Top 3 Signs Your Loved One Needs Nursing Home Care
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 พ.ย. 2022
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For many, the decision to move your loved one into a care facility may be the hardest decision of their life and there are many factors to consider before going through with it. In this video, Debra offers her top 3 signs your loved one needs nursing home care. When beginning to consider a care facility, it is important to be fully aware of the issue you are trying to solve by moving your person. Someone who suffers from frequent falls may be worse off in a nursing home as that is where the most falls tend to occur. As such, nothing would be gained from moving them. Falling does become an issue however if there is no one regularly available who can assist the person when they do fall. Wandering also falls into this category as most nursing homes will avoid taking patients like this as they can be very high maintenance. However, if the person is currently living near cliffs, large bodies of water, or can easily access a vehicle it may be time to consider relocating them. This is especially true if they constantly get around safeguards you’ve tried using to stop them. Other reasons to consider a care facility are that they are unable to respond correctly to an emergency without help, they are unable to clean themselves or keep up with their basic needs, and that the caregiver is no longer able or willing to provide the care needed. It may be that you are breaking a promise you made to that person to never put them in a home, but those promises were made before you knew the full weight of being a caregiver. It’s not a lifestyle everyone can manage, and there is no shame in admitting that.
For more information about caring for a loved one with Dementia, check out Debra’s new book “Forget Me Not”, and visit her website to request a more personal look at your situation at: answersaboutalz.org.
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My mother came to live with me, because that’s what she wanted. Soon I realized her dementia was worse than I thought initially. She was paranoid, delusional and hallucinating also. I found someone to help me with her a few hours a day, but my mother wanted only me. After a few months I realized I couldn’t do. I thought I would have a nervous breakdown. I wasn’t sleeping, because there were days she would be up at all hours of the night. I searched and found a small ALF that was recommended by a friend. I knew she would be well taken care of. It was a very difficult decision and one that some in my family criticized me for, but they were not walking in my shoes.
This sounds so similar in many aspects to my situation.....I'm becoming so tired and resentful. I haven't yet taken "that" step but I keep praying for the right outcome.....soon. It's very hard. My mother is self centred and oblivious to other's needs.
Just put mom in memory care a month ago. It was the right decision. She was in assisted living with dad and he passed away. She was scared and full of grief. She is having a hard time but the facility is a good one with daily activities and weekly outings.
Struggling so bad with this decision. Thank you .
the hardest thing for me being the caregiver for my husband is his hateful words to me.
Yes, I experienced the same with my mother. Unspeakably mean things that hurt me deeply. When I sat on her bed, exhausted, and told her it was time for her to go to a care home, I started crying and she laughed. She laughed at the distorted faces I was making as I sobbed. If I cried louder, she laughed harder. There were many other things like this... things that should never, ever happen. This disease, I swear, is just. brutal.
I am going through the same thing. My husband has become so mean and selfish
IM TAKING CARE OF MY YOUNGER SISTER SHE IS BEDRIDDEN AND HAS ALZHEIMER I AM 7 YEARS OLDER AT 71 SHE NEEDS CARE 24/7 ITS GETTING HARD TO TAKE CARE OF HER .I HAVE TO CHANGE HER AND FEED HER.I HAVE NO LIFE.I WAS JUST TOLD I HAVE BREAST CANCER FOR THE 3RD TIME .I AM DEPRESSED AND TIRED ALLTHE TIME.YES I FEEL GUILTY I NEED TO PUT HER IN A NURSING HOME.
Joyce, you do what you need to do for YOURSELF!
if your sister had her normal brain, what would she tell you? What would her advice be? It's ok!
Dear sweet lady, yes you do. You have to have some devotion to yourself as well. It's very hard, it is.
As the only child of a 91 yr. old with dementia, I cry every day. After a fall & 3 days in the hospital 9 months, she has grown progressively worse. In turn, making this the worst time of my life caring for my mother. Everything is an argument with her. I can't tell her to do something. I can't ask her to do something. Always ending in an argument with her telling me to shove it up my ass or to go to hell. I'm a widow and need to work full-time. I have installed cameras to monitor her during the day. After work I go straight home to clean up the messes she & her little dog have created. I no longer socialize with friends. I feel depressed & stressed all the time. Sadly, I have discovered a certain level of understanding for people in similar situations who might have chosen murder-suicide as the only way out for them. Video presenters like the one here are a great source of support & encouragement. I appreciate being reminded that there is hope. Sorry to be so long-winded. Thank you & God bless.
