This is 💯. After I dump my ex narc he wrote me a letter in which he pointed out how he did all the things I said I was looking for when we first got together. And then launched into a litany of how I didn't do what he wanted. He accused me of being cold-hearted and a control freak who had no vulnerability and never showed any emotion. That's because I didn't react to his manipulations and it infuriated him. Never ever tell someone what you're looking for. Say this instead "I'll know it when I see it."
I never knew "mirroring" existed! Ack, no wonder he wanted hours of conversation about relationships and "appeared" to be intensely listening to all of my opinions and ideas. No wonder he seemed to be perfect in every way.
I was with a man for a few months that moved back in with his ex (who cheated on him) within 7 days of us breaking up. I found out that even the pet name he insisted I use for him, was one she gave him. I didn’t even have time to blink and they were all over TikTok and Facebook together. These people are deranged and completely fucked up.
@@abdulc5726 She did cheat on him. The guy she cheated with confirmed it, after finding out she went back and forth between them. He got a hold of me and told me it all! We had a good laugh.
My ex did the same thing. Went back to his ex who cheated on him. It was an easy supply source. Don't let others gaslight you with comments on here. Narcs are pathetic at heart.
My narcissist ex husband used to put on a big facade when we were out or with my parents as the loving husband but behind closed doors totally different now see him as extremely damaged and just pathetic.
Same here. I remember thinking 🤔 he behaves so nice around my family or his....I could not figure out why. It was his fake nice side. When family was not around he was awful to be around.
So happy this is being discussed more and more. This helps so many. My instinct told me.. Something did not feel right. The gaslighting is so confusing. I got really depressed..deep rest. All Joy had left me. It took years to restore... Work in progress ❤️. Do your research, this helped me understand that it had nothing to do with me. I understand stand now. Self-love and healthy boundaries is key. I have learned to acknowledge the parasites faster and to remove myself from that toxic person. I feel much stronger now and more confident. Not reacting with any emotions really helpt and starved the narc. No contact is the only way to start the healing process.
I can't believe that You have no empathy. I appreciate what you give here for other people and their healing. I want to say Thank you for your understanding of our situation. You really helped me by your videos and how you explain.
Has anyone's narcissit ever sent them old video and pictures of you both to hoover back by eliciting emotions via memories of the past ? Before I knew mine was a narc, I used to fall for it. I used to cry looking at our pics. He knew damn well what he was doing. Sick sick man.
Exactly the same 😸 but then after some time i was like OMG and i woke up... fight and get sweet picture didn't work any longer, i was playing "dead" person in 3 months, he was like argue over shit things more often, i was sending him back to his place after his stupid arguments,one day i think he planned this, started arguing and call me stupid ,i said you don't speak to me like that, go to your place and then he took all staff and said it's over,,after one month he want to come back by blaming me for" my "actions, how i don't respect him etc .. and he never said it's over ...idiot!
He sent me his teddy bear with memories. He wanted to be just friends so he can get some help when he needs. I am sure that if I ask for him to help me, he wouldn't help me at all. He is person that I am doing this for you what you have to offer? Last 5 years relationships he complained he couldn't go anywhere because I don't have any money. I told him to go without me. He got mad I went to Seattle before I even started serious relationship with him. Oh geez. I wished I watched several TH-cam videos about this nasty characteristics. Time to time I feel lonely, but afraid to start to date again.
@@chinmiyi390 take your time and now that you know what to look for be careful and if you see any red flags leave the situation immediately. No need for more red flags. Stay true to yourself. Keep boundaries in place and let no one cross them. Stay strong 🙏🏽
Yes that jerk sent me a pic from a trip we took to the beach from the beginning of the fake relationship. It worked when he did that. Now it’s the end of the relationship thank the LORD! I finally have been woken up. He is covert-the worst!
They are hunters for sure, dude was going HARD for me like crazy. I was not really interested. I didn't even give him much info on what I wanted if at all. About the 3rd date, he said he trusted me, then the "I love you's" began, then the "we're getting married" conversations with everyone. He was a little over the top and I had to say, "slow your roll buddy!" He was all in my family and everything. Then, when the discard began, I was floored, devastated. He then married 9 months later and that woman has NO idea...omg! It's some scary stuff...God bless her mind and her soul. It's obvious he talked her into it...smh!
Hello Ben. I’m from the UK. Let me first tell you that I’m super proud of you for realising your issues and getting help, and also for helping others. I am a super empath, and I’ve been in a relationship with my Narc for a year. He told me that he kept coming back to me because he couldn’t “ read me “, and that I never react good or bad to his bs. I have enough self worth to know who I am fortunately. I also had a conversation with him about narcissism and explained everything that he was. To be fair, he did listen and he said he needed to work on himself. He’s a constant cheat and a liar, but I’ve always known this right from the beginning. I’ve broken up with him about 7 times, but he ALWAYS comes back. I told him, if he didn’t work on his issues that he will grow old, miserable and alone. I also told him that his mask has totally slipped and I see him for who he really is, which is a frightened insecure little boy ( he’s 50 ). But he still comes back. I don’t know why, but he says no one has ever called him out on his “ mask “, ever. I thought that final part might have got him to leave me alone, but he just keeps coming back. I do believe he loves me in his own twisted way, but I’ve also told him that it’s not in a “nurotypical” way. Like I love him for instance. Can you explain why he keeps coming back to me? I have enough empathy to help him as he has asked, but first I’ve told him, he needs to want to recover, and I can’t help him. I can support him, but the change all needs to come from him.
