I hate it when they ask why you didn't fight back. There are fight, flight or freeze responses to trauma, and sometimes we just freeze. And the emotional violence and control can be as devastating as the physical violence.
I'm sorry for your trauma, I hope you to be alright now, please don't give up ❤ you're stronger than you can think and the fact that you shared a little proves how strong and brave you are
you're very strong, it is hard to come to terms with.. disassociating in a way can save your life, but when you come out if it, which could be years later, you can have trouble remembering alot of details, leaving your brain feeling ghosty
I've disassociate many times but only once was it so bad that I hadn't only bits and pieces of memory of the situation. I can't even remember my age but I may have been 10-13yr old when 8 men broke into my home and started yelling for when felt like 20 min but may have been way less. They start shooting and I run from my bedroom to the hallway trying to get to my mom.. I'm yelling her name and suddenly in the hall I bump in to a man I stop in my tracks and he says something to me and I hear my mom call me feels like 30 times i know it logically probably didn't harppen that many then i feel my mom pulling me from the hallway and into her bedroom behind her bed...all i remember is seeing flashing blue lights in all directions like cameras flickering and being pulled into darkness by my mom after.... till this day it kills me that I can identify this person I bumped into. I can't remember a face or voice or anything after bumping into him and it's torture. I slept with my mom in her bed till I was 22 I'm 27 now and healing from many traumas but this is one I struggle with Maybe because I was so young.i haven't felt safe since that day.
Yes, I was frozen for over 2 weeks after my assault. It was like my body didn't want to acknowledge it all in one go. It took 3 weeks before I realised what he had done and it was only after I reported it to the police and started receiving therapy that I realised how serious the assault was.
I was assaulted by a ex .. he held me down and ignored my efforts to fight back he ignored my crying and me saying stop .. he made it like it wasn’t a big deal or that he didn’t just do what he did … I been In shock and frozen for days now
I will tell my story: I was dating someone online. It was really amazing sometimes and they were really nice to me in the beginning. But there is of course a dark side: they used me mentally, I don’t want to go into detail about it cause it’s very triggering to me. We had a big fight so I decided to fix the fight by visiting them irl for the first time. We had sex and I liked it but they didn’t stop when I told them to stop. I said over and over again ”I don’t want this, please stop, I need a break, no, stop” for 2 to 4 minutes until they stopped. I started crying and they didn’t even try to comfort me. ”I knew you liked it. I won’t stop if you like it” and then they tried to do it again but I said no many times and they listened
Thank you for making this. This kind of abuse is incredibly common and very difficult to describe to others when attempting to get support. I know exactly the kinds of abusive manipulation you are describing, and I am sorry that this has happened to you. You are very strong to put yourself out there like this and you are a role model for those of us who share the same scars.
That's sad. I had an experience too with a man. I was 16, he was 18. He's half dutch and half Asian. I'm an Asian. He was so tall if you compare it with Asian. He was my senior in high school. We both joined basketball club. Everything felt normal before. It began when my team on training, he throwed basketball to my head, I passed out. I thought it was just an accident. He took responsibility for me like bring me to the healthcare place at school, bought me soft drinks and food, and bring me back to my house. Normal right? But days after it, he still bring me drinks and foods, and bring me home from school. He said it was his responsibility. Until my crush (he was my classmate) holding my hands while he walked me home. I rejected my senior's offer to bring me back home with his care so I can be with my crush longer. My crush also liked me from what he did to me. He was very gentle and kind hearted man. My senior, let's call him Alex. Alex become weird the next day after it. He asked me who the guy that walked me home. And he also stated that he can walked me home today, he don't bring car, etc. I said thank you to him and he should stop taking responsibilities to me because I already forgive him and I'm recovered. He insisted that he wanted to walk me home. At the time, my crush was sick, so I just said yes. On the way to home, he forced me to his car near a supermarket. I said I don't want but he forced my body to go in and locked the car. I'm screaming but nobody heard it. He told me to shut up and he drove the car to his home. No one on the house. Strangely, his house is big and the neighbour very far. I was scared he will kill me. He made food and drink, and then told me to move to his house. I explained it is impossible because on Asia, different genders can only live together with someone who you married and I don't love him. He talked on English with angry voice. He said he would marry me after ge graduated from high school. I refused. He dragged me to his room. It was dark and large. He chained my hands to his bed. I rebel with my feet but no use. He took of his shirt and naked then proceed to do that to me. He raped me until midnight. I was crying all the time he raped me. The weird thing was he turn on when I cried. That's really disgusting. I was disgusted when he tried to lick my tears. He released me the next day, but before he released me, he raped me in his car. My mom was angry to me why I didn't go to home. I lied to her, I told her I was with my female friends. I was scared of him. I stopped being a basketball team because there was him on there. But, he didn't stop bother me. He forced me to do s*x with him on the toilet before I went home with him or in his house everyday. His parents and people thought I'm in relationship with him and some said that I'm lucky to get him because his dad is a foreigner and wealthy. No one would understand or believe me if I tell them that he r*ped me all the times. My school was an internasional school. I got enough when he refused to use condom and said he wanted to be a dad. I didn't want it. He procceed to tell me if we have kids, I wouldn't leave him and dependent to him. That's sick. I didn't consider we were together, that's him threatening me with our s*x tape he recorded, so I said yes everytime he wanted to bang me. He was very loyal to me. It was 1 month before his graduation, I move to another school on another city, deleted my contacts, and went to boarding house. My friends dm me and commented on my instagram that he is deprresed and they told me to go back and to contact him. I just pretended that I didn't use the Account anymore. I'm safe now. He went mad and terrors me, but I told my mom that it was over and he's abusive. My mom protected me from him. I'm on college now. He is joining army, so I'm veru safe.
