I mean, most of them are, really. I don’t mean that as an insult, but it’s an observation that I bet most of us have had. I think most people don’t have the processing resources to think more, or they just haven’t developed the ability because life hasn’t taught them that it’s necessary. I feel almost like most people get by with an inadequate amount of thinking similarly to how something like ChatGPT seems really smart 98% of the time, but then sometimes it gets something wrong and it gets it so wrong that it’s impossible not to see it and it’s like pulling teeth to try to work around it.
I love the term under thinker. I often envied others because I think so thoroughly before deciding and they are so fast in deciding but well sometimes the fast decision can be a bad one.
@@borderedge6465 I’m an overthinker. But to the point where I feel the need to mask to fit in and please society. I feel like I’m not allowed to use my accommodations because people are going to judge me for that, so I need to not use them so that way I don’t get judged. I feel like I have to listen to society and do what they say and do, not what I want, but what they want.
That rings little bells for me. I think perhaps people are keen on trying to tell autistic people what they "ought" to feel and that, of course, often involves gaslighting.
@@PaulaRoederer being that I have both autism and CPTSD, I’ve been told this. I’ve even been mocked, slapped, or laughed for expressing my emotions. So now I just bottle it up and I listen to what society says. Society says you’re not allowed to have CPTSD flashbacks and that you just need to get over it. And I do aggree to some extant, we do have to get over the abuse and trauma we suffered, but sometimes it does take awhile.
@@siennaprice1351 I agree with the broad strokes of what you've said, but it's phrased in a dismissive way, possibly as it's been expressed to you. I'm not saying this as a criticism of you - in fact, your words resonate very strongly with me. To me, your words sound like my own critical inner voice, which is in turn a reflection of society's words and attitudes that have been internalised. "Boo hoo, that was ages ago, just get over it!" Or other words to that effect. Yes, we do need, for our own sake, to move on from any trauma and abuse we've suffered. But "just get over it" is an impatient, uncaring, unkind, and unhelpful way to put it - because it's impossible. You can't just "get over" things. That's society's voice saying "we don't care, we don't want to hear about it, put on a happy face and pretend you're over it so we can ignore you again". What we actually need is time and space to process what happened, and to deal with our trauma (through therapy, or meditation, or self-reflection, or other means). This will help us to heal - and healing is what we really need. Healing takes time - not a fixed, set amount either. As much time as each of us needs. Once we've healed, we can "get over it" and move on. Without healing, we can only pretend. Pretending in order to make others more comfortable is a choice some of us make, but it's not the same as actually healing and moving on. I hope healing and moving on is our goal in these circumstances, rather than just appearing to get over it.
When you said autistic burnout is often misdiagnosed as depression, I shed a tear. On the roads we see "Think Bike" signs - to remind drivers to watch out for motorbikes, so they don't become invisible and come to harm. Maybe we need "Think Autistic" signs in consulting rooms too.
@a_tist my therapist and doctor "You have depression and anxiety" while I show signs of being an introvert and struggling to be social... Like, bruh, I'm not Sherlock Holmes, but I'm seeing some distinct patterns here.
I wonder what % of late-diagnosed autistics have a diagnosis of depression or dysthymia in their medical history - while it could have been misdiagnosed autistic burnout...
I'm comfortable with my husband but I've noticed with others that I can keep it comfortably when they're speaking but I can't hold it when I'm speaking.
I had to do two 45 minute video pre-evaluations recently, and after the 1st one, the evaluator, a psychologist, basically said she didn't think I was autistic because I have friends, made eye contact, and had a rather easy conversation with her. I brought a list to the second pre-eval explaining how, while sitting in my room (the most relaxing place for me), talking to one singular person, while swiveling in my chair and playing with my fidget during what was essentially a buisness video call, is different for me than other social situations and conversations in a non-safe place. I have an actual evaluation in 6 months. Like, people really have these misconceptions, even trained professionals.
The sad truth is that trained professionals are even more likely to be prejudiced, because most of them do not update their knowledge as science moves rapidly on and keep believing (some almost as gospel) what they were taught 10 - 20 years ago still is the current view.
@AnneAslaug Precisely! And they're very defensive about how they're the expert and we're not, how they know all while we know nothing. It's the equivalent of a child sticking their fingers in their ears, and calling out some version of "nyah nyah nyah, I can't hear you".
In my opinion, autistic people have a better sense of humor than allistic people. When an allistic person says that we don't have a sense of humor, what they really mean is that they don't understand the way that we think.
The reminds me of how I'd see the humor in what my dad was saying when my siblings didn't, or how my soon-to-be-diagnosed friend would often bring up totally random things and explain how he thought they were funny.
@@FranimusI absolutely hate stupid humor. I don’t find it funny at all. It’s insulting and boring. Now I understand why. I prefer jokes that apply to real life and that make fun of things that don’t hurt others.
If people say "Everyone's a little autistic," I don't tend to immediately take that as invalidation. I tend to consider it as something more likely to be said by undiagnosed autistic people who don't realize that they ARE autistic. If someone says "Everyone's a little autistic," I respond with "What are your autistic traits?" because I might be able to let someone know that they may actually BE autistic.
😂 Me! About 4 years ago my son was diagnosed as autistic in his late twenties. He suggested I do an online test. I thought I would probably score fairly high because I do share some traits with autistic people. Ummm... 🤭
As someone who has autism, complex, PTSD, and is completely blind, I’ve been told a lot of these things. That I was dangerous. That I was violent. That I was too sensitive. That I’m just seeking attention. Especially when it comes to showing my emotions. Believe me. I relate to this video 100%!
As an autistic person, I can make eye contact (direct) all day. Of course, I will pay heavily for it later bc it literally steals my energy-keeping up the mask that long is exhausting. I’ll need a lot of recovery time. I can do nearly anything allistic folks can. The question is, can I afford it?
"The question is ..." 🤗❤️🩹 ... if doing so means that I have to give 125% of my energy now, will I have anything left for the rest of today?... and what about needing energy for tomorrow? 🎯
@@rebeccamay6420 EXACTLY!! This is, to a large extent, what unknowing allistic ppl don’t understand about autistic folks and work. The 100% of energy an allistic employee performs takes 200% for us. That’s just not sustainable without interventions, whether that be accommodations at work or extra self care
I've been called too sensitive by a few with the extreme irony that my tolerance was actually much higher than theirs, I just cared more and was more motivated to act than they were. Some people on the spectrum can be quite assertive and motivated by truth or for the good of a group.
This one had me in tears. I am 59 and autism wasn’t hardly diagnosed when I was ac child and it definitely wasn’t ever considered for girls. This list resonates with me. And #19 is so true! I have heard that crap me entire life about being too sensitive, but on the other hand I get praise for being so understanding and caring. Didn’t it ever occur to anyone that I couldn’t be understanding and caring without being sensitive to myself and those around me?
I got the double standard: if my feelings were hurt, I was labeled too sensitive; if someone else felt hurt after I said something; I was labeled thoughtless or mean. Edit: We’re about the same age! I turn 59 in February!
"50 y.o. Recently Self-Discovered High-Masking Autistic Female" checking in. 🤗 I understand your experience, as I'm from the same era: Autism was barely recognized, and only as applicable to boys. Hence, my lifelong struggle to fit in or keep up with "normal" expectations. I had tried ignoring TH-cam's continuous prodding to watch videos by Autistic contributors, until there was one title I couldn't ignore. What a life changing experience -- to actually feel understood for once in my life! I was so ... happy, ecstatic, appreciative, grateful, validated -- there is no single word for the flood of emotions in that moment ... that I cried a flood of happy tears and used up several tissues over an hour after watching that video. (Lol... I'm tearing up now, just thinking about that day.)
@@rebeccamay6420 Yes, this is what has happened to me as well. And I have my autistic son to thank for it, because he accepted his neurodivergence before I accepted my own.
The charge that we are oversensitive is not constructive criticism, it is passive aggressive bullying. It is intended to marginalize us, not help us "fit in." As for being an anti-social loner, I am not anti-social, just asocial. I don't hate people, but I avoid them, because in my nearly 80 years, not many neurotypical people have ever reached out to me. For years, the only time my phone ever rang, it was someone who wanted something from me It is true that I am a loner. Society has taught me that it is safer. I prefer my own company because I can trust it. I have become content with being avoided because I am different. Fortunately, I have wide ranging interests that keep me fully occupied and I rarely notice being by myself.
You sound so much like my aunt, who we have discovered was our family’s scapegoat and then I became one too. She and I are so much alike, think alike, and have a BS meter. We didn’t keep family secrets and were willing to call that mess out and we were treated badly due to that. It’s enough to force one to isolate, because it’s so much safer. However, I have found so much healing in pursuing a relationship with her and she says it has helped her as well. So don’t over isolate. We need human interaction.
Being funny but making people question if you knew you were being funny is the best. You get to be funny to yourself and other people with what you said, and then you get to be funny to yourself again by having a little secret joke in your head.
I have a whimsical sense of humor. People say that I'm silly. That was my life in High school, college, etc. Since I have that kind of voice, very high, people have found me dumb, or that I wanted people to think that I was dumb. On the other hand, if I would say something clever, they would be like "did you hear what she said?" Or why did you say that, you're so weird. " That's Bridge and Tunnel land in the 1980s.
Sarcasm is an interesting quality to presume we lack; I find a lot of neurotypical/ableist sarcasm offputting because it punches down, whereas I (AuDHD) am often criticized for being sarcastic because I can't resist punching UP - it's how I call out the discriminating and ignorant bullsh*t of privilege. On a related note, I would also add solution dismissal to the list: I am constantly amazed that people will ignore and/or dismiss an autistic's suggested solution (or even just pointing out a problem) because they can't see how all the dots connect. For some reason people take their incomprehension as a cue to project their shortcomings and presume we're wrong rather than doing the thinkwork to see why we're right.🤦
What’s so annoying about the solution dismissal thing is that as soon as some other neurotypical person finally comes around to saying the same thing, all of a sudden it’s the most brilliant idea anyone has ever had, but you can’t point that out to anyone because they’ll just accuse you of having sour grapes or trying to undermine the person or something. Like, I really don’t care as long as there’s a solution finally being put in place, but why do we keep having to just wait and wait instead of listening with actual listening and then just working on the solution together? I swear that there are two dictionaries and autistic people use one and neurotypical people use the other one and a lot of the words just don’t mean the same things between the two groups, so you can have two people say exactly the same thing, but one group will always hear them as two different and unrelated things.