This is an excellent video of course all your videos are excellent. You’ve given me so much strength to be able to stand through this mess. The crazy thing is now learning that giving NO supply at all has made him even crazier. He stalks my page every day, and then he finally put up a picture of him in a new relationship and now that’s the picture that comes on my page and has left for me to see. But I will tell you the strength that I have been given through this, through your educational, videos and through meditation in prayer, every day that he shows up it gives me more and more strength and I see him for what he really is, pathetic. Not her at all just him . I feel sad for her, but it is him that it’s pathetic. Serial cheater will always be a serial cheater…a pathological, liar will always be a pathological liar… and now I see the darkness that surrounds this person and I stay in the light. But what is crazy is the strength that I am building and I have you so much to thank for teaching me how these people are. So I thank you so much. I would like to say some thing else, and I hope you don’t take offense to this, but that background is not coming at all it’s just the opposite .that is too chaotic for the mind especially when you’re trying to listen and learn . A large Muriel maybe throwing up a large, beautiful beach scene or some thing from Mountain scene. Anything that will keep our mind focused on you and your words and not what’s going on in your background. And I want to be able to share these videos, but these particular videos I don’t feel look professional with that chaos in the background.. And it’s really not chaotic for a garage just for a professional educational teaching… Like I said, I mean no disrespect. I think you are awesome. Even though you’re a narcissist.🤣 I still think you’re awesome. At least you’re able to teach us what to expect and how to take care of things. I have gone no contact where I haven’t spoken to him nor will I not even if he reaches out I will completely continue to ignore. But I can’t remove him from my Facebook right now because in the beginning of his relationship during the love bombing my so-called birthday present was a brand new iPhone and he put it on his plan because we were going to be together. That was like six months after we were together he did this I wasn’t comfortable but he was so excited. And now I’ve got about six more months before this is over. I can’t do anything but wait until it’s paid for and then I can remove it off of his account. They won’t let me do that now I’ve tried several times. I will tell you it makes me feel proud that he can still see that I am thriving without him. I don’t speak of anything that he would take as personal and if I thought it did, I could block that particular post. Now watching him and his new girlfriend by the way, who hasn’t even said they’re in a relationship hasn’t put a picture of him on her page. And yes, of course I check that out. There’s still things you like to know, but even through this, I still feel strong I feel very strong, and it gives me the ability to look at him more pathetically. Our trials and tribulations can make us or break us, we have to decide. And there’s also a message and a lesson in everyone of them. The wonderful thing about this also is I have learned so much and so much strength also that I am able to help others and then I have so many of your videos saved on my TH-cam channel that I’m able to send them there if they need any counseling or further education I would not recommend people do what I am doing shutting it down completely is seems like the most appropriate thing to do however, for me, I gain strength in a way that I can stand up to some thing but this takes a lot of will power, and a lot of understanding of what this person is like. And that is what you were given to me. So thank you again.. no, I will say when this is all over this phone situation is over I’ll block him completely …. And again , Please don’t take offense about me speaking about that background .I mean no harm at all. You are excellent at what you do. You are excellent at the information you give out it is invaluable. I just wish that you would make that a little bit better for our viewing pleasure 🤣and no I’m not OCD but I do like a nice visual stimulus 🤣👌 have a great day😘
Yep, I stupidly reopened contact. While it's given me some good confirming info to the facts that he hasn't and won't change, won't acknowledge the abuse, won't get help, and is placating everything or ignoring it, it has been very emotional and frustrating for me. I left 4 m ago and he somehow thinks I'll be back soon, even tho I've been quite clear about my conditions. Anyways, I'm mad at myself for doing so bc I went 4m NC 😔
I hope you are okay. I am NC for one month. It is so hard not to reach back into the acid for answers/validation. After all that toxic sludge is where it all started. ....
I really need to schedule a time to talk to you about it 30 years worth of the abuse I definitely am not the same person I get that we grow but I don't know if I have grown in the right ways alot of question of my self and loss of trust with people in general now oh dear
Hey Thanks for the info It is true for a descent and emotionally grown person to feel that guilt. Especially to an empath who loves to love etc Covert narc is very dangerous Play on your emotions a very good game I met mine at my worst time - when i was super vulnerable And it worked wonders for him Now, when im educating myself about their psychology i get a clearer picture of the whole unfortunate situation I have to admit - I was hoovered back many many times by him Purely because i fell in love and my boundaries with him were super low Hoping hell change etc …… 🙄 The hardest thing to overcome ( for me ) is the knowledge of me telling him so much about myself etc and bringing him into my private life while he was only playing me !! I am a very private person so that broke all the moral codes i live by Unfortunately i still feel anger and resentment towards him Its been couple of weeks since ive left properly this time But i have been aware of it all for a couple of months now Slowly getting my beautiful self back 👍🦋 Cant wait for the moment to look at him and feel absolutely nothing !! Biggest punishment for him ! He lives with an enabler ( she must be ) Its been 5 yrs they are together and the way she acts and even the fact she left her little child when she was only 5 for him , is pure evil And i was trying to safe him from her 🙄😂😂😂 What if they are both in it together ? Why such lovely kind but also intelligent people like myself ended up in this twisted and toxic set up ? Using my amazing insight to help him out 🤔 Good luck to everyone and i really wish i could explain this madness to all future supplies 🙏just to protect them from this evil himself ! 🕊
I feel you, I too am an empath and the guy I loved the hardest was covert narcissist. He discarded and hoovered me up for 10 times at least in these 4 years. He has given me chronic major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and CPTSD. I'm trying my best to recover :') I think and relate to you the same way. Lots of love and light to you, I wish you healing
From here on out, I’m gonna reply with “well a real man doesn’t need to ask that question bc they already know makes me think you don’t know how to be in a relationship”
With any guy, never use that "well a real man ... " spiel. All guys find that offensive. You'll force a boundary with a good guy and he'll take off running. You don't want the good ones to leave. Any neurotypical male that hears those "real man" words will be like WTF and take great offence. You often don't know for certain if you're dealing with a narc or an NT, or if you're actually the problem and subconsciously projecting onto them. Better be safe and throw the "real man" line out the window when conversing with any man.
