Can you relate to having low self-worth? Share your experiences below, and remember to download the guide for questions and tips that will help you increase your self-awareness around self-worth and boost it: www.terricole.com/how-to-build-self-worth-guide
Hello 👋 how are you doing today? I hope & pray 2024 brings happiness, peace and love all over the world 🌎 I’m originally from Canada grow up in Fort Worth Texas, currently living in Key West Florida. Where are you from if i may ask?
For so long I struggled with self-worth because my parents seemed to favor my older sister---she has the house, the kid, the dog, the career, the high salary. She is always the focus of their conversations, of their lives, really. I had cancer and it changed (and took away) all of those things in my life, so I began to feel completely unworthy. Still rebuilding my life and working on it every day. Luckily therapy has taught me that I am worthy of joy and happiness despite not having the life/stuff/body/status I used to have. As I said in a previous video, I am finally allowing myself to feel happiness and joy about getting married and building a life with another person who has mirrored back to me that I am worthy just the way I am.🥰
I love the tone and the slow precise way this lady speaks. She doesn't make me feel stupid for not being able to listen and keep up with the conversation. Great coach!
My father died an alcoholic and he was embarrassing so the entire surrounding knew us and that affected my confidence in India. I have moved to Australia and it still haunts me like everyone knows my background and to some degree people can see my low self worth. At 40 im still learning to take compliments when people compliment me when im at a party. Thanks Terry. Im a work in progress ❤
My father is still alive but he's an alcoholic and I resonate with what you said. My mother is a covert narc so that didn't help either. I've never been to India but I am assuming that the shaming culture is somewhat similar to that of Pakistan. In my case, my mother only gave me attention when she was competing with me or shaming me. My father only gave me attention when he was verbally or physically abusing me. I'm in USA now and have become a therapist myself. It took me about 15 years of working on myself to accept compliments and not see them as a manipulative tactic or a backhanded compliment. I am glad you're in another country now and watching this content. I send you love and wish you the best.
"Even though the adults in your life who raised you had/have limitations and their own stuff, that doesn't make you unlovable or unworthy." This is of great value to me!
Now at 46 I've been working on self work, but I still live close to my parents and each time there is a gathering, the relationship with my mother is challenging. Never enough, never good, never a positive comment... it still gets to me.. Thank you Terri for all your wonderful work❤
Old man was an addict. My mother had to carry everything. There were 5 of us kids. I always felt like I was in the way, like I was a burden 🥹 I have struggled with self worth my entire life ! I’ve listened to this video a few times. So helpful to me . I’m learning in my 60s to love n take care of myself 💖 Thank you so much Terri 🙏🏼💖💖💖
People like you help tremendously because one does not always has the courage to go to therapy and actually talk things over. Self-worth can be difficult to heal but it's not impossible. Thank you so much for the content
Oh wow! This is A TOUGH topic for me - - I always looked for acceptance, love, approval,and self esteem from outside instead of learning it for myself first. I would do anything to feel love and acceptance. I am now learning with help from you and my own inner child work, how to do this and how to love myself FIRST!!!!! Learning boundaries and how to state them is a new thing for me. I am trying to do it~ I am learning how to state my boundaries in a serious way and mean it. Learning to love and accept myself is key! Undo my negative feelings about myself THANK YOU!! You are amazing!
Dear Terri, thank you so much for all of your content that you so generously put out there ! I just wanted to tell you how great it feels to just listen to you when I'm feeling sad or angry or just reapeatedly reminded of the way things are. Listening to you with all yout compassion and wilingness to help just brings me back to a state of peace and being in the present as a whole person. Thank you so much ❤ Wishing you lots of love happiness always !
Yes. I totally understand. I feel I would never blame my parents for not giving me the right Amount of attention. I say that because our pass generations went through things as well. So we have to be thoughtful and mindful about what they went through and understand. Whenever you realize, then you start your journey to break generational courses. START NOW!
Terri, I struggled to finally watch and listen to this youtube video. I struggled with low self for many years. It is still a problem but getting better. I used my codepedency to try to get approval, love, acceptance and care, that I could not give to myself. THIS NEVER WORKED and I felt even worse about my self worth after my relationship ended. My Mom was bossy, critical, not very nurturing, cold, hurtful with a lot of her words. I never heard I am good enough, I am pretty, I can do it, etc. Many years of therapy, CODA meetings and now your classes, podcasts, books, etc, have changed my life and self worth. I do have self worth. I love me and am worthy. Thank you for all your amazing advice, caring and generous uplifting words!
Thank you thank you thank you for giving a blueprint to how to show self worth. I was today years old when I gave my self conversation. It instantly started filling up the aches in my heart.
It's difficult but I found that listening to constantly repetition in my own voice with sayings you're wonderful, you're nice, you're considerate changes your own perspective and you see what others see.
I just found you. I love the way you explain concepts. You speak deeply, in a place I can understand and grow. You make me smile. I down talk myself due size. I can do this. I am doing the rubber band for the next 24 hours. Gift my own attention ❤. Thank you soooo much❤❤.
Hi I’m neha aggarwal. I have been facing issues regarding my boundaries. Just bought your workbook and started reading it. It already feels I could relate to every word you have written. Thank you so much for all the sharing. Having people like you bestowing knowledge upon us gives us an inspiration to be better each and every day.
I’m not even 1/2 way thru this video & I gotta pause it to say thank you!! Thank for for giving real actual helpful advice & steps for me to actually take. Thank you for giving away this information & not just sharing trauma symptoms while just pushing to sell a course. Thank you for being the only person years after years of searching to actually give me practical advice and real steps to take. Thank you for sharing solutions & not negative trauma symptoms. Thank you for sharing truly helpful information!! Thank you thank you thank you!!
I had a mother that was dangerous to me. Everyone else was safe, partly because I became their protector, but mostly because they were easier to manipulate that I was. So my life was in danger daily. I never felt safe until she passed in 2023. Sixty years of fear, and inability to say no to narcissistic/sociopath/psychopathic people. Relationships and siblings.
