balances out it takes time but it does
Masking definitely can. Thank you for watching ❤️
12:41 "I wonder how many people are gonna stick around after this." That's the moment I hit Subscribed. I'm 72 years old and relate so much to you and your story. And you doing this on behalf of your younger self means everything. You're brave and amazing. THANK U
I'll let you know, this diagnosis does not change my view of you. I'm glad you have your answer for this will help you. And I will still look up to you as someone you inspires me as a mermaid, a person, an artist, and so much more.
Thank you, I'm glad that I can still be that for you
“I just wish I knew why nobody noticed” i relate too well. ❤
That’s generational imo.
In my childhood, no one discussed these issues or mental health EVER. It was suck it up and go play, be a happy kid etc. while the adults smoked cigarettes and drank tea .
Different times.
Thank you for shedding light on those of us not "normal enough" yet not quite weird enough to fit anywhere.
"Why didn't anybody notice" was what bothered me at 33 when I found out I was autistic. You're very much not alone in this. ❤ For me, I knew I was different than others for as long as I could remember. I just didn't know why. Too sensitive, shy, too blunt, stubborn, etc. Stumbled on what autism can present like in girls after learning about sensory processing disorder and took all those self assessment tests and it was like a light went on. Finally, I knew why I was different.
I'm officially diagnosed autistic but I self identify as an ADHDer and Autistic or AuDHD as I struggle with a lot of the same things that people with both diagnosis do. The reason why it went undetected in my case, besides the 90's being nearly impossible as a little girl on the spectrum to get a diagnosis, is because my parents didn't know anything was wrong.
I have many of the same traits they do and they were never diagnosed. So naturally, they didn't know what to look for. My dad is still staunchly certain that nothing os wrong with him when even I can see some pretty clear traits on his part now that I've learned more about how autism presents. He has like 3 subjects he will talk your ear off about. There's no changing the subject. And both my parents have been social outcasts their whole lives. My mother is most obviously autistic to me. And it impacts her ability to function in life quite a bit but she doesn't see the point in being assessed in her 60's now. Fair enough.
I relate to this so much. Thanks for sharing.
Self - Identify .?
I'm surprised that this video is from a year ago. I'm just seeing this now for the 1st time, so it might seem a little late to be telling you that I felt every word. I'm significantly older, but I have never had a doctor willing to diagnose me. Something has been off my entire life, and I have never been able to pinpoint it. As hard as it was for you to get diagnosed, I'm so thankful that you could.
I hope you don't give up on finding the acknowledgement and acceptance you deserve, even just a ND person or two that will really see you (irrespective of a formal diagnosis). But for now, I see you 🤗
I get this. So frustrating. Even with a diagnosis, it's not like you can ask for space, or whatever. If you look/act normal enough, it's almost proof (to them) you aren't.
I go for my assessment on May 1st. I broke down when you broke down in this video 😭 I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2021 at 40 years old. Looking back at everything in my life through that lens, so many pieces finally made sense. Flashforward to now at 41 knowing there's this final piece to the puzzle is exciting but scary as hell. I always knew I was different, I struggled my entire life with so many things and was bullied for as long as I can remember. Teachers, kids, kids parents, it didn't matter. What I understand now about being ND, having ADHD and autism, makes me realize it wasn't my fault. I tried so hard for a long time to be "normal" but it never worked. I gave up for the most part and just embraced my weirdness but there has always been that part of me that was still trying and failing. For me the diagnosis will be that definitive piece that I need to fully believe in myself. I am 99.9% sure but there would always be that little voice of doubt. I appreciate you sharing this process with all of us and especially the vulnerable moments. I know that's not easy but it really means the world to me. I know I will be a mess during my appointment but to finally hear those words will be so validating. Thank you ❤
WOW. This really resonated with me. I'm 53 and was just diagnosed 13 days ago. When I started researching what autism is it was SO blatantly obvious to me. WTF? How did all the "professionals" I went to for help miss this completely? I was dismissed so many times.
Hey! You're among friends. My own diagnosis was pretty earth shattering but validating. It changed everything and nothing, all at once.