NEVER call them out on their game or be defensive. Do not even acknowledge a game is being played. LEARN TO PLAY THE GAME. When ur date ask you, "what type of guys do you like?" Tell them you're open and do not really have a type. When he ask about ur ex's and past relationships, tell them they were amicable and ur now looking forward to meeting new ppl and making new relationships. Details about your personal and private life should be earned. Trust takes time and has to be earned. Most narcissist are not this patient and will fall off.
Great to know for rebound protection. How long does one remain a "closed book" before it's safe share? And are there specific red flags that show up right away - can the narcissist wait us out? Thank you, Ben!
I've heard (as I'm in one, so not dating etc) watch how they are with wait staff, cashiers etc, how they drive.. Aggressive, telling everyone they are morons on the road And when they want to do something, try saying no... See what the reaction is. Should be slight rage... How do they speak about past relationships? They had issues!?! Watch they aren't covert, as they will be victims and manipulative rather than grandiose, look at me, I'm so great. Be aware there are 2 types, but all have same traits once you see past the first few differences. And are they bombarding u with 50 texts or emails a day? Then biggest red flag. Run...
Oh and P. S, criticism is a big red flag.. So if they are criticised (esp their driving) watch the response . If it's way off base... They r one. That and feeling like you are walking on egg shells, means u should run.
@@unwelcomemotivation Hello! Thank you for your insightful reply. I appreciate your strategy of being the best version of yourself equates to narc repellent. The boundaries seem to be key. I would even say it's safe to have a boundary or two that's 'sacred ground', or consequences galore. Better days ahead 🙏
Walk away even from wanting to look at what there advertising out there,..you lived threw hell,.run away,..you know what it is,..it's hell!...& the new supply will get the exact same thing in time,..move on.
The use of "mirroring" in itself doesn't mean someone is narc, it´s when someone does a 180 to do it (oh we have so much in common etc) it´s used daily subconsciously by people.
That's exactly what happened. The first dates, he asked me so many deep and long-term questions. My gut feeling was that's too quick and I remember even saying that to him. But he kept asking them and finally I thought, where's the damage to answer those. I will never do that mistake again. Later he told me that all those questions were not meant to be real but just meant nothing to me and blamed me for being that stupid. I want to add, the concept of a perfect partner in narcissist relationship is not only them presenting themselves in their best light, but they expect a perfect partner back. They will have blinders on as well and will freak out when they realize that they saw something in you and reality is we are just humans. And not perfect. I believe some delusional state is part of falling in love, but a normal man and woman can deal with reality and accept the fact that the partner is not perfect. But for a narcissist, they have an such an idealized version of us in their own heads, that reality is offensive to them. That's when they feel entitled to look out for a better version without ending the relationship.
@@RawMotivations I still feel that some will still discard the ones who put up with it - because they are boring and doesn't provide fuel, because they are so drained they can't function properly (stress/depression) 🤔
@@bobhope7364 You are correct. At some point no matter how good the supply they get bored with it. Grass is greener thing. Discarded after 27 years of marriage
It’s funny this may be wrong but I did leave my narcopath, and out of curiosity of his new relationship and he had baby right after I left him like a month after he got someone pregnant, but I met up with him a year later because I genuinely wanted to see if he was the same and sure enough he is cheating on her non stop lying gaslighting her and leaving her home alone all night with the baby while he goes out and does what he wants. So I know it may be wrong and I broke no contact but it gave me the validation and realization he will always be this way. I even got in touch with his ex before me and she told me all the horrible things he did to her too. It may be wrong but it helped my healing.
Why did the narc stop drinking while with the new supply, but with me he was a drunk, is he just trying to act like he is doing so much better without me, i question myself alot about alot of things, and wonder if shes better than me if thats all i wanted from him
I made the mistake of talking with him after many text messages on his part. I had NC with him for 9 month’s on my part. This was a big mistake as he thought I was opening the door for him to come back to me. No Way
Same here. After a month long no text or call, my ex text me all friendly, offered me work, went out couple date again. What was wrong with me? He kept saying that I still don't getting what he was looking for in a relationship. I know exactly what he was looking for. A puffet, barbie doll looking hard working women who is also a house keeper and doesn't make any mistake in life.
I can't do anything with them anymore. I gave them one chance. Kept him at distance. I gave him enough leverage to make him think he had me 100% back. Friends were upset I unblocked him. I did feel bad during some things, but I was waiting for it all over again. No apology. Quick to be sexual. Quick to snap at me. Just kept checking off the list. I do feel he caught on to my hesitation. His tiktok was full of woe-is-me hashtags. Even videos of him saying his struggles of being alone. Nah dude, baiting so much, the women in his comments were all predictably falling for it. I'm determined to stay NC. He ain't changing. It sucks, but he ain't gonna change one bit. He proved it this month alone. And sure I am a bit jealous but the things he put me through is in no shape or form what anyone deserves to go through. This is just week 1 for me on recovering; gotta stay strong!!