Thank you Terry for this great talk. I am that person who always struggle about my self-worth and I have a feeling that I pass that that to my boys when I see them acting like that sometimes. Thank you for making my morning to start in a beautiful way and I pray for all the other ladies, who are going through this same struggle in their life to be useful by watching this video as I did. Namaste.
I'm currently binge-watching videos about low self-worth, its affects on us, and overcoming low self-esteem. I could tell my story later, but it's too long to write on my phone. Basically, I was always the one in trouble and struggling in school and a lot of it wasnt intentional, but my sister was the straight-A student who was always praised. It didnt help that my sister seemed to easily make friends where I wanted friends but wasn't really able to make friends easily.
It depends on the area of life. I have a good sense of self worth in some areas and less in others. As an actress I did say that to myself until realised that's not good for my self esteem. Thank you for this video.
What do you do when you're 61, your mother is 90 and I just can't cope with seeing her anymore. i have 2 brothers, have fallen out with sister in law. My Dad passed away 8 years ago, he was a controlling bully. Mum is a good person, if I don't see her I will feel terribly guilty but when I do see her, I always leave feeling completely drained. I really feel that kids should go their own way when they're young and not be expected to see parents all the time. I never had kids, never wanted them. Always said that I would never bring a child in to this cruel world.
Hey there- is it possible to lessen your contact with your mother? Maybe stick to phone calls more than going over there? Or are there boundaries you can set to make your interactions with her less draining? I think you have a right to do what is best for you, but since you said your mom is a good person, it might be worthwhile to look for a middle ground where you can see her AND not be drained. ❤️
Sending 🫂 ❤. Do you regret not having children? I'm 35 and struggling with this decision. I feel the same. This world continues to get worse and worse every day and it's hard to even cope as an adult sometimes.
I am 57 and went no-contact with my mom, who was 80 last year. I'm not saying you should do that; I just want to tell you that it's possible to make changes no matter your age or your mom's. For me, it became clear that I needed some space, and when I told my mom about this (in the most caring way while having a lot of mental issues), she reacted so angry and unsupportive that it became clear to me how controlling she was in my life. And I hope she'll live to be a hundred, but that would mean I would be 77 by the time she died. So, I decided I had to choose my own path. The fact that you will feel guilty for doing something for yourself is not okay. Your mom may be good, but it sounds like she is leaning a bit too much on you. Maybe your siblings can take over for a while? That's not unreasonable.
@@jan854 I never had children. I never regretted it because I always knew I couldn't handle the responsibility. I am overly responsible due to my childhood trauma, and being a mom would have killed me. Perhaps this world is getting worse every day, but the most important thing is to be sure you can guide your children and be a good mom. That's the issue. And if you are not confident about that, I would encourage you to be a wonderful auntie or neighborhood'mom' but not an actual mom. Maybe you will regret it, but in this case, it's better to have some regret yourself than your children have regret because you were not a very capable mom.
Tks once again for taking such a powerful topic to discuss and for such a powerful conversation that we women need to understand. you are such an inspiration to us all 😊🤗🙏
Thank you for this content & for giving us some exercises to try as we go through our self-worth healing journey! I’m feeling more hopeful and I’m excited to try these exercises out starting today!! Again, thank you so much 💖✨
I’ve been struggling with self worth lately and other things like I’m not worthy to be loved by anyone and that I don’t deserve things. Thanks for what you do
I found you from your Les Carter interview, which I loved, and I’m so happy! I have been following Dr C since 2018 and he has given me the skills to distance myself from a 43 year marriage to a narcissist. I’ve been searching for help thriving, beyond surviving. Your comment about women in their 60s and 70s, who’ve “built their lives on boxes constructed by someone else” made me cry. You have set me on the path to thrive, and I’ve shared your channel with many friends my age who are also struggling but seem to “have it all”. Thank you for seeing us.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and so glad this video made you feel seen 💕 Thank you for coming on over to my channel after seeing that interview, too!
I’m on a job site on a Saturday, glad the homeowner is not home because I got so choked up at the end when you were saying all the worthiness things. I am so caught in a repetition compulsion of not charging enough, or charging for when things don’t go my way. I have been with coaches, mentors, therapists and d trauma therapists over this in the past 30 years. And I’m here again. Wishing there was something that worked. I have tried so many things, for long periods of time. Just frustrated at this moment.
These are great questions to ponder Terri. It feels like a struggle at times to find my own worth without having had relationships that reflected that. I really appreciate this topic and I did have more inherent worth and took more worthwhile risks in many ways than from whence I came. Happy New Year Terri and Godspeed 🎉❤🥂 I so appreciate your work. Setting healthy boundaries was definitely a good starting point and you really helped me in that area, among others. Grateful 🥰❤🌈
It is hard when you don't have an example of healthy love. I see you. Just know your internal self knows and listen to her. You will never regret that.
Terri, my thank you for you comes from a place deeper than I know. I needed this reminder. I suffer from intense self-loathing at times rooting from an idea that I’m not good enough. I also came from a very orthodox religion that put too much pressure and emphasis on achieving things to be “worthy” of the “blessings.” I am grateful to have seen your video and to be reminded that I am inherently good enough in this very moment and I agree it is an “inside work” it is an internal thing. I’m excited to read your books and know more of your profound work. New subscriber here! Thank you once again ❤
Cannot thank you enough for the incredible the timing of this video 🔥 thank you thank you thank you. I’ve started the assignment immediately already got my elastic band in my wrist 😂💖 I am committed to a lifelong journey of reclaiming my self worth. It has been such a hard journey and have made many bad decisions as a result of the neglect of my Parents however I’m taking it day by day and each day learning something new and recommitting when I want to give up
Both of my parents ruined myself worth they were both narcissists. But fortunately my grandparents were really great people And I had the opportunity to work with some of the best people there are. These people helped me a great deal. I am much better than I could have been because of these people
This was so helpful. I’ve been on this journey many years of self worth building and boundaries, and I really appreciate your insight and wisdom. All of your videos have been just what I’ve needed. Thank you!
