I want to thank you all for the beautiful comments you've left for me on this video! I wish I had the spoons right now to respond to each one but for now please know that I have read every comment and treasure them all. Thank you so much for your continued support and all the kindness you've shown me. 💖
I'm so incredibly grateful for the transparency with you talking about autism, but I see it as a privilege you're giving us and definitely not a right or anything you "owe" us in any way!
doooooood. Its a friggen nightmare. Late diagnosed at 45 here, AuDHD - earlier this year. Complete sh*t show. No one believes you, or when they do they treat you like you are an idiot. People get angry at you for claiming your space in the world because before you were quiet and pleasing to them. Mate Im dying here. I survive knowing there are people like you here, talking about it. Thank you for sharing, its everything xx
You may be a snivelling mess, but so are many of us. We relate to you and support you ❤ You dont have to have your life "together" to inspire or to be helpful, just showing your reality is enough. It lets the rest of us snivelling heaps know we're not alone. Wishing you all the best!
Fellow snivelling mess here to say that your videos have been very helpful in untangling some of the mess and may lead to reduced snivelling in the future. That's a big deal, so thank you!
You do you Courtney. I do miss your mermaid tail maker and mermaid persona content on TH-cam. But it makes sense that you need to protect your business and art so enter the patreon pod. But please know that while I can’t support you on patreon now, maybe in the future, you have inspired a lot of us to do our own thing and be creative!
_I_ like the talking head videos because I'm on a similar journey. it's very lonely but youtube videos are being incredibly helpful - in givng me permission to honour my reality, in helping me believe I deserve to think about my needs. In confirming and echoing back that my experiences are valid... Thank you for sharing.
23:29 Courtney, I don’t know about everyone else here but you could record yourself talking for hours or swimming in a new tail or even doing everyday things like walking your dog or driving and I will still come back and watch. I started following you because I like you as a person you doing the mermaid stuff was just an added bonus. So in conclusion, post what ever you want and I will always come back and watch.
Thank you so much for posting about the reality of your struggles with burnout b/c it makes me feel not so alone with my own burnout, where everything that might just niggle me in the rest of usual life feels so much sharper now and how much more fatigued I am, and the guilt I feel with needing to spend so much more time prioritizing self-care. And you're reminding me that this won't last forever. And that part about not knowing how to move fwd b/c we can't "go back" - that's very relatable! I'm there, too. B/c we were masking before and we know we need to not be doing that anymore if possible. Hugs
Thank you for the updates on your life. The insight from the point of view from an Autistic Artist is both invaluable and informative. I have unrelated questions (stream of thought, sorry), but thank you for A: being you, and B: letting us know what goes on in your world
It sounds like we're on parallel (horribly difficult) timelines. I had a mental breakdown at the end of April. I'm not working anymore. I, for one, will gladly listen to these videos all the way through. It makes me feel less alone.
I love these kinds of videos. It makes me feel like I’m not alone in this. Thank you for sharing, I’m happy every time you pop up on my feed with any type of content! ❤
This might be a very naive comment, but my thought immediately when you were asking what your audience wants or who they are etc, is that it really should be based on you. Whoever is meant for you will stay, and whoever isn't won't be missed. The channel is yours, not ours, so maybe I'd shift it and ask what you want to make? Because you're right - some element of it has to be fun for you. And if nothing would be fun and you don't want to do it any more, if the answer to 'what do you want to make' is something outside of TH-cam, then that's absolutely fine too. You aren't tied to the choices you made years ago.
I would like a video about how people reacted to your "autism coming out" video. I myself had mostly positive feedback, when I told people that I'm autistic. To be fair it was only in a private environment unlike you who did it publicly. Also I'm happy that you were able to finish and upload this video even though you didn't have much energy for it. Thank you for all your effort.
omg gru has grown up so much already!!!! And as a personal anecdote on what eric said, as a trans man whose passion revolves around fashion such as ball gowns and corsets and dresses as well as makeup, as much as I love what I do there is also this fear I will always have that'll always make people view me as not who I am. And while I have made strides in finding the balance in comfort and presentation, sometimes beauty can exist for the sake of making us happy and proud whether we show it off on ourselves or not. And personally while I love your vlogs and mermaid videos the most for rewatches, what I find brings the most impact for me is getting to listen to you as a whole. Getting to listen to your perspective as an artist in the community and see your example has inspired me a lot to continue in my own art and navigate coming out of my own burn out. What I wanna see is what you are most passionate about because while I have specific topics I like, I am here to listen to what you have to say above all else.
I love videos like this! I got diagnosed with Autism and ADHD at age 39, and I learned about the book "Unmasking Autism" from you in the Patreon Discord. That book changed the course of my life! The mermaid stuff is cool but so is the Autism stuff. Especially from a maker who's close to my age. Us millennials are aging together, and it's so cool to see how we all change on this journey.
I am in an area where I can't get tested as an adult for autism, but all the self-assessments say I am autistic, so I currently identify as "presenting autistic." and I GET where you're at. it can feel wonderful and validating to support others--to feel like you're contributing and valuable. but it's super duper DRAINING. you wake up tired. I have skipped more dinners than I could count because the idea of standing in front of the stove for the 3 minutes it takes to make ramen was so overwhelming, I sank down into the couch just thinking about it. I GET IT. I'm currently burnt out from work and struggling with symptoms of autism and trying to figure my own self out while keeping my job 'cause I really do like having a place to live and the bank is great about letting me live here as long as I keep paying the mortgage. I did literally find something just 2 days ago that changed my life. I'm 46 years old and still learning how to deal with myself, but here's my new, life-changing thing: FIND WHAT HEALS YOUR SOUL. I love to read. I can just sit and read for like 19 hours and do nothing else. but I discovered that it doesn't heal my soul. I don't feel like it's "me" time. it's fun. I enjoy it. but it doesn't feed the part of me that's empty. just 2 days ago, I realized the thing that feeds my soul is to walk in forests. it needs to be tall trees, thick, with animal sounds. that's what heals me. that's what makes me feel whole. I never knew it, but all the walks around the neighborhood and bike rides and meditation and sit coms and bowling...it can be fun, but it doesn't feed my soul. IN ONE AFTERNOON, I HEALED MORE THAN I HAD IN WEEKS--IN MONTHS. is it easy to find? dude--no! I'm 46 and I just figured it out. when you're doing something you enjoy, you may feel happy or content and it's super easy to confuse as "me" time. when you're doing what heals you, your whole world shifts and it's like, "...THIS." FIND WHAT HEALS YOUR SOUL. hunt for it. and if you don't feel that moment of, "oh...yeah, this is it," then keep hunting. because it's different for everybody. maybe it's rock climbing. maybe it's stamp collecting. maybe it's a staring contest with your partner. maybe it's SCUBA diving. it's out there. FIND IT. In the meantime, sending lots of support and wishing you healing. ❤
I’ve been watching you for like 5 years and continue to enjoy watching all your episodes. In away i feel my life has been very similar and just having another person that enjoys the same things as well as going through similar situations at the same age has been inspiring! Just know you’re not alone either and the ones that truly care will always be there to help support you as you do for others in your videos. You are Amazing ❤
Hey, I have only just found you! I love your honesty, please just keep sharing your life-thoughts and experiences as a late diagnosed autistic. I am 48, only 'found out' last year I am autistic, but my whole life suddenly made sense - all of it. Your coming-out video was very emotional and I totally get all of what you're saying. I'm sure people around me know I'm on the spectrum but I am yet to brave the next step and am not sure if it's right for me, but I want you to know that your videos are a great help and I'm sure many others feel comfort in just lisening to you. It shows we're not alone out there. Not everyone is brave like you to put yourself out there ❤
I appreciate you being honest and being yourself. You inspire me to be mer but also I love to see you as you. You’ve become a comfort TH-camr for me regardless of if there’s not mer content. Because I feel connected with you. *sending lots of love and care*
I don't usually come to say anything in the comments, but I like to keep up with you and I'm silently rooting for you and your health. I'm personally struggling with a lot of health issues myself right now and I'm so scared because of it. I don't feel so alone with updates like this. Although the health issues are wildly different, I can empathize with you about how people can react to health concerns. Thank you for being you and just being yourself. ❤
I'm glad to see your content. Been watching for a few years, just before your diagnosis, as a mermaid and as an autistic person. I'd love to give a warm welcome to the new puppy. And congrats on getting this out. It was great listening to you while working on my very sparkly mermaid blanket.