What made you change and work on yourself? Are you and your wife still together? I would love to have her talk and get her perspective, if that is possible.
I've been no contact for 3 months now but the problem is, I'm also about 8mo pregnant with his child. He insists on going to Dr's appointments and claims he just wants to take care of me and our daughter and he wants her to have his last name, etc. I know damn well ill get sucked back into him if I allow this stuff to go on, but how do you tell a man that he can't have access or his name on his own daughter? He was extremely abusive to me even while me being pregnant but now it's all tears and wanting to be a good dad. Am I a bad parent for keeping my daughter away from him? Or should I give him the chance?
Please don't give him a chance, everything will seem to become better for a few days or weeks but then the abusive toxic cycle with start up again. I wish you a healthy baby and life ahead.Take care of yourself xoxo
I moved states away. No contact with him. My daughter is healthy, beautiful, and we are living our best lives far away from him. If he wants to ever claim her, he has to go through Hella courts to get there 😊
@@DD-gf3jf Yes, individuals with NPD are self aware of manipulations. One could use the analogy of the drunk driver still knowing the difference between right and wrong, but they get behind the wheel anyway. This is why the law will convicts the driver regardless and does not consider the driver’s alcoholism in convictions.
So when I'm ready to date again when they ask what are you looking for and what do you want in a relationship how do you word the wants without that person who could possibly be another narcissistic doing the exact same with the love bombing again? Iv learnt in not put too much info out there and set boundaries but I still need that person to know i want the loyalty and honesty
When ur date ask you, "what type of guys do you like?" Tell him you're open and do not really have a type. When he ask about ur ex's and past relationships, tell him they were amicable and ur now looking forward to meeting new ppl and making new relationships. Details about your personal and private life should be earned. Trust takes time and has to be earned. Most narcissist are not this patient and will fall off.
I fell upon your show… and am so glad I did. ☺️🙋♀️ Do you have knowledge /advice/wisdom for me handling a narcissistic 32 yr old daughter? Taking her media platform to freakishly shaming/ blaming “mom” levels.
Today, after a year and a half, I realized that my ex(we broke up 2 months ago and after one month she got a new boyfriend) is a narc but i have to see her and her new boyfriend everyday for the next 3 months bc of university, so what should i do?:( it’s not easy seeing them so happy everyday, i know that i wasn’t the problem but still it hurts.
To late for me!! How do I stop it?? I talked to him just the other day and he made it about how I hurt him. I'm tired and can't do it anymore. In his eyes he was the perfect have a and, but I was a failure and didn't give him what he needed.
Is there a possibility that once a separation occurs there CAN be just a separation for a year or so without new supply getting involved but seeing each other every now and again, so both are single and working on themselves?
I guess you're still the supply then, thought what makes you think your narc's not seeing others? Narcs cannot be trusted by definition. Your healing can only start after going no contact and a narc has no interest in healing. Don't fool yourself. Your narc has put you in your situation in the first place.
@@marcharsveld2914 thank you for this needed reminder....I am in the first week of no contact, the universe is clearly sending me energy, and I am grateful to receive it✨
😢😥 the past 5 years of my life have been a lie. Painful pattern cycle lie.. This a lonely and painful space right now. I never get blocked. I'm always the one that blocks and unblocks.
The first time we had sex (too soon) I said a sexy compliment to him and he said “ I was thinking the exact same thing.” I was so easy… I was so enthralled by the “connection” I didn’t real eyes until I was out that our very first encounters were predator and prey interactions..
Mine disguarded me then randomly sent me a pic from about 4 years ago from Ibiza that he'd found on my Insta lol good try Narc... AND BLOCK NOT TODAY SATAN 🤣🤣Be gone parasite I'm DONE 💪💪
This is 💯. After I dump my ex narc he wrote me a letter in which he pointed out how he did all the things I said I was looking for when we first got together. And then launched into a litany of how I didn't do what he wanted. He accused me of being cold-hearted and a control freak who had no vulnerability and never showed any emotion. That's because I didn't react to his manipulations and it infuriated him. Never ever tell someone what you're looking for. Say this instead "I'll know it when I see it."
You sound like the Narc 😂😂
@@ElbohlyShow Wrongo
Thanks for the heads up!
@A D, Thank you for the advice, it's actually quite genius. Don't give them pointers on what to pretend to be!
@@ElbohlyShow and you don’t understand projection
I never knew "mirroring" existed! Ack, no wonder he wanted hours of conversation about relationships and "appeared" to be intensely listening to all of my opinions and ideas. No wonder he seemed to be perfect in every way.
I was with a man for a few months that moved back in with his ex (who cheated on him) within 7 days of us breaking up. I found out that even the pet name he insisted I use for him, was one she gave him. I didn’t even have time to blink and they were all over TikTok and Facebook together. These people are deranged and completely fucked up.
Did she cheat on him though ... question everything!
I don't believe she cheated on him either.
@@abdulc5726 She did cheat on him. The guy she cheated with confirmed it, after finding out she went back and forth between them. He got a hold of me and told me it all! We had a good laugh.
My ex did the same thing. Went back to his ex who cheated on him. It was an easy supply source. Don't let others gaslight you with comments on here. Narcs are pathetic at heart.
My narcissist ex husband used to put on a big facade when we were out or with my parents as the loving husband but behind closed doors totally different now see him as extremely damaged and just pathetic.
All fake, been there and didn't entertain it🤮
House devil street saint kinda makes you understand that they know what they are doing 🤷♂️
Absolutely they do 100%!
