I really appreciate how Dr. K is the only one who can talk on this topic like an actual adult. No weaponizing it. No dancing around the flaws. No blind idolizing or childish memes and antics. And at the same time, no judgment. Truly rare.
I've been addicted to pornography since I was a kid. I've went to several therapists and when I started a decade ago the three therapists I tried told me that porn addiction wasn't real (the science wasn't developed enough at the time). I stopped trying for a while but found one recently who did a master's thesis on the problem, but still only understood 75% of it. For example he didn't believe it cause erectile disfunction but it is something experienced by tons in the community and seen as obvious. Dr K is the first person I've seen that clearly understands it and talks about it like it's a serious normal addiction and I'm so glad I found this channel.
I feel the same way about him and I’ve only been a follower for probably since the end of summer. He seems like he gets it more than 75% and understands the effects of porn. I indeed am aware of ED being an effect caused by masturbation.
Absolute banger. No redpill crap, no clickbait. You dive right in and waste no time. This is my favorite type of video you make, this exact highly condensed and utilitarian narrative.
@@TheKoloradoShowEh, as of late I've been very displeased with some of the videos. They come across as having different production and scripting priorities than prior videos. This exact "style" seems the greatest balance between quality of information, quantity of information, and utility of information. Sometimes longer more rambling videos make sense. But this is perfect.
@@JW0121I phrased it poorly that way, but the vibe that Dr. K and his content can sometimes have. Rarely. But it happens for me. Where it has this almost manipulative feeling to it, specifically videos dealing with typically red pill adjacent topics, like dating, inceldom, etc. Again, not common and I can't put my finger on it, but sometimes it feels as though Dr. K is willing to employ some degree of manipulative rhetoric in exchange for a more convincing or useful argument. Nobody is perfect and Dr. K helped me a lot so far! But sometimes the vibe is just inexplicably off and this is the best I can explain it.
From beginning to end, excellent vid, Dr K. ‘ Do you procrastinate? Use that to procrastinate on your bad habits. Not today, maybe tomorrow..’ I wanna hug you, dude.
@@rayshafi2855 yknow you're right, i do keep procrastinating on playing video games, gosh darn it. when it's a larger life goal that entails a lot of hardship, sure people often procrastinate on those kinds of things we want to do. but that's not what he was talking about when he suggests to "intentionally procrastinate on things you want to do" in order to get shit done. maybe he could've worded it better, but it doesn't quite work as it is imo
I haven’t watched porn since July. Everything Dr. K said in this video is absolute facts. To anyone currently trying to deal a porn addiction, I am rooting for you!
@@emmiiirrr In the beginning once I felt good about not watching I felt a bit more confiden and my mind was more clear (I also stopped using marijuana and drinking alcohol at the same time) but as time went on that feeling just became the norm. It definitely fluctuates from day to day though but thats completely normal.
It’s been 65 days and I’ve only watched porn once in those 65 days, not perfect but in the past I used to watch it at least once a day Keep focusing on small progress guys! Your willpower is stronger than you think!
I swear i watched so much stuff on TH-cam about addiction content and how to overcome it, and this is the best video i have ever watched until now, i'm 24. This explains really perfectly how you have to think and behave in order to really beat addictions in all kinds. YOU HAVE TO structure your day and be busy all the entire time.
Right, think about it as you creating a schedule - thus more things you get to fill in there to do during the day thus greater chance it is that you will overcome this madness.
@@grandiosa86 I was a porn addict for 10 years, and went with lot of prostitutes in the last 3 years as a coping mechanism, what really worked for me is you have to identify yourself as someone Who just DON’T DO these things, you really just don’t, you have to be extreme in your choices, same as with scrolling, because i also had this problem, i just don’t do that anymore, not even for 1 minute in my entire day, only so i can overcome it, and that’s the same with everything in life.
Goddamn dr k. When you said “I can’t be sober for a year, I can be sober now” I almost cried. Not only are we lucky you make this content but we’re lucky that you specialize in addiction. Thank you for what you do
I never thought I would learn a lot about my self from this video. It just goes to show that pornography addiction is not just a disease but also a symptom, that there are also problems with other areas of life that needs fixing. That they are interconnected.
I haven't watched porn for 6 months. I will tell my story. I am from Ukraine, I am a mobilized soldier. In the first months, it was very difficult for me to be alone, because the army provides for the lack of personal space, even in the shower or in the toilet. Plus, the sudden change in lifestyle completely changed something in my brain. During the first week in the army, I gave up smoking and alcohol. And i gave up porn. I won't say it made me mega successful. But I can definitely say that the mood has become better. I am in the army, which involves limiting freedom to a certain extent, but I still began to enjoy life more. In addition, I began to appreciate women as they are. And in general, I gave up the lust.
this literally changed my life. i went on a walk instead of staying on my bed looking at nsfw instagram posts, on the walk i went to my local shop and had a little conversation about my ex best friend who i cut off 6 months ago. He spoke beautifully and inspired me to call him and just say hello and ask to catch up. I had a panic attack thinking about calling him for a whole hour, but with my brother next to me, I managed to him him a call and now me and my friend have connected after months. I cannot emphasis how close me and him used to be and so this was a major event for both of us. Non of it was planned but it all panned about perfectly. Today was a canon event in my life and it would've never happened if i didnt watch this video, get inspired to go on a walk at 9:30pm, etc etc. This is a real story and it literally happened 3 hours ago. THANK YOU.
A while ago you mentioned how to stop certain addictions. You said don't stop cold turkey. Train your brain to hate it. How do you do this? Every time you do this said addiction, think about how much you hate it. Every time you even think about the addiction, think about how much you hate it. It's a slow process, but you will train your brain to hate it. You can't expect quick changes. Even those that say "I stopped cold turkey." ask them why. They give you explanations and they'll mention something in the line of, "I was sick and tired of it affecting me etc." This doesn't happen over night, it was a pile of shit that grew bigger and bigger and they would see this pile of shit when they would act on their addiction. It's a thought process. Chances are, if you're here, you are already on your path to quitting.
The opposite of love is not hate, its indifference. Been able to accept your issue, acknowledge it and just move on is far more powerful than hate would ever be. Not wasting time or energy on porn from a positive or negative manner is amazing and I train myself as much as possible to keep achieving it.
I think those are for different types of addictions. With drugs they often have a physical and psychological dependence which makes strong withdrawals. Porn and masturbatory issues I'm thinking is more psychological based. Can go cold turkey
I agree with training the brain to hate it but for porn addiction there is no reason to not attempt to quit cold turkey. The reason why he said don't quit cold turkey was because he was talking about certain addictions like Alcohol where it can harm you to quit completely at once.
I can't thank you enough for how much insights you have provided to me in just one video. Already subscribed! Gen-Zs should watch your videos on a regular basis.
i’m learning english hard these days to fully understand the words of youtube jesus. it takes me 30min to watch this 10min video. but it is really worth it.
The thing that helped me the most was an accountability partner. After I told my therapist about my issue, I just about completely stopped. Every time I felt the temptation, I would think, "Nah, I don't want to have to admit that I gave in," so I would stop. Eventually, the habit broke, and I didn't have to worry about being tempted anymore.
@@LeoNux-um7tg yeah I don't have ANYONE to talk to about this. It's really tearing me apart. I feel so alone... quick fix. I feel bored... quick fix. I feel ashamed from doing it so much... quick fix. It's an endless cycle
I have never been so... focused on a video. This topic and how Dr. K works around the issue at hand is truly something of a spectacle. He didn't dance around the topic and dress it up in a masquerade, he didn't go all red pill and far-right on us and call us weak, he elegantly performed a ballet - a dance with steps to achieving the performance - the end result, making yourself better. Hearing how simple and effective the most basic means of quitting is, is making me feel stronger as a human and like the black diamond im climbing is really a bunny hill. Thanks Dr. K for your eloquent and inspiring way of helping us who are struggling to feel like we can do it.
I am Catholic and for me it really came down to more prayer, exercise and talking to my wife about my emotions more. Finding healthy habits are so important so for me that was picking up the guitar again and listening to music more
I know it’s kinda not related but shoutout to HG team for their amazing work. I really like the mix between original videos and highlights from previous streams, and even the way they design the thumbnails for each one makes it easier to reach for what you’re looking for.
Summary by everyone's favorite AI Porn addiction often stems from emotional regulation, not just arousal. The desperation to quit can fuel the addiction more, leading to failure. Instead of aiming for permanent solutions, focus on the present-resisting the urge now rather than forever. Boredom is a significant trigger, so structuring your day and developing alternative emotional coping skills, like meditation or therapy, is crucial. In our abundant world, the accessibility of pleasures makes self-regulation more critical than ever. Balancing these abundant pleasures with restriction is essential for our well-being.
Dude, stop living in my head wtf. Joking aside, thank you so much, Dr. K. ❤ I'm been trying to beat this addiction for years. It has definitely wreaked havoc in my private life.
