Thank you very much h Dr Shaler, for yet another excellent relatable video! I am learning so many terms, information and skills from you. I do feel myself getting stronger in self care. This morning I watched the movie, "What's Love Got to Do With It" on HULU about Tina Turner's life while with her former hijackal husband Ike and I saw so many traits of hijackal relationships, wow!
He will not stay on task. I will bring up something he did TODAY..and he starts talking about things from ten years ago I swear to God..I told him I would like to deal with this issue on this date- ten years ago has nothing to do with today's item.. he will tell me I need to stop bringing up the past. But he brings up the past all the time to stop conversation. It makes no sense at all I can't resolve anything with him. Oh it happens every time..he will threaten to leave over nothing over and over. He will not share a sandbox and pail..
Sadly, what you are describing is SO typical of Hijackals. They don't want to discuss their past behaviors and usually tell you "that's in the past, forget about it." Then, when convenient for their purposes, they blame you for everything you have and haven't done in the past. Of course, if you then say to them, "That's in the past, forget about it. Today's a new day." you often encounter their rage. Just another way that Hijackal behavior is confusing, chaotic, infuriating, and frustrating. You're right: they have no interest in sharing, only in being right and in control. Sad.
I wonder if an event can trigger someone to start to exhibit narcissistic traits… were those traits there all along and came to the forefront after being triggered by a wound? Or were they born from the wounding?
Narcissistic traits are mostly learned from having a narcissistic parent, or from early experiences traumatic to the Hijackal. They can certainly come more forward when they are triggered...which most of them are much of the time.
I know someone Who has been threatened that he will kill someone she loves, (this is a stepdad to adult stepdaughter)he tracks her phone. Her car. And has limited her work so she cannot see her significant other. She feels feels he is a credible threat as he has past domestic abuse charges and owns guns although he is not supposed to, he has in effect closed her relationship down although he will not even meet her significant other. What kind of steps can she make when she fears for his and her own safety as he is a physical abuser of her and her younger siblings and her mom.
I hope your friend gets help immediately. This is a dangerous situation, and it seems you are well aware of that. First, she needs to report this to the police as he has threatened her. As he has been charged before, I hope this will be taken seriously. If she can get her mom and other siblings to also make reports, that is even more powerful. Then, she needs to get out of the situation, and as far out as possible. She can help her siblings from there. I'd start there.
Thank you very much h Dr
Shaler, for yet another excellent relatable video! I am learning so many terms, information and skills from you. I do feel myself getting stronger in self care.
This morning I watched the movie, "What's Love Got to Do With It" on HULU about Tina Turner's life while with her former hijackal husband Ike and I saw so many traits of hijackal relationships, wow!
Oh, yes! Ike Turner seemed to have very Hijackal ways, and many of them, extreme!
This was GENIUS! SOOOOOOOOO ON POINT!
He will not stay on task. I will bring up something he did TODAY..and he starts talking about things from ten years ago I swear to God..I told him I would like to deal with this issue on this date- ten years ago has nothing to do with today's item.. he will tell me I need to stop bringing up the past. But he brings up the past all the time to stop conversation. It makes no sense at all I can't resolve anything with him. Oh it happens every time..he will threaten to leave over nothing over and over. He will not share a sandbox and pail..
Sadly, what you are describing is SO typical of Hijackals. They don't want to discuss their past behaviors and usually tell you "that's in the past, forget about it." Then, when convenient for their purposes, they blame you for everything you have and haven't done in the past.
Of course, if you then say to them, "That's in the past, forget about it. Today's a new day." you often encounter their rage. Just another way that Hijackal behavior is confusing, chaotic, infuriating, and frustrating.
You're right: they have no interest in sharing, only in being right and in control. Sad.
Here’s the video on the 3 must haves for a healthy relationship: th-cam.com/video/xfIi3ZAp-fM/w-d-xo.html
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You help me very much i want to donate small amount next month my check comes in disability.....you are a lovely lady great delivery 😊 Thanks
I'm so glad that you've found help here. People who want to support the work can make donations here: www.Patreon.com/SaveYourSanity Thanks!
I wonder if an event can trigger someone to start to exhibit narcissistic traits… were those traits there all along and came to the forefront after being triggered by a wound? Or were they born from the wounding?
Narcissistic traits are mostly learned from having a narcissistic parent, or from early experiences traumatic to the Hijackal. They can certainly come more forward when they are triggered...which most of them are much of the time.
I know someone Who has been threatened that he will kill someone she loves, (this is a stepdad to adult stepdaughter)he tracks her phone. Her car. And has limited her work so she cannot see her significant other. She feels feels he is a credible threat as he has past domestic abuse charges and owns guns although he is not supposed to, he has in effect closed her relationship down although he will not even meet her significant other. What kind of steps can she make when she fears for his and her own safety as he is a physical abuser of her and her younger siblings and her mom.
I hope your friend gets help immediately. This is a dangerous situation, and it seems you are well aware of that.
First, she needs to report this to the police as he has threatened her. As he has been charged before, I hope this will be taken seriously. If she can get her mom and other siblings to also make reports, that is even more powerful.
Then, she needs to get out of the situation, and as far out as possible. She can help her siblings from there.
I'd start there.