EMOTIONAL BRAINWASHING: How It Erodes Your Self-Worth & Self-Confidence
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ก.พ. 2021
- Sneaky stuff this emotional brainwashing! It often starts slowly and seems understandable. But, it continues and tips you over into second-guessing yourself and questioning your sanity, right? And, down the slippery slope!
Listen in to uncover what may be happening--or has happened--to you. Great start!
Here's another video on rebuilding your self-esteem after emotional abuse:
• Rebuilding Self-Esteem...
And another podcast episode on regaining self esteem after a Hijackal walks all over you
• Tuning Up Your Self-Co...
* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
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I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
Are you in relationship with a Hijackal? That's someone who consistently puts you down, love-bombs and gaslights you, creates confusion and chaos, and causes you to second-guess yourself? I can help you recognize, understand, and make decisions about those kinds of narcissistic behavior…and especially, how to keep yourself (and your children) safe and sane.
No worries about where in the world you live. I work through private, secure video conferencing. So, we can certainly work together to figure a few things out.
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Get my free ebook at www.Hijackals.com
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Are you looking for relief from the pain, confusion and drama of toxic relationships? I can help.
You can reclaim your personal power. Keep watching my videos on TH-cam to find strategies for changing your relationship dynamics.. When you're ready, let's talk.
You can take advantage of my one-time. new client introductory Consultation here (only $97 for a full hour)
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Dr. Shaler, I'm going to be making an appointment with you. This happened to me as a child. I'm 58 now. I knew there was something really wrong with my mother, but of course, these labels/studies had not been done. She blamed me and used me as her scapegoat into adulthood. She uses my siblings as proxy abusers. i have had to go no contact with all 3 of them and anyone attached to them.
Great! Talk soon.
I've had to do this with my family too.
@@franksimmons9242me too
"Talk is cheap. The best apology is changed behavior." (Carolyn Vosburg).
Absolutely! Or, as I say, "An apology without a sustained change of behavior is simply an appeasement." I put all my memes on this Facebook page: facebook.com/hijackals
Actions speak louder than words .
Another way to think of a hijackel is as a relationship scammer. Parent, lover, friend, business, it doesn't matter. Almost everything is done with an angle, they are playing a chess game with you when you don't even know there's a game on.
Their moves are to fleece you of something either now or on down the road. And they are masters, whereas their best marks are not even novices because they don't play games of dishonor. Dishonor is the hallmark of the relationship scammer, the hijackel.
Don't ever play anything with a scammer once those inner bells go off that someone behaves with dishonor. They are inevitably better at it than you are at defending yourself. Leave them to their fate.
Thank you again,
My mother is the same.
She is 94 in her home and i am the oldest daughter going over and the same . She is the same. No love emotional brainwashing to the very last drop.
They seem to live a very long time and never change- tactics change
Man. You are one tough cookie to have dealt with that. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Roberta, it hurt me the comment of your mom in hospital. It's so sad. You're really loveable and thank you so much to share your wisdom, it helps me so much.
You're so welcome. I'm glad it helps!
This was spot on. I didn’t respect this person, or any of the people who acted this way. Sadly, others did- and they will continue to until they’re preyed upon by them.
Sometimes, it has to happen TO you before you believe it happens to others. You're right.
Every one of your talks are just so helpful. 💝
Glad you like them!
Patricia Evans wrote a really good book about verbal abuse
Indeed. A very good book.
Yes! Patricia was my podcast guest: shows.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist/episodes/insightful-conversation-with-patricia-evans-author-of-the-ve Enjoy!
This was my life. She was physically violent to me on many occasions and made me believe it was my fault. Now, as an adult, she uses the siblings as abusers and she, believing she's being clever, has trained them for decades for this climax in proxy abuse. Thank God I had done research on this and told them I was going No Contact as the 2 siblings were being brainwashed by the parent to attack the Scapegoat. This is a huge insult, these 2 Do Not want to think that they are anything like our sick mother.
Having a #Hijackal parent with "flying monkey" siblings is difficult and sad. Think Cinderella!
I understand how insulting this is once you see the patterns. You've taken care of yourself by going No Contact. That can be difficult, but clear and relieving. Good for you!
My daughters no longer speak to me I suspect it has something to do with their mother and that fanatical religion she's involved in. I chalked it up as gas lighting and ghosting.
oh the clarity and self awareness...
THANKS SO SO MUCH! I have been working hard on cleaning up my life from toxic ones... hyjackles, narcs, ..... I have gone no contact with my entire family in the recent years and with distance came much clarity. Sadly I keep encountering more toxic fake friends, and sadly many co workers over the years. I have become stronger and much wiser thanks to people like you. You share very precious insights and I am grateful! God bless you!!!!
Believe their behavior, never their words. Their words are slick and well crafted. Sadly.
It’s the story of the scarecrow who still wants a brain, the tin man a heart and the lion’s courage, why do they still want it?