That's pretty much how I felt too. It felt like I could see the code of the Matrix but now WTF do I do with it? You know?
@@CourtneyMermaid what you do is be the bestest you the strongest you and you are not alone
Thank you for this. Current Ari needed this video: my final assessment is tomorrow morning and I’m going through all the emotions. I had a short assessment when I was 31 and doctor said I was autistic but that I would need to do this bigger 3hr assessment to be officially diagnosed but it’s been a year and a half of crying and mourning. And feeling alone in this. But so scared about tomorrow and this video brings me so much comfort. I’m looking forward to watching more of your content. It hit me when you said why didn’t no one notice. That’s how I feel.
Your reaction to the diagnosis literally made me cry ❤️ I'm so happy for you that you were able to find some understanding and hopefully peace with what's been going on with you. Your whole life was rewritten in an instant and that would break anyone.
Wishing you the best and lots of hugs on your continued journey of self love and self understanding ❤️❤️❤️ you're worthy ❤️
Thank you so much ❤️
Still not officially diagnosed, but I bawled when you got your diagnosis, knowing how that must feel to be validated, but to also have a whole new world of questions.
Thank you Courtney. I am 53 yrs old. I have been considering getting an assessment for about a year now. Your video was very helpful and it touched my heart. I cried watching this vid. You are so courageous and generous/kind for sharing your journey. I was born with neonatal withdtawal syndrome due to being exposed to heroin and other drugs in the womb. I had a lot of early childhood trauma and it continued throughout my life. I waa diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Attention Deficient Disorder, but not until my 40's. Life has been rough, but I wont give up. ❤
I hope you got tested I got finally diagnosed at 50 now 53
We are all here for u Courtney and we love all of u💕 yes, a lot of us don’t know u in person, but we are here for u as a creator, a mermaid, a person, and an artist✨💕
Thank you
Thank you for being so open. This is worth its weight in gold. You have encouraged my 77- yr-old self to continue finding myself.
🎉🤗
Iv been watching you for awhile, and I’m not to surprised by this. This isn’t a bad thing, iv known autistic people my entire life so the signs tend to go under the radar for me I just except it as normal. The journey to acceptance takes time (I’m dyslexic, known for awhile but only really started looking into it recently) it’s good to know, take your time with this no one’s rushing you :)
Thank you
"I just except it as normal."
I believe you meant "accept".
@@knrdvmmlbkkn you are quite right, I didn’t pick up on the mistake
Getting a diagnose explains so many things about the way we are and what we do/did ''wrong'' in our lives. Your dog comforting you was so sweet to see.
I am so happy that you got answers and validation. You past experiences make me realize the importance of educators being trained in nurodiverse signs 💙💚💛
It's so important. I grew up in a time (back in the 90's) when the research really wasn't there yet and boys were really the only ones being recognized unless you had much higher support needs.
This is the first video of yours I've seen. I'm a 51-yo man who's just now exploring whether I may be autistic. I've had lots of moments of doubt about myself in this process. It occurs to me that neurotypicals probably don't usually spend as much time and energy as I have researching whether they may be autistic. Clearly something about life is deeply different from the norm for me, and much of what I've found from autistic creators has resonated. I just wanted to drop a note to say thank you for posting this. It really spoke to a lot of the feelings and experiences I've had recently and throughout my life. I don't know whether I'll seek professional diagnosis. It's expensive, and I have issues with the DSM anyway (I'm a psychotherapist). But I will say that the validation you seemed to get from the formal diagnosis adds to the argument in favor of my seeking a professional diagnosis. I appreciate your honest and vulnerable sharing.
I first wondered whether I could be on the spectrum some five years ago.
I was researching the subject for another person's sake, and it suddenly occurred to me that all the criteria applied to me.
Everything fell into place and started making sense. At last.
- 15 years of therapy (with 5 different therapists) during which every single issue I described was actually a symptom of autism and/or adhd, and nobody considered it!
- I discussed the possibility with a close friend of mine who is a consultant psychiatrist: he was adamant that I didn't meet the criteria (too much empathy he said).