Thank you for posting this. After reading through some comments I want to add this to the discussion. ---- An important point here is that she says she experienced Stockholm Syndrome, or a "trauma bond". This means that her decision making powers have been psychologically co-opted by the abuser. When we talk about "power and control", that actually means something. In this case, her loss of an ability to actualize what she might otherwise wish for herself IS that loss of personal power that he now owns. That is what power and control means in real time. Another element of Stockholm syndrome is just what she said about not fully understanding the social, cultural and legal implications of what happened until after leaving the relationship. For many, the event(s) are processed as merely "something that was happening in the relationship". This is very, very common. This is why PTSD will often material after a few months post-assault. In the interim, the body/mind defenses kick in and cloud over the reality of the experience as a protective defense. The dynamics of sexual assault are difficult to understand and even accept sometimes. The only way for anyone to successfully interface with a victim/survivor, is to suspend belief of what you think you know, listen, accept and support the one who is making the claim because she/he is suffering and they need your help.
It happened twice with me. Once when I was a teenager and a similar thing happened as she talks about and then few months ago as well. You described my situation exactly. I guess few people are prone to develop stockholm syndrome and you only realise the abuse much later.
Found this out a few days ago, when the actual incident happened five years ago. I was not even a teenager' - I was a child, not understanding what's going on. It has really affected me but it's the worst right now when I put two and two together. To all the people who have gone through this, I'm praying for you 🤍
i hope you’re doing much better now! it’s been 9 months since u made this comments and hopefully you’re doing better!! 😊 i’m 12 and am currently being sexually abused by my father and it’s been happening since i was 10 :( but i hope u the best :)
@@Katie-bk6rm I hope you get the hell out that hell of a house soon (If your dad ever leaves the house please call CPS or tell someone (who won’t tell the dad hopefully but will arrest him.)
Thank you for making this, I am sobbing just hearing about what you went through because I went through something similar for 3 months until I couldn’t take it anymore. When I tried talking about it to one of my closest friends she accused me of lying because “he isn’t like that” “you are just making this up, to make yourself look better to not take the blame”. For those months that that happened I felt and still to this day feel numb and embarrassed because to me it was my first time, and I have always thought that was something you lost with your husband and he knew that but didn’t care, the way I lost it was in a way I didn’t even know that was happening until I tried to move away but he wouldn’t let me... it’s been almost a year that that happened and I still get threats from people because “I’m the liar” I have tried numerous things for people to leave me alone , like changing my number making new accounts but they took at as far to post tweets about me because I “had to be exposed” when I was only trying to move on but I feel like I’ll never be able to move passed that because of those people I used to be surrounded with....
Oh dear. I feel with you. One of the sickest experience to be blamed or not taken serious or true even by friends. I don´t know how people with that behavior define the word "friend". I hope you found ways to deal with all that sick experiences and feel better today. Wish you strength.
I'm so sorry for what happened to you, my daughter was in a relationship like yours, unfortunately she had 2 children by him, she got away from him when the youngest was 3, they're now 14 and 16 and seriously mentally damaged by him. They live over 200 miles from me but when I go there he keeps very clear of me, his next relationship, which started before my daughter left, is just as bad plus he treats his parents disgustingly. I will say not all men are bad, there are some of us decent ones so I hope you find a man, or woman, that treats you with respect and real love, take care and thanks for your true story.
I can relate to this so much. Almost always when it happened to me I would disassociate and freeze. It took time for me to really understand that I absolutely was a victim. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s so hard to be able to open up about this. You’re such a strong person. 💕
I understand what you mean I think. I could imagine there would be a great danger for me too to dissociate and freeze again, if it would happen to me again. Because of the situation plus the trigger from last time it happend so I could do exactly nothing to resist again. Could you imagine a way to avoid that effects? I mean, I sometimes think about the possibilty to train avoiding such effects? But thats difficult or (nearly) impossible, not? What do you think?
❤ thank you for this. I struggle with feeling like I should have fought harder too. I froze as well. I also suffer from another time when I was roofied. I am so glad I saw this video. I am ready to heal. I definitely will check out the link! You are such a strong amazing woman! ❤ I am so sorry for what you had to go through. Thank you for sharing bc it truly is making a difference
You are so brave for sharing your story. I am here 3yrs later. I had an experience in a relationship 14 years ago so I can relate. I did not want to believe I was raped either but now fully know that I was. The memories never go away but not letting the person who did it have power anymore is winning. Like you my experience was not violent apart from when he took me by my wrist in a firm grip and took me after him to the shower but otherwise not in any way violent but still a violation of me as a person never the less.
Thank you for sharing, your words mean so much. The part where you said “it wasn’t violent but it was a violation of me as a person” I relate, mine was like that too
@@amandaclbn8324 Thank you for your reply. Stay strong Amanda. Survivors stand together and support each other. We know what it was like to go through.
Thank you for sharing this. You have so much courage. I know it is difficult to put into words. It’s called being conditioned and groomed. You don’t know at the time. It’s coercion. I was in a BDSM relationship from the start. It seemed ok at first. I was new to that scene. It was only after the termination of the relationship that I understood what happened. It was a total shock to my system.
One time I told a guy friend about my assaulter in high school; he doesn’t really understand what it means. They have a joke about girls in basement (?) and when I set boundaries, telling him I’m uncomfortable, he overstepped it with sending me more nsfw content. We aren’t friends anymore but it was taken, lightly, I guess it’s only my problem to bear. It’s really not talked about or be educated enough in my place And that person is in my relatives circle, I don’t participate in family events anymore, he’d approach me if I do and smile at it. My family doesn’t care about it, I keep having panic attacks when I’m alone, I just feel lost
I went through the same thing but still remained in the relationship. He attempted to rape me anally since we met but he managed to convince me that he did nothing wrong. I lost my identity and self worth because he body shamed me and made me believe that no other man would ever want me but him.
Wow so you're calling a bad relationship sexual assault?? Well dam.. what's next?? Y'all won't stop until totally consensual sex will be labeled sexual assault geez...
The irony is that neither this woman or any woman who agrees with her, WOULD EVER TELL A MAN. That their understanding of "rape" is changing their mind after giving consent. Else they would all still be virgins, as no man would go near them. This also trivialises actual rape, as in BEING VIOLENTLY FORCED TO HAVE SEX WITH SOMEBODY. You can't personally change the definition of rape. Just because you want to be able to say you are a rape victim. By this rationale, i have been raped numerous times, when i have had regrets about a relationship i had with a bad person. Been pestered for sex or basically had sex for someone else benefit, when i was not in the mood. Some people just like to play victim and refuse to take accountability for their own bad decisions. It sounds like she was in an abusive relationship. However she CHOSE to be in a relationship with him and she CHOSE to have sex with him. It is not rape if she wasn't forced to do something.
