Hello! What has he done that had any effect? I ask because I am not out yet and would like to know what I might be facing. Thank you. I'm sorry any of us suffer from this situation. 🌷
@@beverlytaylor1745 In my case, I went to a womens shelter. It was the best decision I ever made for me and my kids. But it is VERY important NOT to tell the narc you are leaving or even threaten it! You don’t want them to suspect anything if they are dangerous.
@@beverlytaylor1745 make copies of important documents, ID SSN birth certificate, medical cards, passports etc. Hide your documents only if it will not be noticed. Make an emergency bag with docs and a few sets of clothes (ask a neighbor, a therapist, a friend to hold the bag). Start calling women shelters and get on waitlists, tell a therapist to help coordinate a safe leave (sometimes they can speed up process getting you into a shelter or “safe home”) Stash some funds. Don’t make mention and be ready to leave. Turn off location on phone, if an iPhone(clear to factory setting and start new apple account…surrender to The Most High! HE will make a way!!! Leave with HIS peace and forgiveness. No games, just be ready to move on to what God has planned for your life. Psalm 29:11
@@ahavashalom4093 Hello! Thank you for your reply. It sounds like you have prioritized safety, as many commentors say this is an issue. All good things to you. 🙏
I always felt incredibly guilty doing anything on my own and would have to make excuses and rush home to him. It’s kinda odd cause it was only subtle comments he made to kind of “guilt me” for even wanting to do anything separately. In the end I felt totally trapped and avoided making plan on my own.
He loved the line, “this relationship caused me to lose myself” because he would say I would isolate him from his friends and eventually stopped hanging with his friends. What he failed to mention to everyone he would smear me to was this important differentiation. He never introduced me to his friends and if he did they were only the men. He would lie about who he was hanging out with because they were always women- women I never met. Not only that but his social media messenger would be dozens of women that would say “so glad we could hang out” women that I had no clue about. Like when he was supposed to be together at Xmas and yet he was with them while lying about going home early. I became increasingly insecure every single time he would leave the house because I would question who he was actually spending time with; was it the male friend he said, or was it another woman “friend”. I felt absolutely crazy and like I was begging for safety and security, emotionally. Anytime he discarded me his first play was to spend time with women and plaster it on socials. He claimed he couldn’t be friends with women anymore because of me and because I was “so insecure” that he couldn’t tell me about seeing them. Not only that, but his conversations with woman were so incredibly inappropriate. It was literally the most confusing thing because he used the fact that I had been cheated on in my marriage and I was “projecting my insecurity and trauma onto our relationship” I swear I have to fight the thought every single day- am I the narc? Am I what he claimed I was- unhealthy, insecure, projecting, narcissist? It’s an absolute mind fuck of mass proportion 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
We got into an argument earlier that day. I left her a long letter/text message late that night and then blocked her. She called me back from unknown numbers numerous times. I never answered. Still going strong.
Every time I left the house I had anxiety… he’d made me feel like I was wrong for doing or going anywhere. He’d ignore me for hours if I had to leave the house or went out with friends. He’d “punish” me and not see me for the rest of the day if I was going out. It always came back to me “cheating” even though I was faithful and loyal the entire time. Holidays were hell. He never spent time. He never celebrated or gave gifts. His excuse was “ you know I don’t like and celebrate holidays” everyday was filled with anxiety. It was all about control and power for him.
My husband came in while I was being induced...to announce he was moving to Phoenix and I could get off the bed and go with him or get left behind. Being enmeshed and naive I halted the process and went home to pack. He decided not to go. (face palm) The following Friday they tried to induce me again, he pulled some other shenanigans but I told him to @#$ off and go because I was busy having a baby. I left him 3 months later. He was jealous of his own son -- and still is 23 years later. Thank God he was asked to leave the country (long story) and is not allowed back. He tried to hoover me into inviting him back into the US under the premise that he missed us so much and wanted to die with us (talk about scary!!). Thank God I recognized the game he was playing, warned my son and went no contact.
Wow, first time in 24 yrs , I went on vacation w my son and 3 grandbabies. This is what happen. I left 2 days after returning from vacation. 9 months ago... thanks BEN...