- I was told that I was depressed.
A therapist asked me: "Have you considered getting a job? Being productive would help with your depression...". (Eventhough she knew that I was caring for an elderly parent who lived with me).
I wanted to answer her: "I am not depressed, I'm mad" 😡
The thing is, researching is something that I am good at. Before long, I knew enough to feel justified and insist my doctor refers me for an assessment.
When I received the diagnosis, I was told that there wasn't a shadow of a doubt because I scored so high: the consultant told me being amazed that I could have functioned for so long without falling apart, because I was so high on the spectrum. She added that I had severe adhd and that i should ask gor a formal adhd assessment as well.
When you know, you know.
I find it interesting how many Autists on this channel are also psychotherapists. I went into the field too to try to figure myself out and there discovered the rampant Narcissism in my family of origin, which now I'm considering endowed me with a lifelong CPTSD. Wondering whether that is the source of my suffering depression or if it is from an undiagnosed neurodivergence, I have also discovered a common comorbidity of the 2 Dxs. I have learned more about myself from research here about these things than I did in grad school, although I made an important start on that journey by seeking the MFT degree. Thank you for your sharing.
My whole life I was told I was too picky of an eater, sounds and smells that bothered me weren’t that big of a deal and that I needed to stop complaining, that I was too sensitive, that I was rude, etc. I also went through a lot of things that you did. The pandemic hit and my world fell apart. My schedule was non-existent. Then we had to move during the pandemic.
RELATABLE
I cried so hard when you cried. I feel it, too. I have yet to get my official diagnosis (I'm on a wait list), but I know. And I've already been through the whole grieving process of who I thought I was. Going through all those memories, being bullied, having a manager at my summer job call me the R-word in my case (and me quitting then and there, don't worry), all the things. Thank you for making this video. I feel very seen and supported, and I hope you feel held similarly by these comments. 🫶🏼
I'm a lil late commenting on this one but I found it while researching after watching tons of Paige Layle's videos and realizing my last therapist had to be right. I'm 35 years old, all my life I've been diagnosed with bipolar depression, anxiety, adhd, and ptsd. I was completely unaware that I had been stimming my whole life, I couldn't explain how as I got older the explosive episodes just kinda went away(I mean I did a lot of work on myself to try and thwart it bc no combination of meds for my supposed disorders ever worked) but I still constantly felt so intensely awkward, making a phone call feels like the scariest thing in the world and I would literally have to imagine that I was someone who had their shit together in order to make it through conversations without melting down. I stim in so many different ways and I had never even heard the term before. My last therapist said she thought I'd been misdiagnosed my whole life and that she thought I might be autistic. So I started researching. I've been trying so hard to understand myself and achieve my full potential for so long, and unfortunately I started self medicating at a young age and that destroyed most of my life so far. I just successfully completed a treatment program for the first time and through that alone I discovered so much about myself and how my childhood traumas were still shaping my decisions. I've been practicing CBT for a long time trying to fix myself, and trauma therapy really helped me figure some shit out but there is still something...something else, something so difficult. I took a quick quiz from IDRLabs and it says I scored high on the spectrum. I'm so glad you shared your experience and were able to get that kind of closure or fuller understanding of yourself, validation. I'm inspired to continue my journey of discovery but like you were I'm fucking terrified. What if I'm not then what the hell am I? If I am what does that mean for me now, where do I go from there? Sorry for such a long comment, I just felt so compelled to reach out to someone who understands. If you have the time to communicate I'd love to know how you've been handling things, any suggestions you might have, etc. I'm going to watch the pinned video below as well as scour the website you linked. Thank you so much.
You are a beacon, a guiding light. Ever since I met you I had an admiration for your kindness and the way you draw you boundaries and show how to do it.
And now this video. Yes, I very much believe there are many fishes that need to see this, that will feel stronger and more validated seeing how you share your journey.