First of all, I wish you a full and fast recovery! As to the question what we want: personally I found you because of the autism videos and love that. But I generally like listening to you, so I‘ll probably continue watching your content anyway 😊 Know that you’re appreciated as who you are not just who you have been or what you have showed.
Just be yourself, whatever that looks like ❤️ social media has become so disingenuous and superficial, but it doesn't have to be. With the world on fire, lots of us are struggling to keep swimming & honesty makes people feel less alone. That being said, I also totally respect your privacy and potentially not being comfortable putting intimate aspects of your true self on display.
The reason why we "look up to you" is because we are a sniveling mess. Because we are too. And it's nice to see people just be themselves and admit to being a sniveling mess when the other part of the world is just pretending to have the perfect life on social media all the time. It gives everyone unrealistic standards and then we try to force ourselves to live up to these made-up standards and fail at it and get frustrated with ourselves wondering what we are doing wrong because we didn't see that the perfect life was maybe not so perfect after all. We need more genuine people on the internet and I feel like the neurodivergent people are the ones naturally fighting against this wave of deceipt.
If you’re up for it, I would really like to know your experience being open about your diagnosis. I am self-diagnosed right now, and have shared a blog I’m writing with my close family, but no one else. Maybe I’m waiting for an official diagnosis to avoid people doubting/fighting me on it… Anyway, I hope you get to a better safer place soon! ❤
I appreciate your authenticity. Love how you lay down the boundaries you need like a boss. I was assessed this week and can really relate to the hot mess of it and how challenging this is. I really appreciate you.
i personally don't mind both mermaid and autism content because im interested in both. But if some reason u want your channel to be curated to mermaid content, u could make a separate channel about autism content :) OR maybe update the name of your channel to fit both
Thanks for being raw and real. It takes a lot of strength to film this. Continue to just be yourself no matter what others think. Thanks for the update. Cheers
I love all you videos, your content always is nice to listen to and every time a new video of yours appears on my screen, I always click on it to know more about autism and sewing mermaid tails. Just saying that, whatever you choose to do, I’ll follow you because you are a great TH-camr. Sending lots of love from the other side of Canada! 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵(Btw, Gru is so adorable! I’m so happy for you that he helps you)
THANK YOU! People who think they get it but don't get it - I've been struggling with this so much post-diagnosis (30yo) & and it's SO frustrating. I've not heard it from anyone else, so thank you so much for sharing and making me feel seen in my experience.
Hugs from the old lady here, Courtney. Your first concern is taking care of you, everything else will get done eventually, videos included. I'm also an artist (30+ creating original paper dolls) and everything you said resonates with me as well.
The video is not even over but i want to hug you in an autistic warm big hug - sitting here crying because it is all so needed to hear that you are not alone with those thoughts. You are so brave and wonderful. Really. Omg
I don’t comment that often on videos but I hope I can bring you a bit of positivity by saying I appreciate these videos. I am also struggling with burnout, and have really struggled to come to terms with it because it turns out I’ve been in a chronic state of burnout for about 10 years. I just hit a point where I was finally able to see that there was something wrong, and why I have struggled so much despite the comparatively small amount of work I do compared to my full time friends and family. None of the things I always could rely on to have motivation for were able to garner an ounce of enthusiasm anymore. I’m diagnosed with ADHD, and there’s a chance I also have ASD, which has been somewhat insightful in explaining the causes. I have a hard time letting go of or looking past injustices…which seem difficult to avoid most days. I’m a teacher, and whenever I find a better way of teaching something, the first reaction is despair at how I previously failed students…even though I understand it is irrational to expect to have all of the best knowledge from day 1. I start to crash, and I push harder. I haven’t learnt how to “switch off” and rest; I tried to set “no work hours” but it just meant I was in my head about it instead of talking out loud. I started writing this comment 40 frickin minutes ago and don’t even have the energy to organise my thoughts to finish it. So yeah, I appreciate your efforts, and the lack of gloss in your delivery. It’s hard, and we have to take a moment to appreciate the wins.
So nice to see you back! I love absolutely your autism content, I watched the whole video. So happy for you that your new puppy is helping you too! You are so real and transparent, it really helps me.
You make me feel so seen and I just downloaded Unmasking Autism. Your assessment reaction almost brought me to tears and I’m certain my own diagnosis will have a similar reaction because I feel like I’m BARELY functioning most days and gaslight myself from years of being surrounded from it. Please keep posting. Ramble about whatever you want to because I’ll definitely watch and support. 🎉
19:49 So, I am about a week into my exploratory evaluation journey (no professional evaluation yet), and your courageous and thoughtful approach to sharing your experiences have made a HUGE impact in understanding and accepting the challenges I’ve faced all my life. I am 40 this year and I finally feel like I know why I’ve had challenging situations that I couldn’t understand. Keep sharing what you are able to and keep creating the intentional life you need. You are appreciated! You are valued! You are a star! Love, AhM
Thank you for being your true/real self. Just your sharing helps me feel so not alone. I am self diagnosed two years ago. Because of my age and this knowledge,I have started unmasking and it has caused me to make a room in my home for just me. It is the only way to survive in my home.
Hugs!!! Take care of yourself and do what makes you happy. I have been burnt out for 4 years and haven't touched my online business. I'm also in the process of getting an ASD diagnosis at 51. I relate to this video so much. Congratulations on finishing your video and for continuing to work. I hope you find a way to pull yourself out of this burnout. ❤🍄❤
I am so sorry that you're still struggling with this. I am also dealing with the burnout myself after my dad passed away in April. I haven't been myself since. I lost interest in what I loved to do. Can't focus on my job at the hospital. And every time I walk in the store and walk passed something that is resembled to my dad I just emotionally shut down. You're not alone Courtney, we are with you every step of the way. I'm glad to see that you're okay.
I just found you (as a recently late diagnosed Autistic). And I just want to say, I have so appreciated your candor as you share about your life and experiences. As someone mentioned below. Please, trust that whatever YOU want this channel to be about (if you do want to continue to make videos for this platform) is the best use of this platform. Forcing content based on the desires of others will just continue to add to the burdensome feelings associated with burnout. Be gentle with yourself. So glad to have found your content.
Just keep swimming! -Dory I have ASD as well, and have had difficulty getting my stuff together with family and just life in general. I got diagnosed back in April when I was 18 and have received a big push back from my family. But I’m still here.
As a recently diagnosed audhd female, I have also needed to lean into the process of doing my art, and less of showing it publicly, out there, and vulnerable. For right now, I'm just being creative and sharing online in small ways. This feels less draining to my delicate balance...for now anyway. As others have said here, you do you, and embrace all your unique creativity in ways that support your system. Love the rambling video because it's very real❤
Hope you’re doing ok nothing more. Thanks for the video because it’s been hard lately. But I’m thrilled to see you do you with the mermaid stuff. That’s awesome that you’re focusing on your awesome talents. Thanks for being genuine and vulnerable; it’s refreshing
Congrats on completing the long work of putting a video out in the world that is not feeling like beeing a place to put out anything right now while autistic burnout. You help so much even if you are not feel like that. ❤
Thank you for posting this, and all your other vids. As someone who's still new to this I cant tell you how comfortting it is to hear you ramble, lol. Thanks ❤
Is t it wonderful? The internet and social media helps a ton when the healthcare system won’t in answering questions that pops into existence with a diagnosis. Got mine two years ago but am still learning. How are you dealing if I may ask?
I wish I had some kind of good advice. BUT, I'm glad you shared this video even if only to serve as a message to myself that burnout doesn't make me a bad human.
4:00 You're interesting and awesome enough that you don't need to switch seats and camera effects! There's another channel I tried to watch, but they changed camera angles every 10 to 20 seconds. It was so jarring that I felt like running away, even though I was in my own home watching. 😆
I've sat here and watched because I'm in the same situation with finding myself after a late diagnosis. I'm a 45 yr old female and so much of what you have said is very relatable to me. I found you through your autism assessment video and have since watched some of your mermaid content but I'm more interested in hearing about how you are navigating and your attempts at finding balance since your diagnosis. Its so overwhelming, and hearing about how someone is going through it just makes me less anxious and depressed about it. I feel like theres such a limited amount of info out there and its sometimes very lonely feeling figuring out where life goes from here.
i like videos like that. for me it's important, to see others like me, and get their view and how they handle life. of course i would like you to be happy and have no struggle. but the real deal is so helpful.
