Understanding Shame vs. Guilt
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 เม.ย. 2024
- Excerpt from This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #495 | Trauma Expert Tim Fletcher
Full Episode: • Trauma Expert Tim Flet...
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“Dad’s mad cuz he’s a Lion’s fan”. 😂
Theo can’t help but be hilarious, even in serious conversations. Such a great dude.
Which made me go wide eyed when he said it cause I'm dad was a huge grump/angry alcoholic who was a die hard lions fan
Dads got a point though
Literally my childhood. Detroit raising ain't for the weak.
"Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future. ~ Fulton Oursler
What I love about getting older is that things like shame and guilt usually disappear because you learn about forgiving yourself and others. Self awareness is key and some achieve this at a younger age which is amazing.
At 64, Amen!
I'm not sure guilt is ever supposed to disappear...but a life shame free would be freeing...
Theo is the most human star on this planet
Cringe
@@Jax.ScorpioTheo is the most human planet on this star.
Well...absolutely untrue, by the widest margin...but, he is an alright dude, some...especially when he isn't taking his wigger all the way to 10.
Humman*
@@Jax.Scorpiochild
My daughter needs to hear this. I love her so much, she's been through so much at 39. I stand with her no matter what. People need love and support even when they falter. We are human, we all have faltered. ❤ This was wonderful. Thank you.
You sound like a great parent. We all fail, but we all do not learn how to forgive ourselves.
One thing I learned that could be helpful to share is my shame never pushes me to better myself or change my behaviors. In fact it can be so damaging that it makes my behaviors even worse. No purpose or place for it. Of course easier said than done.
Guilt causes me to take accountability and try to “make it right” if possible or at least not do whatever I did again.
Love that Theo is highlighting psychology and healing for his audience and self. Great episodes. 🙏🏼
Shame is a b*tch. Took me until 40 before I had the thought…what if there was nothing actually wrong with me…what if it’s not me🤯
You CAN heal from this. I used bulimia to numb myself from shame for 27 years (tried over 20 therapists) and healed the shame and have zero struggles with bulimia and other issues-
It took years of rewiring all the lies I believed about myself (like coming out of a cult) used meditation to train my body to accept feeling good, and emotional reprocessing to release trapped emotion, but I’m free!
It IS possible to live in peace.❤
I'm 60 stopped smoking cigarettes after 40 years. Want to only smoke weed occasionally. Don't drink or anything else
damn this hit like a mack truck - seeing this breakdown helps a lot
😎👍
Truth telling always leads to victory.
💯❤️🔥‼️Shame = I am bad (no solution/hopeless). Guilt = I did something wrong (fixable/hope-giving). Tim’s message/delivery is PERFECT! Your dialogue is a force of nature! Huge opportunity to reach ppl who need healing!👊🏼👊🏾👊🏻👊🏿
Ahhh! I love Tim fletcher! A national treasure.. Theo too!
It took me 30 yrs as an adult to realize that the things I was thinking were wrong. Which changed me but it changed my approach to parenting our now 9yo. I reduced about 99% of my anger and it’s the 1% that I am working even harder on than the 99% that probably logic alone helped remove. My incredible wife and I had a big discussion on her perception of me and why have I gotten soft on our son. I haven’t gotten softer because our rules are still the same but my approach to breaking of rules has brought my son and I relationship much closer. Whatever I do in my actions and words are going to be copied by my son and I personally want our son to be an approachable, respectful, understanding, firm valued, logical man someday. So we have many small discussions on amazing subjects for any reason. There’s nothing untouchable because if he’s thinking it then we should be able to discuss it. Understanding any guilt that he may feel should be discussed so that he and we can work through it. Being a Dad that’s very approachable for my son has made me a better dad everyday. I’m not perfect but I’m still striving to be a perfect dad and I have a long ways to go yet.
This topic has been on my mind SOLID for two weeks. Theo covers the hard and tricky stuff for sure ❤❤❤
Thank you and in addition to the places that trigger etc. , for me, are filling the crappy word removal with over 900 possible up-lifting thoughts toward My Self. It is a game of hide-n-seek because the inner child is disrespected and the body keeps track revealing discomfort.
i noticed a distinction that theres abuse "you are a bad kid" and there is neglect - the child is not getting needs met and that discomfort is interpreted as self inflicted bc there is no other person or object to associate the discomfort with (even though their actions of neglect are present) thats the abuse i grew up with - neglect and it took til my 40s to realize it bc my mom made up the difference for my dad who was covert energy vampire who kept us scared and confused and on egg shells with brimming frustrated anger tears all the time i hate him, i cannot believe he did my mom like that
Just to speed you on your recovery, youll need to forgive your father to forgive yourself to let go of that shame. I know its hardbut seeit this way, hes felt the same way you did with his parents
@@saberxzero i appreciate you saying so, i will keep that in my wider vision... thank you
I don’t know how people forgive, I’m not able to do it in many cases.
@@AlyciaJanehate is like a poison you take hoping the other person would die . It doesn’t do any good to you, and thats why you forgive because you need to let go .
Great video came to me at a time when i needed it
There are recitivism studies on shame vs guilt. Those with shame are much more likely to reoffend. "I do bad things cause I'm worthless" compared to guilt who is "I feel bad for doing something stupid cause I know I'm a good person."
I’m learning about myself. Thanks gentlemen!
Wow… yup. Pennies dropping,light bulbs flickering. Deep and clear. Thank you for this video. Look forward to others. Peace
Makes sense. Being ashamed for some people can mean sorry they were caught or how it affects their image more than what they did.
Those are called narcissists and their minds are already inhuman.