Children are loved for their energy that makes others feel good around them, for the full soul that the emanate. If a child would make someone feel bad or would not have that energy or would not remember another about themselves that child wouldn't be loved. Children are not just loved. The reasons why they are loved are just not material to be seen like a house is seen.
Hey there, I came across this video after explicitly searching for it. I've faced this since childhood where I was constantly compared to other kids and reflect on how poor I was performing. Ever since, I put efforts to perfect my carrer, mind and body but there are days when I hit rock bottom and life seems clueless. I know this video won't change my life in 20mins, I just wanted to put it out here. Thanks!
I keep coming back. Im fairly new to your awesome posts/videos. It seems you are speaking to me directly. I have my own business and charge under penny's for my services to people that make 3 times the money I do... I just have to feel better about myself before I can change my prices! I am such a co dependent. I just appreciate to tune into someones videos and it feels like they are speaking to me. I feel that everytime you speak! I have so many life experiences that have (according to what I've learned) destroyed my self esteem, confidence... Im 54 yo and I HAVE to figure it out soon. So, thank you!
You are so welcome, and I am glad you found your way here ❤️ If you haven't yet, I recommend this video about building self-confidence that may help: th-cam.com/video/kLS-NdgTwu0/w-d-xo.html
Dealing with my ex-narcercist partner at work and every Monday morning just chipping me down and smiling with every notch with getting other at work on board with his agenda. I'm going to use the rubber band effect to stand up for myself. I hold back saying things in response because I'm shocked how awful his comments can be. No more feeling powerless. I even after a horrible conversation bought up his hurtful comments, me tears about it and then flight. I can't fight... He is too good with words. MY BAND IS MY NEW SUPER POWER ❤❤❤Wish me luck 🤞
Everyone in my life told me (you are not enough) (you can't ....) ..my parents, my peers at school and college, my boss(es) and coworkers. Men also ignored me and told me (you are not worthy of love) and I have never been in a relationship. I could leran and do everything people told me I couldn't , and much more but still don't feel (enough) .
My parents were never neglectful or immature and yet my self-worth is almost nonexistent. I'm struggling to understand why this is the case since most of the adults in my childhood were always supportive.
Wow, can i just say that you are BEAUTIFUL. Anyway, i'll watch this video now. Just wanted to say that i love your energy before even watching the video.
I can totally understand your friend that thought they were being told they are attractive as a joke. That’s exactly how I am. I feel so disgusting inside that I think not a sole on the planet would look at me with anything other than disgust.
It’s so funny that you started this episode talking about your diminishing your accomplishments when I did that today. I got massage therapist of the year today and couldn’t accept it the way I should have.
My father on numerous occasions told me how much I embarrassed him when I was younger l, and I absolutely did nothing. I was a nice little girl and did not get in trouble at school. I suffered from eczema and asthma as a child. I still hear his words and he died over 25 years ago. I’m in my late 60’s. My husband use to make fun of my nose. It is such a fight to feel good about myself.
You are such a blessing from top to toe and inside and out. I have eczema and bad teeth and I can relate to your struggles. Please magnify your attention to acceptance, approval and love of all of your goodness because that's what's important and really counts towards your own peace of mind and happiness ❤
I have heard about the rubber band before and I can’t help but wonder if being physically agressive with oneself makes sense when you try to cure being mentally agressive, cruel, caustic with oneself…
I believe I believe I’m a kind soul Peaceful and benevolent I believe in truth, in honesty and loyalty I believe in compassion and kindness And if you come to my door in need I will let you in, for I believe in you And if you deceive me, I will not blame you And I will set the table with the king’s feast Candles and Sunday’s best For I believe in lenity and grace And if you lie to me, I will know why And look within to my own faults and frailties So that I may become a better friend As I believe in commitment And when you use me and abuse me I will change my ways For I know no journey is without pain and obstacles And demands hard work and purpose And when you steal from me Criticize and chastise me Belittle the very meal I laboured on for you I will cry in silence as not to trouble you For I believe I believe I’m a kind soul Peaceful and benevolent I believe in truth, respect and dignity So will you forgive me now For I cannot believe In me - with you Goodbye friend
My parents are toxic and don’t understand that life is about making mistakes. Seeking their approval is exhausting. My father wasn’t around and tries to punish me for making a mistake. My mother has flat out called me stupid after something traumatic happened to me in high school. She has also said “I don’t care that you have these problems.” I have no support system aside from me. I have to rely on me. I hate men. Relying on people is out for me. I’m done relying on family. I’d rather be homeless before I rely on them again. I’m in school getting 2 degrees. I’m not done. I’m gonna need a break and to find some money for a PhD. Maybe go to law school once I’m done. I’m doing all of this to stay away from my toxic family and protect my inner child/teenager. Nothing is wrong with me. It’s my toxic parents who were a$$holes and immature who most certainly didn’t deserve me and my brother. As you can imagine, all this is what made me choose an abusive partner, but he died 9 years ago. I’ve learned a whole lot and I’m staying away from people.
Can you explain inherent worth to me. I don't understand how something has value just by existing. So if i am born but do nothing my whole life, lets say i am paralyzed, and do not contribute positively or even negatively to humanity. What value is there?
There doesn't need to be any "value" added by someone for them to be worthy. We are worthy just by being alive. We've been conditioned to think that we have to do something in order to be worthy, but that's not true. Hope that helps ❤️
But you’re not….others can exclude, dismiss, or toss, but carry yourself in a precious vessel….hold yourself there…and it’s okay to call others out when they say or do things that make you feel invisible or invalidated. Your voice matters. You matter.
Speaking from personal experience, I would say that shame is the feeling that I have no right to exist whether or not I have done anything deserving of judgement or criticism. In other words, I feel that I have no right to exist simply for the sake of being alive. How many people in the world grow up with the belief that they are worthy of respect simply because they exist?