@@babybirdhome The problem is that the language is context dependent. I got in trouble for following the lead of a boy's friend offering gum by saying "I'll have some!": even imitating the tone and cadence. But because I was not the boy's friend that was perceived as rude: and I was the only one who did not get any.
The eye contact thing is frustrating. I can make eye contact but if I'm trying to process a thought it is often difficult for me to make eye contact otherwise I can be thrown off. It is also a matter of familiarity. I have less difficulty with people I am extremely close. There are varying degrees of eye contact. It isn't on/off, black/white... it is a spectrum with everything that is autistic traits.
Yeah, I agree. I can make eye contact just fine, but it drastically increases the chances that I won’t be able to hear the words you’re saying to me. I’ll still hear the noises coming out of your mouth, but there’s a really good chance that a significant amount of those sounds won’t be turned into words when I hear them. I describe it as similar to how the adults sound when they’re talking in The Peanuts cartoons where it’s just “womp womp womp womp”. There’s definitely noises, but I can’t tell you what words they were.
I'm the same. I can keep eye contact with my husband comfortably but with other people it's okay as long as they're speaking but when I have to speak, especially if it's something deep that I have to think about, I can't hold it at all.
I've started just telling people I'm deaf and I look away, frown very slightly in "concentration" and point my "good ear" at them x'D people are forgiving about it and it's a much easier conversation x'D
Thanks, Tay. I wouldn't be any other way. I'm 76, self-identified, and have autistic kids and grandkids. I wouldn't go to a gp unless my life depended on it. You are one of the most amazing humans on the planet. We are bloody terrific. LET'S TALK BIG.
I would say autistic empathy isn't limited.. it's our lack of empathic limits that befuddles NTs. .. the range of empathic experience can be so broad, could include animals (of course), plants, or even machines, musical instruments, historical events, buildings, weather, stars, .. I'm of the belief 'special interests' are in fact empathic drives.
Interesting, I love the thought that special interests are connected to empathy. I feel a strong need to deeply understand a new interest - this makes sense to me! Thank you for this comment.
From what I've seen on various channels, I think self-diagnosis is universal. The normal sequence seems to be exposure to the idea of autism, study to understand autism and whether it applies to the person seeking answers, then fighting the doctor to consider a diagnosis of autism. The tubers seem to have all known they were autistic before they sought a diagnosis. I can't think of one who walked into the doctors office and was surprised to hear that their problems were caused by autism.
I think there are cases where a child that hasn't decided to mask is brought to a doctor by an observant parent for assessment. If you seek assessment for yourself, chances are that you can consider yourself self-diagnosed. I wouldn't say that self-diagnosis is something that is 100% shared by all who get a formal diagnosis.
@@NeuroDiv_Skunk8785 I was diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder in 1980, before autism was considered as often. Recently I decided to find out what that really meant and looked into it. I'm definitely not schizoid, but autism looks extremely likely. So I went to a professional, who said that at my age a proper diagnosis would be too difficult and expensive to be worthwhile, but I sure seemed to be autistic, so let's go with that. A little frustrating.
A note on the empathy thing. A lot of us show empathy anecdotally. If it sounds like someone that's autistic sounds like they're making the conversation all about them, they are probably sharing empathy.
Unfortunately, for people whose every thought and motivation revolves around their perceived place in their social heirarchy, it is a competition, and some of them cannot fathom anyone else seeing things in a different way.
We, autistics, lack nuronominal false (conman) empathy. Your list is pretty spot on. I have learned to cope with the nuronominal defect in society by acknowledging their incompetencies - :)
The misconception that when we ask for an accommodation such as noise reducing earbuds, it’s because we don’t want to hear what’s going on. No! We take in 44% more data than neurotypical and we need this accommodation to put our input on a par with others
Same here. It's taken a lot of work in therapy to undo the damage, but I'm done listening to those people. They seem to have a habit of invalidating and minimizing the experiences of others when what is said isn't convenient for them. I avoid being around people who behave that way.
I have 17+ friends... They are not human though! George 🐎 Oliver 🐎 Toby 🐎 Grace 🐎 Pixie 🐎 Caliber 🐎 Patrick 🐎 Hank 🐎 Mickey 🐎 Tucker 🐎 Callie 🐎 Hallie 🐎 Dakota 🐎 Slapshot 🐎 Claurice 🐎 Tater Tot 🐎 Cat 🐶 Mouse 🐱 Cougar 🐮 Goose 🐮
Taylor! I really like the way you speak in this video, it's so passionate! This is so important to make people understand, we'll never stop talking about it!
I took the Aspie-Quiz online and it pegged me as having a 98% probability of being autistic/neurodivergent. I believe it. The only way I can “pass” as neurotypical (neuromundane?) on the major online tests is to *LIE* on most of the items. My mother chronically berated me as selfish, too sensitive and o***reacting. My research suggests that she had narcissistic personality disorder. Gee, an autistic child with a narcissistic parent-a hellish combination!
You are not alone. My mother was a narcissist and an emotional abuser. I am so sorry you had to go through that. It’s very painful and difficult to navigate.
1:32 as an autistic person, this is the one i hate most :( i adore people very much, i love meeting new people and learning about them. to be perceived as someone who is antisocial & hates everyone makes me extremely upset
the way someone would think I don't have autism due to the eye contact thing is that I've learned how to defocus my vision at will so when I look at someone their face in the eye region becomes more of a blur instead of a uniform structure
@@j.b.4340 I’m not a huge synpathy seeker. If I’m dysregulated, I want judgment, because that’s what I need in that moment. I need to be criticized for feeling dysregulated, not sympaathy. And I need to listen to the judgment and criticism and shame in order to grow. And that’s what society wants from me, is to grow. And I want to grow too.
@@siennaprice1351 But people, confusing empathy with sympathy, see "empathy" (read: sympathy) as a virtue. It only takes a little thought to see how empathy can be used for evil ends. If you understand how your adversary is feeling: you can use that to your advantage.
I think that the reason for the "we are all a little bit autistic" is that autistic experience is human experience and people focus too much on the cathegory of experience and they miss other factors. I think intensity is a big factor when it comes to how autistic brain experiences the world - and going both way. It is true that all people have certain preferences but many autistic preferences are close to a necessity. It's true that all people get nervous in certain situations, however, most autistic brain are on high alert most of the time. And this goes for all areas of human experience.
#16: I wouldn't say that we're not self-centered, but problematic levels of self-centeredness are a general human problem, not an issue specific to autism. As for narcissism, I have noticed that a decent of autistic TH-camrs tend to talk about having narcissistic parents, and I wonder how often that actually means "autistic, undiagnosed, and dysregulated".
Im 57, with this disorder. I finally figured it out myself at around the age of 53. Up to then I just dealt with everything (my issues) as best as I could with no clue why I can’t communicate with people appropriately and am so socially awkward. It’s refreshing to know that this condition is getting the spotlight, because when I was entering school in the 1970’s Kids who behaved like I did were considered a problem and disciplined instead of adults searching for solutions to help us learn and cope, which is common today. Looking back on that time is difficult. Some people know and get it, but most others don’t care, i’m just bizarre and thats why we can never be friends. It runs in my family as well. There are at least 7 of us within two generations.
I have been called or told I’m too sensitive my entire life. If anything I’m hyper aware of my surroundings and get so irritated when others don’t have the same level of awareness, exp: grocery shopping a guy walking down the middle of the isle stopped right in front of where I wanted to turn to up a different isle, parked his cart and walked over to the dairy coolers. His wife was sweet. She apologized, grabbed the cart and scolded him for doing that. One on one I’m awesome. Groups will find me very reserved and in the back. ASD and ADHD have explained so much of my childhood.
I think another one is “we tend to be blunt.” A lot of us are (and sometimes I am), but I don’t think it necessarily is the default mode of communication. I’ve known several people who describe themselves as blunt, but aren’t autistic; they’re assholes who use “blunt” as an excuse.
@@NeuroDiv_Skunk8785 YES, YES, YES! You are so spot on with this comment! I’m very blunt. Some people see my bluntness as judgmental. And sometimes, maybe I am, and I apologize for that. My goal is not to be a judgmental asshole, but rather, to tell people the harsh truth without sugarcoating it.
My Psychologist said because I identified 4 friends in High School, I couldn't be autistic despite answering a dozen other questions negatively. He then said I may have "sprinklings" of autism only...
TY for this -- Have some new friends just beginning their own self-discoveries and have shared this with them. Really helpful for the imposter syndrome that many late dx go through. 💜
Yessss #6. Digital-first has helped make the jokes more apparent. There’s a couple from months or even years back that teammates will pull back out now from remembering how funny they were. It also helps if there’s a crew around that understands the jokes better (shoutout to a couple brilliant ADHD friends in particular!) and can listen for the words through the deadpan. Arrested Development is a masterclass in autistic joke delivery!