I don't think I'm neurodivergent. I am a survivor, who has some sometimes challenging coping mechanisms, but I don't know how is it to feel what you feel, but at moments it broke my heart to hear what you went through. You are amazing. And I hope you never ever feel 'less than'. As for those people who might stop liking you when you stop masking it's their loss. You are a magnificent creature and I love you dearly. SO MERMAID
Thank you so much for your kind words. I did for a long time feel "less than" but now I feel "more than" because I know myself better. 💖 Thank you for watching!
@@CourtneyMermaid thats how it was for me when i got my results i am so very happy you met yourself some more
The way you hugged your dog hit me in a way that no other TH-cam video ever has. It's so relatable and similar to the love and bond that I have with mine. My youngest pittie is my default when I'm upset. I'm so glad you decided to share this with us. I'll know the results of my assessment in two weeks as well. Much love! 💟
Thank you for being brave enough to share your story with us & for providing a link to these tests. Anytime ive ever brought up the possibility to a living soul I too have quickly been dismissed. I can so heavily relate to everything you had to say, please know my heart is with you.
I’m so happy you finally got the closure you needed! I be been following you for quite sometime and seeing you so vulnerable was super eye opening for myself.
Thank you for watching 💖
Thank you for sharing this very personal journey. With all the challenges that there are with living on the spectrum and struggling to be understood, people on the spectrum also have some amazing (what I refer to as) "super powers". Most of the people closest to me are on the high functioning end of the spectrum and are the most amazing people I know. Their unique view on the world is amazing. My life would not be as enriched as it is without them in my life.
This makes so much sense. Neuro-divergent women and afab people are so under-diagnosed, and I'm so relieved and happy that there's been a huge information revolution on social media that's helped people realise there might be a very good reason why they've struggled their entire life with things that neuro-typicals don't struggle with. I was diagnosed with ADHD in my mid/late thirties, and it was life changing. Be prepared to process grief over the life you feel you might have had if you had known sooner and had the tools you are being offered now, back then, or even feeling betrayed for not having been "picked up by the system" earlier. Those are all valid feelings, and almost every person who gets diagnosed as an adult go through this, so allow yourself to feel all of those feelings and work through them with professionals and with those around you. You are about to learn so, so much, and you are not alone. Welcome to the neurodiverse family! ❤️🥰
The moment of truth after a lifetime of pain and confusion, the emotional release and then your partner and your puppy instantly responding to your distress, trying to comfort you...
This was so heartwarming and beautiful 🥺Thank you for sharing
This is the first video I'm seeing of yours. It's funny because I didn't even process that you were saying this, but right as you were saying "if you don't like it, you can unsubscribe", I was tapping the Subscribe button. For any of the people you've lost, may you gain the people who can appreciate your actual self.
Thanks so much for sharing, from someone who starts their own evaluation process in 3 days (a couple setbacks aside).
Oh Courtney, I wanted to just hug you and cry with you, Girl! I will have my first assessment this coming week and I am 67 years old. Every thing you have said is my truth, too. Please wish me luck. I am new to your channel, but I am so grateful to be here!
I struggled all my life and still do with ADHD and didn't figure it out until this year at age 30.
I have sensory issues that affect my relationships and day-to-day life. Figuring it out... was like being handed a map of your entire past. Your past choices, why you did things in that way, etc. Your response was the same as my response. Crying right there with you. I'll never forget when I watched a ted talk on women with undiagnosed ADHD and it's like... she was talking about me. My struggles, my shit, my entire fucking life. I just broke down completely because suddenly someone else actually understood me. They didn't even know me. The relief.... is surprising in its strength, like a tidal wave washing over you.
Here's to breaking down the mask!
Thank you for sharing your story. We are definitely not alone.
I was on a waiting list for 3 years. Last year I ended up being seen by a ‘partially trained’ 20 year old who would only ask generalised questions and wasn’t interested in any of the nuances that I felt were relevant. She was the middlewoman that gave the information to the qualified people. In the end I was declared not autistic. I’m 47 next month and I still don’t know why I don’t want to be around people for very long or why I flinch if I don’t see a touch coming. Crippling OCD. I haven’t been more that 100 yards away from my home in 4 years. It’s nice you got your closure, I don’t think I ever will.
