it is why he’s among my favorites in the current comedy sphere along with Duncan Trussell. hilarious, but can’t help wearing their flaws on their sleeve. addressing themselves and making others laugh through it
It's hard to be broken as a child and to have to spend your life trying to fix what someone else did. it isn't right, it just isn't right. I pray for all of us.
It is but that is life, we are not the first nor the last, best we can do is be as supportive as we can be to our fellows, to foment emotional responsibility in your family. I spent a lot of time analyzing my families past and their (and my) traumas only to realize how easy of a pitfall it is to fall into, instead of fixing the root of the problem, you're just looking at one of the symptoms and shifting responsibility. In the end we are our only masters, we have to learn to forgive the past and ourselves. Everyone goes through hard stuff and I can't say I speak on behalf of someone, obviously seeking help is good, but taking some control of your own future by relinquishing the past is a major step.
Its truly unfair and incredibly sad. But the fact that youre fixing it means youre breaking that pattern/cycle of abuse and thats also incredibly brave and strong. Post traumatic growth is a real thing and I hope each of us get there
That whole line about being fine until something triggers you and then fucking things up beyond repair hit hard. When it's too late it's too late, and you will hate yourself once you come to that realisation.
You got that right. I bail. I f/f run or fight. I did take Tim s course. It’s much easier to be me. Thank God for Tim Fletcher, and his compassionate staff. I am in recovery.
i dont remember where i heard it but its something like “no matter how far along the road you are, you are always the same distance from the ditch” which is a little bit depressing at first, but also comforting, because you always know where the ditch is.
@@ahem8013 I've never heard the phrase, but I love it. Something similar I say is "the truth will set you free, but it's going to piss you off first." People who believe that their life is perfect and can't fail are always in for a worse reaction than a person who is realistic. I know exactly how close I am to failure, because it would take one bad accident, some legal trouble, or even a random freak accident with no explanation and I could be homeless by the end of the year. A LOT of people don't understand that.
Theo is an absolute hero and role model for speaking out about this kind of stuff. How many of us have the same or similar issues and don't talk about it to anyone?
@@Shinyflubbait's about finding what works for you specifically. Usually a combination of different therapeutic approaches work. CBT, ACT, EMDR, neurofeedback therapy, internal family systems. Creative writing...the list goes on. You need to research. The body keeps the score is a good book to start with. Gabor mate is a great educator in trauma as well.
“Staying with someone because I didn’t want them to have somebody else who would really care about them, or that could care about them better than me, even though I knew I was doing a bad job.”…. Wow.. hit hard man
I hate that BS copout saying. Not all hurt people hurt people. A lot of hurt people have genuine empathy for others bcuz they know exactly how it feels.
I dated a boy from a functional family when I was in high school and I used to marvel at how they spent time together and interacted with each other. I loved being at his house. Only to go back home and hear my mom tell me things that made me think what I had seen at my boyfriend’s house wasn’t real. She was always dismantling my positive perceptions of others. I couldn’t have joy for anyone else. I could hardly have joy. But that’s all the trauma I need to dump in this TH-cam comment today. Love you, Theo.
Honestly my major cyclical, episodic depression (MDD) vanished the day I had the magic mushroom tripping while listening to the birds singing in the early morning, up at the cottage country in Muskoka (Ontario, Canada) Literally changed my life
I did this recently for the first time, I will say it was the most beautiful and amazing thing I have ever felt. My spiritual being opened up to the earth. I saw portals, the stars dancing, aliens and I saw the realm of heaven. I for once was not sad but an overwhelming sense of happiness that filled my entire body. It's something that I'll never forget.
I have healed myself into a completely new person and have spent a long grueling time putting in the work (that has rewarded me 10x) but my new partner has not done any work and I see my past self in him so clearly... I think our relationship will only work if he's able to do the inner reflection. If you've experienced someone who has incentivized your healing, what was that like for you? In my experience no one can force a person to heal, it's a personal choice
@@Morale_BoosterI personally agree that it's a personal choice. But we as humans are complex creatures that live in a habitat that thrives on certain things, one of those being external opinions and criticism. It's how we grow but it's also a fast way to regression. I would attempt psychological conversations. Make them face the realities of there actions and reactions and such then brings a moment of clarity and perspective that almost frees you from the ball and chain of biases and emotions. This in turn will have an effect on emotional and physical responses to behavior, now that's the bright outcome in this scenario. The dark scenario is that they fall even further deeper into the behavior, thus burying themselves within the most close minded place a human can be. Alone. Good luck, praying for you guys ❤
@@YNotThough thank you dude, I like your perspective. I do try to lead by example, cause when he sees me falter (I do often) he also sees how I regain my balance with self awareness and responsibility. And I would never say this to him but he also gives me some inspiration about what I don't want to do, for example victim mentality and stubborn helplessness and blame passing. He is very sweet and helps me in so many ways but our maturity gap is like the grand canyon when it comes to self help
Wonderfully written, thank you. I went through a three year long abusive relationship that messed me up. I've tried to date and would be distraught when I realized I couldn't feel anything until I met one guy. I missed my opportunity, but even now he inspires me to get better. Sent my contact info to a therapist. Hoping for some good stuff.
@@Morale_Booster You describe exactly what I experienced with my partner of four years. I'm still so conflicted about him, because were it not for him, I wouldn't be that completely new person. He was both an incentive and a support. As my growth and health accelerated though, it reached a point where I'd grow past him if he didn't come along for the ride. He had his own traumas and it's almost like the healthier I got and present to support him, the rockier it got. He knew he needed to do the work but it overwhelmed him. I'm heartbroken to say we are no longer together and I'm really sad for him. I hope that you have a happier resolution in your situation.
Its actually so powerfull and brave for theo to speak about these things so openly, really the kind of 'manly' we need instead of all these f*ing "alpha males"
Ummmm....I believe there is a place for some of it. The self improvement stuff. Because once a guy has worked out his trauma....he needs to also be able to work out what truly motivates and sustains him and what the expectations are of the people that he wants to have around him. There are masculine traits of strength, loyalty, integrity, being a protector that are very important for a man to learn in order to gain respect from women, respect from other men- and most importantly the respect of one's self.
Severely abused and abandoned by both parents as a kid. "Fake intimacy" is THE BEST explanation of what I used to be (dated old rich guys, made out with young guys in the club, etc.) and eventually I met my husband thru a coworker when I was 35. He suffered maybe more trauma than me as a kid. Together 14 yrs now with a kid. I reiterate all the time I don't want the BS relationship. We have gone into therapy at trying times, learning SO much about how our traumas shaped us and can say that we are MORE solid today than ever. It can be done. Just meet someone as fucked up as you😅
Very true, you could also spend some time being single, out of a relationship, to go to therapy and work through issues before committing to another person whom you may hurt or may hurt you.
@@LatteCoco1yes this is true to a point but as a survivor oF CPTSD and child abuse i have been on my own for 10 years and in therapy and doing the work but i found that without practicing with someone else in a relationship things stay in theory rather than practice. After trying both ways, i find that practicing and trying with someone who is understanding and struggling with their own stuff is a better idea. Plus, haven’t we suffered enough??? Why should we be alone even longer as adults after we have already been so lonesome since a child?? Doing the work by yourself is key but you also deserve to try with the right person. Imagine reading about how to play basketball and getting on the court as opposed to playing one on one for just as long. Which way will teach you more about yourself and give you muscle memory?