I found you through the autism video and continue to watch your content about autism. It helps me a lot, I’m going through a lot of similar nonsense right now. Whatever you are comfortable with sharing, go for it. You have a way of making the content about this topic in a way that is balanced and relatable, and I appreciate your efforts. Just please don’t feel you need to push yourself in a harmful way for us to make this content.
Idk Courtney i sat here through the whole thing. Im waiting for my autism assessment later this month and your videos are so permission giving. I burned out in 2021 and what you shared here about not knowing how to be part of your previous community - for me same same but different. Thank you for doing a video where you just share. I "ramble" too and it makes sense to me.
I'm so super glad that despite the very real, incredibly disruptive experiences of burnout, that you haven't lost the ability to enjoy what you love. I hope that that will be able to carry you through to where you can find more balance. I found you through your first autism videos, but I've gone back and been on-and-off watching your mermaid etc videos chronologically from the beginning because when I find someone whose videos interest me (autism-specific content or not... my first interest on TH-cam is ecosystem-focused market gardening/animal husbandry) that's what I do. After a year and a half of increasingly looking at autism, I came to the realization in January that yes, I'm autistic (found the last answers to my remaining doubts/hesitations), so I'm new to, like, binging autism content the way I have been since January, so I guess I don't know what I'd "want" from your channel, because I don't know whether "autism-specific" content will continue to interest me to the same extent after the newness of understanding that I'm autistic has worn off? I think it will, but I have no way of knowing. On the other hand, I find you to be extremely interesting and entertaining, so it's very possible that even once I've got a better grasp on going forward with my life as an autistic person, I'll continue to watch your videos pretty much whatever kind of content you're putting out. What I've been enjoying about your current content (beyond *you* as a human, ie, the "slice of life" idea): - obviously, that you're in a similar place in your autism journey so your content is SUPER relevant to what I'm currently going through though I don't have a formal diagnosis. Helps keep me not feeling alone, PLUS the more late-diagnosed people (women in specific) I "know," the more likely that I'm going to run across things that will help me navigate life more comfortably. - I guess that last bit in the first point is included in this, but obviously any educational content you put out. Even though I still don't find stim toys to be of interest (knowing that it might take time/work/practice for me to find something that works for me), your stim toy video was super interesting to me. Whether I ever use an object to stim or not, the discussion of toys helps me understand stimming better, and obviously as a late-identified autistic person, stimming is something that I repressed from an extremely early age (tho I've come to understand that I do all kinds of "covert" stims so I've been leaning into them and seeing where they take me). - you're Canadian, and while I watch any channel that interests me, I'm definitely interested in other Canadians even if the channel isn't talking about politics or Canadian current events. That element almost always creeps in *somewhere,* because everything is political. Human choices are political. There is no human activity that is not based in or influenced by/affected by/enabled to exist in the first place by politics in some way, and a person doesn't have to be addressing it head-on/explicitly for me to see the politics involved. And since I'm a student of human activity (in order to try to understand why people do/believe the things they do/believe and how history has brought us to the ecocidal present we live in), I'm always looking for those clues, and it's harder to find content that I enjoy that's produced by Canadians. So that's less something you'd "choose" to make videos about (though who knows, you might lol) and more just *are* no matter what content you're putting out. - I'm a crocheter, and as I explored crocheting on TH-cam, I found a broad range of textile channels to be interesting so long as I enjoy the content creator. So despite having found you via your autism journey stuff, your interest in textile design is of interest to me, even though I have no interest in being a mermaid or whatever. And it would continue to be of interest to me if at some point you chose to go in a different direction than mermaid-wear, because of your genius for design and execution. You don't "lose" that; it comes along with you in whatever you do, even if you're a beginner in whatever art/activity you might turning your attention to. - this is kind-of a stretch (to say that you've put out this kind of content) but for the record, I've thrown myself into the world of dog training. I got an Australian Shepherd/Maremma cross puppy 2 years ago and I watched hundreds of hours of positive reinforcement training videos before finding her, and have now watched thousands of hours of videos to continue learning how to refine her training. So Gru content is appreciated, too (whether it has anything to do with any training efforts or not). - mermaid-wise, I'm specifically interested in the whole "aging mermaid" thing. Definitely interested to hear anything you're interested to share as you try to find your feet as an "I'm not 18 anymore, and idk what to do about my experience of my passion as I age." I'm not sure any of that helps you figure out what to do with your channel, but there it is. And I hope something shifts and your TH-cam content creation becomes a less torturous process for you soon. (oh, and I personally don't care at all if someone's not publishing videos on a regular schedule or not. I know it's important for channels who need the videos to "pay off" in one way or another, because algorithm, but once I've found a channel I enjoy, "regular upload schedule" plays exactly zero part in whether I watch or not).
Hugs and forces! I struggle to find the right words[1], but let's just say that the world desperately needs more people like you. [1] An autistic thing, I guess?
I watched it all. I want to say i hear you, i see you, the amount of stress you have been under and I applaud you for taking care of yourself amongst it all. I am one of the people that found your channel through the autism video as i was searching autism content considering my own potential for being autistic.... and i love your candor and honesty about everything you are experiencing and would be really interested in hearing more about the ramifications of sharing that journey publicly. But also I think it is more important to take care of you, and only share That one if it feels like something that is beneficial for YOU. It sucks to hear about all the haters and ignorance and people making comments that should really just be kept in their own heads. I am sorry you have to contend with that when you are a human sharing a vulnerable experience. Wishing you all the love and strength and support as you keep moving on forwards at whatever pace you can.
Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I am just at the beginning of the video. However, I wanted to stop and write a comment because your honesty and transparency within your struggle is beyond appreciated. I’m so sorry for all that you have dealt with in sharing your story. It seems that in these dark moments that I’m reminded how much we all dance around the pain instead of being real. I lost my sweet cat to cancer in April. He was happy one day and then in agony for the next week and then he was gone. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy when my sensory issues spiked so that I couldn’t get out of bed. It’s just an animal right? I had been researching autism for the last year after feeling as if PTSD wasn’t the only reason I couldn’t get over an abusive relationship and several other events. But, I digress. Essentially, losing my sweet companion and the autistic burnout that I’ve been experiencing showed me that I know autism is real. I’ve done a deep dive into my past and into resources. Personally, it’s as if the events from the past few years culminating in Phoenix’s death just removed any ability I have to mask. I didn’t even know I was masking all my life. But, I was. I was the one who kept the unicorns and bunnies dancing for others. When I couldn’t do that anymore, it was as if something was wrong with me. But, it was my neurology and it was ok to not be ok. PTSD is real in my case but I know for a fact that autism is a large component of the sporadic moments of burnout throughout my life. I’m 46 and life can be shit but this fact is empowering and keeps me fighting. Sending light to you for opening the window for so many other females who feel like someone else gets it. Blessings!
This is the first video of yours I've ever seen and I haven't even checked to see what else has been posted more recently, if anything, but as a late-diagnosed AuDHDer trying to figure out well wtf now, this is exactly the content that speaks to me. Also I love your hair. I've been so tempted to just shave my head lately!
Really glad to see you making videos again. Would love a video talking about "coming out" with autism, this is definitely a struggle of mine as well. But only if its something that you want to make, and woudl be good for you overall.
I’d love to see the video of how coming out as autistic was received. Also, I don’t mind that you’re not switching seats! I’m mostly listening while I craft anyways. Thanks for sharing Grue! 🥰
Thank you for this video. I watch all your videos whether focussed on mermaid or autism or other stuff but really it’s just best in my mind that you make what makes you happy as much as possible. This video was great for me because I’ve been going through it lately and it helps hearing others being real about life and not sugar coating things but even though I’m not a mermaid girlie those vids are neat to me too cause it feels like someone info dumping and you always info dump so awesomely about something you enjoy. I feel so much of what you said in this world and just hope someday things will be better. I also live in the same part of the country as you do and see there’s so much improvement needed in so many things.