I am witnessing you with so much compassion 💕 Thank you for sharing that. A lot of people struggle with worthiness and didn't grow up with this belief, which is why I try to emphasize in my videos that we ARE worthy, we are enough. I talk about this a bit more in a video on reparenting: th-cam.com/video/bsWXTZ-6Ul0/w-d-xo.html
It's hard to have good self-worth if your support network is poor. E.g. lack of support from parents growing up, compared to others whose parent's have been hands on and supportive with their kids. It makes you feel unsupported and not good enough. Lonely and empty at times. I still get on with both my parents (they are divorced) but they are both selfish in different ways. Wish i had my friends parent's. I've had to achieve and struggle with most things in my life alone.
I am witnessing you with compassion, Katie 💕 It sounds like you may benefit from mourning the dream of the parents you wish you had, but didn't. So many of us have parental wounds because our parents didn't show up for us in the way that we needed or wanted. I believe we can find "substitute" parents, like your friends' parents, or someone else you may meet along the way, to help fill that gap. A lot of my therapy clients did. 💕
Hello All. I have a question that Terri can hello me with. Throughout my life at odd times the same thing has happened to me. I am either talked over while I am mid story or people stop listening to what I am saying and join into another conversation when I haven't finished. It has always upset me but I have never known how to handle it, what to say, when to say it and instead I say nothing but get hurt and angry about it. Thank you. I look forward to your response.
I am witnessing you with compassion, Joleen 💕 You're far from alone on this. I have a video on how to navigate it here: th-cam.com/video/jPgCS4Dosqk/w-d-xo.html And I also have a way to deal with interrupters in a nice way here: th-cam.com/video/HX5zWu_uJvk/w-d-xo.html You have a right to be heard and to let people know that this behavior hurts you.
Looks like self love ( whoever this “self” is?) is all about practicing some acts even though I don’t feel any love for this self. I can talk kindly and take care of myself, I have no feelings for it🥺 I don’t even feel my identity
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️ Part of the process is getting to know yourself, too. Many people in my crew have been self-abandoning for years because they were raised and praised to do that- to be in service of others, and put themselves last. It can feel strange to put yourself first and not even know how to do that when you've been doing the opposite for most of your life! I recommend paying attention to what you like or dislike, what feels good and what doesn't, what fills up your cup and what drains you. ❤️
im sorry but i have to ask this for my peace of mind. would you say the same thing to a murderer or a rapist? are they still worthy despite their actions and minds? thank you for this video btw
Hi Ella- I am specifically speaking to the viewers of this channel (like you!), and the folks in my crew tend to be loving, kind, beautiful, thoughtful, and intelligent. ❤️
I had emotionally immature parents, my mum abandoned me ...I was then bullied at school...it wasn't just about my parents other kids and even adults in society targeted because of my skin colour, the way I looked my hair ...I had double jeopardy
Can you relate to having low self-worth? Share your experiences below, and remember to download the guide for questions and tips that will help you increase your self-awareness around self-worth and boost it: www.terricole.com/how-to-build-self-worth-guide
Hello 👋 how are you doing today? I hope & pray 2024 brings happiness, peace and love all over the world 🌎 I’m originally from Canada grow up in Fort Worth Texas, currently living in Key West Florida. Where are you from if i may ask?
Wonderful episode. Thanks ❤
Great video, thank you for your content. Also your hair looks awesome!😊
This is beautiful! I needed this so much.. is there more to this?
It's good enough to be me although that doesn't pay the Bill's. I create no value and this bothers me.
For so long I struggled with self-worth because my parents seemed to favor my older sister---she has the house, the kid, the dog, the career, the high salary. She is always the focus of their conversations, of their lives, really. I had cancer and it changed (and took away) all of those things in my life, so I began to feel completely unworthy. Still rebuilding my life and working on it every day. Luckily therapy has taught me that I am worthy of joy and happiness despite not having the life/stuff/body/status I used to have. As I said in a previous video, I am finally allowing myself to feel happiness and joy about getting married and building a life with another person who has mirrored back to me that I am worthy just the way I am.🥰
You are SO worthy, Birdie ❤️❤️
@@terri_cole Thank you so much for saying that, Terri. 💕
I loved your share Birdy! Brought a tear to my eye & it inspired me! Thank you & congratulations!🎊🎉🍾🎈
@@lisapowers9061 Thank you so much! 🥰
Awesome. Great testimony
When the student is ready . . . the teacher will appear. 🙏🏻❤️🙌🏻
Wow
🙏🌸
I love the tone and the slow precise way this lady speaks. She doesn't make me feel stupid for not being able to listen and keep up with the conversation. Great coach!
My father died an alcoholic and he was embarrassing so the entire surrounding knew us and that affected my confidence in India. I have moved to Australia and it still haunts me like everyone knows my background and to some degree people can see my low self worth. At 40 im still learning to take compliments when people compliment me when im at a party. Thanks Terry. Im a work in progress ❤
My father is still alive but he's an alcoholic and I resonate with what you said. My mother is a covert narc so that didn't help either. I've never been to India but I am assuming that the shaming culture is somewhat similar to that of Pakistan. In my case, my mother only gave me attention when she was competing with me or shaming me. My father only gave me attention when he was verbally or physically abusing me.
I'm in USA now and have become a therapist myself. It took me about 15 years of working on myself to accept compliments and not see them as a manipulative tactic or a backhanded compliment.
I am glad you're in another country now and watching this content. I send you love and wish you the best.
Thank you for sharing ❤️
"Even though the adults in your life who raised you had/have limitations and their own stuff, that doesn't make you unlovable or unworthy." This is of great value to me!
So glad it resonated 💕
Now at 46 I've been working on self work, but I still live close to my parents and each time there is a gathering, the relationship with my mother is challenging. Never enough, never good, never a positive comment... it still gets to me..
Thank you Terri for all your wonderful work❤
You are so not alone in that, Marta ❤ Thank you for sharing.
Remember boundaries! You should set some, you don't deserve to be around people who put you down💗
Same here
Atleast there is someone who has such a relationship wirh mother
I never find anyone who understands
Btw I’m 44
Old man was an addict. My mother had to carry everything. There were 5 of us kids. I always felt like I was in the way, like I was a burden 🥹 I have struggled with self worth my entire life !