@@eg4441no seriously. It irritated me for years and then I listened to the noise and realized it was me. Changed my life. All my attention is now towards helping the poor baby inside🩷
"Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself" - George Bernard Shaw Hope this helps! Helped me a lot It takes time, everyday, with consistent actions to create who you are. Stumbling into "finding yourself" just doesn't really happen in my experience. You have to take action to create the life you want
I avoided EVERYTHING with ocd, the list got longer and lit was ruining my life. I was working on erp with small progress, still avoiding the biggest of the big stuff again, then BOOM head hit/tbi, 6 seizures and an epilepsy diagnosis. So much has changed but the most important is how I people please. People don’t love you as much when you learn to say no but rejection is less painful than ocd symptoms, it’s less dangerous than another grand mal. But YA it definitely felt ironically and cruelly timed, necessary is how I see it now.
I remember few years back after my wife died, I was left alone with 3 kids. I suffered severe depression, trauma and mental disorder. Got diagnosed with bipolar. Not until a friend recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment changed my life for better. I can proudly say i'm totally clean for 6 years and still counting. Always look to nature for solution to tough problems, Shrooms are phenomenal.
Hey mates! Can you help with the source? I suffer severe anxiety, panic and depression and I usually take prescription medicine, but they don't always help. Where can I find those psilocybin mushrooms? I'm really interested in treating my mental health without Rxs. I live in Australia don't know much about these. I'm so glad they helped you. I can't wait to get them too. Really need a reliable source 🙏
I'm so very happy for you mate, Psilocybin is absolutely amazing, the way it shows you things, the way it teaches you things. I can not believe our world and our people shows less interest about it's helpfulness to humanity. It's love. The mushrooms heals people by showing the truth, it would be so beneficial for so many people, especially politicians and the rich who have lost their way and every other persons out there.
I have been married twice and engaged now. We are taking our time, as the trauma from toddler sexual abuse impacted me to the core. This relationship is different. He has helped me heal and has allowed me to take my own pace in our relationship. I think the difference though, I finally love myself. My sexual abuse was not my fault, and I don’t have to carry that trauma around with me. I found joy and gratitude, which is foreign to me. I turn 46 next month and for the first time, am not bogged down by the trauma I carried around for 44 years. ❤️
Me too hun at the hands of those whom were supposed to protect and love me the most. I’ve done so much work and feel whole and love myself completely. Love to you. I know the damage felt on a soul level. Big hug
It's really healing to hear a man talk about this. When I think about how badly men have treated me, I either think it's my fault or it's their fault, but maybe it's no one's fault. Maybe they're not heartless liars and I'm not unlovable, maybe we're both dealing with trauma.
I’m healing from childhood trauma. I’m 34, never had a “real” relationship in my adulthood. I’m an only child. No family of my own. Sad stuff. But just like this man said: THERE IS hope. I’m in a 12 Step Codependency Recovery meeting that I attend weekly.. I also quit porn.. and I’m gonna try and start dating this year and make a TRUE change. Thanks for this TH-cam clip yall 💖💖💖💖
Only relationship I had physically was in HS for a month, at 21 I lost my virginity to a single mother of two kids, never went steady or anything, I guess we were both lonely and susceptible. Last of almost 20 children. Turned 35 this year, also trying to quite porn and trying to start dating. Funny how small the world seems sometimes
Studied with Tim for 8 months, he's the reason I've healed so much from complex trauma and now coach others to. I absolutely loved seeing him on TPW -big fan of Theo! A surreal experience for me in the most amazing way!
Right?? He's incredible. I'm so happy the right people are finally getting the exposure. The public desperately needs his valuable and healthy lessons he teaches
"If things get tough I leave." - this is such a strong response when a younger part regresses back to being only as resourceful as that 5,6,7,8 year old part was back then. It's amazing how that hurt/trauma shows up as an adult and takes over until it is healed.
Ive been alone for over 10byears now. 33 years old. Still think of her every single day, throughout the day, missing her, pissed at myself. She was absolutely wonderful. Just wildly beautiful inside and out. So so good to me. I cant say the same of myself. If i could go back in time, id beat the everliving shit outta me. Since then ive learned why i treated her the eay i did, and i know now i was taking my internal pain, self hate, self worth/esteem issues out on her. And that was SO wrong. I blew it. Bigtime. I Feel like the best of my life has come and gone. I sure hope im wrong.
The best of your life is yet to come bc you have grown more than you realize by recognizing and owning what happened in your relationship that caused it to end. Accept the fact that it was an extremely difficult time in your life and you survived with insight that will give you peace heading into your future.
He is worth continuing his healing for. It is never a good idea to try to heal for someone else. It needs to be because you have learned to value yourself well enough, to do all you can to support yourself, mind/body/spirit.
the term gaslighting is from an old 1930’s movie where a husband is trying to make his wife think she is going crazy by turning down the gas lights and acting like he doesn’t see it when she mentions that the lights are not working
Today literally marks a year that my ex left me, this video helps a lot. Daily reminder, always stay truly happy with yourself. Have a blessing day y’all.
Great video! Unfortunately, my two-year relationship ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, and I still love him deeply. I can't stop thinking about him. I've done everything I can to get him back, but nothing has worked. I'm frustrated and can't imagine my life with anyone else. Despite my best efforts, I can't get him out of my mind. I really miss him.
It's incredibly hard to let go of someone you love. I was in a similar situation when my twelve-year relationship ended. I couldn't let him go, so I did everything I could to get him back. I sought the help of a spiritual counselor, who assisted me in reuniting with him.
it’s crazy being in a healthy relationship with someone brings out all of the trauma that you need to work on. i just hope he can give me a chance to show him i am mature enough to have a relationship with him. work on yourselves
A lot of people never address their trauma and at some point it becomes so big, becomes way too much for them to deal with on emotional and psychological level, and they begin to collapse entirely. Some people choose drugs and alcohol, some choose sex, some choose pornography, addiction list goes on. But if you don’t deal with your stuff, you ultimately gonna repeat the cycle over and over and over again.
The level of intimacy and vulnerability that Theo lets us into is a gift. It’s admirable and such an honor to watch. As a therapist, this is such a powerful tool for people to see and help achieve transformation in their lives! Way to go! Keep it up 🎉
Theo will never realize how many life’s he has saved. Obviously it is up to ones own self to get sober but Theo having hours and hours of content to lean on helps tremendously. I quit at the end of last December and relapsed recently, I’ve found myself listening to Theo again like I did earlier in the year. God f-Ing bless Theo Von, sobriety is worth it, never think it isn’t. Learn from your relapse and make sure it will be a one time hiccup
I love this whole side of Theo where he is having intellectual discussions with others while still having a touch of comedy. This man is truly talented.
I had a realization during this convo. The parent is always made out to be the root cause and then the child becomes what they are because of it. The thing is, the oarent was once a child too, and they likely had complex trauma that made them that way towards their kids. Every generation is just another layer of trauma and when you stack up enough generations, you see what a hopeless situation we’re all in unless we break the generational trauma
You are absolutely right, and once you know this, it is easier to see your parents as parents and then seperately, parents as people just like you and me. It is liberating. Then add in consideration of your own silent, internalized expectation of what parents should be or should have been. Try to separate out your perceived expectation from the mix. Ultimately, though, you now know you can be a chain breaker. You have had this realization, and now you have this wisdom - and therefore the power to use it.
I really kicked myself into gear about a year ago trying address the root of my problems. It’s been hard I’ve made a lot of progress but I’ve struggled a lot but it feels worth it to try and become the most authentic version of me.