Sending you so much love !!!!
Thank you so much ❤️
As a fellow late-diagnosed Autistic, I loved coming along on your journey! NOT ME IN TEARS OVER YOUR REACTION! So happy you finally have some *official* validation. 🥰
I cried with you literally every time you did in this video, I relate so much and am so convinced that this is my truth too, but am getting such pushback from the medical resources I have available to me with state provided low income health care and don't have any idea how to get where I need to go right now. I'm so happy for you, having answers is always such a relief, hopefully someday I'll have answers too.
I'm wishing you well on your journey and I hope that you are able to overcome this. Thank you so much for watching my video. 💖
@@CourtneyMermaid thank you so much for posting it, I think this video being out there like this is going to mean so much to so many people. I'd caught some of the hints in videos that this might be the case for you, but honestly as well as you mask and edit that for your videos I thought that perhaps it was ADHD you were poking at. It's such a horrible self fulfilling prophecy where masking both does and doesn't help. It helps you pretend, but the pretending makes it worse. I'm so glad you're going to be able to work towards actually getting what you really need out of life now!
Your vulnerability and authenticity in sharing your journey I find so courageous and so needed 🤍 I have family and friends who I'm very close with who (it sounds like from what you've shared here) had very similar experiences growing up. They were not diagnosed until they were adults as well. I 1,000% believe that you ARE making a life changing, and life saving, difference by being a voice and a resource for others (especially young people and those diagnosed later in life). I know this video is a year old, but I still wanted to thank you for making it. It's so incredibly important and valid, and I'm grateful you are out here making content and sharing your story!
OMG, you are ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Crying as I watched this. You totally described ME.
I must say that the moment of diagnosis made me cry, but it was also very wholesome when those closest to you immediately jumped to your side to comfort you. It was beautiful and I am so happy that you have someone to lean on!
Thank you for doing this! I hope this helps someone out. Thank you for being a light and inspiration to me and many others. You were one of the first mermaids I have discovered and thanks to you, I became one myself!
Mental health is so important and I'm glad you are reaffirming that! I'm not autistic myself, but I know how hard it can be to have something "off" in your head space and not being able to understand why. Taking time to research and explore it is a great first step.
Don't ever stop doing what you love. Don't ever stop being you. And most importantly, don't ever water down or hold back who you are for someone else just because it might cause a minor inconvenience! 🧜♀️💙
Edit: grammar
Thank you so very much. 💖
This might be the most beautiful sharing of a vulnerable self-discovery journey I've ever seen! I've done a lot of screenings for Neurodivergence for people, and never have I experienced someone being this transparent. It's very clear how hard you've worked to be honest with yourself. This brought me to tears. Thank you so much for your courage. Blessings to your mermaid-heart! 💙
Wow! The first few things you mentioned about sensory disorder, anxiety and depression is all things I’ve been hit with all before I was officially diagnosed with autism
I feel like there is a trend that by the time you seek a diagnosis, doctors and family have diagnosed/labeled individuals with multiple other issues that could have all been explained by Autism. That’s how it was for me too
But why would the original diagnosis of anxiety, depression and sensory issues be wrong?
@@blissfuljoy6049because it's the wrong diagnosis. depression, anxiety, and sensory processing disorder mixed together still are not the same thing as autism. Autism has other factors like rigid thinking/inflexibility of routines and rules, special interests, social differences including a lack of the innate understandings of the established social order that people without autism possess, and much more.
Oh the pdf, and binder made me laugh so hard. I am 61 late diagnosed and just now able to work a job and not burn out in 5 minutes. But I still have binders and notebooks and graphs for everything. I made one in like 6th grade trying to figure out why I did not fit in, and how i could fix that. Also I love your cadence and way of speaking i get it totally. As with most autistic people I think there are some neurotypicals who are just hard for us to watch. You are so easy to listen to for me.