Thank you so much for your Insight and perspective. Listening to your videos has helped me immensely over this last year. Have been in a relationship for several years on again off again.. this fear of abandonment rules his life and stirs up chaos that I often don't understand. Constantly accusing me of being unfaithful when he is being unfaithful. Every holiday or every time my adult kids come to town (a couple times a year) he has anxiety thinking that he's going to be left out or my attention is going to be elsewhere and not on him or us. We end up getting into an argument pretty much every time. That usually leads me to steer clear of him when my company's in town to avoid the tension and mayhem. They don't deserve that. It literally happens every time. He accuses me of shutting off our relationship when I'm around other people... it blows my mind. I'm always left feeling guilty like I'm the one who has done something wrong. It has been a roller coaster ride over the years. I've given up trying to understand and be empathetic to all the mayhem. It's exhausting. Trying to be strong this time, and not allow the love bombing and apologies to suck me back in. What a vicious cycle.
Don't make up excuses to stay with a narcissist because you have children with them, due to financial matters, or because you're afraid to leave. Get some help right away! You deserve so much better! 💙TH-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
I tried to leaving the relationship for weeks she started a smear campaign with my family and her family saying I was abusing her ironic because she was the abuser finally the day came I packed my bag she grabbed and shouted in my face and then when's she finally realised she had lost the war and had lost all control of me she called the police on false allegations that I had assaulted her. When the police put me in the back of the car the first thing I said was 'thankyou you've got me out of the worst situation of my life. At the station I found out this was her MO in previous relationships I did a background check on her after I got away from the relationship...2 charges for DV, 2 assualt charges on family members and a charge of coercive control. If anyone lives in the UK and your partner is showing signs of abusive behaviour search 'claires law'. I just wish I had known about it when the relationship started rather than after it had ended.
Always made to feel guilty and then the pouting and then an argument about nothing. Ignoring me and not being present. Not doing something I wanted to do as a punishment.
I had a work meeting from 7-8pm after work. My ex called me 2xs at the office. My coworkers and I could hear the office phone ringing constantly and after 10 minutes of the phone ringing I went out of the meeting room and went to the front office to answer the phone. It was my ex saying you didn't answer the phone so I think you're at the office with a man. The next incident was when my single (girl) friend that I had known for 5 years came by my house to take me and the kids to lunch, my ex thought we were going to McDonald's to meet men. My question to my ex was why do you think that I could go to McDonald's and find a man better than you?? 26 years free from him, no contact.
Mine would encourage me to go and then call me while out or asking when I'll be home before I am even out the door. Always thinks I could be cheating on him.
My ex used to ignore or treat me terribly before I went on any sort of trip with our daughter because he said we would probably DIE during the time away and he needed to be ready to deal with that when it happened. Insane.
The narc dumped me brutally. 3 months later, he called me begging me to come back, because he could not eat, sleep, work (function) without me. I came back. His behaviour became even more neglecting. I left him and now i am afraid he is probably "the good one" and "the victim" of the situation. He is probably sooo happy about it. :( :(((
He literally took my cousin out to spite me because I didn't cancel my plans. That was many years ago but coming to know what I know now it was more than a red flag. It was a bomb! Sadly I stayed on the ride longer than I should have.
This is helpful, thank you. I didn't see many of these red flags until later in our relationship, as we began dating during lockdown, but once the world opened up, they came out in spades. Helps reinforce that I wasn't willfully ignoring the warning signs, but that they weren't there, as there was no fear of abandonment since I couldn't go anywhere anyways.
I went through all of this from the very beginning & should have left after the first two months when he brought my stuff back to me in a box because I had gone home from his place the nite before with hip pain. He couldn’t have cared less about me & even threw away an object I valued as well as my $!out of his car window @ another time… then it was me he abandoned in a motel parking lot three years later when I saw his affair on his phone but he threw mine first then cut my service off his plan as he took off to Florida from Virginia 🤦♀️
I use to visit my married girl friend once a month on a Friday after work just for some girl time . Sometimes we don't go out we just hangout at her place and talk and catch up. That Narc will lose it. Telling me I'm being single minded. Tell me the kids need me here. The kids were teenagers.
Definitely. I went on a family vacation for 5 days and he blew up my phone the whole time telling me he "saw" me with another guy. 850 miles away... When I got home I had to pay the consequences for "cheating ". As his mind told the story.