I’ve listened to this video a few times. So helpful to me . I’m learning in my 60s to love n take care of myself 💖
Thank you so much Terri 🙏🏼💖💖💖
I am witnessing you with compassion and sending love ❤️❤️
People like you help tremendously because one does not always has the courage to go to therapy and actually talk things over. Self-worth can be difficult to heal but it's not impossible. Thank you so much for the content
Thank you so much for sharing that ❤️ I'm so glad this was helpful!
Oh wow! This is A TOUGH topic for me - - I always looked for acceptance, love, approval,and self esteem from outside instead of learning it for myself first. I would do anything to feel love and acceptance. I am now learning with help from you and my own inner child work, how to do this and how to love myself FIRST!!!!! Learning boundaries and how to state them is a new thing for me. I am trying to do it~ I am learning how to state my boundaries in a serious way and mean it.
Learning to love and accept myself is key! Undo my negative feelings about myself
THANK YOU!! You are amazing!
🙌🙌🙌
Dear Terri, thank you so much for all of your content that you so generously put out there ! I just wanted to tell you how great it feels to just listen to you when I'm feeling sad or angry or just reapeatedly reminded of the way things are. Listening to you with all yout compassion and wilingness to help just brings me back to a state of peace and being in the present as a whole person. Thank you so much ❤ Wishing you lots of love happiness always !
Thank you so much for taking the time to let me know ❤️ I appreciate you!
Same here ! 😊 I listen to Terri when I need to hear a compassionate, warm voice (of reason..) ❤
Yes. I totally understand. I feel I would never blame my parents for not giving me the right Amount of attention. I say that because our pass generations went through things as well. So we have to be thoughtful and mindful about what they went through and understand. Whenever you realize, then you start your journey to break generational courses. START NOW!
Terri, I struggled to finally watch and listen to this youtube video. I struggled with low self for many years. It is still a problem but getting better. I used my codepedency to try to get approval, love, acceptance and care, that I could not give to myself. THIS NEVER WORKED and I felt even worse about my self worth after my relationship ended.
My Mom was bossy, critical, not very nurturing, cold, hurtful with a lot of her words. I never heard I am good enough, I am pretty, I can do it, etc.
Many years of therapy, CODA meetings and now your classes, podcasts, books, etc, have changed my life and self worth. I do have self worth. I love me and am worthy.
Thank you for all your amazing advice, caring and generous uplifting words!
Thank you for sharing your journey with us, Linda ❤️
Thank you thank you thank you for giving a blueprint to how to show self worth. I was today years old when I gave my self conversation. It instantly started filling up the aches in my heart.
❤️❤️❤️
It's difficult but I found that listening to constantly repetition in my own voice with sayings you're wonderful, you're nice, you're considerate changes your own perspective and you see what others see.
I love that 💕
I just found you. I love the way you explain concepts. You speak deeply, in a place I can understand and grow. You make me smile. I down talk myself due size. I can do this. I am doing the rubber band for the next 24 hours. Gift my own attention ❤. Thank you soooo much❤❤.
I am so glad you found my channel and that this resonated with you ❤️ I am cheering you on!
Hi I’m neha aggarwal. I have been facing issues regarding my boundaries. Just bought your workbook and started reading it. It already feels I could relate to every word you have written. Thank you so much for all the sharing. Having people like you bestowing knowledge upon us gives us an inspiration to be better each and every day.
I am so glad to hear my workbook is helping already, Neha ❤️❤️ Thank you for letting me know!
I’m not even 1/2 way thru this video & I gotta pause it to say thank you!! Thank for for giving real actual helpful advice & steps for me to actually take. Thank you for giving away this information & not just sharing trauma symptoms while just pushing to sell a course.
Thank you for being the only person years after years of searching to actually give me practical advice and real steps to take. Thank you for sharing solutions & not negative trauma symptoms.
Thank you for sharing truly helpful information!! Thank you thank you thank you!!
Thank YOU, Cherry, for this sweet comment. It warms my heart to know my content is helping you ❤️❤️
Your work is the most precious gift 🎁 one could receive.
❤️❤️❤️
I do that. I undervalue my achievements. I'm working on that at this time.
I see you ❤️
Your inner beauty shines on the outside!
❤️
I had a mother that was dangerous to me. Everyone else was safe, partly because I became their protector, but mostly because they were easier to manipulate that I was. So my life was in danger daily. I never felt safe until she passed in 2023. Sixty years of fear, and inability to say no to narcissistic/sociopath/psychopathic people. Relationships and siblings.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion, Lola ❤️❤️
*Treat yourself like you would treat ur child* . Amazing,terri
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Thank you Terry for this great talk. I am that person who always struggle about my self-worth and I have a feeling that I pass that that to my boys when I see them acting like that sometimes. Thank you for making my morning to start in a beautiful way and I pray for all the other ladies, who are going through this same struggle in their life to be useful by watching this video as I did. Namaste.
Thank you so much for leaving this comment ❤️❤️ So glad this was helpful.
I'm currently binge-watching videos about low self-worth, its affects on us, and overcoming low self-esteem. I could tell my story later, but it's too long to write on my phone. Basically, I was always the one in trouble and struggling in school and a lot of it wasnt intentional, but my sister was the straight-A student who was always praised. It didnt help that my sister seemed to easily make friends where I wanted friends but wasn't really able to make friends easily.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
You’re such a beautiful human being. Thank you. 🙏❤️
💕💕
It depends on the area of life. I have a good sense of self worth in some areas and less in others. As an actress I did say that to myself until realised that's not good for my self esteem. Thank you for this video.
You're welcome 💕
What do you do when you're 61, your mother is 90 and I just can't cope with seeing her anymore. i have 2 brothers, have fallen out with sister in law. My Dad passed away 8 years ago, he was a controlling bully. Mum is a good person, if I don't see her I will feel terribly guilty but when I do see her, I always leave feeling completely drained. I really feel that kids should go their own way when they're young and not be expected to see parents all the time. I never had kids, never wanted them. Always said that I would never bring a child in to this cruel world.