Even though Dr. K's consultations are primarily parasocial, I feel so heard listening to them. It sucks that almost no one in my family or in my friend circle treats my issue with the same level of compassion and experience and hell, I've been taking physical notes and making my calendar because of these videos. They say you gotta dig to strike gold. Amongst all of them, I've found the one channel with enough information to educate me into action.
It’s very hard and addictive did it for almost 20 years. Was confronted said I’d stop ( did and went back) , confronted once again. After realizing what it was doing to me, my life and family, researching it a lot , getting help quit cold turkey 400+ days ago. Sure I’m not out of the woods but doing everything and anything.
The ease and rapidity at which I lose interest in things, in this age of technology, porn, drugs and gambling, has been a gift and a curse. I truly have a hard time understanding how anyone can keep watching porn after the purge.
The Easy peasy method + this pdf that adds onto it I found on reddit actually worked for like 3 months. Dating a girl also helped. What Doctor K says probably also helps
The best way to overcome porn addiction is to learn WHAT porn does for you. Once you figure that out, then the goal becomes finding something that isn't porn, but can fill the gap that porn fills. Once you find that thing, stick with it consistently, and overtime your instinct wont be to watch porn, it'll be to play sports, go to the gym, build something in your room, etc... it'll be whatever you picked to fill the gap. It is a hard journey, but a possible one nonetheless. Do not give up, brothers and sisters! I believe in you!
Practical steps: 1. Don’t watch pornography today. Don’t watch pornography now. Procrastinate pornography. Not today. 2. Pack out your day from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. Don’t be bored. 3. Regulate your emotions some other way. Meditate or talk to a therapist. Putting this comment out there as a commitment to myself. Change starts today.
Procrastinate pornography is one of the stupidest Shit to do , how can I procrastinate over something which literally gives me a good hit of dopamine. It doesn't matter if I even find porn disgusting or not but it will surely give me a dopamine hit
Good video and I've been battling this annoying addiction for 4 years now and learnt a lot on the way. The only thing I'd say is point 2 about packing your day is just unrealistic for most normal people. There's going to be a time eventually when you have 5-15 minutes spare at the bare minimum and if you're really relying on porn you won't be able to rely on willpower alone. So the most important thing he said was point 3 and learning healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with emotions etc. Thanks Dr K as always
that's true, I'll attest that I actually managed to beat internet addiction entirely when I filled up my whole day. however it left me feeling completely empty and aimless because I literally already had my day planned out before even living it, and got back tired beyond recognition
Haven't watched porn for over 2 years now. And I do sometimes feel the urge to relapse because I struggle with boredom and procrastination, but I just let the urge pass no matter how strong it is because it will eventually pass on its own.
I'm on my 31st attempt, and I'm already at 12 days sober because I took it one step at a time instead of just cutting off completely. So instead of a month of sobriety I just aim for a day, and if I survived today imma survive tomorrow and the cycle repeats itself. Always remember the baby steps and you'll see how far you'll go
I quit watching 9 months ago, i quit cold Turkey on the day i got baptized at my church. It is a VERY hard addiction to break. I was 17 years addicted, since i was 8 years old when i started. No matter how hard it is, you can quit it too!
Its usually not just porn addiction, especially with the younger generation that grew up with smartphones. If you're trying to quit but you're still playing video games, watching youtube and netflix, and being complacent all day don't be surprised that you go back to porn no matter how many promises you make to yourself and others. Also, be aware that trading one addiction for another is not quitting. it's just a temporary solution. The solution is connection and asking for help, which does not mean going to the doctor and taking medication. It means therapy, healing, true friends and family, and taking it one day and one thing at a time.
I’m 22, and although I agree with everything you said, our generation is completely and totally terrified of vulnerability and emotional intimacy. I’ve had friendships that lasted a decade suddenly come to an end because the other person couldn’t stand hearing the human struggles of another person. That and therapy’s expensive af so just going isn’t as easy as people make it sound..and that’s coming from a person who’s generally in a good place financially for my age. We gotta fix the fear of intimacy and vulnerability in order to truly create connections that can replace the coping mechanisms we use instead
@@JayAplin-hz1vuvery much agree. At the end of the day you only cope because your life sucks in some way. Community is dead and 1/4 people have no friends. Therapy is decent for coping but fundamentally most problems are external in root.
There're so many people trying to monetizing this topic and they don't even give you correct information after you pay! And then there is this hero, gives you these diamonds just like that. And for free. He's like: oh, btw, here is the cure for something that really can destroy your entire life if you don't stop with that, so there you're, take it if you want... 🤯 Dr. K is truly my real-life superhero! The way he helps us and how cool he's doing that? I can't even... Thank you like a LOT!!
most of the comments are praising Dr. K. i would like to take the opportunity and praise all you guys and girls in the comment sections of their videos (its not just Dr. K, please never ever forget that there is also a whole team behind the scenes) this whole community is solid gold and yall are MVPs and we all gonna be alright eventually. keep working, keep supporting and keep spreading the love
This video was so much more than talking about porn addiction I wouldn't say I'm addicted to porn or anything but I experience these with internet addiction. I just clicked it because I was bored and had a new perspective about my problems thanks dr k
Every now and then I’ve been able to go a week without watch p*rn, felt good about it, and then something truly crappy happens and I “need” that sure fire dopamine hit and can’t think about anything else
from a personal experience, two things really helped me to discipline myself first of all, accepting that watching p* is not a crime, but something with a lot of upsides and downsides of how it effects your relationships and your general mood. to regulate it or terminate it is up to you. and secondly, having strong "positive" feeling for something which goes to the opposite direction of p*. for example, I've realized how much more collected I am and how much more "intimacy" I'm feeling with other people or even with fictional characters instead of just losing my focus to their bodies, and that's also a reason that I just hate revealing clothing.
in all honesty I wish I could regulate it, but I can't. I've gone 5 years straight without watching it, fell back in for a month, went back out, thought "hey that wasn't so bad, as long as I keep it in check maybe I could introduce it to my schedule". On the day I thought that, I stayed up till 10am. It's just not possible. It's like trying to 'regulate' smoking. the second point holds very true for me though, because funnily enough I hate anything explicitly sexual, which is why I can quit so easily (just weird fetish stuff), and I make it a point to never imagine people I know in these situations. Really glad you learnt to discipline, it's a very difficult thing to do.
It was once I started thinking “I don’t need to do that right now” that I lost the emotional tie to the habit and the anxiety of committing to what I saw as a loss of something fun forever. When you just remind yourself that you can do it later if you really really have to, you just don’t mind not doing the habit.
I love that you can't be sober for a year, but you can be sober for today! In all my experience with nofap/semen retention, I reached the highest you can be. I went 3 months 3 times around 100 days of not watching or fapping at all. Plus, 1 year with balance, only watching porn 3 days a week! FINALLY KEEP GOING ❤️
Utterly incredible video. I tend to deal better problems when the view pans out to the bigger picture. It is exactly about emotion regulation. And abudance being the problem with miriad addictons these days was a good and novel input. We don't have to work for so many things we used to. Knowledge, food, work/money, sex, entertainment, people to talk to. All that is in the palms of our hands every second of the day. I was calling it a smartphone addiction a few days ago when talking to my therapist. Now it's a pornography addiction relapse. I stuggle with food addiction but due to health problems I'm having to watch what I eat and take care of myself so it lessoned. Addictions, like pain, just move sometimes so it can be indulged again. It's good someone points out it's an emotion regulation hack at the core. After years and years of hearing that term, therapy and work on emotion regulation specifically, I know now what to do. Thank all the gods I clicked on this video. It's now ensconced in my favorites. Cheers.
I actually wrote a similar Post on the sub reddit but I guess It got deleted as I purged my reddit account because it was distracting me from studying for the Entrance exam. I feel so glad this finally got addressed and I Hope that the OC clears the exam with flying colors and me too.