Regret is agreeing to do something and think it's a bad decision afterward. When someone makes a decision for you by force threat and going against your no, that's rape victims think it's their fault because they gave in but in the moment you feel you have none because a person doesn't take no for an answer they force themselves onto you @bluwater1422
I'm feeling the need to vent because I haven't told more than 1 or 2 people about what happened to me. I was around 8-10 years old and had a friend who was around 14-15. She was immature and short for her age and i was tall and more mature for my age so it didn't appear to be a bad friendship. She had full access to any social media from a young age so knew a lot more then she should have for a long time. She told me many things I shouldn't have known about at that age. She, in a way, desensitized me from sexual topics. I didnt really even understand any of it at that age. We took bathes together for a short time. She told me we should play a game while in the bathtub. She Sexually assaulted me, but at the time i didn't know it. She also asked to play another game, she said she and her other friend played it all the time. I'm grateful I declined. God, without me knowing, carried me through what I didn't know was grief. I went through the stages with little struggle, because I didn't even know why I was feeling the way I did about it till much later when I realized what she did to me. I saw her again a few years after at a birthday party, still before I realized what she did to me. We talked a little and so did our moms. At the time I was 12 and she was 16 or 17. Our moms where saying how we should get together soon and when we left I was trying not to cry. Terrified of the idea of being around her again. I didn't know why I was so scared of her. I didn't think about what she did too often, but when I did I would fight in my mind about whether it was SA or not. I know now that it was. My parents had no idea that it ever happened. I thank God that he helped me even when I didn't know I needed help.
i was searching for videos about this because i went through a similar thing. lots of coercion and him slowly wearing me down till i forgot what i wanted and then forgot that i could even want things. i was so afraid of him that i had to pretend everything was fine. one time he almost choked me till i passed out i thought i was gonna die and i couldn't stop him because he was stronger than me and too heavy to push off, and then afterwards he cried and said he was a monster and i should have left then but i didn't ??????????
The favorite methods of control over others used by manipulators, abusers, narcissists, sociopaths or psychopaths are first, financial control as that limits financial ability to escape, second is sexual abuse as one’s shame, stigma and/or embarrassment is used as a weapon to coerce silence .. its violence employed in covert fashion
I didn’t know I was raped either because I didn’t sex feel like I was 20.. I felt really broken in my soul. He manipulated me and when he was inside me he just said to get it over with when I was getting anxious
Im so sorry that this happened to you. None of it is your fault in-any way. The blame and the shame belongs to the perpetrator! I was date raped twice by two different men I was seeing, five years apart. And, a third guy Id just met the evening before came into my shop as he was supposed to be taking me out on a date. When i started closing up, I askedhim to help me with the security gate and I went to get my things. He exposed himself and pushed me into the changing room. I knew what was about to happen and, because it had happened before, I just froze. I didnt yell for help or say no or hit him. Ive just remembered details of all three incidents around a month ago. I was clinically depressed and self harming and ended up in a coercive control, gaslighting relationship with a male friend twice my age. He was an working actor (not famous but had a regular spot on a tv show) and everyone adored him and kept telling me how lucky I was. Ive had CBT therapy for that abusive relationship and im mostly healed from it but those three sexual assaults I buried. They happened between the ages of 27 and 33. It was a shock when i started remembering and I named those ‘bad dates’ as rape and sexual assualt. Ive been speaking to the rape crisis center and they’ve been really kind and have offered me goof therapy. You can call twice a week for free and speak to someone for up to 40 minutes.
I Do Not Hate America......Just The Evil Government (THAT RUINED MY LIFE )(Targeted Me) and made ME look bad ......And ALL Those Who Hurt My Muslim Brothers And Sisters(Btw American Girls Are Fine) (mmmmm). But, I Want To Ask,How Would Serbs And Americans Feel,If We Muslims Did To American And Serbian Girls,(Stretch Them Out) As They Did To Ours? OUR WOMEN AND YOUNG GIRLS WERE RAPED IN THE MOST BRUTAL WAYS IN BOSNIA And We Suffered The Arms Embargo On Bosnia Also( Injustice)......Also the Srebrenica GENOCIDE will be talked about always.I want some kind of justice for me and all Muslim victims and well any victim of any injustice. I love the girls to much and i wish i can have one...........also Kosovo Is Not Serbia(Shows Peace Sign) Many girls would tell me how ugly i am (even that is not my fault) i love them
I cannot talk to anyone about this because I froze up and was black out drunk and remembered years later. I feel so invalid and hate myself so much and I hope I can get through this
When I didn't remember getting back to his apartment, I just chalked it down to that ONE shot I had. Years later shit just doesn't make sense. I shouldn't of been in pain the next day if I had consented to do something. I guess everyone feels invincible at 18
When I was 14, I was on heavy sleeping meds for my insomnia, I would literally sleep through a fire alarm. I would wake up with something white down there, I would be sore down there. The only man living in the house at that time, was my father (whom was already sterilized at the time)... I don't know if he, did something, I was asleep after all. But I did always have a bad feeling about it. For context, my parents have abused me my entire life, mainly psychologically (and emotional neglect), but with my dad, he would hit me, full on beatings. He would sexualize me, saying thing such as 'you have a nice asss, I'm into that'. He's also someone that discriminates against everyone that is not a cishet white man, meanwhile, I'm a lesbian, so yeah, sexism and homophobia. He's capable of bad things, he killed at least 2 of our neighbor's pets, when I was little. Now I don't know for sure if he did r*pe me.
Idk if anyone will see this since it's been a year since she posted this video but I rlly need to talk to someone r I need someone opinion on something I think my bf rapped me and idk what to do
Yes they get inside your mind and tell you what you are thinking and feeling and what your experiences are. Truth is only YOU know this. No one else does! So no one can tell you these things. I know exactly how it feels to be treated like a sub human
The guy you were with sounds like he was a jerk and an a**hole, but nothing you said indicates you were raped. It's understandable that you now regret having a relationship and having sex with him, but regret doesn't equal rape.