Hey there- is it possible to lessen your contact with your mother? Maybe stick to phone calls more than going over there? Or are there boundaries you can set to make your interactions with her less draining? I think you have a right to do what is best for you, but since you said your mom is a good person, it might be worthwhile to look for a middle ground where you can see her AND not be drained. ❤️
Sending 🫂 ❤. Do you regret not having children? I'm 35 and struggling with this decision. I feel the same. This world continues to get worse and worse every day and it's hard to even cope as an adult sometimes.
I am 57 and went no-contact with my mom, who was 80 last year. I'm not saying you should do that; I just want to tell you that it's possible to make changes no matter your age or your mom's. For me, it became clear that I needed some space, and when I told my mom about this (in the most caring way while having a lot of mental issues), she reacted so angry and unsupportive that it became clear to me how controlling she was in my life. And I hope she'll live to be a hundred, but that would mean I would be 77 by the time she died. So, I decided I had to choose my own path.
The fact that you will feel guilty for doing something for yourself is not okay. Your mom may be good, but it sounds like she is leaning a bit too much on you. Maybe your siblings can take over for a while? That's not unreasonable.
@@jan854 I never had children. I never regretted it because I always knew I couldn't handle the responsibility. I am overly responsible due to my childhood trauma, and being a mom would have killed me.
Perhaps this world is getting worse every day, but the most important thing is to be sure you can guide your children and be a good mom. That's the issue. And if you are not confident about that, I would encourage you to be a wonderful auntie or neighborhood'mom' but not an actual mom. Maybe you will regret it, but in this case, it's better to have some regret yourself than your children have regret because you were not a very capable mom.
@@terri_cole thank you, I think sticking to phone calls for a while is a very good idea ❤
Tks once again for taking such a powerful topic to discuss and for such a powerful conversation that we women need to understand. you are such an inspiration to us all 😊🤗🙏
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Thank you for this content & for giving us some exercises to try as we go through our self-worth healing journey! I’m feeling more hopeful and I’m excited to try these exercises out starting today!! Again, thank you so much 💖✨
I am so glad to hear that, Amanda ❤️ You're welcome!
Hi Terri, thank you very much for this video. I am going to validate myself more than ever. Sabine.
I am so happy to hear that, Sabine ❤️
Thank you for talking about such an important topic. I find that the way you speak is very soothing. ❤
Thank you for watching 💕
I’ve been struggling with self worth lately and other things like I’m not worthy to be loved by anyone and that I don’t deserve things. Thanks for what you do
You are so worthy and deserving 💕
I found you from your Les Carter interview, which I loved, and I’m so happy! I have been following Dr C since 2018 and he has given me the skills to distance myself from a 43 year marriage to a narcissist. I’ve been searching for help thriving, beyond surviving. Your comment about women in their 60s and 70s, who’ve “built their lives on boxes constructed by someone else” made me cry. You have set me on the path to thrive, and I’ve shared your channel with many friends my age who are also struggling but seem to “have it all”. Thank you for seeing us.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and so glad this video made you feel seen 💕 Thank you for coming on over to my channel after seeing that interview, too!
This is much needed! I gave up on raising my self-worth. It is something deeply rooted in my subconcsious mind. 😢😢
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤
I’m on a job site on a Saturday, glad the homeowner is not home because I got so choked up at the end when you were saying all the worthiness things. I am so caught in a repetition compulsion of not charging enough, or charging for when things don’t go my way. I have been with coaches, mentors, therapists and d trauma therapists over this in the past 30 years. And I’m here again. Wishing there was something that worked. I have tried so many things, for long periods of time. Just frustrated at this moment.
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕
I'm so grateful for the gift you have and thank you for sharing, it makes a difference to so many of us.
Thank you so much for saying so, Debbie 💕 I am grateful you're in my crew!
Thanks so much for the information you share. It has helped me so much.
I am so glad it has been helpful to you ❤️
Thank you Terri.
You're welcome 💕
These are great questions to ponder Terri. It feels like a struggle at times to find my own worth without having had relationships that reflected that. I really appreciate this topic and I did have more inherent worth and took more worthwhile risks in many ways than from whence I came. Happy New Year Terri and Godspeed 🎉❤🥂 I so appreciate your work. Setting healthy boundaries was definitely a good starting point and you really helped me in that area, among others. Grateful 🥰❤🌈
It is hard when you don't have an example of healthy love. I see you. Just know your internal self knows and listen to her. You will never regret that.
Thank you so much, Kimberly ❤️ I hope 2024 holds good things for you!
Terri, my thank you for you comes from a place deeper than I know. I needed this reminder. I suffer from intense self-loathing at times rooting from an idea that I’m not good enough. I also came from a very orthodox religion that put too much pressure and emphasis on achieving things to be “worthy” of the “blessings.” I am grateful to have seen your video and to be reminded that I am inherently good enough in this very moment and I agree it is an “inside work” it is an internal thing. I’m excited to read your books and know more of your profound work. New subscriber here! Thank you once again ❤
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave this comment, Lawrence ❤️❤️ I so appreciate you and I'm glad this resonated! Welcome to my TH-cam crew!
I absolutely love your page . I am learning, releasing and growing ❤ into my power
I love this, Emily 💕 So glad you're enjoying my videos!
Thank you Terri, your advice is so helpful, I often listen to you and learn from your experience and wisdom.
Have a great 2024!
You too! ❤️❤️
beautifully stated 💗I think I’ll use the term “soft landing” more often when I am imaging what kind of sisterhood and support system I’m calling in
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Cannot thank you enough for the incredible the timing of this video 🔥 thank you thank you thank you. I’ve started the assignment immediately already got my elastic band in my wrist 😂💖 I am committed to a lifelong journey of reclaiming my self worth. It has been such a hard journey and have made many bad decisions as a result of the neglect of my Parents however I’m taking it day by day and each day learning something new and recommitting when I want to give up
I am witnessing you with compassion and cheering you on ❤️❤️ You got this!
Both of my parents ruined myself worth they were both narcissists.