Been in the exact same situation as OP. I was also preparing for the same Engineering entrance exam and used to go to these classes that prepared students for the same. I used to get abysmally low scores in the tests and used to feel extreme shame because I was a great student until then. I felt like a loser and couldn't open up to anyone. I felt like I was wasting my parents' money and that I was a failure. I couldn't go and open up to any friend because I was the smart kid & I thought my value only exists if I remain smart. Until then I had never watched porn. But somehow one thing led to another and I remember clearly sitting in my drawing room in the afternoon coming back after school opening porn and watching it. I didn't do that very frequently- I'd say once or twice a month. It wasn't a problem but I prepared 3 years for this exam and in my final year of preparation I went off the internet to focus on my studies. But at the very end of the preparation, I remember scoring low tests again and coming back to my room and watching porn. It wasn't any hardcore stuff, and I was even repulsed by watching women get penetrated like they show in porn. I never realised all of this- that ultimately porn is an emotional regulation technique. I wish someone had told me earlier, how to deal with emotions. And then this sporadic watching continued until my second year where I started to watch it more frequently as I was living all alone in a dorm. And then for the next 3-4 years I had never been able to go cold turkey because I always tried the wrong things or couldn't really understand why I watched porn. It was only recently when I started to dig into porn industry I found how women are exploited and the horror stories of some women who worked in this industry. I decided to completely cut it out but I couldn't. I knew no one in my circle who considered watching porn unhealthy or framed it as an emotional regulation technique. I continued to fail and I just couldn't wrap my head around why I just couldn't give up on it. I went vegan last year overnight and I thought giving up porn would also be a similar process but I just couldn't replicate it. Anyway some stars aligned- I read a book by Patrick Carnes that felt like it was my biography. Although I don't watch it as much as I know people do watch but the book really pointed out my problem and how it is an emotional regulation technique. Then I also came back to Dr K's vids on addiction after an year of not watching him and he talked the same stuff. Have I completely stopped watching porn? Nope. I still do but the frequency has dropped significantly. And earlier I might feel excited when I used to but now I watch it with a detached mind, seeing how mechanically I do it. I feel intense emotions when I don't use it to suppress my emotions and it literally sometimes feels like I found a part of myself that I had never known. Dr K's vids on addiction are super helpful and they have also helped me. The only thing now I really struggle with is to identify if I am feeling horny or a suppressed emotion? because anytime I feel bad my mind doesn't actually label it as a negative emotion but pictures of porn start to come in my mind lol.
I have the same question as you. Is porn use ever healthy? I feel like the answer is no, but I could see a situation where it could be phrased as a positive such as: a man is horny, and uses porn instead of sleeping with someone he’d regret. Idk just spitballing here, I still think porn is a negative overall.
yeah you pretty much hit the nail on the head. most people who dig this deep will discover that porn, like most addictions, is a method of emotional regulation. i realized this about a year ago when something in my life caused me to go through a lot of emotional turmoil. it took me a few months after that to really be aware of the truth, but i’d say i’ve intuitively understood for about a year or so why i was watching porn in the first place. i don’t have a huge moral inclination to not watch porn, but for me it was just a matter of self-hatred and lack of discipline that made me want to stop. a year later, i don’t think i’ve really solved any of my problems and my life might arguably be getting worse, but i’ve at least built some awareness regarding my self-destructive behaviors and why i engage in them. i haven’t beaten my addiction yet because the sad truth is that i just don’t know how to deal with the underlying issues that made me turn to it in the first place. i also have the same issue with internet and video game addiction. for porn specifically, it’s been a month since i last watched, but even after going for longer periods of time without watching it i feel like i lack the capability to actually improve my life. dr. k’s videos have been helpful to me on all sorts of topics, but i’ve been watching his video for a couple years now and i don’t really feel like i’m any better than where i started at. like i said, i might arguably be getting worse with time. anyway, the point is that building awareness is one of the key aspects of recognizing and understanding why you have an addiction and how you can possibly beat it. as a side note, what was the title of the book you read? and as a side note to the side note, is the statue in your profile picture from france? i feel like i’ve seen it before.
@@MKULTRA_Victim_ I think porn is wrong in every manner. You can never know if the women in the video has given her consent. All the research done about the women in the porn industry generally paint a negative picture of it. And it is just extremely weird to watch someone else having sex. Like if two people were having sex, I wouldnt want to sit and watch them. Reading books about the porn industry also fuelled my reason to not consume it. Andrea Dworkin, Gail Dines & Robert Jensen are some of the authors I read to understand to the industry. I see it in a simple way. If I know A exploits B then as a person I want to stay away from this whole situation because I don't want to exploit any human or an animal (to my capability)
@@eebbaa5560 I totally relate to you. I like to think of this whole situation as follows- I live in a dirty room and never keep the lights on. So I don't know how much the room is untidy. But as soon as I lit up the room (building awareness) I come to realise how dirty the room is and how many things I've just suppressed. Building awareness is the first step. As Dr K would also say "awareness preceeds control". Personally- reflecting on my childhood and building a narrative about it had been very helpful. Also journaling. It's been a month of journaling and I can see some patterns now. Maybe you just start right there. The book is called "Out of the shadows" by Patrick Carnes. Other books that really helped me- Adult children of emotionally immature parents by Lindsay Gibson Drama of the gifted child by Alice Miller Complex PTSD from surviving to thriving by Pete Walker Haha about my picture- I dont know where it's from. But I really like the idea of it. Building a new self, shredding away the things that aren't good for me. It also hurts to build a new self!
I was struggling with this quite a bit and I was having a hard time with study. Undiagnosed ADHD. It led to a lot of anxiety and depression and that was what causing me to consume porn. As soon as i found the right Psychiatrist that actually listened to what i had to say, he prescribed some anti anxiety medication and that just magically killed mt need for porn and doom scrolling a week in. Just... Poof. Gone. And i didnt lose my sex drive. I still get aroused. I judt dont need a pump of dopamine instantly anymore. Address issues with your brain, people.
hello fellow p watchers...something that helped me was diet which means cutting out wheat related food, this was a game changer. also getting 10 thousand steps a day.....the last few weeks i havent walked and didnt reach my 10k steps also it probably is the reason i have relapsed. in the last 2 years my longest streak is 39 days. i will go and get my 10k steps in and see how many days i stop watching it. i will update and write a message to see if these 2 steps continue to help. thank you Dr. K its wonderful to help day one starts today. thank you Dr. K its wonderful to help
What you say is so pragmatic, technical yet simple, and so unsaid in all others generic advice videos on porn that you have one of the best videos on the subject with this one
Ive been an addict for 25 years. Coke, weed, sex, gambling and porn. Porn has been the hardest to quit. I had an adhd diagnosis 3 years ago and addiction effects 50% of adhders which explains a lot of my dopamine seeking behaviour. I've tried also sorts of therapy and modalities to quit but nothing worked, so now im in a 12 step program for sex addiction and half the guys there have adhd or autism. Emotional dysregulation is a big problem for me, it effects everything.
I agree. I've always thought how unfair for a an ex alcoholic to focus on the 1 day they drank rather than 364 days they didn't. That is OBJECTIVELY a Win.
Thankfully, at the right time of my life I got "addicted" to a different kind of porn - stories. Which later translated to me mostly role playing with people online (or irl in rare cases), which is kinda like porn, sure, but with one negative removed - you are not isolated, but instead strengthen the connection with someone you're playing with.
It started as a joke many years ago but somehow I was able to find a ton of truth in the phrase "You can masturbate to prevent yourself from feeling horny; but can't masturbate to prevent yourself from feeling lonely." Dr. K's explanation of people who use porn as an emotional regulator better explains the truth I've found in that phrase, even if that phrase started as a way to dunk on lonely people. Words that describe what we need: hungry, sleepy, thirsty tell us what we need: food, sleep, water. Horny = sex; but Lonely =/= porn
i hooked up with an ex and had some good fun, and i felt my brain started to heal, decided to bust to a video we make and i can literally feel my brain changing, also im not in the best economical situation right now, so my emotions are all out of wack , this video confirms my realization that understood a few months ago
I'm sorry but how does Dr K keep doing this? Somehow every time he posts it's always so relatable to my current position in life. Dr K hasn't talked about this stuff in awhile and neither have I but this last week I started getting back into this mindset recognising the negative and wanting out. Low and behold Dr K does it again and posts content that massively relates to me. My issue is spending money on women for pornography. At first it was thrilling even though I hated myself for it but now when I put myself into the situation of being forced to send money I just feel dead inside. They receive the money and I am entirely numb completely dead emotionally. I have known for ages that I use porn in an extremely unhealthy manner. I use it as a coping mechanism to regulate my emotions and general low mood. It is used as a way to pick myself up and supress how I am feeling. It a sensitive topic so it is challenging to just talk to someone about this. Pornography is the same as an other addictive substance in my eyes. I always go back for more, always entirely unnecessarily to make myself feel good for 1 second when the content I consume makes me hate myself. I feel a lack of accomplishment in my life and have used porn to avoid dealing with these emotions. This has caused me to have a general low mood which I show throughout my life in a settings in real life, not just on pornography in my room. This is not the true version of myself and I know this. I intend on working on myself to find more fulfilment and happiness in my life so I can avoid consuming pornography to regulate my emotions. I am in my mid 20s now and have yet to be in a relationship. I do not exactly know the base reason but pornography and situational coping are being factors that have caused my feelings of being uncomfortable in this topic. I am a general out-going and social person but I have not been in a relationship. Clearly my perception of how others perceive me is not true to my current belief. I know pornography has encourage this behaviour. I have more to say but anyways I appreciate Dr K for posting videos that can make such a positive change to the life of many. It is truly inspiring. Thank you.
As a neuropsychologist from europe who recently enrolled in a cbt program, i just want to say that i love your content ! I’ve been listening (on spotify)/ watching for more than a month now and I learned a lot while commuting, and i just wanted to thank you :)
I need help deeply I've been watching for over 10 years and I've seen more things than I ever thought I could watch when it comes to this stuff . The rabbit hole goes very deep for me and I'm scared
Dr K knows EXACTLY what he’s talking about with this. My greatest success has not come from focusing on NOT using porn. It has come from filling my life with good things!
