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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 มิ.ย. 2023
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Disclaimer: This is NOT a sponsored video. All opinions expressed are wholly my own.
Ken this information is so validating and so appreciated. I can tell you've lived this which further informs your clinical knowledge. Thank you so much!
Glad it was helpful!
DAs do come back. I had one answering my 'take care' message I sent when realised that he’d ghost me, 1.5 years later. Like literally answering my exact text. I didn’t even have the chat anymore and he’d reply to my exact words of saying that I had a good time and wished him all the best. 1.5 years later he goes: so did I. They are full of surprises, but let me tell you, stay away unless they want to heal themselves. Most unpredictable people to be with
I can confirm this. My ex DA did that, but I blocked him everywhere.
1.5yrs to receive a reply to a text? That's taking "I need to take things slowly" to a whole new level! F*** that. OMG.
Psychotic.... I thought a 2 week delayed response was bad ....
this is absolutely insance lol sometimes I really do struggle with understanding how these DAs process things
This is actually so funny. And ridiculous. How do they even thinking replying a message 1.5 years later, hell, even a few weeks later has any relevance? Not to mention the total lack of accountability? Well, i know their neurobiology is totally different but its still something that keeps you wondering.
Ken I discovered your channel recently and I just want to thank you for making me/my experience with DA feel so seen and validated. A lot of the dating coaches online and our friends and family have very little education in attachment and can often dismiss your experience entirely as "if they want to they would" or "that means they never liked you" etc. I Being so validated and seen has been really helpful in my healing and moving forward.
Perhaps Kenny can create a dating platform for ex's of Dismissive to meet and date. This way 2 parties will appreciate and understand the trauma they have both been through.
great idea in theory - bad idea in practice.
there is the potential of a lot of (most likely traumatised) people getting together who have not fully healed after dealing with avoidants and the damage they have caused passing on each others' wounds. this could possibly cause us to become avoidants ourselves. maybe not, but it's a huge possibility. i for one am 12 months post avoidant/narc/bpd (whatever she was) relationship breakup (we were engaged, we also worked together and i had to leave. i had a breakdown) and i am in no way, shape or form ready to date anyone. the damage i suffered and the headf*ck has definitely changed me as a person. i would not be comfortable dating anyone as i cannot give them what they would need. in fact, i really can't see myself being in relationship again. not necessarily a trust thing, but i see everyone as a potential threat to my well being and mental health and spirituality. i'm nearly 50, male and i'm ok on my own.
Thank you Ken, you are the best out there who explains in perfect detail about avoidants. I can say they do so much damage and heartbreak when they just leave so unexpectedly and so coldly. I have learned a lot throughout the last 11 months but still it’s so hard not having them in my life but trying to move on.
You are amazing - would love you to be my counsellor!!😆👍
Hi there, thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it.
WOW you made me feel like a human being
😂 this comment is gold
😂 Yes Doctor meets teenager meets Disney meets 50 shades of grey...meets vampire who turns their humanity switch on and off 😂😂😅
He is def right with all his answers . It is an exhausting cycle if they haven’t done the work or aware of their actions you will be in a continuous loop.
Holy shit!! Yes, the spontaneous crying!! Does it mean anything that they feel vulnerable enough to cry in front of you?
You are amazing. So quick to interpret the subtle nuance in questions; at the same time you take time to validate all attachment styles as well as express the need for growth and accountability. All success to you!
Yes so hard with the inner critic telling me he wasn’t that into me. But why was he inviting me to future events and why dump me the day before our next date. The abrupt break up message was so impulsive, yet so thought out at the same time. He’s infatuated with me, but needs to end things now, because we aren’t compatible, but he wanted to carry on dating to find out, but then didn’t and decided it’s best to just end it now, like he could see into the future. I did what one of the questions said, I told him exactly how contradictory his behaviour was, how hurt I was and how out of line he was, for telllng me how much he liked me, if he had these secret incompatibility feelings. I got blocked. Interestingly he was married, but she cheated and wanted to divorce and he mentioned on the first date, that going forward communication is what he wants to work on and yet he did the opposite. He was only in my life for 6 weeks. But I’m heartbroken and like you mentioned, not in a good place in my work and don’t have a support network. I just can’t get over what happened.