@@The_Not_So_Great_Cornholio It's not that simple in regards to people with narcissistic tendencies or have NPD, but I knew a few nasty narcissists
This conversation hit home 😢
If only everyone had a Theo in their life.
Humorous and intelligent mixed all together. I love him❤
I think a lot of my shame came from a way i developed as a kid to comfort myself. My dad was a bit emotionally closed off. Even tho he was present at home, he wasn’t the kind of dad that I could cuddle with or talk to much. I never got the positive attention and so I’ve looked for it in men further adding to the shame when I don’t get it in the right way. This video helps me learn to recognize and understand it better. Thanks!
SHAME,.....Its starts with learning what's good and bad, and being told no!
Well, I need to to watch the whole episode.
thank you,Theo
So enlightening. My ex had a tough childhood, her fear of abandonment was triggered in our relationship it caused very destructive behavior.
My brother in Christ take it from an older dude, do not let her back in your life. No foul against her, but that’s a fucking ocean of problems nobody is equipped to deal with.
Wow this clip could not have come up at a better time for me. Very grateful for both of these dudes and this honest conversation
Hey Theo I appreciate what you do man i needed to hear this. Gang Gang Baby!!
This is the most insightful thing I’ve heard on this podcast so far. Ty Tim fletcher
This is really awesome! I’m a mental health professional and am currently two years into my PhD in clinical psychology. This really helps me personally right now. Im going through a breakup with a woman who’s childhood trauma has now been activated. We just hit the 6 month mark. Her reactions triggered my shame and my reactions. I’ve been responding to this the way you suggested in this video. It really helps to have this understanding and skills. What’s going on with her right now isn’t my fault. This info is really going to be helpful with a few of my clients right now as well. I will say that DBT skills help the spiral. Great video ! Thanks much
I admire Theo, for being so vulnerable. Love how the doctor explains this🫶
A powerful, simplistic conversation about shame.
This helped
Best explanation for shame I’ve heard. Thank you
Super enlightening! Thank you!
Really good stuff…Thank you!
This video needs to be seen by many many people❤️
Loving the brain stuff. Thanks! ✨
Jeez this is eye opening
Thank you, Very helpful
Somebody here might've been in the same boat as me with therapy. I tried therapy off and on for many years and just gave up. I assumed the problem was me and not that I didnt have the right therapist...finding a good therapist is like dating. You've got to try them out. There's many different personalities, skill levels, and modalities. Just because the first doesn't work out, keep going. Don't be affraid to leave a situation that isn't working.
Check out the Map of Consciousness by David Hawkins. He shows the way to transcend these lower levels of Consciousness like guilt and shame. After growing up in organized religion, Ive struggled with guilt and shame most of my life. Drugs and alcohol was the only way I knew how to make those feelings go away. Hawkins work and the fellowship have set this one FREE 😊
I love Theo honestly he is just being human
Great talk here! Also, Celsius sponsored with all the cans in the foreground and background 😂
It’s really possible Theo!!! 💗💗💗
Those lies we tell ourself i find often cause us to displace our dissatisfaction on others, and treat them in a manor that looks like gaslighting, but its not intentional, so not true gaslighting. Though still harmful, i suspect true gaslighting isnt as common as people seem to think it is
thank you
Basically the guilt reinforces the shame you already feel deep within.
Children need stability.
An person whom can feel both shame an guilt over something they weren't addicted too are simply just nasty
“If someone pulls up with a train full of drugs I’m getting on Tim.” That had me busting a gut in the middle of what is a beautiful conversation. Keep on being you Theo you are awesome brother!
3:09 "can we talk" me trying to remember what I could've done wrong
Intuitively one might not think an episode of Theo Von's podcast would be profound, but here we are.
It is possible to stol crying so often?
If the group of people you want to be apart of in middle school don’t accept you cause you’re weird or weak, that causes shame that is not based on a lie. You just weren’t genetically fit to be with those people, or your early childhood made you behave in a way that was unacceptable to the group. Either way if you don’t belong with certain people and you feel shame for that, it’s not really based on a lie but rather the harsh truths of life
i related pretty good to this one
I swear if Theo wasn't a talented comedian he'd be me
My dad is a lions fan. It tracks
Geez it’s hard to be a human being.
Maybe it’s coz I have cptsd, I just relate to Theo. He says the things I know I would say if I could just be myself
Where is this man’s office? I have to move to that city
🙌🏽💚💪🏽
8:28 what if this is happening every 15 minutes I catch every single one but it’s exhausting
Dam this is pretty dialled in
Love 🤍
You can be guilty and not ashamed. His name's Jesus 😂😮😂
Head to Marisa Peers she is a brilliant women look her up .
Shame people who do bad things. Or is that a no?
Healthy shane is different than healthy guilt.
There is no such thing as healthy shame..not in my life anyway
wu tang
Very Christian concepts here. Guilt is good. Shame is not.
I’m confused-are you saying guilt and shame are Christian concepts?
@@lavenderkisses9461 no just that Christianity teaches pretty much the same things about guilt and shame that this guy's saying.
2 Corinthians 7:10: "Godly sorrow (appropriate guilt) brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death."
God removes our shame. “I will change their shame into praise and renown in all the earth” (Zeph 3:19). Both Paul and Peter quote Isaiah 28:16: “Whoever believes in him will not be put to shame” (Romans 10:11; 1 Peter 2:6). Christ replaces our shame with honor."
Shameless in the comments.
I ❤Tim Fletcher.
Guilt is inside.....Shame is outside
Oh hunny no. Shame is very much inside. Very much.
@@marciestoddard730 Where does your shame come from? You gotta feel guilty first