I don't like him but I love him, that's the problem. It was my father and unique caregiver on my early chilhood. So trauma-bonded
Extremely interesting, Rhoberta, thank you! I hope it will help a lot of people!
I hope so, too!
Thank you so much. Even if you don't discuss this with that other people it really helps to summarize these events into concise phrases
Your description is so perfect 😊😊
This is great to hear at the moment because I have removed myself from these type of people but am concerned that my family is still locked into this. I believe my son is married to a hijackal because of the treatment I have received from his wife. That is his choice and I believe he is living in a trauma bomb situation and he can only see he has to protect her because of the trauma she chooses to hold onto. I'm concerned that my grandchild is caught up in this. She is now speaking up to her stepmother and is now very anxious and unhappy when she spends family holidays which is a shame as I know my grandaughter does not want to hurt her dad.
Thank you!! I went thru 33 years b 4 I got away!! I got counseling & am doing well. It’s been difficult
Actually i think about the news when i think about brainwashing lol
Love your editing 👏
Thank you!! 😁
@@ForRelationshipHelp No worries! Have a fantastic week! ❤️
this was my marriage.... I made it 23 years before I broke down, still recovering 5 years later....
Could you talk about defining? He so thoroughly controlled me that he even told me who I am and what I think... As if he would know that...
Oh, that's so difficult! I'm glad that you found your way out. What you are describing is actually gaslighting. I've done videos and podcasts on this, so I hope you'll search for them. Here's the podcast link: SaveYourSanityPodcast.com
Omg! I love Beverly Engel :) her books are so helpful and truly are very therapeutic
Yes, Beverly Engel is great! Have you heard the two episodes on which I interviewed her? Here's one: th-cam.com/video/UWVOEWegUoY/w-d-xo.html
They're bad news. Yup. But when you are in this, be careful . It could kill you . Because sometimes you drink or drug to cope with thjs dreadful shit . This has unfortunately happened to me . I have lost whole Autumn days to my self medicating . All I wanted was happiness, and a healthy relationship .
Are you away from the situation now?
Yes, or could give you an illness. And could also kill you literally, since these people are the family anhialators.
Never forget it or you will repeat it.
I do not really agree on not knowing some people better then they know themselves... I have realised that the I get the more some peoples behavior and the very often destructive results are so very predictable, but those people don t like to listen or hear certain warnings. Especially people with a false sense of self, that have it done a drop of inner work get easily offended when you as for example mention carefully a concern about their drinking or drug habits, simple daily disorganistion or messyness around the workplace and disability to handle constructive critism, or whatever issue might occur. People get upset, lie to your face, blameshift or simply deny any fact that might not fit their self created false image of themselves. Thats why I more and more keep my mouth shut, sit back in silence and then think to myself when things go down south- sooner or later - why am I not surprised. ...
I’m calling soon mam just need to get some $. Ty for your time ❤
Hi Dr Shaler. I don’t know whether you will see my comment as this was posted a while ago but on the off chance you do. If I raised that I was hurt by something my ex partner did or I didn’t agree with him he would say things like “you always do this” “this is what you do” “it’s absurd, you are twisting things” “it’s crazy” “it’s delusional” Then he would storm out and say that it wasn’t working. He would then tell me if didn’t keep ruining things we wouldn’t fall out and if I’m happy then he is happy. Is this emotional abuse? Gaslighting? Because over time my anxiety has become through the roof and now if I get put under pressure with anything at all I feel unwell for days. I feel like I have emotional pain in my bones if that makes sense, this deep heavy aches in my body. I think I will feel better if I can clarify that it was abuse. I felt confused all the way through. Like I was trying to hold onto something that was slipping away. Like at any moment I would find out something terrible, but I didn’t know why I was feeling like that and it made me feel that I was ruining it. Any advice you could give to enlighten me would be much appreciated. Thanks
41:41 Yes
Hostage . Hell yeh .🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Hi Dr. Shaler, Are you a Psychologist or Social Worker? I'm asking because I'm trying to figure out if my insurance will cover your services.
Hi, Erin,
Because I have clients all over the world, I no longer identify with those professional groups. Also, as I have a PhD in Psychology, I offer my clients a receipt for reimbursement for their insurance companies at the end of their packages of sessions along with all the appropriate codes, etc. I hope that helps, and I look forward to talking with you soon. BeAClient.com
How u overcame such emotional abuse Nd psycological trauma
It was work, believe me. And, it was a long time ago when there was no much help. That's why I do the work I do, so that others truly feel seen and heard in these very difficult relationships....AND, to help them emerge empowered!
@@ForRelationshipHelp Thanks .
My wife to a T!!
That's not true. My husband of 9 yrs. Used the silent treatment instead of arguing. If I hada problem eithanything he used it. I didn't plead with him not one bit not ever. He didn't do it to make me care he did it to detur responsibility in anyway for anything. By not responding. He wind. I mean how does one argue with that? It's such crap.
I had a seriously silent treatment husband- he was sending me horrible vibes all the time- it’s hard to explain- people think it’s someone being quiet-
20:07 Yes