ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 พ.ย. 2022
- I was having drinks with a trusted friend. Was I asking for it?
I didn't make a police report. Does that mean I secretly liked it?
In this video, a Singaporean woman opens up about her trauma of getting raped at 19, how she struggled to overcome it while watching her rapist lead a normal life, and why she is choosing to take action 5 years later.
-
In Singapore, there is an increasing number of sexual assault cases and the number continues to grow. These are cases that have been successfully reported and there are more not brought to light.
The Sexual Assault Care Centre (SACC) at AWARE (aware.org.sg/) provides free services to survivors of all genders who have experienced sexual assault, helping them deal with their experiences and make decisions about their next steps.
Helpline: 6779 0282 Monday - Friday, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
WhatsApp: 9781 4101 (Monday - Friday, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. )
Email: sacc@aware.org.sg
Subscribe for more content like this: bit.ly/3zWeTtg
Catch more Millennial Stories here: • Millennial Stories
Catch more Real Talk episodes here: • Real Talk
Catch more couple features here: • Love & Relationships
About MOSG:
Run by ordinary Singaporeans who seek to hear and share compelling stories of everyday individuals. We create a range of entertaining and thought-provoking content for Singaporeans of all ages.
Have an idea or story to share? Put it down in the comments! We're always here to listen and create for you!
= Follow Us On Our Socials =
Facebook: / mosg.tv
Instagram: / mosg.tv
Website: millennialsofsg.com/
= Behind the Scenes =
Shermane Wong @justshermz
Jonathan Paul @jonathanpaul.sxw
Carmen Chuang
Want to be featured in our videos? Fill up our casting form: bit.ly/MOSGCasting
Looking to collaborate or sponsor a video? Email us: team@millennialsofsg.com - บันเทิง
This is just sad that no one in the original friend group stood up for her or said something. It's on each one of us to stand by those close to us in the face of these kind of traumatising incidents.
Her (fairly typical) response to being raped made them more distrustful of her. If she had chosen to make a police report instead, which many victims don't, then people will trust her account more.
It’s really very sad that this happened, especially the fact that her main clique of friends didn’t even try to support her and neglected her feelings and mental health. It’s even more important now for victims to seek trusted help immediately and go to official agencies like AWARE and/or the police and for their immediate support group to be there for her mentally. It’s even sadder that many of these cases - 7/10 go unreported 😢
"Her (fairly typical) response to being raped made them more distrustful of her. If she had chosen to make a police report instead, which many victims don't, then people will trust her account more."
Sad to hear. Lessons to be taken. Be careful who you drink with and let into your room. If your friends brush it off after sharing with them, then they are not good friends and you should seek new friends.
Get a lawyer sue your friend .lady should get respect.
I think honestly the saddest part of her "clique" were not her friends at all. Not anyone was helping her and just brush it off. This is just so sad. I cant imagine how scary and helpless she must have felt. I hope she learn something from this, choose your friends wisely. I do sincerely hope she gets a closure to this and overcome this trauma.
Girls, have confidence in our justice system. No matter what fools say on social media, legally you will have justice. So please make the police report.
If you watched the video, she did not mentioned that she did not have confidence, but rather the support system that she had at that time discouraged her to do so.
People don’t want to ruin the guy’s life so pretended it didn’t happen.
Not really, many examples show that r*pies get a slap on the wrist because their academics are OK. They even gag order on the perpetrator. Don't tell me u dk
It is not about confidence in the justice system. It is about the courage to disclose the incident. Family friends public view and pressure.
Good job reporting it, proud of you
Unis and schools need to educate youths more about their rights and steps to take when these things happen. Too many times these subjects are not talked about enough at schools and at home, and when it happens are often swept under the rugs by unis and institutions to protect their reputation. First step for victims to take is to go to a rape, assaulted victim support and eventually contact police when comfortable.
Disagree. If you go to the police only when you are comfortable, then you are no longer entitled to justice. If you want help from others, do your part first.
stay strong stranger. hope you will be ok in time.
If she is my girlfriend, and she told me. This perpetrator will lose his ability on a bed anymore. Let’s say his pipe broke.
wah power ah you chop his sausage off
That's what a real man does
this makes me so angry... How could a human being do this to another human being? I hope she heals from this and the guy gets severely punished as well.
My girlfriend's best friend raped her and she told me, but she didn't want to report him to police b/c it would ruin his life and I was mad at the guy but she was like no don't hurt him, so I'm like wtf and we eventually broke up and she forgave him eventually and still is friends with him , kinda crazy I never understood this logic
**sip coffee**
U just encounter a B*tch, move on and get a lady with honour
Understandable for u to break up
It means they are more than just friends
I doubt that he raped her, may be she told you an excuse that they slept together.
