The Uncomfortable Truth About Why You and Your Partner Struggle to Communicate | Relationship Theory
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 มิ.ย. 2024
- Are you and your partner struggling to have a deep and meaningful level of communication? Have emotions taken over your conversations and you can’t seem to achieve a break through? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they share their key communication techniques they find the most effective towards having a strong and healthy relationship. They discuss how they navigate moments of sticky communication, how emotions can skew your mind, the importance of being vulnerable with your partner, why you sometimes need to let your partner go crazy, how to help your partner during emotional times, why it’s always on you to improve, and how to learn from your past.
SHOW NOTES:
Communicate | Lisa and Tom share how they navigate sticky moments of communication. [0:31]
Emotional | Lisa and Tom discuss how little things over time can influence your emotions. [3:39]
Sanity Check | Tom reveals how Lisa keeps him from going too far into something. 7:20]
Vulnerable | Lisa and Tom reveal the importance of being open with each other. [9:21]
Crazy | Tom and Lisa reveal why you sometimes need to let your partner go all out. [11:38]
Help | Lisa and Tom discuss how to help your partner during emotional times. [15:36]
It’s on You | Tom and Lisa reveal why at the end of the day, it’s on you to step up. [16:59]
Your Past | Lisa and Tom reveal why learning from the past is crucial to growth. [18:20]
QUOTES:
“In those moments, when someone says, “You’re just being emotional, it’s your hormones,” you want to fight back and say, “Stop using that as an excuse - as a defense mechanism,” right? “Stop deflecting, alright? Stop trying to blame me that it’s my emotions.” No, you actually did this.” [6:50]
“You have to let the person, like, really go deep into crazy-land, before you say, “You’re being crazy…” [12:53]
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They have such a good grasp on the concept of 'it's you and me vs the problem, not each other'. They don't try to 'win' in these kind of situations, that's so important.
Yes! it is amazing to see that, especially in a world where what we mostly tend to see if 'me vs you' and I need to win to have the power in the relationship.
@@BetterTopicsCardGameforCouples Totally man it all comes from insecurities! I think it was Tom that said "if one of us 'wins', then we both lost."
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Yessir 😁 thanks 👍 TakeCare gooddays
@@BetterTopicsCardGameforCouples thanks 👍 TakeCare gooddays
My wife has always struggled with this type of emotionality and had significant mood swings during her cycle…when she gets in her feelings she is uber sensitive to almost everything…She consistently over talks me, interrupts, makes rude comments, and makes wild assertions of my motives. I requested she check her behaviors on numerous occasions; during the outburst and after. We’ve tried to use code words that are not offensive…She has admitted after that she was out of control and she knew it, but never during the moment. It was always an admission that she made in passing afterwards. I told her that it would really help me to help her to know that she is struggling and not just being mean. Unfortunately I’ve come to the conclusion that she is incapable at the present time to regulate this behavior and I simple cut her off when she starts to go down this path. Its the only way to keep the conversation from becoming a fight. Unfortunately, I have taken a step back emotionally from her which I had to do because she was very mean and It hurts my feelings. Its nice to think someone can do this…my guess is that most women can’t. Once the conversation is emotional and goes off track, the only way to save it to stop it and start over.
This is sooooo powerful and it really underscores the necessity of choosing the right partner. This would be impossible if you have a partner you can't trust or who doesn't have emotional integrity.
It all starts with knowing what you want and what you don't want. Then you can choose the right partner, by not compromising on the main values and things you want. Like ever!!!
I’m 52 years old divorced man and I’m in 4.5 year relationship, I’m the same person that I was when we met, communication isn’t easy for me and she is very good at it and tells it like it is, she can’t deal with it anymore and I can’t change, I’ve always been quiet and I do things like write notes or cards but she wants me to show my emotions and the only time that will happen is if somebody dies or I get pissed off, I know that our relationship is coming to a end and I don’t know what else to do, but I do take all the blame for my non-communication issues
Lisa: Feeling “justified “ for being upset
Me: she gets me! You’re so right, it’s not so easy to move from one emotion/energy to another frequency. Sometimes it takes a few hours. Sometimes it takes a couple of days
Thank you Lisa for articulating it so perfectly!
I'm so glad you guys have covered this subject. Emotions are largely chemical which is why people use recreational drugs to "escape" the pain they're in. Mercury plays a historic role in emotions and virtually everyone is exposed yet so many still don't know about it. Below is a post that covers some of this info. I hope this helps someone.
80% of Europeans are either COMT Val/Met or Met/Met meaning that the enzyme (catechol-o-methyltransferase) that breaks down dopamine, epinephrine, norepinephrine, and estrogen contains methionine which is inhibited by the presence of mercury. This is why mercury exposed people experience anxiety, insomnia, fear, hyperactivity, anger and many other emotional conditions. This also explains hyper-estrogen.
Mercury interferes with all body systems including hormone production. When GABA (gamma-Aminobutyric acid) production is inhibited, emotions become amplified and can become out-of-control. Worry about small issues becomes obsessive and overwhelming.
Mercury is called "The Fear Drug" because it quite literally induces fear into the subject who is exposed.
Different people are affected differently, but virtually everyone shows some symptomatic manifestation when exposed to mercury over time.
Young teens often start exhibiting rebelliousness, laziness, apathy, or disconnection after placement of first amalgam fillings. Society has been taught to blame it on "hormones", but that is only a symptom of the actual underlying cause.
Mercury toxicity may is now likely a global epidemic because of the prevalence of mercury being found in the environment.