Shy, aloof, too sensitive… Check! It’s funny how three years after being diagnosed I still realize how things from my past suddenly make sense in the context of autism. A psych literally diagnosed me as not having depression but “being in a depressed episode” ((loosely translated from German)) - yeah that was autistic burnout. Or how I found myself coming across indigo children, and HSP (highly sensitive person) in my quest to understanding myself. Ugh 🥺
Thank you so much for all you do to help us learn about ourselves and to dispel misconceptions like this! I have already learned so much from your videos, most importantly to be compassionate and accommodating to myself instead of telling myself that I'm "too sensitive" as I've heard forever. I recently had a really interesting experience challenging my fear of these misconceptions when I had to go to the ER. I hate going there due to past trauma and often avoid it. I was in so much pain that masking was not possible. I was basically having a full on meltdown when I got there and feared the environment would worsen it. I let myself engage in big stims, asked for lights to be off, extra time preparing for needle sticks, etc. And everyone was super respectful and accepting of it! I don't think I could've handled the pain and overwhelm if I hadn't let myself do those things. I was afraid they would think I was being dramatic. I have to wonder if I had masked if they might have missed my appendicitis or at least taken longer to find it, which could have lead to it rupturing. This was the first time I felt doctors actually saw the distress I was in and understood how serious it was. Usually they think I'm fine even though I tell them I'm not. It was nice to feel in the same reality as them. I don't know that I would've thought to do these things or been so accepting of myself if not for you. So thank you!
I relate Soo much to #10. I had no idea I was experiencing autistic burnout until about a month ago...Dr says I'm depressed...I tell them no it's different. I don't know how to get them to listen and don't know how to explain it to them.
Maybe I can help you explain it. It’s like every nerve ending in our body is on high alert after social interactions or days when we are in public a lot. This takes an incredible amount of energy so that evening or the next day, we are exhausted, irritable, and sometimes in physical pain. So when we get home, we need time to wind down, relax, and re-energize ourselves. That requires downtime away from noises, bright lights, and lots of interaction with others. It’s because our nervous systems are far more active and on alert than neurotypical individuals.
#11! Thank you for validating self diagnosis! My GF suggested I test for autism a couple years ago when I was 49. I can’t spend that sort of money for a diagnosis, but if the various AQ tests are to be believed, I score 46 to 48 out of 50, or highly likely. Plus I identify with about 90% of the descriptions given on channels like yours. So again, I don’t have an official diagnosis, but I truly think I am.
Thank you so much Taylor! I feel so blessed to have found your channel a few months ago. Every time I watch one of your videos, I feel so validated and supported. You empower us with your wisdom and insights to the point, that, I actually feel proud to be on the spectrum.
I have been on the receiving side of all of these misconceptions, over and over. I'm currently awaiting the results of my autism assessment and I'm terrified the psych will say I'm not autistic and brush my concerns off. 😕
Trust your experience! Even licensed professionals can’t truly know what your day-to-day is like. And many are not up-to-date with a current understanding of how autism presents. You’ve got this!
@@MomontheSpectrum I had a formal diagnosis during what has been a couple years of burnout . I’m still struggling with isolation and sitting here on my day-to-day seeking connection with others with my current circumstances . I very much need support and would like to be able to have somebody to chat with such as peers help me even understand myself . My family doesn’t get it and I live with them and I don’t know where to go as an unemployed person who’s been seeking employment for many years trying to provide a roof over mine and my adult sons head . I need out of the house yet I’m terrified to leave sometimes or don’t have mobility or transportation or funding. I’m looking for growing the sunflower power movement around botanical culinary, and musical steamable pieces / peaces. Advocacy and activism play and work I would like to have little demonstration stations to bridge gaps between the communities that display exhibition and self exhibition, bits, including even the sunflower lanyards
I would get the "You're too much!" all the time when I was younger (back in the 60's and 70's), when girls were taught it's not good to "make waves." Ha. Sorry. AuDhd here, with PDA and oh, yeah, psychic abilities added into the mix. I got that "too much" so often, it's not funny. I am funny myself, though, and was raised in a household that valued humor. My childhood heroes growing up were Jane Austen, Oscar Wilde, and Dorothy Parker, all witty people. I would ask myself, "What would Jane/Oscar/Miss Parker say?" when anyone sneered and said, "You're *weird*!" I just told my my older biological half-sister today (I'm adopted) that when a snotty girl next door said that, I looked down my nose at her and said, "Better weird, than *boring*!" and turned and walked away. Loved having the last word! This was such a great video, and yes, I'm self-diagnosed. I've had such a long life of coping; at 64 I have a Ph.D in masking, so I doubt anyone would say I"m autistic, but I *know*. I've read so much already and looked at old report cards my mom had saved, and yes, the clues & evidence are all there. Just so nice to know I wasn't a bad person. Just a different person. I can look back at all of my struggles, and i have so much love an compassion for my younger self. Thanks for your video, and thanks to anyone who read this to the end. If you shrugged and said, "TL; DR" I won't hold it against you. Peace!
Just been through a very unpleasant experience at work, gaslit with several of these but the "over reacting" came in heavily. While being forced into a full meltdown in front of them. Yes, the state of management in 2024...
In terms of masking and how detrimental is to us as autistics… the few times I've said this to either co-workers, friends, or even family members I always get the same response: “We all have to do Things that makes sense us uncomfortable/we don't like. That's just life.” I don't know how to respond to this so I just stop.😟
and about the antisocial myth I would suggest to NT folk to ask yourself how eager you are to hang out with people who dislike and judge you and make you feel "wrong" or inadequate , people you have little to nothing in common and that usually talk about things you don't know or care and expect from you things you don't understand or make sense. Added that the act of meet them is very tiresome and you have to act like someone else and even not follow 1 of their foreign unnatural rules can make them judge you or criticize you, imagine have to blink twice for every second it takes to to draw one breath and only make eye contact if that number is prime; now imagine have to also pay attention to a chat you don't care about and look relaxed and happy while doing it. I bet you would also become "antisocial". I bet autistic folk like me, are not specially and inherently anti/asocial it's just circumstantially so.
I've just told my mum I have been diagnosed level 1 autism and adhd and she was very invalidating and thinks I can't be autistic because I was a perfect student, liked socialising and had friends as a child (this fact already gives me massive impostor syndrome because it's the one trait I seemed to lack as a child and my social problems only became apparent when I started high school). I don't know if I even have the energy to try to educate her. What's worse is that she told me about all her own autistic traits as a child and how when she entered the workforce she learned to socialise and was perfectly fine. Whereas my issues have prevented me from holding a job and feeling suicidal whenever I do work, which she doesn't understand and thinks if I get adhd meds then I should be able to work again, not to mention I also suffer with chronic illness.
100% shared exp of the list but not too sensitive in the face before I stopped masking, only now (late diagnosed). I'm just now realising how hard I masked the sensitive reaction all 33 years before (not counting the first ten years)! I practically self-violated to mask it, sometimes I went into another room and hit my head against a wall. looking back I can't believe it, but i just didn't know. very helpful that you shared this, because it's such a new experience for me in my age to be called sensitive, when I used to be known as the hard-ass who faces down everything...
My sense of humor is quite different from neurotypicals in that I will say or do something that is completely out of character from who I am just to see if I could get a rise out of someone. Those who've known me long enough eventually figure that out, and then they are in on the joke too. Those who haven't figured me out yet are looking around like "what's so funny?" making it even funnier.
from what I have experienced I dont think "normal" people will ever accept any of this, they just dont care and/or have the capacity to understand. Great video.
I was always called oversensitive and sometimes I start(ed) crying and could not answer the question "why are you crying" I dont know, I just feel everything is too much! And people seem to hate it when you cry "without a reason".
For number 2, for me, I like being around the right people 🥰 somehow the nasties seem to have a sixth sense for my neurodivergence ( AuDhd) and treat me really badly
My son IS on the spectrum, and I have NO idea if I am or not. But some of the traits listed, I feel, ironically, have helped actually helped me to be good at my job as a clinical social worker.
#15: I think the perception of violence comes more from meltdowns than from stimming. To someone that doesn't know what they are, they can look pretty terrifying (depending on exactly how the individual in question melts down). There's a nonverbal autistic woman of my acquaintance that has a tendency to hit and bite herself during meltdowns and to grab anyone that comes in reach. She has enough physical issues that it's easy enough to stay out of reach, but put her meltdown style in my adult male, out-of-shape but otherwise able body, and the damage I could do would be a real concern even though I'm not inclined to violence when not melting down (and, in actuality, do not experience meltdowns).
Hi Taylor, 19 yes, totally relate to that! For 17 I have to admit that I said that too. Instead of feeling invalidated, maybe react with "well if that's what you think, you might want to get a diagnosis yourself. Because it's not as common as you think." After a few years and getting more information on Autism, I'm very much suspecting myself of being Autistic. (at the age of 52, so probably masking af) If anyone in my past would've advised me to go and get a diagnosis, it might have saved me from some struggles. And so we reached the self diagnosis, I'm glad it's valid. It helped me being so much kinder to myself. For example, there is a big party today and I allowed myself to say that they shouldn't count on me. That I might drop in for a second but if it's overwhelming, I leave. I'd never thought of saying something like that before. Before I'd just show up and stay until the end. Needing two days of recovery afterwards. So, thank you and Megan for opening my eyes and allowing me to admit that the family inheritance has always been a part of me as well 😂❤ Greetings from The Netherlands
I get annoyed when my neighbours tell other people that I am a quiet person who keeps to himself. I socialize with many people but I don't gossip or waste time chit-chatting with them. I am an Aussie mature man who uses humour to break the ice but it is often misinterpreted as sarcastic remarks. I agree with you that we do have friends and we are not a threat to anyone in society.
I was labeled queit and shy my whole life. It wasnt till i took AP psych and my teacher said, "i dont think your shy. Youre very outspoken when you have something to say" and that helped to pivot my perception of myself a bit. I wasnt diagnosed till last week (I'm 31) though.
The fact that people say that Autistic people or people on the spectrum is not true!! We have a Ghostbuster in our club for crying out!!! The first one really hits me because in my case, I feel things very intensely and I’ve been told that I’m too sensitive. Don’t even get me started on the Burnout; People in the past have invalidated my experience by telling me that I just need to cheer up and get on with it. I am currently going my third Major Autistic Burnout of my life. The first one I went through when I was 19/20 years old when I was in my undergrad, The second one I went through after my dad died and I want to say that it lasted like three years. This one it’s been about a year since I started going this last Autistic Burnout and this one’s pretty tough as a result of some family issues
As an MD (late diagnosed AuDHD at 38 y.o.) who spent quite a bit of time searching for the right psychiatrist/psychologist before getting officially diagnosed: If you get turned down because you can make eye contact or can make friends (or other stereotypical 'autistic' behaviours) - accept it and look for a different specialist. Really, a person whose knowledge about autism is based in the early XX century (we're talking 50s and 60s - it was 60 years ago!) - based on the research made on young (
I will look directly between their eyebrows, then I don't have to think about which eye to look at. I don't like looking in eyes, too the point that I would struggle to tell you what color eyes my kids have. It's just not something I do. I don't even like looking at my own eyes in the mirror. So I don't very often, I can go weeks without looking in a mirror.