Thank you for just being real. For being honest. For all the faults you think you have that aren't really. I totally get how you feel @21:30!: we don't have a problem with how we look; it's society that has a problem with it
Love crafting videos, love technical videos including reviews of swim-related stuff and it's especially awesome how in-depth you go in terms of equipment being comfortable/giving blisters and what materials you enjoy the most etc. Also, videos about mental health, being human in general and navigating breaking out of toxic relations for being who you are really hit home and I think it's important society talks about these things because it's more common than we think (though I understand this especially brings in many haters). Also getting older, adapting to different ways of mermaiding, maybe choosing other aesthetics and such to feel more empowered in ones mermaid portrayal... Again, I understand putting oneself out there with ones natural body is asking for haters... Bro, I recently commented something neutral but complimentary on a plus-size mermaids' video and my comment got flooded with negative comments, I was quite shocked (I never experienced it personally, gives some insight into what those of you who put YOUR ENTIRE SELVES out there gotta deal with.... horrid). I hope you can find the way to do things on your youtube channel that feels authentic to you, something that brings you joy regardsless of what anyone of us gotta say. I respect you immensely and am super humbled and grateful to watch content you provide; no one is doing what you do. Whatever you do, thank you SO much for all the content you've provided thus far, I sometimes go back and rewatch because it's just visually stunning (your work), and I genuinely enjoy your takes and how no-BS you are. Haters gonna hate, they obviously are really jealous and have a terrible time... You're 100% allowed to have a reaction to that, people being disgusting and malicious IRL would have real consequences, no reason we shouldn't frown upon it online as well. Keep being you, 100% support
after years i finally gathered the courage to see someone about my autism & this is what i was told " these days EVERYbody's on the spectrum somewhere.". that's about s invalidating as someone can be. what a waste. now what?
I'm so sorry that happened to you. People can be monstrous. For the record, they should be aware, that though someone can have Autistic traits, you either ARE or you ARE NOT Autistic and within that it's a spectrum. "Everybody" isn't suddenly on the spectrum. What happened is people are finally able to talk about their experiences on different platforms and are reaching people who have ALWAYS BEEN Autistic and are FINALLY getting answers. I really am so sorry that someone was so shitty to you. I am sending you strength. 💖 No one knows you better than you do. Don't give up!
Hey Courtney! I've become aware of your channel in the past few months, I love your videos, the energy you show is the same type of energy I tend to have, so I feel like I really connect to your content. I thank you so much for your openness and your vulnerability in this video in particular, I think these videos are very important in order to process the struggles we're faced with. I'm currently being evaluated and in the process of receiving my official AuDHD diagnosis, so a lot of what you talk about comes up for me daily. And as someone who never EVER comments on TH-cam for fear of being ostracized (even though I secretly wish to start my own channel), I wanted to stop by and tell you that you are loved and seen as your true beautiful self by the people who value you for who you are. All the rest can just walk away with all of their insecurities.. Sending you lots of love, peace and healing in this, your time of burn out❤
I hope that you continue to honor those feelings of being mad, of being exhausted, of needing time. There's this in between time when we leave one way of being (and mourn that - BIG time!) and slowly feel our way into some new way of being that doesn't even exist yet. It's scary, tiring, and both very sad and a bit exciting. Which are a lot of things to feel all at once. Have faith in yourself and in your own abilities to change and grow successfully, even when it seems like specific abilities and strengths are just drifting away from you entirely. You don't have to post here any more than you are able - what you are already doing, on Patreon and for your work is a LOT. I sometimes have to take down time - what's scary is you don't know when it will end. But that part of you that is tackling you to the ground so you can barely move isn't "just burnout talking" - it's a wise inner part, as uncomfortable and "ugh" as it is. Listen. Rest. Keep resting. When you are ready to do a bit more, it will happen so slowly and organically you will barely notice. But at some point down the road, minus a lot of things that used to define you, you will notice that you're feeling more balanced and comfortable in your life than you have for a while, despite that life looking very different from anything you might have expected. Sending you big virtual hugs - thank you for the effort of sharing. It really does help others like me in ways that are hard to define but very important. PS Just to add to the various groups who watch - I'm not autistic, I am neurodivergent, I'm curious, I'm empathetic, I am not in or related to the mermaid community... so not any type of significant segment of your viewers, just a music teacher grandma from halfway across the world. Again, thanks for your openness and honesty. Who you are is indeed, valuable and enough.
Neurospicy in the multifaceted kind. Was supported and had all the help from all the types of helpers as a kid but lost it all when I moved to another country. Was told I was able to cope so didn't need the help anymore. Over time I have gotten worse and worse, finally getting help again now. Because I have not been back to where I grew up in over a decade and was not an adult when I left all of my records... are gone. So been slow to get help and my diagnosis's done, also expensive. Been taking time to learn more about my traits and it's been eye opening. If I had of had help... things would be very different for me. The more I learn and unpack, the more I see. Been burnout free for months since I started meds for one thing but now my Autistic traits are imbalanced and shining through big time. I mask... like high masking mask. So most don't see the side of me that is so intensly neurospicy. Finding content like yours had been good for me to see others learning g about themselves like you have. As despite the fact I knew it's who I Amit is like a rediscovery of it within me and has alot of similarities to finding out for the first time. I hope the negative sides of sharing your story die back and the benefits of sharing grow. So many people sharing their stories through social media is bringing alot of awareness to all of this, including you. And the more it's discussed the more comfortable other will get with it. Also doggo is cute! I am allergic to fur big time so never had a cat/dog. Also allergic to cat saliva and other things not just the fluff. So allergen free pets has not been an option for me.
Girl, it ticks me off SO MUCH that people would be so cruel to you about your disability. I HATE that the people in your life, both online and real, treat you so bad. You deserve so much better Courtney. I literally wish the best for you because I love you, your personality, and how you’re an amazing person. I know that you don’t know me and how you probably won’t see this comment but I really, really, really wish nothing but the best for you
I’m not sure if I’m on the spectrum, but the thing I love most about autistic people is how honest and straightforward they are about things. Neurotypical social/interpersonal dynamics annoy me and make me want to run through a field screaming to release the frustration I feel! 😂Always do you and make the videos you want to make. ❤ Haters can really make people second guess themselves and the value of what they create. No need to use any spoons to reply to this comment, I just want you to know I love your videos and am here for all the different topics! Autism, mermaids, and anything everything else! ❤
Your videos have been immensely helpful to me (recently diagnosed autistic here). I started watching you before I got my diagnosis and you helped me through my assessment. I am also in a burnout that has lasted way too long right now. I love watching you talk. And Gru is lovely ❤ if you keep making videos I will watch the talking head 😅 if you're too burned out to do it, so be it. I am not a mermaid person, but a costume-making person and I also appreciate your craft. I am the one rambling now. All to say I wish you all the best all the way from Brazil 😊
I'd like to hear about how things changed after you told people about your diagnosis. I'm waiting for the discussion part of my assessment, and someone close to me said "you might consider keeping it to yourself if you are autistic" and it took me by suprise. So hearing someone's experience with that would be helpful. My daughter has been diagnosed, so even if I'm not autistic, it could apply to her too. Thank you for putting yourself out there ❤ sorry to hear it's caused problems for you. It says alot about the people creating those problems in your life.
I want to thank you all for the beautiful comments you've left for me on this video! I wish I had the spoons right now to respond to each one but for now please know that I have read every comment and treasure them all. Thank you so much for your continued support and all the kindness you've shown me. 💖
CONGRATS on finishing and posting the video.
As someone struggling to come out with their autism, a video would be tremendous.
Gentleness and hugs to you. We can be burnout buddies 🥰☕️
Just do you! Mermaid, autism, business and puppy it's all great. I'm new to the channel but ill throw spoons at the haters for you
Same I can’t believe anyone would treat you like that
I'm so incredibly grateful for the transparency with you talking about autism, but I see it as a privilege you're giving us and definitely not a right or anything you "owe" us in any way!
I almost forgot!! Congratulations for finishing/editing/posting the video!!
This.
doooooood. Its a friggen nightmare.
Late diagnosed at 45 here, AuDHD - earlier this year.
Complete sh*t show.
No one believes you, or when they do they treat you like you are an idiot.
People get angry at you for claiming your space in the world because before you were quiet and pleasing to them.
Mate Im dying here.
I survive knowing there are people like you here, talking about it.
Thank you for sharing, its everything xx
You may be a snivelling mess, but so are many of us. We relate to you and support you ❤ You dont have to have your life "together" to inspire or to be helpful, just showing your reality is enough. It lets the rest of us snivelling heaps know we're not alone. Wishing you all the best!