Compact fluorescent light bulbs contain large amounts of mercury. According to a study conducted by the State of Maine, if you break a CFL light bulb in your house, you will likely be exposed to hazardous, disease-causing levels of mercury even after an EPA-approved cleanup is completed.
@ Russ Tanner …..Wow, thanks for this information, very interesting and good to know. Medical medium has protocols for detoxing safely from heavy metals. 🙏🏻✨
They listen to each other- care about each other deeply. Wow.
Thank you for being so open and vulnerable in front of the camera. I can see how hard that may be to put your relationship issues out there for everyone to see. It is very helpful to see and relate to some of these issues.
This is a very sensitive conversation... Because I had a friend who normally is very calm but her birth control was causing her anger problems. I do believe that, but I also do believe it's important to validate someone's emotions vs saying it's a problem unless they get emotional over every little thing... That's super important to take note because it can easily be manipulated.
Omg Yes!! I have come off my pill after nearly 20 yrs and soo up and down.. and feel neglected and everything you said.. This video 🙌
Lisa your way of speaking and accent particularly is sooo ASMRish. It relaxes me sooo much!
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This is fabulous to listen way you both are doing this and good informative ideas.
Yes, you two are a drink of fresh water. Love you in my universe...thank you God for this moment. For Tom and Lisa #goals.
Love you guys! 🥰 Thanks for the work you do!
Lisa, please ask your doctor for a prescription pro-biotic called VSL#3 DS, which is almost a TRILLION, with a T, of good bacteria. I got this when I had been bed-ridden with my gut for 2.5 years...and it was so powerful and amazing. I tried the non-prescription version, which is good for maintenance...but not to get yourself out of the bad place. It is usually used to treat colitis or Chrons Disease, but it will fix the good guys really fast.
I love you guys! Thanks for all you do ❣🙏😘
It is so refreshing to see the way you two communicate with each other and you understand each other. I think the biggest thing that makes a relationship great is communication. Hence I've dedicated my work to helping other couples improve that and also have fun!!!!!! Love this chaneeeelll!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😍😅😂😃😍😅😂😃
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You guys are amazing thank you so much for that❤️❤️❤️
So helpful 🙏🏻💖🌷thank you
Thank you for sharing, this is very inspiring
Thank you for a great talk 🤗
What?? I had no idea you two were married partners! I just recently followed Lisa's channel a few months ago and picked up on Tom's channel last month. I love the synergistic energy haha! Keep up the great work guys! Love you two!
They're both bisexual though.
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Loving it!
As Taylor Swift says, "every time you call me crazy I get more crazy... what about that?" 😉
You two are precious💗💙❤
I like the dynamic. Also, changes(subtle) like this is how kids get born.
Love you guys! Such great information ya'll share with us 💘🙏
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I'm sorry to break it to you all but the real Lisa is not the Lisa on the pill, is the Lisa after few months after take out of the pill.
Great communication
Question: what do you do when you partner constantly uses your too emotional or emotionless as a way to end the conversation or stir it in a direction that or outcome they want? My ex did this a lot to get on topics of religion.
You call them out on their insincere tactics and show how it's not fixing anything
Yes, you call them out on it, but in a nice way, not shouty, angry kinds way. At first, you might need to call them out few times until it really gets across to them that you're not falling into the same trap.
It's so bad whenever that happens. I'd try to stay focus on the conversation and tell they "hey I noticed sometimes when I talk about "x" we tend to tail off to another topic so I'd like us to work on that and stay focus because this is really important to me" if you say it honestly and clearly and they start to get defensive then you know you have to have another type of conversation at hand because some people will use that sort of thing to avoid talking about important issues or they legit don't care. I'm not saying that's your case, but it happens. Best of luck to you!
Something rubs me in the wrong way the way Tom speaks about Lisa at 14:00 that she acting not like her. It still is her. The part she may not display very often, but it still part of her, and shaming that part by calling it 'crazy' is not very productive. I think it's just better to acknowledge that we all make mistakes, and try to not make them again.
9:24 Why is it so hard for me to get back to a conversation like she did here?
The dude in this relationship sounds like a passive aggressive yes-man / wet blanket
Lissa I never knew you had another chance going ur husband Tom yeas this is grate
👏🏻👏🏻
It’s all good in theory till you throw kids into the mix 😁
I’m sorry but he basically said you were feeling these emotions because you came off the pill - like yes we do feel these emotions but man that is offensive as fuck
can i just say lisa - u look super hot in this video - like the make up appreciation is real - go You !!!!! its defo a look !.. is this pervy, hope not!
I thought the same. 👍
There is a way that he talks about Lisa that is so shitty. He is so critical of anything he thinks isn't perfect behavior. I think her gut issues are a result of living with a cold critical (possibly narcissistic) partner who makes her the bad guy for anything bad in her relationship. She is lovely and kind and beautiful and a badass and yet - he is still hyper critical of so much and it comes through in these videos. He will "cop" to vague things he "may have" done while being super specific about what she's done wrong. It's super manipulative and when smart people do this its hard to see it. You start to believe that you really are the problem and your self esteem starts to tank. It's not cool. He rubs me the wrong way and I think she's too good for him.
He is such a psyco. I am so sad that she is lowering her value so much with such an agressive and awful man. "You are acting crazy". I get why she mentioned it. Girl, you are perfectly fine. I wish you find a real man for you. Deep inside you know you don't deserve being next to an agressive man. It is your gut telling you this is not the man for you.
@6:48 Im a man I can't feel this?
Everything she says is more typical of lesbians than neurological women. I'm able to predict that my girlfriend is on her know Before she does.
Emotions are fleeting. Feelings are lasting.