I love socializing in big crowds under certain circumstances. For example, if I’m playing in my volleyball league, I’m so incredibly happy. I’m surrounded by at least 2 dozen people in the gym, the gym noises have become very safe and comforting since I’ve been playing competitively since the age of 11, and I don’t have to follow conversations, because the social aspect isn’t geared around talking, it’s geared around playing, so I know the rules, the customs, everything about it is familiar and fun, and I can completely remove my mask and just play, and joke around, and feel included and valued. And after a match ends I can choose to talk to one person before leaving, or just head out immediately. Similar thing with line dancing. When Covid restrictions shut these two activities out of my life it destroyed me. I got one back at least 🙏🏼
I’m still in the process of getting diagnosed, I had my first appointment with the psychologist a few weeks ago. I’m thinking about showing this video to my mom. I think it might help her understand me better. The part about autistics being narcissistic I think can be true if the person went undiagnosed their whole life. I can see how a person can become narcissistic without understanding what is going on and having no support for it. I believe I got my autism from my dad and he was definitely a narcissist. But he loved trains and built me a dollhouse. He had good qualities if only someone would have known and supported him through those struggles.
Burnout and depression!!!!! Omg! How I wish I would have known sooner. I had the hardest time trying to explain how "chronically depressed" I was...nope, just cycling through burnout.
Yes.......to all of this, yes...........I am an extrovert, but there are many factors that lead into whether or not I want to socialize with someone. I have friends, but I have them in groups. My friend friends/close friends is a group of 3. Who live a considerable distance from me. With sarcasm, I can use it fine. But when it comes to interpretation, I only know if someone is being sarcastic if I know them really well, and know the tone they use when they're being sarcastic. If I don't know the person really well, I'll interpret it wrong. The attention-seeking/self-centered parts..........unfortunately my brain yells them at me CONSTANTLY.........my friends always say I'm not, but my brain yells louder...........still working on that one............and yes, I've been told I'm too sensitive/I need to toughen up all my life.
Something I feel doesn't get addressed enough in discussions about autism misconceptions is that a lot of the time, when people believe these misconceptions, they don't mean to be invalidating - it's because these misconceptions are so prevalent that people simply don't know better or have never even heard otherwise. Obviously not EVERYONE is well-meaning, but a lot are. I would know - I'm autistic and have believed a lot of these myself in the past. I was diagnosed at age 2, but this was when autism was just barely starting to be widely known (and on top of that I had trouble understanding figurative speech of any kind or paying attention to anything outside my own interests), so while I was told I had autism and had a vague idea of what it was, I was wrong about a lot of things about it through no fault of my own. I'll never forget when I was 15 and discovered an online community about autism and thought "hey, I'll probably feel accepted here!" (which was true to an extent) only to feel even more alienated when I saw people get very angry at others for believing misconceptions about autism, pretty much all of which I had no idea were misconceptions until then. I had social anxiety before then, but that didn't help. To this day when I see people talk about how frustrated they get when people believe X about autism, and it's something I've believed in the past (even if I don't anymore), I get scared because even if I know they have a valid reason to be frustrated by it, deep down inside I know half these people would probably hate me and think I'm a terrible person NOW if they knew I ever believed these things. I'm definitely not the only person to have social anxiety, but I feel like the only one person to have social anxiety for this specific reason.
Yes, yes, yes, I have always been called too sensitive from childhood on. My parents called me mimosa, but not in a nice way, rather in a mocking way. I am in autistic burnout right now and I was misdiagnosed with depression for years. It is so hard to taper off the antidepressants. But I am working on it. And masking is exhausting. Did it for years, but I can’t go on like that.
I'm sorry your parents treated you that way. They should have nurtured and protected your sensitive nature. Stopping antidepressants is hard. There are some pretty helpful herbs and supplements you might try if you haven't already. Tryptophan is great, it's a precursor to serotonin. L-theanine and magnesium glycinate are both calming and help with sleep. Saffron also has antidepressant qualities and good research behind it. Obviously do your research to make sure anything like that is safe for you. Hope you're able to taper off smoothly and start being more of your authentic self!
Masking as dangerous for health - VERY, chronic illnesses are already easily missed and if you're hiding part or most of yourself for the comfort and nonchalance of other people, there's a very real probability that you'll dismiss your own health signals because you're so accustomed to ignoring your own feelings, doctors already do that enough without helping them dismiss or diminish your well being, and if you TRAIN yourself to diminish yourself then you're going to struggle to present yourself authentically to your doctor so they can see what's wrong, and health is nothing to futz around with.
"you say I'm too sensitive? Well yes. Yes I am. And I hate it. I hate how intense the sunlight feels when I step outside. I hate how the noise in public spaces makes it hare to concentrate on what you are saying. I hate how hard it is for me to adapt to sudden changes. I KNOW I'm sensitive, and I wish I could switch it off, but that's not how it works."
I remember seeing a video about autistic empathy. It explained that what allists and autists call empathy is different. When an allist feels down, they need someone to boost their ego, and another allist seeing that would do just that. If an autist sees this, they may start telling their own stories, and that wouldn't satisfy the allist. And vice versa, if an allist sees an autist feel down, the former may tell the latter empty words that would cheer them up if they also were an allist, but that hurts the autist even more. The autist would prefer if the other person told them their own stories, as autists do
I’ve been getting a lot of number 17 “we’re all a little bit Autistic”. I hate when people say that. I’m trying to process my recent later in life diagnosis as well as the diagnosis of my children and it’s such an invalidating thing for someone to say this.
I recently discovered that psycholgy - and other human sciences use the term "cognitive empathy" which quite misleading: It meands the ability to read other peoples feelings and emotions from facial expretions, not ability to FEEL empathy. These seem to have fused in many peoples minds even though the ability to feel empathy does not depend on ability to read facial expretions...
Something that blew my mind was when I told my (much older than me) sister that I was autistic, is that she acted very agitated and in disbelief, because, “well, you’re certainly not like the kids I work with at school!” She was an aide, and some of those autistic kids were nonverbal, etc. She freaking WORKED with autistic kids and didn’t understand that there was varying degrees? I have struggled my entire life, been considered a misfit and a weirdo by my own birth family, had trouble going to school, holding a job, and haven’t worked in several years, and she and the rest of my birth family refuse to accept me. Heck, my sister even caught me stimming when I was a kid and she was a teenager. I would try to hide it. I noticed her looking at me with a hateful expression, and she said, “what in the HELL are you doing!?” I was embarrassed and had no answer, because I didn’t know what I was doing. I ended up going no contact with my birth family earlier this year. It got so bad that I had a heart attack and they ignored me. Thank God for my wife, kids, and dog.
'Over-thinker' - personally, I could argue that many people are under-thinkers.
Looking for the double-thumbs up button for this comment!:)
I mean, most of them are, really. I don’t mean that as an insult, but it’s an observation that I bet most of us have had. I think most people don’t have the processing resources to think more, or they just haven’t developed the ability because life hasn’t taught them that it’s necessary. I feel almost like most people get by with an inadequate amount of thinking similarly to how something like ChatGPT seems really smart 98% of the time, but then sometimes it gets something wrong and it gets it so wrong that it’s impossible not to see it and it’s like pulling teeth to try to work around it.
I love the term under thinker. I often envied others because I think so thoroughly before deciding and they are so fast in deciding but well sometimes the fast decision can be a bad one.
@@borderedge6465 I’m an overthinker. But to the point where I feel the need to mask to fit in and please society. I feel like I’m not allowed to use my accommodations because people are going to judge me for that, so I need to not use them so that way I don’t get judged. I feel like I have to listen to society and do what they say and do, not what I want, but what they want.
@@flotenstimme4608 you are right. It’s good to look at the decision before making it.
Always being told I'm too sensitive, often while being gaslighted.
That rings little bells for me. I think perhaps people are keen on trying to tell autistic people what they "ought" to feel and that, of course, often involves gaslighting.
@@PaulaRoederer being that I have both autism and CPTSD, I’ve been told this. I’ve even been mocked, slapped, or laughed for expressing my emotions. So now I just bottle it up and I listen to what society says. Society says you’re not allowed to have CPTSD flashbacks and that you just need to get over it. And I do aggree to some extant, we do have to get over the abuse and trauma we suffered, but sometimes it does take awhile.
@@siennaprice1351 I agree with the broad strokes of what you've said, but it's phrased in a dismissive way, possibly as it's been expressed to you. I'm not saying this as a criticism of you - in fact, your words resonate very strongly with me. To me, your words sound like my own critical inner voice, which is in turn a reflection of society's words and attitudes that have been internalised. "Boo hoo, that was ages ago, just get over it!" Or other words to that effect.
Yes, we do need, for our own sake, to move on from any trauma and abuse we've suffered. But "just get over it" is an impatient, uncaring, unkind, and unhelpful way to put it - because it's impossible. You can't just "get over" things. That's society's voice saying "we don't care, we don't want to hear about it, put on a happy face and pretend you're over it so we can ignore you again".
What we actually need is time and space to process what happened, and to deal with our trauma (through therapy, or meditation, or self-reflection, or other means). This will help us to heal - and healing is what we really need. Healing takes time - not a fixed, set amount either. As much time as each of us needs. Once we've healed, we can "get over it" and move on. Without healing, we can only pretend. Pretending in order to make others more comfortable is a choice some of us make, but it's not the same as actually healing and moving on. I hope healing and moving on is our goal in these circumstances, rather than just appearing to get over it.
