Watch These 36 Minutes To Have An Amazing Relationship! (Fix This Today) | Tom & Lisa Bilyeu
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 มิ.ย. 2024
- At the root of some of the most common reasons relationships fail is a breakdown or lack of communication. Poor communication makes it difficult to connect and understand what you’re both in need of. To feel heard, respected, and understood in any relationship seems like common sense, and yet so many relationships end because it’s missing. Tom and Lisa share their experiences and lessons from 20+ years together on what it takes to communicate more effectively. Whether you want a simple text during the day or see that your partner is completely out of control you can use these strategies to get a more productive conversation started with your partner. Get proactive so you can prevent the same arguments and misunderstandings from happening again and again.
Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.
SHOW NOTES:
Feeling Distant | How to communicate when you’re feeling distant and not connected [0:32]
Know Your Patterns | Recognize patterns of disconnection and prevent future problems [5:59]
Texting Rules | Agreeing on the expectation versus reality of texting during the day [10:40]
Sanity Check | Trusting your partner when emotions cloud your reality and experience [21:59]
Past Lessons | Why learning from past experiences is most important to be proactive [33:32]
QUOTES:
“Don't ever say the other person shouldn't be feeling something because you feel it and it's real.” Tom Bilyeu [7:45]
“Don't dismiss the way the other person's feeling even if you don't feel like there's a reason for it.” Lisa Bilyeu [10:34]
“You have to let the person really go deep into crazy land before you say you're being crazy.” Tom Bilyeu [28:06]
“At the end of the day, the person that really has to get it together is the person that's going through that hard thing.” Tom Bilyeu [32:34]
“one of the most powerful things couples can do is learn from the past.” Lisa Bilyeu [33:38]
What is your top love language and how do you communicate that with your partner?
I have a question. How do I date someone who is out of my league that is better looking than me? (I am a male)
Quality time is both mine and my partner’s. Since we’re both very busy in school but have the same major, we’ll take the time to research things within our field together, along with eating dinner and watching movies together. I’ve told him the types of activities I like to do on the weekend, and I’ll plan about half of those so he doesn’t need to, but he’s also great at coming up with ideas like shows we might go see, or bowling or dancing together. It means a lot that he suggests those things, since I know he wouldn’t necessarily like them all. I try and let him know as often as I can that I appreciate him taking me out to places, and for sharing with me how he feels about me, since he’s not an emotional type.
Kl
@@AZ-bf5nd Start focusing on taking better care of yourself, eating clean, plenty of sleep, and start exercising. Then just hang out and socialize with them, and don't really look at it like they are out of your league, that will kill your confidence, and probably your chances. Just be positive and genuine, see where it goes. If it doesn't work out, consider it a blessing, it would have been bad, you can't force these things.
If you’re watching this, I hope your dreams come true even bigger than you could ever imagine! ❤️
Thank you ❤ keep spreading love ☺️
Wow, I’ve listened to 3 of your videos now and I feel like I’m listening to my husband and I talking. It took a lot of hard times and work to get where we are and we still aren’t all the way there but we are getting closer. We have been together for 20 years and are learning and growing together. It gets really hard at times, I’m so glad that I found your channel because you two seem inspiring from what I’ve heard so far. Keep up the good work! I am loving the masculinity and the femininity you seem to balance so well together❤
Love this! I felt the part where you said not to tell the other person what they SHOULD feel because people tell me that all of the time which is why I tend to keep quiet. It's so dismissive/annoying, like when someone tells you to calm down when you're upset or scared. I read this book called "How to Talk to Kids so They Will Listen" to understand the tantrums kids have or why they act out, and I learned that one reason is because they feel they are not being listened to or like their feelings are being disregarded. The frustration is real 😮💨
Lisa articulates my emotions better than I ever have..
I think some of the best advice I had besides speaking love languages to your partner is to know your own and speak it to yourself as well ♥
How do these videos not get multiple times more views, this is so good
Tom is consistent in these good morningen texts, if it stopped Lisa would notice and wonder what's going on.
Gosh, I'm just falling in love with you guys. Totally fascinated and inspired.
Feels like you show the real guideline to the open communication, respect, setting boundaries but still being helpful, empathic and understanding. Oh, bless you two.
Lisa - that self awareness is so amazing! And then to be able to articulate it like Tom said, next level. I wonder if you could dive deeper into how you learned to recognize the underlying frustration within yourself and then communicate it in such a beautiful way.
I think many of us struggle with that. Possibly we're taught as kids to reject/ suppress our real feelings. And then spend our adult lives trying to re- learn/ get in touch with ourselves.
the predicting the pattern part perfectly explains my relationship thank you so much
After repeatedly clarifying word for word what I wanted and needed, as much as he nodded, "agreed" or "understood," the tough times showed his true colors. It was like talking to a wall, and the frustration drained me. Enough is enough.
I'm sooo happy you guys kept these videos up! Not in a relationship yet but preparing as best as I can lol!
Communication and Explanations Mean SO Much!!!!!!!
ONE HUNDRED MILLION BAZILLION THUMBS UP ON THIS CONVO, GUYS!!!
T H A N K Y O U for this conversation! ! !
👍🏾 👍🏾 👍🏾
Always helpful 🙏🏻❤️🩹✨
Great video.. loved the insights :)
Your hair looks so good!
this was a very powerful dialog between you both and I did get some valuable information thank you- What was difficult was hearing the word "like", "it was like" "Like" if those fluff words are cut out it could save on the "Like real stuff" hee hee, all jokes aside- the dialog and information was very helpful.