Thank you so much for sharing something so personal and vulnerable. It’s very helpful. My new therapist was the first person to ever bring this up as something she saw in me. I’m 30 and I’ve always been a failure to my family and teachers despite a high IQ and I could never understand why I couldn’t perform better. At first I thought my therapist was bonkers, but once I started researching, especially videos like this of personal experiences of the female persuasion…well, it vibes hard. My psychiatrist thinks it’s likely enough as well that I’ve been referred out for testing, but I’m in that icky limbo state of feeling like I finally understand my life and this is it…but I don’t have that official diagnosis yet. This helps me feel less alone. Thank you.
I’m you at the beginning of your story rn, and I’m so relieved and grateful for your explanation of what you were feeling. Listening to you describe how the entirety of your life was affected and no one noticed…for me, it has been people closest to me (mom/sister/aunt/one or two bosses) that noticed how I was different to others - enough to describe how I needed to improve or change my behavior - but never to question if there was something else going on.
The degree of impact this realization is having on me can be summed up by saying that I’ve been going through some really hard stuff the past couple of years (divorce, narcissistic abuse, family stuff) and I’ve never once felt like talking to a therapist would change my perspective or help me process. But discovering ASD and connecting all these seemingly random dots, I’m immediately feeling the need to talk to a professional about it.
Chapters are in the description, as well as my resources. Feel free to ask questions if you have them and I will do my best to get back to you. 💖
You're very strong and brave Courtney. Lots of love and keep being the wonderful person you are. 💕🐠
@@orclovesprince thank you ❤️
Your an amazing person so don’t get too upset because being autistic doesn’t seem like it stopped you from chasing ur dreams just minor set backs and currents u where able to fight and sail through to make it here ur awesome and I love ur channel and u inspire so many people so stay strong and keep doing what ur doing❤️❤️
@@Pinkbabyjay it definitely has been an upset so much as an opportunity to understand parts of my life that haven’t made sense to me, especially growing up.
I don't have a question but I just wanna say I hope this brings you even more support and love from your family, friends and subscribers. I know having the language to explain how your brain works to others can be soo helpful, my learning disability diagnosis has even changed the course of my college and career.
Good luck 💕
Recently I have wondered if there's something wrong with me socially because I have problems connecting. I'm constantly deconstructing and judging decisions I have made throughout my life and try to make sense of why. Lack of eye contact, constant awareness of my surroundings, anticipating bad from others is what my life is daily, and is why I feel I may have some form of autism even if just a little.
Man that TikTok algorithm is scary good though, right? Seeing other folks deal with the same or similar issues I've had has really helped me give myself more grace as I'm relearning my brain. You sharing here helps. 💙💚
Yeah, TikTok had me almost ENTIRELY figured out within my first hour of use. I wish I knew how an app could do that so fast but professionals couldn't...
I really appreciate you making this video! I am currently waiting on my answer and I am beyond stressed and terrified and nervous.
Awe. Your dog coming to give you comfort. ❤ true love
thank you SO much for sharing your experience. I was diagnosed a couple weeks ago at the age of 48. My assessment process felt very very similar to how you describe yours.
I started sobbing when you did 💖 Hoping to get an assessment soon too, thanks for showing parts of the process
I did too. 😭
I felt this for my non-speaking severely autistic grandson when he was 3. Now my 67 year sister just had her interview. I am hoping this will bring us closer now.
I'm 27, and as I get older, I feel like adhd, autism, and depression symptoms are just more prevalent. It's getting harder for me to concentrate, focus in general. My depression isn't getting any better, I feel overwhelmed a lot, like I'm playing catch up with my life. Mostly cause I'm comparing to others but how can you not at times? 27, no driver's license, no college degree, trying to figure himself out in this world. Definitely heard the teachers say I need to try harder, focus more, talk too much or too little. Was bullied quite a lot, even and my sister is autistic which makes me wonder if i got the beta and she got the alpha build lol. It sucks because I know I need help and want it, just trying to find places to help, I don't even have insurance at the moment, so cost is another thing I'm worried bout. Feels like I'm stuck in a hole at times in life. My father one time after I did something wrong, probably bad grades or something, and said was I retarded and that sits with me till this day. In the moment I thought is there actually something wrong with me? Or am I really just a lazy, stupid person? I know i'm not dumb, but that also affected how I view myself. I will keep trying to get help and be better. And heal myself along with any trauma I'm carrying. Just really needed to vent how I'm feeling right now.