💯- couldn’t have said it better!
Fellow snivelling mess here to say that your videos have been very helpful in untangling some of the mess and may lead to reduced snivelling in the future. That's a big deal, so thank you!
6:00 "My needs are human needs." Yes! 💜♾️🌈🧜♀️
Please make as many videos as you want 😊 I’m in major post-diagnosis autistic burnout & got so excited when I saw you’d posted a new video ❤
You do you Courtney. I do miss your mermaid tail maker and mermaid persona content on TH-cam. But it makes sense that you need to protect your business and art so enter the patreon pod. But please know that while I can’t support you on patreon now, maybe in the future, you have inspired a lot of us to do our own thing and be creative!
_I_ like the talking head videos because I'm on a similar journey. it's very lonely but youtube videos are being incredibly helpful - in givng me permission to honour my reality, in helping me believe I deserve to think about my needs. In confirming and echoing back that my experiences are valid...
Thank you for sharing.
23:29 Courtney, I don’t know about everyone else here but you could record yourself talking for hours or swimming in a new tail or even doing everyday things like walking your dog or driving and I will still come back and watch. I started following you because I like you as a person you doing the mermaid stuff was just an added bonus.
So in conclusion, post what ever you want and I will always come back and watch.
Thank you so much for posting about the reality of your struggles with burnout b/c it makes me feel not so alone with my own burnout, where everything that might just niggle me in the rest of usual life feels so much sharper now and how much more fatigued I am, and the guilt I feel with needing to spend so much more time prioritizing self-care. And you're reminding me that this won't last forever. And that part about not knowing how to move fwd b/c we can't "go back" - that's very relatable! I'm there, too. B/c we were masking before and we know we need to not be doing that anymore if possible. Hugs
Somehow you found a wonderful stress aware dog and I'm amazed!
Thank you for the updates on your life. The insight from the point of view from an Autistic Artist is both invaluable and informative. I have unrelated questions (stream of thought, sorry), but thank you for A: being you, and B: letting us know what goes on in your world
It sounds like we're on parallel (horribly difficult) timelines. I had a mental breakdown at the end of April. I'm not working anymore. I, for one, will gladly listen to these videos all the way through. It makes me feel less alone.
Congrats on the completion of this video! In a burn-out state of mind, especially, that is really impressive and you should be proud!❤
I love these kinds of videos. It makes me feel like I’m not alone in this. Thank you for sharing, I’m happy every time you pop up on my feed with any type of content! ❤
This might be a very naive comment, but my thought immediately when you were asking what your audience wants or who they are etc, is that it really should be based on you. Whoever is meant for you will stay, and whoever isn't won't be missed. The channel is yours, not ours, so maybe I'd shift it and ask what you want to make? Because you're right - some element of it has to be fun for you. And if nothing would be fun and you don't want to do it any more, if the answer to 'what do you want to make' is something outside of TH-cam, then that's absolutely fine too. You aren't tied to the choices you made years ago.
This was my thought as well.
I would like a video about how people reacted to your "autism coming out" video. I myself had mostly positive feedback, when I told people that I'm autistic. To be fair it was only in a private environment unlike you who did it publicly. Also I'm happy that you were able to finish and upload this video even though you didn't have much energy for it. Thank you for all your effort.
Glad to see you back. You are stronger than you know and the haters can go away. Just be yourself. Gru is totally cute.
omg gru has grown up so much already!!!! And as a personal anecdote on what eric said, as a trans man whose passion revolves around fashion such as ball gowns and corsets and dresses as well as makeup, as much as I love what I do there is also this fear I will always have that'll always make people view me as not who I am. And while I have made strides in finding the balance in comfort and presentation, sometimes beauty can exist for the sake of making us happy and proud whether we show it off on ourselves or not. And personally while I love your vlogs and mermaid videos the most for rewatches, what I find brings the most impact for me is getting to listen to you as a whole. Getting to listen to your perspective as an artist in the community and see your example has inspired me a lot to continue in my own art and navigate coming out of my own burn out. What I wanna see is what you are most passionate about because while I have specific topics I like, I am here to listen to what you have to say above all else.
I love videos like this! I got diagnosed with Autism and ADHD at age 39, and I learned about the book "Unmasking Autism" from you in the Patreon Discord. That book changed the course of my life! The mermaid stuff is cool but so is the Autism stuff. Especially from a maker who's close to my age. Us millennials are aging together, and it's so cool to see how we all change on this journey.
Of course I watched the whole thing! Keep speaking your truth! Never apologise xx
I am in an area where I can't get tested as an adult for autism, but all the self-assessments say I am autistic, so I currently identify as "presenting autistic." and I GET where you're at. it can feel wonderful and validating to support others--to feel like you're contributing and valuable. but it's super duper DRAINING. you wake up tired. I have skipped more dinners than I could count because the idea of standing in front of the stove for the 3 minutes it takes to make ramen was so overwhelming, I sank down into the couch just thinking about it.
I GET IT. I'm currently burnt out from work and struggling with symptoms of autism and trying to figure my own self out while keeping my job 'cause I really do like having a place to live and the bank is great about letting me live here as long as I keep paying the mortgage.
I did literally find something just 2 days ago that changed my life. I'm 46 years old and still learning how to deal with myself, but here's my new, life-changing thing:
FIND WHAT HEALS YOUR SOUL. I love to read. I can just sit and read for like 19 hours and do nothing else. but I discovered that it doesn't heal my soul. I don't feel like it's "me" time. it's fun. I enjoy it. but it doesn't feed the part of me that's empty.
just 2 days ago, I realized the thing that feeds my soul is to walk in forests. it needs to be tall trees, thick, with animal sounds. that's what heals me. that's what makes me feel whole. I never knew it, but all the walks around the neighborhood and bike rides and meditation and sit coms and bowling...it can be fun, but it doesn't feed my soul. IN ONE AFTERNOON, I HEALED MORE THAN I HAD IN WEEKS--IN MONTHS.
is it easy to find? dude--no! I'm 46 and I just figured it out. when you're doing something you enjoy, you may feel happy or content and it's super easy to confuse as "me" time. when you're doing what heals you, your whole world shifts and it's like, "...THIS."
FIND WHAT HEALS YOUR SOUL. hunt for it. and if you don't feel that moment of, "oh...yeah, this is it," then keep hunting. because it's different for everybody. maybe it's rock climbing. maybe it's stamp collecting. maybe it's a staring contest with your partner. maybe it's SCUBA diving. it's out there. FIND IT.
In the meantime, sending lots of support and wishing you healing. ❤
I’ve been watching you for like 5 years and continue to enjoy watching all your episodes. In away i feel my life has been very similar and just having another person that enjoys the same things as well as going through similar situations at the same age has been inspiring! Just know you’re not alone either and the ones that truly care will always be there to help support you as you do for others in your videos. You are Amazing ❤
Hey, I have only just found you! I love your honesty, please just keep sharing your life-thoughts and experiences as a late diagnosed autistic. I am 48, only 'found out' last year I am autistic, but my whole life suddenly made sense - all of it. Your coming-out video was very emotional and I totally get all of what you're saying. I'm sure people around me know I'm on the spectrum but I am yet to brave the next step and am not sure if it's right for me, but I want you to know that your videos are a great help and I'm sure many others feel comfort in just lisening to you. It shows we're not alone out there. Not everyone is brave like you to put yourself out there ❤
I appreciate what you do and all of your videos. You do what you need to do. I'll be here. I'm just on my first journey by seeing my GP.
I appreciate you being honest and being yourself. You inspire me to be mer but also I love to see you as you. You’ve become a comfort TH-camr for me regardless of if there’s not mer content. Because I feel connected with you. *sending lots of love and care*
Congrats on posting this! ❤️🌈
I don't usually come to say anything in the comments, but I like to keep up with you and I'm silently rooting for you and your health. I'm personally struggling with a lot of health issues myself right now and I'm so scared because of it. I don't feel so alone with updates like this. Although the health issues are wildly different, I can empathize with you about how people can react to health concerns. Thank you for being you and just being yourself. ❤
I noticed your glasses they are cute. I am glad you're taking time. I am glad you share your story.
I'm glad to see your content. Been watching for a few years, just before your diagnosis, as a mermaid and as an autistic person. I'd love to give a warm welcome to the new puppy. And congrats on getting this out. It was great listening to you while working on my very sparkly mermaid blanket.