Dr. K, could you talk about other side-effects of porn such as desensitization, the need for more extreme porn and porn induced erectile dysfunction? I bet a lot of kids nowadays are scared and don't know what's happening to them.
Incredible video. Only person who has mimicked what I have felt my whole life For the last several years I have used pornography to cope. With stress, depression, wanting to numb my emotions. Heck, when I was in a relationship I still watched pornography. Not because my partner wasn't attractive. Of course she was. But because I was terrified being "completely dependent" on another person for sex I would 95% my porn watching has been for these reasons, instead of actually being horny
Man I used to watch porn so much as a teen. It'd be the first thing I do when I wake up and when I come home from school. Idk why but once I became an adult, I didn't care for it much anymore.
I talked to my therapist recently about my habit of rule34 and she didn't really have much to say to me. This video helps a whole lot. No judgement, yet so much to say. I wish more people understood it.
@@puertoricanboy50 it means if there is something on the internet there is porn made about it. The original comment is trying to say they seek out porn content about specific celebrities, fictional characters etc
God the procrastinate your usage made me start laugh crying. I'm so good at procrastinating why haven't I been doing it to the bad habits instead of the good ones
Currently on my journey to cut off this terrible habit. For me it is boredom that triggers the addiction so the thing that helped me the most is filling out my day. I keep myself busy all day. It is not a walk in the park you still need to put in some effort to get rid of the urges, way less when I didn't have a full schedule. Good luck to everyone you can do it 👍
I’m 2:44 minutes in & strongly disagree. I only watch if desire to have sex. That’s most men. If the average guy could get the type of woman he finds physically attractive there be no need for porn. Most men desire physical attractive average (normal sized) women. 7 of 10 women are overweight or obese. Most women that do porn have body’s that are of a normal size and weight.
It's not just boredom but negative emotion in general. Like being frustrated for not understanding the homework, being frustrated with your friend ignoring you, having an online argument, etc.
Hi Sir I do not know why I watch porn . I am 28 year old male . I don't drink , I don't smoke , I don't consume any such drugs however this particular habit is quite difficult for me to overcome . I stopped watching porn for past 6 months but recently I have again started watching porn weekly which I think is also not good . I think there is a possibility that it is hampering my ability to interact with girls as well. Life has become a bit boring . It's just monotonous life , going to work and nothing else . Whenever I try to be productive I study for few hours and after I went to sleep I wake up in the middle of night and then I go to porn . Its not a concious decision, it's just happens in a fraction of seconds . I do not know how other people in this world are able to overcome this and live a happy life
I don't think anyone would give an f, but I was casually thinking about not watching porn while sitting on my toilet seat and stumbled upon this video. I like how you said, "try to postpone it to the next day."I decided to do the same last night. I got a normal good night sleep, no weird lucid dream. Actually , I was able to wake up early and go for a walk. Ik it's just one day, but I feel so much better.
Almost going to hit 1 week and still haven't watched porn and even barely masturbated at all. Increasing my workout more. Mentally, tho I still don't know, I've changed at all, but maybe it's just 7 days.
Hey Doc, I really appreciate the advice and knowledge that you are sharing with us, and I was wondering… would you consider posting both the cut and uncut versions of your videos like you used to? I understand that you may be considering not making the video too long for us… but I personally find that the pauses really help me to register your advice. And I genuinely think that the reason why you yourself pause at times is because you have just said something that is important enough to reflect on and subconsciously you know that and pause for that reason. (It’s an assumption but I believe it) I feel that if you leave the pauses in for us some of us might benefit from those few split seconds of reflection …
What helped me quit porn easily is having a pocket joy toy, i think generally getting some kind of slit translates to my body and mind a lack of desperation which makes me not have a desire to watch porn. I can easily say I will go a year without and i shall stick to that because I am not desperate
the idea of every day being the goal vs a week or five days or whatever i usually do is an absolute game changer mentally. i had relapsed so many times where making a day or two no longer felt like it meant something to me, and when i dropped the ball it felt worse because itd take longer to rebuild the streak. but what if i just ignore that and treat every day and the next as the goal? and if i slip up then tomorrow is another day to hit a goal. like, why would i not want to reward and congratulate myself more?
Question how to find a balance between the addiction ? for example a billionaire once a month take a Friday to have his tabaco, or a janitor have a day on the week to have 6 beer. but then watch your favorite scene once a week or month is more bad than the other ones? what's your thoughts about this? sorry for my English is not my first language
to quote you "YOU HAVE TO structure your day and be busy all the entire time." Yes I do this about 8 month and on 8 month I just watch 6 scene not full and before that I was watching everyday full length so I think I found my balance I'm successful in life and all but I always have this question in mind
For me it helped reversing the issue. Instead of "I want to quit porn and how can I do it?", I changed to "Do I want to start watching porn and why?". Changing from victim mentality to why should I put in junk in my already fulfilling life. No one has an addiction to porn. I promise.
From my experience, overcoming porn addiction has two components : - Fighting it with the nofap community techniques - Improving your daily social life quality. (The less satisfied you are with your interactions (quality & amount), the easier it is to get tempted...)
@@Dimitris_Half fr, this works too ig. (Though even there some peopl still entertain that addiction, which is difficult for everyone). Also "just get a gf" is something you can't really do ;)
@@Dimitris_Half I was reacting to your phrasing : anyone who never had one is gonna have a hard time getting a gf, so saying "just get a romantic partner" is somewhat triggering lol
@@Dimitris_Half hmm... Personally I'm always in favor of using my words for specific purposes. Here I have a hard time seeing the use of such phrasing. Don't we want good for everyone ? Your turn lol
Struggling through trying NoFap and this is very helpful. My masturbation is down to ~1/14 of what it was and porn usage has also dropped heavily when I do. I think I’m doing well, but more information from great sources like Dr. K is always good.
I really appreciate how Dr. K is the only one who can talk on this topic like an actual adult. No weaponizing it. No dancing around the flaws. No blind idolizing or childish memes and antics. And at the same time, no judgment. Truly rare.
I've been addicted to pornography since I was a kid. I've went to several therapists and when I started a decade ago the three therapists I tried told me that porn addiction wasn't real (the science wasn't developed enough at the time). I stopped trying for a while but found one recently who did a master's thesis on the problem, but still only understood 75% of it. For example he didn't believe it cause erectile disfunction but it is something experienced by tons in the community and seen as obvious. Dr K is the first person I've seen that clearly understands it and talks about it like it's a serious normal addiction and I'm so glad I found this channel.
so so good. i agree.
I feel the same way about him and I’ve only been a follower for probably since the end of summer. He seems like he gets it more than 75% and understands the effects of porn. I indeed am aware of ED being an effect caused by masturbation.
@@Mixima101 Porn addiction is the leading cause of ED in young men today.
That’s the difference between someone who has a real phd and some internet doctor 😂😂
Absolute banger. No redpill crap, no clickbait. You dive right in and waste no time. This is my favorite type of video you make, this exact highly condensed and utilitarian narrative.
that's the dr. k way
@@JW0121 Anything that involves narratives.
In this case, narratives skewed in the general political directions that redpillers gravitate towards.
And what is that with the relationship with porn
@@TheKoloradoShowEh, as of late I've been very displeased with some of the videos. They come across as having different production and scripting priorities than prior videos. This exact "style" seems the greatest balance between quality of information, quantity of information, and utility of information.
Sometimes longer more rambling videos make sense. But this is perfect.
@@JW0121I phrased it poorly that way, but the vibe that Dr. K and his content can sometimes have. Rarely. But it happens for me. Where it has this almost manipulative feeling to it, specifically videos dealing with typically red pill adjacent topics, like dating, inceldom, etc.
Again, not common and I can't put my finger on it, but sometimes it feels as though Dr. K is willing to employ some degree of manipulative rhetoric in exchange for a more convincing or useful argument.
Nobody is perfect and Dr. K helped me a lot so far! But sometimes the vibe is just inexplicably off and this is the best I can explain it.
From beginning to end, excellent vid, Dr K.
‘ Do you procrastinate? Use that to procrastinate on your bad habits. Not today, maybe tomorrow..’
I wanna hug you, dude.
Easier said than done
@@loganderry5004 still helps to hear
thing is, you dont procrastinate on things you WANT to do. sometimes dr. k talks some BS, even tho i love the guy
@@chrisvo203you absolutely procrastinate on things you want to do.
@@rayshafi2855 yknow you're right, i do keep procrastinating on playing video games, gosh darn it.
when it's a larger life goal that entails a lot of hardship, sure people often procrastinate on those kinds of things we want to do. but that's not what he was talking about when he suggests to "intentionally procrastinate on things you want to do" in order to get shit done. maybe he could've worded it better, but it doesn't quite work as it is imo
I haven’t watched porn since July. Everything Dr. K said in this video is absolute facts. To anyone currently trying to deal a porn addiction, I am rooting for you!
I'm gonna need it. Wish me luck 🤞
@@battomon5554 I believe in you!