This is ridiculous.. bunch of grown children.. unable to take responsibility for the situation they put themselves in 😂.. yet you lot are allowed to vote! What a joke
If you can physically choose not to be there having sex with the person then I don’t see how that’s rape? It’s a tough lesson to learn that it’s our own choices that keep us there. Yes his behaviour was emotionally abusive but you still chose to stay as long as you did and it’s your power to choose a relationship with someone who treats you well and your responsibility to see that you deserve to be treated well. Until a person sees that they deserve to be treated well, they will keep choosing to stay in situations where they are treated poorly.
She had Stockholm syndrome plus if someone chooses to stay with someone doesn't mean that it's impossible for them to raped by their partner for example the sex can be consensual at first but the moment you tell them to stop during the act and they continue that is considered sexual assault and a very betraying thing to do to someone also any sex done under coercion is also not consensual either it sounds like you never been in an abusive relationship and simply cannot understand this girl's pain don't say anything til you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes
I think it's not right to say yes and then change your mind after penetration and further along in the course of arousal and then change your mind and call it rape. That is totally immoral and manipulative and disgusting for a woman to change her mind at that point and call it rape. Why not change your mind earlier when you're fully clothed and maybe choose not to be in the same room or house as the person. This logic you present is a joke. @@sheen621
Nope sorry. Women change their minds a lot. They need to take some responsibility. Changing your mind half way through and taking a man to the cleaners about it is an awful thing for a woman to do. Where is the responsibility on the woman. Can she just totally do what ever she wants in terms of inviting the man and then just before ejaculation change her mind? This is bizarre logic. @@sheen621
With sexual abuse, did male partner asked you to shave off pubic hair every day? And have sex on PMS? If you did not have orgrams, male partner would turn you over put in aual unit female partner had orgram. How turn male partner when been sexual abuse you have orgram for male partner.
When ever I wake up in the morning my mom's bf is always there and idk why but then she comes home but my circle down there is usually like something was going in there it's bigger than usual and it's slimey but I think I'm pregnant bc my stomach keeps on getting bigger . My appetite is always wanting to eat. And I'm not as tired but I am sorta and I just lay in bed all day and idk, I'm just worried and I'm only 14 but idk I'm confused n idk what's wrong n my period hasn't came yet so I'm just scared
What if it’s a family member that is way to nice to u and what if she if just searching in the fridge and u just brush her butt and she turns and smiles at u
all women have the same story. get with some dude that does all this crap to them. when they can literally choose any guy they want. they go for the shit dudes. then complain about it. we are tired of hearing it. choose better men. this is why arranged marriages where a thing.
@@fireonhairyou’re ignorant as hell. We don’t see the signs of these shitty men because it was normalized to us by our own family. Then we repeat until we understand. Some never do. Just cause we can choose anyone we want doesn’t mean we can see the future or even know beyond what we know at the time.
It breaks my heart that many girls told me i am ugly and that is not even my fault to begin with,trust me i am desperate and wanting some xxx........i CAN understand GUYS who FORCE it with a girl i can and i do but......i do not have the heart to do that!!!
stop trying to be a victim crap happen to me i am fine but was shit at the time don't understand why you should unload your laundry to the world , like you should take stock of your life and work hard at what ever you are in to , get off social media ,
You have to understand that putting a boyfriend in jail in those circumstances doesn't look COMPLETELY fair either because that scene has happened in ALL relationships in HISTORY 😅 It's true.
I hate it when they ask why you didn't fight back. There are fight, flight or freeze responses to trauma, and sometimes we just freeze. And the emotional violence and control can be as devastating as the physical violence.
I’ve been struggling to understand my own trauma. Thanks for the clarification. Virtual hug 🥰
I'm sorry for your trauma, I hope you to be alright now, please don't give up ❤ you're stronger than you can think and the fact that you shared a little proves how strong and brave you are
you're very strong, it is hard to come to terms with.. disassociating in a way can save your life, but when you come out if it, which could be years later, you can have trouble remembering alot of details, leaving your brain feeling ghosty
I've disassociate many times but only once was it so bad that I hadn't only bits and pieces of memory of the situation. I can't even remember my age but I may have been 10-13yr old when 8 men broke into my home and started yelling for when felt like 20 min but may have been way less. They start shooting and I run from my bedroom to the hallway trying to get to my mom.. I'm yelling her name and suddenly in the hall I bump in to a man I stop in my tracks and he says something to me and I hear my mom call me feels like 30 times i know it logically probably didn't harppen that many then i feel my mom pulling me from the hallway and into her bedroom behind her bed...all i remember is seeing flashing blue lights in all directions like cameras flickering and being pulled into darkness by my mom after.... till this day it kills me that I can identify this person I bumped into. I can't remember a face or voice or anything after bumping into him and it's torture. I slept with my mom in her bed till I was 22 I'm 27 now and healing from many traumas but this is one I struggle with Maybe because I was so young.i haven't felt safe since that day.
Sending love ❤ you are strong
Yes, I was frozen for over 2 weeks after my assault. It was like my body didn't want to acknowledge it all in one go. It took 3 weeks before I realised what he had done and it was only after I reported it to the police and started receiving therapy that I realised how serious the assault was.
I was assaulted by a ex .. he held me down and ignored my efforts to fight back he ignored my crying and me saying stop .. he made it like it wasn’t a big deal or that he didn’t just do what he did … I been In shock and frozen for days now
Same
I’m so sorry
I will tell my story:
I was dating someone online. It was really amazing sometimes and they were really nice to me in the beginning. But there is of course a dark side: they used me mentally, I don’t want to go into detail about it cause it’s very triggering to me. We had a big fight so I decided to fix the fight by visiting them irl for the first time. We had sex and I liked it but they didn’t stop when I told them to stop. I said over and over again ”I don’t want this, please stop, I need a break, no, stop” for 2 to 4 minutes until they stopped. I started crying and they didn’t even try to comfort me. ”I knew you liked it. I won’t stop if you like it” and then they tried to do it again but I said no many times and they listened
Thank you for making this. This kind of abuse is incredibly common and very difficult to describe to others when attempting to get support. I know exactly the kinds of abusive manipulation you are describing, and I am sorry that this has happened to you. You are very strong to put yourself out there like this and you are a role model for those of us who share the same scars.