So relatable!!!!
Ty! 💕
“Woman need to feel loved to have sex, men need to have sex to feel loved” 🤯
I appreciate the live in the moment address & seeing how to respectfully communicate to work you’re texting bump out. BUT because of that, you MISSED Answering one of the MAIN PARTS of her question! (She said: Not only did he say no and it’s stupid, he doesn’t have the time! BUT of HUGE importance, that she CAN SEE his social media pages and that “he has time to make comments on there BUT he doesn’t have the “time” to respond to her…. What is y’all’s perspective on that?? Says one thing but does another & how that senario IS a different situation than what you are talking about (respect that he is busy) regarding her question. Can you do an addendum to this video for that key missing piece of her question.. There are many in that senario, of a partner saying they don’t have time for you, but have the time to respond to social media. Commenting on that perspective would be greatly appreciated.
16:47 I think there are men (and women) who, for whatever reason, feel that I’m demanding they do said thing, and then they won’t do it because they aren’t gonna do something they feel pushed to do.
What do you do when one person in the relationship wants to communicate but the other one isn’t communicating?
This is great understand the fAE bias and the emotional trigger thing and expectations vs reality, God save my marriage I get how to communicate now ....dammit no wonder my wife wants to leave
Interesting talks, I've been enjoying your guys' videos.
Question for you, regarding Tom's claim that it's completely out of bounds to argue in a way that invalidates your partner's feelings and/or reaction to a certain set of circumstances.
You seemed to imply that it's never appropriate to question or challenge someone's reaction to any set of circumstances, but that doesn't seem to necessarily ring true to me. On the surface it sounds right, because someone's feelings are their own, and no one else should be allowed to dictate what you can feel in any given situation, particularly if they have skin in the game in that judgment, but I do think that one could implement a kind of 'reasonable person's interpretation' standard to this.
Namely, I think it's fair to ask both parties the question, is it possible that a reasonable person could disagree with your emotional reaction to this situation? Now, that's a loaded question, of course, because the implicit dig in there is that you are saying your partner isn't a reasonable person, but I think if the discussion were prompted during a time when there is no conflict happening, where you can both be completely open and vulnerable, I think some progress to an understanding could happen.
And to a mild level, you guys demonstrated this, even in this conversation, when discussing the texting. Lisa seemed to underplay (innocently, unintentionally) how much Tom texts her when you guys are separated, and Tom immediately got defensive, as Lisa pointed out, and claimed he texted her much more than she was saying.
This seems to me to be a pretty good example of what I'm talking about, where one's own felt experience and emotional state shouldn't necessarily be just taken as a given, that sometimes it's appropriate to push back on that a bit and provide more perspective, to show how actually, that experience or emotional state isn't really valid or justified.
In other words, "yes, you may have felt that way, but you shouldn't have."
Now, I think it's totally fair that a lot of care and discipline needs to be employed when implementing this, because one's own natural inclination is always going to be to push back against indictments of their own behavior, but I do think it's fair to push back when appropriate.
Would love to hear your thoughts, thanks again for all your content.
The question about the girl wanting her guy to text her morning and night texts- Men need time away from their partner to feel desire and come back to her with more polarity. She sounds insecure and needy, and is removing spontaneity from her man’s desire to text her when he is inspired to, rather than a predictable schedule. Men shouldn’t be cold and never text, but men are on a mission and are all about goals, and women are about connection and relationships, so they need to accept that fact and allow these natural male and female tendencies. I would never agree to predictable times texts, it takes away freedom to navigate my day without being pressed so she won’t feel inadequate and not worthy.
A few questions:
1. What if they avoid giving you those clear descriptions of what they want or examples of actions that will make them feel how they want to feel?
2. Why do people go to "are you saying never" when nobody said never? One is sensitive and feels, but she was Soo cool about it, and why are you so defensive when she didn't even complain and said she knows you are busy so doesn't feel like you don't care (uber healthy, btw).
4:50
9:00 pattern recognition
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I have a question. How do I date someone who is out of my league that is better looking than me? (I am a male)
Don't know where to submit questions
Self confidence
Did you call her crazytime? Tom... no no
I heard that too and it invalidates anything he says now. booooo
He’s posting on social media during the day while he is at work. There’s NO excuse for him to not text his girlfriend in the manner that she asked.
If a man needs sex to feel love and a woman needs love to have sex, which I agree) what do you say about my boyfriend of 3 years who doesn’t want to have sex with me even though we have an amazing chemistry, love each other except he does treat me a like he’s avoiding me and getting close all the time
Pahst lol is it a new word
Can he stop using fake Einstein quotes in every video?
I think that Tom and Lisa are amazing. But I find it really difficult thinking that the average person would be happy to be in a relationship where they almost live to a scheduled business appointment.
Gary Vee is another person who I admire a lot. But I always wondered how sustainable a relationship/marriage would be when you spend more time on a business than a relationship. Well, for the average income person anyway.
And without any explanation, Gary Vee shows his followers that he has a new partner in his life.
He doesn’t owe anyone an explanation. But pushing this narrative that the average person can hustle 5, 6, or 7 days a week and expect to have a balanced and deep relationship just doesn’t seem realistic or sustainable to me.