Just found you, and I'm so glad I did! You are such a strong person and it's been a pleasure to watch your journey. Gives me some hope about finally starting my own. Thank you, and best wishes!
Im so glad i came across this video, im going for an assessment (I'm 35). I cant ask family for a developmental history (they'd want to know why im suddenly asking all these questions about my self and i know they would absolutely not support me trying to get diagnosed) and i have no friends. I was literally going to show up to my first app completely unprepared no documentation, but i realised after watching this there are some things I do have access to. I've also taken some of the online quizes you mentioned, i know they're not diagnostic but I scored very high for n/d on every single one!
I cried from the start of this video, it's exactly how I feel....
I leave in an hour for my first intake meeting of my Autism Evaluation (i'm 39). Your video really hit me hard. I relate so much to the beginning and feel like I'll need rewatch this in a couple months to see how much we related throughout the process and at the end. Thank you so much for making this video and for being vulnerable
What was the result?
@@TheaLightweaver Psychologist: "There's no question about it, you're definitely autistic." The emotions still haven't hit half a year later. It seemed like an official confirmation of what I already knew to be true and have been so focused on placing accommodations for myself.
Life isn't the same. I'm kinder to myself, half the people I've told rarely communicate with me anymore, I've a wonderful supportive neurodivergent community at work, more confidence when advocating for my kid at school, and my hypochondriac tendencies have vanished.
Oh my goodness, when you were told that you are autistic and you started crying, I FELT that so much. ❤️ It's so good to know that I'm not alone. I am 35 and I have struggled with so many aspects of autism all of my life and told "nothing was wrong with me", but I finally got my diagnosis last week. It was the most validating and liberating experience. And I agonized over waiting for the diagnosis result like you and was so nervous. Thank you for sharing your experience, it really hits home.
It's really great that you shared this with all of us. I struggle with things myself, but I think I maybe just have an anxiety disorder though I have never been diagnosed with such and I'm kinda scared to get therapy or anything of the sort. I find psychology and human psyche and mental health etc to be really interesting and so I have been watching these kinds of videos. Girl, when you cried, I friggin cried. I have so much empathy for people who are struggling or going thru something. I know how I feel in situations and I don't want others feeling bad like I do and so it makes me cry when others do. You do you, girl and unapologetically. You are awesome 😉
Hi courtney, I'm only 21 minutes into your video and I have to stop to go walk a dog I'm a pet sitter dog walker but I am also ADHD and just setting up my autism assessment evaluations! The emotions that you are going through I am feeling right there beside you I just want to stop real quick and thank you very much first of all for posting this and sharing everything that you're sharing!
Honestly I can't tell you how much I am relating to everything you're saying and I never ever comment on TH-cam by the way but I had to after watching this thank you again so much I will continue to watch the rest of the video I've already subscribed to your channel and I've already sent this video to a couple of my family members and friends who know what I'm going through right now.
You've got this girl!
We've got this!!!
And now that we know what we've been dealing with all these years and I'm a lot older than you by the way I'm 59 find me a step in the right direction I'm glad you were able to take it at a younger age and hopefully the right counseling and help will help make our lives a little easier ✌🏼♥️🤗🥰
P. S. Kisses and hugs to Alfie 🐕💘🐾
I’m at this part in my journey now. I cried so hard in solidarity.
I empathize…my wife went through this…as well as a diagnosis for ADD (mixed) it’s not easy…I understand. I’m a psychiatric and neuroscience nurse and studying for my neurology and psychiatric nurse practitioner … I also am a certified brain injury specialist and most importantly. I’m a survivor of two traumatic brain injuries. I had a severe TBI in 1994. I almost died back then and was on a ventilator for a week and in an induced coma for a week. It took me a very long time to heal. I have symptoms like autism and ADD/ADHD. Same areas of the brain are effected. 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️ there are so many of us. 1 in 20 have acquired brain damage and many others have ADD and ASD … it’s that they are and were missed in school. …. I’m glad you received your diagnosis.