I'm sorry that this happened to you ❤ I hope you to be alright now, please, don't give up, you're very strong and brave for share this ❤
That's sad. I had an experience too with a man. I was 16, he was 18. He's half dutch and half Asian. I'm an Asian. He was so tall if you compare it with Asian. He was my senior in high school. We both joined basketball club. Everything felt normal before.
It began when my team on training, he throwed basketball to my head, I passed out. I thought it was just an accident. He took responsibility for me like bring me to the healthcare place at school, bought me soft drinks and food, and bring me back to my house. Normal right?
But days after it, he still bring me drinks and foods, and bring me home from school. He said it was his responsibility. Until my crush (he was my classmate) holding my hands while he walked me home. I rejected my senior's offer to bring me back home with his care so I can be with my crush longer. My crush also liked me from what he did to me. He was very gentle and kind hearted man.
My senior, let's call him Alex. Alex become weird the next day after it. He asked me who the guy that walked me home. And he also stated that he can walked me home today, he don't bring car, etc. I said thank you to him and he should stop taking responsibilities to me because I already forgive him and I'm recovered. He insisted that he wanted to walk me home. At the time, my crush was sick, so I just said yes. On the way to home, he forced me to his car near a supermarket. I said I don't want but he forced my body to go in and locked the car. I'm screaming but nobody heard it. He told me to shut up and he drove the car to his home. No one on the house. Strangely, his house is big and the neighbour very far. I was scared he will kill me. He made food and drink, and then told me to move to his house. I explained it is impossible because on Asia, different genders can only live together with someone who you married and I don't love him. He talked on English with angry voice. He said he would marry me after ge graduated from high school. I refused. He dragged me to his room. It was dark and large. He chained my hands to his bed. I rebel with my feet but no use. He took of his shirt and naked then proceed to do that to me. He raped me until midnight. I was crying all the time he raped me. The weird thing was he turn on when I cried. That's really disgusting. I was disgusted when he tried to lick my tears. He released me the next day, but before he released me, he raped me in his car. My mom was angry to me why I didn't go to home. I lied to her, I told her I was with my female friends.
I was scared of him. I stopped being a basketball team because there was him on there. But, he didn't stop bother me. He forced me to do s*x with him on the toilet before I went home with him or in his house everyday. His parents and people thought I'm in relationship with him and some said that I'm lucky to get him because his dad is a foreigner and wealthy. No one would understand or believe me if I tell them that he r*ped me all the times. My school was an internasional school.
I got enough when he refused to use condom and said he wanted to be a dad. I didn't want it. He procceed to tell me if we have kids, I wouldn't leave him and dependent to him. That's sick. I didn't consider we were together, that's him threatening me with our s*x tape he recorded, so I said yes everytime he wanted to bang me. He was very loyal to me.
It was 1 month before his graduation, I move to another school on another city, deleted my contacts, and went to boarding house. My friends dm me and commented on my instagram that he is deprresed and they told me to go back and to contact him. I just pretended that I didn't use the Account anymore.
I'm safe now. He went mad and terrors me, but I told my mom that it was over and he's abusive. My mom protected me from him. I'm on college now. He is joining army, so I'm veru safe.
Sending you hug as you heal
U loved it
U had it over and over
U had anal often
He stretched u to the limit
That’s exactly how it happens!!
You freeze. You let it happen 😢 you cannot fight back
hopefully you communicate a lack of consent first
Are you kidding ? Not moving ONCE is communicating non consent….@@sub-harmonik
@@lifeisstrange1306 not moving is not an efficient, reliable, or respectful form of communication. Not sure it's communication at all
@@sub-harmonik some people freeze when they’re attacked just don’t speak about shit you don’t understand
@@sub-harmonik. And you should never even wanna have sex with a girl or guy who ain’t moving that’s just dists disgusting
Thank you so much for everything, sharing your story and explaining that sexual assault can be very different is very important to understand
Thank you for posting this. After reading through some comments I want to add this to the discussion. ---- An important point here is that she says she experienced Stockholm Syndrome, or a "trauma bond". This means that her decision making powers have been psychologically co-opted by the abuser. When we talk about "power and control", that actually means something. In this case, her loss of an ability to actualize what she might otherwise wish for herself IS that loss of personal power that he now owns. That is what power and control means in real time. Another element of Stockholm syndrome is just what she said about not fully understanding the social, cultural and legal implications of what happened until after leaving the relationship. For many, the event(s) are processed as merely "something that was happening in the relationship". This is very, very common. This is why PTSD will often material after a few months post-assault. In the interim, the body/mind defenses kick in and cloud over the reality of the experience as a protective defense. The dynamics of sexual assault are difficult to understand and even accept sometimes. The only way for anyone to successfully interface with a victim/survivor, is to suspend belief of what you think you know, listen, accept and support the one who is making the claim because she/he is suffering and they need your help.
It happened twice with me. Once when I was a teenager and a similar thing happened as she talks about and then few months ago as well. You described my situation exactly. I guess few people are prone to develop stockholm syndrome and you only realise the abuse much later.
Found this out a few days ago, when the actual incident happened five years ago. I was not even a teenager' - I was a child, not understanding what's going on. It has really affected me but it's the worst right now when I put two and two together.
To all the people who have gone through this, I'm praying for you 🤍
Praying for you to be safe and hope you’re doing much better now✨:)
i hope you’re doing much better now! it’s been 9 months since u made this comments and hopefully you’re doing better!! 😊 i’m 12 and am currently being sexually abused by my father and it’s been happening since i was 10 :( but i hope u the best :)
@@Katie-bk6rm I hope you get the hell out that hell of a house soon (If your dad ever leaves the house please call CPS or tell someone (who won’t tell the dad hopefully but will arrest him.)