Thank you for your candidness. I'm a woman, and hearing it from a guy explains a lot and is healing. I've had childhood trauma and see myself being responsible for the feelings of others, being gaslighted from childhood by dysfunctional parents, and later in marriage. Thank you for this, and thank you the most for being so honest.
This was my girlfriend for the last 500 days. Took me on a hot/ cold cycle while she was dealing with alcoholism and trauma. I carried the effort and picked her up whenever she fell down. whenever I would walk away and decide to keep what’s left of my self-respect, she would get a little bit better each time. It was at its best for the last two months and then a week of ghosting with a phone call saying I’m basically a loser. Worst part was I grew to love her 4 year old son and he loved me, his dad OD’d on Easter. She’s now in Hawaii with someone else and I’m hating myself for feeling so bad over someone who used me in the worst way possible.
Theo, you’re not definitely not alone on that journey. Thanks for putting yourself out there and thanks to your guests for talking with you about these things.
Theo, I am a preschool / early child development teacher and you sharing this interview/information with your audience is just so wonderful. Ty from the bottom of my heart. This knowledge truly changes lives and makes the world a better place. 💖 You are brave for sharing and growing, change and healing happens when you have bravery in your heart and share with others - keep going. There is hope, it can/will happen, keep going!!! (Neuroplasticity is on your side!)
This just explained my 20 year relationship that’s now falling apart with my deeply traumatized husband. I actually get it now. So sad. Thanks for sharing this.
I’m in my 40s, never married, no kids, and I used to think that I was just “bad at relationships”. It was only until recently I’ve come to realize just how much damage was caused by me being abused as a kid. In my younger days, I thought that making it through all that just made me “tougher”, now I realize that it just made me straaaaanger, lol. For those suffering with C-PTSD, maybe a “healthy” relationship isn’t the answer, perhaps we simply need to find the “Harley Quinn” to our Joker, and vice versa???
Dude whats even more annoying is identifying your trauma and not being able to overcome it... not that the trauma is always on your mind but the anger and jaded mentality from it ... i mean it will destroy your life... its destroying mine... its like i dont even know who or what to trust anymore ive failed so many times you start to lose hope... im trying yet again this week to start over...
Mr. Tim Fletcher ! I participated in LIFT and that was the best program ever. Such a worm family and they all helped me through my biggest fall out with my mother. Forever grateful. Theo talking to him is so cool. I love when you said when you are single you don't work on yourself.... that's true.
Its cool to be honest and all but if you never change your actions then what is the point. Like with theo admitting he's cheated in every relationship. That's a great firsr step but if he never actually stops himself from cheating then it comes off as fake pandering.
If someone is looking for a place to start. Look into attachment styles, specifically avoidant attachment. That's what theo is talking about. Happened to me. Rugged pulled from a 7 year relationship from thinking over a weekend. Someone who thought running was a better solution than discussing those concerns. Stay strong everyone.
Nothing good comes from dealing with people who treat others that way. It sucks, I’ve been there too. All you can do is remind yourself that you did the best you could to nurture the situation and make a genuine effort to connect with someone you liked. You put your best foot forward, it didn’t work out but now it’s time to close that door and move forward
That’s rough. I unknowingly had a two year relationship with an avoidant. I wasn’t aware of attachment styles at the time. Her behavior was so bizarre to me, and it was impossible to know what to do. It’s like there were no right answers.
@josephbrown9685 it best to take that period of isolation and hit the books. The discard was 4 months ago and I haven't heard a word from her. It demolishes your self esteem when someone you felt had your back decides to bail rather than communicate. Icing on the cake was asking me to be friends after. Don't beat yourself up more than you have to. It's best to express gratitude of the time spent, take what happened at face value and hope they save themselves from themselves. It's truly sad, people who yearn for love and acceptance but won't allow themselves to and let fear win.
@@pdubs1408 Well said. It’s been over a year since we were in a relationship together and we talked yesterday after having no contact for several months. She mentioned about wanting to be friends but I told her that I can’t be only friends. I actually still care about her but I know I can’t solve everything for her. Sorry to hear about what you went through and hope you are doing better now.
Ahhh I love Tim fisher!!! What an awesome crossover. I love that he speaks to both religious and non religious folks in such a respectful, scientifically informed way ❤️
i am a survivor of Maternal Narcissistic abuse. Theo described it so well. I feel like him in many ways. It is painful, shameful, and emotional. It affects all aspects of your life. Recovery is possible once you realize you were abused. It will help you see it was not your fault.
Theo’s journey is truly inspirational. From the stories with Joey Diaz to things he talks about openly, with a full heart and without judgement to the guests he has on, it’s like we can live with him through his process alongside which I am so happy to be able to lean in to his courage. When two great separate circles meet you know you’re on to something. I have no doubt it is resonating with so many people and it is people like him this world needs now more than ever. Super cheesy I know but I wanted to share. Thank you so much, Theo!!
After having a traumatic childhood . We tend to carry that and get an identical, romantic relationships, I’m 43 and after staying alone for 10 years and working on myself I am finally ready to give a healthy relationship a try. I struggle in the romantic department . Finding a real authentic connection is hard. Especially these days .
I cannot even begin to express how happy I am to see Tim Fletcher getting out into the world and media. I was blessed and fortunate enough to have Tim as a teacher in a treatment facility in Winnipeg, Canada. He taught me SO MUCH. And still does with his TH-cam videos. I hope more and more people hear what he has to say. I believe he has the ability to heal people with all of the incredible information he has obtained. Keep doing your thing, Tim!! 😁
Theo! Thank you so much for having Tim Fletcher on your show! I discovered him about four years ago and learned so much from him about childhood trauma. You are helping many people by having him on your show, including me. Looking forward to watching the full episode.
My relationships play out as my not asking for what I want, what I need, not discussing what makes me happy, sad, mad…not being happy but growing more and more resentful, my turning to food to soothe myself which leads to weight gain, self loathing and the self fulfilling prophecy that my significant other isn’t attractive to me and I didn’t want them to be …over time this resulted in the breakdown of the relationship. Once single, I lose weight, exercise, focus on self care, therapy. It’s only when I’m in a relationship that everything goes to shit. I’m trying to “date” now and it’s just a shit show because I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve tried having casual sex which I can do once but more than once with the same person, I start feeling attached and ultimately rejected because they aren’t really interested in me at all, this of course triggers my abandonment issues and I’m a mess all over again…obsessing, limerence/fantasy, self doubt, self loathing. I’m afraid that because of my CPTSD, I’m honestly just not capable of being with anyone.
It is so complicated. My heart goes out to you. You have already done a lot of hard work in uncovering and making conscious your behavior patterns and what drives them. Hang in there, sometimes it's just putting one foot in front of the other--one day at a time. Be kind to yourself. If you have not seen a therapist, consider working with one. Don't pressure yourself to date or find a partner, it is far more important to focus your attention on healing, because without healing, it will be really hard to have a healthy relationship. Blessings.
Damn I’ve never related so much to something. You’ve summed up exactly how I am feeling and what I’ve been going through. The casual sex story is what I’m currently experiencing and struggling with especially the getting attached. I don’t know why I do this. I try not to but I can’t switch it off. I didn’t realise it links to abandonment issues. I hope you’re doing okay, thank you for articulating this so well as I’ve struggled to do so.