Oh goodness.. being abused for something you didn’t do is the worst 😖 He always accuses me of cheating despite the fact that he followed me. At one point I was traumatized by it
I blocked him yesterday he used another woman to hurt me and that was it for me telling me all the things she was doing for him the playbook was on point he did exactly each step I took my power back riding my motorcycle into the sunset
Than, when I left him for good he was begging for me to come back thru emails and texts and than he in turn called me names and was cruel thru an email to me.
We plan to leave with his help. Finally, he realizes that we (I and the kids) abandon him. He keeps abusing me because I still contact him for the sake of my kids because they are underage. He made me lost my job because I had to rase the kids (teenagers) and so stressful to deal with him.
I remember telling him it wouldn't work out and to just cut me off and lose my number but he would get mad so I had to wait until we changed jobs before I changed my number, it was weird seemed to clingy for a male friendship at times but now I feel he had this....
@ Ben Taylor I really enjoy your content and have been getting a lot out of it. Thank you 🙏 ...I'd like to suggest placing the 4 minute PR Promo pieces at the end of your videos though. As one of many Subscribers, it's frustrating having to FFwd through all that to get to the meat of a video. It's like a TH-cam version of calling Walgreens to refill a prescription. No offense, just some constructive Fan feedback.
What made you finally admit you were a narcissist? Did you research it and immediately feel it resonate, but were in denial, or did it not resonate with you at all? Edit: wrote that before you said check out the video on being a self aware narc in the video ahah
Leaving was my first big step to healing! He went crazy and has tried to destroy me.
Hello! What has he done that had any effect? I ask because I am not out yet and would like to know what I might be facing. Thank you. I'm sorry any of us suffer from this situation. 🌷
Mine was so shocked when I left. He never saw it coming and that was exactly the way it needed to be so I could leave safely
Hello! May I ask how you made a plan to leave? Thank you.
@@beverlytaylor1745 In my case, I went to a womens shelter. It was the best decision I ever made for me and my kids. But it is VERY important NOT to tell the narc you are leaving or even threaten it! You don’t want them to suspect anything if they are dangerous.
@@beverlytaylor1745 make copies of important documents, ID SSN birth certificate, medical cards, passports etc. Hide your documents only if it will not be noticed. Make an emergency bag with docs and a few sets of clothes (ask a neighbor, a therapist, a friend to hold the bag). Start calling women shelters and get on waitlists, tell a therapist to help coordinate a safe leave (sometimes they can speed up process getting you into a shelter or “safe home”)
Stash some funds. Don’t make mention and be ready to leave. Turn off location on phone, if an iPhone(clear to factory setting and start new apple account…surrender to The Most High! HE will make a way!!! Leave with HIS peace and forgiveness. No games, just be ready to move on to what God has planned for your life.
Psalm 29:11
@@ahavashalom4093 Hello! Thank you for your reply. It sounds like you have prioritized safety, as many commentors say this is an issue. All good things to you. 🙏
The expression on his face when I told him I was leaving.....I will never forget it....almost 5 months no contact!
I always felt incredibly guilty doing anything on my own and would have to make excuses and rush home to him. It’s kinda odd cause it was only subtle comments he made to kind of “guilt me” for even wanting to do anything separately. In the end I felt totally trapped and avoided making plan on my own.
Same!
Same thing.
Same
I don't know why I had to rush home or be home when he was home.
He loved the line, “this relationship caused me to lose myself” because he would say I would isolate him from his friends and eventually stopped hanging with his friends. What he failed to mention to everyone he would smear me to was this important differentiation. He never introduced me to his friends and if he did they were only the men. He would lie about who he was hanging out with because they were always women- women I never met. Not only that but his social media messenger would be dozens of women that would say “so glad we could hang out” women that I had no clue about. Like when he was supposed to be together at Xmas and yet he was with them while lying about going home early. I became increasingly insecure every single time he would leave the house because I would question who he was actually spending time with; was it the male friend he said, or was it another woman “friend”. I felt absolutely crazy and like I was begging for safety and security, emotionally. Anytime he discarded me his first play was to spend time with women and plaster it on socials. He claimed he couldn’t be friends with women anymore because of me and because I was “so insecure” that he couldn’t tell me about seeing them. Not only that, but his conversations with woman were so incredibly inappropriate. It was literally the most confusing thing because he used the fact that I had been cheated on in my marriage and I was “projecting my insecurity and trauma onto our relationship” I swear I have to fight the thought every single day- am I the narc? Am I what he claimed I was- unhealthy, insecure, projecting, narcissist? It’s an absolute mind fuck of mass proportion 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
I just blocked him. I didn’t have anymore words.