I’m on the journey to better myself and quit as well so thank you.
Do you see some actual changes?
@@emmiiirrr In the beginning once I felt good about not watching I felt a bit more confiden and my mind was more clear (I also stopped using marijuana and drinking alcohol at the same time) but as time went on that feeling just became the norm. It definitely fluctuates from day to day though but thats completely normal.
It’s been 65 days and I’ve only watched porn once in those 65 days, not perfect
but in the past I used to watch it at least once a day
Keep focusing on small progress guys! Your willpower is stronger than you think!
if you're counting the days then you are not past it 😂
Bro why are you counting
@@pajeetgupta5lmao I never said I was, its *progress*
@@aoidev3809keeps me motivated to not break the streaks, a way to visualize progress
Watching is fine as long as you don't mastrubate haha!
I swear i watched so much stuff on TH-cam about addiction content and how to overcome it, and this is the best video i have ever watched until now, i'm 24. This explains really perfectly how you have to think and behave in order to really beat addictions in all kinds. YOU HAVE TO structure your day and be busy all the entire time.
Right, think about it as you creating a schedule - thus more things you get to fill in there to do during the day thus greater chance it is that you will overcome this madness.
@@grandiosa86 I was a porn addict for 10 years, and went with lot of prostitutes in the last 3 years as a coping mechanism, what really worked for me is you have to identify yourself as someone Who just DON’T DO these things, you really just don’t, you have to be extreme in your choices, same as with scrolling, because i also had this problem, i just don’t do that anymore, not even for 1 minute in my entire day, only so i can overcome it, and that’s the same with everything in life.
@@luigi9927 It is fine to do it as long as we are in control and do it in smaller portions.
@@grandiosa86No it’s not trust me, if you are really addicted to something you gotta let it go completely.
@@grandiosa86 Unfortunatly some people just can't partake in an addictive activity moderatly.
Goddamn dr k. When you said “I can’t be sober for a year, I can be sober now” I almost cried. Not only are we lucky you make this content but we’re lucky that you specialize in addiction. Thank you for what you do
I never thought I would learn a lot about my self from this video. It just goes to show that pornography addiction is not just a disease but also a symptom, that there are also problems with other areas of life that needs fixing. That they are interconnected.
I haven't watched porn for 6 months. I will tell my story. I am from Ukraine, I am a mobilized soldier. In the first months, it was very difficult for me to be alone, because the army provides for the lack of personal space, even in the shower or in the toilet. Plus, the sudden change in lifestyle completely changed something in my brain. During the first week in the army, I gave up smoking and alcohol. And i gave up porn. I won't say it made me mega successful. But I can definitely say that the mood has become better. I am in the army, which involves limiting freedom to a certain extent, but I still began to enjoy life more. In addition, I began to appreciate women as they are. And in general, I gave up the lust.
Stay safe bro. We are rooting for you guys out there.
"I gave up the lust" is a beautiful line
Thanx for posting this story espiceally when you said "I gave up lust" that give me hope
I ain't reading all that
Hope to become like that as well.
Something to aspire to.
1. Procrastinate (tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow)
2. Pack your day (keep busy)
3. Learn alternate coping skills (e.g., Meditation, exercise???)
this literally changed my life. i went on a walk instead of staying on my bed looking at nsfw instagram posts, on the walk i went to my local shop and had a little conversation about my ex best friend who i cut off 6 months ago. He spoke beautifully and inspired me to call him and just say hello and ask to catch up. I had a panic attack thinking about calling him for a whole hour, but with my brother next to me, I managed to him him a call and now me and my friend have connected after months. I cannot emphasis how close me and him used to be and so this was a major event for both of us. Non of it was planned but it all panned about perfectly. Today was a canon event in my life and it would've never happened if i didnt watch this video, get inspired to go on a walk at 9:30pm, etc etc. This is a real story and it literally happened 3 hours ago. THANK YOU.
Great
A while ago you mentioned how to stop certain addictions. You said don't stop cold turkey. Train your brain to hate it. How do you do this? Every time you do this said addiction, think about how much you hate it. Every time you even think about the addiction, think about how much you hate it. It's a slow process, but you will train your brain to hate it. You can't expect quick changes.
Even those that say "I stopped cold turkey." ask them why. They give you explanations and they'll mention something in the line of, "I was sick and tired of it affecting me etc." This doesn't happen over night, it was a pile of shit that grew bigger and bigger and they would see this pile of shit when they would act on their addiction. It's a thought process.
Chances are, if you're here, you are already on your path to quitting.
Well put. One must hate the addiction
I gave up sugar by telling myself it was poison every time I had a craving or even saw junk food in the store. It works!
The opposite of love is not hate, its indifference. Been able to accept your issue, acknowledge it and just move on is far more powerful than hate would ever be. Not wasting time or energy on porn from a positive or negative manner is amazing and I train myself as much as possible to keep achieving it.
I think those are for different types of addictions. With drugs they often have a physical and psychological dependence which makes strong withdrawals.
Porn and masturbatory issues I'm thinking is more psychological based. Can go cold turkey
I agree with training the brain to hate it but for porn addiction there is no reason to not attempt to quit cold turkey. The reason why he said don't quit cold turkey was because he was talking about certain addictions like Alcohol where it can harm you to quit completely at once.
I can't thank you enough for how much insights you have provided to me in just one video. Already subscribed! Gen-Zs should watch your videos on a regular basis.
A+ on this video, struggled with this for a long time. Spitting straight facts
i’m learning english hard these days to fully understand the words of youtube jesus. it takes me 30min to watch this 10min video. but it is really worth it.
Bro wtf its like he's in my mind
Same sht
Something something collective unconscious
worst part is i already know this and Im not getting anywhere
Maybe we are not as unique as we like to think. Maybe we are all a hive mind after all.
Í was talking to myself about this and then this appears...
The thing that helped me the most was an accountability partner. After I told my therapist about my issue, I just about completely stopped. Every time I felt the temptation, I would think, "Nah, I don't want to have to admit that I gave in," so I would stop. Eventually, the habit broke, and I didn't have to worry about being tempted anymore.
it's hard to trust though
@@LeoNux-um7tg yeah I don't have ANYONE to talk to about this. It's really tearing me apart. I feel so alone... quick fix. I feel bored... quick fix. I feel ashamed from doing it so much... quick fix. It's an endless cycle
I have never been so... focused on a video. This topic and how Dr. K works around the issue at hand is truly something of a spectacle. He didn't dance around the topic and dress it up in a masquerade, he didn't go all red pill and far-right on us and call us weak, he elegantly performed a ballet - a dance with steps to achieving the performance - the end result, making yourself better. Hearing how simple and effective the most basic means of quitting is, is making me feel stronger as a human and like the black diamond im climbing is really a bunny hill. Thanks Dr. K for your eloquent and inspiring way of helping us who are struggling to feel like we can do it.
I am Catholic and for me it really came down to more prayer, exercise and talking to my wife about my emotions more. Finding healthy habits are so important so for me that was picking up the guitar again and listening to music more
What a structured video, 100 % efficacy and straight to the point. Love from france.
I know it’s kinda not related but shoutout to HG team for their amazing work. I really like the mix between original videos and highlights from previous streams, and even the way they design the thumbnails for each one makes it easier to reach for what you’re looking for.
Agreed.
Summary by everyone's favorite AI
Porn addiction often stems from emotional regulation, not just arousal. The desperation to quit can fuel the addiction more, leading to failure. Instead of aiming for permanent solutions, focus on the present-resisting the urge now rather than forever. Boredom is a significant trigger, so structuring your day and developing alternative emotional coping skills, like meditation or therapy, is crucial. In our abundant world, the accessibility of pleasures makes self-regulation more critical than ever. Balancing these abundant pleasures with restriction is essential for our well-being.
Dude, stop living in my head wtf.
Joking aside, thank you so much, Dr. K. ❤ I'm been trying to beat this addiction for years. It has definitely wreaked havoc in my private life.
Ifkr it's like TH-cam read my mind and he just got what to post from TH-cam
How so?
Even though Dr. K's consultations are primarily parasocial, I feel so heard listening to them. It sucks that almost no one in my family or in my friend circle treats my issue with the same level of compassion and experience and hell, I've been taking physical notes and making my calendar because of these videos. They say you gotta dig to strike gold. Amongst all of them, I've found the one channel with enough information to educate me into action.
It’s very hard and addictive did it for almost 20 years. Was confronted said I’d stop ( did and went back) , confronted once again. After realizing what it was doing to me, my life and family, researching it a lot , getting help quit cold turkey 400+ days ago. Sure I’m not out of the woods but doing everything and anything.
The ease and rapidity at which I lose interest in things, in this age of technology, porn, drugs and gambling, has been a gift and a curse.
I truly have a hard time understanding how anyone can keep watching porn after the purge.