I agree. He sets an example of self-forgiveness and maintaining dignity even while discussing behavior he's not proud of. It's like he's holding a torch and leading the way for others who feel bottled up with shame.
More people need to listen to Tim Fletcher. His knowledge is second to none. I was never an addict but I've suffered from CPTSD. His videos have been saving my life along with DBT and stoicism.
It is so great to hear another guy talk openly about issues with this. It takes a lot of courage to do so. I would know because I struggle with the same things and I feel so bad about how I've damaged people in my relationships. I have to get myself in order so I can treat someone right and feel good about myself. Good luck out there everyone
Theo!! Thank you for actually going through and voicing yourself. Iv NEVER heard anyone actually admit there real HEAVY baggage they carry into relationships, and that has its roots in yourself and not the other person. Theres a very common trope where folks blame thier roots of trauma on the new person in their life, giving them the love and time the one who hurt them NEVER did.
Theo is so insightful. Its like his sessions are free therapy, not only for him, but for his audience. His thoughts are like mine, but his words are really thought-provoking.
11 days no nicotine/vape. Been such a tough road lost some relationships snapped on some people..abandoned by few..but barely starting to feel normal again. Well worth it man. Can’t wait to get back active creatively. Feel like I’m hitting all cylinders sober for the first time since 16💙💯
I've been on my own for two years so I can work on my trauma issues. It's not easy but I'm a better person because of it. Theo is one amazing hero for doing the hard work and sharing it with us.
Appreciate the honesty. Our generations seem to be filled with trauma from generations before us. We're the cusp, the elbow of trajectory for big changes of the generations to come.
thank you so much for sharing this. I feel less alone. I’m 22 and I’ve been in and out relationships since 16. And I’ve always found myself soaked in guilt and disappointment from my cheating behaviour. Losing and constantly having hope that it’ll get better. I loved so much yet always ended up committing to hurtful decisions. Thank you so much for this.
That first 3 mins I can absolutely relate too. I’m literally about to go through a divorce because of my wife’s past trauma. The trauma expert described my situation to the in the first 3 mins! From my experience, he is absolutely correct. Everything will crash and burn if the deep routed issues aren’t addressed.
Theo’s vulnerability is beautiful
Probably a Biden supporter 🌈
it is why he’s among my favorites in the current comedy sphere along with Duncan Trussell. hilarious, but can’t help wearing their flaws on their sleeve.
addressing themselves and making others laugh through it
He is low key making changes in society with it.
Literally
Beautifully transparent
Just wanted to comment here to proudly share that I've been sober for 1,669 days.
Thats incredible man. Mega proud of you. Im actually 6 months today. Hope to reach your number one day 💪🏻
🎉🎉🎉 good job!!!! Keep going!!!
Well done bro, keep on keeping on!
gang
Good work! 🎉
Hearing Theo say “when I saw a functioning family I would be like ‘what the f*** is this’” killed me
😂 now I’m staying to see this moment
Shits real too. Just seeing a family eating dinner together used to break me
@@zackwebb8697 sorry mate
@@MsMak03 no worries, I eat dinner with my wife and kid now
It was even better when he said,”that’s the dumbest sht I’ve ever seen.” xD
It's hard to be broken as a child and to have to spend your life trying to fix what someone else did. it isn't right, it just isn't right. I pray for all of us.
agree.
I know… but even if they tried they couldn’t do it. The wound is inside and only we can reach it ourselves. It sucks I know.
It is but that is life, we are not the first nor the last, best we can do is be as supportive as we can be to our fellows, to foment emotional responsibility in your family. I spent a lot of time analyzing my families past and their (and my) traumas only to realize how easy of a pitfall it is to fall into, instead of fixing the root of the problem, you're just looking at one of the symptoms and shifting responsibility. In the end we are our only masters, we have to learn to forgive the past and ourselves. Everyone goes through hard stuff and I can't say I speak on behalf of someone, obviously seeking help is good, but taking some control of your own future by relinquishing the past is a major step.
Its truly unfair and incredibly sad. But the fact that youre fixing it means youre breaking that pattern/cycle of abuse and thats also incredibly brave and strong. Post traumatic growth is a real thing and I hope each of us get there
Thanks Jennifer we're praying for you too
i’ve gone 3 days without alcohol
I hope you’ve continued this streak since you posted. We’re all rooting for you.
Keep it up, my friend ❤
Nice brother... keep on going
Great job keep it up!! I got 2 days sober and no job never been down this bad but we got this brother
Good shit bro
I hope you are doing incredible
That whole line about being fine until something triggers you and then fucking things up beyond repair hit hard. When it's too late it's too late, and you will hate yourself once you come to that realisation.
You got that right. I bail. I f/f run or fight. I did take Tim s course. It’s much easier to be me. Thank God for Tim Fletcher, and his compassionate staff. I am in recovery.
Me f things up! 🤦♀️
i dont remember where i heard it but its something like “no matter how far along the road you are, you are always the same distance from the ditch” which is a little bit depressing at first, but also comforting, because you always know where the ditch is.
@@ahem8013 I've never heard the phrase, but I love it. Something similar I say is "the truth will set you free, but it's going to piss you off first."
People who believe that their life is perfect and can't fail are always in for a worse reaction than a person who is realistic. I know exactly how close I am to failure, because it would take one bad accident, some legal trouble, or even a random freak accident with no explanation and I could be homeless by the end of the year.
A LOT of people don't understand that.
@@Adm6475 😢 it's me
Love how Tim immediately went into listening mode as soon as Theo started opening up..
I noticed this too. It’s like watching therapy. I appreciate Thea’s vulnerability
Theo’s*
Yes!!!
Total body language change.
I love Tim’s video’s and am so glad he exists and that Theo has him on his show. Beautiful ❤
Theo is an absolute hero and role model for speaking out about this kind of stuff. How many of us have the same or similar issues and don't talk about it to anyone?
Not hard dude, talk about it and quit being a little bitch
Yeap being open and exposeing your truth it takes and shows true strengh.
I do talk about it to people, but they can never give me good solution on how to remove the root of the issue
@@Shinyflubbait's about finding what works for you specifically. Usually a combination of different therapeutic approaches work. CBT, ACT, EMDR, neurofeedback therapy, internal family systems. Creative writing...the list goes on. You need to research. The body keeps the score is a good book to start with. Gabor mate is a great educator in trauma as well.
@@themajor333 thank you for the references and your comment! 🙂
“Staying with someone because I didn’t want them to have somebody else who would really care about them, or that could care about them better than me, even though I knew I was doing a bad job.”…. Wow.. hit hard man
Reminds me of a Drake lyric from “doing it wrong”
Tim Fletcher is hands down one of the best educators on complex trauma ive ever heard.
Agree! He's the best I've seen so far on YT by a lot. So many helpful videos on his channel - he really gets it, at all levels.
Heidi Priebe is also doing amazing work. Especially lately. You could check her out.
I have C-PTSD so I’m definitely going to check him out. I’m surprised I haven’t seen him before. I watch trauma and autism videos almost daily.
I recommend Dr. Gabor Maté. This is the first time I've heard of Tim Fletcher but I like what he had to say.
I totally agree he is the best!!
If anyone is reading this, you are worthy. You are loved. And there is hope. Love you Theo.
When does cptsd end?
Idk. But that is a million dollar question.