Just like my ex boyfriend
Same here. I remember thinking 🤔 he behaves so nice around my family or his....I could not figure out why. It was his fake nice side. When family was not around he was awful to be around.
They set themselves up to fail
So happy this is being discussed more and more.
This helps so many. My instinct told me.. Something did not feel right. The gaslighting is so confusing. I got really depressed..deep rest. All Joy had left me. It took years to restore... Work in progress ❤️. Do your research, this helped me understand that it had nothing to do with me. I understand stand now. Self-love and healthy boundaries is key. I have learned to acknowledge the parasites faster and to remove myself from that toxic person. I feel much stronger now and more confident. Not reacting with any emotions really helpt and starved the narc. No contact is the only way to start the healing process.
I know! I had a lot of experience with strangers who messed ppl up
Confusion .. Devil's..I'm learning it's their trick
I can't believe that You have no empathy. I appreciate what you give here for other people and their healing. I want to say Thank you for your understanding of our situation. You really helped me by your videos and how you explain.
Has anyone's narcissit ever sent them old video and pictures of you both to hoover back by eliciting emotions via memories of the past ? Before I knew mine was a narc, I used to fall for it. I used to cry looking at our pics. He knew damn well what he was doing. Sick sick man.
Exactly the same 😸 but then after some time i was like OMG and i woke up... fight and get sweet picture didn't work any longer, i was playing "dead" person in 3 months, he was like argue over shit things more often, i was sending him back to his place after his stupid arguments,one day i think he planned this, started arguing and call me stupid ,i said you don't speak to me like that, go to your place and then he took all staff and said it's over,,after one month he want to come back by blaming me for" my "actions, how i don't respect him etc .. and he never said it's over ...idiot!
He sent me his teddy bear with memories. He wanted to be just friends so he can get some help when he needs. I am sure that if I ask for him to help me, he wouldn't help me at all. He is person that I am doing this for you what you have to offer? Last 5 years relationships he complained he couldn't go anywhere because I don't have any money. I told him to go without me. He got mad I went to Seattle before I even started serious relationship with him. Oh geez. I wished I watched several TH-cam videos about this nasty characteristics. Time to time I feel lonely, but afraid to start to date again.
@@chinmiyi390 take your time and now that you know what to look for be careful and if you see any red flags leave the situation immediately. No need for more red flags. Stay true to yourself. Keep boundaries in place and let no one cross them. Stay strong 🙏🏽
Yes that jerk sent me a pic from a trip we took to the beach from the beginning of the fake relationship. It worked when he did that. Now it’s the end of the relationship thank the LORD! I finally have been woken up. He is covert-the worst!
They are hunters for sure, dude was going HARD for me like crazy. I was not really interested. I didn't even give him much info on what I wanted if at all. About the 3rd date, he said he trusted me, then the "I love you's" began, then the "we're getting married" conversations with everyone. He was a little over the top and I had to say, "slow your roll buddy!" He was all in my family and everything. Then, when the discard began, I was floored, devastated. He then married 9 months later and that woman has NO idea...omg! It's some scary stuff...God bless her mind and her soul. It's obvious he talked her into it...smh!
I Love how one sided your story is
I found him to be too good to be true at first, like such a person even existed.
Hello Ben. I’m from the UK. Let me first tell you that I’m super proud of you for realising your issues and getting help, and also for helping others. I am a super empath, and I’ve been in a relationship with my Narc for a year. He told me that he kept coming back to me because he couldn’t “ read me “, and that I never react good or bad to his bs. I have enough self worth to know who I am fortunately. I also had a conversation with him about narcissism and explained everything that he was. To be fair, he did listen and he said he needed to work on himself. He’s a constant cheat and a liar, but I’ve always known this right from the beginning. I’ve broken up with him about 7 times, but he ALWAYS comes back. I told him, if he didn’t work on his issues that he will grow old, miserable and alone. I also told him that his mask has totally slipped and I see him for who he really is, which is a frightened insecure little boy ( he’s 50 ). But he still comes back. I don’t know why, but he says no one has ever called him out on his “ mask “, ever. I thought that final part might have got him to leave me alone, but he just keeps coming back. I do believe he loves me in his own twisted way, but I’ve also told him that it’s not in a “nurotypical” way. Like I love him for instance. Can you explain why he keeps coming back to me? I have enough empathy to help him as he has asked, but first I’ve told him, he needs to want to recover, and I can’t help him. I can support him, but the change all needs to come from him.
Always good to hear the truth of what is actually happening from someone who was a narcissist and has the education. Thank you, Ben. 🙏
my history... completely.
This is an excellent video of course all your videos are excellent.
You’ve given me so much strength to be able to stand through this mess. The crazy thing is now learning that giving NO supply at all has made him even crazier.
He stalks my page every day, and then he finally put up a picture of him in a new relationship and now that’s the picture that comes on my page and has left for me to see.
But I will tell you the strength that I have been given through this, through your educational, videos and through meditation in prayer, every day that he shows up it gives me more and more strength and I see him for what he really is, pathetic. Not her at all just him .
I feel sad for her, but it is him that it’s pathetic.
Serial cheater will always be a serial cheater…a pathological, liar will always be a pathological liar… and now I see the darkness that surrounds this person and I stay in the light. But what is crazy is the strength that I am building and I have you so much to thank for teaching me how these people are. So I thank you so much.
I would like to say some thing else, and I hope you don’t take offense to this, but that background is not coming at all it’s just the opposite .that is too chaotic for the mind especially when you’re trying to listen and learn .