This is really sad and traumatising 😢 I hope society does not take blind eye on the real victims simply because the perpetrators have more alibi 🙏🏽🙇🏻♀️😢
Please report, do not let those monsters get away!
My parents always reminded us to not be in a relationship until we finish study.
It is very sad that this is happening so commonly and not alot can be done about it.
Granted it is not the victims fault for not reporting as it is extremely traumatic to even think about such an incident, let alone having to be questioned by the police.
Also yes there is a test for DNA for rape cases known as a 'rape kit' test in most countries.
stay strong ! and you are not alone.
Shit will always happen no matter how and when and why.
More shitty is her clique no one stood up for her after she sought solace in who she called friends.
"Her (fairly typical) response to being raped made them more distrustful of her. If she had chosen to make a police report instead, which many victims don't, then people will trust her account more."
Don't misunderstand a girl's action and blame them at the end. No means no. Really need courage to make a report directly after the incident. This is the main reason why many cases just happened and no action was taken. This causes more and more ppl dare to do it.
Oh no….
The man who did this needs to be charged with imprisonment. The world is not a safe place and you have to guard yourself at all times, ladies. Dont indulge in such activities where your safety is compromised. Do not drink with males who are outside your relationship.
Ladies need to have courage to send those men to 20 years jail so that they knew they wont be able to get away from it. They will in turn be raped repeatedly inside. Then they will know how it feel to be victim themselves. Your silence will only raise their ego and be bullies to others. Who know you might be a victim of other men again. Have courage, be serious, then the police will take you seriously. As to your aggressors, dont worry. Let the interrogators do their job, they will make sure they confess. But 1st you must make sure the police take you seriously. By asking them for updates.
Omg I hope that guy gets the punishment he deserves!!!
i really hope future victims would stand up and make a police report although i understand it would be traumatic... but let us not let any future perps get away with it.
Listen to this about reporting remind me of WW2 in Asia, the comfort woman never get the apologize from the Japanese that they wanted till they died. The last alive comfort woman had been died but the story and the trauma still stay. Hopefully the WW2 place and items still remains as a reminder for the future generation. Those women who stand out need a lot of courage and support to be able to tell the public they are victim.
Doesn't campus have rules that doesn't allow guys in girl's dorm?
I hope all girls don't allow any guy to break this rule.
You need to be brave and seek for justice for yourself. May he be punished by law and you can walk out of the bad experience soon.
while the guy is surely wrong to the highest degree... ladies, please... learn a lesson from this incident. It is also your responsibility to avoid from getting close to such a situation. If you decide to drink or go clubbing go ahead but have multiple precautions etc, yall should know better.
As much as this statement can get me cancelled, I still feel that one must always protect themselves in all situations especially drinking. Can you 1000% guarantee that nothing will happen under the influence of alcohol?
MANY TOLD ME, I AM LIKE A CHILD, NOT ADULT ENOUGH AND COWARD ALL BECAUSE I CHOOSE NOT DRINKING, BUT AFTER SEEING ALL STUPID THINGS HAPPENING AROUND YOU, I FEEL LUCKY BECAUSE I NEVER DRINK. HOPE YOU CAN RETURN TO YOUR NORMAL LIFE AND FORGET THE JERK.
😢why?
It's TRUE and more common than u think coz not more victims come forward but I do respect their own decisions
Girl must always take care of themselves and do precautions, regardless its a good "boy" friend
So no one talked about how the boyfriend would actually feel when he find out the truth? Just unfair for him to living with a lie.
Bruv she got raped.. she didn't choose that.. what's unfair is she got sexually assaulted
does anyone know her tiktok? i wanna watch the og video she uploaded, thanks
Oh Singapore
DNA test can prove sexual contact, but the case is usually about whether they can prove lack of consent
😢
Protect yourself. Thats the most important. Don't let guys drink with you if you're not ready for any consequences. Better drink with your partner or the same gender.
Sadly they dont think that way, but when sometime blame everyone
she shouldn't have posted it on tiktok. She should have went to the police right away. The people who told her to keep it to herself are not true friends. If she had gone to the police straight away, her social clique would find her story more believable because her going to the police shows that she is serious
Why guys don't like girls who party or drink with other guys.
Girls who party frequently are more experienced and thus it’s not that easy to take advantage of them.
Honestly i also kinda feel bad for you and your boyfriend and the fact that you still hang around with the guy in the group.... There are many similar cases where they just blame the alcohol in the latter ... And being alone with a guy in the room usually ends up happening like this no matter he's your bestfriend or anything else cause we are all vulnerable on top of that getting drunk ... Im not saying this could have been avoided but just saying how it normally happens
Hahaha university in Singapore…where u can see lots of these scumbag.. even more about their camp orientation events..ice breaker game which benefits the guys, close contact, and even lost of life… it is said that these camps grant freshmen a better opportunity to get to know their batch mates and seniors who can provide valuable advice and insight but is that really what most of them thinking? Or is just a camp to have “fun” ? Who knows, oh well, if you don take care of yourselves, who will? The guys whom you trust and drink with ? Btw this what what most of your gf will tell you when they want to go out and have fun “this is the guy I know for long time and I trust him” 😊😊😊 not all guys are like these but definitely there is…stay safe girls
Ahh, that's was awful
Stop drinking.. Find a nice friend... Keep your relationship with your god more after this... Leave all your shitty life style behind.. Start new life... A healthy one...