A randomer on TH-cam saying that isn't gunna make people think any different lol
@@kickboomuk798 made me cry buddy 🤚
It’s so true that relationships bring out our trauma. The old saying goes hurt people, hurt people 😢
And healed people heal people
I hate that BS copout saying. Not all hurt people hurt people. A lot of hurt people have genuine empathy for others bcuz they know exactly how it feels.
Hurt people have helped people and healed them too!
@@goodmorningsundaymorning4533yes!!!! Thank you for calling out this toxic thought process!!!
I recently heard of data that actually most traumatised people actually don’t redo the thing that has been done onto them
I dated a boy from a functional family when I was in high school and I used to marvel at how they spent time together and interacted with each other. I loved being at his house. Only to go back home and hear my mom tell me things that made me think what I had seen at my boyfriend’s house wasn’t real. She was always dismantling my positive perceptions of others. I couldn’t have joy for anyone else. I could hardly have joy. But that’s all the trauma I need to dump in this TH-cam comment today. Love you, Theo.
Honestly my major cyclical, episodic depression (MDD) vanished the day I had the magic mushroom tripping while listening to the birds singing in the early morning, up at the cottage country in Muskoka (Ontario, Canada)
Literally changed my life
I did this recently for the first time, I will say it was the most beautiful and amazing thing I have ever felt. My spiritual being opened up to the earth. I saw portals, the stars dancing, aliens and I saw the realm of heaven. I for once was not sad but an overwhelming sense of happiness that filled my entire body. It's something that I'll never forget.
I do 3.5 g of mushrooms every 6 months to reboot my brain.
Took shrooms for the first time yesterday; it was pretty fucking amazing
y'all talk about the benefits of mushrooms, but no one talks about where to fetch from.
zaletherapy guidance has helped me navigate complex health issues.
It's hard to accept the love you think you don't deserve. At least for me it is.
you deserve love and hope you find it
@@MrButchersTube hopefully 🤞 you will heal soon ♥️♥️
Dang....that hits!
This is my favorite Theo. He makes himself so vulnerable by basically recording a therapy session
Agreed. Am absolutely convinced he knows his comedy and persona is a front for his true life's work. People underestimating him is his Superpower.👍😍🙏
He’s quite a beautiful human really. ❤️
Sometimes it takes a certain person who is more important than our trauma to come along and incentivize the process.
I have healed myself into a completely new person and have spent a long grueling time putting in the work (that has rewarded me 10x) but my new partner has not done any work and I see my past self in him so clearly... I think our relationship will only work if he's able to do the inner reflection. If you've experienced someone who has incentivized your healing, what was that like for you? In my experience no one can force a person to heal, it's a personal choice
@@Morale_BoosterI personally agree that it's a personal choice. But we as humans are complex creatures that live in a habitat that thrives on certain things, one of those being external opinions and criticism.
It's how we grow but it's also a fast way to regression.
I would attempt psychological conversations.
Make them face the realities of there actions and reactions and such then brings a moment of clarity and perspective that almost frees you from the ball and chain of biases and emotions.
This in turn will have an effect on emotional and physical responses to behavior, now that's the bright outcome in this scenario.
The dark scenario is that they fall even further deeper into the behavior, thus burying themselves within the most close minded place a human can be. Alone.
Good luck, praying for you guys ❤
@@YNotThough thank you dude, I like your perspective. I do try to lead by example, cause when he sees me falter (I do often) he also sees how I regain my balance with self awareness and responsibility. And I would never say this to him but he also gives me some inspiration about what I don't want to do, for example victim mentality and stubborn helplessness and blame passing. He is very sweet and helps me in so many ways but our maturity gap is like the grand canyon when it comes to self help
Wonderfully written, thank you.
I went through a three year long abusive relationship that messed me up. I've tried to date and would be distraught when I realized I couldn't feel anything until I met one guy.
I missed my opportunity, but even now he inspires me to get better. Sent my contact info to a therapist. Hoping for some good stuff.
@@Morale_Booster You describe exactly what I experienced with my partner of four years. I'm still so conflicted about him, because were it not for him, I wouldn't be that completely new person. He was both an incentive and a support. As my growth and health accelerated though, it reached a point where I'd grow past him if he didn't come along for the ride. He had his own traumas and it's almost like the healthier I got and present to support him, the rockier it got. He knew he needed to do the work but it overwhelmed him. I'm heartbroken to say we are no longer together and I'm really sad for him. I hope that you have a happier resolution in your situation.
Its actually so powerfull and brave for theo to speak about these things so openly, really the kind of 'manly' we need instead of all these f*ing "alpha males"
The alpha, sigma, beta male crap is just the guy version of astrology. “I’m a Sagittarius.”
“I’m an alpha male.”
It’s the same sh!t.
The f does alpha male mean to you? A mechanic? A blue collar worker? It's all part of woke BS. Stop feeding into it
@@brennancarter7721that makes no sense at all
Ummmm....I believe there is a place for some of it. The self improvement stuff. Because once a guy has worked out his trauma....he needs to also be able to work out what truly motivates and sustains him and what the expectations are of the people that he wants to have around him. There are masculine traits of strength, loyalty, integrity, being a protector that are very important for a man to learn in order to gain respect from women, respect from other men- and most importantly the respect of one's self.
@@brennancarter7721except there’s no millennia of observation to back up alpha nonsense.
Severely abused and abandoned by both parents as a kid. "Fake intimacy" is THE BEST explanation of what I used to be (dated old rich guys, made out with young guys in the club, etc.) and eventually I met my husband thru a coworker when I was 35. He suffered maybe more trauma than me as a kid. Together 14 yrs now with a kid. I reiterate all the time I don't want the BS relationship. We have gone into therapy at trying times, learning SO much about how our traumas shaped us and can say that we are MORE solid today than ever. It can be done. Just meet someone as fucked up as you😅
Thanks
Very true, you could also spend some time being single, out of a relationship, to go to therapy and work through issues before committing to another person whom you may hurt or may hurt you.
@@LatteCoco1yes this is true to a point but as a survivor oF CPTSD and child abuse i have been on my own for 10 years and in therapy and doing the work but i found that without practicing with someone else in a relationship things stay in theory rather than practice. After trying both ways, i find that practicing and trying with someone who is understanding and struggling with their own stuff is a better idea.
Plus, haven’t we suffered enough??? Why should we be alone even longer as adults after we have already been so lonesome since a child?? Doing the work by yourself is key but you also deserve to try with the right person. Imagine reading about how to play basketball and getting on the court as opposed to playing one on one for just as long. Which way will teach you more about yourself and give you muscle memory?
😂😂. Got it! 😂😂
@@oregonsnob31agreed!!
The thing that ultimately blows is how complex trauma kicks in when you’re finding yourself, or supposed to.
so hard to figure your shit out when there's a screaming child in the back of your head lol
@@eg4441no seriously. It irritated me for years and then I listened to the noise and realized it was me. Changed my life. All my attention is now towards helping the poor baby inside🩷
"Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself" - George Bernard Shaw
Hope this helps! Helped me a lot
It takes time, everyday, with consistent actions to create who you are. Stumbling into "finding yourself" just doesn't really happen in my experience. You have to take action to create the life you want
@@celestialfiendtruth
I avoided EVERYTHING with ocd, the list got longer and lit was ruining my life. I was working on erp with small progress, still avoiding the biggest of the big stuff again, then BOOM head hit/tbi, 6 seizures and an epilepsy diagnosis. So much has changed but the most important is how I people please. People don’t love you as much when you learn to say no but rejection is less painful than ocd symptoms, it’s less dangerous than another grand mal. But YA it definitely felt ironically and cruelly timed, necessary is how I see it now.