A large Muriel maybe throwing up a large, beautiful beach scene or some thing from Mountain scene. Anything that will keep our mind focused on you and your words and not what’s going on in your background. And I want to be able to share these videos, but these particular videos I don’t feel look professional with that chaos in the background..
And it’s really not chaotic for a garage just for a professional educational teaching…
Like I said, I mean no disrespect. I think you are awesome. Even though you’re a narcissist.🤣 I still think you’re awesome. At least you’re able to teach us what to expect and how to take care of things.
I have gone no contact where I haven’t spoken to him nor will I not even if he reaches out I will completely continue to ignore. But I can’t remove him from my Facebook right now because in the beginning of his relationship during the love bombing my so-called birthday present was a brand new iPhone and he put it on his plan because we were going to be together. That was like six months after we were together he did this I wasn’t comfortable but he was so excited. And now I’ve got about six more months before this is over. I can’t do anything but wait until it’s paid for and then I can remove it off of his account. They won’t let me do that now I’ve tried several times.
I will tell you it makes me feel proud that he can still see that I am thriving without him. I don’t speak of anything that he would take as personal and if I thought it did, I could block that particular post. Now watching him and his new girlfriend by the way, who hasn’t even said they’re in a relationship hasn’t put a picture of him on her page. And yes, of course I check that out. There’s still things you like to know, but even through this, I still feel strong I feel very strong, and it gives me the ability to look at him more pathetically.
Our trials and tribulations can make us or break us, we have to decide. And there’s also a message and a lesson in everyone of them.
The wonderful thing about this also is I have learned so much and so much strength also that I am able to help others and then I have so many of your videos saved on my TH-cam channel that I’m able to send them there if they need any counseling or further education
I would not recommend people do what I am doing shutting it down completely is seems like the most appropriate thing to do however, for me, I gain strength in a way that I can stand up to some thing but this takes a lot of will power, and a lot of understanding of what this person is like. And that is what you were given to me. So thank you again..
no, I will say when this is all over this phone situation is over I’ll block him completely ….
And again , Please don’t take offense about me speaking about that background .I mean no harm at all. You are excellent at what you do. You are excellent at the information you give out it is invaluable. I just wish that you would make that a little bit better for our viewing pleasure 🤣and no I’m not OCD but I do like a nice visual stimulus 🤣👌 have a great day😘
THAT IS SO SICK 😷 SO VERY VERY SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yep, I stupidly reopened contact. While it's given me some good confirming info to the facts that he hasn't and won't change, won't acknowledge the abuse, won't get help, and is placating everything or ignoring it, it has been very emotional and frustrating for me. I left 4 m ago and he somehow thinks I'll be back soon, even tho I've been quite clear about my conditions. Anyways, I'm mad at myself for doing so bc I went 4m NC 😔
I hope you are okay. I am NC for one month. It is so hard not to reach back into the acid for answers/validation. After all that toxic sludge is where it all started. ....
I really need to schedule a time to talk to you about it 30 years worth of the abuse I definitely am not the same person I get that we grow but I don't know if I have grown in the right ways alot of question of my self and loss of trust with people in general now oh dear
www.rawmotivations.com/one-on-ones
Hey
Thanks for the info
It is true for a descent and emotionally grown person to feel that guilt. Especially to an empath who loves to love etc
Covert narc is very dangerous
Play on your emotions a very good game
I met mine at my worst time - when i was super vulnerable
And it worked wonders for him
Now, when im educating myself about their psychology i get a clearer picture of the whole unfortunate situation
I have to admit - I was hoovered back many many times by him
Purely because i fell in love and my boundaries with him were super low
Hoping hell change etc …… 🙄
The hardest thing to overcome ( for me ) is the knowledge of me telling him so much about myself etc and bringing him into my private life while he was only playing me !!
I am a very private person so that broke all the moral codes i live by
Unfortunately i still feel anger and resentment towards him
Its been couple of weeks since ive left properly this time
But i have been aware of it all for a couple of months now
Slowly getting my beautiful self back 👍🦋
Cant wait for the moment to look at him and feel absolutely nothing !! Biggest punishment for him !
He lives with an enabler ( she must be )
Its been 5 yrs they are together and the way she acts and even the fact she left her little child when she was only 5 for him , is pure evil
And i was trying to safe him from her 🙄😂😂😂
What if they are both in it together ?
Why such lovely kind but also intelligent people like myself ended up in this twisted and toxic set up ? Using my amazing insight to help him out 🤔
Good luck to everyone and i really wish i could explain this madness to all future supplies 🙏just to protect them from this evil himself !
🕊
I feel you, I too am an empath and the guy I loved the hardest was covert narcissist. He discarded and hoovered me up for 10 times at least in these 4 years. He has given me chronic major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and CPTSD. I'm trying my best to recover :') I think and relate to you the same way. Lots of love and light to you, I wish you healing
From here on out, I’m gonna reply with “well a real man doesn’t need to ask that question bc they already know makes me think you don’t know how to be in a relationship”
With any guy, never use that "well a real man ... " spiel. All guys find that offensive. You'll force a boundary with a good guy and he'll take off running. You don't want the good ones to leave. Any neurotypical male that hears those "real man" words will be like WTF and take great offence. You often don't know for certain if you're dealing with a narc or an NT, or if you're actually the problem and subconsciously projecting onto them. Better be safe and throw the "real man" line out the window when conversing with any man.
Toss that "well a real man ..." bs , as Brian already mentioned, I´ll add it raises more red flags up about you...