Thank you, I really needed to hear that 🧡
Thank you for making this, I am sobbing just hearing about what you went through because I went through something similar for 3 months until I couldn’t take it anymore. When I tried talking about it to one of my closest friends she accused me of lying because “he isn’t like that” “you are just making this up, to make yourself look better to not take the blame”. For those months that that happened I felt and still to this day feel numb and embarrassed because to me it was my first time, and I have always thought that was something you lost with your husband and he knew that but didn’t care, the way I lost it was in a way I didn’t even know that was happening until I tried to move away but he wouldn’t let me... it’s been almost a year that that happened and I still get threats from people because “I’m the liar” I have tried numerous things for people to leave me alone , like changing my number making new accounts but they took at as far to post tweets about me because I “had to be exposed” when I was only trying to move on but I feel like I’ll never be able to move passed that because of those people I used to be surrounded with....
I also have only spoken about this to my cousin because of how bad I was at one point because of all the threats and cyber bullying I had received
@@joselynacas I'm sorry that happened to you
Oh dear. I feel with you. One of the sickest experience to be blamed or not taken serious or true even by friends. I don´t know how people with that behavior define the word "friend". I hope you found ways to deal with all that sick experiences and feel better today. Wish you strength.
Exactly what happened to me.
I have ptsd as a result of my experiences. Thanks love. You are brave and strong. ❤
Exactly know that feeling of being like a body shell...
So your own biology wouldn't let say no.
I'm sorry ❤I hope you to be alright now, please, never give up ❤ you're brave and strong for share this at least a little ❤
@@sebastianblackandwhitewatc2722 Hi thank you for your nice words. They´re a great motivational help. 🙂
I'm so sorry for what happened to you, my daughter was in a relationship like yours, unfortunately she had 2 children by him, she got away from him when the youngest was 3, they're now 14 and 16 and seriously mentally damaged by him. They live over 200 miles from me but when I go there he keeps very clear of me, his next relationship, which started before my daughter left, is just as bad plus he treats his parents disgustingly. I will say not all men are bad, there are some of us decent ones so I hope you find a man, or woman, that treats you with respect and real love, take care and thanks for your true story.
I can relate to this so much. Almost always when it happened to me I would disassociate and freeze. It took time for me to really understand that I absolutely was a victim.
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s so hard to be able to open up about this. You’re such a strong person. 💕
I understand what you mean I think. I could imagine there would be a great danger for me too to dissociate and freeze again, if it would happen to me again. Because of the situation plus the trigger from last time it happend so I could do exactly nothing to resist again. Could you imagine a way to avoid that effects? I mean, I sometimes think about the possibilty to train avoiding such effects? But thats difficult or (nearly) impossible, not? What do you think?
I'm so sorry you didnt deserve that and you are strong and you're amazing and just remember it wasnt your fault and everything is gonna be alright 😭
❤ thank you for this. I struggle with feeling like I should have fought harder too. I froze as well. I also suffer from another time when I was roofied. I am so glad I saw this video. I am ready to heal. I definitely will check out the link!
You are such a strong amazing woman! ❤ I am so sorry for what you had to go through. Thank you for sharing bc it truly is making a difference
You are so brave for sharing your story. I am here 3yrs later. I had an experience in a relationship 14 years ago so I can relate. I did not want to believe I was raped either but now fully know that I was. The memories never go away but not letting the person who did it have power anymore is winning. Like you my experience was not violent apart from when he took me by my wrist in a firm grip and took me after him to the shower but otherwise not in any way violent but still a violation of me as a person never the less.
Thank you for sharing, your words mean so much. The part where you said “it wasn’t violent but it was a violation of me as a person” I relate, mine was like that too
@@amandaclbn8324 Thank you for your reply. Stay strong Amanda. Survivors stand together and support each other. We know what it was like to go through.
The same thing has happened to me when I was 19. I'm glad you survived and hope you're okay. Thank you for sharing your story.
I just went through this exact same thing and I’m 19. Thx for sharing to show I’m not alone
@@fresherthanfresh6680 I experience a similar thing in 2012 when I was 19 at uni by someone hiding in the name 'boyfriend'.
Thank you for sharing this. You have so much courage.
I know it is difficult to put into words.
It’s called being conditioned and groomed. You don’t know at the time. It’s coercion. I was in a BDSM relationship from the start. It seemed ok at first. I was new to that scene.
It was only after the termination of the relationship that I understood what happened.
It was a total shock to my system.
Talking is healing. I had to break an abuser's face before.
One time I told a guy friend about my assaulter in high school; he doesn’t really understand what it means. They have a joke about girls in basement (?) and when I set boundaries, telling him I’m uncomfortable, he overstepped it with sending me more nsfw content. We aren’t friends anymore but it was taken, lightly, I guess it’s only my problem to bear. It’s really not talked about or be educated enough in my place
And that person is in my relatives circle, I don’t participate in family events anymore, he’d approach me if I do and smile at it. My family doesn’t care about it, I keep having panic attacks when I’m alone, I just feel lost
You’re awesome, thank you for your transparency!
I went through the same thing but still remained in the relationship. He attempted to rape me anally since we met but he managed to convince me that he did nothing wrong. I lost my identity and self worth because he body shamed me and made me believe that no other man would ever want me but him.
Wow so you're calling a bad relationship sexual assault?? Well dam.. what's next?? Y'all won't stop until totally consensual sex will be labeled sexual assault geez...
The irony is that neither this woman or any woman who agrees with her, WOULD EVER TELL A MAN. That their understanding of "rape" is changing their mind after giving consent. Else they would all still be virgins, as no man would go near them. This also trivialises actual rape, as in BEING VIOLENTLY FORCED TO HAVE SEX WITH SOMEBODY.
You can't personally change the definition of rape. Just because you want to be able to say you are a rape victim. By this rationale, i have been raped numerous times, when i have had regrets about a relationship i had with a bad person. Been pestered for sex or basically had sex for someone else benefit, when i was not in the mood.
Some people just like to play victim and refuse to take accountability for their own bad decisions. It sounds like she was in an abusive relationship. However she CHOSE to be in a relationship with him and she CHOSE to have sex with him. It is not rape if she wasn't forced to do something.