I remember few years back after my wife died, I was left alone with 3 kids. I suffered severe depression, trauma and mental disorder. Got diagnosed with bipolar. Not until a friend recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment changed my life for better. I can proudly say i'm totally clean for 6 years and still counting. Always look to nature for solution to tough problems, Shrooms are phenomenal.
Hey mates! Can you help with the source? I suffer severe anxiety, panic and depression and I usually take prescription medicine, but they don't always help. Where can I find those psilocybin mushrooms? I'm really interested in treating my mental health without Rxs. I live in Australia don't know much about these. I'm so glad they helped you. I can't wait to get them too. Really need a reliable source 🙏
Yes sure of Pedroshrooms
I'm so very happy for you mate, Psilocybin is absolutely amazing, the way it shows you things, the way it teaches you things. I can not believe our world and our people shows less interest about it's helpfulness to humanity. It's love. The mushrooms heals people by showing the truth, it would be so beneficial for so many people, especially politicians and the rich who have lost their way and every other persons out there.
Where do I reach this dude? If possible can I find him on Google
Yes he's Pedroshrooms. I know few friends who no longer suffer ptsd and anxiety with the help of shrooms. Never had to take shrooms after then.
I have been married twice and engaged now. We are taking our time, as the trauma from toddler sexual abuse impacted me to the core. This relationship is different. He has helped me heal and has allowed me to take my own pace in our relationship. I think the difference though, I finally love myself. My sexual abuse was not my fault, and I don’t have to carry that trauma around with me. I found joy and gratitude, which is foreign to me. I turn 46 next month and for the first time, am not bogged down by the trauma I carried around for 44 years. ❤️
Inspiring
God bless you and God bless your upcoming marriage 🙏
The body holds memories. It takes work& courage to re program the feelings& reroute nerves ❤ you got this
Thank God you found someone that understands
Me too hun at the hands of those whom were supposed to protect and love me the most. I’ve done so much work and feel whole and love myself completely. Love to you. I know the damage felt on a soul level. Big hug
Fake intimacy is truly the perfect way to describe this.
This has been something I was going through I think... I have adjusted a lot. I hope I am on the right path...
"someone you met in a service area" wth Theo lol. Love this man. He says it like it is.
Yeah what service areas is he talking about lmao.
Theo is so brutally honest, love him
It's really healing to hear a man talk about this. When I think about how badly men have treated me, I either think it's my fault or it's their fault, but maybe it's no one's fault. Maybe they're not heartless liars and I'm not unlovable, maybe we're both dealing with trauma.
Its always rooted in trauma. Unfortunately.
Yea "hurt people hurt people" always helps me. We're just repaying old patterns it's noones fault. But we can improve 😊
I’m healing from childhood trauma. I’m 34, never had a “real” relationship in my adulthood. I’m an only child. No family of my own. Sad stuff. But just like this man said: THERE IS hope. I’m in a 12 Step Codependency Recovery meeting that I attend weekly.. I also quit porn.. and I’m gonna try and start dating this year and make a TRUE change. Thanks for this TH-cam clip yall 💖💖💖💖
Don't date in your first year of CoDA. You've got this!
❤❤❤
Only relationship I had physically was in HS for a month, at 21 I lost my virginity to a single mother of two kids, never went steady or anything, I guess we were both lonely and susceptible. Last of almost 20 children. Turned 35 this year, also trying to quite porn and trying to start dating. Funny how small the world seems sometimes
Damn. This dude's honesty and vulnerability. Much respect.
Very appreciated. Thank you
Theo’s sincerity is moving. Thank you 🥹
Studied with Tim for 8 months, he's the reason I've healed so much from complex trauma and now coach others to. I absolutely loved seeing him on TPW -big fan of Theo! A surreal experience for me in the most amazing way!
I second that! I was just introduced to Tim via TH-cam algorithm a couple months ago and he has reinforced my healing process exponentially. ❤
What an honor
SURREAL!!! Theo and Tim talking Complex Trauma ❤❤️🩹
Right?? He's incredible. I'm so happy the right people are finally getting the exposure. The public desperately needs his valuable and healthy lessons he teaches
Me too, been watching him for years! ❤🇨🇦
"If things get tough I leave." - this is such a strong response when a younger part regresses back to being only as resourceful as that 5,6,7,8 year old part was back then. It's amazing how that hurt/trauma shows up as an adult and takes over until it is healed.
THEO OUT HERE HAVING THE CONVERSATIONS WE ALL NEED TO HAVE!💜☮️
So true
Ive been alone for over 10byears now. 33 years old. Still think of her every single day, throughout the day, missing her, pissed at myself. She was absolutely wonderful. Just wildly beautiful inside and out. So so good to me. I cant say the same of myself. If i could go back in time, id beat the everliving shit outta me. Since then ive learned why i treated her the eay i did, and i know now i was taking my internal pain, self hate, self worth/esteem issues out on her. And that was SO wrong. I blew it. Bigtime. I Feel like the best of my life has come and gone. I sure hope im wrong.
Absolutely, you can move forward and meet someone who is right for you now.
The best of your life is yet to come bc you have grown more than you realize by recognizing and owning what happened in your relationship that caused it to end. Accept the fact that it was an extremely difficult time in your life and you survived with insight that will give you peace heading into your future.
For many people it's just easier to romanticize someone when they are gone.
We all make mistakes and relationships are not easy. It will happen dont be affraid, you acknowledged it and that’s freedom. Good luck 👼🏼💪🏻🙏🏻
It's true there's plenty of fish in the sea.
This is such an important conversation. Examining how trauma shapes our schemas and the way we approach relationships is life changing.
Wow. I love Theo for admitting these things about himself.
I hope Theo finds a strong woman worth continuing his healing
me too...he deserves a human who will be there for him...if he listens to Tim, he has hope.
no one deserves a cheater. He will just end up damaging her.
Damn I did not know he was a cheated. I appreciate you defending women. No good woman deserves to be lead on or cheated on
@@catcat9582 True and no good man deserves to be lead on or cheated on as well. It goes both ways.
He is worth continuing his healing for. It is never a good idea to try to heal for someone else. It needs to be because you have learned to value yourself well enough, to do all you can to support yourself, mind/body/spirit.
the term gaslighting is from an old 1930’s movie where a husband is trying to make his wife think she is going crazy by turning down the gas lights and acting like he doesn’t see it when she mentions that the lights are not working
Yes we have to tell the young ones this as they use this term but don’t know where it comes from.
It’s good to know the origin of things.
@@Luigisalibiok b00mer
@@BlGGESTBROTHER that phrase is boring and old.
@@goodmorningsundaymorning4533 ok, b00mer
I pray for him. I can relate. I found my love at age 49. I’m blessed.
With all these games and no honesty …how? I’m about ready to be done and just started.
❤❤❤
Blessed indeed!
Today literally marks a year that my ex left me, this video helps a lot. Daily reminder, always stay truly happy with yourself. Have a blessing day y’all.
Sending a virtual hug 🫂 and prayers 😇
Great video! Unfortunately, my two-year relationship ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, and I still love him deeply. I can't stop thinking about him. I've done everything I can to get him back, but nothing has worked. I'm frustrated and can't imagine my life with anyone else. Despite my best efforts, I can't get him out of my mind. I really miss him.