NEVER call them out on their game or be defensive. Do not even acknowledge a game is being played. LEARN TO PLAY THE GAME. When ur date ask you, "what type of guys do you like?" Tell them you're open and do not really have a type. When he ask about ur ex's and past relationships, tell them they were amicable and ur now looking forward to meeting new ppl and making new relationships. Details about your personal and private life should be earned. Trust takes time and has to be earned. Most narcissist are not this patient and will fall off.
Thank you so much for your videos! They really help me!
You are so welcome!
Every words you said it true those people are demons 😈
Such a useful information. Glad Mental Healness posted you and I get to know you. Please publish a book
You are brilliant! In fact 100% true!!!
Thank God 4 ur courage & change too 👍
Great to know for rebound protection. How long does one remain a "closed book" before it's safe share? And are there specific red flags that show up right away - can the narcissist wait us out? Thank you, Ben!
I've heard (as I'm in one, so not dating etc) watch how they are with wait staff, cashiers etc, how they drive.. Aggressive, telling everyone they are morons on the road
And when they want to do something, try saying no... See what the reaction is. Should be slight rage...
How do they speak about past relationships? They had issues!?!
Watch they aren't covert, as they will be victims and manipulative rather than grandiose, look at me, I'm so great. Be aware there are 2 types, but all have same traits once you see past the first few differences.
And are they bombarding u with 50 texts or emails a day? Then biggest red flag.
Run...
Oh and P. S, criticism is a big red flag.. So if they are criticised (esp their driving) watch the response .
If it's way off base... They r one.
That and feeling like you are walking on egg shells, means u should run.
Moving too quickly in the relationship and being extremely pushy about moving to the next level is a big red flag.
@@unwelcomemotivation Hello! Thank you for your insightful reply. I appreciate your strategy of being the best version of yourself equates to narc repellent. The boundaries seem to be key. I would even say it's safe to have a boundary or two that's 'sacred ground', or consequences galore. Better days ahead 🙏
Walk away even from wanting to look at what there advertising out there,..you lived threw hell,.run away,..you know what it is,..it's hell!...& the new supply will get the exact same thing in time,..move on.
The use of "mirroring" in itself doesn't mean someone is narc, it´s when someone does a 180 to do it (oh we have so much in common etc) it´s used daily subconsciously by people.
This was awesome...thx so much
Thank you so much for this! I needed all of this💖
Great advice, Thankyou
Do you have a video about how you became self aware? Thanks 🙏🏻
So happy to listen to you longer than the 60 seconds on TT! You are so helpful! Thank you!
Thank you
RIGHT
That's exactly what happened. The first dates, he asked me so many deep and long-term questions. My gut feeling was that's too quick and I remember even saying that to him. But he kept asking them and finally I thought, where's the damage to answer those.
I will never do that mistake again.
Later he told me that all those questions were not meant to be real but just meant nothing to me and blamed me for being that stupid.
I want to add, the concept of a perfect partner in narcissist relationship is not only them presenting themselves in their best light, but they expect a perfect partner back. They will have blinders on as well and will freak out when they realize that they saw something in you and reality is we are just humans. And not perfect.
I believe some delusional state is part of falling in love, but a normal man and woman can deal with reality and accept the fact that the partner is not perfect. But for a narcissist, they have an such an idealized version of us in their own heads, that reality is offensive to them. That's when they feel entitled to look out for a better version without ending the relationship.
THANK YOU!
What about the perfect partner for a narcissist? Someone they'll never let go off?
The one that puts up with there abuse
@@RawMotivations I still feel that some will still discard the ones who put up with it - because they are boring and doesn't provide fuel, because they are so drained they can't function properly (stress/depression) 🤔
@@bobhope7364 You are correct. At some point no matter how good the supply they get bored with it. Grass is greener thing. Discarded after 27 years of marriage
A lesser narc is perfect or a borderliner. They stay there.
It’s funny this may be wrong but I did leave my narcopath, and out of curiosity of his new relationship and he had baby right after I left him like a month after he got someone pregnant, but I met up with him a year later because I genuinely wanted to see if he was the same and sure enough he is cheating on her non stop lying gaslighting her and leaving her home alone all night with the baby while he goes out and does what he wants. So I know it may be wrong and I broke no contact but it gave me the validation and realization he will always be this way. I even got in touch with his ex before me and she told me all the horrible things he did to her too. It may be wrong but it helped my healing.
Why did the narc stop drinking while with the new supply, but with me he was a drunk, is he just trying to act like he is doing so much better without me, i question myself alot about alot of things, and wonder if shes better than me if thats all i wanted from him
This is exactly what happened to me.
I made the mistake of talking with him after many text messages on his part. I had NC with him for 9 month’s on my part. This was a big mistake as he thought I was opening the door for him to come back to me. No Way
Same here. After a month long no text or call, my ex text me all friendly, offered me work, went out couple date again. What was wrong with me? He kept saying that I still don't getting what he was looking for in a relationship. I know exactly what he was looking for. A puffet, barbie doll looking hard working women who is also a house keeper and doesn't make any mistake in life.
@@chinmiyi390 he’s looking for someone to abuse. Doesn’t matter what she looks like. Anyone that will lose themselves for him and take all abuse.
I can't do anything with them anymore. I gave them one chance. Kept him at distance. I gave him enough leverage to make him think he had me 100% back. Friends were upset I unblocked him. I did feel bad during some things, but I was waiting for it all over again. No apology. Quick to be sexual. Quick to snap at me. Just kept checking off the list. I do feel he caught on to my hesitation. His tiktok was full of woe-is-me hashtags. Even videos of him saying his struggles of being alone. Nah dude, baiting so much, the women in his comments were all predictably falling for it. I'm determined to stay NC. He ain't changing. It sucks, but he ain't gonna change one bit. He proved it this month alone. And sure I am a bit jealous but the things he put me through is in no shape or form what anyone deserves to go through. This is just week 1 for me on recovering; gotta stay strong!!