Didn't think the clout question was necessary tbvh
guy and girl never true friendship ;(
As much as I want to empathise with her, the harsh cold reality is that I've had multiple girls with boyfriends actually initiate with me when they were drunk and act like nothing happened the next day, I can't brush away the fact that it might just be her regretting what she did after the sobriety hits
Those girls sound super shitty, I hope you were okay after that dude. Sounds like a super uncomfortable situation to get into :/
At the same time tho, I hope you can also understand that this kind of comment can be pretty invalidating to that girl's feelings and experience. Not everyone is a liar
@@latia876 I am definitely fine, it's all their boyfriends I feel sorry for. I understand that it can sound that way, but like I said above I have seen so many girls do this that it's just hard to think otherwise at this point
@@SynG4t3s yaa , i do want to empathise with her
But when she said she was on a verge on breaking up with her bf . I just couldn't.
I am not saying she isn't a victim. But it kinda gets hard.
A no is a NO.
WE should respect that.
??? She is an individual and a person. Just because you have a low opinion of the women around you doesn’t mean that’s what happened with her. And you know what? Maybe men don’t agree, but even if she did cheat, no one deserves to be fucking raped. It’s very weird to find rape an appropriate punishment for anything.
I would like to see Singapore become a very safe environment for our girls and women. But we cant change people, at least as men we could start with the man in the mirror and vow to never take advantage of people in any way and propogate the lessons to our sons. So they mature as wholistic support for the whole society.
It can never be as long as there are immigrants
@@greenscenery1974 Lol somehow immigrants are always the problem? Hmm, most raped cases are done by ppl within their circle of friends, and you dare to blame immigrants?
"we would regularly go and drink or club together" - The so-called victim
Really urge everyone to not put urself in a dangerous and vulnerable environment.
Algo
I left my ex girlfriend when she told me she was raped, I think I was 21 at that time, was sorry that it happened to her but I didn't have the emotional capacity to support her in this, she attempted suicide after I left her and I felt bad and stayed away from her. I don't regret leaving her but what I kind regret was cheating on her because we were not having sex, she didn't deserve that from me.
seriously what? ive never felt so disgusted in my life where did u even get the confidence to comment this because i would be embarrassed with myself man you were such an awful guy please know that
Lesson learned
Learn from your mistake. Drinking with guys in a room is a risk you took
Avoiding the problem is the best solution.
She won't win the case because it is just not obvious. First, she was drunk and she said she blacked out, and then she let the boy in her room. i know that it's the boys' fault, but she's not an innocent child, she's an adult. She knows that being drunk with a boy in a room is, 80% of the time, going to lead you both to making some bad decisions.
i suggest to every girl reading this to not wear clothes that are reveling, it not cute it's sexy and that will not attract adoration but lust.
And obviously do not drink alcohol with a boy or multiple boys Cuz you might regret what you'll do or what will happen to you.
i advice you to leave alcohol totally. for both genders.
Yeah, way to blame the victim.
It's never about the clothes the victims wear. If it were, babies and old people wouldn't be sexually assaulted.
I was ones with my gf she request dont do those things so i respect their decision and we do hangi pacting only . I dont like to force people . Hahas . Hand will be always be your best friend .
You are truly gentleman, very rare to find people like you.
But sometimes drinking and temptation just get to us instead. I think we need more knowledge on how to have control of our actions and not go overboard and men should just keep their hands and thoughts to themselves
I was gonna trash her for not making a police report, when she wishes to benefit from her TikTok video. But then she did make a report, so good for her, respect on following through. But yea, heavy drinking is still a bad idea. I don't do that, and I am a guy who is unconcerned about rape.
??????? Trash someone for not making a police report? Something like this happened to a close friend of mine, and the guy bullied her into staying silent. It’s people like you who have higher standards for victims than the assaulter that ensures injustice continues in our society. Hello, Nobody in their right mind wants to tell their parents or their friends or people around them that they were raped. What right do you have to trash someone for not reporting something so traumatic? Crazy how you managed to make someone else’s assault about yourself
@@coldstring5646 exactly. It can feel even more traumatising when retelling a trauma that just happened to you. There could be a lot of shame and potential self-blame involved too in the process. I’m not surprised why a lot of the victims don’t report, especially when victim blaming still seems to be a thing, clearly seen some of the comments here. Imaging going to the police to report as a rape victim but only to potentially receive harsh and unsolicited judgments and comments from the authorities could be something that runs through their minds
?