We got into an argument earlier that day. I left her a long letter/text message late that night and then blocked her. She called me back from unknown numbers numerous times. I never answered. Still going strong.
Every time I left the house I had anxiety… he’d made me feel like I was wrong for doing or going anywhere. He’d ignore me for hours if I had to leave the house or went out with friends. He’d “punish” me and not see me for the rest of the day if I was going out. It always came back to me “cheating” even though I was faithful and loyal the entire time. Holidays were hell. He never spent time. He never celebrated or gave gifts. His excuse was “ you know I don’t like and celebrate holidays” everyday was filled with anxiety. It was all about control and power for him.
My husband came in while I was being induced...to announce he was moving to Phoenix and I could get off the bed and go with him or get left behind. Being enmeshed and naive I halted the process and went home to pack. He decided not to go. (face palm)
The following Friday they tried to induce me again, he pulled some other shenanigans but I told him to @#$ off and go because I was busy having a baby. I left him 3 months later. He was jealous of his own son -- and still is 23 years later. Thank God he was asked to leave the country (long story) and is not allowed back. He tried to hoover me into inviting him back into the US under the premise that he missed us so much and wanted to die with us (talk about scary!!). Thank God I recognized the game he was playing, warned my son and went no contact.
Wow, first time in 24 yrs , I went on vacation w my son and 3 grandbabies. This is what happen. I left 2 days after returning from vacation. 9 months ago... thanks BEN...
Thank you so much for your Insight and perspective. Listening to your videos has helped me immensely over this last year. Have been in a relationship for several years on again off again.. this fear of abandonment rules his life and stirs up chaos that I often don't understand. Constantly accusing me of being unfaithful when he is being unfaithful. Every holiday or every time my adult kids come to town (a couple times a year) he has anxiety thinking that he's going to be left out or my attention is going to be elsewhere and not on him or us. We end up getting into an argument pretty much every time. That usually leads me to steer clear of him when my company's in town to avoid the tension and mayhem. They don't deserve that.
It literally happens every time. He accuses me of shutting off our relationship when I'm around other people... it blows my mind. I'm always left feeling guilty like I'm the one who has done something wrong.
It has been a roller coaster ride over the years. I've given up trying to understand and be empathetic to all the mayhem. It's exhausting. Trying to be strong this time, and not allow the love bombing and apologies to suck me back in. What a vicious cycle.
Don't make up excuses to stay with a narcissist because you have children with them, due to financial matters, or because you're afraid to leave. Get some help right away! You deserve so much better!
💙TH-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
True I had to decide to leave only after 5 months of marriage. The same year I got married is the same year I left. I just had to love myself.
I tried to leaving the relationship for weeks she started a smear campaign with my family and her family saying I was abusing her ironic because she was the abuser finally the day came I packed my bag she grabbed and shouted in my face and then when's she finally realised she had lost the war and had lost all control of me she called the police on false allegations that I had assaulted her. When the police put me in the back of the car the first thing I said was 'thankyou you've got me out of the worst situation of my life. At the station I found out this was her MO in previous relationships I did a background check on her after I got away from the relationship...2 charges for DV, 2 assualt charges on family members and a charge of coercive control. If anyone lives in the UK and your partner is showing signs of abusive behaviour search 'claires law'. I just wish I had known about it when the relationship started rather than after it had ended.
Always made to feel guilty and then the pouting and then an argument about nothing. Ignoring me and not being present. Not doing something I wanted to do as a punishment.
I had a work meeting from 7-8pm after work. My ex called me 2xs at the office. My coworkers and I could hear the office phone ringing constantly and after 10 minutes of the phone ringing I went out of the meeting room and went to the front office to answer the phone. It was my ex saying you didn't answer the phone so I think you're at the office with a man. The next incident was when my single (girl) friend that I had known for 5 years came by my house to take me and the kids to lunch, my ex thought we were going to McDonald's to meet men. My question to my ex was why do you think that I could go to McDonald's and find a man better than you?? 26 years free from him, no contact.