I used to be volatile but since I’ve discovered attachment styles in the last 8 months it’s been better to deal with. I’ve also used my avoidant partner as practice to handle my FA outbursts better
Amazing self help video for me! I resonated with some of the letters within my own situation. Many thanks Ken. 🙏 ❤
I love your content, it's accurate and helps me to understand some of my behaviours ( I'm avoidant working on myself)
Thank you 😊
I had strong fixed boundaries the second time around. He still ran and ghosted and threw in a ”I don’t love you anymore” in a very angry fashion coupled with I am
Moving on at the next opportunity I get. I’m like wtf this guy is nuts, just plain mad
Much appreciated!! Thanks 🙏🏼
Will you be doing another one of these? This was validating and informative.
Thank you. Excellent video.
Glad it was helpful!
29:46 this is the healing moment we needed 😂
As a FA, im getting into a more secure.. i can cry. But do a course in counselling makes u understand better and push through it over time..
Thanks brother.
do DAs even feel anything when they’re the ones that are dumped?
They do of course, but not immedtly. That happen after some time.
Yes but they often "suppress" them back down, because they have a hard time dealing with emotions...
Genuine people are manifesting love.... they make lunch, without talking about it
without pointing out how much they care......
but they care in silence often, they just think about this nutrition will help my parner with preventing some health disease or headache..
but doesnt talk about it much.... they just let it live its life, with open mind.
let the life be lived, knowing the pictures in our mind is just form of inspiration rather than obsession...
unless its a schedule thing, for the mind, they may mention it.
Can you please do another live? I have a question for you.. but I can't afford to book. :
hey there, please check me out on Instagram for my lives. @kenreid.co see you there
When you say avoidants, are these dismissives or/and disorganized?
Disorganized swing between avoidant and anxious, depending on the partner they are with. So this probably applies to the disorganized when they are in a relationship and swinging avoidant.
When are his lives?
Hi
My avoidant gf says that she is feeling out of love. And she cant afford to ruin my life and asks me to move on as i (me) deserve someone better.We were in a long distance last year also and same thing happend she ran away and after 7 8 months came back. First she was like i missed you and was acting as a friend but was asking me if i have moved on from her or not. When i said no she then wanted me to move on but slowly and gradually she came in again and started love bombing me and she was eager to marry me . Saying i cant imagine myself with anyone else now. I want a family with you. I was very happy with her such things. And i assured her we will fullfill our each wish together i asked her that time because i knew our past so i asked her what if she had the same phase again she said it wont jappen this time but i said if it happend she said if it happend be with me that time and dont give up on me. but then within a week out of a sudeen she fell out of love again.she says she feelz guilty when i show love and she cant reciprocate it. She says its not upto her to do so.she says she had asked herself a lot why is she behaving like this but she couldnt find a answer and at last she says to herself that she is fine this way only. She says if i let you go you will be hurt and if i let you stay you will get hurt that way also due to my ( her) behaviour. She also says she dosnt see herself as a loyal person now and cries. She tell me that if you will say these things to anyone else they will also say that she is not loyal. She herself says that what she isnt normal but she cant help it.she says she is very unpredictable and at this moment she dosnt see a future with me and why would you(me) waste your life on such a thing by marrying me. But i love her very much even in this situation she cares for me. And i could wait for years for her
Now she tries to avoid all this stuff and dosnt want me or her to discuss about it.
She also says that now at this points she has started to hate herself.
Please give me suggestion what should i do i dont want to lose her. I am becoming more anxious day by day and self sabotage my needs also .I love her with all my life.
Please help me.
What should i do.
You have to break thud addictive cycle. It has to be about saving yourself and your sanity...not her. They can not give you what you want. Change is hard and will take time patience and a lot of work. Are you both doing it? Separately because as you heal things look very different. Speaking from experience 😢
Wow she sounds like a mindfuck.. Most likely fearful avoidant. Your guna have to take the bitter pill and cut all constact forever and move on. You will save alot of heart ache in the long run. Not probably what you want to hear but its the truth. Be strong and youll find some better down the line
I am going through with the exact same situation and experience, my ex avoidant behaved exactly same like this girl. Its a brutal experience 😢
You MUST demand that she GO TO COUNSELING!!!! If she's unwilling, there you go -- you need to leave her! Or else spend the rest of your life MISERABLE.
I stood up to my dissamissive avoidant that put my in a situationalship and treated me as a secret. I stood up to him. He always came back to me. This time he was angry. He has blocked me on everything. It has been 2 months. Will i ever hear from him again.
Does it even matter???? Dismissive always want to be "HEARD" but everything is a oneway street for them. Perhaps you can no open yourself up to meet a healthier person who will NOT sprinkle bread crumbs and bring toxicity to your life. Love is reciprocal NOT a one way street.
Why do you care? You're addicted to this person. Break it.
Hope you have found some peace and that you’ve taken yourself out of the crazy making cycle.