I agree
Regret is agreeing to do something and think it's a bad decision afterward. When someone makes a decision for you by force threat and going against your no, that's rape victims think it's their fault because they gave in but in the moment you feel you have none because a person doesn't take no for an answer they force themselves onto you @bluwater1422
I’m dealing with this and Stockholm syndrome. Thank you for your video
I'm feeling the need to vent because I haven't told more than 1 or 2 people about what happened to me. I was around 8-10 years old and had a friend who was around 14-15. She was immature and short for her age and i was tall and more mature for my age so it didn't appear to be a bad friendship. She had full access to any social media from a young age so knew a lot more then she should have for a long time. She told me many things I shouldn't have known about at that age. She, in a way, desensitized me from sexual topics. I didnt really even understand any of it at that age. We took bathes together for a short time. She told me we should play a game while in the bathtub. She Sexually assaulted me, but at the time i didn't know it. She also asked to play another game, she said she and her other friend played it all the time. I'm grateful I declined. God, without me knowing, carried me through what I didn't know was grief. I went through the stages with little struggle, because I didn't even know why I was feeling the way I did about it till much later when I realized what she did to me. I saw her again a few years after at a birthday party, still before I realized what she did to me. We talked a little and so did our moms. At the time I was 12 and she was 16 or 17. Our moms where saying how we should get together soon and when we left I was trying not to cry. Terrified of the idea of being around her again. I didn't know why I was so scared of her. I didn't think about what she did too often, but when I did I would fight in my mind about whether it was SA or not. I know now that it was. My parents had no idea that it ever happened. I thank God that he helped me even when I didn't know I needed help.
i was searching for videos about this because i went through a similar thing. lots of coercion and him slowly wearing me down till i forgot what i wanted and then forgot that i could even want things. i was so afraid of him that i had to pretend everything was fine. one time he almost choked me till i passed out i thought i was gonna die and i couldn't stop him because he was stronger than me and too heavy to push off, and then afterwards he cried and said he was a monster and i should have left then but i didn't ??????????
The favorite methods of control over others used by manipulators, abusers, narcissists, sociopaths or psychopaths are first, financial control as that limits financial ability to escape, second is sexual abuse as one’s shame, stigma and/or embarrassment is used as a weapon to coerce silence .. its violence employed in covert fashion
Both of my poor ex’s both were assaulted and traumatized it’s terrible
I didn’t know I was raped either because I didn’t sex feel like I was 20.. I felt really broken in my soul. He manipulated me and when he was inside me he just said to get it over with when I was getting anxious
Im so sorry that this happened to you. None of it is your fault in-any way. The blame and the shame belongs to the perpetrator! I was date raped twice by two different men I was seeing, five years apart. And, a third guy Id just met the evening before came into my shop as he was supposed to be taking me out on a date. When i started closing up, I askedhim to help me with the security gate and I went to get my things. He exposed himself and pushed me into the changing room. I knew what was about to happen and, because it had happened before, I just froze. I didnt yell for help or say no or hit him. Ive just remembered details of all three incidents around a month ago. I was clinically depressed and self harming and ended up in a coercive control, gaslighting relationship with a male friend twice my age. He was an working actor (not famous but had a regular spot on a tv show) and everyone adored him and kept telling me how lucky I was. Ive had CBT therapy for that abusive relationship and im mostly healed from it but those three sexual assaults I buried. They happened between the ages of 27 and 33. It was a shock when i started remembering and I named those ‘bad dates’ as rape and sexual assualt. Ive been speaking to the rape crisis center and they’ve been really kind and have offered me goof therapy. You can call twice a week for free and speak to someone for up to 40 minutes.
thanks for making a video, unfortunately im here under the worst of circumstance - 3 hours ago now...
I Do Not Hate America......Just The Evil Government (THAT RUINED MY LIFE )(Targeted Me) and made ME look bad ......And ALL Those Who Hurt My Muslim Brothers And Sisters(Btw American Girls Are Fine) (mmmmm). But, I Want To Ask,How Would Serbs And Americans Feel,If We Muslims Did To American And Serbian Girls,(Stretch Them Out) As They Did To Ours? OUR WOMEN AND YOUNG GIRLS WERE RAPED IN THE MOST BRUTAL WAYS IN BOSNIA And We Suffered The Arms Embargo On Bosnia Also( Injustice)......Also the Srebrenica GENOCIDE will be talked about always.I want some kind of justice for me and all Muslim victims and well any victim of any injustice. I love the girls to much and i wish i can have one...........also Kosovo Is Not Serbia(Shows Peace Sign) Many girls would tell me how ugly i am (even that is not my fault) i love them
About 14 hours ago
@@twiztidyournutz *hugs* it does get easier
I just found out this happened to me I was drugged and I even had a kid from it I feel so violated and I can’t believe I just figured it out
I went through this but I did not report that.What should I do?I do have two kids too .
I understand it😭. I just got me and my daughter out of a dv situation, just not realizing how bad things really were
Age of consent anywhere from 15 to 18 is too low.
I suggest taking your perpetrator to court so you get justice.
Thank you for making this video
I cannot talk to anyone about this because I froze up and was black out drunk and remembered years later. I feel so invalid and hate myself so much and I hope I can get through this
When I didn't remember getting back to his apartment, I just chalked it down to that ONE shot I had. Years later shit just doesn't make sense. I shouldn't of been in pain the next day if I had consented to do something. I guess everyone feels invincible at 18
When I was 14, I was on heavy sleeping meds for my insomnia, I would literally sleep through a fire alarm. I would wake up with something white down there, I would be sore down there. The only man living in the house at that time, was my father (whom was already sterilized at the time)... I don't know if he, did something, I was asleep after all. But I did always have a bad feeling about it.
For context, my parents have abused me my entire life, mainly psychologically (and emotional neglect), but with my dad, he would hit me, full on beatings. He would sexualize me, saying thing such as 'you have a nice asss, I'm into that'. He's also someone that discriminates against everyone that is not a cishet white man, meanwhile, I'm a lesbian, so yeah, sexism and homophobia. He's capable of bad things, he killed at least 2 of our neighbor's pets, when I was little.
Now I don't know for sure if he did r*pe me.
Lesbianism is often a sign of damage. A lot of girls that date blacks get turned off men and go lesbian.
It makes a lot of sense to me. I can understand the typical manipulative behavior.
How does a man escape this situation? As a man I'm expected to deal with almost this same treatment because of exactly that I'm a man.
Idk if anyone will see this since it's been a year since she posted this video but I rlly need to talk to someone r I need someone opinion on something I think my bf rapped me and idk what to do
what happened?