I have only promised that I would take care of him as long as I could, but that some point, I wouldn’t be able to any more, and then I would have to put him in a memory care facility.
We have a unique situation with my mom. She is 86 and dementia but also 95%blind. She has been in her home for 31 years and knows it well. She had care from 8-6pm and they would leave and she would go to bed after her meds The problem was that she didn’t like one caregiver who was there 2 days a week and would be difficult and walk out the garage. Those days she would call me 10 times a day mad that I couldn’t come over. She wanted more socializing so we talked her into going to a memory care place. It has been 1 month and she hates it and we( my brother and I) haven’t gone to talk to her but observe her 2-4 times a week. My husband has been and she cries to him that she wants to go home. Calls my brother and I swear words and says we can have all her money ( not an issue). We also are paying her favorite caregiver to go by 3 times a week.
The place is telling us one more month to let her settle in. They have already adjusted her Zoloft to 75mg.
What should we do?
My mother would accept nothing less than for some member of her family to give up their own life to live in her home and care for her. It was her only plan. She didn’t ask anyone in advance. Both my brother, and later my niece, tried and were very well paid for their efforts. It was an unmitigated disaster and while all this was going on, Mother began to fail dramatically. She’s now in Assisted Living and doing better. She hates it though it is close to being a luxury hotel with lots of activities and a four star dining room. It’s not what she wanted.
I'm lucky I've undertaken this sort of care for years, in people's homes, residential and nursing homes and nursing in hospital. My mother hasn't done anything I haven't seen before. It's as is I've been in training for her, for the lady few decades.
Although my older husband who like me to promise I won't put him in a care home at some point I have deliberately never made that promise for the reasons you explain.
A lot of this also applies to people caring for younger people with mental health issues. They, however, don't have the option of a care home for their family member. We need to support them, too.
Your right Jennifer, the younger do not...
Thank you for your expert advice. I am struggling with have to put my husband of 57 years in a care facility. His Alzheimer’s/Lewey Body Dementia is taking over his brain at a rapid pace.
He knows what he doesn’t know at this point and his struggles with trying to function is making him very depressed, anxious to the point of his anger scaring me. He has said several times I can’t do this any more I should just die. This is beyond what I can handle.
This is an amazing TH-cam it answers the questions we all have. It has taken some of the guilt we all feel away, answers the why. Thank you. ❤️
Kathryn, Thank you for your comment. We don't do guilt here! These are such hard decisions to make under a lot of pressure also! Best wishes!
Thank you for helping me to continue learning more about dementia after losing my mum.
This is the third video of hers I have watched and I have learned so much. I leave soon to give my sister a 2 week caregiver break. She does soooooooo much, and feels weighed down by the decisions that are looming on the horizon. I will definitely be sharing this channel with her and other family members. Thanks for all you do!
Thank you so much for your kind words. I truly appreciate you sharing this information with others! Please let me know if there are any other videos you'd like to see in the future! Keep strong....Together we can!
Great job!
Thank you! Such a helpful video!
Thank you for this information!
Thank you for your videos.
Awesome information. Thank you
Such great information! Thank you❤
Thank you so much. You have been very helpful ❤
I watched your video and totally agree with you. I had to place my wife into long-term care over a year ago because I couldn't physically take care of her. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I subscribed to your channel.
Hi Joe, I'm so sorry that you had to struggle with this decision. I'm sure you put great effort into it and didn't go into anything lightly. No one is in our shoes.....these are the hardest times.....Im glad your here with us at Answers About Alzheimer's!
Subscribed ❤ and watching best of all you are amazing great advice was on your live chat and you rock ❤
Often nursing Home employees are making minimum wage that’s what scares me most about Nursing Homes!
Thanks for this!
THANK YOU!
Wonderful information...thank you.
Thank you .
Thank you
I'm sole caretaker of my husband. So many of your points hit me hard on when your loved one needs a facility.