But fortunately my grandparents were really great people And I had the opportunity to work with some of the best people there are. These people helped me a great deal. I am much better than I could have been because of these people
So glad to hear that you had good people in your life to hold you up. Thank you for sharing ❤️
Thank you for this video! It was very soothing to watch. A wonderful and gentle reminder that we are worthy as we are :)
So glad you enjoyed it 💕
This was so helpful. I’ve been on this journey many years of self worth building and boundaries, and I really appreciate your insight and wisdom. All of your videos have been just what I’ve needed. Thank you!
I'm so glad to hear that, Lisa ❤️❤️
This was such an uplifting video. Thank you so much for sharing. Given me soo much to think about and process in my own personal therapy. THANK YOU!
I'm so glad to hear that 💕
Children are loved for their energy that makes others feel good around them, for the full soul that the emanate. If a child would make someone feel bad or would not have that energy or would not remember another about themselves that child wouldn't be loved. Children are not just loved. The reasons why they are loved are just not material to be seen like a house is seen.
Hey there, I came across this video after explicitly searching for it. I've faced this since childhood where I was constantly compared to other kids and reflect on how poor I was performing. Ever since, I put efforts to perfect my carrer, mind and body but there are days when I hit rock bottom and life seems clueless. I know this video won't change my life in 20mins, I just wanted to put it out here. Thanks!
I am witnessing you with compassion and sending love 💕
This is really helping me! Thank u so much for your insight.
So glad to hear that ❤️❤️
I keep coming back. Im fairly new to your awesome posts/videos. It seems you are speaking to me directly. I have my own business and charge under penny's for my services to people that make 3 times the money I do... I just have to feel better about myself before I can change my prices! I am such a co dependent. I just appreciate to tune into someones videos and it feels like they are speaking to me. I feel that everytime you speak! I have so many life experiences that have (according to what I've learned) destroyed my self esteem, confidence... Im 54 yo and I HAVE to figure it out soon. So, thank you!
You are so welcome, and I am glad you found your way here ❤️ If you haven't yet, I recommend this video about building self-confidence that may help: th-cam.com/video/kLS-NdgTwu0/w-d-xo.html
I am always struggle with self-worth issue，thank you so much for talking about this issue，it really help me a lot，best wishes！
I am so glad it was helpful for you ❤️
Thankyou ❤
You're welcome ❤️
Dealing with my ex-narcercist partner at work and every Monday morning just chipping me down and smiling with every notch with getting other at work on board with his agenda. I'm going to use the rubber band effect to stand up for myself. I hold back saying things in response because I'm shocked how awful his comments can be. No more feeling powerless. I even after a horrible conversation bought up his hurtful comments, me tears about it and then flight. I can't fight... He is too good with words. MY BAND IS MY NEW SUPER POWER ❤❤❤Wish me luck 🤞
I am witnessing you with compassion, Nancy ❤️ That sounds like a difficult and challenging situation.
Thank you :)! I am very grateful to have found you and your book "Boundary Boss"!
I am grateful you found your way here, too ❤️
Everyone in my life told me (you are not enough) (you can't ....) ..my parents, my peers at school and college, my boss(es) and coworkers. Men also ignored me and told me (you are not worthy of love) and I have never been in a relationship. I could leran and do everything people told me I couldn't , and much more but still don't feel (enough) .
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕
@terri_cole 😍
Thank you so much, Terri! We love you!
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Wow, can't believe I only just stumbled across this channel. Awesome!!! thank you so much - this is perfect timing. 🙏
I'm so glad it resonated with you ❤️ and welcome!
Yes I do. I put myself down all the time.
Once we are grown up ,we have to develop it❤
Thank you. Your insights are very helpful and are helping me move in the right direction.
I am so glad to hear that, Michelle ❤️
Beautiful talk thank you for this
You're so welcome!
Thank you.
My parents were never neglectful or immature and yet my self-worth is almost nonexistent. I'm struggling to understand why this is the case since most of the adults in my childhood were always supportive.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Wow, can i just say that you are BEAUTIFUL. Anyway, i'll watch this video now. Just wanted to say that i love your energy before even watching the video.
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I can totally understand your friend that thought they were being told they are attractive as a joke. That’s exactly how I am. I feel so disgusting inside that I think not a sole on the planet would look at me with anything other than disgust.
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕
It’s so funny that you started this episode talking about your diminishing your accomplishments when I did that today. I got massage therapist of the year today and couldn’t accept it the way I should have.
It's not too late to own it! ❤️ Congratulations!
Amen. This is profound
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I’m new to your channel. Excellent content. Thanks, Terri!🥰❤️
Welcome, Karen! Glad to have you here 💕
Thank you for making this video
You're so welcome ❤️
My father on numerous occasions told me how much I embarrassed him when I was younger l, and I absolutely did nothing. I was a nice little girl and did not get in trouble at school. I suffered from eczema and asthma as a child. I still hear his words and he died over 25 years ago. I’m in my late 60’s. My husband use to make fun of my nose. It is such a fight to feel good about myself.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love ❤️
@@terri_cole Thank you Luv💝
You are such a blessing from top to toe and inside and out. I have eczema and bad teeth and I can relate to your struggles. Please magnify your attention to acceptance, approval and love of all of your goodness because that's what's important and really counts towards your own peace of mind and happiness ❤
Thank you so very very much💝
Thank you Terry!
You're so welcome!
Very inspiring😌🙌 thank you🙏🏼❤
You're so welcome Veronika 💕
I have heard about the rubber band before and I can’t help but wonder if being physically agressive with oneself makes sense when you try to cure being mentally agressive, cruel, caustic with oneself…
Hi, new to your channel, wanting to change my behaviours and looking forward to change.
Welcome Sally! ❤
Glad to have you here, Sally ❤
I believe
I believe I’m a kind soul
Peaceful and benevolent
I believe in truth, in honesty and loyalty
I believe in compassion and kindness
And if you come to my door in need
I will let you in, for I believe in you
And if you deceive me, I will not blame you
And I will set the table with the king’s feast
Candles and Sunday’s best
For I believe in lenity and grace
And if you lie to me, I will know why
And look within to my own faults and frailties
So that I may become a better friend
As I believe in commitment
And when you use me and abuse me
I will change my ways
For I know no journey is without pain and obstacles
And demands hard work and purpose
And when you steal from me
Criticize and chastise me
Belittle the very meal I laboured on for you
I will cry in silence as not to trouble you
For I believe
I believe I’m a kind soul
Peaceful and benevolent
I believe in truth, respect and dignity
So will you forgive me now
For I cannot believe
In me - with you
Goodbye friend
It was a good video but men need these conversations too
Thank✨🙏❤🙏✨you!!