Thank you! My mom is going to take me to get an assessment soon so I think this video will help me know what might happen!
I’m glad I could help ❤️ I’m sending you good vibes on your journey
I am so sorry that you had to go through so much hardship and if i may say so rejection from society and the people around you. I do not think that I am autistic but I am a highly sensitive person and I could relate to a lot of the experiences you talked about. I am in my late thirties and I only now am starting to allow myself to be uncomfortable for others while trying to understand, meet and advocate for my needs. It hasn't been smooth, even with close family. Thank you so much for sharing your story, it did help me, even though I am probably not on the spectrum. I hope the judgement of the people who are not yet ready to understand and support you does not hurt you too much. You are seen by those who you made this video for and we are grateful, and it means a lot. I wish you all the best, thank you
Thanks for posting this! I really relate to your experiences. I started figuring out my autism this year. I'm comfortable with self-diagnosis at this point since I have looked at it from every angle and pulled up so many memories that make sense through the lens of Autism where they didn't before. My daughter sent me the link to this, she's the mermaid in the family.
Thank you for sharing your experience and thank you to your daughter for sharing the video ❤️
Holy moly. The amount of similarities between your feelings leading up to your diagnosis and the way I felt. I thought I was alone in my feelings about it. I was just diagnosed two weeks ago with level one ASD, panic disorder, GAD, OCD ADHD mild inattentive type with ODD, and depression. People have asked me how I feel now with the diagnosis, and I keep saying that other than all of the times I wanna tell someone, "I told you so!" because I was doubted so much over the past 2.5 years, it's actually very anticlimactic. I still struggle with executive functioning, making and keeping friends, sensory issues, etc, so I don't work. I'll have to reapply for disability benefits with these new diagnosis, but it's just really reassuring and nice to know that I have the self-awareness, knowledge, persistence, and confidence to be like, you know what, this is my freaking truth, and until it is finally recognized that I'm not just lazy and over-exaggerating, that my struggles are legitimate, I'm not going to give up trying. My PCP didn't refer me for testing for nearly two years because she didn't believe me until finally, for whatever reason, she started to believe me.
I could see the relief in your reaction to finding out. Sending you tons of hugs!
It really was a relief. Thank you so much for watching my video 💖
That part where you said "You just want me to make you comfortable - You like me better when I pass/look okay". HIT ME. My experience to a T with friends and family - even now as an adult. Sensory issues/Misophonia especially - always been made to feel horrible for not being able to 'deal with it' like everyone else, when I'm literally in pain all the time and people are just irritated with me about it. Idk that part really got me. Thank you for sharing this. All the best to you
I'm sorry that you were bullied and called selfish due to your different abilities. You rock and I'm glad you shared your story.
Thank you
You're so brave to share this! And you are a great example of high-functioning Autism with an ability to blend in so well that even you were surprised with the Dx. Seeing myself as a high functioning Autist, yet not as verbally fluent as you, I don't think I'll need a Dx to prove it to myself anymore. I can be comfortable knowing what I am, and I won't need any normal person to confirm it. What a relief. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I too was diagnosed autistic (and with ADD) as an adult, at the age of 26 and I recognize the relief you felt. ❤ And at the age of 31 I'm still unable to unmask completely because I don't know how and I can't help but to feel somewhat betrayed by family, friends, teachers who never suggested this could be a thing..
SAME. Diagnosed at 42. I can’t blame my parents because they didn’t know. But at the same time, all the teachers, counselors, coaches, drs etc, how did NO ONE NOTICE!!! My whole life makes perfect sense now!! I was consumed by it once it was presented to me and I took action but I kinda feel failed in a sense. Its lonely but I have found my BIGGEST SUPPORT through the auDHD community. I am so glad I found your video. All the feeling you are mentioning is EXACTLY where I was or where I am now. So glad. Thank you for being vulnerable and honest.