I just found your community and am so thankful for it, Debra. I was the caregiver of my father who had dementia alzheimers. I was a single mother of a daughter. We moved in to his home to help him. Now almost 30 years later, I am becoming my younger (74) sister's support system. She gets very anxious when she has to do things like going to her dr.'s appointments, working her cell phone and computer. She has lost most of her short term memory. She asks the same question over and over and over. She has difficulty remembering things to tell her dr about how her heart rhythm is doing. I asked her to give me her power of attorney for financial and medical decisions which she has done. She has all the signs of mild cognitive memory loss of and her neurologist says he thinks her dementia is the alzheimer type. We live in the same city but are separated by a bridge over the city's bay. My daughter and I live on the same street and have been trying to get her to move here by us and out of her house (which she is finding difficult to manage by herself). She can do her ADL's but we think we will need to have her quit driving pretty soon.
My delimma is: Do I encourage her to move here and rent her home or do we wait until she needs to be in a memory care facility? I know it is hard as we get older to adjust to different surroundings and it can cause a lot of confusion. She already has confusion, so would it be better to hold off moving now? Or do I encourage this move before the memory care move? I am finding it becoming a bit more difficult to go with her to all her dr's appointments and to go to her home when she calls telling me she can't work her computer or cell phone. Any suggestions or things I should think about would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you so much for the support and the experience you share with us in working with this condition!!. Janet
Alright Janet, this is a tough one....typically every move will add decline. I feel that if she moves near you, how much of her care will change? If significantly, then that may be a good idea. Also if the move is to helo the caregiv provide more consistent, better care, then that benefits both parties! You may want to check with an attorney about renting the home. Does she own it currently? The sale of the home could help pay for home care to stay home longer if not until the end....if your state is like NY, the nursing home will take it anyway I'd she ends up there...
Let me know if this helps or if you need some clarification on anything....💙
@@answersaboutalzheimers Thank you for your response, Debra. My sister does own her home. The place by me is only offered for rent. Right now her care would not change. It will be quicker to get to her though. Now she can take care of herself. It just would be nice to be able to spend more time with her if she were here. I know she gets very lonely (she doesn't have children, her husband died several years ago and her favorite dog died recently. She still does have one dog). I think I will let this be for now and wait until I have to take her car away or she gets worse. The place by me is ready to be rented now not later. Thanks again! 💜
My husband in early stages dementia so far so good but he is less talkative I feel lonely and mentally drained because he can’t cope with anything even his incompetence is getting worse I’m old and on medication for some things at this stage we are coping so thanks for your help regarding nursing home ect I’ll try not to feel guilty like you say every situation is different I’m not the type of person to get depressed but it is slowly getting me feeling ill sad what happens when I can’t go on anymore
Wow...u are spot on
My situation is this: I am 76 with a bad back. I am caring, in my home, for my sister who is only 1.5 years older than I am. Although her stage is relativity early yet, I am unable to get her up when she falls. We live alone. I live in a small rural town with no other relatives. I was recently in the ER and had to leave her alone for about 6 hours. I’m fine now, but I was very sick for two weeks. There’s more to my story, but it’s too lengthy to say it all here.
That's a tough situation. I know that rual areas around here have similar problems....
@@answersaboutalzheimers Thank you!
If she could be in a care home for people with her disabilities, that might be the only option for her. I’m 77. I cared for a brother 13 years older for 7 years in my 60s. It almost killed me. I would never think of doing that again. I read a statistic that 70% of caregivers die before their patients.
@@sarahgupton2552 I am so sorry to hear about your brother and difficulty of being a caregiver. I am doing that too. It’s very difficult and it’s wearing on me something fierce. 💔💔
Very helpful. Thank you!
You're welcome! Is there anything I can shoot a video on for you? And have you joined us by subscribing?
Very good information. You helped me more than you know.
Thanks! I'm so glad I've helped you!
Excellent thank you
Thanks! I hope you subscribed!
Very practical and sensible advice 👍
Thanks Dave! I'm glad you found some value...I sure hope you have subscribed!
Thank you!!!
You bet! Glad to help. I hope you subscribed to our family.
Thank you so much for this video. I really needed to hear this.
So glad you found it helpful. Are you part of our subscribed family?
I am. So glad that I found you.