It's incredibly hard to let go of someone you love. I was in a similar situation when my twelve-year relationship ended. I couldn't let him go, so I did everything I could to get him back. I sought the help of a spiritual counselor, who assisted me in reuniting with him.
That's amazing! How did you find a spiritual counselor, and how can I reach him?
His name is Fatherabulu, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can help bring your ex back.
Thank you for this valuable information! I just looked him up online, and he seems impressive.
"i didnt want them to have someone who could care about them better than i could even though i knew i was doing a bad job." man that shit hits home.
Tim is an amazing therapist. I listen to him as much as possible. I’m a childhood trauma survivor.
it’s crazy being in a healthy relationship with someone brings out all of the trauma that you need to work on. i just hope he can give me a chance to show him i am mature enough to have a relationship with him. work on yourselves
Theo, I want you to know that I think you are brave as hell. Love you, Brother. God bless you.
A lot of people never address their trauma and at some point it becomes so big, becomes way too much for them to deal with on emotional and psychological level, and they begin to collapse entirely. Some people choose drugs and alcohol, some choose sex, some choose pornography, addiction list goes on. But if you don’t deal with your stuff, you ultimately gonna repeat the cycle over and over and over again.
Thank you for being so open and vulnerable.
Theo's vulnerable. He deserves true love and happiness.
The level of intimacy and vulnerability that Theo lets us into is a gift. It’s admirable and such an honor to watch. As a therapist, this is such a powerful tool for people to see and help achieve transformation in their lives! Way to go! Keep it up 🎉
Tim is a gift. Truly.
You're onto something good, keep it rolling
Theo you brought on Time Fletcher!? OMG I love it! Bro you are growing!!
Right there with you theo, tough as hell being in a relationship atm coming from a non affectionate childhood
This is great. I appreciate Theo’s honesty and vulnerability.
Theo will never realize how many life’s he has saved. Obviously it is up to ones own self to get sober but Theo having hours and hours of content to lean on helps tremendously. I quit at the end of last December and relapsed recently, I’ve found myself listening to Theo again like I did earlier in the year. God f-Ing bless Theo Von, sobriety is worth it, never think it isn’t. Learn from your relapse and make sure it will be a one time hiccup
I love this whole side of Theo where he is having intellectual discussions with others while still having a touch of comedy. This man is truly talented.
Theo breaking character to be himself is always lovely.
I had a realization during this convo. The parent is always made out to be the root cause and then the child becomes what they are because of it. The thing is, the oarent was once a child too, and they likely had complex trauma that made them that way towards their kids. Every generation is just another layer of trauma and when you stack up enough generations, you see what a hopeless situation we’re all in unless we break the generational trauma
Trauma is gay
Absolutely. And what is so empowering is realizing it only takes one in the family to break that cycle.
@@yeflynneseek help
You are absolutely right, and once you know this, it is easier to see your parents as parents and then seperately, parents as people just like you and me. It is liberating. Then add in consideration of your own silent, internalized expectation of what parents should be or should have been. Try to separate out your perceived expectation from the mix. Ultimately, though, you now know you can be a chain breaker. You have had this realization, and now you have this wisdom - and therefore the power to use it.
I really kicked myself into gear about a year ago trying address the root of my problems. It’s been hard I’ve made a lot of progress but I’ve struggled a lot but it feels worth it to try and become the most authentic version of me.
Thank you for your candidness. I'm a woman, and hearing it from a guy explains a lot and is healing. I've had childhood trauma and see myself being responsible for the feelings of others, being gaslighted from childhood by dysfunctional parents, and later in marriage. Thank you for this, and thank you the most for being so honest.
This was my girlfriend for the last 500 days. Took me on a hot/ cold cycle while she was dealing with alcoholism and trauma. I carried the effort and picked her up whenever she fell down. whenever I would walk away and decide to keep what’s left of my self-respect, she would get a little bit better each time. It was at its best for the last two months and then a week of ghosting with a phone call saying I’m basically a loser. Worst part was I grew to love her 4 year old son and he loved me, his dad OD’d on Easter. She’s now in Hawaii with someone else and I’m hating myself for feeling so bad over someone who used me in the worst way possible.
I feel the same way ,.. Love and intimacy has always been a conundrum for me
Theo, you’re not definitely not alone on that journey. Thanks for putting yourself out there and thanks to your guests for talking with you about these things.
Theo, I am a preschool / early child development teacher and you sharing this interview/information with your audience is just so wonderful. Ty from the bottom of my heart. This knowledge truly changes lives and makes the world a better place. 💖 You are brave for sharing and growing, change and healing happens when you have bravery in your heart and share with others - keep going. There is hope, it can/will happen, keep going!!! (Neuroplasticity is on your side!)
This just explained my 20 year relationship that’s now falling apart with my deeply traumatized husband. I actually get it now. So sad. Thanks for sharing this.
I needed to see this so much today. I'm struggling a lot right now.
❤
🤗
You will be okay. We are all learning.
I never knew how much Theo could open up. It feels healing just listening to him
Thank you for always being genuine and having real guests. Real conversations our society needs. ❤
I’m in my 40s, never married, no kids, and I used to think that I was just “bad at relationships”. It was only until recently I’ve come to realize just how much damage was caused by me being abused as a kid. In my younger days, I thought that making it through all that just made me “tougher”, now I realize that it just made me straaaaanger, lol. For those suffering with C-PTSD, maybe a “healthy” relationship isn’t the answer, perhaps we simply need to find the “Harley Quinn” to our Joker, and vice versa???
Exactly. I relate to all you said. We didn’t have access to all this free therapy growing up.
Not sure about that either. 😢
I wonder why so many men are no kids or wife and assume they are players.
Yes. Healthygamergg channel has a video about this. Matching traumas and growing together.
I wish for a harley quinn but unfortunately things do not work that way.
Dude whats even more annoying is identifying your trauma and not being able to overcome it... not that the trauma is always on your mind but the anger and jaded mentality from it ... i mean it will destroy your life... its destroying mine... its like i dont even know who or what to trust anymore ive failed so many times you start to lose hope... im trying yet again this week to start over...
Mr. Tim Fletcher ! I participated in LIFT and that was the best program ever. Such a worm family and they all helped me through my biggest fall out with my mother. Forever grateful. Theo talking to him is so cool. I love when you said when you are single you don't work on yourself.... that's true.
Totally admire how honest Theo was… because it can in effect help so many others who feel/ have felt like this
Its cool to be honest and all but if you never change your actions then what is the point. Like with theo admitting he's cheated in every relationship. That's a great firsr step but if he never actually stops himself from cheating then it comes off as fake pandering.
This is one of the most validating conversations I've ever heard
This resonates HARD! Thanking you so much for having this conversation and sharing it🙏🏼
If someone is looking for a place to start. Look into attachment styles, specifically avoidant attachment. That's what theo is talking about.
Happened to me. Rugged pulled from a 7 year relationship from thinking over a weekend. Someone who thought running was a better solution than discussing those concerns. Stay strong everyone.
Happened to me recently, 2.5 months ago. I’m healing now. I think she’s unaware but I wish she could see the stuff I’m seeing.
Nothing good comes from dealing with people who treat others that way. It sucks, I’ve been there too. All you can do is remind yourself that you did the best you could to nurture the situation and make a genuine effort to connect with someone you liked. You put your best foot forward, it didn’t work out but now it’s time to close that door and move forward
That’s rough. I unknowingly had a two year relationship with an avoidant. I wasn’t aware of attachment styles at the time. Her behavior was so bizarre to me, and it was impossible to know what to do. It’s like there were no right answers.