People like you are exactly why people are scared to come out about this.
No one called her out for infidelity? Drinking with other guys late into the night is a red flag? And that wouldn’t be a one-off event. Just imagine how her bf would have felt.
Drinking with guy friends does not mean she deserves being sexually assaulted. It's also normal to have male friends. That's victim blaming.
@@katn2757 Many of us are supportive of victim blaming
@@katn2757 where was the statement about deserving to be sexually assaulted. But well, risky activities has risky consequences
@@katn2757 its pretty hard to actually make it out if she is a victim.
According to her story.
She was already on the verge of a breakup. N had drinks with guys , without any other females involved. Which is definitely a red flag. N then she didn't tell her bf about the incident either.
The thing is that , it's one side of the story. I m not saying, she isn't a victim n completely making it up.
She could be a victim.
If she had said a No.
Then he should have backed out.
Or when he was forcing her , she should have shouted. ...
Its not victim blaming.
Her story just doesn't add up.
I would like to hear the story of that other person too.
Infidelity??? Do you even know what that means? Straight people are weird af, you don’t trust your S/O to have any friends of the opposite gender then why are you together? 😭
you’re so concerned about a boyfriend who didn’t even have his bodily autonomy violated because why? You can’t relate to a rape victim?
Btw a boyfriend who makes your rape all about his hurt feelings, a self-obsessed man who who doesn’t feel protective or concerned about your feelings when you’re assaulted so terribly is not a person worth keeping around. You might as well live alone forever, someone like that is a leech who would suck the energy out of you. She was raped, sick freak.
You cant blame 100% the culprit as both of you were drunk i guess..You guys are full-fledged and everyone knew the impact of alcohol is no different at all with drugs no matter you sober or trance might lead to loss of rational thinking(crime)..Iam sorry for the girl and wish her quick-recovery..
I'm sorry, I just don't get this point of view at all. He forced himself on top of her and she said no so clearly, she was sober enough to give consent. Things should have ended there. Instead, he went all the way and didn't even have the balls to admit that the sex took place. You can 100% blame this guy
@@Kenyin Walwei how old are you meh?Alcohol=drugs ..You never drink huh?Wanna killing yourself with alcohol or drugs then prepared the cons la wei..If you think alcohol didnt harm your cognitive thought or sanity then go on getting drunk with your kids or your family..
Idk what point you trying to make when clearly she said no many times as she mentioned. He is clearly 100% at fault. No is a no. Even when drunk, she had the conscious to say no and sensing that she was rap*d. Then why defending this disgusting guy. No impact of alcohol can justify being an monster by heart. This very statement of yours just problematic because of this very statement people don't report. This is just you being an apologist.
The girl said no, means she is sober enough to give consent or not. The guy is definitely sober in the mind to even say "He won't find out" when she told him she is attached. It takes some level of decision making skills to come up with that right? Since they were both in the same clique, is it fair to say that the rapist knew beforehand she is already attached? So I can say with prejudice that he was looking for an opportunity to rape her and took the chance that they were both drinking alcohol to set this up? I believe you can 200% blame the damn culprit.
Drunk is one thing.. but the man knew what he was doing when his friend left the dorm room but he didn’t.
And the boyfriend thing and the whole “he wouldn’t know” spiel? He knew what he was doing, even in his drunken stupor. This is poor upbringing and a sick dick-driven mentality from him - let’s not blame the victim here
when you associate your "No." to you having a boyfriend, of course the next thing he would say is "He won't find out." because you made it seem like you didn't want it because you had a boyfriend, not because you didn't want it. A firm no would give you more liability against him lol.
A no is a no. There’s no such thing as a firm no or a weak no. It’s basic respect to anybody.
@@Kimberlyfong then just keep it as a firm no. why give him/her a reason to back your "no" when it's just a direct plain and simple no? read between the lines my g
@@zhongweak fact is she said no, and she blacked out. Obviously she wasn’t in any capacity to consent, and it’s unbelievable to think he had any excuse to continue raping her, because that’s exactly what he did.
Whether her excuse for not wanting to do it qualifies as a good excuse or not, doesn’t change the fact that she was not a willing participant.
@@zhongweak The reason why she mentioned the boyfriend is because guys usually respect other men rather than women and some would back off if they hear this. Most girls know this so I'm not surprised she used it. Please don't invalidate her with this kind of reasoning; it's incredibly disrespectful to her
What makes you so sure she didn’t give a firm no? If this man set his mind on doing something this despicable to her, anything she said wouldn’t have worked because clearly consent isn’t a concept his mind can conceive of. Stop the victim blaming.
the words....drink and club says it all.
Only a loser guy will take advantage of a situation like that.