Thanx for this video. Very informative. I'm full-time caring for my 76yo mum. I've been living with mum, in her home since Feb 2023. Mum is noticeably getting worse. I had to leave my home, it's comforts & my husband to care for mum. I have no other family who will help with care. My issues are, I have multiple illnesses myself & I'm exhausted. Mum is very adamant about not leaving her home. I'd love to know how to start a conversation about going into care. She liked a week's respite when I had a knee replacement 7 weeks ago. So, I'm hoping that might help. I'm in Australia, so things might be different from the US
Very helpful
Thank you for watching!
Excellent video. Thank you for sharing this great information.
Thank you so much for taking the time to drop me a comment! Is there anything you would like to hear about dementia?
Thank you, I found this very helpful.
Thank you. My son’s father (we are divorced many years) has just entered a nursing home at age 80 due to severe disabilities after suffering shingles. He lost his ability to care for himself. He’s supposed to be in the care facility for rehabilitation (3 months), but unless he can walk and care for himself, the stay will have to be permanent. There are many issues to consider. Your information is very helpful because this has all been very difficult for my son as his dad’s only decision maker.
That's hard.....Im sorry. I'm here if you need me!
Was it in his cranial nerves? Was it Ramsay Hunt? I had that happen to me at age 63. It gave me meningitis as well. It nearly killed me as it was left undiagnosed for too long. It left me very damaged and disabled. After leaving the hospital, I slept around the clock for two years. I was unable to care for myself. Five years later, I’m on my feet again and caring for myself. But I doubt that I’ll ever get back to who I was before the illness. Best you, your son and his father.
@@Mrs.TJTaylor He’s had a lot of pain due to cranial nerve pain but he has more serious diagnoses discovered after the shingles.
Very good thank u my mother is at stage 3 i think i just resent her for not going into a home its so hard to handle 😢
It is very hard to handle. I hope you subscribed....and I hope you share the video you liked so others can benefit. Glad your here!
Why in God’s name, an assisted living facility or nursing home so expensive??? If my loved one comes to a point where she does need more help than I give her, the expense keeps this person from help they need.
Medicaid
@@answersaboutalzheimers Thank you!
Not sure where to turn. Older sis showing sx of dementia. Waiting months more still to see neurologist for dx. Getting unsafe for her to live alone in RV park. Overlay of histrionic personality as well as alcohol abuse. She was willing to move into independent living part of facility that had increasing levels of care, but she flunked the required cognitive test to gain admission and now 2 year wait list to get into assisted living portion of it. Now insists on staying at RV park and that she’ll be fine. She’s not. Don’t know what to do next or where to get help.
The pandemic disrupted healthcare & torpedoed the senior care industry. They are chronically understaffed & after two different facilities & spending a lot of money, my mom was sent to the hospital because they are more worried about their investors, not them clients. Recommend taking the time to find caregivers. Doing this alone is difficult, especially because most of us are clueless about a difficult & progressive disease. Get help.
I like your approach. My father died. The next day my mom couldn’t remember that he had died. We knew mom had memory issues, but it quickly was apparent that he had been minimizing and covering for her. It was chaos until we found a memory care.
Do you see types of personality’s like a Boarderline, Antisocial or Narcissism? Are they meaner or violent?
they defiantly can be!
My mother in law absolutely needs 24 hr. Care but they havnt yet approved her Medicaid. We can't pay out of pocket. So we are at thier mercy. But it's pretty much me 24 7. She's getting up at least 2 x a night. Can't di anything by herself. Every 2 to 3 minutes she will repeat the exactly same thing. Unless I redirect.
You’re the best
Thanks Robert! I appreciate that very much!
I am 80 years old taking care of my 80 year old Alzheimer husband. He is very agitated and hard to deal with a lot of the time. It is important to me that I remember he is not the same as he was 57 years ago when we married. I am doing 5he best I can but I feel so bad for him having to go thru all of this horrible disease. He is unhappy and not enjoying anything in his life. Not eating, talking or smiling. I don’t want him to end his life this unhappy. D
Hugs to you, Dee. ❤
Would you be able to speak on Parkinson's induced Dementia and off periods?
Off periods?
The three top signs: 3:17...
1. What does the Individual want?
What are Their wishes?
2. Can they afford to stay at home?
3. Are they going to be safe at home?
***NOTE: When possible, these questions are best asked of an Individual when they have working mental faculties***