What made you change and work on yourself? Are you and your wife still together? I would love to have her talk and get her perspective, if that is possible.
Facts.
I've been no contact for 3 months now but the problem is, I'm also about 8mo pregnant with his child. He insists on going to Dr's appointments and claims he just wants to take care of me and our daughter and he wants her to have his last name, etc. I know damn well ill get sucked back into him if I allow this stuff to go on, but how do you tell a man that he can't have access or his name on his own daughter? He was extremely abusive to me even while me being pregnant but now it's all tears and wanting to be a good dad. Am I a bad parent for keeping my daughter away from him? Or should I give him the chance?
Please don't give him a chance, everything will seem to become better for a few days or weeks but then the abusive toxic cycle with start up again. I wish you a healthy baby and life ahead.Take care of yourself xoxo
God help you. I am so sorry for you.
So how's it going?
I moved states away. No contact with him. My daughter is healthy, beautiful, and we are living our best lives far away from him. If he wants to ever claim her, he has to go through Hella courts to get there 😊
Scorpio good 👍 🤪 I have no shame, nobody's died of that!
Anyone have experience with it becoming abusive and kids involved. How to remain no contact?
Great video! Do narcissists do this intentionally or is it just instinctive because of their NPD?
A lot of times instinctual
So they are not aware of it?
@@DD-gf3jf Yes, individuals with NPD are self aware of manipulations. One could use the analogy of the drunk driver still knowing the difference between right and wrong, but they get behind the wheel anyway. This is why the law will convicts the driver regardless and does not consider the driver’s alcoholism in convictions.
So when I'm ready to date again when they ask what are you looking for and what do you want in a relationship how do you word the wants without that person who could possibly be another narcissistic doing the exact same with the love bombing again? Iv learnt in not put too much info out there and set boundaries but I still need that person to know i want the loyalty and honesty
Just say “ I’ll know it’s right in time “ I won’t have to tell him, he’ll just be what I’m looking for without me having to tell him”.
When ur date ask you, "what type of guys do you like?" Tell him you're open and do not really have a type. When he ask about ur ex's and past relationships, tell him they were amicable and ur now looking forward to meeting new ppl and making new relationships. Details about your personal and private life should be earned. Trust takes time and has to be earned. Most narcissist are not this patient and will fall off.
I fell upon your show… and am so glad I did. ☺️🙋♀️
Do you have knowledge /advice/wisdom for me handling a narcissistic 32 yr old daughter? Taking her media platform to freakishly shaming/ blaming “mom” levels.
Scorpio wow like it's not enough that life treats me like a bitch,know it's throws me a bitch for her to treat me like a bitch.
🤔🤔🤔 ¿Why NOT!!!!!
Bufffff!!!
No thanks please.
Today, after a year and a half, I realized that my ex(we broke up 2 months ago and after one month she got a new boyfriend) is a narc but i have to see her and her new boyfriend everyday for the next 3 months bc of university, so what should i do?:( it’s not easy seeing them so happy everyday, i know that i wasn’t the problem but still it hurts.
Scorpio I like it,I love ❤️ 😍 💖 it,oh !!
This is soooo hard. How come I have to go through therapy its not fair I just wanted love
To late for me!! How do I stop it?? I talked to him just the other day and he made it about how I hurt him. I'm tired and can't do it anymore. In his eyes he was the perfect have a and, but I was a failure and didn't give him what he needed.
Block IT.
I was attracted to him the second time I saw him … I didn’t see any redflags till the second year it was too late then I fell for him …
do narsissist marry very quickly?
Is there a possibility that once a separation occurs there CAN be just a separation for a year or so without new supply getting involved but seeing each other every now and again, so both are single and working on themselves?
I guess you're still the supply then, thought what makes you think your narc's not seeing others? Narcs cannot be trusted by definition. Your healing can only start after going no contact and a narc has no interest in healing. Don't fool yourself. Your narc has put you in your situation in the first place.
@@marcharsveld2914 thank you for this needed reminder....I am in the first week of no contact, the universe is clearly sending me energy, and I am grateful to receive it✨
@@KadyPowellAEROPOLEONEKD Hold on, you're new life is just around the corner. It's the only way to go.
@@marcharsveld2914 thank you , I am seeing this more every day
How do you manage a business relationship with your ex narc? As well as a recent breakup with him. It’s hard to go no contact.
Jump ship if you can or privately seek legal council if possible.
There were more bad moments than I originally saw.
😢😥 the past 5 years of my life have been a lie. Painful pattern cycle lie.. This a lonely and painful space right now. I never get blocked. I'm always the one that blocks and unblocks.
The first time we had sex (too soon) I said a sexy compliment to him and he said “ I was thinking the exact same thing.”
I was so easy… I was so enthralled by the “connection”
I didn’t real eyes until I was out that our very first encounters were predator and prey interactions..
It is always the new thrill for female coverts out of the boredom
Mine disguarded me then randomly sent me a pic from about 4 years ago from Ibiza that he'd found on my Insta lol good try Narc... AND BLOCK NOT TODAY SATAN 🤣🤣Be gone parasite I'm DONE 💪💪
That will never happen
Someone that's desperate and complete doormat.
I’m number 500 like :) cheesy I know 😆
Future faking