Mine would encourage me to go and then call me while out or asking when I'll be home before I am even out the door. Always thinks I could be cheating on him.
My ex used to ignore or treat me terribly before I went on any sort of trip with our daughter because he said we would probably DIE during the time away and he needed to be ready to deal with that when it happened. Insane.
The narc dumped me brutally. 3 months later, he called me begging me to come back, because he could not eat, sleep, work (function) without me. I came back. His behaviour became even more neglecting. I left him and now i am afraid he is probably "the good one" and "the victim" of the situation. He is probably sooo happy about it. :( :(((
I exposed him on his own Facebook page
Sounds like you are doing great.🎖
He literally took my cousin out to spite me because I didn't cancel my plans. That was many years ago but coming to know what I know now it was more than a red flag. It was a bomb! Sadly I stayed on the ride longer than I should have.
Yes he called me everyday saying I left him for dead and his refrigerator went out.
Yep my mom's reaction, led to the her manipulating other narcissists in the family unaliving my 1st fiance. It's a huge wound I wish never happened.
Excellent Video Ben!! 🍒
Glad you enjoyed it
This is helpful, thank you. I didn't see many of these red flags until later in our relationship, as we began dating during lockdown, but once the world opened up, they came out in spades.
Helps reinforce that I wasn't willfully ignoring the warning signs, but that they weren't there, as there was no fear of abandonment since I couldn't go anywhere anyways.
He tried everything I thank God my favourite word to him was noooo
I went through all of this from the very beginning & should have left after the first two months when he brought my stuff back to me in a box because I had gone home from his place the nite before with hip pain. He couldn’t have cared less about me & even threw away an object I valued as well as my $!out of his car window @ another time… then it was me he abandoned in a motel parking lot three years later when I saw his affair on his phone but he threw mine first then cut my service off his plan as he took off to Florida from Virginia 🤦♀️
My narcissist x was pouting and acted heartbroken because, he couldn't go with me.
I use to visit my married girl friend once a month on a Friday after work just for some girl time . Sometimes we don't go out we just hangout at her place and talk and catch up. That Narc will lose it. Telling me I'm being single minded. Tell me the kids need me here. The kids were teenagers.
Definitely. I went on a family vacation for 5 days and he blew up my phone the whole time telling me he "saw" me with another guy. 850 miles away... When I got home I had to pay the consequences for "cheating ". As his mind told the story.
Wow! Last Aug 21 same here. I left 2 days later been gone 9 months.
Oh goodness.. being abused for something you didn’t do is the worst 😖 He always accuses me of cheating despite the fact that he followed me. At one point I was traumatized by it
Thank you 🙏🙏🙏
OR…. It gives them an opportunity to be with the other women in his life
My exnarc never saw it coming. She raged over the phone and blocked me everywhere. 4 months and not a peep from her. 2 years wasted of my life.
I blocked him yesterday he used another woman to hurt me and that was it for me telling me all the things she was doing for him the playbook was on point he did exactly each step I took my power back riding my motorcycle into the sunset
Great video!! Can you do one on narcissist and their relationship with their kids??
Than, when I left him for good he was begging for me to come back thru emails and texts and than he in turn called me names and was cruel thru an email to me.
We plan to leave with his help. Finally, he realizes that we (I and the kids) abandon him. He keeps abusing me because I still contact him for the sake of my kids because they are underage. He made me lost my job because I had to rase the kids (teenagers) and so stressful to deal with him.
can you do one on narccistic siblings?
Would love to see it
I remember telling him it wouldn't work out and to just cut me off and lose my number but he would get mad so I had to wait until we changed jobs before I changed my number, it was weird seemed to clingy for a male friendship at times but now I feel he had this....
@ Ben Taylor
I really enjoy your content and have been getting a lot out of it. Thank you 🙏
...I'd like to suggest placing the 4 minute PR Promo pieces at the end of your videos though. As one of many Subscribers, it's frustrating having to FFwd through all that to get to the meat of a video. It's like a TH-cam version of calling Walgreens to refill a prescription.
No offense, just some constructive Fan feedback.
What made you finally admit you were a narcissist? Did you research it and immediately feel it resonate, but were in denial, or did it not resonate with you at all?
Edit: wrote that before you said check out the video on being a self aware narc in the video ahah
i am confused
Good for you that you are aware.. Do you love your wife? I assume so 👍🏼