The Easy peasy method + this pdf that adds onto it I found on reddit actually worked for like 3 months. Dating a girl also helped. What Doctor K says probably also helps
The best way to overcome porn addiction is to learn WHAT porn does for you. Once you figure that out, then the goal becomes finding something that isn't porn, but can fill the gap that porn fills. Once you find that thing, stick with it consistently, and overtime your instinct wont be to watch porn, it'll be to play sports, go to the gym, build something in your room, etc... it'll be whatever you picked to fill the gap. It is a hard journey, but a possible one nonetheless. Do not give up, brothers and sisters! I believe in you!
Short summary: Awareness works really well
Practical steps:
1. Don’t watch pornography today. Don’t watch pornography now. Procrastinate pornography. Not today.
2. Pack out your day from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. Don’t be bored.
3. Regulate your emotions some other way. Meditate or talk to a therapist.
Putting this comment out there as a commitment to myself. Change starts today.
Thanks a lot for this comment.
Procrastinate pornography is one of the stupidest Shit to do , how can I procrastinate over something which literally gives me a good hit of dopamine. It doesn't matter if I even find porn disgusting or not but it will surely give me a dopamine hit
This guy is amazing and I'm really glad I landed on this video
Good video and I've been battling this annoying addiction for 4 years now and learnt a lot on the way. The only thing I'd say is point 2 about packing your day is just unrealistic for most normal people. There's going to be a time eventually when you have 5-15 minutes spare at the bare minimum and if you're really relying on porn you won't be able to rely on willpower alone. So the most important thing he said was point 3 and learning healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with emotions etc. Thanks Dr K as always
that's true, I'll attest that I actually managed to beat internet addiction entirely when I filled up my whole day. however it left me feeling completely empty and aimless because I literally already had my day planned out before even living it, and got back tired beyond recognition
@@irritatingperson7882 yeah and tbh that amount of suffering is maybe not justifiable for some ppl
this is it. i am clean 2 years and its the best thing. get rid of the stuff that triggers you and do this.
Haven't watched porn for over 2 years now. And I do sometimes feel the urge to relapse because I struggle with boredom and procrastination, but I just let the urge pass no matter how strong it is because it will eventually pass on its own.
And are you experimenting some kind of benefit from that ammount of abstinence?
@@lichitan I'm not really sure... I wasn't expecting any kind of benefit, I just needed to save my mind / brain.
This has to be the BEST explanation and advice I’ve ever heard on this subject. I’ve suspected for some time now that this is the case.
I feel like it's worse at night before bedtime. Like my day can be busy but as soon as I lay down I feel like I won't be able to sleep without it.
I'm on my 31st attempt, and I'm already at 12 days sober because I took it one step at a time instead of just cutting off completely. So instead of a month of sobriety I just aim for a day, and if I survived today imma survive tomorrow and the cycle repeats itself. Always remember the baby steps and you'll see how far you'll go
how you doing so far
@@clkgtr12 not so good brother, relapsing got the best of me... but it's all about recovering from a loss
@@halfasianboi6936 that's okay brother just keep going you are doing well
Tabbed out of the hub for this one
Tabbed out of xvids for this one
Tabbed out of club penguin for this one
Tabbed outta Gaia for this one
@@jpking0 that's probably the better CP you could have tabbed out of
I quit watching 9 months ago, i quit cold Turkey on the day i got baptized at my church. It is a VERY hard addiction to break. I was 17 years addicted, since i was 8 years old when i started.
No matter how hard it is, you can quit it too!
Okay, and why is that good or necessary ?
@@sladderemil5720 Porn addiction is bad, do you ever fact-check your beliefs?
@@Gaelic-Spirit it's not. That's a dogma to say that, every person is built different.
how did your mental health change after quiting ?
@@cooller8888 No, porn addiction is bad, but rubbing one out isnt. Any addiction that interferes with your normal life is bad actually.
Its usually not just porn addiction, especially with the younger generation that grew up with smartphones. If you're trying to quit but you're still playing video games, watching youtube and netflix, and being complacent all day don't be surprised that you go back to porn no matter how many promises you make to yourself and others. Also, be aware that trading one addiction for another is not quitting. it's just a temporary solution. The solution is connection and asking for help, which does not mean going to the doctor and taking medication. It means therapy, healing, true friends and family, and taking it one day and one thing at a time.
I’m 22, and although I agree with everything you said, our generation is completely and totally terrified of vulnerability and emotional intimacy. I’ve had friendships that lasted a decade suddenly come to an end because the other person couldn’t stand hearing the human struggles of another person. That and therapy’s expensive af so just going isn’t as easy as people make it sound..and that’s coming from a person who’s generally in a good place financially for my age.
We gotta fix the fear of intimacy and vulnerability in order to truly create connections that can replace the coping mechanisms we use instead
@@JayAplin-hz1vuvery much agree. At the end of the day you only cope because your life sucks in some way. Community is dead and 1/4 people have no friends. Therapy is decent for coping but fundamentally most problems are external in root.
There're so many people trying to monetizing this topic and they don't even give you correct information after you pay! And then there is this hero, gives you these diamonds just like that. And for free. He's like: oh, btw, here is the cure for something that really can destroy your entire life if you don't stop with that, so there you're, take it if you want... 🤯 Dr. K is truly my real-life superhero! The way he helps us and how cool he's doing that? I can't even... Thank you like a LOT!!
most of the comments are praising Dr. K. i would like to take the opportunity and praise all you guys and girls in the comment sections of their videos (its not just Dr. K, please never ever forget that there is also a whole team behind the scenes)
this whole community is solid gold and yall are MVPs and we all gonna be alright eventually.
keep working, keep supporting and keep spreading the love
This video was so much more than talking about porn addiction I wouldn't say I'm addicted to porn or anything but I experience these with internet addiction. I just clicked it because I was bored and had a new perspective about my problems thanks dr k
Every now and then I’ve been able to go a week without watch p*rn, felt good about it, and then something truly crappy happens and I “need” that sure fire dopamine hit and can’t think about anything else
These are some very good and practical tips. Thank you very much
Gotta live life in moderation. Too much of anything is bad but knowing we aren’t perfect and make mistakes is okay.
The problem is the more time you stop watching it, the more excited becomes to return
you should keep going until you no more interest in porn
from a personal experience, two things really helped me to discipline myself
first of all, accepting that watching p* is not a crime, but something with a lot of upsides and downsides of how it effects your relationships and your general mood. to regulate it or terminate it is up to you.
and secondly, having strong "positive" feeling for something which goes to the opposite direction of p*. for example, I've realized how much more collected I am and how much more "intimacy" I'm feeling with other people or even with fictional characters instead of just losing my focus to their bodies, and that's also a reason that I just hate revealing clothing.
in all honesty I wish I could regulate it, but I can't. I've gone 5 years straight without watching it, fell back in for a month, went back out, thought "hey that wasn't so bad, as long as I keep it in check maybe I could introduce it to my schedule". On the day I thought that, I stayed up till 10am. It's just not possible. It's like trying to 'regulate' smoking. the second point holds very true for me though, because funnily enough I hate anything explicitly sexual, which is why I can quit so easily (just weird fetish stuff), and I make it a point to never imagine people I know in these situations. Really glad you learnt to discipline, it's a very difficult thing to do.
It was once I started thinking “I don’t need to do that right now” that I lost the emotional tie to the habit and the anxiety of committing to what I saw as a loss of something fun forever. When you just remind yourself that you can do it later if you really really have to, you just don’t mind not doing the habit.
I love that you can't be sober for a year, but you can be sober for today! In all my experience with nofap/semen retention, I reached the highest you can be. I went 3 months 3 times around 100 days of not watching or fapping at all. Plus, 1 year with balance, only watching porn 3 days a week! FINALLY KEEP GOING ❤️
Utterly incredible video. I tend to deal better problems when the view pans out to the bigger picture. It is exactly about emotion regulation. And abudance being the problem with miriad addictons these days was a good and novel input. We don't have to work for so many things we used to. Knowledge, food, work/money, sex, entertainment, people to talk to. All that is in the palms of our hands every second of the day. I was calling it a smartphone addiction a few days ago when talking to my therapist. Now it's a pornography addiction relapse. I stuggle with food addiction but due to health problems I'm having to watch what I eat and take care of myself so it lessoned. Addictions, like pain, just move sometimes so it can be indulged again. It's good someone points out it's an emotion regulation hack at the core. After years and years of hearing that term, therapy and work on emotion regulation specifically, I know now what to do. Thank all the gods I clicked on this video. It's now ensconced in my favorites. Cheers.
If you're struggling, know that it gets better. I had my fair share of relapses (I can't even be sure I've had my last), but stick with it
I actually wrote a similar Post on the sub reddit but I guess It got deleted as I purged my reddit account because it was distracting me from studying for the Entrance exam. I feel so glad this finally got addressed and I Hope that the OC clears the exam with flying colors and me too.
Been in the exact same situation as OP. I was also preparing for the same Engineering entrance exam and used to go to these classes that prepared students for the same. I used to get abysmally low scores in the tests and used to feel extreme shame because I was a great student until then. I felt like a loser and couldn't open up to anyone. I felt like I was wasting my parents' money and that I was a failure. I couldn't go and open up to any friend because I was the smart kid & I thought my value only exists if I remain smart.
Until then I had never watched porn. But somehow one thing led to another and I remember clearly sitting in my drawing room in the afternoon coming back after school opening porn and watching it. I didn't do that very frequently- I'd say once or twice a month. It wasn't a problem but I prepared 3 years for this exam and in my final year of preparation I went off the internet to focus on my studies. But at the very end of the preparation, I remember scoring low tests again and coming back to my room and watching porn. It wasn't any hardcore stuff, and I was even repulsed by watching women get penetrated like they show in porn.
I never realised all of this- that ultimately porn is an emotional regulation technique. I wish someone had told me earlier, how to deal with emotions. And then this sporadic watching continued until my second year where I started to watch it more frequently as I was living all alone in a dorm. And then for the next 3-4 years I had never been able to go cold turkey because I always tried the wrong things or couldn't really understand why I watched porn.
It was only recently when I started to dig into porn industry I found how women are exploited and the horror stories of some women who worked in this industry. I decided to completely cut it out but I couldn't. I knew no one in my circle who considered watching porn unhealthy or framed it as an emotional regulation technique. I continued to fail and I just couldn't wrap my head around why I just couldn't give up on it. I went vegan last year overnight and I thought giving up porn would also be a similar process but I just couldn't replicate it.
Anyway some stars aligned- I read a book by Patrick Carnes that felt like it was my biography. Although I don't watch it as much as I know people do watch but the book really pointed out my problem and how it is an emotional regulation technique.
Then I also came back to Dr K's vids on addiction after an year of not watching him and he talked the same stuff.
Have I completely stopped watching porn? Nope. I still do but the frequency has dropped significantly. And earlier I might feel excited when I used to but now I watch it with a detached mind, seeing how mechanically I do it. I feel intense emotions when I don't use it to suppress my emotions and it literally sometimes feels like I found a part of myself that I had never known.
Dr K's vids on addiction are super helpful and they have also helped me. The only thing now I really struggle with is to identify if I am feeling horny or a suppressed emotion? because anytime I feel bad my mind doesn't actually label it as a negative emotion but pictures of porn start to come in my mind lol.
❤
I have the same question as you. Is porn use ever healthy? I feel like the answer is no, but I could see a situation where it could be phrased as a positive such as: a man is horny, and uses porn instead of sleeping with someone he’d regret. Idk just spitballing here, I still think porn is a negative overall.
yeah you pretty much hit the nail on the head. most people who dig this deep will discover that porn, like most addictions, is a method of emotional regulation. i realized this about a year ago when something in my life caused me to go through a lot of emotional turmoil. it took me a few months after that to really be aware of the truth, but i’d say i’ve intuitively understood for about a year or so why i was watching porn in the first place.
i don’t have a huge moral inclination to not watch porn, but for me it was just a matter of self-hatred and lack of discipline that made me want to stop. a year later, i don’t think i’ve really solved any of my problems and my life might arguably be getting worse, but i’ve at least built some awareness regarding my self-destructive behaviors and why i engage in them.
i haven’t beaten my addiction yet because the sad truth is that i just don’t know how to deal with the underlying issues that made me turn to it in the first place. i also have the same issue with internet and video game addiction. for porn specifically, it’s been a month since i last watched, but even after going for longer periods of time without watching it i feel like i lack the capability to actually improve my life.
dr. k’s videos have been helpful to me on all sorts of topics, but i’ve been watching his video for a couple years now and i don’t really feel like i’m any better than where i started at. like i said, i might arguably be getting worse with time. anyway, the point is that building awareness is one of the key aspects of recognizing and understanding why you have an addiction and how you can possibly beat it.
as a side note, what was the title of the book you read? and as a side note to the side note, is the statue in your profile picture from france? i feel like i’ve seen it before.
@@MKULTRA_Victim_ I think porn is wrong in every manner. You can never know if the women in the video has given her consent. All the research done about the women in the porn industry generally paint a negative picture of it. And it is just extremely weird to watch someone else having sex. Like if two people were having sex, I wouldnt want to sit and watch them.
Reading books about the porn industry also fuelled my reason to not consume it. Andrea Dworkin, Gail Dines & Robert Jensen are some of the authors I read to understand to the industry.
I see it in a simple way. If I know A exploits B then as a person I want to stay away from this whole situation because I don't want to exploit any human or an animal (to my capability)
@@eebbaa5560 I totally relate to you. I like to think of this whole situation as follows-
I live in a dirty room and never keep the lights on. So I don't know how much the room is untidy. But as soon as I lit up the room (building awareness) I come to realise how dirty the room is and how many things I've just suppressed.
Building awareness is the first step. As Dr K would also say "awareness preceeds control".
Personally- reflecting on my childhood and building a narrative about it had been very helpful. Also journaling. It's been a month of journaling and I can see some patterns now. Maybe you just start right there.
The book is called "Out of the shadows" by Patrick Carnes. Other books that really helped me-
Adult children of emotionally immature parents by Lindsay Gibson
Drama of the gifted child by Alice Miller
Complex PTSD from surviving to thriving by Pete Walker
Haha about my picture- I dont know where it's from. But I really like the idea of it. Building a new self, shredding away the things that aren't good for me. It also hurts to build a new self!
He really clarified everything that we suffer for and he answered for the most related questions in our head , He is the best doctor 👌🏻
I was struggling with this quite a bit and I was having a hard time with study. Undiagnosed ADHD. It led to a lot of anxiety and depression and that was what causing me to consume porn. As soon as i found the right Psychiatrist that actually listened to what i had to say, he prescribed some anti anxiety medication and that just magically killed mt need for porn and doom scrolling a week in. Just... Poof. Gone. And i didnt lose my sex drive. I still get aroused. I judt dont need a pump of dopamine instantly anymore. Address issues with your brain, people.
What medication
hello fellow p watchers...something that helped me was diet which means cutting out wheat related food, this was a game changer.
also getting 10 thousand steps a day.....the last few weeks i havent walked and didnt reach my 10k steps also it probably is the reason i have relapsed. in the last 2 years my longest streak is 39 days. i will go and get my 10k steps in and see how many days i stop watching it. i will update and write a message to see if these 2 steps continue to help.
thank you Dr. K its wonderful to help
day one starts today.
thank you Dr. K its wonderful to help
What you say is so pragmatic, technical yet simple, and so unsaid in all others generic advice videos on porn that you have one of the best videos on the subject with this one
Among these youtube knowitall 20something clowns he differs in that has a professional academic education
Probably the best video and advices about this topic that I ve seen
Dr K is like a superhero for the young generation.
I'm so thankful for his twitch and youtube channel, you have no idea.
Amazing advices, just what I needed on this day 1, focus on today only. Thanks.
Ive been an addict for 25 years. Coke, weed, sex, gambling and porn. Porn has been the hardest to quit.
I had an adhd diagnosis 3 years ago and addiction effects 50% of adhders which explains a lot of my dopamine seeking behaviour. I've tried also sorts of therapy and modalities to quit but nothing worked, so now im in a 12 step program for sex addiction and half the guys there have adhd or autism. Emotional dysregulation is a big problem for me, it effects everything.
me too I have adhd and porn just keep coming back after months and months of resisting it still stalk every minute of my life...
Consuming porn is what makes adhd in people and emotional instability as well
@@thetown661 nonsense. Adhd is a well documented,genetic condition that predates porn.
@@thetown661yep
porn can be the cause of your ADHD bro.
I agree. I've always thought how unfair for a an ex alcoholic to focus on the 1 day they drank rather than 364 days they didn't. That is OBJECTIVELY a Win.
Thankfully, at the right time of my life I got "addicted" to a different kind of porn - stories. Which later translated to me mostly role playing with people online (or irl in rare cases), which is kinda like porn, sure, but with one negative removed - you are not isolated, but instead strengthen the connection with someone you're playing with.
still it's best to reduce it though
This is by far the most helpful piece of content on overcoming porn addiction. do you have a written article somewhere about this topic??
It started as a joke many years ago but somehow I was able to find a ton of truth in the phrase "You can masturbate to prevent yourself from feeling horny; but can't masturbate to prevent yourself from feeling lonely."
Dr. K's explanation of people who use porn as an emotional regulator better explains the truth I've found in that phrase, even if that phrase started as a way to dunk on lonely people.
Words that describe what we need: hungry, sleepy, thirsty tell us what we need: food, sleep, water.
Horny = sex; but Lonely =/= porn
4:48 thats it. Thats really it, took me 5 years
i hooked up with an ex and had some good fun, and i felt my brain started to heal, decided to bust to a video we make and i can literally feel my brain changing, also im not in the best economical situation right now, so my emotions are all out of wack , this video confirms my realization that understood a few months ago
Great angles on this topic. This thought process is what I needed 🤌🏼thank you
I'm starting to get scared. This is like the third video in a row that I think about a problem I have and Dr K makes a video exactly about that
I can't believe how normalised watching porn in our society
I'm sorry but how does Dr K keep doing this? Somehow every time he posts it's always so relatable to my current position in life. Dr K hasn't talked about this stuff in awhile and neither have I but this last week I started getting back into this mindset recognising the negative and wanting out. Low and behold Dr K does it again and posts content that massively relates to me. My issue is spending money on women for pornography. At first it was thrilling even though I hated myself for it but now when I put myself into the situation of being forced to send money I just feel dead inside. They receive the money and I am entirely numb completely dead emotionally. I have known for ages that I use porn in an extremely unhealthy manner. I use it as a coping mechanism to regulate my emotions and general low mood. It is used as a way to pick myself up and supress how I am feeling. It a sensitive topic so it is challenging to just talk to someone about this. Pornography is the same as an other addictive substance in my eyes. I always go back for more, always entirely unnecessarily to make myself feel good for 1 second when the content I consume makes me hate myself. I feel a lack of accomplishment in my life and have used porn to avoid dealing with these emotions. This has caused me to have a general low mood which I show throughout my life in a settings in real life, not just on pornography in my room. This is not the true version of myself and I know this. I intend on working on myself to find more fulfilment and happiness in my life so I can avoid consuming pornography to regulate my emotions. I am in my mid 20s now and have yet to be in a relationship. I do not exactly know the base reason but pornography and situational coping are being factors that have caused my feelings of being uncomfortable in this topic. I am a general out-going and social person but I have not been in a relationship. Clearly my perception of how others perceive me is not true to my current belief. I know pornography has encourage this behaviour. I have more to say but anyways I appreciate Dr K for posting videos that can make such a positive change to the life of many. It is truly inspiring. Thank you.
Because he is great to find/create topics that many struggle with.
Great advice. Just little things, can make a huge impact
As a neuropsychologist from europe who recently enrolled in a cbt program, i just want to say that i love your content ! I’ve been listening (on spotify)/ watching for more than a month now and I learned a lot while commuting, and i just wanted to thank you :)
Needed this TODAY!
I need help deeply I've been watching for over 10 years and I've seen more things than I ever thought I could watch when it comes to this stuff . The rabbit hole goes very deep for me and I'm scared
Dr K knows EXACTLY what he’s talking about with this.
My greatest success has not come from focusing on NOT using porn. It has come from filling my life with good things!
Dr. K, could you talk about other side-effects of porn such as desensitization, the need for more extreme porn and porn induced erectile dysfunction? I bet a lot of kids nowadays are scared and don't know what's happening to them.
Great explanation and advice.
Incredible video. Only person who has mimicked what I have felt my whole life
For the last several years I have used pornography to cope. With stress, depression, wanting to numb my emotions. Heck, when I was in a relationship I still watched pornography. Not because my partner wasn't attractive. Of course she was. But because I was terrified being "completely dependent" on another person for sex
I would 95% my porn watching has been for these reasons, instead of actually being horny
You just got a new subscriber, this is such practical advice
Man I used to watch porn so much as a teen. It'd be the first thing I do when I wake up and when I come home from school. Idk why but once I became an adult, I didn't care for it much anymore.
Had the same Routine my g now i have a purpose
This was worth my time. Thank you Doc
I talked to my therapist recently about my habit of rule34 and she didn't really have much to say to me. This video helps a whole lot. No judgement, yet so much to say. I wish more people understood it.
What is rule34? what habit?
What's the rule 34?
@@puertoricanboy50 it means if there is something on the internet there is porn made about it.
The original comment is trying to say they seek out porn content about specific celebrities, fictional characters etc
every point made so much sense
God the procrastinate your usage made me start laugh crying. I'm so good at procrastinating why haven't I been doing it to the bad habits instead of the good ones
Currently on my journey to cut off this terrible habit. For me it is boredom that triggers the addiction so the thing that helped me the most is filling out my day. I keep myself busy all day. It is not a walk in the park you still need to put in some effort to get rid of the urges, way less when I didn't have a full schedule. Good luck to everyone you can do it 👍
What has helped for me is to get the fuck off the computer as much as physically possible.
Same. I hardly use mine now. I used to live on it
That's really good advice. You won't get as much urges when you keep yourself occupies. It's the boredom that gets you
I’m 2:44 minutes in & strongly disagree. I only watch if desire to have sex. That’s most men. If the average guy could get the type of woman he finds physically attractive there be no need for porn. Most men desire physical attractive average (normal sized) women. 7 of 10 women are overweight or obese. Most women that do porn have body’s that are of a normal size and weight.
It's not just boredom but negative emotion in general. Like being frustrated for not understanding the homework, being frustrated with your friend ignoring you, having an online argument, etc.
Hi Sir
I do not know why I watch porn . I am 28 year old male . I don't drink , I don't smoke , I don't consume any such drugs however this particular habit is quite difficult for me to overcome . I stopped watching porn for past 6 months but recently I have again started watching porn weekly which I think is also not good . I think there is a possibility that it is hampering my ability to interact with girls as well. Life has become a bit boring . It's just monotonous life , going to work and nothing else .
Whenever I try to be productive I study for few hours and after I went to sleep I wake up in the middle of night and then I go to porn . Its not a concious decision, it's just happens in a fraction of seconds . I do not know how other people in this world are able to overcome this and live a happy life
I don't think anyone would give an f, but I was casually thinking about not watching porn while sitting on my toilet seat and stumbled upon this video. I like how you said, "try to postpone it to the next day."I decided to do the same last night. I got a normal good night sleep, no weird lucid dream. Actually , I was able to wake up early and go for a walk. Ik it's just one day, but I feel so much better.
Almost going to hit 1 week and still haven't watched porn and even barely masturbated at all. Increasing my workout more. Mentally, tho I still don't know, I've changed at all, but maybe it's just 7 days.
I believe in you. Keep going
@@bleblo-jr9xbwhat about 2 months later
5:48 Boredom is always the problem. 😢
😭😭😭
How is this perfect timing? Was doing really well and have relapsed for a week straight, thanks Dr. K.
Hey Doc, I really appreciate the advice and knowledge that you are sharing with us, and I was wondering… would you consider posting both the cut and uncut versions of your videos like you used to? I understand that you may be considering not making the video too long for us… but I personally find that the pauses really help me to register your advice. And I genuinely think that the reason why you yourself pause at times is because you have just said something that is important enough to reflect on and subconsciously you know that and pause for that reason. (It’s an assumption but I believe it) I feel that if you leave the pauses in for us some of us might benefit from those few split seconds of reflection …
What helped me quit porn easily is having a pocket joy toy, i think generally getting some kind of slit translates to my body and mind a lack of desperation which makes me not have a desire to watch porn. I can easily say I will go a year without and i shall stick to that because I am not desperate
the idea of every day being the goal vs a week or five days or whatever i usually do is an absolute game changer mentally. i had relapsed so many times where making a day or two no longer felt like it meant something to me, and when i dropped the ball it felt worse because itd take longer to rebuild the streak. but what if i just ignore that and treat every day and the next as the goal? and if i slip up then tomorrow is another day to hit a goal. like, why would i not want to reward and congratulate myself more?
Question how to find a balance between the addiction ? for example a billionaire once a month take a Friday to have his tabaco, or a janitor have a day on the week to have 6 beer. but then watch your favorite scene once a week or month is more bad than the other ones? what's your thoughts about this?
sorry for my English is not my first language
to quote you "YOU HAVE TO structure your day and be busy all the entire time." Yes I do this about 8 month and on 8 month I just watch 6 scene not full and before that I was watching everyday full length so I think I found my balance I'm successful in life and all but I always have this question in mind
For me it helped reversing the issue. Instead of "I want to quit porn and how can I do it?", I changed to "Do I want to start watching porn and why?". Changing from victim mentality to why should I put in junk in my already fulfilling life. No one has an addiction to porn. I promise.
From my experience, overcoming porn addiction has two components :
- Fighting it with the nofap community techniques
- Improving your daily social life quality. (The less satisfied you are with your interactions (quality & amount), the easier it is to get tempted...)
tbh the second one works really well, can't be horny if your brain is occupied for something else
@@UCmDBecUtbSafffpMEN3iscA myeah but still, both are really useful. Especially the first if you're home alone lol
@@Dimitris_Half fr, this works too ig. (Though even there some peopl still entertain that addiction, which is difficult for everyone). Also "just get a gf" is something you can't really do ;)
@@Dimitris_Half I was reacting to your phrasing : anyone who never had one is gonna have a hard time getting a gf, so saying "just get a romantic partner" is somewhat triggering lol
@@Dimitris_Half hmm... Personally I'm always in favor of using my words for specific purposes. Here I have a hard time seeing the use of such phrasing. Don't we want good for everyone ?
Your turn lol
Struggling through trying NoFap and this is very helpful. My masturbation is down to ~1/14 of what it was and porn usage has also dropped heavily when I do. I think I’m doing well, but more information from great sources like Dr. K is always good.