I have ADHD and Adult Autism and I am 55 I take one day at a time IM also lucky to have such a great husband that helps me when i need it
Keep looking after yourself! Life can be really tough in so many ways! You are doing fantastic!
First of all, I wish you a full and fast recovery! As to the question what we want: personally I found you because of the autism videos and love that. But I generally like listening to you, so I‘ll probably continue watching your content anyway 😊
Know that you’re appreciated as who you are not just who you have been or what you have showed.
Glad you to see you again! I wish you all the best in the world. :)
Just be yourself, whatever that looks like ❤️ social media has become so disingenuous and superficial, but it doesn't have to be. With the world on fire, lots of us are struggling to keep swimming & honesty makes people feel less alone. That being said, I also totally respect your privacy and potentially not being comfortable putting intimate aspects of your true self on display.
The reason why we "look up to you" is because we are a sniveling mess. Because we are too. And it's nice to see people just be themselves and admit to being a sniveling mess when the other part of the world is just pretending to have the perfect life on social media all the time. It gives everyone unrealistic standards and then we try to force ourselves to live up to these made-up standards and fail at it and get frustrated with ourselves wondering what we are doing wrong because we didn't see that the perfect life was maybe not so perfect after all. We need more genuine people on the internet and I feel like the neurodivergent people are the ones naturally fighting against this wave of deceipt.
If you’re up for it, I would really like to know your experience being open about your diagnosis. I am self-diagnosed right now, and have shared a blog I’m writing with my close family, but no one else. Maybe I’m waiting for an official diagnosis to avoid people doubting/fighting me on it… Anyway, I hope you get to a better safer place soon! ❤
I appreciate your authenticity. Love how you lay down the boundaries you need like a boss. I was assessed this week and can really relate to the hot mess of it and how challenging this is. I really appreciate you.
He is absolutely adorable
i personally don't mind both mermaid and autism content because im interested in both. But if some reason u want your channel to be curated to mermaid content, u could make a separate channel about autism content :) OR maybe update the name of your channel to fit both
Thanks for being raw and real. It takes a lot of strength to film this. Continue to just be yourself no matter what others think. Thanks for the update. Cheers
I love all you videos, your content always is nice to listen to and every time a new video of yours appears on my screen, I always click on it to know more about autism and sewing mermaid tails. Just saying that, whatever you choose to do, I’ll follow you because you are a great TH-camr. Sending lots of love from the other side of Canada! 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵(Btw, Gru is so adorable! I’m so happy for you that he helps you)
THANK YOU! People who think they get it but don't get it - I've been struggling with this so much post-diagnosis (30yo) & and it's SO frustrating. I've not heard it from anyone else, so thank you so much for sharing and making me feel seen in my experience.
Hugs from the old lady here, Courtney. Your first concern is taking care of you, everything else will get done eventually, videos included. I'm also an artist (30+ creating original paper dolls) and everything you said resonates with me as well.
Love the new glasses. Gru is adorable. Glad to see you back.
The video is not even over but i want to hug you in an autistic warm big hug - sitting here crying because it is all so needed to hear that you are not alone with those thoughts. You are so brave and wonderful. Really. Omg
I don’t comment that often on videos but I hope I can bring you a bit of positivity by saying I appreciate these videos.
I am also struggling with burnout, and have really struggled to come to terms with it because it turns out I’ve been in a chronic state of burnout for about 10 years. I just hit a point where I was finally able to see that there was something wrong, and why I have struggled so much despite the comparatively small amount of work I do compared to my full time friends and family. None of the things I always could rely on to have motivation for were able to garner an ounce of enthusiasm anymore.
I’m diagnosed with ADHD, and there’s a chance I also have ASD, which has been somewhat insightful in explaining the causes.
I have a hard time letting go of or looking past injustices…which seem difficult to avoid most days. I’m a teacher, and whenever I find a better way of teaching something, the first reaction is despair at how I previously failed students…even though I understand it is irrational to expect to have all of the best knowledge from day 1.
I start to crash, and I push harder. I haven’t learnt how to “switch off” and rest; I tried to set “no work hours” but it just meant I was in my head about it instead of talking out loud.
I started writing this comment 40 frickin minutes ago and don’t even have the energy to organise my thoughts to finish it.
So yeah, I appreciate your efforts, and the lack of gloss in your delivery. It’s hard, and we have to take a moment to appreciate the wins.
So nice to see you back! I love absolutely your autism content, I watched the whole video. So happy for you that your new puppy is helping you too! You are so real and transparent, it really helps me.
You make me feel so seen and I just downloaded Unmasking Autism. Your assessment reaction almost brought me to tears and I’m certain my own diagnosis will have a similar reaction because I feel like I’m BARELY functioning most days and gaslight myself from years of being surrounded from it. Please keep posting. Ramble about whatever you want to because I’ll definitely watch and support. 🎉
19:49 So, I am about a week into my exploratory evaluation journey (no professional evaluation yet), and your courageous and thoughtful approach to sharing your experiences have made a HUGE impact in understanding and accepting the challenges I’ve faced all my life. I am 40 this year and I finally feel like I know why I’ve had challenging situations that I couldn’t understand. Keep sharing what you are able to and keep creating the intentional life you need. You are appreciated! You are valued! You are a star!
Love,
AhM
Thank you for being your true/real self. Just your sharing helps me feel so not alone. I am self diagnosed two years ago. Because of my age and this knowledge,I have started unmasking and it has caused me to make a room in my home for just me. It is the only way to survive in my home.
Hugs!!! Take care of yourself and do what makes you happy. I have been burnt out for 4 years and haven't touched my online business. I'm also in the process of getting an ASD diagnosis at 51. I relate to this video so much. Congratulations on finishing your video and for continuing to work. I hope you find a way to pull yourself out of this burnout. ❤🍄❤
I am so sorry that you're still struggling with this. I am also dealing with the burnout myself after my dad passed away in April. I haven't been myself since. I lost interest in what I loved to do. Can't focus on my job at the hospital. And every time I walk in the store and walk passed something that is resembled to my dad I just emotionally shut down. You're not alone Courtney, we are with you every step of the way. I'm glad to see that you're okay.
I just found you (as a recently late diagnosed Autistic). And I just want to say, I have so appreciated your candor as you share about your life and experiences. As someone mentioned below. Please, trust that whatever YOU want this channel to be about (if you do want to continue to make videos for this platform) is the best use of this platform. Forcing content based on the desires of others will just continue to add to the burdensome feelings associated with burnout. Be gentle with yourself. So glad to have found your content.
15:22 GRU IS SO CUTE!!!! Alfie would have gotten along with him so well!
Just keep swimming! -Dory
I have ASD as well, and have had difficulty getting my stuff together with family and just life in general. I got diagnosed back in April when I was 18 and have received a big push back from my family. But I’m still here.
As a recently diagnosed audhd female, I have also needed to lean into the process of doing my art, and less of showing it publicly, out there, and vulnerable. For right now, I'm just being creative and sharing online in small ways. This feels less draining to my delicate balance...for now anyway. As others have said here, you do you, and embrace all your unique creativity in ways that support your system. Love the rambling video because it's very real❤
Hope you’re doing ok nothing more. Thanks for the video because it’s been hard lately. But I’m thrilled to see you do you with the mermaid stuff. That’s awesome that you’re focusing on your awesome talents. Thanks for being genuine and vulnerable; it’s refreshing
Congrats on posting this video.
Thank you for all the videos you do. You make me so happy! Your energy is top tier!
Congrats on completing the long work of putting a video out in the world that is not feeling like beeing a place to put out anything right now while autistic burnout. You help so much even if you are not feel like that. ❤
I feel this so deeply. I’m also in a state of burnout. Big safe hugs. 💜
Thank you for posting this, and all your other vids. As someone who's still new to this I cant tell you how comfortting it is to hear you ramble, lol.
Thanks ❤
Is t it wonderful? The internet and social media helps a ton when the healthcare system won’t in answering questions that pops into existence with a diagnosis.
Got mine two years ago but am still learning.
How are you dealing if I may ask?
I wish I had some kind of good advice.
BUT, I'm glad you shared this video even if only to serve as a message to myself that burnout doesn't make me a bad human.