@@carolinejames7257 thanks for helping me to look at it differently.
Boy can I relate 😢
When you said autistic burnout is often misdiagnosed as depression, I shed a tear.
On the roads we see "Think Bike" signs - to remind drivers to watch out for motorbikes, so they don't become invisible and come to harm.
Maybe we need "Think Autistic" signs in consulting rooms too.
@a_tist my therapist and doctor "You have depression and anxiety" while I show signs of being an introvert and struggling to be social... Like, bruh, I'm not Sherlock Holmes, but I'm seeing some distinct patterns here.
I wonder what % of late-diagnosed autistics have a diagnosis of depression or dysthymia in their medical history - while it could have been misdiagnosed autistic burnout...
I can make eye contact, but it heavily depends on the situation. The more confident or comfortable I am, the better my eye contact is.
I'm comfortable with my husband but I've noticed with others that I can keep it comfortably when they're speaking but I can't hold it when I'm speaking.
I had to do two 45 minute video pre-evaluations recently, and after the 1st one, the evaluator, a psychologist, basically said she didn't think I was autistic because I have friends, made eye contact, and had a rather easy conversation with her. I brought a list to the second pre-eval explaining how, while sitting in my room (the most relaxing place for me), talking to one singular person, while swiveling in my chair and playing with my fidget during what was essentially a buisness video call, is different for me than other social situations and conversations in a non-safe place. I have an actual evaluation in 6 months. Like, people really have these misconceptions, even trained professionals.
The sad truth is that trained professionals are even more likely to be prejudiced, because most of them do not update their knowledge as science moves rapidly on and keep believing (some almost as gospel) what they were taught 10 - 20 years ago still is the current view.
@AnneAslaug Precisely! And they're very defensive about how they're the expert and we're not, how they know all while we know nothing. It's the equivalent of a child sticking their fingers in their ears, and calling out some version of "nyah nyah nyah, I can't hear you".
@@carolinejames7257 LOL! Yes!
In my opinion, autistic people have a better sense of humor than allistic people. When an allistic person says that we don't have a sense of humor, what they really mean is that they don't understand the way that we think.
Exactly!! 👏
The reminds me of how I'd see the humor in what my dad was saying when my siblings didn't, or how my soon-to-be-diagnosed friend would often bring up totally random things and explain how he thought they were funny.
@@FranimusI absolutely hate stupid humor. I don’t find it funny at all. It’s insulting and boring. Now I understand why. I prefer jokes that apply to real life and that make fun of things that don’t hurt others.
If people say "Everyone's a little autistic," I don't tend to immediately take that as invalidation. I tend to consider it as something more likely to be said by undiagnosed autistic people who don't realize that they ARE autistic. If someone says "Everyone's a little autistic," I respond with "What are your autistic traits?" because I might be able to let someone know that they may actually BE autistic.
😂 Me! About 4 years ago my son was diagnosed as autistic in his late twenties. He suggested I do an online test. I thought I would probably score fairly high because I do share some traits with autistic people. Ummm... 🤭
As someone who has autism, complex, PTSD, and is completely blind, I’ve been told a lot of these things. That I was dangerous. That I was violent. That I was too sensitive. That I’m just seeking attention. Especially when it comes to showing my emotions. Believe me. I relate to this video 100%!
As an autistic person, I can make eye contact (direct) all day. Of course, I will pay heavily for it later bc it literally steals my energy-keeping up the mask that long is exhausting. I’ll need a lot of recovery time. I can do nearly anything allistic folks can. The question is, can I afford it?
"The question is ..."
🤗❤️🩹
... if doing so means that I have to give 125% of my energy now, will I have anything left for the rest of today?... and what about needing energy for tomorrow?
🎯
@@rebeccamay6420 EXACTLY!! This is, to a large extent, what unknowing allistic ppl don’t understand about autistic folks and work. The 100% of energy an allistic employee performs takes 200% for us. That’s just not sustainable without interventions, whether that be accommodations at work or extra self care
completely agree with all of you!
This is me as well. It is exhausting and I pay for it later.
Absolutely! I couldn't agree more.
I've been called too sensitive by a few with the extreme irony that my tolerance was actually much higher than theirs, I just cared more and was more motivated to act than they were. Some people on the spectrum can be quite assertive and motivated by truth or for the good of a group.
@@Peter_S_ you’re not wrong. This is spot on.
Doctor: You have friends, you can't be autistic!
Me: Autistic people make great friends. And enemies. Guess which one I am right now.
God, this. So, so this.
This one had me in tears. I am 59 and autism wasn’t hardly diagnosed when I was ac child and it definitely wasn’t ever considered for girls. This list resonates with me. And #19 is so true! I have heard that crap me entire life about being too sensitive, but on the other hand I get praise for being so understanding and caring. Didn’t it ever occur to anyone that I couldn’t be understanding and caring without being sensitive to myself and those around me?
I got the double standard: if my feelings were hurt, I was labeled too sensitive; if someone else felt hurt after I said something; I was labeled thoughtless or mean.
Edit: We’re about the same age! I turn 59 in February!
"50 y.o. Recently Self-Discovered High-Masking Autistic Female" checking in. 🤗
I understand your experience, as I'm from the same era: Autism was barely recognized, and only as applicable to boys. Hence, my lifelong struggle to fit in or keep up with "normal" expectations.
I had tried ignoring TH-cam's continuous prodding to watch videos by Autistic contributors, until there was one title I couldn't ignore. What a life changing experience -- to actually feel understood for once in my life! I was so ... happy, ecstatic, appreciative, grateful, validated -- there is no single word for the flood of emotions in that moment ... that I cried a flood of happy tears and used up several tissues over an hour after watching that video. (Lol... I'm tearing up now, just thinking about that day.)
I'll tell you all what my first openly autistic friend told me when I was finally diagnosed (one year ago, at 42): welcome to the club! 😄
@@rebeccamay6420 Yes, this is what has happened to me as well. And I have my autistic son to thank for it, because he accepted his neurodivergence before I accepted my own.
I can't love this comment enough. 56 yo female and diagnosed this year I relate to everything you said.
The charge that we are oversensitive is not constructive criticism, it is passive aggressive bullying. It is intended to marginalize us, not help us "fit in." As for being an anti-social loner, I am not anti-social, just asocial. I don't hate people, but I avoid them, because in my nearly 80 years, not many neurotypical people have ever reached out to me. For years, the only time my phone ever rang, it was someone who wanted something from me It is true that I am a loner. Society has taught me that it is safer. I prefer my own company because I can trust it. I have become content with being avoided because I am different. Fortunately, I have wide ranging interests that keep me fully occupied and I rarely notice being by myself.
You sound so much like my aunt, who we have discovered was our family’s scapegoat and then I became one too. She and I are so much alike, think alike, and have a BS meter. We didn’t keep family secrets and were willing to call that mess out and we were treated badly due to that. It’s enough to force one to isolate, because it’s so much safer.
However, I have found so much healing in pursuing a relationship with her and she says it has helped her as well. So don’t over isolate. We need human interaction.
Being funny but making people question if you knew you were being funny is the best. You get to be funny to yourself and other people with what you said, and then you get to be funny to yourself again by having a little secret joke in your head.
🤓
I definitely throw out deadpan jokes from time to time and people don't have a clue whether or not I'm joking or whether I'm being sarcastic or...
I call these 1% jokes. Only 1% of people who hear them will actually get them, and that's part of what makes it so amusing.
I have a whimsical sense of humor. People say that I'm silly. That was my life in High school, college, etc. Since I have that kind of voice, very high, people have found me dumb, or that I wanted people to think that I was dumb. On the other hand, if I would say something clever, they would be like "did you hear what she said?" Or why did you say that, you're so weird. " That's Bridge and Tunnel land in the 1980s.
Sarcasm is an interesting quality to presume we lack; I find a lot of neurotypical/ableist sarcasm offputting because it punches down, whereas I (AuDHD) am often criticized for being sarcastic because I can't resist punching UP - it's how I call out the discriminating and ignorant bullsh*t of privilege.
On a related note, I would also add solution dismissal to the list: I am constantly amazed that people will ignore and/or dismiss an autistic's suggested solution (or even just pointing out a problem) because they can't see how all the dots connect. For some reason people take their incomprehension as a cue to project their shortcomings and presume we're wrong rather than doing the thinkwork to see why we're right.🤦
Yes! I love how the worded the second part. I’ve noticed this as well but haven’t been able to put it into words.
"Solution dismissal" - genius! I read that and recognized something I had never understood! Thanks for putting this into words. I am grateful❤
"Solution dismissal" - yes, I just have to give them a couple of years or so and they do come around to my way of thinking!
What’s so annoying about the solution dismissal thing is that as soon as some other neurotypical person finally comes around to saying the same thing, all of a sudden it’s the most brilliant idea anyone has ever had, but you can’t point that out to anyone because they’ll just accuse you of having sour grapes or trying to undermine the person or something. Like, I really don’t care as long as there’s a solution finally being put in place, but why do we keep having to just wait and wait instead of listening with actual listening and then just working on the solution together? I swear that there are two dictionaries and autistic people use one and neurotypical people use the other one and a lot of the words just don’t mean the same things between the two groups, so you can have two people say exactly the same thing, but one group will always hear them as two different and unrelated things.
@@babybirdhome The problem is that the language is context dependent.
I got in trouble for following the lead of a boy's friend offering gum by saying "I'll have some!": even imitating the tone and cadence.
But because I was not the boy's friend that was perceived as rude: and I was the only one who did not get any.
The eye contact thing is frustrating. I can make eye contact but if I'm trying to process a thought it is often difficult for me to make eye contact otherwise I can be thrown off. It is also a matter of familiarity. I have less difficulty with people I am extremely close. There are varying degrees of eye contact. It isn't on/off, black/white... it is a spectrum with everything that is autistic traits.
Same!!!! The more difficult the conversation, the more difficult the eye contact becomes.
Yeah, I agree. I can make eye contact just fine, but it drastically increases the chances that I won’t be able to hear the words you’re saying to me. I’ll still hear the noises coming out of your mouth, but there’s a really good chance that a significant amount of those sounds won’t be turned into words when I hear them. I describe it as similar to how the adults sound when they’re talking in The Peanuts cartoons where it’s just “womp womp womp womp”. There’s definitely noises, but I can’t tell you what words they were.
@@BuckeBoo I don’t make eye contact, mainly because I’m completely blind.
I'm the same. I can keep eye contact with my husband comfortably but with other people it's okay as long as they're speaking but when I have to speak, especially if it's something deep that I have to think about, I can't hold it at all.
I've started just telling people I'm deaf and I look away, frown very slightly in "concentration" and point my "good ear" at them x'D people are forgiving about it and it's a much easier conversation x'D
Thanks, Tay. I wouldn't be any other way. I'm 76, self-identified, and have autistic kids and grandkids. I wouldn't go to a gp unless my life depended on it. You are one of the most amazing humans on the planet. We are bloody terrific. LET'S TALK BIG.
I agree with you!
I would say autistic empathy isn't limited.. it's our lack of empathic limits that befuddles NTs. .. the range of empathic experience can be so broad, could include animals (of course), plants, or even machines, musical instruments, historical events, buildings, weather, stars, .. I'm of the belief 'special interests' are in fact empathic drives.
Interesting, I love the thought that special interests are connected to empathy. I feel a strong need to deeply understand a new interest - this makes sense to me! Thank you for this comment.
Misconception: not aware of the world around us.
From what I've seen on various channels, I think self-diagnosis is universal.
The normal sequence seems to be exposure to the idea of autism, study to understand autism and whether it applies to the person seeking answers, then fighting the doctor to consider a diagnosis of autism.
The tubers seem to have all known they were autistic before they sought a diagnosis. I can't think of one who walked into the doctors office and was surprised to hear that their problems were caused by autism.
In the USA, self-diagnosis is all many of us can afford. Not necessarily better in other countries.
I think there are cases where a child that hasn't decided to mask is brought to a doctor by an observant parent for assessment. If you seek assessment for yourself, chances are that you can consider yourself self-diagnosed. I wouldn't say that self-diagnosis is something that is 100% shared by all who get a formal diagnosis.
@@NeuroDiv_Skunk8785
I was diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder in 1980, before autism was considered as often. Recently I decided to find out what that really meant and looked into it. I'm definitely not schizoid, but autism looks extremely likely.
So I went to a professional, who said that at my age a proper diagnosis would be too difficult and expensive to be worthwhile, but I sure seemed to be autistic, so let's go with that.
A little frustrating.
A note on the empathy thing. A lot of us show empathy anecdotally. If it sounds like someone that's autistic sounds like they're making the conversation all about them, they are probably sharing empathy.
@@NicholasDunnAutistic Yes!!!
I have read that it's *acting* empathy autistic people struggle with, which imo makes sense.
What better way to explain to someone that you understand what they are feeling by telling your own similar story? Why can’t people understand that?
Sharing my similar story = "Yes, I can understand how you felt when [your story]"
And trying to one-up you, because Life is not a competitive sport.
Unfortunately, for people whose every thought and motivation revolves around their perceived place in their social heirarchy, it is a competition, and some of them cannot fathom anyone else seeing things in a different way.
We, autistics, lack nuronominal false (conman) empathy.
Your list is pretty spot on.
I have learned to cope with the nuronominal defect in society by acknowledging their incompetencies - :)
The misconception that when we ask for an accommodation such as noise reducing earbuds, it’s because we don’t want to hear what’s going on. No! We take in 44% more data than neurotypical and we need this accommodation to put our input on a par with others
According to my family, every time I’m struggling it’s because I’m anxious. Not because I’m autistic
I hear you. I get the same thing: anxious, shy or because I isolated too much (no one asks why I isolated so much) 🤔
The self diagnosis for me met its fate with imposter syndrome. So tricky being us, makes me glad we have each other.
100% have always always always been called too sensitive! Work, home, play, etc.
Yes to this as well!
I've been told many times I'm too sensitive, too shy, to introverted, too figity, too logical, too literal ...
Yep, me too. 😬
Same here. It's taken a lot of work in therapy to undo the damage, but I'm done listening to those people. They seem to have a habit of invalidating and minimizing the experiences of others when what is said isn't convenient for them. I avoid being around people who behave that way.
@@dahlia695 right, too literal?! What am I supposed to think of what people are saying when they aren't saying it. Bladfgdhhsrjbr
I have 17+ friends... They are not human though!
George 🐎
Oliver 🐎
Toby 🐎
Grace 🐎
Pixie 🐎
Caliber 🐎
Patrick 🐎
Hank 🐎
Mickey 🐎
Tucker 🐎
Callie 🐎
Hallie 🐎
Dakota 🐎
Slapshot 🐎
Claurice 🐎
Tater Tot 🐎
Cat 🐶
Mouse 🐱
Cougar 🐮
Goose 🐮
I feel great now. I am now better informed about myself. I'm crying happily. Thank you.
Taylor! I really like the way you speak in this video, it's so passionate! This is so important to make people understand, we'll never stop talking about it!
Thank you for your comment and for sharing this with me! Glad you enjoyed the video.
I took the Aspie-Quiz online and it pegged me as having a 98% probability of being autistic/neurodivergent. I believe it. The only way I can “pass” as neurotypical (neuromundane?) on the major online tests is to *LIE* on most of the items.
My mother chronically berated me as selfish, too sensitive and o***reacting. My research suggests that she had narcissistic personality disorder. Gee, an autistic child with a narcissistic parent-a hellish combination!
You are not alone. My mother was a narcissist and an emotional abuser. I am so sorry you had to go through that. It’s very painful and difficult to navigate.
Thank you for the kind words. 🙂
1:32 as an autistic person, this is the one i hate most :( i adore people very much, i love meeting new people and learning about them. to be perceived as someone who is antisocial & hates everyone makes me extremely upset
"Autistic people are not quite all there..." Love that one [SEE I used sarcasm!]
I’m usually not all there. I’m mostly here….inside my head.
Question: “Is she autistic?”
Answer: “No, because she has a University degree”.
the way someone would think I don't have autism due to the eye contact thing is that I've learned how to defocus my vision at will so when I look at someone their face in the eye region becomes more of a blur instead of a uniform structure
I do the same 😅
Yup
As far back as I can remember into my childhood, I have always been told I’m too sensitive. It had only ever frustrated me further…
Confusing empathy, with sympathy, should’ve be added to your list.
@@j.b.4340 I’m not a huge synpathy seeker. If I’m dysregulated, I want judgment, because that’s what I need in that moment. I need to be criticized for feeling dysregulated, not sympaathy. And I need to listen to the judgment and criticism and shame in order to grow. And that’s what society wants from me, is to grow. And I want to grow too.
@@siennaprice1351 But people, confusing empathy with sympathy, see "empathy" (read: sympathy) as a virtue.
It only takes a little thought to see how empathy can be used for evil ends. If you understand how your adversary is feeling: you can use that to your advantage.
I think that the reason for the "we are all a little bit autistic" is that autistic experience is human experience and people focus too much on the cathegory of experience and they miss other factors. I think intensity is a big factor when it comes to how autistic brain experiences the world - and going both way. It is true that all people have certain preferences but many autistic preferences are close to a necessity. It's true that all people get nervous in certain situations, however, most autistic brain are on high alert most of the time. And this goes for all areas of human experience.
#16: I wouldn't say that we're not self-centered, but problematic levels of self-centeredness are a general human problem, not an issue specific to autism.
As for narcissism, I have noticed that a decent of autistic TH-camrs tend to talk about having narcissistic parents, and I wonder how often that actually means "autistic, undiagnosed, and dysregulated".
#19 my whole entire life. Just found out this year I’m autistic and last year ADHD. I’m 64 and I enjoyed this video. 😊
Im 57, with this disorder.
I finally figured it out myself at around the age of 53.
Up to then I just dealt with everything (my issues) as best as I could with no clue why I can’t communicate with people appropriately and am so socially awkward.
It’s refreshing to know that this condition is getting the spotlight, because when I was entering school in the 1970’s
Kids who behaved like I did were considered a problem and disciplined instead of adults searching for solutions to help us learn and cope, which is common today. Looking back on that time is difficult. Some people know and get it, but most others don’t care, i’m just bizarre and thats why we can never be friends. It runs in my family as well. There are at least 7 of us within two generations.
I have been called or told I’m too sensitive my entire life. If anything I’m hyper aware of my surroundings and get so irritated when others don’t have the same level of awareness, exp: grocery shopping a guy walking down the middle of the isle stopped right in front of where I wanted to turn to up a different isle, parked his cart and walked over to the dairy coolers. His wife was sweet. She apologized, grabbed the cart and scolded him for doing that.
One on one I’m awesome. Groups will find me very reserved and in the back.
ASD and ADHD have explained so much of my childhood.
I think another one is “we tend to be blunt.” A lot of us are (and sometimes I am), but I don’t think it necessarily is the default mode of communication. I’ve known several people who describe themselves as blunt, but aren’t autistic; they’re assholes who use “blunt” as an excuse.
@@NeuroDiv_Skunk8785 YES, YES, YES! You are so spot on with this comment! I’m very blunt. Some people see my bluntness as judgmental. And sometimes, maybe I am, and I apologize for that. My goal is not to be a judgmental asshole, but rather, to tell people the harsh truth without sugarcoating it.
I usually mask this, but occasionally it slips out. I’d rather have someone who gives unvarnished truth than deal with a “wolf in sheep’s clothing.”
Been contemplating learning ASL because I heard it is a "blunt" language.
But that would actually mean getting out a meeting new people.
My Psychologist said because I identified 4 friends in High School, I couldn't be autistic despite answering a dozen other questions negatively. He then said I may have "sprinklings" of autism only...
TY for this -- Have some new friends just beginning their own self-discoveries and have shared this with them. Really helpful for the imposter syndrome that many late dx go through. 💜
Yessss #6. Digital-first has helped make the jokes more apparent. There’s a couple from months or even years back that teammates will pull back out now from remembering how funny they were. It also helps if there’s a crew around that understands the jokes better (shoutout to a couple brilliant ADHD friends in particular!) and can listen for the words through the deadpan. Arrested Development is a masterclass in autistic joke delivery!
YES I LOVE ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT
Shy, aloof, too sensitive… Check!
It’s funny how three years after being diagnosed I still realize how things from my past suddenly make sense in the context of autism. A psych literally diagnosed me as not having depression but “being in a depressed episode” ((loosely translated from German)) - yeah that was autistic burnout.
Or how I found myself coming across indigo children, and HSP (highly sensitive person) in my quest to understanding myself. Ugh 🥺
Thank you so much for all you do to help us learn about ourselves and to dispel misconceptions like this! I have already learned so much from your videos, most importantly to be compassionate and accommodating to myself instead of telling myself that I'm "too sensitive" as I've heard forever.
I recently had a really interesting experience challenging my fear of these misconceptions when I had to go to the ER. I hate going there due to past trauma and often avoid it. I was in so much pain that masking was not possible. I was basically having a full on meltdown when I got there and feared the environment would worsen it. I let myself engage in big stims, asked for lights to be off, extra time preparing for needle sticks, etc. And everyone was super respectful and accepting of it! I don't think I could've handled the pain and overwhelm if I hadn't let myself do those things. I was afraid they would think I was being dramatic. I have to wonder if I had masked if they might have missed my appendicitis or at least taken longer to find it, which could have lead to it rupturing. This was the first time I felt doctors actually saw the distress I was in and understood how serious it was. Usually they think I'm fine even though I tell them I'm not. It was nice to feel in the same reality as them.
I don't know that I would've thought to do these things or been so accepting of myself if not for you. So thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing this with me! 🥹
I relate Soo much to #10. I had no idea I was experiencing autistic burnout until about a month ago...Dr says I'm depressed...I tell them no it's different. I don't know how to get them to listen and don't know how to explain it to them.
Maybe I can help you explain it. It’s like every nerve ending in our body is on high alert after social interactions or days when we are in public a lot. This takes an incredible amount of energy so that evening or the next day, we are exhausted, irritable, and sometimes in physical pain. So when we get home, we need time to wind down, relax, and re-energize ourselves. That requires downtime away from noises, bright lights, and lots of interaction with others.
It’s because our nervous systems are far more active and on alert than neurotypical individuals.
#11! Thank you for validating self diagnosis! My GF suggested I test for autism a couple years ago when I was 49. I can’t spend that sort of money for a diagnosis, but if the various AQ tests are to be believed, I score 46 to 48 out of 50, or highly likely. Plus I identify with about 90% of the descriptions given on channels like yours. So again, I don’t have an official diagnosis, but I truly think I am.
Thank you so much Taylor! I feel so blessed to have found your channel a few months ago. Every time I watch one of your videos, I feel so validated and supported. You empower us with your wisdom and insights to the point, that, I actually feel proud to be on the spectrum.
I have been on the receiving side of all of these misconceptions, over and over. I'm currently awaiting the results of my autism assessment and I'm terrified the psych will say I'm not autistic and brush my concerns off. 😕
Trust your experience! Even licensed professionals can’t truly know what your day-to-day is like. And many are not up-to-date with a current understanding of how autism presents. You’ve got this!
@@MomontheSpectrum
I had a formal diagnosis during what has been a couple years of burnout .
I’m still struggling with isolation and sitting here on my day-to-day seeking connection with others with my current circumstances .
I very much need support and would like to be able to have somebody to chat with such as peers help me even understand myself .
My family doesn’t get it and I live with them and I don’t know where to go as an unemployed person who’s been seeking employment for many years trying to provide a roof over mine and my adult sons head .
I need out of the house yet I’m terrified to leave sometimes or don’t have mobility or transportation or funding.
I’m looking for growing the sunflower power movement around botanical culinary, and musical steamable pieces / peaces.
Advocacy and activism play and work
I would like to have little demonstration stations to bridge gaps between the communities that display exhibition and self exhibition, bits, including even the sunflower lanyards
This. Is. So. On. Point!!!!
Definitely one of your best ever videos . . . proud to be a Member.
Oh thank you so much! And I'm so glad you're part of the community.
I feel like your video's are getting feistier every time and I am here for it! Yas!
I would get the "You're too much!" all the time when I was younger (back in the 60's and 70's), when girls were taught it's not good to "make waves." Ha. Sorry. AuDhd here, with PDA and oh, yeah, psychic abilities added into the mix. I got that "too much" so often, it's not funny. I am funny myself, though, and was raised in a household that valued humor. My childhood heroes growing up were Jane Austen, Oscar Wilde, and Dorothy Parker, all witty people. I would ask myself, "What would Jane/Oscar/Miss Parker say?" when anyone sneered and said, "You're *weird*!" I just told my my older biological half-sister today (I'm adopted) that when a snotty girl next door said that, I looked down my nose at her and said, "Better weird, than *boring*!" and turned and walked away. Loved having the last word! This was such a great video, and yes, I'm self-diagnosed. I've had such a long life of coping; at 64 I have a Ph.D in masking, so I doubt anyone would say I"m autistic, but I *know*. I've read so much already and looked at old report cards my mom had saved, and yes, the clues & evidence are all there. Just so nice to know I wasn't a bad person. Just a different person. I can look back at all of my struggles, and i have so much love an compassion for my younger self. Thanks for your video, and thanks to anyone who read this to the end. If you shrugged and said, "TL; DR" I won't hold it against you. Peace!
All 19. Yep. All of ‘em.
This was a really comprehensive list and explanation, very succinctly explained. If only this could be broadcast to everyone.
Just been through a very unpleasant experience at work, gaslit with several of these but the "over reacting" came in heavily. While being forced into a full meltdown in front of them. Yes, the state of management in 2024...
these are so true! im glad you are raising awareness on autism
i believe it will help feeel better around us
Have been considered too sensitive since before kindergarten
In terms of masking and how detrimental is to us as autistics… the few times I've said this to either co-workers, friends, or even family members I always get the same response:
“We all have to do
Things that makes sense us uncomfortable/we don't like. That's just life.”
I don't know how to respond to this so I just stop.😟
and about the antisocial myth I would suggest to NT folk to ask yourself how eager you are to hang out with people who dislike and judge you and make you feel "wrong" or inadequate , people you have little to nothing in common and that usually talk about things you don't know or care and expect from you things you don't understand or make sense. Added that the act of meet them is very tiresome and you have to act like someone else and even not follow 1 of their foreign unnatural rules can make them judge you or criticize you, imagine have to blink twice for every second it takes to to draw one breath and only make eye contact if that number is prime; now imagine have to also pay attention to a chat you don't care about and look relaxed and happy while doing it. I bet you would also become "antisocial". I bet autistic folk like me, are not specially and inherently anti/asocial it's just circumstantially so.
I've just told my mum I have been diagnosed level 1 autism and adhd and she was very invalidating and thinks I can't be autistic because I was a perfect student, liked socialising and had friends as a child (this fact already gives me massive impostor syndrome because it's the one trait I seemed to lack as a child and my social problems only became apparent when I started high school). I don't know if I even have the energy to try to educate her. What's worse is that she told me about all her own autistic traits as a child and how when she entered the workforce she learned to socialise and was perfectly fine. Whereas my issues have prevented me from holding a job and feeling suicidal whenever I do work, which she doesn't understand and thinks if I get adhd meds then I should be able to work again, not to mention I also suffer with chronic illness.
Good reminders. Thanks. Feeling better now.
#6. Yup. Fully agree.
i'm social when I drive my bus full of passengers, it drives me B-A-N-A-N-A-S when my bus is empty when there is supposed to be passengers.
Deadheading such a large vehicle seems like a waste sometimes.
100% shared exp of the list but not too sensitive in the face before I stopped masking, only now (late diagnosed). I'm just now realising how hard I masked the sensitive reaction all 33 years before (not counting the first ten years)! I practically self-violated to mask it, sometimes I went into another room and hit my head against a wall. looking back I can't believe it, but i just didn't know. very helpful that you shared this, because it's such a new experience for me in my age to be called sensitive, when I used to be known as the hard-ass who faces down everything...
My sense of humor is quite different from neurotypicals in that I will say or do something that is completely out of character from who I am just to see if I could get a rise out of someone. Those who've known me long enough eventually figure that out, and then they are in on the joke too. Those who haven't figured me out yet are looking around like "what's so funny?" making it even funnier.
from what I have experienced I dont think "normal" people will ever accept any of this, they just dont care and/or have the capacity to understand.
Great video.
I was always called oversensitive and sometimes I start(ed) crying and could not answer the question "why are you crying" I dont know, I just feel everything is too much! And people seem to hate it when you cry "without a reason".
I relate to this so much. I've been really sick for about 2 months now. I'm so worn out.
For number 2, for me, I like being around the right people 🥰 somehow the nasties seem to have a sixth sense for my neurodivergence ( AuDhd) and treat me really badly
A roommate here likes to say that autism is like stuttering and we should hide it.
What an asshole.
Hi Tay, I can relate to most of these misconceptions.
My son IS on the spectrum, and I have NO idea if I am or not. But some of the traits listed, I feel, ironically, have helped actually helped me to be good at my job as a clinical social worker.
#15: I think the perception of violence comes more from meltdowns than from stimming. To someone that doesn't know what they are, they can look pretty terrifying (depending on exactly how the individual in question melts down).
There's a nonverbal autistic woman of my acquaintance that has a tendency to hit and bite herself during meltdowns and to grab anyone that comes in reach. She has enough physical issues that it's easy enough to stay out of reach, but put her meltdown style in my adult male, out-of-shape but otherwise able body, and the damage I could do would be a real concern even though I'm not inclined to violence when not melting down (and, in actuality, do not experience meltdowns).