@josephbrown9685 it best to take that period of isolation and hit the books. The discard was 4 months ago and I haven't heard a word from her. It demolishes your self esteem when someone you felt had your back decides to bail rather than communicate. Icing on the cake was asking me to be friends after. Don't beat yourself up more than you have to. It's best to express gratitude of the time spent, take what happened at face value and hope they save themselves from themselves. It's truly sad, people who yearn for love and acceptance but won't allow themselves to and let fear win.
@@pdubs1408 Well said. It’s been over a year since we were in a relationship together and we talked yesterday after having no contact for several months. She mentioned about wanting to be friends but I told her that I can’t be only friends. I actually still care about her but I know I can’t solve everything for her. Sorry to hear about what you went through and hope you are doing better now.
Ahhh I love Tim fisher!!! What an awesome crossover.
I love that he speaks to both religious and non religious folks in such a respectful, scientifically informed way ❤️
i am a survivor of Maternal Narcissistic abuse. Theo described it so well. I feel like him in many ways. It is painful, shameful, and emotional. It affects all aspects of your life. Recovery is possible once you realize you were abused. It will help you see it was not your fault.
I just realized how much I’ve been gas lit my whole childhood.what an eye opener.
Theo’s journey is truly inspirational. From the stories with Joey Diaz to things he talks about openly, with a full heart and without judgement to the guests he has on, it’s like we can live with him through his process alongside which I am so happy to be able to lean in to his courage. When two great separate circles meet you know you’re on to something. I have no doubt it is resonating with so many people and it is people like him this world needs now more than ever. Super cheesy I know but I wanted to share. Thank you so much, Theo!!
After having a traumatic childhood . We tend to carry that and get an identical, romantic relationships, I’m 43 and after staying alone for 10 years and working on myself I am finally ready to give a healthy relationship a try. I struggle in the romantic department . Finding a real authentic connection is hard. Especially these days .
I cannot even begin to express how happy I am to see Tim Fletcher getting out into the world and media. I was blessed and fortunate enough to have Tim as a teacher in a treatment facility in Winnipeg, Canada. He taught me SO MUCH. And still does with his TH-cam videos. I hope more and more people hear what he has to say. I believe he has the ability to heal people with all of the incredible information he has obtained. Keep doing your thing, Tim!! 😁
Theo! Thank you so much for having Tim Fletcher on your show! I discovered him about four years ago and learned so much from him about childhood trauma. You are helping many people by having him on your show, including me. Looking forward to watching the full episode.
Theo’s so refreshingly honest about his struggles and the things he feels bad about.
My relationships play out as my not asking for what I want, what I need, not discussing what makes me happy, sad, mad…not being happy but growing more and more resentful, my turning to food to soothe myself which leads to weight gain, self loathing and the self fulfilling prophecy that my significant other isn’t attractive to me and I didn’t want them to be …over time this resulted in the breakdown of the relationship. Once single, I lose weight, exercise, focus on self care, therapy. It’s only when I’m in a relationship that everything goes to shit. I’m trying to “date” now and it’s just a shit show because I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve tried having casual sex which I can do once but more than once with the same person, I start feeling attached and ultimately rejected because they aren’t really interested in me at all, this of course triggers my abandonment issues and I’m a mess all over again…obsessing, limerence/fantasy, self doubt, self loathing. I’m afraid that because of my CPTSD, I’m honestly just not capable of being with anyone.
It is so complicated. My heart goes out to you. You have already done a lot of hard work in uncovering and making conscious your behavior patterns and what drives them. Hang in there, sometimes it's just putting one foot in front of the other--one day at a time. Be kind to yourself. If you have not seen a therapist, consider working with one. Don't pressure yourself to date or find a partner, it is far more important to focus your attention on healing, because without healing, it will be really hard to have a healthy relationship. Blessings.
@@Betty-qz5zd Thank you. I do work with a therapist and am attending ACA, AL- ANON and CODA meetings regularly.
Damn I’ve never related so much to something. You’ve summed up exactly how I am feeling and what I’ve been going through. The casual sex story is what I’m currently experiencing and struggling with especially the getting attached. I don’t know why I do this. I try not to but I can’t switch it off. I didn’t realise it links to abandonment issues. I hope you’re doing okay, thank you for articulating this so well as I’ve struggled to do so.
I’m so glad Tim and his programs are receiving attention. The LIFT program was game changing for me. Highly recommend.
Theo over here is a hero and he doesn’t even know it! Such a beautiful example of being vulnerable! Love you Theo!!
I agree. He sets an example of self-forgiveness and maintaining dignity even while discussing behavior he's not proud of. It's like he's holding a torch and leading the way for others who feel bottled up with shame.
The more Theo opens up the more I resonate with him. I really feel like he gets me n anyone like me. I really ain’t alone out here 🥹
More people need to listen to Tim Fletcher. His knowledge is second to none. I was never an addict but I've suffered from CPTSD. His videos have been saving my life along with DBT and stoicism.
What is that?
It is so great to hear another guy talk openly about issues with this. It takes a lot of courage to do so. I would know because I struggle with the same things and I feel so bad about how I've damaged people in my relationships. I have to get myself in order so I can treat someone right and feel good about myself.
Good luck out there everyone
Theo!! Thank you for actually going through and voicing yourself. Iv NEVER heard anyone actually admit there real HEAVY baggage they carry into relationships, and that has its roots in yourself and not the other person. Theres a very common trope where folks blame thier roots of trauma on the new person in their life, giving them the love and time the one who hurt them NEVER did.
Theo is so insightful. Its like his sessions are free therapy, not only for him, but for his audience. His thoughts are like mine, but his words are really thought-provoking.
I listen to Tim Fletcher daily. He is part of my day when I am cleaning my house or doing projects his lectures are always on the background. ❤
11 days no nicotine/vape. Been such a tough road lost some relationships snapped on some people..abandoned by few..but barely starting to feel normal again. Well worth it man. Can’t wait to get back active creatively. Feel like I’m hitting all cylinders sober for the first time since 16💙💯
I've been on my own for two years so I can work on my trauma issues. It's not easy but I'm a better person because of it. Theo is one amazing hero for doing the hard work and sharing it with us.
Appreciate the honesty.
Our generations seem to be filled with trauma from generations before us.
We're the cusp, the elbow of trajectory for big changes of the generations to come.
thank you so much for sharing this. I feel less alone. I’m 22 and I’ve been in and out relationships since 16. And I’ve always found myself soaked in guilt and disappointment from my cheating behaviour. Losing and constantly having hope that it’ll get better.
I loved so much yet always ended up committing to hurtful decisions.
Thank you so much for this.
That first 3 mins I can absolutely relate too. I’m literally about to go through a divorce because of my wife’s past trauma. The trauma expert described my situation to the in the first 3 mins!
From my experience, he is absolutely correct. Everything will crash and burn if the deep routed issues aren’t addressed.
I really like this guest. He's got a lot of good stuff on TH-cam about narcissism and trauma and such.
Theo you're real for saying your own faults. Not many people would admit they've cheated in every relationship.
So i appreciate your honesty
Wow Theo, you’re so open and vulnerable! It’s rare to see someone so honest and not prioritise only their self-image. Great conversation 🙏🏻
Theo is so open and vulnerable, so refreshing and beautiful.
OMG... I finally understand myself after watching this clip and I'm 60. Thank u so much. Mind blown 💣