4:00 You're interesting and awesome enough that you don't need to switch seats and camera effects! There's another channel I tried to watch, but they changed camera angles every 10 to 20 seconds. It was so jarring that I felt like running away, even though I was in my own home watching. 😆
I've sat here and watched because I'm in the same situation with finding myself after a late diagnosis. I'm a 45 yr old female and so much of what you have said is very relatable to me.
I found you through your autism assessment video and have since watched some of your mermaid content but I'm more interested in hearing about how you are navigating and your attempts at finding balance since your diagnosis. Its so overwhelming, and hearing about how someone is going through it just makes me less anxious and depressed about it. I feel like theres such a limited amount of info out there and its sometimes very lonely feeling figuring out where life goes from here.
I'll be 40 in August so I totally get the looking and feeling your age stuff.
i like videos like that. for me it's important, to see others like me, and get their view and how they handle life. of course i would like you to be happy and have no struggle. but the real deal is so helpful.
I found you through the autism video and continue to watch your content about autism. It helps me a lot, I’m going through a lot of similar nonsense right now. Whatever you are comfortable with sharing, go for it. You have a way of making the content about this topic in a way that is balanced and relatable, and I appreciate your efforts. Just please don’t feel you need to push yourself in a harmful way for us to make this content.
Congrats on making this video as myself who has autism i know the struggles 🤪
Be yourself and make the content YOU WANT to make and we will be happy watching it ✌️
Idk Courtney i sat here through the whole thing. Im waiting for my autism assessment later this month and your videos are so permission giving. I burned out in 2021 and what you shared here about not knowing how to be part of your previous community - for me same same but different. Thank you for doing a video where you just share. I "ramble" too and it makes sense to me.
I'm so super glad that despite the very real, incredibly disruptive experiences of burnout, that you haven't lost the ability to enjoy what you love. I hope that that will be able to carry you through to where you can find more balance.
I found you through your first autism videos, but I've gone back and been on-and-off watching your mermaid etc videos chronologically from the beginning because when I find someone whose videos interest me (autism-specific content or not... my first interest on TH-cam is ecosystem-focused market gardening/animal husbandry) that's what I do.
After a year and a half of increasingly looking at autism, I came to the realization in January that yes, I'm autistic (found the last answers to my remaining doubts/hesitations), so I'm new to, like, binging autism content the way I have been since January, so I guess I don't know what I'd "want" from your channel, because I don't know whether "autism-specific" content will continue to interest me to the same extent after the newness of understanding that I'm autistic has worn off? I think it will, but I have no way of knowing.
On the other hand, I find you to be extremely interesting and entertaining, so it's very possible that even once I've got a better grasp on going forward with my life as an autistic person, I'll continue to watch your videos pretty much whatever kind of content you're putting out.
What I've been enjoying about your current content (beyond *you* as a human, ie, the "slice of life" idea):
- obviously, that you're in a similar place in your autism journey so your content is SUPER relevant to what I'm currently going through though I don't have a formal diagnosis. Helps keep me not feeling alone, PLUS the more late-diagnosed people (women in specific) I "know," the more likely that I'm going to run across things that will help me navigate life more comfortably.
- I guess that last bit in the first point is included in this, but obviously any educational content you put out. Even though I still don't find stim toys to be of interest (knowing that it might take time/work/practice for me to find something that works for me), your stim toy video was super interesting to me. Whether I ever use an object to stim or not, the discussion of toys helps me understand stimming better, and obviously as a late-identified autistic person, stimming is something that I repressed from an extremely early age (tho I've come to understand that I do all kinds of "covert" stims so I've been leaning into them and seeing where they take me).
- you're Canadian, and while I watch any channel that interests me, I'm definitely interested in other Canadians even if the channel isn't talking about politics or Canadian current events. That element almost always creeps in *somewhere,* because everything is political. Human choices are political. There is no human activity that is not based in or influenced by/affected by/enabled to exist in the first place by politics in some way, and a person doesn't have to be addressing it head-on/explicitly for me to see the politics involved. And since I'm a student of human activity (in order to try to understand why people do/believe the things they do/believe and how history has brought us to the ecocidal present we live in), I'm always looking for those clues, and it's harder to find content that I enjoy that's produced by Canadians. So that's less something you'd "choose" to make videos about (though who knows, you might lol) and more just *are* no matter what content you're putting out.
- I'm a crocheter, and as I explored crocheting on TH-cam, I found a broad range of textile channels to be interesting so long as I enjoy the content creator. So despite having found you via your autism journey stuff, your interest in textile design is of interest to me, even though I have no interest in being a mermaid or whatever. And it would continue to be of interest to me if at some point you chose to go in a different direction than mermaid-wear, because of your genius for design and execution. You don't "lose" that; it comes along with you in whatever you do, even if you're a beginner in whatever art/activity you might turning your attention to.
- this is kind-of a stretch (to say that you've put out this kind of content) but for the record, I've thrown myself into the world of dog training. I got an Australian Shepherd/Maremma cross puppy 2 years ago and I watched hundreds of hours of positive reinforcement training videos before finding her, and have now watched thousands of hours of videos to continue learning how to refine her training. So Gru content is appreciated, too (whether it has anything to do with any training efforts or not).
- mermaid-wise, I'm specifically interested in the whole "aging mermaid" thing. Definitely interested to hear anything you're interested to share as you try to find your feet as an "I'm not 18 anymore, and idk what to do about my experience of my passion as I age."
I'm not sure any of that helps you figure out what to do with your channel, but there it is. And I hope something shifts and your TH-cam content creation becomes a less torturous process for you soon.
(oh, and I personally don't care at all if someone's not publishing videos on a regular schedule or not. I know it's important for channels who need the videos to "pay off" in one way or another, because algorithm, but once I've found a channel I enjoy, "regular upload schedule" plays exactly zero part in whether I watch or not).
I admire your honest so much! You inspire me. Thank you. 💜
Hugs and forces!
I struggle to find the right words[1], but let's just say that the world desperately needs more people like you.
[1] An autistic thing, I guess?
I watched it all. I want to say i hear you, i see you, the amount of stress you have been under and I applaud you for taking care of yourself amongst it all. I am one of the people that found your channel through the autism video as i was searching autism content considering my own potential for being autistic.... and i love your candor and honesty about everything you are experiencing and would be really interested in hearing more about the ramifications of sharing that journey publicly. But also I think it is more important to take care of you, and only share That one if it feels like something that is beneficial for YOU.
It sucks to hear about all the haters and ignorance and people making comments that should really just be kept in their own heads. I am sorry you have to contend with that when you are a human sharing a vulnerable experience.
Wishing you all the love and strength and support as you keep moving on forwards at whatever pace you can.
Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I am just at the beginning of the video. However, I wanted to stop and write a comment because your honesty and transparency within your struggle is beyond appreciated.
I’m so sorry for all that you have dealt with in sharing your story. It seems that in these dark moments that I’m reminded how much we all dance around the pain instead of being real. I lost my sweet cat to cancer in April. He was happy one day and then in agony for the next week and then he was gone. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy when my sensory issues spiked so that I couldn’t get out of bed. It’s just an animal right? I had been researching autism for the last year after feeling as if PTSD wasn’t the only reason I couldn’t get over an abusive relationship and several other events. But, I digress. Essentially, losing my sweet companion and the autistic burnout that I’ve been experiencing showed me that I know autism is real. I’ve done a deep dive into my past and into resources. Personally, it’s as if the events from the past few years culminating in Phoenix’s death just removed any ability I have to mask. I didn’t even know I was masking all my life. But, I was. I was the one who kept the unicorns and bunnies dancing for others. When I couldn’t do that anymore, it was as if something was wrong with me. But, it was my neurology and it was ok to not be ok. PTSD is real in my case but I know for a fact that autism is a large component of the sporadic moments of burnout throughout my life. I’m 46 and life can be shit but this fact is empowering and keeps me fighting. Sending light to you for opening the window for so many other females who feel like someone else gets it. Blessings!
This is the first video of yours I've ever seen and I haven't even checked to see what else has been posted more recently, if anything, but as a late-diagnosed AuDHDer trying to figure out well wtf now, this is exactly the content that speaks to me. Also I love your hair. I've been so tempted to just shave my head lately!
Really glad to see you making videos again. Would love a video talking about "coming out" with autism, this is definitely a struggle of mine as well. But only if its something that you want to make, and woudl be good for you overall.