You can talk to me if you still need to vent. Send me your socials and I’ll add you wherever xx
How do I remember more memories from 0-2 years of age
What is Terrance Howard?
Diddynese for $2000
Yes they get inside your mind and tell you what you are thinking and feeling and what your experiences are.
Truth is only YOU know this. No one else does! So no one can tell you these things.
I know exactly how it feels to be treated like a sub human
Freezing is not consent
Thank you for sharing your story ♥️
I totally understand with you and once you talk you get victimsed which makes you feel guilty
You are very kind and powerful
Thank you so much
bless your heart😔
Salute to you for speaking up.
The guy you were with sounds like he was a jerk and an a**hole, but nothing you said indicates you were raped. It's understandable that you now regret having a relationship and having sex with him, but regret doesn't equal rape.
Way to out yourself, buddy.
I was chloroformed and for days out of it I was out of it but i woje up tealky damaged physically
Are you not on Instagram anymore?
Thank you, thank you so much
And you were only with him for 12 months, I had almost 18 years of it!!!
How old were u when this happened to u ?
How do you get over this
I didn't know that happened to me either.
What happened to your main insta
Thank you ❤️
SHES LYING
I need help plz
liera, you too?
U remember being on top. Why were you getting on top?
Cowgirl position. She knew what she was doing.
bless your heart
Thank you so much
I need to talk alot rn
This is ridiculous.. bunch of grown children.. unable to take responsibility for the situation they put themselves in 😂.. yet you lot are allowed to vote! What a joke
I understand
If you can physically choose not to be there having sex with the person then I don’t see how that’s rape? It’s a tough lesson to learn that it’s our own choices that keep us there. Yes his behaviour was emotionally abusive but you still chose to stay as long as you did and it’s your power to choose a relationship with someone who treats you well and your responsibility to see that you deserve to be treated well. Until a person sees that they deserve to be treated well, they will keep choosing to stay in situations where they are treated poorly.
She had Stockholm syndrome plus if someone chooses to stay with someone doesn't mean that it's impossible for them to raped by their partner for example the sex can be consensual at first but the moment you tell them to stop during the act and they continue that is considered sexual assault and a very betraying thing to do to someone also any sex done under coercion is also not consensual either it sounds like you never been in an abusive relationship and simply cannot understand this girl's pain don't say anything til you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes
If it starts out consensual but you tell them that's enough or stop and they continue after you said stop is sexual assault
I think it's not right to say yes and then change your mind after penetration and further along in the course of arousal and then change your mind and call it rape. That is totally immoral and manipulative and disgusting for a woman to change her mind at that point and call it rape. Why not change your mind earlier when you're fully clothed and maybe choose not to be in the same room or house as the person. This logic you present is a joke. @@sheen621
Nope sorry. Women change their minds a lot. They need to take some responsibility. Changing your mind half way through and taking a man to the cleaners about it is an awful thing for a woman to do. Where is the responsibility on the woman. Can she just totally do what ever she wants in terms of inviting the man and then just before ejaculation change her mind? This is bizarre logic. @@sheen621
@@bernadettesavage4786 well according to laws of consent it's a form of sexual assault whether you like it or not
can we talk on the phone?
With sexual abuse, did male partner asked you to shave off pubic hair every day? And have sex on PMS? If you did not have orgrams, male partner would turn you over put in aual unit female partner had orgram. How turn male partner when been sexual abuse you have orgram for male partner.
You are brave me too
Me either
Hehehehehe😎🚬👍🏻🤘🏻🤟🏻🍺😈👹
When ever I wake up in the morning my mom's bf is always there and idk why but then she comes home but my circle down there is usually like something was going in there it's bigger than usual and it's slimey but I think I'm pregnant bc my stomach keeps on getting bigger . My appetite is always wanting to eat. And I'm not as tired but I am sorta and I just lay in bed all day and idk, I'm just worried and I'm only 14 but idk I'm confused n idk what's wrong n my period hasn't came yet so I'm just scared
I 'm sorry that happened to you
So... What happened
Hope you’re ok. Did you go to the sexual health clinic to get checked?
Hey did you find out what was happening to you ?
I love you!
If you don't call the police you are guilty if he does it to anyone eles.
Ur a very brave young woman from JEFF
You are a beautiful transgender woman ♀️
It's been awhile since that I've drunken my mind AS SOON O DUNK IN HELLBOUND butterfly ❤🎉♡?▪︎
What if it’s a family member that is way to nice to u and what if she if just searching in the fridge and u just brush her butt and she turns and smiles at u
Was he a white guy?
why would you ask that? whites don't have the highest proportional statistics for this type of thing though.
hunny you chose him. you could have left any second. stop complaining
all women have the same story. get with some dude that does all this crap to them. when they can literally choose any guy they want. they go for the shit dudes. then complain about it. we are tired of hearing it. choose better men. this is why arranged marriages where a thing.
@@fireonhairyou’re ignorant as hell. We don’t see the signs of these shitty men because it was normalized to us by our own family. Then we repeat until we understand. Some never do. Just cause we can choose anyone we want doesn’t mean we can see the future or even know beyond what we know at the time.
bite
It breaks my heart that many girls told me i am ugly and that is not
even my fault to begin with,trust me i am desperate and wanting some
xxx........i CAN understand GUYS who FORCE it with a girl i can and i do
but......i do not have the heart to do that!!!
Please seek therapy. Heal yourself and stop spreading toxicity and contributing to suffering.
your squad? tee hee.
You're a GROWN woman, you picked the man, you made your choices. You could have left at anytime, but you stayed.
rape apologist
If you have nothing nice to say don't say anything
u sound like a rapist scott
truth
There's this term called Stockholm syndrome look it up you may understand abusive relationships better
stop trying to be a victim crap happen to me i am fine but was shit at the time don't understand why you should unload your laundry to the world , like you should take stock of your life and work hard at what ever you are in to , get off social media ,
Did you get a cream pie?
You have to understand that putting a boyfriend in jail in those circumstances doesn't look COMPLETELY fair either because that scene has happened in ALL relationships in HISTORY 😅 It's true.
He just like me
aahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah