How to Build Trust in Your Relationship | Relationship Theory
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ต.ค. 2020
- Love, trust, and the ever-growing connection between you and your partner. Are you focusing on these positive parts of your relationship, or are you letting anxiety, worry, and insecurity plant seeds of doubt and consume your mind? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Tom and Lisa Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters as they explore how to deal with insecurities, worry, and anxiety that stems from the possibility of your partner cheating. They discuss how to overcome such negative feelings, steps you can take to confront your own insecurity, the best parts of love, why someone might cheat, and how to become emotionally sober.
SHOW NOTES:
Anxiety | Lisa and Tom discuss overcoming feelings of anxiety due to fears of cheating. [0:32]
Insecure | Tom and Lisa discuss the steps you can take to deal with your insecurities. [2:26]
Constant Reconnection | Tom and Lisa discuss the best parts of what love is about. [3:42]
Why Someone Cheats | Lisa and Tom why cheating isn’t about looks. [6:06]
Emotionally Sober | Lisa shares the power of being emotionally sober and empowered. [8:11]
QUOTES:
“Insecurity is not sexy.” [2:37]
“The shared experience is what the game of love is about.” [3:42]
FOLLOW TOM:
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FOLLOW LISA:
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Podcast: spoti.fi/2IEajGW0
Some personal advice I’d like to give, is understand that these attractive women existed before you and your partner met. He has seen many different looking women in his lifetime, but he still chose you. You’re giving him something that those women don’t. A bond! You two have a connection that is beyond the physical, and every single time he calls you, takes you out, spends time with you, tells you he loves you, kisses you, etc, he IS choosing YOU!
Thank you so much for this!
@@Nikki-jo7qi you’re welcome! ❤️
Very well said 🥰! I needed this, thank you!
@@shereeharris8235 you’re welcome! 🥰
Thank you so mush for that advice
"this is not your partners problem to solve" THAT PART THOUGH.
It's about really taking ownership of this issue. There must be an even stronger desire to work this out
That comment by the anonymous person perfectly shows how I feel in my relationship. Never seen some describe me so accurately.
This is wonderful. It starts with our own value. If you’re worried your partner will cheat, it means you need to look inward and fix yourself first. A high value woman doesn’t feel insecure. She knows her worth, her value, and if she’s not treated as such, she moves on. Let go of worry and what-ifs. Go with the flow and stay in your feminine energy. It’s much more attractive. If you find proof of any kind, know that that man made a poor choice in losing a good woman like yourself. It has nothing to do with us. We can’t control our man’s behavior or choices. It starts with how we feel about ourselves. If they cheat, too bad, that’s on them. They just lost an awesome woman (if you choose to move on.). It’s not easy, but this should be our mentality.
Thank you so much
I’m
Warn him: if he does ever cheat it’s a deal breaker. Let him know for sure.
Wow thank you very much for this ❤
oh my god i love the idea of the
"higher self esteem self" writing a note for the "lower self esteem self" that's such a good idea thank you!!
I love what she said about working on her self esteem so that if cheating ever happened, she would know it is about him and not her. I have been cheated on and when the partner told me all those years ago, I 100% felt it was about him and not me and I felt so confident in myself that when he showed remorse I was able to not be angry in that moment and let him know "yes this hurts but I sense you did this because you're in pain and it actually has nothing to do with me". and then I could make my decision whether to stay or leave and yes feeling and owning my anger and pain was part of the process. and that was just my approach, and it felt so empowering. I was really proud of myself. It still hurt like shit..it felt like my heart was being squeezed in my chest and there were some self-doubts. But ultimately it was never my fault or responsibility.
i’m glad you got out of that relationship 😢 i’m so sorry to hear this story but i hope that whoever comes next into your life treats you Well and bring you joy , love and happiness 🥺🫂❤️
Such a difficult topic to tackle when we've been constantly cheated on & lied to. Not just in romantic situations, but being lied to & backstabbed in all kinds of relationships totally influences our trust issues. It's totally a daily battle of mind against reality until we learn to dissociate from the fears and just live in the moment.
Me twoo how are you doing now if i May ask?
@@Cheesehunter22 much better than last year 😊... Time does heal wounds (slowly, but it still does)... I'm working on learning to trust until proven otherwise, but I still have my guards up as soon as I see red flags. I guess our instincts get stronger with experience 😁
@@EvaMariposa love this response so much!!!
@@EvaMariposaverry wise words i am glad that things are going beter
Wish you all the best and thankyou for youre response
Greeting from the netherlands ✌
@@Cheesehunter22 thank you! Likewise! Stay safe 😊
Im a man that just got my first girlfriend i truly care about, ive had trust issues in women due to my mothers behaviors growing up, this video i feel has truly helped me i. Thanks.
If a man loves you he will find you the most attractive as well as respecting you enough to not go out and entertain what he finds attractive
I love this advise. Thank you! Glad I found your channel💖
I claim a beautiful heart-centered healing for the friendship between myself and my best friend.
May all visible and invisible support surround us both in the healing power of love and truth.
It is possible, it is happening and it is divine. And so it is.
I always find myself genuinely attracted to non conventional beauty
I’m listening to this for the third time because there are so many amazing nugget of Wisdom
Literally my biggest hurdle rn
Love that realistic approach to life in your talks !!!!
Much love from Vienna, Austria. You 2 are amazing!
After watching this, I don't need any other video to watch. End of. Thanks!
Greetings from Peru and thank you so much for taking the time to elaborate on a topic that is so critical such as Relationships!
I love your advice! Especially the ones from Lisa! Super great and helpful advice! Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you! ♥
Wow Lisa came up with some really great advice, way to go girl
This is amazing advice! Thank you
Thank you so much, this was awesome!
Such a great video! Thank you Guys!!!
Love the intro❤️
This is really helpful thank you
Thank you ❤
What great advice! Get the song on to feel empowered and ditch the victim mode. Great. Thank you.💫
I just love you guys and this channel. Thank you SO much for the useful, practical, advice that you give.
This helps me allot ❤️ merci
Props to the lady who sent in the question! It definitely is a journey, and we all struggle with these insecurities (especially if you've been cheated on) but it is up to us to bring our self up/out of this mentality. Also it's important to realize attraction isn't everything and nurture our relationships with what matters.
🙏🏼💯
Thank you
Wow, this video on building trust in relationships is a game-changer! Tom and Lisa Bilyeu really dive into the nitty-gritty of love, trust, and all those pesky insecurities that can mess with your mind. They share practical steps to confront your own worries and create a stronger connection with your partner. It's like a crash course in emotional sobriety. Don't miss it!
I personally think a person cheats is because they either are filling some type of void that they never get, they are addicted to cheating, or they fear commitment.
Also I want to say that I love this advice you both give. Tom and Lisa I think you two give good advice.
Absolutely!!
You need to think about the aftermath. A cheater gets away with it so they continue. A cheater won’t stop even if all they have built a life together with someone. A cheater needs liability
If they fear commitment why do they get married? It is simple. Those men and women just find someone they can prey on filling them with lies, playing with them all this to have their facade and then keep on going like what they do is fun.
Love love love this.... Extremely encouraging and helpful ❤️
Note
Never put beauty into an objective visual beauty . Of course it is true. But let go , keep going, put on the effort.
Recognize to look inwards - it is not about me , it is about you/ the partner who made the poor decision to cheat. When you’re not feeling insecure, you put the energy to put the effort into the relationship.
Put it on repeat and self empowered with the vision u want to have in your relationship
Incredible answer. It did me good to hear this from another authentic man's perspective. You echoed what my husband has told me more than once over our 25 year relationship. Great channels guys you are completely on the pulse. 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
This is the best advice i’ve heard about this topic. I cannot thank you enough!!
I learn soo much from you two, you both keep #inspiring me to believe that true beautiful #love ❤️ still exist
Ugh. How do I protect myself?? That's my fear. How do I not make their actions hurt me??
Going thru same issue 🤦♂️
You can’t. But trust that if it does happen. You have what it takes in you to go through it. You will still have you. But if it hasn’t happen yet, why live the life of worry?
I think the fear of being cheated on has to do with insecurities. I know im a good looking guy, but I know there is better looking guys than me, and that makes me insecure in every relationship because I know my girlfriend will look at a guy sooner or later and think to herself "oh he's cute" or something like that. But I think the best way to trust is to ignore all those bad thoughts and just observe, the longer you observe the easier it would be to not get hurt. I've dated alot of females but I always tested them by asking cheating questions or telling them "what would you do in this scenario".
Nope not worried. I have faith. I believe in honesty. I’ll know in eyes. I already feel in heart. For sure.
I don't worry that he will find someone better. His past tells me he may go for someone temporary and cheat on me.
Same here
Why was never mentioned in conversation that women also find other man attractive?
❤ just wanted to give kudos to the questioner for taking steps to help themselves! ❤
I grew up with my dad putting me down emotionally, I dated guys who treated me just like my dad. I’m so sick and tired of being jealous, it makes me tried.
I need help 😞
You guys make me feel at peace. I think it is because you give me the hope that we can always better ourselves and also, you actually provide possible solutions.
Ty
Priceless how Lisa always brought the true real examples of their personal lives🙏🏻💜🙌🏻
I want this advice for the future, To be honest I never had any dating relationships and I want to see if I could date any celebrity.
I love the new format. The preview, the editing & graphical intros, the popups and everything. Really great!
How can i request the topic to lisa and tom?
Look i have the same problem i thought of searching on TH-cam and I opened only this video the problem shared in this video is exactly mine .
But i can't understand what he is saying completely please give subtitles afterall we all don't have same accent
Lisa, your advice is spot on. I study psycology so I know a lot of tricks and tips for self-esteem but it doesn't make it easy or fun. Even how you pointed out that even famous people get cheated on and they are considered ideal beauty. Everyone should watch her advice. 6:05 to the end.
I recommend you to a man who can help you manifest whatever and whoever you want to manifest within two days🥰🥰
It was he who helped me restore my ex 3 days ago without delay
Whatsaapp him"***
Hi I have a question. My boyfriend is on vacation but does not say when he will be home and other than that he does not send anything. Is that the purpose of being on vacation?
My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 months. I love her and she loves me. However, we are on a 2 week break because she said she loves me so much but has this block and needs to figure out what it is. We set the ground rules of the break (no dating, hooking up with, seeing people, ect…) I see her again in 5 days. Weve had no contact. I can’t get the thought out of my head that she is out cheating on me… any advice on how to keep those demons at bay and stop thinking like that? I really miss her and not being able to talk to her and see her has been killing me
Can you make a video about when you get bored of your partner and the relationship?
I feel attacked by this video. 🤣 I need to fix somethings... My girl has been incredibly patient, supportive and understanding, it is time for me to step up and face my problems that I keep bringing to her to fix. I now realize she can't and that it is I that must learn how to be better.
Me too!
What about when it’s not other women’s appearance you are worried about but coworker women who have ALOT in common with your husband? And they get along so well they socialize behind your back outside of work….
End it
Relationships are about trust, so if you find yourself having to play detective all of the time, then it is time to move on.
💙TH-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
currently pregnant and it’s eden harder not fully being able to trust the father of my child
Im very insecure with my body and my realtionship Is really bad I have trust issues and it's not because he hasn't cheated on me but we love each other but I can't get over this jealousy issues and I don't trust him Im scared to give my whole heart to some one😅
I have a question. How do males and females bond with each other? I don't see how men and women can bond (especially romantically) with each other.
Women can build incredible friendships and become very close to each other in a way men can't bond, and science shows that women can bond very well with each other. Generally, women are even more social than men are. After something bad happens, a woman quickly rushes to talk to all of her female friends to get support, whereas a man can isolate himself and grief alone.
Women tend to be more emotional, more caring, more empathic, more compassionate, more affectionate, more loyal, more nurturing, more understanding, more sympathetic, more sensitive, more kind-hearted, more peaceful, more patient, more calmer, more gentle, more expressive, more intuitive, and more outward than men are, and thus bond more with other women in a special way that they can’t with men. Men, on the other hand, are not that emotional, and thus can’t bond with other men in a special way.
Women are more comfortable being around with other women than they are with men. They have a type of bond that usually men with women won’t really have, or with men and men.
Most women like to do affectionate things with their female friends like cuddling with them and holding their hands and be touchy-feely towards each other, while most men would never do affectionate things with their male friends (especially not cuddling with them or holding their hands or be touchy-feely towards each other). Men are usually much lonelier than women are. Men don't often talk about their personal problems with their male friends like how women do with their female friends.
I recommend you to a man who can help you manifest whatever and whoever you want to manifest within two days🥰🥰
It was he who helped me restore my ex 3 days ago without delay
Whatsaapp him"***
It’s hard to not think your husband finds others attractive when he tells you you are too heavy.
Sorry to say Then he doesn’t really love u n stays cuz u probably put him on a pedal stool that’s not good either I’ve been there
Maybe you should become someone who attracts him then? Do you have extra weight? Does he? Maybe you both can work out together?
@@spacewalker9463 I lost 65 pounds and he still never compliments me.
Only you can determine your worth and how attractive you are if he’s concerned about your body image instead of criticising you he should help you achieve your best the fact you already lost so much weight is amazing be proud of yourself
How are things going if you don’t mind me asking?
This is the only video on TH-cam that has shifted my mindset. I watch it everyday
Thank you Lisa and Tom for being so honest with us
Being beautiful can attract people who are superficial
What do you both think of polyamory?
everytime i think my partner finds someone attractive, i have the same panic that woman has. but then when i find someone else attractive besides my partner, i would never choose them over my partner. it’s very hypocritical but i don’t know what to do anymore
Be careful bc you FEEL THEY NOTICE someone fine. That's your feeling you're pushing on them. It can become very harmful and tick for tac. It's very unhealthy. It will drive them crazy especially if they aren't even noticing or just respect you so they aren't .
@@nefertitithompson5003 what?
Sometimes we just have to grab life by the horns
This literally did not help me at all and instead trigger the shit out of me and now I feel like my day is derailed. Ugh. I cant even try to do the work I give up.
Why ?
Sence my wife met a so called friend shes changed and theres a lot of secrets and lies i went through 3 days f emotional brake down and now im in the numbing stage
exactly my situation rn 🤦♂️
My EX cheated on my with 17 other people, I'm scared that my new love will do the same, I try to hide the feeling burn it in a fire. But I don't know how.
😮
Whatever we focus on expands. Thank you for finding time to help others in the middle of your busy schedule❤️🙏selfhelpchampion
Halle Berry went through this too
This content acts as a powerful guide. Reading a book with related messages had a substantial impact on me. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint
I call it the raisin game..or I always said we all are gonna look like raisins at some point lolzz. My late husband was beautiful inside and out and loved me for all of me as well. Showed me amazing love and I don't know I've ever loved myself that way. Ie core wounds have been there all the while but now he is gone I've been shown that I need to work on MY core issues bc in this one I'm in now, Im afraid I'm going to run him off bc I definitely have insecurities and felt something off w him, but I actually think it's my triggers from not feeling worthy and a distrust that the universe could send me someone else of that caliber of my husband a second time. Layers of stuff .....
I've always used run on sentences too. Finally starting to love that woman 😉🎉
If you’re worried know they prob will
It's not that i don't trust her. but hear me... my girlfriend lives with her mom, they only have each other, shouldn't you feel something is weird when everytime she have to private english tutor this 27 year old guy student at night, her mom happens to go to the gym? Isn't that a little obvious? tell me i'm trippin. And then when i feel uncomfprtabble she say, i'm not doing anything wrong, he already have a girlfriend and they're "ALMOST" engage... why would she make up a story that theyre almost engaged? that's stupid
I love my new GF so bad but god it's just so hard to trust
I've come to a place in my life that if my husband did cheat, I wouldn't leave him. I used to be Terrified of the idea and think it would happen. Now I don't really think it would, but if it did, I'd be ok and if he wasn't in love with the other person, I'd still stay with him.
Wise wise woman - be prepared - even if it never happens
😮isn't that too much?
I left when I found out he cheated because I am a Christian and strong believer in you keep yourself for each other only .. adulterers in biblical times were stoned to death .. how can any loving man destroy his woman and or family too.
Well this tells us only that you have reached a point of certain indifference. Beware though that many cheaters don't use a condom and not only can he impregnate another but he could give you diseases. Ah, some diseases like herpes, syphilis and warts are spread with condoms too.
cbt
Danggggg. I can’t trust 😢😂 I hate this!!!!!
it really does suck. I hate it so much!
This is surface level. People don’t cheat for looks they cheat because they think they can get away with it. It’s not about looks no one gives a fuck about looks. It’s about vibe, it’s about a moment, it’s about secrets. As a man who’s caused affairs I know how women hold onto Fantasy
In your opinion what causes a man to cheat and with whom?
I’m sorry but this video made me feel extremely shitty. It’s almost easier to just be single at this point
Sorry for writing such a long story. The reason why I am sharing all this is to tell you that if you are in a controlling relationship, please come out of it right now. I'm a 27 years old man. My mind is in so much pain. 2 months ago, in an extremely distressing and painful emotional situation, I hit my head against the headboard of my bed. Actually, that same day in the afternoon, I was with my girlfriend that I love so much. She always shared her talks with her other male coworkers and I was absolutely okay with that. I never showed any insecurity. Now almost 2 months ago, I was sitting with her in a resturant, and showed her the profile picture of my PhD female class fellow from whatsapp. And guess what? In a very disrespectful manner, she left the resturant immediately. That phd classmate of mine is married and has a daughter too. From afternoon till midnight, I kept on explaining to my girlfriend through whatsapp that my classmate is already married and I only talk to her in a very formal way. In the resturant, she had herself checked my messages and discovered nothing flirty or informal. I even sent my girlfriend the voice messages of that girl that the conversation was purely academic, related to phD classes. She did not listen at all and said extremely hurtful things. I don't know what happened to me that night, my girlfriend I loved so much not listening to me at all and showing apathy drove me insane and I smashed my head against the headboard of my bed in my room. Now I have a minor cut on my forehead. People can't really notice it but I so much wish it fades away over time. It has impacted my self esteem quite negatively. All the time, I am conscious of myself. Every morning I wake up and get scared by seeing myself in the mirror as it reminds me my disturbing situation. I repeatedly keep on asking myself questions like how could I do that to myself. But believe me, that moment was emotionally intensely suffocating and stressful for me. I wanted to scream alot to ease my pain that night but did not wish to disturb my parents.
She used to tell me that men praise her beauty and I always showed no insecurity and laughed and told her that yes she deserves this appraisal. Don't know how could she show such mistrust while my conversation with my phd classmate was purely academic related to research work. Another important thing to mention here is that I have never ever checked the phone of my girlfriend till this very day. I always valued trust above everything.
A simple answer.Stay single.Have a good car instead.Better off.
💣💣💣💣
timestamps
3:33
I wish i was born in Pakistan, now i would not watch this
Hey... you guys ever date a smoking hot tattoo artist? Do you know what girls want to trade for free work???....fml.
Don't worry....she will!