I’d love to see the video of how coming out as autistic was received. Also, I don’t mind that you’re not switching seats! I’m mostly listening while I craft anyways. Thanks for sharing Grue! 🥰
Thank you for this video. I watch all your videos whether focussed on mermaid or autism or other stuff but really it’s just best in my mind that you make what makes you happy as much as possible.
This video was great for me because I’ve been going through it lately and it helps hearing others being real about life and not sugar coating things but even though I’m not a mermaid girlie those vids are neat to me too cause it feels like someone info dumping and you always info dump so awesomely about something you enjoy.
I feel so much of what you said in this world and just hope someday things will be better. I also live in the same part of the country as you do and see there’s so much improvement needed in so many things.
Anything you make ill watch because I love you no matter what ❤
Fully watched the video and so proud of you for doing this. Keep making tails and enjoy yourself.❤
Thank you for just being real. For being honest. For all the faults you think you have that aren't really. I totally get how you feel @21:30!: we don't have a problem with how we look; it's society that has a problem with it
Love crafting videos, love technical videos including reviews of swim-related stuff and it's especially awesome how in-depth you go in terms of equipment being comfortable/giving blisters and what materials you enjoy the most etc. Also, videos about mental health, being human in general and navigating breaking out of toxic relations for being who you are really hit home and I think it's important society talks about these things because it's more common than we think (though I understand this especially brings in many haters).
Also getting older, adapting to different ways of mermaiding, maybe choosing other aesthetics and such to feel more empowered in ones mermaid portrayal... Again, I understand putting oneself out there with ones natural body is asking for haters... Bro, I recently commented something neutral but complimentary on a plus-size mermaids' video and my comment got flooded with negative comments, I was quite shocked (I never experienced it personally, gives some insight into what those of you who put YOUR ENTIRE SELVES out there gotta deal with.... horrid).
I hope you can find the way to do things on your youtube channel that feels authentic to you, something that brings you joy regardsless of what anyone of us gotta say.
I respect you immensely and am super humbled and grateful to watch content you provide; no one is doing what you do. Whatever you do, thank you SO much for all the content you've provided thus far, I sometimes go back and rewatch because it's just visually stunning (your work), and I genuinely enjoy your takes and how no-BS you are.
Haters gonna hate, they obviously are really jealous and have a terrible time...
You're 100% allowed to have a reaction to that, people being disgusting and malicious IRL would have real consequences, no reason we shouldn't frown upon it online as well.
Keep being you, 100% support
after years i finally gathered the courage to see someone about my autism & this is what i was told " these days EVERYbody's on the spectrum somewhere.". that's about s invalidating as someone can be. what a waste. now what?
I'm so sorry that happened to you. People can be monstrous. For the record, they should be aware, that though someone can have Autistic traits, you either ARE or you ARE NOT Autistic and within that it's a spectrum. "Everybody" isn't suddenly on the spectrum. What happened is people are finally able to talk about their experiences on different platforms and are reaching people who have ALWAYS BEEN Autistic and are FINALLY getting answers. I really am so sorry that someone was so shitty to you. I am sending you strength. 💖 No one knows you better than you do. Don't give up!
Hey Courtney! I've become aware of your channel in the past few months, I love your videos, the energy you show is the same type of energy I tend to have, so I feel like I really connect to your content. I thank you so much for your openness and your vulnerability in this video in particular, I think these videos are very important in order to process the struggles we're faced with.
I'm currently being evaluated and in the process of receiving my official AuDHD diagnosis, so a lot of what you talk about comes up for me daily.
And as someone who never EVER comments on TH-cam for fear of being ostracized (even though I secretly wish to start my own channel), I wanted to stop by and tell you that you are loved and seen as your true beautiful self by the people who value you for who you are.
All the rest can just walk away with all of their insecurities..
Sending you lots of love, peace and healing in this, your time of burn out❤
I feel ya' Cortney. I also get burnt out really easily and I don't even try as hard
I hope that you continue to honor those feelings of being mad, of being exhausted, of needing time. There's this in between time when we leave one way of being (and mourn that - BIG time!) and slowly feel our way into some new way of being that doesn't even exist yet. It's scary, tiring, and both very sad and a bit exciting. Which are a lot of things to feel all at once. Have faith in yourself and in your own abilities to change and grow successfully, even when it seems like specific abilities and strengths are just drifting away from you entirely. You don't have to post here any more than you are able - what you are already doing, on Patreon and for your work is a LOT. I sometimes have to take down time - what's scary is you don't know when it will end. But that part of you that is tackling you to the ground so you can barely move isn't "just burnout talking" - it's a wise inner part, as uncomfortable and "ugh" as it is. Listen. Rest. Keep resting. When you are ready to do a bit more, it will happen so slowly and organically you will barely notice. But at some point down the road, minus a lot of things that used to define you, you will notice that you're feeling more balanced and comfortable in your life than you have for a while, despite that life looking very different from anything you might have expected. Sending you big virtual hugs - thank you for the effort of sharing. It really does help others like me in ways that are hard to define but very important.
PS Just to add to the various groups who watch - I'm not autistic, I am neurodivergent, I'm curious, I'm empathetic, I am not in or related to the mermaid community... so not any type of significant segment of your viewers, just a music teacher grandma from halfway across the world. Again, thanks for your openness and honesty. Who you are is indeed, valuable and enough.
Neurospicy in the multifaceted kind. Was supported and had all the help from all the types of helpers as a kid but lost it all when I moved to another country. Was told I was able to cope so didn't need the help anymore. Over time I have gotten worse and worse, finally getting help again now. Because I have not been back to where I grew up in over a decade and was not an adult when I left all of my records... are gone. So been slow to get help and my diagnosis's done, also expensive. Been taking time to learn more about my traits and it's been eye opening. If I had of had help... things would be very different for me. The more I learn and unpack, the more I see. Been burnout free for months since I started meds for one thing but now my Autistic traits are imbalanced and shining through big time. I mask... like high masking mask. So most don't see the side of me that is so intensly neurospicy. Finding content like yours had been good for me to see others learning g about themselves like you have. As despite the fact I knew it's who I Amit is like a rediscovery of it within me and has alot of similarities to finding out for the first time.
I hope the negative sides of sharing your story die back and the benefits of sharing grow. So many people sharing their stories through social media is bringing alot of awareness to all of this, including you. And the more it's discussed the more comfortable other will get with it.
Also doggo is cute! I am allergic to fur big time so never had a cat/dog. Also allergic to cat saliva and other things not just the fluff. So allergen free pets has not been an option for me.
Commenting for the algoritm, watched all the ads to the end, my small support of what you do ❤
Love to you! Do your thing, we will stay with you❤
Girl, it ticks me off SO MUCH that people would be so cruel to you about your disability. I HATE that the people in your life, both online and real, treat you so bad. You deserve so much better Courtney. I literally wish the best for you because I love you, your personality, and how you’re an amazing person. I know that you don’t know me and how you probably won’t see this comment but I really, really, really wish nothing but the best for you
I’m not sure if I’m on the spectrum, but the thing I love most about autistic people is how honest and straightforward they are about things. Neurotypical social/interpersonal dynamics annoy me and make me want to run through a field screaming to release the frustration I feel! 😂Always do you and make the videos you want to make. ❤ Haters can really make people second guess themselves and the value of what they create. No need to use any spoons to reply to this comment, I just want you to know I love your videos and am here for all the different topics! Autism, mermaids, and anything everything else! ❤
Congrats on the task!
Your videos have been immensely helpful to me (recently diagnosed autistic here). I started watching you before I got my diagnosis and you helped me through my assessment. I am also in a burnout that has lasted way too long right now. I love watching you talk. And Gru is lovely ❤ if you keep making videos I will watch the talking head 😅 if you're too burned out to do it, so be it. I am not a mermaid person, but a costume-making person and I also appreciate your craft. I am the one rambling now. All to say I wish you all the best all the way from Brazil 😊
And I would also like to see a video about your coming out process. That's something I'm struggling with right now myself
I'd like to hear about how things changed after you told people about your diagnosis. I'm waiting for the discussion part of my assessment, and someone close to me said "you might consider keeping it to yourself if you are autistic" and it took me by suprise. So hearing someone's experience with that would be helpful. My daughter has been diagnosed, so even if I'm not autistic, it could apply to her too. Thank you for putting yourself out there ❤ sorry to hear it's caused problems for you. It says alot about the people creating those problems in your life.