My parents are toxic and don’t understand that life is about making mistakes. Seeking their approval is exhausting. My father wasn’t around and tries to punish me for making a mistake. My mother has flat out called me stupid after something traumatic happened to me in high school. She has also said “I don’t care that you have these problems.” I have no support system aside from me. I have to rely on me. I hate men. Relying on people is out for me. I’m done relying on family. I’d rather be homeless before I rely on them again. I’m in school getting 2 degrees. I’m not done. I’m gonna need a break and to find some money for a PhD. Maybe go to law school once I’m done. I’m doing all of this to stay away from my toxic family and protect my inner child/teenager. Nothing is wrong with me. It’s my toxic parents who were a$$holes and immature who most certainly didn’t deserve me and my brother. As you can imagine, all this is what made me choose an abusive partner, but he died 9 years ago. I’ve learned a whole lot and I’m staying away from people.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Love you miss terri
❤️
Can you explain inherent worth to me. I don't understand how something has value just by existing. So if i am born but do nothing my whole life, lets say i am paralyzed, and do not contribute positively or even negatively to humanity. What value is there?
There doesn't need to be any "value" added by someone for them to be worthy. We are worthy just by being alive. We've been conditioned to think that we have to do something in order to be worthy, but that's not true. Hope that helps ❤️
That lady gave you a bak handed compliment
People "throw me away" easily.
Good ol Christi ALWAYS forgave.
I feel worthless.
A throw away.
But you’re not….others can exclude, dismiss, or toss, but carry yourself in a precious vessel….hold yourself there…and it’s okay to call others out when they say or do things that make you feel invisible or invalidated. Your voice matters. You matter.
I am holding space for you and sending love ❤️
It's like choosing not to brush your teeth twice a day because you feel unworthy of yourself.
If some photographer got me to smile at the time of my being a baby or little girl, surely I can do that too 😉
parents who expect performance but give no praise, do so much damage. it's a handicap impossible to fix as adults.
This does do a lot of damage, and it is extremely painful, but I wouldn't say it's "impossible" to fix (although it is difficult!) ❤️
Speaking from personal experience, I would say that shame is the feeling that I have no right to exist whether or not I have done anything deserving of judgement or criticism. In other words, I feel that I have no right to exist simply for the sake of being alive.
How many people in the world grow up with the belief that they are worthy of respect simply because they exist?
I am witnessing you with so much compassion 💕 Thank you for sharing that. A lot of people struggle with worthiness and didn't grow up with this belief, which is why I try to emphasize in my videos that we ARE worthy, we are enough. I talk about this a bit more in a video on reparenting: th-cam.com/video/bsWXTZ-6Ul0/w-d-xo.html
It's hard to have good self-worth if your support network is poor. E.g. lack of support from parents growing up, compared to others whose parent's have been hands on and supportive with their kids. It makes you feel unsupported and not good enough. Lonely and empty at times. I still get on with both my parents (they are divorced) but they are both selfish in different ways. Wish i had my friends parent's. I've had to achieve and struggle with most things in my life alone.
I am witnessing you with compassion, Katie 💕 It sounds like you may benefit from mourning the dream of the parents you wish you had, but didn't. So many of us have parental wounds because our parents didn't show up for us in the way that we needed or wanted. I believe we can find "substitute" parents, like your friends' parents, or someone else you may meet along the way, to help fill that gap. A lot of my therapy clients did. 💕
Hello All. I have a question that Terri can hello me with. Throughout my life at odd times the same thing has happened to me. I am either talked over while I am mid story or people stop listening to what I am saying and join into another conversation when I haven't finished. It has always upset me but I have never known how to handle it, what to say, when to say it and instead I say nothing but get hurt and angry about it. Thank you. I look forward to your response.
I am witnessing you with compassion, Joleen 💕 You're far from alone on this. I have a video on how to navigate it here: th-cam.com/video/jPgCS4Dosqk/w-d-xo.html And I also have a way to deal with interrupters in a nice way here: th-cam.com/video/HX5zWu_uJvk/w-d-xo.html You have a right to be heard and to let people know that this behavior hurts you.
@terri_cole thank you for those links. I will be very interested to watch them. I appreciate your reply to my message. 🙂
Looks like self love ( whoever this “self” is?) is all about practicing some acts even though I don’t feel any love for this self. I can talk kindly and take care of myself, I have no feelings for it🥺 I don’t even feel my identity
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️ Part of the process is getting to know yourself, too. Many people in my crew have been self-abandoning for years because they were raised and praised to do that- to be in service of others, and put themselves last. It can feel strange to put yourself first and not even know how to do that when you've been doing the opposite for most of your life! I recommend paying attention to what you like or dislike, what feels good and what doesn't, what fills up your cup and what drains you. ❤️
What is your book name
My first book was Boundary Boss, the book that's coming out next month is Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency ❤️
You look amazing
im sorry but i have to ask this for my peace of mind. would you say the same thing to a murderer or a rapist? are they still worthy despite their actions and minds?
thank you for this video btw
Hi Ella- I am specifically speaking to the viewers of this channel (like you!), and the folks in my crew tend to be loving, kind, beautiful, thoughtful, and intelligent. ❤️
@@terri_cole thanks for the reply.
Hello my name is zaid, I am from Toronto, Canada
Welcome Zaid!
Some of my very worst harm has been in relationship to other women
I had emotionally immature parents, my mum abandoned me ...I was then bullied at school...it wasn't just about my parents other kids and even adults in society targeted because of my skin colour, the way I looked my hair ...I had double jeopardy
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love ❤️
I just found you❤
Glad you found your way here! 💕
It’s hard when everyone compares themselves to me and my life is just a disaster 😕
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️