Hi Taylor, 19 yes, totally relate to that! For 17 I have to admit that I said that too. Instead of feeling invalidated, maybe react with "well if that's what you think, you might want to get a diagnosis yourself. Because it's not as common as you think."
After a few years and getting more information on Autism, I'm very much suspecting myself of being Autistic. (at the age of 52, so probably masking af) If anyone in my past would've advised me to go and get a diagnosis, it might have saved me from some struggles.
And so we reached the self diagnosis, I'm glad it's valid. It helped me being so much kinder to myself.
For example, there is a big party today and I allowed myself to say that they shouldn't count on me. That I might drop in for a second but if it's overwhelming, I leave.
I'd never thought of saying something like that before. Before I'd just show up and stay until the end. Needing two days of recovery afterwards.
So, thank you and Megan for opening my eyes and allowing me to admit that the family inheritance has always been a part of me as well 😂❤
Greetings from The Netherlands
I get annoyed when my neighbours tell other people that I am a quiet person who keeps to himself. I socialize with many people but I don't gossip or waste time chit-chatting with them.
I am an Aussie mature man who uses humour to break the ice but it is often misinterpreted as sarcastic remarks. I agree with you that we do have friends and we are not a threat to anyone in society.
I was labeled queit and shy my whole life. It wasnt till i took AP psych and my teacher said, "i dont think your shy. Youre very outspoken when you have something to say" and that helped to pivot my perception of myself a bit. I wasnt diagnosed till last week (I'm 31) though.
Great video, thanks! And #12 just... wow, seriously? 😂
The fact that people say that Autistic people or people on the spectrum is not true!! We have a Ghostbuster in our club for crying out!!! The first one really hits me because in my case, I feel things very intensely and I’ve been told that I’m too sensitive. Don’t even get me started on the Burnout; People in the past have invalidated my experience by telling me that I just need to cheer up and get on with it. I am currently going my third Major Autistic Burnout of my life. The first one I went through when I was 19/20 years old when I was in my undergrad, The second one I went through after my dad died and I want to say that it lasted like three years. This one it’s been about a year since I started going this last Autistic Burnout and this one’s pretty tough as a result of some family issues
As an MD (late diagnosed AuDHD at 38 y.o.) who spent quite a bit of time searching for the right psychiatrist/psychologist before getting officially diagnosed: If you get turned down because you can make eye contact or can make friends (or other stereotypical 'autistic' behaviours) - accept it and look for a different specialist.
Really, a person whose knowledge about autism is based in the early XX century (we're talking 50s and 60s - it was 60 years ago!) - based on the research made on young (
Regarding humor, I have a tendency to tell jokes completely deadpan.
I will look directly between their eyebrows, then I don't have to think about which eye to look at.
I don't like looking in eyes, too the point that I would struggle to tell you what color eyes my kids have. It's just not something I do. I don't even like looking at my own eyes in the mirror. So I don't very often, I can go weeks without looking in a mirror.
I don't like looking too closely at eyes. They are too vulnerable.
I think I relate to all of this video. In the past, I've had the sneaking suspicion that people laughed at my humor...later.
I love socializing in big crowds under certain circumstances. For example, if I’m playing in my volleyball league, I’m so incredibly happy. I’m surrounded by at least 2 dozen people in the gym, the gym noises have become very safe and comforting since I’ve been playing competitively since the age of 11, and I don’t have to follow conversations, because the social aspect isn’t geared around talking, it’s geared around playing, so I know the rules, the customs, everything about it is familiar and fun, and I can completely remove my mask and just play, and joke around, and feel included and valued. And after a match ends I can choose to talk to one person before leaving, or just head out immediately. Similar thing with line dancing. When Covid restrictions shut these two activities out of my life it destroyed me. I got one back at least 🙏🏼
I’m still in the process of getting diagnosed, I had my first appointment with the psychologist a few weeks ago. I’m thinking about showing this video to my mom. I think it might help her understand me better. The part about autistics being narcissistic I think can be true if the person went undiagnosed their whole life. I can see how a person can become narcissistic without understanding what is going on and having no support for it. I believe I got my autism from my dad and he was definitely a narcissist. But he loved trains and built me a dollhouse. He had good qualities if only someone would have known and supported him through those struggles.
Burnout and depression!!!!! Omg! How I wish I would have known sooner. I had the hardest time trying to explain how "chronically depressed" I was...nope, just cycling through burnout.
"Overdramatic" is a word my mom used to describe me when I was growing up.
Sarcasm fluent here! I get it from my daddy😊
Yes.......to all of this, yes...........I am an extrovert, but there are many factors that lead into whether or not I want to socialize with someone. I have friends, but I have them in groups. My friend friends/close friends is a group of 3. Who live a considerable distance from me. With sarcasm, I can use it fine. But when it comes to interpretation, I only know if someone is being sarcastic if I know them really well, and know the tone they use when they're being sarcastic. If I don't know the person really well, I'll interpret it wrong. The attention-seeking/self-centered parts..........unfortunately my brain yells them at me CONSTANTLY.........my friends always say I'm not, but my brain yells louder...........still working on that one............and yes, I've been told I'm too sensitive/I need to toughen up all my life.
Something I feel doesn't get addressed enough in discussions about autism misconceptions is that a lot of the time, when people believe these misconceptions, they don't mean to be invalidating - it's because these misconceptions are so prevalent that people simply don't know better or have never even heard otherwise. Obviously not EVERYONE is well-meaning, but a lot are.
I would know - I'm autistic and have believed a lot of these myself in the past. I was diagnosed at age 2, but this was when autism was just barely starting to be widely known (and on top of that I had trouble understanding figurative speech of any kind or paying attention to anything outside my own interests), so while I was told I had autism and had a vague idea of what it was, I was wrong about a lot of things about it through no fault of my own. I'll never forget when I was 15 and discovered an online community about autism and thought "hey, I'll probably feel accepted here!" (which was true to an extent) only to feel even more alienated when I saw people get very angry at others for believing misconceptions about autism, pretty much all of which I had no idea were misconceptions until then. I had social anxiety before then, but that didn't help. To this day when I see people talk about how frustrated they get when people believe X about autism, and it's something I've believed in the past (even if I don't anymore), I get scared because even if I know they have a valid reason to be frustrated by it, deep down inside I know half these people would probably hate me and think I'm a terrible person NOW if they knew I ever believed these things. I'm definitely not the only person to have social anxiety, but I feel like the only one person to have social anxiety for this specific reason.
Thank you for clearing … phrases how many times moms make a n error in words ….
Yes, yes, yes, I have always been called too sensitive from childhood on. My parents called me mimosa, but not in a nice way, rather in a mocking way. I am in autistic burnout right now and I was misdiagnosed with depression for years. It is so hard to taper off the antidepressants. But I am working on it. And masking is exhausting. Did it for years, but I can’t go on like that.
I'm sorry your parents treated you that way. They should have nurtured and protected your sensitive nature. Stopping antidepressants is hard. There are some pretty helpful herbs and supplements you might try if you haven't already. Tryptophan is great, it's a precursor to serotonin. L-theanine and magnesium glycinate are both calming and help with sleep. Saffron also has antidepressant qualities and good research behind it. Obviously do your research to make sure anything like that is safe for you. Hope you're able to taper off smoothly and start being more of your authentic self!
Masking as dangerous for health - VERY, chronic illnesses are already easily missed and if you're hiding part or most of yourself for the comfort and nonchalance of other people, there's a very real probability that you'll dismiss your own health signals because you're so accustomed to ignoring your own feelings, doctors already do that enough without helping them dismiss or diminish your well being, and if you TRAIN yourself to diminish yourself then you're going to struggle to present yourself authentically to your doctor so they can see what's wrong, and health is nothing to futz around with.
"you say I'm too sensitive? Well yes. Yes I am. And I hate it. I hate how intense the sunlight feels when I step outside. I hate how the noise in public spaces makes it hare to concentrate on what you are saying. I hate how hard it is for me to adapt to sudden changes.
I KNOW I'm sensitive, and I wish I could switch it off, but that's not how it works."
Misconception number 20: We are not the best
Hehehehehehe
I remember seeing a video about autistic empathy. It explained that what allists and autists call empathy is different. When an allist feels down, they need someone to boost their ego, and another allist seeing that would do just that. If an autist sees this, they may start telling their own stories, and that wouldn't satisfy the allist. And vice versa, if an allist sees an autist feel down, the former may tell the latter empty words that would cheer them up if they also were an allist, but that hurts the autist even more. The autist would prefer if the other person told them their own stories, as autists do
I’ve been getting a lot of number 17 “we’re all a little bit Autistic”. I hate when people say that. I’m trying to process my recent later in life diagnosis as well as the diagnosis of my children and it’s such an invalidating thing for someone to say this.
I recently discovered that psycholgy - and other human sciences use the term "cognitive empathy" which quite misleading: It meands the ability to read other peoples feelings and emotions from facial expretions, not ability to FEEL empathy. These seem to have fused in many peoples minds even though the ability to feel empathy does not depend on ability to read facial expretions...
Something that blew my mind was when I told my (much older than me) sister that I was autistic, is that she acted very agitated and in disbelief, because, “well, you’re certainly not like the kids I work with at school!” She was an aide, and some of those autistic kids were nonverbal, etc. She freaking WORKED with autistic kids and didn’t understand that there was varying degrees? I have struggled my entire life, been considered a misfit and a weirdo by my own birth family, had trouble going to school, holding a job, and haven’t worked in several years, and she and the rest of my birth family refuse to accept me. Heck, my sister even caught me stimming when I was a kid and she was a teenager. I would try to hide it. I noticed her looking at me with a hateful expression, and she said, “what in the HELL are you doing!?” I was embarrassed and had no answer, because I didn’t know what I was doing. I ended up going no contact with my birth family earlier this year. It got so bad that I had a heart attack and they ignored me. Thank God for my wife, kids, and dog.